この素晴らしい世界に祝福を！ KONOSUBA Blessings upon this Wonderful World!

Akatsuki Natsume

Mishima Kurone Contents Prologue ...... 13 Chapter 1: Support against this Unjust Trial! ...... 14 Part 1 ...... 14 Part 2 ...... 18 Part 3 ...... 22 Part 4 ...... 24 Part 5 ...... 28 Part 6 ...... 30 Part 7 ...... 34 Part 8 ...... 41 Part 9 ...... 43 Chapter 2: A Friend for this Crimson Magic Girl! ...... 46 Part 1 ...... 46 Part 2 ...... 51 Part 3 ...... 57 Part 4 ...... 61 Part 5 ...... 64 Part 6 ...... 69 Part 7 ...... 73 Part 8 ...... 75 Chapter 3: A Soul Mate for this Nobleman’s Daughter! ...... 77 Part 1 ...... 77 Part 2 ...... 83 Part 3 ...... 87 Part 4 ...... 89 Part 5 ...... 93 Part 6 ...... 95 Part 7 ...... 100 Part 8 ...... 104 Part 9 ...... 106 Part 10 ...... 110 Part 11 ...... 116 Part 12 ...... 120 Chapter 4: Putting this Masked Knight into Servitude! ...... 122 Part 1 ...... 122 Part 2 ...... 125 Part 3 ...... 131 Part 4 ...... 135 Part 5 ...... 140 Part 6 ...... 142 Part 7 ...... 145 Part 8 ...... 147 Part 9 ...... 153 Epilogue ...... 158 1 – Epilogue —Aqua— ...... 158 2 – Epilogue —Megumin— ...... 159 3 – Epilogue —Darkness— ...... 160 4 – Epilogue —Kazuma— ...... 161 Afterword ...... 167 Notes ...... 171 Prologue —Dearest, It must have gotten awfully cold in your world as well. Dear dad, mom, how are you doing?

“Defendant Satou Kazuma; in light of your repeated problematic and inhumane actions, as well as…”

Has the snow started to melt where you are? Is my little brother still doing fine?

“…your flagrant disturbance of public order and attempts to destabilize the social structure…”

I’m sure not much has changed for you, and you are all as healthy as always.

“…the prosecution’s claims are hereby judged as valid…”

I’m having a very exciting time in this world—

“…and you, the defendant, are found guilty—”

And I ask you that find it in your hearts…

“—and sentenced to death.”

To forgive your disgraceful, now branded criminal son— Chapter 1: Support against this Unjust Trial! Part 1 I don’t know who came up with the name, but there was a stupidly named bounty which everyone in this world dreaded. The Mobile Fortress Destroyer. It was this infamous bounty that was safely brought down the other day, thanks to my brilliant command. And today, as the Destroyer’s prize was to be given out, we had come to the Guild, only to find—

“Adventurer Satou Kazuma! You are as of now under investigation on charge of subversion of the state! I’m afraid you’re going to have to come with me!” The situation took somewhat of a left turn. “…Uhm, may I ask who you are? And what exactly do you mean by ‘subversion of the state’? I came here to receive my bounty, is all.” I timidly asked the stony-faced woman in front of me. As crowded and rowdy as the inside of the Guild was, when the woman accompanied by two knights spoke a hush fell over everyone. “I am state public prosecutor Sena. And subversion of the state means exactly what it sounds like; the crime perpetuated by those attempting to destabilize the state’s political order. You are currently suspected of being a terrorist or agent of the Demon King’s army.” The woman with long black hair who introduced herself as Sena never took her piercing gaze off me as she spoke. The immediate impression she gave off was of some corporate executive’s secretary; sharp-witted and beautiful. Hearing Sena’s words, Aqua raised her voice in shock. “Eeeeh!? What the hell did you do this time, Kazuma!? What crimes are you getting up to when I’m not looking!? Go on, apologise! I’ll say I’m sorry with you so hurry up and apologise already!” “You idiot! You know I’d never do anything like that! Besides, you’re almost always with me so you should know I haven’t done anything!” As I was scolding Aqua, Megumin said: “Please wait just a moment. Don’t you think there has been some mistake? While it’s true Kazuma frequently commits minor crimes like sexual harassment, he is not the kind of person brave enough to commit such a major offense.” “Are you trying to defend me or pick a fight with me?” As I retorted to Megumin, Darkness followed up: “Mhm, I also do not believe him capable of such heinous crimes. He often ogles me with such a beastly gaze when I am lightly dressed at home, but if he had any guts he would’ve acted upon his desires. This man is so weak-willed he has not once crept to my bedside at night.” “Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh-Who’s ogling you!? That’s pretty conceited! Don’t get full of yourself just because your body is a little bit sexy; I’ve got a right to choose, you know!” With those words Darkness’ face instantly went red. “Y-You bastard! How can you say that after what you did to me in the bath...!?” “I was charmed by a succubus at the time! You’re the one who got into it and washed my back! What was that about, huh? Were you getting your hopes up? Just how much of an easy, loose woman are you!?” “S-S-So you- You do remember...! As a Crusader serving Eris-sama, my body is still pure! And you have the nerve to call me loose!? I’ll kill you!” Darkness shouted out violently as she wrestled with me, trying to wring my neck, until one of the knights escorting Sena broke it up. Sena didn’t as much as raise an eyebrow in response to the commotion and proclaimed coldly: “It was under this man’s order that the Coronatite at the core of the Mobile Fortress Destroyer was teleported. And it was teleported into the estate of the lord governing this land.” With those words, the Guild really went silent. —Coronatite. It was definitely me who said to use teleportation magic to send the stone away as it was about to explode, during the battle against the Destroyer. Don’t tell me— “Are you saying because of me the lord got blown up...!” “He is alive and I’d prefer you not make assumptions! The servants were outside the mansion at the time, and the lord himself was in the cellar so no one was injured. The mansion was completely destroyed, however.” I let out a sigh of relief when I heard there were no casualties. “Then I guess nobody was harmed in the fight against the Destroyer after all. That’s great to hear.” “There is hardly anything great about it! Do you understand the situation? You planted an explosive in the lord’s manor and detonated it, destroying the building. I’ve said it before, but you are now under suspicion of being a terrorist or a servant of the Demon King’s army. Well, we can discuss the details at the station.” The silent Guild started getting noisy again after those words. They would, of course. These adventurers know me well. They also know how much I contributed when fighting the Destroyer. “Hmpf, I was wondering what this is about... Kazuma was valiant against the Destroyer, I’ll have you know. It’s true he was the one who ordered the stone be teleported, but that was an emergency measure. If not for his quick thinking, the Coronatite would’ve killed many of us. He should be praised, not condemned.” At Megumin’s words, voices from around the Guild started calling out ‘Yeah!’ and ‘That’s right!’ in agreement. Y-You guys...! I was a bit moved, but Sena spoke coldly again: “As it happens, there are others who may be accused of the grievous charge of subverting the state. Until the trial is over, I would choose my words and deeds carefully. I will not stop anyone who wishes to join this man in his cell.” At that, the Guild went deathly silent again. And then— “...Now that I think about it, back then Kazuma did say ‘It’s fine! It’s a big world out there! It’s much more likely it’ll end up somewhere uninhabited than in a place with people living in it! It’s okay, I’ll take full responsibility! They say I have good luck, despite everything!’...” Aqua suddenly blurted out. ...I did say that, but why did the habitual idiot choose now of all times to have such good memory? Wait a minute. “Aqua, you’re not seriously trying to make me take full responsibility...are...you...right?” Aqua looked away awkwardly instead of answering. “I unfortunately never boarded the Destroyer in the first place. If only I had been there I might have been able to stop Kazuma. But as it happened I was not there and there was nothing I could have done. Indeed, it could not be helped.” Megumin went off on a loud, unprompted monologue. “...Oi, wait a minute, Aqua, Megumin. D-Don’t tell me you’re...” Are they seriously...! Then, as if to defend me, Darkness stepped in front of Sena. “Wait. I am the mastermind, I gave the order. That is why I insist I take part in your prison play- I mean take me along with Kazuma and subject us to your relentless persecution!“ “Were you not the one who stood pointlessly in front of the Destroyer and did nothing of worth?” “!?” Sena casually opened that particular wound and Darkness, on the verge of tears, looked towards me. It’s true she didn’t do anything, but that’s beside the point right now so I’ll leave it. It was then when Wiz, who had been nervously fidgeting up until now, raised her hand. “E-Excuse me! I was the one who cast the Teleport, so if you take Kazuma-san away I should come...” Aqua grabbed Wiz’ raised hand. “Wiz, don’t! It’s better to just let one of us take the fall! I know it must be hard but we have to be strong...! Besides, it’s not like this is goodbye for Kazuma. He’ll serve his time and we’ll be waiting for him when he comes back, okay?” You bitch! Don’t say that like it’s decided I’m going to go to jail! But I was the one who told Wiz to do it and I want to at least protect her! “Well if you guys aren’t going to be my friends, at least I’ve got everyone in the Guild!” I turned to look at the adventurers in the Guild, but they all avoided eye contact. E-Even you guys!? “Oi are you kidding me!? At least try, people! Put up more of a fight!” As I jeered, one mage girl muttered: “When I first saw Kazuma-san... It was, yeah. He was behind the Guild, stealing a Thief girl’s underwear. I was really shocked.” Wai-...! “*Sigh*, I always thought Kazuma would go off the deep end one day.” “You said it. Someone once told me that he put his Priest comrade in a cage and used her as alligator bait.” “I’ve heard one where he got challenged to a duel and stole the other guy’s enchanted sword to sell it off.” “Are you guys seriously just going to turn on me!? I’ll remember your faces, assholes! Once I prove I’m innocent you better watch your backs...!” As I blurted out a vague parting threat, the two knights grabbed both my arms. “I’ll remember each and every one of yoooooooooou!” Part 2 —At the police station downtown. Normally an upstanding adventurer like me would have no business in a place like this. But now, I was being made to walk deeper and deeper into the building. “Get in. Until the trial concludes, this will be your new home.” In front of me, Sena spoke as she stopped in front of a cramped, dim jail cell. “Oi, don’t you know I’m the hero who more or less saved this town? Are you serious? You’re making me stay in a cell? For real?” I stood frozen with dread in front of the jail cell as I complained to Sena. “We will discuss matters tomorrow. For now you should cool off in here.” Sena said, as if to bluntly reject my question, and on her signal the knights shoved me into the cell. She then turned and walked away along with the knights. “Oi! Wait a second! ...Hey, come on! ...Oi... Seriously...” In the cold, gloomy cell, I grabbed onto the iron bars with both hands, finding the situation too much to cope with.

...I’d just been lazing around my mansion until this morning. How could something like this happen to me? As I looked around the jail cell dumbfounded, I saw a couple of blankets on the cold floor, a small toilet in a corner of the room, and a window, likewise barred with an iron grate. This is absurd. This isn’t how you treat someone who saved your city. I sat in the middle of the cell hugging my legs and burying my face in my knees. I knew this was a harsh, unreasonable world, but this is too much. Now that I think about it, back when I was a shut-in I enjoyed every day of it. I’d wake up in a nice warm room past noon and just get lost in my videogames. Eating the food my parents cooked for me, sleeping whenever I felt tired, getting up whenever I wanted; every day was spent in self-indulgence. But ever since I came to this world every day has been filled with nothing but hardships. Without any knowledge of how this world works, I couldn’t find any decent work or lodging; I immediately got stuck doing back-breaking manual labour and had to spend every night in a stable. Having to babysit a bunch of weirdos, and having nothing but debt to show for it...! I kept getting angrier and angrier. Once I get out they’re going to get it! ...Still. “I wanna go back... I just wanna go back to Japan...” At this late hour, I remembered my original goal of returning to Japan. I’m facing a trial in a fantasy world where there’s nobles and royalty. Considering who I was being accused by, being sentenced to death was not out of the question. As the gravity of the situation was dawning on me, coupled with the gloominess of the cell I was in, my anxiety was quickly beginning to get the better of me, when; Right when I was about to burst into tears in the middle of my cell, I heard some distant footsteps. “Hey now, I’m not even putting up a fight so be a little more gentle with me!” “Shut it, scumbag! Go on, get moving!” I heard the clatter of armour, along with some nasty-sounding male voices. They must’ve brought some other prisoner besides me here. ...No, wait a minute. This is the only cell. Give me a break; I don’t want to share a cell with some dubious criminal! “Go on, get in there! How many times am I gonna have to drag you in here? You don’t have the place all to yourself this time, so you better not get into a fight with your cellmate.” “Yeah, yeah, I get it. Well, ‘scuse me... Oh hey. If it isn’t Kazuma. What are you doing in a place like this?” —The one who entered the cell was none other than the infamous local ruffian adventurer by the name of Dust.

“Well fancy meeting you here! What’s up; what’d they cop you for?” After the knights had left, Dust asked with an oddly cheery tone. “Well, I’m kind of suspected of being a terrorist... Back when we fought the Destroyer, I had its core be teleported right before it was about to explode. It ended up in a lord’s mansion and blew it up.” Dust let out a snort of laughter at my explanation. “Uhyahyahya, way to go, Kazuma! I get you, I get you, that guy is a real asshole after all! Good on you! Uhahaha, serves him right!” “Wait, it wasn’t on purpose! It’s not like I’ve got something against that lord! ...And what about you; what are you doing here?” Judging from his exchange with the knight from before, I got the impression Dust was a regular. “Me? Well, when I heard they were giving out the rewards for taking down the Destroyer, I was counting on that and threw a little party, all the food and drink going on my tab. I figured I’d be getting a pretty penny, so I went into debt gambling a bit too. Turns out the payout wasn’t as great as I thought. Without cash I’d have to sleep in the stables again, but they get cold as hell this time of year. In that case, I can crash here, getting fed and not having to worry about freezing to death, right? Just pulled a little dine’n’dash. The loan sharks won’t turn up here, either.” This guy really lives up to his name. Seeing the sorry state the unapologetic good-for-nothing hooligan by the name of Dust was in made me feel just slightly less depressed about being locked in a cell. Part 3 Dust and I killed time by making silly conversation, and after our evening meal we went straight to bed. —I don’t know how long I slept. Hearing the sound of a distant explosion and slight tremors, I suddenly opened my eyes. At the same time, I heard a soft whisper. “...zuma... Kazuma! Hey Kazuma, wake up!” Moonlight was shining in through the barred window. It must be well into the night at this point. “Hey, Kazuma, can you hear me? Hello!?” The whisper coming from outside the window was a familiar voice. I took a look around and made sure there was nobody there besides the snoring Dust. Being that this cell was the furthest back into the station, they probably didn’t think it necessary to keep a guard posted here. The grated window was much higher up than I could reach. I got closer to the area below the window, and now I could clearly hear Aqua’s voice. “Aqua, you...! What? Why the hell are you here!?” “I came to rescue you, obviously! Megumin and Darkness are causing a diversion to distract the guards. Megumin cast her Explosion really close to town. The guards rushed out to investigate it. By now Darkness should be carrying the mana-depleted Megumin away from there.” So the vibrations I felt while sleeping were from the explosion spell. “I mean, how exactly are you going to help now? If you wanted to help me you should’ve defended me this morning.” “If we did that then we’d all get locked away, wouldn’t we? Anyway, it’s not like we were scared of what you might do to us once you got out or anything.” I sort of got the motive behind suddenly deciding to help from that second half. Still— “Are you sure breaking out is such a good idea, though? Won’t that only make things worse for me?” “What are you talking about? You can be put to death for subversion of the state, you know? Darkness told us that this lord whose house you blew up is a really bitter, spiteful jerk. Nobody will think much of it if he uses his influence to twist the facts and get some shady adventurer like you killed.” As expected from a world with a middle-ages level of civilization. Human lives are cheap. “...All right, I’m on board for breaking out but how are we going to do it? Are you going to cut the bars on the window?” Aqua let out a confident chuckle in reply and tossed something down between the bars. It was a piece of wire that made a slight metallic sound as it hit the ground. What’s this for? Don’t tell me she... “First, use that wire to pick the lock on the cell real quick like they do in manga. Then you just use your Conceal skill to sneak out of the station! Then come back to the mansion and we’ll prepare for our flight by night! Alright, I’ll be waiting in front of the police station!” With those words, Aqua left. I picked up the wire and looked at the padlock on the cell door...... It’s an eight digit combination lock. “...Guess I’ll sleep.” I wrapped myself up in my blanket again. Part 4 “Get up! Come with me. We’re about to start the enquiry!” Still wrapped up in my blanket, I was awoken the same person who had shoved me into that jail cell: Sena. “What do you want this early in the morning...?” “It’s almost noon! Just how do you usually spend your days!?” Under the watchful eyes of the station guards, I was brought in front of a room. “Get in. First we’ll hear what you have to say. Then we’ll decide if we need to hold a trial. You’d best choose your words carefully.” I nervously entered the room, intimidated by Sena’s overbearing tone, and in the middle there was a desk with two chairs on either side. Across from the entrance there was also a smaller desk with a chair. The scene looked like an interrogation room straight out of a police drama. One of the knights who escorted me quietly went and sat at the desk by the door and unrolled a piece of paper on top of it. He must be keeping a record of the interrogation. The other knight shoved me inside, ushering me to sit down at the desk in the middle. He then also quietly moved into position behind me as if ready to manhandle me the moment I’d start causing trouble. As I sat there, the pressure from being stuck in a small room with two knights clad in armour only making my tension rise, Sena sat at the other end of the desk and placed a small bell on top of it. “Do you know what this is? It is a magic tool that can detect lies, often used in places like this or in court. In conjunction with the magic permeating this room, it will sound whenever someone says something untrue. You should keep that mind. ...Now then, let us begin, shall we?” Amidst the tense atmosphere that weighed on the room, Sena informed me with an almost inhumane lack of expression, and began the questioning. As if to keep piling on the pressure, she kept drumming her index finger on the desk. “Satou Kazuma. Age: 16, occupation: adventurer. Designated class: also Adventurer, I see. ...Now then, you can start by telling me where you were born, and just what you were doing before becoming an adventurer.” Tough questions right off the bat. How the hell am I supposed to explain where I was born and all the other details about my past? She said the bell would go off if I lied, but... “I was born in Japan. I was a student there.” —*Ding*. The bell rang in response to my words. ...Oi, I wasn’t lying. Sena stopped drumming her finger and narrowed her eyes. “Misrepresentation of birthplace and personal history...” At her words, I could hear the sound of the knight who was keeping a record of the conversation scribbling. “Wait a second! That wasn’t really a lie!” —*Ding* ... What!? Why are you going off!? I was born in Japan, and I was a stu-...! I was... a student... “...I was born in Japan. I shut myself in at home every day and lived a depraved, self- indulgent lifestyle.” I corrected my answer, and Sena glanced at the bell. I also looked at it. —It didn’t ring this time. “...Why did you pretend you were a student?” “It’s not like I was pretending... Uu... Nevermind...” Damn it, I hate this magic thing! “I’ve never heard of a place called Jahpahn before. ...Well, we’ll leave that aside for now. Moving on, tell us why you decided to become an adventurer.” “In order to save the people being persecuted by the Demon King’s army, and to defeat-“ —*Ding*. “...... ” “...I thought being adventurer sounded kinda cool, and I thought I’d be an easy way to make a lot of money and have lots of cute girls fall for me.” “...V-Very well. Moving on. Do you harbour any resentment towards our lord? I’ve heard you had all manner of complaints about the debt you’ve incurred.” “I received a considerable bounty for defeating the Dullahan, but after deducting the fees for repairing the damage to the town I ended up in debt. Even if it was in order to protect the town, destroying it in the process renders the effort meaningless, which I believe is understandable.” —*Ding*. “...... ” “The truth is, that’s the excuse I used to persuade my comrades, but personally being treated this way in spite of being a hero makes me want to kill somebody.” “I... I see. Moving on...” “...Excuse me, can I just say something?” I interrupted Sena who seemed as if she wanted to continue asking questions despite looking quite uncomfortable. “Could you not just ask me for a straight answer? Like ‘Are you working for the Demon King’s army?’ or ‘Did you do it because you have a grudge against our lord?’ or something? I’ll say it as many times as it takes, but I called for a Random Teleport, and I was definitely not going after this lord. I had no idea things world turn out this way. I only made that call in order to save the town. That’s the honest truth.” Sena looked towards the bell intently as she listened. —Of course, it did not ring. Once it was confirmed, she let out a deep sigh. “...It seems like we were mistaken after all. It’s just that there are a lot of foul rumours going around about you, you see... I can only offer my sincerest apologies...” Her attitude having suddenly changed to become very polite, Sena gave a deep bow. She probably only puts on that tough attitude when dealing with criminals, and this is her being honest. Having been cleared of suspicion, I took that moment as my cue: “I mean, honestly, taking rumours at face value and doubting someone just because of that; that sort of thing calls for being disbarred, I should think!” “Ug-... I-I’m sorry, I cannot excuse my behaviour...” Sena continued to bob her head up and down apologetically. “Do you even know what I’ve achieved? Mine was the single most important contribution to defeating Veldia, a general of the Demon Lord, and in the battle against the Mobile Fortress Destroyer I took magnificent command, and destroyed the supposedly impregnable Mobile Fortress! And instead of being thanked, I’m put through this whole ordeal!” I reclined back in my chair so arrogantly it began to creak, unloading all my pent-up resentment over my one night of confinement upon Sena. “I-I-I’m truly very sorry; I was only following orders...! I of course do know of all your achievements, Satou-san, but it’s just...” “Just? Just what exactly!? Also, now that I’ve been proven innocent is nobody even going bring me some tea!? I’d even be fine with katsudon1 at this point!” “Ka-Katsudon? I’m sorry, we do not have that... But I’ll have some tea brought in right away...!” Sena said as she rushed out, coming back once she poured some tea.

1 A bowl of rice topped with a deep-fried pork cutlet, egg and vegetables. It is a trope in Japanese media, when in interrogation scenes the suspect is served the dish and the deliciousness leaves such an impression that he decides to confess to his crimes. I took a sip...! “It’s lukewarm! Can’t the prosecutors round these parts even serve a proper cup of tea!? Between that and your attitude, I have to wonder if you even have a boyfriend! While we have the magic item in the room, I might as well ask. Do you even have a man in your life?” “I do not.” Sena responded plainly, staring me straight in the eyes expressionlessly. “I do not. Indeed, because of my personality, I do not have a man in my life in spite of my age. Are you satisfied? Please do not get too carried away.” “I’m sorry.” While looking at the unringing bell, I apologised timidly. “So anyway, what are these bad rumours people are saying about me? Do you mean the ones from the other adventurers yesterday?” “W-Well... Aside from those, they say you stripped an underage girl of her underwear in public, that you forced the Crusader you live with to wash your back in the bath, that you abandoned your Priest in a dungeon because she was a burden; and others which quite frankly put your humanity in question...” ...... As a slight shiver ran down my spine, Sena looked at me doubtfully and asked: “...Those are just rumours, are they not?” “They are.” —*Ding*. Sena put on her cold, stony look yet again. “...It isn’t my place to comment on what goes on in your party, but do you know what the people call you? Names like Scumzuma and Crapzuma...” “Th-That’s awful! Who’s been calling me that!?” Still, everything she mentioned sounded awfully familiar so I can’t talk back! Sena looked at me, and with a sigh... “Good grief. I might as well ask again, just to make sure; Are you really not an agent of the Demon King’s army? Do you have any ties to any of the Demon King’s generals, anything like that...?” “I told you, I don’t. Do I look like that much of a—?” —*Ding*. ‘Big deal’, is what I didn’t get to say. I realized I just made a really big mistake. Right about the time the ring of the bell sounded through the room... I remembered that Wiz is a general of the Demon King’s army. Part 5 “Oi, this isn’t enough food! Gimme something with a little bit of fat! Who made this!? I wanna have a word with the hostess!” As I was wallowing in my own sorrow after making the blunder of a lifetime, my delinquent cellmate was causing a ruckus. The man who was arrested for a dine-and-dash was complaining about not getting enough food. Maybe I would’ve been better off if I lived as shamelessly as he does. ...I don’t think I want to sink that far, though. “Oi Kazuma, cheer up, will ya? I’ve been through more trials than I have fingers to count on. You’re not a real adventurer until you’ve gotten in trouble with the law at least once. My trial is tomorrow too, so for today let’s just take it easy, eat something nice and get a good night’s sleep. I’m gonna get us some good grub! If you just moan at them the guards here will bring you anything just to get you off their backs.” Dust said, and once again started moaning so loud the whole building could hear. Before long, the guards had had enough and ganged up on him, and I went to bed in preparation for tomorrow, next to the physically subdued Dust.

—Then, late at night. Feeling the same vibrations and the same sound of an explosion from last night, I woke up.

I stood up lazily and, as expected, heard Aqua’s whispering voice. “Kazuma! Hey, Kazuma, wake up!” I slowly made my way to the wall under the window and slumped against it. “You showed up again, huh? What happened last night? Was everyone okay?” “Megumin and Darkness said they managed to get home without being seen, but for some reason everyone suspects them of causing the explosion. You can’t knock this world’s power of investigation. But don’t worry; they didn’t want to but I made them wear bags over their heads this time, so I don’t think anyone will catch on now.” It’s obviously not about whether they’re spotted at the scene of the crime or not, it’s about there being only one person in this town who can use explosion magic. “Anyway, I was waiting for you all night last night; why didn’t you break out? Snow piled on my head and they kept dragging me in for questioning; it was no walk in the park, you know?” “The lock on the cell doesn’t have a keyhole, it’s a combination lock. Besides, there’s no way an amateur like me with no lock picking skills could open a padlock with just a piece of wire anyway.” Aqua went quiet for a while. “...... Not bad. I didn’t expect such fool-proof anti-escape measures.” “It’s just a combination lock. Anyway, what now? If I don’t get out tonight I’m going to trial tomorrow.” Aqua responded with a confident chuckle. I wonder where all that baseless confidence comes from. “This would’ve taken too long to do last night. This time, I’ve brought two coping saws. I’ll drop you one of them, okay?” ...Coping saws? “...You’re saying we should use those to cut the bars on the window and escape that way, are you?” “You catch on fast. We have until sunrise. That’s not a lot of time, so let’s hurry!” Aqua threw one of the saws through the gaps in the window’s grill as she spoke. I get it; if the two of us work together, that would definitely finish the job quicker. The problem is— “...I can’t reach the window with my saw from here, though.” The window was so high up I couldn’t reach it even if I jumped, most likely as an anti- escape measure. “Don’t worry; I’m not stupid, you know. I wouldn’t make that kind of mistake. I brought you a stepladder, so you can use that to reach up and help me cut through the bars. Just one of us wouldn’t have time to finish sawing, but if we do it at the same time it should work.” I see. “And how exactly are you going to get the stepladder to me? Fit it through the gaps?” In response to my simple question, Aqua went quiet for a while. “………Gimme a sec.” With those words, Aqua left somewhere. And soon after— “You’ve got it all wrong! This is, uh, something Kazuma needs and I’m just delivering it to him…” “I’ve never heard of a prisoner needing something like that. What are you even doing at this hour…?” I heard Aqua’s distant voice. I guess she tried to claim it was a parcel for me or something. Maybe I could stand to learn something about optimism from that idiot. As I heard Aqua arguing from afar, somehow my unease about tomorrow’s trial began to fade. —Of course, to dispose of any evidence, I threw the saw out the window, then wrapped myself in my blanket and fell asleep. Part 6 Trials in this world are very simple affairs. The prosecutor gathers evidence and the defendant has advocates to refute it. If the judge can’t be convinced otherwise, he passes a sentence. Since there are no defence attorneys or anything similar in this world, the job of making the case for the defendant falls to his friends and acquaintances. The layout of the courthouse wasn’t all too different from those in Japan, with the handcuffed defendant and his advocates standing in the middle of the hall, surrounded at some distance by the judge, the prosecutor and the plaintiff, all sitting down. And now— “There’s no need to be so nervous. You have us by your side.” Megumin said, trying to calm me down as I stood stiff with anxiety. —That’s right. I was standing side-by-side with my defence advocates, my party members. How did it come to this? In the prosecutor’s seat, stabbing me with a glare so cold it almost made my tension physically leak out, was Sena. “It will be fine, please leave it to me. Crimson Magic kin have very high intelligence. I will counter that prosecutor’s arguments until she’s in tears.” On my right, trying to encourage me, is one of my defence advocates, Megumin. “Do not worry. If the worst comes to the worst, I will take care of it. You’ve done nothing wrong this time.” On my left, likewise offering support, is Darkness. Reassuring. Very reassuring. ...But— “Well, you can count on me! As a member of the church my word carries a heck of a lot of weight! Leave everything to me and this’ll be over in a flash!” Yeah. This one’s the problem. I called Aqua close and whispered into her ear. “Listen, Aqua; I’m asking you to keep your mouth shut this time. If you stay quiet until the trial is over, I’ll even buy you some of that blanched red crab.” “What are you talking about, stupid? You won’t be able to buy me any crab if you get hard labour or a death sentence, will you? Don’t worry, out of all of us I’m the most knowledgeable about being an attorney. You like videogames, right? Don’t you know the popular Japanese games “Case Attorney” and “Manganronpa”? I’ve played those, you know.” “Okay, that tells me everything I need to know. I’m begging you, please be quiet.” As I put my hands together pleading with her, Aqua abruptly turned away. You biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch! —An older man who looked like the judge banged a wooden mallet on his desk. “Order! Now begins the trial for the defendant, Satou Kazuma, who stands accused of subversion of the state by plaintiff Alexei Barnes Aldarp!” At the judge’s call, a fat man stood up. He was a tall, hairy and burly middle aged man. He had a receding hairline, and the bald top of his head gave off a greasy shine. He must be the lord who brought the charges against me. Lord Aldarp glared at me, inspecting me like he would when buying a horse, and then cast a sleazy, lecherous look at the three companions next to me. He looked at Aqua and Megumin as if he was licking them with his eyes then turned to Darkness… For some reason, his face went stiff with surprise. “Hey, is it me or is the big old guy staring right at us? That guy gives me kind of an evil vibe. Makes me want to poke his eyes out.” “Please stop, don’t make things even worse. …Wait, hasn’t he just been staring at Darkness for a while?” “I’ve noticed. He’s staring quite intently. Is that not the same way Kazuma looks at Darkness when she walks around the mansion lightly dressed?” “O-Oi, what are you talking about? I-I-I’ve never looked at Darkness like that…” As I was frantically trying to deny the accusation, I noticed Darkness was also staring straight at the lord. “…What’s wrong, Darkness? Is the old guy’s gaze bothering you?” “…Mm, no, that’s not it. …Well, I’ll tell you about it later.” Darkness was acting strange and I was curious about what was going on, but soon the sound of the wooden mallet striking the desk could be heard again. “Order! There will be no whispering while court is in session. Now, let the prosecution step forward! Any lies told in this court will soon be revealed by this magic item. All are to bear that in mind as they speak.” The judge proclaimed and banged his mallet again, as Sena stood up. “I will now read the indictment if you will allow me… The accused, Satou Kazuma, at the time of the invasion of the Mobile Fortress Destroyer, defeated the aforementioned alongside other adventurers. In so doing, he instructed for the Coronatite that was on the verge of exploding to be sent away via a Teleport spell. The Coronatite was thus transported into the victim’s residence and subsequently exploded. The victim, Aldarp-dono’s mansion was completely destroyed and Aldarp-dono presently has been forced to take up residence at a local inn.” As Sena read aloud, the victim in question was still eating away at Darkness with his eyes. “The transportation of monsters, poison, hazardous substances or explosive materials via a Random Teleport is prohibited by law. Through his conduct, the accused has violated said law and furthermore endangered the life of a person of lordship status, forming a clear basis for the accusation of plotting against the stability of our kingdom. Henceforth, the prosecution calls for the accused to be held guilty on charge of subversion of the sate!” “Objection!” Right when Sena finished reading the indictment. Next to me, Aqua stepped forward, shouting out while thrusting her hand forward. “The defence will be allowed to make their statement later. You are to seek permission before speaking. ...As this is your first time in court however, I will allow it just this once. ...Defence, you may speak.” The judge prompted Aqua, but she shook her head with a satisfied look. “That’s okay, I just wanted to say ‘Objection!’.” “The defence is only to speak in defence of the accused!” I seriously want to smack that idiot. Having angered the judge, Aqua quietly returned to my side with a really satisfied look on her face. Slightly thrown off, Sena said awkwardly: “...Ahem, that is all. In summary, the prosecution calls for the accused, Satou Kazuma, to be held guilty for subversion of the state...” Sena sat down having said all she wanted to say, and the judge acknowledged it. “Next, the accused and his defence may speak. Your statement!”

