May 2012 www.LeaderExcel.com

Art of Living

Eileen McDargh Engineering Consultant Happiness Personal Resiliency Practice Extreme Resiliency

Personal Excellence Personal Excellence The Magazine of Personal Leadership

w w w . L e a d e r E x c e l . c o m INSPIRATIONAL• RESILIENCY Part of Your Personal Resiliency Redefine it for turbulent times.

Plan and by Eileen McDargh Performance System ONSIDER SOME EVENTS OF THIS DECADE: The very opportunity of personal and organization- Cstock market gyrates with unpredictable al growth. In a constantly changing world, and heartburning results. Icons of companies returning to old habits, old structures, and old become straw figures before balance sheets. behaviors can actually be counter-productive. Children are abducted from their front yards Second, Webster’s definition implies that and networks of terrorists spiral throughout resilience is needed only in times of stress, crisis the world. Religious institutions cast shadows or bad situation. Not so. of duplicity while El Nino brings strange fish I define resilience as the capability to GROW to the California coasts. Out-of-control fires THROUGH adversity or opportunity to become gulp huge swaths of Texas. Tornadoes rip wiser, stronger and able to create a sustainable through the Midwest and future. Now, add the word radi- South. A tsunami of apocalyp- cal (meaning extreme). Extreme tic proportions devastates the resiliency means you are willing northeast coast of Japan. to turn right when everyone else It’s enough to cause us to turns left. It implies courage, ten- stand like the proverbial deer in acity, and taking the uncharted headlights, mutter the sky is falling, course. It also means listening or else spring into action. The deeply to your inner voice rather latter would be fine, but it’s often than the chorus surrounding you. a knee-jerk response based on 2. Develop adaptability by what we’ve done in the past. finding multiple responses to any The trouble is that the present situation. It is foundational for doesn’t look like the past. resilience and rests upon your Whether you’re leading a ability to challenge old ways of Fortune 100 company, a small department, or doing things, to actively seek different view- an enterprise of one—whether you are trying points, to beware of sacred cows, and to know to reinvent your career, launch a new product, that solutions can come from anywhere or any one. or juggle the demands of aging parents and Adaptability requires you to challenge com- children, resiliency skills have never been more mon knowledge. The critical questions are: important. So, seek radical resiliency. Why? What if? and Who said so? 1. Define the terms. Throw dictionary defin- When a leader and her followers begin to itions away. In 1824, Webster defined resilience ask why something happens a specific way and as: “the capability of a strained body to recov- dig at least five layers down, many startling er its size and shape after deformation caused discoveries can be made. For example, years especially by compressive stress.” That defini- ago Ameritech had an employee who spent tion works for explaining metal but not for the three days a month creating an extensive report mettle of people. This definition gives rise to the for wide distribution. Then the question was popular two-word definition: “Bounce back.” asked, Why are we doing this—who reads it? They No! Not! Never! Going back to an original discovered that few read it, and of those who state might feel comfortable but it denies the did, only a few pages were relevant.

INSIDE RAKESH SARIN FARZANNA HAFFIZULLA RICK RODGERS Engineering Happiness ...... 3 Success Mindset ...... 8 Organize Finances...... 12 JIM SMITH, JR. RON WHITE TODD PATKIN Average or Awesome? ...... 4 Memory Magic ...... 8 Teen Well-Being...... 13 KARUNA CAYTON ALLYSON LEWIS RICK KIRSCHNER Emotional Mastery...... 4 Seven Minutes...... 9 Resolve Grudges ...... 14 KEN KEIS JOEL MANBY VICKIE MILAZZO Personal Style...... 5 Lead with Love...... 10 Revive and Renew ...... 14 DONALD ALTMAN JASON WOMACK LES HEWITT Gratitude for Food...... 6 Mission Complete!...... 10 Power of Focus...... 15 MARSHALL ULRICH ERIN BOTSFORD MARK PITSTICK Crazy Men...... 6 Bank on Yourself...... 11 Why You’re Here ...... 16

The Magazine of Life LeadershipPAUL K. CHAPPELL BARRY EISEN May 2012 CRAIG GURIAN Personal Excellence Art of Living...... 7 Wealth Creation...... 12 Cultural Values...... 16 Courage comes into play when you own 4. Develop the skill of laugh-ability. Victor up to your reluctance to look for personal Borge said, “Laughter is the shortest distance Volume 17 Issue 5 and professional blind spots. The person you between two people.” It is also the shortest dis- Personal Excellence is published monthly by don’t want to listen to might be the very tance between your brain and your body. The Executive Excellence Publishing, LLC (dba person with that one critical idea. Might I ability to find humor and generate a sense of Leadership Excellence), 1806 North 1120 West, suggest that you look for guide dogs. Guide playfulness actually increases creativity. Provo, UT 84604. dogs lead the blind safely through many life Laughter separates the serious from the triv- Editorial Purpose: Our mission is to promote personal and professional development based on situations and often, despite the owner’s ial, the trite from the tremendous. constructive values, sound ethics, and timeless insistence, refuse to do certain things since Recall the Chilean mine disaster. Against principles. the guide dog sees or senses danger. Every all odds, these men survived, adaptability Basic Annual Rate: organization has people who see what is (multiple rescue methods and listening to US $59 one year (12 issues) US $119 two years (24 issues) happening. Sadly, management can be too many experts) and agility were paramount. Corporate Bulk Rates (same address) removed to ask for input. One operator at a And they also employed laugh-ability, or at US $30 each per year for 5 to 25 steel plant was near retirement and had least a way to keep a sense of humor about US $20 each per year for 26 and up *Ask about logo and custom editions and many ideas to improve the plant but said this very serious predicament. When a cam- foreign bulk rates. management was not interested in talking to him. era was lowered into the mine, one miner Article Reprints: Adaptability also requires a change of heart, gave a tour of their “home”, showing a table For reprints of 100 or more, please contact an ability to work on intelligent optimism, where they played cards and held meetings. the Editorial Department at 1-801-375-4060 or email [email protected]. reframing what is possible. For example, a At the end of the video, the trapped men Back Issues (print): US $25 road crew drilling through a mountain dis- burst into a hearty rendition of the national Permission PDF: US $100 covered a fresh water spring that could anthem. In short, the men took control where Submissions & Correspondence: wreck havoc in trying to complete the road. they could, added some spirit to the horror Please send any correspondence, articles, letters to the editor, and requests to reprint, However, this company decided to divert the of being trapped, and—as a waiting world republish, or excerpt articles to Editorial spring and sell bottled water while discovered, kept everyone alive Department, Personal Excellence, 1806 finishing the road. That’s reframing. until rescue. North 1120 West, Provo, UT 84604, or email: [email protected] Pauline just lost her husband Play belongs in the realm of Customer Service/Circulation: Bill, a brilliant nuclear physicist, laugh-ability. It was the jester of old For customer service, or information on who could not even form coherent who spoke the truth in a non-threat- products and services, call 1-877-250-1983 sentences because of the ravages of ening way by using humor and or email: [email protected] Alzheimer’s. Pauline’s comment play. Free-form play and improvi- Internet Address: www.LeaderExcel.com was, “At least he is at peace, and sation not only break barriers but Executive Excellence Publishing Ken Shelton, CEO, Editor-in-Chief his brilliant brain might offer some open up a world of potential ways Sean Beck, Circulation Manager clues for researchers.” Reframing. to handle situations. Play is the Marketing Offices: Adaptability is about thinking and feeling. exultation of the possible—Martin Buber. Leadership Excellence Agility, on the other hand, is about action 5. Develop the skill of alignment. In 2008, I 1806 North 1120 West Provo, UT 84604 and movement. trekked a portion of the remote western 1-877-250-1983 3. Develop the skill of agility. Agility is Indian Himalayas, visiting villages as well as 1-801-375-4060 the ability to move quickly and easily. It ancient monasteries. These still-standing Contributing Editors Bob Davies, Michelle Gall, Judith Glaser, Joan implies nimbleness, flexibility and speed. It structures, looking fragile in a terrain of rock Marques, Brian Tracy, Denis Waitley is one thing to intellectually create multiple and stone scoured by wind, rain and snows, Copyright © 2012 Executive Excellence actions. It is another thing to move forward. have survived because of one thing: they are Publishing. No part of this publication may be Action is the antidote for anxiety. built on bedrock. The main buildings are lined reproduced or transmitted in any form without written permission from the publisher. The trick is to move wisely. Analysis paral- up on the strongest part of the mountain. Quotations must be credited. ysis might take over. Instead, resilient people To remain standing, humans too need figure out what small steps can gain a bedrock. As Viktor Frankel stated, “Man can foothold. There’s ample feedback while actions survive any what if he has a why.” Resilient are taken. Rewards center on the willingness people and individuals have a reason greater to act, to take risks, and to share results. than themselves for keeping on. Whether a Action also looks at physical action. In child to raise, a song to sing, a book to write, short, care of the human body. Exercise, or a community to protect, there is a sense sleep, and nutrition demand attention in that something or someone matters. That align- growing through challenge or opportunity. ment guides adaptability. Sometimes, the greatest step one can take is 6. Look for what energizes. The current to sleep. Refreshed, the mind has a better that flows through all these skills is human chance at being creative and innovative. energy. Energy is the result of meaningful Sometimes, when faced with a feeling of connections that add the spark of potential powerlessness, doing anything that gives a and possibility, the catalyst for forward sense of control can be immensely benefi- momentum. Think of this as a DNA molecule cial. One woman, when fired from her job of in which energy is the thread that weaves 30 years, created a network group at her through all four skills and, in turn, generates church for people looking for work. Another more energy as it crosses. PE company, caught in the recession, pulled em- Eileen McDargh is the CEO of McDargh ployees together to explore how costs could Communications, a Hall of Fame speaker, be cut without cutting people. Some employ- consultant and thought-leader in leadership. ees volunteered to work part time so those Visit www.eileenmcdargh.com. with less financial resources could continue. ACTION: Boost your personal resiliency.

