B'nei Mitzvah

BBEEYYOONNDD TTHHEE BBAARR’’CCHHUU WHAT IT MEANS TO BE AN EMERGENT ADULT IN THE JEWISH COMMUNITY

INFORMATION HANDBOOK Your Photo Here . . . FOR B’NEI MITZVAH STUDENTS AND FAMILIES AT SHIR TIKVAH 2015/ 5775

1360 W. MINNEHAHA PARKWAY MINNEAPOLIS, MN 55419 612-822-1440

Last Revised on 1/14/2016 www.shirtikvah.net Page 1

TABLE OF CONTENTS

EMERGENT ADULTHOOD ...... 3 GUIDING PRINCIPLES FOR THE B’NEI MITZVAH JOURNEY ...... 4 EDUCATIONAL & COMMUNITY GOALS AND EXPECTATIONS ...... 5 LEARNING GOALS OF THE SHIR TIKVAH B’NEI MITZVAH PROGRAM ...... 5 WHO’S WHO ON THE B’NEI MITZVAH JOURNEY ...... 6 STUDENTS WITH DISABILITIES ...... 7 FAMILY SUPPORT RESOURCES ...... 7 PREPARING FOR B’NEI MITZVAH ...... 7 RECEIVING & CONFIRMING A BAR/BAT MITZVAH DATE ...... 7 FAMILY MEETINGS & PROGRAMS: LAYING THE FOUNDATION ...... 7 YOUR YEAR OF STUDY ...... 8 THE BAR/BAT MITZVAH SERVICE ...... 9 CELEBRATING B’NEI MITZVAH DURING SHABBAT SERVICES ...... 9 ROLE OF THE BAR/BAT MITZVAH DURING THE SHABBAT MORNING SERVICE ...... 9 ROLES FOR PARENT(S) AND FAMILIES DURING THE SERVICE ...... 10 LOGISTICS! PLANNING THE BIG EVENTS ...... 10 INVITATIONS ...... 11 TZEDAKAH ...... 11 KIPPOT AND TALLITOT ...... 12 PHOTOGRAPHY/VIDEO ...... 12 AMERICAN JEWISH WORLD (AJW) ANNOUNCEMENT ...... 12 THE PROGRAM ...... 13 PLANNING FOR THE FRIDAY & SATURDAY RECEPTIONS (ONEGS) ...... 13 FREQUENTLY ASKED LOGISTICS QUESTIONS ...... 15 FEES ...... 17 B’NEI MITZVAH CHECKLIST ...... 19 ONEG PLANNING: ...... 21 GLOSSARY ...... 22 CREATING YOUR D’VAR TORAH: ...... 24 B’NEI MITZVAH STUDENT QUESTION FOR THE RABBI ...... 25 THE WEEK OF YOUR BAR/BAT MITZVAH ...... 27 RESOURCES ...... 28 B’NEI MITZVAH PROGRAM FORM ...... 29 BLESSING THE TORAH (HAVING AN ALIYAH) ...... 34 SUGGESTED READINGS FOR SATURDAY MORNING ...... 35

Last Revised on 1/14/2016 www.shirtikvah.net Page 2 EMERGENT ADULTHOOD WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO EMERGE INTO ADULT IN THE JEWISH COMMUNITY AT SHIR TIKVAH?

The exquisite experience of standing with Jewish adolescents as they open the Torah for the first time, to hear the ancient text come alive as they breathe the words on the parchment to life, is like standing at Sinai and having God’s presence revealed. What a blessing it is for each of us to be with these beautiful young people as they enter adulthood, to bear witness to who they are becoming.

Students do not “have” a Bar or Bat Mitzvah; they become a Bar or Bat Mitzvah. The Talmud teaches that a young person is ready at the age of 13 to understand and accept adult responsibility for mitzvot (commandments/sacred responsibilities). We believe our students have much to learn and much to teach. There is an old joke that says that Judaism is a 3,000 year old conversation about what Judaism is. The experience of Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a ritual opportunity for you to affirm that YES you are a part of the conversation. You have something important and meaningful to say and we, your community, want to hear your voice.

Central to the experience of becoming B’nei Mitzvah at Shir Tikvah is a serious and spirited engagement with Torah and the mysteries and majesty of Jewish tradition; a deep questioning of theology and personal religious commitment; and the privilege and responsibility for the student to teach the congregation what s/he has learned, believes, loves, and continues to question. Additionally, the rabbis, educators, tutors, and staff treat the Bar/Bat Mitzvah student as a young adult—giving them the support and guidance they need to succeed and asking them to be accountable for their own progress.

An important component at Shir Tikvah is the connection with our students’ families and community. Through the experience of our program our students will have time to reflect on what it means to become a Jewish adult with their families, clergy, teachers, and peers as their guides.

Our prayer is that through the process of becoming a Bat or Bar Mitzvah, our students will fall in love with Judaism and Jewish tradition. We hope you will lend your voices to our rich heritage and embrace the prophetic call to pursue a just and whole world. At Shir Tikvah, we believe in a Torah of social responsibility where each of us is called to reject apathy, to comfort the afflicted, and to restore dignity to all humanity and the earth.

Last Revised on 1/14/2016 www.shirtikvah.net Page 3 GUIDING PRINCIPLES FOR THE B’NEI MITZVAH JOURNEY

At the core of the B’nei Mitzvah experience are these six guiding questions that are the foundations of all the opportunities leading up to B’nei Mitzvah:

How will this experience…

 be meaningful to me and my family?  be personal, honoring my family structure and learning style?  connect me to the various communities of which I’m part? o the Jewish Community? o the Shir Tikvah Community? o my Social Community?  be grounded in Jewish learning that I can take with me through my life?  prepare me to be a Jewish adult?  be personally spiritually relevant?

We have designed an educational program centered on those questions, with plenty of opportunity to individualize. To that end, our students and parents engage in four central areas: Learning; Reflecting on what it means to become an adult in the Jewish community; Connecting to community; and Personalizing the experience. These four areas include:

 Learning: o Learning Hebrew o Developing an understanding and ability to actively participate in Shir Tikvah services o Engaging in a critical and meaningful study of your Torah portion o Learning to chant between 18-25 verses of Torah and selected verses from the Haftarah (Prophets) reading o Teaching about your Torah study & developing a D’var Torah o Inspiring the desire to engage in Jewish prayer

 Reflecting o What does all of this mean to me? o How does my Torah portion connect to my life and present-day life? o What do I believe about life, God, myself, the world…? o How will Jewish values impact the way I live my life? o Which prayers speak to me?

 Connecting to Community: o Where do I fit in the Jewish community? o How do I fit into my secular community as a friend? As a Jew? o What are my responsibilities to my communities? o How can my communities be there for me when I need them?

 Personalizing o What challenges can I take on that will guide me towards adulthood? o What personal accomplishment can I achieve to propel me towards adulthood? o What will stretch me to grow as an individual?

