Vol. XIX No. 3 Repent, Sinners! The Time of the Squirrel Approaches! October 1, 199
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By Jill Baron ass and keep them there until he says it's okay. We with that?]. Then, switching into bar graph form, were then treated to a view of the model of the last year's and this year's most common under- I sat at the Stony Brook Convocation [held on Wang building in progress on the movie screen. graduate majors, followed by a bar graph of the September 23rd in the Staller Center Recital Hall], You could hear the pride welling in her voice as campus employees, which led to a tirade about this feeling dejected after being booted out of my sec- she pointed out all the nooks and crannies of the year's favorite scapegoat, the Student Activity ond row seat which was "reserved for faculty" and building. I fought the urge to yell out, "If you love Center. walking to the back among the commonfolk. I was it so much, why don't you just live there!" Shirley began her SAC rant by declaring it a "nice the only student in sight, lost in a sea of business Next came the procession of pie graphs. She first place to meet and eat." I nearly guffawed out loud suits and wing-tip shoes. mentioned our high rankings in Money Magazine at that one. Then I rememered who she was talking "So, you're writing an article?" the and U.S. News and to a sea of business suits and wing-tip shoes. Yeah, lady sitting next to me inquired. World Report, citing for you guys it's a swell place to meet and eat. I "Yes," I replied. "For the Statesman?" our $105.3 million in think they should change the name from Student "No, for the Press," I responded research expenditures. Activity Center to Business Suit and Wing-tip Shoe proudly. "Oh," she said, with a look But of course she Clad Center. Shirley absolutely gushes when she of disdain. This exchange made me failed to mention our talks about multi-million dollar projects that are of feel oddly empowered, like I was the honorable ranking in minimal benefit to the students but look really lone warrior fighting a roomful of the Princeton Review good to anyone who doesn't go here. Which brings Agents of The Man. [for those of you who me to the next project that Kenny and Co. has in A few minutes later the lights missed our last issue, store for us-- a 1.4 million dollar bike path! Great, dimmed and we were subjected to a Stony Brook ranked just what this school needs. If anyone knows ten-minute "film" which depicted second in the country where to allocate funding, it's Shirley and her scenes of Stony Brook: a girl doing | Blah, blah, blah-Iblaih-blah, blah, blah. BLAH! Blah, Blah? [ for unhappiest stu- Band of Merry Men. her chemistry homework, people playing volley- dents]. The first pie graph showed the '96-'97 bud- She briefly touched on building renovations, ball, people rehearsing for a play. Other than the get, 52% of which was allotted to health care. Next, promising that all residence halls will be complete- fact that I've never seen anybody doing any of we were treated to a graph of last years' enroll- ly redone in five years, but of course failing to those things, it was total self-promoting fodder. ment, and were informed that, although this years' mention the housing crisis. She did however admit And then came the moment we were all waiting enrollment hadn't yet been put into pie graph that the Heavy Engineering and Humanities build- for: the lights went back up, and out strolled form, it is at a record high, with 17,811 students ings are "woefully needy." Among her other Shirley to a round of applause, all smiles and cheer. total. Then came a pie graph of the geographic dis- promises were that the school's deficit will be cor- She started off by informing us, in her southern tibution of last year's and this year's students [45% rected by the end of the year, and that they will twang, that "big things" happened at Stony Brook of which hail from the city, primarily Queens and stop expanding Administration and get back to the during the '96-'97 school year. She then launched Brooklyn], and a pie graph of the ethnic distribu- "core responsibilities." Well then, if the core into a long and drawn out rant about Charles tion of last years' and this years' students [an responsibilities of a University include bullshit- B.Wang[pronounced "Wong"] and how we should increase in Asian students was evident this year- ting, brown-nosing, and impressing the readership all pull his pants down and plant our lips on his uh, would Charles B. Wang have anything to do of Newsday, carry on.
By Jennifer Hobin agenda packet, and wait in the auditorium for now that I've stated that I would want my club approximately two hours. After our long wait we president to be on time and to listen to me, I can This past weekend the Student Polity Association were treated to a delightful student-produced skit effectively run my organization in a way I never held their annual leadership conclave. The con- about O.J. Simpson. I can't tell you anything else could have before. Of course these qualities are clave, which is designed (theoretically) to train and about this because the skit consisted of about important, but this is not what an inexperienced develop the skills of student leaders throughout twenty volunteers screaming incoherently at each individual running an organization for the first the campus community, was an eighteen hour other on stage. While trying to make a point on... time really needs to hear. How about talking about event taking place on September 19th and 20th. diversity? Polity succeeded only in making already University and Polity rules designed to train stu- While a leadership training program has the annoyed students leave. dents to manage time, program effectively, out- potential to be informative as well as helpful to After the wait, the skit, and a satisfying Polity- reach to their home communities, and register to new and old student leaders, the polity event provided snack, the students broke down into five vote, just to name a few. There were three work- failed at both of these goals. On the contrary, the large groups in order to i...woM ... shops every hour so that each conclave did succeed in wasting the time of begin a two-hour work- organization could learn already busy students, isolating parts of the cam- shop on diversity. The every facet of leadership pus community, and masking a politically-laden workshop, entitled ...... training through it's three agenda. "Facing Our Own :: ...... i ... officers that were required to To begin with, I should state that the Student Prejudices & How to ...... attend. The workshops were Polity Association is, among other things, respon- Overcome Them," :M 0. | not bad in every respect. All sible for overseeing the actions of student-run required that students I: of the workshops that I .. 1.....' :..::::i:::•::' : : organizations ranging from campus newspapers to answer questions about T J attended fostered student the math club. Polity allocates a budget to each of their own socio-econom- | ...... S participation and some of these organizations and has the power to freeze ic status as well as their .. :.:..:::: i:: ...... iIthem were moderately inter- that budget for any infraction of University/Polity first experience with ...... I esting. For example, a work- guidelines (student groups were threatened with a various "isms." As stu- shop on recruitment and budget freeze for not attending the conclave and dents had a new partner with which to discuss retention of members which was led by the USSA for leaving early). each question, the workshop proved to be quite president and SASU vice president was informa- A major issue for students required to attend the interesting. After all, it's not often that one has a tive, helpful, and quite fun (most likely on account conclave was the time commitment; the conclave chance to discuss intimate and even significant of the aforementioned leaders being practiced was an eighteen hour event lasting six hours on feelings with complete strangers. While the work- speakers). This workshop however, is the only one Friday night and twelve on Saturday. shop was probably a new experience for many stu- that proved to be useful. Unfortunately, polity could have achieved its goals dents it wasn't very enlightening. [While we were The "President & Vice President Workshop", led not in two-thirds the time, and the goal of training able to tell each other about our first encounters surprisingly by Polity President and Vice President, leaders in even less. To begin with, the six-hour with homosexuality, and the kid who made fun of reminded me of the Girl Scout meetings I attended in Friday session was useless (that's even relative to us because we didn't have GAP jeans, we weren't fifth grade. The hour was spent listing the qualities the rest of the conclave). At four o'clock on Friday really facing our own prejudice qualities that a that a "good" president or vice president should have afternoon, campus groups dutifully shuffled into "good" president or vice president should have and talking a bit about these qualities. Thanks, now the SAC lobby to sign their names, pick up an and talking a bit about these qualities.] Thanks, that I've stated that I would | please see "Conclave," page8
THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 2 - -slA------sqBliPIT~h--~l~·~··~·~·~~ ~RbR·ll~e~·~bR~a(lWsBs~BIB~LPI~"R·rPbeb~ ISSUES
By: Chris Sorochin Reserve, which sets economic policy, declares that unemployment must not dip below 5.5%! In his youth, Gabriel Torres was a Black Panther On October 15th, NASA plans to launch the But, you stutter, in that disarmingly naive way of and a Young Lord and therefore had many experi- Cassini Probe to take pictures of Saturn and assign yours, aren't they always preaching that all able- ences with the police. Now he's an attorney with the planet's features names like Homer Simpson, bodied adults must work? the Center for Constitutional Rights and head of Dilbert and Stimpy, all at a hefty cost to us taxpay- Yep, they do, but that's only to destroy social pro- their project documenting police brutality. ers. The traditional argument that all this money grams which may be the only thing between poor Speaking before the Five Towns Forumin Hewlett, could be better spent down here is still valid, but individuals and scummy, low-paid jobs. Cheap he related an aanecdote of working as a nightclub the special thing about Cassini is that its explo- labor is the name of the game. You see, if there bouncer with a couple of sadistic psycho head- ration equipment will be powered by 72 pounds of were jobs for everyone, no one would feel obligat- breaders. AfterSleaving the job, he saw them sever- plutonium, the deadliest substance known to ed to take too much crap from their employer and al months late:r. They'd both taken the police test humanity. Scientists estimate that just one pound, could quit without fear of being unemployed, and were aw«aiting results. Torres, went to his evenly distributed in the earth's atmosphere, could Workers would gravitate toward whoever nephews, both NYPD officers and urged them to give everyone on the planet lung cancer. paid/treated them best and employers would tell the Depart ment not to take these two Sunday The Titan 4 rockets carrying Cassini will first be have to compete for the best workers. This scenario editions of baci news. The nephews told him that "slingshotted" around Venus to gain the necessary is the exact antithesis of what the profit junkies the departmen t actually likes to have a few guys momentum to make it all the way out to Saturn. crave. They'd much rather a "tight" job market in like that on thie force, something about it being This poisoned missile will then overfly the earth at which everyone has to buckle down and accept good for "mor;ale," as if the police force were Paul a distance of a mere 312 miles. This is when there whatever crumbs they toss at us for fear of being Newman's ho(ckey team in need of the Hanson will be a great danger of some sort of mishap thrown to the wolves. Brothers. T I ,ti '1- lieliT rnom which could turn a large section of our imperfect 11 y jUI v. tL. UCII. C^'iiI.v t J11LVm, Gabriel Torres can becontacted at but unique world into a radioactive sewer for eons follow Wall St. When people the CCR Police Brutality Hotline, to come. For pure gallows humour, see NASA's are downsized for profits, (800) 764-0235 or at the CCR itself: Final Environmental Impact Statement, then try to the market loves it, and (212) 614-6464. The Center is also imagine them realistically attempting to clean up soars to new heights, but let running a "Copwatch" program whatever cataclysmic mess they've brought down the jobless rate go too low- to keep tabs on officers with a his- upon us. -something most of us tory of brutality. For example, a launching mishap could necessi- would consider good Follow up: A letter in the Port tate evacuation of the entire state of Florida and news-and the Canyons are Times Record of September 18 is removal of all the topsoil therein. glum indeed. Not good for from a local couple who recount Opponents of Cassini like Karl Grossman, inves- investor confidence, old how their daughter, who works at tigative reporter and author of The Wrong Stuff: sport. a local family-owned store was The Space Programs Nuclear Threat to Our Planet, and Greenspan and Friends say -I slimmed by Suffolk County's _ - __' 1 he Cassin FProbe renowned physicist Michio Kaku say that Cassini that higher wages lead to Morality Patrol. It seems that one is just the icebreaker for the eventual deployment higher prices and a carnival ride called the evening at clossing time, as she was busy cleaning of nuclear weapons after we wasted $3 billion of Inflationary Spiral. Rubbish, I say. CEO salaries are up and in a huirry to get out, a young woman came Reagans's Star Wars fantasy and the utilization of skyrocketing madly, as are profits and stockholder in to buy a six-pack. The first girl did her duty as outer space as a dumping ground for the tons of dividends. None of these capitalist soothsayers an involuntaryTarm of the state and asked for two nuclear waste none of the great minds knows quite ever cry "inflation" when more and more of what forms of ID. I[he other girl produced them, but how to get rid of. "We don't know what's out is paid for a product or service goes to these bot- kept distractir ig her with idle chatter. The cards there, but lets trash it anyway." tomless pits of avarice. Wages can go up without seemed OK anLd she was ringing up the sale when President Clinton can order Cassini postponed raising prices if the capitalists will just TAKE LESS who should pc)p in, like the relatives no one wants until safer power sources are found. Many scien- for their greedy little selves. Do without one of the to sit next to atSThanksgiving dinner, but an under- tists claim that solar power, already used in such mansions or don't have the yacht refurbished this cover officer. undertakings, is feasible. Call the White House year. It really won't kill you, I promise. The clerk aind owner were convinced that they comment line (202-456-1111) and demand that this That, in a gilded nutshell, is why all working peo- has conscientiously collaborated, but no. 9/8/97 project not go forward. The proba- ple should call their representatives and express looks a lot like 8/9/97, especially when you're in a Strangelovian me professional ratfink is bending bility for error is one in 76, not much of a long shot. support for the Martinez Job Creation Bill. It's also hurry and soi e can make her "collar" for the night. This also violates international treaties against the why, if the media do deign to note, it'll be roundly your ear so sh, )f the clerks wonder why county pollution of outer space. condemned by a legion of bought-and-paid-for The parents ( ing spent to harass county residents Saturn will be around for a while, but our earth "experts." After the UPS victory, I'm expecting an monies are bei ; their best to comply with the law. may not be if any sort of Challenger-type accident anti-labor backlash any day now. What form it will who are doing wns are all the rage these days, occurs. take is yet to be seen, but the purpose will be to Since crackdo ne should call whoever is in charge Much unreported in the media was the atmos- divide people and demonize anyone who comes maybe someoi wn on police entrapment. Or how pheric disintegration earlier this year of a Russian out against the cult of economic human sacrifice of cracking dc tersting" operation in which decoys space probe carrying nuclear components over I've described above. Much of the UPS coverage about a "coun y into the hands of these vampires parts of Chile, Bolivia and the Pacific. At first, it was the traditional aren't-these-selfish-strikers- appear to pla. zzam" out of the display case, a civil was expected to happen over Australia and a state causing-us-just-so-much-inconvenience screed, and then "Shad materializes with a camcorder and a of emergency was declared. Clinton was on the but it didn't work. Lots of people now realize rights lawyer phone daily with the Australian prime minister they're in the same two-tiered, part-time, down- wooden stake. when a country of white, English-speaking people sized boat, destination nowhere, and maybe don't In St. Louis last month, a deranged man killed a was in danger. No such concern was lavished on think the inconvenience is worth it in the long run. woman and thien himself. Ho-hum. But this tale of the South American countries that actually did Race is always a handy dividing wedge, but more tabloid terror has a twist: several days before, a have the grim honor of being the final resting place likely the alleged financial improprieties of psychotherapist recommended that the man be of Mars 96. Apparently brown-skinned people Teamster President Ron Carey will be the next hospitalized due to his suicidal tendencies. don't rate the same level of concern. focus of corporate smear. However, he was refused admission to St. John's Also missing from media attention has been HR My friend Bill is visiting from Tokyo, where he Mercy Medic-al Center because his insurance 950, sponsored by Congressman Matthew teaches English. On a recent bender, he told me would not covrer expenses. Managed care at work Martinez. The bill would create decent paying jobs that all Japan is still abuzz over my karaoke ver- again. Someoine should compile statistics of how year because they don't for those who need them, repairing this country's sion of "You're So Vain" from my last visit and many people die each decaying and neglecting public infrastructure. when I prodded him on politics, he spewed this have the money or coverage to go to a hospital. Makes great sense, right? Well, maybe to unso- timely message for the US government: "Suck me. Unless I'm ho.spitalized for my own protection, I'll phisticated peons it does, but to the grand exalted I ain't payin' for your stinkin' missiles." Working be back to furlther prick (huh-huh, he said "prick") mystic gurus of the shell game of supply-side eco- overseas, he doesn't pay US taxes and so can your consciou sness next time. By my calculations, nomics, it couldn't be more wrong. Alan snooze easy in his futon that his hard-earned yen we still have ait least one more issue before Cassini Greenspan (Boo! Hiss!) high priest of the Federal don't contribute to the culture of death. makes us all aglow.
