Page 1 of 298 My annual mock of mock drafts, plus why "voluntary" work- outs are mandatory By Gregg Easterbrook Special to NFL.com (Gregg Easterbrook will contribute his column to NFL.com readers each week during the NFL season. He is a senior editor of The New Republic, a contributing editor of The Atlantic Monthly and a visiting fellow at the Brookings Institution. His latest book, The Progress Paradox, released by Random House, is in bookstores now.) (April 19, 2005) -- Four years ago, yours truly wrote of the NFL draft, "This year the second pick overall is worth less than the fifth pick. Only in America!" Here we go again with the same dynamic. Many teams at the top of the draft want to trade down a few notches, figuring to get the same quality player, add extra selections and, most important, reduce salary-cap damage. At the top of the draft, each notch adds $1 million or more to the rookie bonus; the lower a team drops in the first round, the less salary- cap space is lost. This is no small consideration. At the top of the draft, dropping even a few notches could clear enough cap room to fund an entire special team's worth of late-round picks and free agents. This is why most predraft rumors concern teams wanting to move south. Trouble is, for every seller there must be a buyer -- and many teams don't want to head north, which means taking on added salary-cap burdens. Plus, there's the problem that fans and sportswriters never let a team forget if it blows the first, second or third pick in the draft. But who can even remember who was, say, picked sixth in 2003? Answer: Jonathan Sullivan by New Orleans, but no one remembers. (Sullivan doesn't even start while the next four gentlemen selected that year -- Byron Leftwich, Jordan Gross, Kevin Williams and Terrell Suggs -- are stars.) Thus teams may want to get out of the top, high-visibility positions both for financial reasons and as a shield against future criticism. But because teams in the second echelon know all the reasons the top teams want to trade down, it may be hard to find a club angling to move higher. Four years ago, yours truly suggested there is a simple way for a high-slot team to solve this dilemma: simply refuse to pick! In the first round, each club gets 15 minutes "on the clock." If you don't hand a choice to the podium in that period, the next team is on the clock and it's your turn again after that club chooses. Suppose Tennessee, picking sixth and with a bad salary-cap situation, simply passed and let the next club, Minnesota, choose; and passed again to let Arizona choose. The Titans would then select eighth instead of sixth, might get the same-quality player -- possibly exactly the same player, depending on who they lusted after -- yet be spared millions in cap-crashing bonus payments. Two years ago, the Vikings, slotted seventh, passed twice before finally sending a card to the podium in the ninth position. There was mass confusion because Minnesota was attempting to trade its pick; whether the Vikings deliberately gave ground in order to save bonus charges, or merely botched the completion of trade paperwork, remains debated. But if the Vikings didn't deliberately pass, TMQ thinks it is close to inevitable that someday an NFL team will, especially if a team thinks it can drop a notch or two and still select exactly the same player. Or what if cap-savvy New England, selecting last in the first round, deliberately passes in order to transform its choice from a first-round selection into the initial pick of the second round, thus knocking mucho dineros out of the gentleman's bonus? Keep your eyes peeled: teams may have perfectly logical reasons for wanting high choices to become less high. In other NFL news, this time of year every Tom, Dick and Harry has a mock draft. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has been burning up the phones, trying to find out if the Bears will stay in the fourth slot or trade out. The College of Cardinals is expected to interrupt its papal conclave today to work on a mock draft. The Department of Homeland Security has a mock draft, though it is being held at an undis- closed location. But how many mock drafts actually mock the draft? Only Tuesday Morning Quarterback dares go there. Here, my annual mocking mock draft. 1. San Francisco: Kim Mulkey-Robertson, Baylor University. The Niners are desperate to recover the winning touch. Mulkey-Roberston just became the first woman ever to win a national championships as a Page 2 of 298 player, as an assistant coach and as a head coach. She's a winner! 2. Miami: Thich Nhat Hanh, Buddhist philosopher. Maybe he could lure Ricky Williams back. 3. Cleveland: Juliet Schor, sociologist, Boston College. Then the Browns sideline could offer Romeo and Juliet! 