Last Revised on 1/14/2016 www.shirtikvah.net Page 4 EDUCATIONAL & COMMUNITY GOALS AND EXPECTATIONS How we address the guiding principles mentioned above. Typically, this means preparation under the auspices of these educational programs:

1. Enrollment in the Shir Tikvah Religious School or an approved equivalent. 2. Hebrew studies at Shir Tikvah or an approved equivalent. a. A commitment must be made to complete Hebrew school during your B’nei Mitzvah year. There is more to learn, a shift in focus, and participating in the community for the entire experience. b. If your family joins Shir Tikvah after third grade, an educational plan will be created with the Director of Lifelong Learning & the B’nei Mitzvah Coordinator. c. Students are expected to attend Shir Tikvah’s Hebrew School and Religious School during the year leading up to their Bar/Bat Mitzvah, even if they haven’t attended before and are in an equivalent program. This also means finishing that school year with the class, regardless of the B’nei Mitzvah date. 3. Monthly service attendance for the year leading up to your Bar/Bat Mitzvah (see information about our sixth grade program). 4. A commitment to continue with Religious School through Confirmation. Bar/Bat Mitzvah is not the end of the journey; it is but one awesome moment along the way! 5. Family membership in good standing. Generally, a Shir Tikvah member celebrates the Bar or Bat Mitzvah at the age of thirteen. However, in some situations, life experiences and educational backgrounds indicate a need for more preparation time leading up to the actual ceremony. We want all of our B’nei Mitzvah students ready educationally, intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, and developmentally. This decision will be made in consultation with the student, parents, and rabbis. To this end, all B’nei Mitzvah ceremonies are held on Saturday mornings, with additional participation during the Friday evening service.

LEARNING GOALS OF THE SHIR TIKVAH B’NEI MITZVAH PROGRAM  Leading Shabbat Prayers, including: o Bar’chu o Sh’ma U-V’ahavta o Amidah o Torah Service Prayers o Candle Blessing & Kiddush  Participating in the other prayers of the service  Chanting 18-25 verses of Torah  Chanting a selection from Haftarah (Prophets)  Delivering a D’var Torah (sermon) which includes reflections on: o The Torah portion o The Haftarah portion o The Bar/Bat Mitzvah experience o The people who helped you arrive at this occasion  Developing a personal program with Wendy Goldberg, our Director of Spiritual Engagement, to connect the B’nei Mitzvah experience to your personal interests.

Last Revised on 1/14/2016 www.shirtikvah.net Page 5 WHO’S WHO ON THE B’NEI MITZVAH JOURNEY

There is a famous African proverb which teaches that it takes a village to raise a child. At Shir Tikvah, we understand it takes a congregation to make a Bar/Bat Mitzvah journey possible! The student and parent(s) are joined by the rabbis, the B’nei Mitzvah coordinator, music leaders, teachers, tutors, administrative staff, our custodian, and our Thursday- morning-minyan regulars, to help create this holy experience. Our shared goal is to celebrate a sacred moment in the life of a young adult and his/her family.

Below is a “who’s who” on your B’nei Mitzvah journey. Please don’t hesitate to contact us with questions!

THE CLERGY TEAM: RABBI MICHAEL ADAM LATZ, Senior Rabbi RABBI DEBRA RAPPAPORT, Associate Rabbi and Director of Lifelong Learning WENDY GOLDBERG, Director of Spiritual Engagement and B’nei Mitzvah Coordinator The clergy team members are your primary spiritual guides through the B’nei Mitzvah experience and are here as resources as the need arises. While we would love to all be at each of the B’nei Mitzvah, given the growing size of our congregation, and various personal events, we cannot each be at every simcha. We have found that it is helpful to families to have ONE rabbi who is the point-person for the student and family. He/she will meet regularly with the student in the four months leading up to B’nei Mitzvah. S/he will guide the student through the D’var Torah writing process, helping the student study the text, and answering challenging questions. The rabbi who has built the relationship more closely through the year, and who has fielded your questions most often, will also lead the Saturday morning service of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Wendy and the rabbis carefully plan out the year and will assign the rabbi to your simcha. Due to various commitments that arise, such as personal family events, conferences, and illnesses, etc, we’ll firm this up before your four-month meeting and Wendy will let you know in advance of that which rabbi will be your primary guide, and who will be on the bimah leading music that Shabbat. Rest assured, the other rabbi (and teachers and staff) will certainly get to know your family as well! Meetings with the rabbis are scheduled by Crystal: [email protected].

Wendy is your primary contact during the B’nei Mitzvah journey. She facilitates the educational plan to prepare the prayers, Torah and Haftarah chanting. She also supervises the tutoring effort and answers questions about the flow of the ceremony and specific roles at the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Wendy runs the family programs and works closely with parents through this journey. She will help you craft the personal part of your experience. Don’t hesitate to contact her when questions arise: [email protected].

THE LOGISTICS TEAM: JOHN HUMLEKER, Executive Director: John handles financial arrangements and will help you as needed to figure out the costs of B’nei Mitzvah. [email protected]

SARA LAHYANI, Office Manager: Sara will help you with all of the logistical details of the event, including coordinating the catering, building set-up, DJ, florists, “Kol Tikvah” articles, the service program, and more. [email protected]

CRYSTAL COCHRAN, Clergy Assistant: Crystal will schedule all meetings and rehearsals with the rabbis. [email protected]

Last Revised on 1/14/2016 www.shirtikvah.net Page 6 THE REST OF THE TEAM: HEBREW SCHOOL AND RELIGIOUS SCHOOL TEACHERS: Shir Tikvah teachers help children prepare and learn the prayers and Torah-reading trope (tune). They address the “big ideas” of prayer and community, social justice, and more.

BARRY EPSTEIN, Teacher and mentor: Barry not only teaches in Religious school and Hebrew school, but leads the Sixth Grade Shabbat Experience with Wendy and the rabbis.

TUTORS: Tutors work one-on-one with students to prepare them for their Bar/Bat Mitzvah service. Wendy assigns the tutors. Current tutors: Steve Greenberg, Maggie Burton, Gayle Zoffer, Wendy Goldberg, and Rabbi Latz.

YOUR FRIENDS: Ask them for ideas about details and how to shepherd your adolescent through this process. Many B’nei Mitzvah students have creatively involved their friends and teammates in this intimate rite of passage.

STUDENTS WITH DISABILITIES Shir Tikvah is dedicated to inclusion and the ritual participation of all congregants. From our guiding principles of honoring every student’s learning style, and including a desire to make this experience meaningful for everyone, we have an enormous amount of flexibility and creativity to approaching this rite of passage and will work with you to create something beautiful and enriching for your child. We do not focus on the amount of verses of Torah or prayers a child leads as a measure of B’nei Mitzvah worthiness; rather, we teach to our students’ strengths and interests, and they all shine through this ritual. There are many avenues of learning and paths to holiness, and we honor them.

FAMILY SUPPORT RESOURCES Being an adolescent in today’s world can be exhilarating, exasperating, and exhausting; so, too, for the parent(s) and other family members. We recognize this is a time of great change and transition for the entire family. For some, the issues and stressors of this phase of life are overwhelming. You are not alone! Rabbi Latz, Rabbi Rappaport, and Wendy Goldberg are available to talk with you during this time. There are also terrific resources that offer guidance and support, especially Jewish Family & Children’s Services in Minneapolis (952) 546-0616 and Jewish Family Service in St. Paul (651) 698-0767.

PREPARING FOR B’NEI MITZVAH RECEIVING & CONFIRMING A BAR/BAT MITZVAH DATE A date for your Bar/Bat Mitzvah is selected by the Clergy Team approximately two years in advance of the date. We make every effort to find a Shabbat close to the student’s thirteenth birthday. Letters assigning a date are mailed in December or January of a student’s fifth grade year.

