the Observer The Independent Newspaper Serving Notre Dame and Saint Mary’s Volume 44 : Issue 118 Wednesday, March 31, 2010 ndsmcobserver.com ‘Every day was special’ Student art Observer office manager Shirley Grauel retires after 30 years as a ‘second mother’ to many showcase

By JENN METZ newspaper, she knew it was per- “I love interacting with every- cent the person she appears to fect. body every day. They stay the be: loving, committed, loyal, nur- Senior Staff Writer exhibited “And here I am now, 30 years same age, but I keep getting turing,” she said. “I am incredi- later, working in a basement of a older, but I never felt the gap,” bly proud that this mom to so In the summer of 1980, Shirley building,” she said on her sec- she said. “I respected the stu- many actually is my mom.” Grauel turned down a job work- ond-to-last day as The Observer dents, and it just worked out so Though 30 years in one posi- at the Snite ing in a basement. office manager. well.” tion might seem like an eternity A mother with young children, Known for her hugs, her candy Shirley’s time at The Observer to many, it didn’t feel that way to she called the University regard- bowl and her daily line-up of has not only shaped her own life, Shirley. By AMANDA GRAY ing an ad for an administrative daytime television, Shirley has but her family’s as well. Her “Every day was special,” she Assistant News Editor secretary position. When the been a constant presence at The daughter, Jill O’Hara, said her said. “Where else would you get University called back about a Observer, and staffers over the earliest memories of her mom hugs everyday, and students Candidates for Bachelor’s of new, nine-month job working years have come to know her as are of her working at The walking up to say ‘I love you?’ I Fine Arts (BFA) and Master’s with the student-run campus their second mother. Observer. When she was very could have a bad day, but I don’t of Fine Arts (MFA) degrees young, Shirley would bring her to ever leave here in a bad mood.” have come together to display work in the LaFortune offices During her time at The their art once again. when she was too sick for school Observer, Shirley has collected The BFA and MFA thesis and she would watch “The Price many memories and stories to projects are currently on dis- is Right” with the students work- share about the students she play at the Snite Museum of ing. worked with — her second fami- Art and will be until May 16. “It took me a long time to ly. She recalled one staffer even “This annual exhibition of understand what my mom calling her from the recovery culminating works by seniors meant when I’d hear her tell room after delivering her first and third-year graduate stu- people that she could ‘sell her job baby. dents in the Art, Art History because it’s so great,” Jill said. “The weddings I’ve been invit- and Design Department As a student at Notre Dame in ed to, the e-mails I get that demonstrates a broad aware- the 1990s, Jill said she was they’re having tailgates or the ness of the themes and touched by how much her moth- notes that are left on my desk processes of contemporary art er was loved on campus. every Saturday during the foot- and is often provocative,” a “When students who I didn’t ball season … I feel like I can go Snite Museum press release even know would approach me anywhere and I can find one of said. and tell me how wonderful she is the former people,” she said. The Efroymson Family Fund … I would smile and agree with After about 10 years on the Emerging Artists Awards were them, and then wonder if it was job, Shirley realized she had a given for the fourth consecu- odd that my mom was more pop- lucky feeling. tive year, the press release ular on campus than I was,” she “I realized not once had I got- said. said. ten up in the morning and said, The winners of the awards Jill said Shirley’s love for her ‘Oh man, I’ve got to go to work.’ were MFA students job and for the students who It was always, ‘I get to go to Christopher Andrews and work at The Observer “is gen- work,’” she said. “I wish every- Ryan Bantz and BFA students uine and deep.” one could experience that.” Shelley Kornatz and Takashi VANESSA GEMPIS/The Observer “I don’t think she realizes the Observer alumni will reunite Yoshii. Wednesday is Shirley Grauel’s last day as The Observer’s hearts she’s touched over the office manager, a position she has held for 30 years. years … but I do. She is 100 per- see SHIRLEY/page 9 see ART/page 8 Honorary Student government changes hands ND degree Schmidt and Weber Soler, Bell take office reflect on term, give Thursday; look forward recipients advice to new staff to goals for 2010-2011 By JOSEPH McMAHON By SARAH MERVOSH announced Associate News Editor News Editor

By SARAH MERVOSH When outgoing student body As sophomore Catherine Soler News Editor president Grant Schmidt and looks forward to her term as stu- vice president Cynthia Weber dent body president, which will Notre Dame will award eight entered office a year ago, the begin Thursday, she said commu- honorary degrees at this year’s duo was determined to enact nity relations would be a priority Commencement in addition to initiatives to make student gov- for her administration. the honorary degree it will give ernment relevant to the stu- “A main goal of ours is for stu- Commencement speaker Brian dent body. dents to feel compelled to go into Williams, the University “We didn’t take on personal the community, feel safe while announced Tuesday. preferences,” Schmidt said. they’re there and also give a lot to Williams, anchor of NBC “Students were constantly giv- South Bend, but also get a lot out Nightly News, will receive an ing us feedback. It made our of being an active member of the honorary doctor of laws degree. jobs a lot easier.” community,” Soler said. The additional recipients come The administration soon Student body vice president- from a variety of backgrounds, found the best way to find out elect Andrew Bell said strengthen- such as education, engineering, what students cared about was ing relations between the law, philanthropy and the not through formal student Observer photo illustration by Pat Coveney University and the community will Senior Grant Schmidt, left, leaves the office of student body see DEGREES/page 8 see SCHMIDT/page 6 president as sophomore Catherine Soler takes over Thursday. see SOLER/page 9

INSIDE TODAY’S PAPER Making a Living lecture page 3 N Men’s lacrosse facing Villanova page 24 N Boy Meets World page 13 N Viewpoint page 10 page 2 The Observer N PAGE 2 Wednesday, March 31, 2010

INSIDE COLUMN QUESTION OF THE DAY: WHAT WERE YOU AFRAID OF WHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE KID? Thanks, Shirley Today is our beloved Shirley Grauel’s last official day as The Observer office manager. You make a lot of friends working in the same place for 30 years, and Yiting Zheng Anne McCarthy Jacob Szczudlak Paul Salazar when I asked former staff members to share their memories for a special column to commemorate freshman freshman freshman freshman Shirley’s years at The Observer, I received an over- McGlinn Pasquerilla West Dillon Keough whelming response. All of those who e-mailed me shared the same message: Shirley is generous, kind, loving and a second mother to all who have had the “Mermaids.” “I was afraid of “My little “Drowning.” honor of working with her. the dark.” sister.” David Dziedzic, Editor-in-Chief, 1983-84 It was a tremendous comfort knowing that she would be there, every day, taking care of everything. And the one semester that she wasn’t there (Craig took a job Jenn Metz assignment in San Diego and the family went with Senior Staff him),was the worst semester Writer of my four years. Personally, Have an idea for Question of the Day? E-mail [email protected] I don’t know what I would have done without her. She was like a “guardian moth- er” placed on campus to keep me straight and focused. IN BRIEF Michael Ortman, staff member, 1978-82 I’ve stayed in touch with Shirley over the years. In “All Art is Propaganda” will the fall of 2006, my then-20-year-old son Patrick had be displayed today in Special applied to transfer to Notre Dame. I made sure we Collections Room 102 of stopped by The Observer so he could meet Shirley. I Hesburgh Library. The exhibit told him since mom would not be moving with him to will open at 8 a.m. South Bend, that if he ever needed a mom, whether he worked at The Observer or not, Shirley was it. Daily Mass will be celebrat- ed at 11:30 a.m. and 5:15 p.m. Patrick Peters, Ad Sales/Operations, 1999-2002 today in the Basilica of the Over the years I spent with Shirley, I learned Sacred Heart. patience, understanding, the art of listening and how to look at issues from another perspective. As we The Creative Writing would work with Shirley in close proximity, often we’d Program will sponsor a confer- discuss the news of the day. Shirley’s take was always ence titled “The Open Light: A genuine, compassionate, caring and open to other Celebration of Notre Dame ideas. I miss Shirley all the time. She’s truly one-of-a- Poets” today at 3 p.m. All kind and deserving of all of the accolades she will readings will be held in receive as she heads towards retirement. Seminar Room 100-104 of McKenna Hall. John Lucas, Editor-in-Chief, 1995-96 Shirley blended being a top-notch office manager A lecture on “On the with roles as our counselor, confidant and second Sociology of Exile and mother. Everyone who knows here feels exactly the Identity: The Creation and same way. The office will never be the same without Maintenance of the Cuban her — we wish her all of the best with Craig in retire- SUZANNA PRATT/The Observer Exile Ideology” in Room 210- ment. Students aspiring to earn a place on the Notre Dame cheerleading squad 214 of McKenna Hall at 4 p.m. practice formations and stunts during tryouts on South Quad before they today. Chris Hine, Editor-in-Chief, 2008-09 can lead the fans of the Fighting Irish. If I ever had a question about how to handle a cer- A Romero Days film screen- tain situation, she was always the first person I called. ing of MONSEÑOR (Monseñor, Everybody has their favorite Shirley moments. the Last Journey of Oscar Whenever I talk with fellow Observer alums, we Romero) will be held in the always share our favorite memories of Shirley. She is OFFBEAT Montgomery Auditorium of so beloved and deservedly so. She was there to comfort LaFortune Student Center at you and make you laugh on your worst days on the Robbers tunnel into as they left. The value of said. 6:45 p.m. tonight. job, there to celebrate on your best days. Parisian bank the stolen goods is still His son donated the PARIS — Robbers tun- being estimated, police money in his name to The Catholic Culture Film Mike Gilloon, Editor-in-Chief, 2006-07 nelled their way into the said. disabled people and low- Series titled “Close to Catholic: Shirley was a constant presence for so many stu- vault of a Parisian bank income families as well A Celebration of Kindred dents. No matter what else was going on at the time, at the weekend and Taiwan mafia boss as four major religious Spirits” will present a screen- we knew that Shirley would have chocolate at her desk cracked almost 200 pri- leaves millions to charity organisations, the ing of the film “Big Fish” at 7 and the Price is Right on TV. She treated all of us like vate safes, police said. TAIPEI — The family Taichung city govern- p.m. tonight in the Andrews her own kids. She will be missed. The gangsters tied up of a late Taiwanese ment said in a statement. Auditorium in Geddes Hall. the security guard at a mafia boss has donated About 1,000 people, These are just six of the dozens of Observer staffers Credit Lyonnais branch 60 million Taiwan dol- including several gang The Mendoza College of who wrote to me about Shirley. I’m sure she’ll get lots on Paris’s Avenue de lars (1.9 million US) to bosses, attended a cere- Business will host Tommy of flowers, hugs and phone calls today. I agree with all l’Opera on Saturday charities to fulfill the mony on Monday to set Hilfiger at 12 p.m. on April 7 the staffers that wrote to me for this piece: Shirley, you night, before digging gang leader’s dying wish, up a make-shift shrine in the Eck Visitors Center truly are one of the best people I have ever met, and I through a series of cel- the authorities said for Lee, known as the Auditorium. would not have been able to get through my time at lars to reach the vault, Tuesday. “mafia arbitrator,” the The Observer without you. I only hope that the person police said late on Lee Chao-hsiung, an Apple Daily said. To submit information to be who takes over your position will have as many won- Monday. influential triad leader in included in this section of The derful memories as you do. They spent several central Taiwan, died of Information compiled Observer, e-mail detailed So, from all of us, have a happy retirement, Shirley. hours opening the safes liver cancer on March 11 from the Associated information about an event to You deserve it after 30 years. Know that everyone you and set the place on fire aged 73, local media Press. [email protected] have ever worked with loves you and thanks you for everything you’ve done. Tonight THURSDAY FRIDAY SATURDAY The views expressed in the Inside Today Column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer. Contact Jenn Metz at [email protected] EATHER

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The Observer regards itself as a professional publication and strives for the highest standards of OCAL HIGH 72 HIGH 75 HIGH 72 HIGH

L HIGH 49 69 journalism at all times. We do, however, recognize LOW 63 LOW 50 LOW 50 LOW that we will make mistakes. If we have made a LOW 42 46 mistake, please contact us at 631-4541 so Atlanta 75 / 46 Boston 48 / 42 Chicago 71 / 52 Denver 70 / 46 Houston 77 / 59 Los Angeles 61 / 46 Minneapolis 78 / 50 we can correct our error. New York 60 / 46 Philadelphia 65 / 45 Phoenix 65 / 57 Seattle 51 / 39 St. Louis 77 / 53 Tampa 75 / 53 Washington 71 / 51 Wednesday, March 31, 2010 The Observer N CAMPUS NEWS page 3 Lecture explores non-profits SMC team competes

By EMILY SCHRANK in service competition News Writer Mesina said. “We’ve been meeting Those who choose to work By ALICIA SMITH with a focus group, staff and pro- for non-profit organizations Associate Saint Mary’s Editor fessors and students at Saint Mary’s look for a purpose and not College to ensure that we’ve done just a paycheck, Notre Dame Combining their knowledge of the proper research to run a pro- graduate Raymond C. communication and their desire to gram like this.” Offenheiser said Tuesday serve, Saint Mary’s juniors Katrina In order to win the scholarship evening. Mesina and Claire Yancy are com- and donation, Mesina said the two Offenheiser, president of peting in a contest to win scholar- have to write a blog about their Oxfam America, a non-profit ships as well as a matching dona- project with the Center. They were international development tion to an organization of their responsible to blog about 45 days of and relief agency, delivered choice. service. the keynote address at the The two are entered in the “They will be judging based on eighth annual Making a National Association of our efforts to help our community. Living, Making a Difference SUZANNA PRATT/The Observer Broadcasters Education In addition, they are judging our program, held in the Andrews Raymond C. Offenheiser spoke about the non-profit sector in Foundation’s (NABEF) Collegiate creativity and use of media in our Auditorium of Geddes Hall. the Making a Living, Making a Difference program Tuesday. Call to Service. Mesina and Yancy blogging,” Mesina said. The event, co-sponsored by make up one of seven teams Mesina said she and Yancy the Center for Social Concerns making a difference in some- the world. declared finalists for the prizes. worked together, though she credits and the Career Center, offers one else’s life. “In practice, we are front- Mesina and Yancy worked with the basic idea for the project to students information about “Working for a non-profit is line responders to natural dis- the South Bend Center for the Yancy. the non-profit sector and an intellectually stimulating and asters and work with other Homeless during the Fall 2009 “I owe a great deal to Claire for opportunity to explore career will fill your life with mean- organizations that seek to semester in a public communica- envisioning this project,” Mesina paths in public service. ing, purpose and satisfaction,” address poverty,” he said. tion class. said. “It was her idea and form “You can make a good living he said. “Working for a non-profit “Our professor, Terri Russ, heard there, we’ve really made it blos- and a good life in non-profit Although salaries tend to be has given me a chance to about the scholarship and really som. We still have a long way to go, service,” he said. “Non-profit lower in the public sector, bond with some of the most encouraged us to do it,” Mesina though, and a huge responsibility to organizations span the politi- there are more generous amazing people I have ever said. “We were a little uneasy about the Center.” cal spectrum and seek social benefits than in the pri- met,” Offenheiser said. “My it because we felt that we might not Mesina said she enjoys working employees with all kinds of vate sector and you are able colleagues make me want to fit into the criteria for the competi- at the Center. talents.” to receive more responsibility get up in the morning. The tion, but one short phone call to “I love working at the Center,” According to Offenheiser, earlier, Offenheiser said. quality of people working in NABEF ensured that we should she said. “It’s very easy to lose your- working for a non-profit “The greatest thing about the non-profit sector is amaz- apply.” self in activities and school, but giv- means working in a world non-profit work is that it puts ing.” The two have created a program ing back to the community should where learning never stops. social teaching and social val- The evening concluded with for the Center called “One Hour.” always be a priority. The people at “Social change happens ues at the core,” he said. an information fair, featuring The program was designed to allow the Center are there because they right before your eyes and “You engage in direct service representatives from various women at the Center to practice want to make their lives better. It there is a constant stream of and are driven by a certain non-profit organizations and public speaking skills, as well as to takes courage to want that for new issues,” he said. “You mission.” a fireside chat with bond and create confidence. yourself and to work for it. It is an can never get bored at a non- Offenheiser’s agency, Oxfam Offenheiser. “Next year, we will meet once a honor to be a part of their journey.” profit organization.” America, an affiliate of Oxfam week for an hour to discuss topics Offenheiser said it is International, works to fight Contact Emily Schrank at such as family relationships, Contact Alicia Smith at rewarding to know you are poverty and injustice around [email protected] women’s history and body image,” [email protected] page 4 The Observer N PAID ADVERTISEMENT Wednesday, March 31, 2010 World & Nation Wednesday, March 31, 2010 Compiled from The Observer’s wire services page 5

INTERNATIONAL NEWS ITALY Swiss aim to explain the Big Bang GENEVA — The world’s largest atom smasher threw together minuscule particles Pope denies liability for abuse racing at unheard of speeds in conditions simulating those just after the Big Bang — a success that kick-started a mega-billion dol- Vatican launches legal defense amidst accusations of negligence regarding molestation lar experiment that could one day explain how the universe began. Associated Press Scientists cheered Tuesday’s historic crash of two proton beams, producing three times VATICAN CITY — more force than researchers had created Dragged deeper than ever before and marking a milestone for the $10 into the clerical sex abuse billion Large Hadron Collider. scandal, the Vatican is “This is a huge step toward unraveling launching a legal defense Genesis Chapter 1, Verse 1 — what hap- that the church hopes will pened in the beginning,” physicist Michio shield the pope from a law- Kaku told The Associated Press. suit in Kentucky seeking to “This is a Genesis machine. It’ll help to have him deposed. recreate the most glorious event in the histo- Court documents ry of the universe.” obtained Tuesday by The Associated Press show that Vatican lawyers plan to Putin pledges to find extremists argue that the pope has MOSCOW — The old Vladimir Putin is immunity as head of state, back, confronting a terrorist attack in that American bishops who Moscow by using the same kind of coarse oversaw abusive priests and colorful language that helped him win weren’t employees of the the presidency a decade ago. Vatican, and that a 1962 A day after twin suicide bombings in the document is not the “smok- subway that killed 39 people, the powerful ing gun” that provides prime minister told Russians that he is cer- proof of a cover-up. tain the masterminds of the attacks would be The Holy See is trying to found. The security services have blamed fend off the first U.S. case extremists from the North Caucasus, a pre- to reach the stage of deter- dominantly Muslim region in southern mining whether victims Russia that includes Chechnya. actually have a claim against the Vatican itself for negligence for allegedly failing to alert police or the NATIONAL NEWS public about Roman Catholic priests who NYC pays poor for good conduct molested children. NEW YORK — An experimental anti-pover- The case was filed in ty program that pays the poor for maintain- 2004 in Kentucky by three ing good habits — $25 to $150 for things men who claim they were such as going to the dentist, staying on the abused by priests and claim AP job or opening a bank account — has not negligence by the Vatican. Pope Benedict XVI faces a potential lawsuit from Kentucky men who allege that the exactly been life-changing. Their attorney, William Vatican failed to alert police or the public about cases of molestation. The payments, also known as conditional McMurry, is seeking class- cash transfers, were modeled after success- action status for the case, filed in the coming weeks. in Oregon have taken on Joseph Dellapenna, a pro- ful similar programs in other countries, saying there are thousands Vatican officials declined to greater significance. fessor at Villanova including Mexico and Brazil. of victims across the coun- comment on Tuesday. Lawyers as far away as University Law School an The theory is that the cash rewards reduce try. Plaintiffs in the Kentucky Australia have said they author of “Suing Foreign immediate hardship for poor people while “This case is the only suit argue that U.S. dioce- plan to use similar strate- Governments and their reinforcing small but significant actions they case that has been ever san bishops were employ- gies. Corporations.” can take to improve their long-term stability. been filed against the ees of the Holy See, and At the same time though, “But lower level officials Before New York City took up the idea, it Vatican which has as its that Rome was therefore the hurdles remain enor- could very well be deposed had never been attempted in the United sole objective to hold the responsible for their mously high to force a for- and there could be subpoe- States. Vatican accountable for all alleged wrongdoing in fail- eign government to turn nas for documents as part the priest sex abuse ever ing to report abuse. over confidential docu- of discovery,” he said. committed in this country,” They say a 1962 Vatican ments, let alone to subject a McMurry last week filed a Charter school moonlights as club he said in a phone inter- document mandated that head of state to questioning new court motion seeking PHILADELPHIA — Who knew a school cafete- view. “There is no other bishops not report sex by U.S. lawyers, experts to depose the pope; ria could be so much fun? defendant. There’s no bish- abuse cases to police. The say. Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, A space where hundreds of Philadelphia char- op, no priest.” Vatican has argued that The United States consid- currently Vatican secretary ter school students have been eating their The Vatican is seeking to there is nothing in the doc- ers the Vatican a sovereign of state but for years the lunches during mundane weekdays has been dismiss the suit before ument that precluded bish- state — the two have had pope’s deputy at the doubling in its off-hours as nightclub, offering Benedict XVI can be ques- ops from calling police. diplomatic relations since Congregation for the dancing and drinking despite an expired liquor tioned or secret documents With the U.S. scandal 1984. In 2007, U.S. District Doctrine of the Faith; license. subpoenaed. reinvigorated by reports of Court Judge John Heyburn Cardinal William Levada, City and school officials are not happy about The preview of the legal abuse in Europe and scruti- rejected an initial request an American who currently the arrangement between Club Damani and the defense was submitted last ny of Benedict’s handling of by the plaintiffs to depose heads the Congregation; Harambee Institute of Science and Technology month in U.S. District Court abuse cases when he was Benedict. and Archbishop Pietro Charter School, which serves about 450 children in Louisville. The Vatican’s archbishop of Munich, the “They will not be able to Sambi, the Vatican’s repre- in kindergarten through eighth grade. strategy is to be formally Kentucky case and another depose the pope,” said sentative in the U.S. Superintendent Arlene Ackerman said in a let- ter to Harambee on Monday that “a school and a nightclub cannot coexist in the same space and (the arrangement) must cease immediate- ly,” according to a school district statement. Bullying raises questions of responsibility

Associated Press in January, questions have arisen classes and a school dance with no LOCAL NEWS about how accountable school offi- visible signs of discipline. BOSTON — A gay teenager in New cials should be for stopping bullying. “The questions to ask are: Did they Ammonia forces residents to flee York wins $50,000 from a school dis- Barbara Coloroso, a nationally follow their own rules and did they TAYLORSVILLE — A dangerous ammo- trict that failed to stop taunts about known anti-bullying consultant, had keep Phoebe safe? Obviously not. nia gas leak led to the evacuation of hun- his sexual orientation. The Justice been contacted by South Hadley And, did they deal effectively with the dreds of people from their homes and Department investigates complaints school officials months before bullies? Obviously not,” Coloroso told sent at least three people to hospitals that administrators ignored racial Phoebe’s death, after a young boy in The Associated Press on Tuesday. early Tuesday, after authorities say bullying in a Philadelphia school. nearby Springfield killed himself. She Authorities say Prince, who had thieves tried to steal the chemical from a And in Massachusetts, a 15-year- spent a day there in September, recently emigrated from Ireland, farm to likely use it to make metham- old girl hangs herself after she is training teachers and administrators endured months of verbal assaults phetamine. mercilessly harassed for months — on how to recognize and deal with and threats after she briefly dated a A passer-by notified authorities about taunting and threats that school bullying. popular boy. She was harassed most- the gas cloud and odor south of administrators knew about but did Coloroso said school officials made ly in school, but also on Facebook Taylorsville at about 2:30 a.m., said Lt. not stop. mistakes by failing to stop the bully- and through other electronic forms. Rob Kittle of the Bartholomew County Now, with nine students charged in ing and, after Phoebe hanged herself, District Attorney Elizabeth Scheibel Sheriff’s Department. Taylorsville is 35 the bullying of Phoebe Prince, who by allowing at least some of the stu- said the inaction of school officials miles south of Indianapolis. hanged herself at her family’s home dents involved to continue to attend was troublesome but not criminal. page 6 The Observer N CAMPUS NEWS Wednesday, March 31, 2010