4. Chicago: Barack Obama, United States Senate, Illinois. The Bears need to change their fortunes, and everything this guy touches turns to gold. 5. City of Tampa: Josh Schwartz, television producer. Suddenly Jon "I Was A Teenaged Coach" Gruden doesn't look so young anymore. Maybe adding the creator of "The OC" would restore the Bucs' sense of youthful promise. 6. Tennessee: Jack Daniels, distiller. Considering all the Titans' stars discarded for salary-cap reasons, fans will need whisky to get through the 2005 season. 7. Philadelphia (from Oakland through Minnesota): Projected trade: Vikings send Raiders' choice to Eagles for Terrell Owens. You didn't really believe that talk about making the Vikings a team-concept team, did you? With the pick, the Eagles select Jennifer Garner, mega-babe action-flick actress. Sure Garner can kick, but is she attractive enough to make the Eagles' cheerleaders squad? Eagles just keep raising the cheerleader bar. 8. Arizona: Vicente Fox, president, United Mexican States. Now that the Cardinals play a home date in Mexico the question is, will more people attend this game than all other Cards' home games combined? 9. Washington: Gandalf the White, wizard, Istari State University. Getting Joe Gibbs back obviously wasn't enough: the Redskins remain in serious need of magic. 10. Detroit: Tom Selleck, private investigator. Just why is a Michigan team wearing "Hawaiian blue" anyway? Selleck's daunting assignment: find the Lions offense. 11. Dallas: Fred DeLuca, founder, Subway sandwich chain. This way The Tuna can have unlimited access to the tuna subs he favors. Note: The Subway brand is owned by a company called Doctor's Associates. Sure Subway offers low-fat fare, but are they actually trying to suggest that doctors recom- mend fast food? 12. San Diego (from Jersey/A): Charles Groat, director, United States Geological Survey. By using sophisticated satellite maps and topological charts, he could help Bolts' coaches understand that 40 yards is not close enough for a sure field goal. Months later TMQ still cannot fathom why San Diego did not attempt to advance the ball before blowing that overtime field goal and losing its playoff game. 13. Houston: Betsy Ross, flag designer, Continental Congress. Incredibly, no NFL team wears red, white and American flag blue -- not to put too fine a point on it, the single most successful color scheme in world history. The Texans are closest to these colors, and should switch. 14. Carolina: Mike Melvill, pilot, SpaceShipOne. The birthplace of flight drafts the hottest pilot of the moment, Melvill, who just became the first civilian astronaut to fly into space aboard an entirely private spacecraft. 15. Kansas City: Prince William, Wales. With Prince Charles finally off the board, Chiefs decide to stock- pile future royalty; maybe William could be traded to France for a princess, like in the old days. Here is Prince William's official website, which notes, "When he was three years old. Prince William acted in two nursery school plays." Obviously a prodigy! Page 3 of 298 16. Los Angeles Clippers (projected trade from New Orleans Saints): It makes absolutely no difference whom the Clippers draft, and it never will. 17. Cincinnati: Dr. Phil, pop psychologist. Bengals' fan: "You see, doc, last year it actually mattered whether we won. Last year we were actually paying attention in the fourth quarter. Last year I actually believed the Bengals could make the playoffs. Is something wrong with me, doc?" 18. Buffalo (from Minnesota): Projected trade: Bills trade third choice in 2005, first choice in 2006, seventh choice in 2008, fifth choice in 2009, second choice in 2010 and sixth pick in 2011 to Vikings for Minnesota's first choice in 2005, fourth choice in 2008, sixth choice in 2009, fourth choice and 2010 and seventh pick in 2011. League fax machine fails while printing out terms of deal. With the pick, Bills select the Pittsburgh Steelers' practice squad. The Steelers' practice squad beat the Bills' first string in the season-finale game that cost Buffalo a playoff invitation. 19. St. Louis: Whole Martian army, The War of the Worlds movie. Rams remain desperately short of space-alien talent since loss of "Kurt Warner." 20. Dallas (from Buffalo): Fabian Washington, cornerback, Nebraska. Possible actual pick thrown in for variety. 21. Jacksonville: Paul McCartney, bass guitar, Wings. Unable to fill Alltel Stadium, the Jags will cover nearly 10,000 seats in 2005, so that games will sell out and be seen on local television. Why not just have McCartney perform every halftime? That packed 'em in for the last football game in Jacksonville.