BARNSLEY AND DISTRICT u3a

Internet: Barnsley U3A / Charity no. 1077654

Send info. and photos to: [email protected]

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Let me jump straight to two pieces of headline news for all members.

First: the front cover photograph of me (Derek’s decision to put it there, not mine) receiving on behalf of all 1,171 Bu3a members, Barnsley Council’s Age-Friendly Award trophy which recognizes the unflagging effort made by our Committee, Coordinators and Members to make our Barnsley group so vibrant and successful.

Second: The subscription renewal cost for all existing Bu3a members will be reduced for 2021 from £12 to £3. This is our way of thanking you for your loyalty and in recognition of the fact that those who stayed with us as the pandemic took hold have largely missed the opportunity to join in with our normal activities. It also recognises that 2021 is the 25th Anniversary of Barnsley u3a and we want all members to celebrate this milestone with us; reducing the renewal fee for this year is a way of doing this. We are financially strong and this one-off reduction will be met from our reserves. Our financial accounts are printed in every Summer Buzz, as you know.

For the sake of certainty, let me explain that the £3 is for one year only and does not affect the normal subscription level which will be charged to any new members who join us during the coming twelve months. We did consider offering free renewal to existing members but the Committee view was that, bearing in mind the ongoing costs of the national subscription and our Buzz printing and posting, we need to ensure that members are positively prepared to give a commitment to stick with us. This small £3 fee gives us certainty in this regard.

The subscription renewal process, which commences as normal in early April, is set out by our Membership Secretary, John MacKinnon, on the inside back cover of this Buzz.

I mentioned in the Winter Buzz that, in the very difficult and seemingly endless times of the pandemic and ensuing closedown of our group activities, the challenge for us would be to keep our members onboard with us. As you know, in addition to ensuring that everyone gets their Buzz, we have put a lot of effort into using video technology. Our aim has been to create as many opportunities as possible for everyone to get involved with their friends and colleagues within our Activity groups. Our biggest single venture has been to create the ‘Presentation Hour’ Group which now has over 260 members and, together with the Monthly Meeting, meets on three Monday afternoons per month.

We recognise that whatever we set up using video technology is only a substitute for face-to-face meetings. Meeting and socialising with fellow members in the flesh is what we are about. This is what we are missing. However, I don’t, for one minute, underestimate the value that we witness with Zoom and the other video options we are using and I am sure that we will continue to make use of this technology as we come out of lockdown. At this stage I need to propose a massive vote of thanks to Vanda Outram who has taken on the Zoom mantle lead so brilliantly. Thanks to her endless energy and commitment, we can now see the ever-growing number of members getting involved with the video technology. As a small tribute to Vanda, we have her photo on our front cover of this edition of the Buzz.

As we approach the month of June, we have to prepare for our Annual General Meeting (AGM). At this stage it looks increasingly unlikely that we will be able to run the meeting at our normal venue of Priory Campus and so we are preparing to meet on Zoom again as we did successfully in the Autumn of 2020. Whilst all the necessary papers will be set out in the June (Summer) edition of the Buzz, we are required by our Constitution to set out the official notice some weeks prior to the actual date of the meeting. With this in mind, the formal notice is shown on page 21.

Lastly, and very importantly, you will see an advert, also on the inside back cover of this Buzz, seeking a member or a small team of members, to step forward to take over the management and editorship of our fantastic Buzz newsletter. If everything goes according to plan, Derek will take over the Chairmanship of Bu3a in June 2022 and will have to relinquish his role on The Buzz. This gives 16 months for us to ease a new member or members into the role. Anyone interested will get the chance of watching, supporting and helping Derek prepare a number of Buzzes. Please let us hear from you if you want to know more and would like to discuss this brilliant opportunity.

Let’s all hope that the vaccine has the effect that we desire and we can then meet up again very soon.

Keep safe and well.

Alan Swann

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Vice-Chairman and Buzz Editor: Derek Bacon

Welcome to the Spring 2021 ‘Buzz’. I hope that you enjoy it.

For this edition of The Buzz I have decided to dispense with the usual Page 3 Contents Column as I am not convinced that it is needed; with a compact magazine, it does not take long to flick through the pages to re-find an article or advertisement that we want to re-visit. If I am deluged with complaints … in its place I am able to say a little bit more about some of the material that has come in to make the magazine. My real gratitude goes to those who make such an effort to support The Buzz and get their writing, photos, pictures and jokes to me.

The first dozen or so pages of this Buzz are dedicated to what I believe to be good evidence of an impressive response by us to the second and third Coronavirus lockdowns of 2020 and 2021. Alan’s ‘Message’ comments rightly on the unflagging effort, enthusiasm and commitment of Vanda Outram over the past months to master the management of Zoom and of our web pages. It has become a ‘labour of love’ for her, I suspect, and with great support from Trudy Atkinson, a vast amount of personal contact among Bu3a members has been maintained.

Alan has also mentioned in his ‘Message’ the ‘Presentation Hour’ and our ‘Monthly Meetings’. I am pleased to offer a brief report, just one page each, on a whole range of online Zoom meetings that have added an impressive yet unimagined-a-year-ago dimension to our brilliant organisation. If YOU haven’t signed up to Zoom, I think that perhaps you should because it has been a revelation to me and possibly to most of us - AND it is NOT complicated.

The front cover shows Vanda Outram with the Zoom logo that she must almost own by now, Alan Swann receiving the Barnsley Age-Friendly Award, a clip of a Choir Zoom meeting and a shot of our Zoom Christmas Pantomime. The back cover speaks for itself; beautiful art from Anne Smith of ‘Brushstrokes’.

The arrival of Gloria King’s ‘French Conversation’ article (p 22) about a Bu3a trip she took to France in 2011 amused and delighted me; I was even contemplating putting a photo of Burnley Miners’ Club on the front cover! But then, in a serendipitous way, we found the 2011 Buzz article about that same trip and the follow-up opera synopsis written about it! I think it makes for a great double-page read.

Alan Swann’s Advice Page (p 34)is leading to hundreds of requests from you for more individual, personal advice. I have since discovered that Alan actually gets one of his servants to write his Advice Column! That news came as a shock! Additionally, another u3a has spotted this Advice Page and is now including it in THEIR newsletter under another name! This is TRUE! A court case is pending. This is NOT TRUE! Are you baffled? Good!

I commend to you all the articles sent in; Roy Judge’s ‘Searching for the Stars’ story (p28) was the first piece to arrive for this Buzz almost three months ago and it is a good one, Also read about special concrete, horse racing, forgotten trousers, our new (and only?) member with an MBE, and much, much more. To improve our intellect, I have included Japanese Haiku poetry from David Lambert (p32); his introduction needs a few more hours study by me but you lot’ll get it straightaway, no doubt. Geoff Pike’s challenging poetry (p40) needs a bit of work, too, but the streaker should help keep you on the page! Lots of artwork arrived, too, and to those whose submissions of all kinds are not included, my sincere apologies. Everything is saved for later editions.

Beneath Membership Secretary John MacKinnon’s Membership Renewal Notice on the inside back cover, there is a request for someone or for a team of people to replace me as Buzz Editor in June 2022. I am not resigning from the job, far from it, and do not really want to relinquish The Buzz because I enjoy doing it, but Alan has to stand down after 11 outstanding years of service as our Chairman (it’s a 2 year job!). As things stand, I, as Vice Chairman, will be replacing him next year. Editing The Buzz is a fantastic opportunity to put together this magazine/newsletter, that I hope is seen as a kind of ‘glue’ that augments the unity of Bu3a.

Full training can be offered now via Zoom and in person once the pandemic allows. For anyone with even a basic knowledge of ‘Word’, The Buzz can be put together quite straightforwardly; there are many ‘Word’ experts in Bu3a who will be willing to help with the technical side.

DEADLINE FOR SUMMER BUZZ 2021: FRIDAY 7TH MAY

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2020 BU3A PRESENTATION HOUR via ‘ZOOM’, Monday 9th November

‘BARNSLEY BACK THEN’ written and presented by SUE STOKES

Sue Stokes’ talk, delivered with her typical clarity, was so nostalgic for us because the vast majority of our members are Barnsley born and bred. She used a wide range of photos to illustrate her early memories of features and locations in Barnsley before married life took her away to the Midlands.

Barnsley was known for a thriving cottage industry, the weaving of linen, prior to the arrival of the coal industry. From the 1850s onwards, a large number of mines opened and coal was the major industry until the late 1950s, when a long-term decline set in. In 1960, there were an amazing 70 collieries within a 15-mile radius of Barnsley town centre, but the last of these closed in 1994. Wire, linen and glass-making were also major industries, but now only glass-making remains, with just one company, Redfearn, which operates as Ardagh under foreign management. The coat of arms for the town has both a coal miner and a glass-blower. Barnsley's culture remains rooted in its industrial heritage with its tradition of brass bands, originally created as social clubs by its mining communities.

A large part of Barnsley town centre was constructed during the 1960s. The area around Cheapside, May Day Green and the ‘brutalist’ brown concrete Metropolitan Centre are giving way right now to a brand new £170 million centre known as The Glass Works. For many of us who have been in strict lockdown in 2020 and 2021, the town centre will probably be a bit of a revelation once we are vaccinated and free to travel around more.

Sue’s talk, full of respect and affection for the town, dwelt on the buildings that Bu3a members will all know or have known. From the top we have an early photograph of Peel Square, with its twisty road layout little changed. Then, under construction, Barnsley Town Hall where many of us will have got married, no doubt. Built of Portland stone and costing £148,000, it was opened in December, 1933. The Queen visited it in October 1954.

The third picture shows a steam train entering Court House railway station. Midland Railway purchased the Old Court House on Regent Street as a ticket office and waiting room. In the early 1970s, the station was demolished. The station site is now a car park, of course, and the Old Court House is a pub.

Other buildings vying for Sue’s attention were the Barnsley theatres which were so important in the pre-television days. The Alhambra Theatre on Doncaster Road was opened in 1915 by Countess Fitzwilliam of Wentworth Woodhouse. A large theatre with 2,362 seats, it was a live theatre for ten years, became a cinema until 1960, then re-opened as a Bingo Club before being demolished in 1982.

Bailey’s baby goods store is noted for its large advertising sign of a stork and for its motto ‘We supply everything but the baby’. When I moved to the town in 1977, I seem to recall it being near the Alhambra entrance on Cheapside but Sue’s picture shows it a couple of hundred yards away next to Boots.

The bottom picture brings us to colour photography and Barnsley Bus Station, as it was. Ah, memories! A great talk! Thank you, Sue! Derek Bacon

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2020 BU3A PRESENTATION HOUR via ‘ZOOM’, Monday 23rd November

‘TRUST ME, I’M A DOCTOR’ written and presented by INDU KUMAR

40 years ago I came to Barnsley as a junior doctor in BDGH and I’m still here! I’m often asked why I chose the Accident and Emergency department. My reply is “Why not?” This is where you save lives! This is the place to be when you’ve had a heart attack, a stroke or an accident.

Breaking bad news Unfortunately, a common and difficult occurrence. First make sure you are talking to the right person. You don’t want to tell Mrs A about her partner’s death when in fact he has been discharged by the doctor and is already down the pub! Be clear and unambiguous: “He’s died”; avoid “He has left us”, “He is no more”, “He has gone” which may all be very confusing. We see shock, stunned silence, hysterical crying, screaming. Some show no reaction at all. One lady accepted the news and asked if she could go home to feed her cat!

Children in A&E One swallowed a penny and came in saying “I’m a money box!” Another swallowed a button battery and thought he was a torch! Common items ingested are detergent, pesticides and grandma’s tablets! Cuts, bruises and broken bones are just run-of–the-mill. Well, children will be children! But unexplained and old injuries are red flags to us. Safety of the child is always the priority! Life is better now for children with glue steristrips instead of stitches. Stronger oral painkillers have replaced injections

Foreign bodies in adults Incompetent DIY men arrive with screws, staples, fish hooks, cotton buds and splinters everywhere. Nails banged through fingers attached to planks of wood! Most swallowed stuff safely passes through and comes out the other end!

Piercings I’ve seen piercings up noses, under tongues, across both lips, in every nook and cranny down below, unseen to most of us, thank goodness! Just lovely when they get badly infected and need removal! Often it’s a blood bath down there!

Tattoos Barnsley patients come in covered with tattoos on arms, hands, faces, necks and legs. We just have to find blue veins for cannulas, infusions, injections and drugs. And there’s so many enormous ‘tough’ Barnsley men terrified of needles!

History In A&E we don’t have patients’ records. So we welcome the Asda bag of medications they use. Then we know some history.

Waiting time The waiting time in A&E is a problem; often too many patients and too few staff, but that is not always the case. Life-threatening conditions need more nurses and doctors. Some patients go to the Hallamshire, heart attacks go to Northern

General. Often A&E doctors are in the ambulance for a safe transfer.

Complaints These are very, very common. We say “If you haven’t had a complaint, you haven’t seen enough patients!” Most complaints are sorted with an apology or explanation.

Rewards We receive loads of cards and chocolates but a sincere “thank you” was always the best reward for me and made my day.

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2020 BU3A MEMORIES ARE MADE OF THIS: ARMCHAIR TRAVEL, Saturday 21st November

‘THE COMING-OF-AGE DAY’ IN JAPAN’ written and presented by Ingrid Colley

In January 2006 we travelled to Japan to meet our new grandson and whilst there we visited our daughter-in-law’s parents. Her mother, Yaeko, has a hairdressing and beauty salon. I noticed that one room was full of kimonos which were absolutely beautiful. The fabrics, the bright colours and the patterns were a feast for the eyes. We were told that these were for the young girls to wear the following day which was ‘The Coming-of-Age Day’.

This occurs annually on the second Monday in January. It is a national holiday and all the young people who celebrate their 20th birthday between 2nd April the previous year and 1st April the current year are invited to attend. The ceremonies take place in town halls, sports halls and large venues across Japan. They have even held them at Disneyland in Tokyo. The ceremony marks the fact that these young people are now adults. Local dignitaries make speeches about their increased responsibilities as adults and they are often presented with certificates and gifts. Afterwards they go to religious shrines or to other gatherings and parties, where they may get drunk because they are now legally allowed to drink alcohol. In 1976, 2.76 million 20-year-olds participated in the celebration. With Japan’s declining birth rate, this had reduced to 1.22 million in 2012.