COUNCIL OF REPRESENTATIVES changes in du Lac, the student Schmidt handbook, had been enacted dur- ing his term and the University continued from page 1 had not chosen to move the pep Council approves new positions rallies to Irish Green. surveys, but just by talking to stu- In addition, Weber said student dents. government needed to become “A lot of it is informal,” Weber more involved in the academic said. “If you want to get the real side of the University in the long opinions of students, you just need term. to be a real student.” When asked what advice they From large programs ranging had for the incoming administra- from the restructuring of com- tion of sophomores Catherine mencement and the introduction Soler and Andrew Bell, Schmidt of Transpo Route 7A to small and Weber said the focus needs to things like having baskets of mints be on the students. outside the dining halls, Schmidt “Be present and energetic, and and Weber said they attempted to love the honor of serving the stu- focus their agenda on improving dents at Notre Dame,” Weber everyday student life at the said. University. Furthermore, Weber said the “The student body at Notre pair should continue to foster Dame is on its toes,” Weber said. close ties with the administration

TOM LA/The Observer “They care about everything.” but also stand up for what is Student body president Grant Schmidt and vice president Cynthia Weber hold their final COR Weber said by taking care of the needed. meeting Tuesday, when they approved new official student government positions. everyday essentials of student life, “The ability to respectfully dis- student government was able to agree is key,” she said. gle group.” COR members about University boost its credibility in tackling Schmidt said the pair should By MOLLY MADDEN “[Perez] has always been ethi- policy and encouragement for worldwide social justice issues also be aware of the complicated News Writer cal and professional when han- COR members to bring sugges- through programs such as the dynamics of community relations dling the elections,” Weber said. tions from their specific councils Global Water Initiative. in the city of South Bend. The Council of Representatives “He will be a great Judicial and groups get different per- “Things like Transpo, which did “We currently have a very good (COR) approved several official Council president.” spectives from the entire coun- get a lot of exposure, allowed us to footing with the city of South positions in student government Soler presented her choice for cil. use the support for other pro- Bend,” he said. “But community organizations at its meeting her chief of staff, junior Nick COR members discussed what grams,” Schmidt said. relations is not something that just Tuesday. It was the final COR Ruof, who was unanimously a great year they had with stu- Schmidt, who described his stops.” meeting overseen by outgoing approved by COR members. dent government, and Weber administration as “responsive,” Ultimately, Schmidt and Weber student body president Grant “He is the ideal candidate and commended Schmidt’s role. said he was forced to tackle issues feel their time in student govern- Schmidt, vice president Cynthia has a ton of experience,” Soler “If someone should get thanks that arose at the last minute, such ment has been productive and Weber and chief of staff Ryan said. “He is going to do a great it should be Grant,” she said. as improving off-campus safety personally fulfilling. Brellenthin before president- job.” “It’s been a great year for COR, after two Holy Cross students “We wanted to be present elect Catherine Soler and vice Two candidates were present- and we really have Grant to were abducted in September and throughout Notre Dame,” Schmidt president-elect Andrew Bell are ed for the positions of assistant thank for that.” sponsoring aid initiatives following said. “And we feel we positively sworn into office this week. student union treasurers. Schmidt likewise thanked the the earthquakes in Haiti and changed the brand of student gov- Junior Marcelo Perez was Sophomore Carl Brophy and members for their service to the Chile. ernment.” unanimously approved by COR freshman Eric Biro were both University as members of stu- Another goal of the Schmidt- Schmidt, who is a senior, plans to be the Judicial Council approved by COR for the 2010- dent government for the 2009- Weber administration was to to attend law school next year, President for the 2010-2011 2011 academic year. 2010 year and wished Soler luck improve student government’s while Weber, a junior, said she academic year. Perez has served After the approvals had con- in her future endeavors as presi- relations with the University wants to focus on her studies and as the Judicial Council vice pres- cluded, Schmidt opened the floor dent. administration. become “informally involved in ident for two years and said he to COR members to provide any “It’s been an awesome year, “Student government is right the University.” plans to bring his past experi- advice they had for Soler in her and we’ve gotten a lot done,” now and hopefully will be consult- “It really has been a privilege to ence to his new position. new position as student body Schmidt said. “I think Catherine ed before every major decision,” serve in student government, “I’ve learned you need to be president. and Andrew are going to tear it he said. especially at Notre Dame,” totally neutral when planning Members recommended more up next year.” Schmidt said there were not any Schmidt said. the elections,” Perez said. “I’ve collaboration with other groups, major initiatives he wished his had to learn to be balanced for more speakers when appropri- Contact Molly Madden at administration could have tackled, Contact Joseph McMahon at everybody and not just for a sin- ate in order to better inform [email protected] although he said he wished the [email protected]

Alumnae from Institute of Health lectures on H1N1 virus

By CAROLYNN SMITH ‘black death’ of the 14th cen- coughs and sneezes, touching considered a success because we are not immune to them News Writer tury,” Luzar said. objects touched by an infec- of rapid worldwide communi- because we are in the 21st Luzar made a point to tious person, then touching cations, and the vaccine was century. Virus and disease are explain that there have been your nose and mouth.” approved quickly and given to always just one step ahead of Dr. Mary Anne Luzar, a 1972 many pandemics and epi- H1N1 has affected many priority groups first, Luzar us. This was a dress rehearsal College graduate, was back on demics in the past, and people around the world. said. of what could happen in the the Saint Mary’s campus humans are knowledgeable Children and young adults are “It is very hard to know if future so we need to be pre- Tuesday night to speak about about these events. amongst those most affected. you are successful in these pared.” the H1N1 pandemic. “Over the past 300 years “Two hundred-thirty coun- endeavors. I’m proud of what This event was co-sponsored Luzar works for the there have been 11 influenza tries had cases of H1N1 and we did. I think we did the by College Relations and the National Institute of Health as pandemics. The Spanish today there have been around right thing. And not doing Career Crossings Office. Chief of the Regulatory Affairs Influenza in 1918 is the most 20,000 deaths due to H1N1,” anything would have been Branch in the Division of AIDS fatal event in world history Luzar said. unacceptable,” Luzar said. Contact Carolynn Smith at at the National Institute of with 20-50 million deaths,” The H1N1 response was “This pandemic taught us that [email protected] Allergy and Infectious Luzar said. Diseases. Luzar said pandemics are “We have to look at what we sudden disease outbreaks that can learn from are unpre- p a n d e m i c s , dictable and and that’s why “We have to look at can also occur I wanted to at any time in speak tonight,” what we can learn the year. Luzar said. from pandemics, and “That is just L u z a r that’s why I wanted to something we opened her have to deal presentation speak tonight.” with and pre- by defining the pare for,” differences Dr. Mary Anne Luzar Luzar said. between an National Institute of Health “But once a epidemic and p a n d e m i c a pandemic appears it does and making not just go sure there was a clear under- away. It will continue for standing between the two. years, which is why we need “An epidemic is a disease to pay attention to H1N1.” that occurs with greater fre- Luzar also said the H1N1 quency than expected,” Luzar virus is a distant cousin of the said. “Some examples are the 1918 Spanish Influenza but is Bird Flu and SARS. A pan- still an entirely new virus. demic is an epidemic that “Symptoms of H1N1 are spreads all over the world or similar to the flu but with a major region of the world. additional symptoms like diar- These include AIDS, TB, rhea,” Luzar said. “It spreads Malaria, Spanish flu, and the through respiratory droplets, The Observer Business Wednesday, March 31, 2010 page 7 MARKET RECAP Verizon, Apple may join forces The iPhone may soon be available on cellular networks other than AT&T

Associated Press

SEATTLE — Apple Inc. shares reached an all-time high Tuesday after a news- paper report said the iPhone could find a new U.S. sales outlet through Verizon Wireless. Since its 2007 launch, the iPhone has been avail- able in the U.S. only to subscribers of AT&T Inc., which uses a cellular net- work technology called GSM. The Wall Street Journal reported late Monday that Apple plans to release an iPhone this year that would work on CDMA net- works — a technology used by Verizon Wireless and Sprint Nextel Inc. in the U.S., as well as some carriers overseas. Apple and Verizon declined to comment on the matter. AT&T spokesman Mark Siegel said the iPhone will be an important device for the company for quite some time. AT&T has thrived as the sole U.S. iPhone carrier despite paying a massive subsidy to Apple for the exclusive rights to offer AP the phone. At the end of Apple shares hit an all-time high Tuesday as it appears the iPhone could find a new sales 2009, it was the second- outlet through Verizon Wireless. IN BRIEF largest wireless carrier behind Verizon Wireless in AmTech, estimates AT&T works of China Telecom $235.85, a 1.5 percent Employees sue Bank of America terms of subscribers. pays Apple $450 per Ltd. and South Korea's SK gain for the day. Apple's NEW YORK — Bank of America Corp. and But the iPhone's popu- iPhone, more than the Telecom. stock has jumped about 13 Merrill Lynch have made female employees larity has taxed AT&T's $300 he estimates all other Several analysts said it percent this month in "second-class citizens" by purposely giving networks in cities such as carriers pay per device. appears AT&T will still be anticipation of the iPad their male counterparts opportunities to make New York and San But having more than the only iPhone carrier in launch, which begins more money, according to a gender discrimi- Francisco, leaving the car- one U.S. iPhone carrier the U.S. at least through Saturday. nation lawsuit filed Tuesday. rier vulnerable to an can only help Apple, 2010. Shares of Verizon The suit brought in federal court in Brooklyn aggressive ad campaign Marshall said. In the U.K., Marshall believes Apple Communications Inc., by two former Bank of America financial from Verizon. AT&T said in Canada, Brazil and extended the deal until which owns a majority of advisers and one current Merrill Lynch broker January it would spend an France, the most recent 2011 in exchange for a Verizon Wireless, rose 2.6 accuses upper management of favoring men additional $2 billion to markets to switch from a flexible data plan for the percent Tuesday, while the over women by giving them bigger bonuses improve its network this single iPhone carrier to iPad, Apple's new tablet stock of its partner, and "plum business opportunities" that year. multiple, unit sales took off device. People who buy Vodafone Group PLC, "groomed them for success." Apple and AT&T have when customers on more iPads with cellular data edged up 0.8 percent. The women also allege that the companies not said when their exclu- carriers could choose the connections can pay AT&T AT&T dropped 2.1 per- sought to punish them when they complained sive deal will end, though phone. month by month for serv- cent. Also hurt were about the inequalities. One claims that after some analysts have pre- Morgan Keegan analyst ice, instead of having to shares of Palm Inc. and she protested, she was yelled at and ordered dicted Apple will begin Tavis McCourt cautioned sign a contract, and Research In Motion Ltd., to seek pre-approval when expensing business offering the iPhone that it's not certain that choose a $15 or $30 two makers of smart lunches — something men never had to do. through multiple U.S. car- Apple and Verizon could monthly plan based on phones that rival the "Beneath the veneer of a world-class finan- riers sometime after it agree on terms for an data consumption. iPhone and are available cial institution, the defendants treat their unveils the next-genera- iPhone that runs on CDMA Apple shares rose as through Verizon Wireless. female financial advisers as second-class citi- tion iPhone this summer. networks. CDMA capability high as $237.48 on Palm shares lost 3.6 per- zens," the complaint says. Brian Marshall, an ana- could also be used to get Tuesday, an all-time peak, cent and RIM fell 1 per- lyst for Broadpoint the iPhone onto the net- before pulling back to cent.

Calif. home price index rises LOS ANGELES — A surprisingly strong rebound in California's real estate market helped lift a key home price index for the Nissan to sell lower-priced electric car eighth month in a row. That's good news for people who plan to sell Associated Press rechargeable electric car later this those will come out after the Volt and their homes this spring. Prices are now up year, said that it will look at Nissan's Leaf hit showrooms in December. The almost 4 percent from the bottom in May NEW YORK — Nissan Motor Co. said pricing before announcing the Volt's Volt and Leaf are the first two electric 2009, but still almost 30 percent below the Tuesday its new electric car will cost price closer to its December sales date. cars to go on sale that will appeal to May 2006 peak. just over $25,000 in the U.S., a move "I think it's fair to say their pricing, the mass market. Prices rose 0.3 percent from December to that could force rivals to lower prices it won't overwhelm, but it will have Orders in the U.S. start April 20 and January on a seasonally adjusted basis, on similar vehicles. some influence on our pricing deci- Nissan is aiming for 25,000 orders by according to the Standard & Poor's/Case- The Leaf, a four-door hatchback due sion," said GM spokesman Rob December. Shiller 20-city home price index released in showrooms late this year, will have Peterson. Nissan says the Leaf will cost 3.76 Tuesday. Prices increased in 12 cities in the a base price of $32,780, but buyers GM was looking to price the Volt, million yen ($40,000) in Japan. It will index. can get a $7,500 electric vehicle tax which can go 40 miles on full electrici- price the car lower in the U.S. because The biggest monthly gain was in Los credit, Nissan said. ty before a small gas engine kicks in to it wants to sell more of them in that Angeles, where prices rose 1.8 percent from The price tag puts the Leaf, which provide power, around $35,000. It market. The automaker says it is con- December. And real estate agents say there's a can go up to 100 miles on a single would cost $27,500 with the tax credit. fident it can still make money at that distinct sense the worst of the downturn is charge from a home outlet, within But GM executives have said they price. over. reach of mainstream car buyers, and are trying to lower the price as they But Erich Merkle, president of the Buyers are "seeing that prices are creeping it also will force competitors to begin building models at a Detroit fac- consulting company Autoconomy.com up," said Tony Middleton, a real estate agent respond when they introduce their tory. in Grand Rapids, Mich., said Nissan with ZIP Realty who concentrates on the San cars. Other competitors, such as Ford may be deliberately setting the price Fernando Valley. "They're losing bids on General Motors Co., which also will Motor Co. and Chrysler Group LLC, low and may even lose money to homes and they have to bid again." begin selling its Chevrolet Volt also plan to sell fully electric cars, but establish itself as the market leader. page 8 The Observer N CAMPUS NEWS Wednesday, March 31, 2010 ND partners with YMCA

importantly to the attendees.” nonprofit board leadership. Special to The Observer The training will take place Nonprofits are finding The University of Notre Dame in Notre Dame’s executive greater need for leadership Nonprofit Professional classroom space at the Santa training as they face high levels Development recently Fe Building in downtown of CEO retirement at the same announced a new agreement Chicago. It consists of two four- time that demand for services with YMCA of the USA to pro- day sessions – one Aug. 24 to is increasing and becoming vide executive education to the 27, followed by a second Nov. more complex. A recent service organization’s leaders. 16 to 19 – plus a field project. Conference Board report found The program is aimed at exec- The format allows the execu- that the nonprofit sector will utives at the vice president tives to gain education without need to recruit as many as level. losing a significant amount of 80,000 executive leaders by “The University of Notre job time. 2016. Dame is committed to helping Participants earn a certificate “A lot of people come into the others as an outgrowth of our from the Notre Dame Nonprofit nonprofit career path because Christian faith,” said Marc Professional Development upon they have a heart for it. They Photo courtesy of Matthew Degnan Hardy, director of Nonprofit completion. want to do good,” Hardy said. BFA student Matthew Degnan sits with “Rex” in the Snite Executive Programs at the The focus of the program is “They come from all walks of Museum of Art. Degnan’s work is featured in the BFA exhibit. Mendoza College of Business. to help managers make the life, but not typically from a “We understand the impor- transition to a larger leader- business background. Yet non- His project creates a hypo- tance of having excellent lead- ship role, Hardy said. This profits are complex and often thetical Catholic parish that ership skills and being a good includes such topics as devel- very large organizations that Art offers recommendations and steward of resources. Our oping a philanthropic culture, require specific business skills continued from page 1 resources for parishes expertise combined with the managing the media, communi- to operate them at the highest around the country. YMCA will be of great benefit to ty relations, financial manage- levels. Our program helps fill “The gallery showing means BFA student Katherine both organizations and most ment and transparency, and the gaps in knowledge.” a lot,” Yoshii said. “We’re Campbell said she is excited one of the only schools that to have her artwork shown allow us to actually display in the gallery. our designs in an actual art “It was quite surreal to see museum, and in a great art my thesis on the wall during museum.” the opening with so many Yoshii’s project people viewing it,” Campbell “Revolution” has been in said. “It is a great honor design since last July. The both as a student and a project focuses on wheel- designer. I will never forget chair design. the experience.” “I went through a lot of Campbell’s “Love & research … talking to physi- Dignity” is a digital print cal therapists, spending a design for a stained glass day in a wheelchair, trying to window triptych, inspired by cook in a wheelchair, and Pope John Paul II’s from there it’s the concept “Theology of the Body.” development,” Yoshii said. “Everyone did such a won- BFA student Andrew derful job and the entire Pautler said he enjoys exhibit looks amazing with Yoshii’s work. our hard work displayed in “My favorite project is the gallery,” Campbell said. probably Takashi Yoshii’s BFA student Matthew project,” Pautler said. “He Degnan began his “Rex,” a thought of a totally new way large-scale sculpture robot, to think about the wheel- last fall. chair and designed one that “I began construction when could really help handi- I came back to campus on capped people add ease and January 5,” Degnan said. “I functionality to their daily finished the skeleton by mid- lives. The rendering of the February and spent the last final wheelchair is crazy month sheeting the work in awesome.” plastic, painting it and Pautler’s BFA project, titled adding decals.” “New City Catholic Church,” Through their theses, is also featured in the Snite. many of the students looked SOFIA ITURBE | Observer Graphic “I knew I wanted to do forward to future career something related to the plans. degree. Nicknamed “the Pope’s lead partner of Venrock for 30 Catholic Church,” Pautler “Working on a large-scale Latinist,” Foster is considered an years. Venrock was an early said. “From my own experi- work has motivated me to Degrees expert on the Latin language and investor in Apple Computer and ence and personal research hopefully pursue a career as continued from page 1 has worked in the “Latin Letters” the chip-maker Intel. over the past 12 months, I a scenic designer,” Degnan section of the Vatican for many McCourtney has also served on found that the Catholic said. Church. years translating Church docu- the University’s Board of Church in many ways is Steven Brickner, a leader in ments into Latin. In 2006, Foster Trustees and he remains an extremely outdated and is in Contact Amanda Gray at antibacterial drug development, founded a free Latin academy for Emeritus Trustee. fact dying in many ways.” [email protected] will be awarded a doctor of sci- English speakers wishing to Cardinal Cormac Murphy- ence degree. Brickner’s research learn the language or improve O’Connor will receive a doctor of helped lead to the discovery of their Latin skills. laws degree. A native of England, Zyvox, the first oral drug to treat MaryAnn Mathile, a top philan- Murphy-O’Connor served as rec- penicillin-resistant strains of thropist, will receive a doctor of tor of the Venerable English strep and staph infections. More laws degree. She is the chief College in Rome, was archbishop than two million people have executive officer, board chair and of Westminster and president of been treated with Zyvox since its treasurer of the Mathile Family the Catholic Bishops Conference creation in 2000. Foundation. Mathile and her of England and Wales. Pope John Scott Cowen will receive a doc- husband, Clayton, established Paul II made him a cardinal in tor of laws degree. As president their foundation to support chil- 2001. His ministry is well known of Tulane University, Cowen has dren and families in the Dayton, for his ecumenical work, the pro- led Tulane to major growth in Ohio area. Among the founda- tection of human life and the donations and student applica- tion’s largest gifts was an aca- rights of immigrants. tions. He also created a plan to demic building at Saint Mary’s In addition to these honorary rebuild the university’s facilities College. degrees, the University will after Hurricane Katrina flooded Marc Maurer, a 1974 Notre award the Laetare Medal, its 70 percent of its uptown campus Dame alumnus, will receive a highest honor, to Dana Gioia, and dispersed all of its students doctor of laws degree. Maurer, poet and former chairman of the in 2005. who was blinded by an overex- National Endowment for the Arts Archbishop Demetrios posure to oxygen after birth, now (NEA) at the Commencement Trakatellis will also be awarded serves as president of the ceremony. a doctor of laws degree. He was National Federation of the Blind Last year, much controversy appointed primate of the Greek (NFB). Under his leadership, NFB surrounded the University’s deci- Orthodox Church in America and has expanded its headquarters sion to award President Barack he previously taught Biblical and accelerated development of Obama with an honorary doctor studies at the Holy Cross School innovative education, technology, of laws degree. Obama was the of Theology in Brookline, Mass. products and services to facili- ninth U.S. president to be award- After the Sept. 11 terrorist tate the independence of blind ed with an honorary degree, a attacks, he presided at many people. March 20, 2009, press release memorial services and funerals Ted McCourtney, who graduat- said. for the victims. ed from Notre Dame in 1960, The University will award Fr. will receive a doctor of engineer- Contact Sarah Mervosh at Reginald Foster a doctor of laws ing degree. McCourtney was the [email protected] Wednesday, March 31, 2010 The Observer N NATIONAL NEWS page 9

