2017 ABA Law Student Division Best Newspaper Award-Winner Virginia Law Weekly Wednesday, 29 November 2017 The Newspaper of the University of Virginia School of Law Since 1948 Volume 70, Number 12 A New Dawn around north for UVa grounds Law? Sec. Clinton Goes to Thumbs down to Phoebe Willis ‘18 the Z Society’s casu- (she/her/hers) al email to “Ms. Gol- Guest Columnist uboff.” It is Dean, Queen, or GTFO. Mystically, Despite my best attempts to Charlottesville ANG. write the open letter to the Stu- dent Records Office in a col- Thumbs sideways laborative and positive tone, I to Time Magazine can imagine that it would be calling to say ANG off-putting for any adminis- was PROBABLY go- trator to read a letter to them ing to be named “Newspaper in the Law Weekly without Figure (Person) of the Year,” the student first approaching like last year. ANG says prob- their office. However, instead ably is no good and will take a of being upset, Dean Dugas pass. Thanks anyway! sent an email inviting SBA president Steven Glendon and Congratulations me to come discuss the letter to Prince Harry and with him. Admittedly, Steven Meghan Markle on and I didn’t know what to ex- their recently an- pect from this meeting. Higher nounced engage- education is known for being a ment! ANG knows accepting bureaucratic nightmare that is the American, biracial bride often slow-moving in adopting is a big step for the royal fam- student input. ily, but the biggest of all is To our delight, Dean Dugas letting a royal marry a divor- not only welcomed the sug- cee. King Edward VIII and gestions in the letter, but he Princess Margaret would be even went about immediately bloody pissed. implementing them. Within thirty minutes of our meet- Annual reminder ing and continuing for a few to recycle! Otherwise, days, Dean Dugas sent and VELF on a Shelf (the Steven and me a bunch of dif- tiny VELF water bottle that ferent mock calendar invites watches you from trash cans) because he wanted to make Former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton speaks to a crowd of students at Old Cabell Hall. . will tell Santa to put you on sure that he found the one Photo courtesy of UVA Today the Naughty List. that was compatible with all Jenna Goldman ‘18 ing sixty-nine percent ap- She urged the women in the types of calendars and would (she/her/hers) proval rating,” Clinton said. room to cultivate their deter- Thumbs side- be easiest for students to use. Editor-in-Chief “Those societal characteris- mination and to take on the ways to the lack of Taking his willingness to work tics translate into politics.” risks that come along with 1Ls in the library. with students one step further, The University of Virginia She drew her advice to leadership. “It takes courage, ANG, of course, has Dean Dugas asked the SBA for welcomed Secretary Hill- women with political aspira- but the more women who run never been to the library, but a student liaison who would ary Rodham Clinton to Main tions from a quote by Elea- and win, the easier this pro- ANG’s studious friends tell meet with him monthly to dis- Grounds on Tuesday, No- nor Roosevelt: “Develop skin cess will become.” ANG it has become a pleas- cuss student feedback and new vember 14, as the keynote as thick as a rhinoceros!” After her speech, Clin- antly stress-free place in the ideas. Steven Glendon will be speaker for the Women’s Clinton recounted the double ton sat down on stage with 1Ls’ absence. But these 1Ls acting as the interim liaison Global Leadership Forum. standards as excruciating, moderator, and First Lady of know about OGI and, like, until a permanent representa- The Forum was held in con- giving the classic example Virginia Dorothy McAuliffe. grades, right? KDon, you told tive can be appointed. junction with the UVa Bi- of speech. “I was walking a McAuliffe asked Clinton a them about OGI, didn’t you? At first, I was in a state of centennial, which brought tightrope without a safety host of questions from cyber KDon?! shock after the meeting, but speakers from around the net.” She recalled practicing security to tax policy. then, I couldn’t stop talking world to examine “The Role for debates and being told “I am encouraged by Thumbs up to about it. By 3L, many student of Women in 21st Century to be careful of varying her young Americans who are eggnog season. As leaders have experienced a Democracy.” Panels focused tone to avoid the perception much more inclusive, valu- the Law Weekly’s less-than-positive interaction on Education and Health, of “yelling” or “nagging,” and ing of diversity, and better at eggnog correspon- with an administrator, and Economic Access and Inno- to under no circumstanc- connecting with each other dent, ANG has faithfully this can color their perception vation, and Equity and Po- es lay a fist to the podium, than previous generations.” tested all the eggnog around of that person, maybe even litical Empowerment. “even though male orators McAuliffe referenced the and can reliably report that unfairly, for the rest of their President Teresa Sul- often raise their voices and criticism Clinton received Turkey Hill is the best brand- law school experience. See my livan opened by welcoming pound on the podium for from those on the right and name eggnog, while the stuff own experience missing the 3L Governor Terry McAuliffe emphasis—to men those are left for writing her book and in the glass bottle at Kroger is deadline to register for classes and his wife, Dorothy McAu- perceived as successful tech- for continuing to speak about the best overall. It’s a smooth this summer. But I have to say, liffe. Governor McAuliffe in- niques.” the election. At first Clinton cocktail of eggs, nutmeg, working with Dean Dugas to troduced Secretary Clinton More than just the man- joked that if the pundits had and...well ANG isn’t really find a solution that worked for by highlighting her work as ner of speaking, Clinton left her alone, she still might sure what else is in eggnog, all students (and not just com- an advocate for women and pointed to the recent exam- be hiking in the woods. But but trust ANG, this stuff is plaining about my own situa- children, as a First Lady of ples of the silencing of Sena- she turned to the very serious the knees of bees, as the kids tion) was one of the most posi- both Arkansas and the Unit- tor Elizabeth Warren on the reason why she continues to say. tive and enjoyable experiences ed States, as the first woman floor of the Senate, and of speak out. “When these guys, I’ve had in law school. senator from New York, and Senator Kamala Harris as and they are all guys, when Thumbs sideways Dean Goluboff, often char- as the first woman Presiden- she questioned Jeff Sessions they tell me to go away I just to Netflix’s God- acterized as a “how-can-we- tial nominee of a major po- during a Senate Intelligence say, ‘I’m not going to listen.’ less. ANG appreci- do-this” instead of a “no” style litical party. Committee Hearing. Clinton I’m not going to walk away ates Netflix proudly administrator, just recently Secretary Clinton began encouraged the audience to from the debates I’ve had my marketing a female-driven completed her first year as her remarks by congratu- take these attacks person- entire career.” Clinton noted Western that is too good to the leader of the Law School. lating the cheering crowd ally. “We need to understand that critics did not ask pre- skip, but maybe next time, Could she be behind this new in electing Governor-elect and accept the fact that the vious candidates like Mitt could we NOT have 73% of attitude from administration Ralph Northam and for set- diminishment of any woman Romney, John McCain, or Al the dialogue delivered by for openness and collaboration ting records in the number of is a diminishment of you and Gore to “go away” after los- men? with students? Only time will women elected to state office me,” she said. ing an election, especially on tell, but regardless of why my in the Commonwealth. Though Clinton ad- issues like children’s access Thumbs up to the experience working with Dean “When I was serving as dressed the difficult reali- to healthcare. National Dog Show, Dugas was so wonderful, all I First Lady and serving as ties of running for office as After graduating from but more impor- can say is his colleagues should Secretary of State I was ‘serv- a woman, she left the crowd Yale Law School in 1973, tantly to the Law take a page from his book. Ku- ing’ men, and in those posi- with words of encourage- Clinton continued postgrad- School Dog Show, which will dos to you, Dean Dugas. tions, I was viewed more fa- ment. “We have made prog- uate studies on children and be occurring Spring 2018 in --- vorably. When I left the State ress, and we cannot let any- Spies Garden! #spreadtheru- [email protected] Department I had a whoop- one turn us back,” she said. CLINTON page 3 mor 2 Columns VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 29 November 2017 Album Review: Taylor Swift, reputation First, a word about my creden- sticking with it, and the result is dark, gritty reboot of the Tay- “Don’t Blame Me” confirms it: Part the Second: And Now tials as a Swiftie. I’ve been on the a half-hearted album whose first lorverse. America’s Pop Goddess for the first time in recorded his- for Something Completely Taylor Swift train since Fearless third sounds like rehashed ear- is now a Nolanesque avenger of tory, Taylor Swift says the word Different ly-00’s EDM, transitioning into internet slights. We barely have “shit” on a recorded song. Moving right along, the middle Tom Kinzinger ‘18 a middle third that’s even more time to wonder how much better The front end of this album third of the album is reminiscent (he/him/his) rehashed late-80’s pop, then this would sound as a Rihanna or gives us also “End Game,” with of 1989 and contains many of the Guest Columnist shifting into—well, we’re get- Demi Lovato track before we hit its nice percussive beat and lyr- same poppy themes and melo- dropped in 2008, dies, here reflected through the before most of three years of sulking, revenge- you reading this plotting, and browsing through were even born. the dark corners of the internet I have spent literal actual money New Taylor must have been do- to buy her albums (unlike ev- ing since that album dropped. erything else I listen to, which I “Look What You Made Me Do” stream or YouTube like a normal is a banger of the first order in person). I have her discography which New Taylor comman- on my phone at all times, the deers Right Said Fred’s “I’m Too official calendar hanging on my Sexy” beat to remind us that we kitchen wall, and many square collectively drove the Old Taylor feet of my living space converted into madness. The good vibes into a shrine at which I perform left after I’m done nodding along weekly sacrifices of the merchan- to this song are almost immedi- dise of whoever she’s been most ately soured by the horrendously recently feuding with. (Inciden- misconceived “Gorgeous,” which tally, burning Katy Perry vinyls would be an endearing confes- can cause releases of toxic chem- sion of being besotted if the mel- icals. Remember to make sure ody over which it was sung was your sacrificial altar is located not so—there’s no other word for in a well-ventilated antecham- it—annoying. ber of your sanctum.) With all “Delicate” is one of the un- this in mind, light your incense, ambiguously good songs on the don your cat-ears headbands Former teen witch and current regular witch, Taylor Swift, is out with her sixth album reputation album, with its mellifluous pop and heart-eyes sunglasses, and Photo courtesy of Billboard melodies accompanied by New let’s take a deep dive into Taylor Taylor’s repeated inquiries as to Swift’s latest studio album, repu- ting to that. Moreover, I couldn’t “I Did Something Bad,” in which ics mostly consisting of languid whether something she said was tation. help but think that most of these New Taylor claims to have “done “ooooooohs” and “aaaaaaahs.” “cool” or “chill” (as if New Tay- Okay, so this album is…frac- songs had been or could have something bad” and enjoyed it, Future phones in 22 seconds of lor needs our approval anyway). tured. If 1989 represented a been done better by some other sounding for all the world like banalities before presumably If you turn up the volume and dalliance into the pop world, artist. Let’s consider each third a college freshman taking that cashing his check and getting play this track backwards, you reputation is a full-on drink- of the album in turn. first shot of tequila, launching out of there as fast as possible, can actually hear the Old Taylor the-kool-aid conversion, the into a fifteen-minute coughing while Ed Sheeran, notable Eng- straining against the walls of the Transfiguration of Taylor into Part the First: I Almost fit, and then insisting that the lish crooner, swoops in to…hang New Taylor persona, struggling Pop Goddess, Destroyer of Katy Cut Myself on that Edge experience was in fact enjoyable. on, is he attempting to rap? Oh to burst out of the mind prison Perries and Eviscerator of Spoti- Here we find the album opener Hmm, maybe this Dark Queen man, this is the most cringewor- and strum along on a Bedazzled fies. However, the album’s fatal “…Ready For It?” with its throb- of Dancepop shoe does not thy interlude in a Taylor Swift guitar. Ditto for “Getaway Car,” flaw is its attempt to give ev- bing bass smacking you right in quite fit the foot. If you had any song since the spoken-word seg- which flirts with being a good erybody what they want rather the face and hammering home doubts that New Taylor is going ment of “Shake It Off,” and that than just choosing a style and the fact that you are entering the for edgy, then the following track one was pretty egregious. REPUTATION page 5 Pittsburgh Not Paris: The Cost of Choosing Coal During his campaign, Pittsburgh, the comment was an tions in key supply chains from inexpensive natural gas. Con- rates skyrocketed. Opioids are President Trump promised affront, but to the generational Australia, the leading producer sumers prefer the cheaper pric- commonplace to numb the reali- to put American coal miners coal mining towns of Western of “met” coal. Favorable market es, and natural gas surpassed ties of unemployment. Business- Pennsylvania, it rang with a tone conditions for “met” coal are coal for the first time this year as es dependent on the presence of Julie Dostal ‘19 of salvation. Since the inaugu- independent from the Trump the largest source of electricity laborers in mining towns shut- (she/her/hers) ration, one new coalmine has Administration’s environmental in the country. A recent Colum- tered their doors. Aging miners Features Editor opened in Pennsylvania. The policies and may change at any bia University study found that floundered in the face of a job back to work. Acosta Deep Mine, located an time. regulations accounted for ap- search for a profession not in- The reversal of hour east of Pittsburgh in Jenne- One may posit that the proximately 3.5 percent of coal’s volving coal. The thought of not decades-long rstown, PA, employs about sev- repeal of Obama Administra- decline, while natural gas