WWW.PANTECHNICON.NET ISSUE FIVE

SCIENCE FICTION, FANTASY AND HORROR

BRAND NEW STORIES S. J. HIRONS COLIN SINCLAIR TOM POLLOCK RHONDA PARRISH CAROLINE CALLAGHAN TRUDI TOPHAM INTERVIEW MATTHEW J. ARMSTRONG HEROES’ Nuclear Man talks exclusively to Pantechnicon about the NBC hit show and life after Ted Sprague RHONDA PARRISH

FEATURES WE CAN MAKE IT FASTER, BETTER, STRONGER The resurgence of modern science fiction BRYAN TALBOT We look at the artist’s illustrative work COLUMNS THE FANDOM MENACE State of the Sci-Fi Nation HORROR GEMS Polishing rough diamonds REVIEWS Making Money, The Zombie Diaries, Jekyll, and more PAGE 2 PAGE PANTECHNICON

CONTENTSFEATURES STORIES EDITORIAL CONTENTS Trudi Topham Rhonda Parrish Tom Pollock Colin Sinclair S. J.Hirons Caroline Callaghan The resurgenceofmodernsciencefiction We canmakeitfaster, stronger, better: London Calling:PartFive Sister Margaret Two HandsatHeartbreakHouse Spoken inDarkness The Tales We’ll Tell WhenOurWorld IsEnding Strays me show you it. Let My editorial. Bryan Talbot: ArtistExtraordinaire Jabberwocky, courtesy of the artist himself. Jabberwocky, the artist of courtesy from retrospective, and excerpts A brief likely to makepastpuberty. it the screenshitting and which ask ones are We at look take the latest aclose batch Sci-Fi of there, then. It’s wrong. no surprise So allgoing horribly go wrong?possibly vampireAncient pimp mobster. could What scratch and anold score to settle. anitch with to Felix isamagician Coulper the Devil,and theGod, P.I. inthe middle. the Earth. disassemble cross paths analien as raceTwo survivors Flash fictionzombies. PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON COLUMN REVIEWS The lostartofthequoteconversation The FandomMenace Incubus Sleepstalker Horror Gems The lunaticsruntheasylum.Again. Paprika Dead and Deader Hostel Jeckyll Kaw the Flies Lord of PumpinKarver The Diaries Zombie The 1&2) Warrior (Seasons Princess Xena: Creepshow Cat Black The Invasion Snatchers the Body of Nosferatu Halo 3 Archives Atrocity The Wars:Star Death Star JenniferThe Morgue Money Making Sunshine relegation to the bargainbins? do to film deserve did thispoor What really thing? agood isthatFan-films have But the big-time. hit to quote conversation? the poor happens deteriorates, what dialogue film When outing. explorationAn Shatner’s of shiny Esperanto Issue Five PAGE 3 CONTENTS PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE Jack Editor Fiction Trudi Topham Trudi Topham Cover art Cover Locke, Lee Medcalf. Non-Fiction CREDITS With thanks to Colin Sinclair, Trudi Topham Sinclair, Colin Caroline Callaghan Rhonda Parrish, Tom Pollock, Rhonda Tom Parrish,

Caroline Callaghan, S. J. Hirons, Callaghan,Caroline S. J. AUTHOR: Caroline Callaghan,Caroline Kevin Gilmartin, Matthew J. Armstrong, Bryan Talbot, J. Matthew Andy Frankham, and all our contributors. and Andy Frankham, Jamie Halliday, Stuart Horswell, Paul Kane, Stuart Paul Horswell, Halliday, Jamie reproduced without their express permission. without their express reproduced All content is copyright not beAll content may its and author killed a stray? I have. Let about you it. tell me I have. killed a stray?

And then it suddenly dawned on me; the difference between me and this pitiful creature. When between this pitiful and me creature. The keys the came, And it Attack I had then suddenly dawned difference the me; on Theto Shelter didn’t. he and It was against our nature. After all, we were The Peaceful Ones; the ones who’d campaigned for tolerance and equality before equality and before tolerance campaigned for who’d ones the Ones; The After were Peaceful all, we It against was our nature. The Attack. But everyone joined in; kicking, against wall the with It sticks stones. and cowered beating stray and the punching its on stamping ribcage its recall wounds. I bleeding dying from in a pool as it lay of blood urine. and We had to make a stand; to see to off caused know a stand; what make this vermin. it. to I don’t had thing might The of this filthy perhaps? what do fear We What it was, ever I knew testosterone. Or much it just was too maybe others might succeeded if this one Concern that follow? blood night. that for baying were patrol the We needed to keep what was rightfully ours. So we set up patrols to watch for these strays. Mostly, they were easily frightened they were Mostly, these strays. for rightfully needed keep was what to watch to ours. So set we up patrols We them hurt scare to want things to only threw didn’t we them; They them. at timid. We stones threw were and shouted We away. be deterred. - just wouldn’t Then - bolder than rest the night one this stray away. Many months later, as our supplies started to dwindle, some of us ventured to the surface to look for food. We first saw the the first saw We food. as our supplies started surface the look for to to dwindle, some of to us ventured later, months Many stinking creatures; of darkness - mostly cover under - trying sniffing around come They’d then. Filthy, our food. steal to strays humanely destroyed. them have and away them up, them take been round vermin. to like I guess have kindest the thing would find. they ever could Officials what State no see that. streets, to to So the for scavenging they were roamed around But there I guess it all started time the of Attack. The at When Great knew we The coming, was Attack those of us with The keys to Shel- The underground. of those safety the told places - The to State ter children called Chosen our and wives us - took Ones, they’d just been chosen. We we’d know why didn’t good the of The for We our families State. protect to had We there. be safe us we’d told. were as keys the did we and took STRAYS Have you ever you Have Trudi Topham. So thank you for sticking with us.So for I hope you’ll thank you agree it worth was that it. I’ve taken the opportunity the taken I’ve change completely to works. In part this will Pantechnicon way the so I can concentrate out workload that the even findingon new stories new and writers, but it dynamic a more will also Pantechnicon make an armada have of new contributors We place. who will be making the regular to donations a complete- and new website, word-bank, a shiny editions. PDF the ly redesigned look for Well, as I’m sure you’re aware, Pantechnicon was was Pantechnicon aware, you’re sure as I’m Well, Andy and Trudi in 2006 by Topham founded hiatus on go to had Andy has recently Frankham. capable (if project, the it all in my from leaving somewhat hands. sweaty) Why wait? the apologising for the delay. off, I’llFirst start by apologising delay. the for it’s Issue and Five, for patiently waited You’ve last. at here EDITORIAL PAGE 4 PAGE FICTION too. feed the shelves had tins graced those into the bag, was doneaway putting could it and would the goods the wraith werethat bags those When bottomless. afteranother another, He went. it as marvelled still one after into tins aisle sack, putting its vegetable way its into. was making slowly along the canned It to the world. dismantle began one was bored. tirednear another one, just routine do if one might anovelty to being even photographed stopped be It intently, so did it scenery. became that they infact, were soothsayers they said Other devils. angels. and blast-proof. were they claimed religions Some were immovable, immune to fire-resistant gunfire, they nation confirmed every of armies The tuals. intellec- prophets street-corner andthan armchair planations and explicationsno more or less rational offered ex- Self-proclaimed experts ing and delight. imitated them, to much artistes Mime whoop- bags; to ersatz sell and versions theirhoods of started Shops and on chat-shows. cartoons inpolitical up were they so sent weird or theirpurposes, visitors, bated. No-one abletothese of make sense seemed terrors receded initial life as The continued una- theas wraiths continued to manifest day after day. once long astretchmused so had time passed, of were inremote shown places,too. and rural they news TV and note. placeslocal historical On of streets and along the highways; before monuments and the boulevards; on the plazas malls, inside- sacks. hessian holding inblack, robed and hooded less figures, THE TALES WE’LL TELL WHEN OUR WORLD IS ENDINGOur WorldIsEnding The TalesWe’llTellWhen There was one in the supermarket he had broken was one inthe There supermarket the as wraiths ran, thenAnd people screaming, andthe wraiths still passed time did nothing; The People watched for and amonth,be- puzzled inmarket-squares appeared and shopping They wraithsThe appeared one by hadone -face- - PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON in the dark: He wasone not forin the dark: campfire songs. provised fires and hoping comfortwould them find thereout somewhere, huddledaround im- hastily safety.of He could picture just the train refugees, of one forcomforts had to sense sacrifice suchavague covered and he wondered hisschooling during what he recalled being wasasubject not cataclysm? This were to go inthe event sucha youof supposed nouncement thisthen he’d about Where it. missed there’d course. of If the cities, of out anan- been anyway. hadn’t the general stopped That exodus heard anyone. nothem harming tales of Not yet, cameto whenit humanity. noticing engaged He’d and otherwise theirallottedtasks, with occupied mostly, abandonedbut, been happily seemed they to scavengers other once or twicesince had the city wraith’s chase them give he had seen sight: line of was the what of he out guessed before hurrying in and snatchedfrom soup twoof tins the shelf didn’t long -as they as notice you. normal as on them onenow could brought with almostcarry present threatthe wraiths imminent of extinction from the ever- workinginmostplaces.still Apart somehow, yet, wasdetermination the electricity inexorable -with by andpipe pipe by brick – brick the city of on the edge the power-station mantling windows. theket way he had come the smashed in,through quietly,then, very he snuck the supermar- of out bread, butterearlier- he had and filched cheese rather, but, disappear not alongside nestled the ings. He two or three had seen fuckers these of dis- he thought. isto quiet, be trick The Besides, a near-abandoned city meant rich pick- anear-abandoned meant rich city Besides, He reached around the aisle of he out had hidden He -where bag did theinhisown cans put they AUTHOR: S. J.Hirons PAGE 5 THE TALES WE’LL TELL WHEN OUR WORLD IS ENDING PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE - - He couldn’t understand why this memory why understand couldn’t had He But memory the It persisted. nagged him as he at him enough run to And it almost distracted over eight maybe pursuing her wraiths There were a came to and brake the on his foot hammered He the over slid she and her at bawled in!’ He ‘Get She sat, nothing, saying only staring and ahead by the appearance of uncle,mother his who and appearance the by runghad curfew-bell the and until annoyance find their wayward to on them drove impatience their They for teenage the savages praised progeny. happened had what asked Happenstance ingenuity, cause such tearing to muckery and dress her to and ruction the that commented between children the Franklin’s in Uncle caused had surely, that this was ‘…no-one’s fuckingwords, business.’ sprung him this morning, up at the a slap like to ac- it in. He journal no had he record and to face, him again and from away slip it would that cepted thoughthad of end the that. was that out of city the - with his headlightsdrove turned off the as quicklyand to get as back possible, to hoping suburb his sanctuary in. was girl.the They sil- disturbing road. the for made across blazing the by fire as theyhouettes, were framed fancy a tall and behind where building them was He beginning sky. evening the spit to up cinders to thought of – one them one was she might have even spryer rest, than though the knew he be they could beswift made – as herself she to when they wanted only a dark of shape him, for tearing out in front windows the by of burning the framed building. her. before squealing stop cop bad seen many too bonnet she’d of car the like burning was shows. rubber He had she before even noth- at doorthe snatched closed, wraiths the and dark. the into onwards, off, ing as car the tore jeans her hands lap her in her down where cradling turned taut. Every hissed she then and and now hurtwinced as though hands her were but, it now Plus it had night,was see clearly. too couldn’t he - This utopia, savage in truth, been had punctured In his memory’s treacherous portraitIn his memory’s of this day treacherous In the fecund dark of those straw dens and war- and dens dark fecund ofIn the those straw Uncle Franklin had been had towns Reeve Franklin the two Uncle He’d been maybe 14 years old at the time. They the at old been 14 years maybe He’d He had woken that morning that with woken a memory had He the at He hoped he would find the car where he had left had he hoped find car where the would he He the Straw Kingdom stretched on for miles, filled up for on Kingdom stretched Straw the ofwith alleyways tunnels straw and and parlours need one where up and odd sprang fiefdoms where In this re-vision held had no-one. he to fealty owe wine drank and court of birch-branch a throne on berries the nests, eaten of the decanted in bird’s land. rens he and Happenstance had whiled away their whiled had away Happenstance and he rens – only they madly day both knew was madness her willed, in comparison almost faked, with true the ir- of this mayhem architects feral the that rationality in possession of. he, himself- and - were over. His wife had left him anyway, and so and had he left had him anyway, His wife over. the from away Happenstance, brought his daughter, mother her whilst and he months ructions a few for their warfare out of purview. her Mostly conducted about been had village the left roam children the to their own supervision.under When they seen had villagethe kids boughs determinedly the draping with park in the a seemingly branches and endless supply of flaxen they not needed had to sheaves other ask whether each not or they in: join should would. it, at had anyone like They’d had lived opposite the municipal park back then then opposite back lived park municipal the had sometimeand, during drawn-out and long that stay, to come had cousin and his uncle summer that of village the run children the had after- one amok commandeered of had noon: them A riotous crowd village the of fields the around fresh-cutthe straw a huge made constructionand tree- of interlinked in the of trees grove long the houses over dens and park. forefront of his thoughts that he was sure had long long of had his thoughts sure was he that forefront He depths of acidic his brain: in the ago dissipated Kingdom chil- the that Straw the remembered had of his villagedren built long-ago had one harvest season. it. PAGE 6 PAGE

