Volume 11, Number 1 THE JOURNAL OF GAY SPIRIT VISIONS Winter 2005 RECLAIMINGRECLAIMING JESUSJESUS

Can there still many be room for continue to Jesus in the condemn us? spiritual lives Several GSV of gay men brothers describe even though their experiences. GSV NEWS AND I NFORMATION

Visionary (ISSN 1533-8231) is the journal of Gay Spirit Visions and a publication of The Council of Trusted Elders of Gay Spirit Visions, Inc., a Georgia not-for-profit corpo- ration recognized under Section 501(c)(3) of Internal Revenue Code of the United States. Copyright, 2004. s you may know Sponge Bob is selves be subjugated by fundamental Gay Spirit Visions in trouble again! Yes, he does religion? hold hands with Barnacle Bob. If Christ watched T.V. he would love Mailing Address: A Yes, his world is full of friends, none of Sponge Bob. He might think Tink is a lit- P.O. Box 339, Decatur, GA 30031-0339 whom look at all like each other. His pas- tle absurd, but... Voice mail: 404-658-0221 sion for diversity is not veiled at all. But We truly have become much more is it really covering a subtle message divided and much more fearful under E-mail: [email protected] BY CRAIG COOK from the devil? this regime. I am so thankful for our cir- Website: Could Sponge Bob cle and our work in this circle. www. gayspiritvisions.org really be the Anti- Stay awake. Christ? Did Lucifer Craigalee Council of Trusted Elders really produce a video with Barney Craig Cook is a long-time Atlanta resident. Craig “Craigalee” Cook, and Blue and Presiding Elder Sponge Bob too, Michael Varnum hoping all the little Presiding Elder-Elect children would be Bruce Parrish, won over to the dark side? (That’s us. Elder of Finance We’re the dark side.) While all the brain- dead parents look on and say, “Oh gosh, Jennings Fort, those queers are trying to get the kids Elder of Communications again!” George Miller, I guess Tinky Winky started all of this Elder at Large a while back and I was as perplexed then as I am now at how devious and Chase “Skywalker” Robinson, hateful “those” people have become, Elder of Archive even in their quiet submission to this Ben Linton insanity. Will we ever stop letting our- Elder of Service

The 2005 Gay Spirit Visions Planning Committee consists of the Council of Trusted Elders plus Thom Gresham, Tony James, Patrick Mitchell, Kim Pittman, David Salyer, Steve Roman, and Bill Whitlock Gay Spirit Visions Advisors: Martin “TreeWalker” Isganitis, A Mission Statement for Our Second Decade and A New Andrew Ramer, John Stowe Millennium Journal Committee: Jennings Fort, Editor We are committed to creating safe, sacred space that is open to all spiritual paths, wherein loving gay men Mike Goettee, Design & Production may explore and strengthen spiritual identity. Submission Queries: [email protected] We are committed to creating a spiritual community with the intent to heal, nurture our gifts and potential, Please put “GSV Visionary” and live with integrity in the world. in the subject line. We are committed to supporting others in their spiritual growth by sharing experiences and insights. Address changes & advertising queries: [email protected] To fulfill these goals we facilitate annual retreats and conferences, sponsor social events, publish a newsletter, and maintain web-based communications for men who love men. Copyright ©2005 Gay Spirit Visions,Inc.