OCTOBER 1, 1997 PAGE 3 IIKAI c1.1 c7
We called it, kids. About a year ago, we did possible thing their bottom-line conscious an in-depth examination of Aramark's poli- thieverous corporate brains could come up cies regarding the then-new meal plan, the with to cut costs and services and product? "Advantage Plan." We examined how much They lied to you, they're stealing from you, food cost the average meal plan customer and they're getting away with it. From every versus how much Aramark said it cost. They lunch hour at the SAC where students aren't touted the new meal plan as the ability to get allowed to use their meal cards (don't be more for our money. We were getting an fooled kids, it's only because they know that "Advantage ," they insisted. Sure, we paid students on meal plan during lunch at the $1050 to get $360 in Advantage dollars, but SAC would clog the place, and that would we'd be able to see the savings by the end of upset the faculty and staff-the SAC's real the semester. clientele) to every time you go into the Deli Is it any surprise that it was all a smoke- to buy a cup of soda and find out the and-mirrors lie? Is it any surprise that we're machine is "out of order," forcing you to buy paying more for food this semester than we the more expensive, pre-bottled sodas, did last semester? Is it any surprise that Aramark is stealing from you. Papa Joe's is now open only four hours a They are liars, they are thieves, and they've day? Is it any surprise Humanities Cafe is got to go. only open four hours a day? Is it any sur- We hired them, we can fire them. Go to prise that the people who were employed Polity and start an initiative to have the food last year to make your sandwiches at service provider replaced. They've breached Humanities Cafe have now been replaced by their contract with the school-that's grounds pre-packaged ham in plastic containers? Is it for terminating the contract. Don't be any surprise that Aramark has done every chumps, it's time for some payback. LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
You Think You're Above The Law? only charging those who use the bus, they are charg- Dear SB Press ing everyone, whether you use the bus or not! And to I've been a dedicated reader of the Press for 3 years. make it more evil and twisted, rather than just the $20 Enchanted withyour ability in muckraking, I present bus fee, by 1999 it will be $40!!! That much money for you with this situation which I eyewitnessed on the a transportation fee! So you can park in the boon morning of Wednesday, September 15. I live in the docks (if you're a commuter), and worry about your Chapin Apartments. On MWF morning, I always wait car, then hop on the dilapidated bus with the drivers for the school bus at the Chapin bus stop so I can get who actually read while driving (YES, I've seen it!). to my classes. This stop also serves as a bus stop for Oh boy this sucks. the little school children who live in Chapin. Sincerely, Everyday, at 8 am, the yellow school bus comes and (Another unhappy student) Irene Phipps takes these children to school. These kids are about 6 years old. So, this morning, like every morning, the Duh, Like People Who Ain't bus came and the children rushed to get onto the bus. Handicapped and Park in Handicapped The stop sign popped out of the bus and every car Spots Are Like Big A**holes. stopped for the school children with the exception of Dear Press, the CAMPUS POLICE CAR. It just sped right by. So, I am a senior finishing my BA in Sociology., I have this brings up two issues. Was there such an emer- only four classes left, but couldn't get a Tuesday - gency that the cop inside the car could not wait until Thursday schedule to accommodate all of them. So the school bus leaves? I think that there is always a here I am five days a week, between the hours of 2 possibility that a kid can run out into the street and and 7. Recently I have noticed a seeming increase in get hit by a car. That's why this law was designed in the number of blue lines around parking spaces any the first place. Second, if there was no emergency (I reasonable distance away from buildings which hold assume there wasn't, there were no sirens) are the classes. USB police above the law? Not only when it comes to One of my classes is in Heavy Engineering, so one N.N.-E. R- things like traffic laws; but when it might actually day, when I was late, I found one spot with no sign, NAýIPUS CALTERNATIVE; come to laws of community relations. line, meter or other painful restrictions, at the tail end JOILY'RNALIS'NIANVýkRDS At this point, the issue seems to be, are cops above of the old Engineering loop. I noticed eight or so blue the law in our community. I am not sure what can be spots filled with cars, all with the appropriate permits * RUNNER-UP: done but certainly, awareness may be raised. and one plain section of curb just for me. I jumped on Respectfully, it, went to Soc 362 and on my way back, as classes BEST ALTERNATIVE J.L. were breaking,while sitting in my car, relived I hadn't gotten a ticket just out of spite, these two, very PUBLICATION Round and Around and Around We Go, healthy looking guys stroll right past me and into a The Bus Is Goin' Mighty Slow... car with a little wheelchair sticker hanging from the *BEST SENSE OF HUMOR Dear Editors, rear view. And I thought I was the smart one. (SECOND CONSECUTIVE YEAR) Once again, I believe we have been snowballed! The I have to admit, my first inclination was to be self- university is so easily apt to claim that bus service is ishly concerned about my own difficulty finding a *HONORABLE MENTION: free. Did anyone read the fine print? Now, instead of place not so far as to run the continued on next page REPORTING
THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 4 ---CI· L- ~- -~- --a~L---~·C-~PI···.B~··IIDC~·IDg·C ______~--· __I_ ·~-·L·-·pllPn~-·a~l~L~·~·~·PBUilrrY~m~* LETTERS TO THE EDITOR- Icontinued from previous page risk of a having on DNA than on molecules of water: the subject Dick's house in 1970s are good examples), some heart attack while jogging to get to class on time. is simply much larger. Of course, what committed suicide, some died drunkard's death Ok, so I'm an out of shape A** hole. However American history is Ms. Rosenow talks about? (Kerouac), some went into a long exile (WSB), the more I thought of it, the more pissed I got. I She mentions the Civil War; that indicates that some went into hiding (Pynchon), and the rest really don't mind getting a good spot about as she regards only the last few centuries as the sought refuge in drinking and drugs -not a bad often as the Mets win the pennant, but when American history. Even then, I would bet her thing in itself, but very indicative of the state of people in the same group as myself take a priv- knowledge is less than brilliant. Does she know, mind of really educated and refined people in ilege reserved for others who truly need it, I feel for instance, that the so-called American revolu- this Land Of Eternal Happiness And Truthful angry at them and at a state policy which, tion, or liberation from the British rule, was Television. according to the Disabled Students Services, largely financed and supported by the French Finally, Ms. Rosenow's article enabled me to offers no dependable recourse to regulate, or monarchy, the same one which was so glorious- solve a long-standing puzzle concerning her even accurately monitor the number of ly overthrown about a decade later and which writings. In her earlier work in "The Press", she scofflaws abusing the system. was characterized by its own historians as the earned world-wide reputation for mentioning After being assured that I was probably over- most backward absolutism in the civilized Adolf Hitler in almost any article she wrote. I stating the size of the problem, ( and I also admit world? Does she really know where so-called had several theories on the origin of that obses- I could be) I remembered talking to a campus heroes of the revolution, like Lafayette or John sion, and after her latest paper, I think I've found police officer who felt the way I did and rough- Paul Jones, came from? And, when you ask the correct explanation. Ms. Rosenow and similar ly estimated that 25% of the permits were prob- average American student whether he/she "patriots" are filled with admiration and grati- ably bogus. Obviously, there's no way to know knows that British have burnt Washington in the tude for Hitler, since ONLY DESTRUCTION without actually checking, however it's illegal or 1812 war, the answer would most probably be AND TERROR WHICH HE BROUGHT TO politically incorrect (or evil, or something like something like proverbial "I knew that they've EUROPE, AND HIS PERSECUTION OF JEWS that) to walk up and ask someone "are you real- burnt Joan of Arc, but didn't know they've burnt AND THEIR MASS MIGRATION TO UNITED ly disabled?" Even still, there were a certain HIM!" STATES, ENABLED THIS COUNTRY TO amount people caught last year (I think the Want some more recent examples? "Why isn't BECOME A WORLD POWER. Lookat biogra- woman at DSS said about 50). Unfortunately, the terrible history of U.S. intervention in phies of the greatest brains of this country in all finding out by using a better screening method, Central America and the Caribbean a staple of fields of creative activity: from Einstein to Kurt which would most likely benefit disabled stu- the curriculum, so that everyone learns, for Weill. Read books (you won't hear that on tele- dents, doesn't have too muich support because of example, that there are people living under con- vision) on the making of US nuclear and hydro- the apparent inflexibility of a State bureaucracy ditions of virtual slavery in Guatemala because gen bombs. And other WWII immigrants or cap- designed to protect itself against any potential land reform was stopped by a CIA coup in 1954, tives: remember von Braun and others who law suits like the ones that would be brought and subsequent interventions under Kennedy enabled American space program and flight to about by a revision of the registration process, or and Johnson helped maintain a terror-and-tor- the Moon. Really, Ms. Rosenow, it would be con- an idealistic attempt to narrow the definition of ture state with few counterparts in the modern sequent enough for you, and similar bogus "handicapped" in order to preclude some peo- world?" (Prof. Noam Chomsky). patriots, to establish a fund for building a mon- ple from taking advantage of our sympathy and Of course, there is some serious American his- ument of the German tyrant in front of the SAC consideration. tory which is maybe longer than history of any together with some patriotic inscription (like I have seen more than one instance of this kind fence or church in Europe (which is not the case that with which you finished your crappy arti- of crap going on on campus, and all I want to say with the history of the U.S.), that is, the history cle). to the people doing it is: "get off your low life of Native Americans, but this is probably too asses and walk like the rest of us." sordid a subject for such a fervent patriot like Sincerely, Sincerely, Ms. Rosenow to mention. I would, in fact, be Milan M. Cirkovic Douglas Broccone delighted to see Ms. Rosenow writing on Native graduate student, Dept. of Physics & Astronomy American culture; that would be fun! Probably Eurotrash Unrealities we would be able to learn that Indian nations The Author Responds: I am honored that you arefollowing me so loyally. To the Editor: were exterminated and fascist FBI expeditions Had I no knowledge about the periods of history you In otherwise great last issue of "The Press", one sent against them because they smoked without so fervently mentioned, perhaps I would be insulted. could withstand even Ms. Heather Rosenow's permission, lit open fires in natural environment However, I do know much about both European and Return to the Dark Side of journalism, if not thus endangering state/federal property, and American history. I grew up with both. I am also a only for such funny seriousness of her newest did not file resident tax forms on time. strong critic of the domestic and foreign policies, both brainchild. Since the golden age in which Ms. Speaking about culture, yeah, I am quite a past and present, of the United States. I studied law Rosenow's therapist hasn't recommended treat- mediocre European, and I do recognize late and politics in Europe and am well aware of points of ing deep personal problems through patriotic William S. Burroughs as the greatest writer of view which not only differ from, but are quite the exhibitionism seems long gone, I feel free to sug- second half of this century, and Thomas opposite of the average American's. Quite frankly, I gest some other solutions. Pynchon and Phil K. Dick as almost equal to didn't think anyone would take that article seriously. To spare the readers further torture of even him, and I do have appreciation for works of be satire, obviously a failed being reminded of the great achievements of Frost, Robertson, Lou Reed and Kurt Cobain - The end was meant to but that it was. In thefuture blatantly ignorant pseudo-journalism of the just to mention few of my favorite artists. But, as attempt in your opinion, from my writings if they upset author of "Eurotrash Realities," I would mention I also noticed, almost none of them lived normal try to detach yourself cannot be healthy. So my just a few points. Ms. Rosenow says that people and happy life in the US: the majority were per- you so much. Such a temper look forward to more of your in Europe know less about American history secuted this way or the other (Allen Ginsberg's little friend, farewell. I than vice versa. Even if not just wishful thinking FBI dossier which you can see at hate mail. (which the statement in fact is), that is like pon- http://www.english.upenn.edu/ afilreis/50s/ dering how dare scientists to know more facts ginsberg-fbi.html, or bombing of Philip K. AM^ B F'4 A 17:alh ~ ··------cB~ I ~-~CL~R~*- -- l--T ISSUES Sj NOTES FROM Village of the D-al)Ded: COMMUTER HELL By Anne Ruggiero tions, as they conduct the most publicized research lounge provides students with a comfortable atmos- and reflect the University to the community. This phere in which to study and socialize, and the CSR I know every traffic light on Route 347. The pat- esteemed echelon is rewarded with perks such as newsletter, The Roads Scholar, keeps the commuters tern of trees on the Northern State are ingrained staff parking permits and nicer housing. informed. But none of these improvements get to into my memory. I can tell you exactly how many The next level on the Stony Brook social scale are the core of the commuter's blight. pot holes mar Stony Brook Road. I live in fear of lit- the resident students, whom most of the campus Why must we have buses at all? Is erecting a com- tle yellow envelopes tucked under my windshield activities are geared towards. The aforementioned muter parking garage on the site of the bus loop such wipers. I am a commuter. This is my story. common bond (or school spirit, if you will), allows an impossible proposal? We could get the money Stony Brook has an unusually large commuter dormers to make closer campus friends. The forest- from a generous philanthropist, a la Charles Wang. population. Nearly thirty-five percent of the stu- ed acreage spotted with the occasional concrete (For the 25 million dollars, we could have built a dent body does the daily trek to our hallowed halls architectural disturbance is earmarked as their terri- garage to satisfy a student need, but instead, we get of academia. Commuter students experience com- tory. It is their home, we commuters merely trespass an Asian American center. (Way to prioritize, pletely different aspects of campus life than do here as we run through our daily routine. Therefore, Shirley.) their resident counterparts. Students who travel resident students hold claim to the campus. It's Let's assume that the administration can't get it home nightly often miss out on the camaraderie theirs, and things here are done their way. together to build a parking garage. Is Stony Brook which results from being trapped, week in and So, that leaves the lonely commuter, solemnly so far removed from egalitarian society that we week out, in this concrete jungle. Let's face it-- motoring in and out of that vast wasteland we call have to have a single social class carrying the bur- dorm residents share a common bond of traumatic "South P", uniformly bundled together, shielding den of limited parking spaces? Last time I checked, experience (not unlike shell-shocked war veterans, each other from the bitter cold as we wait helpless- one didn't lose the ability to board a bus with the or plane crash survivors), clinging to each other in ly on a winter's day for the commuter bus, walking acceptance of a Ph.D. Why is it only the students mutual understanding of their pain. Non-resident in to class late because, although the actual commute who have to park in South P? Instead of staff lots, students are out of the loop, excluded by their only took ten minutes, it took twenty to find a park- why can't we have a first come first serve basis for ignorance of dormitory life. Commuters, however, ing spot. The commuter has few friends. I'm not parking spots? And I know (all too well) that the have their own beef with the University, and their writing about the few souls one might meet in the traffic office will start to whine about how "you problems can seem even more frustrating and commuter lounge. I mean that the commuter stu- wouldn't get ticketed if you parked in the right hopeless because of their isolation. Several stu- dent woes are placed strategically on the bottom of spot." But the situation remains that the parking dents who have made the leap from commuter to the Administration "to do" list, with no advocate to on campus is hardly equal or convenient and resident (and then back again) have marveled amend the situation. The Student Polity Association there's no reason for students to stand for it. I'd about the convenience of living on campus. Sure is relatively unconcerned with this percentage of the like to see Arthur Shwertzer waiting in line for a the dorms are dank and drab, the neighbors are student body and worst of all, the commuters them- commuter bus every morning, since he insists that weird (see the article on "Goon Watch"), and the selves are not united. A commuter spends his few there is nothing wrong with South P. There's no food is of questionable quality (Taco Bell and hours on campus in class or in the library cramming excuse for the system now in operation. It is unfair, Burger King are not exactly fine cuisine), but at as much schoolwork in as possible before leaving discriminative, and takes advantage of students. least the resident student doesn't have to leave campus. There is no unity, we simply and quietly Unfortunately, the Commuter Student home an hour and a half before class begins, stay schlep ourselves back and forth as the lowest form of Association could not be reached for comment. awake through rush hour traffic, and fight for campus life. We are taken advantage of. The CSA is a valuable resource to the community, parking every day. The Commuter Student Association is a board of if they could only be more vocal with the On this campus, there is a distinct hierarchical staff and students designed to represent the com- Administration on the more pressing issues. Until social regime. The caste system is unvoiced, but muter population, and although the tone of this arti- then, I will ride the bus to my car, maneuver the understood, and is reinforced by the practices of cle is cynical, the CSR does do a relatively good job, pot holed-streets of Stony Brook campus, and turn the administration and student government. As far more so this year than in the past. But they tend to onto Nicholl's Road to drive away in to the sunset, as students are concerned, graduate students and skirt the issues. Better buses with cleaner interiors only to do it all again tomorrow. teaching assistants hold the most prestigious posi- that run more frequently than they used to, a new "Is c) By Jennifer Choy mic buildings and the roads that divide or lead to part caused the bottle to fall onto the floor under- these buildings. Here is the usual and typical situa- neath someone's seat. Naturally, out of a desire to What is the point of caring for the environment? tion: most of the grassy area looks pretty nice (and look like what he thinks is cool, out of a want to How do you benefit from expending the extra ener- is probably well-coated with pesticides as well), appear transcendent of responsibility, he proceeded gy that you could be using for lounging around in and then one's eyes come to look upon this one foot to make an aloof laugh and merely ignored it. Gee, front of your TV just to travel down five flights of wide and however long strip of grass that is com- he didn't win me over. stairs to place an empty Snapple bottle in a recycle pletely brown and pressed sadly to the ground like Think about it guys, there has to be something bin? Whatis so important about having trees in the someone's wet hair. These are the sorry remnants of wrong with a school or a college that doesn't have Kelly Quad? But what's so bad about caring? people's hurrying, lazy, and/or uncompassionate an active, or even available, environmental club! People like to be described as nice, caring, loving, feet. Let me also add the adjective conformist, Come one, that idea is scary! There is an active envi- and compassionate. They will keep the door open because everybody else does it when they see ronmental club in the high school I went to, and hey, for you; they'll tell you what the professor just said, everybody and anybody doing it. we, the club members, voluntarily placed the after you missed it because you were half asleep a Of course, then there are people who want to do responsibility upon ourselves to weekly pick up the minute ago; they'll lend you a pen; they'll let you a good deed, or minimalisticly speaking, were paper in all rooms with recycling bins and place use their phones; they'll tell you that everything taught to do things a certain way since their youths, them in the large rolling recycling bins for the paper will be okay even when they have absolutely no and intended to throw their garbage in the right company to pick up. We regularly went to clean up evidence to allow them to be so reassuring. But places and recycle their paper instead of making the pond that we adopted; we collaborated an Earth they will throw up a crumpled piece of paper, kick that terribly cringe-inducing sound by crumpling Day event each year and invited speakers from var- it as it is falling, watch it helplessly fall prostrate it, but are too shy or embarrassed to show society ious organizations. I came here thinking that the sit- onto an initially clean ground, and triumphantly that they care. For example, just yesterday, Friday, uation here would be even better. But no. There are revel in successfully littering in what they think is a there was a guy sitting on my right in my philoso- no recycling receptacles in classrooms. The recy- stylish way. I witnessed this with an aggravated phy class. He had just finished drinking something, cling bins in residence buildings are located in areas mind while I noticed that there was a yielding trash crumpled the bottle a little (Why do people do that? that require one to search for or are found in one can only a few feet away, right in front of this per- I'm sure they aren't thinking along the lines of a dark, secluded area, where people on the third floor son's face. He did that when he was talking to me. more compact bag of garbage though, life can't be don't even fathom going near. Some areas on cam- I figured that maybe he just wanted to impress me. that good.), and placed it onto an empty seat next to pus are used as areas to freely litter in. There are He failed. him, on top of his bag, probably with intentions to trails of dead, brown, and flattened grass in the mid- Then one should take some good looks at the beds throw it away after class. Well, at some point dur- dles of what should be entirely green beds of grass. of grass that have been placed between the acade- ing the class, a little too much movement on his All right, so for please see "Action" on page 22 THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 6 g ___, _I-I~-·p~-·-~L.L--- C--- ~PI-·IC --~P---C~7L~----L-P ~83%IPB~·~li·B~slll~·~-- ·I~a~-~-asl s·P- ~B~a~--~-~- --~-· - ISSUES Whats This Recycling Garbage, Keosabe? By Terry McLaren food, and more importantly my soda bottles and to a Student