“—and basically, it was thanks to my great efforts for this town that the defeat the general of the Demon King Veldia as well as the Destroyer were made possible. Considering all I’ve contributed to this town, it wouldn’t make any sense for me to plotting against it. In fact, I think I deserve a bit more praise!” Prompted by the judge, I stepped into the middle of the hall and rattled off a passionate speech. I talked about how cool I was in the fight against Veldia. And how brilliant a commander I was when fighting the Mobile Fortress Destroyer. I paid no mind to how the judge kept looking at the lie-detecting magic item as I did. I may have embellished a bit, but I haven’t lied about anything major. “Th-That’s enough. I understand the defendant’s argument. Now then; the prosecution may present their evidence accusing the defendant of subversion of the state.” The judge prompted Sena to present her evidence with a weary look, and she gestured to a nearby knight. As the knight headed for the courthouse waiting room, Sena took out a piece of paper and began reading from it. “The prosecution will now present evidence which proves the accused is a terrorist, or potentially an agent of the Demon King, who plotted to commit acts of subversion against the kingdom. Call the witnesses!” At Sena’s word, the knight brought in the witnesses; most of them adventurers. —Wait a second. “Ahahahah... I guess they ended up calling me...” Looking troubled to see me, scratching at the cut mark on her cheek, was Chris. With Chris the Thief at the front, a familiar-looking lot of witnesses were called in. Part 7 This is what they call a seriously bad situation. “Now then, Chris-san, the accused used the Steal skill in order to strip you of your undergarments in a public place. Is that correct?” “Uhm, w-well, yeah, that’s correct but that was just an accident, you know!?” “Your confirmation of the facts is quite enough. Thank you very much.” “Eeh!? No, wait a sec! I mean that doesn’t really bother me anymore...!” Sena quickly put an end to the testimony and Chris was escorted out of the courtroom. The other witnesses also worried me... Next, accompanied by his two groupies, came Mitsurugi, the Sword Master from Japan whose enchanted sword I stole and sold off. “Mitsurugi-san, I am told the accused stole an enchanted sword from you and then disposed of said sword by selling it. Furthermore, when your two companions attempted to recover the sword from the accused, he threatened to strip them in public. Is that correct?” “W-Well, yes, that was what happened. But at the time I was the one who challenged...” “Yeah, yeah! He threatened us! He said ‘I’m an advocate of true gender equality, so I’ll even dropkick a woman’!” “That’s right! He said ‘Since you’re girls, I’ll unleash my Steal right here in public’!” Just as Mitsurugi was getting to the crucial part, he was interrupted by the two girls I had vaguely threatened. Those two must be really bitter, because they stuck out their tongues when our eyes met. Uu... Everyone is staring daggers at me; even the judge. After Mitsurugi and his gang were made to leave, Dust was brought in as a witness, though I’m not sure why. I don’t remember ever wronging this guy. Even when we traded parties, Dust was the one who brought it up. As he gave me a friendly greeting, “This man stands to face trial next. As I’m sure you’re well aware, your honour, he is a troublesome hoodlum who is no stranger to this court of law.” “Hey now, is that any way to introduce the guy you dragged out as he was patiently waiting for his trial!? Maybe those melons of yours are asking for a rubdown!” Sena’s words immediately tripped Dust’s short fuse. As the judge frowned at Dust’s vulgar remark, Sena pointed towards me. “Dust-san, I have been led to believe you are on good terms with Satou Kazuma. Is that correct?” “You bet your sweet cans. We’re buds, pals, bros. We always go drinking together.” Hearing that, Sena turned towards me. “Satou Kazuma-san, are you a close friend of this ill-mannered hooligan?” “We’re acquaintances.” “Oi! Kazuma!” Dust shouted while Sena and the judge stared intently at the bell, but it did not ring. “I-I see. Please excuse me. I had intended to argue that you only associate with delinquents, but...” “That’s fine. The truth is we’re only acquaintances.” “Kazumaaaa! Doesn’t our friendship mean anything to yooouuu!?” As the delinquent was dragged away kicking and screaming by a knight, Sena faced the judge. “The last witness’ testimony may have been insufficient, but the previous witnesses should have made quite clear the nature of the accused’s moral character. It is also clear the accused harbours resentment towards the victim. Everything so far should demonstrate that, under pretence of an accident, the accused did not use a Random Teleport, rather an ordinary deliberate Teleport in order to transport the Coronatite into the victim’s residence.” Sena doubled down on her severe yet groundless accusations. “There is no proof of that! I will not contest Kazuma’s lack of moral fibre, but I cannot idly accept these false allegations! If you have a solid basis for your claims I’d like to hear it! Besides, this trial seems like a sham to me! Does no one take issue with the level of sophistry taking place in this court!?” “The defence is to exercise restraint and not to speak until given permission to!” “A basis? Very well. Then I shall provide a rigorous basis! Indisputable evidence that proves just whether or not this man is a terrorist plotting against this town, or perhaps even a subordinate of the Demon King’s forces!” In response to Megumin’s indignant remark, Sena began reading from a piece of paper. “First! In regard to the fight against Veldia, general of the Demon King’s army, in which a party of adventurers led by Satou Kazuma took part: In defeating the general of the Demon King, a great quantity of water was summoned by them, flooding and causing extensive damage to the town—!” A strong shiver ran through Aqua. “Second! By erecting a massive barrier over the public cemetery and thus denying the evil spirits a place to congregate, these began haunting the town—!” Aqua plugged her ears with both hands and tried to look away, and I was desperately trying to pull her hands away to let her hear what was being said clearly, “Continuously casting explosion magic on the town’s outskirts, recklessly causing disturbances to the neighbouring landscape and ecosystem, as well as on more recent occasions casting the same spell right on the edge of town in the dead of night, disturbing the inhabitants in their sleep—!” Megumin also followed by plugging her ears and facing the other way. My defence are a bunch of hacks! “Oi, wait a minute! This isn’t right! It’s not right, I tell you! None of what you said had anything to do with me! Well, I guess my party members are the ones who did it but still! That’s no grounds to accuse me on!” As if in reply to my outburst, “Furthermore, we have eyewitness reports of the accused using the Drain Touch skill, a skill that only the undead should be able to use. If you are not an agent of the Demon King, then explain how you are able to- plugging your ears will not help you!” Sena thrust her finger towards me as I began covering my ears along with Aqua and Megumin. I have a right to remain silent and I’m going to use it, damn it! “And there is a more glaring piece of evidence still... When you were being interrogated at the station, you were asked whether or not you had any ties to members of the Demon King’s forces. When you replied, saying you did not, the magic tool picked up on your lie. Is this not undisputable evidence!?” Oh crap oh crap oh craaaaaap! As I was being backed further and further into a corner by her words...

“—You’re wrong!”

That confident voice surprisingly came from Aqua. Who would’ve thought she’d end up being my trump card at a time like this...! “Tell her, Aqua! Hit her with your rock-solid evidence that proves I’m innocent!” “Huh? I don’t have anything like that; that’s just another line I wanted to say.” “That advocate is to leave this courtroom!” “I’m sorry; I’m really sorry about my advocate!” “Aaaaaaaaaah ow ow ow, that hurts!” I apologised while pressing on Aqua’s temples. Damn it; this fucking idioooooooooot! Then, seemingly having had enough of our fooling around,

“Enough already! That boy is obviously an agent of the Demon King! An underling! He planted a bomb in my manor! Kill him! Put him to death!”

The victim, lord Aldarp, who had been very quiet until just now, suddenly got up and shouted at me as I stood dumbfounded. Nice going, old man; this is my chance! “You’re wrong! I’m not working for the Demon King! I’m no terrorist either! I may have a grudge for being put in debt, but I didn’t send that Coronatite on purpose! Listen up and take a good look at that magic item! I’m gonna say it! I’m not an agent of the Demon King or anything like that!” I barked out. The bell didn’t ring, and the lord was at a loss for words. Sena also frowned and bit her lip when she saw it. If they considered that bell evidence when I was being questioned, then the fact that it didn’t ring at what I said right now should also be evidence. Looks like the lord trying to drive the final nail in the coffin ended up saving me instead. The judge shook his head slowly. “Trying to discern the truth using this magic tool has led us to a vague conclusion. The prosecution’s claims founded on this magic item can no longer be seen as valid. There is clearly too little ground for these accusations. Therefore, defendant Satou Kazuma, this court hereby finds the charges placed upon you as unjusti-“ Just as he was about to pass the verdict, “I’ll repeat myself. That man is a minion working for the Demon King. Put him to death at once.” Still standing up, the lord reiterated. Then, Sena: “Given how there were no casualties of any kind in this incident, a death sentence would clearly be uncalled for...” Said to the lord, who stared at her in response. “...... No, that is correct. A death sentence is justified... I think?” —Eh? “O-Oi, wait a second! This isn’t right! That’s clearly messed up!” “Exactly! What is the meaning of this!? Why is the prosecution suddenly changing her mind all of a sudden!?” Megumin and I protested strongly, but Sena tilted her head quizzically even though she was the one who said it. Then, suddenly, Aqua stuck her finger out and pointed towards the judge, Sena and the lord. “Now I’m feeling a wicked presence! Someone in this court is using their evil influence to distort the truth!” The courtroom fell silent at Aqua’s unbelievable outburst. Still, because of all the dumb things she’d been spouting until now, everyone looked at her distrustfully. They all turned to look at the magic item, and when it didn’t ring the atmosphere changed. Those were the words of the divine Archpriest Aqua. Maybe they were considered credible enough by the judge, because his mood also seemed to change. “An evil influence... You mean to say there is a dishonest person in this sacred trial?” “Yeah, exactly. My eyes see can see clearer than that magic item over there! For I am the all-seeing Goddess of water with over ten million followers in this world! Indeed, I am the Goddess Aqua!” —*Ding*. After Aqua’s proclamation, the sound of the bell broke the deathly silence that had settled in the courtroom. “Whyyy!? Wait a minute, that wasn’t a lieeee!” “The defendant is to find more suitable advocates.” “I’m sorry. I am deeply regretting my choices.” Megumin was trying to calm Aqua down as she was yelling unconvincingly, and for some reason the lord’s face went pale and he chewed on his lip and stared at Aqua. “Okay, I may have exaggerated a bit. The lie that the magic item reacted to was my number of followers! Ten million may have been too many; it’s probably more like nine million eight hundred thousand or something, right?” As Aqua grumbled behind me I wanted to retort by saying she’d be lucky to have a thousand followers, but now is not the time for that. Now looks like the time for me to receive my sentence. Clearing his throat, the judge said: “Defendant Satou Kazuma; in light of your repeated problematic and inhumane actions, as well as your flagrant disturbance of public order and attempts to destabilize the social structure…” That doesn’t sound at all like what he was saying just a moment ago. “...the prosecution’s claims are hereby judged as valid, and you, the defendant, are found guilty—” Eh-. “—and sentenced to death.” Part 8 “This isn’t riiiiiight! No, wait, please wait! What’s with this kangaroo court!? Show some more, like, definite proof or something! You can’t just execute a guy over something like this!” “Defendant! The defendant is to mind his words!” “Kazuma’s right this is weird this is totally messed up! Sure he bad-mouthed the lord at every opportunity for putting him in debt after flooding the town and I always thought he was going to snap one day, but this guy wouldn’t have the guts to plant the Coronatite!” Are you trying to defend me or accuse me!? As I was trying to get Aqua to shut up, Megumin threw off her eyepatch. “Very well! If you are so keen to brand Kazuma a terrorist, then I shall show you the true measure of a terro-... Ah, what are you doing!? Please get off me!” The guards rushed to grab Megumin as her crimson-red eyes began to glow. “Come on! This is wrong! It’s bullcrap! My unclouded eyes can clearly see the evil aura hanging over this courtroom! Just you wait, I’m going to purify-... Ah! And I’m not going to cast any weird spell or anything so don’t stop me!” “All use of magic spells is forbidden in the courtroom! It may interfere with the magic of the lie-detecting item!” “Enough, take those two away!” Sena stood up and ordered for both Aqua and Megumin to be removed. “Order! Order in the court! ...I said order damn it!” The judge, finally losing his temper, shouted out and threw his mallet. As Megumin and Aqua were being forcibly taken away by the guards,

“—Your honour, please look at this.”

Darkness, who had so far been completely silent, took something out from her bosom. It was an expensive-looking pendant, with something like a crest engraved on it. I had no idea what it was, but everyone else in the room seemed to be familiar with it. “Th-That’s...! A-Are you...” The judge stood up in surprise and stared wide-eyed at the pendant. With all eyes on her, Darkness spoke calmly: “I apologise, but I ask that you let me handle this trial. I am not asking for the case to be dismissed. With time, I am confident I can prove this man is not an agent of the Demon King, and that he is completely innocent. I am also offering to compensate the damages to the manor.” The judge and Sena were frozen as they looked at the crest on the pendant. It was only the lord who, though slightly taken aback, raised his voice in protest. “That...! S-Still, regardless of your...!” “Aldarp. As you are the victim, I would be indebted to you. If it is in my power, I will grant you any one request you have of me. I am not asking you to drop the charges. I am only asking you for time.” Hearing Darkness’ words, the lord stood there and gulped. “Any...! A-A-Any request...!?” “Yes, you may ask for anything.” At those words the lord’s eyes lit up and he began looking at Darkness with an obscene gaze. He then sat back down. “Very well, though only by your request. I shall grant an extension of time for that man.”

—As I was let out of the courtroom, I asked Darkness who followed behind me: “What was that? Do you know that Aldarp guy?” “...You could say that. Ever since I was a child that man has had some fixation over me. Since his wife passed away he has asked for my hand countless times. My father always refused in light of the age difference.” Okay, that’s creepy. Getting obsessed over her since she was a kid, I mean. “Sh-Should you really have told someone like that you’d do anything he asks!? The way that old guy was looking at you looked really scary. Don’t you think he might ask for something terrible?” “...... S-Something terrible...” “Y-You... I want my concern back...” Keeping a reasonable distance between the blushing, panting pervert that was Darkness, we went to pick up Aqua and Megumin from their detention cells. Part 9 —As a result of Darkness’ bargaining, I was given two conditions. The first was to produce evidence that I’m not working for the Demon King, and the second was to pay back the lord for his mansion. In order to work out some way to make money, I came to Wiz’s shop with Aqua. I actually wanted to go alone, but Aqua insisted on following me. “I get what you’re thinking, Kazuma! This whole mess started because of that stupid undead’s screw-up. We’re going to sell her store to pay back the debt, right?” Not even close to knowing what I was thinking, Aqua went into a rage in front of the door. “Show yourself, undead! We’re here to perform your last rites!” Shouting out a bunch of nonsense, she kicked the door open. “Wh-Wha-!? Robbers!? The mob!? ...Hiih, A-Aqua-sama!” She sounded more scared of Aqua than the other two. Entering the store a moment later, I first reported the outcome of the trial to Wiz, who had been suddenly assaulted by Aqua. “Is that so... Well, more than anything else I’m glad you’re all right! I’m so sorry, Kazuma-san. It’s all my fault for teleporting that stone in the first place...” “Yeah, that’s right, at least you admi-fhgn...!” “Don’t mind her. If it hadn’t been for you back then we couldn’t have saved everyone. Besides, even if the lord’s mansion got blown up, at least nobody got hurt. Now if I can just prove to Sena I’m not working for the Demon King, all the suspicion around me will be lifted. Though, I guess there’s still the issue of getting the money to rebuild the lord’s mansion.” I told Wiz while covering Aqua’s mouth to keep her from prattling on, and she let out a relieved sigh. “I see. So you managed to earn yourself some time. But still, the money... I truly wish I could help, by my shop is running at a loss so I don’t have any money...One of my friends in the Demon King’s army had a real knack for business, but was awfully eccentric and hard to understand... Still, if there’s anything I can do to help...” Wiz spoke while sitting at the counter with a troubled expression. “Well actually, we came here because we wanted to ask you a favour.” “That’s right, I’m asking you to let me send you over the river Styx right now!” Disregarding Aqua’s silly babbling, I discussed matters with Wiz. Simply put, drowning in debt and lacking in capital as I already was, I had no way of paying back the lord for his mansion. With that in mind, I thought it might be time to put a little plan I had come up with a while ago into action... Being less advanced than on Earth, the people in this world, barring those who could use the Tinder skill, still relied on flint to light their fires. If you were to sell something like a lighter in this world, it would fly off the shelves. I even have a few ideas about how I’d actually build some of these intricate items. Still, even if I managed to cobble together something like that, it’s not like it would suddenly appear on store shelves. That’s where I figured I could ask Wiz to lend me some of her empty shelf space for a while, for me to sell the goods I produce. —I explained the whole thing to Wiz. And then asked her if she’d stock any convenient items I happen to make. The profits from any eventual sales would be split with her, of course. I told her she could wait until she saw my wares before making a decision, too. “I know all too well now that there’s not a lot of easy money to be made adventuring. That’s why I figured I could get into the trade business, but... I can’t come to anyone else with this kind of sudden proposal.” “What Kazuma is trying to say is basically from now one we’ll be running this store, so hurry up and sign over the deed!” I shut the ever-noisy Aqua up with a pommel to the back of the head, and bowed my head to Wiz, as is proper when making an earnest request. Though slightly startled by seeing Aqua roll on the floor of the shop rubbing her head, Wiz smiled kindly. “That would be no trouble at all. I had actually been hoping to increase my selection. My shop has never really been very prosperous... Besides, I can’t say I owe nothing to rebuilding the lord’s manor... I don’t know what you plan on selling, but I look forward to it, Kazuma-san.” As Wiz readily accepted my offer with a smile, I found myself beginning to smile too. That would’ve set a good mood, if there hadn’t been someone rolling on the floor. ...Then, Wiz’s expression darkened slightly. It looked as if she was fretting over whether or not she should tell me something. “...? What’s wrong? If there’s something on your mind you can tell me. I don’t want to be unreasonable, so if there’s anything bothering you...” Wiz was quick to wave her hand in response. “N-No, that’s not it! Um, I’m very grateful that you’d offer to let me sell your wares, Kazuma-san! It’s just that, um... It’s about Aqua-sama...” Wiz said, apprehensively. “...? What about her? Oh, are you worried that since we’d be delivering goods to you she’ll show up and cause trouble? If you’re scared of her, I’ll do my best to keep her away.” She is a goddess, despite everything. Any undead would be on edge around her. “...N-No, that’s not it... I wouldn’t mind her coming to visit, it’s just that every time she does she tells the customers things like ‘all these items were made by this shopkeeper using unspeakable, inhuman methods, so you’d best not buy them’....” “Oi, what is the meaning of this?” As I demanded an explanation in a low tone, Aqua, still rolling on the floor and rubbing her head, gave off a twitch. “N-No, really, it’s fine! For some strange reason, after that the holy water and similar items began to sell really well to male adventurers, so I’m not really...” ...Maybe I should say I’m glad to hear that. Wait, is it even okay for a Lich to be selling holy water and stuff? Also, I have to wonder if the adventurers in this town are okay in a lot of ways. “Besides that, um... Whenever Aqua-sama comes to my shop and handles some of my wares, things like witches’ potions and elixirs used for necromancy get partially purified, and a lot of my goods become useless...” “What are you trying to do, you worthless goddess!?” Apparently this idiot has been sneaking off to Wiz’s store to harass her when I’m not around. I pulled Aqua up and grabbed her head, making her bow towards Wiz. “Sorry, Wiz! I’ll take responsibility for this brat and pay you back for the goods she ruined! H-Hey now, stop struggling! You apologise properly to the nice lady now!” “Wait, Kazuma! No way! Why should a Goddess bow her head to a Lich!? I mean, the reason water becomes purified when it touches my body is just because of my overwhelming godliness; I can’t help it! Just like how plants photosynthesize when exposed to sunlight, when water touches me it just purifies itself! There’s nothing I can do about it!” Well, not touching the merchandise would be a start. In place of Aqua, who tensed up her neck absolutely refusing to lower her head, I bowed apologetically. It feels like I’ve been apologising to people because of her a lot recently. “Ah, please, no need to bow! It’s fine, water under the bridge, really! I’d just like my goods not to be purified in the future, is all...! After all, I asked Aqua-sama to guide the lost souls in the graveyard, had her exorcise the mansion; I’ve been quite troublesome myself...!” Wiz, flustered, lowered her own head. Hearing Wiz’s honest words, the culprit who until just recently was skipping on her purification duties, causing the whole evil spirit debacle in the first place, tried to avert her gaze awkwardly. ...You might as well just swap classes with Wiz at this point. Chapter 2: A Friend for this Crimson Magic Girl! Part 1 “Hey, Kazuma. Where’s Darkness? Isn’t she back yet?” Aqua asked dully, sitting with her arms around her knees in what she at some point decided would be her special seat, the sofa in front of the living room fireplace. —It’s been several days since the trial ended. Darkness has been summoned by the lord in order to fulfil her promise, but... She left yesterday evening, but hasn’t come back yet. Thinking back to the lurid gaze that lord was giving Darkness, my chest began to tighten with unease slightly. Anyhow, Darkness is the kind who wanted to recklessly follow a general of the Demon King’s army. That’s how much of a slave to her own instincts and desires she is. It’s entirely possible that the situation is actually to her liking. It’s not like I even like Darkness that much, romantically or otherwise, so as far as I’m concerned I’m in no position to complain about what she does with whom. Still, leaving to fulfil her promise and not being back the next day must mean she spent the night at the inn the lord is staying at, so right about now... “....Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” “Kyaaaa- What is it!? Hey, what’s wrong with you; suddenly grabbing at your head and screaming like that!? I know you’re a weirdo but today you’ve been acting even weirder than usual!” As Aqua became alarmed by my sudden outburst, —Megumin came in, holding a certain something. She didn’t say anything in response to the ruckus we were causing; she just stood there quietly holding it in her arms. —Actually, I’ve been wondering about it for a while. “Mreow.” An animal known as a cat... was what Megumin was holding. Still without saying a word, Megumin stood there staring at me. “...You want to keep it in the house, don’t you?” “...Yes. It’s well-behaved so I don’t think it will cause trouble. ...May I?” It was a black cat, usually keeping itself hidden somewhere but occasionally showing up next to Megumin. It lowered its eyelids lazily as it sat in Megumin’s arms. “Sure, I guess. It’s not like anyone in the house has a cat allergy. ...Ooh, you’re a friendly little thing, aren’t you?” I stuck my hand out towards the cat in Megumin’s arms and it playfully put its front paw on my fingertips. ...It’s a hard life in this world. Stress tends to build up when you’ve got nothing but problem children in your party. Having this kind of soothing pet character might end up being a necessity anyway. “Ouch! Hey, why is it only trying to scratch me!? Between that jet-black fur and the attitude...I’m sensing some kind of evil aura coming from this critter!” Having been clawed at when she tried to pet it, Aqua got upset. I took the cat from Megumin in order to protect it from the vicious blue-haired monster. I turned my back on Aqua and let the black cat down on the carpet, though still keeping a barrier between them. ...Oh right, there’s some leftovers from the fish we had for breakfast. “Hey, Megumin, what do you call this wicked demonic beast?” “Chomusuke.” I picked up the plate with the leftovers off the table... “...... What did you just call the cat?” “Chomusuke.” I leaned over the black cat- I mean, Chomusuke, with the leftover fish in my hand. Must be rough having such a weird owner, huh? I dumped the fish in front of Chomusuke, and rather than eating it instantly, it began sniffing it. “Hey Megumin, isn’t it a she? Are you sure you want to go with that name2?” “I’m sure. She’s Chomusuke.” As I heard them talking behind me, I observed Chomusuke.

—I saw Chomusuke breathe out small flames and searing the fish.

2 Chomusuke, aside from being a silly Crimson Magic clan-ish name, has the “-suke” ending, which is a fairly common suffix on male names.

...... What the hell was that? I sat with my knees up on the carpet, watching intently as Chomusuke chewed the fish. “...So the cats here breathe fire, huh.” I whispered to Aqua. Well, in this world cabbages fly, so I wouldn’t be surprised if the cats breathe fire. “What are you talking about? Are you sure you’re okay, Kazuma?” “Cats do not breathe fire. Cats are animals that go meow.” “That’s right. They also like fish, and are very cute.” I knew that much. “Well this one just breathed fire, and used it to cook its fish.” “...Kazuma, you’re tired.” “You got locked up and put to trial; you’ve been through a lot.” “It’s true! Don’t act like I’m losing it!” As I yelled out pointing at Chomusuke, “By the way, why were you two shouting just a moment ago? If it was about Darkness, she is not a child anymore; she can spend a few days without coming home. Please calm down.” Megumin said, still incredulous. “...Well aren’t you the picture of calmness. Do you even understand what kind of horrible things Darkness might be going through? I’m sure that lord must’ve done something terrible to her by now.” Megumin scoffed at my words. “No one with the title of lord would ever... W-Well, I have heard a lot of unsavoury rumours about that lord, but Darkness is still a proper adventurer. I do not believe she would falter so easily.” Idiot! You don’t know the first thing about Darkness! “See, this is why nobody takes kids seriously! Do you still not understand Darkness after being around that pervert all this time? Her face would get all red and she’d be like ‘Kh! You may have your way with my body but you will never claim my heart! I will never yield to the likes of you!’ et cetera.” “!?” Finally grasping the situation, Megumin grabbed Chomusuke as it munched on its fish. “Wh-W-W-What shall we do!? Something-Something awful is happening to Darkness! What do we do, Kazuma, what can we do!?” “She left yesterday, you know? It’s already been well over one night; it’s too late now. Listen up, you two: when Darkness comes home, we’ll treat her as kindly as always.” “G-Got it! Now that Darkness climbed the stairs of adulthood, we can’t ask her about what happened, right!?” “Awawawa...! Darkness... Darkness is...!” Aqua clenched her fists dependably and Megumin turned pale and began panicking. If Darkness hadn’t done what she did for me, I’d have been executed by now. I owe her so much, more than I could ever hope to express in words...... Argh, damn it! I’ll say it again, it’s not like I like or care about Darkness in that way at all. I really don’t, but for some reason my I can’t help but feel uneasy. It may be similar the kind of complicated feeling a guy gets when a girl he knows get a boyfriend, though. Then, at that moment—

“Satou Kazuma! Is Satou Kazuma heeereeee!?”