2 GSV potlucks in Atlanta, are held the FINDING THE REAL JESUS fourth Saturday of the month at 7:30 p.m., unless otherwise noted. GSV potlucks f Jesus came back to earth today, here don’t think Jesus would condone a lot of are drug- and alcohol-free events. are some of the things I think he’d do: what his church does and doesn’t do GSV Heart Circles are held the second •Jesus would protect the environ- today. Sunday of every month at 7:30 p.m., ment. He would plant trees and I, and I believe many gay people, hosted by Wendell Johnson and Lem Idrive an electric car. He would urge have had trouble with Jesus over the Arnold. For location and more information, developers to reserve plenty of years. Most religions I know have contact Wendell at [email protected] unspoiled land for wildlife. He would homophobia. But I think or Lem at [email protected] work to stop destruction of wilderness stands out in its spiritual disconnection everywhere and teach that we are only between the teachings of its deity and February 26 – No potluck scheduled. BY JENNINGS FORT one part in the web the homophobia of many of its follow- of life. “It’s our ers. So why would I believe in someone March 26 – No potluck scheduled. responsibility to with a majority of believers who seem protect all living to hate gay people? For many years I things,” he’d prob- rejected Jesus and his church. But when ably say. Jesus I can put aside the hurt and frustration Gentlemen, please note… would compost. for a pure, uncorrupted idea of Jesus, I that we don’t have hosts for the next •Jesus would work begin to see someone I can trust and two months and several months in to heal the sick and appreciate. I can begin to open my heart the summer and fall. help the poor. If he to his real message of love and peace as Hosting a potluck is a simple and wouldn’t perform miracles himself, I I can with all the other traditions and effective way to serve GSV. Please think he would spend lots of time visit- mysteries that we love in GSV. Often, it let us know if you can host. ing and comforting people. Jesus would seems gay people reject Christianity Contact Ben Linton at encourage people to use their money totally, based only on the misdeeds of [email protected]. and resources to find cures for disease the church. And I’m still angry about and infirmity. He would work to find that. But to me, the trouble isn’t Jesus. food and clothing for needy people and It’s the misguided, fearful people who April 23 – GSV Potluck. Hosted by Jim help them find more dignity. He would act on his behalf. Fason and Chris Uberto, 980 Buckhorn East, spend many nights in homeless shelters. In this issue of Visionary several of our Atlanta. Contact them at [email protected] or •Jesus would work to stop war. He brothers discuss their spiritual journeys 770-552-1843. would go to Iraq and all places of con- on a Christ path. Though the trip hasn’t flict and, like Gandhi, might go on a been easy, these men still find a spiritual May 27 - GSV Potluck. Hosted by Patrick hunger strike to shame both sides into resonance with Jesus. Mitchell, 2781 McClave Dr., Doraville, GA. Contact finding peace. He would beg these If Jesus came back to earth, I think he Patrick at [email protected] or groups to see love as the answer and to would be furious and sickened with the 770-451-6158. release their hatred that only harms way his church has treated gay people. I June 25 - GSV Potluck. Hosted by Michael themselves. think he would feel like burning down Goettee, Roy Smoot and Marty Harris, 3263 Wynn •Jesus would confront all religious and the church and starting again. But even Drive, Avondale Estates, GA. Contact Mike at political figures who use him as a confronting such a great wrong, he [email protected] or 404-292-5825 weapon or a money-maker. He would would, I want to believe, forgive these speak directly to the Pope and other people and love them anyway. In my Christian leaders who deny women and mind, Jesus would then beg our forgive- gay people full participation in the ness for all the sins his church has com- church and equality with heterosexual mitted against gay people. Although men. He would look them in the eye I’m not quite ready to follow a Christ- and say: “I stand for love and peace, not centered spiritual path, I believe I owe it for power or for money. Those scrip- to myself to give Jesus a second chance tures you quote come from a barbaric and make a small place on my altar for society that existed 2,000 years ago. him too. Catch up, people. It’s 2005. Don’t ever x do this again.” Is this an imaginary Jesus? Maybe. I have only a selective belief in the Bible, Jennings Fort lives in Atlanta and can be but I hang on to the hope that Jesus real- reached at [email protected]. ly is an embodiment of love. I certainly 3 A MEMORIAL TO KING THACKSTON The Elders of Gay Spirit Visions announce a memorial fund to commemorate the life of our brother Richard King Thackston (1948 - 2004).

ing was instrumental in bringing labyrinths into our circle. Many of you may remember a Fall Conference several years ago when KingK and Gerry “Dancing Dolphin” Mitchell brought a labyrinth painted on a large piece of Love Right Now to you,Wing of Men. material for us to walk in the Tree House. Another year in the Mountain volleyball court, King con- structed a labyrinth illuminated with strings of lights. One of his paintings of a labyrinth-type man- dala donated to The Mountain hangs in the entrance area of the Lodge. With Gay Spirit Visions’inspiration,The Mountain has created a walking labyrinth with a handicap- accessible walkway and rock formation in the walk- ing area. Contributions to the “King Memorial” will be used to enhance and maintain that labyrinth area. We invite you to honor our brother King by send- ing your contribution (tax deductible) to: Gay Spirit Visions Post Office Box 339 Decatur, GA 30331.

