TheGrappling Times LOCK UP YOUR SONS: 23 October some sort of character or portray a sick saw 70 minutes of filth being broadcast twisted character from an American by Channel 4 on the subject of rock band, neither had the preparation backyard wrestling. Luckily broadcast in either a costume or an athletic well past the watershed the show physic, although they didn’t have like depicted several 14-19 year olds during to bleed. the school summer holidays. The children shown did not The show started off following come across any better when the some idiots from Wales from ‘No ending of a title match was shown and Limits Wrestling’, after a brief the ‘champion’ was presented with a introduction to some of their ‘roster’ Toys R Us WWE Title belt. The we were treated to a glimpse of some strange thing to me was that people of the most idiotic, dangerous and were going to watch this ugliness. death hungry moves performed on Although of course most where pre- grass, with people taking bumps who teen girls who seemed to get off on the had absolutely no idea who to protect fact that they knew boys that went that their body and fall correctly. For little bit further to make idiots of anyone with any wrestling education (I themselves to be on television. One saw none on this programme) it was a wonders just how many they got horror show of wrestling. before Channel 4 turned up. It was here we had the chance Next we got to go to Essex, to meet ‘Dicky Dynamite’. We then where we had the chance to meet a real had one of the most misinterpreted hardcore legend. No not the one that explanations of some of the ‘secrets of was made famous for being a major pro wrestling’. player in three of the top companies in I am usually not that bothered the United States, the one who bleed, about wrestling getting a hard deal on bumped and put everyone over and yet television, but when you have two still managed to become a superstar. backyard wrestlers telling a reporter But who am I to say ‘Burch’ (16) is how they talk to each other and then better than Mick Foley, everyone on they show the same two in a collar and the internet site UK Backyard elbow tie up which looked more like Wrestling seemed to have said it for they were hugging each other while me. kicking each others feet as if learning Burch was of course a legend to dance it helped no one. because he was able to post his Best was still to come of course matched on the internet, and has done as later in the show we got the chance for the past four years. In an interview to see Welshfest…a treat that was. with the hardcore legend we were told They talked about the wrestling how he had jumped off roofs, had been business like many ‘smarks’ that you driven through tables and of course – may know or read about on internet had dislocated his finger once. wrestling forums, but at least these Possibly the best part of this online loud mouths are fans of ‘documentary’ came when the makers wrestling deep down and know the questioned his father. They sat them difference between pro wrestling and next to each other and talked through playing around in a backyard with a some of the less than glamorous sides steel chair. It is of course no surprise to of backyard wrestling, and of course many of you that none of the wrestlers made him look like the fool he is. from NLW had ever had any training, His dad had obviously just and while all of them seemed to be in thought that he had just been messing Issue 10 1/14 October 2003 TheGrappling Times around with friends in a garden until hear people say that about ecstasy in one day he came home and found them teenage chat shows. lightbulbs and other ‘toys’ and later There was a lad on the grass was emerged that his soon was being with another doing something that wrapped in barbed wire and bleeding looked like it came straight out a gay like a pig for videos to be put on the porn movie on the top of him, then internet. another lad ran up with a light-bulb to With a slap on the ear and a hit the boy on top, it smashed and like half made promise Burch decided to all good porn movies went in the guy give up this hardcore style to become a on the floor’s face. Worryingly close to more well defined ‘technical’ wrestler his eyes. A few minutes later it was (arm bar please?). Then the revealed he no longer wanted to take documentary taker brought up the part in any more backyard wrestling subject of blading. events. While his father sat their like a Some people I was talking to wet cabbage ‘Burch’ told us how he on the internet at the same time said cuts his forehead to get blood, to add to that the most hardcore thing they saw the atmosphere and that even after the these PCWA guys do was a choke- telling off he had got from his father slam into some stinger nettles. Maybe previously, he was still prepared to do not the most extreme thing, but a pretty this. We then had the opportunity to stupid one if you ask me. hear the knowledgeable comments ‘Burch’ – the legend, was from some other backyard buddies, one aiming to concrete his career by said ‘its just luck’ as to whether you writing his very own autobiography are able to draw blood from your skull and one day was hoping to sell to make by slicing it with a razor blade. some money (if he wrote in the same The father of ‘Burch’ called it way that he spoke I doubt the grammar ‘self mutilation’ and was less than was much better than The Grappling pleased with his son’. Times). ‘XHW’ another promotion There was of course one more from Newcastle was featured, although thing that ‘Burch’ had to do, in order to I really doubt you can call a fat boy preserve his legacy, LEARN TO and a girl wrestling on a council estate WRESTLE! a promotion. The girl seemed to be This is where Rimmer and well out of her depth and before she Scarlo from the much acclaimed met ‘Kyle’ who was kind enough to Dropkix School of Wrestling come in. introduce her to the ‘otherside’ of They showed off their training facility wrestling. Namely CZW. and talked the documentary makers Another two bit promotion was through some of the posters on the PCWA based in Portsmouth who walls including images of McManus, seemed to have erected some sort of Pallo and even a sneaky one of the cage for a crazy kind of match Doug Williams crept onto my involving shitty ass moves and a television screen. willingness to smash as many After watching three minutes of industrial light-bulps over each others high spots and death moves Scarlo backs as humanly possible. Then it admitted that while having good timing went wrong. One young man even there were far too many dangerous pouring salt into the cuts of his moves with little knowledge of opponent. Although he didn’t regret it, bumping or landing correctly. he would never do it again. I’m sure I Issue 10 2/14 October 2003 TheGrappling Times Just a few weeks after taking when Joanne (the girl from XHW) was part in training ‘Burch’ would have his shown on a wrestling show for trainees finest hour. after learning to be a professional He put on a Great Sasuke mask wrestler the proper way. After the and wrestled in a back garden, while show her and her friend Kyle were his friends did commentary in a terrible talking with some other trainees and American accent he was hit in the head the documentary maker brought up with a metal barrel and it cracked his backyard wrestling and totally skull wide open. embarrassed Kyle. After being taken to hospital This shows just how much they and lying to a doctor about how he did know that they shouldn’t be doing it, it it and having some stitches put into his shows just how stupid they know they head it was time for the legend of are being, especially when they have ‘Burch’ to go home and brag on the the chance to do what they are doing internet about his new scar that he properly in a safe environment. ‘would have for life’. Now I am not against This wasn’t the only disgusting horseplay, but when they bring out the injury shown, we also saw a boy weapons and introduce blading it gets getting gut wrench DDTed but went stupid. The only thing that makes it for a flip bump thinking it was a suplex worse is when these immature and was dropped on his head, easily adolescents with a lot of knowledge risking the chance of breaking his about nothing in particular think they neck. The documentary maker brought are above not just other professional up the fact a Canadian practicing wrestlers, but the business itself. moves on his own broke hi neck ******************************* previously this year. FWA BRITISH UPRISING II: On Weslhfest came along and what Saturday 18 October 2003 I was an event it was cracking up to be.