STEPPING AWAY FROM THE RING: AN AUTOETHNOGRAPHIC STUDY OF HERO WORSHIP CREATED THROUGH MEDIA CONSUMPTION By James Ross Gatfield A thesis submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Master of Arts in Communication Boise State University May 2010 © 2010 James Ross Gatfield ALL RIGHTS RESERVED BOISE STATE UNIVERSITY GRADUATE COLLEGE DEFENSE COMMITTEE AND FINAL READING APPROVALS of the thesis submitted by James Ross Gatfield Thesis Title: Stepping Away From the Ring: An Autoethnographic Study of Hero Worship Created Through Media Consumption Date of Final Oral Examination: 23 March 2010 The following individuals read and discussed the thesis submitted by student James Ross Gatfield, and they evaluated his presentation and response to questions during the final oral examination. They found that the student passed the final oral examination. Laurel Traynowicz, Ph.D. Chair, Supervisory Committee Devan Cook, Ph.D. Member, Supervisory Committee Rick Moore, Ph.D. Member, Supervisory Committee The final reading approval of the thesis was granted by Laurel Traynowicz, Ph.D., Chair of the Supervisory Committee. The thesis was approved for the Graduate College by John R. Pelton, Ph.D., Dean of the Graduate College. DEDICATION I dedicate this thesis to all of my loved ones who helped me not only live my dream for nearly ten years, but supported me when it was time to find a new direction for my life. Misty, Mom, Dad, Heather, Matt, you have all played important roles in my life and no amount of words can ever express how much I value you. Thank you. I dedicate this work to you. To everyone who has ever had a dream, and somewhere lost it along the way, I express both my understanding and my hopes that my life story can help you understand your own. To Eddy Guerrero, and Nancy and Daniel Benoit: your lives and deaths affected others in more ways than you would ever know. Rest in peace. v ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS I want to express my utmost appreciation for everyone that prepared me for, and ultimately guided me through, the Communication Master's program. The faculty of the Boise State University Communication department encouraged me to reach levels of academic excellence in myself I never realized possible. Through extensive coursework and excellent instruction, I received the education necessary for me to take my place amongst master's level communication scholars. I also wish to acknowledge the efforts of Carolyn Ellis and Arthur Bochner in developing the autoethnographic method for research. Their work has allowed for stories such as my own to contribute significantly to the field of communication, and without their contributions to the field my thesis would not have been possible. I must also recognize Ginnifer Cie Gee for her own autoethnographic work, as it aided me in stylistically developing my own. I would be remiss if I did not mention my fellow graduate students. Without your support, there would have been many times when giving up and walking away would have been much easier than pushing forward and striving for the best. You know who you are: thank you. Finally, and most importantly, I must express my unending gratitude to my thesis committee. Dr. Moore, thank you for your guidance and providing me with the necessary mass media background critical for this study. Without your contribution, the mass communication relevance of this study would have been significantly lessened. Dr. vi Cook, multiple semesters spent taking your nonfiction writing classes in the English department not only encouraged me to write my own story, but also gave me the necessary experience for critically looking into my own past while still maintaining my own voice. Without your instruction, this autoethnography would have lacked the personal nature necessary for the method, and I thank you. Dr. Traynowicz, there is no doubt in my mind that without your contribution I would have never created this study in the first place. You introduced me to the autoethnographic method, and eagerly took my thesis on when I presented it to you. Under your instruction, I have learned to go beyond orthodox research in order to achieve unique and valuable results. You have always encouraged me to go beyond traditional academic study, and I thank you for allowing my creative academic side to develop and grow. This work represents the culmination of nearly fifteen years of my own life, and your influence has allowed me to use that lived experience to contribute to the academic world in a valuable way. Thank you. vii ABSTRACT Letting go of a dream: An autoethnographic study of hero worship present in media consumption James Ross Gatfield This autoethnographic study examines the relationship between media consumption and hero worship in the lived experience of an individual over the course of a lifetime spent dedicated to achieving a career in professional wrestling. The focus of this study is on identity creation through repeated exposure to media sources relating to that lifelong dream. Previous communication research regarding media exposure provides significant knowledge on the potential effects of the media consumption on the lived experience of the audience, but virtually no prior research has examined explicit effects on a deeply individual level. Narratives encompassing the years devoted to a professional wrestling dream are analyzed and examined. Two prevalent themes were present throughout the lived experience narrative: self-identification and desired validation. Extensive analysis of the two themes, combined with application of modified elements from uses and gratifications theory and cultivation theory, provides understanding regarding the presence of hero worship in the life of a devoted media consumer. As the lived experience evolved, the purpose and subsequent impact of media consumption changed in accordance with the themes of self-identification and desired viii validation. The unique approach of this study provides a valuable future reference for additional media studies, allowing insight into the personal impact of media exposure on the lives of audience members. ix TABLE OF CONTENTS DEDICATION ............................................................................................................ v ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ........................................................................................ vi ABSTRACT ............................................................................................................... viii CHAPTER ONE: INTRODUCTION ......................................................................... 1 Identity Development ....................................................................................... 3 Media Exposure ............................................................................................... 5 Hero Worship .................................................................................................... 11 CHAPTER TWO: METHODOLOGY ....................................................................... 15 CHAPTER THREE: NARRATIVE CONTEXT ......................................................... 23 Heart Condition ................................................................................................. 23 Family .............................................................................................................. 24 School .............................................................................................................. 26 Matt ............................................................................................................... 28 Misty ............................................................................................................... 29 Eddy Guerrero and Chris Benoit ...................................................................... 30 CHAPTER FOUR: "CREATING A DREAM" .......................................................... 34 Desired Validation ........................................................................................... 34 Self-Identification ............................................................................................ 53 CHAPTER FIVE: "WATCHING A DREAM DIE" .................................................. 79 Self-Identification ............................................................................................ 79 x Desired Validation ........................................................................................... 96 CHAPTER SIX: "LIVING WITHOUT A DREAM" ................................................. 101 Desired Validation ........................................................................................... 101 Self-Identification ............................................................................................ 104 CHAPTER SEVEN: ANALYSIS ............................................................................... 118 Desired Validation .......................................................................................... 118 Self-Identification ........................................................................................... 125 Communication Theory .................................................................................. 137 CHAPTER EIGHT: CONCLUSION ......................................................................... 146 Implications for Research ................................................................................ 146 Challenges .......................................................................................................