Fin a I e

Hook'y h" th, S"O\'Y CUp, '0""" th, Bigfoot, with fi'equent sightings and fe~ World Cup and tennis the Davis Cup. captures. Each of us remembered seeing it Little League , meanwhile, has the ... somewhere. It hovered on the edge of Athletic Cup-that monument not to our collective family consciousness, its victory, but to perseverance in the face of dusty blue face faintly mocking us. As the squirming discomfort. minutes ticked closer to game time, the Youngest son Justin first encountered quest for the cup often provided more the cup at age 7 as part of his baseball drama than the game itself A typical uniform. Although leery of tucking his scenario: privates into a hard plastic shell, he bowed Justin's voice thunders up the stairs, its to the rules of the game and retired to the tone plaintive. bathroom to wrestle himself into it. "Has anybody seen my cup?" Some time later he emerged, clutching A teenage sister provides incriminating his nether parts and staggering down the evidence. "You were wearing your stupid Squeeze hall like Frankenstein after a hard night's cup on your face when you were on the pillaging. computer last night:' She wrinkles her "I can't wear this thing," he gasped. "It's nose. "Which was gross." strangling me:' Justin shrugs. "I was being Darth play At our urgi ng, he unzipped his fl y and Vader:' the offendingjock strap and cup at once That night we found the cup under the sprang into view-he was wearing them on computer desk. On another occasion it the outside of his underpants. We was on the landing by the fi'ont door. explained that he needed to don the jock Under a chair in the living room. On the By Nancy McKibben strap before the briefs, an improvement dining room table. It was a puzzle how an that he found only marginally more item of sporting equipment as intimate as Illustration by Mario Noche comfo rtable. There followed a period of a cup could lead such a nomadic life. Why intensive experimentation with different didn't it turn up in the wash each week, sizes and models. The scientific secure in the pocket of the sliding shorts? conclusion, buttressed by weeks offield Then one evening after a game I testing: All cups are torture devices. witnessed the launch of the cup's weekly \Ve left the cup to languish unworn in peregrinations. We unlocked the fi'ont the sock drawer, and so it stood until the door ofour bi-level and my son stepped summerJustin moved up fi-om the Minors inside, reached into his baseball pants, to the Majors. At each game, the coach yanked the offending cup and dropped required his players to knock their it on the floor, where it rocked gently for knuckles against their crotches to prove an instant before triggering the that they were wearing protection. The subconscious message always looping cup was back. through the brain cells of the lO-year-old This time,Justin trekked to Dick's male: ''Alert! Object on floor! Kick object!" Sporting Goods to trade in the strangling Message received, his cleated toe sent the jock strap for sliding shorts, which hold cup bouncing down the steps to the lower the cup in a handy interior pocket. After level. When I rounded onJustin, he was we coaxed him fi'o m behind the rack of unfazed. sports socks where he had hidden at the "It's so uncomfortable, Mom-I just approach of a perky teenage salesgirl, he can't wait to take it oU:' chose his new cup-a sporty triangular Myself the fi'equent and unwilling number in blue plastic with three victim of pantyhose, I could relate to the ventilation holes, like a miniature primitive urge to kick the cup downstairs, so I stifl ed mask with round staring eyes and a mouth a sigh and sent him to retrieve it. Despite held in a permanent "0" ofs urprise. its arch expression and wandering ways, I Once home, a curious phenomenon knew that for the rest of the season I could emerged: A1thoughJustin could scoop up depend on the cup for two things: one, to a grounder on the bounce and hurl it fi'om protect my son's manhood and, two, to third to first with the accuracy of a heat­ show him that baseball is a game whose seeking missile, he seemed to lack the eve.y idiom is layered with meaning, coordination necessmy to insert the cup beginning with the phrase shouted at the into the nylon pocket. It fell to me, his start of each half-: "Balls in!" • mother, to many the cup to the shorts before each game. But first I had to find it. The cup proved to be as elusive as Nancy McKibben is a freelance writer.

:1.72 Co lumbu s M o nthly. JULY 20 11