Letters to Timothy: Good Practical Advice - Build Relationships

May 8, 2016

Dr. Tom Pace

2 Timothy 1:1-7

Let’s continue now with our worship this morning as we hear the Scripture read. We’re continuing in a series of sermons from First and Second Timothy on Practical Wisdom. Listen as we hear the Scripture this morning:

Paul, an apostle of by the will of God, for the sake of the promise of life that is in Christ Jesus, to Timothy, my beloved child: Grace, mercy, and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord. I am grateful to God — whom I worship with a clear conscience, as my ancestors did — when I remember you constantly in my prayers night and day. Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy. I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that lived first in your grandmother and your mother Eunice, and now, I am sure, lives in you. For this reason I remind you to rekindle the gift of God that is within you through the laying on of my hands; for God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather a spirit of power and of love and of self- discipline. (:1-7 NRSV)

I hope you will take your Inside-Out handout and follow along, because I’m going to be looking at that Scripture kind of verse by verse later in the sermon. And I want you to be able to follow along with your eyes as well as with your ears. So last week we talked about the practical wisdom that comes from Paul’s writing to Timothy as he encouraged us to focus on character, not on success, not on acquisition or on applause or approval but on character. And we talked about David Brooks’ image that he shared recently in a book called The Road to Character. On the difference between resume values that you’d put on your resume and eulogy values which they’ll talk about you when you die, and that we spend too much time on resume values and not enough on eulogy values, on character.

Today we want to talk about relationships. So we not only focus on character but second, we build relationships. Let’s pray together.

O God, open us up. Open our eyes that we might see, our ears that we might hear. Open our hearts that we might feel and then, O Lord, open our hands that we might serve. Amen.

I was reading again this week Ernest Hemingway’s little book A Movable Feast. It’s about his time in Paris in the 1920s and it was an amazing time there. It was a bustling city teeming with people and Pablo Picasso was there, and James Joyce was there, lots of great intellectuals. Hemingway also wrote The Sun Also Rises there.

He writes this in A Movable Feast: “The people went to the big cafes because they were lost in them, and no one noticed them, and they could be alone in them and yet be together.”

Sometimes when you’re with a lot of people, in a big city crammed with lots of people, you may feel more alone than any other time. It’s like “Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink.” Relationships. People everywhere yet not one significant relationship that feeds your soul in the midst of it all.

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They’re all around you, and it seems like the more there are the harder it is.

So I think that’s what’s happening when Paul is writing to Timothy. We’re trying to diagnose what’s going on in Timothy’s heart and soul. We don’t have the letter Timothy might have written to Paul, and I must say that we’re not really sure that Paul himself really wrote these letters. The language is kind of different than the language you find in the ones we know he wrote – Galatians, Romans. But it’s certainly written in his name, and perhaps a scribe has written it on his behalf.

So Timothy is Paul’s protégé, and he’s traveled with him, and he’s been left in to be the pastor there. And as time has passed, he’s suffered and struggled. Listen, that’s why Paul writes, “I remind you to rekindle the gift of God that is within you through the laying on of my hands.” You only rekindle something if it’s burned out. So Timothy is burned out. He’s been stuck in this city, and he feels isolated and alone and struggling. He has perhaps reached out to Paul to explain the struggle he’s having, and Paul is telling him, “Hang in there.” And he’s writing him in affirmation and support and encouragement.

The philosopher Schopenhauer is admittedly a philosopher, and he’s kind of cynical as he describes the human race as a bunch of porcupines. He says: “The colder it gets outside the more we huddle together for warmth. But the closer we get together the more we hurt one another with our sharp quills. In the lonely night of earth’s winter eventually we begin to drift apart and wander out on our own to freeze to death in our loneliness.”

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Okay, it’s over the top a little, but none the less it’s true that those relationships… You know I have a task list on my computer of things to do. I haven’t really learned to use it right, and I put too much on it for a single day, and it’s always there. You know when you don’t get the tasks done for that day it turns red, and they like yell at you, “You’re overdue! You’re overdue!” So you look at that task list, and you think, “I’ve got to do that! I’ve got to do that! Oh, man, I haven’t talked to my daughter in a long time… and oh, I’ve gotta do that, and I’ve gotta do that… I need to call my mom… Oh, I gotta do that, I gotta do that...you know, there’s that friend I haven’t talked to …” And when you get done with the day those thoughts have rushed through your mind, and you’ve accomplished a bunch of those tasks, but you haven’t done any of those other things. You haven’t invested in those relationships. You’ve been focusing on the tasks, on getting those things done because by golly you’ve got to get them done. They’re urgent! These other things aren’t so urgent. You know, your friend you haven’t talked to in a year or so, they’ll be there. So what happens is that we find ourselves lonelier and lonelier and lonelier.

What I want to do right now is to really tell you two things. First, we need to focus on relationships, and second to take a look at what’s a part of them. There are three kinds of relationships that I think this speaks to. The first is of mentor and protégé. Paul is Timothy’s mentor and Timothy is Paul’s protégé. I don’t know if you have a mentor or not.