2 May 2012 www.LeaderExcel.com EMOTIONALTITLE • HAPPINESS spending time with friends and family and listening to music we love—things that consistently make us happy. 3. Cumulative view of reality. We Engineering Happiness should recognize that the realty is not one truth out there. We have a choice in It’s tricky due to shifting expectations. how we interpret our reality. In a well- known parable, a traveler comes upon a by Rakesh Sarin raising children, for example, do not group of hard-at-work stone masons. He give them too much too fast. In organi- asks each in turn what he is doing. John HE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS zations such as those with call centers says, “I am constructing a wall.” But, Texplains the billions of or service employees, more frequent Paul says, “I am building a cathedral.” dollars spent each year on promotions associated with achieving Even though John and Paul are doing consumer goods—from cosmetics and some well-defined milestone or goal the same work, Paul sees a greater pur- fashion apparel to computers and new will improve employee satisfaction. pose and meaning in his daily work. cars. Who doesn’t want to be happy? Crescendo strategy is very similar to Happiness has a chance to blossom if But, happiness is elusive. Millionaires what is used in karate by awarding dif- we view reality as a cumulative good, living in huge luxurious houses are ferent color belts for progress. since this naturally produces a less-to- barely happier than Masai warriors in 2. Basic goods. Our equation sug- more perception. Progressing towards Kenya who live in huts. gests that new material aspirations goals, helping with causes that tran- Over the past 10 years, we’ve come arise as previous ones are satisfied, scend us, developing relationships are up with a set of laws that govern our making all of us work harder and ways to be happy by gradually filling happiness. These universal laws are sup- harder to see ourselves in exactly the the metaphorical bucket. In cumulative ported by findings from science, litera- same situation all over again: wanting activities, the gap between accumulated ture, and religion—they apply to all of something new. We face a sort of emo- reality and expectations ensures a con- us. For example, we are coauthors, but tional “global warming”, if we get used stant flow of happiness. Viewing reality were born and raised in India and Spain to consuming too much too soon, our in a cumulative way requires that you and reared in Hinduism and Catholicism. future happiness is put at risk. One typi- appreciate how far you’ve come, rather These differences cause us to perceive cal example is that of the children of than just what you’ve accomplished many things differently, but the laws of wealthy parents who are not able to today. To be happy, we should set goals happiness apply equally to both of us. keep up with the lifestyle they’ve (losing weight, writing a poem, prepar- From our laws of happiness, always known. When it ing for a marathon, or helping a charity) we derive this equation: comes to fame and fortune, and make progress towards these goals. HAPPINESS equals Reality beware: the equation pre- 4. Variety, novelty, and surprise. Yes, minus Shifting Expectations. dicts that your expectations variety is the spice of life, but variety by As we try to improve our will also rise and any gain in itself is not a primary source of joy; reality—by working harder happiness will be temporary. rather it is the novelty and surprise pro- so we can make more money, So, if expectations catch up duced by variety that drives joy. In a buy a bigger house, or drive with reality, is there an easy large meadow fertile with flowers in a fancier car—our expectations and foolproof way to be bloom, the variety is less noticed. In a shift. We are happy for a happy? Basic goods escape land of rocky hills, a spring of wildflow- while, but soon expectations this paradox, because expec- ers comes as an exquisite surprise. catch up with reality. At first tations for these goods do You can improve your happiness by blush this equation paints a gloomy pic- not fluctuate much and these are less seeking novel experiences. Try cooking ture. It is no wonder that some scientists susceptible to social comparison. a dish you’ve never made before, join a conclude: “Trying to be happier is as The treasure of happiness that is in Tai Chi session in the local park, or fly a futile as trying to be taller.” reach for most of us is found in basic kite with your kids. It doesn’t matter goods. The simplest example of a basic what it is; a new experience will make it Try Four Strategies good is food. We will always enjoy a memorable and generate happiness. But, I show you four strategies for meal when hungry. But basic goods are If you develop a wider/deeper inter- improving happiness: present everywhere in our life. How can est in things and life, you appreciate dif- 1. Less to more (crescendo). You we tell whether a good or experience is ferences more. If you look at an object in should plan your life carefully so that basic or not? a superficial way, you’ll need dramatic the gap between reality and expectations Ask yourself two questions: 1) If changes to satisfy you. stays the same or increases. The way to nobody knew I was buying or experi- The world is a giant playground offer- be happy is not just to have a lot, but to encing X, would I still want X? 2) Will I ing new challenges to overcome and new follow a crescendo strategy in life choic- enjoy X in the future, say five years adventures to experience. To be happy, es—less to more. On a small, short-term from now, as much as I do now? If the see each day as a new day full of hope. scale, this can be done on a vacation; answer is yes to both questions, then X We believe that happiness is a choice. Re- rather than immediately visiting the is a basic good for you. gardless of your circumstances, you can most spectacular museum or historic We can think of basic goods in three improve your level of happiness. PE site, save those experiences for the end categories: the needs of the body, the Rakesh Sarin is Paine Professor of Management at the of your trip. But as a philosophy of life, heart, and the mind. Food, health, shel- Anderson School of Management, UCLA, and co- you can work to organize the chapters ter, sex, and rest are the needs of the author with Manel Baucells of Engineering Happiness in your book of life from less to more body. Basic goods that meet the needs (Univ. of California Press). Visit www.ucpress.edu. (that is, follow a crescendo strategy). In of the heart and mind are things like ACTION: Engineer your own happiness. Personal Excellence May 2012 3 EMOTIONAL• POSITIVITY • Become the CEO of you (take care of mistake, then an apology is usually suffi- yourself, invest in yourself, protect cient to get things back on an even keel. yourself and take pride in yourself). However, if you made a choice, the only Average or Awesome? • Avoid fixing everyone’s problems or way to repair a relationship is by exhibit- It’s always your choice. trying to change someone. People are not ing true remorse and seeking forgiveness.” always going to do things the way • Take good notes on your conversations. by Jim Smith, Jr. you’d like them to. Their reality is differ- Get clarity. Miscommunication causes ent from your perception of them. confusion, confrontation and consternation. SAT IN MY OFFICE ONE EVEN- • Be proactive, not reactive. Challenges Awesome is a way of life—a mindset. Iing last year looking at my come with the territory, ironically, it You have to understand yourself before vision board for answers. My seems, when you’re on a roll. you can understand others. Get to the eyes scanned the words/pictures: FOTO • Keep showing up for life every day. core of what is preventing you from (focus on the outcome); TBT (thoughts My theory, as it relates to dealing with being awesome. To change and improve, become things); Obtain my PhD.; Finish the world each day, is: Wake up, get up, to move from average to awesome, the No Excuses book; Continue to serve show up, step up, then shake them up! become a life-long student and learner. God/Jesus; Ian (my six-year-old autistic • Own who you are. Stop making excuses When you feel awesome, you wel- son) will talk; Speak in Bangkok, India, (and conjuring up reasons) for your come challenge and change. PE Hong Kong, Malaysia and Europe; shortcomings. Own your stuff and con- Jim “Mr. Energy” Smith, Jr. is President/CEO JIM- Oprah Winfrey photo; a photo of a fin- front your demons. Stop blaming others. PACT Enterprises and author of The No Excuse Guide ished basement; and a picture of me at • Distinguish between choices and mistakes. to Success (Career Press). Visit www.jimpact.com. my From Average to Awesome book Notes Andy Andrews: “If you make a ACTION: Choose to feel and be awesome. signing. My iPod was playing music, but I didn’t hear it. I was determined to EMOTIONAL• MASTERY ing tension in your body. Then relax and stay positive, but the sting from a client’s release the tension. If you can, sit down decision to postpone a workshop still and make sure the spine is straight and smarted. I saw my book From Average to Emotional Mastery head bent. Close the eyes, put your Awesome on the shelf and picked it up. Develop your inner potential. hands on your lap or knees, and relax. I reread my book and rededicated my •Bstands for Breath. Bring your atten- life to being awesome. I promised myself by Karuna Cayton tion to your breath. Focus either on that I’d always expect success and con- your belly rising and falling or the sen- tinue to make lemonade out of the O DEVELOP YOUR INNER sation at the nostrils. If you are feeling lemons that come my way. I decided to Tpotential, you need to agitated or distracted, focus on your work on my mindset—to explore the cultivate your mindfulness belly. Your breath is your anchor through- thinking that was going on in my head. of your mental and emotional well- out every exercise. Focus on the breath. Was I ordering more from the awesome being by taking four steps. •Cstands for Counting. Now practice side of the life menu or the average side? Step 1: Realize that you have a choice! meditation by counting five exhalations A personal slump usually indicates that In every moment you choose how to direct in a row. You’ve now set up your lab for I’m spending too much time worrying your inner life. Usually you live in reactive learning and approaching the problem. and thinking about what I don’t have mode—you respond to things as they hap- Step 3: What’s going on? Identify and rather than what I do have. pen without considering your response. name the emotion arising. The emotion Today we easily allow our focus to Lacking a sense of inner con- might be huge—a rage—or become clouded and our vision impaired. trol, you tend to respond by faint irritation that nettles. We’ve become creatures of pessimism trying to control others. By Your reaction might be com- and negativity where the slightest hint being aware, you choose how plex, a mix of positive and of rain in the forecast has us rushing to to react, to take control of negative emotions arising out the grocery store to buy milk, bread, your emotional life, to take of conflicting desires or a water and a generator to weather the responsibility for your inner muddled confusion about the storm. When things go wrong we go reality. Your inner experience situation. Connect with your with them. We focus on everything but may be positive, mundane, or inner world and identify an awesome outcome. We focus on disturbing, but you’re in con- what’s going on. Without this what others think about us, on rumors trol of it. You have free will only if you knowledge, you can’t let go of or transform and innuendo, on what others say, on exercise it. You need to be convinced that your emotions or exercise your choice to blame and finding fault, on why the you can create something different for become a better and healthier person. project will fail, on why the interview yourself to be your best and happiest. Step 4: Take action. To unseat disturb- won’t go well, on why we won’t have a Knowing you can be free is liberating— ing emotions, take positive action, using productive day, on why we can’t win. easing the mind and bringing a smile. means that work for you. See disturbing We focus on everything but being pos- Step 2: Set up your lab. By fostering emotions as something external to your itive and expecting awesome results. present-moment awareness, you create a identity or sense of self. Objectify the If you’re going to the whine cellar with brief gap in your reactivity. You must emotion, thought, or feeling in your your whine list, consider these tips: now seize the chance to fill the gap with mind. By naming the emotion, you • Shift your mindset to ward off dis- something different than your habitual re- externalize it. You separate from it and tractions. Don’t respond to something sponse. Try reciting your ABCs (created end its influence over you. PE that you know is wrong or off-base or by Rasmus Hougaard for the Potential Karuna Cayton is a psychotherapist and author respond in a way that doesn’t prolong Project, a mindfulness training program): of The Misleading Mind (New World Library). the disagreement/conversation. Become •Astands for our Anatomy. Check the Visit www.thekarunagroup.com. mentally impenetrable. state of your body to see if you’re hold- ACTION: Master emotions to realize potential. 