8th annual SpringGSV Retreat April 8-10, 2005 The Mountain Retreat and Learning Centers near Highlands, NC

Join us for heart circles, drumming and more with lots of free time for spontaneous celebration.

Register with a credit card by calling The Mountain at 828-526-5838 or download a registration form at Yoga to benefit you and www.gayspiritvisions.org. our community. For more information: GLBT Yoga • Sundays 6:00 pm E-mail: [email protected] Donation only class benefits YouthPride or leave a voice message at 404-658-0221

1630-D Dekalb Avenue, Atlanta 404.370.0579 www.JaiShantiYoga.com

4 FEATURES SECTION RECLAIMING JESUS

not to elevate one above the other. I began to experience this healing pres- NO LONGER JUDGE: ence in a real and personal way and I JESUS AS slowly came to recognize that for me, this HEALER healing presence was (and still is) Jesus. sion, Jesus himself, the merciless judge And so I began to relate to Jesus not as hen I was a child, our Baptist who cast those poor souls into hell, was my judge, but as my Healer. I began to church produced an annual terrifying. As early as age 8, I knew I was read the Gospel stories of Jesus (includ- WChristmas play called “From different: I knew that my fascination ing those in the Gnostic Gospel of the Christ Child to the Judgment.” The with Tarzan and other men was wrong, Thomas) in a new way. Jesus was a play included the and if I didn’t keep my feelings hidden Healer, a wisdom teacher who could BY DARRELL typical elements of way down deep inside, I might end up as sometimes be hard to understand, but GRIZZELL a Christmas pag- one of the “homersexuals” our country whose presence always brought healing eant – wise men, Baptist preacher railed against from time and wholeness to those open to receive angels, the manger to time. it. In fact, the only ones who angered scene – in its first And so my relationship with Jesus Jesus were the religious fundamentalists half. But in the sec- was not one of love, but one of fear. I of his day, the ones who sought to ond half, the play knew I had to keep him happy at all costs exclude the “sinners” Jesus accepted and fast-forwarded to or else I’d be cast into the everlasting loved. the future, to the lake of fire. My relationship with Jesus the Healer end of time, “the It took me years to break away from was also deepened by my study of judgment seat of Christ.” Jesus was no the fundamentalist religion I grew up Sufism. If you’ve read the beautiful poet- longer the infant in the manger, “meek with and finally accept myself as the gay ry of the great Sufi mystic Rumi, you and mild.” Now he was seated at the man God created me to be. I was fortu- know that Sufis see God as the Divine right hand of God and passed judgment nate enough to find another spiritual tra- Beloved. Rumi saw in his love and on all the poor souls brought before him. dition — two of them, actually — to longing for his beloved male friend, Most of them ended up cast into hell, the replace the condemnatory religion of my Shams of Tabriz, a mirror of his love and lake of fire — portrayed as the small childhood. I began to relate to God in a longing for God, the Divine Beloved. side-entrance next to the choir loft, its drastically different way, through the One of the zikrs (sacred chants) of the walls covered with aluminum foil. Franciscan prayer I learned in the Sufi tradition is “Ishq Allah, Mabud Whenever the angels physically dragged Episcopal Church I joined when I finally Allah!” — God is Love, God is the a character into the room, the door came out of the closet: “Gentle loving Beloved. The Love, the Lover, and the opened and a red strobe light flashed God, mother of my soul, hold me as your Beloved are One. As I came to know against the aluminum foil while the own.” His was a very different God God more deeply through the spiritual folks inside the room screamed hideous- from the one I grew up with! This was a practices I learned in the Sufi Healing ly. At this point the damned soul start- God who didn’t judge me, but who nur- Order, I came to see Jesus as the Divine ed struggling and the angels became tured me, accepted me as just as I am — Beloved, the lover of my soul. bouncers with wings, casting him rough- and who saw my sexuality not as a sin, This is my favorite poem by Rumi, ly into hell as he kicked and screamed, but as a precious gift. I remember how translated by Coleman Barks in his book, begging for a mercy which didn’t come. dumbfounded I was, during those early The Essential Rumi: The effect was so powerful that all of days out of the closet, when I read Chris us children avoided that side entrance all Glaser’s image of spirituality and sexual- I called through your door, year long, even if it meant walking all the ity as two equally important and sacred “The mystics are gathering way around the church to enter. partners in the dance of the soul (from in the street. Come out!” I’m sure if I saw the play now, the act- his wonderful book of prayers, Coming ing and the special effects would be Out to God). I began to open myself to “Leave me alone. laughable. But to a small child, the pag- the healing presence of God, who sought I’m sick.” eant was terrifying. And so, by exten- to integrate these two aspects of my soul, Continued on next page 5 RECLAIMING JESUS