clinging to flesh like sloughing skin. like sloughing to flesh clinging them were of Both drenchedit. to clothes the bone, minutes inthe twenty hadpassed it taken to to get they’d anything as shabby ments –andas just – clapboard, andintwo cut to make for two apart- for was typical house the area The the apartment. THE TALESand sore. burnt looked on both skin The were, hurt. indeed, the car’sof henow could how her hands see gloom WE’LLher coat too. and her eyestightened, tighter Out roused onlytheircuriosity.ity either. to the first out, be find far, So activ- human TELLwere done stealing the world,wanted nobody but to the wraiths intended once to humanity they do with way our yes?’ what hop-scotch Nobody to knew it, broaching whales of we move above. ‘But like this, WHEN shoal orange roiling and clouds grey like asky-wide OUR Maybe nothing.’‘Something. WORLD he said: whenshe stirred but to moving, be seemed anantique store.of rain Nothing down. lashed The the to car crouch awning under the half-collapsed IS them. revving would car alert ENDING there If were to seen. be not wraithsquiet, nearby a to be the drill, knew both They from the apartment. werethey He inthe out sticks. parked two blocks stance drove he just so that summer long-ago until from Happen- jibber-jabber a great girly dealof mer home that the world was ending. to rain, spite,ifto as and with ham- nastily started They ran swiftly up the ran up slatted stairs outside swiftly They you are,’‘If he said. ‘Ready?’ ‘Okay.’ Her voice pulled She had athinwhine to it. ‘Yes. Ihave aplace.’ He peeredat out the sublimely ‘I’m cold.’ ‘I don’t know,’ hardly he said, hislips. moving ‘What?’ ‘Wait.’ andaway out clambered moved quickly They from He having was experienced content talk, without - PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON room. ‘There’s foodroom. inthe kitchen, ifyou wanna…’ ‘There’s inside inthe other. clothes sodden fee for her with her inone bag hand and agarbage abrackish he was by with waiting the door cof-out, he laid T-shirt pantsand tight and inthe jogging harderwas getting to do allthe time. and allnew. pictured her inthere, shiny scrubbed and damp, room. He her inthe next hearing camping-stove, ‘Can coffee?’he after asked you her: drink after?’ you want drink, ahot have them. Do and I’ll thingsinthe corridor those dump Just towels. out. clean clothes some I’ve put the world.of at inthispart and remembering were looking worth and tinfoil tissues of full basket trinkets and other over-usedthe air-of airfreshener -and the wicker around,looking anyway, even the tangin because she’d he knew -but the walls curios or other been atlook –no no framed paintingson photographs, to close belly. hercoat, hot wasn’t There much to herunderhe hands cameback of her she had both intoaround the bedroom. When briefly, then went, roomthe living she didn’t whenhe invited sit it. in but her on in,smilingandbeckoned gesturing, you want abath… If or whatever.’ the lights. use He breath at up him. looking on herand hands stopped ahand over hisbrow,wiped cold blew puffing. She him. ‘Don’t put the TV on.’‘Don’t the TV put draw He might ‘It said. pasthim. slipped She ‘I’m gonna…’ He into the bath- pointed vaguely towel herinaturbanof hair she cameout, When away tothoughts He those push that but tried He the up little went to the kitchen and started and made nodded abreakShe for the bathroom as ‘It’s pretty steamy inthere,’ ‘and he said, there are He ran the bath for her and moved things some water’s we can’t running,’ still ‘but he said, ‘The inthe stood hallway each and eyed other.They He He into her swung inwith and the door pulled PAGE 7 THE TALES WE’LL TELL WHEN OUR WORLD IS ENDING PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE - ‘This whole place was once underwater,’ the boy says the ‘This underwater,’ once was place whole ‘Good fishing?’ Daddy grunts. Then he boy answers, serious the and eager. ‘Yes,’ grunts father againHer boy blinks and the – slowly She water, looks her hand in the and trails shyly away instructs, her father ‘you know don’t do that,’ ‘Don’t She cringe, to wants boy is but looking the at her. rusty the boy walksthrough On island the them the he says. ‘When twins,’ are and‘Life death ones old the squeezes her hand. father Her him, wincing as did. she She from photos the took hair Her said, she resentfully. ‘That’s family,’ my tale, and the boy, rowing – a young prince. rowing boy, and the tale, is boat. sitting little who behind her in the her father, to girl.smiles at the ‘Look points – a pretty liria!’ to He ‘Up a purple flower water. past in the trails them that can just like you reach air is feel so the you clear here you?’ mountains, don’t the out and touch he is That thinking: – and knows what she out- they are silly news poison their to with his peoplesiders, come wants. But he lookswith then at her back and smiles. is – hoping, one thinking will she be the He that – really understands he is about them. who what show to just flower like the made a trail. in there.’ what’s barrows. Stone cairns the the on andgates around bright with decked are and fresh-plucked pathways flowers. households whole their with buried here died they were They them. if something that around of theirs believed to them allow would Death earth leftwas then the on days on more once of life pleasures return and the taste He feasts.’ Druits the fresh when lay out the like these, ones they saw busying white-haired about the points to chanting, trees, island. the the as close to they came ‘Later they will burn marigold scatter copal, and open tombs.’ the left still cosseted her she was wet and against hand Outside furi- street-sounds stomach. the her were - - - She’s sees an a fairy- island ahead, like a vision from The lake is the lake, thinks; so she still, like glass, like He spooned the soup down quickly, and gave him- gave and spooned soup the He down quickly, floating. like was she She felt There was no child’s room in the apartment, in the room There child’s no was Whilst she had waited for him to come back she she back come Whilst to him for waited had she Eventually he put his head against tiles. put he his head white the Eventually She – in some indistinct him, hoping looked up at When a haphazard made came out had he she In the tepid water he sat, unmoving save for blink- for sat, he unmoving save water tepid In the ice, but it’s so so but warm high. it’s and they are ice, She feels, girl, bony thing,little little skinny weightless and alien. her mother’sBut is Northlands her country, are this the birthplace if and, her even he has brought here never is place home. this her that told her father before, self indigestion. though. had taken a book from the shelves, the ‘The a book taken had from Who Worm The Rain’ book.Heard - a kid’s way, or so he read from her bewildered her gaze – to from so or read he way, thinking about her, smiled at pleased him. He have redder washed they were hurther she’d hands. Now such butthat help think couldn’t he and thanbefore time pushing lift- or a hard had have hands would to stirringing or have would he Maybe mixing. or imagined He be it like would what spoon-feed her. though his days walking– ending this one every- thing, together every take to they have step would was thinking himself that that like reminded – then exist: There was couldn’t that looking a future into know really with didn’t he live and to tomorrow no him, anyway. she nor anything about her, ing. some soup little the on heated gas- and omelette than ever. worse falling was Outside rain the stove. them. And, besides, it’s all lies. There’s books the on lies. all There’s And, besides,them. it’s shelves.’ PAGE 8 PAGE