Manager and in turn to two Assistant cans, after it was magically whisked away by the Managers. To their credit, they were very polite Since I came to Stony Brook a long three years conveyor belt in the dining hall. when they informed me that Aramark was doing ago, the University has made great progress in its You see, the SAC has no garbage cans in the eat- no recycling as of now. Unlike the quads, the SAC slow emergence from the environmental Dark ing area so a customer has little choice about what doesn't have a recyclables dumpster, so the bottles Ages. I used to wonder why there weren't any cool happens to his or her trash. You just sort of send it and cans will continue to be trashed until such blue garbage cans for recyclables like I'd seen at on its merry way and hope your stuff's getting dis- time as a dumpster is obtained. I figured that was other schools. Now we, the students, are the proud posed of properly. At least that's what I hoped an easily solved problem, the staff would just have when I watched my recy- to start separating the useful stuff from the owners of said cute blue cans. Much -^i to my annoyance, those cans I "i clables be motored off. garbage once they got a dumpster. Things got hoped, prayed and worked for are "They've got be recycling in even more bizarre and frustrating when I found often full of normal garbage, compli- there." The SAC sells hun- out that the cans and bottles in question were ments of people who are obviously dreds of bottles and cans of already being separated (since they can't go into color blind and in need of a remedi- soda a day. Most people buy- the food pulper) but were then being thrown away al reading class. But hey, at least ing food there stay to eat it, with the rest of the garbage anyway! I was they're there to be contaminated. hence using the lovely con- referred to a higher up in the organization if I Their contents might also occasion- veyor belt garbage system. wanted to give them any information that might ally be recyclable and recycled. My The Union Deli sells more help them solve this problem. I was thinking other environmental Christmas than its share of bottled and "Aren't you getting paid to resolve student com- wish was for dorm recycling. What canned soda too, but to peo- plaints? Why should I share the secret'to getting a do you know, we now have that, too ple who are running to and dumpster?" (incidentally, Jim Fabian in Central fr-v Anocl Thkn dInI'cli' xTr the dorms with them.) The (to a point.) i nose burguncy cump- orm ciassO. Le e s recL jy- Stores helped provide sters in every quad are for metals, plastics and cling of the containers is sensibly through the blue manager I was referred to wasn't available at the glass. So the Administration gets a pat on the back trashcans which you have to pass when leaving the time and I was rather booked for the next day, so I for doing something helpful for the campus com- Union anyway. had to leave my griping at that for now. I will not munity and the world. Aramark, on the other Since the SAC opened I've been going on faith let this matter rest though. If students bother to hand, makes me want to weep. that my bottles and cans were just as safe as if I'd recycle on this campus, why shouldn't Aramark? Our friendly food service corporation has finally recycled them myself. I figured somewhere in that Especially if the stuff is already being separated, it gotten rid of those wasteful plastic clamshell con- back kitchen-type area, little recycling elves were would involve no extra work. A private company tainers they used for takeout food. Yippee! industriously sorting garbage and throwing the takes the campus recyclables away. Aramark However, a quick trip to the SAC confirmed my appropriate stuff into recycling bins. Silly me. Last could easily get in touch with them and make worries that there was much more nagging to be week, I decided to find out what really happened appropriate plans for the SAC. done. I'd always wondered what happened to my to my and everyone else's recyclable stuff. I spoke T RI.-S -I Daniel Yohannes we do in the territories is create, every week, a few ernment of their own, and a stable future to reflect more potential kamikazes. They are our mirror." their several thousand year heritage. Through ter- As students in an isolated campus, we are These powerful words come from a woman rorism, peace negotiations, worldwide support for detached from the "normal" goings on of the US. whose family has a history of promoting peace. their cause, and a will to survive, the Israelis have As Americans, we tend to be detached from the But the words are also painful to read. Are they achieved their goal. Until now, their progress has goings on of the world. We tend to think of ours as true? Fact: the family home of a terrorist is legally come at the expense of the Palestinians. the "climax culture" of the world. If we are the razed as a response to a terrorist act. So, if I were a Furthermore, there are some Israelis who believe best, we say a lot about the rest (not the best). Well, terrorist in Palestine, and I blew myself up, my that the world will lose nothing if Palestine is swal- with the all but forgotten bombings at the World family's home would be destroyed. Fact: Israel lowed by Israel. Trade Center (WTC) and the Federal building in often closes its border with Palestine in response to Americans blindly support Israel. If they contin- Oklahoma, and the sieges at Waco and Ruby terrorism and non-compliance with Israeli ue to do so a great injustice will transpire. Ridge, we were initiated into a world reality. That demands. The effect is that thousands of Criminal acts, murder, terror, war, racism, have all reality is terrorism, the last resort of the unheard Palestinians who work in Israel, cannot work and been committed by both sides during the long his- and forgotten minorities. support their families. Conversely, a Palestinian at tory of this conflict. No one is innocent and every- Some examples of this reality are the conflicts in work in Israel cannot return home to his/her fam- one has blood on their hands. I cannot say one peo- Great Britain, Israel, France, Algeria, East Timor, ily. Fact: One of the resolutions of the Oslo Accords ple is more innocent than the other. But Israel is Mexico and countless other countries in the world. provides that, as a separate governmental entity, beginning to act as an aggressor. America's blind We can now include the US in this fraternity. But, the Palestinian Authority can levy and collect taxes support, and the billion dollars of foreign aid we unlike the rest of the world, I would prefer not to on imports and exports. Unfortunately, most of the give to Israel, must be curtailed. focus on the US. imports and exports pass through Israel, and it is A woman named Nurit Peled-Elchanan was in fact Israel that collects these taxes. Israel agreed Part 1 of many recently quoted in the InternationalHerald Tribune. to transfer collected moneys to Palestine. But, in She is the mother of a 14 year old Israeli girl killed response to recent perceived shortcomings in the by the triple suicide bombing that occurred in a intensity of Palestinian anti-terrorist activities, pedestrian mall in West Jerusalem on Sept. 4. She Israel cut off these payments for a Significant said of the event: amount of time ( they have since resumed partial "These attacks are the direct consequence of the payments). But, without the money (a significant oppression, slavery, humiliation, and state of siege portion of the annual Palestinian budget), how can imposed by Israel on the Palestinian people...These anti-terrorist, social, educational, and defense pro- attacks are the response to our attacks. On this I grams continue? have no doubt: They are the fruit of despair and Before there was an Israel or Palestine, there was the direct result of what we Israelis have done in a British colony. The peace plan that is yet to be the territories. This government does all it can to fully implemented is actually over fifty years old. destroy peace...I don't have any particular criticism When the British left, it was the Israelis who were of the Hamas terrorists; we created them. On the the terrorists. It was the Israelis who were fighting Palestinian side, there's not a family that hasn't for a tiny piece of desert of their own. It was the been touched by the death that Israel spreads. All Israelis who were looking for a safe home, a gov- -I --I -----"^"-"~~~~^""~"''~.~~-~-~cs"~~"l~ll~-·r~-~a~-L-L~ ISSUES...-- A__ 11 OV a HEN ,,01-1-G S' P I] By Norman Solomon shown themselves fully capable of ignoring - or promptable masses the appropriate "reaction" to even celebrating - the deaths of many people. events." For several weeks now, a variety of news outlets In 1991, when U.S. bombs killed "enemy" soldiers With like-minded indignation, Charles have commented on the startling importance of and civilians, the American news media rejoiced. Krauthammer filled the last page of the Sept. 22nd emotions. The death of Princess Diana set off an At the end of the slaughter known as the Gulf War, Time with an attack on "the psychic pleasures of explosion that jolted many reporters into proclaim- the Pentagon quietly estimated that 200,000 Iraqi mass frenzy and wallow." He complained: "The ing that human feelings matter.- lot. people had died as a result of America's firepower. public's surrender of its sensibilities and concerns "As a journalist, I've long avoided feelings," news Not a faint breeze of concern blew through U.S. to mass media was never more evident than dur- analyst Daniel Schorr confessed to National Public mass media. ing the Diana convulsion." Radio listeners in mid-September. "Iused to consid- Dan Rather - who was to join with other TV news But none of these pundits -- Will or Krauthammer er thoughts important and feelings irrelevant. No anchors in protracted tribute to Princess Diana a or for that matter Daniel Schorr -- could be heard longer. Gradually, it's been brought home to me that half-dozen years later - went on CBS at the close of sounding the alarm when media hysteria ignited feelings may have more validity than opinions." February 1991 to warmly shake the hand of a U.S. "patriotic" passion in early 1991. On the contrary, Kept under wraps or unleashed, feelings have general and declare: "Congratulations on a job by the time the first missile barrage hit Baghdad, always made a big difference. The problem is that wonderfully done!" On highbrow NPR, which they were among the many journalists pounding emotional reactions -whether masked by cerebral seemed to stand for "National Pentagon Radio" the war drums and screaming for blood. essays or stoked by TV news -- don't guarantee us during the war, the enthusiasm for the killing was Joseph Stalin would have understood. "The death anything. Fervent pleas can make a case for com- similarly palpable. of one man is a tragedy," he reportedly said at passion or cruelty. So can reasoned arguments. As this fall gets underway, a backlash is coming Potsdam in 1945. "The death of millions is a statis- The key issue is not whether feelings matter. from big-name pundits who bemoan the media tic." (They do.) Or whether they should. (They always response to Diana's death. The glossy news week- Journalists have a responsibility to disprove will.) The deeper questions about news media lies have had the best of both worlds, pumping up Stalin's horrible quip. That would require going revolve around which feelings matter - and whose. the media furor over her death and then decrying beyond comfortable biases and striving to treat all When the focus is on tragic events, media it. human life as precious. accounts seem to zigzag between pallid facts and In Newsweek's Sept. 15th issue, George Will Dylan Thomas, the poetic prince of Wales, easy sentimentality. denounced the media coverage as "a spectacle both advised us to "Rage, rage against the dying of the Michael Herr, a journalist who covered the empty and degrading." He lamented that "we have light." In contrast, all too often, journalism does lit- Vietnam War, later wrote that the U.S. media mass media with wondrous capacities for subtract- tle more than turn the page. "never found a way to report meaningfully about ing from understanding by adding to the public's death, which of course was really what it was all inclination for self-deception and autointoxication." about." Obscured by countless news stories, "the Will continued: "By turning everyone everywhere Norman Solomon is a syndicated columnist. His book suffering was somehow unimpressive." into bystanders at events, and by eliciting and "Wizards of Media Oz: Behind the Curtain of The same media outlets that can go into parox- amplifying their "feelings," the media turn the Mainstream News" (co-authored with Jeff Cohen) was ysms of grief over one celebrity's demise have world into an echo chamber and establish for the recently published by Common Courage Press. ------I ------"Conclave'" con tin ued friom page 2 cesses of the two organizations, prompted students want my club president to be on time and to listen to anthropology society are mainly out to target peo- not who had contributed to those successes to pat them- me, I can effectively run my organization in a way I ple with similar interests. Consequently it's selves on the back, and encouraged those who did- never could have before. Of course these qualities are necessary for specific interest and academic to tar- n't to get more involved. While both organizations important, but this is not what an inexperienced indi- groups to spend a lot of time learning how goal. have been key in protecting students rights and vidual running an organization for the first time real- get the commuter students -this is not their "Voter making affordable education accessible to a greater ly needs to hear. How about talking about University Additionally, workshops such as the to population, the Polity LEADERSHIP TRAINING and Polity rules and regulations for running organi- Registration" workshop and "Out Reaching politically- conclave was not the place to express these views. zations, or how to effectively work with polity to Your Community" workshop targeted important for Again, many organizations attending the conclave accomplish each groups goals? I'm sure that I wasn't minded groups. While it may be Action were not politically oriented groups. Perhaps they the only person disappointed with this workshop- groups like LGBTA and the Environmental people out- would have been willing to attend a SASU/USSA the guy sitting next to me had been filling in his "A Committee to register voters and reach of the uni- rally on another weekend, perhaps not. good president or vice president has the following side of campus, this wouldn't be the aim Holding an annual leadership training program qualities" worksheet with qualities such as "the abili- versity chess club for example. Unfortunately, and used is not only a good idea, it's necessary. Running a ty to bend spoons with their minds" and "can swal- since the conclave addressed issues political or student organization is a time consuming, low live armadillos whole" (Now these are clubs I demonstrations pertaining mostly to "entire campus" groups, specific interest groups demanding, and difficult job and consequently, would go to). were new and old leaders need as much advice and While I could spend more time discussing the may have been left wondering why they place. training as possible. Unfortunately, it seems that uselessness of some of the conclave workshops, required to attend the conclave in the first the seem- Polity's 1997 Leadership training conclave didn't time and space prohibits me. Instead, I should dis- Several students were also upset with Day achieve the goals it had in mind. Some tips for next cuss how polity isolated many campus organiza- ingly hidden political agenda of the conclave. more year: 1) Leave your political goals at the door. 2) tions during the conclave. Campus organizations two's "General Session/Working Lunch" was Design workshops that are helpful and informa- consist of campus newspapers, cultural groups, in line with a political rally than a leadership train- was for tive to the many kinds of campus organizations academics groups, interest groups, dormitory ing program. The goal of the working lunch States operating at Stony Brook. 3)Consider what you, as legs, and others. Most of the conclave workshops students to learn more about the United student leaders really needed to learn about run- were aimed at groups targeting the entire campus Student Association (USSA) and the Student stu- ning Polity-these are the things that new and old population or groups trying to achieve certain Association for SUNY (SASU) and to encourage student leaders need to learn. 4)Lastly, eighteen political goals. While student groups naturally dents to get more involved in these two very politi- hours? Is that really necessary? want to target as many people as possible, groups cal organizations. Representatives from the USSA 1-*1- -t- - - -4' -1,A ý A - - ,-. A-»,>«^»£-3;rv ·I·rm .csrrnr · n..r.l·pn..r~nr~rrrrm.~·~n~s~·ra~s~*8Cc THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 8 ~2i~aF~s~a~je~lA~ll~~~ ISSUES By Frank P. Fusaro able calling her, appeared everywhere while Mother ten minutes. After turning it into a musical, and Teresa was hardly seen. In fact, just the other day I totally re-writing history, as they have with On August 31, 1997, Princess Diana of Wales overheard someone say, "You know I didn't even Pocahontas, they would probably say they were died. On September 6, 1997, Mother Teresa died. know Mother Teresa was still alive." Now would going to donate some proceeds of the movie to So I have a question to ask students of Stony that statement suggest the man was a fool, would help Mother Teresa's favorite causes and then end Brook University: Which of these deaths do you you be surprised if you were told said man was a up forgetting about that after the movie leaves the- know about? And when I say know, I mean the successful businessman in New York City. atres. actual specifics. Do you know if she had a heart Yet Mother Teresa visited New York City not a And while I would imagine Mother Teresa would attack? If she went in her sleep? If she fell from old month ago, does that change the facts or the minds not care how she was remembered, as long as she ailments or new ones? of more than a few others who had thought she knows she has do good, after all that is what makes Now I do consider my self a had been dead for some time. her Mother Teresa, I think we should care how she semi-smart man, but I must con- I ask you now, is it fair for a is remembered. fess that I heard of Diana's death woman who dedicated a large Mother Teresa was Ghandi, Martin Luther King the day, if not the moment, of its portion of her life to helping Jr., Lincoln and Molly Pitcher all in one. We should occurence. Not so for Mother others, a legend in her own proclaim a holiday on which we do selfless acts Teresa, a name I am sure we time for her humanitarian just to honor Mother Teresa's memory. Not just have all hard throughout our efforts, a woman who declare her a saint or some such thing. Of course, I lifetime. A name that is practical- inspired so many, to be cut hope you all know that a sainthood is in question, ly part of our culture, as I am into the end of an NBC mon- for Mother Teresa did not perform any miracles. also sure you would agree after tage of Diana as a recording of Can you believe that, if there ever was a saint a short moment of brain-racking Elton John's tribute song among men it was this woman, and she will not (e.g. "Don't go all Mother Teresa plays? even be honored as such. on me," or "Who are you...Mother Teresa?") I failed While I can understand England's grief over los- Now, I don't want to get into religion here, for to hear about her death until the day after it hap- ing "The Princess Next Door," as Elton John called mankind knows her religious denomination is not pened, and then only from a friend. her. I can also see the world's outrage over how she the only one in the world, but I think Mother Teresa Now when you weigh the former heir to a fig- died. No one, let alone a kind, good, and caring was really beyond the boundaries of orders and urehead position and a woman who has been person...Princess should die like that. But when religions, that she was a human being with a heart almost a legend since before I was born, on the you step back, which we as non-subjects of The so big it had room for all of us. I speak to you not as Scales of Life you would probably see quite a large Crown should, and compare the life of a kind rich a Muslim or Catholic or a Lutheran. No, I speak to arc to the side of Mother Teresa. girl who's life ended in an accident, and a poor you as a human, and you would think that not only After you reason this out would you not only find strong woman who died a noble death out there her religious order would want to grant her its it odd that we have so eclipsed Mother Teresa's helping others, we should realize she deserves highest remembrance, but we all would. death with that of a Princess. Does it not seem as if more than a footnote on a calendar. A woman who's miracles were that she was mere- we, the world in fact, had written off Mother The only thing that would be worse that a foot- ly human and helped more than most of us ever Teresa long ago. note for a hero like Mother Teresa would be if could, more than this world, which seems to look Perhaps it was cause of her age or even her appear- Disney acquired the rights to do a cartoon about by her death for the glamour of that NBC montage, ance, or lack thereof. For Di, as we feel so comfort- her life and attempted to put it into an hour and deserves. ALONG THE COLOR LINE KILLER COPS OUT OF CONTROL: PART TWO OF A TWO PART SERIES By Dr. Manning Marable people injured. Three weeks later, more unrest ment in Pittsburgh in 1994, only 23 were sustained, occurred when a local grand jury decided not to and only one officer was suspended for one day. The brutal beating and rape of Abner Louima in indict the police officer who had shot Lewis. When an all-white jury acquitted one of the officers Brooklyn shocked and outraged black Americans The most prominent community struggle over of any wrongdoing in November, 1996, nearly four everywhere. Yet we need to look around at hun- police brutality in recent years has occurred in thousand high school and middle school students dreds of little-nublicized cases of that same brutal- Pittsburgh. On October 12, 1995, 31-year-old black walked out in protest. In May, 1997, another ity by police throughout the country. businessman Jonny demonstration was held when a judge barred the For example, in 1993 in Jeanerette, E. Gammage died of district attorney's office from attempting to retry Louisiana, a black man, Eddie Lewis, suffocation while in the remaining officers. was shot and killed by a local police the custody of five We need to take practical steps to check police officer as a suspect to an armed rob- white police officers. violence in our neighborhoods before yet another bery. Lewis's death prompted black Gammage had been black or brown person is killed. In Seattle, for activists to picket and boycott white- unarmed and had no example, a black mother, Harriet Walden, was out- owned stores in the town. Local criminal record. raged when her teenage sons, Tunde and Omari, authorities called on state troopers to Gammage's death were harassed and arrested by local police. In 1990, "handle any protests." On October 17, became publicized Walden founded "Mothers Against Police 1996, in Leland, Mississippi, a black only because his Harassment," which within several years had small business owner named Aaron White was cousin and business partner, Ray Seals, was a become a sixty member, multiracial organization. killed by a white police officer. As reported by jour- defensive end on the Pittsburgh Steelers. The coro- We need to build hundreds of such groups nalist Salim Muwakkil: "Initially, police say that ner's jury called for all five officers to be charged throughout the country. Mobilization and resis- 29-year-old White was trying to escape the scene of with criminal homicide. However the district tance is required to end police murder and mis- a traffic accident and fired first on Officer Jackie attorney dropped all charges against two of the conduct. Blaylock, who successfully returned fire. The officers, and charged the remaining three officers police later revised their story, saying White acci- with involuntary manslaughter. dentally killed himself in the escape attempt." This decision outraged the African-American In St. Petersburg, Florida, on October 24, 1996, a community, and sparked a series of demonstra- Dr. Manning Marable is a Professor of History and white policeman shot and killed an unarmed, eigh- tions beginning in November, 1995. Churches, Director of the Institute for Research in African- teen year old black man, Tyrone Lewis. Black com- community groups and the local NAACP branch American Studies at Columbia University, New York munity residents who witnessed the killing were became actively involved. Activists argued that City. "Along the Color Line" is distributed free of so enraged that a riot spontaneously broke out. Gammage's killing was only one example of a gen- charge and regularly appears in over 325 black and pro- The unrest covered a twenty square block area, eral pattern of police excessive force against gressive publications worldwide. with twenty nine buildings burned and eleven minorities in the area. Of 400 complaints of harass- OCTOBER, 1997 PAGE 9 ISSUES·------uy-, -- A HIungry Student Body t^ /l^A 7»AN>yTc^»« ^ Last year, we ran a series on articles entitled Everyone forgot how much money Aramark things, this contract detailed what areas of the "The DisAdvantage Plan," wherein we exam- was stealing from student's pockets and campus they had to provide food service to, ined the actual cost of Aramark's much-bally- they went back to buying and for what hours. Aramark, by cutting hooed meal plan, The Advantage Plan. We theirr back hours drastically, and by cutting service examined the retail costs of c( and by constantly raising compared to the Advantage cosi faster than the rate of infla- those items, and we found tl tion, has breached that con- what they claimed was a discoui tract. They are stealing from was in fact a ploy to charge stu- the student body, and they dents more money for the know it. 