NEWS AND VIEWS IN ENGLISH * FROM THE FACULTY OF EDUCATION MU

CZK 20 vol ume 7, number 2, Autumn ’07

Match the words with the pictures:

weeding hoe

spade

lawn edger

hoe-fork

spading fork

scuffle hoe

rake

lawn rake

shovel

hook

hoe

draw hoe

Source: Corbeil, Archambault. The Facts on File English/French: Visual dictionary. : Gemini, 1993. 2 editorial the messenger, Autumn ‘07

Dear readers,

I hope you will enjoy this issue, as ever. If you feel inspired by any of our articles, or whatever else, please feel free to contact us.

You might like to send us your comments or suggestions for articles, or, indeed, the articles themselves. We wish you a very Happy New Year. With thanks Your editor Gabriela Oaklandová the messenger, Autumn ‘07 in this issue 3

Editorial 2 Linguistics Pages: School of Linguistics: a Students’ Nightmare or Inspiration? Part I: Prague School by Martin Adam 4 Linguistics Pages: Account manager pro nereklamní p říjmy by Helena Havlí čková 7 Methodology Pages: Beneficial Ideas of Phonics-based Approaches by Pavel Richter 9 Methodology Pages: Using Correspondence in Teaching English... by Rita Collins 11 Literature Pages: Havel, Stoppard and the Plastic People of the Universe by Lucie Podroužková 12 Dissertation Pages: by Šárka Ml čochová 17 Translation Pages: by Tomáš Plavec 20 Travel Pages: Mexico by Gabriela Čížková 22 Travel Pages: My Fullbright Experience in U.S. by Irena H ůlková 25 Travel Pages: Linz Connexions: TEA Conference by Na ďa Vojtková 26 Travel Pages: Moscow by Kate řina Špalková 27 Technology pages: Accessibility Online by Aaron Collier 28 Poetry Pages: anonymous, Jan Brím, Hana B řoušková, La ďka Jagošová, Eva Mina říková Zuzana Píšt ěková, Katka Wiesnerová 30 Amy Jarvis’s Style Diary by Amy Jarvis 31 Back Cover: A Letter to the Chief

Founding Editor: Jeremy Garlick Managing Editor : Gabriela Oaklandová Editors: Andrew Oakland Graphics: Petr Najvar Staff Writers: Martin Adam, Aaron Collier, Rita Collins, Helena Havlí čková, Irena H ůlková, Martin N ěmec, Gabriela Oaklandová, Lucie Podroužková, Na ďa Vojtková Contributors: anonymous, Jan Brím, Hana B řoušková, Gabriela Čížková, La ďka Jagošová, Eva Mina říková, Zuzana Píšt ěková, Pavel Richter, Kate řina Špalková, Katka Wiesnerová

the messenger volume 7 number 2 published semianually Autumn ´07 published by PdF MU Department of English address Po říčí 7/9, Brno, 603 00, CZ ISSN 1214-6676 e-mail [email protected]

4 linguistics pages the messenger, Autumn ‘07

Jakobson and Nikolai Trubetzkoy). As their joint venture, they published a self-contained research programme labelled Theses [Téze ] at the First Congress of Slavic Philologists held in Prague in 1929. The contributions and texts Prague School of Linguistics: of the members of the Prague School were a Students’ Nightmare or Inspiration? regularly published in a famous series in the Part I: Prague School journal Travaux du Cercle Linguistique de Prague (TCLP), starting in 1929, and later Martin Adam also in Časopis pro moderní filologii

The students who have met me in the (renewed in 1991). classes of Functional and Communicative The first meetings of the Circle were held Syntax or Functional Sentence Perspective in Mathesius’ office at 4 Veleslavínova St., know that the Prague School has been one of which was the temporary seat of the English the most prominent topics of my lectures. Department of the Faculty of Arts of Prague's Some of them may consider this passion of . Only later was the mine ridiculous; others may have been Department of English transferred to new inspired... Anyway, every English student faculty premises in today’s Square. should be acquainted with Prague School The sessions were characterised by a friendly teaching, especially those studying at Prague but modest atmosphere, and led by the or Brno universities. honourable figure of Vilém Mathesius, the In this article (and probably one more to first Czech Professor of English. come), I would like to offer a brief outline of As has been mentioned above, the the basic data related to the Prague School of programme was focused specifically on Linguistics, its protagonists and teaching. critical re-evaluation of present-day The Prague School of Linguistics or the linguistics: programme theses were inspired Prague Circle (the more precise original label by the ideas of structuralism introduced into in French is Cercle Linguistique de Prague, the world of linguistics by Ferdinand de CLP, or its Czech equivalent Pražský Saussure (e.g. the dichotomies of the signifier lingvistický kroužek, PLK) was officially vs. signified, langue vs. parole, and the established on 6 October, 1926 as a scholarly concept of the arbitrariness of sign). The reaction to the linguistic principles and Praguean concept of structuralism was, concepts pursued in Europe until that time. however, complemented by the innovative Vilém Mathesius had nevertheless formulated dimension of the function of different the basic platform as early as 1911, during his components of the act of communication – memorable lecture on the potentiality of every element may perform different language [O potenciálnosti jev ů jazykových] functions in different contexts and situations. held at the Czech Royal Society, Prague. Furthermore, the members of the Prague The Prague School was basically a society School opposed the traditional (and until that of Czech (Vilém Mathesius, Bohumil Trnka, time primary) approach to the study of Bohuslav Havránek and Jan Muka řovský) and language – historical (diachronic) linguistics several foreign linguists (above all Roman dealing with isolated languages and language phenomena, advocating a synchronic the messenger, Autumn ‘07 linguistics pages 5 approach focused on language as a system at a certain stage of its development. Main Representatives: Overall, the teaching represented by the Prague School may be characterised by the label functional structuralism. (Functional Vilém Mathesius (1882-1945) structuralism was actually a wise fusion of the • the founding father, chairman and leading two main existing streams of linguistics: figure of the Prague School; great and structuralism and functionalism). The Prague influential personality, teacher and scholar School was, in other words, directed towards (functional approach to syntax, synchronic structural linguistics but with a strong accent linguistics, oscillation in language) on the function of an element within the • suffered from an incurable eye disease system of language at the very act of (had to have an assistant to read and write communication and with respect to the for him); Mathesius died of spinal teleological understanding of language tuberculosis, completely blind. phenomena as means of human • published numerous papers and gave communication. The functional approach many lectures; his work was published logically found its counterpart in the above- posthumously in a collection called mentioned synchronic study of language. Obsahový rozbor sou časné angli čtiny na The principal linguistic disciplines základ ě obecn ě lingvistickém (1961) [ A promoted by the Prague School were Functional Analysis of Present-day phonology and morphology, where the English on a General Linguistic Basis pioneering functional approach was adopted. (1975)] Let us recall, by way of illustration, the • theories of the marked vs. unmarked sign, was the first to come up with the idea of binary oppositions, potentiality of language the theme-rheme structure phenomena and the oscillation between the centre and periphery. Later on, these prominent disciplines were joined by Nikolai Trubetzkoy (1890-1938) functional syntax. • a Russian Prince; due to the events Among the advantages of the ideas connected with the October Revolution of introduced by Prague School scholars were, 1917 he had to leave Russia; after a besides precious theoretical research, their number of temporary stays he ended up as preoccupation with practical use and the Professor of English at the University of output of the results of their investigations. In Vienna the practical field, their interest ranged from • founder of functional phonology – the the theory of teaching (methodology and theory of binary distinctive features, etc. pedagogy), compiling dictionaries and (published as an avant-garde work named grammars, to providing stylistic outlines for Grundz őge der Phonologie in 1939) students and teachers and writing analyses of • Trubetzkoy met an untimely death in 1938 poetry. under torture by the Nazi Gestapo (suffering an attack of angina pectoris)

6 linguistics pages the messenger, Autumn ‘07

Roman Jakobson (1896-1982) Jan Muka řovský (1891-1975) • Russian; studied Slavic languages • literary critic and theoretician (especially including Czech and philosophy admired poeticism, the avant-garde and • a friend and a colleague of Trubetzkoy, he surrealism); published papers on dealt with morphology and phonology aesthetics (binary oppositions, speech sounds, the • Rector of Charles University, Prague theory of the act of communication or the (1948-1953); from 1951 a leading figure functions of language) at the Czech Academy of Science • left Russia in 1920 to live in Prague and Brno (1933-39); in 1939 had to flee to settle in the USA (after The Prague Circle was almost destroyed 1949 he held different academic positions by the events and consequences of World War at Harvard University and at the II; Mathesius died in May 1945, Trubetzkoy Massachusetts Institute of Technology) did not survive his 1938 interrogation by the Gestapo, and Jakobson fled to the USA. The Circle was officially dissolved in 1952. Bohuslav Havránek (1893-1978) The ideas of the Prague School of Linguistics were revived in the 1960s and are • studied Slavic languages, dialects, Czech still explored today (the Circle was officially language culture, dictionaries and, above renewed in 1989); since the 1960s more all, functional styles (deriving from their emphasis has been put on the study of different functions in the act of semantics, syntax and text linguistics. Since communication, he defined the following its establishment, the Prague School of functional styles: colloquial, journalistic, Linguistics has represented one of the major scientific and artistic) branches of linguistic studies world-wide, and • during WWII Dean of the Faculty of Arts, has provided an inspiration for many; in Masaryk University, Brno recent decades, this influence may be best • author of a monumental work on the seen in the field of text linguistics and development of Czech [ Vývoj spisovného discourse analysis. jazyka českého ] The legacy of the Prague Circle was

carried on by their pupils and followers, most

notably by Mathesius’ disciple Josef Vachek Bohumil Trnka (1895-1984) (1909-1996), who devoted his scholarly • assistant to Mathesius; was interested in career above all to the study of functional the historical development of English syntax and the historical development of (‘great vowel shift’), morphology English, and by Jan Firbas (1921-2000), who • author of language textbooks of English, was to become the true father of the theory of Danish, Norwegian, Swedish and functional sentence perspective (FSP). shorthand • established the Kruh moderních filolog ů (See Part II of this series (an association which still exists today) in the next issue of the Messenger.) the messenger, Autumn ‘07 linguistics pages 7