4 May 2012 www.LeaderExcel.com PHYSICAL• STYLE sions are made for the way you will teractions with people. Knowledge helps interact with the stimuli. provide the tools to limit the strain you • Interaction. You interact with the en- experience in your relationships and Personal Style vironment when you stop observing the provides ways to maximize the highs. stimuli and become involved with it. As 3. Tasks. You work to accomplish the What is this anyway? interaction occurs, new information is various developmental tasks of life. You recorded and distorted, and new per- must work if you want to get anywhere by Ken Keis ceptions formed that influence your in life. Without work, you could not get approach and interactions. This engage- dressed, feed yourself, build shelters ANY FACTORS MAKE UP ment occurs subconsciously most of the from the weather, create new products Myour personality and time, but you can become aware of your to use, or learn. Tasks in daily living are personal style. Your personal Personal Style, intentionally manage it ongoing. Some are repetitious and time- style is that part of your personality that and make it work for you, not against consuming, but you must do them. You is predicable because it forms a baseline you. Understanding your style is critical often work hard to improve processes from which your life operates. to your personal success. and systems for making your efforts Underpinning your learned behavior more efficient. You create tools to assist is an anchor of personal preferences or Four Elements of Style with your tasks so that your work personal style—your innate predisposi- Again, Personal Style is your natural becomes easier and can be done faster. tion to behave in certain ways. Your predisposition to perceive, approach, and You use tools for work, shifting the bur- Style is reflected in your tendency to interact with the environ- den of your tasks to them prefer, despite other influences, a partic- ment (time, people, tasks, when possible. Your technol- ular manner of perceiving, approaching, and situations). You deal ogy tools can help with tasks and interacting with your environment with those elements daily, so yet leave you longing for (with time, people, tasks, and situations). let’s examine each. days when you were less It affects the way you experience, sense, 1. Time. You have a finite reliant on them. and see any situation and what captures amount of time in each day, 4. Situations. These con- your attention. Your Style influences week, and year. You can’t sist of time, people, and your plans, approaches, and strategies; speed it up or slow it down. tasks. They constitute both what you want to achieve from a situa- You must choose what you the specific and the general tion; and where you place the most value. will do—and not do—with conditions of your life, Personal Style is not the same as per- your fixed supply of time. which begins and ends in a sonality! Personal Style is part of your Time can influence your decision-mak- cluster of situations. For example, you personality. The two are connected, but ing and generate high anxiety when are born on a certain date into a unique not identical. Your Personal Style pro- important matters are at stake. Your family, which generally includes parents vides your foundation and the way you daily tasks of commuting to work, get- and relatives at a particular level of soci- prefer to engage your environment. ting all the chores done, and fulfilling ety, in a specific location. In that regard, weekly obligations can wear on you. some people are extremely fortunate but Understanding Self and Others On your way to an appointment, you we all must learn to deal with the cir- Your Style has a pervasive influence may run into a friend and become cumstances at hand. on your personality and behavioral oblivious to the fact that you will be You can’t pass through life and not choices. The term natural predisposition late for your meeting, since the relation- engage the daily activities in front of means you are born with tendencies ship is more important than time. you. You might get the promotion you that form part of your personality. Some 2. People. To some degree, you learn always wanted but then struggle to han- call it temperament or personality type. I how to live, work, and get along with dle the extra responsibilities and man- call it Personal Style—the part of your many different people. Interacting with age the additional time stress. Marriage personality that dominates the way you people can be very rewarding. However, can either enhance the relationship or perceive, think, decide, behave, and interact. your interactions can create stress and threaten your personal peace and calm- • Perception. You perceive what is tension since you have to satisfy needs, ness. Events affect you in various ways going on around you by gathering and wants, and values other than your own. for different reasons. Many factors influ- interpreting the information supplied That dynamic begins when you are ence how you choose to cope with the by your senses. Perception is the inter- young, in your family of origin, and four elements, but in any circumstance, pretation of what you record. You give continues to affect you as you age, in your Personal Style will exert the greatest personal meaning to the information social situations such as school and the influence on how you handle the four that enters your brain, thus making the workplace. The dynamic doesn’t stop central elements in your life. data subjective rather than objective. when you marry and have children or You have strong preferences for how • Approach. Using your Style filter (or acquire them in a blended family. As a you juggle time constraints, satisfy the bias), you decide how to approach the parent, you have many enjoyable mo- demands of other people, achieve daily environment. Approach includes both ments with your children. Each child is tasks, and address opportunities and moving away from certain people and special and can add much love, joy, and challenges. Together, those preferences things, and moving toward others. It also delight to your life. Children also can constitute your Personal Style. PE includes not doing anything—remaining add challenges. You can become unglued Ken Keis is an authority on assessment strategies in an observation position. While you when interacting with a headstrong and author of Why Aren’t You More Like Me? and co- are behaving in those various modes, four-year-old or a self-willed teenager. created CRG’s proprietary development models. Call you continue to record information and Relationships can be draining or gratify- 604-852-0566, email [email protected] or visit perceive what the data means to you ing. Depending on your Personal Style, www.whyarentyoumorelikeme.com. personally. As that happens, new deci- you’ll be somewhat effective in your in- ACTION: Understand your personal style. Personal Excellence May 2012 5 PHYSICAL• FOOD connected to your feelings, body, and relationship with food, as we try to bring the world. You can awaken to the deeper our physical selves into harmony with purpose of food, and to the desires and our spiritual nature. It’s not always easy, Gratitude for Food cravings you have for it. You begin to so invite your inner hospitality rather appreciate with a sense of gratitude, all than being critical of yourself. Create a peaceful relationship. the ways that food interacts with you. 3. Awareness of a food relationship Observing and understanding your can shed light on other life relationships. by Donald Altman relationship with food has 3 advantages: If you continually skip meals or eat fast 1. It provides awareness of your eat- food, you might ask: What other things O YOU EVER FIND YOUR- ing patterns and behaviors. I often ask in life am I skipping over or indulging in Dself at war with food and people: How do you tend to eat in the like a fast food meal? eating? Are you tired of liv- morning or evening? Do you skip meals To nurture a new relationship with ing in a battle zone? Are you exhausted or do you eat mindlessly at night? Do food, start with gratitude. A grateful rela- from trying to control your food intake? you use food as a reward, or as a way to tionship with food enables you to enter a If so, try shifting your focus from signal others for attention? Only by pay- more forgiving place in which to lighten control to gratitude. The word gratitude ing attention can you begin to change up and smile as you savor this meal. PE derives from the Latin word gratitudo, course and envision a healthier path. Donald Altman, author of One-Minute Mindfulness, The meaning being thankful and pleasing. It is 2. Knowing your food relationship gen- Mindfulness Code, and Meal-by-Meal (New World closely connected to the word grace, that erates compassion toward yourself and Library), is a Mindfulness Coach and psychotherapist. short blessing or prayer before or after all who struggle with food. Compassion Visit www.OneMinuteMindfulnessBook.com. the meal. In this sense, gratitude is a spir- means to be with suffering. We all have a ACTION: Express gratitude for your food. itual practice that can profoundly change your relationship with your meal. PHYSICAL• QUEST for another, it may be a guys’ getaway Gratitude centers on the little things in Baja, Mexico; and for another, it may that you tend to overlook. The Japanese be watching a show about Bigfoot. tradition of The Way of Tea, for example, Crazy Men • Respect that thing you think is silly appreciates all the objects used in mak- What can a wife do? or risky or dangerous, as it can bring ing and drinking the tea—the delicate out the best in both of you. It isn’t anti- bamboo whisk, the iron teakettle, and by Marshall Ulrich feminist to embrace the dreams and the beautifully designed teacups—with aspirations of men who want to test a sense of thankfulness and gratitude. ’VE CLIMBED THE HIGHEST their mettle, whether that’s in sport, Try practicing gratitude now by sim- Imountains, set records in business, finance, or any classically ply looking around the room or space the toughest and longest male area of contest. This also applies that you inhabit. Is there a color or an footraces, and clocked the third-fastest to men who want to explore the arts object that you find pleasant or that you time ever recorded when I ran across and other creative pursuits. Most men can appreciate? Find something, and America. I credit my wife, Heather, like to succeed, no matter their particu- then see if you can feel a sense of gratitude with the inspiration and support I lar interest. Support them in it. for this object. Someone created it or put needed to finish this crossing at age 57. • Make it a reciprocal arrangement, it in the room so you could enjoy it. This What if your man wants to do some- where both partners commit to seeing brews up some instant gratitude! thing ‘crazy’? At age 57, I went 3,063 the other become the fullest versions of You can bring this same approach to miles on foot, running about themselves. If you can find it the food you eat. Noticing something 60 miles a day for 52 days, in your heart to encourage pleasing about your meal—such as the from San Francisco to New him in something you’d oth- colors or smell of the food—invites grat- York City, trying to break a erwise ignore or even dis- itude. Or, you might be grateful for all world record set by a man miss, he can do the same for the energy that went into this food: the half my age. Ultimately I set you. Who knows what you water, sunlight, nutrients from the soil, two new records, completing might accomplish together? and the people who planted, cultivated, the third fastest trans- I’ve logged three decades and made the food available for you. American crossing in history. of athletic accomplishments Gratitude can make a big difference in Being married to a guy so in extreme endurance sports. your day. Gratitude is powerful enough driven to extremes requires a strength I began running ultra distances in my to reduce depression and promote hap- of its own, a special brand of emotional 30s just after my first wife died. In my piness. So, spice up your meal with grati- endurance. My wife not only puts up 40s I set records on some of the world’s tude. Be aware of the blessings you have, with this craziness but embraces it as most difficult courses —winning the instead of focusing on deprivation or an essential part of me. How? Why? Death Valley Badwater Ultramarathon what’s missing. Gratitude is contagious. I met my current wife, Heather, late four times (still hold the record for the The more grateful you are for the food in life. She taught me to love again after 146-mile course). I’ll run it for the 18th you eat, the more mindful you become great personal tragedy and previous time in July with Heather’s support. each time you eat. Gratitude alone can marriages. I credit her with helping me As a couple, we’ve experienced more make your experience and connection to become a better man and completing than most people can comprehend— with food more meaningful and fulfilling. this record-setting transcontinental run. and we now insist that you are capable By engaging in gratitude, you change Here are three tips for women in a of much more than you may think. PE your relationship with food. A relation- relationship with a “crazy” man: Marshall Ulrich is author of Running on Empty ship perspective changes the way you •Let men be men. Men need to express (Avery). Visit www.MarshallUlrich.com. look at food. Food ceases to be seen sim- themselves in unique ways. For one ply in terms of good or bad and becomes man, it may be running across the U.S.; ACTION: Seek support in your physical quests. 