Editorial Team Patrick Adamson Technical Editor Ameera Khadeir Associate Editor Regan McLeod Head of Music Reporting Teillan Clarke Head of Fashion Reporting FORRESTER HIGH Lana Clarke Head of Fashion Reporting MAGAZINE Dave Taggart Head of Sport and Gaming Laura Croal Social Editor

Ho, Ho, Ho! So it’s that time of the year again and whilst most have been spending those cold winter days finishing their Christmas shopping. We at FHM have been slaving over our articles and trying to publish our very first Forrester High School Magazine (FHM). A lot of work has gone into this issue, and despite instances of bickering and rather dismal weather, I’am very proud to say we done it! I would just like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who helped make this possible including our various writers, publishers and the teachers, who collaborated and conjugated to conceive the masterpiece that lies before you. As Students we have wanted to produce some- thing that communicates a pure and unedited student voice. I would like to thank Mr Curran for believing in this vision; we finally have the magazine we wanted. If you want to be part of this new and exciting team please don’t hesitate to speak to me, we are always looking for new talent. Well enough of the mutual back slapping, let’s get on with it. I suggest you put your feet up, make a nice wee cup of tea and I hope you enjoy, not only our first, but also very special Christmas edition of FHM.

Enjoy. Denise Tierney - Editor in chief CURRICULUM FOR SPOCK by Denise Tierney Utter the words Curriculum of Excel- research and A LOT of reading, I can lence these days and you may re- safely say I don’t have the faintest ceive a raised eyebrow from a pass- idea, and would love to meet a living ing teacher, a red face and an anxious being on this green earth that does. stare from the school head or perhaps The ‘Shiny Green Holy Grail’ folder even being rugby tackled to the floor containing the new magic that is the by the secret teacher FBI. If the Scot- Curriculum of Excellence is literally tish Government hear you, you may just politician jargon. All it contains is disappear to be tortured, using a new complete goose chase full of circular technique called ‘active learning’. No- arguments and pedantic sugges- body knows exactly what this is, but it tions. Never once does anyone even sounds painful. attempt to explain what it is they are going to teach us. The truth is this propaganda forced on us by the intelligent folks in the Scot- In basic terms this new and innovative tish Government seems to have actu- idea is supposed to encourage chil- ally no decipherable meaning in any dren to feel good about themselves by classroom or language. As a result eliminating the idea of grades, exams of this confusion these three words or competition. This means students have become a taboo in the modern won’t sit one single exam or test till school, where being curious, or in any 4th year! And even then we still don’t way negative, about them leads to know exactly what the ‘literacy and decapitation. Possible side effects in- numeracy exams’ are. clude; lots of inward crying and teach- ers jumping around like the guy in the Now although this is supposed to help Emperor’s new clothes. I have even build confidence and help students heard about one Head teacher being become less stressed, care free in- involved in a high speed car chase dividuals, it is not a realistic way to with the police, because he dared to teach or even learn. The happy secu- ask what exams would come at the rity of equality will instantly evaporate end of this. when pupils realise that competition is real, when they enter the harsh world In all seriousness though, does any- of employment, or unemployment as one know what the curriculum of things stand now. Employers don’t excellence is? Well after extensive focus so much on how ‘happy’ you are, but surprisingly they are more system, the government still persists concerned about the qualifications and demands it will be brought into you hold. the classroom. There is nothing we can do, the new S1 are simply guinea From a personal point of view, I know pigs for those people who haven’t for one that even 2 year Highers stepped foot in a classroom since aren’t ideal. Without the threat of an they were our age. As any S1 or par- exam at the end of the year, we sim- ent what this new curriculum is and ply don’t work our hardest, no matter I guarantee you the answers will be how much we kid ourselves. We use diverse. the first year to do as little as pos- sible and relax throughout and then In no way am I suggesting a child’s we panic in the second year when we happiness isn’t as important as realise we know nothing about the grades and yes there is too much course. Although it pains every part stress at this age. It’s hard trying to of my being to say it, we simply need determine the rest of our lives in a few the fear factor to work to our fullest years, when in a matter of months our potential, and that’s coming from a appearance and opinions will catapult person who truly despises exams. from one extreme to the other. How- ever, the truth is that exams and com- The Quality of teaching will also suf- petition prepare us for a world outside fer at the feet of this new curriculum. school, where we won’t be molly Classes won’t be separated into dif- coddled; my current part time employ- ferent levels and abilities, so whilst ment plays testament to that. the more academic students become bored and frustrated, others will strug- This approach, in fact, is only going gle, give up and disrupt the learning to make our current social problems environment for all concerned. Most of worse; with no preparation or experi- the able pupils in S5/6 were relieved ence of an exam a student simply when the disruptive pupils left. Mix- can’t perform their best. By leaving ing abilities doesn’t give anyone a fair exams until S4 it is the equivalent of chance to reach their fullest potential. simply throwing us in at the deep end and expect us to swim for the first In addition to this teachers will strug- time. People need healthy competition gle immensely to teach courses they and drive. It’s a quality that separates don’t fully understand or have never the successful from the losers in life. used before, especially when there The Curriculum for Excellence threat- appears to be no real training. Teach- ens the good quality of education we ing comes from experience and the have now and I believe that students best grades usually come from teach- and teachers will suffer together, in a ing a course for years, knowing the time when there is no money to fund curriculum and being aware of the utopia. The fact is, no one can flourish demands of the end assessment. De- and grow in such a relaxed and liberal spite a majority vote against the new atmosphere. MUTED ENTHUSIASM by Patrick Adamson In essence student councils are student councils and they will tell designed to present pupils with a you about an “exciting opportunity” unique opportunity to experience for pupils to “have their say.” In democracy. This system is common reality the influence council repre- all over the world, but is it really the sentatives are promised is rarely most effective way of represent- put into practice. While pupils are ing pupil’s opinions? Are councils free to discuss their concerns, their becoming little more than a ‘ticked decisions don’t often travel beyond boxes’ on a long list of initiatives, or the meeting room. The final say on is the intention a real, measurable, decisions always lies with the ad- experience; that bolsters pupil mo- ministration and, as such, the coun- rale and gives them a sense of own- cil is more like a middleman than an ership? Are student councils really empowered body. If this assertion is representative of the entire school anything close to reality, you have to population, or are they a forum for question if school councils are actu- able and engaged pupils to vent ally worthwhile. Is there really any their frustrations about issues that need for a stage between sugges- cannot be otherwise overcome. tion and decision?