'to A;«a"4-1 a a -raQ;Aa*f 411- same food, while at the same --.- --.. -.-rv ------n_'o a/Lamamls a.n.MM. Lceline.e, eb n.•JI s LU. plans when their Advantage dollars ran out. time making students think they were getting dents are captive particpants in the meal plan. Now it's Fall'97 and here we are - more a discount. In order to live in many buildings on campus, and more lies. It was PT Barnum-style hucksterism at its Aramark, more Advantage, residents have to be on the meal plan, and every food best, and it worked. Sure, there was a stir for a Service has been cut at almost they have to participate in the Advantage at some of the cam- little while. We had taken the lead in a cam- venue on campus. Hours plan. This is nothing less than financial pus-wide attack on Aramark. Students made pus' most popular eateries have been cut so enslavement, and students deserve better. fliers and covered the campus, A Polity meet- drastically as to render those eateries closed The following four pages deal with ing was held to evaluate the new meal plan for all practical intents and purposes. Food Aramark, and the joke their products and ser- before the student body (nothing ever came of costs have risen by nearly 10%, and it's pretty vices have become. Read them, enjoy them, that - BIG surprise) and students in general clear just who is getting the Advantage. but most of all, let them spur you to action. were learning how to get upset when they got When Aramark was granted the food service Fool us once, shame on Aramark, fool us ripped off. Then everything died down. contract, they signed a contract. Among other twice, shame on us. _ I _· _ _ I '9 w GoAhead6 ad Laugh~1~111~!~ ______By Phil Russo Picture it: The Deli empty, (Well, not exactly through laughing at me (a luxury I give all of my empty, but as close to empty as the Deli can come close friends) my best friend Brian, who happens PREFACE on any given day) and me in my aforementioned to be Photo Editor, decided to go "talk" to the man- This may sound a bit harsh, but I am starting to outfit and makeup. Since it was still early that day, ager who humiliated me. He walked up the stairs, believe that some people in this world have out- the registers and deli were manned by the old trailed by me, our Managing Editor, and a staff lived their usefulness. Why, you might ask, do I ladies. You know the old ladies, don't you? If you member, and walked straight to the deli. say such a cruel, heartless thing? It might have don't, I am proud of I decided to be a chicken shit and hide in something to do with the fact that, every year, as you, and I pray for the lounge, but from what I hear Brian the rest of the world gets more accepting of people your continued suc- asked the manager some questions. The and their individuality, the State University of cess in avoiding them. manager, a man by the name of Brian New York at Stony Brook seems to stay the same, Well where was I? Oh Lincoln, claimed that he was not mocking or sometimes get even more close minded and big- yeah, picture it: the me, he was just "greeting me." Now I ask oted. I know this is a very strong accusation to Deli, and me all made you, the reading public, have you ever make, but just ask the people on the front lines. up like some dement- been greeted in the deli before? When did The people who are weird for weirdness sake. The ed drag queen. I stroll the deli adopt the Disney Store Mentality? people who strive to be different. These are the through the door and people who are constantly being laughed at and one of the more brazen PART FOUR: RANTING mocked. Not that I'm complaining, but I am, so lis- old women decides I know it's sort of mindless of me but I ten as I tell you my tale of woe. But remember, I do that it's her job, not tend to look at people who are older than not want you to shed any tears for me. Just listen only to stare at me, but me, and people with power for accep- 1^,,icl-h h eir c nff A dA B r ian L nco ln fanrc andr rpcrnpf ForT no nt-hr reason and think. LaugtIe to. d i ultLto n i , manager of the Deli \. t fact.. tat Ip.tre. te. I then to add insult to Brian Lincoln, manager of the DelI than the fact that I treat them with PART ONE: WAKING injury, she runs over to all of her old, decrepit respect. But now I swear by God that no one will Two weeks ago, on a warm cheery day, I awoke friends and points me out. By the end of my time get respect from me unless they earn it. Especially in a good mood. This being a very rare thing, I in the deli I had all of the old women staring at me the old women who work for Aramark. I began decided that I needed to do something to reflect and giggling like demented idiots. Well, needless this article with the idea that some people have my mood. So in usual Phil fashion I dressed in a to say I was appalled and hurt. But that's not the outlived their usefulness and that is the note on semi-normal outfit and then I applied my makeup. end of my dehumanization. After the old wrinkled which I will end it. I believe that if you want to One thing you must know, I have to be in a happy trolls decided it was time to get back to work, the work on a college campus, you have to be part of mood to wear makeup. If I'm depressed, I don't manager at the time walked over to me and asked this changing world. You cannot be a bigoted old feel comfortable being looked at. But when I'm me how I was and then laughed and walked away. Hag and think that you can walk over the people happy, anything short of laughing at me is accept- I couldn't believe it. I felt like the biggest piece of who pay your bills. I am quite tired of being made able. So all ready to conquer the world, I left my shit in the world. fun of for the way I look on this campus. If you bedroom and started on my way to my second can't be an open minded person, than stay in your home, the office of the Stony Brook Press. But first PART THREE: THE CONFRONTATION house and eat cat food and wait to die. Don't go I had to make a little food stop at the Union Deli. So, feeling unloved and unbelievably angry, I out of your way to get a job on the front lines of the proceeded to the Press office and told anyone who changing world-namely a college campus. PART TWO: THE INCIDENT would listen my tale of woe. After the staff was THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 10 ~I~ ,.--~d~--c~--~Clc s~C ~p--~m~Pi ~ ~-- ~------aa~aP"a~l~ a ~pa~i~n~a~ I -- - ~p~SsPIP~-~-~h-a ··------~ ----- ·- ---J1~34~ ISSUES eSi* n ce*C_* . qA By Stephen Preston, NYPIRG SAC were opened in the Spring. FSA refused to can pocket the difference. consider the latter proposal, feeling it was unfair The above analysis completely ignores several As you've probably noticed, you can't eat break- to the competitor, who had been unable to offer a other very important factors which contribute to fast in the dining halls. Breakfast, being a fairly similar proposal. Aramark's profits. For example, all students this standard part of one's expected diet (and formerly Now Aramark's other proposals, especially their year are required to pay a fixed cost of $680 which guaranteed by your contract), you may be won- Advantage plan, were all based on the assumption was calculated on the basis of 4400 students per dering what happened. As usual when this sort of of SAC opening in Fall 1996. Since overall costs semester on the meal plan. Thus, when more stu- thing happens, the Kenny Administration seems to and expenditures would have been similar for any dents were admitted than anticipated, all of the have been responsible. As we struggle to get a bet- of the meal plans, this suggests that Aramark could additional money from the extra students became ter meal plan this year, it will be useful to know have actually lowered the Fixed Cost portion of the pure profit. While it is true that if enrollment had exactly how the situation got so bad. meal plan (currently $680) by $19 per semester and dropped, Aramark would have taken a loss, it Those of you who were here last year (or who still made a profit, based on its own projections. seems clear the administration will ensure that have read the rest of this newspaper) have noticed Since the SAC did eventually open in Spring 1997, never happens. that hours of operation have been cut at most facil- this would imply that Aramark may have made an Still, we are neglecting the question of why ities. The contract had to be modified to make this extra profit of $19 per student (approximately Aramark's Advantage prices seem so much higher possible. The primary reason it was changed was $170,000 per semester) because of the delay. $19 than the wholesale prices available at, say, the the impact of the Student Activities Center (SAC). doesn't seem like much, but this factor alone Price Club. Or why Advantage prices are effective- The Kenny Administration had planned and would nearly double Aramark's planned profit. ly higher than retail prices (see Miriam Schussler's built the SAC largely without the input of stu- By the time it was decided that Aramark would article in this issue). Or why Aramark consistently dents. The primary student concern was always control the SAC, Aramark could demand even charges more for retail items than off-campus com- that the SAC cafeteria would not be large enough more because it was already in place at the petitors. These concerns are currently held also by to accommodate the expected student crowd, University. FSA seemed concerned that if Aramark the FSA, but so far only the Union Deli and and the Kenny Administration seems to have did not make enough of a profit, it would cancel Bleacher Club are being actively investigated. ignored this concern. Thus the campus ended up the contract and leave the campus. The FSA and Another concern is the 10% markup of food cost with a Student Activities Center irrelevant to Aramark decided that the SAC would be incredi- inherent in the Advantage system. Supposedly this most students. bly unprofitable, due to the heavy labor demands. is to cover things such as employee meals and The contract between FSA and Aramark gives Thus Aramark demanded that either the meal waste, but Aramark has never explained why these Aramark exclusive rights to all facilities in the plan price be increased by about $50 per semester, should be factored into the food prices rather than meal plan. But there is no mention of the SAC in or that the other campus facilities be closed during the fixed cost. The amount that employees eat does the original contract, because apparently both FSA certain hours to force students into the SAC. not depend on how much food students purchase, and Aramark believed that the SAC would not be Now Aramark had already adjusted for the pro- but on how many employees there are. So why are on the meal plan. The decision to put SAC on the jected revenue decrease at all its other facilities (the employee meals not simply factored into labor meal plan, at least for breakfast and dinner, was $19 profit). Also, the SAC attracted commuters, costs? made by the Administration during Summer 1996, grad students, faculty, and staff who had been A lot of questions have been raised in the above, though it was not officially announced until Fall. going off campus to eat. So overall, Aramark's rev- and I have not been able to answer many of them. In other words, less than two months after the enue clearly increased with the opening of the NYPIRG is currently conducting a lot of research original contract had taken effect (June 30, 1996), SAC. Costs increased as well in the SAC, but it is on its own, and needs volunteers to help. If you are the Kenny Administration was already forcing not at all obvious that they increased so drastically concerned about this issue (and you should be), I FSA to rewrite it. as to demand an extra $50 per semester just to keep invite you to join NYPIRG's Consumer Advocacy The SAC was originally planned to be open in up. team. Not only do we need to document the prob- Fall 1996, but Aramark already suspected during FSA, knowing students would not accept the lems with the meal plan here, but we also need to the bidding process that the opening might be price increase, submitted to Aramark's demands find out how other schools have solved their prob- delayed until Spring 1997. Aramark expected that and closed breakfast at Kelly and H, reduced ser- lems. Call me at NYPIRG at 2-6457 to find out what non-residential students would go to the SAC vices at Humanities, etc., rewriting the contract to you can do. Also, you may want to see if you can instead of to Aramark's facilities, and so it was allow it. get involved in the Dining Services Committee, planning to increase the price of the meal plan to Here we start to see who actually has the advan- which will be selecting the food service for next make up the lost revenue. It actually proposed tages. The problem with forcing students to prepay year. Contact Kevin Kelly or Diane Lopez to get on two versions of the then-current meal plan. It pro- the meal plan cost based on projected sales and it. Keep watching for more information on posed that the meal plan cost would have to be costs is that, at least on this campus, the projections Ararark... It will be a long campaign. raised from $999 to $1047 if the SAC were opened have consistently underestimated Aramark's suc- in the Fall, but that it would only be $1028 if the cess. Every time Aramark exceeds its projections, it C ------· -~- -CI- -- --· ~---- -~- ~------OCOBER 1,1997 PAGE 11 ISSUES FE CENT A COW HEAd By Brian Libfeld a Tabler resident, I walked to Kelly for breakfast The reason for this is of course that their food rather than suffer Roth's mediocre attempt at resembles something that would fit into a Munch With a new school year just begun, and with the breakfast.) painting better than a students stomach. The times of contract renewal for the meal plan inconvenient location and obscene cost are also provider far off, finding a good meal on campus Lunch likely reasons for their lack of a lunchtime crowd. can be nearly impossible. While there are places on Andrew Friedman, in an article on LI college din- The Roth Food Court, although as overpriced as campus where a good meal can be found, with the ing in the LI Voice wrote of the SAC; "I'd eat here anywhere else on campus, seems the only lunch combination of meal plan restrictions and reduced any day. It's easily one of the best lunch spots on alternative open to the meal plan student who isn't hours students aren't likely to be getting them. the Island." Friedman, who in his excursion to USB a fetishist for long lines. Bad food yes, long lines no. only visited the SAC, and not a cafeteria, per se, is Breakfast in no position to judge the quality of student eat- Dinner For the student who suffers from chronic 8:20 ing. What Mr. Friedman neglected in his article - A good dinner on campus isn't all that hard to classes breakfast can be a necessity. Unfortunately, the same article where he compares USB's every- find, unless, like most students you have classes finding a good breakfast on campus this year is day dining to the World's Fair - is that the world until after 7:00. If that's the case then you'll be harder than a short walk to Kelly or Benedict cafe- class cuisine of the SAC is unavailable to the lucky to find an open eatery worth mentioning. terias. Kelly has done away with a full buffet majority of residents, as meal plan is not being The SAC is open until 7:30, but the dinner lines breakfast for their weekend style brunch; nice on accepted during lunchtime hours. After doling out make it an unhappy option, since all the students the weekend, but a little inconvenient for the aver- $1000 for a mandatory meal plan the average resi- in the same situation run there. Bleacher suffers the age class schedule. Benedict, on the other hand, dent isn't in a position to pay cash. same long lines at dinnertime as at lunchtime, and still offers breakfast, but has done away with the For the real student, and not the visiting VIP (i.e., the residence hall cafeterias are closed. food for a lower overhead cost 'continental break- Mr. Friedman), the lunchtime options, though not Taco Bell makes for a nice option once in a while, fast cart' of rolls and coffee. disgusting, certainly do not measure up to the but, if a student wants working bowels at the end Humanities, possibly the most popular breakfast SAC. Also of note, although there are several loca- of the semester, not too often. spot of years past, is now 'Humanities Xpress', and tions open for lunch to meal plan students, all are Otherwise, the meal plan student is again left no longer opens mornings. inconvenient for a variety of reasons. with Roth cafeteria as th only option for real food. The Union Deli, Stony Snacks, the Admin Cart, and The Bleacher Club, a popular lunch alternative The problem is, in the evening, the people who the Life Science Cart are all maintaining their tradi- offers a variety of traditional cafeteria fare with a were forming the lines for Bleacher and Papa Joe's tional early morning hours, but their menu scarcely salad bar priced higher than a gourmet Broadway at lunch, and were scared off by the monumental strays from the 'continental breakfast ' instituted at deli, but suffers from lines comparable to the Bread lines at the SAC, have all sought out refuge in Benedict. Translation, coffee and bagels. lines in Communist Russia. Papa Joe's, the cam- Roth. The choice to sacrifice quality for speed is a So, as it stands, the only place for a good break- pus' sad mockery of a Bronx pizzeria, has lines that hard one for many students to make. fast on campus is the pride and joy of the adminis- put those of the Bleacher Club to shame, often Unfortunately 'speed' at USB only means this mil- tration, the Student Activities Center. Problem is, reaching upwards of 35 people at a time. lennia ( as anyone who has dealt with admin the breakfast there isn't good. It maintains the 'A la The cafeterias mentioned above, Kelly and knows all to well.) carte' style which Roth Cafeteria had last year. (As Benedict, are under-utilized lunch alternatives. By Ebenezer Wanton tures use as daily staples or consider delicacies, woods, in garoage cans, even insiae some acaue- you'll find that if something moves, something else mic buildings. The best way to get a squirrel is grab it by the tail, and It seems like lots of folks around here are pretty will kill it and eat it, and if it doesn't move, it's just this: sneak up real close, It ain't pretty, but it unhappy with their on-campus feeding options. easier to kill and eat. whack it against the ground. rodents like chipmunks Aramark's got you all riled up with it's poor ser- The on-campus vegetation and wildlife is abun- sure does work. Smaller worth your effort unless vice and (supposed) monopoly. Well, I'm here to dant and varied, and ripe for the plucking. and mice aren't really The best way to han- remind you of a tried-and-true technique for filling Vegetable matter is the easiest to acquire, since it there's nothing else around. is to stomp on them and your bellies, one that's withstood the test of time doesn't try to run away or hide. Pick yourself some dle these little buggers the ground and into a pot of boil- and is based on the mystical wisdom of the berries, the brighter the color the better. Look at scrape them off on! ancients: hunting and gathering. what the birds and rodents are eating, chances are ing water. Soup's the tastiest varmint-types With all of the hubbub and hulla- you'll like it, too. And, again Rabbits are one of pretty rare. Snares work well baloo about long lines and over- contrary to what you've been around, but they're set up a sapling and put some priced soda, we've forgotten that told, all berries are edible and with rabbits. Just The rabbit will come we can just say no to processed tasty, and the same goes for leaves in the middle and wait. fall unsuspectingly into your foods and refrigeration and live off mushrooms. Large-scale hopping along, and the fat of the land, much like our agribusinesses and their paid- trap. Dinner is served! be found on cam- caveman ancestors did. There's no off lawmakers have conspired Dogs and cats can sometimes lot of meat for not too much money, no points, no restricted to keep us eating their pus. These provide a should be whacked access to facilities at weird times. processed, chemical snack effort. These larger animals the head and dragged off to You just head out into the wilder- cakes and greasy, chock-full- with a large stick in seeing-eye dogs. This ness and find yourself some berries of-hormones burgers by mak- your lair. Try to avoid killing or some critters and dig right in. ing us think that nature is is not very nice. up some critters is Here's some pointers to get you dangerous and man-made A good technique for rustling is where critters- are started. products are good. How they to jump into a bush (which have scattered You're going to have to get used can perpetuate this lie is wont to hide). When the critters or chase them into sneak- to travelling around the little used beyond me. Anyone who has with fear, jump on them, eve-oeJtLl eelb%1 L hUU1LI r'L You never know just what you'll and little known bits ot campus. Inis is wnere even one eye open snouiU u ic Leto see inat our ily-placed bags. but who doesn't like a surprise? most varmints and roots may be found. Good ancestors lived in happy, healthy harmony with find this way, for eating bugs, hunting grounds include the wooded areas around nature. They knew what we have forgotten. Bugs: Americans have a distaste Bugs are plenti- the South P Lot and between the North P Lot and On to the critters. Critters, also known as but this isn't in any way warranted. Crunchy, too. the athletic fields. Roth Pond is good for some fish- varmints or meat-on-the-hoof, will be your main ful, easy to catch, and full of nutrients. tree bark, in dark ing, or for snaring a variety of waterfowl. source of protein and iron. They are also more dif- Find them under rocks, beneath anywhere. And One thing we need to get clear is that, culturally- ficult to catch; each kind is wily in its own way and comers of buildings, just about grosses you induced queasiness aside, virtually everything requires special hunting techniques. remember, if the thought of eating bugs nothing more than that grows in nature is edible. Few people know Squirrels are the most common variety of critter out, that lobsters and crabs are this, but if you look into what people in other cul- available on campus. They can be found in the big, underwater bugs. please see "Hunting" on page 17 THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 12 P ~~~P-~---·a~-a~--rrrx~c~s~sara~i~~··l~a~-~ ISSUES Happy Eating!!!!!! white rice. The meatball heroes consisted of over- Roth Ramblings By Hil.ary Vidair cooked, indescribeable meat covered in a thin film of By Lucas