6 May 2012 www.LeaderExcel.com MENTALMENNTALLE• ACTIVISM we become more effective at the art of tation” only seemed to apply to the rich. waging peace. Because people waged How did so many Americans increase peace before us, I can write today. their liberties during the past two hun- Half white and half black, my father dred years? Did non-landowners fight a Art of Living was born in 1925 and grew up in war to obtain the right to vote? Did We’re not educated in this. Virginia during segregation and the women fight a war to get the right to Great Depression. The U.S. Army was vote? Did African Americans fight a war desegregated in the early 1950s, many to attain their civil rights? Did American by Paul K. Chappell years before segregation ended in the workers fight a war to gain their rights? South. This made a strong impression Was a war fought for child labor laws? HAT IS THE MOST DIFFI- on my father. During the 1940s and These victories for liberty and justice Wcult form of art? What 1950s, his belief that he only had were achieved because people waged art form is more challenging opportunity in the military was largely peace, but this is a part of our history than painting, sculpting, or playing any true. A hard worker who began pick- that many people do not remember. instrument? It’s the art of living. Living ing fruit when he was six years old to One of the most undemocratic things is certainly an art form. Roman philoso- earn extra income for his family, he I’ve ever heard is that the American pher Seneca explained: “There exists no fought in the Korean and Vietnam president is the leader of the free world. If more difficult art than living. In life, one wars and retired at the highest enlisted we understand the ideal of democracy, must continue to learn to live; and, what rank—a command sergeant major. we realize that the people are supposed to will amaze you even more, throughout My mother is Korean, and growing lead, and the president is supposed to life one must learn to die.” up in Alabama I also experienced some administer the people’s will. Although Just as we must learn any art, we racism. This reinforced the fears that we live in a representative democracy, we must also learn how to live. But unlike my father instilled in me. When I told still have methods to pressure our politi- other arts, the art of living transforms us my mother two years ago that I was cians to do what we want. The evidence into both the sculptor and the sculpture. leaving active duty, she said: “Are you shows that nothing will change for the We are the artist, and our life is the mas- out of your mind? Nobody will hire better unless Americans tell the presi- terpiece. Living is not only the most dif- you. It’s bad enough you look Asian, dent what to do. Ordinary citizens, not ficult, but also the most essential art but you’re also part black. Nobody is presidents, are the brightest visionaries form. Unfortunately our educational going to give a job to a black man who and the true engine of progress. system does not always teach us what is For example, Lyndon Johnson was essential. Before attending West Point, I not a strong advocate for civil rights was never taught in school how to over- when he became president, but he later come fear, aggression, or hatred. I was supported racial equality because Martin never taught how to develop courage, Luther King Jr. and other members of the compassion, and hope. I was never civil rights movement pressured him to taught how to listen, be a good friend, do so. Franklin Roosevelt was not a or have a healthy relationship. I was strong advocate for worker’s rights, never taught how to overcome adversi- which included child labor laws and a ty, question authority, or be an active five-day workweek, when he became member of our global family. president, but the worker’s rights move- West Point taught me some, but not looks Asian.” My parents did not tell ment changed his viewpoint. Woodrow all of these things. In addition to what I me lies. On the contrary, they told me Wilson opposed women’s equality when learned at West Point and in the army, I their truth. They were describing life as he became president, but he later sup- learned about the art of living from life they had experienced it and trying to ported the constitutional amendment experience and humanity’s greatest protect me from the suffering they that gave women the right to vote peacemakers. When people in a democ- endured. But as an adult I realized that because Alice Paul and other members racy are not educated in the art of liv- my racial background was no longer of the women’s rights movement pres- ing—to strengthen their conscience, the hindrance my parents believed it to sured him to do so. Abraham Lincoln compassion, and ability to question and be, and I owe my existence to the did not believe slavery was wrong when think critically—they can be easily power of social movements. he began his political career, but his manipulated by fear and propaganda. A America’s Founding Fathers rebelled views changed due to the influence of democracy is only as wise as its citizens, against Great Britain because they felt Frederick Douglass and other members and a democracy of ignorant citizens unfairly treated. They believed it was of the abolitionist movement. can be as dangerous as a dictatorship. unjust to be taxed or controlled without Just 200 years ago, most Americans Educator John H. Lounsbury said: the opportunity to participate in the supported slavery and segregation, and “Education, particularly in a democracy, political process. The motto “No taxa- women not being allowed to vote or own has to involve the heart as well as head, tion without representation” echoed property. How did we get here, and how attitude as well as information, spirit as their outrage and became a call to arms, can we change attitudes toward the well as scholarship, and conscience as leading to the American Revolution. other problems that threaten humanity? well as competence.” Through practic- But until the 1820s, fifty years later, less To find these answers we must practice ing the art of living we can all transform than 10 percent of the American popu- the art of living, and wage peace. PE our lives into the masterpiece of being lation could vote. Women could not Paul K. Chappell is the Peace Leadership Director for fully human. And by using the wisdom vote. African Americans could not vote. the Nuclear Age Peace Foundation, speaker, and author others share with us to light our path, And most white people could not vote of Peaceful Revolution: How We Can Create The Future we don’t have to paint in the dark. unless they owned land. In the early 19th Needed For Humanity’s Survival. When we practice the art of living, century “No taxation without represen- ACTION: Study the art of living and wage peace. Personal Excellence May 2012 7 MENTAL• MINDSET bies and other interests. Think about 5. Be humble. Never step on others to how your eventual goal will affect these get to the top; this will circle back to you. other “spheres” of your life and decide Remain humble and accept criticism in where you are able to compromise. It is stride. Winston Churchill once said, Success Mindset important to involve your significant “Criticism fulfills the same function as Take six steps in your quest. other in these talks to avoid surprises pain in the human body. It calls atten- and conflict. You must be pro-active in tion to an unhealthy state of things.” by Farzanna Haffizulla pursuit of your goals. If you continue to 6. Utilize self-reflection and re-evalu- be consistent, responsible and show an ation. Re-evaluate your happiness ther- T’S 2 A.M. ON A SATURDAY edge and insight unsurpassed by your mometer often to assess if you are where Imorning. You awake in a peers, you will shine and succeed. you want to be in life. Self-reflect, re- panic. Your body is pulsing 4. Be prepared. Prepare for surprise visit goals, talk and interact with others with electric jolts, and your mind is rac- scenarios that may interrupt your jour- who have achieved your goal, and learn ing! At this quiet hour, you wonder: Am ney toward your goal. This could be a from them. Be open to golden opportunity I where I want to be in life? Did I meet company upheaval or financial hiccup. to re-energize your career and goals. my professional and personal goals? Take these changes in stride, never los- Open your heart, draw strength from You close your eyes, and the image ing sight of your goal, but be open to within, and practice positive thinking. PE of who you imagined yourself to be is modifying your approach. If problems Farzanna Haffizulla is a speaker and expert in work-life vivid again. You awaken the next morn- arise, decide if you still want the same balance, and author of Harmony of the Spheres. Visit ing energized, ready to make this goals or alter them to suit your current www.BusyMomMD.us and www.housecallsmd.us. dream a reality! How do you continue situation. Your life is in your hands! ACTION: Cultivate a success mindset. to achieve your life goals? What is needed to create a mindset for success? MENTAL• MEMORY 1. Focus. Good nutrition and exercise As a working professional, juggling help you focus. Avoid excessive alcohol your family life, careers and community the night before a big meeting. As you activities, you face the question: are you Memory Magic walk toward someone, develop the happy with your status? Have you been habit of asking yourself, “What is their successful, and do you see more success Remember names and faces. name?” Asking this question twice ahead—and ultimately see yourself before you say hello focuses your brain. achieving all of your dreams and goals? by Ron White 2. Store the name. You need a location Six steps ensure personal happiness on their face to store the name. Observe and professional success and enable you HEN I WAS 18 YEARS the face and select a facial feature that to stay energized and focused on your Wold, I first heard the catches your eye: a scar, unique ears, big goals always adapting to new variables: Zig Ziglar quote, “People nose, distinctive eyes, bushy eyebrows, 1. Stay positive. Emanate strong pos- don’t care how much you know until beard, goatee, lips, wrinkles. This is itive energy from within. Drawing from they first know how much you care.” where you will mentally place the name. your inner strength and not depending At that time in my life I would read the- 3. Turn the name into a picture that on external sources of confidence build- ological books at night so I could debate you can see. Some examples are, Lisa = ing ensures a continuous supply of suc- and “win” the next day. This quote Mona Lisa, Steve = stove, Karen = carrot, cess fuel: positive energy. Meditation, helped me understand that Robert = robot, David = divot, reconnecting with your spirituality, self- my friends didn’t care how Kevin = cave in, Al = owl, reflection and engaging in activities much I knew until they first Albert = burnt owl, Gary = such as exercise, sports and a hobby of knew how much I cared. garage, Ron = run. your choice are ways to cultivate your Later in life I realized if I 4. With action and emo- inner sanctum of positive energy. You could remember names and tion, visualize the picture for may struggle to smile or stay happy faces, I could show people I their name on their distinc- during times of social or financial diffi- cared in a tangible way. This tive feature. If Steve has a big culty, but remember that everything makes an impact on both per- nose, imagine a stove cooking happens for a good reason. Live with- sonal and business levels. So, his nose. If Karen has pretty out regrets and allow life to teach you. I began developing my memory. Since eyes, visualize a carrot in her eyes. If Visualize and state your goals out loud. then, I’ve been a two-time Memory Gary has bushy eyebrows, imagine a Surround yourself with positive people. Champion and even held the record for garage closing on his eyebrows. 2. Maintain academic discipline. Treat the fastest to memorize a deck of cards. 5. Review, review, review. Observe your academic life with respect and pur- You can improve your memory—and and review your pictures often. When sue higher learning. This gives you an remember names and faces. Why try?, you are driving home, review; at the edge over others and allows you to find you ask. You shake someone’s hand and end of every day ask yourself, “Who an unexplored, untapped niche in your seconds later you look at them thinking, did I meet today?” Occasionally ask profession that can allow for great suc- “Wow . . . what is this person’s name?” yourself, “Who did I meet last week?” cess. Tailor your education to suit your This is not a memory problem (a healthy Invest a month in this process, and goals and align yourself with mentors brain does not forget a name in two sec- turn hundreds of common names into who can nudge you in the right direc- onds); rather, this is a focus problem. If pictures. With practice, you’ll soon tion and give you valuable experience. you were candid, you would turn to the remember names with ease. PE 3. Make a plan. Plan your goals and person and say, “When you told me your Ron White is a two-time USA Memory Champion. put them into action. Create a plan that name, I wasn’t even listening!” You won’t Visit www.brainathlete.com. factors in other aspects of your life that likely take that route. So how do you are important to you: family life, hob- get better at recalling names and faces? ACTION: Start remembering names and faces. 