At their best, student councils in- It could be stated that instead of spire pupils to take an interest in improving morale, engaging with a how their school is run. This would system that fails to deliver signifi- be a positive for both pupils and cant change causes the exact op- teachers. Action taken based on posite to occur. Pupils should be student opinions can create an en- able to identify how their opinions vironment that suits everyone. The and actions have made a difference student voice can be loud and rever- to their learning experience. Instead berating. pupils are often left with a feel- ing of futility. Staff representatives However, in some cases, councils should not shoulder the blame, as simply don’t work. quite simply the number of issues in which pupils can be heavily involved Ask any school administrator about is limited. Discussing topics such as school uniform design is all well port from the majority of teachers” is and good, but logistical and financial rarely achieved and, thus, the council constraints mean that student coun- can’t achieve its potential. In reality cil decisions rarely come to fruition. the majority of student councils prob- It can often feel like schools are ably don’t meet these guidelines, due trying to tick more boxes by discuss- to the concept being inertly flawed. ing government encouraged issues, such as the environment, which have There simply has to be an alternative little relevance to the school experi- to the student council, as it clearly ence and are barely ever at the top fails to represent pupils. Surely, a of pupils’ identified lists of priorities. body that includes parents, senior Pupils are left feeling powerless and management, teachers and stu- disillusioned. dents, would generate results. Most pupils are unaware that we have The idea that the student council is something vaguely similar to this, barely more that a politically driven but it relies upon only two pupils to ‘stopgap,’ is supported by the need communicate the views of the en- to identify student leaders. Having tire student body. A suggestion box, one pupil to represent up to a third of with ideas being firstly discussed by their year is a flawed method. Simple senior teachers and then by pupils, things such as social cliques can would surely produce more results. hinder true representation. The lack Registration class questionnaires, or of anything, such as an anonymous something similar, would present a suggestion box, means that the actu- more widespread view. al opinions of pupils are often never heard. Also, selecting representa- Ultimately, student councils are an tives without any sort of campaigning simplistic fix to a complex situation. means that, in some cases, those They are no longer a novel idea selected are happy to take on the as schools give little consideration role, but not sufficiently skilled to put to their actual effectiveness. While forward the views of their peers. student councils can be effective, in many cases other options should be The NSPCC claims that an “effec- considered. The issues raised are tive” student council should have often pre-determined and when they a clear “role and function” and a are of interest, discussions rarely structure enabling “all students to be lead to implementation. Since pupils heard.” Can monthly meetings be- don’t generate the agenda, their im- tween a minute fraction of the stu- pact must always be marginal. Un- dent body really achieve this? The less the council is to be given more simple answer is “no”. You would power, other options have to be con- be hard-pushed to find a “function” sidered. If things don’t change, we that can be adequately performed will continue to lack a student voice. in a few minutes per month. “Sup- THE FASHION BIBLE Lana Clarke Teillan Clarke

Winter is upon us here at FHM and we are feeling the bitter cold walks to school unbearable. We have Soggy feet, blue frostbitten hands and a runny nose; all for what? Because we want to look good, let’s face it. In every one of us there’s an inner monster, a vanity, an obsession to look fabulous. You know you want to be accepted by your social peers, no matter what obscure group you belong to. Let’s be honest, it’s difficult these days to look divine wrapped in winter woollies. It’s more practical than sex in the city. An even harder mission is to try and find a fashionable fix on a budget. Well, luckily for you we have had our own undiscovered talent walking amongst us for years. Let me introduce you to two ladies who are going to literally knock your socks off and replace them with affordable designer gems. They are the Trinny and Susanna of Forrester High school, working on your behalf to help people like you, Lana and Teillan Clarke.