to give up “false idols.” Biblical literal- WHY WOULD A GAY MAN LOVE JESUS? ism (what I grew up with as a kid) is one of those idols. Another is excessive con- bout 10 years ago, after 20 years what didn’t speak to me. What speaks to cern about church bureaucrats and what of gay activism in the Lutheran me? I love the story of the incarnation, of they say. Let’s face it: popes, bishops, the- Achurch, I decided that I had God putting on human flesh and living ologians and other ordained people fre- enough. The arro- with us. I love how in his God-flesh, quently say stupid and hateful things. If BY JOHN BALLEW gance, pig-headed- Jesus had no use for the self-righteous you think of these people as representa- M.S., L.P.C. ness and mean- church leaders of his day, but instead ate tives of God, that’s disturbing. If you spiritedness I’d with whores and thieves. Jesus under- think of them as a one motley crew of encountered in the stood that suffering is part of the human human beings among many, it’s just irri- church had taken condition and that the response of a lov- tating. They can’t hurt me, and I certain- their toll. I decided I ing God is to weep with those who weep ly am not going to give these people veto could no longer and mourn with those who mourn. I love power over how I choose to live my spir- build a spirituality the experience of Jesus as friend, as lover. ituality! around being pissed I love the call for justice that to me is at Another false idol has been the pre- off and I could no the heart of the best of Christianity, the sumption and arrogance of much of longer be part of organized Christendom. compassionate Jesus who cares for the Christianity itself. I love the way I find I spent several years staying away poor and the sick and the outcast. Hell, the divine in Christianity, but I don’t see from churches of all sorts while I Jesus didn’t just care for outcasts; he was it as superior to the way a Jew finds the explored other paths — chiefly one. Including being an outcast from the divine in Judaism, or a Muslim, Hindu or Hinduism, Buddhism and a little dominant religious paradigm of his com- Sikh find God in their religions. There are Paganism. And you know what? It felt munity. Very much like us, like me. 1,000 paths through the forest, someone good and healing. I had no stake in these The qualities of love, compassion, jus- said. For me, a mature spirituality means other traditions, so when I encountered tice and community that Jesus taught paying attention to Wicca, Buddhism homo-ignorance in one or the other, I and embodied are what keep me con- and other paths, even if they are not my could shrug it off. I wasn’t interested in nected to the Christian tradition. But the own path. At the same time, there is great becoming a devout Hindu or determin- business of Christianity is very problem- wisdom in the teaching of the Dalai ing if Taoism was really The Way, so I felt atic for a gay man. Like most of us, I’ve Lama that it is better to dig one well 100 completely free to take what was useful experienced the church not as the Body feet deep, rather than 100 wells each 1 to me and leave the rest. of Christ, but often as its opposite: unlov- foot deep. For me, that deeper well lies in And yet, something was missing for me. ing, cold, unjust and exclusionary. The following Jesus. m While each path I encountered had some- challenge has been to find ways to nur- thing beautiful to add to my understanding ture my spirituality without allowing it of the Divine, none spoke the language of to be too caught up in religion, to sepa- my soul. In my most private heart-of- rate the wheat from the chaff and to dis- John Ballew, M.S., is a licensed professional hearts, I still prayed and spoke with God in tinguish Christ from Christianity (at counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He an intimate way that was Christian. least, most of it). specializes in issues related to coming out, I decided to treat Christianity the same As a gay man who wants to travel a spirituality, sexuality and relationships. way I did other faith traditions: I would Christian path, there are certain things Contact him through his Web site at take what was useful to me and let go of I’ve found to be essential. One has been www.bodymindsoul.org.