8 May 2012 www.LeaderExcel.com PROFESSIONALTITLE • GOALS what daily action steps you’ll take to create a more excellent life. To choose wisely which high-value activities you’ll do, use the 5 before 11 a.m. list. Each Seven Minutes afternoon write down the five highest value activities that you’ll emotionally Take action on insights. commit to achieving before 11 a.m. tomorrow. This exercise of clarifying, by Allyson Lewis the physical senses of sight, sound, smell, prioritizing, and writing down what touch and taste. It sees in pictures, it you say you want to do, and what you N ONLY SEVEN MINUTES A DAY steps back and looks at the 50,000 foot choose to do can transform your life. Iyou can clarify your goals, view. It’s less inhibited by time. The Average people say they will do things; improve your time strategies, right brain begs you to live in the men and women of excellence do what they and create a repeatable systematic process moment, to listen, to learn from new say they will do. It will take you less than to create a life with meaning. I ask you experiences, to try something from a seven minutes to create your 5 before 11 to take notes, distill what you read, and new perspective—it is almost childlike list each afternoon. Within a week you then process it into your understanding. in its willingness to take risk, abandon can accomplish 35 high-value activities, First, consider six thoughts: old ways of thinking, and enjoy life. within 90 days, you take 450 positive Thought 1: Limited capacity of time. I was challenged to realize the plu- steps forward in your life. By doing less, Every moment matters. When it comes rality in my life. For the last 30 years, I you can accomplish so much more! to time management, 24 hours is very had focused solely on improving my little time to squeeze in everything you left brain skill sets. As a business person, Five Personal Insights want to do. So, stop trying to squeeze author, and mom, I’m now choosing to As I reflected on what I would say to more into your life. I challenge you to do slow down and try to see things in the 75 college students, I wanted to give less. Clarify what is most important, and new and different ways. I want to feel them five insights that changed my life: focus intently, with complete concentra- life not just think about life. 1. Become a student devoted to con- tion, no distractions, and true effort on tinual learning. Become a reader. Go to accomplishing your high-value activities. the library and select a book. Commit to Thought 2: I vs. Me. Psychologist Dan read 10 pages a day of a book that can Holmes, Ph.D., helped me see why so change your life. many people lose touch with their soul. 2. Surround yourself with people who He shared an insight called humanplu- always bring out the best in you. rality and said in counseling sessions 3. Be challenged every day. The psy- that he often hears people say, “I felt chological concept of flow is that perfect sad when I let myself . . .” (I hear that moment of being able to love what you conversation daily in my own head). He do and still be challenged to reach just was saying that deep within us there beyond what you could do yesterday. are two different parts of each one of Thought 3: Push or pull. Be open to a 4. Recognize the need to balance life us—the “I” and the “me”. He described BIG shift from “pushing” for more pro- between your body, heart, mind and soul. the “I” as the soul—where you recon- ductivity—to being “pulled” by pur- We are physical, emotional, spiritual, nect with meaning and purpose and pose. We need time for destiny and and mental beings. These areas must what matters most, where you feel the meaning and hope. We need time for become more balanced. Compare the deepest longings of life. In contrast, he restoration and rest. We need time for amount of time you’d like to spend in refers to the me or myself as the mind. relationships and friendships and love. each area with how you actually spend Think of your mind as the operating Thought 4: Ask better questions. the minutes in your days. system of the brain—the chemical and Start with these seven questions: What 5. Know what you believe. What do electrical reactions that enable thinking was your life like yesterday? How did you you believe to be true in life? What are your to occur. The mind races ahead, con- feel when you woke up this morning? What core values, your deepest convictions? Life stantly pushing you from one activity to do you want most out of life? What drives is at times filled with happiness and joy. the next, trying to squeeze in just one you? Who would you like to be 90 days But it will also be filled with tragedy, more thing. The mind is judgmental, from today? What do you need to stop suffering, and surprise circumstances. often critical, always seeking more. doing? What would bring your life happi- These are days you need to have faith in Why does plurality exist? There are ness and more meaning? I’m not sure it what you believe. You need to know in two different parts of the human brain. matters that you have answers—seek- your gut what you believe in. The left hemisphere is seen as logical, lin- ing answers may be the vital lesson. Action Step. Create your 5 before 11 a.m. ear, detail-oriented, and sequential. It is Thought 5: Every decision matters. list for tomorrow. What five projects, assumed that the left brain takes the The impact of every decision you make tasks, or activities will you commit to lead in planning, establishing goals, and will ripple through your life. From the complete before 11 a.m. tomorrow? setting budgets. It craves the familiar, tiniest decisions of what you eat, to how Action Step. If you spoke to 75 col- the routine, over trying something new. much sleep you get each night, to how lege students, what thoughts, insights, About 96 percent of people are left- much water you drink. From taking and action would you share? PE brain dominant—the left brain depicts care of your body and mind to choos- Allyson Lewis is a TiME™ Strategist, speaker and the “me” or the “mind.” ing to rest—every decision matters. author of The 7 Minute Solution (Free Press). Visit The right brain is viewed as the soul Thought 6: Use a 5 before 11 a.m. list. www.The7MinuteLife.com. or the I in life. It is artistic, flowing, To grow and change, you can’t just emotional, and experiences life through think about excellence—you must choose ACTION: Take 7 minutes for these action steps. Personal Excellence May 2012 9 PROFESSIONAL• LOVE achieve profits by consistently doing the sible, and avoid overruling decisions that right thing for customers and employees, have been made. Leading with love isn’t over and over again. possible if you don’t trust people. Lead with Love Here are three ways to start embrac- 3. Share it forward. If you are blessed ing the concept of leading with love: with resources, pass it on or share it for- It transforms people. 1. Take time to encourage. Thank the ward. Give properly of your time and people who help you get where you resources and be a steward of giving. At by Joel Manby want to go. Encourage the behavior you HFE, our Share It Forward Foundation want to see and recognize it to reinforce creates loyalty and passion by helping Y CORE PHILOSOPHY IS it. Start the day writing encouraging people in need, leading to a motivated Mleading with love. notes to put yourself in a positive frame workforce and satisfied guests. Despite the principle’s of mind. Kindness in the context of lead- Leading with love can start by simply potency, I didn’t learn about leading with ing with love begins with you—encour- saying thank-you, or asking for people’s love at Harvard while earning my MBA agement and enthusiasm start with you. opinions, and then listening to what or during my 20-plus years in leader- 2. Place true confidence in people. they have to say. Embrace leading with ship at GM, Saturn and Saab. I learned Trusting people is the best way to build love—and reap the benefits. PE it in the theme parks industry. their confidence. To show people that you Joel Manby is the CEO of Herschend Family When I became CEO at Hershend trust them, listen without interrupting, Entertainment and author of Love Works: Seven Timeless Family Entertainment 12 years ago, Jack ask for input when making major deci- Principles for Effective Leaders (June 2012). and Peter Herschend, and their team, sions that effect them, let others make taught me about leading with love. It’s the decisions for which they are respon- ACTION: Lead with love to transform people. why our company has experienced suc- cess in a down economy, achieving 14 PROFESSIONAL• PRODUCTIVITY Here’s how to know when you’re done: percent return annually over 10 years. • Stop majoring in the minors. Com- Treating people with love, regardless plete easy tasks quickly and efficiently. of how you feel about them, is powerful. Mission Complete! Before you start your work day, identi- Such love is the basis for all healthy relation- fy your high- and low-leverage activities. ships, bringing out the best in ourselves and Know when you’re done. Move through low-leverage activities others. It can make us great spouses, par- quickly and do major tasks justice. ents, friends—and leaders. by Jason Womack • Don’t overwrite emails. Keep your Too often, when we read the word emails short and sweet. Get to the point love, we think about romantic love. I’m F YOU FEEL LIKE YOU BARELY quickly and use action verbs in subject talking about love, the verb, not the Iskim the surface of what lines so that both you and the recipient emotion—about actions, not feelings. you should have achieved know what needs to happen. I’m referring to behaviors that build on any given day, I have a secret for • Quit over-staying at meetings and on healthy relationships with others, you. When you learn to “know when conference calls. These tend to take as regardless of how you feel about them. you’re done” with projects, tasks, and long as you allot for them. Note how The English language only has one everything the work day throws at you, much of a meeting is focused on key word for love. The Greek language has you’ll free up more time to focus on matters, and allot time accordingly. four: eros, philos, storage, and agape. For those things that truly matter. Know the goals of a meeting or call work purposes, agape, is appropriate. The curse for many movers beforehand so you can get Agape love is unconditional. I think and shakers is never having the right to the point. of agape as a verb, not an emotion. It is time to do everything that needs • Set your deadlines and stick deliberate love that is the result of choic- doing. Even when productive, to them. It’s easy to get side- es and behaviors, rather than feelings you encounter distractions. tracked by things you think and emotions. Hence, agape love is But you’ll accomplish much you should do or things others about the values we embrace as a way more each day when you think you should do. Having a of life—behavior that stems from our learn to recognize and self-imposed deadline will regard for others, regardless of how we acknowledge when you’re help you ignore distractions. may feel about them. Showing agape done with what you’re doing. If a person calls about a non- love is about behavior, not emotion. Working long hours doesn’t make up urgent task, let him know you’ve got a 3 This distinction explains why agape love for a flawed approach to productivity p.m. deadline (he needn’t know it’s self- can be the motivating force of a team. and performance. You need to clarify imposed). At 3 p.m. wrap up that task. Having served in many organiza- your habits, build mindset-based strate- • Know when it’s time to ask for help. tions and on boards, I’m surprised at gies, and be proactive. Stop spending Sometimes knowing when you’re done how willing we are to discuss strategy too much time on things that don’t require is knowing when you can’t take a pro- and profit, but how loath we are to dis- it—you lose the time you should be ject any further. You might not have the cuss how to build and maintain culture spending on more difficult or time- right expertise to finish a project. Wasting by treating all people in a way that intensive tasks. When you recognize time on something you’ll never figure out is attracts and keeps the best talent. when you’re done with a task, you’ll worse than not asking for help! Never leave love at the door when you add valuable hours back in your day. Take these steps to free up time that come to work—love works. Yes, the bot- When you recognize when you’re you can use to focus on key areas. PE tom line is still essential (if you don’t hit done with projects, big and small, you’ll Jason W. Womack is author of Your Best Just Got your financial goals, you can’t achieve immediately find that you have more Better: Work Smarter, Think Bigger, Make More (Wiley). other objectives—like being a great place time—time you can use to focus on Visit www.womackcompany.com. to work for great people). However, you those things that truly matter. ACTION: Be more productive in your work. 10 May 2012 www.LeaderExcel.com FINANCETITLE • SELF-RELIANCY After securing your preferred life- style, explore