Based on the classic story by Carlo Collodi

Book by Patrick Rainville Dorn Music and lyrics by Bill Francoeur

© Copyright 2005, Pioneer Drama Service, Inc.

Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that a royalty must be paid for every performance, whether or not admission is charged. All inquiries regarding rights should be addressed to Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., PO Box 4267, Englewood, CO 80155.

All rights to this musical—including but not limited to amateur, professional, radio broadcast, television, motion picture, public reading and translation into foreign languages—are controlled by Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., without whose permission no performance, reading or presentation of any kind in whole or in part may be given.

These rights are fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America and of all countries covered by the Universal Copyright Convention or with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations, including Canada, Mexico, Australia and all nations of the United Kingdom.

COPYING OR REPRODUCING ALL OR ANY PART OF THIS BOOK IN ANY MANNER IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN BY LAW.

On all programs, printing and advertising, the following information must appear: 1. The full name of the musical 2. The full name of the playwright and composer 3. The following notice: “Produced by special arrangement with Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., Englewood, Colorado” NO STRINGS ATTACHED Based on the classic story by Carlo Collodi Book by Patrick Rainville Dorn Music and Lyrics by Bill Francoeur

CAST OF CHARACTERS (In Order of Appearance) # of lines PROFESSOR ...... puppet master 70 MADAME AZURE ...... crotchety hag with 49 blue hair CARL/PINOCCHIO ...... reckless teenage boy 324 GEPPETTO ...... kind, elderly man 53 CRICKET ...... conscientious bug 102 FOX ...... wily canine 46 CAT ......  ckle feline 46 MOTEL OWNER ...... lacks hospitality 14 MOTEL OWNER’S WIFE ...... allergic to pets 15 SPARKY ......  re sprite 16 PEG ...... wily woodpecker 17 PAUL...... lumberjack with an 17 ax to grind UPHOLSTERER...... chair carrier 11 RUG RAT ...... carpet whacker 14 BLUES FAIRY ...... magical matron with 79 blue hair MARY ANNETTE ...... wise and caring girl 34 (actress also plays older version of character) DIPSTICK ...... magnet for trouble 46 DRIVER ...... cruel taskmaster 38 DONNA ...... donkey 15 FANNIE OAKLEAF ...... owns a Wild West Show 20 TRINA ...... ballerina and choreographer 12 TINA TUNA ...... plucky chicken of the sea 18 CHORUS OF MAGICAL MARIONETTES and TOWNSPEOPLE (which can double as BUG CHORUS, VILLAGERS, BACKUP SINGERS, STUDENTS, REVELERS/DONKEYS and TUNA FISH). For preview only ii SETTING Time: Today. Place: A bare stage, with a few props and simple set pieces to represent various locales, including Professor Pinecone’s Magical Marionette Theatre, Geppetto’s cottage, outside a motel, an enchanted scary forest, Blues Fairy’s cottage, Hedonia, the seashore and inside a giant shark. See PRODUCTION NOTES for details about the sets.

SYNOPSIS OF SCENES ACT ONE Scene One: Professor Pinecone’s Magical Marionette Puppet Theatre. Scene Two: Geppetto’s cottage. Scene Three: Outside a motel. Scene Four: Enchanted, scary forest. Scene Five: Outside and in Blues Fairy’s cottage.

ACT TWO Scene One: Hedonia. Scene Two: Fannie Oakleaf’s Wild West Show. Scene Three: The seashore and the sea. Scene Four: Inside the shark. Scene Five: Geppetto’s cottage.

For preview only iii SEQUENCE OF MUSICAL NUMBERS MC 1 All the World’s a Stage— Prologue ...... Ensemble MC 2 No Strings Attached ...... Marionettes, Professor, Madame Azure, Carl MC 3 I’m Gonna Bug Ya ...... Cricket, Bug Chorus MC 4 Easy Money ...... Fox, Cat, Pinocchio MC 4a The Scary Forest— Scene Change Music ...... Instrumental MC 4b Fight Music ...... Instrumental MC 5 Blues Fairy Mama ...... Blues Fairy, Backup Singers, Pinocchio MC 6 Rockin’ Down to Hedonia ...... Dipstick, Pinocchio, Driver, Revelers, Donkeys MC 6a Rockin’ Down to Hedonia—Reprise ...... Dipstick, Pinocchio, Driver, Revelers, Donkeys MC 6b Entr’acte ...... Instrumental MC 7 Welcome to Hedonia ...... Dipstick, Pinocchio, Driver, Revelers, Donkeys MC 8 The Donkey Trot ...... Donkeys, Pinocchio, Dipstick, Trina, Fannie MC 8a Chase Music ...... Instrumental MC 8b Shark Theme ...... Instrumental MC 8c Shark Theme—Reprise ...... Instrumental MC 8d Shark Theme—Reprise ...... Instrumental MC 9 I’m on My Way Back Home ...... Pinocchio MC 9a No Strings Attached—Reprise ...... Ensemble (except Mary Annette) MC 9b All the World’s a Stage— Epilogue/Curtain Call ...... Ensemble