the city –even whenyouthe city what know you’re doing or nasty,some isn’t inthe fire?’ it? you Did caught get THE TALES whiskey. warm of the hotel, the under aegis theand hewould slumber later, allow himself back at wife inthecaptivated dead his lost of and thought it by WE’LLreturn.’ TELL WHEN one, thehide oneher and the last of her father. OUR she cradledjeans; inheraswaddled arms child. wore She auniversity sweater mer sunset. and tight asum- of bathed inthe thick light an on ahillock, more wom-second same photo seemed recent: The dead,ably the hefather, had told himself; too. The WORLD She’s inher eyes. set prob- devil-may-care a certain the bathroom. of He ascertained in the privacy also the woman’s at mouthwhenhe looked the photos himself. He from had noted the cigarette dangling dressed fierce wholooked man with and pleased over slung cockily theawell- shoulder of one arm –the mother, –with her mid-twenties he guessed IS awoman was of in nostalgia, the of autumnaltinge ENDINGtoo late. wind. vile and rolled on a swung the back as lamps and forth that fell from into flickered outside the apartment rains and the sodium-light the deluging with ous ‘Why were you inthere anyway? It’s‘Why dangerousin her head. shook She hands,’ those me see –‘That’s ‘Let Then he said. He wasn’t anymore. listening Her Ceremony father begun. The had was sullenly nothing remains,’‘If ‘then there the said, had boy no is now,’‘You don’t them right need he said. are my clothes?’ ‘Where to care the photos with and tried shuffled girl The ‘Pretty,’ he said. and age photo, first with faded almostsepia The Her –ifthat’s triumph what was it -was sour, and - - PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON child. But that was thirty years he told ago, himself. that waschild. thirty But to whatout Happenstance, had happened or the sack. on allsides by wraiths. surrounded house the he hold-alloutside found whenhe got -but the went anddressed, in got packed hisnecessaries this place was safe anymore. He and then pissed cover.enough had photographs made and for torn clothes agood her wet with bag garbage The was on the still sofa. dreams, he was sure. stronger his before. than was back, had plagued It whenyou touchword, them.’ hurts and then: ‘It for.’looking came closer. strawtake of hiskingdom from him. wasthing ifit offered. tomless took at some- they all,and that sometimes The girl had said the bags were had the bags said shallow, girl The bot- not He felt he regretted except nothing never finding forward andits held open them stepped of One was to time It move on, anyway. He didn’t think He and up went got into the living-room. She hiskingdom of he woke the up memory When ‘Does it?’ He said. worked‘My there,’ dad every begrudging she said, He into maw deep it as looked the open the bag of He felt reasonably sure that could nothing ever want did not burned. got they Things - PAGE 9 THE FANDOM MENACE PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE Lee Medcalf

old arse To me this lack of this lack me dialogue of result is the To 1. The downof dumbing popular SF in the 2. The GOOD SF movies which of lack any that compare with, say, “You gotta be fuck- “You with, say, compare that ing kidding!” “Roads? Where or going we’re need... roads”. don’t we of things: one two media (TV & Film), analysed over a by cookie-cutter, aren’t homogenised and ‘tillmarketing company they’re of old piles derivative water-thin arse.

AUTHOR: In this day and age, never would you get a com- you age, and would In this day never Admittedly points 1 and 2 are pretty much the the much pretty Admittedly points are 2 1 and of derivative pany riskpany cash a film on “Ghostbusters” or like with witty replete both of are which “Gremlins”, quotable dialogue moments, and but paper on are so left-field, they crazy batshit seem unmarketable. with denominator common get we lowest Instead things sound make hip and talk to “street” insipid target demographic.hit Who a carefully researched this though? blame The for can we The studios? same, but I thought hell it an important was point SF good, is no essentially iconic that make: there to anymore. once was. It seems that gone are the days of the get- was. It are once seems gone that almost everyAliens ting a movie like where other of quotable Khandialogue is pure line Wrath or with its now-almost-bigger-than-the-movie of line “KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!” remove or (add get of odd the “with you moment Sure taste); to A’s responsibility” great comes power great but does water-thin piles for that!”

“Ten thousand!? “Ten thousand!?

We could almost We could buy our own ship buy our own

But in recent years, I’ve noticed that this kind noticed I’ve that of years, But in recent The point is that movie & pop culture quotes are The are quotes movie & pop point is that culture This IT while the carried minutes a few for on Me: “You betcha. “You pilotMe: not my- such a bad I’m Other Meeting Attendee: “Yeah but who’s gonna gonna Other but who’s Meeting “Yeah Attendee: Me: “Ten thousand!? We could almost buy our almost buy could thousand!? We “Ten Me: IT Spod: “The going farm nodes are extra render For example: There in a meeting was I the and For We’ve all had those moments, I’m sure. You You those all had moments, sure. I’m We’ve iconic dialogue in SF as iconic it been hasn’t as prevalent quickly referenced touchstones in our lives - mo- in our lives touchstones quickly referenced tie geeks genius that iconic ments of to- verbally gether in an unwritten language of recognition. The in Clerks scene counter and customer 2 when the guy begin ring rule “One quote to to all” typi- them fies this secret code. Spod in question rolled his eyes as otherSpod meet- rolled in question the that got act. the in on sure I’m ing attendees farm nodes hasbuying of been said render put moment, thanks that 2025 now but to I to back digress. self...” The Fandom Menace Fandom The fly it, kid? You?” own ship for that!” own ship for to cost ten thousand.” ten cost to cost of a piece of computer hardware came up. The up. came hardware of of computer a piece cost something this… went like conversation know the ones; you’re in some social situation you’re know ones; the with a friend colleague work or shockingly (who is also in spoken a geek) an innocently then line and a quote. suddenly prompts a conversation COLUMN PAGE 10 PAGE

mines of Kessel. mines of tohope ismore get samenessfrom bland the dull allwe can endorsement, isyours!” friends is your weakness.” THE exchange“threequel” of: compares to another a line from that either FANDOM anyonedefy to quote derivative dross and I opinion) badly written were (inthisgeek’s thefilms day these of it’sbut the end At not. nerds, between dialogue quotable of the point may off alittle seem MENACErecent memory. Which lacklustre in sequels for the twomost of amounts stupendous $960,723,000: two of worldwide takings while Pirates 3has $890,500,000 of worldwide takings to off plod the sample reheatedfully wares. say, we allare sheep we duti- and like the beguiled you “Yeah, shouting yourkids mum!” to everything school abunch of of and the wit aspoon as depth much as but emotional bigspectacle of lots with or toy sequel another out pump franchise no. They the Highway code translated but into Lithuanian, as producing quotable as and isshit about they’re ers have the power to tell Hollywood that the stuff tors? no. Sadly hack direc- tripping coke ego sniffing The writers? “Yeah, yourmum!” Yet by financial our “Your faith inyour “Your over confidence I read reached 3has today that Spiderman Yes, it’s my We friends, true. sad but consum- as It’s us. with thatcomesthe imminent demise of over us,disposable Movies nowwash forgettable, and the geekquote conversations PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON and utterly scenario isthisexchangescenario acceptable?” we and take nuke off the site from orbit.’ Inwhat to sure!’ be proceeded isinvariably by the line ‘Isay whounderstand those older (along what with the come they and from the films older and get will quote theconversations; geek of demise the quotes forgettable, that andcomes with the imminent And let’sAnd no one wants that. honest, be “Now students listen carefully. ‘It’s the onlyway and utterlyMovies now washdisposable over us, ancient language such as Latin. suchas ancient language inthe future,Unless, it’s like an taught the like them again. of see we not will said). hell isbeing So lament the passing of quotes the passingof for lament So PAGE 11 SPOKEN IN DARKNESS PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE Colin Sinclair Colin AUTHOR: God took note from time to time, as expected. time to from God note took Every again and something now might spark a All of perfectly this was This normal natural. and outSomeone something moved or not quite had ‘Which said Malloy. guessing,’ I’m brings here, you There, I’ve ‘Someone has a Secret, Malloy. Mister his arms. folded and God back sat ‘You a while. chewed thought that Malloy for over this case God that interrupted. ‘I am aware ‘Yes,’ Malloy ‘So, this guy who has know,’ need the to I’m … what? a moment. ‘To him for at God stared pausedMalloy with a Lucky Strike his almost to constant attention of God; so much that He would would of He God; that so much attention constant Every ignore. simply chooseoften to of sand grain was, with sparrows, along falling outside his well remit. sys- the hood. sure the a sly look under Made Had still as designed. was ticking over tem Birth then depended on it really Well, then… Death then Life Those rules the it? individual,the didn’t were after all. be pop even persuaded to may He closer awareness. a little sense chat. getting Incognito.No down for there? up,their hopes was all fired cogs of the in which manner gears the the and was appeared a turned.Universe there day Until one shadowy corner the of world. at the strange itch of its rightful shifting but was shuffling and place unexpected.nonetheless. Most said it.’ you’re—’ that realise do … Unusual.’ is rather his jacket pocket. from cigarettes the fetch stood to him?’ brace to me want ‘You I follow.’ not sure not getting, I’m what lips. ‘See, Chief. here’s How -

It be bold would exaggeration God that say to ‘I don’t know how to begin,’ said God. begin,’ know to how ‘I don’t He looked across at the Master of All Master the Crea- at looked across He If a Broad perches awkwardly on the edge the on of the awkwardly If perches a Broad Where start? a little had spiel to worked Malloy Malloy could tell though. figure tell out could Couldn’t Malloy Of this looked God. nothing course, There like on a coat-hook Carter stuck a coat-hook on his hat Malloy Spoken in Darkness Spoken knows everything. Billions of souls mingling and surfacemoving the on of Earth the really who and trivial all the to attention rituals pay has of time to There lit- was breath? follows breath follows breath the required that thoughts desires and tle in a man’s tion dropping delicately into a chair opposite and into delicately tion dropping this time. work just to not going thought: that’s his fingers quickly through his hair and ran Malloy his tie. straightened leather couch, strangling a handkerchief and talking and a handkerchief strangling couch, leather Malloy then haltingly husband about wayward her herself. protecting out she’s straight her just tells kneel- what. he’s Maybe a rightHas know what’s to gently hands her in his as says he ing down holding and anything done one the aint she wrong that shame involved. no was there out that he used he deftlyout that to ease typical the customer right the into of It mind. with mostly worked frame guysthe spying their wives, on nervous or women worried about Bosses men. their checking out staff they dipping suspected their mitts petty in the were cash. how exactly but there it exactly was.how God, on standing but there of carpet, patch threadbare door. the by that over be such a lazy this wouldn’t FridaySo, maybe after kinda 1938. Malloy thoughtall. 21st October he’d a while. for one that remember was no flowing no was a start. for beard or The robe feet not shod in some kind sandal. of golden were cherubs of absence ranked There a complete was singing Him. Praise and was just settling was and down when behind desk the office. the God into walked FICTION PAGE 12 PAGE