All B’nei Mitzvah at Shir Tikvah are held during congregational Shabbat services.

To confirm your date, be sure to return your deposit and confirmation by the due date.

Last Revised on 1/14/2016 www.shirtikvah.net Page 7 FAMILY MEETINGS & PROGRAMS: LAYING THE FOUNDATION Fifth Grade Shabbat HaMakor: The Sabbath to Begin the Journey This is the official beginning of your Bar/Bat Mitzvah studies. We will go through the typical morning service that you can expect to experience at your own Bar/Bat Mitzvah. This is a great chance to see what you already know and what learning lies ahead. It is a time for parents to take notes about what is unfamiliar so that there is plenty of time to learn about any unknown pieces before the big weekend. You will receive a Mishkan T’filah, the prayer book used at Shir Tikvah, which you will use throughout your studies, at the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service, and throughout your life.

We’ll also talk about the road ahead and the milestones along the way: Hebrew school, private study sessions with our in-house tutors, D’var Torah preparation, sessions with the Rabbi, and much more. You will have ample company through this journey. We aim to make the process as smooth as possible, an opportunity for great learning and connection to the Shir Tikvah community as well as the larger Jewish Community.

Sixth Grade B’nei Mitzvah Shabbat Program: During the school year, students and parents join together monthly for a Shabbat morning together. There is study, prayer, and personal reflection time as we dig deeply into Jewish texts and big ideas. When we meet on Saturday, sixth grade does not meet on Sunday that weekend. Some highlights of the year: Students and parents examine what it means to become a Jewish adult, and we build community over time that forms the basis of a collaborative B’nei Mitzvah year. Parents have an opportunity to study prayer with the rabbi, and we have multiple opportunities for thoughtful conversation among parents and teens throughout the year. Each student also receives a personal B’nei Mitzvah Study Guide published by the Union for Reform Judaism (URJ). The guide includes your entire Torah portion with transliteration and extensive commentary, the blessings for Torah and Haftarah, and the entire Haftarah (prophetic readings). The guide will help you prepare the Hebrew chanting and the D’var Torah.

YOUR YEAR OF STUDY One year Meeting with Wendy Goldberg, Coordinator of the B’nei Mitzvah Program: Parent(s) and students attend this meeting together. A specific course of study will be set at this meeting and a tutor will be assigned to you. Personal learning sessions will begin shortly after this meeting. Families will also be given a timeline to follow and review specific B’nei Mitzvah expectations.

Tutoring Sessions: Weekly tutoring happens year-round on Wednesdays at Shir Tikvah. When Hebrew school is in session you’ll usually meet with your tutor for half an hour during Hebrew school.

Family Meeting, four months prior to B’nei Mitzvah: For B’nei Mitzvah students and your parent(s), this is an opportunity to talk about the process with Rabbi Latz and/or Rabbi Rappaport. Please (re)read your Torah portion in English in preparation for this meeting.

D’var Torah Rabbi/Student Meetings: D’var Torah preparation with one of the rabbis will begin after the family meeting mentioned above. The focus of the meeting will be the D’var Torah and some other service preparation. Students will meet with the rabbis during Hebrew School every two to three weeks after the initial D’var Torah appointment. They will

Last Revised on 1/14/2016 www.shirtikvah.net Page 8 craft the D’var Torah, which is the student’s opportunity to teach the community about values and opinions that are important to them. The parents do not need to help students craft the D’var Torah. The rabbis use the guidelines found later in this handbook to lead the students through this process.

Check-in Meeting with Wendy: About six weeks prior to your Bar/Bat Mitzvah the student will meet with Wendy and chant the prayers and Torah reading. The parents are welcome at this meeting when Wendy will answer questions about the service. This gives us an opportunity to tweak things that need attention.

Rehearsal: The Bar/Bat Mitzvah student, together with the parent(s), will meet with Rabbi Latz or Rabbi Rappaport just prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service to rehearse the service and go over all final preparations.

Thursday Morning Minyan: You and your family are invited to participate in our regular Thursday Morning service at 7:45am the week of your Bar/Bat Mitzvah. This is a meaningful opportunity to chant one or more of your aliyot (Torah reading sections) directly from the Torah and experience the k’dusha (holiness) of a small community. Families are welcome to invite extended family members to participate as well. Contact Wendy for more information about this.

THE BAR/BAT MITZVAH SERVICE CELEBRATING B’NEI MITZVAH DURING SHABBAT SERVICES On Friday evening families participate in services by blessing the candles and leading Kiddush (blessing over the wine/grape juice). It is customary to invite your guests to attend Friday evening services in addition to the Saturday morning service.

During Saturday morning Shabbat services, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah takes part in leading the prayers and chanting from the Torah, symbolizing the achievement of spiritual maturity. The service is exhilarating and soul-stirring, a student’s first opportunity to publicly chant from the Torah. It is a holy moment when the extended congregation of friends, family and synagogue community take on a deeper and more special meaning and are present to celebrate with you and mark this important life cycle moment. A Bar or Bat Mitzvah does not occur in private; you are welcomed into a loving community that is called to embrace, celebrate, challenge and nurture you and your family.

Music leaders are assigned by the clergy team and will be in touch with you to collaborate with the B’nei Mitzvah students.

ROLE OF THE BAR/BAT MITZVAH DURING THE SHABBAT MORNING SERVICE Students become B’nei Mitzvah during Shabbat Services with the congregation, in a holy community.  Students generally lead or help lead the congregation during Shabbat services in the following prayers: Tallit Blessing, Birkat Ha-Torah, Bar’chu, Sh’ma, V’ahavta, Avot, G’vurot, Torah Service Prayers, and Kiddush.  Students chant the Torah Blessings and 18-25 verses of Torah. These Torah blessings are usually divided into five aliyot, but this is not a fixed number. Last Revised on 1/14/2016 www.shirtikvah.net Page 9  Students chant the Haftarah Blessings and a selection from of Haftarah (prophetic readings). Classmates usually chant the blessings with each student.  Students prepare a D’var Torah. This is an opportunity to teach the community about the Torah portion and to express your personal views related to the content of the portion. Writing and delivering the D’var Torah is an invigorating and serious endeavor. For more information see “Creating Your D’var Torah: The Art of Asking the Question” at the back of this handbook.  Students also present various personal projects they’ve done to honor this transition to adulthood.

ROLES FOR PARENT(S) AND FAMILIES DURING THE SERVICE There are many ways parents and families are invited to participate in the service. Rabbi Latz or Rabbi Rappaport will discuss particulars with you at both the D’var Torah Meeting and final rehearsal:

 Friday Night Candle Lighting  Friday evening Motzi (blessing over the bread): usually the entire immediate family  Presentation of the Tallit (prayer shawl) by someone significant to the Bar or Bat Mitzvah  Chain of Tradition: Passing the Torah through the generations: grandparents, parent(s), and the Bar/Bat Mitzvah  Aliyot (blessing before Torah reading): up to five, including the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, for adults over 13 years old. We do welcome Jews and non-Jews on the Bimah (pulpit) for aliyot. At least one person saying the aliyah blessing must be Jewish)  Blessing Your Child: See the guidelines at the end of this handbook, Appendix E  Selecting readers for 4-5 English readings on Shabbat morning  Leading Shehechyanu (the gratitude prayer for reaching this day): An honor for a Jewish person of any age, often recited by younger siblings  Hagbah & G’lilah (lifting and dressing the Torah): These honors should be given to two people who make a commitment to attend a short rehearsal with the Rabbi at the conclusion of the Friday evening service. One of the people will lift the Torah and therefore needs to have the ability to lift approximately 30-50 lbs.