Cook = kucha ř Front Office Agent = recep ční

Head Waiter = vrchní Account manager pro nereklamní p říjmy Junior Manager = kancelá řský asistent

Night Auditor = no ční recep ční Helena Havlí čková Manager stavebního projektu = stavbyvedoucí

Project Manager = sekretá řka k mail ům Receptionist = vrátný/recep ční Reservation Agent = pracovník odd ělení rezervací Can we earn our living without English? Sales Manager = obchodní zástupce Probably not in Czech conditions. If you are Waiter/Waitress = číšník looking for a job, you will be perplexed looking at the advertisements published All the terms above were found in texts everywhere. The job of account manager written in Czech; they appear in a Czech mentioned in the title was advertised in MF context. Why do good old Czech expressions Dnes on 19 th July 2007. And what about the let English newcomers have their position? following job that appeared on the same page: Let’s try to find the reasons for these “Pracovník controllingu obchodního útvaru”? language innovations: Do you need more examples? “Help desk 1 The job offered is not very attractive, and operátorka” or “vedoucí skupiny must therefore be decorated with glittering engineeringu”. Disgusting for a sensitive names. linguist. Anyhow our aversion will not change 2 The firm searching for employees has an the situation. English is sometimes international reputation and needs to aggressively entering our mother tongue, demonstrate this important fact. reflecting the atmosphere in the economy and 3 The Czech word does not cover the society. Advertisements need to look meaning precisely. attractive, offering a rose-tinted vision of your 4 The Anglo-Saxon world is dominating the eventual future job and hiding the things that world economy, management and would discourage you from trying your luck. marketing. Well, if you are searching for a job, use the 5 Hardly anybody is willing to work as e.g. dictionary. If the firm is looking for an “prodava č baget” in a society which executive assistant, what they really want is a enables (or forces?) everybody to pass a secretary. A sales assistant or a shop assistant maturita exam and which pushes the is a traditional Czech “prodava čka.” We can majority of its members towards write quite a long list of “new” professions bachelor's exams. These graduates selling and their prosaic translations. Look at what the product mentioned above must be at can be found in Czech advertisements: least “sandwich artists” or “sandwich operators”. 8 linguistics pages the messenger, Autumn ‘07

Senior analytik The adverts usually explain the future Senior Brand Specialist Senior Finance Controller employer’s requirements in the text below, Sortimentní specialista which allows you to discover a bit about the Supervisor meaning. Yet sometimes even the Telesales Account Manager Territory Manager pro oblast Čechy requirements fail to uncover exactly what the Tooling Engineer job involves. Just try to guess what these jobs Travel Consultant are: Warehouse Coordinator

Account Manager pro státní správu a samosprávu Uh-huh! Have you chosen your future Applications Administrator (help desk + CRM) job? Have you ever dreamt about professions Area Sales Manager like these? They all come from Czech adverts. Asistentka prodeje office sector Associate Financial Analyst Word for word. “Jobs and Professions” – this Brand Manager Senior traditional topic in English textbooks will Broker have to be adapted. Business Analyst Nevertheless, as far as sticking to Czech Business Solution Specialist Callcentrový manager traditions is concerned, one oasis still exists. Consultant pro oce ňování podnik ů "U čitelské noviny" continues to publish old- Customer Relationship Developer fashioned advertisements in time-honoured Customer Service Representative style: Customer Service Senior Disponent „ZŠ … v Praze … p řijme od 1.9.2007 u čitele Draftperson angli čtiny. Možnost ubytování. Kontakt …“ Engineering/Maintenance Manager

Finan ční controller Junior Net Developer Key Account Manager pro prodej ohnivzdorných References: materiál ů Koordinátor logistiky MF Dnes 19.7.2007, MAFRA, a.s., Praha Management Trainee Manažer kompletace Pracovní noviny, červen 2007, ro č.IV, Marketing koordinator ManMark ECONOMY, s r.o., Praha Marketing Manager Pracovní noviny, červenec 2007, ro č.IV, New Country Developer ManMark ECONOMY, s r.o., Praha Operátor Callcentra Prodejce junior Učitelské noviny 27/2007, Gnosis, spol. s r.o., Project Coordinator Praha Quality Engineer http://www.jobmaster.cz/ (7.8.2007) Sales Forecaster Sales manager pro šroubovací techniku

Sales Representative – existing customers

Sales Representative – new customers the messenger, Autumn ‘07 methodology pages 9

as I am confident of their positive and beneficial influence regarding teaching English to any learner, not only to young or very young ones. Moreover, these elements can be quite easily incorporated into an

everyday English lesson, so teachers do not

Beneficial Ideas of Phonics-based have to be hesitant to try some activities or Approaches games which make use of this philosophy in their lessons. These activities have many Pavel Richter merits, not least the fact that they can be used in a very short time and introduced at the This introductory article is based on my beginning of a lesson (as an introductory bachelor's work, in which I try to come up activity), in the middle (for an upsurge of with several ideas for how to incorporate the interest in a class) or even at the end (as a most beneficial elements of a phonics-based conclusion or a reward). approach into an everyday English lesson. What is “multisensory”? Being The phonics-based approach which I chose as multisensory means that children use their my inspiration was the Orton-Gillingham eyes, ears and motion in the process of approach. However, I realised later that in a acquiring new information, in other words Czech-speaking environment it was children’s brains use various pathways for impossible to use these kinds of approaches obtaining a new piece of information. Thanks with only slight modifications; therefore I to multisensory techniques, children will use focused on a few components from Orton- their stronger points in the learning process to Gillingham which could be beneficial in compensate for their weaker ones. For English lessons even in Czech schools. As we example, difficulties in reading, recognition do not have enough room here to describe and remembering particular letters can be particular activities and how they function in reduced when teaching children with an English lesson, I intend this article as an dyslexia. Concerning dyslectic children, introduction to this field. kinaesthetic-tactile activities (activities using Here, I will give a very brief description motion and touch) seem to be the most of the approach so that we know what we are effective, as these stimulate strong learning discussing. The Orton-Gillingham approach, channels in the students (Schneider, Crombie, invented in the 1930’s in the US by Samuel 2003). Now a question might be raised. How Torrey Orton and Anna Gillingham, was do we incorporate other senses into this originally designed for young children with process? Orton-Gillingham uses sight, hearing dyslexia to teach them to read. Its essential and motion (seen as a sense here). But there idea is to teach children the basics of word are other senses such as touch, smell and formation before whole meanings. The taste. It is difficult think what to do with the approach has never been regarded as a sense of taste, but I believe that touch and mainstream one and even in the US it is now even smell can be used within a lesson. used only at a small number of public schools. Phonological and phonemic awareness are The fundamental components which I am quite broad terms and both relate to the going to discuss here, are: “multisensory”, understanding of words and sounds in words. phonological awareness, phonemic awareness The main difference between these two is that and phoneme-grapheme correspondence. phonological awareness is connected with the These components were chosen intentionally ability to separate sentences into words, words into syllables and syllables into 10 methodology pages the messenger, Autumn ‘07 particular phonemes. When a child's Nevertheless, we have to be aware that the phonological awareness is relatively well original use of nearly all of these components developed, he or she will also be aware of the is mainly oral, with special emphasis given to fact that a word consists of particular sounds verbal practice and activities. Here lies the and that these sounds can be easily crucial difference between teaching in an interchanged or substituted for different ones. English-speaking environment and English I am convinced that this component could be lessons in Czech schools: the latter will make beneficial for Czech children when acquiring use of the written forms of these activities, English. Moreover, the activities for too. developing phonological awareness and In conclusion, I would like to encourage practising this are not immoderately all teachers who decide to try these types of complicated, which means that they could be activities to help “slower” children be incorporated in an everyday English lesson in successful, as it is definitely worth the effort. a Czech school (Richter, 2007). This field needs to be further examined and Phonemic awareness is a subset of practised so that we gain more experience and phonological awareness and relates to the reliable results from which we can ability to distinguish between phonemes; in consequently profit. You perhaps already use other words, children will be able to hear the a lot of games and interesting activities in sounds and will be aware that they differ and your English lessons; maybe if these were how and why they differ from each other. modified or “upgraded” only slightly, they Consequently, we can claim that when a would immediately possess attributes such as child's phonemic awareness is sufficiently "multisensory", making them suitable, well developed, he or she will be able to meaningful and encouraging for an integrated separate a whole word into particular classroom or for students with learning phonemes and will be able to recognise disabilities. Would that not be satisfying? similar phonemes (e.g. in resembling words). Use of activities to evolve this ability in our classrooms is similar to the use of References: phonological awareness, which suggests that these two components provide a framework CUNNINGHAM, P. L. Phonics They Use . for the incorporation of certain segments and Boston: Pearson Education, Inc., 2005. ideas of various phonics-based approaches ISBN 0-205-41037-5. (Richter, 2007). Another component which can be easily RICHTER, P. Usage of Convenient used in our English lessons is phoneme- Components of the Orton-Gillingham grapheme correspondence. Here children are Approach - Applied in Czech Schools. taught which sounds are represented by which Bachelor's work. Brno: Faculty of letters and subsequently they learn how to Education, Masaryk University. 2007. blend the particular letters into single-syllable words. They will enjoy and love the activities SCHNEIDER, E., CROMBIE, M. Dyslexia for forming and creating words, and teachers and Foreign Language Learning . London: should take advantage of this and allow the David Fulton Publishers, 2003. ISBN 1- children to be as inventive as possible. Also 85346-966-1. this element can be quite easily incorporated into a lesson and it will not be difficult for a creative teacher to come up with various games and activities. the messenger, Autumn ‘07 methodology pages 11