one for up afall?’ 30pieces silverof of some- scene, isit? Isetting Am Ibelieve.’ Romanic tury SPOKEN antique.looked Malloy so. said he would receive goldenspecial; coin. asingle It alittle something knew least much; or at the very forIn return too tracking whoknew thisguy down IN thiscontract,’ing standard about God. said DARKNESS contract.’Standard are for extra alittle plus on asliding scale, expenses. charges what we do. see can The you and I’ll need surrender, tell me what’s ‘you proper. what Outline How frightful.’ well.’mouth as word. You inthe slap them alittle to need give you don’t akind far Sometimes ness. so with get suggestion. or not?’the guy all.’ Ido have engagement; toticular alot consider after fraction my of attentiveness extensive to thispar- at once. onlya I’m applying ‘I can’t everywhere be resist.’ and continued: the thought off shook God himself. to reach toout whobegan God, before checking You the goods. with follow?’ pressure of abit on him?Adding he comes so across the squeeze meansputting aguy thatget ‘bracing’ here? How and you can not the Man Upstairs be can you Well, be— you understand what I am saying God shook hishead shook slowly.God ‘Iassure you Mister ‘Say,’ kind aint some aloud. ‘This Malloy thought yes,’ old indeed, isvery cen-‘It ‘Second God. said allout. it Malloy laid God whilst listened closely ‘Mister Malloy, Iassure you there would noth- be ‘Well, ‘Malloy heldpalmsin up, out hishands ‘Oh no, that wouldn’t do, Mister possibly Malloy. ‘Hey,Malloy busi- shrugged. just thisisatough at hishead, shocked shook clearly the very God Malloy. thought True, you want ‘So, me to thump ‘A strong temptation, no, but Ireally should Malloy thinking held the cigaretteWithout packet - PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON Magic Wishing Coin. Wishing Magic to? got yeah, had they Oh, thetrain. old Where morning. of kind That was hearing. expected.’than thing. longer thingstake Some alittle is acurious the future I’mhave afraid you’ll Creation to wait. you want to travel to worlds inhabited other or visit the offer sphere. for If thingsinside your earthly and nuns at school. he had paid more wished of attention to the priests that one. Wasn’t He kind Cheese? the Big thisguy power you have shall it.’ honoured. promise from request Asingle that God. would be represented It symbolism. all about anoffer. A coin was contacts. The he went the right through change pilefor of high if it amighty get certainly he could precious though ahunkof just metal, Malloy’ too hungry. Malloy that thisoffer iscompletely above board.’ he risk making aneven worse making mess? he risk to make the choice? liketrusted Could shoe himbe direction. gum- price Could acut inthe right push going on inthe world alittle that maybe needed was alot There mereits existence anartefact. as andheavy oldsubstance and hadbeyond asmooth trous over disc was metal and over It inhishands. ‘It’s responsibility,’ serious the lus- Malloy turned what?’‘Say Malloy, asked losinghis suddenly ‘Forget that,’ Isaid hurriedly. God mumbled worlds?’ Malloy‘Other couldn’t believe what he climate,‘In the current really Ican onlyguarantee your power?’ Malloy askance looked at ‘Within ‘Yes,’ ‘Anything God. said my iswithin it at all.If ‘And you ask Ican for Malloy. said anything?’ wasn’t This arrangementwas pretty sweet. The Mister to ‘I’m getting smiled. that just God part, ‘And it’s to not alot?’ sound Malloy tried worth ‘Believe inyourself, do.’‘Believe Carter. Icertainly placed ahandGod on his arm. PAGE 13 SPOKEN IN DARKNESS PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE Gathering up his hat and jacket, and Gatheringup his hat headed Malloy sheltering was he a store beneath An hour later OneGetting of easy the an in unnoticed was job. floorsFour up paused he dusty in the stairwell. wide. A paces three barely was The space storage famil- now only that again, listened heard Malloy Checking first apart- the quietly. moved Malloy ment window wasn’t thrown up, making sure he up, he making sure thrown window wasn’t ment downstairs to where his car was parked in an al- parked his car was where to downstairs ley out back. been had lookingMalloy to forward the office reading chair all day sitting in his big fat turned He sports radio. the to pages listening and up againsthis collar rain-sodden a chill wind that bargingwas as stepped he up street the its way the got he decided there quicker the outside. He started and be done car. the he’d quicker housing a dilapidated four-storey watching awning of of kids anything. not A couple block much doing a clump of for made out earlier and scampered had shrubs and street. the trees They across out stayed of building, the in front though even and rain the other seem be many to didn’t easing there was off, making this particular a move folks morning. He a closer look. all clearwas for wedged was doors and open withrear a trashcan, that signs sawdust and of cut boards were there suggested fixing things work at someone hard was building the Super some or hired Probably up. a noted Malloy righthelp, but nobody around now. slipped and the inside escapefire next door, the to building. his right a corridor was sun- dimly lit pale by To through grimy the of panes a shouldered that shine brightness a him clearer Above from sash window. skylight curved in the area of a small storage ceiling A up. on crept of stairs. the He top formed the that but somewhere, squealedchild in a room endlessly else. sign no was of anyone there about on scattered packages and bundles were few dusty shelving, painted-metal angled roof the up- wooden led door outside. that a stout to wards iar crying of an unhappy kid, stepped and quickly apartment right was outside. Archer’s fire- the by of apartment the escape storey top the block, on of sneaking breeze a total down the made which look window. a quick in the for ladder - Chief. Had he really called him Chief?Chief. really he Had mark, the was Archer in a lived he and Hamilton Malloy sat behind staring sat his desk Malloy shining the at After breaking All address. got a name and he was Malloy nodded, a God and Malloy stepped place up to ‘Mister Malloy, you must do as you see fit. Take see must as do you fit. you Take Malloy, ‘Mister God subsided himself. eventually nodded and to Malloy didn’t quite know how to follow this. The follow know to how quite didn’t Malloy God simply laughed. ‘A free thinker was what I what was thinker free God simply laughed. ‘A Malloy paused for a moment. ‘Yeah. Yes. I guess Yes. a moment. ‘Yeah. pausedMalloy for God spoke up: ‘You’re thinking of turning Me God spoke up: ‘You’re ‘This said he with a curiously dull business,’ is big Malloy ran back and forth over the options. the forth and over back ran Malloy red-bricks ghetto even more low rent than the place than place the rent low red-bricks ghetto more even sitting. was Malloy gold piece and the envelope on the desk in front of in front desk the on envelope the and piece gold turn really he him. Could down a deal with … of card, out a small square seal wax teasing the and it simply was best pleased discover wasn’t to Malloy an apartment to directions and moniker guy’s the Kind of expect- of side city. the west in the complex God. from ed a little bit more slim cream-coloured packet on the desk beside desk the the on packet cream-coloured slim left as quietly He arrived. as had he coin. trum- No pets, fanfare. no the coin with you, keep it safe. Meetwith with keep man the it safe. you, coin the task the can think if you me I seek tell return and to Then againbe your will accomplished. consider we Agreed?’ employ. of my acceptance laughter something happened of God that wasn’t every part in this day in a was he Unless of town. humour. sick real was looking for; I certainly found that and no mis- no looking and was I certainly that for; found take.’ I am.’ down?’ finality. ‘For a start it sounds too pat to be true bill. a start be true to ‘For it sounds pat too bill. finality. subject the a look at take to get want I think I and case. the take I I agree to of lie the land the before only fair—’ think it’s Maybe he should toss a coin, he thought he a coin, wryly. toss should he Maybe PAGE 14 PAGE ets. head hunglow, into hispock- tight jammed hands ing children, the down street; off and then slumped at unpleasant the scatter- something snarled block, move. crossed to side to the opposite wait for the next round and to the front thehurriedly building of atdown street levelinminutes, and went again the roof. of that formedthe edge brick Heof was back the up ladder and over clambered the low wall Malloy. thought toup go out, He himself eased hangovers Vaguely like that. remembered. Malloy couldn’t smile; he helpbut remembered inagony. half-closed andteeth hiseyesseemed the proverbial sore-head bear. his He was gritting hiswaistband. of out hanging was buttoned onlyhalf and andone hisshirt off He thedown back hispants. of had oneon, shoe hanging the place hissuspenders ing through with beard was blunder- ascraggly with guy rough-edged ensemble. He slightly. shifted position Athick jazz that wasamuffled out dial pumping alit with radio and sofa abulking old looking beatup An the room beyond the window. hishead over and titled to escape of catch aglimpse latest thing. wonder the inevitable the of trumpeting tisement painted windows over abroad with adver-factory; streets below. from or buildings the other observed was easily not him smartly inside. him smartly to a scuffed and sheet-metal door ferried him right led along, thisguy homing urged instinct of kind for the nearest bar, head allthe down way. Some loitered for amoment or two and then followed. Malloy alook. to place. some worth get Could be SPOKEN Archer to thisguy but inahurry be seemed ough, paid to thor- It be the neighbours. Q&Awith tle IN DARKNESS Normally Malloy a lit-Normally would take theto time run theArcher apartment of the door open slammed himself was gathering slowly the guy seemed It Hamilton Archer was prowling and growling like Malloy atableand could chairs. thisangle, see At He onto the gently fire- of deck the stepped metal garment himnow was aslab-sided Opposite Archer to goose straight wastrail; aneasy angled PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON Archer sat just stolidly inthe murky by himself handlers searching for bothered mark him. aneasy though. it was the boxing that It chilly autumn morning. did would have on Malloy’s knocking God on a door what out and hethat figure could know possibly ageneralwhile. Get Try aperson. himas of notion for a the subject he would simplyobserve figured inthe past. whiskey nately that was time two hours and ahalf-bottle of Unfortu- whenhekeenly was beyondhislimit. thing was Malloy understood alcohol. He knew more suds. of bottles two down and set to heas returned theirbooth sure you to always to your drink success— needed and delight, heads was anevery-day-of-the-week and cracking Breakingfights up geant on the beat. daysMalloy inthose wascops. auniform Back ser- tion to the liquor laws inthiscity, allthe of least beforegles then too. No one ever paid much atten- and beer.bourbon Hell, he’d had strug- punishing wrestling matches pretty insome out serious with suretion had fiveyears ended he had lost damn ago when he’dfine snared. been Since the great prohibi- the Helure allabout alcohol, of knew knew drunk. to the counter. towards the back the place, up of and then stepped greenseat bench He Archer spotted at acurved barstools were were taken,the booths mostof free. the crowd was thinfor the day. of thistime the All interior.ter smoke-filled lunchtime but Almost the bit- of was swallowed by up the dullwarmth his friends. watch on Archer, slip amongst anything ifhe let see and he could aclose keep much he was drinking for anhouror so. No-one would really notice how inand nurse adark-bottled beer drift Just chest. The man had man no companions; even not The the pan- Malloy inthe joint, he had arrived first When Hadn’t listening? even Anyway. thisguy been The ‘You’re right,’ so Archer, said his face was slurred and hours Malloy had passed was rottenEight and the coarse of out Malloy sunlight stepped toMalloy decided play things coolto and close the - PAGE 15 SPOKEN IN DARKNESS PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE - ‘If I drink I can make it go away. That’s all I want. all I That’s ‘If I drink away. it I can go make stumbled bringing then, Archer down with Malloy be need all—’ to fella.‘Easy No there, I can just that sometimes I dream know, ‘You help him up again, Archer leaned and in to Malloy triedMalloy brush to Light-hearted. him off. He not embarrass Mac. Ease Let’s off. ‘Steady now, The let go. talking kept wouldn’t he and Archer up dark in the woke alley remembered. Malloy he To make it away--’ go make To lit damp corner the him on ofan alleyway, barely squirming then and get up tried again to as Malloy calm him. to worry to have more. I won’t and any whisper it away finger a trembling pressed Archer Quiet. Hush.’ his lips, tappedacross of side the his nose. quickly grabbedlapels the him by pulled and him stink the of by alcohol sickened was close. Malloy nostrilshis assaulted Archer as that smoke stale and began and him fast held speaking so ever softly. with Not get rough to with want this guy. didn’t God watching. entirely-’ourselves became still, sibilant a quieter seductivesoft words quicklywhisper faded out of conscious notice that His eyes ground. the collapsedas slowly Malloy to blank,stared reflecting boiling only the storm clouds A dark above. of shape shreds his head, by crouched seemed swirl as to Archer feathers black with almost foetal his soundlessly moving lips there ear. Malloy’s closeheld to The waking in itself disquieting, was as hadn’t he been asleep. There shape- an uncomfortable was simply stepped had somehow he like numbness less a crumpled leaving lying shell in discarded away, with street the its sightless the eyes wide open to squeeze and Returning slide and slip world. to later getting husk of a body, his prostate into downwards swing in the settlingback of a slow things and into heartbeat. and familiar rhythms of pulse breath and fingers, and up toes all the like Carefully matching strug- to have and jamwhen you a glove wrong on couldn’t time Malloy a long For gle in place. it back Malloy felt a sudden shock of crystalline felt Malloy sobriety. ‘I have this burning sound in my head. Sometimes burningthis head. sound my in have ‘I ‘’Ever you say, pal. I’m just not sure we need any need we any just not I’m sure pal. say, you ‘’Ever ‘It’s the way,’ Archer was leaning against was him, he Archer way,’ the ‘It’s ‘Man-o-man, you really know how to put it away, put it away, know to how really ‘Man-o-man, you They finally tossed out of bar about the were Archer was in his late fifties; had about 20 years fifties; about had 20 years in his late was Archer That was when Malloy and Archer had almost run had That Archer and when Malloy was maybe I want to scream until my head explodes.’ explodes.’ head until my scream to I want maybe rising. anger Strug- Sudden shouting. was Archer Malloy’s for grabbing gling up straighter, stand to arms. more right now. What right about call it a night, we more now. eh?’ muttered and weaved and shuddered a little. ‘You a little. ‘You shuddered and weaved and muttered see? The only way…’ don’t you?’ marvelled you?’ don’t Malloy. one-thirty in the morning. Archer lived nearby, no no one-thirty nearby, lived morning. the in Archer kidding, least a fifth at had of he scotch swore and stand. cabinet.in a side barely could Malloy on Malloy. His mug was a lot more scratched and and scratched His mug a lot was more Malloy. on been had a boxer Archer too. process the by beaten still was a huge and fan of his youth, years long for his expanding bulk.despite So argue they to had forth and back about good the great. the Who and It evening. swell beat who nowadays. a was could planned, had but wasn’t he Malloy what quite Not this one. clock the on for quite into each other in the ratty little corridor other ratty in the each led that into out back; from both quickly had men danced away ease born withpracticed the collision of hours long sparringin the suddenly moving was ring. Archer light; and fast weight the despite easy his feet on laughed had Archer Mal- and then, alcohol. the and in, sticking help joining out his hand couldn’t loy passed talk- they and got introductions to then and professional soldier, retired Archer, Hamilton ing. fighter short and cook. order A man who liked a sour mash whiskey a fine and cigar. booth downed and glass shot-glass after of straight a bottle Spoketable. gruffly the on whiskey from wait- blonde barkeep the a tired or again and to now a beer vary him over who brought to ress menu. the finish and his defeat admit to had eventually Malloy another and ordering before out beer, drawn long darting find washrooms. off the to PAGE 16 PAGE