Denise Tierney - Editor-in-Chief

1. Hats My mother always told me to wear a hat, but to be perfectly honest I’ve never seen the attraction. For most cool people suffering from the hat hair afterwards is a fashion sin. But, its true, heat es- capes from your head, so in these winter extremes we are going to have to make it all worth it.

With this season’s fur covered head wear, it’s never been easier to look chic and sophisticated on a budget. There is a huge variety out there, whether you want to actually feel like the animal, with bunny and bear hats, or go for the Russian chic look with a soft and furry hat, which also covers your ears and keep them roasty toasty. Best of all it keeps your hair frizz free in rain, snow or sleet and looks even more scrumptious with a furry coat to match ! And this trend is for the boys as well. We appear to be going back to the days of OASIS when you could look like a real rock star in a low key hat, whilst keeping nice and warm at the same time. Perfect.

2. Coats Now every winter wardrobe needs the perfect coat; one that’s not only warm, protects you from the rain, but it also has to flatter the figure and make you look fashionable simply fortlessly.ef We were looking for a coat that would set you apart from the rest of the cold and wet crowds on Princess Street. We believe we have the answer. This jacket is the height of sophistication and even better, it goes perfectly with any outfit for your Christmas night. It can even make you look cool shopping with your friends. Even the stars are bagging this winter coat, with the likes of the gorgeous Cheryl Cole and Victoria Beckham wearing it. You better grab yours quick.

For our gentleman readers may I suggest possibly one of the biggest trends of the season, military. A military coat is perfect for winter, not only is it fabulously on trend, but it is designed for Siberian conditions. If you want to attract the best looking, practical girls you better ask Santa for one of these in your stocking as the coats are fast selling.

3. Neck

Wanting something new? Something to set you apart from the crowd? Please embrace the Snood. Despite its peculiar name, the snood is actually very fashionable this season. Again with a variety of colours and styles, you’re sure to find one to match your personality and needs.The only worry is with a hood, scarf and pockets built in, in such a trendy way, we’re not sure if Scotland’s is ready for it yet. However, the unpredictable weather is perfect for such an invention. Glasgow claims to be the fashion capital of Scotland. Us Edinburgh folks we need to prove them wrong. Follow the fusionists like Hilary Duff and get yourself snooded up!

4. Jumpers

Retail stores have finally caught up with the likes of Jack Willis and as a result I ‘am relieved to say we have the perfect and most fashionable solution for the upcoming Ice Age. Those in the know seem to be slipping into old style Christmas jumpers. Dig out those cosy relics your gran knitted for you years ago. If thought they were horrible and itchy then, you need to realise that fashion is painful? Well now slip one on and not only are you amazingly warm and cosy, but also bang on season. As worn by Fearne Cotton, they create a great casual look that goes well with a leggings or a pair of skinnies.

The Bonus news is that they are not just for the girls, as they look just as hot on the guys. With a pair of jeans and worn out looking boots, you too can dress to impress, like X factors Aidan Grimshaw.

4. Shoes

So that’s us almost set. You have your granny jumper; your chic sophisticated coat on top, your furry hat, possibly a snood (if you think your brave enough) and all we have left to do is... Yes ladies you guessed it ... SHOES!

Now the guys might think we girls are obsessing with minor thing. Well they are wrong, shoes are anything but minor! They set that Christmas outfit to perfection and can make the plainest looking combination sim- ply magical. However, in this weather, how can we possibly have fashionable feet when we have to trudge in the wet ice and snow? One word rules and it may not be the one you expect- wellies. Okay so they may not be the warmest, but they will most certainly keep your feet dry and your bum off the ground. Paired with a pair of knee high socks or thermals, they are the perfect solution, and ever so fashionable. Every- body regrets wearing their flimsy shoes when they are sitting in class with soggy socks and damp stinking feet. So why not get yourself a pair of funky wellies? There are a vast array of designs, colours and styles so you’re sure to find your perfect pair without blending into the faceless crowd.

When winters over, be sure not to throw them away as they are perfect for those mud flooded festivals in summer. But be warned, in these adverse weather conditions it is almost impossible to get your hands on a pair and the inflation on a set of Wellington boots is staggering! I suggest Barrats for those bargain hunt- ers and if you’re a serious lover of these rubber lovely’s invest in a pair of proper Hunters Wellies, I guar- antee you they last you for life and into the next generation.

5. Final thoughts

This is just a brief overview of the biggest trends this season. For a comprehensive guide seek ‘My Secret Life as a Fashion Guru’ 9.99, any decent bookstore.

Whatever you choose individuality, confidence is always the most attractive thing about a person. So what- ever you wear this Season wear it with confidence and you will be sure to turn some heads. rappingW up warm has never looked this good. ROOM 101 with Mr Curran

Room 101 was introduced in the novel “1984” by George Orwell. It is a place where you are sent to face your worst nightmare, fear or phobia. However it has been transformed into a popular TV series, where celebrities are interviewed and asked to list their pet peeves or hates. These are then condemned to the unseen room 101.

In this first edition of FHM, our celebrity is Mr. Curran, our Headteacher. I inter- viewed him in September:

Ameera: Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to see me. Can start off with the first item you would definitely put into Room 101

Mr. Curran: The Conservative party.