Tursellino dried tomato sauce. The baked ziti had equally I shifted my weight from one foot to the appealing meat slop pasted onto it. Even the smell To rot or not to rot. That is the question. The same other as i impatiently waited on line for "Brunch" at made me nauseous! There was no ratoulli, tomato question thousands of students have been asking the the Kelly Quad Dining Center. Thirty-eight people in bisque, or cream of chicken in sight. There was, how- indifferent heavens ever since the inception of the front of me did the same. Twenty minuted had gone ever, a lovely display of watery spinach. I decided to dreaded Rot(h) cafeteria. You see, there comes a time by and I was still waiting. Looking for something to eat the french fries. I moved onto the salad bar. in every students life when they feel the inexorable pass the time, I picked up a menu and found the list This was the one part of the Kelly Dining Center that pull towards the looming the charnel house which is of food being served that day. Not bad, I thought to I thought was pretty good. It was complete with fresh Rot. Some unseen force the dimly lit paths around the myself. The food being offered was as follows: scram- lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes, cheeses, and other seeping pond pulls them into the fetid den of corrup- bled eggs, bacon, french toast, hash browns, "Grilled types of salady-things. There was also a variety of tion itself. To Rot. I too have made this sojourn, and Sandwich of the Day", "Rice of the Day", meatballs dressings, to choose from. From the looks of the despite the scathing pain felt in my bowels upon heroes, baked ziti, french fries, ratatoulli, tomato crowd around me, this seemed to be the section in every visit, still I make my pilgrimages and offer my bisque, and cream chicken. As I reached for the buck- which most of the students filled their plates. gastro-intestinal track as a sacrifice to the students to meat, the et of silverware, I was beginning to think that this Meanwhile, the hot dog stand opposite the salad bar come. For if I should consume the processed wip, the chitinous vegetables, the gruel let wouldn't be so bad afterall. Boy, was I wrong! stood alone. I don't feel the need to explain this to potato over from the film version of Oliver Twist, and most To start off with, there were large bowls consisting of you. Some of you might be eating as you read this. deadly of all, the alien innards disguised as eggplant. apples, grapefruits, and oranges. Almost all of them Let's just say that I advise you to stay away from this And if I should die in this noble endeavor, and if were rotten. The rest of them weren't ripe at all. I sur- particular cart. Oh, and stay away from the yogurt Aramark is cast from SUNY SB for all time, well then passed these delicious entities and went on to the bar on the other side as well. It's been out of order by the gods I have done a service to humanity and chocolate pudding. I put some on my plate and since the first day of school and probably won't be may my martyred name live on in glory in the annals stuffed a spoonfull in my mouth. It was watery in working for a long time. I mean it's part of Stony of students to come. some places and crunchy inothers. Grabbing a glass Brook, isn't it? Until theat glorious day comes, let us band together. of fruit punch to mask the aftertaste, I moved onto the Dinner at Kelly isn't so appetizing either. Yet I must Come residents, come commuters, let us put aside eggs. These were better. They looked like plastic, but say, it is better than brunch. So, if you want to go there our differences and stand together against our com- I figured I'd give them a try. I was about to put some for food (Afterall, it's only $2.83 for all you can eat on mon foe. Each of us hates. Let us focus that hate and on my plate, when the girl in front of me nearly the "Dis"advantage Card), wait until the evening. use it, weild it. Rage against the bureaucrats who stuff to her friend, "These eggs tate like Beware that it's only open until 7:30 pm, thanks to gagged. She said their pockets with our money and our faces with rubber!" No more evidence was needed to convince Armark. third-rate fast food. I cannot condone the use of vio- me! I was not eating the eggs! Next came the pan- Good luck digging your way through the long lines lence, at least not in these pages, but I urge you citi- caked, which, I have to admit, were pretty decent. The to find something edible! And if you aren't satisfied zens of the United States of America, as fellow SUNY maple, however, was horrible. I opted for the straw- with your meal, grab dessert. It's usually cake or a students, and most of all as brother and sister human The sausage was pretty good, but the bacon donught. You can't go wrong in that department. berry. beings, to fight for something better than the crap thouroughly. I did, however, enjoy Eating!!! was not cooked Happy which is doled out to us as if we were cattle. To fight the hashbrowns. for real eggs, for pure orange juice, for a nice slab of the "Grilled Sandwich of the Day", there didn't As for juicy beef, and most of all for that bag of macedamia Day was (yawn) seem to be any. "The Rice of the nut cookies we all wish for sometimes. OCTOBER 1, 1997 PAGE 13 A THOUSAND WORDS ·- I~~L·-SS ---~P9ly ~~C~IIP----· - ,_ 1~4s~ 1~1 r% - ~s~b--BII~-C -- 9L· C I -~ ~-L - - -·1C r I Z la Liwe 19 1301994 fM7 -4e€Lw BGQDC10,4 I HAVE A QUESTION IF I SPENTMY ENTIRE 5A YOOUGAIN A|OUT THIS OOCUMENT LIFE SEARCHING, 00 EXPERIENCE, YOU'LL MARKED "PROPRIETARY YOU THINK I COULD REALIZE THAT ALL .FIN D A NEE• HO LOGICAL QUESTIONS S OULD CARE ABOUT ARE CONSIOEREDO TH? INSUBOR ATION. < 4mi4m1 N MOBOF STUPIOPEOPLE ri'A GOING TO HUNT THAXT HEY, CAREFUL! YOU-RE HOWS THEY TRIED TO WOU)LDIICLUDE L ATTACKDOC-GBEET'5 HOUS I HAVE A NEJ E OOOWNTHE PEOPLEWH-O EVERYONEON EARTH cnL~a~0 GETTING WATER ALLOVER TH RUIN OUR LAWN A PERSONALCRU5ADE. IAVE STRONGOPINIONS EXCEPTYOU AND ME.J u OLfRP TO DRIN, ALLOF STHE GRASS . I ATT Y SPRAYING SEON SUBJECTSTHEY DON'T >.~ IHIS KOSEATER I SGOING?4A'ER ON IT. j UNDERSTAND.THE.N I'LL OR"1N5Ni GIVES ME AN BUT NO IT'S SOPTEM WITHTHIS LEAN 06 1 TURNED INTO C' ^iS^ ^ ^ | IDEA!' A COOARD TUBE. i OVER -^ j HOSEFIGHT. fl PtOPLE WITH BAD OPINIONS I WILL NOM USETHIS LESSONONE; MHi... ITS THiERESNOTW NGY AND- I'LL1 BETYOU THE INTERNET SHOULD CARDBOARDTUBE TO THIS AS SOME- ©E GOING TO BE A HERETO ODISACT MY TALK- CAN'T EAT A 1SE FREE, WHY MHOULD EAPLAIN THE INTRICACIES THING THAT SHOULD GLORIOUSDAY OF- l ME. IT'5 JUST Mt...' l) G PERIG-) LROLE JAR I HAVE TO PAY SOPE OF CAPETALISM. SE. FRfE, TELECOMMUTING. ERTOR. OF PICKLES, GREEDYCORPORATION OR LOOs AT ADS ??M - i i: : !!; -C:3 ...... ZIS THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 14 ~p-r ~ ~P~-F __I~ IL--9·If~R~e~-Ud~g~qC--PC~~~ -·1C-- ~la~··gCRlsrros~·usapq~b·~-·~-·s~l~-- _ _ -PP~IO~L~I~5~8~- -__ ~ _-·I --~ ~-I -IC·__ COO .U DISco" DAM --- -s r--PI---·LL·-i~_l~l~\LiYILli~Y·W(^LY--·I---~-~;JIYllill·-~-~L-r*·--~~·~-~EPITI· · FEATURES I~·~a~16~P~··· dbft. ~i xiV By James Polichak performing this task). For most of us, though, our than in any of the lower animals, and it has great- knowledge of the human brain and its operations ly expanded over the past few million years. It is a The other day, I saw a cute ad for a satellite-TV and structure is not so easily accessible, or nonex- rather thin, wrinkly layer, surrounding most of the service. It had a nice picture of a human brain with istent. We believe that humans use a mere fraction rest of the brain. The cerebral cortex is still a small a caption saying that we only use 11% of our brain of their brains because it is too difficult or impossi- part of our brain. Perhaps the figures people give power. Under the brain was a TV with a screen full ble for us to find anything in our memories to chal- for the amount of brain used refers only to the cor- of static and the caption, "So does your TV." The lenge that belief. tex. This is still incorrect. However, as much as implication was that if we were to get the satellite We also might believe in this myth because some of us might not like it, we share the larger service offered, our TV would finally be living up everyone else we know does. When the TV and part of our brains with our animal relatives. Most to its full potential. our relatives and magazines and so on are all of our brain structures are evolutionarily quite old. If only we could do that for our brains, right? spouting the same nonsense it's really easy to They are devoted to the functions that all animals I've seen and heard a range of alarmingly precise believe that nonsense. Here's a tip on how to avoid perform-- the four F's (feeding, fighting, fleeing, numbers for the amount of the human brain that this kind of behavior: Ask yourself who's telling and fucking). In other words, we need our brain to actually gets used mentioned by the popular press, you the information. What does Aunt Hortense or see, eat, walk, breathe, regulate hormones and advertisements, and conversation. Ross from Friendsreally know about the brain? Get emotions, and so on. These are complicated activi- The lowest was 3% and the highest was the afore- your facts about scientific matters from scientific ties and they take up most of our brain activity. mentioned 11%. There sources, or at least reason- Most of these functions are automatic, controlled was even a able journalistic sources without conscious effort, but they still go on con- supervillain, in the that cover science (the tinuously. A quick look into any biopsychology comic book Alpha New York Times, textbook will show that researchers have figured Flight (the first Scientific American, the out what most of the brain is used for, at least in series, from when 1 Discovery Channel). Do terms of large scale activity and structure. And was about 13), whos the same when someone they're working on the details. You won't see a pic- power was the aw lls you about anything ture of the brain in a textbook with vast portions of some intellectual ab e that they probably don't it labelled, "space for rent," "ESP found here," or, ty he gained from u! y know anything about. "your guess is as good as ours." all of his brain. (He iry when your physics While we're considering the human brain and its up going insane fro starts going on about the functions, you might want to think about how the Shaman's bag of cs, or when your dad the ridiculous the idea that you only use a bit of your for even a superintE gives you medical brain is. Structures, in humans, amoebas, viruses, fathom the mystical don't just appear without a function. They slowly universe. It's a g( ally want to believe that evolve to meet a need. It is sometimes the case that closed his eyes.) My little bit of their brains. It a structure is no longer used, or at least not essen- rrcentlv told by a re feel better If vou think ...... V 6y...... tial (like our appendix). To support the theory that ilarly low figure that represented humankind's you're doing poorly (failing a test, burning rainfor- humans use a small fraction of their brains, we brain usage. People really believe in these numbers est at an alarming rate), you can chalk it up to the would have to postulate that the unused brain and use them in a variety of ways. fact that you're not using all of your brain. I've also parts were once used, but have since ceased to be The problem is that, like many things you read in seen some New Age-psychic drivel utilizing this used. In other words, that our caveman ancestors comic books and advertisements, these numbers myth, much like the writers of Alpha Flight did. (to be more accurate, our Australopithecine and do not even come close to the truth about how peo- These people argue that our psychic abilities (or early-Homo ancestors) were much smarter than ple use their brains. I've spoken to a few people any such unproven and untested nonsense they we are. Then you'll have to explain why they lived who spend their professional lives studying the would like to believe in) reside in those vast in cold, damp caves and died of smallpox, instead human brain in all its splendor, and they're pretty chunks of brain that no one but the psychically of building comfy houses and eradicating the unsure where the idea that humans use a small gifted use. And for a ridiculous fee, they can teach pesky germs like we did. You could also reject the fraction of their brains comes from. They're even you to use all of your brain, too. Now you'll be able idea of evolution if you want, but then even the less sure that there is any research out there to sup- to psychically peer through the locker-room walls Pope's not on your side anymore, and you're left port any of the precise numbers, like the 5% your of your preferred gender of sexual attraction with- with considering why the big man in the sky gave Aunt Hortense will give you at the family picnic out the need for messy power tools. us so much unused crap to fill our skulls. Of when you tell her you study psychology. Finally, course, any unused bits The fact of the matter is this: Humans use all of we might could have been geneti- their brains. Some may use their brains more effi- also cally engineered by aliens ciently and effectively than others, but those brains believe in to allow them to study get used in all their little nooks and crannies. In the myth and control us from their fact, there are even a few academic disciplines that because spaceships lurking behind focus almost entirely on what the brain does we just the moon... (notably psychology and neurobiology). The forget Now that you know that researchers in these fields wouldn't have much to about a you are in fact using all of do if we only used 3% of our brains, would they? large your brain, you might It is uncertain where the popular culture has chunk of want to consider how effi- obtained this myth from and why it is believed by the brain ciently you're using it. so many, but I can offer a few possible explana- when we Start with thinking about tions. t h i n k this: Remember the old The most likely reason people believe this myth about wh "this is vour brain on is that people will believe pretty much anything the brain does. (This is the explanation that offers drugs" commercial, where the uncooked brain rep- you tell them. In terms of cognitive effort, it is the most hope for human rationality. It's also prob- resents your brain not on drugs and the cracked much easier for us to just say, "Really, what an ably the least common reason.) When we think of and frying egg was your brain on drugs? Scared interesting fact," and move on. To decide that using the brain, we tend to think of things like rea- you away from all those nasty drugs, didn't it something is not true, we must actively compare it soning, knowing how to play chess, read a book, (except for the socially-celebrated ones like alco- to what we already believe and see if the new remember the capital of Ohio (Columbus), and so hol, nicotine, aspirin, and valium)? Now think: information conflicts with our knowledge. This on. These, after all, are the things that separate us "How do I like my eggs? Do I prefer my eggs task can be easy or hard depending on how much from the lower animals and plants and squishy unshelled and uncooked?" Think about what this we know about the subject and how often we have critters you can see under the microscope. The part might mean for your brain and drugs and our gov- used that information. It will be easy for most of us of the brain mostly responsible for our ability to do ernment's ability to carefully select useful analo- to realize when our name is spelt incorrectly (hav- these things is the cerebral cortex. The cerebral cor- gies. ing had lots of practice since pre-kindergarten at tex is indeed in humans much more developed THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 16 By Jill Baron be concise so as to draw the eye, not to bore the shit that of many people I know, finding a real passion out of it. Second, it makes no fucking sense. You for life is an ongoing endeavor that is not easily Any poor soul who finds him or. her self wan- shouldn't have to read it three times before the come by. And oh yeah, it sucks. dering about the Stony Brook campus will meaning sinks in. And when and if it does you'll undoubtably take note of the witty and insightful probably just laugh anyway. "Trust to time. It is the wisest of all counselors." blue banners strategically placed around the center "To realize the unimportance of time is the gate to of campus, bearing quips such as the much cele- "Time flies like an arrow,fruit flies like a banana." wisdom." brated "Research is what I'm doing when I don't Yes, this is actually printed on a banner. Yes, a "Time is not a line but a series of now-points" I put these three pearls of wisdom know what I'm doing" and other mind powering human being actually uttered . words of encouragement. "Goddamn banners. these words. I think Shirley's try- back to back because I thought They suck," said one anonymous source. This atti- ing to throw us for a loop - she's they displayed an obvious contra- tude seems to reflect most of the opinions of the trying to pass it off as an insightful diction. I don't know what they're 1 · 1 I students I spoke with. quote by tmily uicKenson or trying to do here. I've read them However, perhaps the most curious thing about something when we all know she both over several times trying to the banners is the fact that they are all unattrib- actually wrote it herself. see if I missed something, but all I uted. The nice little -- [insert name here] in the see is blatant stupidity. If anyone lower right corner is absent from each and every "I believe a leaf of grass is no less sees something I'm missing, one. According to an inside source, the President of than the journey-work of the stars." please, enlighten me. And did I the University announced (although no one seems At first glance, I thought this was mention they suck? to have heard about it) that there is a contest taking some kind of nature-lover thing, Well, I think those are the worst place.The supposed contest is open to all students but then I realized, what the hell of them. I would think if they and the object is to name the authors of the quotes. do the stars have to do with the wanted to do something like this, All those interested are directed to contact the evolution of grass? Perhaps I'm they would have at least picked president's office. Personally, I just think that the reading to much into it- I know motivational quotes that pertain to school was too cheap to pay for the extra ink and I'm no science whiz, but I chal- education in some way. Why inch or two of whatever synthetic material they're lenge anyone to find a correlation there. And oh couldn't they just stick with "Try your best and made from, it would have taken to print the yeah, it sucks. you can achieve anything" or something along authors' names, but that remains to be seen. Here I those lines? I really don't see how these enhance will take a few of the most comical banners and rip "There is no end. There is no beginning. There is only the campus in any way. They just further the argu- them apart to the best of my ability. the infinite passion of life." ment that Stony Brook has become an image-obss- Again, this sounds really profound on the sur- esed place that is concerned with looking good to "You should never wear your best trousers when you face, but what is it really saying? That we should outsiders and nothing else. Oh well, if our tax dol- go out to fight for freedom and truth." just float happily through life till kingdom come? It lars have to go to funding crap like this, at least it's This is stupid for so many reasons. First, the makes it seem as if having a passion for life is an amusing crap. length of it is offputting; slogans are supposed to easy thing to do. Based on my own experience and I-- - s -I ~-1~----- "Hunting," continued from page 12 There are only a few large bodies of water on- pus can be eaten raw, but cooking adds a little campus - Roth Pond is one, the three big storage excitement. Don't worry too much about your tanks near the North P Lot are some more. Roth technique, though. Just toss a bunch of stuff in a Pond is nice because it's shallow. Just walk right pot of boiling water and something good will in there and you can grab fishes and frogs with turn up. Frying works, too, or just put a stick you bare hands. Poke them through the head through a dead critter and roast it over the open with a sharp stick and they stop wriggling and flames. If you think that all this natural food is are easy to carry. Geese also frequent Roth Pond. getting a little bland, there's a couple things you They're kind of aggressive but no match for a can do about it. First, and this is kind of cheating, hungry human. Let them come up close and try condiments can be found all over the civilized to nip at you, then grab them by the neck, hold world in restaurants, and they're all free. Grab a on tight and kick them until they quit squawk- few packets and leave. Also, every Tuesday night ing. The storage tanks near the North P Lot are at 4:20 in the morning the Spice Train from the the home of the university's top secret sea-mon- Indies arrives at Stony Brook station. Here you key breeding project. Respect the quest for scien- can trade the skins of the animals you've caught tific knowledge and don't mess around with for exotic flavorings from all the corners of the these. Also, try to stay away from any varmint globe. that has been used in experimentation. You never Now that you've seen what can be done about know just what you'll get with one of these the food situation with a little gumption and varmints, but it sure won't be a box of chocolate. elbow grease, I'll leave it up to you to figure out After a few months of eating little critters and how you can avoid the high cost of housing berries, some of you out there might get hungry (while still living on-campus!) and clothe yourself for something a little more substantial. You may in style. have seen the movie, Alive, and thought, what's P.S. Few people know what the ARA part of with the fuss and guilt anyway? Well, the hunting ARAMark stands for. But I do, and I'll tell you. of the long-pig (as some have been known to ARA stands for All Right America! ARAMark liken the taste of your fellow humans to that of began in the early 1970s as a feel-good youth pork) is fraught with peril. This author cannot group who perform song-and-dance extravagan- condone giving in to such understandable crav- zas at halftime during college bowl games. They ings. Be aware that humans are much tougher to later expanded to concession stands and grew subdue than any of the other varmints you've into the food-service monolith we know today. encountered. You should also not neglect the fact Rumor has it that ARAMark has not forgotten its that humans have developed complex legal and roots, and its corporate retreats consist of a bunch enforcement agencies to regulate the use of of swell kids, feeling good and loving one anoth- human bodies and will be upset if you violate er in the Jesus loves you way (not the dirty Old these rules. You have been warned. Testament way). Everything that you pick or catch around cam- L . ------·------·------"~~~~~"~'~ _~~~~~OE 1, 1 PAGE~~,__,,_,,~~,~,11 OcToBER 1, 1997 PAGE 17 FEATURES-- THE EVIL OF EATING HEALTHY By Bethany Mattone any kind of normal sustenance. It is truly pathetic. swear I read it once when I made the mistake of Anyway, I hated staying there for weekends and reading a package of a Slim Jim. But I digress; here Following in the food theme of this issue, I now I hate going there for holidays. comes the Cool Whip. But what's this? "It's Lite thought I'd provide a little ranting of my own. For example, last Thanksgiving. I am sitting there Cool Whip!" they proudly proclaim. There's this pet peeve I've harbored for a long last November being thankful that soon I can leave My brain sounds an instant alarm. "Must time now. It has to do with these so-called and won't have to hear my grandmother's disserta- escape!" I think fervently. I become curious and "healthy" foods that have swept the nation in the tion on her incontinence again until Christmas. actually pick it up. It quivers like Ricki Lake's belly. last two decades in an attempt to sustain our piti- We've had the turkey and pasta (we're Italian) and I look at the ingredients (always a bad move). Not ful little lives beyond their usefulness. I have the potatoes with fake butter and all that and here a single decipherable word. This stuff is lethal. "I'll staged a boycott against these healthy items, comes dessert ss," I say. Now I