Using Correspondence in Teaching English his class and raved about it. Besides using correspondence for perso- Rita Collins nal use or to communicate with peers, formal

There are many ideas and resources for letter writing can be another topic that incorporating correspondence including teachers address. Writing business letters, letters, postcards and emails into an English letters to the editor or letters of inquiry are all language class. A teacher can use actual useful skills for English language learners to examples of correspondence to connect develop. One website, http://www.unc.edu/ reading, writing and speaking skills for depts/wcweb/handouts/business.html gives learners. Often correspondence can provide a examples of these types of letters. As with real life opportunity for students to apply the less formal letters mentioned above, English language skills in a meaningful way. learners can be encouraged to write a business One way that a teacher can begin exploring letter or a letter of inquiry for a practical styles of correspondence with learners is by purpose. Seeking information, requesting seeing how other people write letters. resources or asking for a job are some There are many books in English for both examples of how formal letter writing can be children and adults that have letters as part of used in the classroom. Suggested recipients the story. You may be familiar with some of students’ letters might be businesses, books for young learners such as “Letters government agencies, NGOs or authors. from Felix: A Little Rabbit on a World Tour” Correspondence can certainly be a and “Toot and Puddle.” These types of books practical and enjoyable activity for any can be read with a class and then used to English language class. When teaching skills encourage children to write their own letters associated with any written correspondence, a based on the theme. “Click, Clack, Moo Cows teacher should work with learners to first That Type” is a delightful book with letters brainstorm ideas and vocabulary, then write written between the cows, who are on strike, drafts, make necessary corrections and even- and the farmer. For older students, “Griffin tually produce the final copy. This process is and Sabine” and “Letters from Rifka” are at useful for improving grammar, spelling and an appropriate reading level for intermediate written expression. Speaking, listening and or upper intermediate students and can pro- reading can also easily be incorporated into vide inspiration for many classroom activities. lessons using correspondence. Take a moment English teachers can use the Internet for to look at the websites mentioned in this introducing ideas about correspondence as article or copies of the books which are well as a motivational tool for encouraging available in my office. Then think about students to write more. Although suitable for writing a letter yourself to someone you care more mature learners, one interesting website about. is http://postsecret.blogspot.com/ . This was a project that evolved into an art exhibit, Resources: Bantock, Nick (1991). Griffin and Sabine: An several books as well as the thought- Extraordinary Correspondence. Chronicle provoking website. A class can look at the Books: San Francisco. various postcards on this site and follow up Cronin, Doreen (2000). Click, Clack, Moo Cows with discussions about the postcards’ con- That Type. Simon and Schuster: New York. tents. Learners can then be asked to design Hesse, Karen (1992). Letters from Rifka. The their own individual postcards. Trumpet Club: New York. Another website that provides both Hobbie, Holly (1997). Toot and Puddle. Little, teachers and learners with the opportunity to Brown and Company: New York. correspond with others in English is Langen, Annette (1994). Letters from Felix: A http://www.epals.com . This site connects Little Rabbit on a World Tour. Abbeville Press: classes and teachers from around the world New York. Pomerantz, Charlotte (2000). The Birthday who exchange emails. One student in our Letters. Greenwillow Books: Singapore. faculty who is also a teacher, used this with 12 literature pages the messenger, Autumn ‘07

by his appreciation of the plays of Václav Havel rather than any emigrant sentiment: “Havel wrote wonderful plays, he had a deft and sprightly intelligence and wit which even in translation you couldn’t miss.” (Tusa) Havel, Stoppard Stoppard’s visits to his native country became and the Plastic People of the Universe more frequent after the fall of the Communist regime, but it was only after his mother’s Lucie Podroužková death in 1996 that he was able to shed light on some aspects of his identity. Ten years later, The older I get, the less I care about self- at nearly 70, he travels down “the road not concealment. (Tom Stoppard) taken” in what seems to be his most personal play to date. Bill Gaskill, a founding director of the Rock’n’roll spans two revolutions: from National Theatre and a former artistic director the in 1968 to shortly after the of the Royal Court Theatre, “once declared . The final scene takes that, while it is hard to define what a Royal place at the Rolling Stones concert at Strahov Court play is, we all know what it isn’t, and in 1990, discussed earlier in the play as sheer that’s a play by Tom Stoppard” (Taylor). But utopia (perhaps only comparable to the Plastic in 2006, the venue reputed as the cutting edge People of the Universe performing under the of new British drama chose to celebrate its “Nation to Itself”). But the play is as much fiftieth anniversary with a play by no other about England as it is about Czechoslovakia, than Tom Stoppard. Rock’n’roll opened on with the action switching between a Prague June 14 and at its premiere, seated among a decimated by the totalitarian regime and the mix of celebrities such as Cate Blanchett, academic haven of Cambridge, which is free David Gilmour, Mick Jagger and Brian Eno, to choose to cultivate leftist ideologies, but were luminaries of dissent in the former where ideals, loves and lives are fought for Czechoslovakia, including Václav Havel and and lost, too. Ivan Martin Jirous. Jan, one of the main characters in the play On July 22, 2006 the play and its cast and Stoppard’s alter ego, escapes to England transferred to the Duke of York Theatre, with his mother before the war; unlike where it remained a sell-out. On February 23, Stoppard, he returns home in 1948. Following 2007 Rock’n’roll opened at the National an ambiguous contract with the State Police Theatre in Prague, in a historical first he is allowed to go to England again in 1966 production abroad. For Tom Stoppard, to study for a doctorate at Cambridge, under receiving a prolonged standing ovation under Professor Max Morrow, a Communist Hynais’s curtain, it was apparently a symbolic hardliner “as old as the October revolution” act of homecoming. (ibid. 79) who “clings to his faith however Tom Stoppard calls himself a “bounced severely it is tested” (Spencer). At the play’s Czech” (Taylor). For much of his life, his opening Jan comes to see Max to say goodbye awareness of and access to his roots has been before his departure for Prague, which is limited. He left Czechoslovakia as a toddler, under siege by Soviet tanks. Back home, he and when his mother remarried, she resolved maintains neutrality and disengagement: to draw a thick line under the past, I came back to save rock’n’roll, and my apprehensive of her husband’s prejudices and mother actually. But none of it happened. My afraid that her children might be handicapped mum’s okay, and there’s new bands ripping in their new home if they did not assimilate. off Hendrix and Jethro Tull on equipment Stoppard took to England almost immediately held together with spit. I was in the Music F and remained for a long time reticent in Club where they had this amateur rock claiming his Czech heritage. In fact, his competition. The Plastic People of the support of Charter 77 was initially motivated Universe played ‘Venus in Furs’ from Velvet the messenger, Autumn ‘07 literature pages 13