It is a wonderful opportunity to dress up. It is difficult for a girl to dress herself in the kimono so the girls go to salons to have their hair and makeup done and to be dressed. The demand is such that Yaeko had her first client booked in for 3.30 am on that Monday morning. Young girls wear Kimonos called furisode which means long sleeves. These sleeves make them impractical but they are very decorative and are designed to enhance the beauty of the girls. There are many layers to put on – underwear, then a chemise, a shorter silk kimono, several sashes to be wound around the body before adding the final kimono and sash known as an obi. The desired silhouette is a cylinder with no female curves. The obi has an intricate knot at the back to represent a flower or butterfly. Silk kimonos are expensive so the girls often wear family heirlooms or they hire one for the day.

The young men also appear to enjoy dressing for the occasion. Some are rather understated, wearing black suits to which they have added their own individuality with upturned collars and chains. Others embrace colour and go down the traditional route. They are not wearing skirts but culotte-style pants called hakama. If they belong to a certain group, such as a sports team or school class, the young men will co-ordinate their outfits. Just like the girls they have put time, effort and expense into their appearance.

The following day I returned to Yaeko’s salon to have my hair done. All the brightly coloured kimonos had gone. However, one kimono remained. It was a soft muted colour, not much in the way of pattern and it had shorter sleeves. This was a married woman’s kimono, a much more practical garment. I was dressed by my daughter-in-law and her mother with great ceremony and attention to detail. I felt absolutely wonderful. We spent the rest of the day sightseeing and shopping and despite the very cold January temperature, I felt so warm. Come the end of the day, I did not want to take it off!

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2020 BU3A ONLINE MONTHLY MEETING PRESENTATION via ‘ZOOM’, Monday 7th December

‘THE RISE, DECLINE AND REBIRTH OF ST PANCRAS STATION’ presented by John Hancock of Ilkley U3A

This was our first Zoom ‘Monthly Meeting’ under our arrangement with Ilkley u3a to share speakers and presentations. It has to be said at the outset that it was delivered brilliantly.

The commentary by rail expert and obvious aficionado, John Hancock, was masterful. Dozens of outstanding photographs accompanied the fast moving talk as John showed how this station and its world famous hotel has moved from being underfunded, unkempt and unloved over decades to the much-loved International Eurostar terminus that it now is. The station, designed by William Henry Barlow and constructed with a single- span iron roof, was opened in October 1868 with Midland Grand Hotel on the station's façade, widely praised for its architecture and now a Grade I listed building along with the rest of the station.

John’s talk dwelt on the troubled history of the station as it struggled to compete with its next-door neighbour ‘King’s Cross’ and ‘Euston’ just down the road. But after being bombed in the War, it continued to struggle on and refused to die. The magnificent hotel became mundane, functional, British Rail offices but it has now been returned to its former glory as a 5-star hotel.

Neglect in the 50s and 60s led to attempts to close the station and demolish the hotel. This provoked strong and successful opposition, with the campaign led by the late Poet Laureate, John Betjeman. Even in 1993 British Rail had to be ordered to spend £9 million on patching up the leaking roof!

In the 90s, at last, the complex underwent an £800 million refurbishment and was opened by Queen Elizabeth II and Francois Mitterand in November 2007.

Twenty three Eurostar trains now travel daily from St Pancras to European destinations such as the French Alps, Marseille and Avignon. Non-stop trains take just over two hours to Paris and under two hours to Brussels.

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2020 BU3A ONLINE PRESENTATION HOUR via ‘ZOOM’, Monday 14th December

‘GAUDI’S BARCELONA’ written and presented by Derek Bacon

This ‘Presentation Hour’ talk took me back 51 years to my time as a student in Barcelona in 1969. I loved to walk this exciting city, whose most famous son is undoubtedly the architect Antoni Gaudí, whose greatest works are there; they enjoy global popularity and admiration. I focused on the four most famous buildings, Casa Milá, Casa Battló, Parc Güell and La Sagrada Familia.

Gaudí's work was influenced by his three passions in life: architecture, nature, and religion. His tragic death in 1926 when he was hit by a tram in Barcelona and left unattended because he looked so unkempt, only adds to the mystery and cult following of his life and work.

Casa Milá (below, left) is almost a sculpture as much as a building. Started in 1906, its frontage consists of three different façades with striking, unusual windows arranged asymmetrically. God didn’t create straight lines so neither did fervent believer, Gaudí! The astonishing roof of Casa Milá with its warrior-type figures is like no other.

Casa Battló (right) is remarkable, like everything Gaudí designed. Known locally as ‘The House of Bones’, it has skeleton- like balconies. The roof is arched and is understandably likened to the back of a dragon or dinosaur.

Parc Güell (below, left) is a huge 45-acre space destined for housing but turned into a garden complex, designed and built between 1900 and 1914. The focal point of the park is the main terrace which is surrounded by a long bench of ceramic-covered, snake- like seating.

La Sagrada Familia (The Holy Family) cathedral (right) is one of the most emblematic structures in the entire world and no visitor to the city will want to miss this most idiosyncratic of buildings. Gaudí’s still-under-construction masterpiece is the most visited monument in Spain. Started 140 years ago in 1882, it remains far from complete in 2021 and 2030 is now a suggested completion date. It is a running joke that Barcelona never wants it finished because there is a never-ending flow of visitors wanting to see the most recent developments. The construction has always depended on donations and visitors’ fees. There are many towers still to be built.

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A 2020 BU3A ‘SPECIAL’ via ‘ZOOM’, Monday 21st December

CHRISTMAS CELEBRATION

Christmas is a time of celebration of friendship for all u3a’s but Barnsley probably do it as well as most others, if not better! In a normal year we have our main Christmas lunch at Burntwood Court at Brierley for between 150-200 people. The Choir always performs its Christmas Concert at Emmanuel Church to a full audience and gives concerts in a local church or two, as well, and it was due to perform at Priory for our 2020 Christmas Celebration.

Our other music groups, including the Old Blowers, Stringalongs and Flutes Galore, would no doubt have been entertaining folk in community centres, care homes, churches, supermarkets and other venues as they did in 2019.

But perhaps more important than any of them, our Activity Groups, now numbering some 130, would have been having their final meeting of December 2020 and then going to a pub or restaurant or a member’s home for the annual ‘fuddle’. As a southerner, not fit to walk less than 200 yards behind any true Yorkshiremen and women, I’d never heard of the word ‘fuddle’ before I joined Bu3a, so I asked Alan Swann to explain it, and he said “It’s where all t’men drink four pints of John Smith’s before t’meal arrives. Then they eat lots of pork pie. Then they drink four pints of John Smith’s. Then they eat t’Christmas puddin’. Then they drink four pints of John Smith’s. Then they drive home.” Wow! That’s great, I thought! I’ll have some of that Yorkshire sophistication!

This year’s Christmas Celebration was a classic Zoom pantomime: Cinderella. It was wonderful to have an all non-star cast of Vanda Outram, brilliant in the starring role as Snow White, and John and Ingrid Colley as the Two Unwise Shepherds bringing their gifts of lamb chops and mutton curry to Cinderella’s baby (am I getting this right?). Derek Bacon starred as Beautiful Sister, Gorjosita, and Alan Swann was The Not-Worth-Naming Unbelievably Ugly Sister. The play will possibly move to The National Theatre on London’s South Bank when the end of the pandemic allows.

In addition to the stunning pantomime, there was a Dingbats Christmas Quiz. The best question was: ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

The Best Christmas Joke was: How do you recognise a Christmas Tree from BHS? All the branches have gone!

The Fancy Dress Competition Prize was shared between: The Colleys dressed as The Two Unwise Shepherds and Roy Marsden wearing one of Brenda Marsden’s dresses (is this correct?)

The funniest email in response to the pantomime came from Indu Kumar who wrote: “I laughed so much! I hope the same cast are already booked for next year.” Indu was immediately rushed back to BDGH for a brain scan! Nothing was found!

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2021 BU3A ONLINE MONTHLY MEETING PRESENTATION via ‘ZOOM’, Monday 4th January

‘SUPPORT DOGS’ presented by Tess Thompson Introduction by Alan Swann

Those who attended this talk and video presentation by Tess Thompson from Meadowhall-based ‘Support Dogs’ were hugely affected by it, I am sure. It was an outstanding hour and we were held spell- bound, almost in disbelief, by the outcomes, results and achievements of this small charity. What an eye opener it was. I was fully aware of Guide Dogs for the blind and deaf but this was something else. Dogs of all kinds trained to support children with autism, people with epilepsy and other physical disabilities. I had no idea that dogs could be trained to alert a person suffering from epilepsy up to 50 minutes before an episode or seizure becomes evident. What an incredible and little known charity this is! There was no fee involved in the presentation but the 100+ members attending were all given the opportunity to make individual donations through their website and some did, we know. This Monthly Meeting was an hour well spent in Bu3a.

One case study Seizure alert dog Wadsley is helping Brogan to regain the lifestyle she enjoyed before epilepsy. Before “wonder-dog” Wadsley came into her life, Brogan was having up to four seizures a day.

Now, Brogan can lead a near-normal life, knowing that Wadsley will give her a 100 per cent 48-minute advance warning of an oncoming epileptic seizure. Brogan now has profound peace of mind, an active lifestyle, swims and climbs mountains. She even plays rugby – with Wadsley sitting by the touchline and making sure she’s safe to continue by giving her a clean bill of health at half time!

Brogan developed epilepsy at 17 and had up to 14 seizures a day. The cause was possibly an earlier head trauma when, aged 13, doing a back flip, she landed on her head. “My life before Wadsley was miserable. I was on medication but nothing was working. I couldn’t have a bath or a shower in case I had a seizure and drowned or fell and banged my head. I couldn’t cook or leave the house; things that people take for granted I wasn’t allowed to do”.

When she first met Wadsley at the training centre, she had three seizures and Wadsley knew something was wrong – he just stared intensely at her. Her seizures have now reduced to about eight a month, with Wadsley alerting Brogan by persistently nudging her with his nose. He can detect a seizure and give her a 100 per cent 48-minute advance warning even though he can’t see her. When he’s not working, Wadsley loves running around on the beach just being a dog, but when he has his jacket on he is the most focused, sensible dog ever.

Google: Support Dogs Tel: Sheffield 0114 261 7800

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2020 BU3A ONLINE SATURDAY CHAT via ‘ZOOM’, Saturday 16th January Derek Bacon

I already love Saturday Chat; at only the second meeting there were only nine of us there, but that’s a perfect number for everyone to have a say - although I expect the others think that I talked too much. I can’t help being enthusiastic when chatting with these lovely people.

So where do you start a meeting with no agenda? Well, there was our newest Zoom Coordinator, Ingrid Colley, welcoming people and having a question or two ready to get things going. It was all light-hearted, trivial and amusing; the amount of laughter was enormous! If you look at the screenshot (above) you can see me with head down because I suddenly felt that I had to jot down the huge range of subject matter. Talking of ‘matter’, I’m not sure how we got to talking about nappies, but we did! Everyone there had used terry towelling nappies with their children and related the joy of disposing of the ‘matter’, then dropping the nappy into a bucket of sanitiser before the washing and hanging out on the line. Happy days! Well, to be honest, they were! From nappies we moved logically(!) to Victor Allt’s reminiscences of Green Shield stamps and the wine glasses he collected, at a time when, I suppose, we were all cool kids drinking ‘Blue Nun’ and Mateus Rosé. Ingrid Colley recalled a female relation of hers who hated her daughter-in-law and collected cheap and nasty plates with Green Shield stamps so she could give her a full set as her Christmas present, each one individually wrapped in newspaper! Nice!

When Ingrid asked if any of us had seen anything worth watching on TV, BBC’s recent ‘The Serpent’, set in 1970’s Bangkok, came up and it was remarked how almost everyone chain-smoked in it. Ingrid confessed to being a cool chick with a French boyfriend back then, so she smoked Gauloises cigarettes to top up her image! Victor Allt recalled how young men used to smoke a few packets of Gauloises before their army medical so that they would fail the test through breathlessness! This got Brenda and Roy Marsden recalling their pub landlord days in Wakefield and Barnsley. Thick smoke in the pub was the norm and was never questioned. Roy, a life-long non-smoker, remembers still the day the men came to build an extension to the concert room, but before they could start any work they had to scrub years of accumulated nicotine from the concert room ceiling. Roy then had us in fits as he produced cigarette packets that had been left in the last pub they ran. We were shown some of the collection and couldn’t stop laughing as more and more of our past ‘favourites’ appeared. Are these packets on display on the mantelpiece of the Marsdens’ front room, we wondered? Woodbines, Embassy, Star, BDV and many more were proudly held up for the screen shot you can now see (right). Roy said that his brother-in-law smoked 100 cigarettes a day and he wondered what that would cost him these days!

The only possible next topic was Chrissie White recalling her weekly weekend Mod trips with her Mod boyfriend on their Mod Lambretta to Scarborough to terrify the locals! This led to my recollection of ‘working on the deckchairs’ on Brighton beach at the time of the Mods and Rockers invasion, and pitched battles on Brighton seafront, while tough me ran off into hiding! Mention of Mods and Rockers brought ‘Quizmasters’ music gurus Chrissie and Brenda to talking about the film ‘Quadrophenia’ and ‘The Who’s rock opera of the same name.

I’m glad that we also discussed van deliveries by Rington’s Tea, William Hague’s family’s ‘pop’ drinks and by the local fish van. Also, Flatley tumble dryers, Canadian dishwashers, Bette Davies in ‘Now Voyager’, ‘Queen’s Gambit’, ‘Designated Survivor’, chewing gum ‘blasting’ machines, women’s inability to load dishwashers …. I’ll leave it there!

All too feeble for you? Well, we don’t care! Not too feeble? Then come and join us! You’ll be very welcome!

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2020 BU3A ONLINE PRESENTATION th January HOUR via ‘ZOOM’, Monday 24

‘THE HISTORY OF WENTWORTH’ – ‘Keeping up with the Joneses’ written and presented by Sue Green

The grandeur, size and scale of Wentworth Woodhouse and Wentworth Castle are breath-taking, but the story behind them is equally extraordinary. Both properties are the legacy of a bitter family feud which expressed itself through architecture, a real- life 18th century game of ‘Top Trumps’.

The root cause of the fall-out was a family will, following the death of William Wentworth, 2nd Earl of Strafford, of Wentworth Woodhouse.

In 1695, William Wentworth died without a direct heir. His first cousin, Thomas Wentworth (below, left) was his closest male heir and expected to inherit everything at Wentworth Woodhouse as well as all the other lands and titles associated with it.

William however, broke with protocol and left everything to a young nephew, Thomas Watson.

We can’t overestimate the profound effect this had on Thomas Wentworth, the aggrieved cousin, who regarded Thomas Watson as an interloper, even though he had now added Wentworth to his name and become Thomas Watson Wentworth.

Thomas Wentworth’s bitterness and humiliation at being treated so badly led him to embark on a personal crusade to restore his family’s honour and supplant the Wentworth Woodhouse family.