ac- continuing a familiar or regional decline in coal legacy of coal mining is an af- production was the central ten- terthought. To Pennsylvanians, ant of Trump’s environmental coal was the past, present, and policy. As a Pennsylvanian, this future. So how can American promise left me anxious and environmental and energy pol- angry. Coal was foundational icy move forward to counteract to the success of the Pennsylva- what seems to be the eventual, nia economy, from settlers’ first yet inevitable death of the coal discovery of the resource in 1791 industry? The answer may be into the present day. Pennsyl- found in the rapidly evolving vania is the third-highest coal- policies of the world’s leading producing state and the only polluter, the People’s Republic of state still producing anthracite China. coal. Anthracite coal mining Perhaps the most promi- dominates the eastern side of nent signatory of the Paris Cli- the state, while bituminous coal mate Change Accords, the Chi- mines provide employment to nese government signaled an thousands living on the west- unprecedented pivot away from ern side of Pennsylvania. Coal in its coal-based economy. For de- Pennsylvania was and, for many, cades, China has depended on still is the way of life. Thus, the coal as its primary source of Photo courtesy of Business Insider promises of President Trump to energy. Coal still makes up the reinvigorate the coal industry enty people. The mine aims to be tion regulations on coal and counted for around 49 percent. largest part of China’s energy and put miners back to work in open fifteen years and will serve coal-fired power plants may be The changing energy industry consumption. The coal industry my home state contributed to an economically depressed com- enough to save the coal indus- foreshadows the likely failure has provided generations of Chi- it going red in 2016 for the first munity still reeling from the un- try. Yet it only takes a road trip of the Trump Administration to nese citizens with employment time in six elections. Based on precedented decline in the coal through Pennsylvania to know fulfill the campaign pledges that and financial security. In many these promises, the fading coal industry. But in many ways, this these rollbacks on past envi- so many Pennsylvanians, and cities across China’s northern communities of Pennsylvania hope is a false one. The Acosta ronmental policies will not be other Americans, are desper- and western regions, coal signi- and other states like it cast their Deep Mine, similar to many of enough to save communities ately waiting to come to fruition. fies a way of life. The sentiments ballots with dreams of the past the additional of mines planning long dependent on coal. While What does the failure of the expressed by Chinese miners re- in mind. But President Trump’s to open in West Virginia, Ohio, President Obama’s EPA aggres- coal industry mean in the long garding their reliance on the coal promises were an illusion. Alabama, and Wyoming, will sively regulated the coal indus- term? Coal production experi- industry differ very little from In June of this year, Presi- extract metallurgical coal. “Met” try, no regulation could have af- enced a swift decline, reaching the testimonials of Pennsylva- dent Trump announced his de- coal is a special type of coal used fected the industry in a manner an all time low in 2015. The im- nians or West Virginians con- cision to leave the Paris Climate in steelmaking. The price of as severe as the introduction of pacts of this depression are still cerning the centrality of coal in Accords stating, “I was elected “met” coal is currently at an all natural gas into the market. The devastating many communities their everyday lives. These com- to represent the people of Pitts- time high, due to astronomical fracking industry is booming, in the United States. 40,000 burgh, not Paris.” To the city of demand from China and disrup- powering electrical grids with miners lost their jobs. Suicide COAL page 5 Wednesday, 29 November 2017 VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY TV Guide 3 CLINTON but was given one by a friend from Clinton’s remarks was that women have stepped remembered Clinton urging, continued from page 1 who couldn’t make it. her retelling a story about a into leadership and politics “Until we have more criti- Bobrow enjoyed the linguist approaching her to for the first time in response cal mass, the status quo will breadth of the subject matter improve her speech and tone to feelings of frustration and never change.” medicine at the Yale Child and how genuine the conver- of voice on camera. “Secre- sadness following the elec- Patel echoed, “The only Study Center and began her sation was. Though Clinton tary Clinton said, ‘Sure, let’s tion.” way to truly change the fact forty-year career in public is on a book tour, “She kept try it. But can you send me a The common thread that we expect something service as a staff attorney for on topic for the discussion,” picture of a woman doing the throughout the forum was different from women in the Children’s Defense Fund instead of only referencing same technique?’ The video the importance of women politics than from men in in Cambridge, Mass. her book and focused her was never sent, probably be- running for office, especially politics is for more women to “I helped found CHIP remarks on global women’s cause when men do whatever in the wake of the 2016 elec- be involved in politics—at all [Children’s Health Insurance leadership and the Common- it was that Hillary was doing, tion. The crux of her mes- levels.” Program] as First Lady in the wealth of Virginia. “I heard it’s just fine.” sage, Patel said, was to “ex- Bobrow found encour- ‘90s, and I will not remain she was more personable Clinton did not shy away pect pushback from men agement in hearing Clin- silent as millions of children ton speak, especially going lose their healthcare.” Con- into her first finals in law gress allowed the program, school. “In the midst of out- which provided insurance to lining season and exams, it 9 million children and preg- was important to me that I nant women, to lapse in Sep- think about the bigger pic- tember. ture of why my peers and I What else worries Secre- are here— even if you do not tary Clinton? From the van- want to enter public service tage point of international after graduation and even if affairs she said bluntly, you are not a woman, we all “Russia.” She made refer- have a duty to be positive ence to Russian President leaders in our communities Vladimir Putin’s past as a and to take on the responsi- KGB leader and cautioned bilities that come with being that Putin is cunning and no a lawyer and a professional.” novice at meddling in foreign She said, “It was great to elections. “I’ve sat across the hear Secretary Clinton speak table from Putin. We have about some of the challenges known for a long time what she sees and think about how he is capable of.” [In refer- my schoolwork can prepare ence to the Russian strikes me to be a more thoughtful, on social media she recount- engaged citizen going for- ed the adage ‘fool us once, First Lady Dorothy McAuliffe moderates a discussion with Secretary Clinton. ward.” shame on you, fool us twice, Photo courtesy of UVA Today --- shame on us.’] and funny than she has come from discussing the results and other women, but use it [email protected] The event took place in across in the media, but I of the election. “She ac- as a catalyst instead of a de- Old Cabell Hall, and seat- was surprised by how true knowledged a real feeling terrent.” ing