hybrid and non-lifestyle investments including: hedge funds; for- eign currencies; hard assets (gold, silver, Bank on Yourself platinum); preferred stocks, which com- bine characteristics of stocks and bonds Be financially self-reliant. and pay higher dividends; commodities, such as equipment leasing companies; by Erin Botsford criteria: 1) They must produce an and mastered limited partnerships— income, either now or in the future, energy-related opportunities. ROWING UP IN A LARGE when you need it; 2) The income pro- If you’re a grandparent looking to Gfamily and raised by a duced must be considered safe, pre- help your children and grandchildren single mother, I overcame dictable, or guaranteed; 3) They should pay for childcare, college education poverty and a life-changing tragedy be in a legal entity that can protect costs, etc., it is important to first assess that made me realize that money buys a assets in case of a lawsuit; and 4) They your lifestyle to ensure you’re not put- person choices. should achieve growth/appreciation. ting your own finances in jeopardy. When I was 11 years old, my father Here are some examples: I did not expect to be a grandparent died of a heart attack, leaving my • Bonds can produce viable cash flow at the age of 53, but thanks to my son mother with six kids to raise on her if purchased at the right interest rate. and daughter-in-law, I am expecting my own and only a $10,000 life insurance • Real Estate has proven a successful first grandson this summer. When I policy. Social Security only gave us $88 method to create retirement income. heard the news I asked myself, “What a month for the children under 18, so • Annuities provide income, now or in does this mean for me, for my son, and we all went to work to contribute our the future, that’s safe and guaranteed. for my future grandchild?” earnings to the family. These Lifestyle investments are the Because I work with grandparents When I was 16 years old and on the types of vehicles that should be used every day, I’m familiar with the issues: way to my job at McDonald’s, a motor- to fund your most essential lifestyle • The pregnant mother’s health. To cyclist collided with my car and died. I expenses, your needs. Once your needs ensure the mother receives the proper was charged with involuntary man- are taken care of, you can turn to less prenatal care and has a safe delivery, slaughter. Even though it was an acci- many grandparents offer to pay for pre- dent and was not my fault, my attorney natal vitamins or hospital upgrades. said it was a matter of economics: plead • Child care. Some grandparents offer to guilty with no attorney fees and take the pay for day care or nanny, or volunteer sentence, or pay a lot of money to an attor- to take care of their grandchildren. ney. My mother looked at me and said • Primary education. Grandparents who something I’ll never forget: “Honey, I’m feel strongly about private education sorry. We have no money and therefore may offer to pay or contribute. we have no choice.” It was like having • College education. Most grandparents an out-of-body experience—watching want to ensure that their grandchildren my life pass before me—with absolute- can go to college, so many immediately ly no control over my future. safe investments, which would include start saving to help with the cost. Luckily, my older brother suggested Hybrid and Non-Lifestyle investments. • Family vacations. Grandparents often taking out a second mortgage on the In order to determine how much offer to host their grandchildren for the house to pay for my legal defense. investment income you need, begin by summer, take the family on a cruise, or During the trial, the lawyers deter- taking these four steps: rent an RV for a cross-country trip. mined that the motorist, who had never 1. Quantify. Determine your expens- • Long-term planning. Some grandpar- ridden a motorcycle before, was speed- es based on your needs and desires. ents are purchasing 20-year life insurance ing and had actually hit me. The case This will show you your lifestyle, in- on their sons or sons-in-law if they are was dropped. vestment risk tolerance, and priorities. the primary bread winner. This way, if Then, at age 18, I won thousands on 2. Define expected sources of income. anything were to happen, the financial Wheel of Fortune and by age 20, I had Map out how you pay for everything. burden of caring for the children would accumulated $22,000. I decided to Do you receive income from a pension, not permanently fall on the grandparents. invest $3,000 in a town home in San Social Security, and/or other depend- No one benefits if a grandparent runs Diego and gave the rest to a stockbro- able income sources, such as rent, roy- out of money while trying to help the ker who lost it all within two years. alties, or payments from a settlement? rest of the family. Before you can help From then on I made it my goal to 3. Calculate your existing financial others, you must ensure that your own learn everything I could about money resources. Determine the liquid assets finances are in order. Shift how you and investing to try to prevent anything you could turn into investments to pro- think about investing and remember like that from ever happening to me or vide income to support your lifestyle. that traditional ways of investing can be my family again. The money philosophy Examples include cash savings, stocks, a recipe for disaster. I developed and share with my clients bonds, and retirement accounts. Bottom line: don’t run out of money is called Lifestyle Driven Investing. This 4. Find the gaps. Calculate whether before you run out of time. PE classifies investment options into one of you have enough money to live your Erin Botsford, CFP, is CEO of The Botsford Group three categories based on the invest- desired lifestyle. Subtract the total and author of The Big Retirement Risk: Running Out ment’s ability to produce an income: needed from your anticipated income of Money Before You Run Out of Time (Greenleaf). Lifestyle, Hybrid and Non-Lifestyle. to determine if you have a shortfall or Visit www.thebigretirementrisk.com. Lifestyle investments must meet four surplus monthly. ACTION: Bank first on yourself. Personal Excellence May 2012 11 FINANCE• MOTIVATION to hit bottom or the Why must become a and set other positive forces and feelings burning desire to bring out your best into action. With positive visualization, you game. When you see a buyer’s Why, add joy to your goals—a burning desire Wealth Creation selling is easier. So, discover what to make a new habit. You learn fastest in moves you. Money is rarely the motiva- focused relaxation. Start with the first goal Master the neuroscience. tor. Whether you’re inspired to not lose on your list and take three simple steps: the lifestyle you have, to elevate lifestyle, 1) auditory: hear it—repeat the positive by Barry Eisen to gain recognition, or to serve others, suggestion silently; 2) visual: see or imag- your focus becomes sharper and dis- ine it—visualize, picture or imagine the O CREATE WEALTH, TRY THIS: tractions are replaced by the tasks at positive end result of the goal or desire; T1) identify two things you hand that propel you toward the goal. and 3) kinesthetic: feel it—create the posi- could do to improve your finan- When the motivation to make more tive feeling you’ll have when the goal is cial health—two actions, habits or attitudes money leads to more empty promises, achieved or action taken. This links posi- you could adopt to bring in more money. add a serious motivator like a vacation tive feeling to goal attainment. You likely have quick answers. Do or prize, then acting on decisions in line Changing a habit is about making a they seem undoable? No. Have they pop- with the goal is easy. Suddenly the empty different/positive choice again and again ped up before? Yes. Getting answers is promise becomes a sacred commitment. until the new behavior is automatic. PE easy—living the answers requires character. When you anticipate doing anything Barry Eisen is CEO of Developmental Excelerations. Why do you say that you want bigger with joy, happiness or positive expectancy, Call 818-769-4300, email [email protected] and better, but continue to do what’s easy you feel goooood. You trigger dopamine in or visit www.BarryEisen.com. rather than what’s right? It’s no mystery. the brain, cause endorphins to heal you, ACTION: Create more wealth for yourself/others. Some reasons have to do with comfort. 1. It takes three to four weeks to FINANCE• FILING are stored on a hard drive. Scan as you change a habit or attitude. Use this fact go through your paperwork, shredding of life as a tool to inspire the shifting of and tossing the hard copies as you go. limiting habits. You need to say, “It’s Organize Finances On your computer, file by tax year, so true for me,” not just “It’s true” or “It’s Create a better filing system. your 2011 folder will contain your tax true for that other guy.” return for 2011 and all pertinent bank 2. Staying with an old habit or taking by Rick Rodgers records and receipts. Organize the pre- the path of least resistance creates a com- vious six years the same way. Each year fort zone that you can justify. It’s a cop- ANE WAS NOT LOOKING FOR- you can delete the oldest folder. ing devise or defense mechanism that Jward to going through her 3. Save a forest. All financial institu- supports your ego’s desire to promote parents’ belongings to get tions prefer to send statements electron- the status quo, remain safe in old habits, their house ready to sell. Their health had ically. So download your statements and protect yourself from the discom- been failing for some time, and they fin- electronically and store them in your fort of stretching, growing and perhaps, ally agreed to move to a retirement com- new filing system. Most banks keep a failing. Your ego wants you to stay safe munity. Now, it was up to Jane to get year’s worth of statements available. and feel smart without pushing limits. rid of the things they no longer needed. You need to download these files only Since her parents had lived in the same once a year to complete the year’s file. Making Change Comfortable house for 52 years, Jane expect- 4. Save backups in case of Your basic motivations are hope of ed to find things that should emergency. Make backup copies reward and the fear of pain or loss (the have been tossed out years ago. of your files on a CD. Choose carrot and the stick). Sometimes, even Still, she was amazed to dis- a CD-R (recordable) not a CD- when the possibility of gain may be huge, cover 50 years of tax returns and RW (rewriteable), because CD- the requirements of learning change bank statements in the attic! R can’t be overwritten. De- and push the ego to move to compla- Many people are confused pending on your computer cency to hold on to its comfort. Hence, about what records they need OS, you may continue you tend to see far more valuable to keep and for how long. adding data to a CD-R each opportunities than you take because They hold onto tax returns, year, until the CD is full. If your goals are not well-defined. bank records, brokerage statements and your OS won’t allow that, you’ll need a Stagnation also results from percep- other financial information because they new CD for each year. tion that what needs to be done is over- don’t know if they’ll need it again. 5. Go paperless. Expand your new whelming, too hard or uncomfortable. Now is a great time to get organized. electronic filing system to include all For example, if you feel that a certain So, get smart about what you need to keep your financial records—from car main- task is futile or too much to endure, dis- and how to store it efficiently. tenance receipts to pay stubs. Scan and tractions can easily deflect you from this I suggest five steps to help you orga- store wills and insurance policies, and task which may be critical to a desired nize your finances for 2012 and beyond: keep the originals in a safe deposit box. financial outcome. If the choices neces- 1. Out with the old. Discard records you Technology advances have made sary to achieve financial health are per- no longer need: tax returns older than organizing your personal finances easi- ceived as burdensome or sacrifices, as seven years; bank records and credit er at minimal cost. So, get organized cost rather than wonderful investment, card statements unrelated to tax returns; this year by moving your finances into you’ll cave in to old habits (the comfort brokerage statements that aren’t related a 21st century filing system. PE zone). These perceptions are perspectives, to purchases of current holdings. Shred Rick Rodgers, CFP, is president of Rodgers & Assoc., not some fixed reality or real limit. documents before throwing them out. Certified Retirement Counselor, and author of The New To get out of stagnation for action not 2. Go digital. Convert the documents Three-Legged Stool. Visit www.rodgersspeaks.com. taken, either the disappointment needs you plan to save into digital images that ACTION: Organize your finances and filing system. 