ask you refusing to eat or buy them and I'll tell you why, (the blessed this, good faithful Devil because it is a crock of shit. These healthy foods final step in Dog eaters; do you think are infused with so many man-made chemicals to this Hell) the that this nuclear waste is make them "fat-free" and "lite" that they are prob- typical pump- healthier than good old- ably, in fact, worse for you than pumping a bag of kin pie, cook- fashioned nitrous Jax Cheese Puffs (perhaps the worst food in the ies, and other enhanced Ready Whip? world) directly into your veins. assorted My vote is for no. My experience with these foods began when I cakes and What I am trying to was a wee thing, maybe seven or so. I was at my goodies. One illustrate here is that this father's house, visiting my father (I am a child of would think health food thing is a divorce; isn't everybody?) which sucks for many "vlm" RBut d crock. We (mankind) like reasons. But I'll leave out the psychobabble about not be fooled. to tamper with things. We think that by manipu- my father and stepmother for another time, and Out comes the Cool Whip. First of all, I detest lating foods we will make them good for us and stick to the topic. For as long as I can remember, this cool whip shit. Bring on the Redi Whip. Just thus we will live longer so we can further propa- my dad's house has been stocked with every "lite" me and a can of Redi Whip; I don't even need a gate our species only to destroy our environment and "fat-free" food ever created. This is due pri- cake-like substance to put it on, just pour it in my to the point where we all get fried by UV rays any- marily to my sickly stepmother. She's got every mouth and I'm good to go. Cool Whip is to Redi way. It won't help. If anything, it'll make things ailment you can imagine: anemia, low blood Whip what Miracle Whip is to mayonnaise. What worse. So, give me a big greasy slab of butter on sugar, lactose intolerance; you name it. She pops is Cool Whip anyway? Nobody knows. I think that baked potato; give me a beer and a box of about six pills at every meal. Anyway, finding a they found it in Roswell; it's an alien experiment Funny bones. At least it's natural (so to speak). single kernel of regular, buttery, popcorn is like to see if humans will actually eat anything put in You can keep your Lite Cool Whip for yourselves. trying to buy dinner on campus after 9 p.m. My front of them. It's like that secret ingredient in beef It'll outlive any of us anyway. And you might live dad has to sneak off to fast food establishments for jerky, there's actually an ingredient X in there. I longer than me, but at least I'll die happy. ___ ~I__ I _ _I~ _~_ _~ _I___ I·_ ~ oe try Read ni at Professor Java's Cofee House 1099 route 2ia acrossfrom the LIP fstation ihursday oct. 9th Starting at 9pr ALL ARE WELCOME TO C Omi ANID SIE THlEIR WORDS AND TO SUBMIT WORKS TO OUR GRADUATE UNDERuRABUAT LITERARY JOURNAL _ _ _ II~ ~ _ _ _ _ I _ I I __ _I _ _ II _ I -- II ______LU______III______· -- -- *I~P~-~·-C--PL~-~~-L~B~-s _ IYI 1~5· ______THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 18 ~B~BII·~fFli~l~Bl~n~a~ ~ FEATURES By Marlo Allison Del Toro was because there was no one willing to teach it, not office is in charge of which writing class, or what lack of interest on the part of students.) The final class the writing programs in the English office is in SUNY at Stony Brook is a depressing place to be is Creative Writing: Poetry, and I am terrible at writ- charge of? Maybe they do, but I was afraid to ask. if you expect/want/need a wide range of courses ing poetry, so bad I used to write about "angels" and I was afraid they'd each tell me that the other office in the humanities. And those that are offered close "demons." But, I was willing to take the class, only was in charge of answers. out early. Let's look at the facts. after filling up; it too was canceled. So, I'm left with questions. Questions like, "Why First, what we're not going to look at: English as The last, the final, only one left, writing class is have the humanities been cut dramatically in the a Second Language (because it doesn't affect most Intermediate Writing Workshop. So I signed up for past few years?" Rumor has it that funding for the of the student population), literature classes relat- the only open section, which quickly closed. But on humanities was cut. If the school is going to be cre- ing to various languages (because not many of us the first day of class the teacher changed the subject ating a journalism major in the next five years, as have the prerequisites), and journalism courses of the course from something obscure, like political people are saying, then why haven't they started (because a lot of writers don't want to be journal- writing from the eighteenth century, I don't really building the journalism and writing class selection? ists, I took the equivalent of most of them in com- remember, to something bland like short story. If the Science Fiction Forum has as big of a fol- munity college, and the lack of journalism courses Since there are already a couple of literature classes lowing as I've heard, then a science fiction writing could be an article in itself). focused on short stories, and since the teacher did- class could be a good addition to the curriculum. Second, what we are going to look at: everything n't mention anything about writing that first day, I And, an outdoor writing class for people interest- else. Total: 86 classes in English, classics, and com- had myself signed into another section. My new ed in the outdoors and the environment would position listed in the undergraduate bulletin. Of class is good, but I don't see anything in my writing also be good (especially now that in addition to those, 75 are literature classes. Only one out of future as far as classes are concerned. NYPIRG, the campus has a "grassroots" environ- every seven classes is focused on writing. Here is The section of Intermediate Writing Workshop I'm mental club). Also, something obviously lacking in the breakdown on the other eleven classes. in was suggested to me by a lady in the writing pro- the journalism curriculum, a sports writing class. ,Four out of those eleven classes are focused on grams in the English office. I remember asking her Many newspapers and some magazines cover writing literary analysis and academic, or class- why there was a writing program in the English sports events. room writing. That is, they essentially teach you office if there are only a handful of writing classes But, no. Stony Brook has none of this. So I've how to write for all of your literature classes. The offered, and she said it was very confusing: A lot of taken up reading books about writing, like Anne dry stuff, without the dew of creativity. things about the writing programs are confusing. Lamott's "Bird by Bird" and "Writing Down the Three of the remaining seven classes are fresh- I went back to that office last week to ask what Bones" and "Wild Mind" by Natalie Goldberg (all man level. At least 85% of the student population classes would be offered in the spring as far as three of which were great). And, I'm looking into is beyond DEC A, and beyond these courses. writing short stories was concerned. I was told the the five to ten magazines and newspapers spon- Three of the four writing classes that are left for con- Creative Writing: Fiction class was run out of the sored by the college. And I'm looking enviously at sumption are creative writing courses. This is good. English office. When I went to the English office colleges that put writing and communication But all three are not being taught this semester. This they said that the spring course offerings weren't somewhere in the top half of their priorities, is bad. Creative Writing: Fiction was not offered this chosen yet, and when I asked about the Advanced instead of putting them in the bargain basement. semester, and Advanced Creative Writing was can- Creative Writing class, I was told it was run out of celed. (A little birdie whispered in my ear that this the writing programs office. So who knows which The 1997 Stony Brook Press L/i OA57Ic.s C2 Co(Mresr This week's contest is a reprise of one we originally held in the fall of 1995. It was so incredibly successful, we decided to do another one just two years later! The basic premise of this contest is that we live in an increasingly litigation-obsessed day and age, where concepts like "satire" and "fair use" are increas- ingly ignored. In order to combat these abhorrent trends, we hereby reprint, without permission, a syndicated and copyrighted work of art. This, technically, is illegal. Nonetheless, being long-time fans of the work in question, and tremendous admirers of the artists themselves, we feel confident they won't sue. I mean come on, Guy and Brad are probably really cool guys who wouldn't even think of harassing a few innocent college students. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to fill in the captions on this classic edition of "Nancy." Whoever has the funniest version of the strip wins a quarter page in our next issue to abuse in whatever way they see fit. Send or drop off your entries in our office; Room 060, Student Union. The Stony Brook Press reserves the right to edit winner's prizes. We also have no compunctions about punching you in the throat repeatedly. OCTOBER 1. 1997 PAGE 19 FEATURES s~PBP~P5j~n~P~La~ ML) an openly gay character after years of battling make the Academy A\wards presentation take Secrets and Lies tabloid accounts of just that. The much hyped kiss place on a Wednesday. Oscar night is always a By Chris Cartusciello between Selleck's and Kline's characters is nothing Monday. The only time iit wasn't was in 1981, when we haven't seen before. It has all the passion of a President Reagan waEs shot on that day. The In & Out smooch planted on Elmer Fudd from Bugs Bunny. Awards were pushed t)ack to the next night. We There is an old saying, usually learned by the The rest of the cast does a fine job. Dillon does his aren't informed of any tragedy that would delay general public at about the age of 3, that goes best Brad Pitt imitation, right down to the the broadcast. The filmrnakers couldn't add anoth- something like "sticks and stones may break my unkempt hair and open-shirted tux worn to the er two days to the stc)ryline? (Although maybe bones, but names will never hurt me." As true a Oscars. The most welcome sight is Bob Newhart as we're better off they didIn't.) Also, the day after the phrase has never been spoken, unless those names the school's homophobic principal. His trademark wedding is graduation. Now, it's not my place to are broadcast on television all stammer and but- tell schools as to what day of the week they may over the world for everyone to toned up manner fit hold graduation, but al:most assuredly this would hear. this character perfect- have the film take place in June. The Academy In 1994, as Tom Hanks accept- ly, and you only Awards are held in Mar(ch, every year, without fail. ed his award for best actor for wished he was given Certainly the people im volved with this film knew Philadelphia, he thanked his col- a little more to do. this and could have adjtisted accordingly. The final lege drama teacher, whom he My biggest problem problem is with the telecast itself. As they said was an inspiration, a role with this film is the announce the final nomiinee for best actor they pro- model and gay. This teacher was attention given to ceed to show excerpts firom the film Cameron was already openly gay, but what if this seemingly nominated for. Besides being insipid trash, the he wasn't? benign, episode. The clips were enormousl y long. People complain In & Out, possibly the first morning after the about the length of the show now. If this is what movie ever based on an Oscar Oscar telecast this lit- they were to show for every nominee the awards acceptance speech, takes this tle berg of Greenleaf, would last until June, nnaking the timeline of this idea and runs with it as if that is Indiana (actually our film more plausible. T,hese are simply logistical exactlv what hannpns to a small Vvery own. ....---- Northport).V...... r -- " r-nroblems...... and.. ones th-it would probably not be town teacher (Kevin Kline). It seems that his fas- is swarming with media from all around the coun- noticed by others, or iif they did they certainly tidious ways have led an ex-student (Matt Dillon) try. There are reporters covering the front lawn of wouldn't care. Now I cain suspend my disbelief to to believe he is gay. Now a famous actor, he outs the school, staking out Howard. They attempt to a certain degree, and I']11watch Godzilla ravage a his mentor in front of the world, and on Oscar get into his classroom and fight each other for country with nary a word of disdain, but when night none the less. This is a great premise for a quotes. Are we to believe that we are that starved something that can be easily fixed is ignored I feel screwball comedy, one of those "fish out of water" for dirt that reporters from every major network that the producers thoujght that they could put one stories. That is if I could just stop saying, "Who would converge upon this town for a story that over on an uninformed public. cares?" may not be there? These reporters had no way of After Kline's Howard Brackett, along with his knowing whether this English teacher was already L.A. Confidential family, friends, students and townspeople, watch- out. And even it they did, Los Angeles in the 1950s es in disbelief as he is declared gay by Cameron who cares? He is a nobody was a place of glamour. A Drake this film is set to take off. The problem is, it to the rest of the world. The haven for those who doesn't. Even though Howard is supposed to be only people remotely inter- wanted to get away from married in just four days, his fiancee Emily seems ested are those close to him, real life and experience to take it all in stride. As long as he assures her and they don't need to reel life. Even if you everything's fine, she goes on her merry way. What watch television to hear the weren't a star, the mood a waste of a role for the buoyant Joan Cusack. Only truth. and atmosphere were when everything falls apart in the end does she get Written by Paul Rudnick, infectious. But it was also to showcase her comedic talents, and then it's too (Jeffrey, Addams Family a place of scandal, where late to salvage this one. Yes, Howard has to con- Values) an openly gay those who watched you front his parents (marvelously played by Wilford screenwriter who writes a rise to the top loved to see Brimley and Debbie Reynolds), in an amusing column for Premiere maga- you crumble at their feet. I sequence, and try to convince them how prepos- zine under the pseudonym guess in that sense, not terous the whole thing is, but this could have been Libbv Gelman-Waxner. In & much has changed. so much more. Out tries to be social com- Kevin & Joan puzzle over a Mentos commercial I'll start by saying that I Wondering how this misconception could have mentary disguised as mainstream entertainment. will give away as little; of the plot as necessary occurred, 'Howard, with some "helpful" sugges- And on that level, it works. As the whole town gets here, because to rob th(e viewer of the twists and tions from his students, begins to piece it together. behind Howard, no matter what his preferences, turns as they traverse this maze of intrigue and He rides his bike to school, teaches poetry, and has you feel that this is the way it's supposed to be. But corruption would ruin any emotional impact this been engaged for 3 years and still hasn't consum- it all gets wrapped up a little too neatly in too short film will have on them. L.A. Confidentialis as full a mated the relationship. Maybe the biggest, and a time. Maybe a little more real life angst should movie as you will ever see. From stellar perfor- lamest, joke in the film is Howard's love of Barbara have been included to really make us feel what this mances, to lush locals, to a gritty storyline. It is so Streisand. He knows her movies by heart and gets character was going through. Even though people full in fact, that halfway through you may wish physical with anyone who thinks she was too old questioned him and some shunned him, he never you had taken notes just to keep track of all the for Yentl. This would be funny in passing, but the experienced any sort of true discrimination (except side-steps the script takees. But, what actually seem film harps on this, to the point that his friends rent from one character and that is one of those things like incongruous plot pc)ints all come together in a all her films to watch at his bachelor party. that gets quickly fixed). stunning climax that le aaves you wondering just The single best scene in the film comes when To his credit director Frank Oz, a former mup- exactly who the bad guyrs really are. Howard listens to an audio tape designed to peteer who has proved himself an able comedic Danny DeVito plays Sid Hudgens, the editor and ensure his masculinity. As the booming voice com- director with films such as Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, chief reporter of a tabloid scandal sheet called ing from the speakers tells him how to act like a What About Bob? and Housesitter, keeps the pace "Hush-Hush" (which i;s in effect a thinly veiled man, it berates Howard for doing the exact oppo- moving. If we could only care about what happens ode to the real magazinee "Confidential"). Sid pub- site, as if it can see his every move. Kline is a gift- to these characters then we may want to take a lit- lishes trash and he knovvs it. Embarrassing photos ed comedic actor, and he gets to let loose here, tle longer to get to the conclusion. of young stars and breaiking news of Hollywood dancing around his house in an uncontrollable I do have to admit that the first 20 minutes of this arrests are his bread and butter. He knows the peo- fashion. film annoyed me so much that it may have tainted ple want to see it and tlhey're willing to pay. So is Tom Selleck is likable as Peter Malloy, the my view of the remainder. We are told, on the Sid. He is a close coiifidant of Detective Jack smarmy tabloid reporter out to get his story and night of the Oscars, that Howard and Emily are to Vincennes (Kevin Spac:ey), whom he regularly show that he cares. Selleck takes a chance playing be married on Sunday, four days away. That would "donates" funds to in order to be continued on nextpage THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 20 ~B~iA·~i~·~4~5~i~$6~~~SR-Ta4EQsa~"PPslX FEATURES By Jennifer Hobin death of someone that she hated in the first place. her life living in virtual poverty so that she can help She acknowledged death as a sad thing but wasn't, the poor? We like pretty blonde princesses who I was pleased and yet somewhat shocked when I like others, moved by the death of this particular parade around at parties. Fun! Fun! Fun! We also first saw "The Misery Chick" episode of MTV's person. Despite Daria's lack of emotions, her family, like stupid and obnoxious jocks, but only after Daria. Besides being a terribly funny show, its social classmates, and teachers began to solicit her advice they're dead. commentary always hit the mark. This particular in order to deal with their grief. Since There seems to be a real problem with episode was aired (intentionally) a few days after Daria is miserable all the time she could our priorities when people care more Princess Diana was killed and during the height of surely help them to deal with being mis- about which designers created Diana's the media frenzy. What was sort of shocking about erable, couldn't she? wardrobe than they do about the current Daria was that the plot was incredibly similar to the By drawing an analogy between state of our government (possibly evi- situation surrounding Diana's death. "Misery Chick" and the death of Princess denced by the outcry over Versace). It is "Misery Chick" centers on the death of a star foot- Diana, I do not mean to equate the per- easy to blame the media for spoonfeeding ball player and alum (the equivalent of Diana in our sonalities of Diana and the arrogant jock. us this trivial crap even as we renew our analogy) of Daria's high school. The high school is Rather, the similarities are found in the annual subscription to Star magazine, but, buzzing with excitement as faculty and students situation surrounding their deaths; a lot like any other business, the media sells the eagerly anticipate the arrival of their knight in shin- of people mourning for no good reason. product that people want to buy. I've heard ing armor (because football players are an impor- Neither Diana's death, nor perhaps any- again and again that people wanted to tant addition to any school). Unfortunately every- one else's death, warrants the craze that "buy" Diana because she's just like us - one (except for Daria, who was not so crazed to swept through two nations. Yes, Diana she's like your average Joe. I guess- that's begin with) is in for a rude awakening, as the star did some wonderful things: she was true.I just don't tell people about my Swiss turns out to be an obnoxious, conceited, sexist slob. involved in important charity work; she bank account and private jet. Daria wins the name "Misery Chick" from this was influential in having landmines The take-home message of "Misery delightful character partially because of the way she removed from Asian nations; she tended Chick" was a message advocating realism. dresses, but also because he sees her as being one of to sick children in hospitals. But what Daria was seen as a desensitized pessimist those "chicks" that never smile and are seemingly else did she have to do with her time and by her classmates and at one point by her never happy about anything. her money? She was a princess and a best friend Jane. However, rather than To make a long story shorter, the football player millionaire. Oh, but she sold seventy- being an emotionless person Daria felt that that everyone hates dies when a goal post falls on nine of her most expensive dresses and her feelings should have significance. She him. After the incident, teachers and students both donated the money to charity, that's sig- would not be sad just because someone display an outpouring of emotion similar to that nificant_ Should we be adorinecneonle died. nor wouldX.ýxýý_ý V she. .ý X.like - the- )__iock more which surrounded Diana's death, except on a small- who own seventy-nine dresses to begin with? I'm because he was dead. Had the death had a signifi- er scale. In fact, everyone seems to have forgotten going to say "No." There are hard-working people cant impact on her life, or on the world in general, about the rank personality the football player had, all over the world that donate what little time they she might have been more emotive. It did not, nor and instead elevates him to godly status after his have left in their work week to charitable causes. did Diana's death. People will continue to do good death. And he was only a football player to begin These are the people acting in a truly altruistic man- things in the world and people will always crusade with? Daria, however, sees the inherent contradic- ner, but they won't ever get media recognition. And for charitable causes. You just won't see their faces tion in being excessively sad and emotional over the who cares about a nun that spends six decades of on the cover of Time magazine. ""~"" ""~~ ~"""~8~""""""""~~ ~sR~.·.~smssc~c~aas~iru~FR·ar~ - --~·r -~ra~-Bp·~ae~·las~as~r~aas~a~ .