NO LONGER JUDGE... rected a healing presence who gives me the the beauty of God in the beauty of the Continued from page 5 love and acceptance I need for my own res- face of his beloved Shams of Tabriz. urrection, my own journey toward healing e “I don’t care if you’re dead! and wholeness, day to day. Jesus is here, and he wants I still believe Jesus is the Son of God — to resurrect somebody!” but I now know that we are all sons and Darrell Grizzle is a licensed professional daughters of God. In my love for Jesus counselor who lives in Marietta, GA, with The Jesus I grew up with, the angry the Healer, Jesus the Divine Beloved, I his partner, Michael Varnum, and their judge who wanted to send me to hell for can now recognize the divinity in myself mystical cat, Kato. His “Blog of the being gay, is dead. And in his place is resur- and in us all — just as Rumi recognized Grateful Bear” is at wildfaith.blogspot.com 6 RECLAIMING JESUS

advice, to pray frequently, to distrust LIVING THE one’s own will, to speak the truth to ourselves and others…. “ TRUE TEACHINGS OF JESUS I have to manifest Christ in my thoughts, words and deeds with integrity eclaiming my faith? Pondering this other glorious things. It’s quite different and this isn’t easy. It’s a place where I find I realized that I haven’t lost my to find God in the toilet you’re scrubbing myself falling again and again, being Rfaith per-se. But I’ve become disil- or the laundry you’re doing. While listen- transformed in Christ spiritually, emotion- lusioned by the un-Christian attitudes of ing, I attempt to discern what God is ask- ally and psychologically, giving myself some of the mainstream Christian faiths, ing of me. When I realize the request, I’m permission to fail, knowing I can count on especially my own, Roman Catholicism. to act on it immediately without hesita- God’s mercy. By Catholic standards, I’m not in good tion. But being human, I question the My communities lead to the third vow, standing because I don’t follow all the command and Benedict allows for that. If stability. Stability is accepting where I am church’s teachings. I think the request is unreasonable, I’m to now, the people in my life now, my com- BY BEN LINTON At best I’m a state my request. If I’m still asked to per- munity, my spiritual path and my church “Cafeteria Catholic.” form the task, I’m to do it cheerfully as a way to find God. Stability doesn’t For me it isn’t about without grumbling. I have to remember mean staying with a violent spouse or taking what I like this when I’m asked to do a task I think is dead-end job. Stability teaches me how to and leaving the rest. beneath me. If I fail, I usually learn some- deal with the mundane and daily frustra- It’s about my com- thing new about myself. tions in this moment. It requires me to be mitment to live The second vow, conversion of man- responsible for myself, no matter how Christ’s command- ners, ties into listening. Through listening, much I want to fight, ignore or run. I have ment, “to love God I hear how or what I need to change. It’s to face my inner truth, listening to what with all of my heart, around the community of family, work, the situation is asking me to do at this all of my soul and my entire mind, love friends and GSV that I can experience the moment. If I’m trusting God, then I have my neighbor as myself and do not judge.” ongoing process of becoming more Christ- to be prepared to act on what I am being I put this into practice by applying to my like. To do this, I have to be open to lead to do. life the Rule of St. Benedict, the 1,500-year- change. If I’m to be spiritual, I must accept It isn’t easy being gay and Catholic at old guide of living the Gospels in commu- change and growth, taking responsibility this point in time. I’ve had a difficult time nity for monks. The vows of obedience, for what has to be changed in me and con- attempting to be the best Christian and conversion and stability are the grounding fronting myself. I have to be open to what Catholic that I can be when it seems the rest principles of living the Gospels every day. God is calling me to do. This was never of the world is telling me I’m unworthy of My first exposure to this philosophy promised to be easy. It’s not easy to let go being a Christian, let alone of God’s love. In was as a seminarian at the Benedictine of control, the things that control me and listening to God through scripture, the priory in Savannah. There was something the fear of failure. In his book Always We Rule of St. Benedict, my family, friends and about St. Benedict’s Rule that has res- Begin Again, Christian writer John GSV brothers, I’ve been able to discern that onated with me over the years. It helped McQuiston II sums it up best: I’m a good and decent spiritual Christian. me maintain my faith and live as a “…To form a loving image of our In following the Rule of St. Benedict, I’ve Christian even when my church is less God, and to love our true God, with learned to continually attempt change, than welcoming. all our hearts, with all our minds, and realizing I’m not perfect and that I will fall The Rule’s first word is “obsculta.” It with all our strength, and to love our time and time again. But the God of mercy means “to listen,” but it’s much more neighbors as much as we love our- is there to help me up again and then I than just hearing. It’s listening with atten- selves. If we follow the spirit of these must show that same mercy to others. tion. Obedience comes from the word two charges, we will not need any Stability teaches me that I can stand for “ob-audire” which means “to hear.” others. But because we are merely what I believe even in the face of criticism Obedience is not subservient submission human, we should remind ourselves, and hatred. I look for God in those people to authority. Obedience is hearing and lis- to relieve the unhappy, to visit the and pray that they can see God in me. tening to God in sacred reading, prayers sick, to clothe the destitute, to shelter Come to think of it, I don’t know that I and in church and community leaders. the oppressed, not to take ourselves need to reclaim Christ; I think some of the I’m also to listen for God in all of the peo- too seriously, not to want more than so called Christian institutions do. n ple around me, not just the ones I like. we need, not to love possessions, not God can speak to me in the client who to carry resentment, to support the Ben “Numinous” Linton is GSV Elder of tries my patience, the demanding boss, troubled, to encourage good humor, Service. He lives in Atlanta where he is a the impatient driver behind me or the to forgive our enemies, to show credit counselor, working with the homeless patient one in front of me. This also mercy to the weak, not to want and jobless to manage their debt. Currently applies to mundane tasks. It’s easy to praise, not to be proud, not to be he is discerning which direction his career look for God in the sunset, the stars and slothful, not to offer unwanted path will take him. 7 RECLAIMING JESUS