12 May 2012 www.LeaderExcel.com SERVICETITLE • TEENS creative, and inspired problem-solvers, of the things he does well instead of fix- we need to focus less on their scores and ating on his few slip-ups and shortcom- grades and more on their happiness. ings. If the story of disengaged kids head- • Discourage overscheduling. Between Teen Well-Being ing for burnout sounds familiar to you, school, soccer practice, dance class, Be of service to students. now is the time to start doing things church, friends, family, community ser- differently. Start with these 14 tips: vice, and more, kids become overextend- • Realize you are doing damage. You ed. It’s not unusual for young people to by Todd Patkin don’t intend to harm your children crack under the pressure of what can be when you push them to succeed—it’s 16-hour days. Outside of what’s required HIS IS AN ANXIOUS TIME OF natural to want your child to realize his of them in school, encourage your kids Tyear for young people as full potential. But your high expecta- to focus on activities that bring them joy. they apply to colleges, prepare tions put the most pressure on your • Discuss perceived stress vs. what is for exams, and cope in a high-stakes, children and may harm them. real. Talk about what is stressing him high-pressure achievement culture. • Accept that not all kids are the same. out and determine what reasonable When every minute of the day is Don’t compare your teens to each other, expectations look like for each week, devoted to school, studying, homework, to classmates or your friends’ children. grading period, and year. Share your and other activities like sports and ser- Love them for who they are. Kids develop experiences to help your child put his vice work, kids are learning to be suc- at different rates, and have different situation into perspective. cessful. But when all of this happens to talents and abilities. Your kids will be • Help kids live in the present. If your the exclusion of free time and fun, are happy adults only if they too learn to love child spends most of her time thinking they learning how to be happy? and be okay with themselves as they are and about what she could have done better Of course we want our children to for who they are. I’m sorry if you wanted in the past or stressing about the future, lead fulfilled, successful lives, but sub- your son to be like his older brother (a she’ll miss out on living her life. Help jecting them to relentless academic and straight-A student and star athlete). If your teen to focus her attention on all of extracurricular pressure is not the way. he prefers the arts, love him for that. the good things in her life right now. As parents, we’re responsible for look- • Let some things go. Strike a balance • Focus on the importance of organiza- ing after our children’s well-being. And between holding your kids accountable tion (knowing where thing are, what while that includes academic achieve- and letting them get away with too much. needs to be done, and the best way to ment, it also includes ensuring that they It’s easy to err on the side of expecting do it). Teach your children to keep an are making room for things that enable too much, so evaluate what expecta- updated calendar, to make to-do lists, them to be happy and enjoy life. tions are realistic and what achieve- and to keep their school papers in order. I speak from experience—as a child ments are important. Realize that your Being organized will make them more and teen, I was obsessed with achieve- teen may never get up on time or make efficient and eliminate needless worry. ment and suffered from regular bouts of her bed before school. Resist the urge • Teach kids to take advantage of the anxiety. As an adult, my to micro-manage. Instead of most efficient times of their day. If your focus on doing and being fixating on little things that child is a morning person, encourage him the best caused me to suffer aren’t done perfectly, focus to get up 20 minutes early to practice a breakdown at the age of on your children’s successes! violin or study for a test. If he’s a night 36. Since then, I have reeval- • Seek balance and happi- owl, let him sleep later. The standard uated my priorities and ness. Know your child’s schedule may not work best for your what makes people happy. strengths and weaknesses, son; within reason, allow and encour- As father of a teenage so that expectations and age him to do what’s most efficient. son, I’ve seen how oppres- requirements are reasonable. • Help kids work toward the big things. sive our system can be when Assess what your child’s Talk about how best to approach major the emphasis is on outcomes personal best looks like. If B changes and goals. Teach them how to instead of on true education. is the best he can do in a break a big project down into manage- Many teens are under immense pres- particular class, don’t push for more. If able chunks that won’t be overwhelm- sure to succeed, to get the best grades, you focus on your teen’s happiness (not ing but give a sense of accomplishment. to be accepted to a good college. Too grades), he’ll learn and achieve more. • Promote exercise. If sports or physical many of them are burning out and mak- • Get help if it is needed. If your child activity isn’t a big part of your teen’s ing self-destructive decisions. is giving this subject or class her all but life, encourage him or her to find a way There’s an epidemic of teens and pre- is still too far below the mark, search to be active that he or she enjoys. teens suffering from anxiety and depres- for ways to get academic help. A tutor • Encourage kids to spend time with sion, cutting themselves, and using pre- is a good idea if you can find one who people who approach life with positive scription medications to get through the is affordable and qualified. You might attitudes and healthy perspectives. We day. Also, kids are drinking to excess also ask your child’s teacher if she can all tend to be the average of the five peo- and doing drugs on weekends to escape spend extra time with her or recom- ple we spend the most time with when this incredible pressure. Suicide is the mend someone who could tutor her. it comes to our attitudes and outlooks. third-leading cause of death among teens: 9 • Teach kids to be easier on themselves. Yes, performance and doing one’s best percent of high schoolers have tried it! Most students tend to focus more of are important—but not at the price of Those realities are unacceptable. If we their time brooding over the test they your child’s well-being. PE have our children’s well-being at heart, bombed than celebrating the one they Todd Patkin is author of Finding Happiness (StepWise we need to see that forcing them into a aced. If your child tends to beat him- Press). Visit www.findinghappinessthebook.com. mold of perfection isn’t working. If we self up, help him to refocus the way he want our kids to grow up to be capable, looks at life. Direct his attention to all ACTION: Be of service to children and teens. Personal Excellence May 2012 13 SERVICE• GRUDGES they deny it, try again. Once you guess willingness to talk to you about it. correctly, you should see a flinch. You If you learn that you were responsible can then ask about it, and start to fill in in some way for the grievance—you Resolve Grudges the details. Once you pop the cork on a screwed up, made a mistake, insulted grievance, the rest tends to bubble out. them, denied them their due, got in their The best time is now. Once you bring the grudge to the way at a key moment, or failed to be surface, listen carefully to all the person there for them when they needed you— by Rick Kirschner has to say, without any pressure to wrap own up to it. This will recover some of it up. You don’t have to agree (but should the lost respect. And if you know some- HE OLD ADAGE ABOUT LET- not disagree). You don’t have to take thing that might help them make sense Tting sleeping dogs lie does ownership over it at all, so don’t defend, of the situation, let them know. not apply to people with explain, justify, or make excuses. Instead, Get a grudge out in the open and deal grudges who may become more diffi- backtrack, clarify, and help them express with it as soon as possible! Keep your rela- cult from stewing in their angry juices the grievance fully, with no resistance, to tionships in real time, and go forward about whatever they’ve pinned on you. see events as they see them. Once you instead of carrying over past events. PE Before grudges and grievances can fully understand the nature of the griev- Rick Kirschner is a speaker and communication skills be worked out, they must be aired out. ance, let them know that you under- trainer. Visits www.theartofchange.com. One sign of a grudge or grievance is stand, and express appreciation for their ACTION: Resolve grudges as a service to yourself. if people suddenly stop talking to you, or talk about you behind your back. If SERVICE• RENEWAL 5. Renew mentally. Feed your mind they make strange comments about you healthy fuel—the best of media and to your face, put you down, laugh at mindful activities. What you feed your you, and then wave it off like it’s just a Revive and Renew mind influences your thoughts, attitude, joke, they may be harboring bad feel- and energy. You need mental energy to ings about you, and trying to discharge Your mind, body, and soul. be creative and make wise decisions. them through funny comments. 6. Celebrate to intensify renewal. The best time to deal with a possible by Vickie Milazzo When you achieve a goal or milestone, grudge or grievance is right away. Don’t take time to celebrate your success. let wounds fester and grievances grow. ODAY, IT’S EASY TO FEEL Even 30 seconds of allowing joy to bub- When you first suspect that someone has Tburned out, beaten down, ble up inside you can keep burnout at a grudge with you, bring what is hid- and depleted. Taking time to bay. When you acknowledge little things, den to the surface to deal with it. renew yourself will help you to reclaim big goals also seem more attainable. If you suspect that someone is har- the excitement and energy that enables 7. Renew with people you love. You boring a grudge, do what you can to you to thrive instead of just survive. often work yourself to the bone to ben- clear the air—privately—to avoid creat- Here are eight suggestions to help you efit the people you love—yet rarely ing any embarrassing moments. Begin renew yourself in mind, body, and soul: spend time with them. Keep your close by saying, “I’m concerned that you and 1. Plan for renewal. Schedule time for relationships at the top of your priority I have something between us that might relaxation just as you would list. Surrounding yourself interfere with our working together.” plan to do a project. What gets with people you love guar- This depersonalizes the problem, and scheduled gets done. If renewal antees you more positive places it between you rather than on them. time is a priority for you, it experiences. When you culti- Then repeat back to them the negative will be on your calendar. vate strong relationships, statements they have made and ask 2. Renew physically. Empty you create memories, and what they were trying to say. “At the calories damage your health, you won’t have to face any- meeting, you said (fill in their hostile along with your productivity, thing alone. comment). I don’t get it. I’m wondering, energy, creativity, and motiva- 8. Renew by giving back. when you said that, what was going tion. The same goes for poor Giving does not have to mean on? What were you trying to say?” sleep and insufficient exercise. Look hon- money—time, mentoring others, or Remember, it’s not what you say but estly at your eating, fitness, and resting giving spiritual or emotional support how—so look innocent and curious, habits. Are they helping or hurting? Aim are just as valuable. Giving is a gratify- rather than hostile. Do this well, and the for a balanced, nutritious diet, regular ing and renewing act because it discon- person won’t realize what’s going on. exercise, and the chance to relax with a nects you from yourself and your With no reactive or defensive behavior massage, facial, or a soak in the tub. problems, creating fresh perspective. on your part, they are likely to volun- 3. Renew emotionally. If you spend When you live selflessly, you attract teer the information you ask for before all of your energy fretting, soon you’ll genuine relationships, unconditional sup- it occurs to them to put up their shields. hit emotional rock bottom and overreact port, and lasting respect. If the person denies having a hidden or underreact to situations! Allow your Taking the time to renew yourself agenda, try guessing. The best response emotions to recover and be uplifted reg- will give you the energy and capacity will be to your best guess. Try to put ularly. Being kind to yourself is a neces- to enjoy life. So, take care of yourself. yourself in their shoes. Mentally review sity, not a luxury. Get away from it all on While renewal won’t get rid of all your the course of events as you understand occasion so that when you re-enter the problems, it will lighten your load. PE them. Once you come up with an idea, fray, your buoyed emotions sustain you. Vickie Milazzo, RN, MSN, JD, is owner of Vickie suggest it to them and watch for a reac- 4. Renew spiritually. Gain a sense of Milazzo Institute and author of the New York Times tion. If you think of several possibilities, serenity through meditation, prayer, or bestseller, Wicked Success Is Inside Every Woman tell them: “I realize that I am just guess- service. Reflect on who you want to be and (Wiley). Visit WickedSuccess.com. ing, but” and then fill in your guess. If what is important to gain perspective. ACTION: Be of service through self-renewal. 14 May 2012 www.LeaderExcel.com Physical

Service Mental