For previewiv only NO STRINGS ATTACHED ACT ONE Scene One 1 AT RISE: The STAGE is DARK. MUSIC CUE 1: “All the World’s a Stage—Prologue.” The musical strains of a simple music box lullaby are heard. SPOTLIGHT FADES UP on one lone MARIONETTE, dancing to the music at CENTER STAGE. Of course, there are 5 no strings attached. Soon the LIGHTS FADE UP further to reveal a GROUP OF MARIONETTES, joining in the dance. We  nd we are in Professor Pinecone’s Magical Marionette Puppet Theatre. A banner with these very words stretches between two freestanding poles. There is a CHORUS OF TOWNSPEOPLE STAGE RIGHT and 10 STAGE LEFT who observe and delight in the performance. CARL hides in the crowd, watching the show. PROFESSOR mysteriously stands OFF in the shadows. As the lullaby winds down, PROFESSOR ENTERS, followed by MADAME AZURE, and slowly waves his arms over the MARIONETTES. Magically they wind down until they are 15 lifeless once more. The LIGHTS DIM. The TOWNSPEOPLE “freeze” in a silhouette. PROFESSOR: (Walks among the MARIONETTES, observing, pondering.) (Sings.) “All the world’s a stage,” 20 So sayeth the scribe and the wise old sage. All the world’s a stage, In our time we will play many roles. There are moments of wonder and scenes of despair, Challenges beyond compare. Beware! 25 Step into the light if you dare! Step into the light if you dare! (Waves his arms, and the MARIONETTES and TOWNSPEOPLE magically come to life again.) FULL ENSEMBLE: (Unfreezes; sings.) “All the world’s a stage,” 30 So sayeth the scribe and the wise old sage. All the world’s a stage, In our time we will play many roles. There are exits and entrances, lines to prepare, Costumes and makeup and hair. Take care! 35 Step into the light if you dare! Step into the light if you dare! (LIGHTS UP FULL. PROFESSOR encourages the TOWNSPEOPLE to come forward and dance with the “puppets.” Eventually there is very little distinction between “real” and “puppet,”For betweenpreview “performer” only and “audience.”) 1 1 Lights, music and action, Raise the curtain, take the stage by storm. It’s a theatre attraction. It’s the chance to perform. 5 We have comedy, tragedy, mystery, Music for tapping your toe. Let’s go! All the world’s a stage. Get on with the show! Lights, music and action, 10 Travel back to a distant time. It’s a true interaction. Hear the rhythm and rhyme. There are stories for telling and heroes to play, Magical places to go. And so, 15 All the world’s a stage. Get on with the show! All the world’s a stage. Get on with the show! All the world’s a stage! (Repeat line seven more times. MUSIC 20 OUT. As the SONG ENDS, MAGICAL MARIONETTES “freeze” in theatrical poses UP CENTER, suddenly lifeless. CHORUS OF TOWNSPEOPLE applauds. As TOWNSPEOPLE EXIT LEFT and RIGHT, MADAME AZURE shambles around the stage, holding out a hat and collecting donations. PROFESSOR greets 25 TOWNSPEOPLE at DOWN LEFT. CARL sneaks UP RIGHT, eyeing the MARIONETTES.) TOWNSPERSON 1: (To PROFESSOR.) Well done, well done, Professor Pinecone. PROFESSOR: Thank you. 30 TOWNSPERSON 2: Remarkable. Never saw a puppet show like that before. PROFESSOR: My marionettes are unique. TOWNSPERSON 3: How do you make them so lifelike? PROFESSOR: Magic. They’re magical marionettes. 35 TOWNSPERSON 4: No, really. How do you do it? TOWNSPERSON 5: What’s your secret? MADAME AZURE: (Interrupts.) Never you mind, sonny. (Holds up hat.) How about a little donation to help keep the magic alive? TOWNSPEOPLE: (Placing coins in hat as they EXIT.) Sure thing. 40 Glad to. I wish I knew how those marionettes work, etc. For preview only 2 1 PROFESSOR: (To MADAME AZURE.) That went well, don’t you think, Madame Azure? MADAME AZURE: (Shakes hat, disappointed.) Could have done better, Professor. (Looks in hat, pulls out a tooth.) A tooth? 5 Somebody paid us with a tooth? (Looks more carefully.) Not even a gold  lling. Oh well. (Mimes shoving the tooth into her mouth.) Five more and I’ll have a complete set. (Smiles, revealing blacked out teeth with one white tooth in the middle. CARL moves among the MARIONETTES, trying to get a closer look.) 10 PROFESSOR: I didn’t see her anywhere in the crowd. Did you? MADAME AZURE: Nope. PROFESSOR: The whole town showed up. If she lived here, she would have come to the performance. Right? MADAME AZURE: (“Spits” her “p’s” and “b’s.) Indisputably. 15 PROFESSOR: We might as well move on to the next town. Maybe we’ll have better luck there. MADAME AZURE: You’ll never stop lookin’ for her, will you? PROFESSOR: I can’t. Not so long as there’s hope. MADAME AZURE: Won’t ever give up? 20 PROFESSOR: No. Never. MADAME AZURE: (Sighs.) Oh, well. Can’t say as I blame you. Why don’t you turn in for the night? I’ll pack us up, and we can leave at dawn. PROFESSOR: Thank you, Madame Azure. You’re a true friend. 25 MADAME AZURE: Friendship ain’t got nothin’ to do with it, kiddo. My bunions are aching something awful from all that dancin’ around. Couldn’t sleep now if I wanted to. Might as well do something useful. You go. Get some rest. PROFESSOR: Are you sure you don’t need help? 30 MADAME AZURE: Go on, get out of here, unless you want me to tuck you in and sing you to sleep. PROFESSOR: (Laughs.) Anything but that! See you in the morning. MADAME AZURE: Nighty night. (PROFESSOR EXITS LEFT. MADAME AZURE turns, moves to MAGICAL MARIONETTES UP 35 CENTER. Surprised, CARL “freezes” in a pose, pretending to be a marionette to avoid detection. To MARIONETTES.) He won’t sleep either. Bunions ain’t nothin’ for keeping a body awake compared to a lonesome heart. (Claps hands.) All right, you blockheads, off to the storage trunks with you. (Pushes or slaps MARIONETTES 40 on the back and they leap or spin OFF RIGHT, one after another. Slaps CARL.)For preview only 3 1 CARL: Oww! MADAME AZURE: (Screams, stumbles back.) Ahhh! CARL: You hit me! MADAME AZURE: Help! Robbery! Murder! (Attacks CARL, knocks 5 him down, sits on him.) CARL: Hey, get off me! MADAME AZURE: I’ll teach you to sneak up on a poor, defenseless little old lady, you ruf an! (Slaps at his shoulders, then bounces on his stomach.) 10 CARL: Oof! PROFESSOR: (ENTERS LEFT.) Madame Azure! Are you all right? MADAME AZURE: (Stands, pulls CARL to his feet, grabs him by the ear.) All right? CARL: Oww! 15 MADAME AZURE: Of course I’m not all right. I was surprised by this… this good for nothing… (Punches CARL in the stomach. He doubles over.) …smart aleck… (Kicks his behind. He straightens up.) …punk! (Whacks the back of his head.) CARL: Lighten up, lady, and quit hitting me! 20 PROFESSOR: (To CARL.) Is this true? CARL: She attacked me! MADAME AZURE: It was self defense! (Stomps on CARL’S foot.) PROFESSOR: All right, Madame Azure. Let him go. (She releases him. To CARL.) What’s your name? 25 CARL: (Rubbing various sore spots.) What’s it to you? MADAME AZURE: (Roughs him up.) Don’t talk back to the Professor, pipsqueak! PROFESSOR: I suggest you answer my questions. And for your sake, I recommend that you don’t lie. If Madame Azure thinks 30 you’re not telling the truth, she can get pretty nasty. CARL: She couldn’t get pretty anything. Put a sack over that head, will you? Hag! MADAME AZURE: Nincompoop! PROFESSOR: Stop! Please, young man. I have to call you something. 35 Tell me your name. CARL: Carl. PROFESSOR: And were you snooping around my theatre? CARL: I wasn’t snooping, exactly. MADAME AZURE: Grrr!