dous, steadying force: calm, fun to continuing the focus on stu- the beginning stages.” and kind. She was in the eye of dents taking care of themselves Soler also said she plans to Shirley the hurricane, with the chaos that Soler when they are out in the com- host April Awareness Month, a continued from page 1 is The Observer swirling all continued from page 1 munity, being respectful and new campaign in which student around her,” he said. also being aware of their sur- government will raise aware- game for a retirement party for The current staff, including As sophomore Catherine Soler roundings,” Soler said. “We’ve ness for various charities, Shirley, an event she is very excit- Editor-in-Chief Matt Gamber, isn’t looks forward to her term as seen a lot of fundraisers and ed about. quite ready to Shirley go. student body president, which success in service opportu- “I can’t wait to see everyone,” “I’ve been incredibly blessed to will begin Thursday, she said terms of off- “We’ve seen a lot of nities. she said. have known Shirley for the past community relations would be a campus safety A p r i l Preparing to return to campus three years, and I can’t thank her priority for her administration. and we want success in terms of A w a r e n e s s for the reunion party, Observer enough for the countless smiles “A main goal of ours is for to continue off-campus safety and Month will be a alumni shared memories of and hugs that have brightened students to feel compelled to go along that we want to continue way to combine Shirley. long nights and early mornings in into the community, feel safe line.” their passion for Bruce Oakley, Class of 1980, the office,” Gamber said. “It will while they’re there and also Bell said they along that line.” service and stu- returned to be a challenge to give a lot to South Bend, but have also dent govern- campus looking “I’ve been incredibly move forward also get a lot out of being an explored the Catherine Soler ment, Soler for a job after without her, both active member of the communi- idea of obtain- student body said. blessed to have known graduation and from a personal ty,” Soler said. ing class credit president-elect Events will started working Shirley for the past and a profession- Student body vice president- t h r o u g h i n c l u d e with Shirley at three years, and I al standpoint, but elect Andrew Bell said strength- involvement in Communiversity The Observer on behalf of the ening relations between the the community. Day, a student after serving as can’t thank her enough entire staff, University and the community For example, a one-credit class government Relay for Life team a copy editor his for the countless Shirley, I wish will be a mutually beneficial could involve going to the and The Bald and The senior year. smiles and hugs that you nothing but relationship. monthly Northeast Beautiful, an event where stu- He’ll be com- the best as you “Not only will we benefit from Neighborhood Council meetings, dents will cut their hair to bene- ing back again have brightened long enjoy your retire- a positive relationship with the he said. fit childhood cancer research. for the party, nights and early ment. We will community, but it’s better for “You will advance your educa- “We’re both participating,” and told stories mornings in the office.” miss you.” both sides if we work together,” tion while becoming directly said Soler, who will cut eight of those early Now that her he said. “They are the people immersed in the community,” inches off her hair, while Bell years: installing time at The that surround he said. “We will shave his head. typesetting Matt Gamber Observer has us. No one think that’s a Bell said April Awareness machines, lis- Editor-in-Chief come to a close, wants to stay “Not only will we really great way Month is also a way to connect tening to Shirley said she is on campus and benefit from a positive to become with the student body. Blondie, babysit- “going to become the community involved.” “It’s reflective of the fact that ting for Shirley’s children. a traveler and a full-time grand- members don’t relationship with the For the we represent a very service-ori- “Shirley proudly shared her life ma.” want to avoid community, but it’s remainder of ented student body,” he said. with us,” he said. “She has Shirley has plans for an students.” better for both sides if the current “We are entering into a climate strength enough for a family Alaskan cruise this June with her To fulfill this school year, where service is very important that’s been growing for 30 years. husband Craig, also retired, and goal, Soler said we work together.” Soler said she so this is just a result of that.” “My message to Shirley: ‘Mom, the Grauels are renting a condo she would would also pur- Soler and Bell said they are the kids are all right. And we’re in Florida for four weeks next work for the Andrew Bell sue a textbook grateful for the opportunity to coming home.’” spring. continuation of student body rental system, serve the student body and look Though it hasn’t always been “If Craig wasn’t at home, I Transpo and vice president-elect which was part forward to working with stu- smooth sailing in The Observer probably wouldn’t be retired … hopes to get a of her platform. dents to enhance the Notre office, the staff was always able to but things happen for a reason, traffic light “We really are Dame experience. rely on Shirley, said John Lucas, a and it’s time,” she said. “Thirty installed at the intersection of pushing for the rental textbook “We’re more energized than member of the Class of 1996 who years … that’s enough.” Twyckenham Drive and Vaness system to come about in the ever,” Soler said. served as Editor-in-Chief from Street, which is highly traveled fall,” she said. “We’re working 1995-96. Contact Jenn Metz at by students. with the bookstore as well as Contact Sarah Mervosh at “Shirley always was a tremen- [email protected] “We are also looking forward business operations. We’re in [email protected] The Observer Viewpoint page 10 Wednesday, March 31, 2010 THE OBSERVER Rejecting the routine P.O. Box 779, Notre Dame, IN 46556 024 South Dining Hall, Notre Dame, IN 46556 When I was entering seventh grade, I DeBartolo, South Dining Hall or on the one of the best decisions I have ever decided that I wanted to be a good bas- first floor of the library, because that was made. NDE was one of my favorite week- EDITOR-IN-CHIEF the most efficient way to go about life. It ends during my entire three years here at Matt Gamber ketball player. When I let my aspirations known to my parents, my dad said that was like being Bill Murray’s character, Notre Dame. It wasn’t specifically any one MANAGING EDITOR BUSINESS MANAGER he was happy for me, but he then pro- Phil, in the movie “Groundhog Day,” activity that we did on the retreat (though Madeline Buckley Stacey Gill ceeded to tell me where he keeps waking up and living the I enjoyed everything) that made the Andy Ziccarelli ASST. MANAGING EDITOR: Laura Myers exactly how it exact same day over and over and over weekend and it wasn’t just the fact that was going to again. One day, as I passed the same per- my small group’s theme was based on the NEWS EDITOR: Sarah Mervosh happen. Over the Moment of son in the blue hat (who I’ve never met, movie “Space Jam” (though that certainly VIEWPOINT EDITOR: Michelle Maitz summer, I was to Inertia but still recognize), at the same place and helped); it was the people. Having been at SPORTS EDITOR: Douglas Farmer run for a mile the same time on my way to class for the Notre Dame, we sometimes forget that SCENE EDITOR: Jordan Gamble and shoot 100 free throws every day. In third Wednesday in a row, like clockwork, what makes this university great is the SAINT MARY’S EDITOR: Ashley Charnley hindsight, that may not seem like a whole it struck me: Notre Dame had become truly special student body that chose to ordinary. Instead of responding to “How attend school here. And on an NDE, you PHOTO EDITOR: Pat Coveney lot of work, but for a 12-year old that would have been perfectly content eating are you?” with a positive, upbeat are placed in contact with 55 other amaz- GRAPHICS EDITOR: Blair Chemidlin candy and playing video games every day response, I found myself giving answers ing people, most of whom you have never ADVERTISING MANAGERS: Theresa Bea all summer, it was like a death sentence. like “getting by” and “surviving.” What spoken to before, in a setting where you Mary Clare Rodriguez So each day, begrudgingly, I rolled out of had become of my experience? I decided can really learn their stories. And, to AD DESIGN MANAGER: Jaclyn Espinoza bed and worked out, usually after about that I needed to give myself a shot in the shamelessly steal a phrase from my small CONTROLLER: Patrick Sala an hour of bickering with my mom about arm. group leader, I love to hear other people’s SYSTEMS ADMINISTRATOR: Steve Lagree it. Not surprisingly, I became a pretty It started with little things. I decided stories; something that I had lost sight of good player and even won a few free that I was going to mix up my routine and during my day-to-day monotony. At one OFFICE MANAGER & GENERAL INFO throw shooting contests in middle school. walk to DeBartolo from Dillon along point near the end of the weekend, I was (574) 631-7471 My blooming basketball career, though, South Quad, not under the Law School in a group of four people talking: one FAX is not the point of the story (my career Arch, if for no other reason than a freshman, one sophomore, one junior and (574) 631-6927 was doomed after I failed to grow anoth- change of pace. As it turned out, the very one senior, all in four different majors. ADVERTISING (574) 631-6900 [email protected] er inch beyond sixth grade). The point is first time I did that, I ran into a good We had been complete strangers no more EDITOR-IN-CHIEF that my dad instilled a routine in me, friend of mine whom I hadn’t seen in a than 36 hours beforehand. In spite of all (574) 631-4542 [email protected] where I could count on doing the same few weeks and we found a time to meet that, though, we carried on all the way MANAGING EDITOR thing day after day and, naturally, would up for dinner. Obviously, not every walk until we could no longer stay awake, and (574) 631-4541 [email protected] become used to it. And that was the case. down the quad ends up in a dinner date, it was at that point, as I headed to bed, ASSISTANT MANAGING EDITOR After a few weeks, running a mile and but I would have never seen her had I that I realized just how many truly amaz- (574) 631-4324 [email protected] BUSINESS OFFICE shooting 100 free throws really didn’t chosen to walk to class along my regular ing people there are here that I had yet to (574) 631-5313 seem so bad, it just became a part of life. path. In addition, I made it a goal to eat encounter. What if I chose not to sign up NEWS DESK We all came to Notre Dame looking for lunch at every dining establishment on for the retreat and we never had the (574) 631-5323 [email protected] an extraordinary experience. Notre Dame campus before the end of the semester. chance to meet? VIEWPOINT DESK is different, they told us, and for many of As we all know, the dining hall can get Amazing personalities are all around (574) 631-5303 [email protected] us, that extra mystique is what drew us to repetitive; especially if that is the only you here. You walk by them every day SPORTS DESK (574) 631-4543 [email protected] this place. However, once you have spent place you eat for weeks at a time. This without even giving them a second SCENE DESK a few years here, you pretty much have turned out to be an worthwhile goal, glance. We all do. Hopefully, though, you (574) 631-4540 [email protected] things figured out. You know the shortest because now I have discovered awesome can make the most of it, and not let your SAINT MARY’S DESK route from your room to all of you class- places to eat like Café Poche in Bond Hall, experience here on campus pass you by [email protected] es, you know when to avoid the rush at Greenfields and, my personal favorite, without making the most of it. I know I PHOTO DESK certainly intend to from here on out. (574) 631-8767 [email protected] the dining hall, and you have your Decio Commons, all places that I had SYSTEMS & WEB ADMINISTRATORS favorite study spot picked out. For me, never set foot in during my first five (574) 631-8839 earlier this semester, there was probably semesters on campus. Andy Ziccarelli is a junior majoring in a two week stretch where I followed the But beyond just going new places, I still civil engineering. He can be reached at THE exact same routine every day: Wake up, felt like I needed to do more. With that in [email protected] o bserver Online eat, go to class, eat dinner and then go mind, I decided to sign up and attend the The views expressed in this column are www.ndsmcobserver.com finish schoolwork. You would really only Notre Dame Encounter No. 105 retreat those of the author and not ever find me either in my dorm room, this past weekend. I will say this: it was necessarily those of The Observer. POLICIES The Observer is the independent, daily newspaper published in print and online by the students of the University of Notre Dame du Lac and Saint Mary’s College. Editorial content, including advertisements, is EDITORIAL CARTOON not governed by policies of the administration of either institution. The Observer reserves the right to refuse advertisements based on content. The news is reported as accurately and objectively as possible. Unsigned editorials represent the opinion of the majority of the Editor in Chief, Managing Editor, Assistant Managing Editors and department editors. Commentaries, letters and columns present the views of the authors and not necessarily those of The Observer. Viewpoint space is available to all readers. The free expression of all opinions through letters is encouraged. Letters to the Editor must be signed and must include contact information.

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TODAY’S STAFF News Sports QUOTE OF THE DAY QUOTE OF THE DAY Amanda Gray Michael Bryan Megan Doyle Molly Sammon Caitlyn Kalscheur Luke Mansour Submit a Letter Graphics Scene “Insist on yourself; never imitate... “Failures are finger posts on the Sofia Iturbe Caitlin Ferraro Every great man is unique.” road to achievement.” Viewpoint to the Editor at Patricia Ralph Waldo Emerson C. S. Lewis Fernandez U.S. philosopher www.ndsmcobserver.com British novelist The Observer Viewpoint Wednesday, March 31, 2010 page 11 HEI: Still an issue

Despite the fact that we are no longer What employee of a hotel, when Labor Relations Board (NLRB) of doing so. versial-investment/). These two universi- sporting our incredibly sexy and stylish approached by a well-dressed, wealthy- But it is disconcerting that Malpass refuses ties, who are unaffiliated with any religion, orange jumpsuits this week, the issue of looking guest in their establishment would to acknowledge that the Office of the have made public statements of concerns Notre Dame’s investment in hotel company risk their job and bad-mouth their compa- General Counsel of the NLRB has issued about the allegations against HEI. Why is HEI is still a pressing one. ny? Of course Malpass has heard nothing complaints against HEI, and that HEI will Notre Dame, a Catholic university who After extensive but good things; other than those workers defend itself against these allegations at a claims to stand for justice and the tenants research and hav- he has only spoken with CEOs and human hearing to commence on June 7. The of Catholic Social Teaching, once again ing conversations Sarah Furman resources, whose job is to make HEI look workers have made claims that that the refusing to say anything or even discuss with current and good. NLRB’s General Counsel has determined the issue? former HEI Guest We have actually spoken to employees are serious and substantiated enough to As a Catholic university, it is our call to employees, it is Columnist and received honest responses. At different merit a formal hearing - why is Malpass stand on the side of those who lack power, becoming increas- hotels, workers report increases in work- ignoring them? If we wait to take action which, in this case, are the cooks, house- ingly clear HEI is a loads, reduced hours, layoffs, elimination until they are found “officially” guilty, we keepers, bellmen and other workers within company whose actions are unethical. of job functions and even shortages in could be waiting through years of appeals the HEI hotels. After many allegations Their employees in multiple hotels have cleaning supplies. These are not lies while their workers suffer in the same have been made against HEI both by indi- felt mistreated and ignored to the point spread by the union; they are factual sto- unjust conditions. vidual employees and by the General where they have decided to call for a union ries told by the workers. Student groups at universities across the Counsel of the National Labor Relations but are facing many difficulties. We have Also, HEI is clearly anti-union. In fact, country are fighting for the same cause. In Board, there is clearly reason for concern. not been “fed lies” by UNITE HERE!, the they spent over $90,000 in 2008 alone on the middle of February, the president of We hope that Notre Dame continues to union working on the HEI campaign. anti-union consultants, whose entire pur- Brown University, Ruth Simmons, wrote a look into the practices of HEI and pres- Rather, we have read on our own and spo- pose is to help the company keep unions letter to HEI showing her concern about sures the company to treat their workers ken with workers. Our conclusions are not out of their hotels. The information for their labor practices. This week, the Yale with dignity by allowing them to form a from a place of ignorance. 2009 has yet to be made public, but we Daily News reported that, “Yale’s Advisory union that will give them a voice in the Scott C. Malpass, Chief of Notre Dame’s fear that this number has increased. In 85 Committee on Investor Responsibility may workplace. Investments Office, claims he has spoken percent of union drives, the employees face reevaluate its stance on the University’s to employees of these hotels. In our meet- intimidation by the employer. It is not sur- investment in HEI Hotels & Resorts in the Sarah Furman is a junior ing last spring, we asked him what that prising that HEI is using the same tactics. wake of Brown University president Ruth She can be reached at [email protected] meant. His response: he had stayed in an Malpass is correct in that HEI denies Simmons’s letter” (http://www.yaledai- The views expressed in this column are HEI hotel and asked those who served him committing unfair labor practices and has lynews.com/news/university- those of the author and not necessarily in the hotel what they thought of their job. not yet been found guilty by the National news/2010/03/23/univ-reconsider-contro- those of The Observer.

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR One Book, One Michiana Life, liberty and

Although we often forget it, as stu- and a creative writing contest for grade dents of Notre Dame we are also mem- school children sponsored by the the pursuit of a spoon bers of the South Bend population. If Hammes Notre Dame Bookstore. you want to break out of the “Notre On behalf of Literacy Awareness Dear Management at North Dining Hall, question the efficacy of your new and Dame bubble” in an easy and fun way, Notre Dame (LAND), an on-campus We would like to express our sincere grat- improved utensil policy and to deny us such consider participating in the One Book, club that promotes literacy through itude for our entertainment-filled lunch a fun-filled day of hunting. We are pleased One Michiana campaign. awareness campaigns and volun- experience today at North Dining Hall. Your that you are not merely ignorant of the stu- The St. Joseph County Public Library teerism, and on behalf of LAND’s con- “Talking Spoon Scavenger Hunt” not only dent’s views, but instead stand up in the is sponsoring this annual campaign, tacts at the St. Joseph Public Library, I challenged our mental abilities, but it also face of student pressure to do what you which creates a series of events that urge you to consider participating in gave us the opportunity for more exercise know is right. We applaud you, NDH, and build community feeling by asking the some of these exciting events. After all, and sight-seeing into some of the more may you continue your brave fight against entire Michiana population to read a who doesn’t love “To Kill a unexplored, “southern” regions of NDH. the will of insolent students. book, or watch a movie adaptation of Mockingbird?” Had the opportunity not arisen to trek to the that book. This year, the book is the If you would like more information, “South Side of the Border” in our search for Matt Babcock classic novel by Harper Lee, “To Kill A please refer to the St. Joseph Public spoons, our refined palates would have senior Mockingbird.” Library website. never been exposed to the culinary sensa- Stanford Hall Various events related to the novel tion that is California Eldorado Casserole. Ted Kratschmer will be held during the last week of Caitlin Wilson We also truly appreciated your brazen dis- Chris Kratschmer April and first week of May. Some Rachel Hamilton play of the viewpoint letter criticizing your Brendan Corsones events include a courtroom re-enaction sophomores spoon policy. It is difficult for us to believe seniors of a scene from the book, a reading of Lewis Hall that a member of our esteemed student Zahm Hall the novel by the director of the movie, March 29 body would be so short-sighted so as to March 29 Not standing strong Why I do care In the past few weeks, with the announce- That said, remember that just because “To whom much is given, much is beliefs that the Church vehemently ment of Christopher Hitchens coming to you are Catholic does not mean you own the expected.” Sue Chambers quoted this opposes. Notre Dame and the unearthing of more school. This is just as much my school as it well-known saying in her challenge to In a Viewpoint last March (“Money sexual abuse from Catholic priests, many is yours. As such, I have just as much right Notre Dame to uphold the teachings of talks,” March 24, 2009), I encouraged people have turned their discussions again to discuss and criticize the shortcomings of the Catholic Church (“Dream Schools,” seniors to let their money talk. Every to religion and the Catholic Church. One my school. In the same light, this is just as March 30). year, the Annual Fund hosts common sentiment in these arguments is much my world as it is yours. Accordingly, I In recent times, Notre Dame has bla- “Thanksgiving in February,” a campaign that non-believers (like the invited have the same rights to discuss and criticize tantly failed in its position as the nation’s designed to raise awareness among stu- Christopher Hitchens) have no reason to the shortcomings of the world. An organiza- most well known Catholic university. dents about the impact of giving gifts of criticize religion since they are themselves tion that covers up the sexual abuse is The administration, most notably Fr. all sizes to Notre Dame. Once again, I not religious. Furthermore, some people something I perceive as a shortcoming. Jenkins, has given in to popular opinion will encourage graduating seniors to let have even questioned why non-believers Just because I am not part of the group instead of serving as a beacon for the their money talk. Consider how the dol- would bother to attend a school that is so does not mean I cannot criticize the group. I teachings of the Church in an increas- lars you pledge will be spent, and if you ensconced in Catholicism if all they are am not part of many groups, but I can still ingly secular world. Instead of challeng- do decide to donate money to Notre going to do is argue about its Catholic poli- criticize them. The Catholic Church is one of ing the most pro-abortion president in Dame, be aware that you can restrict cies. As a non-believer at Notre Dame, per- these groups. If I am part of the group, like the history of the United States, Fr. your contribution to a group, residence haps I can shed light on these two ques- in the case of the university community, I Jenkins and the University of Our Lady hall or activity that you feel will make tions. not only have the right to be critical, but the not only welcomed him with open arms, the best use of your dollars. Perhaps those non-religious students still duty in order to make it better both for but they also bestowed upon him an Notre Dame critics routinely bash the enjoy plenty of other things about the uni- myself and my peers. So next time you think honorary degree months after he struck football team for not living up to the versity. Rewarding experiences and commu- that because I'm not Catholic, this doesn't down a rule that prohibits American standards that have been set over the nity can be found in plenty of other areas concern me, and I should therefore stay money from funding international fami- years. It is now time for the University to besides religion. For example, perhaps silent, I ask you politely to remember that ly-planning clinics that promote abor- be held accountable for not standing unique to Notre Dame is its dorm life. While the Catholic Church is a powerful organiza- tion. At Commencement in May, instead strong in its position as the foremost parietals and single-sex dorms might be a tion whose policies do affect me even of feeling proud that I had graduated Catholic university in the United States. headache at times, the fellowship that is though I don’t believe. from the University of Notre Dame, I developed within dorms is unlike anything I was ashamed and disgraced that Notre Kelly Kapshandy hear about from my friends at other Andy Hills Dame and the administration suc- alumna schools, including those in Greek life. It sophomore cumbed to the celebrification of a man Class of 2009 would be sad if Notre Dame's Catholicism Carroll Hall who consistently supports many of the March 30 was the best thing it had going for it. March 30 The Observer Scene page 12 Wednesday, March 31, 2010

By TATIANA SPRAGINS lent scenes right after the funny ones. One or won’t be of any help. Out of his element and very unique style, adds a lot of fun to the Scene Writer the other genre would have been fine, but in a relatively weak movie, Willis continues movie. the two together didn’t flow too smoothly on his search for the next big thing in his Definitely more of a “dude movie,” “Cop Featuring two actors you would never since it’s usually unexpected for a joking, career. On the other hand, Morgan shines in Out” combines inappropriate jokes, foul lan- imagine working together in a combination rather ridiculous scene to precede a gang “30 Rock” but should be working on getting guage and violence in a police-versus-drug of what each one does best, comedy and leader executing two frightened subjects roles in better movies if he wants to see his dealer setting. The auxiliary characters also action, “Cop Out” is definitely not bound to point blank. career continue to rise. In “Cop Out” Morgan contribute by adding a touch of ridiculous- feed your intellectual appetite. But it might Willis didn’t do that bad of a job at comedy, sometimes tries too hard to be funny, and it ness to the overall plot. Not even close to be fun just to sit back and enjoy the jokes or although the true comedy lies in seeing him can go from amusing to tiring really quickly. being the best movie of the year, “Cop Out” is watch Bruce Willis’ hilariously bad attempt make an effort to The first scene makes this very clear, an unintelligent comedy with predictable at comedy. be funny. Not to but the rest of the movie keeps up a jokes. However, if you feel like letting your Tracy Morgan and Bruce Willis play the mention, he good pace and doesn’t over do its brain rest (and if you’re a dude), grab a beer, roles of two cops that have worked together hasn’t been own jokes. sit back and enjoy. for nine years and, due to a failed attempt at involved in “Cop Out” also counts on the catching a Latin gang, are suspended for 90 any good proj- appearance of Adam Brody and Contact Tatiana Spragins at days. On top of this, Paul (Morgan) thinks his ects lately — Seann William Scott, the latter [email protected] wife is cheating and Jimmy (Willis) can’t for a while, being one of the main sources afford to pay for his daughter’s wedding. actually. Not of laughter. Brody plays one of Jimmy then decides to sell a baseball card s i n c e the rival officers that Jimmy he’s had since he was little to pay for the “ T h e and Paul work with, and “Cop Out” wedding. The card had been kept in perfect S i x t h still has that slight awk- condition, and could therefore be worth up S e n s e ” wardness that made audi- Warner Bros. to $80,000 — except, when he’s selling the h a s ences first love him in “The Directed by: Kevin Smith card two amateur robbers come into the W i l l i s O.C.” Scott also does a hilar- Starring: Bruce Willis, Tracy Morgan shop, tase Jimmy and the shop owner and had the ious job as a hyperactive and Seann William Scott steal the card and everything in the cash opportu- drug addict that robs houses register. Jimmy and Paul both set out to find nity to to sustain his habit. His par- this robber and get back the baseball card. s t a n d ticipation accounts for some of Morgan’s comedy background and Willis’ out in a the funniest scenes. The com- affiliation to action movies made for an role, and bination of different characters unusual duo. Although the film was quite “ C o p and the way they interact with funny at times, it would suddenly shift to vio- O u t ” one another, each in their own