With those angry words, the entrance hall door was flung open. The one who angrily opened the door, beet red, shoulders trembling, breathing harshly, was Sena. “O-Oi, what is it!? I still have a few days to prove I’m innocent, don’t I!? I’m sorry but I don’t really have time for you right now; one of my comrades is...” “You don’t have time!? Don’t try to fool me! You are an agent of the Demon King after all! You’ve got a lot of nerve after what you did!” Being hit with more harsh accusations, and getting a really bad feeling from Sena’s menacing attitude, I asked timidly: “Wh-What exactly did I do...?” “The frogs! You woke up the frogs that were hibernating on the outskirts of town!” She must be referring to the well-known local trash mobs, the Giant Toads. Still, I don’t think that has anything to do with us... “There are only so many false accusations you can dump on us. Are you honestly suggesting we coaxed these monsters out of hibernation and are controlling them? I would like to see some proof of that!” Megumin brashly stepped forward, as if saying ‘if it’s a fight you want, you’re on’. “According to a report from the Guild staff, the frogs rose out from the ground after being startled by something. ...And startled is just what the townsfolk also were, when someone was casting explosion magic on the outskirts of town every day.” I grabbed Aqua and Megumin by the napes as they tried to flee into the back of the mansion. “Please wait! Please listen to what I have to say! I was only acting on Aqua’s command! I may have been the one who actually did it, but Aqua is behind it all!” “No fair, Megumin! I just suggested it to you and you got really excited about it! You’re the one who was all like ‘I shall show you my true power’!” As the two argued amongst themselves, still holding them by the necks I said: “Is this the time for your petty argument!? We’re going to go clean up your mess!” Part 2 On a snowy field outside of town. “Noooo! I’ve had iiiiiit! I’ve had it with being eaten by frooooooogs!” One could hear Aqua’s screaming. “Still, doesn’t look like the cold is slowing these frogs down one bit. They move as fast as they always do. Methinks the animals and even the vegetables around these parts are too damn hardy.” I grumbled calmly as I watched the scene of Aqua being chased around by a frog. “The world is a cruel place, so all living things give their all when the time comes in order to survive. We too must continue striving to live. We must become ever stronger in order to endure life this harsh world.” Megumin responded to my mumbling with a determined face. —As she was up to her shoulders inside a frog’s mouth. Given her previous experience of being swallowed by frogs, Megumin was awfully calm given the circumstances and offered no resistance. This was after Megumin had already used her explosion magic to take down a large number of frogs. For the time being, she was immobilised by having used up all her mana, but the frog had also stopped moving in order to swallow her. Maybe her staff was stuck in its throat. “Hang on, I’ll save you.” I readied my blade and turned towards the frog currently ingesting Megumin. “No, that can wait until after you’ve killed the one chasing Aqua. It’s cold outside and it’s warm inside the frog.” I always thought she was normal aside from her obsession with explosions, but she might have more issues than I thought. “Y-You’re surprisingly calm considering one of your comrades is being swallowed by a frog and the other is being chased by one.” Sena, who had come to observe us or something, spoke with a hint of surprise from a reasonable distance away. I get where she’s coming from, but this is business as usual for us. I decided I’d save Megumin later and stuck my sword in the ground, taking out my recently purchased bow and arrows. When I took down the golem on board the Mobile Fortress recently, I gained one or two levels. As I was brooding over what to invest my new skill points into, I realized that our party had a competent tank in Darkness, but no long-range attack power to speak of. We do have Megumin, but she can only get one shot off and Darkness would end up caught in the area of effect as well. This seemed like the perfect opportunity for a weak yet versatile Adventurer like me to step up. Making the best use of my class’ unique ability to learn skills from any other class, I had an Archer teach me the ‘Archery’ and ‘Snipe’ skills. ‘Archery’, as the name implies, allows a beginner like me to suddenly know which end of a bow I should hold. ‘Snipe’ allows me to increase the effective range of my projectile attacks, as well as increasing accuracy based on the luck stat, which makes it an ideal skill for me. I drew my bow, and using the Snipe skill I took aim at the frog chasing Aqua...! “Kazumaaaa! Hurryyyy! Hurry uuuup!” Seeing me ready my bow, Aqua shouted out with teary eyes as she ran to and fro. ...I feel like I should let it chase her around a little longer. Aqua noticed my hesitation and began desperately running towards me. Realizing the potential danger to myself, I shot an arrow towards the frog’s head. Just barely nicking the ends of the top of Aqua’s hair, the arrow flew true into the frog’s head. Half in tears, Aqua kept running towards me. “All right, then. Megumin, I’m coming to save you now.” “Hey Kazuma, were you waiting for me to get eaten just now? Were you waiting for it!? Also your arrow almost ruined the best part of my hair!” I ignored Aqua trying to chew me out and pulled my sword out from the ground. “...Do you people always fight so haphazardly? ...Could someone like this really be working for the Demon King?” Sena mumbled something under her breath as she took notes on our fighting style. I raised my sword towards the unmoving frog, and was about to save Megumin— “P-Please wait; the frogs...!” Megumin, still half-stuck inside the frog’s mouth, suddenly calling out in a panic. Aqua and I turned our heads and looked in the direction she indicated. “...Ah.” x2 Before we knew it, three other giant frogs had crawled up from the ground. I had let my guard down and now a cold sweat ran down my back. This is bad, that makes four frogs in total. We don’t have enough people to serve as bait- I mean distractions now. If they were just a bit further away I could’ve shot them down one-by-one...! “Aqua, split up! I’ll try and put some distance between us and try to take one down, you keep distracting the others!” “No way! I’m done being chased by frogs! You be the decoy!” “You don’t have the damage to take down the frogs, idiot! If I kill one there’ll just be two left, and you and Sena-san can stall them!” “Eeeh!? I-I’m only here to observe you people, so don’t drag me into...! Wait, are you trying to use a civilian like me as a decoy!?” Aqua was crying, Sena was shouting, and Megumin: “Excuse me, it seems to have begun swallowing me little by little, so I would appreciate being rescued soon.” “Argh, damn it! If only we had Darkness at a time like this! No frog would swallow her in her metal armour! What the hell’s taking her so loooong!?” I readied my sword and turned towards the frog about to gulp down Megumin’s head—!

“’Light of Sabre’!”

—A clear voice rang through the snowy plain. At the same time, a streak of light sliced through the frog swallowing Megumin. The moment the light passed through, the frog’s body was instantly cleaved in half. As I was pulling Megumin out from the frog’s mouth, “’Energy Ignition’!” The clear voice could be heard again. The moment it did, the three frogs approaching us burst alight, pale blue flames seemingly burning them up from within. As the savoury scent of roast frog filled the air, I used Drain Touch to replenish a bit of the slime-covered Megumin’s mana, so I wouldn’t have to carry her. ...Then, she shakily managed to stand up. Before her eyes was a young girl wearing a dark robe. She looked about one or two years younger than me, I’d say. The girl stared intently at Megumin, who seemed to struggle to remember her. “That was advanced magic...! I didn’t think there was anyone in this novice town who could use advanced magic...” As Sena spoke out in surprise behind me, I bowed to the young girl in front of me. “I don’t know who you are but you saved us. Thank you.” Throwing a glance at me as I offered my gratitude, the girl blushed slightly with a hint of embarrassment. “I-It’s not like I was trying to save you. I only did that because I can’t have my rival getting eaten by some frog...” she mumbled, looking at the ground. “Oh, what’s going on? Are you a friend of Megumin’s?” With the frogs dead, Aqua had regained her composure and asked the girl, sounding very intrigued. “A friend, uhm, I guess you could say a rival... It’s been a while, Megumin! I came back after finishing my studies just like I said I would! As you can see, now I can wield advanced magic! Now it’s time to fulfil that promise! Today is the day we finally settle our old score!” The girl, sounding very happy, stuck her finger out towards Megumin. Where’d this hot-blooded development come from? And the one being called out—! “...? And who exactly might you be?” “Eeeh!?” As the slimy Megumin inquired calmly, the girl called out in shock. Looking at her, the girl actually looked a bit like Megumin. Her dark robe and cape looked similar in design to Megumin’s clothes. She also wielded a silver wand and was carrying a dagger on her hip. She was slightly taller than Megumin, and had an overall slender and well-proportioned figure. She gave off a determined yet reserved and mature feeling, making her a textbook example of a beautiful girl. In Japan she’d probably be the class representative or student council president. She had that honour student vibe about her. She wore a ribbon in her dark hair, but more than anything else she had those distinctive crimson eyes. Indeed, the same colour as Megumin’s eyes.

“I-It’s me, me! We went to the same academy in the Crimson Magic village, remember!? You were the top student, and I was second! And I said I’d go train until I learned how to use advanced magic...!” The teary-eyed Crimon Magic girl pointed at herself as she frantically tried to jog Megumin’s memory. Wait, I think I just heard something really important. “...Oi, did I just hear something about you being the top of your class? Because that’s not something I can overlook.” Megumin snorted smugly. “Now you bring it up? When we first met I introduced myself as the finest mage of the Crimson Magic clan, did I not? You were a fool to not believe me. You only choose to believe now, after all this time?” “I’d like to see anyone believe you while you say that covered in mucus.” “Wh-What did you-!?” “H-Hey, wait just a moment!” As I exchanged banter with Megumin, the Crimson Magic girl became flustered. “Come on, Megumin, it’s me, me! Did you really forget about me!? Don’t you remember how I would always challenge you when we were taking tests at school, and you’d always say a prize is necessary for a challenge, and you’d accept if I wagered my lunch? Don’t you remember how you’d always take my lunch!?” She did stuff like that? I stared at Megumin and she promptly averted her gaze. “Hey, uh, if you’re going to take your time here can I go on ahead to the Guild? The frog meat will spoil. Can I go have them bring it in already?” Aqua said, pointing at the frog carcasses. Honestly I’d rather not be left alone in this situation, but we need the money and whenever there’s money to be made letting Aqua do the haggling is a good idea. And if we do that, Megumin and I can go straight home and I can toss her in the bath to get rid of the frog stink. “...Hmph. It seems you have your own matters to attend to. Then I shall also take my leave for today. ...Satou Kazuma-san, you have not quite proven to be the model of an adventurer today, so I cannot rule out the possibility that this may be merely an act intended to deceive me. ...I cannot say I have gained any faith in you.” Sena said, throwing a piercing gaze towards me before leaving for the town along with Aqua. Part 3 Having been left on the snowy field, I asked Megumin again: “So, this girl’s saying she knows you. What’s the deal, though? She actually seems to know a lot about you, so do you really not remember her?” “I do not. Moreover, do you not find it strange how she has not even given her name? I’m sure this must be one of those ‘It’s me, it’s me’ scam things3 you told Aqua not to resort to regardless of how desperate for money we become. I will not fall for it.” Megumin said, tugging on my arm, intent on leaving. Seeing us ready to head back to town, the girl panicked: “W-Wait a minute! I-I get it, I’m embarrassed to do it in front of strangers, but I’ll introduce myself! ...My name is Yunyun; Archwizard and wielder of advanced magic, soon-to-be head of the Crimson Magic clan...!” Her cheeks turning red, Yunyun performed her introduction with a flutter of her cape. I wonder if the Crimson Magic kin really can’t introduce themselves without the hammy performance. Looking at Yunyun, Megumin said to me: “So yeah, that’s Yunyun. She’s the daughter of Crimson Magic clan’s chief and next in line for the title. She was also my self-proclaimed rival when we were in school.” “Oh, okay. Well I’m Kazuma, Megumin’s adventuring comrade. Nice to meet you, Yunyun.” “Wh-Wait, so you do remember! ...Ah, oh? Um, Kazuma...-san? Um, aren’t you going to laugh at my name...?” Yunyun asked timidly, looking confused. Well I’m used to Megumin’s name, so hearing the Crimson Magic kin’s weird names doesn’t really get to me anymore, you know? “Your name is a little weird, but you can’t judge a person by just their name, right? I mean, there are people out there with names that already stand out that end up being known as crazy explosion girl and other infamous nicknames.” “Are you referring to me? That was directed at me, wasn’t it? Just when did I start being called that disgraceful alias!?” At my words, a look of surprise came over Yunyun. “...I see, you’ve found some wonderful comrades, Megumin. I’d expect nothing less from my rival.” I think I made a good impression on her. “By the way, can we take this somewhere else? I don’t think this is the best place to stand and have a conversation.”

3 This refers to a type of scam that is fairly common in Japan, wherein the scammer calls random houses, claiming to be a relative of the (usually elderly) victim and saying that they need money urgently, hoping to fool the victim into wiring it to them. Hearing that, Yunyun raised her head with wide eyes and took a few steps away from me and Megumin. “Right, I got completely distracted when I thought Megumin had forgotten about me...! Megumin, I came to settle the score! I am the prospective leader of the Crimson Magic clan. Until I surpass you, I cannot claim the honour of taking to my family’s throne! What’s more!” Yunyun then pointed a finger straight at Megumin. “I studied advanced magic, just like I promised. Once I defeat you, I can claim the title of foremost amongst the Crimson Magic kin. Then no one will be able to contest my claim to power. No one will be able to say I’m just a pampered highborn girl anymore! Now, Megumin, I challenge you!” She declared to Megumin, with resolve and passion in her eyes. “Don’t want to. I’m freezing out here.” Hearing Megumin’s straightforward reply, Yunyun stiffened up with an ‘Eh?’ “All right, guess we’ll go home then. I’ll run a bath and you can get in first. Let’s all grab lunch afterwards.” I said, as I was about to leave with Megumin... “W-W-W-Wait a minute! Come on, why? Why are you being so cold when we haven’t seen each other in so long!? Please, Megumin, let’s dueeel!” Yunyun became flustered and clingy. Seeing her, Megumin let out a sigh. “...I can’t use magic anymore today, though. I’ve already used up all of my mana. And you still intend to challenge me to a magic duel? ...Fufufu, you greatly underestimate my power. By my awesome might I have already vanquished eight foolish frogs in one fell swoop. Yunyun, thinkest thyself capable of such a feat?” As Megumin let out her inner chuunibyou in a low voice, Yunyun looked at me with a shocked expression. She probably wants to ask me if that’s true. “Well, the part about blowing up eight frogs in one shot is true, at least.” Even though she got immobilised and eaten after that. Hearing that, Yunyun’s face darkened as she lowered her head and gulped audibly. “Also, you might be clueless since you haven’t been in town, but... Have you not heard? The story of how I continually assaulted the castle of a general of the Demon King with my terrifying magic, successfully lured him to this town and defeated him? What about the one where my explosion magic brought down the supposedly invincible Mobile Fortress Destroyer when it menaced our town!?” Hearing that, Yunyun coweringly swivelled her head, looking at both of us in turn, with an uneasy expression.

...She’s not lying. “Well, it’s true the general of the Demon King came to town because Megumin kept casting her magic on his castle every day, and it’s true she finished off the Destroyer.” It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it, right...? Yunyun’s face grew paler the more she listened. “St-S-S-S-Still, I ch-challenge you! I must...! Even if I stand no chance of winning, still I will challenge you as many times as it takes!” Even though tears welled in her eyes, this must’ve been something she could not back down from. As frightened as she was, Yunyun spoke with conviction. Seeing her, Megumin let out yet another deep sigh. “...I suppose I’m left no choice. Consider this. I cannot use my magic anymore today. Therefore, I propose we duel in the martial arts you were always adept at. Now that you’ve become fit to be an adventurer, you should realize there is no more call for such academic confrontations. No weapons; we fight until one of us surrenders. ...What do you say?” Yunyun looked shocked, and said: “...Are you sure? Um, you never really attended the martial arts lessons at school... Are you just trying to let me win? You, who would always approach me during lunch break just to let me challenge you so you could take my food?” “...You’re awful, you know that?” “...That was a matter of life or death for me. With the way things were at home, her lunches were the only thing keeping me alive. It would just be a shakedown if I were the one who challenged her, wouldn’t it?” Yunyun closed her eyes. She took a deep breath then put on a wonderful smile. “All right, I accept your terms. And of course, a duel must be fought with something on the line, just like you said! The prize will be this manatite crystal. And it’s a very pure, high-quality one at that! It’s an item highly sought by any mage!” Yunyun took out a small gemstone. Judging from the name, it’s probably some kind of gem that’s packed with mana. Seeing it, Megumin gave a satisfied nod. “Very well, I accept! Then, come at me whenever you’re ready!” Megumin declared as she spread her arms out tauntingly. Yunyun lowered her hips and clenched her fists in readiness. Considering their builds, my money would be on Yunyun. She was taller, well-built and her limbs struck a good balance between slender and muscular. Megumin, by comparison, didn’t look like bare-knuckle brawls were her strong suit by any means. To be blunt, she seemed like a typical scrawny mage girl.

Yunyun was slowly closing the distance. Megumin maintained her pose, with both arms outstretched as if she was ready to embrace Yunyun at any moment.... “...Hey, Megumin, wait a second. ...Um, your body is kind of shiny. Is that...” “That’s right. It’s frog mucus.” Megumin immediately replied to Yunyun’s nervous question. Yunyun’s face tensed up, but Megumin continued regardless: “You really saved me back there. Right now I’m covered head-to-toe in secretions from that frog’s innards. ...But never mind that and come at me! The moment you get close I’ll grab onto you with all my might and pin you down!” Megumin threw those words out as she began slowly advancing with her arms outstretched, while Yunyun began retreating with a horrified look. “M-Megumin? Can you stop with the unfunny jokes? You’re kidding, right? Y-You’re trying to make me lose my will to fight and surrender, aren’t you? Right? That’s what you always did when we were in school. I-I won’t fall for those tricks anymore, you know?” Yunyun kept retreating while trying to bluff, as Megumin continued to creep forward, her crimson eyes shining. Her face was like that of a child trying to pull a prank on her best friend. “We’re friends, aren’t we? I think best friends should share in each other’s suffering.” Those words made Yunyun turn around and just start running. And Megumin followed. “I give! I give, okay!? You can have the manatite, just stay away from me!” Part 4 After Megumin covered Yunyun in slime and made her go home in tears. The two of us were making our way back to the mansion. “Ah, Kazuma, you can have this. It will sell for a good price, so please use it to help pay off the debt.” Along the way, Megumin handed me the manatite crystal she had won earlier. Yunyun did say it was a highly coveted item amongst spell casters. “Are you sure? Aren’t you going to use it? Not that I know what it’s used for.” Megumin replied with a bold chuckle. “A manatite crystal is a convenient item that can be used in place of your own mana to cast spells. It can only be used once, however. One of this size and purity could not possibly cover the mana cost of my explosion spell. I’m sure it proves quite convenient to a normal mage, but to an exceptional grand sorcerer such as myself it is of no use.” She sounds so proud about that... “...Doesn’t that seem like a problem to you? I know I’m repeating myself, but do you really have no plans to learn anything other than...” “I do not.” “I figured as much.” I let out a deep, deep sigh after Megumin’s prompt reply. Well, I guess it’s all right. Despite everything, the kid pulls through when it counts...... Or does she? That Yunyun girl could use advanced magic. She took those frogs down in no time, and looked damn cool while doing it. Aside from her magic, she had a pretty face and a nice slender figure too. Compared to a first-rate mage like her... “...What is it? You’re sighing a lot. ...Crimson Magic kin aren’t just good with magic, we also have very high intelligence. Shall I guess what you were thinking just now?” Megumin asked with a doubtful expression, as we walked along with only my sighs breaking the silence...... “...I was just thinking... you’re a lot prettier than that girl from before.” “Why thank you! I feel I must express my gratitude by giving you a big hug!” “C-Cut it out! Stay away from me; you reek of frog!”

—When I opened the door to the mansion, Aqua hadn’t come home yet. I was hoping Darkness had come back, but she was nowhere to be seen either. Paying no mind to the slimy girl behind me, I headed straight for the bathroom. “Uuugh... It stinks... I’ve never been less happy to receive a hug.” “You should be overjoyed. Some people would pay good money to have a slimy girl all over them.” Megumin said nonchalantly as she followed behind me. —As I was about to enter the dressing room, she grabbed onto my sleeve. “...... What?” “This slime is very unpleasant. Please allow me to get in first.” “It’s your fault I’m covered in this gross slime in the first place. Besides, I need to get in first to warm up the water. The heater runs on mana, you know? You won’t be able to get past lukewarm with the mana I gave you. If you get it, go sit by the fireplace until I’m done.” As I shooed her away, Megumin said with a disgusted face: “If this mucus dries up on my robe before I wash it it’s going to smell awful. Have you never heard of ‘ladies first’? You cannot put yourself before a lady.” “I yearn for true gender equality. I can’t stand the kind of people who invoke their female privilege and belittle you for not being a ‘real man’ whenever it suits them. Besides, if you want to be treated like a ‘lady’ then you should try growing into one first.” “Ah! Did you just treat me like a child!? I’ll have you know I’m only three years younger than you! In ten years, the difference between 26 and 23 will barely be...” “The future’s the future and the past’s the past. I’m a man who lives in the present, and right now to my eyes you just look like a kid, so don’t waste your breath. All right, I’m getting in first!” As I spoke I quickly got into the bath, turned on the water heater using my mana and took off my slime-covered shirt. “This bastard is actually taking off his clothes!” Megumin said, somewhat repulsed, when she saw me, but I had no qualms about having children see me naked. “If you want to keep watching I’m going to start charging you. I’m absolutely not backing down on this, you understand? Absolutely not.” As Megumin chewed on her lip in frustration, she suddenly let out a chuckle as if she just got an idea.

Then, with a triumphant smile, she spoke provokingly: “...I see. I understand that you will not see me as a woman. In that case, let us not waste any more time and bathe together. As long as you don’t see me as a woman there should be no problem.” “Yeah, you’re right. Getting in together would solve both our problems. Well I’m getting in first.” “Wha-!?” With me giving an offhand okay, Megumin’s own suggestion ended up catching her by surprise. “E-Excuse me, but at times like these is it not normal to become embarrassed and say something like ‘I-I could never do that, idiot!’ before reluctantly agreeing to let me go in first?” “Don’t assume I’m just going to follow convention. I’ll tell you right now, I don’t care for tropes. Like for example, assuming you fell in love with me but I was approached by some other girl, if you were to inflict some unjustified violence on me out of jealousy, I’d fight right back. I man up when it counts, and you’d better remember that.” “...It seems I have underestimated you. You don’t need to worry about me falling in love with you, though. I also don’t think you’re using that expression appropriately, but never mind.” With those words, looking defeated, Megumin was about to leave the dressing room... “Oh? What’s this? You’re not going to get in with me after all that? Jeez, you’re spineless. This is why you get treated like a child.” “Me!? Spineless!? You said it now! I’ll show you! Getting into the bath is nothing! You too; stop hiding behind that towel and get into the bath!” “Oi, cut it out! Don’t pull on my towel, you perv! Why are you so straightforward? Didn’t that Yunyun girl ever call you a tomboy? Show some modesty, damn it!” Dramatically flinging her robe off and covering herself with a towel, Megumin stormed into bathroom. —Huh? I think I just caught a glimpse of something like a pattern near Megumin’s butt from behind her towel. “This bathwater is lukewarm! Put more mana into it, will you!? Get in here already!” Megumin yelled out with both hands in the bathwater. Was that just my imagination? ...Ah, whatever. Part 5 “Phew...” “Haah... A relaxing bath in the middle of the day once in a while is not half bad... I feel I may just fall asleep...” I leisurely sprawled my limbs out while soaking up to my shoulders in the large bath. The size of the bath is the best thing about this mansion. “Still, that Yunyun girl. Did you really have to chase her off? You haven’t seen each other in a long time, right?” “I’m sure we’ll meet again. She always follows me as my self-proclaimed rival after all.” Megumin also was up to her shoulders in the bathwater, lazily resting her chin on the edge of the bath, her eyes closed contently. “Yunyun, huh. Can’t do much about the name but that girl was cute. For an acquaintance of yours she seemed to have a good head on her shoulders.” “I cannot help but interpret that as you saying I do not. Besides, we’re the same age. Yet you do not seem to think of her as a child.” Still resting her chin on the edge of the bath, Megumin glanced at me with one eye. So they’re the same age. ...I took another look at Megumin in the bath. “...Oi, why don’t you tell me what you meant with that look just now?” “...I was just thinking everyone grows at their own pace... Oi, cut it out, stop chanting that explosion spell! You know you don’t have the mana plus it’s bad for my heart!” As I spoke, I came to place my own chin on the edge of the bath just like Megumin. “So that girl’s 13 too, huh. That’s about two years shy of acceptable for me. 13 year olds are a no-go. Gotta be 14, at least, and that’s a stretch; a second year middle schooler with a first year high schooler is just barely passable.” As I casually muttered to myself, Megumin: “Middle schooler with a high schooler? ...I’m not quite sure I follow, but just so you know, my fourteenth birthday is next month. Does that mean you will stop treating me like a child then?” She spoke as she once again closed her eyes and relaxed. “...Wait, for real? Your birthday’s next month? 14, huh? You’re gonna graduate from loli status?” “Just who are you calling a loli!? I do not recall that being part of my character! ...Also, what are you on about? You’re acting kind of...” I thought of her like a hapless little sister, but maybe she’s more like a hapless kouhai... “O-Oh no, I’m starting to feel a bit ashamed about this situation now.” “Wh- Please do not say that now! If you say it I’ll start feeling embarrassed as well! Does one year really make that much of a difference? Also, I’d like you to stop giving me those nervous glances!” That’s really strange; my heart is pounding all of a sudden. In fact, I think the gravity of the situation is finally starting to dawn on me. “...Hey, why are we in the bath together? Now that I think about it, this might be kind of bad.” “Why did it take you so long to figure that out!? Please stop it! Why did you suddenly decide to come to your senses!?” Megumin began slowly increasing the distance between us in the bath. As I also made my way towards the opposite end of the bath: “I mean, if anyone saw us now I don’t think we could pass it off as a joke, could we? This must be against some kind of law or something, right? At times like this, that clueless idiot would probably...” And, just before I could finish.

“I’m hooome!” Speak of the clueless devil, because I heard her voice from afar.

“It’s your fault for setting it up, Kazuma!” “Never mind that now! One of us has to get out, and fast!” Both Megumin and I jumped out of the bath at the same time, then after a double take jumped right back in. “Why did you get out at the same time as me!? You know our towels are wet so you were hoping to see something, weren’t you!? Or were you trying to show me!?” “Then let me get out first and just hide! Wait, what about the lock!? Did you lock the dressing room door!?” “I- I did not, I did not! And I am sure Aqua is headed right this way! W-W-W-What should we do!? Please, do something!” What the hell do you expect me to do!? One of us has to get out of the bath before we can do anything! If Aqua catches me now, I’m sure I’ll end up getting called horrible nicknames like loliNEET and Lolima-san, and they’ll spread to everyone in town! “Kazumaaa! Megumiiiin? I’m hooooome! I’m waiting for that ‘welcome baaack’! I got the money for the froooogs!” Aqua’s voice got closer and closer. I leapt out of the bath and made a mad dash for the dressing room. Hearing my thumping footsteps, “Kazumaaa! ...Wait, are you taking a bath?” It seems Aqua noticed my presence. The moment she seemed about to open the door, gathering every last bit of mana in my body, I stuck my right hand out and with more concentration than I’ve ever shown in my life-! “’Freeze’!” Carrying all my mana and willpower, the Freeze spell froze the knob on dressing room door in an instant, and I, drained of mana, was overcome with fatigue and collapsed on the dressing room floor. “Kazumaaa, I split the money in half and left it on the living room table, okay? Once you’re done let’s go get dinner!” Without trying to open the bathroom door at all, Aqua left with those words. ...Well, figures. She’s not the kind to open the door if she knows I’m inside just to get a glimpse of my naked body; this isn’t a manga.

“...A-Are you all right, Kazuma? Have you used up all your mana? Still, that was close. We almost...” “I almost got branded a lolicon. That was way too close... Ah, Megumin, could you do me a solid and wipe me off? I used up all of my mana and now I can’t move. I might catch cold like this.” Lying on my face, I asked Megumin without looking at her. ...But. “...Oi, how exactly does taking a bath with me brand you a lolicon? I would like to hear your explanation. You have quite the nerve for someone who is unable to move!” “Oi, stop it! What are you trying to take my towel off for!? You’ll get branded a female pervert! Wai-! A-Aquaaaa! Aquaaaa! I’m being molested by a loli!” Part 6 Hearing my call for help, Aqua barged into the room. A lot happened after that, but in the end I ended up obtaining the title of LoliNEET. Our second day without Darkness ended with a somewhat forlorn dinner. —Then, the next morning, “...What’s up with those two, going out this early?” I muttered as I descended the stairs towards the living room. After consulting with them last night, we decided that going on quests before Darkness comes back would be too dangerous. Because of that, each us of had the whole day to themselves. ...In the end, Darkness still hasn’t come back. I knew the lord had some weird obsession over her, which made me wonder if he was keeping her there. Or maybe something unexpected happened...? If she’s still not home by tonight, I’m going to have to start doing something about it.

I couldn’t be bothered to cook breakfast, so I was wandering around town looking for somewhere to eat, when I saw the Crimson Magic clan girl from the other day walking by herself. She was strolling around all alone, hungrily looking over the food stalls. After a while she stopped and began loitering in front of a stall selling skewered meat, closely watching what was going on. Before long a customer came up to the stall and after some small-talk he bought three skewers. Seeing that, she seemed to prepare herself mentally and approached the stall, buying three skewers just like the customer from before. ...I think that might’ve been her first time buying something from a street vendor, and she didn’t know how to go about it. I was wondering if I should call out or not, but after seeing her gleefully stuffing her face with the grilled meat I decided to leave her to it.

“—I hear a bunch of weird monsters have been showin’ up near town lately. They say they aren’t very strong, but...” “Oh, I heard about that too. Those weird things that cling to anything that moves and blow themselves up, right?”

After getting breakfast at a decent place, I was wandering around town when I overheard two adventurers saying that. ...Weird monsters? Well, as far as I’m concerned all the monsters in this world are weird. I’ll keep that in the back of my mind regardless. As I was walking while thinking about that, I saw the familiar Crimson Magic clan girl again, this time loitering in front of a shooting gallery stall. I say it was a shooting gallery, but it was a bit different from the ones in Japan. You used a real bow to shoot targets with rounded tip arrows. There were a lot of couples having fun at that shooting gallery. The guy would win a prize and gift it to his girlfriend. I see; judging by the amount of couples going around, this place must be a popular dating spot. That stall must also be trying to pander to that audience of date-going men and women. The prizes they had were a dead giveaway. Maybe she was embarrassed to play with all the couples around, so she waited patiently until there were no more couples, or rather until there were no more customers at all, before finally trying her hand at the shooting gallery. Though it didn’t look like she was used to handling a bow, because no matter how many times she tried she couldn’t hit the prize she was aiming for. She kept paying the stall owner for more tries, before a couple finally showed up to play, so she returned the bow and left awkward and embarrassed. ...Hm. Thinking about it, considering the girl’s rival was in my party, we probably weren’t exactly supposed to be on good terms, but... I approached her and greeted her with a brief ‘Hey’. “...? Ah! Um, hello, Kazuma-san...!” Without turning to look at Yunyun as she greeted me, I tossed some money to the stall owner. “Snipe!” Using my Snipe skill, I quickly shot down the prize Yunyun was trying for. The prize that fell and rolled on the floor after being sniped was some kind of samurai- looking stuffed doll, quite similar to the Winter Shogun. “Here; you wanted this, right?” I handed it to Yunyun with a hint of arrogance. If I were Yunyun right now, I’d probably fall in love right on the spot. She blushed slightly and for a moment looked as if she wanted to ask if it was really okay for her to have it. She then shone a bright, genuine smile. “Th-Thank you very much...!”

“Sir, Archers and people with the Snipe skill aren’t allowed, it says so clearly on the sign. You can keep the prize but I’m going to have to ask you for double the fee...” —I apologetically handed over the rest of the money to the stall owner, not looking particularly cool as I did. “W-Well, I’d better go looking for my party. See you.” Embarrassed, I raised one hand towards Yunyun as I was about to take my leave... “Eh-? Uhm... Uh...” Yunyun seemed to want to try and stop me as she sadly held out one hand... She then drew her hand back and wrapped it tight around the stuffed doll before giving a bow. “U-Uhm, thank you very much for the Winter Shogun!” So that doll really was the Winter Shogun. I had some trauma from being killed by it so I had an urge to shoot it with a real arrow, but she seemed happy so I contained myself.