For preview4 only 1 CARL: All right! I was just looking around. PROFESSOR: Why? MADAME AZURE: He’s trying to steal your secrets, Professor. CARL: I’m not a thief! 5 PROFESSOR: Then what are you? CARL: Nothing. I’m nobody. Okay? PROFESSOR: I see. You’re a nobody. But you want to be somebody, someday, right? CARL: Sure, like that’s going to happen in this town. 10 PROFESSOR: You think traveling would make a difference? CARL: It might. PROFESSOR: A life on the road, seeing new sights, meeting new people. Sounds pretty good. CARL: At least I’d be free. 15 PROFESSOR: Ah, freedom. No ties, no responsibilities, nobody to tell you what to do. Master of your own fate. CARL: Something like that, yeah. MADAME AZURE: I was wrong, Professor. He’s no thief. He’s a blockhead! (Smacks the back of CARL’S head.) 20 PROFESSOR: And you think you can  nd these things in my puppet theatre? CARL: Maybe. If you gave me a job. PROFESSOR: A job? You would try to earn your freedom and a chance to become somebody? 25 CARL: Sure. I’ll do whatever you say, be whatever you want me to be. PROFESSOR: Let’s make sure we understand each other. You want to be my slave so that you can be free? You would give up your identity for a chance to become somebody? Is that pretty much 30 it? MADAME AZURE: A blockhead, I tell you. CARL: I know that doesn’t sound like it makes much sense, but if that’s what it takes, yes. PROFESSOR: What makes you think I can help you? How do you 35 know you can trust me? CARL: I saw your magical marionettes. They’re free. They’re happy. They’re unique. MADAME AZURE: They’re puppets, you nincompoop. CARL: They don’tFor have preview any strings holding only them back. I do. 5 1 PROFESSOR: School? CARL: A waste of time. PROFESSOR: Friends? CARL: None worth mentioning. 5 PROFESSOR: Family? CARL: They wouldn’t even notice I was gone. PROFESSOR: You could be wrong about that. (Considers.) All right. I’m leaving at dawn. I’ll give you until midnight to prove yourself. Pass my audition, and I’ll take you with me as an apprentice. 10 CARL: Audition? PROFESSOR: I run a theatre. If you want to be part of it, you have to try out. CARL: Now you’re talkin’. What do I do? MADAME AZURE: Go home. 15 CARL: No. Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it. PROFESSOR: Have you ever heard of a puppet named Pinocchio? CARL: Pinocchio? Don’t think so. PROFESSOR: Little wooden guy? Wanted to become a real boy? CARL: Doesn’t ring a bell. 20 PROFESSOR: Runs away from home, gets into mischief, turns into a donkey, swallowed by a giant shark? CARL: Uh, nope. MADAME AZURE: (Hits him.) Blockhead! PROFESSOR: (Sighs.) All right. For your audition, you are to play 25 the part of Pinocchio as if your future depended upon it. Give it everything you’ve got. Improvise. My marionettes will help you. CARL: You want me to play a puppet? PROFESSOR: And my marionettes will play all the people. If you can pull this off, I’ll give you a job. Is it a deal? (Offers his hand.) 30 CARL: (Shakes his hand.) Deal. (Reacts to the handshake with shock, stumbles back. He begins to move stif y.) Whoa, what’s happening? PROFESSOR: It’s all part of the magic. (MUSIC CUE 2: “No Strings Attached.” Sings.) Magical mystery marionettes! 35 Magical mystery marionettes! PROFESSOR/MADAME AZURE: (Sing.) They hip and they hop and they do pirouettes, They’re magical mystery marionettes! (MUSIC UNDER.) CARL: (In a panic;For speaks.) preview Professor Pinecone, only what’s going on? 6 1 PROFESSOR: (Speaks.) Don’t be afraid, Carl. Observe and listen as the magic unfolds. CARL: (Speaks.) Huh? (PROFESSOR claps his hands, and the MARIONETTES ENTER RIGHT, carrying pieces of the “Pinocchio” 5 costume—shin guards, elbow and knee pads, shoulder pads, chest pads. [See PRODUCTION NOTES.] They dress CARL in this body armor. He is helpless to resist.) MARIONETTES: (Sing.) This wooden body doesn’t need the pull of a string. 10 You can look us up ’n’ down, but no, you won’t see a thing. You say it’s an illusion, but we’re always detached. We’re hip, enchanted puppets with no strings attached! (The following lines are spoken in a rap style.) CARL: (Raps.) I ain’t no puppet! Ain’t no muppet! 15 MADAME AZURE: (Sarcastic. Raps.) Let’s dress ’im all up like Little Miss Muffet! PROFESSOR: (Raps.) Let me tell ya how it is. Let me give y’a little tip. MADAME AZURE: (Raps.) 20 Better listen real good. Don’t give ’im no lip! PROFESSOR: (Raps.) From N.Y.C. to Tokyo, They know the name Pinocchio. Wanna play the part, ya gotta act the part. Wanna act the part, ya gotta dress the part. 25 MARIONETTES: (Rap.) Hey, boy! Hey, boy! Getcha feet off the groun’, don’t act so coy! Hey, boy! Hey, boy! Getcha feet off the groun’, let’s go! Hey, boy! Hey, boy! 30 Getcha feet off the groun’, you’re a brand new toy! Hey, boy! Hey, boy! Getcha feet off the groun’, let’s go! (MARIONETTES begin dancing a stiff and robotic “marionette hip hop” dance.) GIRL MARIONETTES: (Rap.) Gotta move ’n’ sway from side t’ side. 35 BOY MARIONETTES: (Rap.) Gotta shimmy ’n’ shake, have a little bit o’ pride. GIRL MARIONETTES: (Rap.) Gonna getcha feelin’ good, gonna getcha feelin’ right. BOY MARIONETTES: (Rap.) 40 Gonna help this puppet get down tonight. GIRL MARIONETTES: (Rap.) Little jump ’n’ dip, little bump ’n’ grind. For preview only 7 1 BOY MARIONETTES: (Rap.) Stay with the beat, don’t get behind. GIRL MARIONETTES: (Rap.) Gotta slip ’n’ slide, gotta wiggle them feet. ALL MARIONETTES: (Rap.) 5 Gonna thump and jump on top o’ the beat. (Sing.) This wooden body doesn’t need the pull of a string. You can look us up ’n’ down, but no, you won’t see a thing. You say it’s an illusion, but we’re always detached. We’re hip, enchanted puppets with no strings attached! 10 CARL: (Raps.) I’m not sure I wanna be your wonder boy, Your puppet kid, your wooden toy. MADAME AZURE: (Raps.) Just deal with it! Try to enjoy. You wanna get ahead or not? CARL: (Raps.) I guess. 15 PROFESSOR: (Raps.) I’m giving you the chance, but you gotta wear the hat an’ you Gotta wear the pants. CARL: (Raps.) Okay, I’m cool. I’ll play the wooden puppet. I’ll act the part. 20 Yo, when do we start? PROFESSOR/MADAME AZURE: (Rap.) Right now! MARIONETTES: (Rap.) Hey, boy! Hey, boy! Getcha feet off the groun’, don’t act so coy! Hey, boy! Hey, boy! 25 Getcha feet off the groun’, let’s go! Hey, boy! Hey, boy! Getcha feet off the groun’, you’re a brand new toy! Hey, boy! Hey, boy! Getcha feet off the groun’, let’s go! (CARL joins the MARIONETTES 30 in their stiff and robotic “marionette hip hop” dance.) BOY MARIONETTES: (Rap.) Bring it on, give it up, shake it out, get down! GIRL MARIONETTES: (Rap.) Gotta move to the rhythm of the funky sound! 35 BOY MARIONETTES: (Rap.) Step left, step right, lookin’ outta sight! GIRL MARIONETTES: (Rap.) Gotta move your body with an appetite! BOY MARIONETTES: (Rap.) Do it up, bring it back, now you got the knack! 40 GIRL MARIONETTES: (Rap.) In a step or two, do whatcha got t’ do! For preview only 8 1 ALL MARIONETTES: (Rap.) Burn it up real good, smoke up the  oor. The little wooden kid’s comin’ back for more! (Sing.) This wooden body doesn’t need the pull of a string. 5 You can look us up ’n’ down, but no, you won’t see a thing. You say it’s an illusion, but we’re always detached. We’re hip, enchanted puppets with no strings attached! We’re hip, enchanted puppets with no strings attached! We’re hip, enchanted puppets with no strings attached! 10 (MARIONETTES, including CARL, begin to wind down.) ALL: (Sing.) Magical mystery marionettes! Magical mystery marionettes! MARIONETTES: (Sing.) We hip and we hop and we do pirouettes. (They sing as LIGHTS FADE to BLACK, until they are once again 15 lifeless puppets.) ALL: (Sing.) Magical mystery marionettes! (BLACKOUT. MUSIC OUT.) End of Scene One