Ameera: Brilliant, why?

Mr Curran: Because I am totally distressed by what they are going to do to edu- cation and what they did to education way back in the 80’s. I think that the world would be a better place without people that think only of themselves and greed.

Ameera: It’s a good one to put it, so is it David Cameron or the entire collection?

Mr Curran: The entire Conservative party- in. My wife’s Norwegian and she has actually said that she is so distressed by the things that are actually happening in this country. All kinds of good things that have been put in place are being taken away. You have to compare and contrast this with what a good social democratic country actually has; the way in which it looks after its citizens and the way in which people care for each other. There are many, many, better ways of doing things than the fashion in which the Conservative’s, in this country, plan to do things. So – that would be the first and most important thing for me.

Ameera: Next one on the list...?

Mr Curran: On a trivial note- people who drive caravans.

Ameera: Any particular reason? Mr Curran: Because I often find myself stuck behind somebody driving a cara- van on a country road and they never ever pull over. If I was dictator, not that I would ever want to be dictator, caravans would only be allowed to be driven at night when nobody else is driving.

Ameera: These are all really good so far, so what’s number 3?

Mr Curran: I would also always put Jedward in there.

Ameera: A very good choice, I would also put them in there.

Mr Curran: They irritate me to the ends of degree, they are absolutely awful.

Ameera: Do you watch X factor a lot then?

Mr Curran: Well I do, that’s Saturday night TV for my family. We quite like to sit down and do that. It’s always a difficult one, the X-Factor, because a lot of it is having fun at the expense of other people – so it’s a bit, not quite PC, but it’s fun.

Ameera: Yes, definitely.

Mr Curran: I would also put the whole Iranian dictatorship in Room 101. I was listening to the radio, as I was coming into school this morning and I don’t know if you have heard the story about the woman who has been sentenced to death by stoning?

Ameera: I haven’t heard about that.

Mr Curran: She was sentenced to death by stoning for supposedly commit- ting adultery and there’s been such an outcry across the world that the Iranian dictatorship now say that they are going to hang her instead, because they have convicted her of murder. It’s all fabrication – just made up. I think the conditions in which the vast majority of decent Iranian people live are just hor- rendous. So I think seeing the back of that dictatorship would be a very good thing for the world.

Ameera: And the last one...?

Mr C: Well the last one is a pet hate of mine – high heeled shoes

Ameera: ‘High heeled shoes?’ This was certainly unexpected.

Mr Curran: I hate high heeled shoes. I think they are the most awful thing that a woman could ever wear and if I could ban them I would. MUSIC REVIEWS Regan McLeod

MGMT Fenech Soler Barrowlands, Glasgow Electric Circus, Edinburgh – Thursday, Monday, September 20 September 30

An intensely interactive experi- With two brilliant starting acts, ence for the thrilled swarm of fans. Fenech Soler would definitely The two main members of MGMT need to step up their game in or- put on an indie electro-pop show der to please the anxious crowd. to please an audience of all ages. The strobe lights and enormous The highly anticipated song “Kids” speakers added to the shows ef- sent the content crowd into motion. fect, leaving everyone dancing to Definitely a must see band, with their catchy electro-pop. Fans of hope of several more albums to all ages showed their support to come in the future. see their album preview delivered beyond perfection. The band was so gracious to the ecstatic young girls and posed for countless pho- tos. A new and upcoming band to look out for in the future for sure! KIDS IN GLASS HOUSES Ameera Khadeir

The Garage, a small, dingy nightclub only known by the bright yellow truck jutting out of its wall is situated on Sauchiehall Street in Glasgow. A street, with the indis- putable reputation for disgusting chippies and drunks falling over themselves. How- ever, this was the sight for the rising welsh stars, Kids In Glass Houses, to debut their new album to Scotland. In a stark contrast to the interior of the club, the bands twinkling fairy lights and bouquets of flowers adorning their amps turn the Garage into a theatrical stage. However there is something so natural about the way these guys fit in here. It is the way that, as the opener Artbreaker I kicks in and Aled Phil- lips opens his lungs for the first time KIGH’s bright melodies and irresistible energy work their way into every nook and cranny of the venue with ease.

The crowd are already well warmed up by The Futures, who have recently been signed by the legendary Mercury Records. They deal in a similar strain of glossy pop-rock as the headliners; they heavily relied on choruses to involve the crowd as they were a practically unknown band.

