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Joe R Lansdale Praise for Hap and Leonard: Blood and Lemonade “Blood and Lemonade is the best of Lansdale and the best of Hap and Leonard. As urgent as it is timeless. As fun as it is thoughtful. It haunts you while it kicks your ass. Joe never lets you down, just shows you over and over why he’s the best.” —Jim Mickle, director of Cold in July “A brilliant ‘mosaic’ novel. An amazingly vivid style that feels like Hemingway. Themes that are especially important for our time. With these early adventures of his compelling Hap and Leonard characters, Joe R. Lansdale hits a new high.” —David Morrell, New York Times bestselling author of Murder as a Fine Art “Magnificent storytelling.” —Char’s Horror Corner “Joe Lansdale is our East Texas Hemingway, and here’s another example of what makes him great. In Hap & Leonard: Blood and Lemonade, he carves out beauty with plain words and direct sentences. Some of the stories in this mosaic novel are horrifying, others gritty, sad, thrilling, and funny, but all of them are beautiful. I ate it up.” —Daryl Gregory, author of Spoonbenders and We Are All Completely Fine HapAndLeonardBloodAndLemonade.indb 1 1/20/2017 1:10:50 PM Praise for Hap and Leonard “Seven laid-back adventures, one of them brand new, for “freelance troubleshooter” and good old boy Hap Collins and his gay black Republican partner Leonard Pine. No one currently working the field demonstrates more convincingly and joyously the deep affinity between pulp fiction and the American tall tale.” —Kirkus «“Last seen in the novel Honky Tonk Samurai, Lansdale’s incomparable East Texas crime fighting duo show their chops in this remarkable story collection. Readers can also look forward to the debut of the TV show Hap and Leonard on the Sundance Channel in March.” —Publishers Weekly, starred review “An essential Hap and Leonard addition.” —The Novel Pursuit “. it’s great to have all of these wonderful stories together in one nifty volume.” —Horror Drive-In “A perfect introduction.” —Booklist “East Texas charm, profane wit, and strong characteriza- tion, with enough snappy dialogue to keep a smile on your HapAndLeonardBloodAndLemonade.indb 2 1/20/2017 1:10:50 PM face . excellent entertainment, edge-of-your-seat action one minute, gut-busting humor the next.” —Adventures in Genre Fiction “This collection is crime/pulp fiction at its best and most captivating.” —Risingshadow “If you find yourself on the wrong side of Hap and Leonard, be cautious, because they are quicker than a rattlesnake, and their bite is just as bad. If you find yourself an innocent bystander looking for a great book to read, you’ve come to the right place.” —Killer Nashville “For those new to either Lansdale or the series, this latest collection is an excellent introduction to the kind of trouble these two often find themselves in; all the while exchanging some of the funniest, lovingly antagonistic, and memorial dialogue of any crime series.” —Bookgasm Praise for Joe R. Lansdale’s Hap and Leonard series “Hap and Leonard function as a sort of Holmes and Watson—if Holmes and Watson had had more lusty appetites and less refined educations and spent their lives in East Texas. Not only funny, but also slyly offers HapAndLeonardBloodAndLemonade.indb 3 1/20/2017 1:10:50 PM acute commentary on matters of race, friendship and love in small-town America.” —New York Times “Lansdale reveals the human condition—our darkest secrets and our proudest moments, all within the unlikely confines of an East Texas adventure featuring the two scruffiest protagonists in modern crime fiction.” —Booklist “Hilarious. Addictively scarfable. Lansdale excels at dialogue, especially Hap and Leonard’s lewd insult-a-thons. Two thumbs-up, and pardon the barbecue smears.” —Texas Monthly “Joe R. Lansdale is one of a kind. His Hap and Leonard novels should be read and treasured.” —James Swain, author of Take Down “As usual, the dialogue is deadpan tart and the action extreme but convincing. Lansdale once again proves he’s the East Texas master of redneck noir.” —Publishers Weekly (on Hyenas) Praise for Joe R. Lansdale “Joe Lansdale is a born storyteller.” —Robert Bloch, author of Psycho HapAndLeonardBloodAndLemonade.indb 4 1/20/2017 1:10:50 PM “There’s no bullshit in a Joe Lansdale book. There’s every- thing a good story needs, and nothing it doesn’t.” —Christopher Moore, author of Secondhand Souls “[Joe Lansdale has] a folklorist’s eye for telling detail and a front-porch raconteur’s sense of pace . a considerable literary intelligence at work.” —New York Times Book Review “Joe Lansdale simply must be read.” —Robert Crais, author of the Elvis Cole and Joe Pike novels “Read Joe Lansdale and see the true writer’s gift.” —Andrew Vachss, author of Shockwave “Among the best fiction writers in America today, Joe Lansdale