LOGISTICS! PLANNING THE BIG EVENTS Sara Lahyani coordinates all logistics related to hosting B’nei Mitzvah. She will:  Meet with you and your caterer to discuss and arrange floor plans, building access, delivery schedules, etc. – Please be sure to schedule this with Sara at least 6 weeks prior to your event.  Coordinate the Friday night Oneg (reception) with the Oneg coordinator.  Submit your child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah announcement to the American Jewish World newspaper and the e-news.  Draft your program for the service.  Guide you through all of the other logistics.

Last Revised on 1/14/2016 www.shirtikvah.net Page 10 INVITATIONS A Bar/Bat Mitzvah service is a congregational Shabbat morning service. All congregants are welcome to attend. Most families send out invitations to friends, family, and those congregants to whom they wish to extend a personal welcome. Generally people send invitations to out-of-town guests eight weeks in advance and to people in town six weeks in advance.

Because Shir Tikvah is committed to inclusivity, it is the custom of all of our families to extend invitations to all of your child’s Hebrew school and Religious School classmates. This special tradition goes a long way in fostering the special spirit that is such a part of our congregation. Consider, too, those adults at Shir Tikvah that have played a special role in your child’s Jewish life. You are encouraged to include on your guest list: your child’s Religious School and Hebrew School teachers, B’nei Mitzvah tutor, the rabbis, Wendy, and their families. All would be touched to be included.

Please make sure invitations note the 10:30 a.m. start time for Saturday, and the Bar or Bat Mitzvah’s participation in the preceding Friday evening service at 6:30 p.m.

Invitations should be decided about six months in advance. There are professional companies to create these, though many families make their own, either on paper or via web invitation services such as Evite and Punchbowl. There is a file of Shir Tikvah’s B’nei Mitzvah invitations in the office if you would like to look at them for ideas. Make sure to print extras in case of late additions and in order to save some for souvenirs. The address to use for Shir Tikvah on the invitations is 1360 W. Minnehaha Parkway Minneapolis, MN 55419. Recommendations for invitations: Zazzle www.zazzle.com Sally Drescher [email protected] 952-447-4325

TZEDAKAH Tzedakah funds as part of the invitation and part of the event: It is customary for Jews to mark important events in life with the giving of tzedakah (charity). Tzedakah is one of the mitzvot (commandments) incumbent upon becoming Bar or Bat Mitzvah. This is an exquisite opportunity for families to discuss your values and select worthy causes or organizations to be recipients of tzedakah in honor of your Bar/Bat Mitzvah. This information can be included in the invitation and in the service program.

Jewish tradition teaches that we deepen our happiness when we share our joyous celebrations with people in need. Shir Tikvah is committed to the work of MAZON, a Jewish response to hunger worldwide. It is suggested that 3% of everything spent on food for your simcha be donated to MAZON. Table cards, donation envelopes and additional information are available in the office or on MAZON’s website, www.mazon.org. Some families have chosen to replace floral centerpieces with decorative cards indicating a contribution to a favorite cause, or with centerpieces of non-perishable foods for a food shelf, or books for the library, etc. Shir Tikvah will gratefully acknowledge donations to any of its funds in honor of B’nei Mitzvah or in recognition of the rabbis, music leader, teachers, and/or others.

Last Revised on 1/14/2016 www.shirtikvah.net Page 11 KIPPOT AND TALLITOT The wearing of kippot (head coverings) and tallitot (prayer shawls) is optional at Shir Tikvah, regardless of gender. We do have a supply of kippot and tallitot that are available at every service. Tallitot are worn at morning services only. Some families choose to order personalized kippot to honor the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Guests can then keep the kippah as a memento.

Source for purchasing a Tallit:

Yussel’s Place yusselsplace.com World of Judaica worldofjudaica.com Etsy Etsy.com Beth El Gift Shop 763-545-4301 (Linda Estrin) Temple Israel Gift Shop 763-545-4880 (Marni Bumsted) Ben's Tallit Shop tzitzit.tallit-shop.com

Source for purchasing Kippot Green and Just greenandjust.org. Maya Works mayaworks.org

PHOTOGRAPHY/VIDEO Taking photographs during Shabbat services is prohibited. You may arrange for a photographer to take pictures prior to services and during the Kiddush.

Things to consider: Do you want posed photos? Do you want to do this before or after the Saturday service, or on Friday night? Assume that most of your photos will be taken during the Kiddush. You can hire a photographer, or have guests take candid shots with their phones and personal cameras.

Photographers families have used and recommend:  Chris Geller (952) 473-2142 [email protected]  Marcie Stein (612) 374-4905 marciesteinphotography.com  Sue Lund (952) 217-0594 [email protected]  Jeff Schmeig (952) 237-9544 www.jasfoto.com  Sally Drescher (952) 447-4325 [email protected]

Video is allowed during the service from the balcony, as long as no bright lights are used.

Videographers families have used and recommend:  Neal Gosman (651) 227-6032  Family Ties (952) 929-6484  Joni Fisher (651)644.7652

AMERICAN JEWISH WORLD (AJW) ANNOUNCEMENT Approximately 2-3 months prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, you will be asked to provide a photograph and short article to Sara. Examples of what the article might encompass will be included in the request.

Last Revised on 1/14/2016 www.shirtikvah.net Page 12 THE PROGRAM Shir Tikvah creates a program for the Saturday morning service. It includes the B’nei Mitzvah Torah reading, haftarah, a glossary of terms, and the names of people participating in the service. The back of this handbook has an information sheet you’ll complete during the month leading up to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. A draft will be forwarded to you for review and proofing before the program goes to print.

PLANNING FOR THE FRIDAY & SATURDAY RECEPTIONS (ONEGS) FRIDAY EVENING ONEG FOOD is taken care of by your B’nai Mitzvah cohort, which makes life that much easier. Consider it their gift to you! You’ll have the chance to reciprocate as well. The B’nei Mitzvah class is divided into “Oneg Teams” of 4-6 families to host the Friday night sweets for each other, so that each family helps with those same 4-6 B’nei Mitzvah. One person in the group will coordinate this effort and will designate at least one parent from the Oneg group to help with the Friday night set-up and clean-up. The coordinator will also communicate with the rest of the group regarding what is needed for the Oneg. Typically expected are approximately 75-125 participants. An Oneg planning list is on page 21.

Please let Sara and your team captain know if you  anticipate an extra-large crowd  have any dietary restrictions and/or allergies  have any specific items that you’d like to have available  have a group of friends who want to bake for you  have specific questions about how things should be plated

SATURDAY LUNCHEON: Begin by thinking through what you envision for the luncheon, what kind of food you’d like to have available and what appeals to you and your Bar/Bat Mitzvah. From that launching point you have the freedom to be creative and serve what you like, keeping in mind the Shir Tikvah kashrut policy:

Shir Tikvah does not require that caterers be kosher. However,  Pork or shellfish products are not permitted.  ‘Dairy’ (milk, cheese, butter, etc.) and ‘meat’ (red meat or poultry) may not be mixed in any single dish.  ‘Dairy’ (milk, cheese, butter, etc.) and ‘meat’ (red meat or poultry) may not be set up on the same buffet table.