secret things hesecret wanted to tell, mo- aslim, vivid to rant and pretty hinting starting strongly about whenArcher was losinghiscoolmoment and right the pressure. make back it before down from hishead ruptured buffeting wave Praying experience. of that he could SPOKENinto hispalms tothisrolling of out jolthimself falling … eternally Banners again. war, bloody of the drumbeat before started the cycle stutter and die and saw theirworld shatter under hundred more… athousand, lives, Felt each dream a sensed low wailing inthe background. He briefly IN andfaded painful indistinct memories tothoughts a crowded these until hisskull against unfamiliar DARKNESSinto mist. scarlet sure? were and banners There falling cannons firing He didn’t was thinkit heaven could but he really be Towersing inthe sun. on the hillside. were aflame circled and taunted and ripped. and coloursound and pain and pleasure and danced of flashes noise, tobright with bursting jammed him like— here and there window. alighted above Looming manoeuvrings. hiserratic of allwereposts; into called the service the street Trashcans, furniture. fire hydrants, lamp of use full making to lever upright managed himself for thebeing. time Need to work to up it. like alot pressing seemed hisluck Kneeling palms. from himself and peeled the muddy cobbles his with overGave Rolled on hisface thethought. idea some anvils. Badly. whojuggled He up.giants got Well. throbbing ahangover with involving tap-dancing Archer of was no sign andThere Malloy’s head was like days. what seemed colourof and shade for inhisvision that loomed move, above were the street and sky lamps splashes Real funny though, wasn’t it. There had been a had been There wasn’t funnyReal it. though, Malloy nails on down histongueand bit gouged Malloy rolled on the ground hishands squeezing He saw acity. City. The white walls gleam- High He crashed screaming to the ground. Hishead and wallsbrick of at up Malloy the high glanced A few more minutes preparation of and Malloy how much andlater. whoknew Cold and damp PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON sun had begun peering through the blue grey through mists peering had begun sun … helpless infinite, night that of kind pletely. He couldn’t at it all.Wasn’t explain just it was that was it talking. engine insectile mostdiscomforts? with hey,to vomitBut, blood. couldn’t to youlive learn and made being himwant vaults Malloy’s of very inthe deep echoed wing of and flutter leg of twitch that tissues envelopedinside the soft and it each wasn’tStill the worst. thought. of like on out the fringes aminor twinge Hell,ments. had it even made hishangover seem and move- shadow on histhoughts sharp-edged thisbrain of was anagging faultless surface bug catastrophic exquisite awareness and the shape of most like worship. felt al- that but level dedicated was, it of artistry Creature?eyes. Machine?was hard It to tell which the creature’s of tiny segments vivid compound workmanship that had gone into fashioning the the secondlong of hourspatient of each and every sense from out thathair sloped spindlinglegs, its could replicated feel lovingly eachspike of miniscule He antenna to its was of it aperfection. thelegs tip and yet fromrice and splayed wings theits end of the centre hisskull. of placed in had been insect mechanical constructed forsided awhile-Malloy felt ifanelaborately as Mistake.made amistake. Big far more the than freezing air, he’d Malloy knew really to this easy be crack the case? would it ment whenMalloy had thought: suddenly When he got back he got to the lonely hisoffice October When Malloy couldn’t com- understandit or explain this absolute thingabout mostunpleasant The realitymoved, also deep it jagged sheer its Beyond This wasn’t the worstthough. it That thingabout smallereven agrain than of A miniature marvel, screaming -whenthe sheer sub- Overall agonies Crouched on thegroundfrom wet and shivering He now. better knew - - PAGE 17 SPOKEN IN DARKNESS PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE Malloy stood quickly. Too quickly, the planet the quickly, Too stood quickly. Malloy said he through chattering leave,’ to have ‘You God in itself this was looked and – an unsettling be to ‘I think I am going said Malloy. ‘I think,’ retching all fours, on boards the to dropped He it simply getting was realised biggerMalloy before crawling the understand him to It a while for took It stopped as abruptly as it began. Its delicate sandstone hall, the dying hall, the Kingsandstone laughs his fell at with Smiles blood stained teeth as vast a betrayer. … them slams closed vault steel around his office the spunand around foot under lurched an alarming at head rate. it meant. what understand first I didn’t teeth. ‘At ItInside. a trap.’ was tilt looked – he shocked. sick.’ end. on seemed what minutes like chokingand for happening, was Nothing start- was Malloy and this when he stop never could he that panic ing to grossly coughed globular a thick spattered that hack trail floor. the a spiralling on by It followed was and his mouth swirled that of from smoke black floor the down to languidly it coalesced into where a small squirming scarcely could shape. if he Even see exactly imag- it, it tell was; what could Malloy of sleek its wing-beatshiver each the littleine and really legs. There there insect. the was could How been could a metal insect How have in his head? Asit it get seemed out if it in there? was stared he Easier examine. to be getting to clearer. strangely until it a fist growing it on was his eyes and kept sized mechanical wings hornet and with translucent scrollwork. in fine emerald a glossy body decorated agitation stopped. had It in his head still seemed bug the Or was that maybe be echoing in there. to office in the as it swoopedmaking and a racket bruised, felt raggedy His throat soared. Mal- and actually start still was discovering could he loy to speak again bug when the flew the up to directly And. of And God scream. began and scream. face to zeal and dial. up the turned on way Volume Scream. its body seg- off evaporated, and wings sheared seemed and floatmented to floor the to green like smaller into splintered then that leaves silver and He could see it now. Far beyond the battle and and battle beyond the Far see could it now. He This was wrong, thought Malloy. He could re- could He This wrong, was thought Malloy. He was just digging was He a bottle of bourbon out from He could see why Archer wanted to open up a to wanted Archer see could why He His filing cabinets and book shelves were all there all there His filing cabinets book were and shelves Three years ago, just before he left he Three police the ago, just before years The insistent sibilant voice continued step after after step continued The sibilant voice insistent The waking Trucks was up. place rumbled, shut- the highthe city and walls. clash Above the of swords of flesh, wet on pikes, thud thick blade past the sharpbeyond the of rifle crack shots dull the and crumpdistant of explosive shells. In an arched member something very, verymember something very, wrong. behind a potted plant habits – old – when God passed Malloy out and again. came back That was good news. seemed Being to really unconscious Right help. started up until felt Malloy and wake to the by disappointment gutthe afforded wrenching still small hear that could he that stark realisation meandering through everything.voice On on and rasp- like his lids until felt an on his teeth and ached ing sheets of sandpaper scouring surface the of his eyes. his side, offering a glass God at was of water a dampand cloth. flask jump right stuff, of hard the for make in and he anyway, bottom. Wherethe Archer was hell the Everythingwondered. same, the was but Malloy changed.had Utterly. like they were on Friday on morning. The theylike were window stillblinds sloughed off drifts off dust when he opened closed and the because paid them hadn’t he was doll weekscleaning old in two lady that and hard her fussy about getting stuff like money for graft. force, they had tracked down a former mob but- mob down a former they tracked had force, man who killed ton pick people shoving by an ice point the around through wrenching and their eye idea, a bad Not inside. thought has he Malloy behind his familiar leather slumped in his chair, topped small in the office called desk he home. step. Malloy had lived in this burg all his life and he he and this burg in lived all his life had Malloy step. stone still felt He way. the times on got lost three sober dying and inside. ters rolled, doors slammed doors stepped open bakers and rolled, ters putting in a back-break- already after a break out for work. ing day’s of dawn that shrouded the cityscape. the of shrouded dawn that PAGE 18 PAGE