You know the word mentor has kind of come into fashion, but in the church we thought of it a long time. We call people spiritual mothers or spiritual fathers. Six times in the letters to Timothy Paul refers to Timothy as “his child” or “my son.” It’s a way of saying that all around us we have spiritual 4

mothers and spiritual fathers who have nurtured us and who have cared for us.

In our youth program, Rob Dulaney, our director of our youth ministries, says that he wants to have a one to five ratio between students and teachers. But that doesn’t mean one teacher, one adult, for every five students. Rather it means five adults for every one student, that every single student will have five adults who have invested in their lives. A Sunday school teacher, a youth counselor, a choir leader, someone else’s parent, a faith friend, a pastor. Somebody who knows their name and is praying for them and encouraging them and lifting them up. Because we all need spiritual mothers and fathers to care for us.

In Romans 16 Paul writes something that I find so interesting. I love it when one little verse captures me. He writes: “Give my greetings to Rufus, chosen in the Lord, and his mother and mine.” Now some scholars think he’s talking about his biological mother, perhaps in . But most believe he considers Rufus’ mother as also his spiritual mother that Rufus’ mother had put him up when he traveled, that he had a relationship with her, and she’d been a supporter. She was someone who had supported him financially and had written encouragement to him. Some of you may have friends’ mothers that you see as your mother.

So we all need those spiritual parents. And the question I would ask you today is, are you investing in anybody? Are you either looking toward a mentor or looking to mentor someone, to care for them, to be a spiritual parent for them?

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I have a mentor I meet with on most Tuesdays, because it means a lot to me. And when we talk sometimes we talk about stuff – important stuff. Sometimes we talk about nothing. But nonetheless it helps to form me. All right, mentors and protégés.

Okay, second, Paul says, “I’m reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and now I’m sure lives in you.” What about family? What about the relationships in your family? Are you investing in those family relationships?

It is Mother’s Day, so it is important that we have some discussion about moms. I asked some of you to send me “momisms” and I thought I would share some of them with you. This one I particularly like: “You and your brother go outside if you’re going to kill each other.” This one I’ve heard my wife say: “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.”

There’s a story about my mom that took place when I was in high school. One summer she was headed off to work, and she had seen a dead animal by the side of the driveway, so she came downstairs and told me, “There’s a dead cat outside. Will you bury the cat? Check to see if it’s dead, and then bury it.”

So she came home and yells down the stairs, “Did you bury the cat?” I said, “Yes, Mom, I buried the cat.” And she said, “Was it dead?” Now I have to tell you that it’s a logical question. I would have asked the same question. But I didn’t answer it immediately, and she said to herself, “That was a stupid question.” But still to this day we’ll say to her all the time, “Was it dead?”

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It’s all “momisms.” We love moms.

Washington Irving wrote these words: “A mother is the truest friend we have when trials heavy and sudden fall upon us - when adversity takes the place of prosperity, when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us when troubles thicken around us. Still will she cling to us and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness and cause peace to return to our hearts.”

I will say that has been my experience of moms who support you when others turn away. Are we investing in those family relationships that God has put into our lives?

Finally, what about our friends? Those friendships. Listen to what Paul writes, and these may be the last words we have of Paul. This is near the end of his life, and it’s in the same passage we’re going to deal with later. It’s where he says, “I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race. I have kept the faith.” It’s in that same section.

So here’s what he writes near the very end where he’s writing to Timothy, “Do your best to come to me soon, for , in love with this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica; has gone to , to Dalmatia. Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is useful in my ministry. I have sent to Ephesus. When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, also the books, and above all the archments. the coppersmith did me great harm. Greet Prisca and Aquila and the household of . Erastus remained in Corinth; I left ill in . Do your best to come before winter.” Wow! Isn’t that powerful? “Do your best to come before winter.” He finishes, “Eubulus sends greetings to you, as do 7

Pudens and Linus and Claudia and all the brothers and sisters.”

So he reaches the end of his life, and what is he thinking about? He’s thinking about people, about his friends and about his colleagues and his partners of the , those relationships that are broken, those relationships that are strong. That’s what he’s thinking about. I suspect when I reach the end of my life I will be thinking about the same things.

Do you know why I love being a part of St. Luke’s as the pastor? It’s that when I come to work, I work with people whom I love. And these people that I work with, the staff, and the lay people, are not just colleagues and workmates but they’re friends, the people I love and they love me back. We care about each other, we support each other and we encourage each other. We don’t use one another. We love one another. It’s part of what we do and who we are. It’s what makes this worthwhile.

The mission matters. Don’t misunderstand me. We work side by side in the mission. Earlier on Paul talks to Timothy and calls him a “partner in the Gospel.” We’re side by side working together, but it makes such a difference to be with friends. So my question is, “Do you invest in the friendships that God has put into your life?” They are your colleagues, your teammates. When you go to your workplace are you all about the tasks and keeping your nose to the grindstone, or are you building those relationships around you that can support you and uphold you?

