How and Why to Use the Cabeceo Effectively at a Daniel Boardman and Michelle McRuiz, Albuquerque, NM © 2017

What is the cabeceo? A discreet, nonverbal invitation to dance. It is initiated by either party and accepted (or declined) by either party.

Why use the cabeceo? • It’s easier and much more polite than asking verbally. • It doesn’t obligate the person being asked to accept. • If a person declines the invitation, both parties can save face. • It doesn’t make the person being asked feel manipulated, pressured, or even stalked by the other party. • You can do it from across the room. • It’s speedy. Two people can find each other quickly using the cabeceo if they prefer to dance to certain orchestras together. • It helps dancers, if they tend to dance only one or two tandas together, to find each other for just the right music. • It is a dance unto itself; it becomes an extension of .

Visualize a world without the cabeceo … In a cabeceoless world, the most aggressive people get the most dances, without allowing people who really want to dance together to find each other easily.

How to use the cabeceo properly 1. After the cortina ends, scan the room, looking for your favorite partners first. o It is considered rude/disrespectful to cabeceo during the cortina. While some dancers may not care what music is playing, many have distinct partner/music preferences. o It shows a lack of awareness to cabeceo for the last song in a . Better to wait and determine how many songs are left. 2. If one of them makes eye contact with you (this is called the mirada), hold his/her gaze, and then initiate the cabeceo through a nod, a lift of the eyebrows, a widening of the eyes, or a head tilt. These gestures should be subtle, not exaggerated. 3. The other person may accept by mirroring your gesture or doing his/her own cabeceo in return. 4. If someone is cabeceoing you and you do not wish to accept the invitation, simply look away discreetly. Resist the impulse to look back at the person to see if he/she is still looking at you. 5. If there is any doubt about if you’re the person being cabeceoed, you can point discreetly to yourself (“me?”). 6. In general, it’s customary for the follower to wait for the leader to walk over to her and collect her. The follower may continue to make eye contact with the leader as he approaches.

How & Why to Use the Cabeceo – Daniel Boardman & Michelle McRuiz – October 2017 Page 1 of 2 7. In the case of a misunderstood/accidentally intercepted cabeceo, it is the initiator’s obligation to apologize to the person who misread the cabeceo and go with the person he/she initially cabeceoed.

The worst pseudo-cabeceos (in no particular order) • Approacheceo/Creepeceo: Getting too close/sneaking up to the person and cabeceoing at point-blank range. The person feels pressured and manipulated to say yes. • Cortinaceo: Verbally or nonverbally asking someone to dance during the cortina. (See No. 1 above.) • Chateceo: Using conversation as a preamble to verbally asking a person to dance. • Snackeceo: Staking out the snack table so that if anyone wants to eat, he/she has to interact with you, and you then ask him/her to dance. • Whineceo: Whining to the person that he/she never dances with you. Remember that the person knows they don’t dance with you and has their own valid reasons for this. • Expecteceo: Saying “Save me a tanda!” or “You’d better dance with me tonight!” at the beginning of the milonga, on social media, etc. • Babysitting: After attempting another pseudo-cabeceo and failing, the requestor then sits next to the person for the remainder of the tanda as if to prevent that person from dancing with anyone else. • Intercepteceo: Intercepting (usually by accident) a cabeceo between two people by inserting yourself between the couple, then cabeceoing the person.

When is it okay to break the rules? Discuss!

Bonus! 10 ways to get more dances at a festival 1. Stand up when the tanda ends. During the cortina, stand near the dance floor exit routes. 2. Reposition yourself throughout the night. Sit for a while, then move around the room and stand for a while in a high-traffic area. 3. While you’re watching the dance floor, show your appreciation for desired partners’ skills by smiling warmly at them. It can't hurt to stroke an ego or two. 4. Women: Show up early or stay late. Often there are more men at the beginning or end of a milonga, which improves your odds. 5. Remember your past dance partners’ names and greet them by name. 6. Look like you are ready to dance: Sit up straight and scan the room with your eyes. Put your phone away. 7. If you’re in conversation, continue to look around the room and keep a posture that shows you can break away to dance. 8. Women: Wear colors other than red or black so you will stand out more. 9. Men: Dress the part If you wear a nice, unwrinkled shirt and pants or a pressed suit, women are more likely to give you the benefit of the doubt, even if they don’t know you. 10. Look happy, friendly, and carefree. Remember that we dance tango to forget our troubles, not to create new ones.

How & Why to Use the Cabeceo – Daniel Boardman & Michelle McRuiz – October 2017 Page 2 of 2