Scene Two LIGHTS UP: GEPPETTO’S cottage, STAGE RIGHT. A simple book  at represents the interior of a humble cottage. There is a small table, 20 two chairs and a small bed. CARL, now PINOCCHIO, sleeps in the bed. On the table is an apple, a mallet and a chisel. GEPPETTO’S heavy coat is draped over the bed. PROFESSOR and MADAME AZURE stand DOWN RIGHT, as if watching a play. GEPPETTO, an elderly man, ENTERS RIGHT. 25 GEPPETTO: Ah, good morning, Pinocchio! Did you sleep well? CARL/PINOCCHIO: What? Who are you? GEPPETTO: (Repeats.) Ah, good morning, Pinocchio! Did you sleep well? PINOCCHIO: What are you talking about? (To PROFESSOR.) What’s 30 up with this guy? GEPPETTO: Amateurs. Sheesh! (Raises hands in frustration, EXITS RIGHT.) PROFESSOR: Try to understand. You are no longer Carl. You are now Pinocchio, a magical puppet. 35 PINOCCHIO: But I don’t know the story. How am I supposed to act it out? MADAME AZURE: Improvise! I’ll cue Geppetto again. (EXITS RIGHT.) For preview only 9 1 PROFESSOR: Yesterday you were a magical talking log, and Geppetto carved you into a puppet. Got it? And try not to break character. (Calls OFF RIGHT.) Let’s do it again. (Claps hands. GEPPETTO ENTERS RIGHT.) 5 GEPPETTO: Ah, good morning, Pinocchio! Did you sleep well? PINOCCHIO: Uh, sure. GEPPETTO: Glad to hear it. You’ve got a busy day today. PINOCCHIO: I do? GEPPETTO: It’s your  rst day at school. 10 PINOCCHIO: School? Why does a puppet need to go to school? GEPPETTO: (Raps PINOCCHIO on the head.) Why, to knock the sawdust out of your head, my little wood chip. PINOCCHIO: What about breakfast? GEPPETTO: Breakfast? 15 PINOCCHIO: Yeah. You can’t send a puppet to school on an empty stomach. GEPPETTO: What was I thinking? Of course you must eat. (Gestures to table.) Won’t you have a seat? All I have is this one apple. I thought we might share it. 20 PINOCCHIO: That’s cool. Peel it for me. GEPPETTO: Peel it? PINOCCHIO: Peel it for me. You don’t expect me to eat the peel, do you? GEPPETTO: I suppose not. But you’ll have to peel it yourself. (Hands 25 PINOCCHIO the chisel.) Sorry, I don’t have a knife. You need to use this chisel. PINOCCHIO: A chisel? GEPPETTO: (Moves to bed, picks up coat and puts it on.) I have an errand to run. 30 PINOCCHIO: (Puts chisel down.) I’m not going to peel it… not with this thing. You peel it. GEPPETTO: If you’re going to be a real boy someday, you’re going to have to learn to take care of these things yourself. PINOCCHIO: A real boy? (To PROFESSOR.) Is this guy for real? 35 (PROFESSOR gestures for CARL/PINOCCHIO to stay in the scene.) GEPPETTO: As I was saying, I’m off to run an errand. I need to pick up schoolbooks for you, Pinocchio. Be a good puppet. Make your papa proud. (EXITS LEFT.) For preview only 10 1 PINOCCHIO: Now what do I do? I guess I’ll eat this apple and get out of here. No way am I going to go to school, even if this is just a play. (Tries to peel apple with the chisel, makes a mess of it. Picks up mallet and tries to chisel the peel off. Finally, in frustration, he 5 pounds the apple  at with the mallet. Tries to eat the “applesauce.” CRICKET pops up from behind bed.) CRICKET: Hey, Pinocchio! What’s new, besides you? PINOCCHIO: What the— Whoa, that’s some humongous cockroach. 10 CRICKET: Cockroach? Me? No, way. Most de nitely not. No way, no how am I a cockroach. Take a good look, woodenhead. I am a cricket. Got that? A cricket. Note the beautifully bowed legs. Cockroach. I’m offended at the implication. PINOCCHIO: You look like a cockroach to me. 15 CRICKET: Listen up. Have you ever heard of a cockroach being a puppet boy’s conscience? I don’t think so! Cockroaches are disgusting, man. Disgusting. Don’t be talking to me like that. Besides, I’d rather be a cockroach than a donkey any day of the week. Any day. 20 PINOCCHIO: Donkey? CRICKET: That’s what I said. Donkey. If you keep on keeping on like this, mouthing off to Geppetto,  guring to ditch school, you’ll wind up a perfect donkey in the end. You know, a jack ass. Pardon my French. And then everybody will look at you and laugh, and 25 point, and say, “Not only could that poor fool not tell the difference between a cricket and a cockroach, but he’s gone and made a… a donkey out of himself. What do you think of that? PINOCCHIO: What do you care what happens to me? CRICKET: Do I look like I care? Are you mistaking me for someone 30 who cares what you do with your fool life? I owe someone a favor, that’s all. A very special lady. She looked out for me when I was in a jam, so now I’m lookin’ out for you. She says you need a conscience, and I got the job. So I’m stickin’ to you like a roach in a roach motel. Better get used to it. There’s no gettin’ rid of me. 35 PINOCCHIO: My conscience, eh? CRICKET: That’s right. You step outta line, I’m gonna crawl all over you. You mouth off to your old man, I’m gonna be in your face. You try to duck outta school, I’m gonna be there singin’ in your ear. (MUSIC CUE 3: “I’m Gonna Bug Ya.” During the introduction, 40 BUG CHORUS ENTERS LEFT and RIGHT, dressed in dark glasses, wild hats—any Blues Brothers sort of costume with antennae. Speaks.)For Nobodypreview bugs a person only better than a bug. And 11 1 when it comes to buggin’ people, I’m the buggiest. I’m the cricket who’s gonna punch your ticket! (Sings.) Ya think you’re kinda cool, ya got it goin’ on, Well, homeboy, you’re not all that. 5 I got your number on the grid, a wet nose kid. Just another punk city brat! Ya don’t wanna do this, don’t wanna do that, All ya wanna do is play. Well, listen up, fool, don’t’cha give me no drool, 10 Ain’t takin’ your jive today. I’m gonna bug ya! BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) Bug ya! CRICKET: (Sings.) If you get one step outta line. BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) If you get one step outta line. 15 CRICKET: (Sings.) I’m gonna bug ya! BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) Bug ya! CRICKET: (Sings.) One false move, an’ you’re mine. BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) The bug means business! CRICKET: (Sings.) Don’t’cha ever think o’ slippin’ out, runnin’ away. 20 BUG CHORUS: (Spoken in rhythm.) Uh-uh! CRICKET: (Sings.) This bug’ll be hot on your tail. BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) Hot on your tail! CRICKET: (Sings.) I’m gonna chase you down— (Clenching a  st.) Give a slug in the mug. 25 This bug’s on Pinocchio’s trail! BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) Right on! Right on! CRICKET: (Speaks.) If you don’t act proper, I’ll be jumpin’ in your face like a mad grasshopper! BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) Right on! Right on! 30 CRICKET: (Speaks.) I’m your neighborhood bug bodyguard… Get used to it! (Sings.) I’ll be hidin’ in the bush, I’ll be savin’ your tush Every time you get yourself in a jam. BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) Every time you get yourself in a jam. 35 CRICKET: (Sings.) I’ll be the cricket in the thicket… CRICKET/BUG CHORUS: (Sing.) …the bug in the rug. CRICKET: (Sings.) Your conscience is what I am. BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) Ya better listen! For preview only 12 1 CRICKET: (Sings.) Ya better listen real good, better listen real  ne, Or we’re gonna have a tussle ’n’ tug! BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) Gonna have a tussle ’n’ tug! CRICKET: (Sings.) I’m gonna climb… 5 CRICKET/BUG CHORUS: (Sing.) …gonna wiggle up ’n’ down your spine, BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) And then he’s gonna pull your plug! CRICKET: (Sings.) Right on! I’m gonna bug ya! 10 BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) Bug ya! CRICKET: (Sings.) If you get one step outta line. BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) If you get one step outta line! CRICKET: (Sings.) I’m gonna bug ya! BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) Bug ya! 15 CRICKET: (Sings.) One false move, an’ you’re mine! BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) The bug means business! CRICKET: (Sings.) Don’t’cha ever try t’ pull the wool over my eyes… BUG CHORUS: (Speaks in rhythm.) Uh-uh! 20 CRICKET: (Sings.) …’cuz I’m as mean as a snake in a jug. BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) A snake in a jug! CRICKET: (Sings.) I can move like a butter y, sting like a bee, And I’m as crazy as a big, bad bed bug! BUG CHORUS: (Speaks in rhythm.) Yeah! 25 CRICKET: (Sings.) I’m gonna bug ya! BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) Bug ya! CRICKET: (Sings.) If you get one step outta line. BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) If you get one step outta line. CRICKET: (Sings.) I’m gonna bug ya! 30 BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) Bug ya! CRICKET: (Sings.) One false move, an’ you’re mine! BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) The bug means business! CRICKET: (Sings.) Don’t’cha ever try t’ pull the wool over my eyes… 35 BUG CHORUS: (Speaks in rhythm.) Uh-uh! CRICKET: (Sings.) …’cuz I’m as mean as a snake in a jug. BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) A snake in a jug! CRICKET: (Sings.) I can move like a butter y, sting like a bee,