He began by purchasing an unremarkable country house, Stainborough Hall, and land from neighbouring estates including Wentworth Woodhouse. Throughout these transactions he used a secret code for the members of the Wentworth Woodhouse family. The code name for Thomas Watson Wentworth was ‘vermin’!

Plans were drawn up for a new house (right), copying the Baroque style of Versailles, whilst inside a grand long gallery and a greatly admired staircase were added.

The gardens had a make-over with a mock ruined castle added and the whole residence was renamed Wentworth Castle.

Meanwhile another Thomas Watson Wentworth (left) had inherited Wentworth Woodhouse and responded to the re-build at Stainborough by also building a Baroque style house (right) to replace the Jacobean house at Wentworth Woodhouse.

However, this was a disaster. It was underwhelming on every count compared to Wentworth Castle, and even before the red brick Baroque house was completed, Thomas Watson Wentworth commissioned another house to be built in the new Palladian style. This time it was to be built on a grand style, outdoing anything that had been built at Stainborough! So, the impressive East Front (top) that we recognise today was built.

This was the final gesture in the family feud, the legacy of which we enjoy today as we visit the three wonderful country houses, their gardens and parklands. 12

2020 BU3A ONLINE SATURDAY ARMCHAIR TRAVEL via ‘ZOOM’, Saturday 16th January

Four brief presentations at this very well attended Zoom meeting, and it was thrilling to see some of those who had attended the Zoom training session four days beforehand there at this meeting. See! It is dead simple, as they say.

Sue Stokes spoke of her affection for the city of Hereford. Sue started with a photo of the 2012 5ft high bronze statue of a Hereford bull in the town centre. But she devoted most time to the treasures of the cathedral, the world’s largest surviving chained library with its collection of medieval manuscripts and, of course, the world-famous Mappa Mundi, the spiritual and geographical representation of how the world was seen in 1360. Sue suggested Hereford as a future Travel Group destination and Coordinator, Chrissie White, who was in the large audience, took note of the good suggestion.

Jo Kasparek spoke about the island of Spinalonga, nicknamed the island of the living dead. Having read Victoria Hislop’s ‘The Island’ she decided to visit this former 85-acre leper colony in Crete. Spinalonga is known world-wide as the host of a leper community from 1903 to 1957, and as one of the last active leper colonies in Europe, with 400 inhabitants during the outbreak of the illness. A beautiful island with a dark history. A brief but poignant and very moving talk by Jo.

Andy Kasparek’s ‘bucket list’ of things to see contained Peru’s ‘Machu Picchu’, one of the ‘New Seven Wonders of the World’. A P&O ‘Oriana’ cruise that docked in Lima allowed him to take a flight up to Cuzco, then the amazing train ride in the Andes to Aguas Calientes, then a bus that zigzags its way up scarily (right) to the Inca citadel itself (left). The Incas built the estate around 1450 but abandoned it a century later when the Spanish conquest began. It was not known to the Spanish during their colonial period and remained unknown to the outside world until Hiram Bingham brought it to international attention in 1911.

Derek Bacon, his brother and brother-in–law decided to ‘bond’ for a week, walking six days on the ‘Camino de Santiago’, the pilgrim route in Northern Spain. This was a walk for ‘softies’ run by a British company. A small group of walkers stay in good accommodation. The problem is you’ve got to walk to your next accommodation after being dropped off after breakfast each day. But you get to walk the ‘best bits’ of the Camino. Derek’s group had 3 Americans, 2 Australians, 2 New Zealanders and 2 Mexicans. Fantastic company! You walk around 17 miles each day to qualify for the Camino certificate that you’ve walked 100 miles of the route. The unprepared walked for a while and then opted to get in one of the Mercedes vans that are there to whisk you off to the day’s hotel. Most suffered a bit on the long, winding, rocky climbs, but all adored the easier bits. It was a fabulous week; happily, you forget the tougher bits and remember only the really good bits.

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2020 BU3A ONLINE MONTHLY MEETING via ‘ZOOM’, Monday 31st January

‘GREENLAND’ written and presented by Beth Rudkin

“Greenland has nothing but it has everything” and it has profoundly changed Beth.

Beth is an eternal student. In 2018, she was reading about Fridtjof Nansen, a Norwegian, who in 1893 wanted to reach the North Pole. He raised funds and built a ship, the ‘Fram’. Beth was googling the ‘Fram’ and saw that the cruise company Hurtigruten had a modern ship called ‘Fram’ and it was in Greenland! She got excited. Beth ‘does’ excited! She booked. That July, she and a friend, Margaret, set off on ‘Fram’.

Greenland is the largest island in the world, the 12th largest country in the world, four times the size of France. Population 56,000. Compare Barnsley 250,000. Some 18,000 live in the capital, Nuuk. Greenlanders speak Kalaallisutand and Danish. In 1979 the Danish government granted Greenland home rule, with Denmark keeping control of foreign relations, defence, currency matters and the legal system. Then Greenland voted to leave the European Union. (Grexit? Ed.) Fishing is the main industry. There are no cars. After all, where would you drive to?

All the ship’s passengers had to wear day glow coats on land so they would be visible! Then they were let loose in vast tracts of absolutely deserted territory. Look out to sea and there are always icebergs. Beth’s best days were when they dropped anchor in small bays and there was nothing. No humans except them, and they all scattered away so there was just you. Just a few sea birds. It isn’t for everyone. Just barren, noble earth. Beth felt privileged to be there.

Beth took a helicopter trip to the ice sheet, which covers 80% of the country. They landed 50 metres from the edge of it. It was a sad moment when the pilot said that 5 years ago he would not have been able to land here. But now the Ice Sheet had shrunk due to global warming. They flew over it and got some idea of the enormity of it. It averages about 1.2 miles thick, but that reaches nearly 2 miles down. Beth thought it would be smooth, like a sheet. But it is more like millions of stalagmites, spikes standing up. Like everything about this country, it was not gentle and kindly, but raw and defiant and wonderful.

On board ship was a marine biologist who told them about miniscule copepods. “There are trillions of these things in rivers and seas. They are very nourishing. If there were a dreadful virus that wiped out these little things, the next layer up in the food chain would starve, and the next layer and the next and the next”. There was silence. Viruses in 2018 didn’t sound major. Someone said: “What if a virus wiped out humans?” The man pondered for a moment. “Then the whole planet would jump for joy”, he said. One of the reasons that this country is so magnificent is that humans are not here to spoil it. It is not jumping for joy but it is standing proud, and raw and wonderful.

Beth was asked if she wanted to go kayaking! Unbelievably she plucked up the courage from somewhere! For the first half hour she shook with fear. Her little kayak tipped from side to side and the water was horribly close. But she headed for an iceberg. They had seen icebergs every day from the ship but nothing like this. It was as massive as a three-storey building, white and grey and blue. And silent. There were other icebergs nearby, but this was Beth’s iceberg. Nobody had been so close to it, ever. And nobody would again, for it would drift out to sea. And ever so slowly, melt. She lingered before this great temple and worshipped. A moment of silence and majesty she had never experienced before. This was the Earth, as God had made it, before humans with their noise and rushing around arrived. She doesn’t think she’ll ever experience this moment of awe again. It has changed her forever. 14

THE BIG ZOOM PHOTOGRAPH THAT PERHAPS SAYS IT ALL! Alan Swann, Derek Bacon, Vanda Outram, Trudy Atkinson

Towards the end of January this year, we felt both pleased and frustrated by our year-long efforts to keep Bu3a alive by means of online meetings, specifically on Zoom, for which we had agreed to pay for a full licence so that every one of our Activity Groups and newly-created Zoom-specific Groups could continue to meet, chat and comfort each other in these difficult times. We were delighted by so many reports of enthusiasm for ‘Presentation Hour’, ‘Monthly Meeting’, ‘Saturday Chat’ and ‘Armchair Travel’ with 280 members signed up to them. Additionally, we knew that hundreds more were meeting up in their Groups, but we didn’t know exactly how many. So we guessed that it would probably be around 500, but that still left about 500 more who have internet access probably not taking advantage of what was on offer. We offered a ‘Zoom Beginners Session’ in a Beacon email to everybody. The response was immediate and two days later the screenshot above was taken of some of those members having their first experience of Zoom. With just one tap of an ipad screen or click of a mouse, they joined us and the faces say it all! For example, Gill Errington on Row 2, Carroll White on Row 3 and Glenys Lord on Row 4 never stopped smiling during the entire hour as we explained the possibilities of Zoom. After the meeting, emails of gratitude arrived, and the one that struck me most said: “Thank you for today. Living alone, I have found it a little difficult in this lockdown and this Zoom will open a door for me. Thank you for your time and patience.”

WORD and EXCEL TRAINING with DAVID ANDREWS Derek Bacon David Andrews, our ‘Maths man’ is a very clever bloke and he is running training for us on the Microsoft applications WORD, EXCEL and POWERPOINT. It is great to hear that with this having been advertised on our private Facebook Members page, so many of us have already taken up the offer. David has produced outstanding Bu3a training leaflets for you to have for the courses. ‘Word’ is for producing documents like The Buzz. ‘Excel’ is a spreadsheet for loads of things including money, schoolwork and organisation of data. Powerpoint (see page 35) is for producing presentations. All this is FREE! 15

GROUP ACTIVITY ON ZOOM

This is a round-up of what some of our groups have been up to on Zoom in recent times. What better place to start than Classical Studies! Bravo, Coordinator Jeremy Dinsdale! Zeus must be looking down on us in disbelief at what we’re doing these days!

Classical Studies Sessions on alternate Fridays at 11.00am. For Tuesday and Friday groups

Female characters in Greek mythology; the myth and their after-life: exploring the stories of each of these characters and looking at how their lives have been viewed and interpreted from Classical times to the present day in Art and Literature.

Helen Medea Phaedra Penelope Antigone Electra Clytemnestra

Literature Beth Rudkin

We have just finished the Literature Zoom group for today, Wednesday 20th January. The wonderful Sarah Guifo Guifo does all the hard preparation work and I just lead it.

This term we are studying Dickens' ‘Great Expectations’, which has got so much better than when I did it for ‘O’ level. There were 27 in the group this afternoon. We do structure it a bit, but almost everybody had something to say. Some of the members are from Wakefield, which is going part way towards my erstwhile dream of sharing our groups with other u3as. The group has steadily grown since September when Lynn Maloney led us with Shakespeare's ‘Macbeth’. Do you know, you could get used to this Zoom thing. It has its attractions on a cold, rainy day.

History Beth Rudkin

The History group is studying the 19th century. Vanda does the clever bits for this. Everybody enters into the spirit of it. John and Ingrid usually put a background that is appropriate to the subject under discussion. It attracts similar numbers as the Literature group, and I love it. Again, some Wakefield members come - even though they have their own group now. I notice that some Barnsley members are sneaking into that one.

Philosophy Beth Rudkin This is a smaller group, but the members are enthusiastic. Last time we discussed the fact that Plato did not like democracy. He said that if he was making a sea journey, he would want a Captain who knew his stuff about navigation and things. How much more important is running a state - much too important to be left to all of us who know nothing about it. Did he have a point? No screenshots. Just never thought about that! I just keep all those faces in my heart.

Flutes Galore Derek Bacon

Melanie France I look forward to our Thursday morning flute group on Zoom. It gives me some normality each week in these difficult times. I particularly enjoy playing along with Helen and I feel I have grown in confidence as a result. A big thank you to Derek and Helen for organising it for us.

Jayne Welburn Helen leads and we all follow! Great duet playing! A good range of music chosen by Derek! Culture for flute players! A good time had by all!

Hazel Sutcliffe After another Flutes Galore zoom session I feel I have earned my lunch! It is always lovely to catch up with fellow fluters and play along with the experts in the grateful knowledge that no-one can hear my missed or wrong notes! Not quite real life but the next best thing.

Janet Elvy A highlight of my lockdown week seeing the friendly faces of Flutes Galore at our Zoom meetings, having a chat and a laugh then getting down to business - playing our flutes - which keeps the neurons firing and fingers flying.

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Theatre Deputy ‘Gogglebox’ Coordinator: Pat Butcher Pat and John Dawson – Theatre Group Zoom meetings are: Contact, Contribution, Continuity, Cohesion. Pat Saxton - whether a good week or a boring one, it is just lovely to see and hear everyone at the Theatre Zoom meeting. We always have a good laugh. We even managed a virtual Christmas Party! Margaret Crow - I really enjoy our Theatre Zoom meetings and look forward to receiving Pat’s suggestions for our weekly viewing. Sometimes the programme isn’t one I would normally have watched so it’s interesting to see something different. It is also good to listen to other people’s views about what they have been watching. I enjoy the quizzes and the presentations about different actors and it is nice that everyone is willing to make some sort of contribution to the meetings. Jayne Welburn - recommendations, reviews, quizzes, theatre dames and knights, Who Am I? Theatre Group Zoom is an amazing hour and a half! Anne Stewart - what would Theatre Group be without Zoom? We would all be going crazy at home without watching TV and talking to our friends. Janet Feerick - Theatre Group Zoom meetings give you something to look forward to, keeps you in contact with your friends. It’s a really enjoyable afternoon. ‘Sandy’ Sandiford - our time spent as a group on Zoom is a virtual interaction that all of us experience. Each of us contributes to the cohesion of the group, it makes everybody responsible and accountable. It is a shared experience. Jan Morris - my first experience of Zoom and I was amazed how easy it was to use (Pat set it up for me). Theatre visits are out of bounds but I enjoy the company and catching up on the items that we now follow on TV and radio, Sandra Bailey - it’s great to join Theatre Group Zoom meetings, to see everyone and know we have all survived another week. Never watched so much telly, but Pat says stay safe, stay well and stay viewing, and we always do! Suzan and Bill - we look forward to our weekly Zoom session. We can forget the outside world and see smiling faces and listen to critiques of selected TV viewings. It is an opportunity to share our thoughts on specific productions. It gets the old grey cells going. Especially heart-warming is that the fortnightly meetings have become weekly and over the last year seeing the regular faces has been constantly reassuring. We have learned to Zoom and proved that new technology is no barrier; we want to learn and even in lockdown we are able to stretch out and reach friends. Pat Butcher - I think that the last passage sums our Zoom experiences up quite eloquently. I am so proud of Theatre Group, and I feel that through Zoom we have found friendship and support that has helped us cope a little better perhaps with the pandemic.