Author’s Note: This story was originally a win the match before resigning and handing over recap of Wrestlemania XXVI, which took place the title. McMahon later decided to change the out- on Sunday night. After writing my first draft, come of the match without informing Hart. Under I realized the potential audience of that story McMahon’s orders, the ref called the match early. was only slightly bigger than the group of four McMahon’s betrayal was real, as was Hart’s guys with whom I exclusion from the WWE. By the time Hart was regularly watch Nicholas Anderson introduced into the wrestling Hall of Fame in 2006, World Wrestling the personal feud between the two had ended. Entertainment Assistant Scene Earlier this year, Hart made his professional return (WWE). Instead, Editor in the ring with old wounds fresh in his mind. After the piece trans- several weeks of build up, Hart spent Sunday night formed into a defense of professional giving McMahon the beat down he deserved over a wrestling illustrated by Sunday night’s event. decade ago. The excellent mesh of real and script- Professional wrestling is fake — but so is ed emotion provided the WWE with one of the bet- pretty much every show, movie and commer- ter story lines in recent memory as well as a great cial on television. Tom Hanks never actually match at Wrestlemania. stormed the beaches of Normandy, Ross and Professional wrestling is at a unique moment in Rachel never actually got back together and its history. Two decades ago, wrestling was in its John Cena didn’t actually defeat Batista heyday. Superstars embodied by Hulk Hogan had Sunday night for the world title of a legitimate transcended the sport and spilled over into family sporting organization. movies and Sunday morning cartoons. It was fami- The vast majority of wrestling fans knows ly entertainment even if it was lower class. this, but chooses to watch anyway. While As big names defected to rival wrestling company wrestling’s audience may be skewed towards World Championship Wrestling (WCW), WWE start- what is thought of as the “Nascar” demo- ed experimenting with crass, often sexual story- graphic, it is by no means because they are lines. This new direction proved to be a disaster, fooled by the action on the screen. Instead, furthering the popularity of WCW while decreasing just like any other fiction fans, they are drawn the influence of wrestling in popular culture as a in by the story lines and athleticism. whole. However, just because all the matches are WCW was eventually bought out by WWE as it predetermined doesn’t mean wrestling is attempted to return to its former glory. Total entirely faked. The wrestlers spend most of Nonstop Action, the most recent start up, is quickly the year on the road in cramped quarters hiring former superstars to build its roster and with a small group of fellow performers. Bad directly compete with WWE. blood is bound to arise. The best analogy to professional wrestling is a One of the most famous examples of real soap opera: the acting is sub-par and the storylines world animosity spilling into wrestling story- tend to be cheesy, but the elements work more lines was the “Montreal Screw job” in 1997. often than not. Pro wrestling provides entertain- Bret Hart, the reigning world champion and ment that is second to none. one of the most popular performers in the business, was supposed to win his last pay- The views expressed in this Column are those per-view match before leaving the WWE of the author and not necessarily those of The because of WWE’s financial troubles. Observer. Vince McMahon, the CEO of WWE, as well Contact Nicholas Anderson at as a frequent performer, arranged for Hart to [email protected] SOFIA ITURBE I Observer Graphic the AbsUrDer The Independent Newspaper Mocking Notre Dame and Saint Mary’s VolumeVolume 640 : Issue: Issue 66 ??? Wednesday,THURSDAY, August APRIL 1, 27,2010 2004 ndsmcIMONABOAT.comndsmcobserver.com FCC bans Revue from America Organizers say they plan to relocate show to Canada

like,” FCC commissioner sketches about how some By SUBWAY JARED Giulius Menachowski said. Americans are fat and lazy,” Perpetual Optimist “The only way we will ever Zeeland said. “I did not real- be able to promote virtuous ize that it would be such a After weeks of internal citizens is to completely big deal.” meetings and wild specula- ignore the way they act and The FCC claimed its tions across the country as bury our heads in the sand.” actions were not reactionary to its fate, the Federal Former Keenan revue and that they had been plan- Communications directors Flim Fleat and ning this change for years. Commission (FCC) has taken Stanny Zeeland, surprised “The Commission finds the the bold step of banning the by the government’s deci- unpatriotic nature of the Keenan Revue from the sion, vowed to continue the skits as well as the inappro- United States. fight to keep the Revue in priate references to fatness The FCC said they no the country. of American citizens to be longer believe the Keenan The two promised to incongruent with the United Revue to be in line with the appeal the decision all the State’s mission and values,” mission statement of the way to the Supreme Court. Menachowski said. “Our nation. “Really?” Fleat said. government strives to treat “We could just no longer “Really?” all individuals as if they are stand by while those hooli- Zeeland echoed his state- incapable of committing Oh, Canada! gans from Keenan Hall pre- ment, wondering why the embarrassing, amusing or The United States government has banned the Keenan Revue from its soil, sented caricatures of what FCC even cared. citing its content to be incongruent with the nation’s mission statement. United States citizens are “All we did was have a few see HUMORLESS/page 3 RV Hall of Fame follows chicken chain to Atlanta Administrators say that move is unrelated to College Football Hall of Fame’s relocation

“I’d walk 500 miles, and I By KARL BERSTEIN would walk 500 more to get to More of a Legend than an Actual Employee the RV Hall of Fame,” visitor Gomer Pyle said. The RV and Motor Home Hall of Pyle’s wife reminded him he Fame announced they will move wouldn’t need to walk because from Elkhart to Atlanta, effective they could take their RV. July 1. The Hall of Fame expects the The move follows the College move will net them an additional Football Hall of Fame’s move to 200 visitors a day, Chesterson the Georgia capital, but the said. moves are unrelated, according “The thing about us RVers is to motor home guru “Cousin” Sal that we love us our chicken,” Chesterson. Chesterson said. “Our employees and visitors at Chesterson said he hopes the the RV Hall of Fame need us Hall of Fame’s stay in Elkhart has some Chick-fil-A,” Chesterson convinced Hoosiers to pursue said. “Atlanta said they’d give us RVing as a way of life. a year supply if we moved Elkhart resident Reginald South.” Hoffman decided to sell his home Guests at the Hall of Fame when he retired to buy an RV BOB SWEDLACK / The Absurder Tuesday were unconcerned by The RV Hall of Fame is loading up the trailers for a move to Atlanta. Hall of Fame administrators say they the move. see RVS/page 3 want to be closer to the Chick-fil-A headquarters. Female suspected of breaking rules STUDENT GOVERNMENT NDSP reports school’s Tweens to assume top first parietals violation student gov positions Absurder Staff Report that Sunshine attends Saint By GLENN O’REILLY Mary’s College. Notre Dame Security Police Fair and Balanced “There is no proof that (NDSP) has released a sketch of a Sunshine actually goes to female fugitive alleged to have Kathy Sunshine and Notre Dame,” Gwen Deck, the violated parietals in Zahm Hall the Anthony Belltower will be organizer of the group of con- morning of March 30. inaugurated as student body cerned students, said. “Her If the allegations prove true, it president and vice president name isn’t even Katie!” would mark the first parietals vio- today, taking over for The Irish Poodle, that cam- lation in the University’s storied Bob&Grant Dotcom and pus’s biweekly watchdog, 168-year history. Grynthia. called for Sunshine’s According to NDSP and multiple The election of Sunshine impeachment because she’s witnesses, a female student, clad and Belltower was not with- not a true Domer. out controversy, as a growing number of students claim see TWEENS/page 5 see PARIETALS/page 5 Sketch courtesy of NDSP page 2 The Absurder N PAGE II Tuesday, April 1, 2010

INSIDE COLUMN QUESTION OF THE DAY: NERVOUS ABOUT JOB SECURITY IN THIS ECONOMY? Bravo, Tiger!

You all are just jealous. You go home to your slightly over- Sean Junkins Bike Pray Kelli Bryan Mac Swartick weight spouses and your obnoxious Gnarlie Rice children who constantly force you to Billionaire Former Irish Former Irish Freshman Has really hot question your decision to procreate. Mogul, C.S.C Football Coach Basketball Coach Knott Hall daughters Tiger goes home to blonde bomb- Arnold Palmer shell Elin, and I’m tenured. Budget cutbacks My postseason I have a second Again, I have when he does- I’m still alive cost me my job. performances job at Reckers really hot n’t, he has the pick of the litter speak for just in case. daughers. of gorgeous women at his beck and themselves. So no. call. You and your buddies golf on Saturday afternoons, hacking from bunker to bunker and carding a gentle- man’s 118. Tiger drops a 3-wood with the accuracy of a cruise missile a foot from the pin on national television and winks at the busty brunette near the 14th green, knowing that after he wins the tournament he’ll put Elin and the kids to bed and then skedaddle on over LITTLE BITS OF NEWS to her place. You are affected by the recession. He isn’t. You don’t get free Nike gear and Former Tonight Show host Buicks. He does. He got to visit the Conan O’Brien has signed a troops and hit golf balls off the deck of contract to host NDTV’s Late the U.S.S. George Washington. You did- Night ND in the Legends n’t. Restaurant for the next two You wish you were him. years. Try to stop by some time, He’s probably in his hotel at Augusta unless you have homework. right now with a pile of tabloids and gossip magazines in front of him, and every time he reads about himself he grins. If you’ve got a couple hundred “Check.” cold-ish beers sitting around, a “Count it.” Grand Prix is the thing to do “She was sooooo worth it.” these days. Don’t tell me for one second you don’t want to have an affair with a dozen-plus porn stars and cocktail waitresses. That’s a dozen-plus If anyone could find out if I’m chances to use the built-in pick-up still banned for life from The lines inherent in being a golfer. Backer, I’d really appreciate it. “I go longer than anyone on tour.” It’s not that I want to go or any- “You know, my driver has quite the thing, I just need to know that I stiff shaft.” could if I wanted to. “I put it in the hole better than any- one in the world.” He bagged so many women he took CENSORED BY THE UNIVERSITY OFFICE OF PREVENTION OF THE VIEWING OF NAKED BODIES the show on the road — literally, hence In crystal clear detail, University President Fr. Sean Junkins is captured The password for Club Fever the, ahem, loss of control that ended streaking through campus, part of a so-called ‘bun run’ with his dorm. this Thursday is ‘fidelio’. Get his Hummer when he hit a fire there before eleven, and be sure hydrant. The car, a Cadillac Escalade, to bring a mask. was empty other than Tiger when Elin got there, but you do the math. USELESS THINGS MAYBE YOU’RE INTERESTED IN, MAYBE NOT In fact, by that point Tiger wanted the world to know just how much of a Cristal to begin production A 30-pack of 12-oz cans tion to the first season’s 15 Apparently there’s some God badass he was. Plus, how hard could it on canned wine is expected to retail for MILFs and 50 eighth grade Debate coming up. Like every- be to score tail in a sexaholics clinic? The South of, FRANCE — $64,000, and will be avail- boys, 5 DILFs and 25 one else I don’t really know any- Speaking of which, Elin isn’t innocent Cristal, the official French able exclusively through tweens will be added into thing about it, but man am I either. Since Tiger’s new base of opera- champagne of aristocrats Belmont Beverage. the mix. opinionated! tions is in Mississippi, she’s been stay- and rappers alike, has The season, which will ing with Brett Favre. After a couple of announced a new line of NBC to renew ‘MILF Island’ film over the next three glasses of red wine with Brett and canned wine set for an for a second season years in Cambodia, is Deanna, she could slip inside his early 2011 domestic NEW YORK—NBC scheduled to premiere dur- The weather is going to be Wranglers in no time. release. Sheinheart Universal Vice ing sweeps in 2015. nice this weekend. Fitting, since He hoodwinked us all with his “The bottle was just get- President Jack Donaghy you’re leaving town for Easter “apologies,” pretending to be deeply ting cumbersome, particu- has announced that the Sorry about so many 30 Break. saddened by his actions and ready to larly for some our con- critically acclaimed and Rock references, but it’s work on his marriage. He’s up there sumers who often require award winning reality tele- hard to try to write jokes saying things like “I am far short of free hands to easily grab vision show featuring sexy for this. Especially when perfect,” all the while hiding a smile, weapons, and grope moms, teenage boys and most people at The If you’re interested in actual thinking, “I’d like to thank the females,” producer Louis no rules, will be back for a Absurder aren’t funny. I things that are happening on Academy,” surreptitiously checking his Roederer said. second season. hope you understand. campus, just read the real BlackBerry to see if Shawna from the The can will also allow But this time, the game paper. bar got back to him about tonight. for Cristal to easily be con- will change, and the MILFs He’s not going anywhere. He’ll come sumed in mass quantities. will have to adjust. In addi- out next week, shoot a nine-under despite the boos and raise his arms on the 18th green as if to say, “You wish you were me.” Then he’ll moonwalk off Today Tonight Friday SaturdaY Easter Monday the green and into the waiting arms of several loose women, accompanied by Elin. Because even she has to be saying, well done, sir. Well done.

The views expressed in this

DRINKING

Inside Column seem to be pretty FORECAST sound, no? HIGH 72 HIGH - HIGH 74 HIGH 74 HIGH 73 HIGH 69 LOW 49 LOW - LOW 53 LOW 51 LOW 51 LOW 41 SHOUTOUTS Seriously. The weather’s going to be sweet this week. Listen to the Sun in the Wayfarers. Hi mom, dad and Alex! Nation & Stuff Thursday, April 1, 2010 Compiled from The Absurder’s wire services page 3 GOP: President Baraka Rama is anti-Christ Terri Randyl protests, claiming commander-in-chief is ‘only Satan’; student government tries to put itself at center of story

Devil’s News Service

Nearly a quarter of registered Republicans believe that United States president Baraka Rama is the anti-Christ, according to a poll released last week. The poll’s findings came as no surprise to many Republican leaders. “I’ve been saying he’s the anti-Christ for years,” conserva- tive radio talker Brush Bimbaugh said. Democrats retort that Rama’s morals prove he isn’t the anti- Christ. “If anyone’s the anti- Christ, it would be [Republican South Carolina governor] Sark Manford,” one Democratic strategist said. Not all voters are convinced that a political figure is the anti- Christ. “Rama can’t be the anti- Christ because it’s always been my dream to be the anti-Christ,” Chicago resident Lucifera Beelzebub said. “These people are trying to kill my dreams.” It is unclear how the results of the poll will affect November’s midterm elections, but some political analysts think that Photo courtesy of Donny Rumsfeld Satan worshippers will now be President Baraka Rama read his satanic “bible” instead of paying attention when he waited to deliver his speach at Notre Dame’s more likely to vote for 2009 Commencement ceremony. According to a recent poll, almost a quarter of the GOP believes he is the anti-Christ. Democrats. If Rama is the anti-Christ, News show last night. “I’ve president Fr. Sean Junkins is creating a task force to address members to ask their con- each party will have a figure always know that Rama is 24 the true anti-Christ. “Rama is the poll at Monday’s meeting of stituency groups what we with ties to the percent anti- Satan, but Junkins is the anti- the Campus Life Council (CLC). should do,” Dotcom said. dark side, accord- Christ, and now Christ,” Randyl said. Council members approved of Dotcom is also considering ing to Harry this is our University spokesman Denny the task force in principle, but asking students to vote on who Potter Web site “We can’t create a proof,” Deck Blue said Notre Dame does not ultimately tabled the issue until they believe is the anti-Christ. founder H.P. task force without a said. endorse the coming of the anti- next week’s meeting because “If we conduct a mock election, S p a r k s . The poll Christ, but stands by Rama as the student leaders couldn’t we’ll know the opinion of the “Republicans are semicolon in the l a u n c h e d president. “Fr. Sean and the agree on a name for the com- students,” Dotcom said. “That for Voldemort, name.” another round officers of the University are mittee. will allow us as student leaders and now of protests on anti-anti-Christ,” Blue said. “I want to use a semicolon the to make a more informed deci- Democrats are for Katie McKaterson the campus of “But the University respects name of the task force,” CLC sion on behalf of the student Rama,” Sparks Notre Dame, President Rama’s status as a member Katie McKaterson said. body.” said, citing the CLC member where Rama world leader, and doesn’t “We can’t create a task force Not all students plan to vote in long-standing spoke at the believe that he’s the anti- without a semicolon in the the mock election. “I don’t even rumor than for- 2 0 0 9 Christ.” name.” know who Bob&Grant Dotcom mer vice president Mick Commencement ceremony. Notre Dame student leaders After initially supporting the is,” one student, speaking on Churnley is the Dark Lord. Terri Randyl, who led the are still unsure of how they will task force, Dotcom is now hesi- the condition of anonymity Conservative talk show host 2009 protests at Notre Dame, is address the results of the poll. tant. “I’m going to bring it up in because he might have worked Benn Deck supported the boycotting the current protests Student body president the Council of Representatives on a group project with Dotcom results of the poll on his Fox because he thinks University Bob&Grant Dotcom suggested meeting tomorrow, and urge last semester, said.

fears that Notre Dame will be the next to move. “We love Northern RVs Indiana, and we’re not going any- continued from page 1 where,” he said. He followed his statement by because of the Hall of Fame. “I donating $10 million to the cities could have retired to Florida, but of South Bend, Elkhart and A 5-year-old’s I bought an RV so now I’ve retired Mishawaka. to the world,” Hoffman said. Saint Mary’s College president Although the move is not Carrie Mindy refused to comment expected to affect Notre Dame, if her institution of higher learn- alternative uses for University President Fr. Sean ing is looking for a new location. Junkins expressed his personal Mindy is seeking a cash dona- disappointment with the situa- tion from Junkins to stay in the tion. “I like nothing more than South Bend area, according to a road-tripping in my RV,” he said. source within her administration. The Absurder: Junkins is rumored to travel in “We need someone to pay for an extra-wide RV trailer that is our sidewalks to be shoveled,” the furnished with imported Italian source said. marble floors. He was hoping that The College currently does not 1. Killing flies his motor home would be nomi- shovel its sidewalks after snow- nated for the Hall of Fame after it storms because it claims that the retired. retired Holy Cross nuns who live Now, however, Junkins is con- on campus are responsible for 2. Toilet paper cerned that supporting the Hall of groundskeeping. Fame would send the wrong mes- “If we join the hall of fames in sage to the Northern Indiana Atlanta, we won’t need to shovel community. our sidewalks,” the source in “We don’t want to support an Mindy’s office said. 3. Napkins institution that betrayed A spokesman for the city of Michianans,” Junkins said. South Bend said the city will not Now that the two hall of fames fight to keep Saint Mary’s in the are leaving the state, observers region. “If they get a football 4. Making spitballs are concerned that other local team, we’ll support their institu- landmarks will look for an escape tion,” the spokesman said. route. Contact Karl Bernstein through Junkins was quick to disspell Deep Throat. The Absurder Viewpoint page 4 Tuesday, April 1, 2010

THE ABSURDER The Independent, Yearly Newspaper Mocking Notre Dame and Saint Mary’s The fight against health care P.O. Box 779, Notre Dame, IN 46556 024 South Dining Hall, Notre Dame, IN 46556 America was founded on the idea that cine became available over the counter. During the founding of this country, EDITOR-IN-CHIEF those who make the laws must do so Now surgeries, cancer treatment and doctors would slice open arteries and Jed Bartlet with the consent of the governed. prescription medicine are all provided let the blood flow to cure fever and MANAGING EDITOR BUSINESS MANAGER President Baraka Rama’s blatant disre- to us for a sharply reduced rate. And rubbed scabs from dead smallpox vic- Grizz Dot Com gard for consent in driving through the even worse, by 2019 almost everyone in tims in open wounds to prevent the recent health care bill pimp-slaps this the country will have access to it. spread of the disease. They did it with- ASST. MANAGING EDITOR: Mitt Romney precedent in the face, and The concept of health in out ever raising premiums or running a ASST. MANAGING EDITOR: Jezbah Romney as such, we on The this country has lost all deficit. Let us return to a time of health- NEWS EDITOR: C.J. Cregg Absurder editorial board credibility. Twenty-five care simplicity, where a Band-Aid and a VIEWPOINT EDITOR: Andy Rooney reject the concept of percent of the country shot of Johnnie Walker can cure most SPORTS EDITORS: Frank Rosatano health care in this country. smokes and 15.3 million maladies. Lutz You want health care, go Americans have sexually A recent Harris poll showed that 24 SCENE EDITOR: Liz Lemon to Canada. They give it transmitted diseases percent of Americans believe Rama is away like candy on (we’re looking at you, the anti-Christ and we cannot believe SAINT MARY’S EDITOR: Cerie Xerox Halloween up there. In Louisiana, which leads the the number is not higher. The prophe- PHOTO EDITOR: Cat Mashore America, we believe country in syphilis cases cies are coming true, one by one, and GRAPHICS EDITOR: Bryans Id Lick health care is a communist undertaking and is a close second to Mississippi in America is too blind and stupid to real- ADVERTISING MANAGER: Don Draper that forces supposedly free citizens to Gonorrhea). Health care will not save ize it. In I John 2:18, the Bible warns, accept treatment for illness and injury. these poor souls. “Little children, it is the last time: and AD DESIGN MANAGER: Edward Cullen Never mind the fact that it will cost just Studies show the attempt to stay as ye have heard that anti-Christ shall CONTROLLER: Bella Swan south of a trillion dollars, raise premi- healthy only hurts Americans more. A come … from Chicago by way of SYSTEMS ADMINISTRATOR: Jack Donaghy ums and increase taxes on the wealthy. Brookings Institution review in 2008 Hawaii.” Or potentially Kenya. How can OFFICE MANAGER & GENERAL INFO It’s a socialist gambit. The same bill showed that 83 percent of Americans we allow this monster to be in charge of WE LOVE SHIRLEY could have come from the Kremlin in who ate a carrot in the previous two our physical well-being? FAX 1954. weeks contracted some form of hepati- So stand up for yourselves. Don’t floss (574) 631-6927 ADVERTISING What happened to “walk it off” and tis in the next six months. In a similar your teeth, eat too much cholesterol [email protected] “rub some dirt on it?” Those are the study, conducted by McDonalds, those and continue having unprotected sex EDITOR IN CHIEF sentiments America used to believe in. who ate at least two double cheese- with morally questionable people. It’s [email protected] The downfall started years ago, when burgers a week or more remained hep- all in the name of fighting the good fight MANAGING EDITOR ibuprofen and similar pain relief medi- atitis-free. — the fight against health care. [email protected] ASSISTANT MANAGING EDITORS [email protected] MITTROMNEY’[email protected] BUSINESS OFFICE (574) 631-5313 LETTERS TO THE EDITOR NEWS DESK [email protected] VIEWPOINT DESK [email protected] SPORTS DESK [email protected] Brians is a disgrace SCENE DESK [email protected] To the Editor: tionally do illegal things that will likely get me arrested. It’s SAINT MARY’S DESK I’m writing in protest of Our Lady’s University’s latest dis- not going to accomplish anything, but I hope you’ll join me NO INTERNET ACCESS grace. Some of the things I’ve heard about William Brians are next week some time! PHOTO DESK contrary to the way I feel about major issues. As a result, he Let’s gather enough money to fly a helicopter above cam- [email protected] SYSTEMS & WEB ADMINISTRATORS should not be allowed on these hallowed grounds, let alone pus, pulling along some banner that all other people will find [email protected] receive an honorary degree from this University I am not in offensive. Since I have no affiliation with this university, I any way affiliated with. don’t have any qualms about my actions affecting it negative- THE I see right through Brians’ guise of “journalism.” Some of ly. A bsurder Online the “news” he reports deals with topics I’d rather not Please sign a protest and visit my several Web sites. I get 5 www.ndsmcimonaboat.com acknowledge. Sure I could just not tune in, but for some cents a hit, so if you have the time, just keep refreshing. strange reason I also feel compelled to spend all of my free POLICIES time convincing the whole world to feel exactly the same way Terri Randyl I do. Activist unrelated with Notre Dame I care so strongly about this cause that I’m going to inten- Mar. 31 The Absurder claims nothing in this paper to be true. Anything you read in this special section is not subject to review of the Notre Dame administration. We hope it will remain that way. Dancin’ with the devil

As Catholics and scholars, we at Notre Dame already this despicable hellhole, however, is in fact akin to mor- Questions regarding Absurder policies are inane. Shut know a few surefire ways to sentence ourselves to eter- tal sin, and those who engage in it might as well forget the hell up and go home. nal damnation: the consumption of steak sandwiches on about their chances of meeting St. Peter at the pearly Lenten Fridays, the engagement in gates. premarital sex and of course the sup- Mary Kate Until the Anglican Lambeth Conference of 1930, no port of socialist dictators. One gray Donahue Christian denomination had ever held that consumption area about which many a seemingly of alcohol and interaction with fellow youth could be religious Catholic student is apparent- Right or objectively right [ALC 4.2.732 (1930)]. Minny’s is both ly confused, however, is the visitation Rover? embracing and encouraging both of these evils. POST OFFICE INFORMATION of the popular Friday student hang- The self-evident principle of the natural law is, in St. The Absurder (random numbers go here) is published on April Fool’s Day each year. out, Minny’s, also known as the Thomas Aquinas’ words, that “good is to be done and A subscription to The Absurder would be pointless. That is all. Carney Stone. promoted and evil is to be avoided.” Therefore, young The Absurder is published at: POSTMASTER A simple observation of this sinful spectacle reveals scholars, I implore you, after a rest on your typical 024 South Dining Hall Send address corrections to: Notre Dame, IN 46556-0779 The Absurder sweaty young men and women gyrating to Satan’s song, Friday afternoon, before following your fellow sinners Periodical postage paid at Notre Dame P.O. Box 779 drinking a vile mixture of potent energy drinks and to Minny’s, ask yourself, what would Jesus do? Consider and additional mailing offices. 024 South Dining Hall Notre Dame, IN 46556-0779 liquor and, worst of all, dancing atop the counter from your pious alternatives. Revisit your favorite Bible pas- which the wicked beverage is provided. sages. Tune into your preferred Fox News program. Call An innocuous weekend hot spot? That is what stu- your grandmother. The Absurder is a member of some stupid wire service. All reproduction rights are violated. dents have been led to believe. Simply setting foot in Anything but a visit to the Devil’s dance floor.