For preview13 only 1 CRICKET/BUG CHORUS: (Sing.) And I’m/he’s as crazy as a big, bad bed bug! BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) He’s gonna bug ya! (BUG CHORUS begins to EXIT LEFT and RIGHT, dancing. PINOCCHIO picks up a mallet 5 off the table, hides it behind his back, moves toward CRICKET.) CRICKET: (Speaks.) This insect’s gonna inspect every move you make! BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) He’s gonna bug ya! CRICKET: (Speaks.) I’ll be watchin’ nearby like a bug-eyed  y! I’ll be 10 spyin’ from a tree like a pesky  ea! BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) He’s gonna bug ya! CRICKET: (Speaks.) I’ll be hidin’ outta sight like a crazy-headed termite! I’ll be hidin’ in the bramble, gettin’ ready to scramble! BUG CHORUS: (Sings.) He’s gonna bug ya! 15 CRICKET: (Speaks. With a big smile.) Just think of me as your little cricket bug daddy! CRICKET/BUG CHORUS: (Sing.) Right on! (MUSIC OUT.) PINOCCHIO: I guess you’re doing this to help me out. CRICKET: You got that right. You’re gonna be good if it kills us both. 20 PINOCCHIO: I’m gonna need all the help I can get. CRICKET: Puppets can’t be going around making their own decisions, you know. No way, no how. PINOCCHIO: So you’re saying puppets aren’t responsible for their actions? 25 CRICKET: Oh, you’re responsible, all right. Anything goes wrong, you’re responsible. And I’m gonna let you know every time you do something wrong. But as for having the know-how to do the right thing at the right time, I don’t think so. Think for yourself? It would be doomsday, man. Chaos! Anarchy! The end of the world as we 30 know it. PINOCCHIO: As you know it, maybe. But I’m gonna be free. I’m not letting any cockroach tell me what to do. (Pulls out mallet, chases CRICKET around the stage.) CRICKET: Put it down, man. Put the mallet down. You don’t want to 35 do this. PINOCCHIO: Oh, yes, I do. CRICKET: Ahh! Help! The wooden kid is about to go psycho on me! (Jumps behind the bed. PINOCCHIO is poised to strike.) Stop! Wait! Now hold on just a second. You… you can’t hit me with 40 that! For preview only 14 1 PINOCCHIO: Why not? CRICKET: Why? Because… uh, because… it has applesauce on it! PINOCCHIO: So what? CRICKET: At least wipe it off  rst. It’s gross. 5 PINOCCHIO: (Considers.) Well, okay. (Moves to table.) CRICKET: (Dashes OFF LEFT.) You haven’t seen the last of me, blockhead! I’m gonna keep on buggin’ you and buggin’ you and buggin’ you and buggin’ you… (He’s OFF.) PINOCCHIO: (Throws mallet OFF LEFT. [See PRODUCTION 10 NOTES.] SOUND EFFECT: THUNK.) Gotcha! GEPPETTO: (Without his coat, ENTERS LEFT, carrying several schoolbooks and the mallet. He rubs his head.) The strangest thing just happened. PINOCCHIO: Uh, what’s that, Dad? 15 GEPPETTO: A mallet dropped out of the sky and hit me on the head. (Tastes mallet.) It has applesauce on it. I wonder what that means? PINOCCHIO: Uh, I’ve been inside all this time. GEPPETTO: Maybe you’ll learn about such things at school. 20 PINOCCHIO: School? GEPPETTO: Yes, Pinocchio. I sold my coat so I could buy you these schoolbooks. PINOCCHIO: Schoolbooks? GEPPETTO: (Reaches into pocket, pulls out coins.) And here’s the 25 change. For all those fees at school. (Gives PINOCCHIO one coin at a time.) This one is for the cafeteria fee. This one is for your equipment and materials fee. This one is for your library and computer lab fee. I don’t have enough money to pay for after school activities, but I’m sure you’ll be having fund raisers all year 30 long, selling candy, wrapping paper, Entertainment books and who knows what else. PINOCCHIO: Do I really have to go to school? GEPPETTO: It’s for your own good. Now go on, make your papa proud. 35 PINOCCHIO: If you say so. Good-bye, Dad. (EXITS LEFT.) GEPPETTO: Good-bye, Pinocchio. (Sits at RIGHT side of table, facing DOWNSTAGE.) I’m going to miss that little woodenhead. (Sighs, puts elbow on table and hand on chin. Feels the applesauce on his elbow. Lifts elbow, looks.) Ewwww. (LIGHTS SHIFT LEFT.) End of Scene Two End of script preview. 15 PRODUCTION NOTES