French Language and Culture Pat Wassell During lockdown I have enjoyed many full U3a Zoom meetings as well as family Zooms and Zooms from other countries. However, I was wary of becoming the host of a group, but after Christmas I decided to ‘bite the bullet’ and introduce my French Language and Culture group to Zoom. With Trudy Atkinson’s invaluable help and encouragement, we had our first meeting on Tuesday 19th January with eleven members. It was successful. It was so good to see each other and talk together. Everyone wanted more so we have arranged meetings in February and March. From April onwards we will meet twice a month. I am so glad I took the plunge!

Penistone Walkers David Slater ‘Through the screen it reminds us there will again be life beyond'

Sheila Metcalfe I joined Penistone walking group when the first lockdown began, didn’t know anyone but they were very welcoming. I felt a little unsure of Zoom chats when it started but I now feel much more part of the group. It’s lovely to see friendly faces and Sue and Andrew are superb Coordinators. I attend any Zoom meeting on offer as it really is keeping our U3A vibrant and alive. Give it a go! It’s something to write in your empty diary! 17

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BARNSLEY AND DISTRICT U3A 24th Annual General Meeting: 2020 Minutes of the video meeting held on Zoom on Monday 5th October 2020 at 1.30 pm.

In attendance. Executive Committee Members: Alan Swann, Derek Bacon, Hilary Newton, Jacqui MacKinnon, John Mackinnon, Max Senior, Margaret Saxton, Helen Dew, Lynn Maloney, Mike Booth, Mike Nevins, Trudy Atkinson, Vanda Outram, Sue Rowley. Compliance Officer: Mike Pease Regional Trustee/National representative: Sue Stokes Plus 70 members. [As per screenshots]

The Chairman welcomed everyone to the meeting and explained that this was the reconvening of the originally scheduled AGM which was due to take place earlier in June but which had to be postponed because of the Coronavirus pandemic. He reminded all those present that all the relevant papers had previously been circulated to all members as part of the Spring and Summer Buzzes and that they were all still available to be viewed on the Bu3a website. The specific items were: Proposed change to the Constitution set out in the Spring Buzz on page 4. The Annual Report set out in the Summer Buzz pages 4 and 5. The Annual Accounts set out in the Summer Buzz page 6 The 2019 AGM Minutes set out in the Summer Buzz pages 48 to 51. The SGM Minutes from 7th October 2019 set out in the Summer Buzz page 51 The nominations for the Executive Committee. [All positions uncontested]

The Chairman went on to explain that this Zoom meeting was the culmination of a process which commenced at the end of August when emails or letters were sent to all members seeking their support or otherwise to all the issues noted as ‘specific items’ above. He explained that after the ‘cut off’ date of 30th September Chrissie White [an independent member with no links to the Executive Committee] had collated all the responses.

There were valid responses received from 342 members as follows: Change to the Constitution. 335 For and 7 Against. Annual report 342 For Nil Against Annual Accounts 342 For Nil Against 2019 AGM Minutes 342 For Nil Against SGM October 2019 342 For Nil Against

The Committee Nominations were all approved as follows: Alan Swann, Chairman until June 2022 Hilary Newton, Treasurer until June 2022 John MacKinnon, Membership Secretary until June 2021. Lynn Maloney, Development Officer until June 2021 Helen Dew, New Member Secretary/ Travel Group Representative until June 2021 Robin Northcut, Website Manager until June 2021. [temporarily covered by Mike Booth] Mike Nevins, Room Bookings Officer until June 2021. Max Senior, Equalities Officer until June 2021 Margaret Saxton, Social Committee representative until June 2021. Sue Rowley, Choir Committee representative until June 2021.

It was noted that there were two co-opted members: Vanda Outram [Publicity] and Trudy Atkinson [Risk Assessments] and that there were also two elected members who were part way through a two-year term to end June 2021: Derek Bacon [Vice Chairman] and Jacqui MacKinnon [Business Secretary]

AOB. There being no other business the AGM was formally concluded and the meeting reverted back to a normal monthly meeting.

Date and time of next [25th] AGM: Monday 7th June 2021. 1.30 pm Priory Campus? [Subject to review]

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BARNSLEY AND DISTRICT U3A Notice of 2021 AGM: Monday 7th June

In accordance with the Constitution, notice is hereby given that the 25th Annual General Meeting of Barnsley and District U3A will be held on Monday 7th June 2021, at 1.30pm.

In the likely event that the meeting cannot take place at Priory Campus, the meeting will take place as a video conference remotely on Zoom. All members are invited to attend, including those without access to video technology who will be able to join the meeting via telephone handsets. Any member wishing to join the meeting in this way should contact any committee member in order to register their interest.

All the necessary paperwork will be set out in the June Buzz.

The business of the Annual General Meeting will include:

1. Approving the Minutes of the 24th AGM held on Zoom on Monday 5th October 2020. 2. Receiving and approving the Annual Report 3. Receiving and approving the examined accounts for the year ending 5th April 2021 4. Election of two Officers for a 2-year term 5. Election of up to 8 non-Officer Members of the Executive Committee to serve for a 1-year term 6. Appointing examiners for the accounts for the year ending 5th April 2022 7. Considering all resolutions previously submitted in writing and any other business

Nomination forms are available and members are encouraged to consider if they are willing to be nominated for the Executive Committee. All completed nomination forms must be delivered to the Business Secretary as soon as possible, with a closing date of Monday 3rd May 2021. A list of responsibilities for Executive Committee members is available via the Bu3a website [click on ‘Documents’ and ‘Roles and Responsibilities]

The existing Chairman will remain in post for a further year. The existing Treasurer will remain in post for a further year.

The other specific Committee roles to be filled at the meeting include the following:

a. Vice Chairman [2 years] b. Business Secretary [2 years] c. Development Officer d. Membership Secretary e. New Member Secretary / Travel Committee representative f. Website Manager g. Room Bookings Officer h. Representative of Choir Committee i. Representative of Social Committee j. Equalities Officer

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FRENCH CONVERSATION Coordinator: Gloria King

Benny and Hot!! In 2011 (September 20th to be precise), a party of Bu3a members (left) were in Normandy, visiting ‘Le Palais Bénédictine’ at Fécamp (below). I know this because at home we have the receipt for the two glasses that we bought there in the museum shop.

Fécamp is about half way between Dieppe and Le Havre. It is a striking town which is surrounded by high cliffs so that when you approach it from inland you don’t see the sea. The Bénédictine Distillery has been described by the Rough Guide as a mock Gothic monstrosity which was built at the end of the nineteenth century especially for the production of the sweet liqueur known as Bénédictine. Despite the Rough Guide’s assessment, the French class the attraction as number twenty-one on the list of preferred monuments!

We enjoyed our visit both to the museum and to the distillery where we were impressed with the

number of exotic herbs which are thrown into the great copper vats. It is said that the drink was originally made by Bénédictine monks until the Revolution. A gentleman called Alexandre Le Grand found the recipe for this medicinal elixir in a sixteenth century book and succeeded in recreating the recipe. The Bénédictine was enjoyed by Gauguin, Mucha and Hemingway. (Guy de Maupassant used Fécamp as a setting for some of his short stories.)

I had forgotten about all this information and the visit until just recently when I noticed a letter in The Guardian. The writer from Didsbury, Manchester, was saying that the most illustrious winter tipple of all was Bénédictine and hot water – or ‘Benny and Hot’ as it is popularly known. It is not only a pleasant drink but it is also taken for problems such as the common cold through to croup – a remedy and a drink! Burnley Miner’s Club in NW England is thought to be the world’s biggest single customer of Bénédictine! Its 700 members drink around 48 bottles each week. This consumption dates back to WW1 when men of the 11th battalion of the East Lancashire Regiment, some members of which survived the Somme, were billeted in Normandy. The injured were hospitalised in the Bénédictine distillery and given ‘Benny and Hot’ daily as a restorative. They were so smitten with the taste and its properties that they took news of it back home. It is apparently famous throughout the North for its effects on both miners’ lung disease and horrendous hangovers!

At Burnley Miner’s Club the ‘Benny and Hot’ is served 50/50 Bénédictine D.O.M. liqueur plus hot water and a squeeze of lemon juice.

PS I also read that Bénédictine often acts as a Sunday stiffener but I don’t understand what this means! (Let’s not even think about that one, Gloria! This is a wholesome, family

magazine! Ed.)

The Wednesday Conversational French group is meeting on Zoom fortnightly.

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This page is copied from the Winter Buzz of 2011. It recalls Gloria King’s trip to Fécamp, Normandy. The Travel Coordinator then was Trevor Wilson who found himself trapped in a lounge on the ferry to France.

TREVOR AND THE TROUBLESOME FERRY DOOR

A MODERN POP-OPERA IN THREE SCENES.

The setting for all three scenes is a cross-channel ferry taking a party of older people on a trip to Normandy. The drama starts around an hour into the seven-hour crossing.

Scene 1: The Need to Rest Time was dragging and for Trevor it had already been a long day: “So tired, tired of waiting” (The Kinks). He decided to find a quiet spot where he could stretch out and “Relax” (Frankie Goes to Hollywood). He explored the large but far from busy ferry and soon found himself a comfortable and deserted lounge, in which he quickly made himself at home. Ah, he thought: “All Right Now” (Free) and away from irritating conversation “Silence is Golden” (The Tremolos). His own personal “Island of Dreams” (The Springfields) beckoned. “What a Wonderful World” (Louis Armstrong) he mused quietly and dozed off. Unbeknown to Trevor, however, a mysterious hand was at work, as someone had proceeded to “Lock the Door” (Peters and Lee) to the lounge from the outside. He was trapped!

Scene 2: The Realization Time passed and Trevor’s friends began to express anxiety about his absence. Slowly, Trevor began to stir from his dreams and, anxious to rejoin the group, tried to “Open the Door” (Paul McCartney & Wings). Horrors! It was locked. “All Alone Am I” (Brenda Lee) he thought but quickly realized that action was called for: “I’ve Got to Get Out of This Place” (The Animals) he concluded, as panic began to set in. But what to do? “Can Somebody Help Me Now?” (Steve Winwood), he wondered, seeing he was in clear need of “Help” (The Beatles). Perhaps he could “Shout” (Lulu) but there was no-one around: “Oh, Lonesome Me” (Don Gibson). Could he attract attention in some other way? “Knock Three Times” (Dawn) but again there was no-one to hear. He felt “So Lonely” (The Police) and began to explore wilder ideas, even at one point considering a “Message in a Bottle” (The Police). His situation was becoming desperate, his one thought, “Rescue Me” (Fontella Bass”).

Scene 3: The Rescue Just as he was beginning to despair “All Cried Out” (Alison Moyet), a thought struck him. Neither shouting, nor knocking, nor messages in bottles would work, but what about a mobile phone. Sheer genius: “Clever Trevor” (Ian Dury & the Blockheads). “Ring, Ring” (Abba) went Martin’s phone, rousing him from his thoughts upstairs in the restaurant. He eventually heard a voice above the chatter and engine noise: “Please Release Me” (Engelbert Humperdinck) Trevor pleaded. Realizing the urgency of the situation, Martin quickly reassured Trevor: “I’ll Be There For You” (Michael Jackson), he responded. Having located the likely area of the ferry, Martin listened carefully: “I Hear You Knocking” (Dave Edmunds) he picked up, and within seconds Martin had opened the door and beckoned Trevor to join him: “Come Outside” (Mike Sarne). Trevor was thus freed and reunited with his group. “Welcome Home” (Peters & Lee) was the general reaction. Inevitably, questions were asked. What had been going on behind that “Green Door” (Frankie Vaughan)? As the final curtain falls, all express the hope that, now that he was back with us and “Happy Together” (The Turtles), Trevor would not now become “Lost in France” (Bonnie Tyler), because, as all agreed, “We Only Want To Be With You” (Dusty Springfield). And having discovered how useful a mobile phone can be, Trevor has vowed that he will always have his with him. He has even given it a name: “My Ding-a-Ling” (Chuck Berry).

The End Alan Swann and Martin King

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TABLE AND BOARD GAMES Coordinator: Martin E King

In the last newsletter I offered some bits of information about the origins of playing cards, most centrally those standard packs with which we are all familiar today. I promised a few more bits, so here they are….

It appears that a critical moment in the UK development of the four-suited playing cards as we know them was 1832, when one Thomas de la Rue, a Guernsey man living in London, was granted a Royal Patent for the printing of cards in colour by letterpress and lithography (other European countries, must notably Belgium and Netherlands, had been doing this for some time). Cards were still taxed quite heavily but new printing technologies now made them significantly cheaper to produce. By 1861, annual production of the sealed packs reached 296,660, rising to 732,960 three years later. Among the changes this generated was the introduction of the double-ended court cards, which had been in production on a limited scale before but were now demanded by serious players (this limited the scope for cheating during dealing, apparently). The finish of the cards was also improved to allow cards to glide over each other more easily, giving smoother shuffling and dealing.

It is likely that over the years the ‘picture’ or ‘court’ cards have generated the most interest among players. In the past, before mass production, these frequently depicted ‘real’ people. In a French pack of 1760, generally accepted as the basis for ‘our’ packs, the Queen of Hearts was named as Judith, a lusty biblical character famed for chopping off the head of the Assyrian general Holofernes. Her flower is held within a grasp capable of wielding the knife! Lewis Carroll obviously knew of this when he framed the character of the Queen of Hearts in his Alice tales! The King of Hearts, it is alleged, is based on the figure of Charlemagne, and holds his sword (earlier an axe) in his left hand, and his ermine in his right. The profiled Jack of Hearts (one of the two one-eyed Jacks in the pack), is based on a French knight-cum-bandit, reputedly a mate of Joan of Arc, who always sports a moustache, and clutches a rather limp leaf (replacing the more butch truncheon of early packs).

Historically, the King of Spades was based on King David, and still holds the sword (spade in Italian - geddit?) with which he cut off Goliath’s head. His Queen is said to have been based on Pallas Athene, the goddess of wisdom and patron of arts and crafts, clutching a suitably gentle-looking flower as well as her traditional spear. Their servant, the Jack (the other one-eyed Jack), is said to have his origin in a French or Danish character called Ogier, which may be reflected in the curious ‘S’ shaped staff (ogee – an ‘S’ shaped moulding).

The King of Clubs is said to be Alexander the Great. He is the only King to be accompanied by an orb, originally shown as in his right hand although now mysteriously floating in mid-air, but he still boasts a symbolic fleur-de-lys atop (the basis for the ‘club’?). His Queen was named as Argine (an anagram for regina, Latin for Queen). This therefore makes her the only real queen in the pack! The Jack has perhaps the most interesting tale to tell, as the son of a French King, our King Arthur’s most trusted knight Sir Lancelot, but alas the victim of a huntress’s arrow. According to the tale, he removed this himself but in the process stripped off the flights, leaving just the pointed staff that we now see. He is the only fully clean-shaven male figure. Is he just a lad?