was limited to those who that was.” Bobrow loved how I’ve heard among women my The biggest takeaway from secured a ticket through a she was self-deprecating and age, which is that the elec- the Secretary’s talk for Bo- lottery, which ran weeks be- made lots of jokes, seemingly tion was devastating because brow was that leadership fore. Shivani Patel ’19 was untethered from the binds of it reminded us of the obsta- comes in many different one of the few law students the campaign. cles that we face as women forms. “While it is certain- to secure a ticket through Patel also liked the tone leaders,” Bobrow said. “But ly hard to put yourself out the lottery. Anna Bobrow ’20 Clinton struck, and one of the she also has been encouraged there as a woman leader, it’s initially did not get a ticket, most memorable moments (as I have been) by the ways critical that we do,” Bobrow For Your (Panicked) Viewing Pleasure As we head into exam sea- Parks and Recreation office formation is accompanied by Captain Raymond Holt (and holds up well and was a trail- son, the need to retreat to in small-town Pawnee, Indi- a series of unbelievable and Detective Boyle’s cringe- blazer for modern shows like mindless entertainment for ana, and the statute of limi- yet somehow gut-wrench- inducing crush on Detective 30 Rock, Girls, and Unbreak- Alison Malkowski & tations for knowing about it ing plot twists and entirely Diaz), they set up extremely able Kimmy Schmidt. Kim Hopkin ‘19 really expired two years ago. too many lingering stares. I important character arcs (they/them/theirs) Expert tip for re-watching: think this show is still engag- and motifs. Reasons to keep Lesser Known Gems: Television Critics skip the first season. The ing during later seasons, but watching: the annual Hallow- These shows are famous show truly comes into its own many lose interest around een and Doug Ross episodes among their viewers but in the second season, and season six. Reasons to keep get funnier each year as they don’t enjoy the wider audi- breaks increas- you don’t miss anything you watching: boredom and in- outdo the previous year’s hi- ence that some of the above es exponential- can’t pick up quickly in later vestment in the (few) charac- jinks. shows draw. ly. Some of us will ignore that seasons. Highlights include ters who don’t die off. urge and work for hours on a low-key obsession with a Classics: These shows A Crime to Remember: end.1 Others will insist that miniature pony, high-key Arrested Development: are favorites from back in This Investigation Discov- they “really do” enjoy physi- obsession with binders and This started as an underrat- the day. However, watch ery re-enactment show takes cal exercise to fill the gaps.2 pancakes, and Chris Pratt in ed classic and has earned its with an enormous grain of old crimes from before mod- But for the rest of us mere the only role you will ever be place among the must-sees of salt – American culture has ern forensic science and de- mortals, we require some- able to picture him in. the golden age of television. changed considerably. scribes them through multi- thing to watch as we burrito The new Netflix revival tries ple lenses. Some are familiar in a blanket during our semi- The Office: This one should a little too hard, but the orig- I Love Lucy: This classic stories, like the murder of regular periods of existential also be relatively self-ex- inal series is always worth a follows Lucy and Ricky Ri- Kitty Genovese, and some crisis. Or maybe you’re just planatory; a show about an watch (or re-watch). This is cardo and their landlords as are forgotten horrors, like a 3L. This article is for those office and the different per- the story of a highly dysfunc- Lucy finds new ways to get the University of Texas mass who want to branch out from sonalities who work there. tional family and the com- into trouble. Lucille Ball’s shooter, Charles Whitman. their regular binging and The first few episodes are not pletely implausible situations physical comedy is unparal- Each story is punctuated by watch something new. consequential, but they help they get themselves into. The leled, but some of the ‘issues’ narration from a “friend” develop the characters for humor swings between eas- the show tackles are removed of someone involved in the Tried and True Favor- maximum enjoyment in oth- ily recognizable slapstick, from today’s sensibilities.4 crime which adds a layer of ites: The following are sit- er seasons. Reasons to keep nuanced intellectual humor, Reasons to watch: feel-good cultural understanding or coms or dramedies popular watching: the love connec- and some weird creature of comedy that doesn’t force outrage to the crimes. among the binging crowd. tion between Pam and Jim is the in-between that involves you to think. You’ve probably heard of one for the ages. Liza Minelli, magicians, QI: A British panel show them, but just in case. yachts, and banana stands. Mary Tyler Moore Show: hosted by Stephen Fry (and Grey’s Anatomy: This Reasons to keep watching: After Mary leaves her boy- later by Sandy Toksvig) where Parks and Recreation: This hour-long dramedy begins by you will understand a lot friend who doesn’t want to British comedians tackle his- ensemble sitcom follows the following the lives of surgical more internet memes. get married after graduating torical or scientific trivia top- interns struggling to survive medical school, she moves to ics with questionable levels 1 But if that’s your jam, at a prestigious hospital in Brooklyn Nine-Nine: This Minneapolis and becomes an of skill and more often than why are you taking time to Seattle. Shonda Rimes dia- is an AMAZING show.3 It’s an associate producer for a local not, a quasi-related anecdote read the Law Weekly? Get logue and catchy song selec- ensemble comedy about a po- nightly news show. The show instead. This show, however, back to work and leave us un- tions make the early seasons lice precinct in Brooklyn. Al- doesn’t just take away points derachievers alone. incredible and witty. As usu- though the first few episodes 4 See the “Equal Rights” for wrong answers (although ally happens in long-running focus a little too heavily on episode where a wife being the scoring system is at best 2 While the author re- television shows, the seasons Detective Jake Peralta and treated as an equal apparent- made up and arbitrary); it spects these individuals, she involve a slow transforma- ly means being treated like a also sounds an alarm when also places them alongside tion into a completely differ- 3 Let it be known one of male stranger. Also, the con- a comedian makes a joke an- people who just don’t prefer ent kind of show. As usually the authors has the BIGGEST stant jokes about being Cu- swer or common misconcep- desserts and refuses to trust happens in Shondaland tele- crush on both Jake Peralta ban at the expense of Ricky. them. vision shows, that slow trans- and Andy Samberg. #differenttime VIEWING page 5 4 Colophon VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 29 November 2017 LAW WEEKLY FEATURE: Court of Petty Appeals The Court of Petty Appeals is the highest appellate jurisdiction court at UVa Law. The Court has the power to review any and all decisions, conflicts, and disputes that arise involving, either directly, indirectly, or tangentially, the Law School or its students. The Court is comprised of four associate justices and one Chief Justice. Opinions shall be released periodically and only in the official court reporter: the Virginia Law Weekly. Please email a brief summary of any and all conflicts to [email protected].