SET DESIGNS PUPPET THEATRE: Banner strung between two poles which says: “Professor Pinecone’s Magical Marionette Puppet Theatre.” GEPPETTO’S COTTAGE: A rolling platform stage with a backdrop suggesting a humble cottage. Placed on or in front of the platform are a table, two stools or chairs and a bed. On the table are an apple, mallet and chisel. OUTSIDE THE MOTEL: The other side of Geppetto’s cottage backdrop painted as the exterior of a rundown motel. ENCHANTED, SCARY FOREST: Free-standing cut-out trees RIGHT and LEFT, perhaps with hanging foliage, suggest a scary forest. An occasional shrub or two. Should be free-standing or easily removed. BLUES FAIRY’S COTTAGE: Could be Geppetto’s cottage platform stage re-dressed to look nicer and more feminine or a separate rolling platform stage with a backdrop. Table and three stools. On the table are a pot, ladle, soup bowl and spoon. DRIVER’S WAGON: Does not need to be a functional wagon. It could be a foam board, plywood or cardboard cut-out of a wagon, with handles placed along the inside. REVELERS inside the “wagon” hold it up and move it along. DONKEYS may have cords leading to the DRIVER to simulate “reins.” HEDONIA: A seedy carnival or run-down amusement park. Free- standing  ats or cut-out set pieces are spaced throughout the stage area with room for actors to pass behind them. Colored lights may hang from above or along the proscenium arch, but many of the bulbs appear to be burned out. Faded signs for various attractions promise untold delights. FANNIE OAKLEAF’S WILD WEST SHOW: Flats from Hedonia, reversed, with posters advertising the Wild West Show. SEASHORE AND THE SEA: Represented by long strips of  imsy blue fabric, approximately 3-4 feet wide (the width of the bolt) and the length of the stage. One TUNA FISH kneels at each end, grasps the corners of the fabric and pulls it taut. Create wave effect by rhythmically raising, lowering and “rippling” the fabric. SHARK INTERIOR: Rolling platform stage with backdrop painted to look like the inside of a shark with ribs, part of a surfboard, etc. Free-standing cut-out rowboat on the wagon, with a stool behind it so it looks like GEPPETTO is sitting in the boat. For preview only 64 PROPERTIES ACT ONE Scene One: Hat for donations (MADAME AZURE) Coins (TOWNSPEOPLE) Pinocchio costume pieces (MAGICAL MARIONETTES) ACT ONE, Scene Two: Coat, coins, schoolbooks (GEPPETTO) ACT ONE, Scene Three: Handkerchief (MOTEL OWNER’S WIFE) Books, coins (PINOCCHIO) Large pan or tray  lled with sand (MADAME AZURE) ACT ONE, Scene Four: Large ax with broken handle [cut-out or foam board] (PAUL) ACT ONE, Scene Five: Old chair in need of reupholstering (UPHOLSTERER) Large rolled-up rug, bottle or canteen on shoulder strap (RUG RAT) Two large water cooler bottles, three nose extensions [see details below] (BLUES FAIRY) Paper, pencils (PINOCCHIO, MARY ANNETTE, DIPSTICK) Cane (MARY ANNETTE) ACT TWO, Scene One: Bench (MADAME AZURE, PINECONE) Soft drink cups with lids, straws (REVELERS) Tray, drink cups with straws, plastic bag (DONNA) Trash bags, brooms, mops (DONKEYS) Donkey ears, tails (REVELERS, DONNA, PINOCCHIO, DIPSTICK) ACT TWO, Scene Two: Envelope, riding crop or buggy whip (FANNIE) ACT TWO, Scene Three: Cane (MARY ANNETTE) ACT TWO, Scene Four: Fishing pole, handkerchief (GEPPETTO) Cut-out gas can, cut-out signal  are gun, Mary Annette’s cane (TINA TUNA) ACT TWO, Scene Five: Blanket (GEPPETTO) Bag of coins (PINOCCHIO)

