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NATURAL ATTRACTION

9 Rules to Attract the Right Man By Being Yourself with

No Games or Gimmicks

Ebook | NATURAL ATTRACTION

NATURAL ATTRACTION 9 Rules to Attract the Right Man by Being Yourself with No Games or Gimmicks

by Tara Padua with Taylor Jacobson

Disclaimer:

Hopefully it goes without saying, but...

TeamPossible LLC offers no representations, warranties or guarantees verbally, in writing or otherwise regarding specific results. Results for each person may significantly vary. None of the individuals represented have been paid or otherwise compensated. None of the case studies, testimonials or reviews have been scripted and are true and accurate to the best of the knowledge of TeamPossible LLC.

In short, what you get out of something is equal to what you put into it.

Published by TeamPossible LLC.

Ebook | NATURAL ATTRACTION

At her 2008 Harvard commencement address, author J.K. Rowling confessed:

“By any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally shortlived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears that my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.”

She goes on to say:

“Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was... And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

Though Rowling is talking about her writing career, her story holds a profound truth about love, too.

Stripping away the inessential… Not pretending to be anything other than who we are…

These are the heart of what I want to teach you: that attracting the right man for you is about baring your true self.

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Now ideally, one does not wait for a disaster or “rock bottom” before making a change.

But change is not easy.

Even I suffered my own personal apocalypse before I was willing to look at and overcome the selfsabotaging in my love life.

There’s a saying: the worst players make the best coaches.

And believe me, before I created the happy relationship I have today, I was a very bad “player”.

After my first divorce, I was convinced I only knew how to be alone.

When my second marriage ended I hit my rock bottom. Love was no longer worth the price.

It was then that I decided to interrupt my pattern of creating unworkable relationships once and for all.

My own journey is what makes me so sensitive to the challenges that highpowered women face. It’s part of what makes me different.

My goal in writing this book is to make it easy for you to avoid the mistakes that so many women make in their quest for love.

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Here’s Why It’s So Important To Apply These Rules

I’m Tara Padua and I’m the cofounder of NextFem.

My new program is called Blueprint for Love and it’s the program for highpowered women who want to attract the right man by being yourself. And I can.

I do this by focusing on the principle that you will attract the right man when you amplify your best self never by using some cheap trick to get a guy to call you. As you’ll see for yourself, my “rules” are simple tenets of human behavior and psychology that you’ll quickly grasp for yourself.

But please don’t take everything I say at my word (because frankly most of the dating advice online is noise). In fact I invite you to wrestle with each of my assertions and test them out in your own life before accepting them.

Here’s what one client had to say:

“I started working with Tara because I was ready for a relationship, to meet “the one” and had been doing so many things to work to create this connection and partnership with a man. But, I was getting the same results – short relationships, casual sex, but not a man willing to commit to me. I actually started compromising my values, my desires and my standards because I was starting to lose faith that “he” actually existed. I

Ebook | NATURAL ATTRACTION continued to work with Tara on finding the man I was going to marry. And I did, in June…. I met a man who was thoughtful, sweet, athletic, a smartass, brilliant, familyoriented, and absolutely over the moon for me (his words). I almost gave up on meeting this man. I would have actually, had it not been for the unconditional love, support, and fierce partnership I received from Tara. I will work every day to cocreate this relationship and an amazing forever with this man. So, thank you for my forever, Tara.”

Now these results are not typical.

It’s up to you how much you put into creating a relationship, and of course no one can predict exactly how or when you’ll find a man who’s right for you.

I just want you to know that this isn’t some “I did it and so can you” scheme like so much of what you see online.

I’ve been a professional executive coach to highpowered women since 2003.

My training and development alone cost over two million dollars and I’ve guided over 400 women through their most intimate personal challenges.

I’ve coached female executives at companies like Cartier, Citigroup, Conde Nast, Deloitte, Deutsche Bank, Diesel, Dow Jones, Facebook, Fox, Levi, Louis Vuitton, Microsoft, Moody’s,

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MTV, Rodale, Siemens, Sketchers, TMobile, The Federal Reserve, Volvo and more.

