Love, Marriage and Polygamy in Contemporary Malaysia Nurul
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“Halal” Intimacy: Love, Marriage and Polygamy in Contemporary Malaysia Nurul Huda Binti Mohd. Razif Queens’ College Department of Social Anthropology University of Cambridge June 2017 This dissertation is submitted for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy Declaration This dissertation is the result of my own work and includes nothing which is the outcome of work done in collaboration. It is not substantially the same as any that I have submitted, or, is being concurrently submitted for a degree or diploma or other qualification at the University of Cambridge or any other University or similar institution. I further state that no substantial part of my dissertation has already been submitted, or, is being concurrently submitted for any such degree, diploma or other qualification at the University of Cambridge or any other University or similar institution. It does not exceed the prescribed word limit of 80,000 words or 350 pages set by the Degree Committee of the Faculty of Archaeology and Anthropology. Nurul Huda Mohd. Razif 27/06/2017 2 Acknowledgements Alhamdulillah, praise be to God, for leading me safely to the completion of this thesis. My immense gratitude first and foremost to my mother for her continued and unfailing moral, spiritual, and maternal support throughout this PhD. I dedicate this work to her. To my PhD supervisor, Perveez Mody, I owe an immense intellectual debt I cannot express with mere words. I thank her for all her wisdom, guidance, and patience since Day One of my PhD. Much of who I am as an anthropologist today has been shaped through our enlightening exchanges in G4, which I shall remember with great fondness. My landlady, Jan, has been an incredible source of moral support throughout my writing- up. Thank you for providing a safe, comfortable, and enjoyable home to return to from the library every day; for being an invaluable confidante; and for supporting me in my solo adventures abroad. My fieldwork would not have been fruitful without the generous contribution of my friends and informants in Southern Thailand and throughout Malaysia. I am especially grateful to my host family in Pedas, Negeri Sembilan, for accepting me into their home, and for showing me the pleasures of a tranquil kampung life. I would not have been able to progress through this PhD without the intellectual contribution of those around me in Cambridge. Thank you to colleagues from the writing- up seminars for reading drafts of my chapters and for offering helpful and insightful comments. Friends, to whom I also owe an unrepayable debt of gratitude, include S (my biggest cheerleader); M (reggaetón concert partner and faithful childhood friend); T (whose wisdom, patience, and confidance is unparalleled); L & M (for listening to my “life plans” and entertaining movie nights); V (for teaching me the resilience of the human spirit) & G (whom I will always remember as an adorable baby). I must also thank I (my other kakak here in England, whose directive advice on many matters is greatly valued); O (for all our enriching conversations and for teaching me the pleasures of punting); E (for gently nudging me into the world of solo travel and Russian literature); and F & N (the inspiring dynamic duo, whose spiritual and worldly advice and combined social capital are much appreciated). Thank you to the Department of Social Anthropology and Queens’ College for being a wonderful intellectual and social haven here in Cambridge. To my brothers, I owe much thanks – A, especially, for all his logistical help, moral support, and companionship in the final month of writing and in preparation for Kenya. Finally, I am especially grateful to the William Wyse Fund, the Cambridge Commonwealth Trust (as their Honorary Scholar), the DayaDiri Foundation, and the Evans Fund for their generous funding throughout my PhD and fieldwork, without which this endeavor would not have been possible. 3 “Halal” Intimacy: Love, Marriage & Polygamy in Contemporary Malaysia Nurul Huda Binti Mohd. Razif This thesis illustrates how love, legality, money, sex(uality) and sin direct Malays’ marital strategies in the face of various social, moral, religious and structural pressures. Passionate love (cinta) is cherished and celebrated by Malays – that is, if it is indulged within marriage. Marriage serves as a license to engage in (otherwise illicit) sexual desires by rendering them “halal” or lawful in the eyes of Islam and Malay adat (traditions). A vigilant State-led Islamic Bureaucracy, which polices and punishes pre- or extramarital sexual liaisons between unmarried couples through strict moral surveillance, further ensures that access to physical intimacy remains a conjugal privilege. However, hindered by complex bureaucratic procedures for marriage and pressured by escalating passions, many of my Malay informants are compelled to seek cheaper, quicker, and discreet alternatives in neighboring Southern Thailand to “halal-ize” pre- or extramarital romances, resulting in secret – and legally contentious – monogamous or polygamous cross-border marriages. Cross-border marriages – specifically polygamous ones – are subsequently explored here as a careful (and often failed) negotiation between discretion and disclosure: their stability decreases with increased exposure, rendering them highly precarious. Contrary to the dominant male-centric scholarship on polygamy, this study privileges the perspectives and experiences of polygamous wives by considering how their position within the marriage informs their capacity to engage in – or conversely, disengage from – this multi- marital arrangement. Polygamy is embraced by some women as a female choice that secures access to marriage and motherhood – both crucial towards achieving Malay womanhood. For others, polygamy is hardly a “choice” at all, and they must cope with the discomforting reality in which the husband’s money, time, and attention are now “halved” between his wives. Love in polygamy is experienced in visible and measurable terms, and the husband’s unequal distribution of his emotional and economic resources create discontent among wives that may culminate in divorce, or covertly confronted through sorcery. In Malay polygamy, more therefore means less. 4 Table of Contents TABLE OF CONTENTS .......................................................................................................... 5 TABLE OF FIGURES .............................................................................................................. 7 INTRODUCTION .................................................................................................................. 8 I. THEORETICAL CONSIDERATIONS .............................................................................................. 10 i. The Islamized State ...................................................................................................... 11 ii. The State & Malay Kinship .......................................................................................... 15 iii. “Halal” Intimacy ......................................................................................................... 19 iv. Marriage .................................................................................................................... 22 v. Cross-Border Marriage ................................................................................................ 24 vi. Polygamy .................................................................................................................... 27 III. CHASING INTIMACY ............................................................................................................. 38 IV. POLYGAMOUS SPOUSES ....................................................................................................... 47 V. THE PLAN ........................................................................................................................... 51 CHAPTER 1: THE MALAYSIAN ISLAMIC BUREAUCRACY ...................................................... 54 I. ORIGINS .............................................................................................................................. 57 II. ISLAM BUREAUCRATIZED ....................................................................................................... 61 III. KELANTAN & ULAMA LEADERSHIP ......................................................................................... 69 CHAPTER 2: “HALAL” INTIMACY ........................................................................................ 75 I. INTIMACY AS EMOTIONS ........................................................................................................ 79 II. LOVE IN MALAY INTIMACY ..................................................................................................... 83 III. MALAY MARRIAGE .............................................................................................................. 91 IV. COMPANIONATE MARRIAGES ............................................................................................... 99 CHAPTER 3: INTIMACY UNDER SURVEILLANCE ................................................................ 103 I. MORAL POLICING IN ACTION ................................................................................................ 106 II. EARLY MATRIMONY ........................................................................................................... 111 CHAPTER 4: “NIKAH EKSPRES” .......................................................................................