Underground, and I knew everything was protest letter. It means they’re playing on the basically okay (Stoppard 19). same board. So Husák can relax, he’s made Jan’s friend Ferdinand, affiliated with the rules, it’s his game. The population plays dissident circles, cannot concur. When Jan the other way, by agreeing to be bribed by accuses Ferda of defeatism and states rather places at university, or an easy ride at work smugly that, “we’ve been done over by big … they care enough to keep their thoughts to powerful nations for hundreds of years but themselves, their haircuts give nothing away. this time we refused our destiny” (ibid. 19), But the Plastics don’t care at all. They’re Ferda counters by arguing that “it’s not unbribable. They’re coming from somewhere destiny, you moron, it’s the neighbours else, from where the Muses come from. worrying about their slaves revolting if we They’re not heretics. They’re pagans. (ibid can get away with it”(ibid.) and that defeatism 36-37) means “turning disaster into moral Conversely, many among the intellectuals victory”(ibid. 20). tended to think of the Plastics “as layabouts, It is obvious that Jan does not aspire to be hooligans, drug addicts” (ibid xii). This was a hero, let alone a dissident. He continues to soon to change. The Plastic People of the fend off Ferda’s attempts to draw him out of Universe are sentenced to prison in 1976 for his political and civilian passivity, turns down spreading anti-socialist ideas and producing the petitions and protests Ferda never tires of socially negative music, and their arrest placing before him, and declares that “it is triggers a reaction amongst the opposition, normal to be afraid of prison” (ibid. 30). He is whose varying strands unite with the mildly repelled by the intellectual opposition formation of Charter 77: “Thanks to the band, represented by Havel’s circle, who he accuses intellectuals came to realize that “living in of moral exhibitionism: “all they’re doing is truth” could take the form of attending a rock exploiting the prisoners’ misfortune to draw concert.” (Taylor) Jan, too, is briefly flung attention to themselves. If they’re so into prison, and when he returns, he finds his concerned for the families they should go and precious LP collection smashed to pieces by do something useful for the families, instead the State Police. Amid the splinters of his of – for all they know – making things worse beloved vinyls, he quickly but firmly for the prisoners.” (ibid. 38) Like Jirous, Jan reshuffles his priorities. Telling Ferda that believes that the intellectual community are “it’s only rock’n’roll”(Stoppard 57), he adds “a bunch of tossers”(ibid 340). In his view, his name to Charter 77. He now the Plastic People of the Universe stand a acknowledges the role of dissent, too: “You better chance of drawing Husák’s attention were great, you and the other tossers – you than Havel (ibid. 36). It is they who are the got us out, nearly all of us. I heard we were on authentic rebels, a genuine opposition to the the radio and TV in America!” (ibid. 53) Even Establishment, because of their utter lack of Max, monitoring Jan’s fortunes and interest and complete removal from the misfortunes from behind the Iron Curtain, can official culture: see this; he tells his comrades that Jan is The policeman is angry about his fear. turning into a dissident not by choice but out The policeman’s fear is what makes him of necessity. Now Jan says, “everything’s angry. He’s frightened by indifference. Jirous dissident except shutting up and eating shit” doesn’t care. He doesn’t care enough to even (ibid 56). cut his hair. The policeman isn’t frightened by Meanwhile, Max has long been feeling dissidents! Why should he be? Policemen that his obstinate adherence to the ideals of love dissidents, like the Inquisition loved the October Revolution casts him as “the last heretics. Heretics give meaning to the white rhino”(ibid 25). When he meets Jan in defenders of the faith. Nobody cares more Czechoslovakia in 1971, he confides in him than a heretic. Your friend Havel cares so that: much he writes a long letter to Husák. It There’s something that keeps happening makes no odds whether it’s a love letter or a to me. More and more now that I’m getting to 14 literature pages the messenger, Autumn ‘07 be half-famous for not leaving the Communist Party. I meet somebody, it could be a visiting I’m supposed to be one of your intellectual professor, or someone fixing my car, anyone playwrights. I’m going to look a total prick, … and what they all want to know, though aren’t I, announcing that while I was telling they don’t know how to ask, because they Jean Paul Sartre and the post-war French don’t want to be rude, is – how come, when existentialists where they had got it all wrong, it’s obvious even to them, how come I don’t I was spending the whole time listening to the get it? And it’s the same here. I meet some Crystals singing ‘Da Doo Ron Ron’. apparatchik working in the system and he is (Tom Stoppard: The Real Thing ) fascinated by me. He’s never met a Communist before (ibid.). The play’s driving force is rock’n’roll Despite his growing dissatisfaction with itself. Jan celebrates its atavistic spirit, and party politics and workers’ indifference, Max Max’s daughter Esme, a defunct flower child, continues to subscribe to basic Marxist sees its embodiment in Syd Barrett, who she principles and premises. British reviewers of once saw sitting on a garden wall, “tooting on the play highlighted the fact that, the pipe, like Pan”(ibid. 67). Barrett notwithstanding his personal dispute with represents one of the tragic ironies of the Marxism and Communism Stoppard equipped play: while the Plastic People of the Universe Max with some very strong arguments. Max are persecuted by the totalitarian State, Barrett seeks to embrace a different, better concept of is pursued by the “independent” press, for society than capitalism. Jan, who loves which “the cruelty and dishonesty are England with the nostalgia of a boyhood completely unmotivated, it’s just a … a kind memory, can neither comprehend nor of style ” (ibid. 100). The scene in which Alice sympathize: hits Candida with her own , which I dream of having what you invented – contains a paparazzi photo of Barrett, trial by jury, independent judges – you can describing him as “a drug-crazed zombie who call the government fools and criminals but barks like a dog”(ibid. 83), is among the the law is for free speech, the same for the tragicomic highlights of the play (Neuman). highest and the lowest, the law makes Rock’n’roll sustains the structure of the freedom normal, the denial of freedom must play, which is punctuated with the songs of prove its case, and if the government doesn’t the Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, the Grateful like it, tough shit, they can’t touch you – and Dead, the Velvet Underground, the Beach yet, what you have set your heart on, Max, the Boys, U2, John Lennon, Guns’n’Roses and only thing that will make you happy, is that “the Plastics” themselves, linking fragmentary the workers own the means of production. I scenes of the play and the passing years, and would give it to you gladly if I could keep the often providing an ironic commentary on the rest. (ibid. 27) action. But on his return to England in 1990 Jan Music also functions as a semi-conscious finds that Western society has let the ideals of language of love between Jan and Esme. democracy slip from its fingers. The Esme continues to cherish her teenage propaganda papers and the capitalist press devotion to Jan, a gentle knight who had once seem to “arrive at the same relation to the taken one of her records instead of her truth” (ibid. 88) and Lenka, Jan’s compatriot virginity (Stoppard 49). Struggling to control living in Cambridge, declares that: “This her brilliant daughter and cope with middle- place has lost its nerve. They put something in age crisis, she looks back with sentiment on the water since you were here. It’s a her hippie past, when Syd Barrett had singled democracy of obedience. They’re frightened her out: “He looked at me, sort of surprised. to use their minds in case their minds tell He said, 'Oh, hello. It’s you' ” (ibid. 67). them heresy” (ibid. 103). One of the criticisms levelled at the play is that at times Stoppard sketches his characters rather too thinly (Machalická). the messenger, Autumn ‘07 literature pages 15

Stoppard himself has always admitted his draft of Rock’n’roll Jan was called Tomáš, interest in ideas over psychology, and here, my given name which, I suppose, is still my too, most of the protagonists are present to name.”(Stoppard ix) One of the questions he argue their point of view. Yet ideas that are then asks himself in the play is, would he worth a personal sacrifice are hardly a subject have signed Charter 77 or would he have kept for detached academic discourse, and in his head down? This he will never know Stoppard’s play, concepts such as freedom, (Pepper). totalitarianism, Marxist ideology, Commu- In Stoppard’s unofficial biography, Ira nism, Sapphic poetry and the nature of Nadel describes how on his 1994 visit to the conscience are given a strong emotional Stoppard decided to travel to charge. Zlín and: In Max’s wife Eleanor, Stoppard has revisit the family home to duplicate a created one of his strongest characters ever. A photograph he had just been shown of his brilliant Greek classicist, Eleanor fights for parents sitting on a bench against the wall of love and acknowledgement despite her their house. He took the train, checked into a cancer-ridden body, which has undergone a hotel and the next morning went to the house mastectomy: on Zálesná III, the carefully laid-out street in I am not my body. My body is nothing a complex near the Ba ťa hospital where his without me, that’s the truth of it. father had practised medicine. But, try as he She tears open her dress. might, he could not find the right angle or Look at it, what’s left of it. It does classics. It perspective. He walked round the red-brick does half-arsed feminism, it does love, desire, cube of the house. He stopped. He tried jealousy and fear – Christ, does it do fear! – different views. In the end, he left in so who’s the me who’s still in one piece? frustration and bewilderment. His parents and (ibid. 51) his home remained elusive; he understood Max, who believes that consciousness is that the past could not be reproduced, only nothing but an “amazing biological invented (Nadel ix-x). machine”(ibid.) and that inspiration that poets have described as divine does not exist Stoppard’s latest play, too, is a token to “except as so many neuron-firings whizzing this epiphany. about the cortex”(ibid. 46), cannot find an answer. Listening in on Eleanor’s tutorial on Sappho, he is ready to identify brain and mind Don’t let me put you off, my objections are a as the “same thing”(ibid. 45). But Lenka, mere detail. (Tom Stoppard, 1999) Eleanor’s Czech student, is quick to spot his ideological bias: “What you like about brains, Sadly, the Prague production, directed by Max, is that they all work in the same way. Ivan Rajmont, lags behind its London What you don’t like about minds is that they forerunner. While Trevor Nunn built the don’t. To you consciousness is subversive – dynamics of the play with minute precision, because your thing is collective mind” (ibid. most of the verbal force of Rajmont’s 47). production falls flat. The cast are virtually look-a-likes for their London models, which Biography is a net through which the real life is perhaps justifiable in the case of Jan, whose escapes. (Tom Stoppard) physique was most probably intended to recall Stoppard himself and whose face would Stoppard describes Rock’n’roll as his age plausibly throughout the play. Both Rufus “fake autobiography”(Pepper), a parallel life, Sewell and David Pracha ř are ideal for the in which he speculates on what would have role. Sewell, whose performance won him the happened had he returned to Czechoslovakia Lawrence Olivier Award for Best Actor, after the war. In the “Introduction” to the shifts subtly between Jan’s Czech and English play, Stoppard writes that in fact, “in the first identities by affecting a slight Eastern 16 literature pages the messenger, Autumn ‘07

European accent when speaking “English”, London.” Culture Wars . July 6, 2006. and speaking without an accent when [18.10. 2006] conversing in “Czech”. Hrdinová, Radmila. “Vždy ť je to jen rokenrol!” As most Czech reviewers note, the space Právo, 26.2. 2007, str. 9. of the National Theatre, though overtly Kolá řová, Kate řina. “Událost Havel, Stoppard a symbolic, does not agree with the intimate jejich Rock’n’roll.” Mladá Fronta Dnes , str. D2. 17. 2. nature of the play. Moreover, the production 2007. Lahr, John. “Czechs and Balances.” The Theatre. is burdened with unnecessary reshuffles of The Critics. The New Yorker . 17 July 2006 scenery. The energizing effect of the music is [18.10. completely and the volume is rather moderate. 2006] The only addition to the original production [Author unknown] “Londýn uvidí divadelní boj Plastik ů s totalitou.” IDNES.cz, June 14, 2006 then, is the truly electrifying appearance of [3.7.2006] Loveridge, Lizzy. “Rock’n’roll.” A Curtain Up References: London Review. Curtain Up . The Internet Magazine of Reviews, Features, Annotated Listings [18.10. 2006] Be ňová, Bibiana. “Tom Stoppard v Praze: čeká se divadelní událost sezóny.” Týden.cz. Machalická, Jana. “Svoboda vždy dostane na [1.3.2007] Mastalir, Linda. Tom Stoppard’s “Rock’n’roll”. Č Billington, Michael. “Rock’n’roll.” Theatre. eský rozhlas . June 28, 2006 Guardian [online] June 15, 2006 [18.10. 2006] [18.10. 2006] London: Methuen, 2002. Clapp, Susannah. “Soundtrack to a time of Neuman, Julek. “Co by se stalo, kdyby se ů ř turmoil.” Observer . June 18, 2006 Stoppard vrátil dom .” Hospodá ské noviny. 29. 6. [18.10. 2006] Paddock, Terri. “Sewell, Cox & Cusack Rock Čulík, Jan. Tom Stoppard: “Ve svobodné Stoppard to West End.” Whatsonstage.com spole čnosti musejí mít lidé právo hovo řit [18.10. 2006] Pepper, Tara. “Stop-Rocks.” .com. July 24, [1.3.2007] 2006

popular lyrics and may be transparently presented in a compact form that the lyrics offer.