—Leaving Yunyun, I once again took to walking around town. Still, I figured I’d run into my party right away, seeing as how they stand out like a couple of sore thumbs, but... “Now, who will be the next challenger!? Is there no one brave enough!?” I turned in the direction of that voice and saw a crowd of people forming. I curiously headed towards there and noticed nearly all of the people in the crowd were quite burly. I took a look, and there was... “Alright! I’m goin’ next!” A giant, bulky adventurer-looking man said as he stepped forward. He was dressed casually so I couldn’t know for sure, but with that build he’s most likely some sort of tank. The man took a hammer from the stall owner... “Ndaaaaaaaaah!” He swung it downwards with a battle cry onto some kind of stone. Small sparks were sent flying as the hammer struck it. Then, the stone... “Damn it, no good, huh...” As the man’s annoyed grumbling suggested, the stone was unscathed. Seeing that, the stall owner called out: “Yet another young man – defeated! The prize is now 125,000 Eris! 10,000 Eris a try! For each failed attempt, the prize goes up by 5,000 Eris! Do you not have faith in your own strength? Magic is fine too! Whoever manages to break this adamantite can truly boast about being a first-class adventurer! Put your arm strength to the test!” Oh, I get it. They really have all sorts of stalls here. Since I was thinking of starting a business myself, this kind of thing might be worth learning from. Still, with my strength and skills, I don’t think it’s worth even trying this one. ...Suddenly, as I casually turned my gaze elsewhere, I saw her for the third time today. “...There’s Yunyun again.” Alone, as always, she was clenching her fists with anticipation as she watched the adventurers swing the hammer. I called out to her friendlily. I figured she might see me as an enemy since she considered herself Megumin’s rival, but she didn’t seem at all hostile towards me based on the previous encounter. When she saw me, “Ah! Kazuma-san, thank you again for earlier! Look at that! They’re trying to break adamantite!” She spoke joyfully, her eyes glittering. I guess they don’t have this kind of game in the Crimson Magic clan village. “You can use that advanced magic, right, Yunyun? Why don’t you have a go? They said magic users can try it too.” “I could never do anything like break adamantite... I can’t use any of the very powerful destructive spells from the detonation magic tree. I think explosion magic might be a bit too much, but I’d need detonation, or at the very least ignition magic...” She replied, putting on a bitter smile. As we talked, more and more challengers stepped up and failed. Before long the prize pool exceeded 200,000 Eris. The crowd also kept growing, and the old man running the stall was trying to stir them up even harder. “Has this adamantite defeated the adventurers of this town!? I came all this way when I heard you folks brought down the Mobile Fortress Destroyer! Is no one going to break this stone!? Come now, come now! Are there no more challengers!?” As the stall owner heckled fervently, the adventurers kept nudging and looking at each other, egging each other on. They were all wise to the stall owner’s deliberate taunting, but they were probably upset that nobody managed to break the stone. —As the adventurers were all looking at each other... A young girl stepped out from the crowd. Wearing not her usual robe but rather a dark one-piece dress for outings, my party member stood there proud and imposing. With the same determined, smug look as when she battled the Destroyer, “—The star takes the stage.” As she announced to the stall owner, the whole crowd rushed to grab Megumin. Part 7 “Oi, treating an innocent girl who has not even done anything yet like this is over the line, is it not?” I was currently holding Megumin by the neck from behind, ready to cover her mouth the moment she starts chanting her spell. In addition, each of her arms was being constrained by strong adventurers. “Oi, pops, now that she’s found you you’d better close shop! She’s the notorious local explosion freak. Your stall is stimulating her too much!” At my words, the old man stiffened up, turned pale and rushed to close down his stall. When she saw that, Megumin began fussing and struggling. “Aaah! But I can destroy it! My fearsome explosion magic can definitely destroy it!” “Run! Hurry up and leg it, pops!” “Hiiiiiiiiiih!” The old man finished packing up and ran for the hills. Megumin saw him off with a dejected look. Once I made sure the old man was out of sight, I let go of Megumin. As the crowd began to disperse, I said to her: “...Jeez, leave the doing dumb things when I take my eyes off you thing to Aqua. Speaking of, isn’t she with you?” “No, she said she had somewhere she wanted to go and we split up. The town received a boost to the economy thanks to the Destroyer’s bounty, so all kinds of people are flocking here now. Earlier I saw someone doing street performances for money, and Aqua had set up next to him and was putting on an even more amazing performance for free, making him run off in tears.” I-I kind of feel sorry for him... I’d do something about it, but I can’t be bothered getting involved in any more trouble. I pity them but the street performers are just going to have to deal with it themselves. Then, Megumin tugged at my sleeve. “Now that we’re here, let us walk around town together. I saw a stall like the one from before over there. We could frighten the owner by loitering around in front of it.” “Aside from the explosion mania I thought you had more common sense than that.” As we exchanged words and were about to leave, a quiet voice came from behind. “Ah...” Looking back, I saw Yunyun casting a pitiful gaze in our direction. “...Do you want to come with us?” For a moment she seemed overjoyed by my offer, but once she saw Megumin she shook her head.

“I-I came to this town to defeat Megumin, not to collude with her! I am thankful for the prize from the shooting gallery. Thank you very much! ...Still, I cannot go with you!” Yunyun hugged that upsetting stuffed doll tight to her chest and took a step back as she spoke. “You heard her. Let us be off, Kazuma.” “S-Sure...” Yunyun turned her back on us in refusal so we began walking away. “...... *Sigh*.....” Not long after, Yunyun let out a deep, sad sigh, her shoulders sagged and she began slogging away. She kept glancing behind her as if someone was tugging on the back of her hair. ...Only a few steps behind her, we followed as we munched on some crepe-like things we had bought from a nearby stall, and then our eyes met. “...... Uh-Uhm. Why are you following me?” “I figured you might grace us with your pathetic crying loner face.” At those words, Yunyun pounced on Megumin. Part 8 “Yunyun is one of the rare Crimson Magic kin embarrassed by her own name. At school she would most always eat her lunch alone. She always looked so pathetic at lunch, but when I would show off and loiter in front of her, she would always lift her spirits as she challenged me...” “Wait a minute! I-It wasn’t... that... bad... I think... W-Well, I did always challenge you, but I wasn’t a loner. I had friends, you know.” The three of us were talking as we made our way towards the outskirts of town. The conversation ended up leading to those two challenging each other, as always. Yunyun’s words made Megumin freeze in place. “I just heard something I cannot overlook... You had friends...?” “Wh-What’s that reaction for!? Of course I had a few friends! You should know them too. There was Funifura-san and Dodonko-san, who would always say ‘Hey, we’re friends, right?’ and I would treat them to lunch and we would eat together...” Oi, stop it. I can’t bear to hear any more. ...So basically she was the only normal person in that village full of weirdos and that made her stand out. I feel so bad for her... “So, how exactly do you intend to challenge me this time? As I can only use explosion magic, I am going to have to turn down any magic duels.” “...I guess. Actually, you should just learn some other magic already. You must have some skill points saved up by now.” “I do. And they are all going into ‘Explosion Magic Power Upgrade’ and ‘Quick Casting’...” “You idiot! Why are you so obsessed with explosion magic!?” Yeah, you tell her. “Well that’s a problem... How should we duel...?” As Yunyun was pondering, Megumin said: “I am fine with anything. I do not have a childish fixation over duels anymore.” In response to the loli’s cocky remark, Yunyun twisted the corner of her lips into a smirk. “You’re not childish, you say? That reminds me of the time I challenged you in physical growth a long time ago. If you’re not a child anymore, how about we do that challenge again?” Yunyun spoke provokingly, but Megumin just said: “No, I meant I am no longer a child in a different way. You see, me and Kazuma have the sort of relationship where we bathe together.” “!?”

“Wha-! Stop it, you! Don’t tell others about that!” “!! !? !?” As Megumin and I argued, Yunyun’s face turned red and her mouth moved but she was too shocked to find the words. “I-I admit defeat this tiiiiiiiime!” With those words, she ran away in tears. Megumin and I stood frozen in place for a while. Eventually, Megumin took something out and began scribbling on it. It looked like some kind of memo pad. It had today’s date and a white circle written on it. “Another victory.” “I-Is that really what you want to call it...?”

—After Yunyun’s tearful departure, we decided to head back home as well.

“Oh, welcome back. Hey, take a look at this. This street performer guy in town was said he didn’t need it anymore and said he’d go back to his folks in the countryside and inherit the farm. I don’t really get it, but hey, lucky!” When we got home, Aqua was on the living room sofa playing with some juggling rings looking very pleased with herself. The poor guy’s soul must’ve been crushed. I wanted to say she shouldn’t go around ruining people’s lives, but... “It looks like Darkness has not yet returned. ...Do you suppose she will come home tonight?” Megumin mumbled as she watched Aqua’s dextrous juggling.

—But in the end, Darkness still hadn’t come home. Chapter 3: A Soul Mate for this Nobleman’s Daughter! Part 1 “Oi, Aqua, I’m getting tired of having to tell you this, but move your butt. Darkness is still gone and we can’t go on any quests. I’m going to get started designing items for Wiz’s shop, so clear off.” I said to Aqua, who was sitting with her knees up on the sofa in front of the fireplace as usual, her eyes half-closed as if she was about to doze off at any minute, and she replied: “What are you getting your panties in a twist for? You’ve been too on edge since Darkness left, you know? ...Say, when Megumin was duelling that Yunyun girl she said something clever. ‘Everything has a price’. If you want me to hand over this warm spot, you need to offer me something suitable in return. Say for example...” Aqua pondered for a moment. “...thou who wilst to tread the sacred domain of the gods... offer unto me the finest liquor. Do this, and a warming light may shine upon thee, my stray NEET.” Should I just slug her? I blame Megumin for teaching the idiot these lines. “Listen, you worthless goddess, if you’ve got the time to be asking for booze this early in the morning you’ve got the time to think of something useful instead. Why should I be the only one breaking my back in the first place? I’m doing something about paying back the debt for the lord’s mansion, so you should do something about paying back the debt for the flood. If there’s the tiniest bit of decency left in you, the least you could do is move off of there.” Aqua’s face soured the moment she heard the words ‘worthless goddess’. “Hey, can you stop with the worthless goddess and useless goddess stuff? You’re seriously going to get some divine retribution if you keep bad-mouthing a Goddess like me. This whole incident with the lord might well be your punishment for not taking the Gods seriously. If there’s any decency left in you, then you should bring me some high class drink and say ‘Please forgive me, Aqua-sama the beautiful’. Go on, go buy it. I said get go-...” “’Steal’.” I recited the spell with one arm pointed towards Aqua as she sat on the sofa throwing a tantrum. With a clinking noise, Aqua’s purse appeared in my palm.

“...What do you think you’re doing, you thief? You’re red-handed. If I go to the cops right now you can kiss your trial suspension goodbye. Hey, Mr Jailbird! Do you need that money to buy the booze? I obviously meant you go buy it with your own mone-” “’Steal’.” I cut Aqua off by casting Steal at her again. One of Aqua’s socks appeared in my palm. Still hugging her knees, now barefoot Aqua wiggled her toes in front of me as if to protest. “...What are you doing? It’s cold in here. Give me back my sock, pervert. If you don’t give them back right now I’m going to call the cops and telling them some panting freak stole my socks. If you understa-“ “’Steal’.” I wonder what the hell Aqua uses these for. Thanks to my Steal, some kind of seeds appeared in my hand. Aqua grew anxious when she saw that. “H-Hey, Kazuma. I think you’re taking your joke or prank or whatever a bit too far. I’ll admit I got too carried away. I was wrong. Let’s both say we’re sorry and call it quits-” “’Steal’.” Aqua’s other sock appeared in my hand and I tossed it on the carpet. I told Aqua calmly: “...I’m going to make some quick money. Hand me that sacred hagoromo of yours, will you? I’m going to sell it. If you don’t want me to take it off you just pop into a different room and take it off by yourself. ...Well, I’m sure you wouldn’t do that even if I asked, so I’m just going to go ahead and take it right now.” I wiggled my fingers ostentatiously, and Aqua‘s face filled with dread. “What are you talking about? This hagoromo is part of my identity as a Goddess I’m not letting you sell it no way what are you stupid listen your joke stopped being funny so just stop-” “’Steal’.” “Aaaaaaaaaaah Kazuma-samaaaaa! I’m sorry for getting carried away so stop, stop, pleaaaase!”

—A few minutes later. “Uu... *Sniff*... *Hic*... *Sob*...” Aqua was sitting on the sofa, burying her face in her knees and weeping. She was wearing... —Aside from being barefoot, she was wearing her usual getup. “D-Damn it, why do you only have the devil’s luck at times like these... What do you even do with all this crap...?” The mountain of junk I had stolen from Aqua was scattered at my feet. All of it was probably used for her party tricks: seeds, a cup, glass marbles... It was like a child had emptied his pockets on the carpet. Damn it, I ended up using too much of my mana because of her. “You are being far too noisy this early in the morning; just what is going on?” As I stood stock still in front of the crying Aqua, Megumin asked while coming down the stairs looking prepared to leave on a quest. “*Hic*... Kazuma, he... he said to repay the debt... he was going to make me sell... he forced me to take my clothes off, and...“ “O-Oi, stop that! Don’t say it like that or you’re going to invite all sorts of misunderstandings! I-I’m sorry, okay? I’m apologising so please don’t look at me with those eyes, Megumin! I was just going to sell her gear, that’s all!” With Aqua crying and Megumin giving me a scornful look, the day started like any other.

“T-Terrible news! Kazuma, I’ve got terrible news!”

Shattering the tranquil mood, a beautiful woman suddenly barged in. She had a trim and proper air about her, and wore a luxurious-looking white dress with a pair of white high heels. Her long, beautiful blonde hair was tied in a single braid draped over her shoulder. She looked like the young daughter of noble family. In spite of her tidy appearance, she could not hide her stunning figure. Though I had never met her before, the mysterious beauty called me by name. “...Who are you?” “Hngh...!? Kh...! Kazuma! This isn’t the time for games! You can save that play for later!” Seeing the neat beautiful girl before me blush and spout nonsense, I finally realized who she was. “Wait, is that you, Darkness? You’re finally back!? You had us worried sick!” Hearing that, the crying Aqua immediately shouted out: “Waaaaaaaaah, Darkness, Kazumaaaaa-! Kazuma forced me to take my clothes off and said he’d sell my most valuable possession...!” “Ooi! That phrasing is seriously going to cause misunderstandings so stop!”

As Aqua and I were shouting, Megumin said: “Welcome home, Darkness. I will not ask what happened. Come now, you should take a long bath to soothe your wounded body and heart.” “...? A bath? I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about, Megumin. I’m actually more interested in that special play I just heard Aqua talk about...” In her dress, Darkness kept restlessly sneaking glances at me and Aqua. “Nevermind that, for now you need to rest. We’re just glad to have you back. Come on, let’s get you into a warm bath and you can cry your heart out.” “I told you, I have no idea what you’re talking about! Why would I cry or take a bath... Aqua, why are you pulling on my sleeve?” Aqua, who had at some point stopped crying, was carefully inspecting the fabric of the white dress. “...No doubt about it, this is an expensive dress. It must be a present from that lord.” “Darkness... You did such a great job... You went through so much just to save me...” I mumbled emotionally towards Darkness. “You idiots! Just what do you people think happened!? The lord didn’t do anything immoral, and this dress is my own! Did you think the reason I wasn’t coming back was because the lord had laid his hand on me!?” “Yeah we did. We figured you were going through something terrible by now. ...Still, if that expensive-looking dress wasn’t a gift then where did you get it? You said it’s yours. Ojousama cosplay? Trying to pioneer some new genre?” “No! I-It’s not cosplay! I’m sorry for making you worry, but that lord doesn’t have the nerve to demand something so shameless from me. ...Ah right, look at this!” Darkness thrust some kind of album in front of me as she spoke. Rather than an album, it was more like... “...What’s this? Ooh? Who’s this handsome guy? Pisses me off.” As I looked at the picture of the bright-faced ikemen, my hands acted on their own and... *rip*. “Aah!? What are you doing with my marriage interview photo!? I won’t be able to refuse if you tear it up!” Huh!? “Oh? Sorry; reflexes! My hands just won’t listen to me for some reason... Wait, marriage interview photo?” I tilted my head quizzically. “Yes! That swine Aldarp’s shrewd little trick! I told him I’d fulfil whatever he asked of me, and instead of demanding something unreasonable he asked to speak to my father as soon as possible. If I had known I would have never agreed to this...” Darkness looked panicked and nervous as she spoke.

“Wh-Wait a second, explain this stuff. Who’s the ikemen? Also I think asking you to marry someone against your will is unreasonable enough. What does the lord even have to do with the ikemen in the photo? And if you’re against it can’t you just talk to your dad about it? If you’re worried about the photo, I’ll take care of it right now. Aqua, go and fetch some boiled rice, will you?” “On it!” After I saw Aqua stumble out and away, I had the teary-eyed Darkness sit on the sofa in hopes that that would calm her down. “The one in the marriage interview photo is Aldarp’s son. The bastard must’ve figured out he himself could never have my hand no matter how many times he asked. But my father thinks very highly of Aldarp’s son. It’s my father who is most in favour of this marriage. I don’t understand why Aldarp would want his son to marry me, but...” Darkness sat down on the sofa as she spoke and looked at all the things scattered on the table. Aqua came back in with a few grains of boiled rice, sat down next Darkness and began restoring the photo on her own. In a corner of the table Aqua was working on there were the blueprints of the items I had planned to sell through Wiz’s shop. Darkness picked one up and looked at it with fascination. “...What’s this? There’s some strange object drawn here. What is it?” Megumin spoke from the entrance hall as she put on her boots: “We actually thought of all sorts of ways to earn money while you were gone, Darkness. Kazuma thought of many convenient items, and that is one of them. I hear he plans to sell them through Wiz’s shop.” “Oh? Oh right, Kazuma does have high luck. You might be successful as a merchant.” “Yeah, people keep saying that, but the way things have been going lately I really have to wonder how good my luck is. I think if I really had good luck I’d have been blessed with more helpful comrades, I wouldn’t be in debt or getting involved in all sorts of trouble and I’d be able to make an easier living.” A shiver ran through all three of them as I spoke. “Th-This marriage interview was only brought on because I was trying to protect you, Kazuma! Uh, I don’t want to demand gratitude or anything, of course! Comrades need to look after each other, after all! I know I cause a lot of trouble myself, so doing this in order to help you is only natural!” Said Darkness, very emphatically, as a single bead of sweat ran down her cheek. “I-I have an arrangement to go see Yunyun! It was- yes! In order to help clear the suspicion around Kazuma, the two of us are going to try and come up with ideas...!” Said Megumin from the front door, averting her gaze. So that’s why she looked ready to go out. “Well, it looks like the two of them are going to take care of your suspicion, so I guess I’ll go clean the bathroom or something! No particular reason, I just figure the bathrooms need cleaning! It’s my responsibility to take care of the water system around here, after all!” Said the goddess of toilets, leaving the photo to one side as she prepared to flee into the bathroom. —And, as everyone was trying to scatter, Darkness... Darkness gestured to them to wait, looking at them with teary eyes. “Wh-What should I do? You see... The reason I was gone all this time was because I had hoped to find a way to stop this marriage interview from taking place. ...The reason I came back now is... Th-The interview starts today at noon. I’m truly out of time. I hate to ask this, but can any of you come with me to try and persuade my father?” Part 2 “...So if I understood correctly, Darkness’ father wants her to quit the dangerous adventuring business, and would always arrange marriage interviews whenever an opportunity presented itself. However, Darkness does not want to get married just yet, so she has refused every one so far.” Megumin said, sitting on the step of the entrance hall with her boots on. Aqua went back to fixing the photograph on the table. I figured I should put it back together it myself, seeing as how I was the one who tore it, but for some reason she seemed to have fun and was working quickly, so I let her. She’s really skilled at lot of mundane things... “....Mm, that’s right. Honestly, I’m quite satisfied with my life as it is now. If I make a name for myself as an adventurer, I’m certain some wicked sorcerer or minion of the Demon King will set his sights on me, and though I’ll resist they’ll eventually overpower me and make me suffer an unspeakable fate. They would surely do terrible things to me, cuff and shackle me, leave me in such an appalling...! Kh...! U-Unhand me...!” “Just get married and retire, seriously.” I took a couple of steps back as Darkness got lost in her own fantasies, blushing and squirming. Megumin waved her staff around and spoke dubiously: “I see. Usually Darkness could turn down the marriage interviews her father arranged, but now she made a promise to do anything and it is the lord who arranged the meeting. Both he and Darkness’ father are in favour of it, and she cannot refuse. I have to wonder just what would drive the lord’s obsession with Darkness so far as to come up with this convoluted plan. I also do not understand why he would want her to marry his son. Someone of his status could have easily demanded Darkness become his mistress.” Darkness lowered her head when she heard that. She brought her hands in front of her chest and prodded her fingers together for a while before finally speaking: “...M-My real name is... Dustiness Ford Lalatina. I... I am the daughter of an esteemed noble family...” “Eeeh!?” x3 All three of us widened our eyes in surprise while Darkness seemed saddened for a moment, before putting on a bitter face. Introducing herself with her real name before must’ve been as shocking to others as it was to us. “Dustiness...! Not any lesser nobility, the super influential Dustiness house that practically accounts for half of the kingdom’s affairs!? And you are living in this town!?”

Megumin raised her voice in astonishment, and Darkness replied softly: “...That’s right.” Aqua followed: “Wha-!? So if I got into Darkness’ family I could laze around and indulge in luxuries all day every day!?” Aqua gave away her real intentions without thinking, and Darkness replied, puzzled: “Th-That’s right... B-But our house has no need for an adopted daughter right now...” I retorted to the confused Darkness about the most glaring issue: “Wait, so you...! All those ‘Mm’s and ‘That is true’s and all that like diligent knightly talk stuff-! And all along you had a cute name like Lalatina!?” “D-Don’t call me Lalatinaaa...!” Lalatina blushed and yelled out with teary eyes. After having stood up in surprise, Megumin once again sat down on the entry hall carpet. “Phew... Well, that was certainly surprising but Darkness is still Darkness. To me, Darkness is an exceptionally resilient Crusader and a dear friend. That is all there is to it.” Darkness’s expression lightened up slightly when she heard those words. “...Mm, I look forward to working together from now on as well....” She said, with a relieved smile. Seeing them, Aqua giddily pointed at herself and said: “...Hey, hey, so I can I say something surprising too? Well, I know you two didn’t believe me before, but I... I really am a Goddess!” “Oh, wow, that’s great!” x2 “Believe meeeee!” Calling out with a sniffle, Aqua once again went back to fixing the marriage interview photo with her rice grains. As I watched the three of them, I was thinking to myself. Huh, a lot of things make sense now. Why Darkness is even less informed about the world than a Japanese like me, why she’s wearing the out-of-place cosplay. The lord probably wanted Darkness to marry his son for political reasons. He also probably wanted to at least have her living under the same roof as him, if he couldn’t marry her himself. At this rate, our valuable Crusader is going to get married off. Our valuable...... Hm? ...... Hmm?

“So we’d better take this and convince Darkness’ daddy, right? Here it is. Well? Good as new, right?” Something pulled me out as I was lost in thought. Gleaming with pride, Aqua handed me the marriage interview photo which she had fixed so well you couldn’t even tell it had been ripped. ...Wait a minute, Darkness is going to be married off? That would mean our 0% hit accuracy Crusader would be retiring out of the party. Retiring on marriage... Yeah, that’s something to be celebrated. It’s not at all like I’m trying to kick a worthless member out of the party or anything. It’s not like I hate Darkness or anything. She may have a lot of faults, but I don’t think she’s a bad person. I’m just worried about the future of our party, and should the daughter of a noble family like Darkness really be tied down as an adventurer? —No, she shouldn’t. I’m sure Darkness’ parents would also be relieved if she got married. It would also be a load off my mind. I bet that if by some freak accident we actually went to the Demon King’s castle, she’d say something like ‘Leave me here, you have to go on without me!’ with delight. She’d get captured and joyfully say something like ‘Kh...! Kill me...!’ while getting her hopes up for the possible scenarios that await her. Basically, this is a solution where everyone’s happy! “*Sigh*... I need to come up with some kind of excuse so I can return it to the man, apologise and turn him down politely, and then also explain it to my father... That’s why I would like for someone to come with me if possible...“ Darkness asked us as she looked at the marriage interview photo in my hand and slight look of relief came over her... “That’s iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!” “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!?” x3 I tore the marriage interview photo in two. Part 3 “Well then, I have an arrangement with Yunyun to see to so I shall be taking my leave. I have a really bad feeling about whatever your idea is, though, so will everything be all right? ...Can I trust you to take care of Darkness’ problem?” Megumin said anxiously, turning to look behind her again and again as if someone was tugging at her hair from behind as she left. As far as I’m concerned, Megumin being away is great news. Out of the three of them, Megumin was probably the most likely to get in the way. “Uuuu.... After... After I worked so hard to fix it...” Aqua was weeping on the sofa over the torn-up marriage interview photo. —As I saw Megumin off, I could feel an intense gaze on my back. It was Darkness, silently glaring at me with tears in her eyes. Aqua was doing the same. I-I’m scared. “J-Just calm down. I’m thinking ahead, here.” As I frantically tried to make excuses, Darkness, still with teary eyes, said: “...What do you mean?” I explained to them in detail. What I implied was basically that if Darkness wanted to continue being an adventurer, she should at least see this one marriage interview through. Of course this one was with the lord’s son, but even if she turns him down now her old man will just arrange another one soon after. Is she going to refuse that one too? Wouldn’t dad lose his patience at some point and start taking stronger measures? So, what I proposed was she agrees to attend the one marriage interview and then make it end spectacularly badly. Of course, she’d have to do it in a way that wouldn’t tarnish her family name. The refusal would have to come from the guy. If she does that, her parents would be more careful when arranging another marriage interview in the future. They wouldn’t want to bring shame on their family by being rejected over and over. Naturally, Aqua and I would also be attending the marriage interview as servants. Then, we would come up with subtle ways to put Darkness’ suitor off. The key is that this guy is the son of a pretty disreputable lord. Having the marriage interview be called off from his side would probably do much less damage to the Dustiness name than if it came from Darkness’ father.

—After the two heard my explanation, “Th-That’s it, Kazuma! Let’s do that! Let’s make this work, and if all goes well I won’t have to go back home and beat my father senseless every time he brings up talk of these marriage interviews!” I-I feel bad for the old man... “Ooh, that might just work! I assumed you were thinking something along the lines of ‘Now I can marry off that troublesome girl and replace her with a new party member that would make things a lot easier, yeehaaaw!’ or something!” Aqua’s words made a chill run down my spine. “N-No way. I’d never cut an excellent Crusader like Darkness out of our party after all we’ve been through, you know? ...C-Cut it out, you two, don’t look at me like that; I’m at least half-serious...” Part 4 The Dustiness manor. The estate, situated right in the centre of town, did nothing to betray the expectations one would have of such a great aristocratic family. “A-Are you sure? Are you certain, Lalatina!? You will attend the marriage interview in earnest!?” Lalatina, that is, Darkness’ father spoke to her, gripping her hand excitedly. This mansion was where Darkness’ family lived in town. And it’s where Darkness told her father she agreed to the marriage interview. “I am sure, father dearest. I, Lalatina, will see this marriage interview through.” Hearing those words, Aqua and I instinctively looked towards the ground. “H-Hey, Kazuma-san, Kazuma-san, she just said ‘father dearest’.” “Sh-Shut up, idiot; She said Lalatina. She just called herself Lalatina.” As Aqua and I whispered and trembled, barely able to contain our laughter at Lalatina- ojousama’s brand new speech pattern, Lalatina-ojousama blushed and glared at me. Her father looked at us, perplexed. “And who are these two, Lalatina?” Darkness gestured towards us with her hand. “These are my adventuring companions. They shall accompany me during the marriage interview as provisional manservant and housemaid.” Her father frowned and seemed disapproving. “...Mh. That is rather...” This isn’t going well. I quickly took a step forward, brought one hand to my puffed-up chest and stood perfectly straight. “I am honoured to meet you, sir. If you will allow me to introduce myself, I am Satou Kazuma, an adventurer and aide to Lady Lalatina. Should this marriage interview go well, I fear I may never meet with your Lady Lalatina again, on account of our difference in standing. That is why, with your consent, I would like to request that we stay by milady’s side until the end. We would only like to make sure our dear companion is left in good hands.” Delivering those lines eloquently and clearly, I lowered my head deeply. You can’t get much smoother than me right now. If I can see the ojousama successfully married off, I feel like I could do anything. Darkness and Aqua’s jaws dropped when they saw my sudden transformation.