The profiled King of Diamonds is said to be based on Julius Caesar, which perhaps explains the sinister- looking axe behind him just lining up its target! Is his hand gesture bidding the world farewell? Traditionally, his wife is thought to be another biblical character, Rachel, but why is not clear. The basis for the Jack is also unclear, and has several versions over the years, including the Greek hero Hector (a mere knave?) or mate of the Lady of the Lake and half-brother of Sir Lancelot from Arthur’s time.

So, when you next pick up and shuffle a standard pack of cards, reflect of the tales hidden therein, and perhaps create a few more. I’m sure it is possible. 24

YOUR JOKES 1

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DOWN MEMORY LANE WITH U3A BARNSTABLE Pat Dawson

In 2013 the ‘terrific trio` aka Tony and Jean Jermy and Irene Hill, led the members of their two choirs on a memorable holiday to Barnstable. The first pleasant surprise was the centrally situated Royal Hotel (right) where we were to stay. It was old and interesting because of its history and layout. No two rooms were alike and the rooms came in a variety of shapes and sizes... a bit like the members of u3a. Our room was almost triangular and the window was right over the front door. As we unpacked to get ‘spruced up` for our evening meal I opened a drawer in the dressing table and placed one or two items of my ‘flimsies` in it, whereupon the drawer collapsed and John had to put it back together again! I thought it was hilarious and something that could only happen to me! Recklessly, I recounted events to friends when we went down to dinner and the next evening I was given the biggest ‘drawers` I have ever seen. I have now recovered from the acute embarrassment I brought upon myself, swallowed my pride and can go public about the incident. I hasten to say the Royal Hotel was absolutely excellent for comfort, friendly staff, delicious, beautifully presented food and conveniently close to the shops.

Barnstable is an interesting town with a very old Pannier Market unchanged in more than 150 years. It has a wide variety of stalls and some of the stall holders themselves were interesting. Johnny Kingdom, as seen on TV, had his stall of local produce and water colour paintings of the places where his TV shows were filmed. We bought his book from him, which is a good read, along with some goodies to bring home.

One day in Ilfracombe we saw the statue called ‘Verity` by Damian Hirst, which was on loan to the town for twenty years. It was received with critical acclaim by residents and visitors alike as were other pieces of his work elsewhere. Verity stands 66 feet high on a pile of books (which represent the law), making her 10 inches higher than Anthony Gormley’s ‘Angel of the North`. She is both naked and pregnant. The internal anatomy on one side reveals a foetus in utero, vital organs and superficial muscles etc. and, by contrast her natural external appearance is depicted on the other. She is holding aloft in her left hand a sword and in her right hand she holds The Scales of Justice behind her. Cast mainly in bronze and steel, the detail is impressive and anatomically correct. However, the left upper arm and hand holding the sword is the only part moulded in fibreglass. Verity still attracts visitors to Ilfracombe and provokes much varied comment.

On another day in Bideford we discovered the grade 2 listed white marble statue of Charles Kingsley. Priest, University Professor, Social Reformer, Author (he wrote The Water Babies and Westward Ho!) and Poet, he stands high on a plinth of Portland Stone next to a very old conker tree. The tree is so old it is almost horizontal. An enormous wooden sculpted ‘Helping Hand` made by a local artisan and paid for by a local woman in memory of her late husband has been installed, to stop it falling over and uprooting itself. We found both the tree and the wooden hand supporting it equally as striking as Charles Kingsley’s statue.

Travelling on the coach to explore these places, we were kept alert doing quizzes or reading the information provided about the surrounding area and enjoying the ‘thinking sweets’ which we called ‘Worthy Originals’, from Irene. After dinner in the evenings we entertained each other singing, reciting poetry or laughing at our clowning and jokes until our sides ached. I truly think some positives have come out of Covid 19 - days at home...time to reminisce. What a good idea it was to join u3a. Until we get the ‘All Clear` we shall keep on reminding ourselves of all the good times and the folk we have shared them with. Until then … “Keep Zooming” !

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SEARCHING FOR THE STARS WITHOUT WORDS Roy Judge

Over some 80 years I have watched several thousand films and would have loved to take on the mantle of Cary Grant or James Mason, but alas I had to settle for the august role of schoolmaster in Sheffield, Bristol, Liverpool and Nottingham. For I have never been able to remember the words. My thespian story starts at Firth Park Grammar School

Sheffield in the 1950's, where I started out as a member of the Scout gang shows, and then in the sixth form I managed to obtain the role of the drunken porter in' Macbeth' - which should have warned me that despite hours trying to learn the script, I had a problem of retention. After one performance, which I thought was well received, l was met the following day in the corridor by our esteemed Headmaster Dr WRC Chapman, and here I quote: "Ah, young Judge, I thought you were absolutely splendid last night on stage, but tonight can you use Shakespeare's words, not your own”

When I moved to teach in Bristol in the 1960's, I was approached by the drama teacher to see if I would appear with pupils in the comedy '1066 and All That’; alas, the pupils were the stars because RJ could not remember his lines and had to resort to sticky-label prompts around the set, not a good example to show the pupils. The drama teacher was not impressed and I soon left the scene to journey north to Liverpool.

Throughout my time in Liverpool, Sheffield and Nottingham, I kept my urge to perform under wraps until I was invited to join the Masons in Sheffield and soon, despite many hours attempting to learn my lines to become a Master Mason, I knew I had a problem. One memorable evening, in order to scale the heights of Master Mason, I required 14 prompts to get me through the procedure. Yet again I realised that my attempt to stay in the Masons was doomed because of my inability to remember my lines.

In 1996, after having taken early retirement, I saw an advert in the ‘Sheffield Star’ for people to apply for auditions to be an extra in a forthcoming film starring Sean Bean called "When Saturday Comes". I was told at the audition that I was exactly the kind of person they were looking for. The weeks went by and I thought my chance of stardom had disappeared, but then the telephone call came! I was required to turn up the following day, not on the Amalfi coast or in the West Indies, but at Sheffield Crematorium, Darnall, at 8.30 am. Now, I thought, this is the big breakthrough. lt was a cold February day and we were shown into an old bus for breakfast and told that all meals were provided free by the film company, and we would be paid £2 for the day. Our hero Sean Bean came to say Hello and promptly left, and was last seen looking into a skip for most of the time.

The story of the film was that Jimmy Muir (Sean) was a brewery worker who was spotted playing football at Sheffield Hallam and moved on to stardom playing for Sheffield United. Early on in the day, I was approached by one of the film assistants to ask me if I would be a pallbearer at the grave side, and I was joined by Roy, a former bank manager, who was to be at the grave side during the three hours around the grave(!). I engaged in conversation with Melanie Hill, who I later found out was Sean Bean's wife. Roy, the bank manager, was on the following day off to Harewood to be an extra in Emmerdale, an ITV production. Another extra who had recently returned from filming with Sean Connery and Richard Gere told us that he had been paid £2,000 for 7 days filming because he could ride a horse, and he had sat at the same table with the stars, who had been very affable. Wow, I thought, this is the life. When the film was finally released, I was not invited to the premiere, and all that was seen of me on film were my hands lowering the casket into the grave. No words were spoken by me.

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Several weeks later my agent rang to see if I could drop everything and get out, not to New Zealand or India, but to Hadfield Main Pit to spend a day on a film called ‘Brassed Off', for which I would be paid, again, the princely sum of £2. My role was to be a careers officer interviewing the miners searching for jobs as the mine was closing. I thought this could be my big break and spent a pleasant morning being filmed in the presence of Ewan McGregor and Stephen Tomkinson, who could not get their words out because they were laughing so much. I also met Jim Carter (the butler in Downton Abbey). At the close of filming, l was approached to see if I would like to be a miner for the afternoon; “Of course”, I said, never one to miss an opportunity. So I was decked out in miners’ gear and blacked up to look the part. We had to walk from the pit head to the gate, as this was to be our last shift before closure. We did this walk seven times, looking suitably glum. This was to be a seminal moment in the film. Around 4pm we were told we could leave and a young make-up girl said she would clean my face.

I had decided to call at Meadowhall on the way home and went into Marks & Spencers and Sainsburys. At each checkout I was looked at by the cashier a little strangely. l thought nothing more about this until I reached home and my wife exclaimed, “Where have you been, looking like that?” It was only then that I looked in the mirror to find the filthy black face of a miner. Since that time, I now always attend to my face before stepping over the M&S threshold.

The film "Brassed Off' made over £3,000,000 at the Box Office, but my big moment on screen was limited to a view of my sludgy boots leaving the gate of the pit. During my entire acting career my screen time has been limited to a view of my hands and boots.

I left the shores of the UK in 1997 with my wife to teach in Gran Canaria, and a few days before leaving, my agent rang to see if I was available to be in ’The Full Monty’. So you can see even to the end there was still a demand for my thespian skills.

Whenever our Bu3a choir leader, the venerable Tony Jermy, asks if I can fill a spot to give the singers a rest, l first have to ascertain that no words have to be remembered! Read yes! Remember no!

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SEQUENCE DANCING 1 Coordinator: Lynda Gensavage

OUR LOCKDOWN STORY

Last year the Monk Bretton-based Sequence Dancing group were all very nervous about this new virus and none of us expected to still be in some form of lockdown eleven months later.

The Bu3a committee sent out messages to all Coordinators asking us to try to keep our groups relevant and in touch with each other. My idea was to create our own private Facebook page, a place where members could write about anything which they thought dancers would be interested in. So I sent out a Beacon message to all and explained how to get onto the site.

Feeling very nervous about it, I wrote the first blog and hoped members were not put off by it. I expected everyone to write a response but how wrong I was. So the second day I wrote another blog and waited again. Still no response. The third day I was starting to feel I had made a mistake, but I wrote something and this time people did comment about the article. We had lift off.

Since then, I have written something most days, and if ‘on holiday’ I ask other members to take my place. Others members write blogs as well so we are keeping in touch and aware of each other.

I surprise myself how I can write about nothing in particular, just put thoughts and ideas on paper. I ask for advice, give out messages, tell everyone about the trivial and important things in mine and David's life. We met a member at Nostell Priory, David mentioned something, and he got the reply “David, you can’t tell me about your life, I read about it every day online.”

The members write about work they are doing, where they have been, show what baking they have done, in fact anything that takes their fancy. Photos galore .... weddings ... earlier days ... pets ... holidays … in fact, the list is endless.

And a special mention to four exceptional ladies: Marie Rusling, Elaine Wright and Jo Kasparek are the ‘Birthday’ group. Marie... cake maker, Elaine... cake decorator, Jo ... card maker. These three ladies have given cakes and cards from the group to everyone celebrating Golden Weddings, 80th, 75th and 70th birthdays. And Christine Neil who wakes up at the crack of dawn and immediately welcomes us into a new day by posting a daily card to everyone.

The photos: 1) ‘Lillibele’, Susan Sanders’ new dog, (a ‘must’ purchase in lockdown) to replace her much-missed 15 year-old ‘Jezebel. 2) David Fawcett modelling his suggested new dancing outfit. Nice! (The ‘grabber’ in his hand is to ‘grab’ someone else for the next dance? Ed.) 3) Scrub hats made by Sequence Dancing members for nurses at Northern General. 4) Marie Rusling in t’kitchen. 5) Indu Kumar’s birthday cake. (But Indu told me that she is only 21 so I don’t know how she qualified for a cake! Ed.) 6) Pat Leybourn is obviously only 21, too, so the green cake can’t be hers, can it? Maybe it is. 7) Jenny and John Pearson’s Golden Wedding cake. 30

HERMAN THE GERMAN Alan Swann

As the story about me and the girl’s skirt at Barnsley Bus Station was voted the most popular item in the Winter 2020 ‘Buzz’ (some votes were illegal non-Bu3a votes and I demand a re-count. I know it was the most popular item!), I thought that you would appreciate another episode from my Barnsley Grammar School days.

I had a problem with one of the Games Masters. He was a German chap who everyone called ‘Herman the German’. He didn’t like me much and on one occasion in the fourth form he slapped me across the face a number of times because I had dared to pass a football with the outside of my foot when he had apparently instructed everyone to use their insteps.

Anyway, he injured his leg somehow and for a few weeks employed a walking stick to help him patrol the playground. He quickly became ‘Hopalong the Kraut’, so named by one of the clever sixth formers, no doubt. I recall that one lunchtime around a dozen or so of us were standing around waiting for the bell to go so that we could go back into the school building, and Herman was seen walking determinedly in our direction, possibly because he thought we might be deliberately blocking the entrance. Anyhow, one of our group whispered quite loudly that ‘Hopalong the Kraut’ was on his way. He arrived and had obviously heard the warning. He wrongly assumed that I was the guilty party and proceeded to poke his stick into my midriff. His exact words were: “And who is the idiot at the end of this stick, then?” Well this was one of those occasions when my elevated sense of injustice got the better of me and the usual control of my quick wit deserted me... “Depends which end of the stick you mean, sir.”

Fortunately, the Headteacher was away for the afternoon so having waited outside his office for a short while, I just decided that I’d go back to my form room where I received the well-deserved adulation of my mates.

“I’ve been married to a Communist and to a Fascist and neither would take out the garbage!” Zsa Zsa Gabor

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HAIKU POETRY David Lambert

Haiku is a type of short form poetry originally from Japan. Traditional Japanese haiku consist of three phrases that contain a “kireji”, or "cutting word", 17 “on“ (a type of Japanese phoneme) in a 5, 7, 5 pattern, and a “kigo”, or seasonal reference.

So, that’s the theory out of the way, now for the practice!...

The Four Seasons

Birds inspect saplings Bright sunshine warms the cold earth Life begins afresh

Beneath summer clouds My fingers touch a flower Rain touches my hand

Solemn trees prepare The smell of earth and wet leaves Nature holds its breath

Shivering with cold I embrace myself tightly Winter paints my voice

Now, I’m not part of the Poetry group (We don’t have a Poetry Group, David! Ed.) but not being part of a group has never stopped me daring to go where I’m totally unwelcome!...

A Knot of Asymmetrical Nostalgic Philosophical Poetry

Poetry is a leaf letting go of a tree, Falling in circles, drawing arcs to the ground, It is the hello of lovers, the goodbye of friends, Grandiose tales of being, and doing, beginnings and ends…

But poetry knows itself not until each moment is gone, Words depicting times elsewhere, like a deep and long sigh That echoes and hankers after a ‘now’ long passed by…

So, take heed and live in this moment my friends, Because a flower’s reflection only dreams of having scent…

HAZEL SUTCLIFFE

Sometimes - Sheenagh Pugh Hazel Sutcliffe learns a Sometimes things don't go, after all, poem a month and from bad to worse. Some years, muscadel paints a picture to faces down frost; green thrives; the crops don't fail, illustrate it. We saw sometimes a man aims high, and all goes well. her first contribution in

A people sometimes will step back from war; the Summer 2020 Buzz.

elect an honest man, decide they care Another loyal member enough, that they can't leave some stranger poor. who keeps offering Some men become what they were born for. something to our Sometimes our best efforts do not go magazine at this amiss, sometimes we do as we meant to. difficult time. The sun will sometimes melt a field of sorrow that seemed hard frozen: may it happen for you.