TODAY’S STAFF BSURDER OLL UOTE OF THE AY News Viewpoint A P Q D Fracene Chavers Chuck Arroz Do parietals prevent you from Denny Blue Scene thinking about the opposite sex? Fr. Sean Junkins Team Edward Graphics Team Jacob Submit a Letter “We’re Notre Dame, and people JC Superstar (A) Yes. don’t have water.” Sports (B) Most of the time. to the Editor at Grynthia Bai-ler Tones student body vice president Skai-ler Duggins GiveASchmidt.com Muppet McCaw Vote by paper ballot in the University president’s office. Thursday, April 1, 2010 The Absurder N WHO EVER READS ANYTHING BESIDES HOROSCOPES? page 5

and are hopeful to attract a whole new target audience. OMG! Campus juice, not Humorless “Based on the closing cer- continued from page 1 emonies of the Olympics in Vancouver, we have some from concentrate lascivious acts.” pretty big comedic shoes to The loss of the venue in fill,” Fleat said. “I don’t uUniversity President Fr. Sean Junkins was on United, but switched to Southwest after the United States was a big know if we can top William seen at Belmont Beverages shortly before St. United discontinued its on-board peanut service. blow for the Revue, which as Shatner and inflatable Patrick’s Day. Although the contents of his pur- uHarry Potter aficionado H.P. Sparks got always relied upon an moose and beavers, but we chase are unknown, OMG! hears that Junkins’ engaged last spring on the United Center A m e r i c a n will try.” drink of choice is iced tea. Jumbotron. That sparked OMG! to make a list of a u d i e n c e When asked uStudent body president places where we wouldn’t want to get engaged: with an actu- what specific Bob&Grant Dotcom urged 1. Any South Bend bar (apologies to the peo- al sense of “Why don’t they go jokes especial- leaders of Notre Dame to OMG! Gossip ple who put a ring on it at Mulligan’s on St. humor. ly troubled the distribute bottles of Jack Patrick’s Day) N i n e t y - after other countries FCC, they Daniels Tennessee Whiskey 2. At a sporting event eight percent that deserve to be cited dis- to students at Tuesday’s closed-door meeting of 3. Our place of employment (the SDH base- of the made fun of, like p a r a g i n g the Council of Representatives. “Your constituen- ment smells bad) Revue’s audi- remarks that cy groups need something to brush their teeth 4. A dorm party ence, appar- England or Djibouti?” were directed with when they wake up feelin’ like P. Diddy,” 5. To anyone I don’t like ently, is only directly Dotcom said. 6. At the dining hall (unless it was to my made up of Mari Todtigeuz at their con- u It was a star-studded afternoon at the favorite card-swiper) Americans. pro-American activist stituents. Huddle when Athletic Director Mac Swartrick uMaybe ND Response’s problem with Junkins “I was very “It is not ok was caught shopping. Swartrick promised was more about his wardrobe than his choice for disappointed for the Huddle management he would buy a daily Commencement speaker. OMG!’s favorite that the FCC Keenan Revue chocolate milk chug to make up for lost revenue biweekly watchdog captioned a picture of chose to ban to target us after football coach Gnarlie Wise was fired last Junkins by urging readers to “note the digital our event from the country,” Americans,” pro-American year. wristwatch” in its reunion edition last year. No Keenan rector Fr. Fran activist Mari Todtiguez said. uDirector of duLac Enforcement Geoff Store word if The Watchdog was similarly vigilant with Dolan said. “America is the “Why don’t they go after and his staff frequent South Dining Hall for incoming student body vice president Anthony best country in the world. It other countries that deserve lunch, taking advantage of the $5 meals for fac- Belltower. is going to be difficult to find to be made fun of, like ulty and staff. uOMG! thinks we might frequent the Backer another country that accom- England or Djibouti? English uDotcom and student body vice president too much. We’re starting to recognize the mid- modates us so well.” girls are really fat and have Grynthia may be dating. dle-aged townies on the South Bend bar scene. American citizens them- horrible teeth.” uThis just in: OMG! learned that all classes Worse yet, we knew some of them when they selves said they enjoy the The Keenan Revue is taught by tap-dancing anthropology professors were undergrads. No one likes them now that humor, citing the Revue as known for its ability to make are easy. they’re 23. an appropriate opportunity fun of everyone, from uAlanis Morissette and Regina Spektor will u An intoxicated tipster told OMG! that to identify the absurd activi- Americans to Canadians to perform together at AcoustiCafe next month. Pasquerella West is the new Rome. “All roads ties in which they and their Brazilians, yet the FCC They are expected to sign a contract to waitress lead to P-Dub,” Katie McKaterson said. countrymen engage seems determined to protect at Legends after the show. uThe Observer’s male assistant managing edi- Despite these arguments, the United States’ image uWise was seen on a Southwest flight from tor from the 2009-2010 term isn’t working on the FCC is steadfast in its from any kind of taint or Chicago to Kansas City Sunday. Wise used to fly The Absurder because he’s at his spinning class. desire to remove all humor perceived flaw. and amusement from the FCC officials say they will country. not change their minds, even suspect could have been pres- enforces the parietal regula- “Jokes are no laughing if that means doing their ent in the all-male residence tions, how the violation could matter,” Menachowski said. best to silence free speech. Parietals hall at that time. have ever happened remains a Undaunted, organizers Details of the incident are still mystery. plan to move the Revue to Contact Subway Jared at continued from page 1 largely unknown, and Zahm “We put out duLac so students Windsor, Ontario, Canada [email protected] residents are keeping quiet, cit- know the rules. Parietals is a in an oversized male T-shirt ing the Hall’s strict “Bros Before rule,” director of ORLH Geoff and athletic shorts, was spotted Hos” oath. The few witness of Store said. “How could this stu- Sunshine said. stumbling from an unknown the incident that talked to The dent have violated one of our Tweens Dotcom still hopes to appear dorm room to a male bathroom Absurder under the condition of rules? It just doesn’t make any on the front page of The on the residence hall’s third anonymity said only that the sense.” continued from page 1 Observer at least once a week floor at approximately 3:15 a.m. female was “a’ight,” and had an Anyone who has any informa- until he graduates. on March 30. On weeknights, “average face” but a “sweet tion about the incident, or the “A vegan can’t be student “My picture has been in The parietals begin promptly at rack.” possible motives behind it, is body president at Our Lady’s Observer every day since I midnight, leaving authorities Still, to the Office of Residence asked to call or text NDSP at University,” a Poodle staffer took over as student body puzzled as to how the female Life and Housing, which 513-519-8808. said. president two years ago,” he The group of concerned stu- said. dents, which primarily con- Dotcom said the key to his sists of Poodle staffers and success as student body presi- outsiders with no ties to the dent was his relationship with University, has threatened to The Absurder. boycott Notre Dame football, “Editor-in-Chief Jersey Mets NBC and the Republic of and I work really well togeth- Ireland if Sunshine is allowed er,” he said. to take office. Grynthia had long intended Sunshine might be working to run for student body presi- with an enemy “that hates dent herself, but decided to Notre Dame,” Deck said. step aside to pursue her musi- The University investigated cal career. the claims that Sunshine isn’t She is also in negotiations to The Absurder hates the actually a Notre Dame stu- star in a reality show called dent, according to spokesman “Grynthia’s Alabama” with Denny Blue. NDTV. “We found that Sunshine is When Grynthia dropped out environmnet. a student,” Blue said. “She of the race, it paved the way pays tuition and attends class- for Sunshine’s win. es.” Student government ana- Deck and The Poodle were lysts were originally con- not convinced by Blue’s cerned that Sunshine could Please just throw us on defense of the new president. not win because she and “We want to see her tuition Belltower are too young. bill and transcript,” Deck said. “Who’d vote for 14-year- “Even then, how will we know olds,” said one Dotcom admin- the quad, along with any it’s not a forgery?” istration staffer, speaking on Dotcom is defending his the condition of anonymity replacement as the deserving because she is applying to student body president. “The work for Sunshine. other alumninum, plastic student body has spoken, and Dotcom said he hopes that they want Sunshine and Sunshine and Belltower can Belltower as leaders of Notre deliver as much to Notre Dame,” Dotcom said. Dame students as he has. Dotcom initially considered He cited his recent proposal or garbage you may find. conducting a survey to deter- to legalize drinking games on mine if the majority of stu- campus as an issue that he dents believe Sunshine is a hopes Sunshine will pursue. Notre Dame student, but was “I surveyed the student informed that last month’s body, and students really want election already gauged the to be able to play beer pong student body’s opinion on the on campus,” Dotcom said. president-elect. “You gotta give the people Sunshine herself is unfazed want they want.” by the controversy. “I just want to break loose the sky Contact Glenn O’Reilly at and let love grow love,” 1-800-4-Jenny page 6... The Absurder N ATHLETICS ...or is it?

Despite the multiple items of controversy, the Americans Balls were happy to claim the upset h20 continued from page 8 win over many nations, includ- continued from page 8 ing the favorite Canadians. The 100th inaugural games “After they victory in the Raiders organization.” were also tainted by accusa- Winter Olympics in hockey, they Blausen impressed scouts tions of liquor abuse by various got real cocky,” said U.S. cap- at the combine, completing countries throughout the event. tain Bruce Springer. “Now those the 40-yard water-bucket “Pregaming is strictly forbid- b***es will never be our 51st pull in 11.36 seconds. den,” said IBC President Jacque state.” Pussad. “It’s an unfair advan- “He’s a valuable addition to tage for every nation wishing to Contact Rob via Chatroulette our staff,” Raiders coach find an illegal advantage.” after 11 p.m. Dom Table said. “But if he doesn’t pan out, I’ll treat him like every member of my staff — I’ll beat him senseless.” proven to amplify the force of Word is Blausen’s contract Junk hits by up to 50 times!” will be in the neighborhood Spaceman said. “By removing of $13,000 per season with a continued from page 8 the pads altogether, blows from playoff bonus of $6.3 million opposing players will almost (since the Raiders won’t get uniforms will allow the Notre definitely bounce off our team’s there). Dame brand to penetrate into glistening muscles without ever Blausen’s affinity for quali- several lucrative new demo- causing any harm.” ty water has gotten him into graphics: MILFs, cougars, Irish coach Kelli Bryan, who trouble at times. In the fall, tweens who are mature for coached all-conference defen- at CJs, a local South Bend Photo courtesy of drunk chick’s cell phone camera at CJ’s their age, and the physically sive lineman Justin Timberlake bar, Blausen did not like the Talk smack about CJ’s water, suffer the consequences: Blausen attractive. “The University’s at Grand Valley State, said he taste of a glass of water sports a shiner after refusing a drink. always looking for new blood to drew inspiration for the uni- bought for him and made a solicit hefty donations from, forms from the now-white snide remark. Oops. Moments wunderkind. “But once we right.” and these new uniforms are singer-songwriter’s lyrics. later, Blausen was on the had time to study the film, Blausen played football for opening our product up to “There used to be all this focus ground with a black eye. really work on the filtration, most of his childhood, star- entirely new fanbases.” about bringing the ‘nasty’ back “I’m a perfectionist,” he he really began to improve. ring at Oaks Christian High NBC Sports Chairman Rick to Notre Dame football. And said at the time. “I won’t The fact that Blausen School in Westlake Village, Parasol agreed. NBC, signed on that’s just kind of gross, you stand for substandard emerged as a first-round NFL Calif. But after offseason to broadcast Irish home games know,” said Bryan. “Frankly, water.” pick came against the odds. shoulder surgery, he decided through 2015, announced in a the thing we really need to be Blausen has wanted to be a His older brothers, KC and against continuing his foot- March 22 press release that it bringing back ... is sexy.” water boy ever since he was Dick, were both star water ball career and opted for the was “absolutely dropping the Though the fashion show was little, he said. He looked up boys in college who never hydrationary arts. Irish from the schedule as soon closed to the public, a few especially to Bobby Boucher, made it in the NFL. “Notre Dame had enough as we can find passable filler”. female students, colloquially famed water boy/linebacker “Neither of them had my good quarterbacks — However, according to Parasol, referred to as “jersey chasers,” for South Central Louisiana looks, or my skill with the Montana, Quinn, Hornung,” the new uniforms change were in attendance. State University. hoses,” Blausen said in he said. “I wanted to make a everything. “With the huge suc- “I totally just saw the outline “Blausen, he — he got what defense. “I can hydrate an name for myself in a new cess NBC has had with its sexy of [model and former player it take,” Boucher, a water boy entire defense in 45 seconds. field.” new programming, “MILF Splurge Black’s] junk!” some analyst for ESPN, said. “He What can they do?” When he showed up at the Island” in particular, we could- SMC freshman at the show really distribute some high- Current Irish coach Kelli College Football Hall of Fame n’t be more thrilled to see the squealed. “Aside from the quality H20.” Bryan said he wished he had in a stretch Hummer limo, Irish showing a little skin on chance to pretend we go to Former Irish coach Gnarlie Blausen’s services for his some questioned his motiva- the field.” Notre Dame, these new uni- Dice, known for grooming inaugural season at Notre tion. Was he here to perfect Though some have expressed forms are now the most com- water boys who succeed in Dame. Bryan had to bring his hydration or to be a show- concern over the lack of pro- pelling reason for me and my the NFL, said he was proud own water boy with him from boat? But he said his career tection that the new uniforms classmates to attend home foot- of Blausen’s progression in Cincinnati. here speaks for itself. will provide Notre Dame play- ball games.” the three years they worked “But we’re feeling positive “We went 16-21 while I was ers, team physician Dr. Leo together. about Dan Christ,” Bryan here,” he said. “But was Spaceman disagrees. Contact Calvin at the pool “When he started, he could- said. “Blausen has done a there ever a game where our “Traditional football helmets lobbying to shrink the women’s n’t tell water from Gatorade,” great job giving him an players were thirsty? No. In and pads have been medically swim team uniforms next Wise said from Kansas City, example of how to go about site of his latest attempt to putting in the time in the lab, Contact Elin at Finny’s while groom the next hydration getting the chemistry just taking shots of liquid cocaine Undergraduate Association For Fantasy-Loving Enthusiasts” Snitch (QUAFFLE) has been playing a continued from page 8 land-based version of the sport at Notre Dame since Spring for his practice of vampirism 2008 in celebration of the and was forced to live the rest school’s history. Sparks, playing of his 800 years in the guise of the position of Seeker, captured a pious French Catholic. the visible, human Snitch (run- Storin’s story was thought to be ning around a pitch in yellow one of the original inspirations clothing) with ease due to his for Stephenie Meyer’s “Twilight actual magical ability. Saga.” Notre Dame’s first official Sources say the magical magical quidditch match in six sport’s dramatic return is relat- centuries will be played in the ed to the arrival of H.P “The airspace above the greater city Chosen One” Sparks to the of Los Angeles, pitting the Irish University in the fall of 2005. against the Southern University Sparks had been prophesied to of California (SUC). The Irish vanquish the Dark Lord and will be flying the latest model of chose Notre Dame because of extremely expensive broom- it’s magical past to learn the stick. The seven players, top secrets of the fabled headmas- international recruits, will don ter, thought to communicate the latest in aerodynamic quid- through portraits when mug- ditch robes, that closely resem- gles, or non-magic people, ble the new uniforms for the aren’t paying attention. football team (see above). Since Critics say Sparks’ fame is Sparks matriculated in 2009, he suspicious, and that his high- will not be eligible the play, grossing Web site, that explains much to the disappointment of the intricacies of the magical fans. world, is in fact a hypnotic tool For those unfamiliar with the to encourage fans to deposit traditional rules, each their hard-earned Galleons Quidditch team normally con- directly into his Gringotts sists of seven players: three account. Chasers, two Beaters, one There are some students on Keeper and one Seeker. Full campus who believed the leg- explanation of the rules can be ends confirmed by Swartrick’s found in J.K. Rowling’s “Harry announcement prior to today’s Potter and the Sorcerer’s breaking news. Stone.” A Sept. 29, 2008 Letter to the The battle between good and Editor angrily accused The evil will take place in complete Absurder of displaying “a lack darkness and the exact location of awareness of the Quidditch will not be disclosed, Swartrick culture on campus” and stated said. an underground non-magic stu- dent group known unofficially Contact Avery by owl post only as the “Quidditch please The ABsurder Scene April 1, 2010 page 7

“I heard a rumor they got w i l l By GOOD CATHOLIC Christopher Hitchens to play also play Where’s my technicolor dreamcoat? Satan in one number, I’m sure a role in the finale, with it’ll be awesome. I’ve been wait- F’Artsy playing the role of Taking a page from the ever- ing for this event for 40 days!” the Heavenly Father and successful event put on annual- another said. Toads the role of Christ. ly by student group La Alianza, It’s been speculated that Toads will also star in a the priests of Notre Dame are Lenten Expressions is also simi- performance of the hit song launching their own annual lar to its Latino counterpart in “Rock Me Sexy Jesus” from event celebrating Catholic cul- that it may function as a the musical “Hamlet 2.” ture and the resurrection of recruiting tool for young In another act, an inter- Christ, titled Lenten Catholics. pretive dance of the Last Expressions, which takes place “Notre Dame’s Catholic repu- Supper, University this Sunday night at the Grotto. tation has been hit hard in the President Fr. Sean Junkins “We were looking for a new past few years, so it’s not a will assume the role of way to get students huge surprise Judas. Peter will be played excited about salva- they’re trying to by Fr. Park Moorman, and tion and the Lenten lure people in various Holy Cross priests season that unites with a big event will assume the roles of us Catholics, and “This probably will like this,” one the other apostles. what better way to cynical student The campus chapter of the do that than an be the highlight of said. “But don’t Knights of Columbus will also evening showcasing the year, better be fooled — this be at the event selling steak the best of than that time we place isn’t nearly sandwiches and refreshments Catholicism at as ‘Catholic’ as to the audience during the Notre Dame?” said had cupcakes after L e n t e n event. show director and dorm Mass.” Expressions “Every Friday for the past few Basilica rector Fr. might make you weeks when I go to the dining Paul Socka. Student at think. hall, I’ve just been thinking to The event fea- “Seriously, who myself, ‘you know, this absti- tures 12 different confessions can overlook the nence thing will all be worth it acts. Performers Baraka Rama when I get that steak sandwich will include mem- controversy or at Lenten Expressions,’” one bers of a variety of the Vagina student said. student groups, faculty from the Monologues flap? Don’t think a Socka said the event is all theology department and show like this makes up for that about making Lent more mean- numerous Holy Cross Priests. kind of thing.” ingful for non-Catholics, and “It’s going to be about two Socka denied that there were celebrating Catholicity at Notre hours of beautiful scripture any ulterior motives behind the Dame. recitations, reenactments of the show, but said he did hope it “We want to get people Stations of the Cross, all con- “paints a positive picture of a pumped up and get them to cluding in a final act — a daz- vibrant Catholic culture at celebrate this part of Notre zling performance about the Notre Dame” in the minds of Dame, and we figure a resurrection featuring the everyone, including prospective blowout event with music, liturgical choirs, the priests of students. dance and entertain- the Holy Cross and perform- The show will be emceed by ment is a great way ers from around campus,” guests from the local diocese, to do that,” he Socka said. Bishop James F’Artsy and s a i d . Students attending con- Bishop Keith Toads, Socka said. “ D o n ’ t fession at the Basilica of “We’re so pleased these two miss this the Sacred Heart Tuesday friends of Notre Dame agreed to event — it said they were on pins lead the event,” Socka said. “We promises to be and needles in anticipa- enjoy a great friendship with a highlight of tion. these honorable men and were the year.” “This probably will be glad to invite them to partici- the highlight of the year, pate.” better than that time we had S o c k a Contact Good Catholic in cupcakes after dorm said the the Basilica or at the Mass,” one said. b i s h o p s Grotto

Absurder Graphic I JC SUPERSTAR The ABSURDER Sports Thursday, April 1, 2010 Back Page

FOOTBALL Irish unveil new uniforms ly strayed from its roots over the Team drops trou to lift years,” Director of Athletics Mac Swartrick said. “We’ve been so revenue, jersey sales focused on unsuccessfully trying to win football games that we’ve By CALVIN KLEIN forgotten about the only reason Senior Undergarment Correspondent we have a football program in the first place: to make absurd When the Irish take to the amounts of money for gridiron in 2010, a $2.25 (University President) Fr. increase in Stadium nacho prices Junkins and myself.” won’t be the only “Thank God my dramatic change vow of poverty awaiting fans. In a “Am I concerned doesn’t apply to sexy, Absurder about our practices yachts,” added Fr. Junkins. “The exclusive fashion continually breaking show in the Loftus Spirit of Notre Sports Center out into tickle fights? Dame [the Tuesday, the Of course. But it’s recent, $1.5 bil- lion fund-raising A t h l e t i c spring, that stuff is in Department show- campaign] let me cased the team’s the air, you know?” christen my sec- skimpy new digs ond yacht out in for the upcoming Kelli Bryan Cannes last spring ... I’m season. Irish coach A departure really hoping the from the college profits from football staple of jerseys, pads these new uni- and pants, the new uniforms uti- forms will get me my third.” lize high-tech nanotechnology to Economics Department chair shrink the entire cumbersome Jane Garlic said that the new uniforms will allow the Notre football ensemble into one tight, FORDE SATFOUR/The Absurder revealing piece. Model and former Irish player Splurge Black struts his stuff on the artificial turf catwalk in the “Notre Dame football has real- see JUNK/page 6 Loftus Sports Center during the football program’s fashion show Tuesday.