—A servant escorted us to the parlour. “Please wait but a moment. The stewards are presently selecting your outfits.” We took a seat on the sofa there and the servant brought us tea to enjoy at our leisure before exiting the room. Their parlour was exactly what you’d expect from greater nobility. It was modest at a glance, but clearly expensive enough to confer that aristocratic dignity. We sat quietly for a while, but it didn’t take long for being quiet to get old. I began to stroll calmly through the room, inspecting the many highly-decorated furnishings. I don’t have much of an eye for appraisal, but they all looked very expensive. Like this ornate painting, for instance. At a glance it looked like a doodle a child would make, but it’s probably avant-garde. I inspected the painting while rubbing my chin and going ‘Hm, hm’, making a show of trying to look as someone with an appreciation for the arts. “Do you like that scribbly thing, Kazuma?” The utterly plebeian Aqua said as she looked at the painting I was viewing. “Oi, oi, that’s just what someone with no taste would say. This is an avant-garde piece. Those in the know recognise it as a masterwork. I’m sure this must’ve been done by a renowned artist.” I said to Aqua, pretentiously, as she lounged on the sofa sipping her tea. “My eyes can tell what’s art and what isn’t, and that just looks like a doodle to me.” I shrugged disappointedly towards Aqua. “Honestly now, being a good artist and having a discerning eye for art are two different things. Look at this part; it may look like a squiggle at first, but this here is...” As I was preparing to offer Aqua my made-up insight, Darkness walked in the room. “Sorry for the wait, you two. ...Oi, Kazuma, that’s a drawing I made of my father when I was little. He liked it so much he put it up here to show off to guests, but I’m embarrassed by it so don’t stare at it too much... W-Wait, what are you doing!? Don’t pull on my hair!” As a mocking smirk grew on Aqua’s face, I, humiliated, began pulling on Darkness’ braid, when several maids came into the room carrying the steward and maid outfits. The maids bowed towards us with the clothes in hand. “Kazuma-sama, this is your steward outfit. I believe the size should fit, but please try it on nonetheless.” I received the outfit from the maid and was escorted to a different room to change. ...Yep, fits like a glove. “It’s fine, I think.” The maid gave another bow and withdrew to a corner of the room. —Successfully employed by the old man as a temporary butler, and dressed up to look the part, I returned to Darkness who was waiting. Aqua was there, already dressed up in her maid uniform. Fine feathers make fine birds, but the tidy maid outfit suited her surprisingly well. “That suits you, Aqua. Right now you look like a first-class errand girl.” “You too, Kazuma. You’re really selling that tryhard brown-nose butler look. You look like the guy who gets picked on by the spiteful superiors and runs to the back of the mansion to cry.” “Gosh, what a funny way to put it. If we weren’t in a noble’s house right now you’d really get yours. ...Right, are we all set, Lady Lalatina?” “S-Stop calling me Lady Lalatina! At least say ‘Milady’ when we’re around others!” Darkness barked at me, embarrassed. The interview will be taking place in this mansion. And Darkness’ father asked me for a favour. He actually asked me. “Will you make sure my daughter doesn’t do anything improper?” he asked. He also said this: “If the marriage interview goes well, I will reward you.” The old man and I just had common goals before, but now he’s throwing in a bounty as well. I couldn’t contain my eagerness if I tried. I was prepared to start helping to ruin the interview if this lord’s son turned out to be some scummy bastard, but now, though it’d still bother me, I can look the other way. “Come on, come here, you two. Right, you both know what to do, don’t you? I’m counting on you.” With a somewhat anxious look, Darkness led us towards the entrance hallway to meet the other party of the marriage interview. As Darkness gracefully made her way between rows of perfectly lined up maids on either side of the hallway, it was hard to see her as anything but an ojousama. On the way there Aqua kept darting her eyes towards the various extravagant furnishings as she followed behind me. “Ooh, this is something else...” She said with fascination as she looked at some kind of vase with a handle on it. Considering how she saw right threw that scribble from before, she might actually have a good eye for art. I unwittingly picked up the vase that had Aqua so fascinated. It’s pretty damn heavy.

“Is this expensive? How much do you reckon it’s worth?” “O-Oi... Don’t go around touching everything. That’s my dad’s precious vase...” Darkness reached out to grab the vase I had picked up from both sides. “According to my unclouded eye of appraisal, this vase...” *Clink* “Ah!?” x2 With a crisp sound, and that of Darkness and me gasping, only the handle of the vase was left in Darkness’ hand. “...This vase turned into rubbish right in front of me.” “W-W-W-What should I do!? This was dad’s- what should I do!?” Darkness began to flutter around in a panic with the vase handle still in her hand. “C-Calm down! Your old man’s not here right now! I’ve got two ideas! First idea is you confess when the suitor shows up. I’m sure your dad wouldn’t get angry in front of guests! Second idea: you stick that handle on with some boiled rice or whatever just for show and set it up so when your old man picks up the handle comes off and it falls on the floor!” “I-I see, that’s great! You’re as sharp-witted as ever, Kazuma! All right, even if I confess when that man arrives there’s still the possibility that he might scold me later! For now let’s do a quick fix, leave it somewhere where it might fall easily and tell the servants not to touch it!” Hearing our exchange, one of the Dustiness house maids said: “...Sir, I am terribly sorry but... Could you refrain from teaching the young lady such schemes...?” Part 5 —As the servants were lining up in front of the entranceway, Darkness and her father stood in the centre of the entrance hall. Me and Aqua stood on either side of Darkness, a step behind her. I suddenly found myself asking where Darkness’ mom was, but I put that thought aside for the time being. The suitor is going to show at any moment. “Still... I am so happy you agreed to this meeting... I was wondering what Aldarp wanted to discuss with me, but he was confident you wouldn’t refuse. Unlike his father, Walther-dono is a good man. He’ll make you happy, Lalatina.” The old man said to Darkness with a smile. But she replied bluntly: “No, father. I, Lalatina, only said I would think about the interview. Fufufu... And after thinking about it, I have decided it still is too soon for me to marry. Too late now. I said I would attend the interview, but I never said anything about marriage! I’ll ruin this. I’ll ruin this stupid interview! Fuhahahaha!” Thinking there was no more need to put on a show anymore, Darkness revealed her true character! Seeing that, her father realized our real intentions and turned pale... “W-Were you two a part of this from the very beginning...!?” The old man looked at me, shocked. Crap; with her blood rushing to her head Darkness completely forgot about the whole not soiling her family name part. She probably figured she had come far enough to stop pretending. Then I guess I might as well give up the act too. “...Milady, I ask that you cease that unbefitting turn of phrase.” As I said that, Darkness and her father both turned towards me with a gasp. Aqua must’ve been taken with her maid outfit, because she was happily fluttering the frilly trim on her skirt, taking no notice of what was going on. Once I revealed my own true intentions, Darkness’ face quickly sank while her father’s lit up, tears of joy welling in his eyes as he looked at me like some kind of saviour. “Kazuma, y-you bastard...! What are you playing at? Are you betraying me!?” “Hardly a betrayal, milady. For the time being I am a servant of house Dustiness. I only wish for milady’s happiness.” The old man let out a quiet “Ooh...” at my words. “Your name was Kazuma-kun, was it!? Even if you cannot make this interview a success... At least follow Lalatina and make sure she doesn’t do anything careless! I will reward you handsomely! S-So please...!”

Before the old man could even finish talking, I bowed my head deeply. “Leave it to me, milord. I swear that I, Kazuma, shall dedicate every fibre of my being to looking after the young...” —Then, it happened. The entranceway door opened with a clatter, and there stood the man from the photo. He was accompanied by his own servants. Darkness, thinking victory goes to whoever makes the first move, folded her arms and glared at the suitor while declaring strongly! “So you’re the dog who seeks my hand! My name is Dustiness Ford Lalatina! You are you refer to me as Dustiness-sama-“ “Goodness, do be careful, milady! I shall catch the foul insect that has hit the back of your head at once!” I delivered a solid thwack to the back of Darkness’ head! Part 6 After I put a stop to Darkness’ outburst. Under the pretext of checking to see if the lady had been bitten by an insect, we left the suitor and went into a different room while the old man stayed behind with him, in order to buy us some time. “Oi, what are you trying to do!? Aren’t you here to help me!?” I had grabbed Darkness by the nape of the neck and dragged her into a hallway. Next to her, still clueless about the situation, Aqua fondled Darkness’ braid with fascination. —Now I’m put on the spot. “Slow down there, milady. Aren’t you forgetting something important?” “Don’t call me milady when it’s just the three of us! ...What important thing?” Regaining just a bit of her composure, Darkness seemed ready to hear me out. “You completely forgot about how you aren’t supposed to harm your family’s name, haven’t you? If you cause a scene and disgrace your family now you’re the one who’s going to suffer most for it, right?” Darkness scoffed at my words. “Why would I suffer for it!? If that disgrace means I won’t be called to marry again, I’ll be able to continue being an adventurer freely. At worst, my father may renounce me, but I am already prepared for that. ...If I am disowned, my future will be bleak, my life will be desperate, and I will have no choice but to accept only the most absurd of quests. Eventually, my luck will run out, I will be captured by a minion of the Demon King I couldn’t defeat, and be ravaged...! ...... That is the life I want to lead.” “You finally came out with it, huh.” The young lady continued to babble on about her hopeless fantasies. “Besides, that man is not even close to being my type. My father has never arranged for me to meet with a man I found worthy.” I tilted my head doubtfully. Come on, the guy is a total ikemen. “Are you really that turned off by that guy? From what your old man said he doesn’t sound that bad. Well, I guess I’m only basing this on his looks.” In reply to that: “That man’s name is Alexei Barnes Walther. You’d hardly think he’s Aldarp’s son, considering how kind and loved by everyone he is.” Aqua reacted to that. “If you’re talking about Walther of Alexei house, he’s popular in Axel too. Apparently he’s generous towards the poor and stuff. He gave me money loads of times.” Y-You...

Darkness seemed really displeased by Aqua’s words. “Awful, simply awful! That’s something my father should be doing! Not some noble who wants to wed me!” “I-Is that how it is? Aah, so he does good deeds like that to win the people over while secretly being an evil bastard? Well, I feel bad for not knowing about that...” As I felt a hint of regret for rushing to set Darkness up with that guy’s son, she continued. “No, you don’t understand! Apparently he is righteous to the core. He never offends anyone, he doesn’t even rebuke his servants even when they fail him, and instead he offers to help come up with a solution; that’s the kind of bizarre man he is...” ...? He sounds like a great guy, though. “He’s also an extremely hard worker, studying every day and always thinking of how to improve the lives of his people. He’s also intelligent, and so skilled in combat he became the youngest man to ever be knighted. There aren’t even any foul rumours about him; he’s like the very model of a man. I hear he even advises his father in order to correct his administrative mistakes.” ...... “So, the more I hear about this guy the more he sounds like a perfect partner. What’s so bad about someone like that?” Aqua asked, confused. “What's bad!? Everything! All of it! If you’re a noble then you should act like one, always wearing a vulgar smirk! What was that earnest, pure look in his eyes when he saw me!? It should be more like... He should look at me the way Kazuma does when I walk around lightly dressed at home, as if he’s licking me all over with his eyes!” “W-W-W-W-What are you talking about!? I-I-I-I never look at you like that, though!?” As I began acting guilty, Darkness still continued: “He never gets mad at his servants’ mistakes? Foolish! How can you call yourself a nobleman when you don’t punish your maids by making them do this and that!? That man hasn’t a clue that his servants fail because they want to be punished! If you’re a noble you need to be capable of leaving every single one of your maids pregnant!” “That’s just you.” But Darkness paid no mind to my retort, and clenched her fist as she continued with even more fervour, as if she couldn’t hold back any longer.

“That kind of accomplished man is the completely opposite of what I want to begin with! I don’t care about good looks; they can be scrawny or fat. Even if he says he is devoted to me, he should be weak-willed and easily seduced by other women. He must be perverted and lusty all the time; and that’s a must! I’d like him to be lazy and unmotivated, someone who yearns for an easy life. I’d be great if he were in debt, too! He should also drink all day instead of working, and blame the world for all his faults instead of himself, and throw empty bottles at me and say ‘Oi, Darkness, go put that sleazy body of yours to work and bring in some money!’...... Nghh....!” Her tirade over, with face burning and body shivering, stood Worthlessness-san. Damn it, this girl is broken and there’s no fixing her. Aqua and I stood silently frozen in place amidst the atmosphere of despair. “...Enough of this! I am going to ruin this marriage interview myself! Kazuma, if you try to get in my way, be prepared to face the consequences!” Saying those words, Darkness stormed out of the room, clearly furious. Aqua and I remained as we were, still and quiet, for a bit longer. Eventually, Aqua spoke with indignation: “...Kazuma, just what are you planning?” I replied: “You saw the old man’s face, didn’t you? That’s the face of a man who is seriously worried about his daughter’s future. And besides, nobody can find flaw with the suitor. To me this interview seems less like a forced political marriage and more like a father genuinely trying to arrange a good life for his daughter.” “So what? He may be Darkness’ parent but he can’t just dictate her life for...” Aqua spoke in a strong tone. But I didn’t let her finish. “Darkness is nobility. She obviously can’t just marry whoever she wants, right? When you’re a noble you get pampered and receive a good education... even though Darkness may not give off that impression. Still, if you live off taxing the common folk you obviously shouldn’t get that much freedom. Regardless of social status, there’s good and bad in life. The commoners are poor but they’re free. The nobles are rich but they’re not. If you’re spoiled from the day you were born, and want to choose your own destiny on top of that, that’s just called being selfish. ...I think she’s been living pretty freely up until now anyway. And now she’s got this perfect guy showing up wanting to marry her. You’re going to start pissing people off if you’re still not satisfied with that, you know?” I offered my drawn-out reasoning, but Aqua was still unwilling to accept it.

“...But still! I think this is going too far!” “Well, that’s not all there is to it.” At those words, Aqua stood still. “....Eh?” I crouched down where I stood and beckoned Aqua to come in close. Then, with a serious expression: “Aqua. Our goal is to defeat the Demon King and safely go back to where we came from. But what goal do you think Darkness is really working towards?” Likewise squatting next to me, Aqua looked confused, as if she wasn’t expecting me to ask her something serious. “Uh, well...? To not get married and continue going on adventures with...” As Aqua began to give an innocuous answer, I inadvertently raised my voice: “No! I’m not asking for the pleasant, shallow answer! You know what I’m talking about, don’t you!? Say it! Go on, don’t be ashamed and just say it! I want to see it come from your mouth! I want to see what kind of face you make when you say it!” “T-To be beaten by powerful monsters and suffer a horribly lewd fate! ...K-Kazuma, is this sexual harassment? Hey, that’s not what you’re trying to do, is it?” I continued to the teary-eyed Aqua. “It’s not sexual harassment! Listen, okay? I know you’re a huge idiot, but she’s an idiot who’s beyond help! Who dreams of being captured by monsters and having that sort of thing done to her? An idiot! Tell that to her parents! If you can, say it right to their faces! I want you to go there right now and say to her father ‘Sir, your daughter has this wonderful dream, so please cancel the marriage interview and let her follow it’!” “I’m sorry! I can’t say it! I’m sorry!” Aqua suddenly started apologising, almost cowering as she did. “...S-Still, are you saying her marrying that guy is the right thing to do? I’m just thinking of all that stuff she said about her type...” “Don’t tell me you actually feel sorry that he’s not her type. Did you even hear what her ‘type’ is? If Darkness came home one day and said she found the man of her dreams and it was the kind of guy she described, what would you do? Listen, we’re just going to have to force her onto this Walther guy... He seems like a good sport, so he won’t mind taking one for the team. Darkness is prone to doing stupid things, but he can keep a close eye and a tight leash on her. From what I heard he seems an easy- going guy, unlike his father. So, even if they get married he’ll probably still let her go on adventures if she wants to. In that case, I wouldn’t mind letting her join us. This way, the dad’s at ease, I’m at ease, Darkness won’t be going on any dangerous adventures and most importantly it’ll be one out of three troublesome party members gone.” “I don’t suppose I’m one of the remaining two troublesome party members, am I?” I stood up and raised my fist. “Adventuring isn’t exactly a lifelong career in the first place, is it!? If you get a chance to quit this crap job you should obviously take it! Hell, I want to quit at some point! Let me be clear: she’s an idiot! If she was reluctant just because she wanted to keep going on adventures, I’d be fine with that! I’d be all for that! But I’ll say it again: she’s an idiot! I know it’s not kosher to meddle in someone else’s family affairs, but the point is to get Darkness safely married! Even if we can’t pull that off, we need to make sure the Dustiness name doesn’t get soiled so we could always have another shot at it!” “Hey, wait a minute! You didn’t answer my question!” Part 7 “We are sorry to have kept you waiting.” “-waiting.” As the old man and Walther were exchanging pleasantries, Darkness stood still next to them throwing concerned glances towards us. “I get where you’re coming from now, Kazuma. I’d like Darkness to marry someone she loves and follow her dreams, but after what she said I don’t think that’d be a good idea.” “I’m glad you understand. Listen, you just go do whatever you want. I’m going to do what I can to make sure Darkness leaves a good impression on the suitor, okay?” I don’t know if Darkness heard what we were saying or not, but she leaned in and whispered in my ear: “...Oi, I’m telling you for your own sake, stop it. If you don’t, when we go home I’m going to make you wish you were dead.” What the hell. That’s scary. But threats won’t work now. I’ve got friends in higher places backing me right now. That’s right... “Milord, pray forgive my audacity, but I believe it is time for the marriage interview between milady and Walther-sama to be underway. It would seem Milady can scarcely contain her excitement.” Hearing that, Darkness could only grit her teeth in frustration at my meddling. The old man didn’t seem to notice, and joyfully agreed to my suggestion. That old man didn’t even seem to mind too much when I smacked Darkness on the back of the head to get her to shut up earlier. If anything, he looked relieved, like he was trying to say I did a good job. I guess this means I have the parents’ approval, so nobody will get mad if I get a bit too extreme. “Now then, Walther-dono, please come this way. You too, Lalatina. Let us go into the parlour.” Hearing that, Darkness leaned in: “It would appear one of my heels has broken... Walther-dono, may I ask that you lend me your hand?” She said, extending her hand towards Walther. At least her tone was properly ojousama-ish, probably in order to avoid another hit from me. But I can’t allow that. She’s definitely up to something. I immediately stuck out one hand.

“Milady, please hold on. As smitten as you are with Walther-sama, doing such things before engagement is hardly proper. Deepest apologies, Walther-sama. Today milady is merely overjo-owowowowowow- It’ll break- It will break, milday- Please, no more jests- P-Please sto- I said fricking stop, milady!” I said on the verge of tears, trying to shake off Darkness who was squeezing my hand with all her strength. I-If I hadn’t interfered would she have really done this to Walther!? “W-What is it? Is something the matter?” Walther asked me as I crouched down with teary eyes, holding onto my hand. What a nice guy. Can I ask him to please just take that mad dog away? “Ufufu, everything is quite all right, Walther-sama. Let us be on our way.” I saw Darkness briskly walk away as I stood there waiting for Aqua to heal me. Seeing the two of us, the old man put his hands together and bowed his head apologetically.

“—Now then, shall we hold the self-introductions proper? I am Alexei Barnes Walther. I am the first son of the Alexei family, and I assist in overseeing my father’s land.” Darkness and Walther were sat opposite of each other at a white table in the parlour. Walther was a textbook ikemen. He was about a head taller than me. He also must’ve trained regularly, because his lean, well-built figure could easily be discerned even through his clothes. Walther sat there looking at Darkness with a gentle smile. Aqua and I stood on either side of Darkness, unnaturally close. Walther seemed a bit conscious about that, but since the father said nothing about it neither did he. “I am Dustiness Ford Lalatina. I shall spare the minutiae about my family. Surely even the son of some upstart lord is well familiaaaaaaaah!?” Just as Darkness began to blurt out something rude, she suddenly put her head on the table, blushing and giving off slight shivers. “I-Is something wrong?” Walther asked, concerned. “N-No... It’s just that seeing Walther-sama’s face made me feel slightly sickhnhnhn!” Blushing up to her ears, Darkness buried her face again just as she began to speak. “Darkness-ojousama has had a tummy ache since this morning. Isn’t that right, Darkness? If your tummy hurts you shouldn’t push yourself, you know?” “Eh!? I-I don’-...!” Embarrassed, Darkness tried to deny the justification Aqua came up with. I gave Aqua a little nudge as if telling her to not do anything uncalled for.

“Milday has been elated at the prospect of meeting with Walther-sama ever since this morning, so she may be a tad feverish. Why, just look at milady’s face. She is simply red with timidity.” “I-I suppose she is quite red... Goodness, I feel embarrassed....” As Walther spoke, I began to put force onto my foot, and whispered so that only Darkness would hear. —as I was crushing Darkness’ foot under the table. “...Oi, ojousama, any more stupid remarks and I’m gonna start pressing harder.” I’m not sure if she heard me or not. Her face still red and panting heavily, Darkness said, quietly: “...W-What delight...” The young lady of the house never breaks character. Seeing his daughter, the old man seemed to figure out what was going on under the table. If he was able to figure it out so quickly he must know about his daughter’s disposition. I felt like scolding him and asking him how he let his daughter end up this way, but now is not the time for that. In order to cover for us and keep things going smoothly, the old man brought up a conversation with Walther. “Walther-dono, I heard your family’s mansion collapsed recently. Where are you living currently? For you, I could arrange for a stay in our home. Ah, not in the same room as my daughter, of course.” The old man said jokingly, and Walther gave a cordial reply. “Hahaha! Please, I could never. Living under the same roof as the beautiful Lalatina- sama would be a true test of my resolve...” The conversation went on like that, while Darkness continued to blush and tremble... Part 8 —Saying he didn’t want to be a third wheel, the old man excused himself. As he was leaving, he whispered “I’m counting on you” as he passed me by. Darkness and Walther, taking me and Aqua along, went into the Dustiness family garden for a stroll. ...And a garden befitting high nobility it was. The vast garden held a large pond, and even though it was winter, all colours of flowers bloomed in abundance all over the place. Maybe they were grown from selectively- bred high-class seeds or something. Aqua looked at the fish in the pond, gave a whistle and clapped her hands. I watched, wondering what Aqua was doing, and the fish gathered near her...... Hey, that’s awesome. I need to have her teach me that after this. “Lalatina-sama, may I ask about your interests?” While our attention was on the pond, Walther asked a classic, innocent marriage interview question. “I am quite invested in goblin huntinghn!?” I stuck my elbow into Darkness’ side as she was about to blurt out something careless. And, looking somewhat concerned about the odd lack of distance I was keeping from Darkness all this time, Walther put on a bitter smile and tilted his head quizzically. “...You two get along rather well, do you not?” I grimaced, thinking I’d done it now. Crap, I went too far. Now I’m contributing to dragging Darkness’ reputation down. When you come to a marriage interview and your partner’s butler is clinging to her right in front of you, you don’t just brush that off as a funny quirk. While I tried to find the words to talk myself out of the situation, Darkness caught on and flashed a wicked smirk towards me. What the hell is she going to...!? “Kazuma here is my special companion. We are always together, every single day, whether it be for meals, baths or anything else, and of course when we go to bed we also go... go toge..... uu.....” As she was blurting out nonsense, Darkness began to blush and stopped partway. Just where do you draw the line, exactly? “Milday is very fond of jests. The young lady has an endearing habit of embarrassing herself with her own words. Is that not so, Lalatina-ojousama? What seems to be the matter, Lalatina-ojousama? Your face is awfully red, Lalatina-ojousama.” “Uu... Just you wait...” As I repeatedly called her by her lovely name, teary-eyed Darkness could only grit her teeth and endure. All right, that should keep her quiet for a while. Seeing that, Walther muttered through his somewhat dejected wry smile: “...You really do get along well... I envy you.” “Please, it was merely a joke. Just a little game between steward and master...” Hearing me say that, Darkness suddenly moved away from me. Ooh? “Enough of this! How long am I to keep up this dull charade!?” I don’t know what she was thinking, but Darkness violently ripped the hem of her dress off. With her milky white thighs completely exposed, I couldn’t stop my eyes from ogling Lewdness’ body if I wanted to. Pervness tore her long dress down to a length that made it easy to move in, and also ripped a kind of slit into the side. Walther couldn’t help but stare, as Darkness yelled out to him: “Oi, Walther, was it!? You’re a Knight, so you know how to use a sword, don’t you!? I’m a Crusader, and I’m going to have you come with me to the training grounds right now. That’s where we’ll see what kind of man you really are. Come with me!” I couldn’t do a thing to stop Darkness from pulling the shocking stunt she just pulled. “...Look at this man, Walther. If you’re a noble, you’d do well to wear a gaze as perverse as Kazuma’s at all times!” N-N-N-N-Not looking! My eyes just kind of happened to be looking that way ‘cause I was curious is all! Part 9 “The duel goes on until one of us admits defeat. I want you to make me say ‘I can’t do this anymore, please stop, spare me’! Do that I’ll be your wife or anything else, I’ll do whatever you ask me to!” Darkness went to the training grounds, along with us. Standing in the middle of the arena, Darkness threw a wooden sword to Walther. Catching it, Walther looked troubled as he gave the wooden sword a swing. “Er... Lalatina-sama, I am a knight. Even as practice, I could never raise a sword against a lady...” Darkness frowned sullenly at those words. “What a spineless fool you are. Kazuma over there is a self-proclaimed advocate of true gender equality; a man who has no trouble drop-kicking a woman, he says. You could stand to learn from him.” Walther looked towards me after Darkness spoke. His gaze was slightly painful. Walther let out a sigh as he prepared himself. “...Very well. To be honest, I had only come here today to turn down this marriage interview my father pushed on me. ...However, after meeting you, I’ve changed my mind. You are completely unlike any of the other noble ladies. You truly are the daughter of the king’s right-hand man. You are bold and frank, yet the way you embarrass yourself with your own words betrays your lovable side. The way you never mince words is refreshing, and you treat your steward as your equal, despite his being a commoner. I have become quite interested in you. ...En garde, Lalatina-sama!” At the same time as his sudden confession, he lunged at Darkness! With a quick slash he nimbly knocked Darkness’ wooden sword aside with his own, and immediately followed by bringing it down onto Darkness’ shoulder. Then, Walther let out a sigh of relief. He probably thought he had won the duel. But Darkness took hold of her sword again as if nothing happened. “Good. Again. Come at me.”

—Over thirty minutes later.

“Th-That’s enough, surely! The duel has already been decided! Why won’t you yield!?” In spite of maintaining the upper hand all throughout the fight, Walther seemed to be at his wits’ end as he called out. In terms of skill and technique, Walther was clearly superior. Darkness’ wooden sword hadn’t as much as touched Walther since the fight started, while Darkness had received countless hits and had bruises all over. However, despite panting heavily, Darkness still looked full of energy. Soaked in sweat and with her face burning bright red, Darkness raised her voice: “What’s wrong? Come at me with no restraint! Show me how strong your will is!” Seeing Darkness like that, Walther threw his wooden sword down. He then raised both arms in surrender. “...You have bested me, Lalatina-sama. I concede. I may have won the battle of skill, but it is your heart that carries victory... I cannot bear to harm you any more than I already have. ...You truly are a very strong woman.” Walther said, looking at Darkness with a dazzling glimmer in his eyes and a smile on his face. As for Darkness, she lowered her shoulders in discontent. “...What, is that all? How dull. Try me again once you’ve trained more.” Hearing those words, Walther let out a burst of laughter. It was as if he was having so much fun he couldn’t contain his laughter anymore. In a soft voice, one so quiet I’m not sure if Darkness could hear it, he muttered: “...I’ve truly fallen in love...” —At a glance, it looked like a touching scene, with Darkness winning thanks to her strong will and determination. But I knew what was going on inside her head, so I wasn’t moved at all... To Walther’s eyes, when he saw Darkness’ rough breaths and bright red face, he probably saw a Crusader trying her best to endure through pain and suffering. Darkness continued to pant and wheeze as Aqua approached her and began healing her wounds. I remained silent, only letting out a sigh, but Darkness picked up the wooden sword Walther had tossed down. “All right, come, Kazuma. Come teach Walther a lesson in mercilessness and indecency.” As I sat in a corner of the arena, Darkness brought the sword over to me while spouting something absurd. ...What the hell is she talking about? Oh, she’s probably fired up from her fight with Walther. Piss off. I’m not doing that. “...I am also quite intrigued. I would love to see how a man who has earned Lalatina- sama’s favour does battle.” Don’t encourage her, Walther. After finishing healing Darkness, Aqua also let out an intrigued “Oh” in response to the odd development. ...What the hell. “*Sigh*. Okay, I get it. This marriage interview’s a disaster anyway. I don’t think you’re going to start any nasty rumours about milady here, either.” I stopped putting on my act for Walther and began talking normally again as I stood up with an alley oop. “All right, excellent, Kazuma! The truth is I’ve always wanted to have a bout with you! That vileness you showed when I first met you, when you stole a girl’s underwear! That cunning you use to come up with all sorts of underhanded tricks! Come at me with all of it, with everything you’ve got!” The way Walther looked at me after he heard all that really stung. I have no absolutely no interest in dealing with this heated pervert in this freezing cold. —I stuck out one empty hand. “’Create Water’!” The water drenched Darkness from head to toe. “Eh!?” I tilted my head towards Walther, who seemed shocked. “? ...Something wrong?” Flustered, Walther replied: “...W-Well, in a duel of swords, one does not typically use magic...” Ooh? So it’s like that, huh? Wait... Looking at Darkness, Aqua muttered: “...Wow. Nothing less from Kazuma-san, master of sexual harassment. You’re a real creep.” Well, now that you mention it, seeing Darkness all wet, her skirt torn and her underwear showing through is really... Thank you, thank you very much. Walther on the other hand turned his line of sight towards the ground, not capable of bringing himself to look directly at Darkness. “Fu, fufufu... Do you see, Walther!? The way he suddenly brought on this humiliating trick in what was thought to be a duel of swords. This is what you need to learn from this man!” The sopping wet Darkness blurted out something that was bound to invite misunderstandings. “Th-That wasn’t what I was trying to...! Ah, never mind!” She asked me to come at her with all I’ve got, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. If I already used magic once, nobody will complain if I do it again! “’Freeze’!” “Ngh!?” After being hit by my Freeze, the soaked Darkness turned pale and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. “What a brute...! Not only splashing her with water in the middle of winter, but then also using freezing magic...!” “Weeeell, the people around town don’t call him Scumzuma and Crapzuma for nothing.” Spare me the commentary! “Fu-Fuhahahahahaha! This cruelty! Th-This is...!” Just as she was about to say something, Darkness stopped and charged towards me! Part 10 Oh crap. This is going to get really bad really fast. Seeing my panicked expression, Darkness sneered mockingly and raised her wooden sword above to head to slash at me. She was strong, but she would either slash in the wrong direction or misjudge the distance, and always attack straight-on, making it easy to dodge. “What’s wrong, Kazuma? Out of breath!?” Darkness spoke through her attacks as she shivered, but the bare parts of her skin were covered in sweat and she smiled as if she was having fun. Despite the thorough battering she had received just earlier, she showed no intention of throwing in the towel. “Keep it up, Darkness! A beanpole like Kazuma can’t hold out for long!” Shut the hell up, audience! “Fufu, you’re getting sloppy! I think it’s about time I end it, then!” As Aqua’s words egged Darkness on, she put on a daring smile, tossed her useless wooden sword and threw herself at me. Oh shit, I can’t win in a battle of brute strength! “Go Darkness! Wring his neck! Once you grab him, a weakling like Kazuma doesn’t stand a chance!” Damn it, why the hell is she cheering for Darkness!? I’m going to wring her neck later! As I cursed Aqua in my mind, Darkness stretched both her arms outwards, getting ready to lunge and grab me. I also dropped my wooden sword and stuck out my arms, ready to catch Darkness’ hands as she came towards me and lock her into a battle of attrition. “You think you can match my strength? You underestimate me!” Darkness shouted as she happily let our hands clash. “I don’t know what you’re planning, but the difference in strength between a Crusader like me and an Adventureaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!?” Darkness confidently grabbed my hands, only to let out a shrill scream. I grabbed her hands tightly as she tried to pull them away in a panic. “Oh, not feeling so confident anymore? Oi, Darkness, say something! Wahahaha, you should know me better by now; there’s no way I’d fight faaaaaaaaaaaaaah!?” While boasting triumphantly, I began shrieking as a tremendous force began crushing my hands. As she wrung my hands, Darkness laughed with an imposing expression. “Fu, fufufufu... So this is D-Drain Touch, is it...!? No matter, I’ll break your arms before you drain all of my stamina!” “Hnghgh, y-you’re welcome to tryiieeeehh! Owowowowowowow!” As I used Drain Touch to drain her stamina, Darkness was trying to twist my arms. Neither of us could or would back down. Darkness’ strength was slowly getting the better of me, but at the same time she wore a pained expression. Damn it, Drain Touch might drain stamina but this meathead has practically infinite stamina...! “O-Oi, Darkness! H-How about a little wager!? You challenged me because I pissed you off during this whole thing, right? How about whoever loses has to do any one thing the winner says...!?” I squeezed the words through my clenched teeth as I endured the pain, while Darkness was bending me backwards with her ever-increasing force. “A-A wager...!? Fu, fufu, trying to stall for time, are you...!? Fine, bet or no bet, I’ll have you grovelling before me after I win...!” —This is my chance! “You agreed, didn’t you...!? N-No backsies...!?” “Yes, I won’t repeat myself...! Anyway, you’re back’s against the wall now! Come on, give in! If you don’t, I’m really going to break you...!” As I was gradually being pushed back, I said triumphantly: “Really? You’re on, now! You gave your word! After I win, I won’t let you off, no matter how much you cry and beg!” I spoke boldly, in spite of being at a disadvantage. Looking doubtful, Darkness relaxed slightly. “...? What, what are you planning on asking me to do if I lose?” “Something that’ll make you bright red with shame, something so nasty it’ll make you cry...! Fuhehehe, you promised, didn’t you! Come on, let’s do this! I can’t wait to see you desperately begging me to forgive you after I win...! I’ll make you plead and beg me to spare you!” A shiver ran down Darkness’ spine once she heard those words. And she loosened her grip on my hands. “Kh...! What is it!? Just what are you going to ask me to do...!? Tell me! Tell me right now!” “Fuhehehehehehe, something far, far more terrible than whatever you’re thinking of right now...!” “Wha...! S-Stooop...! Kh...! I-I’m trying to resist, but the Drain Touch is weakening me...! N-No, it can’t be, at this rate I’m going to...!” Even though Drain Touch only drains vitality, Darkness’ grip weakened and she collapsed on one knee where she stood. “*Pant*...*Pant*...! Wh-What are you going to do to me...!? *Pant* *Pant*...! Aah... At this rate I’m going to lose...!” Darkness blushed and began panting as a single bead of sweat ran down her collarbone. “I’m going to keep draining you until you pass out! You can look forward to finding out just what kind of awful state you’re going to be in when you wake up!” “Aah! N-No, you can’t...! Kuh, I may lose the battle, but no matter what you do to me my heart will never... yield...! Something terrible... S-Something terrible...!?”