trembling andswaying hisvision inand of out Now. over slim armaturesand bone tendon. of … Hisage ple was hands almosttranslucent, stretched tightly SPOKEN ashenhair. cropped his sup- and of close skin The features and quick blue abroad eyesbelow forehead delicate pale man, and leanwith refined aquiline monstrosity either.goat-legged was atall This the Present.Tense.of He wasn’t ascarlet-horned, fabric into stamped the very much inthe moment, IN overly any much about detail. the finer of worry a comfortableaccommodationto not and agreed brainan understanding sought to The the observer. DARKNESSwhat colour hair. of God’s form merely represented much attention. or even Couldn’t say what height, forced be might to divulgethat he hadn’t really paid pressed further, much. he If likelook anything forpossibly safety. own its accord, own its of open whichthe swung door or at and Malloy eachGod and then other at glanced here be he will Doubtless presently.’ bliss. of kind smack way. upside the headof kind was acurious It the toomanyethwhat was definitely time. for to the floor drag off himself croaked, trying smoke. away and drifted fragments ingreasy whorls of Even inMalloy’s still state, current hisbody with he Devilhadwas the nolucid age; and certain The –hand was very –left Devilon the other The Malloy wouldto the first be admit thatdidn’t God contrastThe was startling. Devilhad arrived. The and on thesharp. door. was aknock There Short here be presently?’ do you mean?Who’ll ‘What was asignal,’‘It iscoming. ‘Someone God. said ‘Hey, was allthe upset?’ on earth chief. What ached it onlyinanhonest, but still, His head hurt Was. was that? Malloy That?’ What. ‘What - PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON tell them apart …’ tell them apart wizards and you know, it’s sometimes quite hard to the drooling get I also madmen and the eldritch elsewhere, even amongst your fanatics little club. compulsion of that sort seldomfinds One the cost. success that of notion obsessive drive, no matter onup my the sidefence. of that about Something the real allof out end geniuses turns It happened. come from?’ did it Where was thatobject? squalling What rules. believedo that not you were playing entirely by the heels. of andnod snapping locality. Iassure you.’ pleasant, Thoroughly Acurt you to ashock inthis meet sweetly.he said ‘What ‘My,to and made God agrand surprise. show of my,’ discardedpaper on achair. the Devilturned last At a news- ator peruse item some furniture, closely of orbited the room, pausinghere and there to peer to himself. softly sighing the desk, of leatherthe surface worn along Devilran fingertips sleek The floor. polished feet clickedacross Booted inmotion. the stantly perhaps.’ time other ‘Some closed. case He the watch tutted and suddenly snapped story—’ once more. silver. and licked thehislips case Devilopened The the broken empires. thrones down ruined of white; there were buttons fashioned instone from blinding anarrangementof patchesseemed of was counter-pointedthatendless night by ashirt across wetly out lips. thinbloodless which flicked matched red only by colour the dark histongue, of was histie of crimson The the mostprecise cut. and clear bright. was sharp theas Devilmoved the room, through each action irrelevant background became else noise Everything focus, the Devil’s presence commanded attention. The Devil simply smirked. ‘The strangest thing Devilsimplysmirked. ‘The The ‘I unmoved appeared byGod thisperformance. Malloy felt compelledto Devilslowly watch. The His movements were and he was con- subtle, you Silver thisiscalled, Funny know? ‘Martyr’s watchHis pocket and chainwere anethereal breasted single elegant threeAn of piece suit Devil’sThe were clothes cloth, the finest of PAGE 19 SPOKEN IN DARKNESS PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE ‘I may be keep kind again sick up that of if you ‘I may are Try Carter. relax. a protection, and You ‘It’s The by shredded still was warm room air in the God settled Malloy back into a seat behind a seat the God settled into back Malloy about him Devil asked the Deal?’ the tell ‘Did you The calendar a desk at Devil pointed with a built glass tapped snorted then and watch the He in him, flitting for the okay to moment one from ‘It’s triedMalloy slam desk. down the on his hand to said God. ‘When try to ‘No,’ have you under- and stand complex issues you tend to oversimplify. It’s It’s oversimplify. to tend issues you complex stand seem be we to perfectly The natural. conversations can you that tones and just pitches the are having follow.’ Malloy. groaned talk,’ danger;in no happen I will you. nothing allow to to promise.’ my have You a rigid across of string. a bow yowl drawn harsh the The both and chopping continued screeching Mal- Devil as eagerly the he at sawed God and stared loy door. the by a violin on over away portant than that.’ desk. Excel- you? Would please do let tell. ‘Oh me slyly. Devil simply the a response, waiting for Not lent.’ edge the on just was about of and desk the perched stopped when he launch right to this big reveal into on wore he watch gold-banded checked a slim and his left wrist. Mallory times just a few blink to had seeing; was he what be sure to Lord of the Darkness getting This wasn’t needs watches? sure two day straighter. any an ap- in clock. I have ‘Is correct? this timepiece I can’t our friend unlike and, here, pointment later be late.’ to afford God.disgust towards next. slog who has to one and the through each I’m every of Remember them. one Cru- the tiresome again? in place physically you were long How sades? About fifty and in weeks. two years a hundred I was blood the sandthe and dust.’ the and ‘ThisIt little made impression. a game.’ isn’t ‘Oh, no, my dear boy. This one is much more im- This more is much one dear boy. my no, ‘Oh, Before God could reply he was interrupted was he reply God could Before a by ‘I said,’ Malloy coughed Malloy to shook and his shoulders ‘I said,’ The Devil stood up again, brushing legs the of his ‘It was ever so simple really. The God trap plan to ‘It so really. ever simple was The Devil was right there in Malloy’s face. No No The face. right Devil was in Malloy’s there Malloy was leaning against was desk, the Malloy pulling The of a still con- down in front Devil squatted He pointed at Malloy who was struggling who was Malloy at pointed He sit up to ‘It’s a wonder they don’t call me the Lord of Lord call the me Lies?’ they don’t a wonder ‘It’s ‘Such deliberate deception,’ exclaimed God. exclaimed deception,’ ‘Such deliberate ‘So I assembled knocked a little some team, heads The Devil smiled widely. His teeth were much too too much teeth His were The Devil smiled widely. shout from the other side of the room: other the of side room: the shout from clear his head, fogs still seemed fogs clear be his head, rising to fall- and ‘Was you?’ this some kind of to game ing in there. trousers. God moved in to help Malloy to his feet. to help Malloy God in to moved trousers. something pulled as was he up- muttered Malloy right. him a querulous God look. gave was the thing that trapped him. When thing that the was come you figure out a way to have up with you that a plan like a Devil stuck the reach,’ keep it out ofto this guy’s talk of God. Don’t direction ‘Nosey? thumb in the Or about me it was it.to here. it up had to I’ve there?’ concept of personal space. Close of personal space. concept observing with blinked. never eyes that together the strength to make a break for his chair. chair. his for together a break make strength the to as though been felt had he kicked down the He dumped then and in of Statue of the steps Liberty, wonderful It because felt involve it didn’t bay. the of insect conjunction the skull. and fused and shaken Malloy. fused Malloy. shaken and on the floor. ‘Can he understand what happened?’ what floor. the on understand he ‘Can the Devil’s broad grin never dared to trouble his grin trouble dared to broad never Devil’s the eyes. ‘It’s—’ together, and that was what they what up came was with. that and together, Rather agree?’ you elegant don’t sharp. PAGE 20 PAGE