When calculating the number of guests for the luncheon, be sure to include another 15-20 guests to cover Shir Tikvah congregants who may be here for services. Some people use caterers and others order trays from local grocery catering services. More details on that are below.

Caterers who have worked at Shir Tikvah include (but are not limited to):  Create Catering 612.331.3310 www.createcaters.com  Joseph Caterers 612.362.9634 www.josephcatering.com  A Gourmet Thyme 651.455.1006 [email protected]  Common Roots 612.871.2360 www.commonrootscafe.com  Deco Catering 612.623.4477 www.decocatering.com

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 CRAVE Caterers 952.562.5620 www.cravecatering.com  Lunds & Byerly’s 952-897-9800 catering.lundsandbyerlys.com  Kowalski’s 888-972-7890 www.kowalskis.com/catering  John Newkirk [email protected]  Spirit of Asia 612-724-4056 [email protected]

When planning your event with the caterer, please be sure to schedule a logistics meeting with Sara and the caterer at least six weeks prior to your Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

SEATING CAPACITY For services – the sanctuary can comfortably accommodate up to 250 during the service with another 25 up in the balcony.

For the luncheon – total capacity in the building is approximately 230-250 with seating as follows:  The sanctuary can comfortably accommodate up to 135 for lunch – 15 round tables (8-9 chairs at each table).  The library can accommodate another 16-20 (4 square tables with 4 at each + two smaller round tables with 2+ chairs at each).  The smartboard room can accommodate up to 80. Additional seating can also be set up in the Fireplace room if needed.

The community center across the street may also be an option to consider although dates must be verified with their staff. There is an additional cost to rent that space. If this is a consideration, please contact Sara for further assistance.

The following are available through Shir Tikvah at no additional cost: 200 dinner sized plates 200 dinner forks & knives 50 coffee cups (limited saucers) 35 teaspoons 50 dessert forks 50 dessert plates 100 6 ounce water glasses 100 stemmed wine glasses 125 champagne flutes 17 water pitchers

Linen Colors  Tablecloths for the buffets and round tables are white and cream.  Cloth napkins color choices include: brick, black, red, white, moss green, royal blue, pale pink, cream, mustard (samples are available).

Keep in mind that the utensils should be wrapped in the cloth napkins – this can be done by you anytime during the week leading up to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah OR your caterer can be asked to do this – which may incur an additional cost.

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FREQUENTLY ASKED LOGISTICS QUESTIONS Who takes care of the set up and clean up on Friday and Saturday? What am I responsible for? The custodian sets up the sanctuary and Oneg hall to our specifications for both Friday and Saturday. On Friday evening there is an “Oneg captain” from the congregation who is responsible for setting out the platters, beverages and paper goods, making coffee and cleaning up afterward. The B’nei Mitzvah class will also designate one parent from the group to help the congregation’s Oneg captain.

On Saturday, there isn’t an Oneg captain assigned, as the caterer is responsible for setting out the food, making coffee and cleaning up the space afterward. This includes removing the tablecloths in the Oneg hall and sanctuary. The caterer (or you) will be the ones closing up the building. Closing procedures will be reviewed during the logistics meeting with the caterer and office manager.

What about staff? How many do I need? Caterers hire their own staff dependent on the number of guests in attendance, what is being served and whether dishes will need to be washed. Shir Tikvah hires 1-2 staff to chaperone the young people in the building on Saturday during the luncheon.

Rather than using a caterer I plan on ordering platters and trays to be dropped off. Does Shir Tikvah provide any wait staff? We have a group of young adults who have worked freelance events in the past. Sara can arrange for a team of wait staff for you, to be paid directly the week after the event.

When can we access the building? The building is open on Friday until 3pm. Any deliveries should be scheduled for no later than noon on Friday. On Saturday morning, the building is usually open by 9:30 a.m. If any additional time is needed, (for caterer arrival, floral arrangement, etc), please coordinate this with Sara.

Does Shir Tikvah have an ice machine? No. Ice can be brought in earlier in the week and stored in the freezer.

I would like to drop off items earlier in the week. Is this possible? Where should I leave everything? This is highly recommended, as the less you have to think about bringing with you on Saturday morning, the better. You are welcome to bring items by earlier in the week, but please check in with Sara to coordinate so that space can be properly allocated for your specific items.

Who is responsible for “flipping” the sanctuary into a dining space after the service? At the end of the service, the rabbi makes an announcement inviting the family to head out into the Oneg hall while the Shir Tikvah regulars (and friends) quickly flip the room (aka the Shir Tikvah Shuffle). It’s actually preferred for the wait staff to let the Shir Tikvah regulars handle this as amazingly, they have this down to a science – it works like a charm and takes all of about 5-7 minutes.

Can alcohol be served? If you are planning on serving alcohol, we ask that you provide a certificate or letter from your homeowners insurance that shows an extension of liability with a minimum coverage amount of $500,000. This can be forwarded directly from your insurance company to Sara via email or fax 612.435.4870. This is mandated by Shir

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Tikvah’s insurance company and is required prior to an event when alcohol is being served on the Shir Tikvah premises.

What do we do with any leftovers? If you want to take the leftovers home, be sure to let your caterer know in advance. The Shir Tikvah staff loves to enjoy leftovers the week later, so you can leave a small amount at the synagogue. Some families donate leftovers to a food pantry or shelter.

What about flowers (or plants) and table centerpieces? How many arrangements do I need? Do I have to use a florist? Can I make the arrangements myself? Do you have vases?

Flowers are not required, but typically people order:  2 larger arrangements, one for either side of the bima – which can be placed on the two end tables OR one center arrangement to place in front of the reader table. These can be moved to the buffet tables after services. Arrangements can be flowers or plants, tall or squat, completely up to you.  You may also decide to have 1-2 arrangements made for the buffet tables.  PLEASE USE NON-ALLERGENIC FLOWERS. NO LILLIES, PLEASE!  15 small centerpieces or floral arrangements for the tables (which would grace the window ledges Friday evening and Saturday morning). Some people make centerpieces out of students’ art work, or books they are donating to a specific cause.

You may choose to have a florist make the arrangements for you, or you may decide to make them yourself on Friday. Shir Tikvah has a multitude of large and small vases available for you as well.

If you select flowers, please be mindful to select those that are not overly fragrant. For example, lilies, roses and carnations should be avoided if possible as they have a very strong fragrance which can be bothersome to those on the bima.

Depending on the time of year, you may consider donating the plants to Shir Tikvah after the event to be planted in our garden. Balloons can also be used as table centerpieces. Please note: votives and candles are not permitted.

I am thinking about having a dinner on Friday night before or after services. Can I use a space at Shir Tikvah? How does this work? Some families elect to have a pre or post service dinner, and often elect to use the social hall downstairs (smartboard room) for ease. There is an additional cost of $200 to rent the space which includes use of the tables, linens, dishes, glassware, and utensils.

What about a Saturday evening party? If you choose to have a Saturday evening party and would like to use the Shir Tikvah space, cost would be an additional $300 which would cover the cost of setting up and the use of Shir Tikvah tables & linen. Spaces for either or both can be reserved up to six months prior to the event, but please don’t assume that the space will be available. Check in with Sara regarding availability if this is something you are considering.