BEER OLYMPICS Americans get their balls wet, clinch spring games with pong

victory in the medal race after American roster after an Olympics. day of competition with medals By ROB KOSTAS the ’09 Fall Games in Athens. impressive performance at the “I was a little nervous, but in quarters, Civil War and the Little man, big dreams “We couldn’t be more proud Draught Combine in I’ve been doing three or four wheelbarrow race. of our country to bring home Indianapolis in February. 40s of Magnum every Friday The early U.S. victories were The 2010 Spring Beer such a special honor,” said “The kid made 72 percent of starting at 4 p.m.,” Daniels said. marred by accusations of dop- Olympics was clinched this freshman Jake Daniels. “It’s his shots in high school, we “My tolerance was at an all- ing, primarily fueled by Chinese weekend by the United States, been a dream of mine ever haven’t seen that kind of talent time high before the Olympics accusations of tequila and clinched with gold medals in since I started drinking and in years,” said United States and I could just rely on my shot grain-alcohol injections by beer pong and a boat race on flipped my first cup.” captain Ryan O’Reilly. “We and technique.” Americans in illegal training the final day of competition. Daniels was an integral part thought it was a steal when he While Jamaica managed to techniques that were investigat- The Americans clinched the of the U.S. victory, hitting seven fell to our spot and we could take an early lead in the Spring ed by the International Beer gold medal over Djibouti and of eight shots in the final beer take him last year.” Olympics after a gold medal Committee over the first week the Virgin Islands (playing inde- pong event to clinch the beer Daniels credited his strict performance in the ice luge, the of contests. pendently) with their late wins, pong gold over Israel. The hero training regiment for his strong Americans quickly established sealing their second consecutive was a late addition to the performance in his first Beer their dominance on the second see BALLS/page 6

FOOSEBALL QUIDDITCH Move over, Bobby Boucher Hold onto your quaffles: Raiders draft Blausen game returns to campus as water boy in 1st rd. Catholic University of Notre By AVERY JESSUP By ELIN — NOW SINGLE Dame du Lac, historians often Hotbox Thursdays at 8 p.m. on CNBC overlook the famous school Call Me :) for wizardry that once stood In an exclusive interview on these grounds, where Welcome to the pros, kid. with The Absurder, Notre Storin, then the headmaster, The Oakland Raiders draft- Dame Director of Athletics established the first quidditch ed former Irish quarterback Mac Swartrick announced the team on the American conti- Timmy Blausen as their new return of qudditich to the nent. water boy with the eighth pick University after a 600-year Quidditch was a thriving of the 2010 NFL Draft. hiatus. sport on the land that became Blausen, a three-year water “Though our past relation- South Bend, Ind. during the boy at Notre Dame, was ship with magic has been 1400s, until the Medieval thrilled with the selection. largely ignored in the annals Bubonic Vatican Assembly of “I’m honored to be a part of of history, we thought it was 1492 banned wizardry and the Raiders’ fine hydration time to reintroduce the sport the practice of all magic. That replacement staff,” Blausen in hopes we can once again was a troubled time for said from New York City. “I dominate on an international Storin, who ran into trouble have a true passion for water stage,” Swartrick said. with the school’s Native and cannot wait to supply the DIDDY KONG/The Absurder While many are familiar American neighbors (thought Former Irish water boy Timmy Blausen runs the 40-yard water with alleged-vampire Fr. Ted see H20/Find it yourself bucket pull for scouts at Notre Dame’s pro day on March 23. Storin’s “founding” of the see SNITCH/page 6 The Observer Scene Wednesday, March 31, 2010 page 13

Scene Staff Report Banks Show” in 2006 and discussed her dra- the ones that weren’t their own. Russ has had the Los Angeles area and hopes to become a matic weight loss on the Nutrisystem Diet. guest roles on many different shows since zoologist someday. In 1993, a boy met the world and embed- After the appearance, Fishel became a “Boy Meets World’s” end includ- ded himself so deeply into American teen and spokesperson for Nutrisystem, as well as a ing “Deadwood,” Mr. Turner (Anthony Tyler Quinn) pre-teen culture that to this day, 10 years after special correspondent for “The Tyra Banks “Boston Legal” and He only graced our television screens for his television series came to a close, college Show.” She has also appeared in a few “Wildfire.” He cur- three years on “Boy Meets World” but kids across America still find themselves quot- movies, including “Longshot,” “National rently has a recur- Anthony Tyler Quinn’s portrayal of the lovable ing and re-watching episodes from “Boy Lampoon’s Dorm Daze” and its sequel and ring role on the Mr. Turner left a lasting impression. Turner Meets World.” Because The Observer is so “Gamebox 1.0.” Fishel dated a daytime soap “The was the kids’ English teacher in middle school attuned to what the typical college kid yearns couple of her “Boy Meets Young and the who tried to teach them life lessons through for, the Scene writers have decided to address World” cast members, Restless.” Russ is also the works of great authors, while also identify- your needs and tell you exactly what is going including her co-star Ben married with children. ing with the kids on a personal level, connect- on in the lives Savage and Matthew Meanwhile, Randle, ing especially with Shawn. The ladies’ man of Cory, Lawrence. She also briefly who had a myriad of took Shawn in and cared for him when his To p a n g a , dated rapper Michael Barber roles before playing the father abandoned him. Eventually, Turner Shawn, Eric and former *NSYNC member lovable Mrs. Matthews, retired from was in a motorcycle accident and mysterious- and the rest Lance Bass, who was her date acting after her last role on the ly left the show, much like he did Hollywood. of the crew to her high school prom. series “Charmed” in 2004. She now Or did he? Quinn had recurring roles on sev- with a lives with her husband and children eral television series during the 90s including “Where are Eric Matthews (Will in California. “Melrose Place,” “Party of Five,” and they Now: Boy Friedle) “Caroline in the City.” More recently he has Meets World” You may know him best as the Angela Moore (Trina McGee) had guest spots on hit shows like “The special edition. voice of Ron Stoppable from “Kim McGee portrayed Angela Moore, Shawn’s Mentalist” and “House, M.D.” Look for him in Here’s to hoping Possible” (just kidding) but for those major love interest throughout the latter half four television movies later this year. the gang made it big and of you who grew up listening to the of the series. Witty, passionate and artistic, she made Feeny proud! shrieks of “FEEEEEENNNNYYYY,” and Shawn begin dating after he finds a purse Rachel McGuire (Maitland Ward) Will Friedle will never be more famous she had lost and discovers their shared inter- Ward was late on the “Boy Meets World” Cory Matthews (Ben than for his role as Eric on ests based on the bag’s contents. They scene, first appearing on the series during the Savage) “Boy Meets World.” dated on and off until the series finale, college years in 1998. Rachel was the tall, Ben Savage captured the hearts of view- Since his turn as the when she decided to go spend a year in beautiful redhead that moved in with Eric and ers as charming prankster Cory Matthews. He lovable and kind of stupid Europe with her father. While McGee Jack after she broke up with her boyfriend. navigated the tough years of adolescence, big brother of Cory, Friedle was best known for her role as Angela She quickly becomes the boys’ love interest bringing worldly wisdom and amusing jokes has focused on providing his on “Boy Meets World,” she has also and hijinks ensued. In the end, she headed to to his trials and tribulations. Since the show voice for multiple cartoon guest starred on a few the Peace Corps with Jack. Since “Boy Meets ended in 2000, Savage has graduated from characters such as Blue television shows, World” she has had guest roles on shows such Stanford University with a degree in Political Beetle in “Batman: The including “Family as “Boston Public” and “Rules of Science. He took a three-year break from act- Brave and the Bold.” On a Matters,” “A Engagement.” She also co-starred in “White ing in which he and his father spent a sum- more exciting note, he did date Different World,” “So Chicks” with the Wayans brothers. Ward is mer following Bruce Springsteen on a U.S. Jennifer Love Hewitt in 1997, Little Time” and “The now happily married and will return to the tour. Afterwards, he appeared in TV movies but that love boat left him strand- Sinbad Show.” She role that began her career in 1994 with her “Swimming Upstream” and “Making It ed on shore long ago. The last time he now spends most of portrayal of Jessica Forrester on the daytime Legal.” He has also made guest appearances made news in a major magazine was in her time with her fami- soap “The Bold and the Beautiful.” in TV shows like “Phil of the Future,” “Chuck” 2006 when he told “People” he was con- ly. McGee was previous- and “Without a Trace.” Currently, he is film- templating attending culinary school, but so ly married to Courtland Mr. Hunter (Blake ing “Doesn’t Texas Ever End?”, a dramedy far no sumptuous scents have wafted from his Davis and they had two Clark) that was supposed to premiere in 2009. kitchen. Hopefully that means he’s children together. She is now currently in a Blake Clark busy concocting the perfect relationship with actor Marcello Thedford played Chet Shawn Hunter (Rider Strong) recipe for revitalizing his act- (“Dangerous Minds”) and lives in the San Hunter on Rider Strong’s Shawn Hunter was ing career! Fernando Valley with him and her three chil- “Boy Meets the character who tackled the tough- dren. World,” dead- est problems on the show, most- George Feeny (William beat dad to ly stemming from his Daniels) Jack Hunter (Matthew Shawn and tough family life. Mr. Feeny appeared in almost Lawrence) Jack Hunter, But with his best every episode of “Boy Meets Matthew Lawrence, of the who haunted friend Cory’s help, World.” His character had multi- famed Lawrence brothers, joined them even after Shawn managed to ple sides — the grumpy neighbor the cast of “Boy Meets World” in his untimely avoid any serious tending his beloved garden, the 1997 as Jack Hunter, Shawn death by heart attack. Still trouble. In 2004, strict principal trying to lay down Hunter’s older half brother. After the working today, Clark has a Strong graduated the law, the warm-hearted mentor guiding series ended in 2000, he continued plethora of popular sitcoms Magna Cum Laude Cory and friends through the trials of life and acting, but no role brought him as and films to his name. Post- from Columbia the college professor who just could not much notoriety as his por- “Boy Meets World,” he has University with a get enough of his favorite students. trayal of Jack. In 2001 he appeared in television shows including degree in English. He Since the finale of Boy Meets played Jake Hunter in the Disney “Community,” “My Name is Earl,” and even finished his Master of Fine Arts degree in World, Daniels, now 82, has been Channel Original Movie, “Sabrina, the Teenage Witch,” another T.G.I.F. 2009 at Bennington College. After “Boy Meets consistently playing minor film and “Jumping Ship.” His brothers favorite. In addition, he is often cast in Adam World,” Strong has appeared on the big television roles on popular shows Joey and Andrew also Sandler films: “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & screen in indie horror film “Cabin Fever” and such as “Boston Legal,” “The King starred in the Larry,” “50 First Dates,” “Eight Crazy Nights” recently had a cameo in its sequel, “Cabin of Queens” and “Scrubs” and movies production. In and “Mr. Deeds.” This summer, listen for him Fever 2: Spring Fever.” He also returned to including “Blades of Glory” and “The 2002 he alongside Tom Hanks and Tim Allen in “Toy television with a regular role in “Pepper Benchwarmers.” Though he is well- enrolled as a Story 3,” set to come out in June. It seems Dennis” on the WB in 2006. Recently he known for his part in the classic film student at “Boy Meets World” was just a flicker in the life expressed an interest in expanding his writing “The Graduate” and has been University of of this wide-ranging actor, who shows no signs and directing career after his film, “Irish employed since the end of “Boy Meets World,” S o u t h e r n of slowing down in the world of showbiz. Twins,” which he wrote with his brother the children of the eighties and nineties only California. That Shiloh, won some awards at film festivals. think one thing when they see his face: “Fee- same year he Minor Characters nayyy!” also starred Where are your other favorite characters Topanga Lawrence (Danielle Fishel) opposite Rob that played only small roles? You can catch Fishel played the role of Topanga Lawrence, Alan and Amy Matthews (William Russ and Schneider in the geeky Minkus from sixth grade played by Lee Cory’s longtime girlfriend and eventual wife Betsy Randle) comedy “The Hot Chick.” He continued to Norris on “One Tree Hill” as the lovable on “Boy Meets World.” She is now the host of Cory’s parents, Alan and Amy, were the make appearances on television shows like Marvin “Mouth” McFadden. And whatever Style Network’s “The Dish,” a TV satire that best. They were understanding to Cory’s ado- “Boston Public” and “CSI: Miami.” In 2004 he happened to the bully with a heart of gold skewers the latest pop culture trends in televi- lescent problems while not so ridiculous as to became engaged to his girlfriend Heidi Frankie “The Enforcer” Stechino played by sion, movies, magazines and celebrities, much think that Cory and Topanga getting married Mueller, but the two later split up. He was also Ethan Suplee? You might recognize him as like its sister network E! does on “The Soup.” so young was a good idea. They were there rumored to have dated Cheryl Burke from Louie in “Remember the Titans” or Randy on She also appeared as a guest on “The Tyra for all the kids throughout the years, including “Dancing With the Stars.” He currently lives in “My Name is Earl.”

SOFIA ITURBE | Observer Graphic page 14 The Observer N CLASSIFIEDS Wednesday, March 31, 2010

NCAA WOMEN’S BASKETBALL Moore scores 22 points in UConn win over FSU Oklahoma comes alive in the second half of 88-68 victory over Kentucky and guarantees a spot in the Final Four

points early then watched from a three-point play. Greene then Associated Press the bench with foul trouble as stole the ball in the FSU backcourt Charles and her supporting cast and fed Moore for a breakaway DAYTON, Ohio — Maya Moore stretched the lead. Moore then layup. and Connecticut are just two steps returned with eight quick points After two baskets by the away from their ultimate goal after the break as the Huskies Seminoles, Hayes hit a drive and after another rout in the NCAA sealed the deal. Moore swished a 25-footer 3. That tournament. Kalana Greene added 15 points made it 52-32 and the rout was Moore scored 22 points to lead and Tiffany Hayes had 13 points, on. the Huskies past Florida State 90- seven assists and five rebounds for “Boy, they make you play ugly,” 50 on Tuesday night, sending the UConn. The Huskies shot 61 per- FSU coach Sue Semrau said, shak- defending champions back to the cent in the second half to pull ing her head. “We missed a ton of Final Four and stretching their away while limiting the Seminoles shots but that’s because they did unprecedented win streak to 76 to 25 percent. such a great job in every area.” games. The Huskies are dominating The University of Dayton Arena Tina Charles controlled the unlike any team ever. No team has crowd’s allegiance was almost paint with 20 points and 14 come within 12 points of them all evenly split between the teams. rebounds for the Huskies (37-0), season. They have won their first One underdog-lover did wear a who advance to their eighth Final four games of the 2010 NCAA white shirt with red letters that Four since 2000 where they will tournament by a record 188 said, “Any 1 But UConn.” meet Baylor in the semifinals points — a margin of 47 points a Unlike so many of the wins dur- Sunday night. game. They are now 11-5 in ing the streak, this one was not a The 40-point victory was the regional championship games. runaway from the outset. Moore largest margin ever in a regional Moore, perhaps itching to play scored 11 points and was nearly final. after sitting out the last 12 min- perfect from the field, but also AP Jacinta Monroe had 15 points utes of the first half with two fouls, picked up her second foul during a Oklahoma coach Sherri Coale cuts the net from the rim after the for the Seminoles (29-6), who set a quickly helped put the game away rebound scrum at the 14:29 mark Sooners’ 88-68 victory over Kentucky Tuesday. school record for victories while at the outset of the second half. with UConn leading 15-9. Coach going deeper in the NCAA tourna- On the opening possession, the Geno Auriemma then brought in Tuesday night to earn its second layup put Oklahoma back ahead ment than any FSU team before. Huskies went to their high-low his second big center, Kaili straight trip to the Final Four. 64-50 with 7:41 left. Stevenson Moore, selected as the regional’s game, with Charles wheeling to McLaren to pair with Charles, and Amanda Thompson added 17 then buried another 3 to give the most outstanding player, had 11 throw a perfect pass to Moore for also went to a trapping zone points and 14 rebounds for the Sooners an insurmountable a 19- defense. third-seeded Sooners (27-10), point lead. The Huskies built the lead to 22- who’ll face Stanford on Sunday in Kentucky’s speed and quickness 9 only to have the Seminoles San Antonio. had Oklahoma on its heels early, bounce back to cut it to 22-19 on The Wildcats stormed out to a though. back-to-back 3s by Courtney Ward 17-4 lead, only to watch as the Freshman A’dia Mathies had a and Alysha Harvin. Sooners rallied to go ahead 43-39 transition jumper, a steal and an A 10-1 run by Connecticut — by halftime. Oklahoma opened assist in the books 30 seconds in, Charles scoring six points and the second half on a 15-5 run, and Amber Smith’s no-look dish Hayes adding four, along with two then scored 11 straight points to to Mathies put the Wildcats ahead assists on Charles buckets — jump ahead 69-50 with 6:30 left. 8-0 and forced Coale to call time- pushed the lead to 35-22, the Victoria Dunlap had 31 points out. Huskies hanging on for a 42-28 and 12 rebounds to lead Kentucky It took six minutes — and six lead at the break. (28-8), which was seeking its first turnovers — before the Sooners Charles had 16 points and 11 trip to the Final Four. The hit a field goal. By then, boards, while Moore had 11 in just Wildcats stunned top-seeded Kentucky’s lead was already in over 8 minutes on the court. She Nebraska to reach their first double digits — and it appeared had scored 25 points in 25 min- regional final since 1982, but they that Oklahoma’s fears about the utes in the semifinal win over couldn’t complete the Big 12 Wildcats speed and quickness Iowa State. sweep in Kansas City. were coming to pass. The teams met in Tallahassee, After a brutal start, the second But Oklahoma soon found its Fla., on Dec. 28, with top-ranked half belonged to the Sooners. comfort level, erasing a 13-point Connecticut winning 78-59. “Well I don’t know what that deficit in the blink of an eye. Charles scored 16 of her 24 points was for the first five minutes, Danielle Robinson, who had 16 in the second half of that game as these kids have fought back all points and six assists, converted a UConn pulled away while shooting year. It’s sort of their identity,” 3-point play off a steal gave 49 percent from the field to FSU’s Oklahoma coach Sherri Coale Oklahoma its first lead, 28-25, 31 percent. The teams were even- said. “Their confidence was with 7:41 left in the first half, and ly matched on the boards, but the unwavering. I give them credit for she added a late layup to put the Seminoles had 21 turnovers that keeping their head and getting Sooners ahead by four at half- the Huskies turned into 26 points. out of it.” time. This time the Huskies forced 19 Stevenson — who finished one Of Coale’s three Final Four turnovers while harassing the point shy of a career high — fol- teams, these resilient Sooners just Seminoles on every single shot. lowed a 3 with a transition layup might be the most remarkable. to give Oklahoma its first double- Oklahoma lost the frontcourt Oklahoma 88, Kentucky 68 digit edge, 54-44. Danielle duo of Courtney and Ashley Paris Oklahoma withstood early Robinson then hit a layup, and and were picked to finish fifth in adversity, composed itself and Thompson’s open jumper put the the brutal Big 12. The loss of took control with balance, hustle Sooners ahead by 14. guard Whitney Hand to a knee and grit. Kentucky scored six quick injury early in the season cast fur- In a game that mirrored their points, but that would be about it ther doubts over their national season, the Sooners pulled for the Wildcats. title hopes. But Oklahoma sur- through. Now they’re going back “Nyeshia’s performance tonight vived the nation’s toughest sched- to the Final Four. was unbelievable,” Coale said. ule — all 10 of its losses came AP Nyeshia Stevenson scored 31 Oklahoma responded with a against teams that made the Connecticut’s Maya Moore celebrates after scoring during the points and Oklahoma blew past series of knockout blows, as NCAA tournament — and was at Huskies’ 90-50 win over Florida State Tuesday. fourth-seeded Kentucky on Jasmine Hartman’s steal and its best in Kansas City.