A COSMIC CHRIST CONSCIOUSNESS St. Sergius and grew up in New England attending a Franciscan retreat center where we taught round the year 303, Sergius Southern Baptist evangelical church. Matthew Fox’ principles of creation spiri- Aand Bacchus were martyred IThe emphasis was on salvation and the tuality which honors eastern and western in Resapha, south of the preaching was a pulpit-pounding fire and mysticism and all the pagan earth-based River. Their shrine has brimstone philosophy. Each week we religions. The concept of the Cosmic Christ been called the Canterbury of the would hear about a litany of sins which is that all of the world religions and the East, because it was second only to could land you in hell and, according to cosmos are the body of Christ. Jerusalem as a place of pilgrimage. BY ART BLUE the sins listed, my My lover was 20 years older than me They have churches all over the alcoholic, dysfunc- and not willing to have a sexual union, due 1 Middle East with the oldest in Cairo. tional family and I to Catholic guilt about gay sex. So after 4 ⁄2 were all headed years I decided I had put off coming out of At least five churches are dedicated there. Let’s just say the closet long enough. I left him and the to them in . Tens of thousands the fear of God had in New Hampshire to finally of modern men bear the name been planted in me come out. This brought me to Vermont Sergius in some form or other.They so deeply that I where I joined the gay community. I also were the official patrons of the headed off to Bible came out as an artist and studied art and Byzantine armies for nearly 1,000 school as a young adult and joined the ex- spirituality in the holistic studies program years and desert nomads still consid- gay ministry for eight years in an attempt of Vermont College and emerged in local er them special patrons. to rid myself of my disco era sinfulness. galleries as a collage artist. My roommate Warrior saints and of masculine I had used ex-gay ministry literature and was a radical faerie and drag performance tapes to de-program myself of those awful artist so I came out in the fullness of my courage and strength, they must both sins of bath houses and tearoom sex. I was faerie fabulosity. Through the faeries, I dis- laugh and weep at us from their vantage so successful, I even married a woman, all covered the goddess in many cultures and point in heaven. Christians have swept a along attending my Homosexuality started to celebrate her in my artwork. significant aspect of their lives under the Anonymous meetings faithfully. The mar- Although I loved the faeries I was not as rug. According to early Greek manu- riage didn’t last but my dedication to the “radical” as they were and, as a scripts – written before things were ex-gay ministry continued. It was not a Franciscan, decided to join Dignity, the “tidied up” – scattered throughout hopeful ministry because, over the years, Catholic gay-affirmative group. I loved Europe, Sergius and Bacchus were many of the ex-gay founders’ and leaders’ decorating the Dignity altars and creating “erasti” or lovers. ministries backslid into the gay subculture. art and ritual. Sergius and Bacchus were Christians A twist of fate happened when the fall of By 2001 I graduated with my B.A. and the Jim and Tammy Faye Baker empire had become known internationally as a and officers in the . When combined with the Jimmy Swaggart pros- collage artist. That year I had also become they refused to attend mandatory sacri- titute scandal, caused me to become disil- the president of Dignity Vermont. In the lusioned with born-again Christians. spring of 2002 my whole life was turned Not knowing where to go, I started visit- upside down when I opened the Sunday ing other denominations outside the Bible paper and saw an article about my Dignity belt mentality that I was used to. I eventu- priest being exposed as a pedophile. I ally felt most comfortable at a charismatic informed the New England and national Catholic folk mass. That Lent, a group of Dignity offices about the crisis and Franciscans spoke at our church about resigned as president. The crisis in the ministering to men dying of AIDS and I actually started to affect decided to join them. As I ministered to the my life personally because I was raped by men and started to see God’s spirit at work a priest as a child and decided to call a loving these men in the death and dying lawyer. The past two years have been hard process, I started wondering if my homo- for me as a survivor of clergy abuse but I sexuality was loveable by God. My answer don’t regret holding the church account- came in the form of a book called Original able. I now live in Asheville, NC, and am Blessing by Matthew Fox. In the book I part of a creation spirituality group called learned that my sexuality was not original Jubilee Community. sin but rather an original blessing given to e me by God to be used lovingly and spiri- Art Blue has his own business MotherEarth tually. I met my lover in the Franciscan GiftTiles.com and can be contacted at community and we opened a lay [email protected] 8 RECLAIMING JESUS