Character Career PersonalCOACH

Social Financial GOA L GETTERS Power of Focus More money won’t but the opposing player made as if Nothing succeeds like success. always make you more to field a throw. So, I made a late, by Les Hewitt happy. The next time uncertain and awkward slide and you’re considering taking my spikes grabbed the turf sending OU CAN CREATE A BETTER LIFE THROUGH THE a job you really don’t want to take me tumbling. There was no throw. Ypower of focus. Now more than ever, the just for the money, remember this: Coach Mork stormed out of ability to focus is vital. Over the past decade, Money only buys happiness to a Polar Chev’s dugout and sprinted millions of people have read The Power of point. Beyond that, more money to my base. He got in the face of his Focus and sharpened their focus to capitalize makes no difference. In fact, third baseman. “That,” he screamed, on the new currency—focused action. $75,000 buys happiness. That’s an “was a chicken-shit thing to do. True success in life is based on results, not average that varies regionally— That’s how people get hurt for no theories. Focused action is more important happiness is more expensive in reason. That is not how we play than words. To make following through with Manhattan, NY, than in Manhattan, this game.” And, just like that, he focused action even easier, I outline simple Kansas. As long as you earn pulled the player off the field. Action Steps to maximize The Power of Focus. enough to pay your mortgage or Some would say that he was As an entrepreneur for 30 years, I under- rent, put gas in a car that’s not a excessive, and his language inap- stand business and the struggle and chal- clunker, eat what you want when propriate, but I can tell you: at that lenges associated with staying focused. We you want to, and take the occasion- moment 30 teenagers learned a struggle with the economy, time pressure, al vacation and, oh yes, save a life-lesson about the right way to cash flow, keeping up with technology, and decent chunk of whatever you’re compete from a volunteer coach in navigating an unclear future. My passion is bringing in, more money will not the Babe Ruth Baseball League. helping people achieve exceptional profits make you more happy. Coming up Consider the adage: You can and productivity while enjoying an excellent short on any of those basic wants stand tall without standing on some- balance between work and family. and needs, however, will make you one. Who taught me how to play The Power of Focus is the ability to set new miserable. And just because some- the game? Who am I teaching? goals, avoid distractions and interruptions, and one will lend money to you, does- —John Baker, www.theaskingformula remain laser-focused until you hit your specific n’t mean you should borrow it. target. What holds you back from setting and —Jean Chatzky, author, Money Rules Be a citizen politician. achieving new goals? Simply, a lack of focus Regardless of who you along with fear preventing you from moving Bounty Program: How not want to be our next presi- forward. You can overcome this by develop- to play the game. We heard dent, do your part to ing a champion mindset—step into the fear. of a bounty program where make that goal a reality. Here are What are the four fundamentals and why members of the New six tips for influencing politics: are they important? 1) clarity (schedule a day Orleans Saints received cash to • Decide that one individual can off to think); 2) priorities (don’t become dis- purposely hurt opposing players make a difference. Every great team tracted or interrupted); 3) relationships (focus and put them out of the game. starts with one individual deciding on your top relationships that give you the Those players are still in the NFL. to make a difference, either as a greatest leverage); and 4) habits (habits can be Then we heard of the rampant leader or as a dedicated follower. changed if you have big enough reasons and prosecutorial misconduct by DOJ • Determine your core philosophy. a habit system). These are the fundamentals attorneys in the case against Alaska What do you believe in? What do you for creating a better future and solving any Senator Ted Stevens who knowing- stand for? Define what you believe crisis—personal, financial or professional. ly withheld evidence that would in, and be able to verbalize it to When you apply The Power of Focus, you have exonerated the Senator. Those become politically persuasive. can hit your business, personal and financial attorneys are still at the DOJ. • Expose yourself. Watch, read, lis- targets with confidence and certainty. Avoid Where did these people learn this ten, learn, and get educated on key recessionitis—negative media. Surround your- behavior? Not from Coach Mork— issues and arguments. Study the self with strong, experienced, successful peo- the volunteer coach for Polar Chev, Declaration of Independence and ple—a mentor, best friend or coach. a team in the Babe Ruth Baseball U.S. Constitution. Learn what’s in As you emerge from the recession, you may League (for 13 to 15 year old boys). them in order to defend them. need to take three steps backwards before moving I was on the opposing team (White • Accept your responsibility to be forward again. Focus on what you want in the Bear Tire) standing on first base. It part of the solution. Defending free- future. Look for a positive environment was a tie game in the final inning. dom isn’t optional—if you want to where your strengths can be best utilized. The next batter, my teammate Billy remain free. It requires work, dedi- The recession may have been a blessing—if Manahan, laced a line drive to cation, and sometimes blood. it made you reflect on what you really want, right field, and I took off, running • Get involved. Volunteer for a cam- create new opportunities, enjoy a simpler life- past second and heading into third. paign; post signs and stickers; sign style, and put things in proper perspective.PE My third base coach raised his an online petition; register to vote. arms indicating that there wouldn’t • Vote! It’s obvious, but must be said. Les Hewitt is coauthor with Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen of The Power of Focus (HCI Books). Visit www.hcibooks.com. be a play on me, and that I could —Richard Fenton and Andrea Waltz, stand up coming into third base, www.WhatWouldLincolnSay.com ACTION: Focus on what you want in the future. Personal Excellence May 2012 15 INSPIRATIONAL• PURPOSE your job. Attend to your soul’s purposes knew you could not fail, what would you do? in different roles. Succeed in all your roles. Let the images flow. Feel the excitement Commit to share your greatest gifts. How as you sense your special calling. Why You’re Here can you proceed with your highest calling? Next, ask and answer these questions: You might make big changes abruptly or What are you naturally good at? If money See the ripple effect of life. choose a gradual transition, but start now! were no object, what would you do? What At the same time, be wise about it. I service would you provide if you had only by Mark Pitstick like this Middle Eastern saying: “Trust one year to live? What gives you goose bumps, Allah, but tie up your camel.” You need a heart beats, a lump in the throat, or tears? RIPPLE EFFECT EMANATES certain income to survive—so don’t quit Be aware of clues—words, pictures, Afrom your thoughts, your day job prematurely. Stay with feelings, symbols, colors, people, and words and deeds. You can’t your current work and expand your ser- places. Note your first response. Spend judge the positive impacts of your life vices until you grow into the next phase. time in nature—pray and meditate. until you pass on and see the big picture. To identify your highest purpose, close Record insights, and note your dreams So don’t get discouraged if you don’t your eyes; become relaxed; give thanks when you awaken. See what bubbles up seem to be making the impact you want. for guidance; and ask for assistance from and move in that direction. PE Do your best and know that’s sufficient. God and your spiritual support team. List- Mark Pitstick, M.A., D.C., is author of Soul Proof and Years ago, I gave my first seminar en for counsel from that still small voice. Radiant Wellness. Email: [email protected]. Visit and donated the admission fee toward Let yourself dream, using your imag- www.radiant101.com and www.soulproof.com. refurbishing our city’s historic Majestic ination and passion, and ponder: if you ACTION: See the ripple effect of your life. Theater. I publicized the event by media and hoped for a full house of 300 people, INSPIRATIONAL• HONESTY having fostered a joyful learning environ- but only 15 people showed up (and half ment, while depending on each parent of them were close friends and family to supplement the schools’ above-board members). I felt humiliated and discour- instruction with discrete but pervasive aged. During the intermission, I went to Cultural Values (and expensive) private tutoring? the bathroom, pondering, what could be Why do we celebrate cheating? • Many tend to get exercised about worse than this? Wrong question to ask! welfare fraud (which is wrongful), but As I urinated forcefully, I discovered— by Craig Gurian yawn at tax evasion that costs so much to my horror—that my wireless micro- more. They rationalize, We’re just taking phone was still on! Moments later, when O ALL CULTURES CELEBRATE advantage of the system as it exists; the I peeked through the curtain, I saw peo- Dcheating as much as we more accurate line is from a Bob Dylan ple rolling with laughter. They heard it! do? Has getting away with it song: Steal a little, and they throw you in I learned many lessons from that day. always thrilled us to the extent it does jail; steal a lot, and they make you King. You may not always reach the multitudes, now? I admit that our time and place has • A stream of science papers has to be but you can follow your inner calling and no patent on pretense, disingenuousness, withdrawn because of fabricated or man- do your best. If you reach only one other and deceit. Still, we are in bad shape. ipulated data, but at least this asserts a person, who knows how far reaching • In sports—a fruitful proxy for widely difference between true and false. the positive repercussions might be? held societal values—cheating is endem- • In political campaign coverage, it’s For example, one audience member, ic. What sport has not found that some virtually impossible to get even the most Ed, had terminal cancer. He became a of its champions reached the pinnacle dishonest statements characterized by patient, but his condition was too advan- with banned substances? How reporters as lies. ced to respond to holistic health mea- ecstatic are fans when, at a It’s hard not to feel over- sures. Still, we had several talks about crucial moment, their hero whelmed by the powerful survival of consciousness after death. succeeds by falsely pretending forces that fuel the impulse to When Ed passed on, I visited the to have remained in bounds or cheat. In his book The Cheating funeral home and met Ed’s wife, Jean. to have applied a tag? ESPN Culture, David Callahan sug- She told me that Ed had been in a coma lavishes attention on cheaters: gests that economic insecurity, for three days and was near death when if you blink, you miss the lack of oversight of powerful suddenly he became alert. He couldn’t transition between they’re so sectors, and a highly individu- talk but kept smiling and pointing out naughty and they’re so great. alistic culture that glorifies the window up to the sky, said, “I love • The legal culture is extravagantly dis- wealth, status, and gratification all con- you”, closed his eyes and passed on. honest. It’s not just stealing client funds tribute to a cheating-friendly climate. Jean felt that our talks had prepared outright, or inflating one’s billable I add another cause: our worship of Ed spiritually for this wonderful transi- hours. It’s the grinding, day-in, day-out cleverness, displacing truth and fair play. tion. So, was my Majestic talk a flop? intellectual dishonesty of subverting the So where do we turn? Many calls to You can’t judge the ripple effect of your administration of justice by interposing a return to old values are nothing more actions from a limited mortal perspective. arguments the attorney knows are with- than nostalgia for surface piety and sti- Perform your mission to the best of your out merit but have the advantage, for fling conformity. The values debate needs ability and don’t judge the outcome. example, of delaying or denying the to be reclaimed. We all need to be more How can you identify your missions production of relevant documents. invested in the quest to live honorably, to during your time on earth? Your soul, in • Long Island’s Scholastic Aptitude Test do kindnesses, and to insist on truth. PE alignment with God’s plan, chose mis- cheating scandal has been in the news, Craig Gurian is editor of Remapping Debate, Adjunct sions before it came to earth. Those are but what about all the schools—perhaps Professor at Fordham Law School, and author of Let your heart’s dreams, visions, and callings. private schools—that pretend that great Them Rent Cake. Email: [email protected]. Meaningful lifework isn’t limited to test scores just naturally emerge from ACTION: Insist on truth and honesty. 16 May 2012 www.LeaderExcel.com 2012 Leadership Excellence Memberships

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