For preview only 65 FLEXIBLE CASTING Due to the string of cameo roles, there are numerous possibilities for doubling. The musical can be done with a cast as small as 12 by having four actors (two male and two female or one male and three female) play the following 14 roles: Fox, Cat, Motel Owner, Motel Owner’s wife, Sparky, Peg, Paul, Upholsterer, Rug Rat, Driver, Donna, Fannie Oakleaf, Trina and Tina Tuna. Of course, you could use more actors if desired while still not having one for each role. The cast is also extremely  exible in terms of gender. The following roles can be either male or female: Fox, Cat, Sparky, Peg, Upholsterer, Rug Rat, Driver, Donna and Tina Tuna. Even Pinocchio could be played by an actress, keeping in mind how Broadway has portrayed the role of Peter Pan throughout the years. For a larger cast, the musical can be performed with any number of chorus members as townspeople, magical marionettes, bug chorus members, villagers, backup singers, students, revelers/donkeys and tuna  sh.

COSTUMING PINOCCHIO’S COSTUME: Carl’s transformation before our eyes to Pinocchio is easy to accomplish with painted or otherwise decorated protective body gear. Use Velcro straps to quickly attach pads to knees, shins, elbows and forearms. A painted chest piece such as those worn by lacrosse or hockey players adds a nice touch to the costume. Ideally, Pinocchio also wears a half mask. This can be a one-piece construction with elastic straps going behind the head and under the chin. It should have brightly painted and three-dimensional cheeks, nose and eyebrows, but should leave the lower half of the actor’s face free. Feel free to add a hat to the costume if desired. PINOCCHIO’S NOSE: The  rst “nose extension” can  t over the mask nose, held in place by elastic behind the head. The second extension simply  ts snugly over the tip of the  rst extension. Use a strong, lightweight and  exible material for the nose extensions, like the bendable foam “noodle” material used for pool toys. DONKEY EARS AND TAILS: Floppy felt or vinyl ears can be attached to a headband. With Pinocchio’s, attach the ears to the headband with Velcro for quick release. Tails can be tied around the waist with drawstring, but again, Pinocchio’s must be attached to the drawstring with Velcro. For preview only 66 MADAME AZURE AND THE BLUES FAIRY: Since Madame Azure is revealed to be an older version of Blues Fairy, give them certain similarities, such as blue hair or similar dresses. Still, Madame Azure’s appearance is much wilder or more tattered than the smooth Blues Fairy.

SOUND AND STAGE EFFECTS SOUND EFFECTS: “Thunk” of mallet hitting Geppetto; scary forest sounds (owls, bird squawks, wolf); optional sea gulls and ocean surf; splash and waves; optional shark’s mouth opening, shark gulp and belch; explosion. FLYING MALLET: For safety’s sake, the actor playing Pinocchio must make sure that there is no one in the wings when he throws the mallet. Hang a blanket offstage like a net to “catch” the mallet. Geppetto could have a duplicate mallet in his hand so as not to delay his entrance. SHARK FIN: To show the shark skimming the “waves,” create a large foam board or cardboard cut-out “ n.” Have one or two tuna  sh hold it up above the “waves,” carrying it across the upstage part of the stage, shielding themselves from the audience with the  n and the waves. PINOCCHIO SWIMMING: Once PINOCCHIO “dives in” between the strips of fabric, lift the UPSTAGE end of the fabric up so the actor can stand up to his chest in “waves.”

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