SoulTHROUGH Care grief

TABLE OF Contents

How To Use This Resource...... 3

Prayer Reflection...... 4

Scripture Meditation...... 8

Understanding The Grief Process...... 10

Suggestions For Ongoing Soul Care...... 12

Resources...... 16

Christian Counselors...... 19

1 2 HowTo Use THIS RESOURCE

Losses, suffering, and challenges are simply a part of life. However, we all have a response to offer when we face difficulties and losses. Henri Nouwen, one of the great spiritual writers of the 20th century, said this regarding our response to pain, “There are two extremes to avoid: being completely absorbed in your pain and being distracted by so many things that you stay far away from the wound you want to heal” (The Inner Voice of Love). Perhaps there is a way to honor our pain without allowing ourselves to wallow.

As fearless followers of Jesus, we follow a Savior who suffered. In this we can have confident hope that he neither dismisses our losses and suffering, nor does He want us to live a life with it as the central focus. The Bible, prayer practices, and the community of believers offer a variety of helps for us.

Soul Care Through Grief contains a variety of ways to pray, scripture meditation suggestions, and journaling questions to help you process your pain in your relationship with Jesus. There is no specific order to engage each practice — simply start where you are comfortable and try the various things that are most applicable to your place in life.

It is my hope that this resource will help you navigate pain and find true healing and hope in your relationship with Jesus.

Sara Thompson Pastor of Member Care

3 Prayer Reflection

The Bible tells us that God knows us inside and out (Psalm 139). He knows all of our thoughts and emotions and all of the circumstances that we go through. And yet, because we are in relationship with Him, He enjoys when we come to Him with all of these things the way that good friends share their lives with each other.

In this time of prayer and reflection before the Lord, please read these specific prayers as the beginning to your own prayer.

Leave yourself some space in between each prayer for you to talk to God (and listen) silently where you are. Set a timer for 2-5 minutes if that feels helpful to you, or journal your own prayer in whatever time you need. If you have no words to offer him, I encourage you to simply rest and listen in his presence for a couple minutes between each prayer.

Let’s pray.

Father, I thank you for being our Rock (Psalm 62). Thank you that in Jesus you have given us a firm place to stand, especially when life gets hard. It is in light of your stability and trustworthiness that I bring myself before you now. I bring my stories, my losses, my thoughts, and my emotions to you. Even though I know that you know me personally, I want to share with you my emotions and my difficulties, naming each one of them before you now…..

Lord, help me to quiet my heart before you as you shed light on the events of this past year (Psalm 27:1). Would you call to my mind right now the things that have taken place? Would you help me to see where you were active and working that I may have missed before now? I am listening.

4 5 6 Lord, now I want to bring my needs before you in recognition of my dependency on you (John 15). You are the creator of this world and have all the resources that we need for life. Whether these needs are physical, emotional, financial, or relational, I ask you to provide for these specific things…

Lord, I know that I am not alone in these sufferings and trials. Some of our community’s experiences of loss or hardship are fresh, while others have healed by your grace and with your help. Hardships are not a surprise in this life, for even Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble, but take heart for I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). Thank you for providing others for the journey. So, Lord, I turn my prayer to focus on the needs of others – family members, friends, and our brothers and sisters in our community and world. I lift them up to you now and add my specific requests…..

Gracious Father, you are our refuge and our strength, you are an ever-present help in trouble. Because of these truths, I will not be afraid, even if my circumstances and my losses feel as if the earth is giving way or the mountains have fallen into the sea. Help me to be still and know that you are God, that you have my whole life in your hands (Psalm 46). Lord, as I sit before you now in these next moments, I want to simply rest in your presence. And since I know that relationship with you is a two- way street, Lord, is there anything else you would like to say to me personally, right now? I am listening.

Thank you for hearing my prayers, Lord. I love you. Amen.

7 Scripture Meditation We often forget that reading scripture is an opportunity for the Living God to speak directly to us. We encourage you to approach this time of scripture reading as if you are listening for what God wants to say to you today. To guide you in this reading you will spend about five minutes for each of the four movements: Read, Meditate, Pray, & Be.

Read this passage a few times slowly with a moment of silence between each reading. Listen for what words or phrases catch your attention today.

But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my [Jesus] name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

John 14:26-27 (ESV)

Meditate on the words or phrases that you noticed. How would you define the word or phrase? What significance does that word or phrase have for your life currently?