Still gripping onto my hands, Darkness crumbled down into seiza right where she stood on the ground of the arena, her face bright red from her imagination running wild and an expression of awe as she looked at me. Seeing her, Walther raised his voice in shock: “Not stopping at victory, but imposing a wager at the last minute; what cruelty...! Scumzuma really is a fitting name...!” “E-Excuse you!” Aqua approached the collapsed Darkness and began tending to her. —And, right at that moment. “I heard you were at the training grounds, so I just thought to come bring some refreshme...” Making an appearance with perfect timing, was Darkness’ old man. The basket of drinks he was carrying suddenly fell to the ground. Both him and the servants with him dropped their jaws wide open in confusion at what was going on. They were all looking at... The bruise-covered, sopping wet, all kinds of things showing through her torn dress, being tended by Aqua, Darkness. ...Seeing them, Walther and I instinctively looked at each other. Aqua pointed towards the both of us: “...They did it.” “All right, put them to death.” “No, you’ve got it all wrong!” x2 Walther and I shouted at the same time. Part 11 Walther and I stumbled over each other as we desperately tried to explain the situation, and in the end we managed to get the gist of it across. As a result, Walther also found out the truth about me and Aqua. Then again, Walther didn’t seem to buy the story about me being a servant in the first place. As for the heart of this whole ordeal, namely Darkness, she was still passed out from my skill. We were brought into the parlour and were watching over Darkness as she slept peacefully, having been changed into her usual casual adventurer outfit: a tight black skirt with a black dress shirt. Eventually, the old man started talking as he watched her. “My daughter has never gotten along well with others... Not even her own family. Kazuma-kun, you’re in the same party as my daughter, aren’t you? She hardly ever talks about herself, does she?” I tilted my head in response. —I’ve never really thought about that. I don’t really remember, but now that I think about it I don’t really know much about Darkness. I mean, she doesn’t talk much in the first place; except for when she opens her mouth to spout nonsense. I remember a lot of those occasions. “My daughter was by herself even when she became a Crusader... She would visit the church of Eris-sama every single day. She would pray for comrades to go on adventures with. One day, she met her first comrade on the way back from church; her first ever friend, a Thief girl. She was so happy...” ...Well, I’ll be. That’s a real Goddess for you. Eris-sama sure does a great job... “Her mother passed away when she was young... I’ve never remarried since, so all she’s had is a soft, doting old fool like me to raise her. ...I can’t help but think it’s all my fault...” The old man said morosely. He’s probably talking about her disposition. Is it because she was spoiled and given too much freedom growing up that she yearns to be tied down now? No, I think that’s just her nature, dad. “Lalatina-sama may be somewhat strong-minded, but I think she is a wonderful young woman. Were it not for Kazuma-kun, I would earnestly wish to marry her.” Walther suddenly blurted out something absurd. What the hell is he talking about?

Darkness is just a companion. Sure she turns me on like crazy when I look at her, but that’s another matter entirely. I don’t want her being lusted after by guys like that lord, but if an upstanding man is willing to take good care of her I’d gladly give my blessing. That’s the kind of relationship I have with her. “...Sorry, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” At my words, Walther put on an attitude that seemed to say ‘It’s fine, you don’t need to hide it from me’. “It is quite all right. I am sure you can make Lalatina-sama happier than I ever could. Now I know quite well what kind of relationship you two have. You have a strong mutual bond, do you not?” “All right, get over here. I know you’re that guy’s son, but I’m going to kick your ass.” “Stop it, Kazuma-san! If you’re going to do it do it when I’m not around! I don’t want to get executed because of you!” Aqua attempted to hold me back as I tried to make Walther suck on my Drain Touch. “Fufu, hahahahah!” The old man suddenly burst out laughing. So much has happened today that I don’t know if I can take anymore. I seriously don’t want any more crap to deal with. “Ah yes, I see! Walther-dono, could I ask of you to one day marry my daughter before it becomes too late for her?” Walther seemed confused by the old man’s sudden proposal. “Y-Yes, I... That would be my pleasure, of course, however...” Walther wanted to say something as he looked at me, but the old man cut him off and continued: “And you, Kazuma-kun.” “Hoh!? Yes, what is it, sir?” I also got a bit lost as I was suddenly addressed. “I am entrusting you with my daughter. Take good care of her and make sure she doesn’t do any more foolish things like this. Please.” What’s the old guy talking about? He means that like as in an adventuring companion, right? That is what he means, right? Well, sure, I don’t mind. That’s business as usual.

“...Mm? Mngh...... ? The parlour? ...Aah... I see...” Darkness woke up. And it looked like she immediately remembered what happened before she passed out. “...Mn, could this be the afterglow? I lost the bet, so what obscene things happened while I was unconscious...!?” “I didn’t do anything! I haven’t done anything yet! Don’t use that kind of easy to misunderstand phrasing! The mood was awkward enough before you woke up!” Having heard that, Darkness looked all around her and then flashed me a smirk. ...What is that? What’s she thinking of? I remembered what Darkness said before the marriage interview started. About making me wish I was dead when we get back. It’s okay, it’ll be fine. Whatever Darkness blurts out now, it’ll be fine. Calm down, me. You’re super-cool today. If I’m calm I can deal with anything, so it’ll be fi... “Father, Walther-sama, I implore you, please forget this marriage interview ever happened. I have been hiding something I could not bring myself to tell you... Inside, I am carrying Kazuma’s child...” “What the hell are you saying about a virgin like me you bitch!? I haven’t done a thing and you’re talking about my child? I think you’re due for a gut punch, Virgin Mary!” Darkness blurted out something you shouldn’t be joking about, but Walther seemed amused by our fighting. “I see, if you are carrying Kazuma-kun’s child then I guess it cannot be helped. In that case, I shall give up.” Walther stood up as he spoke. ...Damn you, Darkness. You should’ve stayed asleep and ignorant instead of making things worse. “I shall tell my father I turned down the marriage. I believe that would be most convenient.” With those words and a pleasant smile, Walther bid us farewell. ...What a great guy. Take Darkness with you, please...

Seeing Darkness give me another smirk as if to say “I’ve done for you now”, I only let out a sigh. I guess I’m just going to have to keep going with her on adventures for just a bit longe... Then, Darkness and I noticed that the people around us were acting differently. “My grandchild... My first grandchild... M-M-M-M-My own darling grandchild...!” “Awawawawawawa... When did Kazuma and Darkness start being like that...!? I-I gotta tell everyone...! I gotta hurry and tell everyone in town...!” As the old man was blubbering and crying and Aqua got a stupid misunderstanding in her head, the two of us spend around thirty minutes trying to convince them it was just a lie. Part 12 “Honestly. It would’ve been better if you just agreed to turn down the marriage interview with me from the start.” “That’s my line. Seriously, I’m thankful you covered for me against that lord, but from now stop with this... this self-sacrifice scapegoat stuff. We were all really worried about you while you were gone, you know?” “Oh, Kazuma! There you go trying to wrap this up all nice and cute like nothing ever happened after you were the one trying to push that Walther guy on Darkness! Just how much of a scumbag can one guy be!?” “Yes, I’m sure you were very worried! Worried you might not be able to cut me off...! Aqua, you seemed somehow eager for me to marry too, didn’t you?” As Aqua and I were covering our ears in response to Darkness’ words. Darkness let out a soft sigh then suddenly seemed to remember something. “Oh right, Kazuma! You won that duel from earlier! Just what are you planning to demand from me!? You said you’d do something more terrible than anything I could imagine...!” Darkness blushed as she looked at me practically glowing with expectation. Right, I did say that. Hm, what should I ask her to do? Wait a minute, this might be an amazing opportunity. ...Wait. “W-What is it, Aqua-san? You’re way too close.” “...I was just wondering what you’re going to demand. What terrible thing are you going to ask Darkness to do? Listen, I know you’re mad at Darkness for making us worry, but don’t ask for anything too crazy, okay?” ...I was under Darkness’ expectant gaze, and also under Aqua’s critical gaze. “L-Let’s forget about that for now since we’re home and just take it easy for...” With that attempt to buy some time, I opened the door to the mansion.

“Uu...! *Sniff*...! I-It’s too muuuuuuuuch! Megumin, this is too muuuuuch!” “Please stop crying already! Kazuma and the others should be back any minute now, and if they come in now and see this I will definitely look like a bad perso... ah.”

—Yunyun was there, sobbing in the entrance hall. And as I locked eyes with Megumin, who was trying to soothe her, I slowly closed the door again. The door then instantly flung open again.

“Please do not get the wrong idea! I have a good explanation!” “No, that’s fine, I already know you’re a bully.” I said as if I had already understood everything to Megumin as she dashed out the door in a panic. “You have it all wrong! In fact, when we were in school it was Yunyun who...! Wait, no, who cares about that! This is not the time to be worried about Yunyun...!” Megumin said while waving her staff around in a fluster. “Who cares!? W-W-W-Who cares...!? Not the time to be worried about me...!? W-Waaaaaaah!” “Aah! You are such a handful...! Please excuse us, we need some time alone!” Megumin said as she closed the door again and retreated inside the mansion, discussing something with Yunyun. Soon the door opened again, and Yunyun came out, sniffling. “I-I’m sorry to have troubled you...” Having said that, Yunyun gave a bow and left. ...Uh. We looked at each other, and then at Yunyun as walked away stricken with grief. We entered the mansion again, and there we saw Megumin sitting down on the carpet, looking exhausted. When she saw us, she instantly jumped up and onto her feet. “Kazuma, there’s trouble! There’s big trouble!” “Yeah, I could tell that from seeing you two just now.” “No! Please forget about Yunyun just now! That was, well, somewhat of a family issue, so you shouldn’t worry about that! I will explain all about it when we have time!” No, something is obviously going on so I’m going to worry about it. But Megumin really seemed to want to talk about something else.

“Now is really not the time for that! There’s trouble, with that prosecutor lady from before! That Sena person is on her way here right now! She was raging about really arresting Kazuma this time or something like that!”

She said, panic-stricken and pale. Chapter 4: Putting this Masked Knight into Servitude! Part 1 “Satou Kazuma! Is Satou Kazuma heeereeee!?”

Megumin had hardly finished speaking when, just like she warned, a livid Sena barged into the mansion. “W-W-What is it!? Frogs again!? Or did something else happen this time!?” I asked, feeling the crushing pressure of Sena’s presence. “The dungeon! What did you do in that dungeon, you rat!? The dungeon of Keel, near town! Hordes of strange monsters are gushing from it as we speak!” She said, her face bright red with anger. Strange monsters? The ones I occasionally heard about in town, maybe? “No, wait a minute; that has nothing to do with us. We went down into that dungeon once, but pinning this on us just because of that is ridiculous.” The others nodded as I spoke. ...Oh thank god. I guess that means they didn’t cause any trouble behind my back. But Sena looked at me dubiously. “You may say that, but yours was the last group to enter that dungeon. Considering everything else that has happened, I find it hard to believe anyone but you could be behind this...” “T-That’s just being unreasonable! We don’t know anything about any of this. Isn’t that right? Right? Guys, this time we’re clean, right?” They all nodded strongly in response. Seeing that, Sena still looked distrustful but somewhat convinced. “Well, then that is an issue... I was convinced it was you who were behind this as well. I suppose I will need to employ someone to investigate this matter...” Sena threw glances at us as she spoke. What’s with that ‘Gee, I wonder who might be convenient for this job~’-type look? “Oh? Could it be that public prosecutor-dono is inviting the very people she suspects to help her with this investigation? Alas, we are too busy trying to dispel the suspicion around us.” Megumin picked up on Sena’s intention and beat her to the punch. Sena grimaced and bit her lip, but looked at me instead of Megumin. “...I’m afraid we don’t have time to involve ourselves in this, so we’re going to have to refuse.” As I gave a clear answer, Sena let out a deep sigh and her shoulders sank.

“Well, I suppose it isn’t my place to make such a request given how this is an unrelated matter. However, should you change your mind, your cooperation would be appreciated. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must go to the Adventurers’ Guild.” With those words, Sena turned and left the mansion. As she walked away, I let out a deep sigh. I can’t deal with that kind of person. Maybe it’s because she’s one of the few people in this town who are diligent and have a good head on their shoulders. “Hm. I’m somewhat curious about these strange monsters coming out of the dungeon, but... Well, this isn’t something for us to be concerned with. Dispelling the suspicion around Kazuma comes first. As well as reimbursing the lord for his mansion. After all, we still haven’t made any headway on either of those issues.” That’s right. “...Hey Darkness, I’ve been meaning to ask you something.” “I will not lend you money. I’ve already helped out more than enough. Besides, I’d much prefer to see you backed into a corner even more.” Darkness said, looking at me with a smile. Kh... She’s holding a grudge about earlier, isn’t she. ...Still, strange monsters, huh? “So, just so we’re all clear on this, you guys really don’t know anything about this, do you? We’re all good, right?” When I asked, the three of them looked slightly offended by my suspicion. “I certainly don’t know about anything unrelated to the explosion magic incident.” “Likewise. In fact, I hardly think I’m as much of a habitual troublemaker as the other two in the first place.” “Ah...! I suppose it’s true Darkness hasn’t caused any major incidents. In fact, thinking back to the Destroyer battle especially, she’s barely done much of anything!” “Wha...! M-Megumin, you...!” I left those two to their little argument and reiterated the question to the usual suspect. “So, what about you? Anything ring any bells?” I asked Aqua, with a hint of concern in my voice. “No, of course not. Seriously, aren’t you a bit too quick to suspect me for every little thing?” Aqua frowned as she gave her answer, and I let out a relieved sigh. “Y-Yeah, I guess. I guess you wouldn’t go around causing trouble over and over again! Jeez, sorry, I’ve just been really jumpy and suspicious of everyone since that trial...” As I apologised to Aqua, I reflected deeply on how I would always blame everything on her, realizing how unfair that was. “Honestly, you should have a little more faith in me. In fact, everyone should be grateful no monsters are going near that dungeon thanks to the barrier I put up. Remember that room in the depths of the dungeon where the Lich was? When I purified him, I got really into it and put a lot of work into that magic circle. That circle should still be there, keeping any evil entities from going into that room!” ...And I grabbed Aqua tightly by the shoulders. “Oi, what did you just say?” “? W-What’s with you? I just said the magic circle I worked really hard on is still there, using its power to keep monsters from gathering...” I didn’t let Aqua finish. “You idiooooooooooooooooooooot!” And yelled at the top of my lungs as I clutched at my head. Part 2 —We walked along a snowy path, on our way to that one dungeon. “...*Sniff*... It shouldn’t be my fault... There has to be some mistake...!” Along with Aqua, sniffling all the way. I was at the front and Aqua followed, with Megumin and Darkness bringing up the rear. I turned towards Aqua. “Why is it that every time, every single time you do something useful you also have to mess something up? Do you just have some kind of illness where you’re not happy until your contributions all add up to zero?” Even though they’re below zero this time around. “Wait! This time was definitely not my fault! Come on, why won’t you believe me!? I mean, all I did was put a purifying magic circle in the boss room! That shouldn’t cause any monsters to spawn en masse! I don’t think this is like the evil spirit outbreak from before!” Aqua again grabbed my sleeve as I was walking and began swaying it as she spoke. “Oi cut that out; you’re making it hard to walk! Besides, I don’t even care if it’s your fault or not! The problem is if Sena goes to investigate deep into that dungeon and finds that magic circle you put up!” The magic circle deep in the dungeon. If we don’t go and get rid of that evidence, I’m sure they’re going to use it to link us to this incident again. I brought some cleaning tools to erase the magic circle in any case, but I’d like to settle this without going inside if I can help it. Facing no issues worse than Aqua’s bawling along the way, we arrived in front of the dungeon. “...I see. Those are some strange monsters.” We took up positions around the entrance of the dungeon and observed the monsters steadily coming out. If I had to describe them in short, they were masked dolls. Dolls about knee-height, wearing masks and walking on two legs, were creeping out of the entrance. “What do you suppose these curious things are? I’ve never seen or heard of anything like them.” Megumin inclined her head slightly as she stared at the dolls with a great deal of interest. “At a glance they look completely harmless, too.” Darkness muttered indifferently as her heavy armour clanked. “Those masks they have are kind of, like, physically repulsive. I wonder why. Just looking at them ticks me off.” Aqua picked up a small stone as she spoke. —And then. “Satou-san...! Why are you here? Have you decided to help investigate the monsters?” I turned to see who called out from behind me, and it was Sena, along with a large number of adventurers. She was unarmoured and lightly equipped, only carrying some kind of note with a strange pattern on it in her hand. So she’s already here. ...Well, no getting around it. I’d better talk it out with her. “We thought about it and realized these strange monsters showing up is our problem as well. We have to protect the frightened townsfolk from monsters, as well. That’s our duty as adventurers, after all.” “I’ve never wished I’d thought to bring the lie-detecting magic item with me more. ...Still, if you say so, you have my sincere thanks for your cooperation.” Sena gave a deep bow as she spoke. This is really weighing on my conscience. She doesn’t have anything against me, she’s just serious and thorough about this investigation around me. “In that case, please join us here, Satou-san. We do not know how these monsters are being spawned yet, but most likely they are being summoned by someone. If that is the case, the summoner is to be defeated and this placed on his summoning magic circle.” As she spoke, Sena handed me the note in her hand. “...What is this?” “It is a powerful enchanted charm of sealing. No matter how strong a magic circle, placing this on it is sure to render it useless. A magic circle is still capable of summoning monsters even if the summoner is defeated, so please take this and use it well.” I see. They have something convenient for this. —But we don’t need it. “Thanks, but that won’t be necessary. It’s fine, I have a plan; one so that we won’t have to go into a dungeon crawling with monsters. ...Megumin! Everything ready?” “All set. Leave it to me.” Megumin answered as she stepped forth with her staff in hand. Seeing her, Sena panicked. “Wh-What is this? What are you planning to do!? Don’t tell me...!” “Oh, figured it out? That’s right, she’s going to cast explosion magic on the entrance of the dungeon and close the whole thing dow...” “Y-You can’t do that! We must investigate the cause first! These monsters are clearly of unnatural origin. Someone capable of summoning this many monsters must be someone to be reckoned with. Even if you close the dungeon entrance, if the summoner can teleport then he’ll escape anyway. Your goal is to find the enemy causing this crisis and defeat him.” Damn it, more headaches. This is bad. I didn’t intend to go into the dungeon. We can’t even use Megumin’s explosion magic inside it... As I was fretting, Aqua gave me a sidelong glance and threw the stone at one of the masked monsters. She said they were physically repulsive, but I guess she really hates them. Even though the monsters seemed passive towards us so far, the one hit by Aqua suddenly began dashing towards her. “Eh- wha-! Wh-What!? ...Wait, huh?” And then, without any intent of attacking, it latched tightly onto Aqua’s knee. “What’s this? Maybe it wants to cuddle? Those masks piss me off for some reason, but when it’s like this it’s starting to look pretty cute...... H-Hey, Kazuma. I think this doll is getting warmer. In fact, I’m getting a really bad feeling about this!” As Aqua shouted and began coming my way, I also got a bad feeling and rushed to put distance between us. And then— The sound of a powerful explosion could be heard, and the doll clinging to Aqua vanished without a trace. Behind me I saw Aqua, lying on the ground, tattered after having been caught up in the explosion. “...As you can see, these strange monsters have a habit of clinging onto anything that moves and self-destructing. Even the Guild is having trouble dealing with them.” “I see. These guys might be annoying.” “Why are you two so calm about this!? You should be more worried about me! Show some sympathy!” As Sena and I discussed calmly, Aqua suddenly jumped up and yelled out half in tears. She looks pretty healthy to me. “Still, this is a problem... These monsters have no means of attack other than self- destructing, but they will self-destruct as soon as they take any damage, and even if they aren’t damaged they self-destruct at the first opportunity. It seems we have no choice but to take them down one-by-one from a distance.” Sena said looking at Megumin, who was comforting Aqua as she sat in the fetal position nursing her knee. Despite everything, Aqua was wrapped in her sacred top-tier hagoromo. If not for that, anyone who gets hit by that kind of explosion is bound to suffer some serious damage. Another troublesome monster. Should we throw stones or something at them as we advance? Still, if there’s this many of them spilling outside of the dungeon, who knows how many might be crawling around on the inside. Going through that while taking them out one-by-one would be... I don’t even know what the purpose of these weird monsters is in the first place. Who would summon all of these monsters, and for what?

—Then, as we were thinking, Darkness approached one of the dolls and, without saying a word, suddenly smacked it.

“Eh!? What the hell are you doing all of a sudden!?” As I and the other adventurers nearby were panicking, the doll that had been struck clung to Darkness. Soon the doll exploded into a large fireball, just like with Aqua. And in the wake of the explosion— “...Mm. This might work. No problems.” There was Darkness, speaking unfazed after having been hit by the explosion. The other adventurers, and for the first time Sena, were somewhat repulsed by Darkness’ sturdiness. “I will take the vanguard. Kazuma, you follow behind me.” Darkness spat out a manly line towards me. This dungeon raid isn’t a stealthy infiltration using the Conceal skill like last time. The plan this time was simply to rush straight through with the other adventurers. Then, Megumin tugged at my sleeve and said: “Kazuma, Kazuma. I would not be much help on the inside, so could I stay here as a lookout? I will stay ready to cast explosion magic on the entrance at any time, so if you run into any powerful monsters, please just run to me.” It’s true that whoever or whatever’s summoning these monsters is down there. And he’s bound to be tough to deal with. It might be best to keep Megumin on watch out here as our trump card in case we end up being chased out. “Then I’m going to wait here with Megumin. I’ll cast some support magic on you before you go down, but be careful, you two.” Aqua said as she patted her sleeves and dusted the soot off her clothe... “Oi, wait a minute, you! You’re coming with us! Unlike Megumin you can actually help us out down there!” “Noooooooo! I’ve had it with dungeons! If I go down there I know I’m going to be left behind again! I know it! And then I’m going to get chased by all those undead toooo!” Aqua shouted as she squatted down, plugged her ears and violently shook her head. I guess being abandoned in the dungeon last time left her with some trauma. I pondered for a while but eventually decided to leave Aqua behind. Taking her along would mean a lot more encounters with undead monsters. Besides, we’re rushing through with all the other adventurers this time, so even if in the worst case scenario we run into some ghost-like undead monsters, at least one of us should be able to deal with them. “I see. I guess from our party it’s just me and Darkness going down into the dungeon.” “...Mh. Just me and Kazuma in a dark dungeon. I fear Kazuma may be a greater threat to me than any monster.” “I could abandon you down there and leave you with the same trauma as Aqua.” As Darkness and I squabbled, it looked as though the other adventurers were deciding on the groups that would be going down into the dungeon. Some adventurers would remain topside in order to protect Sena from the monsters spilling out. Joining me and Darkness in the dungeon were about twenty other male and female adventurers. We arranged for Darkness to take the lead, with the other adventurers following—

—The light from the lantern I was holding lit up the dark dungeon passage. Since she might be attacked by the suicide bombers at any time, Darkness didn’t carry a lantern, only her greatsword. I followed a few steps behind Darkness, holding my lantern high up so she could see in front of her. Behind us, the other adventurers followed in succession. It might’ve been a dark and damp dungeon, but with this many people around it wasn’t scary in the slightest. Still, our goal was different. The others were here to investigate the cause of the monsters spawning, but we were here to get rid of the magic circle in the Lich’s room and destroy any evidence. So having following right behind us was a big problem.

—But despite all that...

“Fufufufu. Hahahahahahaha! Look, Kazuma! I’m hitting them, I’m hitting them! Even I can hit these things with my sword!”

Ahead of me, Darkness was merrily swinging her sword, cutting down the dolls which made no attempt to dodge. Of course, she was also taking on the dolls’ explosive counterattacks, but even as her face and armour were getting covered in soot and scorch marks she pressed on, seemingly enjoying herself. She must’ve been a bit self-conscious about never being able to land any hits before. In that case couldn’t she just hang up her weird stubbornness and learn the ‘Greatsword’ skill or something? Probably happy that she was finally landing hits and making a contribution, Darkness pushed on through like a literal tank. Despite being host to explosion after explosion, the dungeon seemed sturdy and showed no signs of taking damage. I guess that’s a renowned Lich’s handiwork for you. “Ooi, w-wait up, will you! Can’t we go a bit slower...!?” I heard one of the other adventurers call from behind. I turned around and realized that due to Darkness’ rampaging pace we had left the others some distance behind. And, from the sides of the passage, the monsters kept leaping out. “Wh...! Aaaah! It’s on me! Oi, someone, get this thing off me!” “Owaah, stay away! Don’t come towards us!” These monsters’ explosive power is not to be taken lightly. But still, even if they’re not as sturdy as Darkness or as godly as Aqua, an adventurer wearing armour probably won’t die from one. So I’m really sorry to have to do this, but...! “Just like that, Darkness! Keep going straight ahead! Let’s keep ploughing through!” “All right, leave it to me! Aah, this is thrilling! I feel like this may be the first time I’ve been of any use as a Crusader since I started!” Darkness seemed too excited to take any notice of what was going on behind us. We just have to keep rushing further into the depths, and then we’ll be able to kiss this dungeon goodbye in no time! Part 3 Making almost frighteningly quick progress into the depths of the dungeon by following the markings, we were approaching the Lich’s room. If memory serves, it’s at the end of this passage. “...What do we do here? No matter how you look at it, that’s got to be the master of these monsters.” In front of me and Darkness, sitting cross-legged in front of the Lich’s room was a silhouette shaping the dolls out of earth. The guy moulding the dolls was wearing a dark tuxedo that looked inappropriate for a dungeon and a pair of white gloves, along with a mask that was of the exact same design as the ones on the dolls. The mask did not cover his mouth, and gave off an ominous feeling. He must’ve noticed our lantern, but maybe he was just so entranced with his doll making that he didn’t turn to look at us. Now that I look, he’s a pretty big guy.

I couldn’t see his face because of the mask, but judging by his build he looked like a man. As I was thinking how to handle the situation, Darkness bluntly approached the masked man. “...Oi, you there. What are doing? Judging by those dolls you’re making I think it’s safe to say you’re the one behind this monster infestation.” Darkness then unsheathed her greatsword and took a stance against the masked man. Finally reacting to Darkness’ words, the masked man turned to face us.

He didn’t seem to be carrying any sort of weapon, but I could tell at a glance he was no pushover. A red light shone from the eye parts of his mask, and his exposed mouth twisted into a smirk. “...Hoh. I had hardly believed anyone would come this far. I bid thee welcome to my dungeon, brave adventurers! It is indeed none other than I who is at the root of this evil pestilence! General of the Demon King’s forces and a duke of hell, commander of demons; I am the all-seeing archdemon Vanir!”

A dangerous boss out of nowhere!