The textbook does not necessarily provide

ready-made lesson plans, but contains short In Disertation pages students are invited to introduce their bachelor, master or doctoral background reading on the selected issues that work thus practicing their academic writing are to be further developed by the analysis of skills as well as providing inspiration to their the lyrics attached. Should both teachers and fellow students students like to use the textbook, they are to

adapt the individual cultural images to their Šárka Ml čochová own purposes and approach them creatively.

The diploma thesis tries to grasp a new Even though the content of the textbook is concept of understanding contemporary based on a variety of topics and phenomena, it British cultural phenomena. It attempts to is to be used as a supplementary sourcebook design a textbook based on the investigation and always in conjunction with other kinds of of cultural features in popular lyrics material and further reading. composed in Britain in the second half of the twentieth century. The textbook may be used To establish their own opinion on the as both self-study material for English lyrics, students and teachers are advised to teachers and a textbook for advanced learners listen to the most relevant songs , which are of the English language. Above all, it is available on the enclosed CD in the intended as alternative course material for appendix. university students with a particular interest in British cultural studies. The textbook also In four self-contained chapters, the thesis complies with the requirements of cross- strives to cover selected images of four curricular approach to teaching and learning. extended areas of contemporary British The incentive to design the course cultural background and their reflection in originated from the author’s practical need to popular lyrics. outline some kind of procedure to For instance, the following fragment of comprehend and interpret selected cultural the chapter three traces back Britain’s images of contemporary Britain. The key transformation into a multicultural and conception is based on the proposition that a multiethnic society and looks closely at West great deal of what is recognized as a British Indies population. cultural attribute is integrated into British 18 dissertation pages the messenger, Autumn ‘07

HIS IMPERIAL MAJESTY REDEMPTION SONG

Background reading Background reading The immigration of the West Indies Quite often Rastafari is referred to as a population is a great illustration of the way religion, however, Rastas talk about the way Britain absorbs and adapts external of life, a philosophy. Rasta ideology has influences. Surprisingly enough, much of spread throughout Britain through reggae what is recognized as a traditional, or even music and its representatives. Initially, the national particularity of Britain, may appear movement helped the immigrants to react to to have originated in the Caribbean and be the dominance of white society, however, attached to Rastafari movement. The lyric to later Rastafari was adopted by British white the song His Imperial Majesty by Mikey youth cultures. Storry and Childs prove that Dread depicts the core of the religion: “in the late 1970s and 1980s, the Afro- Caribbean Rastafarian style influenced both black and white youth subcultural fashion, Listening His Imperial Majesty with red, green and gold Ethiopian colours commonly featuring on T-shirts, hats, badges His Imperial Majesty and jackets.” (1997: 172) Emperor Haile Selassie I In 1981, Bob Marley, a pioneer in His Imperial Majesty spreading reggae and Rastafari doctrine Emperor Haile Selassie I throughout the world, wrote a message to

Look how long, look how long Caribbean people living outside their Since we've been waiting down here homelands. It is called Redemption Song here We have suffered and felt the pain are some fragments of the lyric: Year after year after year

Jah, O Jah Rastafari! Listening Redemption Song Emperor Haile Selassie I! Jah, O Jah Rastafari! Old pirates, yes they robbed I, Emperor Haile Selassie I! Sold I to the merchant ships Minutes after they took I They took us away from Africa From the bottomless pit. Far, far, far from Jamaica But my hand was made strong To work on the big plantation By the hand of the almighty. All we see was frustration We forward in this generation triumphantly.

Set me free, set me free Won't you help to sing From Babylon's slavery and misery these songs of freedom? We are all of one religion 'Cause I'm a true-born Rastaman... 'Cause all I ever have: Redemption songs.

Questions for consideration: Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery; • Whom does the movement accept as ‘His None but ourselves can free our minds. Imperial Majesty’? The former emperor of Have no fear for atomic energy, 'Cause none of them can stop the time. which African country is he? How long shall they kill our prophets, • What do Rastafarians call him? While we stand aside and look? Oh • What does the lyric in say about Some say it's just a part of it: Rastafarians’ African ancestors? We've got to fulfill the book. • What does the movement call a modern ... society, seen as a place of slavery and misery? the messenger, Autumn ‘07 disertation pages 19

... Questions for consideration: All the power's in the hands • What does Marley call his native people Of people rich enough to buy it ... in the lyric? What does the salutation suggest? • While we walk the street What is the first strophe of the lyric Too chicken to even try it about? ... • What is the message of the lyric? What Are you taking over kind of freedom does Marley proclaim? or are you taking orders? • Generally, to what extent may immigrants Are you going backwards influence the way they will be treated in the Or are you going forwards? new country? ...

WHITE RIOT Questions for consideration: Background reading For Caribbean immigrants to Britain one • Which line/s of the lyric despises/despise of the devices to gain freedom is a carnival of the class economics? What does the lyric West-Indies cultures, which takes place drive at? annually in Notting Hill, London. It is led by • In what way are the black rioters of 1976 communities of Afro-Caribbean people who depicted in the lyric? have been living in Britain since the 1950s. • Some people claim that the lyric seems to Nevertheless, in the course of the years the be advocating a kind of a race war and black people had to face racist attacks both appealing to white youngsters to find a from the white British natives and the police. worthy cause to riot, as did the black youths The two biggest racially-motivated riots in the at Notting Hill Carnival. Consider the history of the carnival happened in 1958 and statement. 1976. The first was concerned with the aggression of the white working-class Generally, the song lyrics contained in youngsters who displayed hostility towards the textbook helped to summarize the extent the black residents in the area, the second to which popular music has been involved in emerged when the black men attacked the the overall cultural and social climate of police in order to safeguard their mate, an contemporary Britain, therefore several arrested pickpocket. (URL 24) conclusions may be made. In 1977, the Clash released their song White Riot as a respond to the riot of 1976, in The lyrics contemplating the issues of which two band members were engaged: ethnicity and multiculturalism have addressed the problem of racial diversity in Britain. In the lyrics, songwriters have, at different levels Listening White Riot of urgency, been referring to issues still present in British society, such as injustice, White riot - I wanna riot poverty and prejudice. The attention of the White riot - a riot of my own ... songwriters has been drawn to significant Black man gotta lot a problems events, such as racially-motivated riots, and But they don't mind throwing a brick rather legal aspect of the matter, such as law White people go to school restrictions and power of authorities, either Where they teach you how to be thick government or local. An' everybody's doing Just what they're told to An' nobody wants To go to jail!

20 translation pages the messenger, Autumn ‘07

speaks. The author of the book imagined the character “wandering around the castle humming to himself.”

pedia.org/wiki/Albus_Dumbledore>, so I used

the Czech word čmelák and added the quality

of humming, or buzzing when connected with The following article was written by a beetle, and created the name Bzu čmelák . Tomáš Plavec, who studied the etymology of the proper names in the Harry Potter series Minerva McGonagall for his bachelor's thesis. Minerva Bru čžlu čková Minerva was the name of the Roman In my translation of a chapter from Harry goddess of wisdom. I wanted to keep the Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone by J.K. quality of wisdom carried in the teacher's Rowling I tried to analyze and translate the name, so I used it, too. characters’ proper names. Most of the names I did, however, change the name th in the book carry a meaning and it would be a McGonagall , which was inspired by 19 pity to leave them in their original English century poet William Topaz McGonagall. The forms because the translation would lose name I created can be compared to the much of its magic. I would like to mention English as follows: nag = bru čet , gall = žlu č. some of the more interesting names I created. Bru čžlu čková corresponds in a certain way to the character of the teacher. Albus Dumbledore Bělus Bzu čmelák Severus Snape The first name of the character Severus Sychravý corresponds to the Latin word albus – bílý . I Severus is a Latin word for strict, harsh or wanted to keep the ending –us because of its severe and may correspond to the name of the Latin tinge and still wanted to express the Roman emperor Septimius Severus, who was meaning of the word because it had its known for his cruel rule. importance (white as a symbol of good, the The name Snape was inspired by the appearance of the character), so I created the village of Snape in the English county of name Bělus . Suffolk. During the writing of the book the Dumbledore is an old Devonshire word author remembered one of the teachers from for bumblebee with its origins in West her own childhood, who was very unkind to Country dialect, the same dialect that Hagrid his pupils. the messenger, Autumn ‘07 translation pages 21

In some translations of Harry Potter, the Mr Argus Filch and Mrs Norris name of Snape is translated into to express his Argus Čorka a paní Norrisová characteristic of being arrogant and The name Argus has its origin in Greek unpleasant. I tried something similar and Argós , who was a mythological giant with a translated his name into Czech as Sychravý , hundred eyes. He was a vigilant guardian who connoting an unpleasant feeling of cold. served the goddess Hera as a watchman. The character’s job is to go through the school corridors and keep the students under Professor Quirrell supervision. This means that the name Argus profesor T řasa řík is quite important, so I decided to keep it in Nervous tics and a stutter are typical of the form Argus . this teacher. He is scared of his students and The word filch is a slang word for steal even of the subject he teaches. These were the and I used the stem of the Czech čorovat - main reasons I used the name Třasa řík , instead of other synonyms such as šlohnout , inspired by the Czech words třást se and štípnout etc. - and created the name Čorka . rozt řesený . The character of Mrs Norris was inspired by one of Jane Austen’s characters in Rubeus Hagrid Mansfield Park , “a nosy, interfering Rubínus Hagrid character, who made life difficult for the Rubeus is a Latin word for red , reddish , heroine, Fanny Price” (see ). This reflects rubín , a red precious stone, and created the the task of the cat Mrs Norris in Harry Potter. name Rubínus . Hagrid “comes from the old English word hagridden , which means to have a nightmarish night, particularly when hung over” according to

/wiki/Rubeus_Hagrid>. It is known about

Hagrid that he likes drinking alcohol. I used the name Hagrid , too, because I was not sure if a name with a similar meaning would not have a negative connotation.