Choruses are something that Kids In Glass Houses do extremely well and they use every one of the sold-out audience members to turn the screaming fans crammed into the Garage, into one enormous sing-along voice. Aled - tight leather jacket and denims, confident strut, vocals with the power of a wind tunnel – is a truly im- pressive frontman, and the way he leads his band through a mix of new tunes; For Better Or Hearse, Sunshine and old favourites; Fisticuffs, Raise Hell is with the cool air of someone completely at ease with a spotlight in their face. A good job too, because KIGH are on a definite upward trajectory at the moment and if they keep turning in performances like this, the spotlight can only get brighter. Davie Taggart’s MOVIE REVIEWS Inception Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Inception is a complex science-fiction Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is very funny, thriller starring Leonardo DiCaprio as despite relying on absurd scenarios to Dominic Cobb, the leader of a highly provide its laughs. The film stars Mi- specialized spy team employed to “ex- chael Cera as the 22 year old Canadian, tract” information by entering their tar- Scott Pilgrim, who starts going out with get’s dreams. Cobb is offered control of a high school girl. Soon enough, how- an “inception” mission in which his team ever, he loses interest in his high school will try to plant an idea in their victim’s girl friend Knives (yes, her name is mind. If successful the murder charges Knives) when he meets Ramona, a pink he faces in America will be dropped haired girl who he will do anything to get and he will be allowed to return home. – and I mean anything. The only prob- The group’s efforts to make the plan a lem is that he is afraid Knives will take success provide an insight into Cobb’s the break up too hard, so he decides tormented mind, in what is an outstand- to do it at a local ‘Battle of the Bands’. ing performance by DiCaprio, and while Much of the film’s humour stems from the plot can be hard to follow at times, his original approach to life and this the challenge actually adds to the ex- less-than-brilliant decision is just one citement. The legendary Michael Caine example of his unconventional attitude. and Juno star Ellen Page also appear This leads to Scott’s discovery that to as Cobb’s father in law and the brilliant date Ramona he will have to defeat architect they employ to map out their her seven evil ex-boyfriends. His mis- mission respectively. Once the mission sion leads to everything from ridiculous is underway the plot twists and turns to skateboarding disasters to Vegan Police a thrilling conclusion, while providing a arrests. The film seems to take inspira- real visual spectacle. tion from video games and watching the title character go through his life in a Inception is, without a doubt, the film Street Fighter-esque manner heightens of the summer and features an Oscar- both the surrealism and the hilarity. worthy performance from Leonardo DiCaprio. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is certainly one of the years funniest films and vvvvv comes highly recommended. Inception was released on DVD on December 7th vvvv Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is released on DVD on December 27th GAME STAR WARS: THE FORCE UNLEASHED II REVIEW by Davie Taggart

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II ton masher, the light sabre moves are is the second instalment of the video still outstanding and even better when game saga set between Episodes 3 you upgrade them. The scope for up- and 4 of the Star Wars films. In the grading your powers and lightsaber is game you control a clone of the first dependent on both how many enemies instalment’s hero, Starkiller created by you kill and how you kill them. Darth Vader to take down the Rebel Alliance. There is a whole new armoury of force powers and saber moves available in In the opening cut scene I was The Force Unleashed II, like the very amazed at the quality of the graphics. amusing Jedi mind trick. With this you They made me really feel like I was can either make the enemy commit on the planet of Kamino, which Star suicide or turn him against his cohorts. Wars fans will remember as where the This usually leads to the victim being clones in the first three movies were torn to pieces. I was astounded by the made. Vader has used this planet length of the mission, as with all that to clone Starkiller and many of his followed, but in a way this is evened army of Stormtroopers. Having been out as there are not that many levels. informed that every other attempted clone of Starkiller has been a failure, The game continues in an eventful you are soon sent off on your mission - fashion that makes up the overly long via a tutorial, of course. missions. Boss fights against the giant Gorog and cameo appearances from During the tutorial you are able to Yoda and Bobba Fett keep the story use the powers of the force for the interesting. You even have a genuine first time. When Starkiller shows lighsaber duel against Vader. signs of compassion, however, Darth Vader discards him. Your character is I’m not going to ruin the ending for deemed a failed experiment, but be- you, but lets just say it looks like fore Vader can dispose of him a surge there’s going to be a Force Unleashed of power enables the clone to escape. III.

When I undertook the first mission This is undoubtedly one of the best on Kamino, I was amazed by the in Star Wars games ever made. It had game graphics. Then there are the big boots to fill but it was perfect fit. If force powers. The powers are largely you are a true Star Wars fan this game the same as those in The Force Un- is a must buy. leashed, but it really feels like the power of the force is at your finger tips. vvvv Although the game is essentially a but- GAME FABLE III REVIEW by Davie Taggart

Fable III is the sequel to the 2008 differently to in the game’s predeces- game Fable II. In Fable III you play the sor. Instead of gaining experience part of the youngest son or daughter points, you earn Guild Seals and of the lead character in Fable II. De- spend them on the Road to Rule. This pending on your choice if you want to is a long road with many treasure be a boy or a girl you are the prince or chests that hold upgrades for your princess of Albion. Albion was a great weapons and magic skills. Some of country, when it was ruled by your them even contain new expressions father who was the last hero ever to that you can use when you interact rule there. Since his death your older with the good people of Albion. They brother Logan has taken the throne can also provide job upgrades which and has taken Albion into a down- make you better at your chosen pro- wards spiral towards a revolution. fession, but remember, you can only open the chests that you can afford There are choices to make right from with your Guild Seals. As you progress the start, most of which impact on along the Road to Rule you gain a skill how the game pans out. Even how called Spell Weaving. This allows you you treat the kitchen staff affects your to combine two spells and is a very experience. effective way to take out multiple en- emies. After some combat training, many of the early stages involve apparent Fable III is, without a doubt, one of the turmoil in Albion. This leads to the year’s best games. This game really first large-scale set piece – a battle has a bit of every thing. It has a huge for control of the country. For this you area for you to play in, it can be ex- need to establish an army and win the tremely funny but it can also strike fear trust of the nation’s people. into you. This is a must buy game, and I know I’m looking forward to Fable IV. The Albion of this game is very dif- ferent to the past two games. Lots of vvvv the cities and settlements have either been changed dramatically or have completely vanished. There are nu- merous interesting people to meet on your road to the throne like Sabine, an old man that loves to blow things up and inject humour into your journey.