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IF THINGS AREN’T GETTING SORTED, PLEASE CONTACT THE TECHNICAL SUPPORT DEPARTMENT Tony Hunt Dear Technical Support Department

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend to Husband and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend. In addition, Husband uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance and Personal Attention and then installed undesirable programs such as Rugby, Football, Sailing and Continuous TV. Conversation no longer runs, and House- cleaning simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Yours sincerely

Desperate ------Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend is an Entertainment Package, while Husband is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: 'http: I Thought You Loved Me.html' and try to download Tears. Don't forget to install the Guilt update. If that application works as designed, Husband should then automatically run the applications Jewellery and Flowers, but remember - overuse of the above application can cause Husband to default to Grumpy Silence, Garden Shed or Beer. Beer is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband.

In summary, Husband is a great system, but it does have limited memory and cannot download new applications quickly. It also tends to work better running one task at a time. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food and Hot Lingerie.

Good Luck,

Technical Support Dept

VERY SPECIAL OPPORTUNITY for WALKING and RUNNING CRICKET FANS

NOTTON CRICKET CLUB

Why not train to be a Cricket Umpire or Scorer?

Barnsley u3a runs ‘Notton Nomads Walking Cricket’ for Notton Cricket Club.

Umpires and Scorers are paid per match. Training for each role will be given.

If even vaguely interested, contact Mac McKechnie via the Contact List. Notton will be very grateful for your interest!

NEW MEMBERS OF Bu3a A big welcome to the following new members.

Kathleen Orrell, Kathleen Mason, Ian Lodge, Ann Wayte, Peter Garrett, John Smith-Warren, Maria Steeples, Dorothy Granger, Lesley Bassett, Keith Kellett, Stephen Taylor, Ann Kellett, Stephen Charlton, Beth Cooper, Stephen Smith, Carol Higgins, Phil Sokell, Trevor Dale and Ruth Beswick.

We hope you have been able to enjoy some of the Zoom groups that we have on offer. We are sure that once the lockdown is over, you’ll start to benefit hugely from being part of Barnsley u3a.

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THE ALAN SWANN Bu3a ADVICE COLUMN

1 Life in lockdown has been very hard for all of us but especially for important people like me, so I’ve had to think hard about how to utilise my very precious time to best effect. One of my most special qualities is my adaptability and I would like to suggest to you that a straightforward way to get your days off to a faster start is to save time in the bathroom by going straight downstairs for breakfast and putting toothpaste on your bread or toast and then chewing it really well. This will satisfy those early morning hunger pangs and get your teeth sparkling white at the same time. Clever, eh?

2 If ever you are feeling lonely, my advice to you is to stay up late and watch a good horror movie such as The Omen, The Exorcist or The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. I assure you that you won’t feel lonely in your bedroom after that. Very reassuring that there’s always someone there with you.

3 You all understand that, as a BMW owner, I should be allowed to park wherever I feel like but, probably because the Prime Minister has been

busy with the pandemic stuff, the law hasn’t yet been changed. So what I always do is park on double yellow lines but leave my windscreen wipers up so that parking wardens are so baffled that they don’t know where to put the parking ticket. They simply walk away scratching their heads. Try it and see!

4 I didn’t become rich and powerful (house in poshest part of Barnsley, BMW owner and Chairman of a top organisation) by just throwing my vast wealth around. One of my most special qualities is my creativity and my latest lockdown creation for the family is a new barbecue. I built a stylish fire pit on the lawn and then went to Lidl car park to get a nice shiny shopping trolley. Impressive result, don’t you think? Lavish catering for friends and family, as you can see. What a party we had! Try it!

5 ‘An apple a day keeps the doctor away’ is so true, but I find that it doesn’t only apply to doctors. In my back garden (left) I have a few apple trees so I can grow ample ‘ammunition’! I throw apples really hard at doctors and at anyone else who comes to the house for money or to complain about me. My strong advice is that you grow apples trees like mine and practise your throwing accuracy every day.

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CHOCOLATE CONCRETE Sue Rowley

When I was at school, dinners cost 1s 0d a day. Our dinners were cooked on the premises by a team of ladies, most of whom were also mums of my fellow pupils. The dinners were tasty, well prepared and nourishing with plenty of variety, although there was no choice. The main meals varied from roasts, to stews, and salad meals. One of the favourites was cheese flan. There were no quiches in those days! Puddings were equally varied and enjoyed as much as the main courses. There were steamed puddings, tarts and crumbles and others that couldn’t be categorised. One favourite was chocolate concrete! It was a shortbread, usually served with pink custard. Chocolate Concrete, as its name suggests was

hard, so hard that a chisel wo uld have been useful to help to break it. In many cases pupils used their spoon as a chisel with the result that their puddings would be seen skidding across their table and ending up on the floor. Imagine my surprise when I found the recipe for what I think was chocolate concrete printed in our daily newspaper a few weeks ago. Here is the recipe if you fancy trying it:

170g melted unsalted butter (plus a little extra for greasing the tin), 1 tsp. vanilla extract, 170g. caster sugar 225g self-raising flour, 25g. cocoa powder, 1 large beaten egg, 2tbsp. granulated sugar (to sprinkle on top)

1. Heat oven to 180c/160c fan/ gas4. Butter a 20cm square tin and line with baking parchment. 2. Stir melted butter and vanilla in a bowl. 3. Pour wet ingredients into the dry and beat together, then add the egg and beat again until combined. 4. Press into prepared tin. 5. Bake for 35 mins. Leave in tin for five minutes before slicing into squares and transferring to a wire rack to cool. 6. Enjoy as it is or serve as a pudding with pink custard.

POWERPOINT FOR ZOOM PRESENTATIONS with DAVID ANDREWS Derek Bacon

‘Whizz-kid’ David is now running extremely popular 2-hour sessions for us (Ilkley and Doncaster u3a members have also ‘muscled in’) on how to use ‘PowerPoint’. This training could be for our ‘Presentation Hour’, or to set a quiz for ‘Quizmasters’, or for any of our Coordinators to use with their groups, or just for personal interest. The course covers the production of slides with text, slides with photos, pictures, any images you want. He will show how to include video clips, video links, the transition between slides, simple animations and more. You learn how to create your PowerPoint presentation and control it directly. So, Wednesday afternoons in the coming weeks. If interested, please contact David Andrews or Vanda Outram via the Contact List. Book your place now is my advice! Free training from a real expert!

IMPORTANT VACANCY ON COMMITTEE: EXTERNAL PUBLICITY OFFICER

Vanda Outram has stepped down from Committee as External Publicity Officer so that position has become available. The past couple of years have seen Vanda being superbly proactive for Bu3a, leading us all to a good understanding of current online possibilities with Facebook and Zoom. Vanda wishes to continue with all this work but to do it outside Committee.

The External Publicity Officer will, like all Bu3a Committee members, develop the role as they see fit, but the initial emphasis will be on the creation of articles and press releases for the local press and the free magazines….TITO, Darton Arrow etc. He/She will manage and develop our contacts with local radio stations (Dearne, Penistone, Sheffield etc) and with local council, health and other community organisations, through the contact arrangements already set up by Vanda and her predecessors in the role. The person will also liaise with Age UK (Barnsley) on joint initiatives and importantly feed items to our webmaster for inclusion on the appropriate Bu3a Website pages.

In short, The Publicity Officer will be a main part of our desire to let our community and beyond know what we do and what we can offer to those who might benefit from our 130 Activity Groups. 35

BRENDA MARSDEN A Day at the Races A few years ago Barnsley U3A’s still very successful Travel Group was run by Trevor, Marlene, Hazel and Margaret. They arranged the various days out and full holidays away. You had to be at the Priory Campus Monthly Meetings early when you knew the bookings were being displayed as people moved fast, the trips quickly sold out.

We had a few good race days arranged, at Pontefract, Beverly, Wetherby and Redcar. Nearly always Ladies’ Day, so that we ladies could dress up and put our special hats on. Gents had to wear suit and tie. I can say that they were nearly always bright, sunny days, all except the Redcar meeting; in this case, we set off on a bright, sunny, warm morning, but by the time we got to Redcar the day was dull, damp and miserable. You couldn’t believe the difference in the day. Some of the men had to go into the town to go to Marks and Spencer for sweaters, as it was really cool.

By far the best day I ever had was when we went to Beverly races. It was a beautiful, sunny day. We all looked great in our hats and dresses. We had a special parade for the best hats, and a special tent for a fashion parade arranged by the Racecourse. Good food and drink! Some of our friends found a table near the fashion tent, so we had a good afternoon with plenty of laughter and jugs of Pimm’s. Didn’t see much of the racing, I’m afraid! (Ha ha!) There was a free draw, too. As you went into the grounds they gave everyone a ticket to be drawn at the end of the afternoon.

Well, as we were collecting our belongings to go back to board the coach, they announced over the loudspeaker that they were doing the free draw. The lucky winner came from the Sheffield area with the postcode S71; the lucky winner was ……. Brenda Marsden! I couldn’t believe it. I was walking back with Les Hinchliffe and asked him: “Was that my name they mentioned?” He said: “I think so!” Anyway, we went over to the draw to find out. They asked who I had come with, so I mentioned our group, Barnsley U3A. They presented me with a superb, heavy bronze statue of a horse, ‘The Stallion’; this photo of it shows it off pretty well, I think. I couldn’t believe it, especially as my husband, Roy, is a true racing fan. When we got back to the coach everyone congratulated me. We went on to finish the day off with a meal. What a lovely, super day was had by all, and of course, especially by me!

36

TUESDAY BOOK FORUM Coordinator: Gloria King

In the last Buzz I explained that we were communicating by e-mail and hoped to have Zoom meetings in the future. Well, the future arrived and we have enjoyed unmuted discussions via Zoom and communicated by e-mail as well. Something new for us has been an addition to our agenda by having a BYOB (Bring Your Own Book) chat. This has proved to be useful as we have been able to enthuse others with our more personal choice of books.

A tip from one of our members has been to download an app which allows you to listen to books on your iphone or ipad for free. This is especially useful if you are having difficulty reading due to problems with your eyes or if you like to listen whilst doing boring household tasks or walking the dog! All you need is your Library ticket number for Barnsley or Sheffield. There are numerous books to choose from on the Sheffield app that I use.

Now for the important reading list –

May 4 ‘The Thursday Murder Club’ by Richard Osman. Amateur sleuths in an up-market retirement village

investigate a murder a bit too close to home. (no 1 Christmas 2020 best-seller) (

June 2 ‘The Giver of Stars’ by Jojo Moyes. This story was inspired by the true story of five incredible women and is set in the time of the Depression of America.

July 6 ‘The Sixteen Trees of ‘The Somme’ by Lars Mytting. One of our members suggested that we ought to read more books by authors from other countries; this one is by a Norwegian writer. The families in this saga are from Norway, Scotland and France.

August 3 ‘Home Stretch’ by Graham Norton. An emigrant discovers letters that reveal a sinister story buried for forty years.

SOCIAL GOLF Coordinator: Brian Dobson

I think that Social Golf has been more fortunate than almost any other Bu3a group because we have been able to play golf in between lockdowns, once ‘England Golf’ had got Covid-secure rules sorted out.

However, during the first and subsequent lockdowns we have had weekly online chats. Initially we used Facebook Messenger but some didn't like having to join Facebook, so I switched to using ‘Jitsi Meet’, an online program very similar to Zoom but without time restrictions. And that is what we have continued to use since about half way through the first lockdown last year. Conversation is about all the things that interest us (especially the vaccine of late) plus a little bit about golf. The main thing is that we have fun and it’s a good way of

keeping in touch.

Julius Caesar walks into the ‘Travellers Rest’ at Dodworth and says, “I’ll have a Martinus, please.” The bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks, “Don’t you mean a Martini?” “Look,” replies Caesar, “If I wanted a double, I’d have asked for it!”

(This joke is not only good but is written with the font ‘Times New Roman’! Clever, eh?)

37

VACCINATION GUINEA PIG June Rolfe

Porton Down, the Defence Science and Technology Laboratory in Wiltshire, appears in the news from time to time. It played an important role in the investigation of the Salisbury Novichok poisoning in 2018. Reports say that coronavirus and its variants are being tested there. Every time Porton Down is mentioned I recall my visit there over 60 years ago.

In 1957 I lived in Salisbury working as a teacher but was preparing to move to a school in Canada. The necessary medicals had been completed when I received a letter from the Canadian High Commission informing me that, following a suspected outbreak of smallpox, anyone entering Canada needed a smallpox vaccination.

I had never had this vaccination as my mother refused to allow it because her own vaccination in the early twentieth century had resulted in large, ugly scars on her arm. The letter said that anyone without proof of vaccination would be vaccinated at the port of entry; not a pleasant prospect. I contacted my GP to pay for a vaccination as soon as possible.

I knew that a neighbour worked at Porton Down, a place shrouded in secrecy, and was very surprised when she came to my door the next day to say that I could be vaccinated there free of charge. The scientist for whom she worked needed "guinea pigs" for a vaccination research project.

She brought me forms to fill in; I didn't quite get to sign the Official Secrets Act, but it seemed quite close! I learned that Porton Down was the Chemical Defence Experimental Establishment. On the due date I had to travel at a specified time on the regular service bus from Salisbury station to Porton Down, where I reported to reception. There were military sentries on duty at the gates. I followed the few other passengers into the building and my paperwork was checked. I was then escorted along lengthy, empty, silent corridors to a small room that reminded me of a doctor's consulting room.

A white-coated scientist explained that he was researching a new method of rapid mass vaccination that could be used in the event of an enemy releasing smallpox virus into an army or a civilian population. After swabbing my upper arm, he made a scratch about an inch long with an instrument that resembled a dentist’s probe to clean between teeth. The vaccine was then transferred from a pipette on to the scratch. I had to wait a few minutes for the liquid to dry and a dressing was applied. The process was timed by a technician.

Unfortunately, the certificate is now lost and I don't have even the faintest scar to show that I had been vaccinated. Such proofs became irrelevant in 1980 when the World Health Assembly declared that smallpox had been eradicated.

When I went last week for the coronavirus vaccination I couldn't help wondering what happened to that Porton Down research in which I took part. At a time when rapid mass vaccination is so vital, is a jab from a needle still the quickest method?