Custodial Staff v. Three ly always acceptable. ple of collegiality and integrity the students at large, the greater a sticky mess whose removal Gallons, More or Less, of Ice cream that was half melt- at this school, and so we will not good of society was so served would fall to the hands of the Store-Brand Ice Cream ed when it arrived at the table is allow it to be hijacked by melted, as to outweigh by far the “risk,” cleaners, the plaintiffs here; and 17 U. Va. 413 (2017) next-level egregious. First, no- sticky ice cream. This ruling is as they term it, that the ice equally evidently, this burden body wants to eat half-melted narrow, and should not be con- cream would make an unpleas- would fall upon them without a GOLDMAN, C.J., joined ice cream. Second, those desper- strued to cause a chilling effect ant mess. In so offering, they chance to sample the treat in its by VANDERMEULEN, J. ate souls still at the Law School on any potential food to be left attempt to practice sophistry delicious frozen state. It was in- HOLMES, J. writes separately, on the Friday before Thanksgiv- on the free food table. upon the Court. cumbent, evidently, upon them concurring. ing Break are not lucid enough The ice cream is hereby or- Every gift comes pregnant from whose hands the ice cream passed to provide prudently for This court has long been asked its timely removal—or else, not to rule on what food may or may he free food table is the last to leave it at all. This they did not be left on the free food table. not do; and having called their We usually leave such determi- tune, the law will have them pay nations to SBA, as this Court frontier of lawlessness . . .” the piper. generally ascribes to the doc- “T In a few cases, it is true, the trine of “all food is good food.” law does not demand the de- That is, until this case which was -C.J. Goldman tached reflection of the reason- brought to us by the esteemed able man in he who acts. But custodial staff because “enough nowhere was there here the is enough.” We, of course, seized Thuggee’s upraised knife or on this rare opportunity to exer- the speeding train to demand cise our in rem jurisdiction. instant action unchecked by On Friday, November 17, at the patient deliberations of the approximately 7p.m., a pink reasoned mind. By the opera- carton filled approximately tion of natural law the ice cream three-quarters full of melted would in time decongeal, escape vanilla ice cream was left on the its container, and do mischief free food table along with sev- where it fell. Foreseeing that eral paper cups and spoons. consequence, the law says that The free food table is the last it was incumbent upon the de- frontier of lawlessness at the fendants to prevent this at their Law School. Generally governed peril. by the reasonably prudent stu- Perhaps those who left the dents who attend this institu- bucket on the table did not fore- tion, the table plays host to extra see that the spoons they left food and snacks placed there would not suffice to carry away by organizations after mid-day the melting treat, or that, late on events they host. We find this a Friday when dismissed from Exhibit A courtesy of the Law Weekly acceptable, and indeed desir- classes, few would remain in able, because if there is food, it is to neatly pour the melted ice dered impounded and returned with the hidden seed of burden, the halls to eat it before the fatal generally taken during the ten- cream into the flimsy paper to the nearest freezer. And you as the shrewd kings of Siam, moment of dribbling. They are minute interval between classes cups and subsequently got the know what, we’re going to do who bankrupted their enemies as liable as if they had; the law is in the afternoon. Supplying ex- goop all over the table and the some equity too. Members of by gifting them, in pretense of the measure of every man, and tra food to the hungry students carpet beneath the table, and the Law School community are tribute, with the exacting care of the sacrifice of those who do not of UVa Law serves an important they continued to drip it down hereby enjoined from placing white elephants, knew so well. meet this measure we must ex- public service, so the existence the hallway. melty ice cream on the free food Here was just such a case. The act, or else turn forever from the of the table is not at issue. Both situations are disgust- table. Students and faculty: We ice cream, if not carried away path of the law. There are two problems at is- ing, and nobody should have to sentence you to do some soul and eaten entirely within the --- sue in this case. First is the tim- deal with this, especially the cus- searching as to why this place hour, would melt, and cease [email protected] ing of the dropping off of food. todians who work all through gets so gross. to be a delicacy but become The accepted practice is to leave the night to clean up after us on food on the table during class a regular basis. Really, this is a HOLMES, J., sitting by desig- change or during times of high law school! We aren’t dissecting nation, concurring in the judg- Faculty Quotes density of hungry law students cadavers; we sit in desks with ment: (for instance, after 5 p.m. classes textbooks and type on Microsoft I concur with the result that C. Jaffe: “Oh, mom! Always G. Rutherglen: “It’s the let out during the week). Word. The amount of dirt and the majority has reached, and blaming mom. Never a good first time I made money from a Second is the content of the trash we leave all around this I write separately to explain way to go.” - Cale Jaffe book. It was called Get What’s food. The dropping of highly school is shameful and perplex- my own reasoning. Amici have Yours and it taught me how to sought-after food such as non- ing. We can’t blame everything claimed that no one could fore- E. Kitch: “[Discussing claim social security benefits, . perishable candy, Zoe’s Kitchen on the undergrads. see that any ice cream would so Jordan v. Duff and Phelps] . . and now I’m grandfathered catering, Sticks, pizza of any This Court believes the free long remain as to melt, and fur- Jordan, you bastard. That trai- in!” kind, and Ivy Provisions is near- food table is the greatest exam- ther, that by providing a gift to tor. We helped you start your career, you ungrateful sonofa- J. G. Hylton: “I think [Pa- bitch.” perchase] is the best law school movie ever made… Even better J. Mahoney: “Yachting ap- than Legally Blonde.” Virginia Law Weekly pears to be the pastime for the idle rich - and the busy rich, for Heard a good professor COLOPHON that matter.” quote? Email [email protected]! Jenna Goldman (she/her/hers) ‘18 Editor-in-Chief
Eric Hall (he/him/his) ‘18 Jansen VanderMeulen ’19 Managing Editor Executive Editor Anand Jani ‘19 Production Editor
Kim Hopkin (she/her/hers) ‘19 Greg Ranzini (he/him/his) ‘18 Lia Keane (she/her/hers) ’18 Columns Editor News Editor Features Editor
Katherine Mann (she/her/hers) ‘19 Ali Zablocki (she/her/hers) ‘19 Julie Dostal (she/her/hers) ’19 Columns Editor Arts Editor Features Editor
Published weekly on Wednesday except during holiday and examination periods and serving the Law School community at the University of Virginia, the Virginia Law Weekly (ISSN 0042-661X) is not an official publication of the University and does not necessarily express the views of the University. Any article appearing herein may be reproduced provided that credit is given to both the Virginia Law Weekly and the author of the article. Advanced written permission of the Virginia Law Weekly is also required for reproduction of any cartoon or illustration.