In Fable III getting upgrades for you magic spells and weapons is handled EDINBURGH AND SPORT THE MAGNERS LEAGUE

Away games are proving to be a major problem for the Edinburgh team. Recently Edinburgh have strug- gled both at home and away, but last season it was their performances away from Murrayfield stadium that cost them a place in the Magners league top four. The situation is now so worrying that if head coach Rob Moffat cannot improve on last year’s sixth place, he faces the sack. The transfer window has been cruel to Edinburgh recorded a great triumph by Edinburgh this season, with Jim Hamil- beating the Irish giants Leinster earlier ton and Ally Hogg leaving the club. “Big in the season. Unfortunately, their away Jim” will be particularly sorely missed, as performances cost them a place in the his power in the scrum and his presence play-offs and we can expect the same during line-outs have been vital over the this season. I cannot stress how poor the last couple of years. Thankfully the re- side have been away from Murrayfield. placements brought in during the window Must I remind you of the embarrassing have been far better than I expected. defeat away to bottom side Connacht. Edinburgh recently faced Aironi, one of In terms of tries, it’s fair to say Edinburgh the league’s new Italian entrants and a are scoring more than enough;not that team they would expect to beat easily. you can never have too many. The main The game ended with a narrow 10-9 vic- try-scoring threat this season has been tory for the Scottish side, but only after a “The Flying Dutchman” Visser. With late yellow card for an Aironi player and a Jim Thomson back from injury, Tim will last minute try from Allan Jacobsen. benefit from having another lightning-fast partner on the wings. So, things are be- The Heineken Cup returned this October ginning to look up for Edinburgh Rugby. with Edinburgh pitted against the Cardiff Whether or not their away form will im- Blues. Compared to their recent per- prove, however, nobody knows. formances against the Welsh side, the 18-12 defeat was hardly an embarrass- Davie Taggart ment. Ben Cairns and the in-form Allan Jacobsen scored tries for the visitors to the Cardiff City Stadium. Rugby Union Fixture: Mr Collins Historical Fantasy XV VS David Taggart’s Current Fantasy XV

We wondered what would happen if you pitched the best players of the past, against the elite of the new professional era. We asked Mr Cockburn to judge the two teams, predict a score and to explain his conclusions.

Mr Collins’s Historical XV 1. Phil Vickery Prop 6ft 3inch 19st 9lbs Eng 2. Sean Fitzpatrick Hooker 6ft 16st 7lbs NZ 3. Prop 6ft 3inch 19st 7lbs RSA 4. Martin Johnson Lock 6ft 7inch 18st 10lbs Eng 5. Colin Meads Lock 6ft 4inch 17st 6lbs NZ 6. Dean Richards Flanker 6ft 3inch 19st 1lbs Eng 7. Olivier Magne Flanker 6ft 4inch 16st 10lbs Fra 8. No8 6ft 4inch 18st 8lbs Wal 9. Scrum half 5ft 8inch 12st 8lbs Wal 10. Matt Giteau Fly Half 5ft 10inch 13st 5lbs Aus 11. Jonah Lomu Wing 6ft 5inch 18st 8lbs NZ 12. Scott Gibbs Centre 5ft 10inch 15st 7lbs Wal 13. Philippe Sella Centre 5ft 11inch 13st 3lbs Fra 14. David Campese Wing 5ft 10 inch 13st 5lbs Aus 15. Serge Blanco Full back 6ft 1inch 15st 8lbs Fra 16. Cedric Heymans Wing/FB 5ft 11inch 14st 5lbs Fra 17. Gary Armstrong Scrum Half 5ft 8inch 14st 2lbs Sco 18. Hooker 6ft 16st 10lbs Ire 19. James Small Wing 6ft 14st 6lbs RSA 20. Buck Shelford Lock 6ft 3inch 14st 9lbs NZ Pack= 146.01 Stones

David Taggart’s Current XV 1.Allan Jacobson Prop 5ft 10in 17st 8lb Sco 2.Mathew Rees Hooker 6ft 2in 17st Wal 3.Carl Hayman Prop 6ft 4in 18st 12lb NZ 4.Sebastian Chabal Lock 6ft 3in 18st 2lb Fra 5.Samuel Whitelock Lock 6ft 7in 17st 5lb NZ 6.Theiry Dusutoir Flanker 6ft 2in 16st 10lb Fra 7.Richy McCaw(C) Flanker 6ft 16st 10lb NZ 8.Netani Talei No.8 6ft 2in 17st 9lb Fiji 9.Jimmy Cowan Scrum Half 6ft 1in 14st 7lb NZ 10.Dan Carter Fly Half 5ft 10in 14st 11lb NZ 11.Tim Visser Wing 6ft 4in 17st 4lb Hol 12.Tana Umaga Centre 6ft 2in 16st NZ 13.Brian O’Driscall Centre 5ft 10in 14st 13lb Ire 14.Tommy Bow Wing 6ft 3in 15st 7lb Ire 15.Drew Mitchell Full Back 6ft 14st 7lb Aus 16.Ross Ford Hooker 6ft 1in 17st 11lb Sco 17.Tony Woodcock Prop 6ft 18st NZ 18.Ross Rennie Flanker 6ft 1in 15st Sco 19.Thom Evans Wing 6ft 14st 5lb Sco 20.Hugo Southwell Full Back/FH 6ft 2in 15st 2lb Sco Pack= 138.72 Stones