~ I~b9~9~ii~se~gpl~cp~~ "Veronica Lake." continuedfrom previous pageI the first on the scene. But it is brains alone. His commanding officer (James company's a symbiotic relationship, as Sid often gets tips that Cromwell) doesn't think he has what it takes to As more people get closer to the truth, more peo- he passes onto Jack in order to make sure he gets succeed, namely be willing to shoot a suspect in ple end up dead, and something strange seems to the story and Jack gets the notoriety. Jack is also the the back to "save the taxpayers some money." happen to our protagonists. White begins to realize technical advisor for a popular television cop The story itself centers around several murders, that the violence may be taking over, while Exley show, "Badge of Honor" ("Dragnet"). He is that may or may not have to do with the corrup- starts to think that there may be no other way. Hollywood all the way. Posing for pictures with tion of the L.A. police department, "the best Even the smarmy Vincennes begins to remember criminals in front of movie premieres and hob-nob- department in the country." After several Mexican the true reason he became a cop. bing with all the stars. Sid, even though he shows immigrants are brought into the station on suspi- The script, by Brian Helgeland and director up only periodically, seems to push the story cion of assaulting a couple of cops, the officers in Curtis Hanson, based on James Ellroy's massive along. You feel that without him there, these char- the precinct decide to dispense their own justice. tome, keeps the audience guessing and second acters would have no reason to do anything other An investigation ensues into the cause of the melee guessing the moves and motives of everyone on than wanldr around and do their iobs. Mavbe cor- and several cops are targeted to be made the scape- screen. The story is so rich that it could easily be a ruption would be down, goats. During this course four hour movie. Hanson gets top performances maybe not, but it sure would of time Exley proves that out of his entire cast, and Spacey could very easily be less interesting. Sid is also he is a player after all. see himself being nominated again for supporting the narrator of this tale, Even though he agrees to actor. His direction moves the story along and it speaking in a tone that seems testify against these offi- seems brisk at it's 2 hour and 15 minute running to be saying, "Yes, this is cers, knowing full well time. tragic, but you know you that he will become the During this time period it was not uncommon for want to hear all the gory sworn enemy of every- mobsters to have great influence over, and even be details." Voyeurism in its body in the precinct, he good friends with, many Hollywood stars. Thrown lowest form. manages to secure him- into the mix of the film are some true-life stories Adding to this powerful self a promotion to that not many would recognize. Gangsters Mickey cast is Russell Crowe, as Detective Lieutenant, Cohen and Johnny Stompanato were regulars on Officer Bud White, a no-non- exactly where he wanted the L.A. scene. In the film Cohen is arrested for tax sense cop who prides him- to be. We now realize that evasion (hey, if it was good enough to get Al self on his tireless protection he can get what he wants Capone) and Stompanato is seen dining with Lana of women. White is a violent through manipulation, Turner. In real life, Stompanato and Turner were an *1 . I._%I". . - . % . I- £ man, and is usually ca~lei •. . "~? -. j-- j wit n ever a Uirrp o item, until her daughter stabbed him to death in when the higher ups -needa c ession from a sus- blood spilled. 1958. pect or information from an informant. He's a These murders, one being a cop who was forced L.A. Confidential is full of the glamour and deca- good cop and he knows how to get the job done, out because of the jailhouse beatings, begin to take dence that was Hollywood in the 50s. It is also very and even though his means may be crude, you on a life of their own. Theories are made, suspects timely in its portrayal of police violence, corrup- know that this is the guy you'd want standing by are brought in and everyone runs in circles. A high tion and the public's need of some good dirt. I you in a time of need. In direct contrast to him is priced prostitution ring, where the girls are "cut" guess the more things change, the more they stay Edward Exley (Guy Pierce), a goody-goody cop to look like famous movie starlets, comes into play. the same. who wants to get ahead in the department on Kim Basinger (in possibly her best role ever) is the OCTOBER 1, 1997 PAGE 21 ISSUES ·P -- P------C-·~)··~--~P sa · __~TWe~-~_s~~ ~·~I1I -d~ll~·IPIC 668111.--- ·~-~118~9·_ -elp-p--·b___ CC------d -e~·Qe~·IAC~%(IIAII~bllC Il~a~·p~i·~s~1LBBbl ~i~ 11 A..TC..ELEV1 1..l N_ By Jana White WOULDN'T TRADE FOR A MILLION DAMN ly real that I think that they should show it to high DOLLARS: school students. I don't know why. Maybe they Okay, so I'm a T.V. junkie! Maybe you are too. 1) The O.J. Verdict: I cut class just to see it. need to see that death is uncool...that death is Maybe you're in denial. And maybe like me you History, er, pop culture in the making! Who am I final...and that a body in full rigor mortis is sur- think the theme from "Sanford and Son" should be kidding? I just tuned in to see Fred Goldman's prisingly hard to drag around. the new National Anthem. If you're also like me, moustache. It makes me laugh. 2) The Tribute to Jim Henson: Jim Henson, the you take a certain amount of pleasure from 2) Tonya Harding's Skate Lace Breaking at the creator of "The Muppets", was one of my heroes; remembering great moments in television history, Olympics: Such a classic sports moment. That's and when he died I was really bummed out. as well as significant moments that have become what the Olympics are all about: honor, good Thought I'd catch the tribute special. Thought embedded into our popular culture. To illustrate sportsmanship, hitting rivals in the knee with wrong. It was probably the saddest, most depress- my point I have have compiled a list that I hope batons. When I saw that crying freak scuttle off the ing piece of work I have ever seen. The gang of will enlighten, amuse, educate and maybe even ice in the MIDDLE of her number, I thought I died Muppets gather around and cry together about the throw some pity in my way. and went to heaven. loss. Just then Jim's alter ego, (and personally THINGS THAT TO THIS Who expected anything invented muppet) Kermit comes in, and, with a DAY I WISH I SAW ON less? slightly unfamiliar voice asks, "Hey guys, what's T.V: 3) David Letterman's the matter?" I think I broke a tear duct. 1) The Beatles on "The Ed First Show on CBS: Yeah, 3) The "Cheers" Series Finale: I never was a Sullivan Show": Or Elvis, I had school the next day. "Cheers" fan. I didn't watch the series that much. either one would be fine. Yeah, I had homework. But I admit I was worn down by the publicity The point is that thirty years Yeah, it was worth it. Just crush. I'm only human. I watched it and felt so later people are still blah- to see Paul Newman dirty because I felt like I had just participated in blahing about it. A definite stand up and utter the something that I had no right participating in. once in a lifetime moment, a line, "Where the hell are Kinda like going to somebody else's high school really big "shew". the singin' cats!?" was reunion. 2) Lady Diana's Wedding even kinda worth it. 4) Any Episode of 'Jenny Jones" Entitled "You're to Prince Charles: Sure, I was only four years old, 4) The Premier of All Three Amy Fisher Movies: Too Fat to Wear That!": I'm all for having confi- but I'm pissed off that I didn't recognize the cul- Just to say I saw them all. Just to say I'm not dence in yourself, but I think there's a fine line tural significance of it all (especially now.) I ashamed of it! I enjoyed the many plot twists and between, "Hey, I'm proud," and "Hey, look how big watched Princess Di's funeral to make up for it...it the many disjointed New "Yawk" accents. Until my ass is." Let alone having it measure on the "Ass- just wasn't the same somehow. then, Long Island hadn't gotten that much press o-meter." (Ever hear of the phrase "laughing at you 3) The Last "Tonight Show" with Johnny Carson: since...I don't know when. P.S. We all know Drew and not with you"?) After viewing one particular Hey, I enjoy emotional TV., even if it's phony emo- Barrymore's "Amy" kicked ass. It's at your local episode I realized that the laws of Physics haven't tion felt by a bunch of phony people. Bette Midler Blockbuster, go rent it sometime. got anything on a leopard printed spandex. I still to Johnny: Wind Beneath my Wings? Yeah, right. 5) The Opening of Al Capone's Vault: My very wake up screaming. They probably hadn't even spoken to one another first exposure to the patented "media overhype". 5) The "Gilligan's Island" Rescue Special: They since Nixon was in office. Everybody and their Grandma watched as finally get off the freaking island! Oh, but all is not 4) Geraldo Rivera Getting his Nose Broken by Geraldo Rivera stood in front of this giant concrete well! The castaways go their separate ways and Skin Heads: Primo violence at its best! Did he wall and regaled the entire country with stories of they all discover that America has changed. They deserve it? Did he not deserve it? If you're asking Scarface and his "secret" vault. Poor Geraldo. I felt feel displaced, like strangers in a strange land. yourself that then you missed the whole point. bad for him trying to salvage his career as he later They decide to take another ride, just for old time's 5) The Final Episode of "Mr. Belvedere": What pawed through mounds of useless dirt. I bet Al sake. And guess what? THEY GET STUCK ON happened to Mr. Belvedere?! I happened to miss Capone's still laughing. I know I am. THE SAME STUPID ISLAND ALL OVER AGAIN! the finale, must I pay for it every day of my life?! THINGS THAT I SAW ON T.V., BUT I PRAYED I think Gilligan deserved better than that! If not They never show it in reruns! If anyone knows if TO GOD I DIDN'T SEE: Gilligan, then the Professor! I would have pre- he went back to England or stayed with the 1) The L.A. Coroner's Office Special on A&E: It ferred that the writers leave some mystery. I'd like Owens' I'd really love to know. I'm losing sleep was like watching an outdoor Air Show knowing to think they never left. I'd also like to think that over it. the pilots involved are totally drunk; you wasn't to the Skipper at least got a change of clothes. THINGS THAT I DID SEE ON T.V. THAT I look away but you just can't. It was so disgusting- "Action," continuedfrom page 6 those of you that care and those of you that don't towards the environment? If there are any that will care, we all have yet another chance to join togeth- directly announce their lack of compassion er and do something about this place. SEAC. towards the environment, how popular are they? Student Environmental Action Coalition. Maybe Joining SEAC won't hurt. Sitting around and some of you know SEAC already. SEAC is ulti- watching your surroundings get more and more mately a national organization that consists and is polluted is sedentary and infertile. Actively partic- lead by its member groups, which can be college, ipating in destroying the environment is hateful high school, or community youth groups that have and mindless. a commitment to the environment. Within SEAC, If you are interested, SEAC meets every week at the country is divided into 17 regions (the NY- 12:45 PM on Wednesdays. If you are definitely SEAC is in region 15), and within each region, there eager to get involved, there will be a clean-up of the are often smaller groups that have have complete forest area around the Kelly Quad on Friday, autonomy, granted that they follow some reason- October 10 at 3 PM. Don't worry about having to go able responsibilities, such as paying annual dues home on Friday. Just go home afterwards and and presenting updates regarding activities to the avoid an overcrowded train! There will be lots of national office. things going on, not just cleaning up the place a lit- Come help us make SEAC a recognized club. Join tle and spreading environmental awareness and in our future activities that will only make you a compassion. There will be live music! Meet the happier person and make you feel good about musicians. There will be new people to meet. You yourself, guaranteed. Think about it. There is noth- like socializing, right? There will be food. So keep ing to be embarrassed about. Bearing active com- your eyes and ears open for any flyers or posts on passion towards one's environment can only grant this awesome event. See you there! rewards to one's life. How many congressmen out there are explicit or proud about their arrogance o, --- --~ ------ShirlA THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 22 I- ·I IIC -- IIBII-·l~lll~b·~l~IL-LIBI 311~-qB~rC-~9CI YI~Wirra~-~ppll~81~·a~ - -- -.RBP~-a4la39srrP-·1~LI ---s~---c~-- -e ~--~---·-WBo -- ·-- II qg ISSUES Tnm gonna LiFe ore ver! By Matthew Vernon Xavier Willemain The club is owned and run by David Suzanne is played by Heidi Noelle Lenhart, Graysmark, a former theatrical actor who, who has appeared in several TV movies with On Wednesday, September 24th, I was given unable to find that ever-elusive fame himself, names like "Victim Of Innocence" and "Acts Of the rare honor of viewing the two hour series moved from New York to Los Angeles and Obsession." In the first episode, she begins a premier of the new weekly television musical decided to teach. David is played by William R. romance and professional relationship with drama "Fame L.A." Chills ran up and down my Moses. You may remember him from "Mystic some random Grammy-award-winning singer spine as I sat waiting for the show; as one of Pizza", "Melrose Place", or his twenty-five (who we're supposed to think is attractive and three audience members, I was guaranteed free appearances as Perry Mason's lil' buddy Ken powerful). He reminded me of Cody, the dumb "Fame L.A." stuff. In addition to free stuff, I Malansky. Dave is a hard working guy, and guy from "Step By Step". "Cody" invites her to was excited by the possibility that, if the show amidst feeling jealous of his ex-wife's success, visit him and record in "Legacy Music Recording sucked, I could say "Fame + L.A. = LAme", and he's busy keeping an eye on Marcus Carilli. Studio," where she meets T.J. Baron (see below). that would be witty. Unfortunately, although Carilli is his business manager, who is always "Cody" then proceeds to steal Suzanne's music, the show was an over-acted, cliche-ridden, trying to transform Who's Who from a suffering and she's crushed. Why, if it weren't for the lov- redundant, Spellingesque melodrama, it money-sink into a successful business by selling ing guidance of Ryan (see above), she might showed some definite promise. out David's precious principles and actor-friend- have jumped off the Hollywood sign to her cer- The show centers around "Who's Who," an ly atmosphere for corporate sponsorship or a tain death (one of three near suicides in the first L.A. club and acting school, and the beautiful debt from David's successful ex-wife. David episode alone). and talented students there who are trying des- teaches actors to find the truth within them- T.J. Barron is a classically trained composer perately to break into Hollywood. Well-directed selves, and takes a lot of video interviews of his who wants to write pop music; so he works in a (and superbly edited), the "musical drama" is a students that provide cool segue between scenes. recording studio for nothing and hangs around true rarity on television today. Although not real- Marcus is played by Andy Milder, and if you with the talent. He didn't have much of a role in ly a traditional "musical drama" in old don't recognize him from "Apollo 13", you'll the first episode, but the official "Fame L.A". Hollywood's Broadway-style, the show does fea- know him from his fifty television commercials, web page (http://www.fame-la.com) promises ture plenty of singing and dancing that often including a very memorable McDonald's spot that he'll be slowly falling in love with Suzanne. looks and feels like a musical video. Those of you in which he tries in vain to get a baby to smile Puerto Rican sensation Rosalyn Sanchez (the frightened by broadcasting in which the cast for a camera. first Latina on "As the World Turns") plays Lili spontaneously bursts into song and dance: fear Brent David shows up for a guest appearance Arguela, the only dancer in a major role. In the_ not! The majority of the musical sequences (with in the first episode. It's a shame Brent isn't a reg- first episode she struggles through the process only two exceptions) in the show were in per- ular, he was one of the better actors (and singers) of finding her first real gig. With the aid of an fectly natural settings: performers on stage, at in the show. Brent, a veteran of televisions shows extremely talented street-dancer and a friendly auditions, in the recording studio, on the street, such as "Dark Skies" and "The Tracy Ullman director's assistant, she ultimately lands a posi- etc. As for the quality of these performances, the Show" plays Brent Lagget, David's moodiest, tion dancing in a very stylish music video music is OK, the dancing is excellent (to my and, perhaps, most talented, student. Brent's which takes place on a rooftop at night. untrained eye), and the sketch comedy team is cousin Ryan (some young punk from Montana, Thrilling, isn't it? terrible. The actors play the role of sketch come- or Missouri, or one of those M-states) comes out The rest of the Who's Who crew is rounded dians well, but the material is obviously written to L.A. to live with his big brother and pursue an out by Reese Toussaint (played by Stephanie by a drama writer, not a comedy writer. acting career, but he's shocked to find that his big Dicker, General Hospital's Gina Williams) a brother is a junkie, and large chested manipulative actress who "feels has taken all his money invisible" and the romantically involved sketch and left him with comedians, Adam Lewis and Liz Clark. Lewis nowhere to live. Ryan is played by Matt Winston, another one of Laggett is, a little too those guys you think you've seen somewhere ironically (like wearing who's been in countless commercials. Clark is M white after labor day), played by Lesli Margherita, a Broadway hope- played by Christian ful who has done mostly stage and screen work Kane, some loser who for Disney. BRUTALI1 moved to L.A. from Despite the mostly green cast, "Fame L.A." nowhere thinking he has a truly professional look, thanks to an T 1997 could be an actor, just accomplished crew. Kenny Ortega, the show's Tuesday October 7 9 like Ryan. Unfortunately, director, has worked for many years as an actor, r e 71DIT the first episode seems to dancer, director, and choreographer, and was a UNITI. Cultural Centej suggest tnat iyan is me student and friend of the incomparable Gene lead, but maybe it'll be Kelly. The show's two choreographers are also more of an ensemble quite accomplished. Who can forget Marguerite show. Ryan and Brent Pomerhn Derricks stunning choreography in have a very touching the heart-pounding masterpiece "Showgirls"? scene (in which every Second choreographer Peggy Holmes also had sentence is made more an illustrious career, laying her gifted hands on poignant with the addi- such productions as "A Very Brady Sequel" and tion of a concluding several Michael Bolton videos (and who can "man!") of confrontation, forget her acting role as Duck #1 in the 1984 and by the end of the cheerleader comedy "Gimme an 'F'," a.k.a. episode, Brent is on his "T&A Academy 2"). That's the kind of thing way home to Kansas (or you can't find on the official "Fame L.A". web wherever; do we really site. That and the fact that one of the show's care?) for treatment. executive producers (other than creator Richard Ryan stays behind, how- B. Lewis and writer Patricia Green) Mark Stern ever, to pursue his acting was the Assistant Director on a little picture career and his burgeon- called "Wanda Whips Wall Street", re-released ing romance/friendship as "Stocks and Blondes." with young singer/song- writer Suzanne Carson. I -- - - - I ' --- ~ - i OCOBER 1, 1997 PAGE 23 ISSUES By David M. Ewalt The Rig Veda asks the question to Visvakarman, the Nonetheless, the fact "All-Maker": is this: There are a lot of Welcome, dear reader, to this inaugural version of What was the primal matter? What the beginining? creation stories. They c Question the Answers.... the column that handles the How and what manner of thing was that from which flict. Only one can tough questions. The Maker of All, see-er of all, broughtforth Therefore, most (if not a Most newspaper columns are tr';e, silly things, deal- The earth, and by his might the heavens unfolded? ries are false. ing with only the most brainless of questions - Despite our previously bold positions, we will not "Should I dump my husband?" or "Was that a bad The Bible makes the whole process seem simple: hazard a guess as to which of the religious stories touch?" This column, however, is deep. Deeper than "In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth. might be "the right one." Instead, we choose to the darkest ocean trench. Deeper than the national And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness believe in an equally outlandish but far less poetic debt. Deeper than Barry White's voice. was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved explanation: the "Big Bang Theory." It is our intention to gradually work our way through upon the face of the waters. Modern science has pooled its resources and come A1- __ - ,4C A fdG",-i TidL 1-hav hoI*e* 7 nhtfthoro li hl to answer the big question. all the great mysteries ana1 conuna-- uou saiu.,ue L tILtue.ICCe Utnv lCg Itl. as i,. up with a doozy of a tale human existence, leaving you, the- n The gist of the the( y is this: amongst the most enlightened of beir Other creation myths are more, well, creative: A long time ago, there was absolutely nothing. Then, Either that, or we'll fill up some spa< In the beginning the Universe was created. all of a sudden, there was a fantastic explosion, and each week and get a couple of yuks. This has made a lot of people very angry and been all of the matter in the universe burst into existence When setting out on such a weighty widely regarded as a bad move. from a single point. Everything spread outwards endeavor, it's of utmost importance Many races believe that it was created by some from there. that you start off on the right foot. If the sort of God, though the Jatravartid people of To visualize this sort of conception, scientists rec- Bible began with "Once upon a time," Viltvodle VI believe that the entire Universe was in ommend the following mental exercise: nobody would've taken it seriously. Fact sneezed out of the nose of a being called the Great Imagine you've filled a sink basin full of sand. You Therefore, we've decided to start ;reen Arkleseizure. then pull the plug from the sink, and videotape it as this column off with a bang. 