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PGA Men’s Division I Tennis ITA Poll

team points

1 Virginia 25 2 Ohio State 24 3 Tennessee 23 4 Southern Cal 22 5 Texas 21 6 Florida 20 7 Stanford 19 8 Georgia 18 9 UCLA 17 10 Kentucky 16 11 Batylor 15 12 Texas A&M 14 13 Texas Tech 13 14 Louisville 12 15 Illinois 11 16 Mississippi 10 17 California 9 18 Virginia Tech 8 19 Oklahoma 7 20 North Carolina 6 21 Washington 5 22 Florida St. 4 23 Pepperdine 3 24 Wake Forest 2 25 Georgia Tech 1

Men’s Division I Golf Sagarin Index Poll

team points AP Tiger Woods smiles while completing a practice round for the 2009 Masters. Woods is scheduled to hold his first 1 Southern Cal 25 press conference in over five months on April 5 and Woods’ pairing forthe tournament will be revealed on April 6. 2 UCLA 24 3 Arizona St. 23 4 Purdue 22 5 Michigan St. 21 Woods awaiting pairings for Masters 6 Auburn 20 7 California 19 Associated Press ing out when you're on the ers with the lowest level of “I would say it would be a 8 LSU 18 course,’” Wilson said last status. Augusta National has tough pairing, to tell you the 9 Pepperdine 17 ORLANDO, Fla. — Dean week. “I knew it was going to no policy with its pairings, truth,” said 49-year-old 10 Florida 16 Wilson was in his hotel room be a big deal. I didn't know it other than the defending Kenny Perry, who lost in a 11 Alabama 15 getting ready to practice one was going to be a giant champion traditionally plays playoff last year. “I'm old 12 Oklahoma St. 14 Tuesday afternoon seven deal.” with the U.S. Amateur cham- enough to maybe handle 13 Georgia 13 years ago when a PGA Tour Imagine how massive the pion. that. Maybe you need some 14 Stanford 12 official called to let him know Masters will be. How will they decide who hillbilly like me to do that. 15 Ohio St. 11 the pairings were about to be The two situations are plays with Woods? But it will be different, 16 Duke 10 released. nothing alike. Colonial was a “With great care,” said because I'm sure the players 17 Texas A&M 9 Wilson didn’t understand celebration of Sorenstam Colin Montgomerie, who is will be focused on Augusta, 18 Denver 8 why he was being contacted becoming the first woman in not eligible for the Masters yet focused on what's going 19 Tulane 7 until he heard the names. 58 years to compete on the this year. “You'd almost have on with him and paying 20 Arizona 6 21 Virginia One was a fellow rookie, PGA Tour. The Masters could to ask for volunteers. There's attention to what he's doing 5 Aaron Barber. The other was be a circus when Woods a number of players that will out there.” 22 Tennessee 4 a sponsor’s exemption, returns to golf for the first be looking at the draw sheet Since his first Masters as a 23 Wake Forest 3 time since being exposed as — I believe it comes out on pro in 1997, Woods has 24 Louisville 2 Annika Sorenstam. 25 New Mexico 1 “Someone from the tour a serial wife cheater. Tuesday afternoon — and played with only two contacted me and said, “The Even so, not since Colonial will be delighted if they are American pros — Stewart draw is coming out and in 2003 has there been so not playing with Tiger on this Cink in 2000 and 2009, and you're paired with Annika. much interest in tee times. occasion.” Tim Herron in 1999. In eight We want you to talk to the Wilson's name essentially So who gets him? Perhaps of his 13 trips to Augusta, media when the tee times came out of a hat, thrown in the better question is who Woods has played with an CWPA Women’s Water Polo come out, rather than it com- with other rookies and play- wants him? amateur the first two rounds. Division I Standings IN BRIEF team points Steelers president says he’s Fifth spot in Phillies rotation Semenya prepares for return 1 Southern Cal 100 ‘disappointed’ in WR Holmes goes to 47-year-old Moyer to running amid controversy 2 Stanford 95 PITTSBURGH — Pittsburgh Steelers KISSIMMEE, Fla. — Jamie Moyer STELLENBOSCH, South Africa — 3 California 88 president Art Rooney II said in a has won the fifth spot in the Caster Semenya is tired of waiting 4 UCLA 87 statement that the team is "disap- Philadelphia Phillies' rotation, a deci- for track and field's ruling body to 5 Hawaii 80 pointed” in wide receiver Santonio sion the team announced Tuesday release results of her gender tests 6 San Jose St. 72 Holmes is being accused in a law- after its 5-2 loss to the Houston and plans to return to competi- 71 7 Arizona St. suit of assaulting a woman in an Astros. tion. Michigan 69 8 Orlando nightclub. Moyer is the oldest player in the What's unclear is whether any Loyola Marymount 60 9 That incident followed another majors at 47. Kyle Kendrick, who meets will allow the world cham- 10 Cal St. Northridge 54 involving quarterback Ben was Moyer's competition for the spot, pion to run” Roethlisberger, who became the started against Houston and allowed “I hereby publicly announce my subject of a police investigation one run in two innings. Manager return to athletics competitions,” after a 20-year-old college student Charlie Manuel assured Kendrick Semenya said in a statement on alleged he assaulted her in a that he has a roster spot and would Tuesday shortly after a meet in Georgia nightclub. be an important part of the bullpen South Africa denied the 19-year- around the dial Since 2006, Holmes has been for the two-time NL champions. old's request to run. charged with marijuana possession Michael Bourn had four hits, Semenya has not raced or spo- NBA Basketball in Pittsburgh, domestic violence in including two doubles and a triple ken publicly since winning the Golden State at Utah Ohio and disorderly conduct in for Houston. Carlos Lee had two dou- women's 800 at the world champi- 10 p.m., ESPN Florida. The marijuana and domes- bles and four RBIs and J.R. Towles onships in Berlin in August, when tic violence charges were subse- drive in a run. The Astros said her dramatic improvement in quently dropped and the disorderly Towles would be their starting catch- times and muscular build led the NHL Hockey conduct charge was dropped in er. International Association of Blackhawks at Wild exchange for a $250 donation to a Astros starter Bud Norris struck Athletics Federations to order 8 p.m., Comcast SportsNet police officers trust fund. out seven in five innings. gender tests. page 16 The Observer N SPORTS Wednesday, March 31, 2010

TENNIS Roddick beats Becker to move on to quarters

serve. He dug out of a 1-4, Associated Press love-40 hole in the first set and KEY BISCAYNE, Fla. — Since won 34 of his final 39 service arriving on Key Biscayne, Andy points, including all six in the Roddick has played H-O-R-S-E tiebreaker. with D-Wade, hung out with Roddick said experience T.O. and helped organize a helped with the turnaround. charity event to benefit Chilean “When things aren’t going earthquake victims. my way, I’m probably better He’s also squeezing in a little now,” he said. “Six years ago tennis. Roddick advanced to on the court my highs were a the quarterfinals of the Sony lot higher, and the lows were a Ericsson Open by beating lot lower. If I would have got- Benjamin Becker 7-6 (4), 6-3 ten down early, I don’t know if on Tuesday. I would have stayed the Seeded sixth, Roddick course.” improved to 23-4 this year, and A big serve helps, too. When he leads the men’s tour in Roddick found himself in wins. He seeks his first Key another hole serving at 4-5, Biscayne title since 2004 and love-30, he responded with hopes to prevent a potential three service winners and an showdown Sunday between ace, all in the 133- to 135-mph Roger Federer and Rafael range. Nadal. “It’s nice at love-30 to be able Roddick’s hoops contest to make some first serves,” he against Dwyane Wade was for said. AP laughs, as were brief get- Roddick made another one Andy Roddick, left, engages in a handshake with opponent Benjamin Becker of Germany after Roddick togethers with Terrell Owens, a on match point, closing out the defeated Becker in two sets at the Sony Ericsson Open in Key Biscayne, Fla. Tuesday. friend and tennis fan. The victory with his seventh ace of Chilean benefit is a doubles the match and his 343rd of the as she bids for her fourth Key 1-0. The injury occurred when 0, 6-7 (3), 6-2. match in which Roddick will year, second-most on the tour. Biscayne title and her first Fish took a tumble in the first The No. 3-seeded Williams take part Saturday — the He has been broken only once since 2001. set, causing discomfort from hit eight aces and lost only five evening before the men’s final. through three matches and “When I’m executing and his back to his calf. points on her first serve. She “Even if things go great and next plays No. 33-seeded playing my best, it’s great,” “I don’t think I’ve ever felt broke five times, including in I’m in the final, I’ll still play Nicolas Almagro, who eliminat- Venus said. “It feels good, and I that much pain on a tennis the pivotal eighth game, when Saturday, just because it’s nec- ed No. 27 Thomaz Bellucci 6-4, feel like I’m definitely dictating court,” said Fish, who is com- Radwanska had consecutive essary and what needs to hap- 3-6, 7-6 (3). the points and that I don’t give ing back from knee surgery double-faults and then hit a pen,” he said. “It’s a bigger The woman with the best my opponent as many chances last September. 62-mph knuckleball serve that cause than my tournament.” chance to beat Venus Williams to have a say.” No. 8 Jo-Wilfried Tsonga Williams pounced on to whack Nadal, who could face at Key Biscayne watched the The oldest women’s quarter- earned a shot at Nadal in the a winner. Roddick in the semifinals, women’s quarterfinals from the finalist at 29, Venus is the quarterfinals by beating No. 12 Williams struggled with her advanced by beating fellow photo pit. Serena Williams had hottest player on the WTA Juan Carlos Ferrero 6-2, 6-2. backhand but won 15 of 19 Spaniard David Ferrer 7-6 (5), no camera but used her con- Tour. She has won 14 matches The fourth-seeded Nadal, seek- points at the net. 6-4. Three-time champion nections to secure a front-row in a row, and two more would ing his first Key Biscayne “I play my best game when Venus Williams became the seat as she watched her sister give her three consecutive championship and his first title I’m more aggressive, because first women’s semifinalist by beat Radwanska. tournament titles for the first anywhere in 10 months, punc- that’s my style,” she said. defeating No. 6-seeded Top-ranked Serena has been time since 2002. tuated his win over Ferrer with “Others don’t play as well as Agnieszka Radwanska 6-3, 6-1. sidelined by a knee injury since In the men’s fourth round, a nifty leg kick-uppercut com- aggressive, because that’s not To get past the unseeded winning the Australian Open in American Mardy Fish retired bination. their style. It just seems to be Becker, Roddick rallied on the January. In her absence, Venus with a sciatic nerve injury No. 5 Robin Soderling defeat- better when I move forward, strength of his dominating has become the woman to beat trailing Mikhail Youzhny 6-1, ed No. 9 Fernando Gonzalez 6- and I try to do that.”

NHL Antropov scores final goal in Thrashers win

sense of urgency in the first Associated Press period. Both teams were sloppy with passes and failed to create TORONTO — Nik Antropov many quality scoring chances. picked the perfect time to get However, Atlanta got the his first career goal against his break it needed early in the former team, scoring the win- second period after Leafs ner Tuesday night to help the defenseman Francois Atlanta Thrashers keep their Beauchemin failed to clear the playoff hopes alive with a 3-2 puck from the defensive zone. victory over the Toronto Maple Afinogenov was able to wheel Leafs. around untouched and beat Antropov tipped a shot past Gustavsson with a wrist shot at Jonas Gustavsson at 4:44 of the 6:18. third period — putting Atlanta Artyhukin extended the lead back in front just 57 seconds to 2-0 just 46 seconds later, tak- after Viktor Stalberg had tied ing a perfect pass from Marty the game. Reasoner and roofing the puck. Atlanta remained two points Afinogenov had the chance to out of the final playoff spot in put the game away after jump- the Eastern Conference with 80 ing off the bench and taking a points. Boston, Montreal and long breakaway pass, but Philadelphia all have 82 points, Gustavsson managed to stop but all three teams have played him. one less game than Atlanta. It proved to be an important Antropov played his first nine save when Tyler Bozak and seasons with the Maple Leafs Stalberg went back up the ice and hadn’t recorded a point in on a 2-on-1 break. Bozak three games against his former appeared to hold the puck too team. He finished with a goal long, but managed to find his and an assist. fellow rookie, who banked a Maxim Afinogenov and shot in off Ondrej Pavelec’s Evgeny Artyukhin also scored skate to make it 2-1 at 17:43. for Atlanta. The Leafs came out hard in Viktor Stalberg had both the final period and Stalberg goals for the Maple Leafs. scored his second to even the With the Thrashers playing score. He gathered the puck in for the second time in as many the high slot and beat Pavelec nights, there was very little high to the glove at 3:47. Wednesday, March 31, 2010 The Observer N SPORTS page 17

NCAA MEN’S BASKETBALL MLB Duke’s Scheyer ready for Final Four Venditte

2004. with you. That’s not what we’re the Blue Devils’ sixth man as a Associated Press Duke plays West Virginia (31-6) going down there for. (Focusing) sophomore and last year found shows off DURHAM, N.C. — From the day on Saturday night in Indianapolis will be easy for us.” himself back in the starting line- he stepped foot on campus, Jon in the national semifinals, but the Scheyer has played in many up. Scheyer was a dependable mem- senior wants to wait until well roles during four seasons at But it wasn’t until Krzyzewski’s both arms ber of Mike Krzyzewski’s rotation. after that before he even consid- Duke, growing from a scrawny tactical shifting of Scheyer to the Then he took over at point ers the end of his career, saying “I freshman into a serious ACC play- point and insertion of Elliot guard, and Duke started being can’t go there.” er of the year contender. He led Williams at shooting guard that Associated Press Duke again. “It’s exciting, but for us, the the team with 104 3-pointers and the Blue Devils really took off. With Scheyer running the show, goal’s not complete,” he said an average of 18.2 points this The switch stabilized the Blue KISSIMMEE, Fla. — Pat the Blue Devils (33-5) claimed Tuesday. “That’s the way all of us season. Devils and put them on their path Venditte can see why he’s such two straight Atlantic Coast feel. As much as you want to Those are the kinds of numbers back to prominence, with a late- a curiosity. It’s not everyday Conference tournament titles, a enjoy the Final Four and there’s he always hoped for when he was season roll carrying them to the that a pitcher throws with both league regular-season crown and going to be a lot of people want- the starter at shooting guard in 2009 ACC tournament title, the arms. their first Final Four berth since ing to hang out and celebrate 2006-07. He shifted to become first of Scheyer’s career. Venditte showed off his ambidextrous talents for the New York Yankees on Tuesday, giving up one run in 1 1-3 innings during a 9-6 split- squad loss to the Atlanta Braves. “I understand where it’s coming from,” Venditte said. “And it’s my job to go out there and prove that I can pitch.” Making his first appearance for the Yankees, Venditte took over for CC Sabathia with two outs in the fifth inning and tossed four warmup pitches with each hand. Venditte switched back and forth, depending on whether he was facing a righty or lefty, and gave up two hits and a walk. “I think I have to,” he said. “I don’t have overpowering stuff from either side, so I think I really need this.” The 24-year-old reliever, who uses a six-finger glove, pitched for two teams in Class A last season and went a com- bined 4-2 with 22 saves and a 1.87 ERA. He is scheduled to begin the season at Class A Tampa. Sabathia said he knew the Yankees had an ambidextrous pitcher in their organization, but did a double take when Venditte took the mound. “I’ve never seen anything like that,” Sabathia said. “I felt like we kept changing pitchers before I figured out what was happening.” If he makes the majors, Venditte wouldn’t be the first pitcher to throw as a left-han- der and right-hander. Greg Harris, who pitched for Cincinnati, Montreal, San Diego, Texas, Philadelphia, Boston and the Yankees from 1981-95, was a righty throughout his career. He pitched from the left side for two batters in the second-to- last game of his career. Yankees manager Joe Girardi had said he wanted to watch Venditte throw this spring and asked that the pitcher be sent over from the minor league complex for an exhibition game. Venditte started out as a righty in the fifth and retired Yunel Escobar on a grounder to end the inning. In the sixth, Venditte pitched right-handed to Matt Diaz and gave up a single. Venditte shifted to a lefty and fielded Nate McLouth’s sacrifice bunt. Later in the inning, switch- hitter Brooks Conrad came to the plate and by rule Venditte had to declare in advance how he would pitch. He went righty, Conrad batted lefty and grounded out. Venditte complimented catcher Jorge Posada. “Jorge did a good job of keeping me calm,” he said. Sabathia tuned up for his start in the major league open- er Sunday night at Boston, allowing five runs and eight hits in 4 2-3 innings. He has a 7.23 ERA this spring. page 18 The Observer N SPORTS Wednesday, March 31, 2010

MLB ND MEN’S TENNIS STL prepares 2010 lineup Irish seek doubles

hitter before the Holliday deal, was brought in after the point in road matches Associated Press is now a fixture in the fifth Cardinals went 4-for-30 with ST. LOUIS — Tony La Russa slot. runners in scoring position loves to tinker with the lineup Pujols has owned the No. 3 while getting swept in the first By KATE GRABAREK continue this strong doubles play round of the playoffs. McGwire card, using a whopping 135 spot for years, and was the Sports Writer in their tough matchups this variations last year in what unanimous NL MVP after bat- has patiently answered all weekend against SMU and Texas was a pretty typical campaign. ting .327 and leading the questions about his doping A&M. No doubt there’ll still be league in homers (47), runs days, though he will surely The Irish will head south this Watt and Havens have been some juggling for the St. Louis (124), on-base percentage face more scrutiny when the weekend for a doubleheader strong at the top of the Irish sin- Cardinals this season as La (.443), slugging percentage season begins. against Southern Methodist and gles lineup already this season. Russa factors in lefty-righty (.658) and intentional walks The rotation could be one of Texas A&M over the Easter holi- Watt is ranked in the top-20 in matchups and pitcher-vs.-hit- (44). He had elbow surgery baseball’s best, anchored by day, as Notre Dame is coming off the nation after a strong fall sea- ter numbers. He will also have after failing to homer in his Chris Carpenter and Adam a strong showing at the Blue son performance. input from new batting coach final 89 at-bats, counting the Wainwright. Gray National Classic and a win Havens is coming off what Mark McGwire, whose hiring postseason, but the power Carpenter was 17-4 and led over Northwestern last weekend. Bayliss labeled as his cleanest and subsequent admission to stroke appears to be back. the NL with a 2.24 ERA, The doubles point has been a singles match of the year as he steroids use caused a stir. But Brendan Ryan, one of five returning to dominance after tough win for won over Andrew a full season penciling in an players to get at least 18 starts missing nearly all the previous the Irish early McCarthy from order anchored by Albert at shortstop last year, is now two seasons. He was second in on this season Northwestern 6-1, Pujols and Matt Holliday fig- established as one of the the NL Cy Young balloting, just and they will 6-4. ures to provide much more league’s top fielders, and he ahead of Wainwright, who was need it to get off Stahl was also stability than usual. returned in plenty of time from 19-9 and led the NL with 233 to a good start “We will certainly able to come “I think managers do what minor wrist surgery in early innings while working six or against both through for the they have to, not what they February. David Freese, more innings in 26 consecutive opponents this look to strengthen our Irish with a big want to,” La Russa said. “My acquired from the Padres for starts. weekend. doubles.” win and they will favorite thing is to have a core Jim Edmonds in 2007, will get Wainwright likened “We will cer- continue to look of five or six guys, and you a full shot at third base — a Carpenter to a shark and said tainly look to Bobby Bayliss for strong play play around with the other two big change from last year he just followed that lead. strengthen our after the 5-2 win or three, keep your bench when Troy Glaus couldn’t “I’m like a remora, always doubles,” head Irish Coach in Texas. going.” return from shoulder surgery looking for useful tidbits that coach Bobby Anderson has The Cardinals were 91-71 until September. he drops,” Wainwright said. Bayliss said. come on strong last season and won the “What I wanted to do is “He’s always filled with knowl- “We made a for the Irish at the National League Central come out here and earn the edge and he’s a good teacher, switch at dou- bottom of their Division despite La Russa’s job,” Freese said. “I feel like too.” bles. [Stephen] Havens and lineup, including with his dou- season-long search for a No. 2 I’ve been productive and pro- The bottom three has plenty [Casey] Watt are now together as bles play already this season. hitter ahead of Pujols. A dozen gressed over the course of the of promise. Hard-throwing well as [Tyler] Davis and [Niall] Bayliss said Anderson has a players got a shot at that spot, spring and that’s all I can do.” Brad Penny got a free agent Fitzgerald.” strong serve and uses his 10 batted cleanup, 16 hit sev- Colby Rasmus, who batted deal off a strong finish with the The Irish were able to pull out weapons well and that has enth and 12 more landed in second about half of his rookie Giants, Kyle Lohse was 6-10 in the doubles point against helped him be more successful the eighth slot, not counting season, has batted more in the an injury plagued season but Northwestern in a tough match. this season. The Irish have also the 48 times he batted the middle of the order during a has had a healthy spring and The team lost the first doubles had strong play from sopho- pitcher there. strong spring. But La Russa was a 15-game winner in ‘08, match as juniors Dan Stahl and mores Sam Keeton and For the most part, La Russa isn’t totally adverse to trying and rookie left-hander Jaime David Anderson fell early, but Fitzgerald to help propel them to will be working with a set Rasmus at second again Garcia won a three-way battle the No. 1 and No. 2 doubles 10 wins early in the season. starting eight. behind leadoff man Skip for the fifth spot. teams were able to perform The Irish will face off against Cleanup intrigue ended Schumaker — even if it means The Cardinals wanted Garcia well. SMU at 1 p.m. on Saturday when Holliday was acquired both of his left-handed bats to get more minor league sea- At No. 2 doubles the Irish duo before playing Texas A&M from the Athletics last July, are at the top. soning coming off reconstruc- of sophomore Fitzgerald and Monday at 6 p.m. and he batted .353 with 55 Questions about the order tive elbow surgery that side- junior Davis were able to come RBIs in 63 games. Ryan were overshadowed at times lined him most of last season. through with an 8-6 victory. Contact Kate Grabarek at Ludwick, the primary No. 4 by McGwire’s hiring. Big Mac But he proved he was ready. The Irish will be looking to [email protected]

SMC GOLF Belles finish third in Southwestern Invite

By LUKE MANSOUR conditions needs to and will improve.” Sports Writer Matuszak finished second overall in the tournament with No. 3 Saint Mary’s took third a total score of 166, while place in the Southwestern Boyce scored a 168 to finish Invitational Tuesday in with a share of fourth place. Georgetown, Texas, with an Southwestern’s Kristen overall team score of 693. Davenport led the entire tour- Southwestern, nament with a the tournament combined score host, finished in “We have work to do of 164, and a 79 first with a two- to regain our on the second day total score of ranking and pre- day clinched the 677. title for the hosts. The Belles pare for our NCAA Rosie O’Connor were also edged bid.” finished with the by UT-Tyler, third best score which finished Mark Hamilton for the Belles with a score of (18th overall). 689. Belles soph- Belles Coach The Belles have omore Natalie yet to finish Matuszak and junior Mary Kate lower than third in each of Boyce were both named to the their three tournaments this all-tournament team. spring season, and with their The third-place finish was a success thus far, a bid to the bit of a disappointment for NCAAs is in their sights. Saint Mary’s, which finished “We have to work to do to second in last year’s tourna- regain our ranking and pre- ment and were also in second pare for our NCAA bid,” place going into Day 2, six Hamilton said. strokes ahead of UT-Tyler. They will look to continue Belles coach Mark Hamilton their successful season when was not pleased with his team’s they host a dual meet against overall performance at the Trine on April 10 at South tournament. Bend Country Club. “I’m not satisfied with the results,” Hamilton said. “Our Contact Luke Mansour at focus and resolve under tough [email protected] Wednesday, March 31, 2010 The Observer N SPORTS page 19

ND WOMEN’S TENNIS TRACK & FIELD Streaking Irish face Texas teams Team splits up for By CHRIS ALLEN Sports Writer weekend events The red-hot No. 3 Irish will ride a three-game winning By ANDREW OWENS weekend. At the Arizona State streak into Texas this weekend Sports Writer Invitational, senior Joanna as they take on No. 2 Baylor Schultz topped the list in the and Texas A&M. The Irish are 400-meter hurdles, sopho- coming off a road trip to The Irish will travel to four more Kevin Schipper record- Wichita State during which different sites this weekend to ed the best height in the pole they defeated tough opponents compete in various events vault and sophomore Jack in TCU and Wichita State by a leading up to Easter. Different Howard won the men’s 800 combined score of 13-1. parts of the team will head to race. Irish coach Jay Louderback Arizona, Auburn, Florida and After the events, the team was proud of his team’s effort Purdue as the outdoor season will have Easter Sunday off and hopes they can carry it continues for the Irish. before getting back to action with them down to the pair of The Arizona Multi-Event Monday. Lone Star State matches. will be held Thursday and “This is a time to have a “Tennis-wise, the kids played Friday while the Florida good Holy Week but we have with a lot of enthusiasm, which Relays, Auburn to stay focused will certainly carry into this Tiger Track on track,” jun- next week,” Louderback said. Classic and “A big part of being ior pole vaulter With both matches on the Purdue’s Mike successful will be for A n d r e w road, the Irish (15-2) will need P o e h l e i n Kolbeck said. to get off to strong starts in Invitational will everyone to ignore “Having time off order to take the crowd out of SARAH O’CONNOR/The Observer take place the meet atmosphere from classes the match. The No. 4 first dou- Irish sophomore Shannon Mathews hits a backhand during Notre Friday and and just perform like really helps bles team of sophomore Kristy Dame’s 4-3 victory over Georgia Tech on Feb. 27. Saturday. with this.” Frilling and senior Kali Krisik “A big part of they do in practice.” The matches has performed admirably, win- Nina Segerbegovic at No. 2 Station. Texas A&M is riding being success- mark the begin- ning 13 matches in a row. singles. Louderback said his high after winning their first ful will be for Mike Smigelski ning of the final Louderback has continually team knows they are up three conference games. everyone to Irish thrower month leading looked for the No. 2 and No. 3 against a challenge. Louderback said the atmos- ignore the meet up to the Big doubles teams to match that “Baylor is ranked second in phere should challenge his a t m o s p h e r e East outdoor level of consistency as he shifts the nation. We played them team to be on their game. and just perform like they do championships, which will be the lineup around. three times last year, during “The kids are excited about in practice,” sophomore held in Cincinnati, Ohio. “In practice, we’ve been the National Indoor, once in Texas A&M. They are ranked thrower Mike Smigelski said. “The Big East meet really working on doubles more. It is the regular season and at the around 40. We always play “If we simply focus on our comes up quickly in the out- so important to get that first quarterfinals, though we’ve well there,” Louderback said. coaches’ advice and stay door season,” Kolbeck said. lead,” Louderback said. “We’ve never played at Baylor before,” “They have a great crowd relaxed, we will do really well “We have to make sure every- been playing so much lately Louderback said. “They’re an base. They lead the country in as a team.” one’s focused and ready to that we have just been practic- older team. Their number one fans.” The events will mark the compete every opportunity we ing so the kids stay sharp.” singles is a top-10 player as The Irish will take on Baylor second weekend of competi- have, starting with this week- The Bears (15-2) will pose a well. Unlike what she’s used Saturday at 3 p.m. and Texas tion in the outdoor season. end so we can get everyone challenge in singles for the to, [Frilling] is going to get a A&M Monday at 6 p.m. as they The Irish competed at the qualified especially in some of Irish, and particularly for No. chance to play someone a little look to keep their recent win- Arizona State Invitational and the new events that are added 1 singles player Frilling. better than her.” ning streak alive. Stanford Invitational last outdoor.” Baylor’s top player is No. 5 After taking on the Bears in Friday and Saturday. senior Lenka Broosova, and Waco, the Irish will run into Contact Chris Allen at Three Irish athletes finished Contact Andrew Owens at they line up No. 18 sophomore the Aggies (8-4) in College [email protected] first in their events over the [email protected]