I share this because I want you to know that I’m utterly committed to excellence at what I do. That I’ve been in the trenches with hundreds of women like you.

And guess what?

Relationships are consistently the number one issue for highpowered women.

In short, relationships are hard!

And that’s precisely why I do this work.

I created my business because I empathize from deep and painful experience with the need to have effective relationships.

I want to put an end divorce and ensure that women like us get the love we yearn for.

Through my research and years of coaching I’ve discovered that us “alpha” women are more alike than we are different.

That our desire for love and our needs are remarkably similar.

Even the ways we selfsabotage are the same.

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With that, let’s jump into the 9 rules…!

Rule #1: Assume it’s you, not them

“Happiness is when what you think, what you do and what you say are in harmony.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Girl power is great, but sometimes it has a dark side: negative beliefs and assumptions about men.

Every once in a while we get a bad apple in the bunch, but if every apple goes bad then the problem is you.

But don’t despair.

Beliefs like these are one of the fundamental reasons some women become so strong, independent and highflying in the first place.

As a result, many successful women have some variant of the following beliefs:

“Men are untrustworthy.” “Every man will eventually leave.” “Men are assholes.” “Men are only attracted to women who look like X.” “Men will never understand me so I need to be compliant instead of real.” “Really successful guys choose X, not me. I can’t have it all.”

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Many more have limiting beliefs about love, from “love is for suckers” or “love is just a lot of fighting.”

I guarantee you have at least one limiting belief or assumption about men or about love.

Do you know what it is?

If not, spend a minute thinking about it. Write it down or say it out loud.

These limiting beliefs and assumptions are dead stops. We tend to create workarounds without getting to the heart of the problem: we take one or two bad experiences and we universalize them. They successfully insulate us from whatever we’re afraid of but also keep us disconnected from ourselves.

The problem with these assumptions is that it places all the responsibility for your love life externally. In your mind, there’s nothing YOU can do because MEN are this or that way. You’re the victim.

Plus, why would you put in the work required to succeed in love when you think it won’t work anyway? Your assumptions kill your motivation.

This leads to behaviors like saying you want a relationship without putting in the time and effort required, or hanging out in social circles where there are predictably no good men.

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It also shows up inside of relationships: Leveling judgments and assigning character flaws rather than airing complaints and making requests.

You can’t win at love if you’re jaded or choosing to be helpless. This is playing the game with a losing strategy.

It’s programming your GPS for failure and then expecting results.

You need to adopt a new belief and ditch the old one.

There is an incredible diversity of men out there and to find one that’s right for you, you need to start believing it’s possible.

Getting to the bottom of these limiting beliefs is essential, which is why it’s one of the first things we do in my Blueprint for Love program.

Rule #2: Avoid tricks, gimmicks and “rules” to game the system

The dating “strategies” that have worked their way into the social mainstream frightens me on behalf of single women.

For instance the idea that women should be coy, aloof or unreachable.

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Please recognize that the principles underlying these socalled rules are often correct, even based on evolutionary psychology and science.

Unfortunately, society is better equipped to disseminate dogma than principle. As a result we wind up with ideas that are twisted and confused like a giant game of telephone.

Every action sends a signal about the kind of person you are and what a man can expect from you in the future. When you play games it sends the signal that you’re being fake, not real.

The HUGE problem is that being fake takes WORK. You have to work to maintain it and he has to work to engage with it. And nobody wants that.

At a subconscious level when a man interacts with you he’s asking himself: “Is this what I want to marry?”

All of us, men and women, want relationships where we’re safe to be ourselves; where there are NO GAMES whatsoever. Men need us to be real, linear and truthful. If you play games, they will “play” you and then leave you.

So before you play by any “rules”, make sure you understand the principle underneath it. Most importantly, make sure to be yourself.

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In my program, you’ll learn the core principles and “rules” that make it easier to be yourself, not harder.