The Cockburn Match Analysis

This was an extremely difficult match to However out wide it is a different story with predict. Both teams were made up of won- Lomu and Campese causing major trouble derful rugby players from the last 30 years for David’s inexperienced wingers. An Aus- of international rugby. I took a long time to tralian legend against Holland’s only ever come to my final conclusion, but I am go- professional rugby player is going to result ing to award the victory to Mr Collins (don’t in total carnage. worry David you would beat him in a real scrum)! For me to really analyse this match The clincher for me is the strength of Mr properly, I had to break the two teams down Collins bench. It has more power and of- into their separate units on the pitch. fers the coach more options, in what would be a close contest. In the closing minutes I In the front row the Historical XV really had could see Mr Collins putting on Buck Shel- the edge with Sean Fitzpatrick not only win- ford to galvanise his troops and clinch a ning all his own ball, but also taking a few last gasp try from a driven lineout to win the against the Current XV’s front row. I could match. There can only ever be one winner only really see the scrum going in one di- with a team who has Buck Shelford coming rection with the awesome strength of Vick- off the bench. ery and Du Randt bullying the other props. Mr Collins second row also looks like they This would be an amazing game to watch if would have the edge on David’s two lineout we had a time machine. Most of Mr Col- jumpers. Martin Johnson’s leadership qual- lins team are now TV pundits or struggling ities will inspire the pack and they will be coaches, but most of them were real class a difficult pairing for David’s team to break acts in their day. Sublime footwork and down. On the plus side, the ‘current’ back passing skills coupled with a little bit of in- row are a different class and offer more sanity, especially in Mr Shelford’s case! speed and dynamism than Mr Collins’s blundering counterparts. David’s back row will be more mobile around the pitch and their tackle count would be phenomenal. A close call, but the teacher comes up smiling FINAL SCORE on this one. Mr Collins 35 – David 32 The two team’s back lines are bursting with talent and again the outcome was very dif- ficult to predict. David possesses the awe- some might of a certain Mr Dan Carter and for this alone he brushes Mr Collins half backs away. The teacher’s No 10 doesn’t even deserve a mention. In the centres, David’s team will gain lots yards with Um- aga smashing it up leaving Carter to re- lease O’Driscoll for at least a brace of tries! Fantasy Football Fixture Patrick Adamson’s World XI vs Mr Cunnningham’s Dream Team

Current World XI – Patrick Adamson Mr Cunningham’s Dream Team

GK – () GK – (USSR)

CB – Lucio (Brazil) CB – Daniel Passarella () CB – (Spain) CB – (W Germany) RB – Daniel Alves (Brazil) RB – (Brazil) LB – Patrice Evra () LB – Paulo Maldini ()

MID – (Italy) MID – (N Ireland) MID – Xavi (Spain) MID – (Fra) MID – Andres Iniesta (Spain) MID – (Fra)

ATT – (Argentina) ATT – Diego Maradonna (Arg) ATT – Zlatan Ibrahimovic (Sweden) ATT – Pele (Bra) ATT – Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal) ATT – (Hol)

Subs: Subs:

GK – (Italy) GK - () CB – (Italy) CB - (England) CM – Bastian Schweinsteiger (Germany) MID - (Brazil) CM – Wesley Sneijder (Netherlands) MID - (Bulgaria) ATT – Arjen Robben (Netherlands) ATT - (Holland) ATT – (Brazil) ATT - (Scotland) ATT – Samuel Eto’o (Cameroon) ATT - (France)

Manager: Jose Mourinho (Portugal) Manager: Jock Stein

We Asked the Mr ‘The arbitrator’ Wilson (Maths), the source of all football knowledge, to be the final judge in a fantasy encounter between Mr Cunningham’s Historical XI and Patrick Adamson’s current selection. The teacher could only choose players from history who had retired. Patrick could choose any player, from any country, in the modern game. What was the outcome and do you agree? I would like to thank all teachers and pupils alike. I sure this article will cause fierce debate.

Denise Tierney, Editor-in-Chief

DREAM TEAM SOMNAMBULATE TO VICTORY IN CHALLENGE MATCH

Mr Cunningham’s Historical Dream Team 5 Patrick Adamson’s Current World XI 2

Class was the defining factor in this dramatic encounter which I decided would be a good way to christen the new, air conditioned, super stadium in Qatar. The first half was ‘one way traffic’ with the individual brilliance of the Dream Team’s forwards causing total mayhem in the Current XI’s defensive third. Soccer’s greatest player of the 60s stipu- late was fed from both flanks by the greatest player of the 70s stipulate on the right wing, regularly turning Patrice Evra inside out with his trickery and body swerves.