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Can I bring in a DJ for Saturday evening? Not a problem, but please note that no smoke or fog machines are allowed as they set off the fire alarm, which ensures a costly visit from the fire department.

Will Sara be there on Saturday? No, but you and the caterer will each be given her cell number for questions and any last minute details.

What about parking? There is plenty of street parking. Guests may also park their vehicles at Burroughs School parking lot on 50th Street, just west of Shir Tikvah. Parking at the community center across the street is not allowed.

What about accessible parking? Unfortunately, there are no designated handicap spots. We recommend that guests be dropped off at the Girard side entrance while the driver parks the vehicle. You may also want to make arrangements to have someone meet the guest curbside and escort them safely into the building. We have a wheelchair available as needed. The address of our handicapped accessible door is 5000 Girard Ave. S.

Shir Tikvah is not responsible for the safety of your guests or for losses or damage to clothing or other personal effects. Shir Tikvah is a non-smoking facility. Please leave the synagogue in the same condition as it was found. You are responsible for any damage to synagogue property. Please, no thumbtacks, nails, or adhesive tape on walls.

FEES

1. Administrative fee of $800.00 includes the following:  Custodian set up and clean up  Cleaning on Shabbat morning and right after your simcha  Music Leader honorarium  Program for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service  Childcare  Ad for the American Jewish World newspaper  Tablecloths & cloth napkins  Use of Shir Tikvah’s plates, utensils, glassware and tables  Candy for wishing a Mazal Tov to B’nei Mitzvah during the service  Chaperones for Saturday morning  Torah study guide  Mishkan T’filah, prayerbook

2. B’nei Mitzvah Learning Fee  There are many components to our B’nei Mitzvah program. We’ve made the program as cost-effective as possible, figured out the cost to run the program, and divided the cost into monthly payments of $90 for the twelve months leading up to B’nei Mitzvah. John Humleker will make arrangements with you regarding this fee and any adjustment you may need. We do not withhold B’nei Mitzvah over financial challenges! This fee covers: o Tutoring: Prayer skills are taught in Hebrew school classes and individual skills such as Torah reading are taught at Shir Tikvah in one-to-one tutoring sessions during Hebrew school. Tutoring is done by Shir Tikvah tutors who are supervised by Wendy Goldberg.

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o Family Programs in fifth, sixth, and seventh grades

3. Additional fees from optional add-ons:  Pre- or Post-Shabbat service dinners (Friday night) in the library or social hall downstairs: $200.00 rental fee  B’nei Mitzvah Saturday night Party Rental: $300.00.

Only members in good financial standing may become Bar/Bat Mitzvah at Shir Tikvah. The office will contact you regarding final arrangements for setup of the facility at least four weeks before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

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B’NEI MITZVAH CHECKLIST

Parents of prior B’nei Mitzvah developed this checklist. We pass it along to you as a helpful guide. There are blanks to fill in your specific dates.

One year in advance ______ Intake meeting with Wendy Goldberg. Your learning plan will be determined and a tutor will be assigned to you.

Eight – Twelve months in advance ______ Hire a caterer.  Reserve space for any events that are taking place outside of the synagogue.  Hire DJ or entertainment if desired.  Book hotel rooms.  Send a “save the date” announcement to friends and family

Six months in advance ______ Select or design invitations.  Contact the Sara Lahyani if you want to use Shir Tikvah for a Saturday afternoon or evening event.  Begin working on the guest list.

Four months in advance______ Meet with the rabbi leading the Saturday service. The rabbi’s assistant will schedule this with you. You will learn about the participation of friends and family in the service, and start the D’var Torah writing process. Students and families re-read the entire Parasha in advance of this meeting.

Three to six months in advance ______ Find a photographer.  Find a videographer, if desired.

Eight – ten weeks in advance ______ Plan for flowers and centerpieces.  Finalize the guest list.  Mail out-of-town invitations eight weeks in advance, in-town invitations six weeks ahead.  Return space request/setup forms to Shir Tikvah.  Buy wine for the events (watch for sales).  Finalize list of names for aliyot.  Schedule time to meet with caterer and Sara to discuss logistics.  Provide office with photo and short article to be used for both Kol Tikvah and AJW announcement –Sara will request these from you directly with further details of what is needed.

Six weeks in advance ______ Meet with Sara and caterer at Shir Tikvah to plan logistics.

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Four weeks in advance ______ Send map and directions to out-of-town guests.  Write your “parent remarks” for the Saturday service (1-2 double spaced pages). Send a copy to the rabbi leading your service.  Check in with the Music Leader.  Assign readings for Saturday to friends and family (see page 29)

Two-three weeks in advance ______ Finalize numbers for caterer.  Complete and send your Program Form (page 29-32) to Sara.  Make sure all people saying blessing at Torah have the text & recording as needed.  Provide insurance waiver to office manager if alcohol will be served.

The week of B’nei Mitzvah______ Proof the program – should be done no later than the Monday prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.  Drop off candy, beverages, wine, paper goods, ice – anything that will be used on Friday and/or Saturday. Coordinate with office manager before delivering to ensure that space is available.

Bring to Shir Tikvah for services during your Bar/Bat Mitzvah week (including minyan, Wednesday night Hebrew school, and Monday rehearsal)  Tallit and Kippah  Your siddur  Your D’var Torah  Your Torah and Haftarah Study Guide  Any other notes  Speeches  Sign-in book and pens, if desired

After the Bar/Bat Mitzvah send thank you notes to:  Rabbis  Music Leaders  Tutor  Oneg helpers  Synagogue teachers and staff  Family and friends

At the next Bar or Bat Mitzvah, you will welcome the next B’nei Mitzvah student into Shir Tikvah’s adult community by presenting a Kiddush cup to your peer. Make sure to check service time.

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ONEG PLANNING:

Each Oneg team of 4-5 families should designate a team captain for each B’nei Mitzvah, responsible for:  Contacting each family in their group approximately 2 weeks prior to Oneg date to remind them of the upcoming Oneg  Advising families of what the items are that are to be provided and when they need to be delivered to Shir Tikvah  Keep track of who is bringing what and communicate same to Sara by Wednesday of that week  Designating one person from the group needs to be part of the Oneg team on that Friday night, helping the Shir Tikvah Oneg captain.

These quantities are based on approximately 100-125 in attendance. Items should be pre-plattered using either Shir Tikvah platters, your own (just be sure to label) or disposables so that the oneg captain can set everything out easily.

Oneg fare includes:  Approximately 400-500 assorted mini/bite size sweets (which could be homemade or purchased*)  Cut fruit (see suggestions below)

*Costco and Trader Joe’s both have a great selection of packaged mini sweets. These will not be in the baked goods section but instead can be found with the packaged cookies. Madeleines, meringues, macaroons, lady fingers are a few of the great options. Be creative and have fun! Go for variety. Avoid large store-bought cookies (too big) and creamy loaf cakes that need to be sliced (too messy).