22 travel pages the messenger, Autumn ‘07

had to come. The whole country was so relaxed and happy that I think we must have been infected by it.

The truth is that the towns near the US border are a little bit rough. There is a lot of Mexico drug trafficking going on and they are just not Gabriela Čížková the most remarkable places to visit. We spent our first night in Mexico in a filthy, overpriced hotel room full of cockroaches. It Every time I plan to visit a foreign was definitely not the best start. country, I try to find as much information as But the further south we went, the better possible about the place I am going to. The things got. Time passed much more slowly; Lonely Planet guide books are a very good people had less money, fewer worries, more source. They are full of useful tips about food time, bigger smiles on their faces, and even and accommodation and they tell you about the already delicious and cheap tacos got even many other things you might need to know better and cheaper. We started to hear lots of when traveling. But for some reason, I always music, too. In fact, there was music – focus on two sections - ‘Dangers and Mexican music – everywhere. It is very Annoyances’ and ‘Illness and Diseases’. similar to Czech brass-band music, but much There is nothing wrong with knowing what faster and, of course, in Spanish. I sometimes can happen to you when you go abroad, as felt like I was in a film. Everywhere we went, long as it doesn’t make you paranoid or everything we did, had a musical scared . accompaniment. On the way to Mexico, I was both. The When I think of Mexico, I always think of ‘Illness and Diseases’ section listed a number San Blas. This little village on the Pacific of contagious diseases, half of which I had coast has only one square with a church and a never heard of and all of which sounded very few shops, but it absolutely charmed me. unpleasant, if not deadly. The ‘Dangers and Time passes so slowly there that you Annoyances’ section was exceptionally long sometimes think it has stopped altogether. this time and it was spiced up with thorough We went to San Blas for two nights and descriptions of individual cases of kidnapping stayed ten. And I think that if we were and robbery. possible, we would probably still be there I was convinced that we would get now. mugged as soon as we crossed the border. I The weather is so dry and hot that it is too left the United States, where my boyfriend exhausting for anybody to even move. Ond řej and I had started the trip, prepared for During the day, the streets are deserted and anything, with money and credit cards evenly most of the shops in the square are empty, distributed in all possible items of clothing, with just a few men smoking in front of them. including shoes and underwear, and copies of We spent these days in our 100-pesos-a-night passports and other documents in a safe place caba ňa on the beach. The price included the back at home. The first few days were use of surfboards and bikes, so when we got exhausting. I was on the alert all the time, tired of surfing - if you could call it surfing - expecting everybody to be a murderer, we each jumped on an old bike and rode to pickpocket or at least a carrier of a contagious the village. After a few days, we were almost disease. It was crazy. But as the days passed, counted as locals. We got to know the baker, realizing that we were still healthy and alive, the grocer and the taco lady, who would slowly but surely we relaxed. No wonder, it always have tacos ready for us, even before the messenger, Autumn ‘07 travel pages 23 we arrived. Nobody in San Blas spoke the avenue of Cinco de Mayo to the Plaza de English, which made every trip to the village la Constitucion, which is dominated by the a little adventure. presidential palace and the cathedral with its In the evenings, when the air cooled excavations of the Aztecs’ Great Temple. We down, the place came to life. After it got were amazed how old, beautiful, clean and dark, the locals set up their taco stands around serene the place was. This was the first and the square, and the shops and streets suddenly last time we saw the city like this, though. A filled up with people. The young and the old, few hours later, when I woke up in our hotel, men and women would all come out in their Ond řej was already back with a cup of coffee. best clothes to meet their friends, stroll in the ‘You won’t recognize it there,’ he said with streets, sit on benches in the square and listen an amazed expression on his face. He to music, chat, smoke or eat tacos. There was couldn’t have been more right. Streets which a little jazz bar on the corner owned by an were deserted just a few hours earlier were American guy who had come to San Blas on suddenly full of stalls, selling everything from holiday a few years ago and stayed forever. tacos to digital cameras. The vendors took He looked like Al Pacino, smoked thick over the sidewalks and the pedestrians had to cigars and played Frank Sinatra records. His walk in the roads, dodging the cars. Real bar was almost always empty, but it had chaos. atmosphere. After a few Coronas there, we But despite its crowds, pollution and would get on our bikes again and slowly ride vastness, Mexico City is a very attractive city, home singing ‘New York, New York’ and ‘La with lots of parks, wide avenues, theatres, Bamba’. I have never had a more relaxing museums and art galleries. As dangerous as it time than I had in San Blas. is sometimes said to be, I didn’t feel Much as I enjoyed San Blas, going to threatened once. The centre at least felt very Mexico without visiting Mexico City would safe. There were police patrols on every be a sin. Mexico City was originally built by corner, ready to give you directions if you got the Aztecs in 1345. It was destroyed in 1519 lost. The people that we met in Mexico City by Spanish conquistadors. Newly rebuilt, it were all extremely helpful, too. It happened became the capital of New Spain five years more than once that we would be looking at a later. This busy, noisy, polluted metropolis is map and somebody would come up to us and incredibly rich in history. You are reminded ask if we needed help. Everybody was really of its earlier inhabitants in the temples and friendly. But looking back, I am a little bit pyramids in and around the city, while the suspicious. They must have had lots of fun Latin American baroque-style buildings and just listening to our horrible Spanish. churches reveal the Spanish influence. But Mexicans have very strange ways of Mexico City is also incredibly crowded. With amusing themselves. There are men who its almost 20 million inhabitants, it is, after walk through pubs with little boxes with two Tokyo, the 2 nd largest urban agglomeration in electric wires sticking out of them. For 10 the world. I had a rare opportunity to see the pesos, you can hold the wires in your hands streets of Mexico City quiet and empty; it was while the man lets some electric power into after an overnight bus ride, when we arrived the box and measures how much of it you can at 4.30 in the morning. The sun was about to take. I thought it was funny in the Czech film come up. The air was warm but not hot and ‘Pelíšky’, but I didn’t realize that this was still fresh. It was very quiet; all you could actually a popular game in some parts of the hear was the birds waking up. The streets world. were deserted, with just the occasional But worse for me was seeing a bull fight. sweeper starting his shift. We walked along It is a number-one pastime throughout 24 travel pages the messenger, Autumn ‘07

Mexico. They say that Mexicans are never are, after the Egyptian Pyramids, the second late for two events only: a funeral and a bull and third largest pyramids in the world. The fight. The one we saw took place in a large feeling you get here is indescribable. You arena. There was a brass band playing, admire the people that were able to build such vendors selling pop corn and beer and a city 2000 years ago; you also feel respect everybody was shouting like mad. The bull and a little bit of fear when thinking of all the fight started with a parade of the toreadors sacrifices that had to be made. and their helpers, all of them dressed up in In Teotihuacán, as in any other famous tight black trousers and jackets embroidered place that attracts many tourists, you will see with silver, golden or red thread. The helpers vendors trying to sell you overpriced articles were in the arena to provoke the bull with a of not very good quality. To my surprise, it red scarf, and it was the toreador who stabbed was here that we bought our Mexican the bull several times in its neck and souvenir – a woolen blanket with green, blue, ultimately killed it. The more stabs the bull red, white and pink stripes. In its way, it got, the more the Mexican crowd cheered. describes perfectly what the country is like – The tourists, who were all evidently in shock, colorful, a little bit rough, but warm. did not. I couldn’t really watch this and I was Teotihuacán was the southernmost point relieved when it was over, thinking that that we reached. After that, we slowly started was more than enough killing in one heading back to the United States. We afternoon. Just as I was getting ready to go, stopped in more towns and villages, meeting they let another bull into the arena, another new people, eating more tacos and listening to toreador came out and the thing started all more music. As we were approaching the over again. This went on for four hours; six border, we felt sadder and sadder, realizing bulls died altogether. They would all be sold how much we would miss Mexico. We had for meat the next day. fallen in love with it. Throughout Mexico you can feel the And as for the ‘Dangers and Annoyances’ heritage of pre-Columbian civilizations. But section in the Lonely Planet, I still read it the place where you feel it the most is when I go abroad, and I think that I always Teotihuacán. It was build 2000 years ago and will. But I have realized only recently that my was the largest pre-Hispanic city in Mexico. main reason for doing so is not to be on the In the language of the Aztecs, the word means safe side: I guess that my trips are just ‘a place where gods were born’. The Aztecs becoming more adventurous and the sense of believed that the gods created the universe accomplishment after avoiding all possible there. The beginnings of this city are horrors is enormous. mysterious, as is its fall. It thrived for many At the US-Mexico border we stopped in centuries. The inhabitants were warriors the office to get another souvenir – a stamp in whose aim was not the conquest of territory our passports. The officer had a well-kept but the capture of prisoners. The prisoners moustache and seemed to be in a very good were then sacrificed to avert the end of the mood. ‘You illegal in Mexico,’ he said, ‘must world, which they believed was approaching. pay money’. He just wanted to earn a few For an unknown reason, the city was suddenly extra dollars, which would go straight into his abandoned. The main avenue in what pocket. Ond řej and I just looked at each other remains of this prehistoric city, the Avenue of and as he started dealing with another the Dead, is 1.5 miles long and lined with customer, we left. ‘Hasta la vista,’ and we palaces and temples. Teotihuacán is disappeared, in Mexican style. dominated by two pyramids - the Pyramid of the Sun and the Pyramid of the Moon, which the messenger, Autumn ‘07 travel pages 25