SMC TENNIS Belles dominate in 9-0 sweep of rival Trine

By MATT ROBISON break before their next match Sports Writer against Calvin. “[Calvin is] one of the better teams, if not the best team, in The Belles dominated Trine our conference,” Campbell on the road Tuesday, winning said. “That could be a tough every singles and doubles one for us.” match handily on the way to a The shutout win kept the 9-0 victory. clean sheet going for junior Trine is admittedly one of Jillian Hurley, who has yet to the weaker teams in the lose at the No. 1 singles spot MIAA, said Belles coach Dale this year and has not dropped Campbell, but the Belles “are a doubles match with partner playing well,” Campbell said. Mary Therese Lee since the Although the final tally beginning of the season. made it look like it was a one- Behind the ever-sharp play sided affair, that only held of Hurley and the steadily true in the singles matches, improving play of their dou- Campbell said. bles squads, the Belles are in “We’re still getting stronger top shape to face the toughest in doubles,” Campbell said. “A stretch of the MIAA schedule couple of our matches started in the next few matches. out slow, though.” After the home match The competition is going to against Calvin, the Belles get tougher for the Belles. To have three straight away keep the winning streak alive, matches against Chicago on they will need to continue to April 12, then Albion on April improve, and there is room 14 and Kalamazoo on April for improvement, Campbell 17. If the Belles can get out of said. the Calvin match with a win, “We still need work at the they will have a full head of net in doubles,” he said. “Our steam going into the road returns and serves could use stretch, which would give work, and we still need to them a commanding presence attack [the net] more.” in the MIAA standings. The Belles should have vari- ous aspects of their game to Contact Matt Robison at work on during the weeklong [email protected] page 20 The Observer N SPORTS Wednesday, March 31, 2010

using active hands to disrupt girls.” Apparently Hockett’s NCAA FOOTBALL the Admissions offense. male presence was not enough Bookstore The contest got off to an to intimidate the all-male continued from page 24 even start before Special Team No. 1. pulled ahead; Team Cupcake “And we wanted to execute rebounds that they were then would not give up, however, the cherry picking strategy,” Washington’s Locker able to convert into layups. In and fought hard to the very Langley said. fact, their athleticism later in end, as demonstrated by one the game allowed them to exe- sequence in which a Cupcaker The Mantastic 5 21, 2010 excited for senior year cute alley-oops in the second took an elbow to the lip. Quidditch Olympic Gold half when the outcome w as in “We’ve got fat lips and Medalists 2 doubt. bruised knees, but on the In an entertaining all-female Angels have been in talks with “We executed our game plan whole, we came to play today,” showdown, the Mantastic 5 led Associated Press the school about whether he to the best of our ability,” Lee Stewart said. “We were a little a rout of the 2010 Quidditch SEATTLE — Jake Locker would be able to play at all this said. “We play for keeps every anxious about playing people Olympic Gold Medalists, 21-2. could have spent Tuesday get- summer. time we take the court.” older than us, but we had a The Mantastic 5 came ting ready to perform before Locker has said his top priori- The Irish Amish, despite great game.” dressed in tank tops and flan- NFL scouts as the draft ty is football, and declined to their high effort level, saw The Admissions office, for its nel shirts, while the Harry approached. comment further about his base- some inherent disadvantages part, will savor a rare Potter-inspired Gold Medalists Instead, Washington’s senior ball situation on Tuesday. that gave them an uphill battle Bookstore Basketball victory wore black outfits, capes and quarterback was on the field at “The plan for him is to play from the beginning. before preparing for its next wielded wands. But when Husky Stadium as the team football all the way. Wh en Jake “We felt that our conserva- game after the Easter break. things got serious, the capes began spring practice on an has a week off here and there, tive dress and attitude and “It’s been a while for our came off, the wands were unseasonably chilly afternoon. nothing mandatory going on, lack of height were big factors office since we’ve won a game tossed aside and some of the Locker wouldn’t have it any they’d like him to do some base- today,” Bastedo said. “I’m and so we’re happy to come Mantastic 5 even lost the long- other way. NFL money can wait. ball. That is where we’re talk- really confident in our chances out here, play pretty well, and sleeved flannel. “I was really excited. Just the ing,” Sarkisian said. “A guy can in the women’s bracket. Next get a W,” O’Rourke said. “It The disparity on the score- atmosphere, the intensity and grow mentally … in being in time we’ll slit the dresses a lit- was a hard-fought game, and board never reflected the the overall enjoyment that you that clubhouse, in that locker tle bit higher.” they played us tough. We’re intensity of the game. Every have when you’re out here is room, in that dugout. But it’s the going to enjoy this one for a rebound was contested, nearly something that you miss when matter of can he handle it men- You’re not that special 21, while.” every pass deflected and every you’re not,” Locker said. “It was tally and physically so that he’s Team Cupcake 7 dribbler was met with hound- great to get back out here wit h not exhausted in the middle of You’re not that special (trust Team No. 1 21, Tiger Tiger ing defense by the opposition. the guys and get yelled at and the season for us. We’re st ill us, we read your application) Rawr 8 The Manstastic 5 simply coached and play a little foot- working on that stuff.” a team of counselors from the In an all-senior matchup knocked down shots with ball.” Locker finally showed some of Office of Undergraduate Tuesday evening, Team No. 1, greater consistency than the Coming off a 5-7 record in the polish pro scouts wanted t o Admissions, defeated Team a victim of censorship, defeat- Gold Medalists. Steve Sarkisian’s first season at see during his first season under Cupcake, a squad of seniors ed Tiger Tiger Rawr. Even though the final tally Washington, Locker decided to Sarkisian’s tutelage. He threw with a large, supportive cheer- Team No. 1 had the obvious made it look like a blowout, no put off the NFL for another for 2,800 yards and 21 touch- ing section in a long, defensive advantage in height, athleti- one on the 2010 Quidditch chance at boosting the Huskies’ downs, completing 58 percent of battle that was marked at cism and number of Y-chro- Olympic Gold Medalists — resurgence. The small-town his throws. It was the third- times by sloppy play from both mosomes. But instead of put- freshmn Catherine Reidy, quarterback who hears it from highest passing total in sides. ting Tiger Tiger Rawr away Patrizia Martellard, Maria his teammates when he sings Washington history and the TD The Admissions team was immediately after a 5-0 run, Diamond, Brianna Piper and country songs was expected to total was fourth-best at a school captained by Matt O’Rourke they let them stick around. Meredith Kugar — were dis- be a high first-round pick. with a tradition of producing and featured Gabe Brown, Team No. 1 tried to get fancy heartened at the end of the Locker didn’t wait very long to NFL quarterbacks. Maureen Clark, Stephanie with alley-oops and no look game. make his decision. Barely a He also had nearly 400 yards Nguyen, Chris Perkins, passes, but to no avail. Once “We just wanted to try as week after the Huskies’ season rushing and seven TDs on the Charleen Vinalon and Julie they settled in and decided to hard as we could, but have fun ended, Locker announced he ground, but often tempered his Denkler, while captain Emily end the game, they did so. at the same time,” Reidy said. was returning for his senior natural reaction to run. Stewart’s Team Cupcake Tiger Tiger Rawr, clad in “We’re better on brooms,” year. Now with a year of experience squad played Mary Cecilia orange shirts with black her teammates added. “He had a chance to go to the in Sarkisian’s offense, Locker Mitsch, Lauren Miller-Lemon, stripes and consisting of sen- The Mantastic 5 — juniors NFL and chose to come back, said Tuesday felt far more com- Emily Chappell and Patty iors Gabby Mai, Carolyn Allison Vicenzi, Amywren which I don’t have a problem fortable. With the NFL draft a Carnevale. Rumer, Colleen Nolan, Ellen Miller, Eileen Flanagan, Delia with,” said wide receiver few weeks away and a couple of The size discrepancy Mrowka and Kiel Hockett, Cronin and Sam Maxwell — Jermaine Kearse, the Huskies’ teammates from last season between the teams favored rode their youthful exuber- “were looking for a complete leading receiver last season. “I expected to be chosen, Locker is Special, who used its advan- ance the entire game, despite destroyal.” kind of figured he was going to having a hard time not keeping tage on both ends of the court, being down on the scoreboard. “We model our game after stay. I had that feeling he was one eye on what’s happening at with Perkins and Brown rack- “The Tigers had the tenaci- the Bash Bros. from the going to stay.” the pro level. ing up block after block on ty,” Rumer said. “We just did- Mighty Ducks,” the Mantastic But there’s a new wrinkle for But it’s not a view fill ed with defense and gaining as many n’t have the accuracy.” 5 said. Locker’s final year. He agreed to second-guessing or regret. as four offensive rebounds on Coming into the game, Team The Mantastic 5 played well, a contract with the Los Angeles “(I’m) not putting myself there. a single possession multiple No. 1, consisting of seniors but in order to advance fur- Angels last August after he was I do like to watch it because it’s times. Greg Cunn, John ther in the seemingly nev- selected in the 10th round of the interesting and it’s something In addition, the Admissions Baumgardner, Mike Lucien, erending bracket of Bookstore, major league draft. you hope to be a part of some team tried to utilize fast John Langley and Ray they will need to improve. Details of Locker’s contract day. I do follow it,” Locker said. breaks but often missed the Farabaugh, just wanted to “let “We have some practicing to with the Angels have never been “We have some guys that are ensuing layup attempt, char- the game come to us,” Lucien do,” they said. “We expect released. He spent a weekend going to be in it this year, so I acteristic of the shooting from said. great things in the next with the AL West champs this follow them and see what people both teams. Team Cupcake According to Team No. 1, round.” month in Arizona, and the are saying about them.” tried to counter the size who could nearly coast to vic- advantage with swarming, tory for the final points of the Contact Allan Joseph at energetic defense on the game, the deciding factor in [email protected] and Matt perimeter and in the post, the outcome was “playing four Robison at [email protected] goal when they travel to Washington D.C. to take on Wildcats Georgetown at 1 p.m. on to extend her school-record hit have to each game against continued from page 24 Saturday. streak to 25 games. Fellow jun- Rutgers, and show that Notre Loyola ior Katie Fleury had another hit Dame is better than what was “I wish we competed better, Contact Luke Mansour at continued from page 24 for Notre Dame, while sopho- displayed in today’s game,” but I don’t think how we [email protected] more Alexa Maldonado added Wright said. “This weekend will played to do has anything to The Ramblers scored twice in in a team-high be a good test do with Georgetown,” Coyne the fifth inning between grab- two singles. on how we can said. bing three runs in both the L o y o l a - bounce back The loss to the nation’s top- sixth and third innings. Chicago’s Angie “This weekend will be from a bad ranked team will do nothing Junior pitcher Jody Valdivia Funsten went 2 a good test on how loss, and being to dampen the hopes of the (18-3) lost for the first time for 3 with two we can bounce back able to have a Irish, who are still aiming for since February, ending her 17- runs and three good mindset the No. 1 seed in the confer- game win streak on the mound. RBIs while from a bad loss.” while taking on ence tournament this year. She struck out eight batters and Brooke Andreson each of these “If we work on our game, gave up five runs in her five scored twice on Kristina Wright teams. We are our goal is to win another Big innings of work. two hits. Irish sophomore going to stay East championship and try to Freshman Brittany O’Donnell Notre Dame positive and be the No. 1 seed in the tour- took over for Valdivia in the will take on its keep on play- nament,” Coyne said. sixth and final inning, giving up second Big East ing the game The Irish will attempt to three runs on one hit. opponent of the season in like we have this whole sea- take another step toward that “Losing that game does have Rutgers (12-15) this weekend at son.” some positives,” Wright said. Melissa Cook Stadium. The Irish The Irish defeated the Scarlet “It’s going to be that reminder know that their conference Knights in both of their two that we all need that we can’t competition is some of the meetings last season. take any team for granted, we toughest in the country, and The two teams will meet need to attack improvement that they will have to make a Thursday at 6 p.m. with a dou- every day and that begins with comeback if they are to com- bleheader on Saturday with the first inning.” pete at that level against games scheduled for 11 a.m. The Irish were out-hit 8-4 by Rutgers, a challenge they are and 1 p.m. the Ramblers. Junior Sadie ready to face. Pitzenberger had a double to “We know that this weekend Contact Meaghan Veselik at right-center in the first inning we are going to bring all we [email protected] Wednesday, March 31, 2010 The Observer N PAID ADVERTISEMENT page 21 page 22 The Observer N SPORTS Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Melissa Lechlitner, Lindsay between these players. Schrader, Erica Williamson Juniors Becca Bruszewski, Season and Alena Christiansen can- Brittany Mallory and continued from page 24 not be underestimated. Devereaux Peters are ready Barlow was the defensive to make the next step and could hope for, but the bench juggernaut, taking on the take over that leadership was not enough to lift them opposing team’s position. over the top. best player and And do not But in what appears to be shutting them There was something forget the year of the Husky, when down on a regu- Diggins, who no one can make a legitimate lar basis. about this Irish team was able to claim to the national title L e c h l i t n e r that was truly absorb so besides Connecticut, maybe organized the special, and that can much from there is something more to be offense and these great found here than just winning made sure never be taken away players in so it all. everyone was in from them. short a span Just ask the Irish players the best position of time. who faced Connecticut three to succeed. Diggins led times this year and lost all Schrader was the team with three games by double digits. the hard worker that always 13.8 points per game and was Sometimes you just cannot put herself in position to tied with Lechlitner for the JULIE HERDER//The Observer impede the unstoppable make plays with hard work, lead in assists with 3.2 per Irish sophomore attack Nicholas Beattie runs upfield during a 10-8 force. and McGraw trusted no one contest. The story of Skylar Irish loss to Rutgers on Saturday. But there was something more with the ball in pres- Diggins has barely begun about this Irish team that was sure situations. here at Notre Dame, and the collegiate debut in that game. truly special, and that can Williamson stepped up to team is in good hands going But after the loss, Corrigan never be taken away from the plate late in the season forward. Wildcats said he was most disappointed them. They had class, they and made some huge contri- But as a graduating senior continued from page 24 with the play of the offense, had poise, and butions down myself, I cannot help but feel which has been relying on indi- most impor- the stretch. nostalgic as the year comes to selves, play together and play vidual efforts rather than team tantly, they The story of Skylar Christiansen, a close, and I begin to con- within ourselves.” play to score, according to had each other. Diggins has barely although she template the end of my Notre Although this is the first year Corrigan. I can only did not see the Dame career along with these for the Big East conference in Saturday should be a tough speak as an begun here at Notre court very fabulous senior basketball men’s lacrosse, the Irish have game for the Irish, but Corrigan observer from Dame, and the team much, added to players. faced Villanova (6-3) in the past, said he is confident in his team’s the outside, is in good hands that substantial It reminds me that basket- and the Wildcats have consistent- ability to get ready this week. hopefully not a senior pres- ball (whether playing or writ- ly proven to be a formidable foe. “This is a big game for us too terribly going forward. ence. ing about it) and going to col- “Villanova is a team that has because we haven’t been playing biased one, but Looking at lege in general is just a step- always given us trouble in the well of late,” Corrigan said. “But the best analo- this list of truly ping stone in life to that next past because they play smart and we’ve had a couple good prac- gy to what I phenomenal big phase. And if what I have with discipline,” Corrigan said. tices this week and if we keep was able to cover this year women to have taken the seen is any kind of an indica- “You have to beat them, they working we will be ready was a team that was a family. court together for the Irish tion, this team and these girls won’t beat themselves.” Saturday for what I expect to be Of course there was the for so many years, it is hard are going to be just fine. One aspect to look out for is the a very hard-fought game.” steady presence of Irish coach to imagine what this team play of the Irish goalkeepers. The Irish will face off against Muffet McGraw, always keep- will look like next year. When The views expressed in this After senior Scott Rodgers went the Wildcats Saturday at 1 p.m. ing the girls on track to do will the team be as together column are those of the down with an injury against in Villanova, Pa. what they needed to succeed and formidable as it was this author and not necessarily Rutgers, Corrigan turned to both and get better. season again? those of The Observer. senior Brendan Moore and fresh- Contact Matt Robison at The veteran guidance of But do not underestimate Contact Jared Jedick at man John Kemp, who made his [email protected] seniors Ashley Barlow, the teaching that went on [email protected] Wednesday, March 31, 2010 The Observer N TODAY page 23

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MEN’S LACROSSE WOMEN’S BASKETBALL Big East brawl Team falls, Irish look for road win but players at No. 17 Villanova learn more

By MATT ROBISON A season begun with lofty Sports Writer expectations came to a close in the Sweet 16 on Sunday The No. 18 Irish will face No. when Notre Dame lost 77-72 17 Villanova Saturday in Notre in overtime to Oklahoma. It Dame’s first-ever Big East road was not the game. In the conference opener finish that last weekend, the Irish fell to many of the Rutgers at home 10-8. Saturday players will be a good chance to get back probably on the right track against a chal- expected to lenging conference opponent. have happen The focus in practice this week after boast- will be getting back to what ing five Notre Dame (5-3) does best as a returning team, rather than looking too far seniors this Jared Jedick ahead or overthinking their year as well opponent. Irish coach Kevin as adding Corrigan said he wants the Irish local fresh- Sports Writer to establish their identity as a man sensa- team. tion Skylar Diggins. “Our focus is almost entirely on The year began with a 15- ourselves right now,” Corrigan game winning streak and a said. “That is not a slight to a No. 2 ranking nationally, yet very good Villanova team but an that was not to last. The Irish acknowledgement that we can’t saw themselves with one of win unless we understand our- JULIE HERDER/The Observer the deepest benches a team Senior midfielder Grant Krebs passes last Saturday during Notre Dame’s 10-8 loss to Rutgers see WILDCATS/page 22 at Arlotta Stadium. The Irish travel to face No. 17 Villanova on Saturday. see SEASON/page 22

WOMEN’S LACROSSE Notre Dame falls 15-5 on the road at No. 1 Northwestern

where we did some good recorded two goals and an up,” Coyne said. “They’re problem for us in other By LUKE MANSOUR things,” Irish coach Tracy assist. Junior Shaylyn Blaney, relentless in what they do, it games,” Coyne said. “They’re Sports Writer Coyne said. “We just didn’t sophomore Kate Newall and just forces you to play out of good, don’t get me wrong. I string together enough sus- freshman Betsy Mastropieri your comfort zone.” thought we had to good The No. 14 Irish knew they tained attacking opportuni- also scored for the Irish. The Irish were able to pro- chance to win or at least keep would have to put together a ties.” Northwestern jumped out to duce a fair amount of quality it close so it wasn’t the result complete effort from the out- It was the ninth straight loss a 6-0 lead and never relented, chances, but they were turned we were looking for.” set to beat No. 1 for the Irish (5-3, 1-0) against notching a 9-2 lead by half- away by Wildcats sophomore Despite the loss, Coyne said Northwestern. Unfortunately, the Wildcats (8-0). time. Danielle Spencer and goalkeeper Brianne LoManto, she expects there to be no after falling behind early, they Northwestern now holds a 9-2 Shannon Smith led the who notched a career-high 11 carryover from Tuesday’s bad never got the chance to recov- advantage since the teams Wildcats with four goals saves. Northwestern outshot result when the Irish resume er, falling by a score of 15-5 began competing in the 2003 apiece. Notre Dame overall by a tally their Big East slate against in Evanston, Ill. Tuesday season. “Spencer and Smith played of 29-21. Georgetown on Saturday. night. The Irish were led by senior well and some of their sec- “We were getting chances “There were moments attack Gina Scioscia, who ondary personnel stepped and [not finishing] has been a see WILDCATS/page 20

ND SOFTBALL BOOKSTORE BASKETBALL No. 24 ND falls to Loyola Wet Bandits use size

By MEAGHAN VESELIK to take out Irish Amish Sports Writer Althoff and captain Megan No. 24 Notre Dame saw its 11- By ALLAN JOSEPH and Bastedo. game win streak end Tuesday MATT ROBISON The Amish’s humorous when it fell 8-0 to Loyola- Sports Writers clothing belied a will to win Chicago in a non-conference the game evident from the matchup at Loyola Softball Park. The Wet Bandits, a team of team’s organized warm-ups The Irish dropped to 24-6 while freshmen from Knott Hall, and their commitment to a the Ramblers improve to 7-12. defeated the Irish Amish, a dribble-drive-kick attack on “Today was an upsetting loss, team of sophomore girls the offensive end of the floor. not because of the fact that we dressed in full Amish regalia Their game plan resulted in lost but how we lost the game,” — except for their Nike and open jump shots, but the sophomore catcher Kristina Adidas basketball shoes — by Amish could not get their Wright said. “Our hitting wasn’t the comfortable margin of 21- shots to fall and fell behind on, we didn’t make the adjust- 5 Tuesday. quickly. ments needed to produce The Wet Bandits were cap- The Bandits were able to enough hits, and we just could- tained by Charlie Lee and use their superior size and n’t string any together to get consisted of Lee, Will Crowley, athleticism to make easy some runs. Our team needed to Tyler Smith, Tebo Bennett passes and find easy scores in improve on all areas to win that and Chris Carr; the Irish the paint. Their missed shots game.” TOM LA/The Observer Amish roster incorporated usually resulted in offensive Irish junior Katie Fleury leads off second base Sunday during Claire Kueny, Erica Vesnaver, see LOYOLA/page 20 Notre Dame’s 13-3 win over Big East opponent Seton Hall. Laura Yoviene, Analise see BOOKSTORE/page 20