Virginia Law Weekly Phone: 443.812.3229 580 Massie Road [email protected] University of Virginia School of Law www.lawweekly.org Charlottesville, Virginia 22903-1789
EDITORIAL POLICY: The Virginia Law Weekly publishes letters and columns of interest to the Law School and the legal community at large. Views expressed in such submissions are those of the author(s) and not necessarily those of the Law Weekly or the Editorial Board. Letters from organizations must bear the name, signature, and title of the person authorizing the submission. All letters and columns must either be submitted in hardcopy bearing a handwritten signature along with an electronic version, or be mailed from the author’s e-mail account. Sub- missions must be received by 12 p.m. Sunday before publication and must be in accordance with the submission guidelines. Letters and/or columns over 1200 words may not be accepted. The Editorial Board reserves the right to edit all submissions for length, grammar, and clarity. Although every effort is made to publish all materials meeting our guidelines, we regret that not all submissions received can be published. Wednesday, 29 November 2017 VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Hot Bench 5 COAL more are anticipated as a result VIEWING ing asset is a town that Eu- looking for a role model in continued from page 2 of the continued investment into continued from page 3 gene Levy’s character bought early onset sarcasm, and that renewable power. China’s solar “as a joke” to “teach his son is ok. iZombie is delightful, munities have also experienced power sector alone employs 2.5 tion that producers had pre- a lesson.” Reasons to keep combines a procedural mys- similar economic downturn million, while the solar sector in viously identified. Reasons to watching: Daniel Levy and tery format with an overarch- over the past five years resulting the United States provides em- keep watching: special guests Emily Hampshire’s uncon- ing plot about zombies, and in widespread unemployment ployment for 260,000 Ameri- like Daniel Radcliffe, Hugh ventional friendship is every is also a little gross.6 and looming concerns about the cans. The Chinese regions ex- Laurie, and David Tennant, sarcastic mood you’ve ever future of such communities. periencing the greatest growth and the fact that many con- been in, and the show only Dear White People: Full In response to growing dis- in jobs from solar panel produc- testant answers mirror the gets better with each season. disclosure: this is a remake tress over the future of Chinese tion in 2016 were those formerly exact internal dialogue you of the original movie, and coal mining, the government in dependent on coal. The Chinese have during exams (e.g. “Is Moone Boy: In the role he there are far more detailed Beijing took action. Instead of government has developed new the answer…neither?”). was born to play (with an and wonderful critiques com- empowering the coal industry solar panel technology to help American Housewife: If honorable mention to the paring the two and their so- further, the Chinese govern- service the depressed former you temporarily suspend hapless IT guy of IT Crowd cial commentaries available ment shuttered coalmines and coal communities. Just this your expectations for any – “Have you tried turning across the internet, but I just set out plans to cut roughly 1.3 year, Sungrow Power Supply, kind of serious social state- it off and turning it back on include here to note that the million jobs in the industry. It a Chinese solar company, con- ment, this show is hilarious. again?”), Chris O’Dowd stars remake as a television show also moved to restrict the con- structed a floating solar energy It follows the middle-class as a 12-year-old boy’s imagi- is extremely worth watching. struction of new coal power farm. Covering approximately Otto family living in a very nary friend in a small town in It is in turns hilarious, famil- plants. In January, China’s Na- 100 square miles, the farm pro- affluent Connecticut neigh- Ireland. Highlights include iar, and heartbreaking, and tional Energy Administration vides power to 15,000 homes borhood with an overly hon- either of the two sisters and always beautifully formatted. set its first ever target for reduc- and rests atop the flooded area est stay-at-home mom, a pas- quotes like “He’s very enig- ing coal energy consumption. that was once the location of a sive, intellectual father, and matic for a man who doesn’t To Look Out For: This While the decision to transition coal-mining factory. three comically flawed kids. own drinking glasses.” show won’t be released until away from coal warms my envi- In the face of a declining coal Reasons to keep watching: 2018, but is worth mention ronmentalist heart, the Chinese industry, China turned towards Katy Mixon’s excellent comic Rosemary and Thyme: here because (a) it sounds government was not necessar- renewables. This pivot in policy timing and flair. Rosemary Boxer and Lau- amazing and (b) we all know ily “thinking green” in the tradi- had immediate effects on the ra Thyme are just two en- you won’t get to any of these tional sense. Rather, the People’s global market. The solar power Schitt’s Creek: This show chantingly grumpy biddies until you hit that beginning- Republic of China chose to ag- sector in China is so productive has everything: Eugene who met, fell in BFF, and of-the-semester procrastina- gressively pursue renewable en- and inexpensive, the United Levy’s eyebrows, Eugene promptly started a landscap- tion binge period anyway. ergy, believing in the future eco- States was forced to place tariffs Levy’s son, Eugene Levy’s ing business, through which nomic payout of the burgeoning on the import of Chinese made daughter, and the mother they repeatedly happen upon Making It: A craft show, market. solar panels in a bid to protect from the Home Alone mov- and then solve a series of in- hosted by Nick Offerman and At the beginning of 2017, the American producers. The fu- ies (she has finally located all cidentally plant-related mur- Amy Poehler from Parks and Chinese government pledged to ture promises much of the same of her children). The Schitts ders to the astonishment of Recreation. In other words, invest 367 billion dollars in re- failure for the United States to are tossed unceremoniously somehow no one. No further the American answer to newable power generation—so- compete with China’s renew- from their home when all of description necessary. The Great British Bake Off. lar, wind, and nuclear—by 2020. able exports. As China contin- their assets are seized by the You’re welcome. The pledge may be a result of the ues to build its renewable sector, IRS5 and their only remain- iZombie: This show is writ- --- considerable economic benefits America falls further behind. ten and produced by the [email protected] experienced by the Chinese since As former Chinese coal miners 5 The show is filmed in same team that made Ve- [email protected] entering into the realm of re- try their luck at new solar panel Canada, so presumably the ronica Mars happen. If you newable energy. China currently or wind turbine manufacturing Canadian equivalent. But didn’t watch Veronica Mars, 6 There is a lot brain- produces 2/3 of the world’s so- factories, American coal miners since it is unclear to me then you may not have been eating because that is how lar panels and nearly half of the sit idle waiting on the impossible which will be in place after a teenage girl in the 2000s she solves mysteries. Do not world’s wind turbines. The clean promises of President Trump. the Kordana-predicted Ca- overlap with dinner, espe- energy sector currently boasts --- nadian invasion, let’s call it “IRS” for simplicity. cially pasta. 3.5 million jobs, while 10 million [email protected]
4. If you could meet one -I’m an avid Game of REPUTATION firmly over my ears as I plead HOT continued from page celebrity, who would it be Thrones fan. continued from page 2 for someone to make it stop. I and why? The last one is the lie. Sorry understand suddenly how the BENCH Matt Bomer. High-key GOT lovers - you can’t kill off song: it’s another wistful reca- Millerites must have felt at the stalked him as he was film- a dire wolf on camera and ex- pitulation of a bad relationship Great Disappointment of Octo- ing White Collar while I was in pect me to continue watch- gone south, but this trope has ber 22, 1844, a date when Wil- high school, but I’d love to be ing. Kill off as many people as been done to death in much bet- liam Miller predicted the occur- able to sit down and actually you’d like, just leave the dog- ter ways by better artists, includ- rence of the Second Coming but have a conversation with him. gies alone. ing Old Taylor herself. See, e.g., which in fact turned out to be a There are various elements of “Back to December,” “The Way I run-of-the-mill nineteenth-cen- his background that are similar 8. If you could live any- Loved You,” etc. tury Tuesday. Taylor Swift, the to those of mine, and, in spite of where, where would it be? The less said about “King of One True Pop Goddess, has let his talent and striking features, Amsterdam. I studied My Heart,” the better. At eleven us down, Old Taylor is not com- he expresses traits that I value, abroad there in the summer of tracks in, nothing has really ing back for us, and lol nothing which are uncommon among 2015 and fell in love. In fact, an stood out; most of these songs matters. most celebrities. ideal five/ten-year plan would would have been better convert- In sum, this album is not good. involve my working at The ed into some other genre or done In fact, in certain spots it’s actu- Alex Viner ‘20 5. If you had to pick one Hague for a while. I’d be elated. by someone else. Let’s hop right ally pretty bad. I loved 1989 (he/him/his) song to play non-stop in the ahead to “Dancing With Our and am probably listening to it background of your life, 9. What’s the best gift Hands Tied,” which sounds like whenever you see me in the hall- 1. Have you ever had a what would it be? you’ve ever received? it could have been decent EDM- way with earbuds stuffed in my nickname? What? Another tough one - I listen to My first dog, Lucky. My par- infused dance-pop if it didn’t ears so that I can avoid doing Just Alex. Having a unisex music 24/7, so it’s super hard to ents got him for me on my 13th sound so half-hearted and… the stop-and-chat with you, but nickname used to bother me, pick one song to have to listen to birthday, after years of begging and…wait a minute…hang on… reputation took all of 1989’s pop but I’ve embraced it as I got non-stop, but I guess I wouldn’t them for a dog, and he’s been no, it can’t be…Goddess forbid… experimentation and learned older. be opposed to it being Call on my best friend since day one. is this album actually…BAD?!? precisely the wrong lessons from Me by Eric Prydz. I haven’t got- One of the hardest parts about it. Simply giving the people what 2. What is your favorite ten tired of it since hearing it for law school is being away from Part the Third: All Hope you think they want cannot be word? the first time about 10 years ago, him, but I know he’s in better Abandon, Ye Who Enter the key to artistic and commer- Currently “tragic”, inspired and it’s a great walking/work- hands at home than he is here. Here cial success. There’s nothing re- by the Kim Kardashian gif in ing out song (and a good one to I can’t really categorize the ally original in this album and, iMessage. I definitely overuse dance to as well). 10. If the Law School songs on the latter third of with the exception of “Look it with a sarcastic connotation had yearbook awards, the record (namely, “Dress,” What You Made Me Do,” there’s on a daily basis (i.e. in response 6. If you were a superhe- what would you want to “This Is Why We Can’t Have nothing I would stomp my feet to my roommate telling me he ro, what would your super- win? Nice Things,” “Call It What and shout along to at the Vir- rammed his head into the wall power be? Probably “most stylish”. You Want,” and “New Year’s ginian the next time I’m drunk as he sneezed). Probably invisibility. I’m a Might not be as significant in Day”), even though they would enough to voluntarily walk in huge people watcher, and it’d law school as it was in high all probably fit into the above- there. Oh, well, at least we’ll al- 3. Where did you grow be great to get away with staring school, though. two categories, because at some ways have the Old Taylor, and up? at people for prolonged periods point during “Dancing With I’ve heard rumors an acoustic Brooklyn, New York, al- of time without appearing as 11. If you could know Our Hands Tied” I’ve realized version of “Delicate” will be in- though when asked in person, creepy as I actually am. one thing about your fu- that Taylor Swift has made her cluded on the reputation deluxe you’ll often hear me say “South ture, what would it be? first bad record and I undergo a edition coming out early next Brooklyn”. Just as Manhattan 7. What’s your most in- My best friend and I have a complete and total breakdown year. Now excuse me while I go is comprised of tons of entirely teresting two-truths-and-a- pact that, if we are both 35 and of faith. When I hear the bass back and listen to “All Too Well” different areas/neighborhoods, lie? (And what’s the lie?) single, we will get married and thuds of “This Is Why We Can’t on repeat to make sure I can still so is Brooklyn, and I like to be -One of the most stressful ex- start a family of our own. So, Have Nice Things” they sound feel things. very specific about the region of periences of my life was an Uber I’d be curious to see if that’s as rolls of distant thunder on --- Brooklyn I claim. ride in Miami. how my future will actually some faraway ocean because at [email protected] -I once walked headfirst into play out. this point I’m lying catatonic on a pole and apologized to it. the floor with my hands clamped 6 The Back Page VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 29 November 2017 ANG Society Distinguished Snark Award