I was honoured to become a Fulbright My Fullbright Experinece in U.S. visiting scholar (thanks to the Fulbright- Masaryk Fellowship I applied for in autumn Irena H ůlková 2005) and thus given the opportunity to conduct my Ph.D. research in English

The present article expresses my grateful grammar at the Department of Linguistics at thanks to the J. W. Fulbright Commission in UCSC (University of California, Santa Cruz), Prague and the Council for the International under the supervision of Geoffrey K. Pullum, Exchange of Scholars in Washington, D.C. a renowned Professor of General Linguistics for enabling me (to have) this once-in-a- (who has now left UCSC and works at the lifetime experience and helping me out in University of Edinburgh). many ways during my whole stay in the U.S. Looking back, I would say my whole stay in the U.S. was the experience of a lifetime, “International educational exchange is the which enriched me both academically and most significant current project designed to personally. I had a chance to attend linguistic continue the process of humanizing mankind colloquia regularly and find out all the things to the point, we would hope, that men can a language expert can look into these days. I learn to live in peace… We must try to expand also took part in Geoff’s classes in Modern the boundaries of human wisdom, empathy English Grammar, which enabled me to and perception, and there is no way of doing discuss various language issues with educated that except through education.” native-speakers of English and gather lots of (Senator J. W. Fulbright, 1976) useful tips on explaining grammar in an amusing, yet adequate way. This time last year I could hear sea lions On the personal side, I had plenty of barking under the municipal wharf, the opportunity to travel and thus discover and Pacific crashing against the rocks, and I could enjoy spectacular scenery of breathtaking smell the air filled with the rich and unique beauty, not only in California but also in other scent of sequoias. Palm trees all over, states. I met a lot of interesting and Starbucks Coffee round the corner, friendly remarkably intelligent people from all around and polite bus drivers thanking you for ‘riding the world and even made great friends with with them’ and wishing you ‘a good one’, some of them. On many occasions, I talked to strangers striking up a conversation with you, people from different cultural as well as bums asking you for some change… These ethnic or religious backgrounds, and I feel it and many others are still very vivid and has helped me return home with a better abiding memories of my 11-month stay in understanding of the world and a wealth of Santa Cruz – a hippie town on the imaginary unforgettable, valuable and insightful border between Northern and Central experiences, which have broadened my California, the county seat and largest city of horizons immensely. Santa Cruz County with a total population of about 60,000. It is located about 75 miles south of San Francisco, on the northern edge of Monterey Bay.

26 travel pages the messenger, Autumn ‘07

Saturday was Rita´s and Svetlana’s day - they presented their contribution about the course Linz ConneXions: integration at the English Department. They TEA Conference 21 – 23 September, 2007 had to compete with six other sessions (Ladies´ Outing) running concurrently, which were devoted to Na ďa Vojtková a number of issues, eg. teaching and testing professional English, poems in the classroom, September is conference time – there is teaching English across the curriculum. the Czech National Conference of Teachers of I really enjoyed the plenary given by English and several international conferences Herbert Puchta: “It´s the brain, stupid! How in neighbouring countries. One of them is in cognitive psychology findings can be applied Austria. As we (Alena Kašpárková and I) to EFL”. I learnt some practical ideas based experienced the atmosphere two years ago we on findings and discoveries about how the didn’t want to miss this conference and that’s brain works. why we persuaded two other colleagues – One more useful session that I attended Rita and Svetlana – to attend with us. We all was devoted to a very important teaching tool submitted speakers’ proposals: we wanted to - the voice. In the “Voice Clinic for Teachers” share our experience of educating teachers in led by Harriet Anderson we learnt how to use the Czech Republic. Chatting on the way to the voice in the classroom with more impact Vienna, the four of us assigned a working title and less effort. to our trip: “Ladies’ Outing”. The day culminated in a delicious gala The name soon proved right because the dinner in the Wine Tavern with Celtic music venue of the conference was a very nice to help our digestion. After that we had a school situated on the outskirts of Linz, great time with Andrew Wright´s storytelling Lachstatt. The boarding school used to be a session. farm and we really felt as if we were on holiday – hills and fields all around, fantastic Sunday’s programme started even earlier, sunny weather and nice people. at 8 o’ clock with Jim Wingate´s plenary on The programme started on Friday “Seeing and Hearing”. Alena Kasparkova and afternoon with two plenaries. Andrew Skinner I had a workshop on using the EPOSTL in our reviewed critically the notion of learner teacher-training programmes. The last plenary autonomy in his speech “Self-help: Still the given by Andrew Wright was an excellent end name of the game?” and Mark Fletcher to the conference. Andrew talked about looked at “brain/learning” issues which stories that accompany human lives from the stimulate students´ interest in study-skills. beginning to the end. After dinner we saw the Bear Theatre's We thanked Irena Kostenbauer and the performance of “The Bear” by Chekhov and organising team and after that there were just then we went to bed because Saturday´s hugs and kisses, with promises to see programme started at nine o’clock . The day everyone in two years’ time. Or perhaps began with a plenary again – Yvonne Pratt- earlier in the Czech Republic? Johnson talked about the challenges that learners of English have to face to achieve good results in the twenty-first century. the messenger, Autumn ‘07 travel pages 27

Lenin, where both foreign and Russian Moscow tourists queue. Before you are allowed to enter any sight, you will be asked to leave ř Kate ina Špalková either all or at least the bigger of your belongings in a special cloak room, which is This summer I got the opportunity to often free of charge. In the case of the spend a month in the city where as many Kremlin and the mausoleum, however, there people live as in the whole of the Czech is a fee for this. That’s why it is better (and Republic, and which is often seen as exotic, cheaper) to take only a small handbag with mysterious or dangerous – Moscow. you. Unfortunately for us, in Russia there are The stay took place thanks to a bilateral two types of prices: those for the Russians contract between this country and Russia, and those for foreigners, which are mostly enabling us, fourteen university students, to twice as high. taste life in the Russian capital and to form If you want to feel “the spirit” of this our own ideas about Russian university nation, go to any orthodox church. There are education. We attended school (Pushkin’s hundreds of them in Moscow. The best Institute of Russian Language) four days a known are the Cathedral of Christ the Savior, week, always for three one-and-half-hour destroyed during the socialistic era and re- lessons called “para”. Classes started at 9:30 built in the 1990’s, and the Novodevitchi a.m. and ended at 3 p.m. In the afternoon we monastery, which is under the patronage of went out to discover the life in the city. UNESCO. These two are not as strict as the Probably the first phenomenon you will Daniilovsky monastery, which remains experience is the overcrowded metro. hidden to the eager eyes of foreign visitors Moscow’s metro is the pride of Russia and I but even so retains an indescribable magic. must confess it is the nicest one I have ever When visiting orthodox churches, you have to seen - fast, reliable and tidy - but I don’t make sure you have covered your shoulders recommend you discover its beauties about 6 and head. Ideally you will be wearing a long or 7 p.m., during the so-called “chasi pik” skirt (long trousers for men). Visitors dressed (traffic-jam hours). The Lonely Planet guide in shorts are not allowed in. characterizes this period as follows: There are hundreds and hundreds of “Sometimes it looks as if all ten million words I could write about Russia and Moscow people living in Moscow have tried to get into - about its theatres, the circus, which is an art- one wagon of the metro”. form in the country, about people I met, about Other essential places to visit are the the way people live there, about the food. But Kremlin, which, in terms of the number of in my opinion a single experience is worth visitors reminds me of the underground in the more than a thousand words. I believe that if heaviest traffic, Red Square, which most of you decide to travel to this charming country, the week is partly closed, sending you it won’t disappoint you. Russia is a country I through GUM, a store full of expensive would certainly like to return to. “western” shops, and the Mausoleum of 28 technology pages the messenger, Autumn ‘07

assist people with disabilities, but, again, these will show your web page in a different way (or not at all, if you're not careful).