to meet this guy for this guy to meet agame golf. of He seldom Point information of -never make anarrangement there Iwatch whilst allfrom it the ground level. couch. SPOKENit?’ neatly back to the matter doesn’t under discussion, now. us world. brings This realm. This Which isthat’spoint why to Iambound this Ilove it. The things. these honesttion ifone be about must IN creation.’ of the beginning DARKNESSsive breath. the linear.stuck with following Tick tock.’ likethe direction‘Others you God. of and me are ever now,’ where are they right he tiltedhishead in question. Let’sfine say just are us that of some only Malloy, to gunplay. hismind off keep trying slightly.hand flexed Devil’s The smooth. pale worn bone of right curves holster. inits high pistol’sriding The were grips black brass,revolver asleek stubsof of the butt ugly fat loops bullet with belt, cient tanned-leather gun side to fellrevealjacket on the right open anan- cut Hissharply the bookcase. against casually 3inches fromabout hishand. Colt .45automatic inthe desk was drawer stashed his but boxcash cabinet, at the filing the bottomof anoilyrag ina police with .38was issue wrapped have.’ toneed practice. Inever isawasting. Time Time moment? at the crossroads, Meeting remember? I ‘So God here dances about, popping up here up popping and here God about, dances ‘So the leather of Devilsat on down the edge The ‘Okay, okay. Sincethree after crea- about weeks A low cough. thisworld second of from every ‘I’ve lived through around Devillooked andexpan- took adeep The and politely. quietly Devilclapped The ‘A very do you care blurted time?’ much so about ‘Why ‘You surely won’t believe how fast Iam,cowboy.’ Devilplaced to the violin one side and leaned The Malloy really wanted tothisguy. shoot Hisold your did Ispoil little He ‘Oh, I’m paused. sorry PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON Church. Boring.’Church. tion. long inanother moment contempla- stopped of God Aparadise wonderit. of and awe and endeavour,’ to inhabitants people world and the perfect perfect young. My desire wasI wasvery to still create the the universe was old come difficulty. with ‘When His tone was resigned and the words to seemed inthe room. Don’tright you even have aheart?’ How could you have created this?Why?’ allow this?How could you… this…whatever he is. did you anddirectly looked at ‘Why position God. that. Nowdo this. stop doing thisand go back to doing or astonevegetation don’t shouting tablet do that piece of or burning inthe sky asign go by without inyour it face,constantly isit? rubbing aday Can for isn’t It much choice even of amoment. ifhe’s to wonder ifheever can leavestart your alone lot and the hillsandlambs the trees and the flowers. available –to tell how you he created allabout the are editions –various a bigrattle abook of bag creation. of together Jumbled notes in the margins then pressedbut along regardless. atDevil looked Malloy hissupport, ifrequiring as ness,’ adramatic yawn. he stifled and the the prayingendlesswith singing for forgive- ideas above theirstation. Makes my life difficult around. poking them Giving and up starts turns who guess Then It’s experience. beautiful atruly Howshows. inconsiderate isthat?’ God ignored him. ‘First I tried Power ignored him.‘FirstGod Itried and Free Devilwhispered in aharsh aside: ‘Like being The softly. for paused God amoment before speaking, Devilfrowned and‘Hey, pouted: The I’m mac. Malloy raised to up himself more comfortable ‘Too busy. Too fussy. Too dull.’ ‘After behaviour of I too many years thissort of Scribbled messengers. Sent ‘He messages. left much for‘So choice. what Know Imean?’the ‘I watch my grow, people each faith, other. lose kill hishead Devilshook indisgust. The PAGE 21 SPOKEN IN DARKNESS PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE ‘You said something about a deal,’ said Malloy. said something‘You about a deal,’ second the it only it was like I remember yes. ‘Ah, had when I goes,‘So I thought. here Eventually, God this point. spoke up at an arrange- made ‘We knew he sure fairly was Malloy failed?’ if you ‘And smugness. Devil in all his the at God looked over plan you did long demanded. he ‘How long?’ ‘How must un- said God. ‘You reign’ thousand year ‘A The our boy here pass and ‘Years Devil continued. stage‘Enter left. of the The Prince of Powers the the bag.’ Another predator smile. ‘Where smile. Another predator I?’ was bag.’ the couch. the on more The once Devil relaxed century.’ it became clear Nazareth to at debacle that ‘After keep inter- couldn’t He a problem. had we that me get out of Who hand. really things would or fering people getknewyour in ideas you would crazy what next.heads It tough was enough trying spread to corruption and pestilence without religious cults true one the from springing people lead away up to filth degradation. and to path last a couldn’t He that became convinced utterly without weekend a burninglong bush a request or bag; an unbaptised in a duffel infant I decidedfor An experiment. test. the A wager. put Him to A to call it The to bedeal. I think it fair would Deal.’ this mortalment. its own If to coil leave I would of thousand Lord the then years, a few for devices carnival up his pandemonium and pack Lies would all in peace.’ you leave going. was this one where never forever, be gets charge. Not in total to ‘He forever.’ could Malloy mercies,’ his tender us to leaving on it that smile size the by of Devil’s the tell already of be months. a couple to going wasn’t I only said it becausederstand I knew stay I could and won, Until I had to. as as I had long for away I paradise the return to to all be free would you then envisaged.’ veryis doing The well. very the to odd appearance some than and less earthfaithful shaking minor Devil cherished the the day,’ Until one miracles. drama: ‘See what I mean,’ said the Devil. ‘All I needed was said Devil. ‘All the ‘See I mean,’ what There was another scratching wail of wail violin, There another scratching was ‘The future,’ said God. ‘You and Your kind give me Your and said God.‘The ‘You future,’ ‘Hope? Hope for what?’ for Hope ‘Hope? God shrugged sighed. and surprise ‘You You me. Malloy winced, felt a little of guilt the shudder of winced, felt Malloy God ignored this and spoke directly to Malloy. ‘He ‘He Malloy. to spokeGod and directly this ignored The smirked. ‘Then Devil Will and Free came the ‘Then of course there was Power without‘Then Free- Power was there of course a little practice. I reckon this next soul is in guy’s I reckon a little practice. followed by a low scraping sound that slowly and slowly sound and that scraping a low by followed An tune. actual a lilting rolling changed into surely mount- and out withtune, bowed picked and care and became playing faster as Devil’s the ing ardour soars more and A purity fades that of voice faster. starts then and lively and lose dwindle and rapid to of despair.. a final discord into dissolves and focus hope that we will all move on through the universe through on universe the will we all move hope that Together.’ its wonders. explore and make me proud and torment me all at the same the torment and all at me proud me make struggle the peace, the love, the time. The piety, moods can drive that with dark- the oppressive the Allest acts. me. All to of it of it is new fresh and gives hope.’ me ages. ‘Why all of this? What create the you did was us around?’ Why have to point? want you do is correct about the matter of choice. If of choice. you is correct I allow about matter the opportunity the will you I must allow free reject to alternative, that that represent to has come He me. as if God looked around gift Although,’ of freedom. windows the beyond and noticing wider the world of office.walls the ‘I begin perhaps that wonder to Society its path. found itself has already this world of differ- the demonstration ample provides now It longer no between Rightence the Wrong. the and needs an explanation.’ the complete and utter lack of any kind of Power kind of Power of lack any utter and complete the hard. shoulder, thumped the on Malloy He all.’ at ya, sport?’ working out for that ‘How’s dom. Whatdom. born. call Angels They were you are just Aspects,really eternal of my resolve. slivers Strong, talkers.’ great Not dedicated. Will. That didn’t work out too well, I accept that,’ that,’ Will. I accept well, That out too work didn’t of Devil. the direction in the shifted eyes God’s PAGE 22 PAGE

showed up?’ that went whenhe off by the alarm thrilled just havepossibly him.I’m acted sure to he thwart was that no-one could else to imagine enough arrogant and confusion, the doubt crazy was with was driven was concealed. itself plan He the very of knowledge SPOKEN toity discover. success. The was aspectacular It inafashion beyond Hisabil- knowledge storing for amechanism devised scientists disturbed of aside. IN heard be will inthe light.’ Therefore whatever you have indarkness spoken ‘Oh, her soul. here’sRest afavourite mine: of DARKNESS to familybelonged Malloy’s bible.large It mother. a of the pages through the Devil,flicking called danger.’ what out Archerfind knew. a be might it Ithought had already gone wrong. was why to Ineeded That toactual sense anyone sane.’ ‘He wasn’t allowed to that tell made them anything interfere.’ wasn’t Ijust orpeople. allowed to or cajole engage over.’ to just,’ he waved ahand infront hisface. of ‘Glaze to Itend get talking boffins these When like that. you around had bouncing something your Or skull. each word and gesture and image into thattoy little and polished and crimped foldedthey and curved Then andunder craft siege. shape acity atale of take and thecut plan eral substance. They elaborate idea given An and yet ephem- knowledge? device was the was the device. The the knowledge that’s that said Ithinkthey wait, quite not right. picture show.tion inthe formanallegorical of No gaw to store designed piece informa- of aspecific gee- them anexceptionallywith intricateflying Air. Bringing Deviland allhiswork colleagues. The ‘That doesn’t make sense,’ Malloy. said ‘That was it ‘If we have There ‘So. and it where are we? My cadre andit cast roughly closed theHe book slapped ‘Or was incredibly helike just Isuspected,’ nosey it,’ just something ‘That’s ‘Ithought God. said what went wrong,’‘So Malloy. asked ‘And,’ the Devilfrom said over by the bookshelf. ‘I could visit,’ still quietly. God said with ‘Speak PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON afflicted, but the man was clearly crazy.’ thewas man but clearly afflicted, inalowspoke voice. ‘Idon’t the like illof to speak to mean?’ ness—’ thatjudged Archer’s condition reduced effective- its totions; and decided introduce may itself. It have you were ques- for looking answers; the right asking back room to boys answer. Perhaps that noticed it plan?’ why me? Was end did with it up the of that part to was whenit inthe presence goset off God, of place allworked out.’ attention a I’ve got underregime. the new special You’ll though. get the world was mine. Don’t worry this?Once allof you of entered hisemploy metry track Archer. down Don’t you love sym- the fearful todiscover make him thePlan hire Secret somebody How that does sound?’ Earth. On window. inaHell something alittle of ‘I’m thinking feelinggut you understand?’ Heback to the turned to say,’ straight at a looking Malloy. isjust ‘This at the moment after careful consideration I’d have the place? therewith Oh are many so options but for the contractual and what amIgoing term, to do slanted inover the streets and rooftops. Peered the blindsthe as sunlight between out it’s that, of story.’ little wonderful have simplyfascinating. to I’ll make anote‘That’s abottle.’bottom of to by diving hewhispered could till the onlyescape rowed into hishead and crawled and crept and ‘You drove himmad. Your machinery. bur- It ‘Well,’ from the Devilglanced side to side,and ‘Condition?’ Malloy, asked ‘what’s that supposed one for the ‘That’s Devilsimplyshrugged. The The Devil twisted away Devil twisted The from a the window with ‘He didn’t hire me,’ Malloy. said he hired you to‘Yes. track When Archer down and ‘He interfered?’ Malloy. said ‘A dealisadeal.He world ismine interfered. The and up prowled Devilgot to the window.The forced the Devilwith said ‘Really?’ interest. PAGE 23 SPOKEN IN DARKNESS PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE Malloy picked up the bottle of bourbon he’d been up bottle the picked Malloy of bourbon he’d ‘No. This the be. I thought.‘No. can’t certain.’ I was ‘He said he never worked for me,’ responded God, responded me,’ for worked said never he ‘He ‘What did he say?’ the Devil’s voice was losing its was ‘What voice Devil’s the say?’ he did God accepted the coin in cupped coin the hands and God accepted He coughed said: times then given ‘I’ve a few He it Malloy stood awkwardly and stepped over towards stepped towards and over stood awkwardly Malloy searching for earlier and left earlier and post the to them for searching slippedmortem. quietly He through door the to smallthe apartment behind office, kept the he and of a soft off in search bed dreamless, and wandered sleep.silent voice rose and rose in pitch and God’s more muted muted more God’s and in pitch rose and rose voice try out to soothing rolled tones calm Devil. the and smiling mildly. ‘Didn’t I always say they were full of they were say I always ‘Didn’t smiling mildly. surprises?’ cultured balance. cultured mouthed the words: ‘Thankmouthed words: the You.’ some thought case. this decided and take not to a chance when I had you to get back to me told You turn to down. you have to going I’m consider. to Sorry.’ busy. Too God, pulling the golden coin from his pocket his and from coin God, pulling golden the of him. it out in front holding voice like thunder echoing off thunder mountains. distant like voice ‘Whatsay?’ you did PAGE 24 PAGE FEATURE . ofRe-Animator and Bride Scream such as parodieseven the popular and comedic horror films fear-fests; and then there’s TheThingand Alien of tinged ; the sci-fi Left Last onthe House and The The exploitation of Chainsaw Massacre Texas Dead; the gritty oftheLiving Dead and City Evil Dead and Halloween; the gore frenzies The of ; the innovative cho oftheLiving terror Night of AlfredHitchcock’s of suspense wonderful Psy Horror Gems:Sleepstalker that he discovered Sleepstalker was it with but his consistent work inthe realms horror and of fantasy, Wrong to fairly find Turn 2.Meyer managed has 3and, Candyman to, Buffy work on Smallville from directorobscurity Turi Meyer whowent on fans. horror of unfairly ignored bybeen the majority that have agreat with imagination able horror films and solid enjoy- be will they but ideas, ambitious to and their often lack off the budget pull classics, bargainbins. through ment digging saveand perhaps you and time disappoint- some lostgems these of some off theI aimtodust wipe eventhatthe shelfget far). (ifthey Inthiscolumn HORROR GEMS:Carpenter it’s that many inevitable anamelike lacking films tag around under the “horror” floating Contagium like Equinox, Terror Eyes and Day oftheDead 2: ror fan’s vocabulary, many so and with weaker films SLEEPSTALKER These films tend to make up the majority of ahor- of tend films to make the up majority These The horror genre classics:there its has isthe First, a1995horror on my listisSleepstalker coveringare be necessarily not I’ll films The make upthemajority These filmstendto or Craven of ahorrorfan’s on the cover tend on to left get vocabulary PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON - re-death. Stopping a seemingly invinciblere-death. demon aseemingly Stopping Sandman’s Sandman’s to and then see The re-birth, locatename, the elusive Voodoo The behind Priest away hefind must to less promising, lot his clear nice). 3,whowas actuallyquite inSpiderMan seen sort heand really thistime, Man (andthe isaSand not the children“putting Griffin, to sleep”, specifically to returned finish has Sandman apparent that The wasn’t it’s bad enough, more becoming and more mind. hisfragile parents warped has forfin the murders, that the assuming death his of can’t work andGrif- what’s out blame happening, the police ways. Unsurprisingly strange and horrific after in andGriffin’s soon dying city start friends the hits sandstorm however, Abizarre right. isnot tion: no more nightmares forSomething Griffin. to sent hisexecu- finally has ism, and the Sandman apromisingHe career friends, injournal- good has life. toinhisnew grown happy andcause up has be nice avery has despite aminor fear the dark, of parents hisloving home with in hissuburban and, who livesfocusesplot on a young Griffin boy named tinue wreaking havoc on the world. Sleepstalker’s from whoreturns killer the grave serial ous to con- hislicencedirecting talent and to earned chill. AUTHOR: Now that Griffin’s promising life gotten has a your killing roommate accused of ifbeing As follows ahide- theformulaof familiar story The Jamie Halliday fin (Jayfin isall Underwood) spree. killing despicable on deathput row for his whoispromptlySandman, and apprehend The Griffin to intime just saverive poor fortunatelybut the police ar- Griffin’s parents mercilessly into theirhome. He slays hisway finds Sandman The onlyas known crazed killer whena life. one Until night, Years later, Grif- little PAGE 25 HORROR GEMS: SLEEPSTALKER PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE ) is another of the Dead (Dawn Ken Foree of inevitably the With rushed exception the Sleepstalker perfect isn’t shot, a long by highlight as an aggressive in a small role detective hell-bent bringing on Griffin in. As skilled and deliv- presence usual his physical ery he his co-stars, once overshadows but for has dialoguean is worthy of his talents. Foree in an underappreci- actor, underappreciated film. ated schedule, budget the production restraints decent, obvious; effects the the too are aren’t very are locations cast the and well are actors atmospheric. Sleepstalker is full of creative itideas and actually has to some of tools the giving screen, put the on them us an enjoy- able, gripping horror times disturbing at and film. becomes verybecomes certainactu- affecting: are moments ally very beautiful. of The The character Sandman majority the to unavailable of characters has layers born Krueger of Freddy the is where this and craze true strength lies. film’s the but it possesses qualities the of originality and in the tall stand it allow to which craftsmanship swarm of on Elm Nightmare Street that clones special a surround it. in my place have It will always heart.