'he Jatravartids,who live in perpetualfear of the time the sand drains out. call The Coming of The Great White Handkerchief, Now watch the tape backwards. Mass spirals into HOW DID THE UNIVERSE BEGIP Tall blue creatures with more than fifty arms each, existence from nothingness. Something from nothing. who are therefore unique in being the only race in history Coolness. It is this, the most primal of life's mysteries, which to have invented the aerosol deodorant before the wheel. Scientists add that, eventually, gravity will have its has caused science and philosophy the greatest way with our universe and everything will collapse amount of trouble. However, most creationists argue that The back upon itself. The tape runs backwards, and then For.as long as man has been able, he has turned his Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy isn't really a viable forwards. The Big Bang becomes the Big Crunch. face to the stars and asked, "Where did all this come source of information. Sounds kind of like the "Coming of The Great White from?" Primitive man would wander from his cave at There are two main problems with religious creation Handkerchief," doesn't it? night, squinting his eyes against the brightness and stories. The first is that they're so subjective. glory of the heavens, awestruck by the majesty of cre- Depending on where you are born and who your par- ation. Moments later he would be eaten by a bear. ents are, your perspectives on Life, the Universe and Next Issue: Phlegm. Subsequent attempts at answering "the big one" Everything can vary wildly. have only been slightly more successful. The other problem is that the religious explanations Got a question? Email us at [email protected] Over time, man moved out of caves and into vil- are wrong. or snail mail us at: lages, where he, was soon organized into religious It is far from our wish to defame the beliefs of others, The Stony Brook Press hierarchies. These groups soon tried to address the and it is even farther from our wishes to be labeled infi- Room 060, Student Union problem of creation. dels and have a holy crusade launched-- against us. Stony-- Brook, NY --11794-3200 An Anatomy of Why We Do - i-----, I -- By Steveoh and horny. He sees Eve by the apple tree. He saun- though. Got milk? No, I've got a stomach ache. Stony Brook Press Alumnus ters up in a suave style, gives her a look, and begins How about food? As we all know, fruit and veg- Writer Emeritus humping her ear. It probably happened. Or Eve is all etables come from the earth, ard with proper All-Around Good Guy ready to go, and she sees Adam looking extra manly cleansing, are not only nutritional but also deli- today. Eve saunters up in a suave style, she tackles cious. Early man surely ate these foods and rev- Did you ever wonder where stuff came from? I him, and inserts his big toe into her excited arena. Is elled in their delightfulness. But how about a pine mean, shit had to come from somewhere. What we it instinct that allowed us to procreate? Did we fol- tree? To Early Man, what's the difference between take for granted as being commonplace nowadays low the way of the dog and jump on each other's a tomato plant and a pine tree? Early man saw a had to have origins where hit-and-miss ruled and backs while scratching their sides? Or did we shit in big brown solid thing hanging out in the middle of conformism was nothing more than a dream. Our a nest and sit on it, hoping they would hatch? the forest. Animals played on it. It was strong and everyday actions, our everyday mannerisms, our What caused Adam and Eve to kiss? A kiss is beautiful. Why not gnaw on it? Six teeth later, he everyday habits all came from somewhere, and we merely pressing our lips together and sucking, and probably came to a brook and saw all these color- owe it to Early Man for our knowledge and safety. eventually you graduate to French 345 where ful and shining rocks. Hey man, something that Sex is a nice example. We all know how to have sex tongues are introduced. But, really, would we know looks so good has to be so tasteful. With bloody because it has been in front of our faces since we to kiss if we didn't always see it in front of us? Why gums and shattered teeth in mouth, the hungry were born. Through the wonders of video pornogra- not pressing our ears together? Or maybe shave our Early Man probably ate limestone and cursed with phy, smut rags, and hardcore rap music, we are able elbows together, like Gene Wilder and Madeline pain and frustration. He made mental notes to truly understand what to do and how to do it. Sex Kahn did at the train station in Young Frankenstein? accordingly. "Tress no food. Rock no food. Grunt." has been a part of our lives, whether subconsciously Or how about a chest thump that is now popular We take for granted that we know to chew on a or physically, since our first reception to it. But what among pro athletes? My question is, who were the tomato but not a bridge. Early man's indiscrimi- did the first couple do? Let's use Adam and Eve as first kissers? They are truly innovators of a genre. nate eating habits are solely responsible for our our hypothetical example. He's been walking My next subject is milk. We all know where milk nice teeth (Jewel excluded). around Eden aPa 90 degree angle because Eve looks comes from. Milk comes from a cow. You yank on Despite our belitf-'ing of Early Man, we must so good in her floral arrangement. Eve is moistened the cow and milk comes out. How dic we know understand that without them, we would be tree- because Adam was so attractive when he was out that? How did we know that yanking on a cow writ gnawing cow molesters who don't know what to picking apples. WI•at4 aused them to stick his 90 cause milk to come out? The man who discovere,:. do with ourselves. Early Man - the first scientists - degree angle into her moistened nectar? What made milk is a sick pervert. You know what he wasv going I salute ye', a nd your entrepreneurship. him experiment ~-.; 9 1 :not;o f:ng the simelIf for. Fucking sick bastard. What made him drink it, What's funny abo;_:: :.l .... . id-missi. sce- though? That's my question. Who' n-ac:e :im steveoh's ra;ts can be found at naricIs that npo-u• 'ardon the puun Adam is all hot drink.. that? Ugh. I'm sure the cow •cin't mind www.geocities com/ SouthBeach/Marina/7158 ^~~~~~~ ^'r'^: ^r u'^ _i-":''%4 By Guy Cleveland looked like, I would find myself at a loss. This per- September 26th, In Front Of Hum~e son was defined more by her lack of characteristics Building, 1 pm GOONS IN THE MIST is a series that uses an anthro- than by any specific feature. I could not overhear My pre-lunch apertif of Southern Comfort and pological approach to study a person on-campus known their conversation, but it went on for some time, 7UP was interrupted by some solid physica as the Goon. The Goon is a great mystery, one of the through the smoking of numerous cigarettes. footage of the Goon in high-speed movementL did most unique humans who has ever walked the earth, and Could not spot brand of cigarette smoked. not see him until he rounded the corner formed by deserves a great deal of intense scrutiny. Hopefully, this the hill between Humanities and the Psychology study will provide that scrutiny. September 23rd, In Library Bathroom, 2:30 pm buildings, but when I did, I followed his progess A breathless member of the anthropological team as far as I could, until he entered Javits. All avail- September 17th, At Bus Stop In Front Of Union reports that he witnessed the Goon voiding matter able flesh on him was in motion, buffeted to and (Union Side), 5 pm in one of the bathrooms in the library. Apparently, fro by the massive speed at which the Goon was The Goon's favorite choice of reclination in a public the process, which could not be seen due to the traveling. He was wearing a backpack on both place appears to be seated in a cross-legged fashion. closing of the stall door, involved much turning shoulders; this accoutrement also bounced up and On this occasion, I chanced to see my subject wear- around, the removal of much clothes, and an down from the vibrations of the Goon's stapede. ing a tight pair of black jeans and a thick sweatshirt explosive, wet noise that could only have been the The expression on his face was one of paic, per- with horizontal white-and-black stripes. The sun beginning of the Goon's excretion. Said member haps even desperation. NOTE: The Goo was glowing on his countenance would have made one did not remain present for the remainder of the wearing the same shirt witnessed on the 25th. I with more of an artistic streak itch for pen and process. Said member will be demoted to cooking have begun to wonder whether or not itis~ shit i paper; I was more fascinated with the subtle play of staff. NOTE: The Goon was wearing the same shirt connected to some kind of religious idt2uaL. It is lip and nostril, as the Goon silently engaged in his witnessed on September 17th. unknown at this time whether or not the sht has thought processes. First a lip curl, then a cheek-flat- been washed in between successive wearings; tening smile, and finally an expression that was a September 25th, Dormitory Lobby, 9 pm based on the brief whiff I got, I would assaue Mnt. cross between a nasal inhale and a curled upper lip, Witnessed another one of the Goon's companions. revealing two dusky yellow teeth. He was of the same size as the Goon, but did not September 27th, On Line In The Union Del, 1 pm bear quite as much girth. (One might call his skin The Goon got into an argument with the woman September 17th, Outside Dormitory, 12 am pasty and covered with baby fat, but the obesity behind the register. He protested (in a loud nasal For reasons that are not yet clear, the Goon often seen in the Goon was absent here.) He spoke with whine) that the clerk had mischarged hifmfo what chooses to smoke cigarettes outside of his living an accent unlike that of the Goon and laughed at appeared to be three small tubs of peanut butteu. quarters. Sometimes he sits on the steps, some- what appeared to be his own jokes. A lot. His laugh "It's 69 cents each! You charged me for $27-15 The times he gets up and roams; he did both at least was short and harsh, the laugh of an adolescent clerk tried to explain about sales tax to the GoC•r once. This time, however, he was accompanied by bully. His hair was slicked back and leather was but he just got disgusted and said, "Just ring itup- a companion, who appeared to be of young age (14 the predominant theme used in composing his Just ring it up." And that shirt again! This willneed - 18), female, white, and completely devoid of wardrobe. NOTE: The Goon was wearing the same deeper analysis. facial characteristics. If asked to describe what she shirt witnessed on the 23rd. L - L PACI Z~ ~TOiOcromBER IF 171717 PAGE 5 FEATURES ep~e~·lsl~esee~l~apa~lc~~ ,_ ~___ _ ~o~·~-~9~1~----···I-a~--·----~··- _ ---- I~---aae~s~--,~ap~-s ------~---~ ~aa a ~C D:~L CfA,,~c, rrTr,,,Llt,, uIi 1lll- . uyu b utinteritenol Faith No More w/special Overdrive", which lasted guest Limp Bizkit, for over 4 minutes before Roseland, 9/19 dissolving into cacapho- nous jamming. "Night Faith No More is one of Goat", from 1993's Houdini, the most underrated was broken off halfway bands in rock and roll. through by a nearly unen- Despite numerous per- durable stretch of feedback sonnel changes, scornful that found all three mem- reviews from the critics, bers sitting perfectly still, and an unfaithful public posing for the crowd while attracted only by the hit their instruments tested the single "Epic" and repulsed limits of Irving Plaza's by anything slightly origi- sound system. nal, they've emerged vic- Helmet took the stage for torious, a modern day a fast and furious set of progressive rock band only 12 songs. Perhaps real- capable of doing nearly izing they had a lot to live anything. Their songs up to after the sonic assault S------C-_--.....-.. ------. .. astound and amaze, and the lyrical complexities Machine (or Rage Against The House Of Cypress from Seattle, the band eschewed some of their leave fans struggling with the song's meaning well Korn, in this case), but to play a version of more experimental songs and got their hands dirty into the middle of the night, much the same way "Bombtrack" live? Boys, please! Too obvious. Brief with a few classics and the cream of the crop off Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin did many years back. moments of imaginative flair, like their cover of their new album, Aftertaste. This powerhouse performance carries over into George Michael's "Faith", were all-too-often buried Despite their spartan stance and no-frills appear- the live arena, as well. At long last, Faith No More under the weight of the band's mediocre playing ance, the band appeared to be having fun. The has obtained a guitarist suitable for them, making and inability to do anything intelligent with the rhythm section of Bogdan and Stanier kept the beat for a group that's composed of five excellent musi- few good ideas they had. going throughout the show without trying to cians -- which in turn creates a band greater than show-off -- they've been with singer/guitarist Page the sum of its parts. Helmet, Melvins w/special guest The Wharton Hamilton long enough to know that Helmet is his Individually, each member shined. New guitarist Tiers Ensemble, Irving Plaza, 9/22 baby, not theirs. Hamilton, who is sporting quite a Jon Hudson doesn't sound as wet-behind-the-ears Costanza and should probably hook up with lan as one might think; his chops sound confident, and Now that grunge is finally dead, it's fun to take MacKaye to get a Hair Club For Punks started, he can solo with the best of them. Bassist Billy an inventory of who survived and who didn't. occasionally hammed it up for the audience by Gould kept up the pace with drummer Mike Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, and Alice In Chains have playing guitar neck-to-neck with Chris Traynor, Bordin, who remains one of the best of his kind all either broken up, kind of broken up, or don't the band's other guitarist. New to Helmet, Traynor today -- no other drummer can say so much with so have much to do with grunge anymore; yet the will do just fine if he can learn to ignore the audi- little. Keyboardist Roddy Bottum played his role ence. I've never seen a non-vocalist spend so much admirably, despite the fact that his harmonies were smaller bands that caught a little popularity in the grunge invasion can still hold their own years after time looking directly at the crowd, and not his mostly drowned out by the punishing beat, and instrument. vocalist Mike Patton was at his Wayne Newton Nevermind. The meek SHALL inherit the earth. Or best. While 12 songs might seem like a disappointment Emerging to the strain of the theme from at least, Seattle. to some, it was actually a relief to me, because I 2001: A Space Odyssey, the band tore into Both Melvins and Helmet fall into this category. find Helmet can get tedious if you listen to them "Collision", followed by a version of their hit song, Melvins virtually gave birth to grunge; if it hadn't for too long. Sometimes less is more, a lesson "Midlife Crisis", that made the album version been for singer/guitarist King Buzzo, Kurt Cobain Helmet seems to have learned. Of the 12 songs sound tame by comparison. Faith No More often might have never gotten intopunk. Helmet signed they did play, each was superbly performed, repli- reworks their songs live, as in "Ashes To Ashes", with Interscope for A LOT OF MONEY (read: cating the fanciful guitar work in a live setting which abandoned atmosphere in favor of aggres- seven digits), but their hard-hitting riffs and mili- with almost no loss in accuracy or quality. sion, creating a fierce hard-rock number that can't taristic stance probably haven't fulfulled the "Milquetoast's closing guitar solo still raised the even be compared to the album version. dreams of the greedy executive who recruited hairs on the back of my neck, and the desolate con- As usual, the band had a few tricks up their them. fusion of "Like I Care" didn't lose an ounce of sleeve, -including a surprise cover of Burt So it's no surprise that in the aftermath of grunge, impact. The closer, "In The Meantime", was as bru- Bacharach's "This Guy's In Love With You", an both bands headlined one of New York City's tal and jarring as it is on album, if not more so. even more surprising cover of Deep Purple's smaller venues, Irving Plaza. Based on the crowd By the way, Helmet deserves a hand for NOT "Highway Star" and a rendition of "Epic" that of people choking the dance floor, New York City playing their signature song, "Unsung". found Patton crooning R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can still has a hard-on for experimental music, be it Interrupted in the midst of tuning his guitar by Fly" during the song's final piano notes. Making chunky Seattle grunge or hardcore wizardry. cries for the song, Hamilton smiled ruefully and use of a breath-powered keyboard (it looked a lit- The Melvins opened their set with a solemn ver- sion of "Amazing Grace" (yes, the hymn). The fact said, "aw, you guys have heard that a million tle like a cross between a Casio and a hookah). times." Patton added a mournful element to instrumental that one of the hardest, sludgiest bands on the The Wharton Tiers Ensemble opened the show songs like the theme to Midnight Cowboy, as well planet began their show with a hymn is indicative with a mission to annoy everyone in the audience. as enhance tunes like the Bacharach number with of the rest of their performance. A jazz-metal instrumental band whose new life. Just when things were about to get hard, they drummer is noted producer Wharton Tiers, the Ensemble Speaking of the lead singer, Patton engaged in a relaxed. Just when things calmed down and the lis- played song after song of raucous noise, which great deal more banter with the audience than he teners took their fingers out of their ears, Buzzo might have sounded entertaining on album, on my did at 1995's Roseland show. Marking off the gui- would scurry over to the amplifier for an ear-split- own time. But enduring it before the two headlin- tar solos, drinking toasts to the crowd's health, and ting blast of feedback. Regardless of what they ers was difficult, if not unbearable; when they prefacing the Bacharach cover by asking every- were doing, the Melvins did it LOUD, with all the brought out three modern-art dancers whose mean thing in the crowd what they ate for dinner (he at trappings such volume usually conveys: rattling age was probably 15, I started to feel sick. It was "24 Karat gold!"), Patton showed just how expertly teeth, aching eardrums, and a kind of delightful their closing song, which drew out to about 10 he can work an audience. If the band ever breaks headache that one can only get at a good concert. minutes long and consisted of a series of false cli- up, he always has a career as a Las Vegas lounge Much of the music the Melvins used to hammer maxes, that put the icing on the cake; as singer waiting for him. their audience into deafened submission was they left the stage, someone in the crowd screamed, "Thank Opening act Limp Bizkit were as flaccid as their improvisational or previously unrecorded. Two you, go die now please!" name and then some. It's one thing to spend a songs into the set, they kicked into a metal version THE STONY BROOK PRESS PAGE 26 FEATURES By John Giuffo This one hurts. See, I knew getting into the anthropology business, that it would sometimes be necessary to separate myself from what- r q7h-rCltnitrP it was I was stdvino Aft-r all in nrdpr to hp an tist, one has to be objective. Problem is, I gen- Polity Presidents Who Graduate From Stony iving Portrayed Themselves As Progressive :ates And Then Take Jobs With A Corporation <,Which Is Antithetical To Everything Student About, and I wanted to believe she was one of PresideAs a rWh 3 finest who have left the fold in order to better n for SUNY students across the state. Former sidents... was SASU president last year. I was r. She had taken that which she learned here at Brook and used it at the state-wide level. ned that Former Polity Presidents... has taken a ion with A Corporation Like Aramark. those students living under a rock, is that food der to which most resident students pay more semester to get less and less product at fewer An.dStudent AdvTaeme oeay to tes for more money. At each and every turn, lore money (Advantage my fucking ASS, you hit) from students and repays that financially t body with drastic service cuts coupled with ed on top of raised prices. To pretend Aramark nything other than robbing students blind is to ignore the facts. Polityirmer Presidents... works for them. The e person who spent so much time fighting for dent's rights. The same person who motivated more Stony Brook students to action than any other Polity President in recent history. The same person who fought for students' pocket- "tudetAdvoWacy books three years straight. I don't want to believe Former Polity I's,Ab ot. Presidents... worked so hard for students just to boost her resume, but the facts are plain. There's always the hope that she'll quit, and fulfill her destiny as a Great Student Leader. e~arsa~ls~es~e~8~l~i~sp~·wa ~g91~I~P. By Terry McLaren loneliness of a rejected man who feels he is com- two act, hour and a half production. The material pletely alone in the world but hasn't given up all for the songs in "Out!" came from interviews with On Sunday, September 28th the Staller Center hope yet. Many songs express the universal human men in the Chorus. As the show expanded, its cre- Recital Hall was filled with 50 passionate, singing need for love and acceptance for who you truly ators wanted to get the reactions of the performer's voices. The Connecticut Gay Men's Chorus per- are. My personal favorite was a foot-stomping parents. Those that were accepting of their sons' formed their musical production "Out!" to an hand-clapping gospel-style hymn called "No lifestyle were more than cooperative and support- enthusiastic audience. Based on interviews with Turning Back" which is sure to offend any ive. The interesting reactions were those of the par- the men in the chorus, the show is a montage of Southern Baptist who comes across it. The song ents who'd turned their backs on their children "coming out" stories and experiences that delivers basically says "You're out, you're free, and it's time because of their sexual orientation. Most of their a powerful and personal message of freedom. to start your new life." As I was enjoying this song reasons were based on the religious ideology that "Out's" real focus was on the families he I thought "This should really be on homosexuality is a sin. This prompted the writing of of the men and their reactions to the Co"ectietGay MenBs Broadway." the song "Friday"and anappearance by esushim- news that their father/ son/ brother Chorus The good news is that it just might self, who hangs out and talks to Mary Jane, a devout was gay. The familial reactions por- instncrk Dire be. I spoke to Peter Winkler after Catholic mother who loves and accepts her gay son, trayed on stage ranged from com- the performance and he informed despite her church's teachings on the matter. plete acceptance (It's cool, mom me that besides marketing "Out!" "Out!" is a unique, versatile show with incredi- already told me you were gay) to to other gay choruses, he was bly humorous moments. The song describing "Gay stinging rejections and proclamations working on getting it to Broadway. Heaven" had the audience howling. To me, of "You're sick!" and "You're going to The show has already filled the Liberace in silver hot pants just made the routine- hell!" The music, by Stony Brook 2,000 seat Schubert Theater and that, and the cracks at close-minded hatemongers v v...... music professor Peter Winkler, and would be a fresh addition to like Jesse Helms and the Christian Coalition. the lyrics by Winston Clark have the STf . Broadway's musical offerings. The Winston Clark even managed to work Martha ability to make the audience laugh ' i afi only disadvantage is that the now Stewart in there. What could be better? With all its one minute and cry the next. The 50 member cast would have to be hilarious moments, the overriding message of entire emotional spectrum is run through in such cut down to 8 principals. This is a shame, since "Out!" is a poignant one of having to risk rejection songs as "I Have Something to Tell You." "Don't the mass effect is part of what gives "Out!" its by those closest to you just to be yourself. Ask Don't Tell" addresses the U.S. military's sti- power and helps drive home its message. If the All in all, "Out!" is an enjoyable entertainment fling policy towards homosexuality. Another pow- cast has to be cut for the sake of Broadway experience that deserves to be seen by more peo- erful song, "Friday," shows the fury of some par- though, so be it. The show will still succeed and pie. Theater as good as "Out!" is usually only expe- ents when they find out the truth about their sons. continue to move the audience, rienced after a time and money consuming trip They subsequently reject their sons, telling them The creation of "Out!" has spanned two years, into Manhattan, so I was thrilled to see something that they'll be accepted and loved again "the with Clark writing lyrics and Winkler setting them this refreshing and original, especially here at Friday after never." The next song "The Flower in to music sometimes at the incredible rate of two a Stony Brook. the Desert," sung by Bruce Salender, addresses the week. At first it was a one act show and is now a OCTOBER 1, 1997 PAGE 27 THE FINAL WORD IIIP~DIPr -- ~ ~46~P L-·"41··lta-a~rrr~--~C-- ~ ,~p-- L--C ~s~-e~C------V% ---~- ---- __ B--Ue _L F _ I rPql Uutt, It I'm o wonaeruli wny Am I btll Single?, Infant Massage: The Power Of Touch, Make A Puppet Make A Friend, How To Read A Woman Like A book, How To Butcher Wild Game, and the animated Mr. T's Be Somebody Or Be Somebody's Fool. He has appeared in two TV movies, The Family Nobody Wanted and Unwed Father. There was also a rumor circulating around the Internet that he would be working with the hard rock band KISS on a live perfor- mance, as demonstrated by this posting on alt.music.kiss on August 10, 1997: Anyone know of a planned stage version of Charge at least once an episode. First on inclined to ask some kind of snide question, like The Elder? The word I got is that Willie Aames Grandpa Powell's "Reasons I Want To Die" list "was he smoking crack?" Well, the sad truth is (8 Is Enough) will be playing the role of the Boy. and a friend/responsibility of the sitcom's pro- that, yes, Buddy Lembeck was taking hits from I know this sounds strange but I heard about tagonist (played, as you will remember, by the rock. It never got as bad as crack, but he did through several usually reliable sources. (sic) Scott Baio), Buddy was always trying to score start snorting cocaine after the cancellation of and/or make money quickly, and inevitably Eight Is Enough in 1981, and was probably snif- In addition, Aames has shot a fishing video failed at either. A Tonto for Charles' Lone Rider, fin' the snuff all through his tenure in the Powell entitled "Pacific Legends: Yellowfin Tuna if you will. household. "But Charles! That TIE STONY BROOK PRESS' PAGE 28