St. Bacchus JESUS, A MODEL OF COMING OUT fices to Jupiter, they were arrested and (Summarized from Helminiak’s up-coming Jesus. Rather, they portray what the early imprisoned.To humiliate them as soldiers, book from The Haworth Press, Queer Quest: Christians came to understand about they were forced to walk through the Sexual Identity and Spiritual Growth) Jesus. To this extent, the Gospels are true, streets of Resapha in women’s clothing. hristianity presents Jesus as a but they are not history in our sense of the According to Greek manuscripts, howev- model for every person. Including word. Nonetheless, we can know some- er, they embraced this shame with joy, CGLBTI people? thing of Jesus himself. Scholars have going to meet their groom like brides on In fact, recent research suggests that pieced together a sketch of the man Jesus BY DANIEL A. Jesus was actually who is the basis of the Gospel faith. their wedding day.They were then sepa- HELMINIAK what today we As it turns out, Jesus never claimed to rated and Bacchus was tortured to death. would call gay. In be God. This fact does not necessarily Sergius survived his torture longer and at The Man Jesus Loved, mean that he was not God, only that he night began to lose heart in his prison Theodore Jennings had no clear idea of his identity. But who cell. Bacchus appeared to him and convincingly makes has? We humans have to risk being our- encouraged him to persevere. It’s here that argument. Of selves even though we don’t fully under- that the old manuscripts are particularly course, other schol- stand what being ourselves means. Gay amazing. Though in standard stories, a ars question Jen- people understand this human require- wavering is promised heaven or nings’ conclusion. ment. As a real human being, Jesus lived Jesus as his reward, Bacchus encourages Probably we could never be certain about by this same requirement. Jesus’ sexual orientation. Gospel statements to the effect that Sergius to persevere because “your Nonetheless, Jesus does provide a Jesus was God occur only in John. There reward will be me.” model for gay people. Coming out is Jesus says things like “Before Abraham It’s understandable that this informa- essentially a matter of authenticity. Jesus came to be, I am” and “the Father and I tion might make the Christian church shows what it means to be authentic. So are one.” These statements express the uncomfortable. Here are bona fide saints his case speaks to anyone coming out in theology of John, not the actual words of popular throughout Europe and Latin any way. This argument concerns per- Jesus. There is little that is similar to such America because of all the miracles they sonal identity, not sexual identity. This statements in the other three Gospels. perform. But they no longer fit into the argument appeals to the heart of tradi- Jesus did not even claim to be the shrinking Christian ethos. Though the tional Christianity: the belief that Jesus Messiah. Compare Jesus’ comments at his Christian church has persecuted homo- was God. trial before the Jewish High Priest. In To get my point, you have to under- Mark 14:61-62, when asked if he were sexuals for centuries, both the Roman stand something about interpreting the “the Messiah, the Son of the Blessed and Orthodox churches celebrate the Bible. For example, the main lesson of my One,” Jesus responds, “I am,” but he then feast of Sergius and Bacchus on Oct. 7. book, What the Bible Really Says about changes the subject and talks about the Still the church persecutes homosexuals Homosexuality, is the need to look at what Son of Man, not the Messiah. This “I am” in the ecclesiastical realm and beyond. the biblical authors themselves meant is part of Mark’s theology, not Jesus’ own Christianity has spiritually raped many when they wrote their texts, not at what words, for it matches the understanding groups of people: women and gay folk in the texts in English translation might sug- of Jesus that Mark announces in the first general, Native Americans in particular gest to our 21st-century minds. On that sentence of his Gospel, and it matches and people of various cultures through- basis, it is clear that the Bible had no Mark’s teaching about a suffering out the world. But now people are begin- notion of “homosexuality” and no con- Messiah that Mark 8:29-33 develops. In cern whatsoever about it. The prohibition contrast, in the same situation Matthew ning to gather in small groups to find and in Leviticus 18:22 regards one male-male 26:63-64 has Jesus distance himself from hear their own stories. These stories are sex act only—anal penetration. That pro- the question about the Messiah and say, the stuff from which true theology is hibition involved religious taboo, ritual “It is you who say so.” And Luke 22:67-69 made for they contain precious seeds uncleanness, not the nature of human sex- has Jesus evade the question altogether. from the ripened fruit of many lives.The uality. Knowledge of the text’s original As best as can be determined, Jesus gay lovers Sergius and Bacchus, who historical and cultural context reveals an thought of himself as a prophet. Perhaps rejoice in heaven, are worthy patrons of understanding very different from ours. he also referred to himself as Son of Man, a their search for life. May they guide us Scholars have also dug beneath the term with a complex and ambiguous toward a future in which diversity can be Gospel accounts of Jesus. The results are meaning. seen a blessing rather than a threat. equally provocative. The upshot is that Jesus did not seem to The Gospels were written as testaments be too clear about his identity. He did not – Harold Cole, January 1995 of early Christian faith. They do not seem to know how to conceive of himself. recount the precise words and deeds of Was Jesus perhaps struggling with inner 9 RECLAIMING JESUS A scrapbook from the