Pray as you talk to God about this passage and what you have noticed and meditated. If you have questions about it, ask specifically for understanding. What response do you have to offer to the Lord based on what you read? Thanks? Confession? Request for help?

Be still for a few minutes and simply enjoy God’s presence with you.

Well Done! This can be done with any short scripture passages.

A few more suggestions... » Psalm 62 » Psalm 46 » Matthew 11:28-30

» Psalm 139 » Psalm 131 » Phil 4:6-8

8 9 Understanding THE GRIEF PROCESS

Grief is a normal process of life that helps us to work through the emotions we feel in response to a loss. Everyone grieves differently and there is no set time frame for grieving a loss. Typically, people will experience stages of grief although not necessarily in a linear fashion: denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. It is important to acknowledge the grief experience in order to get through the process. Avoiding feelings associated with grief will only postpone it.

While individuals grieve differently, some common symptoms are feeling drained, unable to sleep, forgetfulness, change in appetite, physical distress (eg. Headaches, nausea), staying busy to avoid feeling, excessive eating or watching TV, dreaming about deceased, being withdrawn, lonely, or apathetic, and frequent crying.

While it is common to distance oneself during this time, it is important to stay connected to a few people who you can talk with while journeying through the grief process – it will make all the difference. Finally, grief will likely bring about questions about God and faith to the surface. It is important to remember that no emotion or question is off limits in a conversation with God. Our pastors are available if needed. Visit eastview. church/careappointments to schedule an appointment.

Talking with Children about Death Children need to know as many details as they ask. Depending on the age of the child, they will ask more or less questions related to the death of their loved one. It is important to use straight forward words with children, like dead, died, buried and cremated.

Try to avoid describing the deceased as asleep, on a long trip that they won’t return from, or that God was lonely for that person. These descriptions may create fears regarding sleep or travel of another loved one, and can affect how they understand God. It is helpful for children to see the adults in their life grieve, too. This will help them feel that they have permission to share their feelings, thoughts, and memories of their loved one when needed. 10 11 Suggestions FOR ONGOING SOUL CARE

Breath Prayers When we combine this natural pattern of breathing with a passage of scripture, it can become a powerful reminder of God’s presence and sustaining life at work in us and in our lives. Breath prayers are meant to be brief so that they can be repeated throughout the day. Deep breaths are also helpful to bring calming relief when experiencing anxiety and grief – deep breath in, long breath out.

Adele Calhoun gives some examples in her Spiritual Disciplines Handbook (2015), but you have freedom to cultivate your own from scripture on your heart currently, or a characteristic of God you want to focus on:

» Breath in “Abba,” breath out, “I belong to you.” (Gal 4; Romans 8) » Breath in “Healer,” breath out, “Speak the word and I shall be healed.” (Luke 7:7) » Breath in “Shepherd,” breath out, “Bring home my lost son.” (Luke 15) » Breath in “Lord,” breath out, “Here I am.” (1 Samuel 3) » Breath in “Jesus,” breath out, “Have mercy on me.” (Mark 10)

12 When Great Trees Fall

And when great souls die, after a period peace blooms, slowly and always irregularly. Spaces fill with a kind of soothing electric vibration. Our senses, restored, never to be the same, whisper to us. They existed. They existed. We can be. Be and be better. For they existed. ~ Maya Angelou ~ Journaling Questions The very motion of writing by hand is a powerful and healing way to process thoughts and emotions. Journaling can be done through writing out a story of a loss, but it can also be as simple as a list. As you begin to journal, notice your thoughts and emotions. This is only between you and God, so be as honest and straightforward as you can. Here are some questions to help you get started:

1. What are the losses you have experienced in the last year, 6 months, month (pick a time frame to narrow your thoughts)? What are you mourning? 2. Who are you mourning with? 3. What are your questions to God about these losses? 4. What is your next step right now in caring for yourself? What is your next step in moving forward?

One Minute Pause We need to cultivate spaces of pausing to allow ourselves to transition from major changes and losses in life. The pace of our world will not make the space for us, but in order to grieve well, we need to give ourselves this grace.

John Eldredge developed an app called the “One Minute Pause” that helps you to develop the habit of pausing in your day to spend a moment with God and unload your burdens to him in prayer. While not specifically created as a grief resource, it helps with the need for space to process.

Care for Your Body Remember the basics. The care of our bodies is so important. Do your best during this time of grief to get 8 hours of sleep, move your body (take walks/exercise), eat nourishing food, and address any health problems that come up.