The last area is the ever-changing nature of the internet. As technology changes, so do the tools we have to help us. People with Accessibility Online older technology may not be able to access important parts of your web page if you do Aaron Collier not make it available to them. Also, as more

If you have visited our department's people buy phones and PDAs (Personal website (http://www.ped.muni.cz/weng/) Digital Assistants) with internet capability, recently, you may have noticed a few the way they are accessing the internet changes. Some of the changes are merely changes. aesthetic, while some are far more important. Making your site accessible to everyone is As the primary author of these changes, I important in getting your message to as many thought I could try to explain some of them people as possible. It is a lot like teaching in a here. I will try to use mostly general language classroom with students with mixed-abilities. to describe what has happened and why, You have to make sure that everyone although I will occasionally use some understands the most important points, while technical terms to assist me. recognizing that everyone will take something The first, and most obvious, change is in different from the class. the main language of the site. Since we have a The first, and most important, way to policy to use only English in our department, make a web page more accessible to everyone we thought it was about time our website met is to separate content from presentation. This our policy. Now you will see that most means that what you are telling people (your information is available in English only. content) should be separate from how you tell There is still some information available in the computer it should look (the presentation). Czech, but it no longer includes everything. This allows people to access your content in a The deeper (and, honestly, more difficult) variety of different ways, with a variety of changes took place behind the scenes. These different software. This way if they need to changes were made in order to make the site change the way the content is presented (for more accessible for everyone. The need for example, by having it all read aloud to a blind accessibility comes from a few different person), they can completely change the areas. The first is that each and every web presentation without changing the content. browser (the application that reads web pages, One way to separate out the presentation such as Microsoft Internet Explorer or is to use something called Cascading Style Mozilla Firefox) is written differently and Sheets (CSS). These are pages with all of the will present things in different ways. This presentation information on them (e.g., means that even though your page sends the background color, text color, size and shape same information to the computer, different of the letters, etc.). They are put in a computers will show it differently. completely different place than the content of The second area comes from the large the page. This way a person can use a browser number of people with disabilities who use (such as Opera, which has a lot of support for the internet. These disabilities can be visual, this) to choose all of the presentation for auditory, learning disabilities, or other things. themselves (e.g., they can change all of the There are many different kinds of software to colors). They can also ignore the presentation entirely (for example, if they just want to see the messenger, Autumn ‘07 technology pages 29 the text). An added benefit of this approach is is to make sure the most important that now, to change how a lot of pages look information is at the beginning of each on your site, you only have to change one paragraph. This way people who cannot see document (the CSS) rather than each page. (and so cannot visually skim the text) or who Another important change is the change in have learning disabilities can easily tell if they the language that the web site is written in, should keep reading. which is an extension of the separation of Just like when teaching students with content from presentation. The web site is disabilities, providing information in now all written in XHTML (Extensible alternative forms (visual, auditory, etc.) can Hypertext Markup Language) Strict. In help everyone understand more easily. Since HTML (Hypertext Markup Language), the we are living in an inclusive world, it is presentation can go right into the document important to enable everyone to end up with and it was not necessary to be very precise in the same information. We are trying our best writing; if you made a mistake, the browser to make our site and our teaching accessible would fix it for you. This led to browsers to all, and we will continue to change as new fixing mistakes in different ways. XHTML options become available. We will of course Strict requires you to be very precise in welcome any comments or suggestions you writing; your code must be "clean". This have, which you can make through our makes it much, much easier for computers to website. find the information that they need (the content). This change also helps us to be Resources/Further Reading ready for changes in the future; XHTML is viewed by many as a bridge to the internet http://webxact.watchfire.com/ - A tool that language of the future: XML. can automatically look at your site to test it A site that offered many ideas for changes for some areas of accessibility. was the World Wide Web Consortium (W3C site at www.w3.org). This is a group of http://www.webcredible.co.uk/user-friendly- people from all over the world who try to resources/web-accessibility/automated- agree on guidelines for all of the internet. tools.shtml - A document about the benefits These are people who are as into computers and problems with automated accessibility as possible. One service they offer is the tools. Markup Validation Service, which will check your web page to see if it is written without http://www.webcredible.co.uk/benefits/web- any mistakes (http://validator.w3.org/ or click accessibility.shtml - Some benefits to making on the link at the bottom of our website). websites as accessible as possible. Another thing that the W3C does is to write a list of guidelines for making sites http://www.european- accessible to all people (the list is here: agency.org/site/access/index.html - The site www.w3.org/TR/WAI-WEBCONTENT/). for the European Agency for Development in Following these guidelines helps everyone to Special Needs Education and a description of see what you want them to see. how they work to make their website One example of a suggestion is to include accessible. alternative text for each picture. These words show up whenever a picture can't be found, or if the person cannot see the pictures. Another similar important idea is to provide alternative text for any audio you use. Another example 30 poetry and stories pages the messenger, Autumn ‘07

Some new limericks

There once was a cat in the hay Train your [w]: “Listen, that’s what I'd say.

The mice are so nice,

I eat them with rice.”

And followed her grey little prey. Why was the waiter once Eva Mina říková waiting at windows and swearing?

Hana B řoušková There once was a young man from Maine

Who suffered a terrible pain. One widow once whistled in winter Searching for some drug and swallowed her white whistle. Wow! He choked on a bug. Jan Brím So instead of being cured went insane.

anonymous Wise waiter will wait while white weeping willow There once was a fat man called Fan wakes Winnie with whispering whistle. Who’s eaten as much as he can Katka Wiesnerová It was so malicious

But food is delicious One whale woke up in winter while waiting So he’s turned himself into a van. for wind to swim. Jan Brím It swallowed waiter’s towel.

La ďka Jagošová

There once was a teacher at school One winter a waiter swallowed a towel Who everyone thought was a fool. while he was in a shower. He lived with a mouse Zuzka Píšt ěková And ate only rice

Last night he drowned in a pool.

Zuzka Píšt ěková One winter one tower

Whined with wild power. There once was a cat and she said Wept like a willow She knew just how far this way led. Watered its pillow She walked just one metre With only one wish And then she met Peter To wait while we fish. And they went together to bed. Eva Mina říková Hana B řoušková

the messenger, Autumn ‘07 amy jarvis’s style diary 31

me around? Was it bodies? All those

students? The sheer number of them! The

sheer num ber of them! So many ! Was starting to worry I would suffocate, would die, they’d run and go and run and go and I´d 7:00 am Went to see a friend of mine remain there on the floor and … Anyway, yesterday. A Uni vers ity Teacher! my friend, the Uni vers ity Teacher, kept talking and talking and did not mind that she 8:00 am The groves of Academe - my foot! was thrown from side to side, too; she didn’t Where are the orange trees of knowledge and even seem to notice it, and then she was contemplation? Everybody eats yoghurt asking me: Are you ok? Are you ok? What´s here, between consultations, to feed their wrong with you? … And then I woke up, ulcers. lying amongst these boxes and papers, in a dirty old arm-chair. I jumped up and 9:00 am Have been thinking about this hard. shouted: “Oh, no! What is this? Where have Really hard. And have to admit, am a bit they chucked me? Is this a cellar?” And there confused. But maybe because of the noise. was a friend of mine looking at me. Very Couldn´t hear a word, my head was sweet. And she said: “But this is my office, spinning, couldn´t hear my friend talking - honey.” she was saying something and I was looking at her, and looking, and looking, and I just 10:00 am Hm. couldn´t hear anything. Was it the atmosphere? The acoustics? The lorries 11:00 am Hm. under the windows? The trains under the windows? The policeman outside whistling? 12:00 noon I was being thrown from side to side. By Nah. Still can’t get my head round this. what? I couldn´t see my friend properly, she kept disappearing from view, then coming 8: 00 pm What has gone wrong here? back again. What was it? What was moving

the messenger volume 7 number 2 published semianually Autumn´07 deadline for submission for the next issue: 10 th April published by PdF MU Department of English address Po říčí 7/9, Brno, 603 00, CZ managing editor Gabriela Oaklandová tel 549494513 e-mail [email protected] copyright © 2005 PdF MU . ISSN 1214-6676 All rights reserved. Nothing in this publication may be reproduced without permission of the publisher.

A LETTER TO THE CHIEF

Lucie Podroužková

Dear Dean,

I am one of your staff and I try to do my best. But as they say, happy mum, happy child, and in order to generate pedagogical and academic enthusiasm in the students, I too must be made happy. Here I want to tell you how to improve my welfare:

1. I am proud to be teaching at Masaryk University but to be honest, my workplace does not by half reach the standard of my “provincial days”. As an employee of the Silesian University in Opava, I occupied a pleasant attic office in a beautifully restored building, wedged between a museum and a church. There were no classrooms in the attic, so it was quiet for work and from the windows my eye could rest on the waxen beauty of magnolias in the garden below. In my present office, I am exposed to an incessant clatter from the corridor as well as hurtling lorries and yelling sirens rising from the Po říčí road. With students coming in to see my colleagues and myself, the image of the Tower of Babel Tower is complete. So got to thinking - what if you diverted the traffic from Po říčí, did away with the tarmac and set up a park on the riverside? Imagine the students having a lie-down on the grass and reading, imagine the staff strolling along, engaged in an academic debate or a solitary reverie. A second Cambridge! We can even do the punts! Counting in the local inhabitants, you would delight a crowd, I’m sure. 2. With the growing numbers of students, I spend days on end officiating at state exams. I should be dressed up for the occasion and feel comfortable at the same time, braving the strain and extreme weather conditions (remember June this year?) But shopping for clothing of appropriate quality and quantity proves unrealistic in terms of both my busy schedule and the options afforded by my wallet. I propose each female examiner be entitled to a set of five dresses yearly. I further propose that their male counterparts receive two shirts and ties per day, so they can change at noon. 3. Hardly anybody in the department keeps regular lunch hours. We pop food into our mouths as we go. Whenever I bring a packed lunch or a sandwich with me, students come barging in just as I am digging my spoon or sinking my teeth into it. We definitely need a lounge to take our meals in. A comfy sofa in there wouldn’t be a bad idea either. And what if you arranged things so that we would always find a bite to eat there? Let’s say fruit, nuts, sandwiches and cake, coffee and tea? And an ongoing supply of ice? Much better for my health if, instead of reasoning with an unreasonable student, I could simply dump a bag of ice on my head! 4. Funny thing. The term has barely started but most of us are looking as if we are in urgent need of a break. Your teachers are very diligent, you know, and if you don’t watch over us, we’ll never stop working, come rain or shine. You’d be better sending us to the spa once a year. But be sure to see that our luggage is checked - otherwise we’ll smuggle work out.

A special institute should be established for storing our clones, which would stand in for us if we collapsed in the middle of the term.