Fall/Winter Fruit: (suggested)  2 bags of clementines  2 large (Costco size) containers of strawberries  2 large (Costco size) containers of seedless grapes (red & green)

Spring/Summer: (suggested)  2 large (Costco size) containers of strawberries  2 large (Costco size) containers of seedless grapes (red & green)  Fresh pineapple spears or chunks  Sliced or cubed melons (seedless watermelon, honeydew, cantaloupe)

Please let Sara know if you  anticipate more people  have any dietary restrictions and/or allergies  have any specific items that you’d like to have available  have a group of friends who want to bake for you  are specific about how things should be plated  want to be sure that there are other items available

Paper goods (which include cocktail napkins, small plates, tumblers and coffee cups) can be provided by Shir Tikvah unless you prefer to provide your own.

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GLOSSARY

Aliyah Literally means “going up.” This is the ascent to the bimah to say the Aliyot (plural) blessings over the Torah. We also refer to each section of Torah that is read as one aliya. For example, you may be assigned to the “Third Aliya” and you say the blessing at the third section that is read. Amidah Literally, “The Standing” prayer. Part of this prayer includes communal singing and part is personal silent prayer. Some read the text of the prayer book, some include their own personal prayers and meditations, or a combination of these. It is customary to sit down when you are through with your own private expression. Bar Mitzvah Literally, “Son of the Commandments.” Bar is the Aramaic word for son. It can describe a person or the ceremony/service. A boy becomes a Bar Mitzvah or you attend a boy’s Bar Mitzvah. Bat Mitzvah Literally, “Daughter of the Commandments.” Bat is the Aramaic word for daughter. It can describe a person or the ceremony/service. A girl becomes a Bat Mitzvah or you attend a girl’s Bat Mitzvah. Bar’chu A central prayer that officially calls people to worship.

Bimah The raised platform in our synagogue where the service is conducted. Birkat This is the blessing we say over each section of Torah that is read. These Ha-Torah honors are generally given to family members and close friends. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah student says the last blessing over the Torah. This is also referred to as having the Aliya (see above). B’nei Mitzvah Plural for Bar or Bat Mitzvah. If you go to more than one Bar or Bat Mitzvah you say you are attending B’nei Mitzvah. This can also refer to all of the students who are celebrating the Bar or Bat Mitzvah this season. D’var Torah Literally, “A word of Torah.” The speech or sermon given about the Torah portion or based in Biblical texts. G’lilah The person who dresses the Torah after it is read. Haftarah This is not actually a “half-Torah” although it sounds like that. This is an additional reading from the Hebrew Bible. Most haftorot come from the books of the Prophets and are connected to the Torah portion by either a keyword or theme. The musical notes for the Haftarah reading are different from the melody for Torah reading. Hagbah The person who lifts the Torah after it is read for all to see. Hamisch Warm and welcoming; down-to-earth. Kabbalat Literally, “Welcoming the Sabbath.” The name of the Friday evening Shabbat service. Kiddush The prayer said over wine or grape juice to sanctify Shabbat or other festive occasions. Kippah Also known in Yiddish as yarmulke. The head-covering worn in order to Kipppot show respect for God. While Reform Judaism does not require people to (plural) wear kippot during prayer or everyday life, many wear them during

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services.

Mazel Tov! Congratulations! Minhag Custom. Example: It’s our minhag to unroll the entire Torah at Simchat Torah, held by members of the congregation, and to take a tour through the text. Minyan A gathering of (at least) ten Jewish adults for prayer. On Thursday mornings we gather for a prayer minyan to say the morning prayers together, and the B’nei Mitzvah students chant Torah at minyan the week of their Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Mitzvah A Mitzvah is often construed as a “good deed.” However, the Torah Mitzvot (plural) accords it much more weight, referring to a Mitzvah as a commandment from God. Oneg Literally, “Enjoy!” The reception after services where we socialize and enjoy treats. This can be a small nosh or a full meal. Shabbat The Sabbath, which begins at sundown on Friday and ends after sunset on Saturday. Shammas The person who unlocks the synagogue and sets up for services. Sh’ma A central prayer that people say in services, and at home in the morning V’ahavta and evening. Siddur Prayer book. Simcha Joyous celebration. S’udat Mitzvah A festive meal (or nosh) after a special occasion. Tallit This is the ritual prayer shawl that has four tzitzit or specially knotted Tallitot (plural) fringes tied on the corners. Jews are commanded to wear the tallit in order to remember God’s commandments in the book of Numbers (15:39). T’fillah Prayer. This can refer to an individual prayer or a prayer service. The T’fillot (plural) Amidah (silent prayer) is also referred to as T’fillah. Torah Literally, “teaching.” Refers to the Five Books of Moses, the first five books of the Hebrew Bible or Old Testament. The books are Genesis (B’reishit), Exodus (Sh’mot), Leviticus (VaYikrah), Numbers (BaMidBar), and Deuteronomy (D’varim). Trope The notes above and below the text that indicate what melody to use for each word. There are several systems of trope for various texts, Torah, Haftarah, the book of Esther, Ecclesiastes, Lamentations, High Holy Day readings, etc. Different regions around the world have their own trope melodies, such as the Tunisian and Dutch communities, and so on.

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CREATING YOUR D’VAR TORAH: THE ART OF ASKING THE QUESTION

Questioning is a central religious and spiritual act of the Jewish people. As young children, we are privileged to ask The Four Questions during the Passover Seder each year, “Why is this different from all other nights?” Asking questions—thoughtful, probing, searing, insightful questions—is an art form, a spiritual practice we develop over the course of our lives. The questions you formulate as your read your Torah portion (parasha) will be the basis of the D’var Torah at your Bar/Bat Mitzvah. This is your opportunity to teach your community what you think and believe about your Torah portion and how it relates to your life. D’var Torah writing begins after your family meeting with the rabbi, about four months before your Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Steps for crafting the D’var Torah: 1. Prior to your family meeting, re-read your entire parasha (Torah portion) out-loud (again), preferably with your parent(s). 2. As you read, write down a minimum of 10 questions that arise from your reading. Questions can  Seek information (Where was Canaan?)  Form an opinion (What motivated Abraham to listen to God?)  Attempt to clarify history (Why did the Jews sacrifice?)  Seek to understand theology (Why did God harden Pharaoh’s heart?) 3. Type your (10) questions and email them to the rabbi at least one day prior to the family meeting. We will go over your questions at this meeting. 4. You will take your questions home with you, along with a Torah commentary and packet of other information. You will have two to three weeks to answer your questions with full answers of 4-5 sentences each. Don’t worry about spelling. Think through the ideas you have and feel free to draw upon other sources to craft your answers. 5. With the rabbis guidance you will then begin to organize your D’var Torah based on the answers you’ve developed. Remember—it all begins with YOUR questions! 6. The rabbi will continue to meet with you regularly on Wednesday evenings, and we’ll craft the format of your D’var Torah. Crystal Cochran, the clergy assistant, coordinates these meetings. 7. Expect assignments between appointments. Your next draft is due in email form to the rabbi at least one day prior to your next meeting. 8. You will practice your completed D’var Torah on the Bimah at least twice prior to your service, during your meetings with the rabbi. 9. B’hatzlacha—Good luck! Now, go and question.

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B’NEI MITZVAH STUDENT QUESTION FOR THE RABBI

You have the opportunity to ask the rabbi a question that he/she will answer following your D’var Torah. This question should be Jewish and/or religious/spiritual in nature—remember, you’re asking a rabbi! The goal is for the rabbi(s) to respond to a question that is on YOUR mind about Jewish life, theology/God, ritual, holidays, religious practice, etc.