Private Worship Songs have a way of bringing emotion to the surface without necessarily requiring our thoughts to assist. Also, songwriters have beautifully captured the common feelings we share in grief. What songs have you found yourself drawn to in this season? Are there any songs you are avoiding? If so, why? What helps and what hurts? 14 It can be helpful to make a playlist that includes music that aligns with what you believe about God even if you have a hard time trusting that belief while you grieve. Here are a few suggestions:

» It is Well (You Make Me Brave) – Bethel Music » Take Me to the King – Tamela Mann » Be Still My Soul (Hymn) – Katharina Amalia Dorothea von Schlegel » ‘Til We Meet Again – Kirk Franklin » Thy Will Be Done – Hillary Scott » Still in Control – Mac Brock 15 Resources

Grief Care Group

This is a campus-based, supportive small group that addresses the stages of grief and loss from a Biblical perspective and provides an environment for emotional and spiritual growth.

For more information about Grief Care, contact: caregroups@eastview. church

Short Books Ideal For The First Six Months » Experiencing Grief, by H. Norman Wright — short and basic grief knowledge » Through a Season of Grief, Grief Share Devotional — readings are one page in length » I Wasn’t Ready to Say Good-bye: Surviving, coping and healing after the sudden death of a loved one, by Pamela Blair & Brook Noel — not a Christian resource, but gives some validation to dynamics of sudden loss that are different from those that had chances to say good-bye.

Books For Later » Through the Eyes of a Lion, by Levi Lurko » A Grace Disguised: How the soul grows through loss, by Jerry Sittser — this is a good book for those who are helped by the story of another. Sittser is candid about his own experience with traumatic, sudden loss and his journey with God through the grief process. » Getting to the Other Side of Grief: Overcoming the loss of a spouse, by Susan Zonnebelt-Smeenge & Robert C. De Vries — this one comes recommended by other members of ECC who have lost a spouse, but it is better for later in the grief process.

16 17 Books On Helping Children Grieve » It’s Okay to Cry: A parent’s guide to helping children through the losses of life, by H. Norman Wright — this book helps give parents an understanding of how their children may be reacting to and dealing with a loss and helpful strategies in navigating the grief process in a healthy way. The chapter titles and sections are laid out in a way that allows you to skip them if they do not apply. » Someone I Love Died, by Christine Harder Tangvald — A classic that helps children understand grief and loss with age-appropriate words and biblical truth. It includes resources for children as well as for adults, including ways to create a memory book of the loved one’s life. » The Invisible String, by Patrice Karst — This book addresses children’s fear of being apart from someone they love and discusses being connected to the ones we care about through love (the invisible string). Can be used to talk about all kinds of separation, not limited to death.

Care Appointments

Connecting to others for prayer and encouragement as you process your grief can be especially helpful. The pastoral staff at Eastview welcomes the opportunity to hear stories about your loved one, pray with you, and offer guidance on your next steps. Care appointments are scheduled during office hours Monday - Thursday. To schedule a Care Appointment, visit eastview. church/careappointments.

18 Christian COUNSELORS

When grief is prolonged or complicated, it can impact the way we function in our daily lives. Professional Counselors can help individuals and families navigate the complexities of grief and offer healing through their added expertise. Here are a few options in Bloomington/Normal, IL.

Agape Counseling 309.663.2229 agapecounselors.net Tonya L. Bassett Counseling 309.831.9558 tonyalbassettcounseling.com Integrity Counseling 309.827.9100 integrityhelps.org Phil Foster or Sarah Cain Psychology Specialists 309.706.3190 psychologyspecialists.com Truth in Love Counseling 309.585.0241 truthinlovecounseling.com Dawn Zywiec Professional Counseling, LLC 309.706.6445 19 Gather Me Now

O God, gather me To be with you as you are with me. Keep me in touch with myself, With my needs, my anxieties, my angers, my pains, my corruptions, that I may claim them as my own rather than blame them on someone else.

O Lord, deepen my wounds Into wisdom; Shape my weakness Into compassion; Gentle my envy Into enjoyment, My fear into trust, My guilt into honesty.

O God, gather me To be with you As you are with me.

~ Ted Loder ~ Guerrillas of Grace

1500 N. Airport Rd. | Bloomington, IL 61761 401 Union St. | Bloomington, IL 61701 www.eastview.church