—In the darkness of the dungeon, I slowly began backing away. Darkness kept her guard up vigilantly towards Vanir, obviously nervous to be facing a general of the Demon King. This is really bad. I did not expect just the two of us to suddenly run into a general of the Demon King. Wait, now that I think about it there were all sorts of signs. Like those frogs who were scared out of hibernation, for example. That might not have been because of the explosion magic startling them awake. All the weak monsters got frightened and fled when Veldia showed up, too. “Darkness. O-Oi, Darkness. The two of us can’t do anything here. Let’s just try and make a run for it!” “What are you saying!? Do you expect a devout of the Goddess Eris to back down when facing a general of the Demon King; and a demon no less!? I will take this fiend down here and now, even if it costs me my life!” Why is this woman so stubborn!? Vanir showed an amused grin towards Darkness and said: “Hoh. You mean to take me down, do you? None other than I, the infamous Vanir-san, said to be even stronger than the Demon King? However... Listen well, girl who is beset by worry that the lad over there may have seen her toned abdominals when she bore her skin before him in the bath: I cannot fathom why you are so ardent, but I have heard eating small bones helps in times of anger. My mask just so happens to be made in part of demonic dragon bone. Care for a bite?” “A-A-Abdom-...! D-D-Do not mock me, you filthy pawn of the Demon King! Kazuma, he’s totally lying! My abs aren’t that toned, and I’m not that worried about that!” “O-Oi, calm down, Darkness! Just calm down a bit!” I held Darkness back as she was about to rush him with her sword. Vanir paid no mind to the agitated Darkness as he continued to sit cross-legged. “Indeed, you may be at ease. I have hardly come to this land merely to meddle with the likes of you. That Demon King fellow asked a favour of me; to look into a matter. I also happen to have business with a certain scatter-brained shopkeeper who dwells in the town of Axel and possesses a mysterious talent for driving herself only deeper in poverty the more she labours.” Hearing his words, Darkness and I instinctively looked at each other. Part 4 As Darkness stood next to me holding her greatsword at the ready for a sudden attack, I sat down on dungeon floor to hear what Vanir had to say. “Firstly, I introduced myself as a general of the Demon King, but that chap merely relies on me to maintain the barrier around his castle; a general in name only, if you will. Furthermore, I am what is known in this world as demon kin. We demons take great pleasure in feeding on the ill will and negative emotions you humans give off. As far as we are concerned, harming or killing you humans when you are the ones providing such exquisite meals is simply nonsense. Au contraire, I am so overjoyed every time one of you humans is born I may well frolic about in a garden.” “I-I see... But don’t you need to harm us to get that negative emotion stuff? Nobody really feels bad if they’re living a peaceful life, do they?” Even if he doesn’t appear hostile at the moment, a general of the Demon King is way beyond what the two of us can handle. If we can keep talking instead of breaking out into a fight, that’d be great. Also, a general in name only who just maintains the barrier... I guess he’s in the same position as Wiz.

As Vanir sat cross-legged on the ground, dextrously carving out a mask for his dolls out of dirt: “Well, negative emotions come in all flavours, you see. There are as many tastes and preferences as there are demons. There are those who delight in people’s fear or despair, yet there are also others such as myself whose favourite may be to transform into extraordinarily beautiful women, approach men and have them fall head over heels only to then reveal ‘Too bad, it was merely I!’ and make them shed bitter tears.” “It might be better to wipe you out after all.” I gave a dubious look to the dubious masked demon. —Apparently, the demon had been asked by the Demon King to investigate those who managed to defeat Veldia. “I was toying with that Demon King fellow’s underlings and partaking of their animosity... ‘Could I ask you to stop loitering around the castle teasing my subjects and actually do some work for once...’ he asked of me. I suddenly recalled that an old friend is living in this town, and I figured I may as well handle this task. As I was passing through this land I happened upon this dungeon without a master and thought ‘Well, now’, before deciding to settle in.” What happened to investigating? What happened to your friend? There’s a limit to how capricious you can be — is what I wanted to retort with, but if he suddenly decided to start getting back to work that would be a problem. Because we were the ones who defeated Veldia. I wanted to leave him to how own devices and just go back, but there was one thing I couldn’t overlook. “So you said before that it’s bad for you to go around harming humans, so what’s with these dolls? They’re marching out of the dungeon and causing a lot of trouble for the people in town.” “...Mm? I have been using this lot to exterminate the monsters in the dungeon. If they are finding their way outside, then there surely must not be any more monsters left inside the dungeon. I suppose it is time to cease production of the Vanir dolls and move onto the next phase of the plan.” “...Next phase? Just what are plotting?” As I asked, Vanir turned the doll he was making back into dirt. “What an insolent turn of phrase. Listen, lad who paced restlessly around his own room not much unlike a bear out of concern that the armour-clad girl has not returned home for several days: I, as a demon, have a grand desire. I have come to this realm to make my dream a reality.” “Oi, cut that out! I know you said you’re an all-seeing demon but why do you have to say that like you were there!? ...Y-You too, stop fidgeting over there.” I was bothered by Darkness, who was standing next to me with a slight blush, throwing glances my way. Sure I was concerned, but it’s not like I was pacing... not that much. “Any dream held by a demon could only be a dangerous one. Will you tell us just what this dream of yours is?” Under Darkness’ fixed, stern gaze, Vanir gave a nod... “I have already lived since time immemorial... For as long as I have known, I have held an exceptional death wish. It would be to fall magnificently after having consumed the most supreme of negative emotions. ...And much thought was given. I have been contemplating this for longer than I dare try to remember. How would I come to feast upon my most delectable of ill sentiments? At long last, I have now realized...” Seeing Vanir’s wicked smirk, I gulped in anticipation. “First, I must obtain a dungeon. Then, I am to fill each and every room with my subservient demons and the foulest and most devious of traps! And courageous, intrepid adventurers will rise to the challenge! Time and time again, many will attempt to brave my dungeon, until, at long last, those worthy to reach the innermost depth will reveal themselves!” In his excitement, Vanir gesticulated wildly with his arms and spoke fervently. “And, in the deepest depths, awaits I, of course! And there I shall speak: ‘You have done well to come this far, brave adventurers! Now, defeat me and claim treasures beyond your wildest dreams...!’ And thus shall the final clash commence! After a lengthy and fierce battle, I shall be brought down in the end. As I peacefully turn to naught but dust, an intricately sealed treasure chest appears in my wake. Just as my mind fades, before my eyes I see the adventurers who have overcome such immense adversity open it...” Darkness and I instinctively fell silent and gulped in anticipation. “...... Inside the chest, resides a scrap of paper with the words ‘You lose’4. Thus I wish to perish, as I gaze over the awestruck adventurers.” “Please don’t. I really feel bad for them so please don’t...” “Oi, Kazuma, I really think we have to bring him down right here and now.” With a snort of laughter at me and Darkness, Vanir said: “My friend operates a shop in these lands, you see. My intent was to put her to work raising funds, and use the newly-acquired capital to have her erect a grand dungeon with her powers. Alas, as I happened to pass by this dungeon I came to realize it has no master. I came to think this this place may serve me just as well, and thus I made it my own.” “So that’s your reason for taking it over. ...Well, I figured out what you’re trying to do here. I guess you won’t be making any more of those dolls, so I don’t think there’s anything left for me to say. We just have a little something to take care of with the magic circle in that room back there. Truth is, we came here to erase that thing.” “Wha-...! Oi, Kazuma, dealing with this is more important than the magic circle right now! Are you going to just let a general of the Demon King be!? An enemy to all mankind is right in front of our eyes!” You say that, but it doesn’t change the fact that just the two of us can’t do anything against a general of the Demon King. Then, when I stood up and decided to go erase the magic circle. “...Magic circle? Oh, you’ve come to erase that magic circle that has been a thorn in my side? That is truly kind of you. I do not know what troublesome fool created it, but that vexing magic circle is keeping me from entering that room. If you were to erase it for me, I shall bestow you with one of my very own handmade Vanir dolls, with a feature that allows it to laugh in the middle of night.” “N-No thanks. That magic circle is actually a really big problem for us. We’ll just take care of it and go, and you can go on doing your thing.” I said nonchalantly as I went to erase the magic circle.

4 スカ (suka), in all my several minutes of research I haven’t been able to find a solid provenance for, but it basically is something you’d write on a losing lottery ticket. It’s also what appears in the Japanese version of Kirby games when you swallow an enemy with no ability to copy, so that should give you an idea for the meaning. “And why might this magic circle trouble you? Let us see now, just a glimpse at your past...” His interest raised, Vanir spoke casually...... Wait, wait, don’t...!

“...... Fuhaha.” By the time I tried to stop him, Vanir had already seen right through me and let out a dry laugh. Seeing his bizarre reaction, Darkness stepped in front to protect me. “Fuhahaha, fuhahahahahaha! Fuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Unbelievable, unthinkable! So it was your Priest comrade who set up this troublesome magic circle all along! To erect a magic circle capable of keeping an archdemon such as myself away, that Priest must surely be...!” Oh crap, I don’t know why but the demon is getting really fired up! As he swayed onto his feet, Vanir’s eyes shone through his mask as they looked at us. Not like the crimson eyes of the Crimson Magic kin, his eyes were truly demonic; they had a blood-red gleam that provoked a primal fear. “Hooh... I see, I see all! On the surface! I see the Priest who built this magic circle, relaxing and sipping tea as she sits at the entrance of this dungeon with tedium!” If that’s true I want to go back right away so I can go sock Aqua for putting us through all of this. Vanir’s fiery glare was so strong it showed through his mask. “Now then, girl who is so curious about what ‘terrible demand’ will be made of her from the duel she has lost against the lad that she is constantly squirming with anticipation and unbearable expectation, and lad who fidgeting with unease as to what to demand of the girl once this is all over: I shall have you stand aside! Fear not, for I hold ‘Do not kill humans’ as an absolute rule. Indeed, I would never kill a human. ...Not a human! I shall deliver my vengeful devastating blow upon the one who made that vexing magic circle!” “I’m not anticipating or expecting or squirming so stop saying that! S-S-S-Stop saying it!” “S-S-She’s right! I’m not really fidgeting! I-I-I’m totally not!” As we somehow withstood Vanir’s mind-reading mental attack, he took a step towards us. This guy calls himself an all-seeing demon, and he just emphasized that he doesn’t kill any humans. Does that mean he’s already found out about Aqua’s true nature...!? Darkness took a stance with her greatsword as Vanir got closer. “If you intend to harm Aqua, I will not back down. As a Crusader devout to the Goddess Eris, I cannot yield here!” “Your brains are as hard as your abdominals, girl. Should I will it I could effortlessly send the likes of you to your doom. But I do not intend to take the lives of you humans. One never knows where the most delightful of malice will spring from, after all. Hurry home and indulge in the ‘terrible demand’ you are both eagerly awaiting. You have an all-seeing demon’s guarantee that if you do so now, you shall not be interrupted and you may both fulfil your expectations in full.” Y-You bastard...! “Darkness, don’t listen to him! Those are a demon’s words! Don’t let him lead you lead you astray!” “W-Why would I be led astray!? You’re the one who needs to consider the time and place!” H-Huh!? But that sounded so tempting to me...! What, is he even really an all-seeing demon? Should I have not believed all that stuff about anticipation and expectations and squirming? ...Then, when I looked at Darkness, I saw her slightly blushing and the tip of her sword wavering as she looked conflicted. “Fuhahahahahaha! Even though you are both clearly interested in each other, you cowards believe there is a line between party members that should not be crossed! Stand aside! Let me past and you may well partake in some relaxation in that room containing the magic circle before going home!” The devil has a silver tongue! I’ve never gone up against an enemy capable of such underhanded tricks! “Oi, Kazuma, don’t be swayed! We live under the same roof! What would happen if our relationship suddenly took that kind of strange turn!? Get a grip!” “Ah! S-She’s right, this is Darkness we’re talking about! Get it together, me! She may be hot and have the kind of body I like, but she’s Darkness on the inside! I can’t be fooled in a moment of temptation!” “Y-You-! I’ll remember that once we get home...!” A maiden’s heart is a complex thing. “Hohou. Then you will not be swayed by my words. What am I to try next? I have ever so many instant-kill cheat moves in my vast repertoire. Such as my Vanir-type death ray. As the name would suggest, the likes of you are certain to perish if struck by it. You will perish even if you aren’t struck. I might well also use my Vanir-type eye beams, though that has the unfortunate side-effect of burning my eyes, so I have not once tested it yet...” “E-Enough! Listening to you makes me feel like I’m going mad! If you want to get to Aqua and the others, you’re going to have to go through me to do it!” Taking the initiative, Darkness charged at Vanir with her sword! Part 5 Time and time again, Vanir nimbly dodged every slash Darkness launched at him, laughing joyfully as he did. “Fuhahahahahahahaha! Why, in spite of all your strength every single one of your strikes is but a whiff, girl! ...Hmh? Now where did the lad with many flashy words but few actions to match vanish off to?” Then, Vanir began scanning the area in search of me, as I had disappeared from view without him noticing. ...Well sorry for not showing off any cool techniques! All my skills are boring after all! “Where are you looking!? I’m the one you’re fighting!” Darkness yelled. “Where did that shifty lad run off to? I must say, that underhanded boy may be more of a menace than the meathead Crusader. He is a concern indeed, though where...?” As Darkness attacked Vanir, I left my lantern on the ground and clung to the wall of the dungeon in complete darkness making use of my Conceal skill, and began moving towards Vanir’s flank. Call me shifty all you want, it’s better than being the kind of idiot who’d face a general of the Demon King head-on. “Enough! Face meee!” Darkness swung her sword sideways. At the same time, Vanir made a long leap backwards. —His back against the spot I was waiting in. I cancelled the Conceal skill and put all my strength into launching a flying kick straight towards Vanir’s back! “Guah!? You wretch, when did you-...O-Oh no...!?” Vanir was sent stumbling forward, right into the path of Darkness’ sword. Even if she was clumsy and all strength with no skill, Darkness managed to slash right through Vanir’s body. Vanir’s left arm was sent flying and a large fatal gash was opened in his torso as Vanir crumpled down onto his knees—! “How could I have... been so careless...! To think such skill could be found in this town of novices...! Kh... Am I... to be felled... here...?” With those words, Vanir’s body, including his tuxedo, crumbled to dust, leaving only his mask behind. The fallen lantern only dimly lit the dark dungeon as it rolled on the ground, and all that could be heard were Darkness’ heavy breaths. “...Could it be? Did I really just... defeat a general of the Demon King...?” Looking like she herself couldn’t believe what just happened, Darkness trembled while clasping onto her greatsword, the rush of battle still running through her body. “Saying ‘Did we win!?’ at a time like this is usually a sign that we didn’t actually win, but this guy actually looked shocked when he got cut down. Did we actually do it?” “And, just when you get your hopes up-” As if responding to me, a voice suddenly sounded out. It came from the mask rolling on the floor. The earth from the dungeon floor seemed to be sucked up under the mask, slowly forming into body. And it rose into the exact same tuxedo-clad body from before. “Were you expecting to have struck me down? Too bad, I am completely unharmed! Fuhahahahahahaha! Fuhahahahahahahahahaha! Ooh, the ill will emerging from the two of you! Sinfully delectable!” I want to kill this bastard! “What’s with that bullshit body of yours!? Can generals of the Demon King just get away with anything!?” “Uuu... But I thought I had brought him down... Even though I never hit anything I thought I defeated a general of the Demon King... I thought I finally made up for the Destroyer battle...” Darkness muttered miserably, the tip of her sword quivering, as Vanir laughed with joy. “Fuhahahaha! This body is merely a mock I’ve erected using my sorcery, my true form lies within the mask! Strike my body down as many times as you wish, for it will only crumble to earth! And from my magic-infused soil will sprout a verdant garden, with flowers in bloom and butterflies aflutt...“ “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about! Listening to you is giving me a headache! Damn it, what do we do, Darkness!? Should we retreat for now!?” “I will not fall back! This mockery has injured my pride as a knight! Until I’ve repaid this swine in kind...!” Right when Darkness made her confident declaration towards Vanir: “Hm, indeed, I understand. However, I’ve no desire to entertain you for that long. Times such as these call for a special technique, do they not!? Behold as I employ my hidden talent, allowing me to savour your malice without as much as laying a scratch!” As he spoke, Vanir took his mask into his right hand...! “Oi Darkness, he’s up to something bad! Let’s make a run for it!” “Too late! Stubborn, muscle-bound Crusader girl! I shall have your body!” Vanir shouted and threw the mask in his hand towards Darkness—! Part 6 “...Darkness? ...O-Oi, Darkness! Answer me!” Vanir’s mask stuck onto Darkness’ face, her sword lowered and she stood there motionlessly with her face pointed downwards. This is a really bad turn of events. Putting together Vanir’s statement and the current situation, the obvious conclusion to arrive to is that Darkness’ body has been taken over. Actually, Vanir’s body crumbled to dirt after having thrown the mask. With a sway, the masked Darkness raised her head... “Fuhahahahahahaha! Fuhahahahahahahahaha! Listen well, boy! With my power (What should I do, Kazuma!? My body’s been taken over!) What say you now, lad? If you are able to strike this girl (I don’t mind in the slightest! Attack me all you want! Hurry! This is the perfect situation!)” Those incomprehensible words came out of Darkness’ mouth. “...What are you two trying to say?” “Impossible! What is with this (lovely) girl!? ...N-Now, cease needlessly butting into my words! How can this be, the tenacity of this girl’s mind is... (like the model of a Crusader!) ...Argh, be quiet!” Huh, I thought we were in big trouble here, but Darkness really seems in control. In fact it almost seems like she’s having fun. “I must say, to resist my mental dominion is quite the feat, girl! (A-Aw shucks...) However, the more you resist, this body of yours will soon be wrought with egregious, unbearable agony! (Wh-What did you say!?) Fuhahahahahahaha! Indeed, I shall take great pleasure in seeing just how far you may endure! ...What’s this? This is not the foul emotion I crave... Is this a feeling of joy...?” Taking advantage of Vanir and Darkness keeping each other occupied, I left them there and went to take care of what we had originally come here for. I entered the room the Lich used to be in and used the cleaning tools I had brought to quickly get rid of any trace of the magic circle. As I was working on that, “(I...! I will not lose to such pain...!) You truly are strong of spirit! However, resisting me any longer will only bring your mind to ruin...! ...Could it be that you’re enjoying this situation, girl?” I heard Vanir ask, perplexed. I soon finished erasing any trace of the magic circle and returned to the two who were still carrying on with their internal conflict. “All right, Darkness, job’s done! We just need to get topside now! Let’s meet up with Aqua and leg it!” I approached Darkness as I spoke, but she thrust her greatsword towards me. “Come no closer, boy (Kazuma, it’s okay! Leave me and go on ahead!) I shall not simply let you have your way (...Aah, I’ve always wanted to say that...!) Surely you do not want to see this girl you hold such feelings for come to harm? (!?) Should she continue to withstand my control (K-Kazuma, I think this self-proclaimed all-seeing demon just said something I’m really curious about) Now, if you wish for this to end, persuade her to (I appreciate it. I’m happy you feel that way, but there is too much of a difference in social status, and we’re also in the same party right now) Be quieeeeeeeet!” “You both need to shut up! Please, figure out which of you wants to talk first, I can’t make out a word you’re saying!” As Vanir shouted out in a rage, I yelled back, not willing to lose. “Kh...! It appears this body was a mistake (Oi, it’s rude to call someone’s body a mistake!) Aargh, be quiet! I shall just leave, so keep your damned mouth shut!” It seems Vanir gave up on struggling against Darkness’ iron will and is just going to come out. I guess not even a general of the Demon King could outdo that pervert. Vanir lowered his shoulders wearily and brought his hand up to take off the mask. —I had a thought. Wouldn’t Vanir going back to his original form be more problematic? After all, if his mask is his true form, as long as that was unharmed then he could always make himself a new body whenever he was in a tight spot. On top of that, there were all those dangerous-sounding beams and stuff he was talking about earlier. I wonder if he would be able to use any of those moves in Darkness’ body. If he got serious about stopping us, the two of us could never reach the surface. —But what would happen if I locked him up in Darkness’ body? Not only is it an unfamiliar body to work with, but he’d also have someone pestering him on the inside. ...It might be best to keep him trapped inside Darkness, meet up with Aqua and the others and figure out a solution from there. Yeah, if he wants to see Aqua that badly, I’m going to take him to her. I got close to Vanir as he was about to take the mask off. —And stuck the sealing charm I got from Sena onto it. “What is it, boy? ...? What is this? ...I cannot touch it. ...Oi, you wretch, what is this charm? It repels my fingers when I try to touch it. (Mhm, it’s fluttering before my eyes so it’s hard to see. ...Wait a minute. Oi, Kazuma, isn’t that...!?)” The two tried frantically to get rid of the charm, but it seemed the sealing effect meant they themselves couldn’t remove it either. “It’s the sealing charm I got from Sena. All right, Darkness, we’re going topside just like this. We’re going back to Aqua and the others, Vanir and all. Then we’ll have Aqua purify your insides!” “(Wha-!?)”

The cry of surprise came out in such perfect unison that you could hardly tell there was more than one person in there. Part 7 Since most of the doll monsters in the dungeon had been wiped out, they didn’t get in our way. “Boy! With every moment this girl opposes my control, her body is shot through with excruciating pain! It shall not be long before this girl’s heart succumbs to the agony! You would do best to remove this seal at once and release me! If you shall not... (It’s just like he says, Kazuma! It’s been awful for a while now, it’s been amazingly...! Aaah, I have never felt anything this strong! As expected of a general of the Demon King! I may not be able to take this for much longer...!)” Darkness followed me, breathing heavily and with sweat running down her nape, possibly due to the pain. It seems Darkness is the one more in control of her body right now. As we made our way out, we ran into the other adventurers we came in with who were shocked to see Darkness wearing the mask, but we didn’t have time to bother with them. “Just a bit longer, Darkness! Hang in there! You can relax as soon as we get topside!” “Kh... How could this have turned out this way... (Don’t worry about me.)” ...... “What did you say?” x2 Vanir and I somehow synchronized.

—Honestly, I was worried about returning to the surface with a general of the Demon King. Still, the body he was using as a vessel was just that body. To be blunt, Darkness was ridiculously clumsy, and she couldn’t help it. Even against a straw training dummy, one in five slashes would still miss. I genuinely wanted to ask how she even managed to get this far. Anyway, since that’s how Darkness is, the other adventurers above ground should be able to bring her down. “You did great, Darkness! We’ll have Aqua do something about this later. For now you need to let the other adventurers hold you down and...” With the light of the surface finally in sight, I only got that far before it happened. “...Fuhahaha... Fuhahahahahahaha! And just whom might you be speaking to?” The voice came through clearly, without any interruptions from Darkness like before. Don’t tell me— “Complete domination! You underestimated me, boy! I have been purposefully restraining myself so far! I figured that under such guise your companion would let her guard down and let me approach with ease! No sooner than I see your Priest comrade than shall blow her head clean off!” Vanir shouted out as he overtook me on the stairs in spite of all the heavy armour. Oh crap oh crap oh crap! He’s after Aqua, and even if Darkness is wearing that weird mask I don’t think anyone will stop her from getting close! “Darkness, snap out of it! You’re tougher than that! Are you just going to let a demon take over!?” “Fuhahahahahahaha! Useless, boy! I do not know what this girl is, but she has long surpassed the threshold for pain (N-No mhore...) that anyone can bear... H-Hey, stop letting out those weird moans!” Damn it, the pervert is done for! With full control over Darkness’ body, Vanir: “Now, time for the touching reunion as the comrades return safely from the dungeon! Oh, my old reviled enemy! I look forward to seeing just what you do when your friend’s body has been taken over...!” With a loud cry, he leapt out to the surface...! “’Sacred Exorcism’!” “(Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!)” And the moment he stepped outside he was instantly covered in white flames by Aqua, who was waiting at the entrance. Part 8 Having been burned the moment he leapt out the dungeon, Vanir fell to his knees. “D-Darkness!” I dashed out of the dungeon in a panic and rushed to see if Darkness was okay. Looking her over though, she didn’t have a single burn on her body. “Fu... Fufufufu... Fuhahahahahahaha! Fuhahahahahahaha!” And Vanir, despite having been blasted by Aqua’s magic, was surprisingly unaffected. “Oi, Aqua, you idiot! Don’t just blast Darkness with magic like that, you’re going to give me a heart attack!” I scolded Aqua, but she didn’t seem remorseful at all. “What are you talking about? The spell I used is completely harmless to humans. I just felt an evil presence coming this way so I thought I’d shoot it just to be sure...” “(O-Oh... Then that’s fine, but it still caught me by surprise... I’d appreciate at least a warning next time...)” Perhaps the attack loosened Vanir’s control a little, because Darkness’ will surfaced again. “Oi, Aqua! Darkness’ body has been taken over by a general of the Demon King! He’s a demon! That’s your department, isn’t it!?” “A-A general of the Demon King!?” Sena, who was watching from afar, reacted to my words before Aqua had a chance to. Hearing that, Aqua put on a disgusted scowl and approached Darkness. Then, she suddenly held her nose and said: “You stink! What the heck, that seriously stinks! No doubt about it, that’s definitely the stench of a demon! Darkness, you’re icky!” “(Eeh!? I-I don’t’ think the smell is coming from me though...!?)” Aqua’s words upset Darkness so much she looked like she was about to cry through her mask. “Fufufufu... (Kazuma, come smell me! I shouldn’t smell bad!) Fuhahaha, Fuhahahahahahaha! (I mean, I don’t think so but even if I do it’s only because I’ve been running around in that dungeon) Be quiet! This is a pivotal scene so keep your mouth shut!” Having been scolded even by Vanir, Darkness became completely disheartened. “Fuhahahaha! I am delighted to make your acquaintance, Priest who shares a name with the utterly vexing and infamous goddess of water! My name is Vanir! Duke of hell and general of the Demon King; none other than archdemon Vanir!” It seemed Vanir had control over the words while Darkness retained control of her body, because while he offered his grandiose introduction the body indifferently kicked pebbles around. ...Wait, he just said ‘priest who shares a name with the goddess of water’, didn’t he? This demon has definitely found out about Aqua’s true identity. “Casting exorcism magic the moment you meet someone is quite the greeting! Fuhahahaha, this is precisely why those disreputable followers of the Axis faith are loathed! Are you not at all versed in the matters of etiquette?” “Oh gosh~, a demon preaching about good manners? Aren’t you guys even worse than those godless undead; just a bunch of parasites who can’t live without the negative emotions from people~? Puu~ksuksu!” After that, the two of them faced each other silently for a while... “’Sacred Highness Exorcism’!” “Foolish!” Aqua suddenly cast a spell, but Vanir dodged it by jumping to the side at the last second. “Come on, Darkness, why did you dodge!? Just stand still, will ya!” “(I-I can’t help it, my body just-!)” As Aqua and Vanir began fighting, Sena and Megumin finally came over. “Kazuma, Kazuma! What on earth is going on!? Why is Darkness wearing such a mask...! It’s not fair, I want one too! That mask resounds deeply with my Crimson Magic kin sensitivities!” “What the hell are you talking about!? This isn’t the time for that! Darkness’ body has been taken over by a general of the Demon King. Apparently that mask is his true body. Can’t we do anything about this!?” “Satou-san, just how did this situation come about!? That is without a doubt the all- seeing demon Vanir, a general of the Demon King that appears on bounty posters and possesses tremendous powers of foresight and prediction. What is such a high-ranking enemy doing here!?” The pale-faced Sena raised her voice just short of shrieking. “He came here to look into whoever defeated the general Veldia. He also has a more annoying goal, but that’s not important now. Right now I stuck the sealing talisman from Sena onto his mask, so he’s trapped inside Darkness’ body.” Sena looked disgusted by my words. “Trapped!? You trapped a general of the Demon King in your ally’s body!? You truly are... Y-You’re such a-!” “...Still, this is a troublesome situation. That demon seems capable of withstanding Aqua’s demon exorcism magic. That is likely due to possessing Darkness’ body. As holy knights devoted to the Gods, light magic is not particularly effective against Crusaders. Let us remove that talisman off the mask and release the demon at once.” At Megumin’s words, I watched Vanir as he dodged Aqua’s spells. In spite of Darkness’ usual sluggishness and clumsiness, and not at all slowed down by her heavy armour, Vanir was able to run circles around Aqua as he toyed with her. And here I thought trapping him in Darkness’ body would be an easy win! I couldn’t believe her body was so effective. “You want to free him? Right now all he can do is attack with Darkness’ greatsword, but that demon said he has a death ray and stuff, so wouldn’t letting him out be more dangerous?” When I looked, the other adventurers had already joined in the fight and were trying to help by restricting Vanir’s movements in order to let Aqua hit him with her magic. “...W-We’re in trouble. At this rate...” “...Th-This isn’t looking good....” I followed Megumin’s gaze as we both tried to assess the situation—

“Damn it! I didn’t think Darkness would be so hard to deal with...!” “I can’t hit her! She just parries my hits! She hits hard and her sword is way too fast! We’d be dead if she wasn’t going easy on us...!” “Fuhahahahahahaha! This body is truly in flawless condition! It possesses both great strength and stamina! And as bonus, it even withstands the cursed magic of the gods! (Uu... I’m causing trouble for the other adventurers, but still, being able to take this many people on at the same time kind of makes me happy...!)” Is this the time to be happy!? “Hey, Darkness, hold still already! Do you want me to save you or not? Or are you just happy to get a chance to show all the adventurers who usually make fun of you what you can do?” “(N-N-No I’m not!) Fuhahahahahahahaha! Come now, what’s the matter, newbie adventurers? Have at me, brethren!” Darkness’ badly-timed excuse came at the same time as Vanir’s provocation, causing the surrounding adventurers to become more and more threatening. “Darkness! Don’t get cocky just because you’re landing your hits now!” “I thought you were the only one in Kazuma’s party with her act together! I can’t believe you’d...!” “Get around, surround her! Don’t let the crappy Crusader get away!” “(I-I’m not trying to provoke) Fuhahahahahaha! Bring as many weaklings as you will, it matters not, for I shall scatter them all! (Aaaaaaaaaaah...)” Vanir used Darkness’ own vocal cords to project her voice. The adventurers had no way of telling what came from Darkness or what came from Vanir. As a result, their hatred towards Darkness kept growing, and their jeers were directed at her instead of Vanir. “Being scolded so harshly even though it’s the enemy controlling her is simply awful! Is there nothing we could do!?” Megumin complained as she tugged at my clothes. Darkness was definitely being overwhelmed by criticisms from a lot of adventurers...! “(Aah... The adventurers I usually have friendly conversations with are staring at me with such scornful eyes...!) A curious feeling of joy. Just what is the meaning of this...!” ...... “She kind of looks really happy.” “...S-Still, please do something to save her! Don’t you have any ideas!?” Darkness looks beyond what I can manage right now. In fact, we don’t even have the means to defeat that demon. If Aqua’s magic is that ineffective, there’s really nothing left to... “Come ooon, you’re being way too stubborn! Give up already!” “That should well be my line! Argh, this human wave ploy is shrewd indeed! Just how much further do you intend to test my resolve to not take any lives, adventurers!?” Over there, the battle between Aqua and Vanir raged on. Having realized his target was Aqua, the adventurers formed a defensive wall between her and Vanir. Aqua cast her exorcism magic from behind, but they seemed to be locked in a stalemate. However, Vanir eventually tipped the balance in his favour. He must’ve been getting more and more used to controlling Darkness’ body, as he held the heavy greatsword in both hands and wielded it nimbly, striking at the adventurers’ weapons. Comparing Darkness’ strength and stamina to that of the adventurers was no contest at all. Put that together with an immortal demon’s years of combat experience and dexterity, and suddenly the crappy Crusader that Darkness was suddenly had the fighting potential to defeat more than ten other adventurers. “Is it just me or does she look just a little bit happy today? She’s kind of beaming...” “Stop with the chit-chat and do somethi... Aah!?” Finally, one of the adventurers failed to parry and was hit with the full force of Vanir’s attack, and with a single sideways sweep of Darkness’ greatsword, the defensive line began to fall. Seeing that, Megumin let out a soft cry.