THE FOURTH ANNUAL feelings and hunches? Was he dealing with inklings that he could not express Gay Spirit Visions well and that others would not under- stand? Then, did Jesus have to come to grips with his own true self in a way sim- Winter Meditation ilar to a person’s grappling with his or her homosexuality? That Jesus did is precise- ly what I am suggesting. At the Council of Nicaea in 312 C.E., the Church proclaimed that Jesus was, indeed, God. On the basis of Jesus’ teach- ings and deeds, Christian faith had always reverenced Jesus as God. Why not, then, state outright that he was God? And so the Council did. Take the Council at its word. At least for the sake of argument, allow this traditional belief about Jesus. Then consider the dilem- ma that his being God created for Jesus. At some level of consciousness, this sensitive man must have been in touch with his deepest identity. But how could he express or even conceive this relent- less inner sense? If he said, “I am God,” his words would have meant that he was “the Father in heaven,” and he knew he was not. If he said, “I am the Son of God,” all would have agreed, but in Jewish usage “Son of God” applied to anyone profoundly blessed. If he used the words of Nicaea, “I am consubstan- tial to the Father,” people would have thought him a raving lunatic. Besides, as a first-century Jew, he did not know the technical formula of Nicaea. There was no ready-made way to conceptualize what Jesus was. Why should there be? Such a thing had never happened before. So Jesus was left to live out his life in trust and faith. Relying only on the insis- tence that burned in his heart, at a great price he was true to himself. And history has never been the same. Grant that Jesus was really God, and this insight follows: The example of the central figure of Christianity teaches gay people to be true to themselves and, in costly honesty and loving good-will, to come out. r

Daniel Helminiak teaches psychology and spirituality at the State University of West Georgia, Carrollton. He is also a theologian, lecturer, author and former Catholic priest.

10 Photography by Lem Arnold and Jennings Fort

11 VISIONARY GSV P.O.Box 339 Decatur, GA 30031-0339

FIRST CLASS MAIL