Please send your question to Crystal Cochran ONE MONTH before your Bar/Bat Mitzvah. [email protected].

We look forward to engaging in this opportunity with you!

Rabbi Michael Adam Latz and Rabbi Debra Rappaport

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PARENT(S) BLESSING OF THE BAR/BAT MITZVAH

One of the most special moments of your child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah service is the opportunity for you to bless them before the congregation. It is a moment to treasure, the chance to share with a child our hopes and dreams for them as they stand on the cusp of adulthood. To offer a b’racha—a blessing—is an authentic and meaningful Jewish way to acknowledge the power and beauty of this moment. Following are some guidelines to help you in crafting your blessing: 1. Each parent is invited to speak. If more than one parent will speak, please decide the order of who speaks during your final service rehearsal (generally the week prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service). 2. Blessings must be written in advance. You are not required to read them; however, it is an emotional moment and experience teaches that it is necessary to have them written. It is also a wonderful memory to have following the service, when it is sometimes difficult to remember what was said. 3. Parent blessings should be no more than one page, double-spaced, in 12-point font. 4. Blessings should be future oriented: What are your hopes for your child as s/he stands at this moment in time? How can they take what they’ve learned in becoming Bar/Bat Mitzvah into the future? What kind of Jewish soul do you hope they will become? 5. What blessings should not be? They should not be a retrospective of every cute (for a teenager, read: EMBARRASSING!) story of their growing up. These are treasured memories, but the purpose of the blessing is for the future. Please: no remarks about potty training, (yes, we’ve heard them, on the Bimah), or the physical maturation of our sons or daughters into men and women (yes, we’ve heard them, too—and immediately understood what it means for someone to “die from embarrassment.”). 6. The rabbis are more than happy to help should you have any questions. 7. Please email a copy of your blessing to the rabbi leading the Saturday service: [email protected] or [email protected] TWO WEEKS before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. 8. Mazal tov!

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THE WEEK OF YOUR BAR/BAT MITZVAH

***Please bring all of your B’nei Mitzvah materials to all of these meetings and events: Torah Study Guide Siddur Three-Ring Binder D’var Torah

Monday 4:00 p.m. Rehearsal for B’nei Mitzvah student and parents with Rabbi Latz, Rabbi Rappaport, or Wendy Final proofing of the B’nei Mitzvah program (handout). Wednesday 6:00 p.m. Read Torah for the Hebrew School community prayer service.

During Hebrew School Rehearse with the rabbi in the sanctuary.

Thursday 7:45 a.m. Read Torah at morning minyan. Bring all materials into the sanctuary! Do final check with Wendy after minyan Done by 9:00 a.m.

Friday 6:30 p.m. Friday night services: Student participates by leading the candles and Kiddush blessings (with Arrive half an hour family members), and Barchu, Shma, V’ahavta,etc. ahead of services Family needs to arrive at Shir Tikvah half an hour prior to services.

Saturday 10:30 am Shabbat morning services, student participates throughout. Arrive by 9:30 Wednesday During Hebrew School Meet with B’nei Mitzvah tutor to reflect on the after experience. Parents encouraged to participate. Bar/Bat Mitzvah Friday after Present Kiddush cup to Check date on the google doc chart. Bar/Bat next B’nei Mitzvah Prepare what you’ll say, including Mitzvah student 1. Mazal Tov & welcome to the adult community, 2. What we like about you, ______. 3. What the significance of the kiddush cup is.

**YOU WILL MEET WITH THE RABBI OFFICIATING AT YOUR BAR/BAT MITZVAH FOUR MONTHS BEFORE YOUR SIMCHA. WENDY WILL LET YOU KNOW WHO WILL OFFICIATE BEFORE THAT MEETING.

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RESOURCES

Each student who becomes Bar/Bat Mitzvah at Shir Tikvah is given Your Bar/BatMitzvah: Parashah and Haftarah with Commentary (Union for Reform Judaism Press) and Mishkan T’filah: A Reform Siddur.

The following resources are found in our library:

The Torah: A Modern Commentary (Union for Reform Judaism Press, Revised Edition, 2007)

Etz Hayim Torah and Commentary, edited by David Lieber (The Rabbinical Assembly, 2000)

A Torah Commentary for Our Times, by Harvey J. Fields (Union of American Hebrew Congregations, 1993)

The Torah: A Women’s Commentary (Union for Reform Judaism Press, 2007)

For additional commentary and explanation of both Torah & the B’nei Mitzvah process, we suggest:

Gym Shoes and Irises: Personalized Tzedakah, by Danny Siegel (Townhouse Press, 1982, 1987)

Jewish Literacy: The Most Important Things to Know about the Jewish Religion, by Joseph Telushkin (William Morrow and Co., 1991)

Living a Jewish Life, by Anita Diamant (Harper Perennial)

Make Your Own Bar/Bat Mitzvah: A Personal Approach to Creating a Meaningful Rite of Passage, by Rabbi Goldie Milgram (Josi Bass 2004)

Putting God on the Guestlist: How to Reclaim the Spiritual Meaning of Your Child’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah, by Rabbi Jeffrey K. Salkin (Jewish Lights Publishing, 1993)

Sparks Beneath the Surface: A Spiritual Commentary on the Torah, by Lawrence Kushner and Kerry Olitzky (Jason Aronson Press, 1995)

Bar/Bat Mitzvah Basics: A Practical Family Guide to Coming of Age Together, edited by Cantor Helen Leneman (Jewish Lights Publishing, 1996)

Last Revised on 1/14/2016 www.shirtikvah.net Page 28

B’NEI MITZVAH PROGRAM FORM

This is to help you honor important people at the Saturday morning service. You need to complete this at least two weeks before the B’nei Mitzvah. We suggest you start figuring this out a couple of months ahead of B’nei Mitzvah.

Full name of bar/bat mitzvah student as you would like it to appear:

______Hebrew name:

Music Leader

Tutor’s name

Presentation of the Tallit: ______

Chain of Tradition: At Shir Tikvah, it is our custom to pass the Torah through every generation of the family. Generally, this would be the oldest generation, moving to the next, i.e. great grandparents, grandparents, parents, Please provide the names of each of the family members you would like included in the familial order.

English Name Relationship to bar/bat mitzvah

Readers: Names only – relation not needed

Reading #1

______

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Reading #2

______

Reading #3

______

Reading #4

______

Aliyot:  Each bar/bat mitzvah has five Torah readings called aliyot.  You may designate a person or a group of people for the first three aliyot.  The second-to-last aliyah (usually the fourth) is generally done by the parents and the last (usually fifth) by the bar/bat mitzvah student.  Please note: We do have recordings of the blessings available.

Each person honored with an aliyah (singular of aliyot) will be called to the bimah by name (both Hebrew* and English) and when called, goes up and stands next to the Torah. The honoree recites the opening blessing (a large print copy is on the Torah reading table). After the next aliyah is called, the honoree(s) moves to the left side of the Torah next to the rabbi and stands there while the next portion is read. *If someone does not have a Hebrew name – write English name.

If more space is needed for an aliyah, please use a separate page. Remember - you don’t need to fill in all the spaces for each aliyah.

First Aliyah:

● Name: Relationship to Bat/Bat Mitzvah:

Hebrew Name: