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12-1-1994 Eastern Progress - 01 Dec 1994 Eastern Kentucky University

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Recommended Citation Eastern Kentucky University, "Eastern Progress - 01 Dec 1994" (1994). Eastern Progress 1994-1995. Paper 15. http://encompass.eku.edu/progress_1994-95/15

This News Article is brought to you for free and open access by the Eastern Progress at Encompass. It has been accepted for inclusion in Eastern Progress 1994-1995 by an authorized administrator of Encompass. For more information, please contact [email protected]. Single parent families find Dana Carvey and crew "bazaar" Christmas at fair. bring a holiday "Paradise' Christmas tradition decks PageBl to the silver screen. Keen Johnson in green. PageB3 PageB3

ACCENT ARTS ACTIVITIES THE EASTERN PROGRESS Vol. 73/No. 15 18 pages December 1,1994 Student publication of Eastern Kentucky University, Richmond, Ky. 40475 ©The Eastern Progress Colonels Bad weather hang on no longer to title stops class dreams Progress staff report Progress staff report Come rain, come sleet or come snow, classes will go on. With its first round win over University officials have devel- ed u I e Boston University, Eastern's foot- oped a new schedule that would go EKU INCLEMENT WEA1HER PLAN ball squad will advance to the sec- into effect during bad weather current ed ond round of the Division I-AA instead of resorting to canceling schedule ■

Progress staff report study environment. INSIDE FALL 1994 FINAL EXAM SCHEDULE Besides extended hours for study- Class Time Exam Date Exam Time It's exam time once again, which ing, students can unwind by taking a ■ Wojc ON PLANS lor the new WEATHER: • Evening 8 a.m. Wed.. Dec. 14 8-10 a.m. class** will means hours of students' lime will "campus-wide study break" spon- «ness*and wellnes* center TOOAY High 55. Low 9:15 a.m. Wed.. Dec. 7 810 a.m. have finals be — or should be — spent studying sored by the Student Association. wW begin after the end of this 38, sunny 10:30 a.m. Mon.. Dec. 12 810 a.m. on their for those last tests of the semester. The study break will take place eemester, See Page A8. FRIDAY High 59, 11:45 a.m. Wed., Dec. 14 11-1 p.m. respective All residence hall lobbies will be from 9-11 p.m. Dec. 12 in the Wed,, Dec. 7 11-1 p.m. days at 6-8 p.m. Low 39, dry, mild 1 p.m. open all night during finals week to Powell Lobby. Activities will ACCENT „..B1 SATURDAY High 59, 2:15 p.m. Mon., Dec. 12 11-1 p.m. give students an opportunity to study include karaoke and an appearance ACTIVITIES B5 Low 39. mild 3:30p.m. Wed.. Dec, 7 2 4 p.m. •All Saturday by that great night owl from the clasaeswill at any hour. Computers in several of AD INDEX A11 4:45p.m. Wed., Dec. 14 2-4 p.m. have final* on the hall lobbies also will be available North Pole, Santa Claus. 8 a.m. Thurs.. Dec. 8 810 a.m. Dec. 10 « for late night crashing by students. However, the Academic ARTS/ENTERTA.NMENT B3 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY. ft 9:15 a.m. Fri., Dec. 9 810 a.m. 9:15-11:15 a.m. Dean of Student Life Jeannette Computing Micro Center located in CLASSIFIEDS .A4 Today Is World AIDS Day. It is 10:30 a.m. Tues., Dec. 13 8-10 a.m. Crockett said the extended lobby the Combs Buiding will not be PEOPLE B4 a day declared by the United 11:45 a.m. Thurs.. Dec. 8 11-1 p.m. •Confer with PEOPLE POLL .A3 Nations to be aday of AIDS hours are reserved for studying only. extending its hours for finals study. r8r ss and 1 p.m. Fri.. Dec. 9 11-1 p.m. each Instructor She said people would not be per- The hours for the computer lab PERSPECTIVE A2&3 •»* » •ducation. for timos. dates 2:15 p.m. Tues., Oec. 13 11-1 p.m. and place* of mitted to watch television, play are Monday-Wednesday 8 a.m.-11 3:30 p.m. Fri., Dec. 9 24 p.m. joint finals. games or socialize during this time. p.m., Thursday 8 am.-9 p.m., Friday 4:45 p.m. Thurs., Dec. 8 2-4 p.m. Resident assistants will be patroling 8 a.m.-4:30 p.m. and Sunday 3-9 SPORTS B6&7 l__Jl H. __JB H___J p.m. The lab is closed on Saturday. Progress/TERRY STEVENS the lobbies to maintain a proper A2 PERSPECTIVE Thursday, December 1.1994 iDj-jDim. Sitting high on the Hill Creative solutions needed for OVC quandry

Where would the Western Kentucky University said, "Let's don't give them a chance to win our Hilltoppcrs be had they not bolted from the Ohio conference." Valley Conference a dozen years ago for lusher Maybe Kidd would love to have the same basketball courts in the Sun Belt Conference? chance to pick and choose which conference he Well, quite possibly in the Division I-AA foot- plays in. It could be that he's a little jealous, as ball playoffs the last two years. After all. they did well as scared. defeat the Colonels both seasons — something no He likes being a dominant force in the confer- OVC foe could do. ence and beating the brains out of weaker teams. Maybe that's what Hilltbpper coach Jack Let's face it. the OVC doesn't provide adequate Harbaugh and the rest of the WKU athletic com- competition for Eastern. They have a winning munity recently when they began petitioning to re- record against every conference opponent and only enter the conference — in Middle Tennessee and football only. Murray can boast of beat- It must feel pretty good A modest proposal ing them more than once sitting on those hills out over the last 17 seasons. west, picking and choosing What about a merger of sorts Western should be let where they can play to win. in only if it is willing to between the Southern come into the conference Play football in the Conference and the OVC? OVC, basketball in the with all its programs. Sun Belt. Maybe the Eastern, Western, Middle "I could see where it Hilltoppcrs can even play Tennessee, Marshall, would benefit the confer- baseball in the Southern Appalachian State, Georgia ence if all the sports came Conference. Southern, Western Carolina and in, but don't split it up and Who could blame Furman. make exceptions," said Western for trying to have Middle Tennessee coach its cake and eat it too? Any Boots Donnelly. school would like to have the opportunity to play However, the bottom line is that Western where each program can be successful. It means would never come into the OVC with all its pro- more money and more exposure. grams. It's far too lucrative to stay in the Sun Belt Guitar makes memories, music If Western did enter the OVC in football, it for basketball, with its automatic tournament bids would add another team to the OVC's regular two- and televised games. someone come into the apartment, So what should the OVC presidents decide A liule more than a year ago, my team race and another dimension to Eastern's old roommate moved to Oregon. He setUe comfortably on the couch and when they meet in Nashville Dec. 16? Ian schedule. left me his old acoustic guitar to Allman play this guitar for hours — some Either Eastern or Middle Tennessee has won the What.about a merger of sorts between the learn to play. It's one of the most quicdy strumming, some with fluid OVC with an undefeated conference record the Southern Conference and the OVC? beat up, scratched, chipped and fingers racing up and down the last seven years and has gone on to post-season This would create a highly competitive confer- well-worn pieces of musical equip- My Turn frets. I've seen it orbit the room play. In each case, the fans, die coaches and even ence consisting of Eastern, Western, Middle, ment that has ever crossed my path. many times in one night and pass the players knew it would either be EKU or MTSU Marshall, Appalachian State, Georgia Southern, But it's also beautiful, and it plays through many talented and a few Western Carolina and Furman. This conference amazingly well. tone-deaf hands. coming out on lop. Occasionally, I have had to ask But would it be fair for Western come in for could be called the Southern Appalachian The grubby neck, scalloped clean from frequent fingering, is crudely I have packed it through the some drunken idiot to quit playing, football only? Most officials and coaches don't Conference (SAC). but it usually finds its way into T^Krycmaming «eam6.from each conference bolted to the body with one large woods on impromptu camping trips think so. ... . 1 wood screw. One of the "F'-shapcd to hear it ringing through the trees respectful hands. It sparks sponta- "To just let them in football is wrong the way would be compiled tp the "Small Tcnh' — for in the pre-dawn darkness. I have neous lessons and starts conversa?, Tennessee — Confertntc (STC). It would consist holes on the body is missing a large they did the OVC," Coach Roy Ktdd said recently. chip of wood, broken off to facili- seen it clothe naked guitarists and Uons that last all night. Kidd is referring to Western's decision to leave of UT-Martin. Tennessee State, Tennessee Tech. tate the rescue of an adventurous watched it raise heads to my apart- In these days of Super the OVC in 1982 in order to join the Sun Belt Southeast Missouri, Murray Austin Pcay, The gerbil. ment's rooftop in curious wonder. I Nintendos, interactive TV and 100- Conference, which is stronger in basketball but Citadel, UT-Chattanooga. Virginia Military It's finish is webbed with have heard it supply the soundtrack disc CD changers, I think some peo- doesn't have football. Since then. Western has Institute and East Tennessee. cracks like an old pitcher your to many late night summer gather- ple forget how to entertain them- made four appearances in the NCAA basketball Oh, and Morchcad would be moved into a state grandmother might have. The ings. selves without an electric outlet handy. They wrap their fingers tournament and two NCAA football playoff AAAA district with Clark County, Madison bridge has been offset with slivers I have heard it moan woefully Central and North and South Laurel high schools. of an old pick. The nut at the top through an empty laundromat. It has around a joystick or tap on a remote attempts. It has won its last seven encounters with control, while others make notes This way, the new conferences could offer their of the neck is a piece of cedar I gathered aimless passersby and OVC football opponents. fashioned one Sunday afternoon drawn them into my parking lot to ring out and talk about life and Maybe Kidd is just a little scared to let Western fans exciting, competitive sports action and not spin tales of their aspiring musical music. just a parade of victims for the powerhouses. last spring. It's been lovingly in the OVC. We got a glimpse of that fear when he bathed in beer and set afloat in the careers. This guitar has brought me It's nice to see that something as questionably clean waters of the many memories and supplied me simple as a crappy old guitar can Kentucky River. with many stories in which to revel. still provide so much entertainment. I find it hard to imagine this Sometimes I find them creeping instrument ever having been into my mind and igniting a spell of Allman is a sophomore art edu- propped in a store front window in a laughter as I try to sleep. cation major from Richmond and Pathetic participation pristine state. It's amazing sometimes to watch the Progress staff artist. Students shouldn't complain about problems they won't address

•Nothing is wrong on campus. At least that's students about this semester's parking arrange- l what it seems like. ments, but he did not show up. ' , " '■" ' • ' ... '"'■'.'•:'■ ' . j ! •' A' " ■' • ' / • "Why, you ask, is everything so wonderfully per- Jozefowicz said he was under the impression fect on the Eastern home front? his presence was not needed at the forum because Because our campus community has grown indif- no one contacted him to confirm his appointment Remedial editorial based on want to learn. all die people of its region. ftfrent. We think we cannot make a change, so many and that he didn't even know when or where the untrue generalizations You made a number of unsub- As students who are now do not attend forums or answers questionnaires. forum was to be held, despite its announcement by stantiated generalizations about enrolled in 090-level classes, we A student senate forum held Nov. 15 on the same the senate and the Progress. We were angry when we read, remedial students. Students in reme- feel we deserve an equal opportuni- topic of our poll only drew a "handful of students." This entire incident has been chalked up to a big "Remedial Rhetoric," in the Eastern dial classes are not all on financial ty to learn. Many attending were the meeting's organizers. miscommunication between Jozcfowicz and the Progress. Oct. 20. 1994. You aid. They are not all students who The forum had been publicized by the senate student senate. But every issue that needs to be defined a university "...as a place of didn't do well in high school. Robbie Conner In fact, "remedial" students are and was announced in the student senate story in addressed by students, faculty, staff and administra- higher learning where those who Jeffrey George tors on campus can't be explained away like this. succeed in high school go on to fur- just "like" the student body as a Stacey Hourigan the Nov. 10 issue of the Progress to allow students whole, a very diverse group. They tp voice their opinions about phone registration Until students begin to show more interest in ther their educations!" Michael Johnson Yet Eastern Kentucky University are students who want to learn and and other campus issues, including parking. and influence on what happens to their education for a number of reasons need to Shane Kelly and campus, can we really blame anyone for defines a university as a public Christina Lemieux However, the low attendance by students is not institution whose goals include to increase their skills so that they can surprising. The forum wasn't attended by many unpopular decisions and policies. provide access to people of its ser- succeed. Christy Shuler university administrators or faculty, either. In fact, Stop dreading what the administration has done vice region and to serve as a school We hope that Eastern will not Jenna Tipton Mark Jozcfowicz, the university's director of park- to make your life miserable; go to the next forum of opportunity. A school of opportu- change its philosophy to become an David Vaught ing and transportation, was scheduled to speak to and tell them what you think. nity should open its doors to all who elitist institution rather than to serve Jar rod West

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M "".'. :.'.-"Jr ' ;l ■, :,-x..W: :: : ■. I ■...,.'.'.'- ''-" '. ' ""' THE EASTERN PROGRESS '/'£- Ft) f. • '-,'■ ', ' Il'j r iUV 117 Donovan Annex Eastern Kentucky University ■ To report a news story ■ To place an ad ■ To subscribe Subscriptions are available by mail Richmond. Ky. 40475 or idea Display at a cost of $1 per issue; $15 per (606) 622-1872. FAX (606) 622-2354 News Monica Keeton 622-1881 semester; or $30 per year payable in advance. Don Perry 622-1872 Class! fied/Subcri pt ions Selena Woody Chad Williamson Features Editor Managing editor Anne Norton 622-1881 ■ To submit a column JimQuiggms 622-1882 The Progress give readers an Ian Allman Joe Castle, Amy Etmans Activities opportunity to express more Staff artist Copy editors ■ To suggest a photo or detailed opinions in a column called Christina Rankin 622-1882 order a reprint "Your Turn." Columns should be Arts & Entertainment mailed to The Eastern Progress. Opinions expressed herein are those of student editors or other signed writers and do not necessarily represent the Brett Dunlap 622-1882 117 Donovan Annex, Eastern views of the university. Student editors also decide the news and informational content. DougRapp 622-1882 Kentucky University, Richmond, Ky. Sports 40475. The deadline is noon The Eastern Progress is a member of the Associated Collegiate Press, Kentucky Intercollegiate Press Association Mary Ann Lawrence 622-1882 ■ To reach us by e-mail: Monday prior to publication. end College Newspaper Business A Advertising Managers, Inc. The Progress is published every Thursday during Columns will be printed in accor- Mau McCarty _622-1882 the school year, with the exception of vacation and examination periods. Any false or misleading advertising should Internet: [email protected] dance with available space. be reported to Adviser/General Manager, Dr. Elizabeth Fraas. The Eastern Progress, Thursday, December 1,1994 A3 PERSPECTIVE

\UJJ.Vrlil ^j 'slL'.i Compiled by Janna GNIaspie

Question: What do you think about Western's football team returning to the OVC? Residence halls Colonel football Hot cocoa vendors Keeping the halls The Colonels won in post- Workers were ill-prepared closed until Sunday left season play for the first time to handle the demand for many students with in three years in a decisive steaming hot cocoa at the nowhere to stay during win against Boston game Saturday. We're play- an important playoff University. ing top-notch football; what game Saturday. about top-notch support for the fans?

i. J, ^ i Rebecca Williams, 19, Jody Caldwell, 18, freshman, Bob Thomas, 21, junior, freshman, broadcasting, real estate, Lawrenceburg broadcasting, Raceland Clay City deep liberal Democratic hole. It is "I think we'll still beat them " "I think it will heat up the rivalry Attitude* about sex stuck providing our young adults with "I don't know much about and make the OVC more In the dark ages such tools. important to remember that it will football." interesting." We are standing on ihc fringe of lake just as long for conservative the twenty-first century with seven- Robbie Morton, director economic policy to help as it did for teenth century auitudes about sex. Residential Education liberal policy initiatives to hurt. People who believe that making condoms available to students of Elections show Democrat Tyson Johnson higher education institutions is a and Clinton backlash Richmond promotion for sexual activity are The elections on Nov. 8, 1994, living in a dream world. The fact is have been described with words Thanks for support with many young adult individuals are such as "landslide" and "windfall." Geology Slide Quiz having unprotected sex as you read It has been said that all politics is On Wednesday, November 16, this letter. As educators wc should local, but it seems that at least once die department of geography and feel inadequate because we have in a generation, politics is anything planning at Eastern Kentucky failed our young adults by not being but local. This was demonstrated University presented a Geology straightforward about the subject of when >!.e 435 local elections were Slide Quiz. The quiz, along with sex. Once upon a time pregnancy nationalized. presentations by Dr. Richard A. and communicable diseases were There has been significant dis- Sambrook and Dr. Todd Suadford Jason McGlone, 20, junior, Adrian Rahiya, 21, Junior, fire Adrian Grisanti, 22, senior, the main worries concerning unpro- cussion on the reason(s) for the shift on Monday and Tuesday, Nov. 14 education, Greenup County and safety engineering, park and recreation tected sex. This is no longer true in voter faith from Democrats to and IS, were activities planned in "I don't agree with it It would put Louisville administration, Louisville "Let them into the conference in with the emergence of AIDS. Republicans. The most recurring conjunction with National Morehead out and that's a good "I guess it's fine, it will be a both basketball and football, but There is no doubt that abstinence theme is that there is an "anti- Geography Awareness Week (Nov. rivalry- good rivalry." is the most effective method to pre- incumbent" sentiment This is not 13-19). don't let them pick and choose." vent pregnancies and/or sexually wholly correct, because many We are extremely pleased to transmitted diseases. But without incumbent Republicans have report that participation by EKU education about sex, pregnancies remained virtually unscathed — students in each of the activities and STDs, our young adults are vul- very few lost. exceeded 90, and more than 130 nerable to stereotyping about who The mood among voters could be students competed in the slide quiz. .- * becomes pregnant or contracts more aptly penned anti-liberal, anli- The faculty and staff of the AIDS. This can be avoided Democratic and anti-Clinton. It is department would like to express This is the final publication of The Eastern Progress for the semester. The Progress through/wiih/for educators. evident that national, as well as their sincere gratitude to the various will resume normal publication on Jan. 19,1995, with the first issue of the spring Should the future be put in jeop- Kentucky, Democrats have deter- campus departments who supported ardy because wc are so narrow mined to distance themselves from the slide quiz by donating prizes semester. The Progress office will be open 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. until Dec. 23. The office minded to think that only certain failed liberal policies. Voter frustra- that could be awarded to the win- will resume normal hours on Jan. 3. Deadline for ad reservations for the first issue is types of people engage in sex, get tion likely stems from the fact that ners. These departments included noon Jan. 16. pregnant or contract AIDS? I, for voters thought they'd repaired their Career Development and one, do not think so. problem in 1992, only to find, to Placement, Cooperative Education, We should equip our young their horror, that they had elected a University Store, Special Programs THE DOG THE DOG THE DOG THE DOG THE DOG T adults with the knowledge toherp President who would devote a and Food Services. Wc also want to them make informed, well-adjusted tremendous amount of presidential thank all the local merchants includ- s decisions concerning sex and their energy to failed attempts at a health ing Wendy's, Arby's, Fazoli's, future. care plan, a crime bill that would Silver Star, Papa John's, Movie E -3> Reopening *>ltt I Condoms in vending machines not live up to expectations, homo- Warehouse, Paco's, First Gear, D would help them to continue to sexuals in the military, and a middle Madison Garden, University Book iiJS W Next Semester J *T p. D make those decisions for many class tax cut. and Supply, Hardcc's, Pizza Hut, years to come by utilizing protec- The recent elections were a Shoney's, McDonald's, Madison o "tt ™ 3 / 1 o tion when engaging in sexual aclivi- prime example of voters holding Flower Shop, Copyrite Printing and Ues. our governing body accountable for Wal-Mart, who also participated by It is truly time for a wake-up it's actions. Although the economy donating a variety of items to be call. Whether or not condoms are is improving on paper, most voters used as prizes or refreshments. provided in in vending machines, blame Democrats for current social Thanks also to The Richmond T young adults are engaging in sexual conditions. Those who voted Register and The Eastern Progress H 3~WE CDOG H activities. Republican hold Democrats respon- for their willingness to assist us in Whether or not it is acknowl- sible for high crime, high illegitima- promoting the activities. E E edged, young adults arc engaging in cy and high taxes, as well as low Again, the support of the cam- sexual activities. And wc as educa- numbers of new jobs in the primary pus, and Richmond community is D D tors are obligated to provide them job market- greatly appreciated. Thank you. Still Featuring with the best tools available to con- In Kentucky and the nation, vot- O 6 tinue the education process. ers realize that the Republican theme Wilma J. Walker, chair G G Condoms in vending machines of lower taxes, less government and Department of geography and would be an outstanding way of general reform is a ladder out of a planning 2 For Tuesday T H Whiskey E t> Wednesday 6 Beware of The Dog C* 101 Draft Friday Afternoon [ies q^Fit Qatm Thurs., Fit, & Sat Cover Charge $1 Men T H $2 Women Ej Includes entry to Cherrie's D O *oCot,ON£LS— THE DOG THE DOG THE DOG THE DOG G A4 The Eastern Progress, Thursday, December 1,1994 NEWS BRIEFS PROGRESS CLASSIFIEDS Compiled by Don Perry Place classified ads before noon on Mondays. $2 tor 10 word! solid white, male. Neutered and LOST AND FOUND declawed. Call 624-3288. Student Health HELP WANTED. Spring Semester Student Job Tennis Bracelet Found in Combs. Services offers flu Government offices Opportunities! Slock clerk and Call Sharon at 5403 and describe SKYDIVING INSTRUCTIONS: will stay open despite clerical/secretarial positions avail- Train & Jump the same day tor CAMPUS vaccines ONLY $90! Lackey's Airpoort, US Flu vaccines will be given to STATE. weather, Jones says able in EKU's Food Services Cen- Keystound in Donovan Annex build- tral Food Storage Facility. On-cam- ing. Call 1881 and describe. 25 South, 6 miles f romBypass. turn students, faculty and staff at Gov. Brereton Jones has right on MenelausRd. Sat. & Sun Student Health Services from 9 am. to 4 p.m. Dec. 5-6. instituted a new policy covering state government pus employment, schedule around Cost of the vaccine is $3. This is the final vaccine that classes, earn pay raises, possible Lost - XL, men's NIKE nylon jacket 10 a.m. For into, call (606) 873- offices during inclement weather. The new policy says 0311 or 986-8202 weekends. will be given for the 1994-95 school year. no state government offices will be closed and no hours promotions and free meals. Learn (navy, purple & green). Vicinity ot People who have colds or are allergic to chicken, will be shortened due to weather. The new plan would purchasing, warehousing and dis- Wallace Building or VanHoose lot. TRAVEL... feathers or eggs should not take the vaccine. tribution systems. Contact Debbie Call 1881. make employees who are not able to make it to work Spring Break 95! Spring Break because of weather conditions use accumulated com- Thacker at 622-2176 or Student Employment at 622-1760. MISCELLANEOUS. Company! Cancun, Bahamas, Variety of Christmas activities pensatory or vacation time to substitute for missed time. Daytona & Panama! 110% Low- State agencies will develop plans to accommodate Go EKU Football! Great Win Sat on Eastern agenda EKU Student Needed to help 4th urday! 3 more wins—Tom & Steve est Price Guarantee! Organize 15 The university will hold several events to celebrate the work missed during times when several people will friends and TRAVEL FREE! Earn have to miss due to weather conditions. grade boy with school reports and at Madison Garden. the Christmas season. Here is a list of some of the keyboarding skills. Old Richmond highest commissions! 800-32- events taking place. Road area. Salary negotiable, one WANTED: BIG FAT CHICKENS, TRAVEL. • The Annual Christmas program at Hummel Dahmer killed or two times per week. Computer must have both wings. Madison Planetarium. The program will discuss the star of ■■■■■ ■'"■*', and software on site. Must have Garden. Spring Break Specials! Bahamas Bethlehem and will take place at 7:30 p.m. on various in prison Party Cruise, 6 dyas, including 12 NATION Convicted murderer and own transportation. Call 606-263- dates until Dec. 23. For more information, call 622- 3832. Boas, Pythons, Lizards, Tarantulas meals $279! Panama City-kitch- :1547. Hl^^ admitted cannibal Jeffery Dahmer at Jungle Pets in Nicholasville. ens $129! Cancun and Jamaica was beaten to death Monday in a - \ • EKU Christmas concert. The concert will be held at NOW HIRING CLERKS. Part time Kentucky's only all reptile $399! Dayton $159! Keys $229! *7:30 p.m. Sunday in Brock Auditorium. For more infor- bathroom at a Milwaukee prison where he was serving superstore. Closed Sundays 606- Cocoa Beach $159! Call 1-800- 16 consecutive life sentences for killing 17 boys and and full time. Day shift and sec- mation, call 622-3266 or 622-1336. ond shift. Apply In Person at the 887-8029. 678-6386. •Holiday concert song and dance. Homer Tracy's young men. Dahmer's body was found in a bathroom he and two HAIRY MART IN SOUTHERN dance students and guests from the music and theatre HILLS PLAZA- FREE CAT! Two-year old friendly, departments combine for a medley of Christmas music other inmates had been assigned to clean shortly after 8 and contemporary dance. The event will take place at 8 a.m. Monday. He died an hour later at a hospital. This was the second time Dahmer had been attacked while in Attention Students: Earn $2000 p.m. Dec. 6 in Gifford Theatre. Admission is S2. Call + monthly. Summer/fulltime. World maxSPRING uflinuwamm-iiMir 622-1315 for more information. prison. Travel. Carribean, Hawaii. Tour Guides, Gilt Shop Sales, Deck Hands, Casino Workers. No expe- rience. Call 602-453-4651. BREAK HfMVC YotlKSSLr & 6*VK! WANTED! Five college students Kasual Tees POLICE BEAT serious about losing weight and/or •( n;i I i% NOVELTIES" J Compiled by Stacy Battles making money. 606-986-2823. • SruhtN I'KINIINO. ■ l-MIIHOMiKHY • EARN CASH stuffing envelopes at James M. Curtis. 22, Richmond, was arrested and • IAX », Coin B« The following reports have home. All materials provided. Send been filed with the university's Richmond, was arrested and charged with criminal trespassing- charged with speeding and driving second degree. SASE to Central Distributors P.O. ! soirtll SECON1I f.lKLI'1. MOHMOND Division of Public Safety: ■ Box 10075. Olathe, KS 66051. (MM in ATmu os nZZA> on a suspended operator's license. Christy D. Vanover. 19. Todd '. iii-(>24-i?7}i4 Nov. 11: Hall, was arrested and charged with Steven Fulkerson, 19, Nov. 14: leaving the scene of an accident-hit Respite Providers Needed! Oc- casional caregivers needed lor Commonwealth Hall, reported that Lori Ginn, Wallers Hall, report- and run and driving under the influ- ed that covers were missing from ence of alcohol. children and adults with develop- his bicycle had been stolen from the mental disabilities. Part-time, spo- WIN A FREE EKU SWEAT SHIRT! manholes on Madison Drive. The Keith E. Moore. 22, Richmond, SOUTH PADRE ISLAND Commonwealth lot. The bicycle radic positions. Call 233-1483 or was recovered by public safety and covers were later recovered and reported that someone had entered PANAMA CITY BEACH his vehicle and stolen various items. 1 -800-766-1197, 9 am to 3 pm tor returned. placed on the manholes. ■ ■TV.,..!.',TU:H? Shirley S. Hayes. Lexington, Gary A. Reels. 19. Virginia application. rstlggiW Beach, Va., was arrested and Nov. 19: ^^ sp

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SALES • SERVICE • SUPPORT I Oiler no! valid with any other same service ijll rihiihi J I 0M«r not valid with any other same service ■ ohers or discounts Eip 12/31/W Coat EKU3 otters or discounts Eia 12/31/M Cote EKU3 I Distributing Fine Computer Products Since 1984 Serving your needs m Richmond KY Delray Beach. West Palm Beach Jensen Beach Naples. FL St Louis. MO You CAN DEPEND ON US The Eastern Progress, Thursday, December 1,1994 AS Cost$ leave band behind at playoffs Personal ■ Support would other campus residence halls. This why anyone would say the athletic game. makes it difficult to house them dur- department does not appreciate the "I feel especially bad that we be nice, unlikely, ing the break. band. weren't there because the other Touch If the members relumed for the "There's no one person on cam- band was," Hayes said. Kldd says game, off-campus housing arrange- pus that makes the band feel more ments would have to be made for appreciated than me," Angelucci Hayes said the department has By Selena Woody Saturday night. said. "We make sure they get pizza attempted year after year to gather a 624-2961 Make your winter Editor Hayes said neither the marching during basketball and drinks at foot- voluntary band of people who live band nor the music department ball." nearby to play at the game. clothes like new When the halflime buzzer sound- could afford that, and the difficulty Roberts said the band could only However, this option never worked again. Let Personal ed at Saturday's Eastern-Boston will only increase if the football go to this year's future 1-AA games because of problems with orchestra- University 1-AA playoff game, the tion. A proper number of each band 10% OFF for team continues to win and goes on if someone offered to pay the EKU Touch Cleaners stadium did not ring with the snap the road, because the band can't expenses. instrument must be present to play of the Marching Colonels' drum afford the expense of that many Football coach Roy Kidd said he the music as it is written, or else it students, be your hometown cadence. road trips. was embarrassed that Eastern's doesn't sound right., Hayes said, faculty, and In fact, no sound had been heard "You can't expect students to band was not at game, but he under- and the proper voluntary orchestra- staff cleaners away from the Eastern's marching band give up part of their Thanksgiving stood the situation. tion never occurred. from home. during the game — because the vacation for a one credit hour class "It would have been nice to have "I would hate to have a group band did not attend the Nov. 26 to play at a game and then expect had any kind of a band there to sup- that is there that is less than good," game. them to pay for it," Hayes said. port the team. Sometimes through Located on Eastern Bypass Hayes said. "You don't put that Marching band director and "That's unfair to them." the years they have made a differ- kind of band in front of that many behind Pizza Hut assistant director of bands Chris Music department chair John ence in the game with the pep and people." Hayes said he thought the band Roberts said he felt enthusiasm to enthusiasm they provide," Kidd should have been at the game, but have the band at the game was lack- said. "But to bring the whole band The band does not plan on per- CAPTAIN D getting the band to any post-season ing, especially on the part of the back and have Eastern pay for it, forming at the game in game is virtually impossible. athletic department. you won't see it." Youngstown, Ohio, this Saturday Saturday's contest occurred on "They just don't seem to act One reason so many people fell cither. the day before residence halls re- interested in them (the band) play- the absence of the band this year, "We don't have to money and opened after the Thanksgiving ing at the post-season games," which has not performed at playoff Seafood they don't have the money," Break. Unlike the football players, Roberts said. games for several years, was that Angelucci said. "It's tantalizing to who almost all live in O'Donnell Assistant athletic director Steve Boston flew in a scaled-down ver- us all to plan ahead for this, so we Hall, members of the band live in Angelucci said he didn't understand sion of its band to perform for the don't plan on it" DINNERS GULF FRONT TYPING-TYPING Summit Condominiums starting from Will type for you / Next door to days, evenings, or Holiday S\ $399 Seafood Dinner Club LaVala & weekends. 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455 Eastern Bypass Richmond "UNIVERSITY BOOKSTORE CENTER Of CAMPUS 624-2828 A6 The Eastern Progress, Thursday, December 1,1994 .^_^______^^__ Fuiiding, humidity among centers'problems l^irturTPerfectPhoto T^ ■ Equipment still ■ Donations : FAST PHOTO LAB AND STUDIO / fine despite rust, source of funding 2130 Lexington Rd. • Suite C • Harper Square administrator says for fitness center Richmond, KY 40475 • 606-625-0077

By Caroline Bandy By Don Perry • One hour photo All EKU Staff writer News editor Finishing Students Even in December, it's not'the The university is searching for • Slides Overnight & Teachers heat, it's the humidity that gets to you. $750,000 to fund a new wcllness • B/W Developing Receive That's what some people have center to benefit student athletes and been saying about the student health education majors. • Film weight training facility in the The wellness center will serve • Portraits Begley Building. two primary uses, said Robert There had been a problem with Baugh, dean of health, physical • Camera Repair water running down the walls from education, recreation and athletics. • Copy Work outside, which caused rust to devel- Half of the wellness center will • Portfolios Done op on some of the equipment. The serve as a conditioning unit for stu- leak was fixed, but Dean of the dent athletes while the other half • Fraternity & OFF College of Health, Physical will be used as a laboratory for stu- Sorority Functions with ID Education, Recreation and Athletics dents majoring health promotion or Robert Baugh admits there is anoth- wellness areas. er flaw in the building. Baugh said the lab would be "The main problem we've been used to do several types of health experiencing is with the humidity," assessments such as flexibility and Baugh said cardiovascular, respiratory and Although the machinery has physical fitness assessments on stu- rusted, it has not affect the usabili- dents in health and physical educa- ty of the weights. Baugh said only tion classes. WAREHOUSE a few cables are in bad shape now, Although he said the new facility but it is probable that eventually opens other opportunities when the equipment will need to be dealing with some of the older facil- replaced. ities, Baugh said there would be lit- If and when weight replacements tle or no changes to the facilities LIQUORS that are already in use. are needed, the parts will be 302 Big Hill Avenue • 623-5932 replaced or repaired one at a lime "We won't be taking any facility because of the great expense away," Baugh said. "We may not involved. even move the (Kentucky State) police into that center." good LucK coLoNeL/! Intramural programs director Progress/BRETT DUNLAP The university has a contract to Wayne Jennings said he hopes to PUMPING IRON — George Duvall (right) works out In the Begley provide fitness and wellness testing get the humidity under control. Gym while Dwon Walton looks on. for Kentucky State Police officers. pLcJY off /pecidL/ "We've been working for several Funds for the wellness center are years to get the humidity at normal al sweaty students working out, i>- gym would be a sensible alternative, being raised through soliciting pri- levels," Jennings said. "It's a slow humidiiy is a natural result. but that possibility has not been vate donations. The "Competitive and gradual process." Vice-President of Administrative researched and the decision is not Edge Campaign" has raised more /eaqraM'J cooLer/ The humidity is no surprise to Affairs Joseph Schwendeman sui I his to make. than S500.000 to build the center. Jennings because the area wasn't the physical plant is in charge oi Dchumidifiers have been placed Baugh said he hopes the goal is designed to be a weight room. It controlling the humidity in the facil- in the room to maintain a reasonable met by the end of this semester so was built for storage use. As the ity. humidity level, and they seem to be plans for the building process can red dog -oom becomes occupied with sever- Schwendeman said relocating ih hciping. Baugh said. get under way. "$•3.99/6 pk. bottLe/ ^5.99/pk. can; This isn't ihe , *ast of us. . .the ? regress will be back on January 19, so be prepared for another semester of fun, excitement, Natural. Lite and good reading. +4.79/ii PK- can/ Adair (D Video Productions

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Telephone 606-269-4370 24 hr. pager 606-275-8793 The Eastern Progress, Thursday, December 1,1994 A 7 New Orleans offers more than just once-a-year 'Mardi Gras' By Janna Gillaspie News writer

NEW ORLEANS — The Big Easy. Crescent City. City of Celebration. New Orleans. The city (hat never sleeps. New Orleans is best known for its wild and lavish celebration of Mardi Gras — French for Fat Tuesday. But It's iTj the carnival season lasts only a short time, beginning soon after the new year and ending on Fat Tuesday, the day before Lent begins. The Mardi Gras celebration, which began in 1699. has made the city of New Orleans a world famous iravcl spot, but there is more to "The Big Easy" than just this drunk- en festival. New Orleans is a town full of history and exciting activities year around. New Orleans is about a 12-hour drive from Richmond, starting on I- 75 south and continuing on I-S9 and I-10, which will head directly into the city. Air fare rates are ever-changing, When the Colonels break 80... but special round trip rates can be as low as $ 1 SO and regular rales around $260. Flights out of both Lexington we break out the FREE Taeos! and Louisville are available. Every time the Colonels score 80 points this season, Hotels are plentiful in the French Quarter, ranging from the expensive the EKU Cheerleaders will ring the "Border Breaker" Bell, luxury of the Sheraton and Marriott and every fan scores one FREE Original or Soft Taco on Canal Street to less expensive Submitted photo national chains such as Days Inn or ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST — Much of the beauty of New from TACO BELL for the next 24 hours. Holiday Inn. If you plan to stay dur- Orleans can be found In Its historic architecture, Including lust by showing your game ticket or student ID ing Mardi Gras, reservations should these buildings In the French Quarter. be made well in advance, as many sauces including "hot nuts." place for a nice dinner and great at the TACO BELL restaurant located at rooms are gone as far as a year prior The St. Louis Cathedral, located music, with big names such as The 514 Eastern Bypass to the celebration. in Jackson Square, is a beautiful Smithereens, George Thorogood Although New Orleans is best structure full of history. Named after and Etta James and the Roots Band known for its night life on Bourbon the French patron saint of Bourbon, performing there periodically. Street, there are also many activities the cathedral was erected in 1794. After a late night of Bourbon CROSS THE BORDER in the daylight. Quaint antique shops, A variety of restaurants are avail- Street, stop off at the Cafe du souvenir stores, street performers, able for a quick bite or a sit down Monde for some of their famous cafes and malls line the streets of the Cajun dinner of jambalaya or red cafe' au lait and bcigncts, known French Quarter, all within walking beans and rice. Decatur Street is more commonly as coffee and distance of most hotels. home to several restaurants includ- donuts. The French Market on Dccatur ing the Hard Rock Cafe and Jimmy My four-day trip was not long Street, which was originally built by Buffetl's Margaritaville, where you enough to see and do everything I (he Spanish in 1791 and rebuilt after can get that famous "cheeseburger had hoped, like tour the Garden a hurricane in 1813, offers a look in paradise" and visit the gift shop District, including author Anne into the past, providing fresh fruits, to buy your very own "lost shaker Rice's childhood home and the vegetables, meats, fish and wide of salt" Lafayette Cemetery she made variety of Louisiana's famous hot The House of Blues is a great famous in her Vampire Chronicles. Limit: One taco per person per visit Otter good only during men's, home basketball games. ,',1994 TACO BELL CORP 366-4 Stocking Staffers? The perfect pair at the perfect price!

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By Tracey La'Stell Slates Schmid said when she is stressed Stress can cause problems for Staff writer out, she tells herself, "HALT — H. student including sleeping disor- for 'Am I hungry?'; A, for 'Ami ders, Schmid said, and sleep may As the semester winds down and angry?'; L, for 'Am I lonely?' and be one of the most important fac- finals quickly approach, many stu- T. for 'Am I tired?' After I ask tors in how well students do on dents are faced with a great deal of myself the HALT questions, I think their tests. stress. of something relaxing to do, that "Sleep is a critical factor during Kale Schmid, an assistant profes- will calm me down, like taking a finals," Schmid said. "Get at least sor in occupational therapy, held a bubble bath, or reading one of my four hours of sleep at night as you stress management seminar in the favorite books." go into finals. Those who do not Sullivan Hall lobby Tuesday night. Students also have their own sleep at least four hours, their ener- The seminar dealt with how stu- ways of dealing with stress. gy level will be low, causing them dents can handle stress, signs of "When 1 am stressed out, I nor- to do poorly on finals, because you stress and how stress affects them mally go off somewhere by myself have deprived yourself of the four during final week. and figure out why I am feel this hours of concentrated sleep." "Stress is the topic of discussion way," said Stephanie Scarber, a Besides sleep, it is important for among college students," Schmid freshman paralegal science major students to eat well during finals. said. "As our stress level goes up, from Lexington and a Sullivan Hall Good eating habits will help with our self-care goes down. That is resident stress as well. why students need to recognize "Once I think about what has their stresses and deal with them." stressed me out so bad, I try to think "The food to eat during finals is She said students who cry more of ways to correct a problem, or just three balanced meals with in than usual or become very sensitive listen to my music to bring my tol- between snacks, and eat something and cry a lot over little things show erance level back down," Scarber green — even if its a green bug, eat symptoms of being stressed out said. it," Schmid said.

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Richmond Mall Little Professor siuHBiincitmtncauMHAxi ""Bftgsr 623-0522 Book Center i **"*m «T") CDLUMBIAlT*l i J^j IKMBXIiSm' . PICTURES^! atres Soon Recycle your Progress. AIQ The Eastern Progress, Thursday, December 1,1994 UWR: Spring semester exams scheduled for Jan. 11, May 3 Continued from Irnnt Mflft Fall semester UWR "We are the only place they can Giftoj "If students have ihe extra lime come to find out why they fail," and would spend it adding detail and Registered Present Passed Failed Dean said. "When someone comes corrections to the paper, they would 1.517 1,226 73% 27% in, we approach the problem by do better," Lee-Riffe said. "A fair dealing with the student's situation." number of students leave ahead of Dean said some common reasons time." Dean suggested that students who of this semester. The center is only for failing the test are errors in Although students are allowed to haven't taken the exam get a copy of open while classes are in session and usage, vocabulary, punctuation and Christmas bring dictionaries, composition the UWR handbook for $1 from the spring classes will not begin until lack of concentration. handbooks and electronic spellers to campus bookstore. The handbook Jan. 12. Solutions for these problems Qpecial exam, Lee-Riffe said many do not. gives examples of passing and fail- For those students who have range from exercises to additional Margaret Dean, director of the ing essays, outlines grading criteria failed the test. Dean recommended classes. A writing workshop class — Writing/Reading CenU' in the and provides practice questions. an appointment with the ENG 106 — will be offered to pre- *''<">*,,«•***' Wallace Building, agreed thai many Students can do the practice ques- Writing/Reading Center. All failing pare students for the March 3 exam. Includes: te. students simply do not spend ihe tions then bring them to the tests arc sent to the center. Students Students are given one hour to Tanning Session time necessary to pass the essay. Writing/Reading Center to gel feed- may go to the center to review their complete the exam. An additional "Some students think you can back on their performance. exam grade with one of the two hour may be provided for foreign Scalp Treatment $24.00 write any old thing and pass," Dean The spring tests will be adminis- graders who work in the office. students or those with handicaps or Shampoo Style said. "Students come in and write tered Jan. 11 and March 3. Those Dean said approximately^) per- learning disabilities. Offer Expires 12-31-94 what's on the top of their heads and students who will take the exam Jan. cent to 60 percent of the students However, a request must be made Manicure then they are surprised when they 11 and want help from the center who fail the exam use the center to fail." at the lime of registration for this will have to drop by before the end help them pass on their second try. accommodation to be made. 1 PERM $28.oo ' NU WAVE I any regular wrap single process perm ' Hair Designs SUIT ."Mother calls for safety , Robert P. Burns | 521 Leighway Drive Pre-trial hearing postponed 1 Manager/Stylist f.~~ Continued from front pm Goodrich said she had no ill feel- 4777 | _Kxp. 12-24 94 Must present coupon | OAJ-t/// daughter would not like that," ing towards the university for her in Peebles assault case Goodrich said. "She loved Eastern." daughter's death, but would like to see more safety measures taken on Goodrich said the process to drop Progress staff report said Peebles' lawyer called on the case was simple. campus to prevent accidents like the one that claimed her daughter's life Tuesday and asked that the hear- The agreement to dismiss the from happening. A pre-trail hearing scheduled ing be postponed. court complaint said neither party "I would encourage students to for 9 a.m. Wednesday in the case The hearing is scheduled for 9 was to hold a grudge against the have a safety awareness program," of Edward Peebles, a former uni- am. today in circuit court. other. Goodrich said. versity student charged with The charges against Peebles Goodrich said she intends to She said it was up to the students attacking an Eastern administra- stem from an attack made on uphold the agreement. to do everything they could to tor, was postponed until today. Thomas D. Myers, vice president "It was just an unfortunate acci- ensure their own safety and that of Circuit court clerk workers for student affairs. dent," she said. the university community. FREE BLUSHER BRUSH ( u 36.50 retail value) (please help a\ve with thi- coupon und your purchase of 810 or more others a better Coupon good only at Christmas. Richmond Location Donations to be received Thursday, Friday by EKU Mortar Board and Saturday. for items listed on drop boxes located in Now taking applications for residence hall lobbies. Thank you for management positions. helping us give others a better Christmas. mERLE noRmmcosmencs Call 622-1885. 106 St. George St. 624-9825

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Please cane to Kinko's and present your student I.D. card to receive your THE DEAL complimentary Kinko's Discount Card. Present this card at time of pur- chase to receive a 20% discount on our wide range of products and ser- vices, including: B&W and Color Copies, Computer Rental Time,Laser Prints, FAX Service, Greeting Cards, Binding, "Office Supplies & lots more. Discount applies to all regularly priced products. Cardholder must have valid STUDENT I.D. to receive discount. kinko's Your branch of flee Located at Richmond Mall. L Fax 606-623-9588 Store (606) 624-0237 HI J Accent editor The Eastern Progress Jim Quiggins ACCENT December 1, 1994 Workin toget Christmas Parents, artists work on Christmas fair for kids Proceeds from the second annual event will benefit several area organizations

By Jim Quiggins Accent editor

Christmastime always brings to mind the smiling faces of chil- dren anxiously awaiting the arrival of Santa Claus and the presents he brings. Single Parent Network, a Berea-based non-profit organiza- tion, hopes to add to the yuletide cheer Saturday with its second annual Christmas Fair and Bazaar. Fawn Burgess, a senior nurs- ing major at Eastern and member of SPN, said the fair will feature activities designed to appeal to children of all ages. "There will be a variety of booths set up for the children to participate in different activities. We're going to have a shadow puppet theater, a magic show, a raffle of four original artworks, and there will be potter's wheels and clay for the kids to make their own pottery,'' Burgess said. "There will also be foreign students from Berea College there in their native dress for the kids to see and talk with," she Photo submitted said. SOMETHING FOR NOTHING — These four pieces, constructed This is the second year by local artists, will be raffled off at the Single Parents Network Burgess has been the coordinator second annual Christmas Fair to be held Saturday In Berea. for the fair, and she anticipates a much larger turnout than last the volunteers had to go out and "We have lots of things in the year. cut more vines about halfway works," Seal said. Progress/JIM QUIGGINS Burgess came up with the idea through the fair because we ran Single Parent Network was FACES — Robert Cralg Thompson works on a ceramic mask In his studio In Olde Town Berea. for the fair last year as a part of out," Burgess said. started by Seal in 1993 with a rhompson will be the auctioneer for the Artists for Earth Auction Saturday at Berea College. her service through SPN. This year, Burgess has grant from Southern Community Rhonda Seal, director and acquired several more vines for Partners, which is funded by the founder of SPN, said the mission the wreath booth as well as some Lyndhurst Foundation of of SPN is to provide service, sup- help from other area organiza- Chattanooga, Tcnn. It currently Artists For Earth begin work port and education for parents, tions. has 45 members in Madison "We have 16 Items to auction fighting nerve gas incineration. children and the community. Its "I have over 40 volunteers County. By Jim Quiggins Accent editor and I'm going to make it A show," Although AFE is opposed to services come from the actions working with me at this year's Seal hopes to expand SPN Thompson said. incineration. Marshall said they and ideas of the members, Seal fair, which is making my job a lot through events such as the Artist for Earth chair Anita don't want to accent the negative. said. The Single Parent Network has a easier," Burgess said. Christmas fair. new partner helping out with its sec- Marshall said the organization was They just want their art to reflect "The fair comes from Fawn's Christian Appalachian Project, "We would like to have some- ond annual Christmas Fair and an idea whose time has come. what they sec and how they feel desire to provide a service to the Artists for Earth and Save the one at Eastern coordinate a Bazaar this year. "The main goal of Artists for about the environment children and the community," Children also are involved with branch of SPN in Richmond," Artists for Earth, a non-profit Earth is to carry ct some projects "We want to be positive. We want Seal said. the fair. Seal said. group of artists based in Berea, has for Common Ground and the to ensure that there will be a safer Burgess said she anticipates Immediately following the fair. The only criteria for member- donated works to be raffled off as a Kentucky Environmental closed-loop method (lo neutralize the this year's fair being bigger and Artists for Earth will hold an auc- ship is to contact at least three part of the fair Saturday in Berea. Foundation," Marshall sail'. nerve agents) that will benefit the better than previous years'. tion to benefit the organization's other members per month. In addition to the raffle. Artists Marshall said the group was community," Marshall said. "Last year, I planned the fair in efforts to educate about the envi- Seal said members help each for Earth will hold an auction imme- formed at the end of the summer AFE members hope to educate two weeks. This year, I've had all ronment through art. other out by trading off child care diately following the fair featuring and began to mature while making people about the environment year to get ready," Burgess said. Admission lo the fair is a toy or and providing emergency assis- $1,000 worth of works donated by yard signs for the rally and march through their art. against nerve gas incineration in "We keep hoping for the 'win, One of the main attractions of a non-perishable food item whioh tance for members when they more than a dozen artists. The origi- the fair is the hands-on activities will go to Save the Children. Last need it. nal works will be sold to the highest September. win, win' situation. Win for the "We realized that our job was to environment, win for the artists and featured at many of the booths. year, the group collected 11 boxes The second annual Christmas bidders. of toys and food. Robert Craig Thompson, a jewlcr figure out l-.ow to use our talents to win for common ground," she said. "Last year, we had a booth Fair and Bazaar will be held from and potter and a founding member help Common Ground," Marshall Members of Artists for Earth also where people could make their The fair is one of many pro- 12-3 p.m. Saturday in the activi- said, referring to the outspoken will conduct demonstrations and jects SPN hopes to have happen ties room at the Alumni Building of AFE, is going to conduct the auc- own wreaths out of grapevines tion. Madison County grpup which is instruct children at the fair Saturday. and it was so popular that some of in the coming year. on Berea College's campus. Accent update: Task force to study hemp feasibility Day care problem By Jim Quiggins in the state since the end of World War II. Accent Editor Hemp is grown in Europe, Asia and Canada still not solved for and then imported into this country in the form Gov. Brereton Jones issued an executive of finished products that range from oil for jet Eastern co-ed order Nov. 23 creating the hemp and related- engines to paper. fiber crops task force. Jim Claycomb, Jones' agriculture liaison and The 15-mcmbcr task force consists of leaders a member of the task force, said it is important to Dana Osboume, an undeclared freshman look into any viable crop for Kentucky farmers. from Lexington, has made it through her from the agriculture community who will con- first semester of college, but she has trav- duct a fact finding mission to see if it is feasible "This will not be a replacement for tobacco," eled some miles to do it. to grow and process industrial hemp in Claycomb said. "It is looked at as a potential Kentucky. supplemental crop for farmers." You may remember her story from the Danny Britt, dean of Eastern's College of Claycomb also stressed the difference Sept. 1 issue of the Progress. Agriculture and a member of the task force, said between fiber hemp and marijuana. Although she is on a wailing list at a day the bottom line will be profitability for the fanners. "We were fearful that there would be a pub- care center in Richmond, she is still travel- "We know we can grow hemp successfully lic perception that this was a move to legalize ing to Lexington everyday to take her in Kentucky. It's been done. The ultimate test marijuana," Claycomb said. "It is not." daughter to a sitter. In his announcement of the formation of the will be if it will return the investment for the "If the weather gets bad before some- farmer," Britt said. task force to study fiber crops, Jones made his thing opens up in Richmond, I'll probably With tobacco farmers across the state facing an position clear. Dana Osbourne feeds her daughter Kaltlyn In their Brockton apart- stay with my parents in Lexington a lot to uncertain future, the search for an alternative has "I am unalterably opposed to the legalization cut down on the driving." Osboume said. led state leaders lo a crop thai hasn't been grown of marijuana," Jones said. ment. Osboume has been looking for day care since August. MOVIES

l ins. iMIS Shopping t .ni.i SI UK' llvlllllll KUI|>NUI|, I I Thursday. December 1,1994 PREVIEW Forrest PULP FICTION EgGump John Travolta E Today STRETCH— amount of in-state tuition Mon-Fn7:00 Sal/Sun 1:30700 The Holiday for one year, I. Max Reed Tom ^* SYLVESTER STALLONE Concert In Scholarship is awarded to The 24th Annual EKU Song and a junior accounting major Hanks IPR- THE SI Madrigal Dinner will be Dance will be in the amount of $200; Mc-Thun: 7:00 9:30 I [ \" 5PEC.,AL15T held at 6:30 p.m. today Gayle Mason, CPA Fn 7 009:45 . ia held Dec.5-6 Sai/Sunl 15 4:00 7.00 9:45 Mon-Fii.:9 15 Sal/Sun 3:30 9.15 through Saturday in the at 8 p.m. In Award is awarded to a Keen Johnson Ballroom. Gilford female, senior accounting Tickets are $18.50 at the Theatre. major in the amount of RICHMOND MALL 8 & Powell Building. $100; A. Gentry © 830 Eoster. By-Pm, 623-8215, Mcllvaine Scholarship is THE SWAN PWNCESS(G) INTERVIEW WITH A Campus-wide room awarded to an incoming Sat-Sun MO 3 10 5 10 VAMPIRE (R) changes are taking freshman student in the Mon.-Fn. 5:10 Sal.-Sun 11402:154:50 amount of $100-5250. "THE SANTA 725 1000 Mon Fn 4M place through Dec. 5. CLAUSE (PG) 72510a1 Random number draw- Sal -Sun 1303355:40 JUMOR(PG-13) A German lunch table will 7.45 955 Mon. Fn 5:40 Sal. Sun. 1235 3.OH 5 X ings arc from 11:45 a.m. 7459:45 7401005 Mon Fn 520 to 2 p.m. Check posters be set up from noon to 1 STARGATE (PG-13) 7.4010 05 on your floor for more p.m. Monday through 7:109:40 "LOW DIRTY Friday in Room A of the THEPAGEHASTER(G) SHAME (R) information. Sal Sun 1002:454:45 Sat Sun. 12:453:10 525 top floor Powell 700 900 Mon.-Fn 445 735950 Cafeteria. 700 900 Mon Fn. 525 735 9 50 Poetry Alive! will perform STMTnWIlBBUTlOKIPG) THE LION at Madison Middle S17.50 and arc Sal-Sun 1200 230 500 KING(G) Berea Baptist Church. Dec. 4-14 for a BFA Nutritional counseling is 73010:10Mon.-Fh.5O0 Sat.-Sun 1255 2 55 4:55 School at 7:30 p.m. The second and final show in Giles Gallery available by calling 73010:10 700900 He who gives to the poor will Tickets are $3 for stu- available at Student concert will be held at 3 located in the Campbell (606)231-6997. Health Services from 10 not lack. -Proverbs 28:27 dents and $5 for adults. p.m. Dec. 11 at the First Building. Gallery hours •NO PASSES "NO PASSES/NO SUPERSAVERS Paid Advertisement The group will "act" out a.m. to 1 p.m. each Christian Church in are 9:15 a.m. to 4:30 A Holiday Concert in Song Wednesday. Call 622- poems by Shakespeare, Richmond. Both con- p.m. Monday through and Dance will be held 1761 for an appointmcni. Edgar Allen Poe and certs are free and open Friday. at 8 p.m. Dec. 5-6 in Emily Dickinson. to the public. Gifford Theatre of the Positions are available on Announcements Campbell Building. Supa Fuzz will perform at the 1995 Milestone staff recordsmith The Hanging of the for writers, photogra- Phone 3 Lounge. Cover Greens will be held at 4 The English department is Honors Program's charge is S3 and Psych phers and designers. No treien h p.m. in Walnut Hall of holding a forum on Christmas Food Drive experience necessary. will open the show at 9 the Keen Johnson "Literary Canon — lasts until Dec. 20. p.m. Call Jennifer at 622-2301 Building. Holiday music Established and Students can drop off Monday through Friday will be presented by the Changing" at 3:30 p.m. food items at any three from 8 tun. to noon. Friday EKU Music Department Dec. 6 in the Kcnnamcr area locations. Bins will and a local minister will Room of the Powell be provided in the Powell Nonchalant will perform Christian Student 10OGY deliver the Christmas Building. Panelists will Building lobby, PNC Fellowship meets each at Phone Three Lounge. message. There is no discuss the attitudes and Bank on the Bypass in Cover charge is S3. Wednesday at 7 p.m. at admission fee. issues which determine front of Kroger or at the the Daniel Boone Statue. pearl jam the literature wc read downtown bank location. EKU Choral Christmas and leach. Christian Student Sunday Concert will be held at The accounting depart- Fellowship campus 7:30 p.m. in Brock Richie Havens and ment will award the fol- Sunday School meets The Richmond Choral Auditorium. Odetta will perform at lowing scholarships on Society, in its 14th sea- each Sunday at 9:30 a.m. the Kentucky Theatre at the basis of academic in the Burnam Hall son, will present its The work of graduating 8 p.m. Dec. 7 as part of excellence and leadership annual Christmas con- lobby. Free breakfast. All seniors in the art depart- the Troubador concert abilities: R.R. Richards students arc welcome. cert at 3 p.m. at the ment will be displayed series. Tickets arc Scholarship, in the pearl jam

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Thursday. December 1,1994 ARTS Doug Rapp, Arts editor Holiday movies top Christmas wish lists Comedy, classics perfect gifts Progress staff report

In "The Santa Clause," comedi- an Tim Allen has to assume the responsibility of being Santa Claus when St. Nick dies after a fall from Allen's roof. Allen finds the "clause" in the pocket of Santa's suit slating whoever puts on the outfit takes all the responsibility with it. It's fun for the kids, but I think stay- ing home on this one would defi- nitely be an improvement. 'Trapped in Paradise" features Nicolas Cage. Jon Lovitz and Dana Carvcy as the Firpo Brothers, three bumbling crooks from New York who spend the holidays in the small town of Paradise. The Firpo's are trying to get out of town after rob- photo courtesy of Universal Pictures bing their bank, but the people of Paradise are just loo nice to lei them LABOR OF LOVE—Arnold Shwarzenegrjer la wheeled to the delivery room by Emma leave. It's too bad Carvey and Thompson and Danny DeVlto In Ivan Reitman'a "Junior." Lovitz aren't trapped in good careers instead. "Miracle on 34th Street" stars Sir Richard Aitcnborough as good Expect little from 'Junior' ol' St. Nick in the holiday's biggest remake. Santa Claus serves time in stolen egg is in fact Reddin's egg, By Brian Howard MOVIb HhVIEW jail and ends up in a mental hospital Staff writer which creates a conflict between because he claims to be who he real- Hesse and Reddin. ly is — Kris Kringlc. After going to A word of warning before you go "Junior" The experiment is supposed to trial, Santa is set free on Christmas see the new Arnold Schwarzenegger 5:20,7:40 and 10:05 last through the first trimester of Eve. The new "Miracle on 34th movie "Junior." Schwarzenegger p.m. weekdays pregnancy, but as Hesse's belly Street" only has one major differ- photo courtesy of 20th Century Fox grows bigger and the trimester edges doesn't fill people with bullets, nor Richmond Mall ence from the original: it's in color. TRAPPED—Dana Carvey, Jon Lovitz and Nicolas Cage star In is he the perfect killing machine. Movies 8 nearer, Hesse realizes he wants to Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels star "Trapped In Paradise," directed by George Gallo. Instead, he experiences nausea from have the baby. in "Dumb and Dumber" as two morning sickness and the emotional Aside from this outrageous plot, complete idiots traveling cross Based on the Micheal Crichton young stars around. Unfortunately ups and do was of being pregnant. two other stories are included in the country to deliver a suitcase full of novel, "Disclosure" provides an judging by the ratings, only a select Schwarzenegger stars as Dr. Alex movie. One is Arbogasl's anger over money. With Carrey's bowl haircut alternative to the usually light holi- few are watching her on "My So- Hesse who, alongside Danny his ex-wife's pregnancy, and the and chipped tooth, this could be one day cinematic fare. Called Life." With a cast like this DeVito, is doing research on mon- DeVito's character. Dr. Arbogast, other is love developing between of the year's biggest comedies. "Little Women," based on and a timeless story, this is a holiday keys with a new fertility drug. The talks Hesse into testing the drug on Hesse and Reddin. The movie is ter- "Disclosure" focuses on sexual Emily Bronte's classic novel, fea- "can't miss" movie. experiment is cut and Dr. Reddin, a himself Arbogast steals an egg from ribly slow, and laughs arc few and harassment with Demi Moore as an tures Winona Ryder, Eric Stollz, Other movies still in theaters this dizzy-headed researcher played by the new doctor — the egg is aptly far between. But if you like out- executive who comes on to under- Susan Sarandon, Kirsten Dunst — holiday season include "Star Trek: Emma Thompson, is brought in to named Junior — and Hesse fertilizes landish plots, Schwarzenegger and ling Michael Douglas. When who was absolutely fabulous in Generations," "Interview with a use the lab for her own studies. it. It is then deposited into Hesse's DeVito, "Junior" should be an enter- Douglas resists her advances, she "Interview with a Vampire" — and Vampire," "Pulp Fiction" and "The Without the monkeys or the lab. abdomen. The catch here is that the taining experience. accuses him of sexual harassment. Clare Danes, who is one of the best L ion King." . ., Supa Fuzz Graphic, tech Hyper 'funka-deli-rock' with local flair students display By Doug Rapp logged time with Itchy Brother, an early incarnation of the works in Giles Arts editor Headhunters. "Everybody is on one ttack here, focused on this kind of music." Progress staff report David Angstrom is a familiar face on the local music Supa Fuzz serve up funky, riff-oriented grooves with scene. Angstrom being a combustible mix of Jimmy Page, Jimi A graduating graphic design major, faculty and After logging time in the popular Black Cat Bone, whose Hcndrix and Billy Gibbons on top a solid rhythm section. students from the College of Applied Arts and debut album was picked up and re-issued by Go to any Supa Fuzz show and you'll sec the hyperactive Technology will display their works in a double Chameleon/Electra worldwide, and the noisily heavy Angstrom abusing one of his many Les Pauls with his care- exhibit opening Sunday in the Giles Gallery. Control Freak, the lanky guitarist/singer is now a member free stage style. Chris Duncan, a graphic design major from of Supa Fuzz, which will be playing tonight at 10:30 at "I want people to feel like they're hanging out at some- Bellbrook, Ohio, will present his BFA exhibit, Phone 3 Lounge on Fust Street. one's house," Angstrom said of the band's live shows. which features silkscreen work as well as comput- Formed in December 1993, Supa Fuzz began when Since the 'Fuzz hasn't practiced since August, the shows er-generated art Angstrom called up Dean Smith, a bass player from his have a loose, informal feel. The band doesn't soundcheck "Since I*m the only one in the BFA exhibit, I hometown of Glasgow, and the two hooked up with drum- and often works on new songs on stage to get an immediate get the spotlight. It's more pressure but my work mer Chris Hardesly, completing the line-up for this blues- response from fans. Many songs are improvised and stands out more," Duncan said. based power trio. extended to become live sessions of musical masturbation. He is employed pan-time in the design depart- "It's definitely got tastes of both bands. It's not anything "I enjoy all those spontaneous jams we do. They can get ment of the Lexington Herald-Leader and hopes to imitated. I tried to gel away from the sounds of Black Cat carried away, so we have to hold ourselves back. We don't earn a full-time position with the Herald-Leader Bone. Dean is an in-your-face player and Chris is more want to bore anybody," Smith said. upon graduating. funk-influenced. Playing with them is a different vibe," said As for the future, the band plans to spend late December and early January rehearsing and recording songs for a Duncan's work with advertising design also Angstrom, who's been strumming since the age of 10. will be included with his other works. It's not surprising that Angstrom used the word "lucky" March release on Lexington's Coda Records, an indepen- dent label Angstrom started in 1991. Names of other participants were unavailable. when describing his situation and playing with seasoned photo submitted atpresstime. musicians like Smith and Hardesty, who once were the The 'Fuzzsters would like to make a career out of their music, but Smith said they're doing this to "have fun, first FUZZY—Chris Hardesty, Dave Angstrom and A reception for the exhibit will be held 2-4 • rhythm section for the Cracker's, a Kentucky Headhunters Dean Smith bring their retro-rlffIng to Phone 3 p.m. Sunday. The exhibit will run through Dec. side project. and foremost." "We joke about making records together. We think long- tonight at 10:30 p.m. The group plans to release 14. Gallery hours are 9:15 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. week- Smith calls their music "funka-dcli-rock." a CD with Lexington's Coda Records by March. days and 2-3 p.m. Sundays. "It's much more enjoyable," said Smith, who also term but live for tne*day," Angstrom said. 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Thursday, December 1, 1994 PEOPLE ^app^ (Holidays from BRIEFS Compiled by Progress staff MAR TAN OPTICAL

Student receives national health scholarship the Eastern faculty in 1969, coordinates the manufac- Dicira Reese, of Augusta, Ga., a graduate student in allied health sci- turing technology program. ences, earned a $500 scholarship from a national health organization, the only such award presented by the American School Health Association Psychology program praised in publication '••*-**>*

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Thursday. December 1, 1994 ACTTVmES Christina Rankin. Activities editor

Music, food and merriment bring the spirit of the holiday season to life

Progress tile photo DECK THE HALLS — Participants of last year's Hanging of the year's event Is at 4 p.m. Dec. 4 In Walnut Hall of the Keen Greens sing a Christmas song during the annual event. This Johnson Building. The admission Is free. Holiday bells ring in Yearly feast transforms annual celebration ballroom into castle /" W Yanging of the Greens is one celebration ringing in the spirit of the ^^^™^ he traditional Madrigal Feast takes center stage this weekend V l^fr holidays on Eastern's campus. An honored tradition dating back to s~>. \ among the highlights of Eastern's Christmas festivities. The JL M. 1930, the procession is a Christmas Vespers pageant developed by ( * W music department is celebrating the 24th year of the event and the the YWCA in which the organization literally "decks the halls" ^-^ dinner activities will take place tonight, Friday and Saturday in the with wreaths and other greenery. Keen Johnson Ballroom. This event will be held at 4 p.m. Sunday at Walnut Hall in The feast is conducted in the same manner every year, the Keen Johnson Building and will last about an hour. recreating a 16th-century evening in a castle setting. The partici- The festivities begin with 65 women carrying the greenery, pants in the group include 12 singers at the head table, three trum- candles and some bells and attaching the greenery to pulleys. When pet players, an instrumental ensemble of six and a harpsichord the pianist begins to play, the cords are pulled up all at once as the player as well as a court jester and magician. greenery is hoisted up in one harmonious instant. A trumpet fanfare will sound in the first half of the event The speaker appointed to deliver the Christmas message is and singers will provide live carols during the dinner. The Robert Stauffcr, pastor of the First Christian Church in Richmond. Christmas story will be sung in a formal concert by a majority of The celebration is intended for everyone to enjoy regardless the singers during the feast The story will be sung as a group and of religious affiliation. will mirror the mood of the season with reflections of snow, the Co-director Barbara Sowders said the event draws a Christmas spirit and the birth of the child. respectable crowd. The Madrigal Feast is not yet sold out, but the remaining "Every scat is almost always taken. We even set up chairs tickets arc for places scattered throughout the ballroom. Although along the side and back area of the hall just so that everyone can those who buy their tickets at the last minute may not be sealed fit," Sowders said. * with their company, they will enjoy a fantastic meal with warm The Hanging of the Greens is sponsored by the Mortar and festive surroundings. Board, Intcrfratcrnity Council, Panhcllcnic Council and the EKU. The first fanfare will signal the beginning of the feast at 7 Student Alumni Ambassadors and directed by Sowders and Dan p.m. each evening. Robinette. Menu Sonjj Selections Progress file photo FEAST FOR A KING — An Instrumental ensemble as well as a Traditional waffle toast Roasted rosemary potatoes harpsichord player are part of the entertainment at the Madrigal "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing" Between carols, the Bible will be Quiche Lorraine Glazed carrots and raisins Feast today through Saturday In the Keen Johnson Ballroom. "O Come All Ye Faithful" read by speech and theatre Cream of almond soup Plum pudding "O Little Town of Bethlehem" department students. Braided rolls and honey Pineapple mousse in a puffed Fruit-stuffed roast loin of pork pastry with exotic fruits Steamed vegetables Coffee and iced tea Stories by Caroline Bandy

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RESERVE OFFICERS' TRAINING CORPS Campus Wide Study Break December 12 9 to 11 p.m. Powell Lobby (--X.J g There will be: FREE FOOD Karaoke and Santa Claus

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■ • B6 EKU Sports Quiz How did the Colonels fare Thursday, December 1,1994 the last time they played Mary Ann Lawrence, Matt McCarty Youngstown State in the Sports editors playoffs? SPORTS nn mmm 686i *t> u°t ni3 a*»«uv Colonels still alive in l-AA playoffs ■ Rematch with 80; Youngstown set 76 for Saturday

By Matt McCarty Sports co-editor The Colonels travel 10 Ohio (his weekend 10 battle Youngstown State in the quarterfinals of the playoffs, marking the second time the two teams have faced each other in post- season play. And, more importantly, the sec- ond time this year. .♦ YOUNGSTOWN "You don't usually like it," Coach Roy Kidd said of Follow 1-80 East Into l-680.Thon take playing a time Exit 4A marked Youngstown State twice in a season. Eastern- University. Follow the expressway "The fact that we Youngstown and take the exit ramp marked Fifth uidn t beat them Wh#n: N^,, Avenue. Proceed straight through the the first time Saturday traffic light and along the access helps. We'll be *„.„/ roadway to Fifth Avenue and campus. mocemoiivaied.'- own. Youngst Follow the parking area directions to EKU dropped QhJO the first game 13- Series Richmond the appropriate parking lot 6 at Stambaugh n^ord Progress/TERRY STEVENS Stadium Sept. 1 Eastem However, leads 12-7 Youngstown was LastMMting: inside the red 13-6 YSU /one six times, Sept. 17 one TV: Live on touchdown and Boston comeback Channel 48 hitting only two of five field goal ^^^^^^^^m attempts. Progress/DON PERRY Youngstown coach Jim Trcsscl falls one TD short SIT, TERRIER, SIT — Colon 1 defensive players Victor Hyland (53), Matt Chlldress (64) said he hopes his team's kicking has improved since that first game or the and Roosevelt Glvens (61) celebrate after a sack of Boston quarterback Robert Dougherty. By Matt McCarty Penguins could be in trouble. iiic Colonels leading rusher Eric Clay Sports co-editor "If wc are fortunate to gt! ilown i Jn't play in the September contc I "/ never felt It (inside the 20)." Tressel said, "and "Wc didn't show much offense at With two licks of the clock tr don't cash in, we're in trouble." all in the run game," Kidd said. remaining in Eastern's home playoff was over. Kidd said that with the field posi- Tressel said that since the first game against Boston University, 19 tion Eastern gave Youngstown, he game both teams have sho^n obvi- yards worth of defense stood — Dan Allen was happy with the defensive effort. ous improvements, which will help between the Colonels and either "I think wc played good defense make this "a classic matchup." Youngstown or overtime. Boston coach against them," he said. "Both teams arc going to be a And as Boston quarterback It is that defense that makes heckuva a lot better," Tressel said. He Robert Dougherty's pass sailed out Eastern a tough opponent year in and noted the addition of Clay this lime of the back of the endzone. Colonel two of five field goals in the 14-12 year out, Tressel said. around, calling him "unbelievable." players, coaches and fans rushed loss at Georgia Southern. Collins hit "Eastern Kentucky's defense is Turnovers and third down conver- onto the field with the 30-23 win and all three field goal attempts and was now and always has been the best sions will be crucial if the Colonels a return trip north to Ohio. perfect in points after. one you'll see of the year," he said. arc 10 win the contest, Kidd said. But the game wasn't locked up "I put a little more pressure on But the Penguins have a pretty He said another key was "our front for Eastem until time had expired. myself," Collins said. "I wanted to good defense themselves, Kidd said. people," since Youngstown will pro- "I never felt it was over," said redeem myself from the last playoff "The best defensive football team vide "quite a challenge for our i'ne." Terrier coach Dan Allen. game." we've played (this year)." he said. The toughest thing about playing Even after Eric Clay scored on a Eastern rushed for 197 yards with "Their defensive football team is a tarn like Youngstown is that they 16-yard run with 2:46 left in the Clay leading the way with 112 yards outstanding." do the little things that it takes to win game to boost the Colonels lead to on 22 carries. John Sacca was 11-16 YSU also will have the luxury of right, Kidd said. 30-IS, Allen's squad pressed on. through the air for 161 yards. Sacca playing in its own backyard, which "They are a well-disciplined, funda- With one minute left in the game, also rushed for two touchdowns. has proven to be an advantage so far mentally sound football team," he said. Boston receiver Jim Lippie caught a "If you're going to start to peak," in the playoffs. Seven of the eight The Penguins are 11-0-1 on the 43-yard TD pass and Dougherty ran Sacca said, "you better start to peak first-round playoff winners were season after defeating Steve McNair in the conversion for the 30-23 score. now." playing on their home fields. and Alcorn Slate 63-20 in the open- Boston recovered an onside kick, Boston rushed 31 times for only "We can't expect to go up there ing round of the playoffs Friday. but the Terriers had 12 men on the 71 yards, but Dougherty connected and beat them unless wc play damn They have reached the finals of field. Coach Roy Kidd said. The on 33 of 53 passes for 423 yards. good football," Kidd said. the playoffs against Marshall the last 12th player wasn't mentioned until "We had to bring out an extra This contest should be quite differ- three years, winning the national after the game. defensive back," safety Chris In the first half, a Terrier fumble, ent than the first time the teams squared championship in 1991 and 1993. Guyton said of the defensive strate- off. with both clubs showing improve- "This team has a tremendous desire a hurried punt and a blocked field gy. Guyton had an interception and ments over the last three months. to continue and shoot for the top," goal led to three Eastern scores, but made one of the Colonels' two fum- "I think we're certainly better Trcsscl said. "But they're fully aware all were field goals. ble recoveries. than wc were the first time (we of what stands between now and then." "I felt that could come back and Allen said after the game thai if his played them)," Kidd said. "Overall, Kidd thinks Youngstown Slate is haunt us," Kidd said. "I didn't feel like Terriers would have scored a touch- we were going to shut that team out." we're a belter football team offen- beatable this season. down at the end of the game, he would sively and defensively." "Their not as dominating a foot- Colonel placekicker Marc Collins have definitely kicked the extra point Kidd noted that quarterback John ball team as they were a year ago," was glad to improve on his perfor- and took his chances in overtime. Sacca has gotten a "better grip of the he said. But, he added, "they are as mance from last season's playoff "I knew if I put it in these guys' Progress/JIM QUIGGINS opener where he connected on just hands, they'll get it done," he said. offense" since the first meeting, and good or better defensive team." FLYING HIGH — Eric Clay leaped for an extra yard Saturday. The Elite Eight of the NCAA l-AA Tournament Christmas wish list includes shoes, titles CHp H and follow the Colonels in their quest for the championship. I know Santa is a big sports fan, choice for designer was blind or just down his chimney. But the fact is he Quarterfinals Semifinals Final and since I have been a very good Don stupid. has a good team year after year no Dec 3 Dec 10 Dec. 17 little boy this year, here are a few of Perry •Speaking of sports attire, I wish matter how much talent he lacks. my Christmas wishes: Santa would bring Colonel fresh- I wish Santa would surprise the Youngstown State • I wish Santa would look man Aaron Cecil an array of col- basketball world and give The Dennis Rodman square in the eyes Flagrant ored headbands that would put Cliff General one more NCAA champi- and tell him to get the hell out of Foul Robinson's collection to shame. onship. Eastern Kentucky his face in that stupid Nike com- Or at least a maroon one he Santa, his team wears Christmas mercial. I mean this guy, who can't could wear for all the away games. red! Does that count for anything? decide whether he wants to be •I have yet another wish for •Championship! Championship! Demolition Man or a rainbow sher- Eastern's basketball team. I wish Championship! Eastem fans want McNeese State bet, should grow up and act like a year in beloved Boston Gardens? Santa would give the OVC coaches another football championship. human being (or at least an NBA •Although I am not a big and sports information directors the Please Santa give Roy Kidd one player). Kentucky Wildcat basketball fan, I courage to vote for two Colonels as more chance to bask in glory. This punk breaks all the rules, do wish Santa would be a little All-OVC players. Yeah, I know Twelve Christmas' have come and Montana can't decide whether he wants to nicer to them this year. I sure hope they are a young team and may not gone since the Colonel's have cele- play basketball or play truth or dare brated a championship. Don't you NCAA l-AA title he can dig deep into his bags of win the conference, but come on. with Madonna, and then gets paid gifts and pull out about 12 uniforms Arlando Johnson and DeMarkus think it is about time for another one? At Marshall University thousands of dollars to do a Nike Doss both deserve the honor. •And last, I have one final wish Marshall University Huntingdon, W. Va. that look a little less ridiculous than commercial when he isn't even the ones they arc wearing now. How can Eastern's human-high- for all sports fans. I want Santa to playing at the time because he is The team could at least look light film only be an honorable set aside 700 switches to put under serving yet another suspension decent for the last half of the sea- mention in a conference like the the tree of each person who started James Madison because of his childish behavior. son. OVC? Let's take another look at the the season on a major league roster, If Santa gives Rodman a pair of I seriously doubt all of these top- individual stats at the end of the but decided they needed a little Nikcs for Christmas, he should at notch basketball players would have season. more money and cut the season least reward me with a nice pair of come to Kentucky if they knew •While we are still on the topic short for all the baseball fans who Boise State Chucky Taylor Converse, just like Rick Pitino was going to have them of college hoops, how about a little can remember watching the World the ones Larry Bird wore in his hey- running up and down the court in gift for Bobby Knight? I know Series since they were in diapers. day with the Celtics. uniforms I would have been Santa, he may not be the nicest per- •Speaking of the Celtics, how son or have the best attitude. Heck, Perry is a junior journalism Appalachian State ashamed to have worn as pajamas about at least a winning season for when I was S years old. he would probably build a fire if he major from Parkers Lake and is the Bostonites since it is their final It makes me wonder if Pitino's thought you were going to climb News editor for the Progress. The Eastern Progress, Thursday, December 1,1994 B7

Colonels slam Chicago St. 84-70 NEED MORE ROOM IN THE DORM? Basketball team half, they had nine. At the end of the Arlando Johnson left with 14 CALL LANDS MINI-STORAGE night they had 14. points, Dc Mark us Doss had 12, has fast-paced "Whenever you have that many Marlon Stewart had 17, Aaron Cecil ETSU edges Located next to Holiday Inn at 122 Klllarney Lane turnovers, it leads to someone being had 10 and Curtis Fincher had 14. 623-8501 home opener outnumbered and mismatched causing Fincher was player of the game, fouls," Calhoun said. "We had Arlando going four for four at the line and Colonels at By Mary Ann Lawrence Johnson and Curtis Fincher in foul Units as small as 5 x 6 Sports co-editor five for eight from the field with 17 trouble in the first half. With them on rebounds. home 96-91 Prices starting at $14 per month the bench we had to bring in younger Equipped with an Electronic Security System Coach Mike Calhoun breathed a "We had sparkling play by Curtis players with little experience." Fincher," Calhoun said. Progress staff report sigh of relief when his Colonels Calhoun also said that an inability J.T. Shirer had eight points, was pulled out a tough win against to guard the ball and the fact that he two for four from the three-point line The men's basketball team fell Chicago State Tuesday night. had started with a four guard roster and three for five from the field. Now Open EKU won 84-70 in a quick-paced short in its season opener at East to match Chicago's size added to the Ron Woods finished the night with Tennessee State Saturday. game against a team coached by for- disappointing first half. mer Chicago Bull Craig Hodges. four points and Marty Thomas left The Colonels took a 49-45 After half lime, EKU came out with with five points. lead at the break but were Party Shop *.j 'They executed really well," a bigger line-up and concentrated on "Anytime you have five, almost six Calhoun said. "They ran a tough outscored 51-42 in the second 682 University Shopping Center getting the ball in Johnson's hands. men, in double-digits, you have half, falling 96-91. press and were well-coached. They "Arlando controlled the game in team," he said. "Wc took seven guys (next to Winn Dixie) deserve accolades. I'm just glad we Eastern shot a smoldering 62 the second half," Calhoun said. "Wc that have never played together before percent in the first half, but 623-9383 got a win." just put the ball in his hands." and created a team. That's something Calhoun liked what he saw in sec- cooled off to 38 percent in the Mylar & latex balloons The additional size on the court wc pride ourselves on at Eastern." second to shoot 50 percent for the \loii-r ri I <>-'> it.m. ond half play, but he was disappoint- showed up in rebounds. The Colonels Now, the Colonels will face game. Greeting cards Sul. ')-<> |i.m. ed with the first half. went from 19 total rebounds at half- Central Florida Saturday, a tough "I was disappointed in the careless- DcMarkus Doss led the team Sun. I -."» p.m. time to 42 on the night. team that made it to the NCAA tour- with 28 points and five 50%OFF everyday ness in the handling of the ball. It was "Rebounding was a key in the nament last season and is returning atrocious in the first half," Calhoun rebounds. Arlando Johnson fol- Complete party supplies win," Calhoun said. "We maximized most of that squad to the hardwood. lowed with 27 points and five said. "It was not EKU basketball." our strengths and went inside." That game will be played at The Colonels left the court at half- rebounds. Gifts for all occasion The Colonels attacked the aggres- McBraycr Arena at 7:30 p.m. Eastern's defense could not time tied with the Cougars at 35. sive press and 2-3 zone and frustrat- "They are a very well-coached They were 14 for 31 in field goal shut down ETSU, which shot 62 ed the Cougars by going to the back team with excellent execution and percent in the second half. The attempts, two for eight in three-point- door. In the second half, they shot 64 shooting experience," Calhoun said. ers and five for seven in free throws. Buccaneers shot 55 percent for Dr. Marion Roberts percent from the field and 50 percent "We'll spend this week fine-tuning the game. Turnovers hurt the Colonels early from three-point land. They were 88 our half-court defense and building a Optometrist in the game. At the end of the first percent from the charity stripe. better press." YOUR EYE CARE PROFESSIONAL v (606)623-9624 ♦Colored Soft Contact *Daily & Extended Wear NEED $20 TODAY lenses Soft Lenses • New donors and 90 day inactive donors Christmas Op^ ffiouse ♦Disposable Contact *Soft Bifocal Contact receive $20 for first visit. Sunday, au( ^yitchcl Optomctric Association

Tuesda DEC. 6 STUDENT MM EASTERN VS ♦CENTRAL FLORIDA

EASTERN VS ♦WESTERN KJENTUCKY ♦TBPOFF 7:30 PM MCBRAYER ARENA BEGINNING DECEMBER 6 REGISTER FOR ARTY 6:00 pm McBrayer Arena North Concourse AND RE/MAX (TERN WINNER'S CIRCLE TUITION SHbOTOUT It's a TACO Game! TIPOFF 7:06 PM When the Colonels break 80...we break out the FREE Tacos! See our advertisement in this issue or visit the TACO BELL restaurant located at 514 Eastern Bypass B8 The Eastern Progress, Thursday, December 1, 1994 Lady Colonels win two in Ga. shootout By Brian Blanchard far. The Lady weekend, Inman said. Using quickness and a pressure Sports writer Color e 1 s The Lady Colonels open up with defense, the Lady Colonels will try ReGIS returned from Western Michigan. The winner of to make up for the disadvantage in Eastern women's basketball Georgia with that contest will face either Big size. For now, Inman will try to build coach Larry In man thinks starting wins over Eight power Missouri or South unity and toughness on the road. the season with several road games G e o r g i a Carolina State. "It's a hostile environment on the is the best way to open a campaign. Southern and Inman believes being invited to road," Inman said. "It helps us eval- "It's better to start on the road," he Furman. the tournament is an indication of uate our stability. The tougher we said, "because the younger players Freshman Laphelia Doss had an the level of talent at Eastern. can get, the better." 20% OFF can play with all the adversity at once. impressive debut, with four "It's a credit to get in a tourna- The road games will help the It also helps us see if our team is going rebounds in the first game and 10 in ment like this," he said. "I'm pleased team with a lough conference sched- all services to draw together or pull apart." the second. Kim Mays led the team to be able to play in a tournament ule, which begins in January. After beginning the season at the with 37 points against Georgia with teams of this caliber." With tournaments beginning in with student I.D. OVC/Souihcm shootout last weekend Southern and 24 against Furman. The Lady Colonels head into the November and several tough non- 624-0066 at Georgia Southern, the Lady But Inman gave credit to each tournament as the smallest team but conference games before the confer- Walk-ins welcome Richmond Mall Colonels will travel to the Missouri player as well. one of the quickest. ence season begins, the Lady Invitational this weekend. The only "I could go down the whole team Inman said size will be a problem Colonels can't afford to look too far break in the early road schedule was a and everyone played well," he said. all season. He said if teams try to down the road. home game last night against Marshall. Everyone on the team will have to capitalize on the height advantage, it "Right now I can only look one Inman's formula has paid off so step up again for the tournament this could cause his team some problems. game to the next," Inman said. WkU66EI> yf/aJ* it/Cuitma(jf\

SPORTS ROUNDUP rACTORY OUTLET POP *0«»C PFOPl I Compiled by Brian Blanchard \f) 206 Big Hill Ave.

SEMO loss ends volleyball Lady Colonel defeated by cross country championship, failed directors. season in second round Foreign National Team to finish his last race, when it came Juniors Jason Combs and James V Richmond, KY The Lady Colonels fell short in down to a choice between finishing Hand were repeat recipients while The Colonel volleyball team Chris Whitcfield, Roosevelt Givens, ended the fall season with 19-16 their final preseason tune-up against or breathing. From Carhartt you will find: Mjcsto Zagreb Friday night. Senior Nganga ran under a tree and a Joe Smith and Marc Collins (P) also over all and 11-6 in the OVC. branch struck him in the face. He received first team honors. i Brown Duck and Blue Denim They lost to SEMO, the tourney Kim May led the team with 23 points Work Wear and eight rebounds. continued to run, even with blood Five other Colonels made the sec- winner, in the second round of the ond team squad. They included John OVC tournament. The Foreign National Team running down his face. Warm Winter Clothing-Coats, Coveralls, i outscorcd the Colonels 45-39 in the After three grueling kilometers, Sacca, Bobby Washington, Collins Senior Lori Federmann and Nganga withdrew from the race. (PK), Carlos Timmons and Bob Head. !* and Bib Overalls I sophomore Shelby Addington were first half to go on to a 85-79 victory. "I had to make a decision, to run Eric Clay was an honorable men- I Hunting Wear i I \ chosen to the All-ioumamcnt team. Junior Stephany Davis also con- tion. tributed 13 points and five rebounds. or to breathe," Nganga said. Federmann also made the All- After treatment at the meet, OVC list, as well as first team Newcomer Laphelia Doss, had six rebounds and seven points. Nganga was able to recover. Women's basketball signs Uniforms for: '>T\) District IV Academic Ail-American. "I was very disappointed to stop, Junior Emily Leath was named to The Lady Colonels shot 34 per- a 6-foot 2-inch center but I finally had to quit," he said. Firelighters the second team. cent from the field, compared to 55 The Lady Colonels hope to solve percent for the Mjcsto Zagreb squad. Nganga, who who was dizzy for their lack of size by signing Shannon Emergency Medical Personnel Federmann had 68 solo blocks several days, still had five kilometers and 142 block assists. Eastern's first regular season Browning, a 6-foot 2-inch senior at Nurses and Doctors to go to finish the race. Evans High School. Addington led the team with a 2.9 home game was Wednesday night \ Career Apparel kill percentage against Marshall. Browning was MVP in the 13th Cable channel 5 will show the Twelve Colonels honored Region All-A Classic last year and with All-OVC selections was All-SEKC Player of the Year. final game of the OVC volleyball Nganga fails to finish NCAA 606 623-1135 tournament between SEMO and Seven Colonel football players Browning also took all-tournament championship race were named first team All-Ohio honors in the state All-A Classic, and Murray at 7:30 p.m. Wednesday. The Senior John Nganga, Eastern's match between Eastern and SEMO Valley Conference by the football the 52nd district and 13th region lone representative at the NCAA coaches and sports information tournaments. will be shown at 7:30 p.m. Tuesday. */JD&S

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It's every^^1^ ■you -wartt to be."

O Vila USA Inc 1-JO* ativc on its true side? nut really theft. I'm tired ot listening to Marc IM Fountain, junior. these tales of woe from students who don't V. of South (jjrolina seem to realize that stealing library boon is ^|J» ^V I ll<' N.ll ■«■■!.ll < ..II' ft a crime that affects everyone who values JVlagazine Big hair, hot air knowledge. It's (airly obvious io us when a In "Poking Holes in the Ozone Scare" person has made an honest mistake. (September l'>"4), you refer to aerosol SDH Wendy Schmidt, circulation desk cans as if they arc a common source of ( mill »\ HOWa ot fti \nillo\, twhe mow »i.lch md lifonk and cnirminmcnr Tachnotor^y plugs chlorofluorocarhons. It might be worth supervisor, San Diego State L\ ■uppdM anton* I* in H 'tir *M ."(.(fr CAHJIOI attulh EAMMI omrtnt ton/to «MI I wanted to congratulate you on your ■he tlnenc IMM, atinititv aituuJo JIHI man ■>! Mu.lct.is. jiirntlinr fuuf-.tw cut noting that it has been illegal to use l/.ajoofa. lfft% jn<1 HNVCTIKin ' 'l IIIIHIW nfitorv sclc. inl rich ICJT from lop praJuitini informative look at some of the ama/Jnf! smxirv read campus nr»*papcrv (imtnmtxin "*ifriiwl jrtido jnd ph"K»jrrjphi h\ the alternative media being produced today CKGs in aerosol cans manufactured in the In "College, In. " III. tther 1994), the name hot student pHirrulrttv and nuintjiri an onjt'tne diak>a!uc >u (he Iniam-i and UAIfWI United States since 1979. line »nh \rudrni\ al hundfeds «»l .am puses naiHHimJf by college students {"Power Surge"). I lor the Oregon State I' .riulent iim-spiiper would also like to point out what I see as Ian M. McOratb, sophomore, should have heen the Daily Barometer, laz haHafcar a NltarM Mr*ctar a problem. The picture of Jonathan Bell Dartmouth College Foster is the editor in thief at the Barometer. t<\^^ i MiIRKIS SttH n v\i> on the bottom of page \^ is obvioufl) I Mould like to know why in her article, The Daily Emerald is the student newspa- MHim EMtW from a flipped negative. I understand that "1'iikmg Holes in the Ozone Scare" (Scp- per of the U, of Oregon. F«L\< BHITFUAX for the purp«>scs of page layout you want tember IW4), Julie I.. Nash feels it no is aj»t Mrtc tar people in a photograph to be looking into sjri to call Rush l.imbaugh an "empty- In "H Tim the Ijghts II cm Out in S^/inrrel- l)\u Dm st a page instead of away from it. But can headed demagogue." The fact is — and Mt«" (Star* lakes, (hlohei 1914), the I m • lllllMl EcMlM-l you honestly tell me there was no way to Ms Wish's own lonilusion supports it — versify of South FtoniLi was incorrectt\ referred BOWII Dm CHATHAM COLLEGE *VJ design that spread so that Jonathan was l.imbaugh's views are right: the ozone hole to as the Cntrersity of Southern Florida BiuiMmil Wisi CHESTOU "W GLENN MI DONALD MKHKANSTATI U.TH looking into the page with the photo neg- issue was blown way out ol proportion, AIUH RiMinsi IVIIUW I SH anil a single volcanic eruption can release This I)«. DIUDL. Auuis IMIHM U. more harmful chemicals W.B.Cisrv L'. 1)1 low 1 than all the CFCl l)K JVS I OlMllHISS TF_V».\TH II I Month's mankind can priMluce. MONA CRAVENS I cn Sol iIIIKVCUIIIHIMI \i\Rh GOODMAN Su mvi PRISSI.UA CENTO Alex (Uirrenza, senior, Question DB. USHVDEI SoniiiRS. Mliiiniiiw I V. of Nevada, IMS I 'egas KAIHI LAWUM I I 4 I I\\S-AISII\ RKIHRDC l.vm Pur Aimsiik, I'. n: TEXAS Guilty, In my book I.KIH MAM urn Nil HOI Is Mill I ["Booked," Septem- Do you plan to DB. Fitisk Ru.wsn OBII.IIS STATE U. ber l"94|, regarding theft DB.J DAYS REED f IN I IRS ILUNUBI) get married? TOM RIII MI k I Assa HI11>c:<>ii M.IVIK PRFSS of library material from RH IUBIISIBIH'II PSM PUSDEXT.CMA Florida State U., is a per- NUBIIHSPBIM. MICHIGAN SI in U. fect example of one-sided [800] 6U-V1EWS UAI BlU'lDMIB N'oHHUIsl Mlssol >l Si I journalism that perpetu- ates the "I am a victim" Vu i PBISIIHM THOMAS J. Mm HEU 688-4397 mentality and under- OPHATIUSS DlBHIIlB KEVAISENBVAN CIBI ii^iios MANAGEI TllLI MAITIIIH'S-HIH.UIII sct>res the belief of many EXT. college students that 64 MABMIIM, SIRIU.IS MOL MELISSA E. An.i/i Scott Magoon. MorMWMtam H*wt. North*—t»m U stealing library books is AllMISISI 1IIU AsM Mutum Mm \I»I

1800CF\111! P\RkK,sl#8:0. I.OSAAI.IIIN.I AW067 IM (110) «SI-HHIF.\X(JI0) 551-1659o««:-0HJ6 Staves I .ogue, sophomore, Indiana U. IsilKSII XllllKF S-. IIMM^WIII III Mil of Pennsylvania • The day I started col- \OI. \IIIIKIss I'MvuyisiSlin COM lege, my dad said to me, "Are you on the PlBIISHIB GMU MllBBIsSuil II 1KB four-year plan? I am." Nicole Camplicll, VP-f.isiRU MAKMU THOMAS J. Minimi kSIIRMISlllM AllDlR. Pll IILY) (HIIIIIFB senior, U. of California, Berkeley * I CLUSFIFD .\D SlLFS Mil ISM K. AUMXt want to relax. I'm in no hurry for the real »*MrtHm MM Mm world. Angela Alonso, freshman, Cali- MIM Student fornia State I'., long Beach • Advisers U. MAGAZINE, 170 F.MM SI ,NM Yo«k. NY 10021 here didn't tell me that you need certain TEL. (2l')9»0-2»OOF.\X (212) 980-2811 credits, so now 1 have to stay here an But BFBI.. EASTEIN AIIMBIISIM, MANAGU Opinion extra semester for six credits. Kelly CttOU RnSTOK, MiBki TOG St mitts Brown, senior, V. of Pittsburgh of the boxers are showing — ohh! That's Poll really awesome! Kim llanlin, junior, Jin (iusniiB. PFIIBCI IMHIR Marshall U. • Briefs don't take up as Till GLENTHEI COMTAKT III .(H2I6-0-6H00 FAX (112)670-0056 Do you expect to Boxers or briefs? much room in the washing machine. Zack Hem, freshman, U. of Mississip- Pllll (, is/, 1 IM i S< KIBSI R. \ iv 1 Wn i B graduate in 4 years? We're talkin' boxers all the way — pi • Briefs prov ule so much more sup- Till (As/ COMPANI "there ain't no better feclin". Drake port. Ben de Vulpillieres, freshman, Ta. (2 H) 991-49W F.AX (214) 991 4995 Win not stay in school, have a good Sorensoii. junior, San Diego State V. • Cornell I . • Boxers just don't hold time, get a couple of degrees — or at least Boxers arc in. Bnels went out when I was everything in place. Charles Nicotra, Pi IIK Si on one? Rob Owens, junior, Marquette U. in ninth grade. Gabriel Rivera, junior, sophomore. U. of Texas, Arlington • I PHVH Si HI i A ASSOCIATES V. of California, Berkeley • Briefs .ire think the world would lie a better place if III [415)421 "'«0 FAX (415) 198-4156 * I did expect to graduate in four years, but that was before I started college. more user-friendly. Barbara "Bobbie" we all hail the freedom to move around. Brcwington, sophomoie, Iowa State Christopher Navarrette, sophomore. PnBli KDoni MIBSIHII, Mtf.ism & Dim i ll/i • Co for briefsl If they're good Texas Tech U. • When you put your Tn (415)7" 4tm FAX(tl5)777-4M5 ^enough for my dad, they're good enough clothes on, the buff is enough. Chris aanrlcia CHimu Halwar* IK. for ./// the guys. Susan "Sassy" Paine, Guerrero, freshman, U. of Texas, San CHURuisft PBISIIHM (iwii MIWBISSHH II ISI> freshman, Indiana I . of Pennsylvania Antonio • I'nilerwcar, what's that? Frec- CoMBiHiiB LWKSLOTWI • When you see a guy in Iwixers. especial- ballin's the »jy to go. James Rcidy, ly when they have shorts on and the lop sophomore, George Washington V. I'.*IS pi'iusiliu \I\I inns ill IB iMiPkismi is nil USA OKRtCY- i imi PIPIB. SLISI BiPiioNs \»F$I8. (UmnoirrO 1994 (/. »SII(' MAS* /I\I IBI BUMEUII iBUHUUksiH AMUK-VNOHLII.IMF Ninuwk, IM MI RK.ins RFsmif) Tell us what you think. Letters to the Editor. U. tJagTeraaa 1800 Century Park East, Suite 820, Los Angeles. CA 9O067; fax to JQ/\BC M««e recycle l/. (310) 551-1659; e-mail to ■■■<• ■ eB.et-cavaae or llMalnilnateal I aw All senders: Include name, year, school and phone number. Intwl users should include permission to reprint submissions. Letters should be less than 200 words. V. reserves the right to edit submissions for length and clarity.

NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 1994 U. MuKazine • 5 llUnail Eat Your Heart Out! (M)CAT got is name has been men- enjoyed as a youngster in Watchung, N.I : Can he give any examples? tioned on several net- "I thought there were only three kids in my "Not thai I can say," he says. "They're your tost? work ha I ft ■ in*.- shows family until one da) uu 2-year-old sister inside jokes " popped up from In-hind a tray of lasagn.i." Forget about the new full television tins season, and he has gotten national IT teammate, center David Swain, ■ Jim Peery, The Independent Florida scries ER and Chicago Hope. The rial news coverage. But it's not tor the Heis- watched Ingrassia tackle I < bowls ol pasta Alligator, U. of Florida medical drama is unfolding at the I inan watch, at a local all-you-can-eat spaghetti buffet. of California, Davis, where 57 future I', ol Florida senior Anthonj Ingrasaia "I ate five [bowls), and I thought I was doctors are still recovering from the has gotten more press .is .1 restaurant critic Don'-t Worry f\tii\tor>the family dinners he that nice a guy at that time." prepare for the makeup exam. Some columns suspension. students claim to study four to five hours every day for several months to prepare for the test. "I felt screwed house meet a 50-50 male-female ratio over," says Zabaneh, who retook the standard, while other social houses need exam in August. only one-third membership of either sex. Zabaneh has formed a student "We've submitted a proposal for rein- protesting ACT's handling statement, hut it doesn't look like they Coed or Dead liked it too much," he says. -he is currently look- tt the DC was suspendeel in 1993 for hazing, ternity — had been battling the school •s been rude and not tudents at Middleman- College dorm damage and gender inequity. But, as in Vermont are still talking since the policy was introduced. slated in the DU proposal: |- sample and about the Delta Kappa Epsilon Because the DKF members refused to experience are life's greatest teachers. |994 homecoming parry. They're saying enter the coeducational "social house" sys- "We're trying to get more women to 11 was the greatest party of the year. But tem — created to replace traditional frater- join. If we don't, it could be the end of l)kl will never party again at Middle- nity and sorority systems they have been DU (at Middlcbury)," says senior anil DU bun. F.ver. living under risk of expulsion for what col- member Nicole Wood. The fraternity fell victim to a Vermont lege officials say is "fraternal activity." The Middlcbury social scene is taking Superior Court decision banning all sin- Rumors of secret, off-campus meetings on a new identity — to the relief of some gle sex social organizations from campus. have run rampant. But senior Nicholas and to the chagrin of others. "Any social In 1989, Middlcbury mandated that no Stacker says, "What we do now is nothing. option is a benefit to this campus, because social group can discriminate in any way, I've heard lots of fanciful stories about us, the campus is limited," says senior Peter gender included. DKF. — an all-male fra- but we have no interest in being expelled < ireatrex. president of Omega Alpha. We do not function underground." Because Middlehury is isolated from A former DKF member claims the larger cities, social houses are currently si hool waged "witch hunts" to finel out the main outlet for weekend entertain- who was a member, tapping phones and ment for many of Middlcbury's 2,000 stu- intercepting mail to find "outlaw" broth- ilcnts. But now DKF, once reputed to In- ers. But Middlcbury dean Don VVyatt says the "most social" of these houses, isn't that isn't so. "We're not doing anything in social at all. the form of harassment," he insists, At the former party house, the second David Mitchell, a current DKF. mem- floor has been converted into faculty ber and a senior, calls the administration's offices, and it's dark inside every Saturday actions "tyrannical" and "crazy." "We're night when students pass by it on their lust frustrated that we can't do things that way to the shiny, happy social houses. other friends do," he says. "It might be 'Die last of the mess from that final bash construed as 'fraternal activity.'" has been cleaned up, and at Middlcbury Senior Fric Schroeder, president of College, DKE is dead. The party's over. Delta Upsilon, thinks the school is stalling so there won't be a pledge class this year. ■ Ryan D'Agostino, The Campus, Middlcbury is strongly suggesting that the Middlcbury College

• • I I. Vliij^i^i ii<- NOVIMBER DICEMBER 1994 Idea Man

hen you care enough The names of the characters and RENEWS to send the very belt, Company were inspired by the ALARMING STUPIDITY consider sending ;i woman Marshall bought that Columbia U. — Wars, tornadoes, w^BekBe Card. With messages like "Stop original card for — • kid terms of bombings, floods — reporters stop at calling me," "I'm horny, come visit" and endearment, huh? "She thinks nothing for a meaty story. Ruth "Not interested," you'll he able to tell that I'm psycho lor naming my com- 11alikuian. now for- certain someone exactly how you feel. pany after her," he says. mer editor in chief That's what Indiana U. of Pennsylvania It wasn't until Marshall of the Columbia junior Fred Marshall hopes, anyway. reached college that he Short Daily Spectator, was "I was seeing this launched his first marketed ven- no exception when girl, and I wanted to ture, a coupon book for retail- Takes she pulled a false win her back. I ers in the IUP vicinity. "I've fire alarm in a thought about get- always had ideas," he says. "I building on campus. ting her a card, but research everything before I do The reason? To get a photo of the I couldn't find any- it — before BekBe, I researched fire department's new truck. Hey, maybe CNN can take a lesson from thing appropriate," Hallmark." he says. After scour- BekBe Cards are currently this. Need a shot of a Russian nuclear ing card stores, sold at a local bookstore and at missile? Marshall made his own card for S3.SO at a SACO, a Greek merchandising machine. The sentiment didn't save the shop. Ruth Moss, co-owner of NOW WHO'S THE ASS? relationship, but it did start a company, SACO, says, "I see Fred as a V. of Idaho — Bet'cha never knew BekBe Cards, which sells in-your-face person with viable entrepre- that a full moon could make you greeting cards. neurial dreams, not fluky ideas." almost a millionaire. At least that's These cards say what other cards are Marshall plans to expand his what one U. of Idaho student hopes afraid to say — they're the bad boys of the business by marketing the BekBe will happen. He's bringing a suit greeting card business. characters on T-shirts and other Fred Marshall against the university after he fell "BekBe Cards are simational, not occa- merchandise. And with the help of a three stories from his dorm window, sional," Marshall explains. "The situations sales representative, he hopes to get shelf "My cards and coupon book are much which broke as he was allegedly depicted are as varied as the actual college space in up to 1,000 college bookstores after better [financially] than working some- mooning some friends. The student, experience." graduation in May 1995. where else." who is seeking $940,000, claims that Featured in the cards are LynnBee and Don't expect Marshall to be sending the university and its employees are Bon, two amorphous lead characters who out his resume come May. "After I grad- ■ Ronald R. McCutcheon, The Penn, at fault in the accident. Hey, buddy, have no race, gender or class distinction. uate, this will be my income," he says. Indiana I', of Pennsylvania where were you when the R.A.s held the responsible-mooning-while- hanging-three stories iIKIV<• IIn- ground workshop?

ALCAPIGGYTRA2 U. of Florida — A pot-bellied pig with a runny nose and a bad temper was taken into custody by Gainesville College Camporee police when Phi Delta Theta frater- nity members called in a report of a "bur first abode. The home didn't even have a chance to be late with constantly felt like someone was going to "pig at large" in their house. "It away from home. It's a the rent or have a wild party busted before break into my car." scared the crap out of me," says dream come true, but what they were out of an apartment. And the saga continues. Now there are freshman Dominic Freshwater. do you do when your landlord — oops — Deb Taylor, property manager at problems in at least two of the seven new A representative from Animal forgets to put the door on its hinges? Chase Manhattan Apartments, says that buildings. Taylor attributes this to "new Services says the pig will be Thirty student renters at Kansas State during the summer, several letters building syndrome." She says, "The mad detained in the facility for three U. were forced to find unique places to explaining the situation were mailed to gods of unluckiness are on us or on the days, until its health and tempera- temporarily store their belongings — and future residents. Chase Manhattan Apart- kids in that complex." ment can be evaluated for the pig's themselves — when they found out that ments offered the residents some options: Taylor found that nails had gone possible adoption. Reports of the their new apartment complex had not been they could cancel their lease and get their through some unlucky water pipes. The pig's wife attempting to smuggle a completed over the summer. The renters deposit back, stay in a hotel until Sept. I water proceeded to flood the unlucky nail file into the facility via a mud while paying a portion of the rent or stay basement in one of the unlucky buildings, pie are unconfirmed. with friends or relatives until the complex to the dismay of some unlucky kids. was completed. What a choice. "They've had to shut the water off about WHERE THERE'S SMOKE, Tired of the runaround, sophomore 1,000 rimes," Brooks says. Workers have come THERE'S UNDERWEAR Linette I linn/ and her roommates decided to her apartment to fix the microwave because Ohio State V. — Do you smell to break their lease. It took almost a week the screws that held it up were falling out boxers burning? That's what mem- for them to find another apartment. "There Neufeld says that workmen had to bers of the Columbus Fire Depart- wasn't anything left," Heintz says. "Chase come in and drill peepholes in the door ment must've asked after being called Manhattan didn't even offer to pay for stor- after he moved in. "We don't have screens to a fire in an OSU dorm. The cause age while tenants waited to move in." either," he adds. of the blaze? Not a natural gas leak. Kelly Neufeld, a junior at KSU, moved Some advice to prospective renters The smoldering skivvies were found into his new pad at Chase Manhattan from Neufeld: "Before I would do this in a microwave, reason unknown. Sept. I, while construction continued again, I would make (the landlords] The two summer residents — out of from 6 a.m. to midnight. "There are little promise that they were going to provide the room at the time — said they'd splashes of paint on my car, too," he says. free housing until the apartments were locked the door before leaving. Gives Freshman Rene Brooks kept some finished." Or at least provide a raft. a frightening new meaning to Mom's belongings in her car while she waited for threat about your clothes being dirty Kanaai State U. freshman Rene Brook* her apartment to be finished. "I had stuff ■ Lola Shrimplin, Kansas State enough to walk by themselves. ht ready to move m. stored in about 1,000 different places. I Collegian, Kansas State U.

NOVIMBH/DICIMBM 1994 I . Vt;ij^;ixin«.- • 7 <

Oglebay Winter Festival of I .ights. "Dinosaur Dell." "The Determined lights). Ii is about ruling through and seeing TRIPPIN' The festival, now in its ninth year, is Fisherman" and "Willard the Snowman." them all." open nightly from Nov. I to Jan. K and (Not to IK.- confused with rocker man Del Nearly 3,500 buses are expected to pass the last three weekends in January. It Shannon, fisherman Bain- Winkclman or through the park this year, and if you an he- gods have dropped a attracts roughly 1 million tourists every weatherman Willard Scott.) driving through the area, expect to be Lite Brite in the middle of year. F.ach vehicle that passes through the Visitors can thrill to the splendor of a caught behind one of them. Oglebay once the northern panhandle of lights display is requested to make a horse of lights jumping a fence of lights, again projects more than 1 million visitors. West Virginia. In a bizarre perversion of donation (of money, not light bulbs), since gasp with delight as a light bulb circus The first time someone had the Thomas Kdison's invention, light bulbs the show is funded by contributions. train filled with light bulb circus animals patience to hang bunches of lights in the Oglebay area was in 1VK0. That year. several thousand multicolored lights were displayed at the park's "(iood Zoo" to celebrate the holiday season. "The Good Zoo Lights up for You" was the initial stage of what has become one of the Bright Lights, Little City biggest light shows in America. In early l'»KS. the winter darkness ol Oglebay was officially brightened with a come together to form pictures in the This display, reminiscent of Clark comes into view and weep with happiness giant lights festival. That year, the show spirit of the coming holiday season. Griswold'i decorations in Sational at Cinderella's carnage, frozen in lights on Covered 125 acres and included 125,000 When area college students teel the himpnon's Christmas Vacation, was named the way to the grant! ball. bulbs. need to !><■ partially blinded by a cavalcade last year as one of the top 22 international There are lights for the patriotic (a Since then, the show has more than of lights. the) make a trip to Oglebay Park tour bus destinations by the American Bus large American flag and Liberty Bell), doubled in size to 300 acres and 500,000 resort, north of Wheeling, W.Va., for the Association. It includes such displays as lights for Christians (a nativity scene), points of light. Take that, George Bush. lights for the Jewish Tripping the light fantastic is never celebration Hanukkah (a done so literally as when visitors go to menorah and dreidel) and Oglebay on a Saturday night in the lights tor people who rtally winter. The lights festival stands as a like candy canes. testament to patience, wiring and an odd Brian McCord, a Bethany sense of taste. College senior, says that "The lights are good for Bethain some of the lights are special students because they don't have anything to him. "My favorite set of else to do." Cooey says. "(They) get you lights is the one of the golfer in the Christmas mood, especially it teeing off. ft reminds me of you're far away from home." my dad," he says. Bethany sophomore (Ihrisry ■ James A. Walker, lot Tower, Omey says she can't decide on Bethany College a favorite display. "It's not the Courtney Davis, The Tower. Oglebay Part, '• thousand polmettlas of light. Cinderella he* hm storming the cattle. point of just seeing one |set of Bethany College, contributed to this story.

"Merry Christmas from the Family," songwriting. Keen breaks the country rock stars/Barely livm' off the money from tip POP from Keen's latest release. Gringo music standard of worshiping the western jars... I am guilty of a dreadful selfish crime/I Honeymoon, is a tale straight from the tradition, a tradition that Keen says fails have robbed myself of all my precious time. Keen family album: to give good advice about life's questions. Keen says he's not worried about being on't hate him because he's Fran and Rita drove from Harlmgen/ I "Dreadful Selfish Crime," also from accepted by the mainstream. country. Robert Earl Keen can't remember how I'm kin to them/But Cringo Honeymoon, is a song about "I'm not looking for universal appeal. I is fun for the whole dys- when they tried to plug their motor home watching your life go by as you live in the just want an audience for my songs." functional family. in/Tbey blew out our Christmas lights. fast lane: Setting up shop amid the cheese of the Keen first picked up a guitar while Stay in' up till dawn strummin' old ■ Andrew Tomb, The Collegian, mainstream country music world, Keen is attending Texas A&M U., where he guitars/Sleepin' all day long just like the big Kansas State U. Keen-Cut Country more than just a spokesman for the trailer traded licks with classmate and longtime park and gun-rack crowd. "I've become friend, Lyle Lovett. After graduating with the hero of dysfunctional attitudes and a degree in Knglish, Keen took to playing behavior," Keen says. the folk and western club circuit. Now he Despite little airplay on country radio, tours with a full band, playing about 200 Keen has managed to rise to cult-figure status shows a year. among country music — and even some "It's a rowdier crowd lately," Keen noncountry — fans. Through five albums and says. "They don't listen as close as when it numerous live performances, he has carved a was just me and my guitar, but it's still a kiy-al fan liase, particularly in the Southwest. lot of fun." 1.1 Skoog, a graduate student at the U. Proving he's more than just a redneck of Montana, has been a fan of Keen's for court jester, Keen includes songs about several years. "Robert !• arl's appeal is in guilt, strife and emptiness on his albums. his unwillingness to adapt to whatever the Not your typical country scenario of current fad is," Skoog says. "He would do wife/dog/horse leaving you. Keen's lyrics just fine as a Garth Brooks or Travis Tntt. are often taken from his own life. "I don't but that's not his style." have to go any farther than my front door Lyrically, Keen often uses humor to for material," Keen says. illustrate his stories. Known for his narrative style of What a country (

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rl- toners, rock stars, suicidal yuppies, a fan letter with a picture of himself and serial killers and vampires. These asked me to send a picture of myself back. are the denizens of Bret Easton I/.; Youva dona a groat daal of Ellis' world. That is, at least, the world rasaarch on sarial klllars. What was contained within bis novels. your opinion of tho movlo Natural In the '80s, Ellis made a career of BomKIUmnlt satirizing the petty beliefs and gaudy desires of Ellis: I didn't care for it. I found it lo the beautiful people. His first book. Less be a very loud and grating movie. It was Than Zero, was published in 1985 when he very unrealistic and also very was just 21 and still attending Bennington unfrightening. And there were no real College in Vermont. It depicted the world of performances. What Quentin Tarantino l/ts Angeles' young elite — spoiled by wealth [who wrote the original script) was trying and jaded by drugs and sex. His second novel. to do (Tarantino has said it was supposed The Rules of Attraction, published in 1987, to be a Bonnie and Clyde road movie] got took that same crowd and placed them in an lost in all the changes. Ivy league environment.^ V.: You attondod collogo at However, it was his depiction of a yuppie Bannington with Donna Tartt (boat- serial killer in I99l's American Psycho that sailing author of Tha Smcrat Hlmtory, brought Ellis infamy. A satire of the morals of publishod in 1993). Old you hava New York City's movers and shakers, its anything to do with hor gottlng a graphic descriptions of murder and book daal? mutilations raised eyebrows and voices in Ellis: Nbi .i lot. 1 mean, someone with protest. her talent isn't going to need a lot of help. The controversy over American Psycho, That book would have been published which is now being made into a feature film, anyway. The stuff I read today, "O percent seems to have died down, but Ellis is still asked of it is crap. Publishers arc starving for to justify the greed-and-deatb epic. "If anyone young talent to sign. should have protested the book," he says, "it I/.: Your first four books satlrizad should have been yuppies and serial killers. tha 1980s. Whan you start satirizing They were the ones I was depicting." tha 1990a, what's your first forgot? The 10-year-old Ellis, now in the midst of Ellis: That's actually what I'm a promotional tour for his latest book. The working on now. It's about models and Informers, is not taking advantage of the the fashion world and how our society is perks one would suspect come with a tour. obsessed with glamour. Rather than spend his time wading in the surf U.: Music roforoncoa hava always tblt breaks mere feet away from his Miami boon common In your work. Do you hotel, he has chosen to hole up in his room and liaton to anything whan you writa? work on one of his numerous writing projects. Ellis: Not anymore. I used to IK.- able Exiting the hotel lobby elevator, Ellis to write with both the stereo and the TV wears a plain T-shirt, shorts and an I. A. blasting. Now I can't do that. It's hard Kings hat. He admits, "I'm not very enough to write without having any type comfortable with {interviews]'. " We settle in of distraction. But on the other hand, I the hotel's restaurant and like all that stuff... really, I attempt to break the ice by like all types of music. I/.; Styla-wlse, can chit-chatting about writing you aoo yoursolf doing and the interview process. Sufficently defrosted, we sit tho sama typo of writing at a table surrounded by In 20 yaars? Ellis: It depends. I like countless pictures of the to write from the mouths of restaurant's owner. Burl Reynolds. Ellis may not like narrators. I guess the style has been the same through doing promotion for The all four books because it's Informers, but be must — as the same sort of people. I his character Sean Bateman la Too Informmr: What do thay all think with tiny adjustments, it will be the would say in The Rules of Attraction — willing to send me out on tour. hava in common? deal with it. I/.: Bacausa you woro too busy same style. (/.: Aro you nsrvous about your dafanding it? Cilia: The milieu they all share — U.: Aro you comfortablo bolng promotional tour? Ellis: Well, not only that, but we were having money, looking really good, having lafaslad tho vokso of a ganoratlon? nice cars, tans, plus a willingness not to Brat Easton Ellis: This is the third getting death threats. We take those Ellis: It really doesn't mean anything. fight against apathy and passivity, which I I'm not writing for other people as much day on tour."Yeah, I'm incredibly nervous. pretty seriously. think hurts them in the end. as I am for myself. If I stood on the It.: It's a lot of prassura? V.: It's boo* almost 10 yaars sinca I think there's too much mellowing out Ellis: I'm finding that out. I've never Lass Than Zore was aubwOMd. What street on a soapbox and claimed to be and too much carelessness among the the voice of a generation, who would done a U.S. tour before. Never. I don't mada you daclda to writ a about LA. again? characters. Everyone's too laid back. The listen? What I write about is a small understand how rock bands can do it.... I combination of not being alert, not being mean, all I have to do is stay in my hotel fills' A total accident. I was working snippet of society. aware and not having to struggle for Besides, a phrase like that is really room and then come down and talk to on another novel after I finished American Psycho. It's this very long, very anything is really dangerous. I think it leads only used to sell books. It's like how people. But the traveling — going to a to the violence and brutality in the book. publishers take a young author's first city a day — is hard. complicated book. And every time I had U.: Your books ara wrtttoN IN fb-at book and put it in the same sentence with V.; Why hava you ovoldad doing a writer's block, I would go to this huge parson, la thoro a raaaaa why? Catcher in the Rye. promotional tour up until MOW? folder of stories I was working on. Ellis: Yes, but I really don't know I/.: Youra BO yoara old and Ellis: Because I'd heard how hellish The Informers was a book I never why. I'm just comfortable with that mode. coming out with your fourth novol. they are. When my first book was intended to publish. It was just something V.: Aftar Amtrlcmn Pmyeko was Do you fool fortonnto? published, I was still in college, so I could to work with on the side, a project to relax me and loosen me up whenever I couldn't publlshad, what was too wslrdast ■Ilia: Incredibly fortunate. It's very use that as.an excuse. Then, as disgusting lattar of support you rocalvad? rare to be able to make a living off your as this might sound, I had sold enough work on another book. V.: EMMK (pauses) A guy in prison sent me writing. Other writers I know are either copies of my first book to be able to tell independently wealthy or have other jobs my publisher, "No!" when my second and write in their spare time. I really have book [The Rules of Attraction] came out. l$\ Joshua Mann. The Catalyst, Miami-DatU- ( ollege South nothing to complain about. Then with American Psycho, no one was

NOVIMBM/DICIMBIR 1994 11. Magazine • ll -4- The Business Of Comedy Is No Laughing Matter

very six or seven years, it seems, a new brand of genuinely innovative comedy arises. 'Monty Python. Saturday Night l.tve. Cieorge Bush. Kids In The Hall. We're so damn happy when someone funny comes along — remember junior high? How much easier were those formative years thanks to Fddie Murphy's ice cream man routine? During the dry spells, though, we're left to fend for ourselves among tired stand-up comedians ("What's the deal with airline food?"), lazy sketch comedy ("It's Pat! Is it a he? Is it a she? Whoo-hoo!") and increasingly irrelevant satire {Sational lampoon Magazine — "Humor for Privi- leged White Men"). These things make us unhappy. Crime rates skyrocket. Middle Kast tension rises. You get cavities. It's a gtxxl thing we 20somethings are such renowned self-starters, or we would l>e forever at the mercy of these fickle comic winds. Whether in stand-up, sketch comedy, improv, satire or television sitcoms, the newest and bestest comedy these days is coining from the young 'mis. These productions may not be as slick as SSI. at .is big is Roseanne, but they've got a powerful ace-in-the-hole: They're funny.

Thinking Feller • Onion One irew ol adolescent malcontents is in the process <>! mounting .1 full frontal assault on comedy convention — Onion Inc. What began as a self-described "flounder- ing, text-heavy rag" [satirical weekly newspaper to you| is now a syndicated creative think tank with ambitions in radio, television and film. They're sort of like the Illumi- nati, only with bathroom humor. Founded in l°HH .it the U. of Wisconsin, The Onion is the mothership publication around which the group's various interests revolve. Distributed on hall .1 dozen campuses, The Onion draws its writers and contributor! from a pool of full-time students, semi-students and ex- students in the Madison/Milwaukee area. Typical head- lines include "Sad Platypus Learns to Like Himself" and *\ mi Were Adopted." (See slacker priests expose below.] "We've had six or seven years of solid funny stuff," •-.us publisher Pete liaise. "We have a core of people writing and editing in Madison. We're inundated with ideas ill the nine." liaise says this saturation .level has kept The Onion fresh, so to speak, while other satirical publications have wilted. (Incidentally, The Onion does not, as a rule, con- done vegetable metaphors in its articles.) "The Ijtmpoon is very weak now." he says. "What was once a thriving lied of creativity is not even close to what 11 used to be, The incredible energy that comedy requires is |iisi not iherc." Onion hjc.'s latest attack is the TV sketch offensive The Comedy Castaways. Drawing equally from absurdist maestros Monty Python and more contemporary sketch formatting, the Castaways rely on inspired premises and consistently funny dialogue. It may be the best-wrirtcn sketch show around. "I think what sets us apart is we've intentionally formed a tightly knit group of funny performers," says Scott Dickers, Castaways executive producer. "A lot of these other shows are created by 50-year-olds, written by 40-year-olds and performed by 35-year-olds." Dickers says the group is currently in post-production on the first two episodes and is pitching the pilot to NBC, Fox and HBO. Dickers denies rumors that Onion Inc. secretly wants to rule the world. •0- White Mem Can't Tall Jokes Another tired convention that's quickly crumbling these days is the traditional' male dominance of comedy. Betsy Boyd, a senior at Brown U., has been working with her sketch comedy troupe Hard To Kill for two years. Last summer, she interned at NBC's Late Night with Conan O'Brien.

12 • II. M .*y,.*s« '»*" Stand Up IN The Place) Where You Live In the '80s, it seemed you couldn't swing a robber chicken without hitting a comedy club. But stand-up is Tom Servo For Pope experiencing a major downswing, with only a handful of One of the better success stories in the low-rent come innovators pacing an army of mediocre talent telling dy business is the stellar ascent of Mystery Science dick jokes. Theater 3000. Currently in its sixth season on Comedy Identical twins Jason and Randy Sklar recently relo- Central, the show explores what happens when a cated from St. Louis to New York City to pursue their human and three robots are forced to watch the worst stand-up careers as the Comedy Twins. (Insert "Wonder movies ever made. Producer Jim Mallon and head Twin powers activate!" joke here.) "Stand-up is really taking some knocks," Jason says. writer/host Mike Nelson talk about launching their "Clubs are closing all over. I think it's weeding out dlOM satellite of love. guys —" "_ who suck," his brother finishes Tunis call be so We did 22 shows at KTMA (TV23. Minneapo- cute that way. As opposed to sketch comedy or improv, stand-up is a lis]. Then we thought it might have (a wider) appeal, so we brought it to an agent in New York City. HBO picked particularly solo undertaking. Unless, of course, you It up. and we ended up on the Comedy Channel, which share the stage with your twin brother. Jeff and Randy Skim baUeve that children are our Artum. "The difference between improv and stand-up is the became Comedy Central. "It was totally a boy's club," Boyd says. "All the writ- difference between taking an essay test and writing a term paper," Randy says. "With improv, the audience under- ■IT—afia IIIII rrn *~* ers are white men in their 30s. John Belushi once said ».- I would have to say, pound for pound. It that to write comedy you have to have male genitalia. But stands that you're being put on the spot. With stand-up, the material and delivery are all expected to be there. You couldn't possibly get any worse than Eagah. It's about that's wrong, as will become obvious very soon." a caveman who lives in the desert. This teenager hits have to totally dazzle." Ironically, the Sklars forbid acade- It's already pretty obvious. With the success of per- him with her car, and he comes out and meets the mic metaphors in their show. formers such as Roseanne, Ellen DeGeneres and Mar- modem world. It's obvious the father is having an affair garet Cho, all of whom have their own network television Actually, the Sklars' routine lands them somew heicon_ the edge of conventional stand-up. While workinJfThe' with (his! son's girlfriend. Weird. Pedophillc. shows, the woman's prerogative is in demand. U.: MM Beat Brmtmm (mKXVUs »■«■■-■■ ■■■»■ Robin Bucci, a recent graduate of Michigan State U-, two-person gimmick gives them an almost Vaudevillian my) mmvaaay earnermsauiMiuim me maker has been hammering away at improvisational comedy dynamic, the routine is peppered w ith the sort of cerebral pop culture references that Seinfeld pioneered. So what assfleaK Yeah, we're working on two new snows. Also. since 19H9. She was one of three women accepted into Universal wants to make a movie of MST. They've type of comics piss off the Sklars most? the inaugural Detroit Second City troupe in 1991. optioned It for right now, but the fHm industry is weird. "Shirley Hemple," they answer in unison. . "When I first started, it seemed as if there were a lot Until you see a check, you don't know what's happening. less women |in comedy)," Bucci says. "But now there are "That's the big old Shirley from What's Happening," Randy says. "She represents everything we disdain. While a lot more women trying to break in." ! Do your own thing — try to get your own show Regarding her Second City experience, Bucci says the we're trying to respect the audience and bring up the level of the show, she's killing a room doing feminine going. Don't put yourself at someone else's mercy. creative process of a truly improvisational ensemble is the mmBmmc If you want to be a writer, write. You don't just IKSI way to write and perform comedy. That and a head hygiene jokes. It's very frustrating." Look, life's too short for bad comedy. (It's also too magically get to be a writer. Identify what you have to full of vodka. Just kidding. say. Take advantage of the four-year liberal arts free "Like with Saturday Nigbl Live — they have good short for light beers, Luther "Luke" Campbell and those crappy Belgian reverse-pulse wattage calibrators.) It's a ride you're on — eiien If it's cable access or a cam- ideas, but they don't heighten them; they don't take them corder. Enjoy college whHe It lasts — the harsh and good thing some people are still fighting the good fight to that next level," she says. "On TV, you have the actors foreboding real world awaits. with performance skills — and then you have the writers. Quality comedy is essential to a society's well-being — I unless you happen to work on d puppet show. You can have an idea that works good on paper but may it's rumored that Greed civilization collapsed when shock not play as well. comic Leviticus "Dice" Palocles launched his 30 city- "At Second City, the actors are the writers and cre- state tour. ators through improvisation." You just can't be too careful.

They're the new breed of God's disciples; armed with Reality Bites The Onion college decrees, laconic wits and unironed frocks. More and more each day, slacker priests are gaining a foothold Some say The Onion is just an immature, irresponsible in the church and changing the face of Catholicism. and sophomoric rag with nothing going for it other than Father David Murdoch, a slacker pnest at St. Joseph's adolescent Impudence. We think people who say that are Church in Danville, Pa., is a good example of this new phe- jerks. As you can see. The Onion tackles issues of national nomenon. Murdoch. 29. is the child of divorced parents and still lives with his mother. — nay. generational importance. So take that. Jerks. - A recent expose by The Onion into the works of slacker -I would get married, but why bother? Murdoch says. priests: "Everythlr* about my upbringing has proven to be false. I don't trust politicians, the economy or the fam- ily unit I wouldn't trust God. either, except that It's kind of required because I'm a priest." A typical Murdoch service begins not with the traditional organ, but with a hit single by Dig, Live or another monosyliabically named indie rock band. Murdoch then walks among his parishioners and randomly references icons from 1970s Catholic-kitach culture.... "We sing silly hymns that we remember from like. 1973," Murdoch explains. "People freak out when they hear the songs, because they haven't heard them since their first com- munions and Sunday school and shit" Most of Murdoch's sermons are based on blaming the generations before him for the ills of contemporary society. "I'm sick of all the labels. Twenty-preach- ers.' 'Jesus-somethings.' whatever you call us. Besides. I'm not going to be a pnest forev- er. The priesthood is just an easy way to make beer money until I decide what I want to do with my life." (The Onion, Sept. 27. 1994)

II. !Vli»Kiiy.lric» • 13 !••« Listen, U. UND nary Aaftaa* — This legendary New York club can make any band sound cool — from old-schoolers the B-52s and The Damned to (resh blood like Helmet and J Mascis. James Cn V■>*•■■■ Arttata, Jaam Maefc — All those testosterone-jacked songs that drive muscle- Wok Wmb Laved heads crazy — "We Will Rock You.' "Na, Na. Hey, Hey." "I Feel Good." Don't let the title Mercury Rccorii Dedicated/Arista turn yoj off — it rocks! Dude! MM <■ r c u r y . Cranes' Alison IS* Mnranirs, IS* lamrmuim — Kinda Moon Zappa squared, kinda Bananarama. but jAI James' record Shaw has a weirder, more punky. We dunno... Tinkerbell Rock. Syjl label, wants to smooth, gorgeous Ufa Uk* faal, Ufa Una faai — Last heard on the Rock The Vote benefit CD Propa- —H know something: voice, but in the ganda!, LLF was down with the original Seattle scene — heavy pop. Plus, they're mysteri- "Please, please, band's latest al- ous cause we can't figure out the name. TTF\\ please... know bum, Loved, it's "**• Droga, Mavfett* Sac**** — Droge writes hook-laden rock songs with a surpris- that James has not impossible to ing emotional depth, proving that white guys with guitars can still be interesting. gone off their understand what Da Laaah Mat, Ptanat at IS* 4*** — By remaining lyrically positive, Da Lench Mob rocker and dra- she's singing about. provides the truly hard line — solidarity and self-knowledge. It's the end of an era — 0- matically changed And that's a good Funk. that is. their musical style. This is simply an thing — her indecipherable lyrics shift experiment... a one-off for the fans." your focus from meaning to pure sound. Okay, got it? Good. Now forget it, Ghostly, she croons like a lost spirit on because all it means is that James' newest a dark road, a Gothic pixie's song mistak- release Wab Wab is so fresh that not en for wind through the trees. It's a mix of Johnny Socko even the band's label knows what to do the Sundays' fragile songstress Harriet with it. Originally intended as a dual Williams and Cocteau Twins' ethereal Liz Mix Parliament. Madness and the Clash, and you get litany Sock* Backed by a album to be released with 1993's Laid, Fraser. The rich texture of Shaw's voice, a trumpet, saxophone and trombone, Socko race through funk, ska and hardcore punk riffs Wab Wab features a raw authenticity melancholy acoustic guitar and ominous in wire-tight fashion. that.many bands would kill for. This bass lines create the relentless rhythm and Like most ska-influenced bands. Socko have been bombarded with Fishbone compar- album is exhilarating, marginal, uncom- almost supernatural urgency of songs like isons. "I guess it's more flattering than comparing us to a Flock of Seagulls." says lead promised and yet somehow central to "Shining Road" and "Reverie." vocalist Trout. our times. With layered atmospheres, Majestic sweeps of synth add romance Sax-man Joshy Boy jokes, "We're more like the Banana Splits." eccentric guitars and the tweaking and to this British band's latest album. The No kidding. Dressed in garb ranging from a Taco Bell uniform to an Eight is Enough production of Brian Eno, Wab Wab three last tracks are bonus remixes by football-jersey nightgown. Socko unleash high-voltage silliness on their audience. proves that commercial success needn't' Flood (U2, Depeche Mode) and Michael At an Indianapolis club. Trout recites a few lines from Pulp Fiction ami verbally hazes a local mean mediocrity. Brauer (Belly). band for having personalized guitar picks — and sticks a pick up his nose. While the audience laughs, the band goes into a speeoed-up version of the theme from Sanford and Son. ■ Brent Busboom, Sagebrush, ■ John Youngs, Daily Campus, "You get so high from playing, you forget it's got to end," Joshy Boy says. The owner of U. of Nevada, Reno U. of Connecticut the club tells them twice to close it out. Labeling their live performance a circus act isn't far off the mark. Trumpet player Paris Mojjadeth Damien once antagonized lions under the big top. and guitarist Hombre Rana swung from Guerrilla Funk Youthanasia a trapeze. Priority Records Capitol Records All clowning around aside, Socko's love for funk-ska Paris, hip- Listen up all runs rampant on their debut album, BOVAQUARIUM. Their hop's premier you closet head- funk flavor appears strongest on "Dick Wagner's Rinse Black Panther bangers. It's time Cycle," which sounds like the background music for one of rapper, lets loose for another Mega- the Shaft movies. They even pay homage to their Hoosier the funk on his deth album. Got roots in the country song spoof, "I'll only smack ya third release, your poodle hair- (whenyagitouttaline)." Guerrilla Funk. cuts and spandex? When asked if their enormous confidence reflects their The Oakland- All right, lot's current monetary success, the entire band laughs, and based rapper and begin. Trout says, "Do you know what a musician without a girl- college graduate On Youthan- friend is? Homeless." raised more than a few eyebrows with his asia, Megadeth's latest release, we see the U. controversial Sleeping With The Enemy band trotting out its old aggressive gui- CD back in 1992. tars, tortured vocals, driving beats — you This time, Paris comes back with the get the idea. The only problem is that same hard-hitting, pro-black and anti- this time around, the music sounds a bit, establishment lyrics that made him well, houscbroken. famous — but to a different tune. Instead Unfortunately, Youthanasia never U. Radio Chart of his trademark relentless, guitar-laced achieves the heights of the band's last beats, Paris drops some good old-fash- album; instead it falls into all the worst 1. Liz Pfcsif, Whip-smart, Matador ioned funk bass lines on this CD. speed metal cliches. It always seems like The title track (and first single) drops Dave Mustaine is this close to being rele- Monster, Warner Bros. a famous Funkadelic bass line behind vant — then he reveals himself once again ■■■an Uasts Lammk; , Strangers From The Universe, Matador typically revolutionary rhymes. On as a heavy metal warlock. UmsversaJ Mother, EMI "Bring It To Ya," Paris gets some lyrical If Megadeth's not careful, they could If I Were A Carpenter, A& M help from protegees the Conscious easily end up becoming the Sha Na Na of Daughters. Longtime fans and new ones speed metal. Hmm... Bowzer meets Dave ', File Under Easy Listening, Rykodisc alike will not be disappointed by Paris' Mustaine — now there's an idea for a con- Pisces Iscanot, Virgin venture into the Oaktown sound. cept album. Release, Interxopc Fun, Adantic ■ Paul Sargcntini, The Maneater, ■ Brent Busboom, Sagebrush, U. of Missouri, Columbia V. of Nevada, Reno T« 1MB*, Pony Express Retard, Epic Chart fitly Used m college radio airplay. Cantramtmg radio nations: KJHK, U. of Kansas; * *»• WFAL, Bowling Green U.; KTRU-FM, Rice U.; KALX, U. of California, Berkeley; KUCB, * • « U. of Colorado; VVRFL, U. of Kentucky; KUOM. U of Minnesota.

14 • I I. iV1;i«4^ixific- NOVEMBER DECEMBER 1994 Pret-A-Porter knows? The good |>coplc of Paradise may Miramax Films just knock these had boys on their butts. Director Rol>ert Ataman brought togeth- Speechless er a large and varied east to work on his new MGM/UA movie, set in Paris, alxiut the intriguing and comical world ol"fashion. The cast includes M i c h a e I Sophia Loren, Lylc Lovctt, Julia Roberts, Kea ton and Kim Basinger and Tracy L'llman. Let's Geena Davis hope the movie will last at least two hours star in Batman — about half an hour longer than Julia iiml I.muse, an dated Lyle before they got married. intriguing mov ic about a The Paraz Family d issa ti sf i ed Samuel Coldwyn housewife and a misunderstood Two Cuban 6-foot-tall bat refugees slip past who trek across the Coast the country. Wait — wrong plot. Kevin Guard's nets for Vallick (Keaton) and Julia Mann (Davis) — director Mira political speech writers lor opposing candi- Nair's new dates — meet over a lxix of N'ytol in a con- movie about venience store. Then the chciiustrv begins, romance and causing Mann's would-be fiance (Christo- destiny. I II.I n pher Reeve) and Vallick's ex wife to com- (Alfred Molina) plicate matters for the debatable couple. has just been re- the two gel heads travel across the coun- The Santa Clause leased from a try to return a briefcase full of money to Mixed Nuts Hollywood Pictures C luban jail and its rightful owner, it is the audience's TriStar Pictures has not seen his responsibility to figure out who is dumb Tim Allen trades in his tool belt for a wife (Anjelica I iuston) in over 'II years. Who Steve Martin stars in another one of this and who is dumber. Ten (iarr and Lau- Santa suit after accidentally — and literal- could blame him? Did you see .-Uldams Family season's attempts to put a twist on the whole ren Holly (Picket Fences) cottar in this ly — scaring the pants off the jolly old I 'ahull ()n the-way to America, Juan meets nood-will-toward-mcn thing. Mixtd Nuts is movie that's very likely for Jim Carrey man on his rooftop. Scott Calvin (Allen) Dome (Marisa Tomei), a dreamer who thinks alxiut a gnmp of people working at a suicide puts on the suit of the mysteriously van- fans only. America Ls all rock and roll and John Wayne. hotline on Christmas F.vc. "That must Ix; one ished Santa and takes a sleighing joy ride of the busiest phone lines of the night — Drop Zone Try minivans and ftxxl dehydrator.infomer- to the North Pole. He finds out that a few cials, sweetie. Alienated from his family, Juan who doesn't put the suicide hotline number Paramount Pictures stipulations are attached to being the finds a close relationship with Dome. on speed dial when they know they'll be wearer of the coolest costume since Mrs. Impossible. trapped in a nxim with relatives for hours? Doubtfire's duds. Upon further inspection How could a Trapped in Paradise of the gerup, Calvin finds something other movie have a Twentieth Century Fox Higher Learning than the "dry clean only" tag — the Santa sequel after Columbia Pictures Trapped in senseless Christinas movie clause, which states that whoever wears only a month? plot land, audiences can look forward to John' Singleton (Boy: .V the Hood) the jacket has got to deliver the goods. Oh, never And we don't mean pizza. seeing Nicolas Cage, Jon Lovitz and Dana directs as a group of college smdents face mind. This Carvcy in a movie about kindness knock- issues concerning identity, diversity! sex- isn't Terminal Star Trek: Tha Naxt Genera- ing out crime. 'Three brothers from New ism and racism. Most of us confront all tion — Tha Movie Velocity II. It's York visit the small town of Paradise at these things just selecting an item from a just another Paramount Pictures Christmas time with the hopes of robbing vending machine on campus. Ice Culie and high-action skydiving movie. In this the residents blind. But hey, it is the time Laurence Fishburne star in this school- Just like movie, the bad guys try to kidnap anoth- of year for overpriced gift wrap, gift sets of book drama of college life. those Police er bad guy from a Boeing 747 while it's stink)' hand soaps in red cellophane and, of ■ Erin Laskowski, The Oracle, Academy in flight. Seems people will do just course, the punching power of piety. Who V. of South Florida dimwits who about anything to get their hands on keep hatching those little packages of salted peanuts. like flea eggs, Director John li.ulh.1111 (Saturday Night the Trekkies Fever) keeps up his tradition of thrillers are back in yet — let's hope this one doesn't involve another flick. polyester, too. But where else There may be an image change in store (or America's favorite "Weasel. Pauly Shore, can they boldly go? They've already been best known for his dim-witted antics on MTV and in the flick fn the Army Now. will play a everywhere. This time it will be like an Twentieth Century Fox hapless loner who charms Tia Carrere. upholds justice and saves the day in Jury Duty. awkward class reunion, bringing together Jodie Foster Is Shore really trying to carve out a persona as a romantic hero? Not likely. His charac- members of the original Star Trek crew stars as a back- ter. Tommy, is merely the latest variation on a successful theme. Jury Duty should contain and the members of the Next Generation woods oddball enough of the familiar, goofy. Shore-type antics to please his fans and broaden his with Patrick Stewart as Captain Stubing, who created appeal. "My other movies were 'Pauly the son-in-law' or Pauly in the Army." Shore says. er, Captain Picard. her own lan- "This is more of a comedy-romance. We're not billing it as Pauly on jury duty." guage after Co-star Carrere is content to leave the jok- Dumb and Dumber being raised by ing to Pauly. Best known for her turns as the Nee Line Cinema her verbally slinky babe in Wayne's World and the seductive Gra n ted, impaired moth- villainess in True Lies. Carrere plays a law stu- the title doesn't er. Liam Nee- dent serving on the jury with Tommy. "I offer much rea- son (Scbindler's wouldn't even presume to be funny." she says. 'I think that's the hardest thing in the world." son to run out List) plays a and buy tickets, doctor who Carrere doesn't have to worry. With Shore but Dumb and tries to decide at the helm, Jury Duty may not have trouble Dumber does if the fragile woman should be brought courting viewers — Just be glad you're not on offer audiences into society. That's easy. Just ask Tarzan the witness stand. the humor of if he ever adapted to civilization. He took ■ Lad Loewenitein, The Dmify Bruin, V. of California, Los Angeles Jim Carrey one taste of fat-free frozen yogurt and (The Mask) and Jeff Daniels (Speed)."r\s headed back to the jungle.

NOVIMBIR/DICIMBE* 1994 H. rVI;ij>»ii'Aiii«.- • IS

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6600 N. Baltimore. Portland. 0re9on 97203 . For the dealer nearest you in the U.S. and Canada caj 1 1 800 MA BOYLE Dear Author: tion, complications, climax and denouement. Your story WRAP I've read your manuscript, currently titled Holy Bible. goes all over the place. One minute it's about Adam and First off, I'd like to say that I enjoyed reading it. It's a Eve, next it's Moses, then on to Jesus — blah, blah, ^ he Bible is thousands of years old 'and is decent story with a lot of potential. I do, however, think blah. You need to simplify what you want to tell your one ol the most influential books in the it needs a little more work. I have some suggestions that readers. world — next to lacocca. It permeates our might improve it. I hope we can get together and dis- • Don't muck up your story with meaningless char- culture, even making its mark on American cinema: Chan- cuss them in more detail. For now, though, here are a acters. In several parts of your manuscript you go on ton Heston portrays Moses in 'The Ten Commandments, tew general comments. with pointless details about who "begat" who. Who Max Von Sydow plays Jesus in Ihe dreamt Story Ever Told • First of all, I am having difficulty with your writing cares? Get to the meat of the story as soon as possible. and Rarhra Streisand pretends to be (iod in A Star is Born. style. Narratives told in poetic prose are not very com- • Chapter four of Genesis, major problems: you With all of this PR going for it, it would seem the mercial these days. Keep in mind your target audience — have characters appearing out of the blue. In 4-17, you Rible could last thousands of years more. But what if it adventure stories involving miracles and mystical beings mention (lam's wife — where did she come from? The were submitted for publication in today's fast-paced mar- usually appeal to the 15- to 25-year-old market. book begins with Adam and Eve, then Cain and Abel. ketplace? I low would a typical book editor critique it? • You need to develop There wasn't any mention of another woman! your characters more — • Your sex scenes need some work. I believe eroti- particularly God. I'm hav- cism and subtlety work well together. On the #other ing trouble identifying hand, Adam "knew" Eve doesn't.exactly get my motor, THE LAST TEMPTATIQ with him in the story. running. Give more detail. Since you describe him as ,• • Theme and plot sometimes contradict one anoth- AN EDITO being all-powerful, read- er. You wrote that sexual intercourse is "original sin," ers won't feel much sym- but several of your holy characters indulge in sex. pathy for him. I lose him In the Ten Commandments scene, you wrote, in other areas of his per- "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife," yet in sonality as well. You say another scene you have the Holy Ghost making that he created Heaven moves on Joseph's wife, Mary. (Maybe they weren't and I- artli. but what is his neighbors.) motivation? Is he lonely? • Problems with repetition. You might consider Flesh him out more. combining the books of Matthew, Mark, I.uke and fifcv^as Also, characters need John, since they are basically the same story. to go through some kind • flunk about renaming Judas. I see him more as an of change in the story. Ernest. God, howspver, stays the Overall, I think it's a. wonderful book. A little same irorrtjftcginning to preachy in parts, but otherwise very powerful. It has a end. We'll get together lot of commercial potential. With some rewrites I think later and discuss "charac- it could even outsell San language. ter arcs." We'll keep in touch — Editor • Your plot is unorga- nized. There are four ■ Ryan Gams, The Pointer, parts to any story: exposi- U. of Wisconsin, Stevens Point HhMtratlon by: Lout* Note*, U. of Pwmytvanla

Sports/Fitness Gear Survival Gear HOLIDAY GIFT WISH LIST 1. Athletic shoes 1. Cash 2. Hiking boots 2. Microwave 3. Camping gear 3. Refrigerator U. asked 550 students at 22 schools 4. Weights 4. Towels what they want this holiday season. 5. Workout clothes 5. Pots and pans Personal Care The results, in order of preference: 1. Glasses 2. Perfume/cologne Academic Tool* 3. Lenses 3. Cosmetics/ 1. Computer 4. Instant camera contact lenses (tie) 2. Printer 5. Disposable camera 4. Hair dryer 3. Software 5. Suni.m lotion Transportation Communication's l.Car Charities/ 1. Answering machine/ 2. Bicycle Churches/Causes Cordless phone (tie) 3. Motorcycle (These are groups to which 2. Stationery and stamps 4. In-line skates students -would consider 3. Beeper 5. Truck donattng money, clothes, food S.BeonMTVsnext 4. Phone TV/Video Equipment or other goods in lieu of Real World 1. Color TV Vehicle Hems Clothes/ receiving a gift) 2. Camcorder 1. Car stereo Accessories 1. Children Holiday Wishes 3. VCR 2. Car speakers 1. Jacket/coat 2. AIDS A job 4. Laser disc player 3. Tune up 2. Jeans 3. Homeless World peace 5. Video games 4. Tires 3. Shoes 4. Veterans A trip to Australia 5. Anti-theft device 4. Sweaters 5. Disabled To make my own Entertainment Hems 5. Shirts/blouses Hollywood film LCDs In Your Dreams To get a cool tattoo 2. Concert tickets 1. Car that never breaks For Al Davis to move the Audio Equipment 3. Movie videos down Raiders back to Oakland LCD Player 4. Books 2. All expenses-paid trip to Win die lottery . 2. Speakers 5. CD-Rom California to hang with A date with Kathy Ireland 3. Receiver V. editors A big ol' graduate school 4. Digital compact cassette Photography Equipment 3. Guest on Letterman fellowship 5. Headphones 1. Film 4. Tickets to Academy For my iguana to breed 2. 35mm camera Awards 4.0 GPA

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