What is at the core of these relationships? In your bulletin I tried to list some of those, and I don’t have time to go through them all one at a time, but I want to lift up some of them. The first one is gratitude. He says starting in verse 3: “I am grateful to God whom I worship with a clear conscience when I remember you.” 8

I wonder if the people in your life know that you’re grateful for them. I wonder if you are grateful for them. Do you thank God for people God has put in your life? Do they know you’re grateful? That gratitude will get you through so much.

Second, he says, “when I remember you constantly in my prayers night and day.” The second component is prayer. They pray for one another. If there’s one thing that I would tell you that will make a difference in relationships is that you pray for one another every day. So here’s the deal. At least in my life, I can’t remember everybody to pray for. So I have to have a list, an actual list. So all my family is on there, all my children and their husbands, and my grandchildren, and my wife and my parents. All those people are on my list. All my colleagues, all the people I work with everyday are on the list. Our elected leaders are on the list. The people in the church that need prayer are on the list. My friends are on the list. It’s a long list.

Some people might think that you’re cheating if you have a list. But no, you’re not. Take the list and put them all down there and every day you look at that list. Just go through the names one at a time, hold a picture of that person in your mind. The Quakers like to say, “Hold them in the light.” Hold them in the light if you know specifically what their needs are. Pray for them specifically. Then go to the next name and the next name. It will take ten minutes. And what happens is that that prayer is a leading edge for our lives. So as we pray our lives follow. And every day you’ll be remembering the people that matter to you.

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“Recalling your tears, I long to see you.” There’s something about sharing tears that bonds people together. I was in another church, and we were facing kind of a controversial issue, and I called one of my mentors, Bishop Oliphint. He said, “Don’t do that yet.” I was fairly new in the church at that time. He said, “Don’t do that yet.” And then he had a great line. He said, “You haven’t done enough funerals yet.” I thought, “What?” And he said, “You have to do those funerals. You have to cry with people a little bit.” So he’s saying that after a while you’ll have cried with enough people that you’ll have the capital, the relational capital, to get something accomplished. You see, you’re bonded together when you cry together.

Or “so that I may be filled with joy.” When you celebrate together. My family goes on vacation every year and it’s the most fun time of the year. I look forward to it. We have a great time together. Sometimes we go someplace cool, sometimes we go someplace not all that exotic. We just have a good time.

My daughter Calley and I have a thing. She’ll text me sometimes and say, “Dad,….” And I know what’s coming. And it will say, “Do you remember that time we almost sank the pontoon boat?” Who sinks a pontoon boat? Only my family can sink a pontoon boat. We didn’t actually sink it, but just everybody fell off when everybody ran toward the front. It didn’t actually sink. But nonetheless we just laugh together. So there’s joy together, and there’s sadness together. That’s life together. The Greek word is koinonia, which is a word that just means “shared life.”

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And there’s faith. “I’m reminded of your sincere faith.” I hope sometime you’ll go on a mission trip, because within fifteen seconds you connect with someone there who’s also a Christian. There’s usually a host family or host church, and you connect with that person, and within fifteen seconds you have a bond. Culturally, you’re dramatically different, but you’re brothers and sisters in Christ and you know it immediately.

There’s a shared faith, a common sense of calling, “To rekindle the fire that came with the laying on of hands….” The laying on of hands is a sending–forth to send forth in ministry, giving a sense of calling and purpose, a shared sense of a shared spirit, a spirit of “power and love and self-discipline.” It says, “For God did not give us a spirit of cowardice but of power and love and self-discipline.”

Last night my wife sent me out to fertilize the flowers. We have these flowers that are kind of high on the fence, and she can’t reach them without a ladder. She’d asked me earlier in the week, “Can you fertilize my flowers?” I said, “Yes,” and then I didn’t do it. And I didn’t do it. She’d say, “Did you fertilize my flowers?” And I didn’t do it, and I didn’t do it.

Anyway, finally yesterday I fertilized her flowers. And you take this watering can, and you put a couple of scoops of fertilizer stuff in there, and you fill it with water. Then you fertilize the flowers. It doesn’t take a long time, but you just have to do it. You’ve got to do it.

You see the tasks that we do, that list of tasks we check off? That’s very mechanized. It’s very much machine like. It’s engineering. Relationships are organic. They don’t need an engineer, but they need a gardener. And if you don’t fertilize them, they’re doing to die. You can fertilize them and water 11

them, and still sometimes they die. That’s my kind of thumb. But if you don’t water and fertilize or nurture them or cultivate them, they’re going to die. And I would tell you the same is true with your relationships. If you’re so interested in the engineering that you can’t get around to the gardening, then I suggest that to you it’s time to do what you can to move the priorities. Because when you get to the end of your life what you’re going to remember are the people, the people you love and the people who love you.

Let’s pray together. Lord God, we thank you for the people that you have put into our lives. We’re especially thankful for mothers, for the way they have loved us and cared for us, for the bond that we share, for the tears and the joy, for the faith and the purpose. We ask that you help us to refocus our lives away from those tasks toward that relationship that we might experience all the joy that you have for us. In the name of Christ, we pray. Amen.

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