Each year,1 the ANG Society University. The Distinguished Exceptional contributions to for hoarding tootsie rolls and recognizes one outstanding Snark Award is given to those the school and Charlottesville needs material for the paper member of the University’s who serve as role models, con- community at large, including snowflake chains ANG plans The ANG Society fidants, and leaders, but espe- but not limited to appropri- to make during Corporations. cially to those who make ap- ate holding of the door in the Your contribution is greatly student body who has posi- propriate use of both side-eye snack line and never openly appreciated. tively impacted the faculty and and the library standing desks. watching Netflix in the library These nominations should student body’s ability to keep ANG embraces the diver- Shows no interest in dis- be emailed to editor@law- a firm grasp on Things Worthy sity of responsibilities and de- cussing outlines outside of weekly.org by Shmonday, of Comment during their time mands on our student body— classroom December 70th at 11:81pm, at the University. But mostly, ANG understands that there Please submit a letter of but may alternatively be sub- the award exists as an excuse are theoretically such things as nomination for an exceptional mitted in hardcopy to any stu- for ANG to periodically re- “cite checks,” “outlining,” and member of the University dent mailbox. mind you that ANG exists and “doing the reading,” and that curious8 of Virginia’s student body Thank you for your time and that you still don’t know what if you don’t Instagram from a who has been incredibly influ- consideration. “ANG” means but are resigned vineyard every weekend, the 8 … about 1Ls who spend ential to students and mem- to its unexplained and enig- weekend may well not have hours in the library having bers of the faculty during Mystically, matic presence2 in Law School happened and the universe outside voice conversations his or her or their or xir time ANG society.3 This award is intend- will be thrown into an unsus- about—seriously, of ALL things here. ANG will probably not --- ed to be a bacon4 of success tainable multiverse—and we —clerkships and VLBS events. read them, but ANG has been [email protected] and one which is given to indi- encourage nominations from ANG wonders if you could not. banned from the copy center viduals who have inspired the all of the three hallways, sec- all-powerful ANG spirit of this tions, and extracurricular ac- tivities.5 To aid you in identi- 1 Starting with this year. fying and recognizing a fellow soulless human you know, 2 Have you, like, seen our the list below may guide you. tag on various historic build- Qualities of potential winners ings around Thomas Jeffer- of this award include, but are son’s University? No? Oh, wait not limited to, the following: YES that’s right: vandalism is a Engaged,6 supportive,7 and
crime. 3 Society. n. See also collegi- 5 Except NGSL. Enjoy! GMT. 2017 02:29:16 28 Nov Tue on http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku by Generated ality. 6 … in avoiding eye con- 4 Literally, the award is ba- tact with professors outside con. Bacons are better than of class. If you don’t see them, beacons. Bacons, beacons, Bat- they don’t see you, right? tlestar Galactica. Also, what are we, 18th century England? No- 7 … of snack consumption. body uses beacons anymore, ANG needs company on the buad. We just post statuses to ever-shorteninga road to ma- Cartoon By Ali Facebook and then hyperventi- jor health problems, and ten late in private because welcome Snickers a day is the way it’s to 2017. happening.
TIME EVENT LOCATION COST FOOD? WEDNESDAY – November 29, 2017 No, but civil rights icon and public theologian Ruby African-American Sales is talking with Charles SUDOKU Heritage Center 6:00 PM Every One of Us Free Marsh, professor of Puzzle 1 (Very hard, difficulty rating 0.87) at The Jefferson religious studies at UVa, on School race, spirituality, and public life. 7 3 6 2 9 THURSDAY – November 30, 2017 National Security Lawyering: Perspectives 9 2 8 3 1 1:00 PM Caplin Pavilion Free Not sure from Inside and Outside the Government: Amy Jeffress Yes, just like the Red Wedding had food and 5:00 PM SBA Social Spies Garden Free cheer before the slaughter. 1 6 9 2 Enjoy exams! Yes, but like most 8 1 t UVa BLSA 2017 Winter receptions no one will eat 5:00 PM Caplin Pavilion Free Diversity Reception and people will self-select 2 8 9 6 into groups of 4-7 people FRIDAY – December 1, 2017 No, but the music should Madison Choral Society 9:00 AM – St. Thomas' help clear your head of all presents "Christmas Around Free
o c k3 e :45 PM Episcopal Church the screaming 1Ls we’ll the World" 7 2 8 3 9 hear around WB SATURDAY – December 2, 2017 Hot chocolate. The top five 3 9 5 6 7 D teams that raise the most Charlottesville Polar Plunge money by midnight before Shops at 10:00 AM Fundraiser for the Special Free the Plunge are entered into Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on Tue Nov 28 02:29:15 2017 GMT. Enjoy! Stonefield
h e Olympics a drawing to win 4 free airline vouchers to Solution
T anywhere in the U.S. 8 4 7 6 5 2 9 3 1
SUNDAY – December 3, 2017
No. Back in my day this was 9 1 6 4 3 8 2 5 7 called “Christmas with the 3 2 5 7 1 9 4 8 6
Hoos,” #WarOnChristmas,
but go watch the Cavalier 4 6 9 5 8 1 3 7 2 3:00 PM Holidays with the Hoos JPJ Arena Free Marching Band Play. With 7 3 1 2 4 6 8 9 5
320 members, we see that
the Band is using the 2 5 8 3 9 7 6 1 4 Georgetown Law 6 8 4 9 7 5 1 2 3
admissions model.
MONDAY – December 4, 2017 1 7 3 8 2 4 5 6 9 Mental Health, Substance 5 9 2 1 6 3 7 4 8
11:30 PM Abuse and the Legal Purcell Free Doubt it. Profession 0.87) rating difficulty hard, (Very 1 Puzzle TUESDAY – December 5, 2017 American 7:30 PM A Christmas Carol Shakespeare $21-$60 That one ghost’s fruit hat. Center