On the other side of the field the greatest player of the 80s was tearingAlves to shreds with his pace and close control. Pele’s first half hat trick demonstrated that his speed of thought was too great for the central defensive pairing of Puyol and Lucio. The two centre backs had little support from the midfield trio who were locked in an impressive passing battle with Best, Platini and Zidane. Although the Current trio just had the edge in passing and moving, the Dream Team three were tougher in the tackle. Best, in particular, was also the master of beating his opposite number. He cre- ated the extra space in which to feed Maradona and Cruyff. The Dream Team midfield was also regularly enhanced by the forward moving Beckenbauer, who could rely on Passarella to contain Ibrahimovic.

Messi and Ronaldo had little chance to shine, as they seldom received the ball; although Ronaldo did see one of his trade mark free kicks brilliantly saved by the “man in black” Yashin. A brilliant solo goal from Maradona added to Pele’s hat trick. The end result was the Dream Team retiring at half time with a 4-0 lead, smug smiles spread across their faces.

Jock Stein made sweeping changes at half time to allow all of his stars the chance to embrace this great occasion. He replaced the Kaiser with Moore, Best with Zico and Platini with Stoichkov. All three forwards were replaced with Dalg- lish, Van Basten and Cantona.

Mourinho, a more tactically astute manager, changed the shape of his squad bringing Sneijder into midfield and sac- rificing the ineffectual Ibrahimovic. Nesta also replaced the shocked figure of Puyol, who was shamed to find himself now sitting in the players viewing area, next to Pele – this was the closest the pair had been for some fifty minutes.

Ronaldo was struggling to get the better of the very experienced Maldini, but he did gain a free kick when the Italian tugged his jersey and he fired in a dipping swerving 25 yarder, which beat Banks in the top corner of the goal. The Current XI were now seeing much more of the ball as Messi dropped deeper to form a five man midfield.A magnificent passing move, involving Messi, Xavi and Iniesta released Samuel Eto’o through on goal, where he outpaced Moore to reduce the deficit to two goals. This was Eto’o’s first involvement, after replacing Ronaldo, just after the hour mark.

The Current XI continued to enjoy the greater possession in the final quarter of the game, but Passarella and Moore were a formidable obstacle to any real progress. Banks made several good saves on any occa- sion that the centre backs were by passed by long range shots. These appeared to be coming mostly from Pirlo.

When Pirlo and Xavi were replaced by Robben and Ronaldinho for the last fifteen minutes, Mourinho was clearly hoping that pace and individual trickery would tell on a tiring defence. However, Cafu and Maldini held strong.

The individual brilliance came at the other end of the pitch when a brilliant chest trap and back heeled lob, by Cantona, opened the door for Van Basten to volley home a clinching fifth goal. Mourinho had to be re- moved from the pitch and spent the rest of the match in the stand.

In summary it was actually surprising that a team chosen from current day internationalists was able to com- pete at all with a select group of players who represent the best the planet has ever seen. Probably having a more astute manager and familiarity with the modern ball, were the two factors which prevented this game from being a total rout. HOROSCOPES

By Mystic Laura

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) - Be it cakes or pies Capricorn, you need to calm down this month, or your thighs will pay the price. Avoid a man on a tricycle and unnecessary deaths.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) - A loved one goes out their way to please you this month, take advantage of this. Shutting a door on your pinkie finger may ease your emotional pain. Peter Griffin has a moustache.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) – You should explore a career in chicken farming this month, Pi- sces. A stranger attempts to convince you to stay clear of cats. I would listen.

Aries (March 21-April 19) - Spoons are your arch-nemesis this month; use them at your peril, my friend. Avoid saying ‘no’ to anything. Domestic animals are repulsed by you.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) - Involuntary spasms are inevitable this month, Taurus. Try to control anti-social farts, they may spoil an intimate moment coming up. Wear beige.

Gemini (May 21-June 20) - Love is looming on the horizon, Gemini. Take a shoe. Camp out- side. Taste the rainbow… And now we play the waiting game.

Cancer (June 21-July 22) - This weekend will be amazing, a huge party will be thrown and your crush will be there- but the stars tell me you’re not invited. Make plans with a camel in- stead.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) - The stars tell me you’re a soap dodger, Leo. Soap was born to clean my friend, let it fulfil its destiny. You smell. A rock outside your house will try to frame you.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) - The stars hate you this month. Beware of vegetables- one will be- tray you and your love of the healthy snack. Words may help you communicate this month.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) - Avoid eye contact with all males, Libra. If you lapse, wear black and stay safe… Your dog is on heat. Teenage pregnancy is anti-social.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) – Postpone plans to travel this month, my friend. A stranger will advise you to keep fire away from children. Bodily fluids prove pesky but Kleenex can always save the day.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) - You may have a face your mother loves, but we have to look at it too. Please Sagittarius; be kind to those around you. Becoming invisible could prove useful tonight.