Rule #3: Focus on what you can control (not what you want)

“Focus on what you can control and let go of the rest”...

... said every business and selfhelp guru ever.

It’s easy to go down the rabbit hole of daydreaming about some man that’s captured your heart.

In my house the list of names includes Benedict Cumberbatch, Wentworth Miller and Elliot Cowan. For you it might be Charlie from the office, or maybe an ex. Sometimes it’s even a man you’re dating one you really really wish was the person you’ve made him into in your mind.

Sorry to break it to you but your mind is not a magic laser beam.

You can’t control other people no matter how much you obsess over them.

All your obsessing does is (a) waste a ton of energy and (b) distract you from the other REAL opportunities in your life.

Control the controllables.

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Amplify your style, your sexiness, your energy, your intelligence.

In short: live your life bigger and better. You’ll become a more attractive mate and improve your chances of attracting what you want.

Rule #4: Don’t judge a man by his digital resume

When you get that first inkling of crushing on someone, what’s the first thing that you do?

GOOGLE THEM.

Yes my friend in this digital age, it is possible to know both everything and nothing about someone thanks this thing we call the internet.

As a result, we compare, compare, compare and compare, in the endless search for the better version of everything.

This does not work well with relationships.

You cannot measure a man by his stats.

Instead of asking “Is this the guy for me?” we ask “Is this the cool guy? Does he have the right degrees? Is his job title impressive?”

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It’s perfectly acceptable to be attracted to a man’s success, his accomplishments and his potential. Seeking security is healthy and normal for women. Because of our vulnerability during childbearing and childrearing, it’s part of our psychological hardwiring.

But the fact is nobody is either as bad or as good as they seem on paper (or online, as it were). But because information is so readily available, we abuse it. We disqualify men before they have a chance.

We wind up with men who are “good from far but far from good.”

It’s time to bring back a little something called INTUITION.

Intuition cannot be experienced over the internet.

When you cybercrush some guy you hardly know, that’s what I call “magical thinking”. It’s your imagination turning words and pictures into a concept in your mind. This says more about your creativity than his reality.

Real intuition comes from interaction; from paying attention to how a man makes you feel.

An hour spent poring over a man’s virtual presence is worth less than a minute of real interaction.

I’ll end this point with a quote by Maya Angelou:

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“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Rule #5: Remember what’s important in your life (don’t get too lost in your work)

It’s awesome that you’re a boss in your career. The world needs more women who are ready to give their gifts in big ways.

And being a boss isn’t easy. It takes dedication and hard work.

The problem is that when we invest so heavily in our careers, there’s not much of us left over to invest anywhere else. We become onedimensional.

We forget the interests we once pursued with such passion and curiosity in our youth. We become grownups with big jobs and big responsibilities. We stop being spontaneous. We stop playing.

In short: Your work can cause you to lose the very spark that makes you the prize you know you are.

This is so not sexy.

To attract the right man for you, you have to reconnect to your spark. What’s yours?

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Rule #6: Wait wait wait (!) before getting physically involved

Ain’t nothin’ wrong with a liberated woman, but make no mistake: sex and physical intimacy change your brain chemistry and send specific signals to men.

From a physiological standpoint, giving a man sex is offering him what is perhaps nature’s ultimate gift.

Sex literally penetrates your body, allowing a man into your most sacred of spaces with you. Sex also physically and symbolically concludes a woman’s evaluation of a man. On a primal level sex signals that a woman is ready to get pregnant and count on the man to stick around for the better part of two decades to help out with childrearing.

A man wants to know that he’s investing that energy in the evolutionarily optimal woman. If you’re not putting up serious hurdles to qualify him, what does that say about you?

It says you’re not a valuable mate. That you’re not the optimal woman to pair with.

Frankly, it probably reinforces that negative belief in yourself as well.

Of course, this is all open to interpretation. However, research indicates (e.g. here and here) that casual or noncommitted sex

Ebook | NATURAL ATTRACTION lowers our selfesteem, happiness and life satisfaction and predicts more depression and substance dependency. This seems to support the premise that having sex too soon isn’t good for you.