A little boy asks his dad, “What’s sex?” His dad starts, “When a mummy really loves a daddy ……….”

The little boy listens and then says, “I have this form from school and there is a box marked ‘Sex’. How do I write everything you’ve just said in there?”

38

STEVE SMITH Derek Bacon

One of Bu3a’s newest members is Steve Smith MBE.

MBE, I thought, I’d best check him out and see why I haven’t got one of them! Well, seems like he’s done about a thousand times more with his life than I have, so perhaps that’s one explanation! So I asked if I could write a quick page about him and here it is!

Steve was born in 1948 in Sheffield in South Yorkshire and is very proud of his roots. His dad was a butcher for the Co-op and his mum worked in a factory. He says that his school record is best described as ‘undistinguished’. He started his legal career in 1965 when he joined a firm of solicitors in Barnsley, employed as an office boy’s assistant. He had wanted to be a musician but there wasn’t much call for a classically trained piano- accordionist except on the ‘Yorkshire Belle’ at Bridlington, and after one trip passing Flamborough Head he decided it wasn’t for him! His parents insisted he get a proper job, and quite by chance, one of his friends got him an interview with a local firm of solicitors who wanted an office boy to collect and deliver post and fetch buns for the typing pool. He thought fetching buns sounded ok, the typing pool definitely sounded ok and it would only be for the short term; but he was wrong! His adventure into the world of Law had begun! He worked his way up the ladder until in 1979 he qualified as a solicitor and in 1981 he formed his own firm, Wilford Smith, which now has offices in Sheffield, Rotherham and London. He is still involved with work in these offices but since the pandemic, his travelling has been much curtailed, of course.

He was involved in several miscarriage of justice cases for BBC’s Rough Justice programme, which centred on cases of innocent people sent to prison for murder. The ‘Biker’/Hells Angels programme was watched by 7 million viewers and showed the BBC at its best. One of the producers suggested he should write a book about the case and his writing career was born. He found a passion for writing and has written 7 books including his tragi- comedy series about his life in the law, beginning with the aptly named ‘Boozers Ballcocks and Bail’ and others shown here. He has also written the biography of Barnsley comedian Charlie Williams. During his 40-year career, he has acquired a nationwide reputation for dealing with criminal and environmental law matters and he is also a Higher Rights Advocate, which entitles him to appear at Crown Court. His work has taken him to Germany, Northern Ireland, France, Malta and Spain. He has appeared on radio and television as a legal pundit and has recorded programmes for Sky and commercial television as well as the BBC. His firm, Wilford Smith Limited, specialises in fraud and environmental cases, together with serious crime, such as murder, manslaughter and drug-related offences. He was awarded the MBE by The Queen in 2006 for charitable services in Rotherham and South Yorkshire, and in 2015 he was made a Freeman of Rotherham. He has made himself a separate career as an after-dinner speaker, talking about his career and the many celebrities he has met on the way including Jeremy Beadle, the late great Barbara Windsor, the boxer Prince Naseem Hamed, Ken Dodd, Norman Collier and the almost-immortal Dolly Parton, to name but a few.

He never has made it as an accordionist…….yet! Watch this space!

39

SOFTLY iPADDING Geoff Pike

She was given to me by an isolating Prof. At a stroke I agreed, whilst suitably masked As there were no obvious signs of a Covid cough.

The milk was dismissively shunned I’d put out for this Liverpudlian puss. She wasn’t even a pudding or excessively rotund.

Secretly I know she wants To better my poetic words,

Since my laptop man-cave she often haunts.

She goes slinking about the house Hinting to softly iPad here and laptop there To paws unseen with the mouse.

When she thinks I’ve stepped outside

She’ll take this whisker of a chance to lap it up To screen the words I’ve tried.

With no regard for my Zen den domain My hard-thought writings are purr-used With ignominious furry disdain.

Her typing flows Whilst cutely sitting, well-composed To add to my inadequate prose.

The screen hummed, honestly, with the extraordinary stanza, “Don’t give me milk: I’m lactase-less. Avoid my tummy ache/vomiting extravaganza.

I don’t have this enzyme to digest lactose. So please be sweet and know it won’t break down To sugary treats galactose and glucose.”

What a clever, softly iPadding, Biochem Department mouser. She’s a lactose-intolerant Laptop scouser.

TURNING OVER A NEW LEAF

A tell-tale trail from a slimy brute winds round my spade to an Acer root Eggshells scattered round my Japanese beaut were meant to displace its determined foot. Belt and braces as a concept is cute, so I’d lined the soil with a dusting of soot. This I thought would surely do it…but Despite these measures, my eastern treasure’s markedly feathered and gone kaput!

What is it about these dense-packed creatures that makes them behave like jellied leeches? They’ve chomped the leaves ragged and those of the peaches. Are there any ornamental, anti-gastropodic beeches? Is it really worth donning my gardening breeches? If someone can tell me about leafy resistance, please snail mail me with all its features.

40

STREAKS AHEAD

She dared him to ‘go’ at the village match. ‘Take off your kit and make a good catch. Jump the bails and whip up the crowd. They`re falling asleep,’ she said out loud.

He decided he`d ‘go’ when the time was ripe. The game was dull despite all the hype. He stripped in front of an Aussie vicar. His wife cried, ‘Strewth! What`s that I saw flicker?’

He bounded on down to the boundary Past a teen-aged girl selling twiglets and tea. She`d thought her boyfriend was strong and long-ranged But now she twigged she`d long been short-changed.

He raced round the edge, skinny as a rake With ripples of giggles chasing his wake. The WI group were extremely impressed. April`s calendar made them look overdressed.

His wife then decided enough is enough. ‘It`s time he stopped running about in the buff. I know my husband is one in a million But it`s time he got changed in the cricket pavilion.’

I attended two Barnsley u3a Spring School weekends in 2017/2018. One course I took was on DNA testing to identify criminals. We had to isolate the DNA of strawberries as part of the practical session and were given information on Mendel's peas! What???? I wrote this poem about Gregor Mendel's peas as a result of the DNA session. It might be a bit difficult to understand but don’t blame me, blame Alan Swann! Everyone else does!

Mendelian Blending

Mendelian blending galvanises gametes To spawn phenotype peas of yellow or green. Dominant big Y engineers the allele scene To override small y, the recessive gene.

It’s strange that a gene can be called an allele. It could perhaps make genotypes lose their appeal. But allele, genotype, filial spiel Is not all made up, it’s botanically real.

The big Y allele steals the whole show Which for small y allele is a bit of a blow Since the recessive gene is squeezed from the scene As the yellow F1 filial dominates the green.

If dominant F1 hybrids self-breed in the rain, The small allele has 1 out of 4, to again Reveal the green light from the yellow speed train And quarterise this filial incipient strain.

41

QUIZMASTERS 21st February Quiz setter and Coordinator: Ron Cooper

ROUND 1: 2020 OBITUARIES

1. Albert Uderzo, French cartoonist, created which comic character? 2. Chaired popular Radio & TV panel for over 50 years? 3. Traffic Cop to speeding motorist: ‘Who do you think you are’? 4. Olivia de Havilland played Southern Belle, Melanie, in which 1939 film? 5. Composed music for ‘A Fistful of Dollars’ and ‘The Good, The Bad and The Ugly’? 6. TV presenter: Grandstand, Nationwide and Breakfast Time? 7. Peter Alliss: known as the BBC’s voice of…. ? 8. David Cornwell, died December 2020, better known as … ? 9. Actor: in ‘Butterflies’, ‘The Fall & Rise of Reggie Perrin’ and ‘As Time Goes By’? 10. Edinburgh milkman & actor – shaken not stirred?

Round 2: THE ARTS: Films, Music, etc

1. Which instrument leads an orchestra in tuning to its ‘A’ note? 3. In 1933 film ‘I’m no Angel’, who said “When I’m good, I’m very good but when I’m bad I’m better”? 4. The musical ‘Oh, What a Lovely War’ satirised which conflict? 5. Who won Best Director Oscar for ‘The Godfather ll’? 6. Rogers & Hammerstein’s first musical collaboration was entitled what? 7. Which Bahamian-American actor starred in ‘In The Heat of the Night’? 8. Which Puccini opera features the ‘Humming Chorus’? 9. Which 19th century librettist’s forenames were William Schwenck? 10. ‘Atchoum’ is the French name for which of Disney’s Seven Dwarfs?

Round 3: GEOGRAPHY- Political & Physical

1. In which county is Lulworth Cove? 2. Which River Zambezi feature is locally known as ‘The smoke that thunders’? 3. La Guardia airport serves which city? 4. Inis Mor is the largest of which island group in Galway Bay? 5. Phnom Penh is which country’s capital? 6. The Sargasso Sea is a calm area of which ocean? QUIZMASTERS ON ZOOM 7. The ‘Iron Gates’ is a gorge on which European river? 8. Which large equatorial island is divided between 3 nations? Thursdays 6.30 to 7.45

9. The Greek Dodecanese consist of how many islands? Intelligence and knowledge 10. Which is the most westerly of the US states? definitely not required!

Round 4: 2020 OBITUARIES (part 2) Let your team members do the thinking for you! 1. Singer, frequent butt of jokes from Eric and Ernie. 2. Knighted style entrepreneur, popularised the duvet. Contact Vanda Outram 3. Braces-twanging half of comedy duo. (see Contact List) 4. Frenzied US pianist: Tutti Frutti. to receive Zoom invitation 5. ‘Handy’ World cup cheat.

6. Cockney publican “Get outta of ma pub” The answers are on which page? 7. He was ‘Spartacus’ (that’s a FREE extra quiz question from t’editor) 8. One of ‘the Goodies’ 9. 007’s ‘Goldfinger’ squeeze – Miaow? 10. Monty Python actor who described Christ as “He’s not the Messiah, he’s a naughty boy”.

42

TWO CONTRASTING POEMS Barbara Kaye BRUSHSTROKES

Coordinator: Mary Ross

THE CHRISTMAS TRUCE 1914 When I retired, I was encouraged by my neighbour, Marjorie Exley, to join Barnsley T'was the night before Christmas U3A. She had been a member for many years And in the trenches we lay, and was full of praise for all the pleasure her Thinking of home and counting lost days. groups had given her. As a result, I went along

When out of the dark a light I could see, with her to the monthly meeting held at Priory Shining bright and coming towards me. Campus.

A man with a lantern asked to see our main man, One of the groups that interested me was the

The fighting and shooting he wanted to ban. ‘Brushstrokes' Art group, especially as it was on

Arrangements were made, and a truce was agreed, near where I live. So I went along with the hope From our dark muddy ditch for once we were freed. of joining and discovered that the Coordinator

was no longer able to run the group and it was It was a beautiful eve, frosty and clear, going to end unless a new Coordinator was The spirit of Christmas was genuinely here. found. So that day, I was welcomed as a new The Germans and us sang carols together, member and became Coordinator at the same Oh how I wish this would last forever. time! What had I done, I asked myself? I knew

A feast we did eat, of pud, spuds and meat, nothing about being a Coordinator.

But I long for my bed and lovely warm feet. I had nothing to worry about. The group were The night was too short, but feelings were good, friendly and helpful, like all members of the And now it’s all back to the sludge and the mud. Barnsley U3A. Brushstrokes is a small group of about 16 due to the room size. We work independently, at our own level and pace, in most mediums, drawing, acrylic, watercolour etc. Painting, talking, and laughing together JAKE IS 21 (but he was nearly 2!) makes the two hours fly by so quickly. Everyone is helpful and encouraging. If you are Jake is a handful of boisterous fun, thinking of taking up painting or drawing for He keeps us busy, and on the run. the first time or have painted before please From getting up to going to bed, come along when we finally get back together, Doing things from a to z. as some previous members have moved out of

He's now nearly two, the terrible age, the area and we have a few places But I'm sure he'll grow up to be on the stage, available. Contact me via the Contact List. He talks you to death, and knows all his rhymes, And gets you involved in all his pastimes.

He jabbers for ages if you're on the phone, A sociable child, and not one to moan. He is very special, and I love him to bits, With his chocolatey face, and grubby mitts.

He's not one for kisses, except for his mum, So I have to be happy just nipping his bum. He likes you to play on the floor with him, Riding in boxes and making a din.

He used to be good at going to bed, But just at the moment, all that can be said Is it is now ten at night Jake when you come up, turn off the light.

‘A red sunset’ by Jenny Fletcher of ‘Brushstrokes’ 43

KEVIN DRAPER My Repair Shop: a lockdown project Over Christmas, I started a project to get my dad's work anniversary clock running again.

In 1969 he completed 25 years’ service for Robert Jenkins in Rotherham. He had started at 14 and went on to work loyally at the same firm for over 40 years. I remember him bringing home the clock; it had pride of place on the mantelpiece and the spinning pendulum balls were quite hypnotic. When I started the repair project it hadn’t run for well over 5 years but we couldn’t find a clocksmith.

I am a complete novice and began by searching the internet for books and guidance. I came across an online forum, a friendly bunch from all over the world. Along with essential advice, they recommended two books no longer in print, each costing at least £50 on eBay, and a kindle book costing £7ish on Amazon. I went for the kindle book.

400-day anniversary clocks are powered by a spinning pendulum and a mainspring. A suspension wire, two thousandths of an inch thick, spins a pendulum, causing a gear to rotate (‘click’) at the start and end of each rotation. The mainspring supplies just enough power back to the suspension wire to keep the pendulum spinning. Designed in an era before computer chips and LCD displays, I marvel at the ingenuity of the people who invented and built them. Dad’s was a Kundo clock made in Germany.

Taking the clock apart was fiddly but not too difficult. You have to clean all the gears in jewellery cleaner, dry them with a hairdryer, and burnish the location holes with a cocktail stick in a Dremel. Re-assembling and testing the gears was more fiddly. The most difficult part was fitting the suspension spring. I broke the original so had to order a pack of 3. It’s the only replacement part you can get, anything else that breaks you have to manufacture yourself or salvage. It’s not just the fragility of the wire but the tiny screws to fit it, I use a pair of x4 reading glasses to see them properly. I also developed an ability to catch tiny parts as they fly out of the tweezers but dread the sound of anything falling on the floor. Finding them again is a hands-and-knees job with a flashlight.

I am really pleased to have got the clock working again. It’s been running smoothly for a few weeks now, about 3% fast so I’m about to start adjusting it, which I expect will take a week or so.

I like projects, to learn new skills. But no more clocks! I’m definitely into spending time with u3a friends on Zoom!