turns on the juice and cuts the damn thing loose. Enjoy the ride!” —Kinky Friedman, author of Ten Little New Yorkers “Hunter S. Thompson meets Stephen King.” —Charles de Lint, author of The Onion Girl “A master at taking a simple everyday event and turning reality upside down.” —Mystery Scene HapAndLeonardBloodAndLemonade.indb 5 1/20/2017 1:10:50 PM HapAndLeonardBloodAndLemonade.indb 6 1/20/2017 1:10:50 PM Also by Joe R. Lansdale Hap and Leonard mysteries Other novels Savage Season (1990) Act of Love (1981) Mucho Mojo (1994) Texas Night Riders (1983, as Ray The Two-Bear Mambo (1995) Slater) Bad Chili (1997) Dead in the West (1986) Rumble Tumble (1998) The Magic Wagon (1986) Veil’s Visit: A Taste of Hap and The Nightrunners (1987) Leonard (1999) Cold in July (1989) Captains Outrageous (2001) Batman: Captured by the Engines Vanilla Ride (2009) (1991) Hyenas (2011) Tarzan: The Lost Adventure Devil Red (2011) (1995, with Edgar Rice Dead Aim (2013) Burroughs) Honky Tonk Samurai (2016) The Boar (1998) Hap and Leonard (2016) Freezer Burn (1999) Rusty Puppy (2017) Waltz of Shadows (1999) Something Lumber This Way The Drive-In series Comes (1999) The Big Blow (2000) The Drive-In: A “B” Movie with Blood Dance (2000) Blood and Popcorn, Made in Texas The Bottoms (2000) (1988) A Fine Dark Line (2002) The Drive-In 2: Not Just One of Sunset and Sawdust (2004) Them Sequels (1989) Lost Echoes (2007) The Drive-In: A Double-Feature Leather Maiden (2008) Omnibus (1997) All the Earth, Thrown to the Sky The Drive-In: The Bus Tour (2011) (2005) The Ape Man’s Brother (2012) The Complete Drive-In (2009, Edge of Dark Water (2012) omnibus) Hot in December (2013) The Thicket (2013) Ned the Seal Black Hat Jack (2014) Prisoner 489 (2014) Zeppelins West (2001) Paradise Sky (2015) Flaming London (2005) Fender Lizards (2015) Flaming Zeppelins: The Adventures of Ned the Seal (2010) HapAndLeonardBloodAndLemonade.indb 7 1/20/2017 1:10:50 PM HapAndLeonardBloodAndLemonade.indb 8 1/20/2017 1:10:50 PM HAP&LEONArD: BLOOd&LEMONAdE JOE R. LANSDALE HapAndLeonardBloodAndLemonade.indb 9 1/20/2017 1:10:50 PM HapAndLeonardBloodAndLemonade.indb 10 1/20/2017 1:10:51 PM HapAndLeonardBloodAndLemonade.indb 11 1/20/2017 1:10:51 PM Hap and Leonard: Blood and Lemonade Copyright © 2017 by Joe R. Lansdale This is a collected work of fiction. All events portrayed in this book are fictitious and any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form without the express permission of the author and the publisher. Interior and cover design by Elizabeth Story Tachyon Publications LLC 1459 18th Street #139 San Francisco, CA 94107 415.285.5615 www.tachyonpublications.com [email protected] Series Editor: Jacob Weisman Editor: Richard Klaw ISBN 13: 978-1-61696-253-1 Printed in the United States by Worzalla First Edition: 2017 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 “Parable of the Stick” copyright © 2016, 2017 by Joe R. Lansdale. An earlier version appeared in Miracles Ain’t What They Used to Be (PM Press: Oakland, California). | “Tire Fire” copyright © 2015, 2017 by Joe R. Lansdale. An earlier version appeared in Fender Lizards (Subterranean Press: Burton, Michigan). | “Not Our Kind” copyright © 2016, 2017 by Joe R. Lansdale. An earlier version appeared in Hap and Leonard (Tachyon Publications: San Francisco, California). | “Down by the River Side” copyright © 2015, 2017 by Joe R. Lansdale. An earlier version appeared in Fender Lizards (Subterranean Press: Burton, Michigan). | “Short Night” copyright © 2016, 2017 by Joe R. Lansdale. An earlier version appeared in Miracles Ain’t What They Used to Be (PM Press: Oakland, California). | “The Boy Who Became Invisible” copyright © 2009, 2017 by Joe R. Lansdale. An earlier version appeared in The Bleeding Edge: Dark Barriers, Dark Frontiers, edited by William F. Nolan and Jason V. Brock (Cycatrix Press: Vancouver, Washington). | “Blood and Lemonade” copyright © 2017 Joe R. Lansdale. First appearance. | “In the River of the Dead” copyright © 2017 by Joe R. Lansdale. First appearance. | “Stopping for Coffee” copyright © 2017 by Joe R. Lansdale. First appearance. | “Apollo Red” copyright © 2016, 2017 by Joe R. Lansdale. An earlier version appeared in Miracles Ain’t What They Used to Be (PM Press: Oakland, California). | “Coach Whip” copyright © 2017 by Joe R. Lansdale. First appearance. | “The Bottom of the World” copyright © 2015, 2017 by Joe R. Lansdale. An earlier version appeared in Fender Lizards (Subterranean Press: Burton, Michigan). | “Squirrel Hunt” copyright © 2017 by Joe R. Lansdale. First appearance. | “The Oak and the Pond” copyright © 2016, 2017 by Joe R. Lansdale. An earlier version appeared in Hap and Leonard Ride Again (Tachyon Publications: San Francisco, California). HapAndLeonardBloodAndLemonade.indb 12 1/20/2017 1:10:51 PM 1.
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