There’s no hard and fast rule here: attitudes about sex continue to change, and sometimes sexonthefirstdate does result in a healthy longterm commitment.

What’s important is to study yourself and ask what sexual behavior is aligned with your goals. Avoid hopping in the sack because of wishful thinking.

Rule #7: Never try to figure out what fits his mold be and do what works for you

Society teaches women to be small. That men need women to let them shine. That being a powerful woman emasculates men.

And thus the world’s most interesting women often tie themselves in knots trying to be how men to want them to be.

This is backwards.

Contrary to conventional wisdom, being small is unattractive. It’s boring for you and boring for him.

Men are not emasculated by power. They are emasculated by women who can’t share power. By women who have to make men small in order to be big.

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The truth is that men like powerful women. Men like to work at impressing women.

It’s why male peacocks are the ones with bright feathers. It’s why men have an uncanny interest in female bartenders. It’s why the dominatrix is a sexual icon.

Men want to work at impressing you; not at entertaining you.

You need to find your own groove, and help him find his.

This is one of the core principles behind everything we do in the Blueprint for Love program.

Rule #8: Make men feel good (no dominating men)

I know, I just told you that your power is attractive. And it is.

But this power can go too far, when it starts to come at his expense.

This looks like... ● being a bitch ● relentlessly shutting a man down or providing negative feedback ● going on the offensive (being the hunter) ● constantly giving advice

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● giving precise instructions about everything

If some of these resonate, don’t worry: this doesn’t make you a bad person.

In fact being dominant comes from our need for control, which is closely coupled with our fears. We’re scared that if we let go, bad things will happen.

The problem is that the behaviors above are indeed emasculating for men. They leave no space for chivalry, initiative, creativity… romance.

Men love to quest. They need to contribute. They want to feel needed.

Taken too far, controlling and dominating behaviors will push away the good men. Those that remain, if there are any, will be underachieving and needy codependent with your need for control.

So ask yourself: where does your need for control come from? What are you scared of? And see if you can start letting go.

Rule #9: Invest time and energy in your love life (fantasizing doesn’t count)

Has Apple ever launched a product without you knowing about it?

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I didn’t think so.

In business, amazing products do not market themselves.

The same is true of your love life: Even amazing women need to get the word out that they’re single and sexy.

Think of all the investments you make in your career success: expensive degrees, hours of personal care, thousands of dollars worth of clothes… Not to mention the technology, software and services you or your company pay for so that you can do your job.

Most of these investments are so automatic you don’t realize how crucial they are. You would never dream of being successful at work without them.

So why would you expect to succeed in love if you’re not investing in it? If you’re not finetuning the product and marketing?

Now, you might have some objections here.

Maybe you’re introverted. Or you dislike dating. Or you work too much. Or you’re tired when you leave the office and want to stay in. Or your friends are all married and don’t know any single men. The list goes on.

These are all legitimate excuses.

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Sadly, your excuses can only justify your behavior. They won’t change it, or the results you’ll get.

And waiting around for a man to happen to you is not a strategy.

Bottom line: You’ve got to invest in your love life if you want to get results.

You need to unpack and remove your own limitations around love. You need to become the best version of yourself to attract the right man for you. You need to allow yourself to be discovered by the kind of man you want. And you need a strategy for doing so that plays to your strengths.

The very fact that you’re here reading this suggests you have superpowers. It’s just a matter of activating those on purpose.

Now, my Blueprint for Love program isn’t open for enrollment right now, but…

You Need to Make a Commitment to Yourself

If you want to find a man who supports you and brings out the best in you… a man you can raise a family and grow old with… then the best time to start leveling up your love life is now.

So start by eliminating each of the mistakes I shared in this book…

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… and keep watching for more emails from me in the coming days.

I’ve got a lot more coming your way and soon I’ll be opening enrollment for my new course The Blueprint for Love.