COOKERY CORNER Christine Palmer

MINCE AND TOMATO FLAN

6 oz pastry case (or bought pastry if easier than making it) 1 small leek chopped 1 carrot grated 1/2 onion chopped finely 1/2 lb mince, quorn or corned beef 1/2 packet of sage-and onion stuffing mix 1 tin tomatoes (mashed or liquidized) 1 stock cube (mix with boiling water if required to add more liquid)

********************** Roll pastry out to line 8" flan dish. Mix all ingredients together except stuffing mix. Cook as for mince, then add stuffing mix and stir thoroughly. Empty into the pastry case and decorate with sliced tomatoes. Bake for 25-35 minutes 225° gas 6 or until pastry is cooked. Serve hot or cold.

44

BURNS NIGHT (25th January) IN LOCKDOWN Helen Simms and Dave Alton

For Burns Night Dave runs the Bu3a Guitar Group and I’m in Flutes Galore which now meets on Zoom every Thursday morning for a Melody, harmony, percussive bass, couple of hours, but the two of us don our hats for another Hall filled by families, sprung wooden floor As even more dancers dance through the door: group on Thursday evenings. Since the first lockdown in March It’s time to call the caller into place. 2020, our WEA (Workers’ Educational Association) Penistone Lucky Seven, which is The Old Favourite, Folk Ensemble have been meeting on Zoom. As for all music Muffin Man’s Polka and Highland Seamstress, groups there have had to be substantial compromises. We Most dance for fun though some wish to impress; can’t all play together due to the vagaries of Zoom and sound Carolan ’s Concerto, and rest for a bit. quality and the variety of devices and internet speeds. We Elsey and Margaret waltzing round Sheffield And The Flying Scotsman going full steam, can’t give concerts or play for ceilidh dances, which we used Circle out, circle in, clap hands and scream, to do regularly to raise money for local and national charities. Cumberland Square Eight (from the Scots concealed). d Tune Playing with the band is better than wine; So, we wear hats, listen to ‘Joke of the Week’, play ‘Ban What’s gone and what’s to come – Auld Land Syne. of the Week’, watch ‘YouTube Clip of the Week’, take it in turns to choose what we play and lead the playing. It is something we all look forward to and there are plenty of laughs. When our leader asked when we wanted to return to Zoom after our Christmas break the answer was “as soon as possible”; one band member said “‘I really need this”. I know that this is the clear view of all of us.

Thursday 21st January was our Burns Night special. The dress code was tartan, of course. Chris recited the Ode to the Haggis, complete with ceremonial stabbing and whisky toast. There were jigs and reels, poetry and songs, a beautiful rendition of ‘My Love is Like a Red, Red Rose’ set to slides of Scottish scenes and memories of a previous holiday. Dave performed a self-penned sonnet describing the many ceilidhs that we’ve performed. It was nostalgic and made us smile, but also a little sad as it may be some time before we’ll see families and friends dancing together again. By the time we reached the finale and our rendition of Auld Lang Syne I don’t think there was a dry eye in the band. Dave’s poem (above) is a perfect representation of the band and what we do best.

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45

DONALD, WHERE’S YER TROOSERS? Don Smith

After watching and listening to Sue Green’s excellent Zoom ‘Presentation Hour’ in January on the history of the Wentworth family and the two properties, Wentworth Woodhouse and Wentworth Castle, it reminded me that as a member of our Bu3a Choir and of Thurnscoe Harmonic Male Voice Choir (which, of course, is conducted by Bu3a’s Tony Jermy, accompanied by Bu3a’s superstar pianist, Irene Hill, and has a dozen or so Bu3a Tenors and Basses), I have had the pleasure of singing in both properties. The top photos are of concerts in Wentworth Woodhouse’s ‘Marble Saloon’, described by Sue Green in her talk as the finest Georgian Room in England.

After a concert in Wentworth Castle, THMVC decided that the House and gardens would provide an excellent backdrop for photographs to be used for publicity purposes. A date was arranged and a photographer hired. It was to be on a Sunday and would commence at 11am. I duly made an entry in my diary.

On making the entry, I noticed that I was due to attend the wedding of one of my brother’s many grandchildren on the day before the photo shoot. That would have been no problem except that the wedding was in Chelmsford, Essex and involved an overnight stay. Problem. No doubt the wedding celebrations would go on until the early hours of Sunday and I would have to leave very early on the Sunday morning if I were to make the photo in Barnsley at 11am. No problem. If anyone could do it, I could. Problem. Could I persuade my brother to miss the arranged wedding breakfast? No problem. I would pull rank. After all I am the older brother.

The day arrived and the wedding was a great success, and a good time was had by all. Brother and I retired to our room in a happy state at around 2am. I had arranged an early call and breakfast in our room. All went well and we started our three-hour journey home at around 7am. Fortunately, at that hour on a Sunday morning, the roads and motorways were clear. In the absence of police patrols and with a heavy foot on the accelerator pedal we arrived at my brother’s house in Wath at 10am. I didn’t bother to kiss him goodbye and arrived at my house at 10.15. I had ample time to collect my dress suit and choir uniform and make my way to Stainborough.

On arrival all the choir were already suited and ready for the shoot. I made my way to the changing room and began to put on my dress suit. Horrors! No trousers! I will never forget the looks of amazement when I walked into the main hall dressed perfectly except for the lack of trousers. “I’m ready” I said. Where do I stand? I’ll leave you to guess the answer I received. Here you see two of the day’s photographs. I’m the one standing at the back and hiding up the stairs!

I accidentally rubbed tomato ketchup in my eyes last Monday ……. I know it was

Monday ‘cos I’ve now got Heinzsight.

From our Chris Storey’s ‘Perverted Poems’ Wordsworth’s first ‘go’?

I wandered lonely as a cloud that floats on high o'er vales and hills, They gathered round and spoke aloud

“that poor bloke ain’t taking his pills”. 46

THURSDAYS CHALLENGING WALKS Coordinator: Brian Smyth

April to June (subject to change for Covid-19 restrictions in force) Unless shown differently, all walks start at 10:00. For more walk details contact the Walk Leader. Any changes to walks are circulated via Beacon/Facebook. Date Leader Meeting Place Walking Area Miles

111h Mick Mosforth Langsett Barn car park Little Don river & March Grid Ref. 212 004 Outer Edge 10 w3w - ///warp.steams.professes Ascent – 1410 ft.

8th Dave Allaway Digley Quarry car park Digley, Marsden 9 April Grid Ref. 110 073 Clough, Yateholme

w3w - ///bombshell.careful.galaxies Ascent – 1520 ft. 13th Andy Atkinson Langsett Barn car park Langsett circuit 12 May Grid Ref. 211 004

w3w - ///warp.steams.professes Ascent – 1500 ft.

10th John Sands Dunford Bridge (TPT) car park Three Trigs from 10 June Grid Ref. 158 024 Dunford Bridge

w3w - ///sharpen.brush.rationing Ascent – 1280 ft.

THE HIGH STREET PROJECT Coordinator: Hannah Lucas

What do you remember about Barnsley? Share your memories and make it come alive.

I have been Zooming into interesting national workshops on the HSP Project and would now like your help.

Could you contribute your memories of Barnsley, in the way that Sue Stokes did in her Presentation Hour talk (see p4 of this Buzz) or of your district? Within these memories we are looking for street names, the premises and the year. It can be a brief paragraph. Every contribution will be welcome and appreciated; for example: “I moved to Barnsley in 1985 and on our first weekend we went out for a traditional roast beef Sunday dinner. We went to the Royal Hotel on Church St opposite the Town Hall. I had a window seat looking towards the Town Hall car park - now replaced by the nit comb sculpture and the water jets”.

Suggested topics. 1) Where did you buy your first clothes for work? Street, shop, garment... 2)First pub visited … were you ‘under age’? 3) Favourite café 4) First date and venue 5) Getting home 6)Buying clothes/cosmetics/aftershave for first date 7) Buying first cigarettes 8) Meeting up with friends in town

Other suggestions Strange street/pub/shop names in Barnsley. Truro has Spewguts Alley and Squeeze Guts Alley. Shrewsbury has Grope Alley. Can Barnsley better Castleford’s Tickle Cock Bridge? We do have Mucky Lane in Ardsley!

Send Memories for me via Derek Bacon at ‘The Buzz’, please.

From our Chris Storey’s ‘Perverted Poems’ Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s first ‘go’?

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways ….Mmm.. two hours gone and still not much to say 47

THE JO KASPAREK QUIZ Name the Detective Series and Where it is set.

1 2 3 4

5 6 7 8

9 10 11 12

13 14 15 16

17 18 19 20 48

Bu3a QUIZMASTER EXTRAORDINAIRE - JO KASPAREK

Hi, I’m Jo Kasparek, married to Andy for 46 years and we have lived in Monk Bretton for 40 of them! We met at Leeds Polytechnic whilst taking HND Business Studies.

My working career began at Star Paper Mill on Wakefield Road – now ASDA. Then I moved into paper merchandising, and finally was a Business Papers Sales Representative for Premier Paper.

I retired in 2007 when offered voluntary redundancy (which I snapped up!) and Andy decided to leave his job in printing at the same time. So our new life began with opportunities to travel and take up new activities. We had taken ballroom-dancing classes years before but now began to learn sequence dances. The Bu3a Sequence Dancing Group had moved to Monk Bretton Chapel and we were invited as guests to demonstrate a dance that we had mastered. Four weeks later we were persuaded to become Bu3a members! There’s around 80 of us in the Sequence dancing 1 Group and I know that Derek enjoyed taking this picture of some of us; it was in the Autumn 2019 ‘Buzz’, I think.

Line dancing is another passion of mine and it’s now socially-prescribed by the NHS, as is u3a! When our Monk Bretton line-dancing group went on day trips, the coach journey would be enlivened by playing bingo or a quiz. This was when I began to create my own quizzes for this purpose, and they were also used as fund raisers at Chapel coffee mornings.

We all have nights when we struggle to fall asleep or when we wake up in the early hours. At these times I frequently dream up ideas for quizzes or make mental lists of things that I would like to achieve.

A couple of years ago, Derek Bacon put out a request for items to be included in The Buzz and I tentatively sent him a couple of my quizzes. Now they are a nice (I hope) regular feature for everyone to have a go at.

I would like to say “Thank you” to Barnsley u3a members, to our Committee and to the hardworking teams who do their best to keep us all in touch. We must all use the technology that we have access to, to get through this stressful and difficult time, and then look forward to meeting up with our group members in person, not just by telephone or Facetime – and 3 cheers for The Buzz and ‘Zoom’!

Quizmasters P42 1 Asterix /Nicholas Parsons /Stirling Moss/Gone with the Wind/Ennio Morricone/Frank Bough/Golf/John Le Carre/Geoffrey Palmer/Sean Connery 2 Oboe/Marcel Marceau/Mae West/WW1/Francis Ford Coppola/Oklahoma/Sidney Poitier/Madame Butterfly/W S Gilbert/Sneezy 3 Dorset/Victoria Falls/New York/Aran Islands/Cambodia/Atlantic/Danube/Borneo/12/Hawaii 4 Des O’Connor/Terence Conran/Bobby Ball/Little Richard/Diego Maradona/Barbara Windsor/Kirk Douglas/Tim Brook-Taylor/Honor Blackman/Terry Jones

Detectives P48 1 Maigret Paris 2 Vera Newcastle 3 Morse Oxford 4 Juliet Bravo Lancashire 5 New Tricks London 6 Death in Paradise St Marie, Caribbean Islands 7 Moonlighting Los Angeles 8 Cagney and Lacey New York 9 Dixon of Dock Green London 10 Broadchurch Dorset 11 A Touch of Fr ost Denton, South Midlands 12 Pie in the Sky Hemel Hempstead 13 Hetty Wainthropp Investigates Darwen, Lancashire 14 Dalziel and Pascoe Bir mingham 15 Bergerac Jersey 16 Wycliffe Cornwall 17 Taggart Glasgow 18 Mrs Bradley Mysteries East England 19 Rebus Edinburgh 20 Prime Suspect Liverpool

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YOUR JOKES 2

We ran out of toilet paper last week and had to start using old newspapers. I’m telling you, The Times are rough!

Nail bars, hairdressers, waxing centres and tanning salons are all closed. It’s about to get ugly out there!

You think it’s bad now? In 20 years’ time, the country’s going to be run by kids who were home-schooled by alcoholic grandparents!!!

My mum always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by lying in bed all day. But look at me now! I’m saving the world!

We ran out of toilet paper today and have started using lettuce leaves. This is just the tip of the

iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen!

Before I had surgery, the anaesthetist offered to ‘knock me out’ with gas or a paddle.

It was an ether/oar decision.

I finished Netflix today.

Whose idea was it to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ while washing your hands? Now every time I go to the bathroom, my kids expect me to come out with a cake! After years of wanting to thoroughly clean the house but never having the time, this week I discovered that wasn’t the real reason.

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BARNSLEY & DISTRICT U3A

2021 MEMBERSHIP RENEWALS

FULL DETAILS OF THE TWO RENEWALS OPTIONS WERE E-MAILED/POSTED TO ALL MEMBERS ON FEBRUARY 28TH

1. PAYMENT ONLINE BY BACS (Bankers' Automated Clearing Services)

For those increasing numbers of you who bank online – we can accept payment securely by BACS direct into our Bank Account from 1st April onwards; full details of the account were included in the email letter sent to you on 28th February, 2021. We do not give our bank account details in ‘The Buzz’ because it can be read online worldwide.

USE YOUR NAME AND MEMBERSHIP NUMBER as a reference. Please do not make payment before the 1st April.

2. PAYMENT BY POST

Send a cheque (John MacKinnon’s address is on the February 28th letter) together with the tear-off Renewal Slip confirming your instructions. Cheques should be made payable to BARNSLEY AND DISTRICT U3A and please write your membership number on the back of the cheque.

If convenient, you may send a post-dated cheque (i.e. 1st April) at any time over the forthcoming weeks but please note that it will not be banked prior to 1st April.

BUZZ POSTAGE CHARGE

In response to the pandemic, we are not currently charging for posting your copy of the Buzz. This situation will be kept under review and we will update you with any changes in the forthcoming months.

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We are looking for a member or members to work with Derek with a view to taking over the production of The Buzz in June next year. Full training in person and on Zoom will be given over the next sixteen months when you will have the chance to see how it all works. We have a full distribution system in place and proof readers involved in every edition. But we need a replacement Editor to allow Derek to step into the Chairman’s role in June 2022. This is a fantastic opportunity for anyone interested in developing their editorial skills and leading on the production of the best u3a newsletter around. Please give this some serious consideration. Contact Alan or Derek to find out more.

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‘WINTER LEAVES AND BERRIES’ by ANNE SMITH of ‘BRUSHSTROKES’ 52