“Fuhahahahahahaha! The time to pay the piper has come, my old foe! It shall be your very comrade’s hand that strikes you down. I could not begin to envisage a greater pleasure!” “H-Hey Darkness! I believe in you, you know! You won’t lose to some demon, right? Right!? Hey, Darkness! Can you hear me!?” Aqua pleaded as she was slowly being pushed back, but no reply came from Darkness. With the battle against the adventurers going in Vanir’s favour, it was only a matter of time before there were no more obstacles between him and Aqua. “Satou-san, aren’t you going to join the fight!? Both that Priest and the possessed Crusader are your allies, aren’t they!? Shouldn’t you be helping them!?” Sena seemed panicked out of her mind as she spoke, but I didn’t know what to do. “Well, you know I’m just an Adventurer. If those guys who are stronger than me are being sent flying, what good would me joining them do?” “You’re such-! You’re such-!!” As Sena frowned in disgust, one by one, the adventurers were falling powerless. “K-Kazumaaaaa! Hey, I’m kind of in big trouble here! Like, actually the biggest trouble I’ve ever been iiiin!” As Aqua cried out for help from afar on the verge of tears, Megumin took her staff in her hands and looked up at me anxiously. What are you looking at me like that for? I’m too weak to...! Then, seeing the adventurers continue to fall, even Sena started looking at me pale- faced. Now I’d really like to lecture her. Every time she accuses me of trying to start something and every time I end up getting dragged into it and end up being the victim. ...*Sigh*, getting involved into this kind of trouble just proves how good my luck is. What a load of crap, I grumbled in my mind. “Kazuma-saaan! Kazuma-saaaan!!” —as I heard Aqua calling out for help; “...... Guess I have no choooooooooooooooooooooooice!”

Half in desperation, I let out a cry, praying that my good luck would somehow let everything work out well, as I pulled out my sword and rushed in. Part 9 Vanir was already in full control of Darkness. “Fuhahahahahaha! Fuhahahahahaha! Now, then, I hope you’ve prepared yourself, my nemesis! Not even my unclouded foresight could have prophesied that you are to fall here on this day! ...What is it, feeblest lad of all the adventurers gathered here? ...Not only have I already seen through your being, but the all-seeing demon shall now portend your fate.” As I stood face to face with Darkness, Vanir spoke. “Thou who wish for a carefree and tranquil life: act not rashly and do well to pretend as though none of this happened. For all the great fortune you are blessed with, alas, your unfortunate allies make it all come to naught. For your own sake, see that you find new party members. Do so and...” Vanir began saying something, but before he could finish I wordlessly charged with my sword straight for his mask! But, not exactly unexpectedly, he easily sidestepped the attack. “Lad who puts himself above all others: just what brought on this change of heart? Nothing you can do will turn the tides. In addition to the Vanir doll, I shall offer you a mask of perfect match to my own; you would do wisely to accept these and be off.” “N-No thanks. ...Also, Darkness, what the hell are you thinking being taken over so easily? A demon just shows up and you immediately get dominated by him? Are you that much of a loose slut?” To my provocative words: “Fuhahahahahahaha! A futile effort, for I have already (Who are you calling a loose slut you jerk!? It’s not like I’m being dominated! It’s just that the way this demon is manipulating me is superbly...!) so your voice will never reach that gir...... Mm, what a truly frustratingly stubborn will. In all my many years in this world I have never encountered one so difficult to exert my control over.” As I had guessed, the Crusader with a passion for self-denial was still fully aware. “Listen, Darkness, and listen carefully. I’m going to take that seal off the mask. Once I do that, even if it’s for a second, you have to take control back from Vanir. Use that time to take the mask off and throw it away. After that...” After we get it away from Darkness, it’s Aqua’s turn. ...And he must’ve seen right through that as I was thinking it. “Hmpf. Well, not a poor strategy by any means, but there is a flaw. Just how is a pitiful wretch like you going to remove the seal, as I am drawing out the full measure of this girl’s strength? As it is, it suits me rather well to fight my bothersome nemesis in these circumstances. Once she is dealt with, you may remove the seal. (Mm, it wouldn’t be wise to underestimate me now. Right now I feel like I could take on the whole world!)” Vanir said... “Y-You idiot...Why the hell are you so eager to fight against me too!?” —All around were the collapsed adventurers who had been knocked out by Vanir using the blunt of the greatsword. Aqua had been casting restoration magic on them, but once she saw me confronting Vanir she went and stood behind me. “Kazuma, you’ve got me backing you! I’ll support you with my magic so do some real heroic stuff for once and take down that demon!” Following Aqua’s irresponsible remark: “Fufu, you also have me by your side. Now then, Kazuma, it is time for you to awaken the power dwelling inside you. There is no more need to hide it. Please go and take back Darkness from the clutches of that demon!” Was another irresponsible remark from Megumin, likewise standing behind me. What was all that about a power inside me? Anyway, it looks like both of them expect me to take Vanir head-on and somehow remove the sealing talisman like that. Hearing them, Vanir readied himself. “Fuhahahaha! You mean to defeat me then! (If you intend) to tear off this seal (then you are) quite welcome (to try) be quiet! Do not butt in on my cool line!” “Both of you were really upset about being sealed in together at first but it doesn’t even sound like you want me to remove it now.” As I instinctively retorted, Aqua prepared an exorcism spell. “It seems to me like you are scheming something, boy. The upsettingly bright dazzle of the aura the girl behind you is giving off makes it difficult to see just what that is, however I do not believe you intend to meet me in a contest of blades. ...Hmm, perhaps you intend to make use of a skill? (It’s Steal! I bet he wants to use Steal, that’s the one thing he’s good at!)” “Y-You fricking-! What are you giving the game away for!?” As I interjected in response to Darkness’ smug comment, a smirk grew on Vanir’s face. “Kazuma, the spell’s ready!” “Okay, I’m counting on you back there! All right, let’s go, Darkness! Let’s make a bet, just like at the training grounds! If I win, I’ll throw something unbelievable on top of the ‘terrible demand’ I promised. If you win, you can do whatever!” “(Aah- S-Saying something like that now...!) C-Come now, do not let that lad’s honeyed words dissuade you! Show no weakness, strengthen your heart instead! Amass your mana and endure that Steal...!” Darkness’ must’ve started feeling conflicted, and the strain put on her cooperation with Vanir caused them to stop in place. As that was happening, I heard Megumin begin chanting her explosion spell behind me. I cocked my head back and noticed she was staring fixedly at the dungeon’s entrance. There I saw adventurers rushing out, being chased by the dolls Vanir created in droves. When Vanir saw that, the eyes of his mask gave off an unnerving glow and the dolls gushing out from the dungeon began running towards us. It looks like Megumin intends to take care of them. “All right, you’re on, Vanir! And you, Darkness, put of a fight and keep Vanir from moving!” With those words, I stuck my hand out towards the mask, and...! “You are gravely mistaken to think that a mere Adventurer’s Steal will have an effect on me! If you oppose me, I will not hold...!” “’Tinder’!!” What I recited at the top of my lungs wasn’t Steal, but rather the ignition spell Tinder. There wasn’t any particular need for me to actually take the sealing talisman off. So if I just set it alight and burned it...! “...... Fuha! Fuhahahahahahaha! Fuhahahahahahahahaha! (Aaaaah! That’s not fair! Kazuma, you coward!) Unbelievable, to fool the all-seeing demon is no mean feat!” The sealing talisman affixed to the mask; The thing keeping Vanir and Darkness together went up in flames. “Oi, Darkness, let’s see your willpower! Take the mask off and throw it!” At those words, Darkness put her hands on the mask, and then—! “(...! It won’t come off...!)” With Vanir still persevering, the mask clung to her face and refused to come off. The Vanir dolls were dashing towards us. The adventurers who had come out of the dungeon formed a wall in front of them. They must’ve realized we were facing off against a boss-level enemy, so they were keeping the low level mobs from getting in our way. “Kazuma-saaan! What should I do!? Is it okay to cast the spell now!?” “No, wait, it’s still stuck to Darkness! If you do it now, Darkness’ resistance will...” —And at that moment, “(No matter. Cast it.)”

Darkness muttered, with her hands still affixed to the mask. Even if you say cast it, we know by now it barely has any effect. “(If Aqua’s magic is ineffective... No matter. ...Use the explosion magic on both of us.)” Darkness said...... Oi, come again? “You idiot! I don’t care how tough you are, there’s no way you can withstand explosion magic!” “(We can’t know that until we try!) Right, let us not be hasty; we can discuss this.” In response to Darkness’ words, even Vanir, who had up until now been very confident, showed a hint of concern. As did Megumin, who stood behind me ready to cast her explosion spell. “(Aqua! If the mask comes off my body even for a moment, cast the exorcism spell right away!) Very well, what say you we call today a draw? (If it still refuses to come off, then use the explosion magic...!) You will have drawn a stalemate with a general of the Demon King and a duke of hell, no less. That is sure to earn you great renown!” “O-Okay, Darkness! I just need to hit that ugly thing the moment it comes off, right!?” Aqua watched the mask intently, ready to set off the spell at any moment. “Kazuma, Darkness is acting crazy! Not even she could survive that!” Megumin called with tears in her eyes. Before we knew it, the dolls headed for us, Sena, the other adventurers; they all stood frozen far away from Darkness. —Amidst that,

“(...Oi, Vanir. It may not have been long, but our time together wasn’t entirely bad. That’s why... You may choose. Leave now and be purified, or be consumed by the explosion along with me. What will you do?)”

Darkness offered Vanir that difficult proposition. Both options lead to destruction. “...I, am a demon.” Vanir said with gravity. “I am a demon, adversary to the gods. I must take a hard pass on being purified. Fuhahaha... It seems my death wish has been answered in a most unexpected way. This is farewell, then; possessing you has been quite entertaining.” He chose the explosion magic. Hearing that, the masked Darkness walked to a spot far away from us. “(Do it, Megumin!)” With Darkness’ grim request, Megumin shook her head hesitantly— I put my hand on Sena’s shoulder, as she watched everything unfold dumbfounded. “If the worst happens, I want you to testify that I gave the order. Again, I will take full responsibility for anything that happens.” Pale-faced, Sena nodded in reply and gulped.

Our Crusader was the pride of our party, and she was tough. The toughest in Axel.

“Megumin. Do it!” Eventually, I gave the order, and not long after;

The deafening roar of an explosion echoed in front of the dungeon— Epilogue 1 – Epilogue —Aqua— —A while after we fought that weird demon. I was called to the Guild along with Kazuma and everyone else.

Jeez. Kazuma is hopeless. Why does that guy keep dragging us into trouble again and again? I mean, I’d really like a break from all this fighting generals of the Demon King stuff. I’d like things to be a bit more comfy in general. Of course I want to go back to Heaven as soon as I can, but it really feels like I’ve been getting constantly crapped on ever since I came to this world. “...I don’t know what to say. You’re really amazingly talented at meaningless things.” Kazuma said earnestly as I was drawing on the table with the water from my cup. “Of course I am. Who do you take me for?” When it comes to water, this much is nothing... “I think you might actually get some followers if you started introducing yourself as the goddess of entertainment.” ...Maybe a holy fist will shut Kazuma’s stupid trap. But I won’t do that, because I am a merciful Goddess. It’s not because I’m scared of him getting me back. Nope, not at all. Not the least bit scared. Megumin is always causing trouble and Darkness keeps embarrassing him with those weird things she says, so I think at least I should show him a little kindness. This party of ours is nothing but unreliable kids, so as a Goddess I must make sure to watch over everyone. “...Hey, you’re thinking of something weird right now, aren’t you? What with that pitying look you’re giving me? You looking at me like that kind of pisses me off.” Kazuma tried to pick a fight with me as I was looking at him with the responsible eyes of an adult. He’s probably grumpy because he’s not getting enough calcium. But I bet he’ll start having a bit more heart from now on. Because after all, the reason we’ve been called here today— 2 – Epilogue —Megumin— —I have not been of much use this time.

I may not be as bad as Aqua or Darkness, but I do cause trouble for Kazuma sometimes, and so I figured I should at least provide good support this time... As the only one with common sense in this party, I must have my act together. On top of the table, my familiar, Chomusuke, was showing her affection for Kazuma, perhaps because Kazuma fed her back at the mansion. “...I think she likes me for some reason. She won’t even get close to Aqua. Maybe it’s that thing about how animals can instinctively tell if someone’s heart is pure.” “I was thinking of being nice to you since everyone is always causing you trouble and since I’m so forgiving, but I can’t pretend I didn’t hear that. That really sounded like you’re implying a divine being like myself doesn’t have a pure heart.” “That’s exactly what I meant.” Kazuma started fighting with Aqua, and Chomusuke rushed to take shelter in my arms. I put her in her rightful place on my shoulder. In a corner of the Guild, I saw Yunyun, the one who I said I would work together with to clear up the suspicion around Kazuma, eating a set meal by herself. She could stop being so fixated on being my enteral rival and come eat with us instead of sitting there all alone. Kazuma cleared the suspicion that he was a spy for the Demon King himself, but I know she has been trying her best in secret too, so I should go thank her later.

“Uu... No more...”

I then heard a murmur coming from the seat opposite of Kazuma. It was Darkness, blushing and trembling as she buried her face in the table. She would turn red every time another adventurer called out to her. Even though she was the eldest in the party and a noble girl on top of that, between her lack of common knowledge and her violent mood swings which ruin her attempts at coming off as cool and collected, she would often get teased. ...All right. I should get up and sit next to her— 3 – Epilogue —Darkness— —Unbelievable. How could it have come to this? “Quit your whining, will you!? You’re the one who messed things up worst in this whole trial thing in the first place! If we’re talking most to least trouble caused, it’s you, Megumin then Darkness! If you’ve learned anything at all from this, go sit in a corner somewhere out of the way and count the grains in the wood or something until my award ceremony is over!” “Waaaaaah! Kazuma, you’re so mean! It’s not like I was trying to cause problems on purpose! It was the same with the flood when we fought Velida, and that barrier I put in the graveyard that caused the hauntings! I’m doing what I think is for the best!” “Wait a second, please; I thought I was the least troublesome of all of us!” I gave a sidelong glance at the three as they argued amongst themselves while hiding my face in my hands on the table. As I stood there, someone suddenly called out to me from behind. “Heya, Lalatina! Who’d’ve thought you’d have such a cute name!” Those words made a shiver run through me. “Lalatina-chan, let’s go shopping for some cute clothes to match your name sometime! I know just what to pick out for you!” Another voice, another shiver. “Man, Lalatina, huh...? I like it; sounds kinda elegant, like something a noble girl would be called.” Please, spare me any more...! I thought I had settled my promise to the lord, but this is a whole new problem... I raised my face in tears and scowled at the man responsible for all the ridicule I was receiving from the other adventurers. “Oh, why the grim face, Lalatina? It doesn’t suit your cute name at all.” “Guuuuuuuh....!” I felt my face burning up to my ears as I grit my teeth and endured Kazuma’s teasing. He indeed promised ‘something so terrible it would make me cry’ when I lost the duel, but...! Kh, you gutless dog! Getting my hopes so high only to get cold feet in the end...! In the end, that Aldarp never spoke to me about anything else since then. I wouldn’t have thought a man as stubborn as him would give up so easily... “Whoops, looks like it’s starting. All right, I’ll be right back, Lalatina.” As Kazuma stood up and left with those words, I threw a nearby wooden cup at him. 4 – Epilogue —Kazuma— “Adventurer Satou Kazuma-dono!” In front of the Guild’s reception desk, under the eager eyes of the other adventurers. “In recognition of your achievements, on behalf of this town I present you with a formal letter of gratitude, and at the same time our deepest, most sincere apologies for having placed you under suspicion—” I received the thank-you letter from Sena as she spoke while bowing deeply.

—It’s been one week since we fought Vanir.

It was considered plainly obvious that someone working for the Demon King wouldn’t go through all that trouble and wouldn’t go as far as to take down one of his generals. As a result, any suspicions of me being a spy were lifted. With Sena having witnessed our battle against Vanir first-hand, I was absolved of my charges of subversion of the state and also received my belated reward for fighting the Destroyer just like everyone else. The really important part was that now I didn’t have to worry about being executed. The prospects of being able to pay back our debts also looked a lot brighter, and I was grateful for that as well. Now that Darkness has recovered from her injuries, we were summoned to the Guild— “And Lady Dustiness Ford Lalatina! On this occasion you have demonstrated tremendous courage and dedication. Your actions bring great justice and esteem to the name of house Dustiness, and in recognition you are presented with a letter of commendation from the royal family, as well as a complete set of knightly armour of the finest craft, as compensation for the armour you have lost during the battle.” As Sena spoke, her cohort of knights brought the brand new set of armour in front of the beet-red and shuddering Darkness. —Megumin’s explosion magic completely annihilated the masked demon Vanir. In the gigantic crater left in the aftermath, Darkness was left badly wounded and on the verge of death, and her treasured armour was also completely destroyed. After that, thanks to Aqua’s healing she’s recovered enough to be standing here... “Congrats, Lalatina!” Someone’s cheer made Darkness twitch. “Great job, Lalatina!” “That’s our Lalatina!” “Lalatina, you’re so cute, Lalatina!” As the cries of Lalatina came one after the other, Darkness hid her scarlet face behind both hands and buried it in the table. “This...! T-This kind of humiliation wasn’t the terrible thing I wished for...!” Darkness muttered with a meek voice. The promised terrible thing to make Darkness cry; I only made good on my word, but... “Come on, Darkness, I think Lalatina is an adorable name! I’ll chew Kazuma out for telling everyone about your name being Lalatina as a joke later! You should wear the name of Lalatina with pride!” I’m sure she meant well, but Aqua only delivered a final crushing blow to Darkness. Also, Megumin, who had deliberately gone to sit next to her but was shuddering trying to hold back her laughter gently rocked Darkness’ shoulders.

—For the terrible thing that Darkness would hate so much it would make her cry, I told everyone about her real name of Lalatina.

Thanks to that, Darkness is being teased by the adventurers every day, but I’m sure it’s bound to go away in time. “—Now then, if I may continue! I shall now present Satou-dono’s reward.” Sena resumed speaking, and the Guild quieted down. “Adventurer Satou Kazuma and party! Succeeding your great many contributions in the defeat of the Mobile Fortress Destroyer, you have defeated general of the Demon King Vanir, and it was your efforts which made both victories possible. Therefore...!” Sena’s harsh expression from when she was condemning me had completely disappeared, and she looked at me with a tender smile. “The debt you have incurred as well as the remuneration owed to our lord for the reconstruction of his estate being deducted...” Sena first offered a piece of paper. “Both debts have been repaid in full, and you are presented with a remainder of 40 million Eris in cash as recognition of your merits!” Followed by a heavy-looking bag. As I accepted it, the guild broke out into rapturous cheers and applause. Voices sounded out, congratulating us or asking to be treated. The whole Guild became completely enveloped in a celebratory mood. I left Megumin and Goddess of parties Aqua in charge of the situation while Darkness and I stood up and left. —The debt was finally gone. That was the case, but Darkness and I weren’t particularly overjoyed. ...Right now, we have somewhere we need to go. There’s someone we need to inform about the general of the Demon King Vanir’s death. Vanir definitely mentioned it. He said he had come to visit a friend in town. He said she was a scatter-brained shopkeeper with a talent for driving herself deeper in poverty the more she works... A scatter-brained shopkeeper and likewise general of the Demon King could only have been Wiz. That means we killed one of Wiz’s old friends. He was after Aqua and it was our duty as adventurers so we didn’t have a choice, but I couldn’t help but feel we hadn’t really won anything with this victory. We went into a certain back alley without many people around. We stopped in front of the shop with the signboard that read Wiz’s Magical Item Shop. “Kazuma. Let me be one to let Wiz know. It might not have been for long, but we shared a body and wreaked havoc together. I disliked his mocking attitude, but I cannot think too badly of him. ...I wonder why he held such hate for Aqua. This might not be right for a Crusader of Eris-sama to say, but... well, I did not hate him.” Darkness said, gazing off into the distance. I mean, you could’ve left out the part about wreaking havoc. I guess she really was into beating down the other adventurers at the time. In any case, we pushed the door open and made our way inside. “Welcome~” Hearing that carefree voice made my heart ache as I pictured what kind of face Wiz would make when she found out.

—Then, as I entered the store, I noticed the new shop assistant, wearing a store apron.

He was big. And his lips were formed into a very hospitable smile—! “Come right in! Oh, girl who spouted downright embarrassing lines while giving a distant look in front of the store, I feel I must let you in on a matter. We demons are devoid of gender, so I fear I am unable to reciprocate your shameful confession of ‘well, I did not hate him’. ...Dear me, this feeling of intense humiliation; positively delightful! Why do you cower and hid your face in your knees? Did you perchance think you had slain me!? Fuhahahahahahahaha!” The masked store clerk said, nonchalantly. I patted Darkness on the shoulder as she stood crouching down on the shop floor, hiding her blushing face in her knees, when I saw Wiz pop her head out from the back. “Ara, Kazuma-san, welcome! I heard all about how you defeated Vanir-san and how you’re not longer being suspected! Congratulations! Now all that’s left is that debt, isn’t it? But don’t worry, Vanir-san is amazing at earning money...!” As Wiz spoke happily, I raised one hand to cut her off. “Well yeah, defeating Vanir got rid of the charges, but then what’s with this guy? How is he up and about after being hit by explosion magic? His existence is breaking all the rules here. How are you not even hurt?” I asked, and Vanir looked genuinely confused. “What are you saying? Of course not even I could come out of such an ordeal unscathed. Behold my mask well.” He said, pointing at the forehead portion of his mask. I brought my face in for a closer look, and there was a roman numeral II marked there. “The explosion magic made me lose a life, thus making me Vanir the Second.” “You’re fucking with me.” I gave an immediate response, and Wiz tried to calm me down.

“Vanir-san has been meaning to quit being one of the Demon King’s generals for a long time. Now that he lost a life, he resurrected in order to pursue his dream again. Vanir-san has already stopped maintaining the barrier around the Demon King’s castle. He should be completely harmless now.” Wiz said, all a smile. She must’ve been happy because she got to see an old friend. H-Harmless, though...? Maybe I should have Aqua come over and kill him again. As I was considering that;

“You, lad who has come from a land far away. You, lad who wishes to defeat the Demon King though you hold no meaningful power. The all-seeing demon speaks to you: not far into the future, you and that girl who yet now cowers and weeps will be faced with a challenge most demanding. The trial of which I speak may well make you grasp how powerless you truly are. Until that time comes, great fortune may arise from our partnership in trade. ...I offer you an enticing proposition. Will you lend an ear?”

Giving his shady proposal, Vanir’s lips contorted into an excited grin— Afterword Yeaaaaaaaaah 3rd voluuuuuuume! Thanks to all of you we were able to put out the third volume. We went and did it. Coming this far has made things start feeling more real. Out of fear of this all turning into an ‘It was all a dream’ ending every time I wake up I keep volumes 1 and 2 under my pillow, but soon I might not even need a pillow. I mean, I hear they’re even doing translations for the foreign market. Apparently it’s being translated into several languages and is actually now on sale in some places. I wonder how they’re going to translate it. There’s a lot of weird expressions and strange dialogue. ...If I may say so myself, I have a pretty weird way of writing Japanese, so I worry about causing trouble for the translators. I hear someone retorting with “Then just write better Japanese”. I hear but I don’t listen. I just hear it.

The other day: I went to a bookstore in order to pull my works out from the shelves just by a centimetre so that they would stand out more, when I saw someone standing there reading Konosuba vol. 1. As I was losing my composure due to the unexpected turn, he went with the book towards the counter and I instinctively put my hands together respectfully from behind. Seeing my own work being purchased right in front of my eyes was exhilarating. Well, if I can’t sleep with my feet facing any of the readers throughout all of Japan, I guess at least for tonight I’ll sleep standing up. ...I lied. I’m sorry, but I can’t.

All right then, enough nonsense and let’s talk about the book. I think I’m going to try and make the public prosecutor that appears in volume 3 have a few more appearances from time to time. I’m considering having her be thrown off her path to success and become a failure in life due to her constantly being dragged into the protagonists’ troubles. Maybe have her be the pathetic character who has to take responsibility for all the problems the protagonists cause. I just realized, but none of the characters in this story ever win, do they? No, I’m sure in the end...! So, I’m going to keep trying my best to have everyone reading till the end... I mentioned it in the last volume, but the Megumin-centric spinoff is being serialized on the Sneaker Bunko home page. Please check it out if you’re interested. Writing in on the surveys and things like that would also make the author very happy.

Still, as always, I’ve had to bother a lot of people for the release of this volume. I seriously want to do something to reduce the number of typos and language errors. I apologise, I must train harder. I also want to thank Mishima Kurone-sama for the wonderful illustrations she has provided for this volume. I am also very thankful to everyone in the editorial department and everyone who has had to trouble themselves with the publishing of the book. It’s really thanks to all of you people that volume 3 is out being printed. I’d like to become a bit more of a responsible author. I want to grow a bit more before my editor collapses from anxiety and overwork. ...I’ll do my best...... It’d be nice to do my best... Incidentally, it seems volume 4 is going to go on sale earlier than anticipated. Thank ye kindly, thank ye kindly...! I want to continue doing my best writing the next volumes, so if everyone considers purchasing my work it would make this author very happy. “I felt I could get a girlfriend if I bought this book.” “I bought this book with ten lottery tickets and I won 300 yen.” “I kept several copies of this book in pocket to protect me against bullets and I came back from the battlefield alive.” And so on and so forth. If I had to count how many of these testimonials I got I’d have none. If reading my work just makes you laugh once, that’s enough to make me happy.

—So, to everyone who has had a hand in the production of this book, and to all the readers who have purchased it: I am deeply, deeply thankful!

Akatsuki Natsume

Notes It was extremely painful not to banepost when Vanir was introduced.

The giant frog thing. The giant frog monsters in Konosuba are referred to both using English words as “Giant toad”, as well as with the Japanese word “kaeru” (which means frog). Now, I don’t think most people make the distinction between frogs and toads, but I’m autistic damn it so I can’t let this slide: Frogs are the sleeker things that jump to get around, toads are the fat lumpy things that crawl. Judging by the way they’re described, these monsters are more akin to frogs than toads, so I’m going to call them frogs despite the actual given English term they use is toad.

Next, the ojousama/ikemen thing. I don’t want to go on a huge tangent about the philosophy of translating Vietnamese leatherworks, but I think when translating something you need to have an idea of who your audience is and adapt your language accordingly. The Yen Press guys are trying hard to keep the language lowest-common- denominator. I like to consider my “audience” to be a bit more well-versed in Japanese terminology, allowing me to get away with using words like that for the sake of a more accurate translation. I think I did a decent job of meeting both worlds halfway by alternating the Japanese terms with the rough English equivalents wherever it made sense so even someone unfamiliar can pick up on what those mysterious words mean and someone familiar doesn’t want to tear their hair out over cringy expressions.

One thing I haven’t mentioned before is the difficulty in romanizing some of the names. What I called Vanir could well have been meant to be Banir, or Banil, or Vanire, or anything else stupid you might come up with. Similar things happen with Veldia, Aldarp, Arkanlaetia and all these weird made-up names. The people over at DEEN interpreted the name of the town I call Axel as Accel. Translating Japanese writing into words using letters of the alphabet is a lossy process sometimes, what can you do. Point is, take some of these names with a pinch of salt because they’re just my interpretation.

This time I actually made an attempt at typesesting the colour illustrations at the start of the volume, but the results were... sad, so I scrapped the whole thing. I don’t think I’m going to be translating those any time soon, but really, you aren’t missing much. As always, thanks and apologies to Akatsuki-sensei for the wonderful source material. I’m pretty sure I don’t do it justice but for all the entertainment I get out of it I should at least make an effort. Speaking of, thanks to Skythewood and the folks at (((Yen Press))), who incidentally just happened to completely misinterpret a couple of lines, for helping to fill in the gaps in my poor understanding of Japanese. Why yes, I have gotten smugger.

I didn’t want to ramble on for more than one page, but I guess I had things to say this time. Including some bad news. At the time of writing, I have good quality raws for every volume of Konosuba up to 12, except for 4 and 8, for which I have not be able to find quality scans yet. I definitely want to keep working on Konosuba, but the state of the raws I have for volume 4 means either a very slow pace or no pace at all, leaving me at a bit of an impasse. I will continue to search for a solution, but just as a precaution I would not get my hopes up for a translation of volume 4 anytime soon (whatever “soon” means in relation to these releases). The only thing I can guarantee is I really want to keep doing these. Christmas is coming up, so I’m hoping to find a torrent of really good quality scans of the LN under the tree this year.

Until next time, whenever or however that may be, have a good one and watch out for truck-kun.