never will

Sleepstalker Sleepstalker and probably and probably

never made any made any never “Top 10 Greatest 10 Greatest “Top The surprisingly cast are such a low good for Turi Meyer’s writing is also talent Meyer’s evident.Turi He This eerie sound particularly doesn’t little picture The film’s reception was unimpressive. Sleep- unimpressive. was reception The film’s Horror Flicks” lists lists Flicks” Horror budget film: horror Harris Michael evil oozes in his dry of The portrayal Sandman as plot the and performanceofhis tragic the undercurrent develops produces reasonably well-rounded characters with characters well-rounded reasonably produces dialoguebelievable relief some and tasteful comic storyline minor despite and, the inconsistencies, plot-twists thoughtfully are set developed. up and impressive, but it’s actually quite a strong thriller: a strong quite actually but it’s impressive, very visuals, with some paced impressive well it’s wonderfully gritty locations skilled cinematography, a nightmarishand All through shine musical score. a very create to re- effective budgetthe restraints serialworking of undead the killer tale. never made any “Top 10 Greatest Horror Horror 10 Greatest “Top any made never stalker been Flicks” will. Having never lists probably and withreleased seemingly behind it, promotion no The there. sheer stayed filmthe and hit shelves the of DVD has the a very garnered cheapness minor Sleep-cult film the fan-ship but all accounts, by for hasstalker been forgotten. is not an easy task for a yuppie journalistis not an easy task for his and flower obsessed photographer friend, but fortu- poetic most some of city’s the nately members gang gun. and a hand lend willing Can they to end are forever? of terror reign The Sandman’s PAGE 26 PAGE COLUMN

constructing such awork. constructing read;tial researching it’s of and inthe art atutorial graphic novel yourself, to has anessen- be thisbook you’ve a considered whole. If writing a meaningful to weavemethods the many complex threads into and diverseIn compositionand form uses styles it It’swork. storytelling. of amasterclass inthe art to the aspect ment amuch and we deeper see can BRYAN stand backBut from what we’re reading for amo- Carroll’s as magical as . Alice story humour, of piecescal dose and alarge and we have a autobiographi- some and myth, history of mixture on the way. and legends myths in local to this Add iscovered taking ing region detail, inmeticulous Sunderland and of the surround- history TALBOT:inspiration Carrol’s behind social . The Alice and Tenniel, Liddell,the Alice along with journey.amazing There’s much on Carroll in the audience) -takes the reader on an tures narrator, him(as of and heckler guide, where Talbot -or, rather, carica- of aseries isSunderland’s setting The Empire Theatre, ARTISTbesides. it’s but Carroll, work much Lewis of so more ever read to isahomage the before. certainly It (Jonathan I’ve 2007)isquite unlike Cape anything Talbot’s inSunderland: Alice AnEntertainment spired, Isimplyhad to by Alice read it. graphic 320page novel amammoth published in- EXTRAORDINAIREenjoy today. Talbot that Bryan had on hearing So I books impact hadof on ahuge the kind sight, which have, stories were hind- with magical Those trations. Tenniel’s with , again berwocky illus- imaginative captivated verse by the nonsense Jab-especially Later,, andGlass was IreadLooking Through the , by the illustrator Alice of the case John Tenniel. Wonderland were. Both lavishly illustrated; in Carroll’sLewis Alice’s Adventures in tales by theand Brothers Grimm, fairy of abook inparticular: by two books , Irecall mesmerised achild being As Extraordinaire Bryan Talbot:Artist AUTHOR: PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON Caroline Callaghan Newcastle on 22nd December 2007. on 15thDecember 2007,and at Travelling Man in 9th December 2007,at Waterstones , Sunderland Sunderland at Page on Sunday 45,Nottingham Talbot copiesin Alice of signing Bryan be will work at www.bryan-talbot.com You Talbot more out find can Bryan and about his onceCarroll wrote. andillustrations. curiouser,” “Curiouser Lewis as Tennielland and drawn the original of inthe style , taken from inSunder- Alice sion) Jabberwocky we reproduceand amusement, permis- kind (with Meanwhile, on the following for pages, your delight Talbot ofBryan Art by NBMinDecember 2007. the publication The of with possible be soon will Talbot’sExamining previous work inmore detail look. acloser now Irealise too works these deserve hero comics; and superhero comics bore me. But them to yet more believing be ly super- of examples and The Nazz , wrong-tures Arkwright ofLuther and. I’d Relative previously avoidedAdven- The , and the Telos Chills Time novella, Doctor Who on my shelves; books ous for Northern example, I was aware hisillustrations of some of from vari- child abuse. genre graphic novel surviving about read The non- Rat, apoignant Bad Tale ofOne more out find Talbot’s abut I’d work. previously me wanting to inSunderlandReading Alice left Christmas listthisyear! Christmas addition to like anessential mysounds life of 12 and aselection drawings. It ics drawn by himwhenhe was about home of made com- examples such as previouslysome material, unpublished done overincludes also the years. It illustrationszine and book Talbot has maga- thethis isacollectionbest of anintroductionWith by Neil Gaiman, PAGE 27 BRYAN TALBOT: ARTIST EXTRAORDINAIRE PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE PAGE 28 PAGE BRYAN TALBOT: ARTIST EXTRAORDINAIRE PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON PAGE 29 BRYAN TALBOT: ARTIST EXTRAORDINAIRE PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE PAGE 30 PAGE FEATURE yet, leading manyyet, to that be the speculate show will received not has orderthis autumn. It season afull worst ratings the genres of shows that premiered the of some toceptionally garnering date, poorly ex- performed has Journeyman season, the new his brother, Jack. apolice named officer creasing investigations including by the authorities, destroysit hislife. to hisproblems Adding are in- to what him,before ishappening to exactly out find aresult as Danlife hisabsences, of has falling apart him,and hisfamily guiding scientist ic government crash,in aplane atraveller. isalso an enigmat- With dead 1987, he realises long thought that hisfiancée, of thesuch as great earthquake take himtotory. times histrips As to great do something inworld his- or to save go on whowill somebody prevent from something happening backsent for areasonto –usually that becomesclear it he isbeing the course hisjourneys, of Over travellingplicably time. through Francisco inex- himself whofinds Dan Vasser, inSan living areporter ing showsfared far so this season? how have But and return- the new entertainment. and acceptedence apopular as fiction of medium stronger, better. We canmakeitfaster,

FASTER, STRONGER, BETTER modern science-fiction Despite onethe strongest of being of offerings How hasitperformed? of tells the story Journeyman What isitabout? NBC Mondays 10/9O’Clock When itairs Journeyman Title last The few haveyears sci- of the return seen The resurgenceof PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON the [writers’] strike and questionable our numbers.” strike the [writers’] It’s that alongshot we would aback get nine,given order.is theour end of let’s And ourselves. kid not Falls, the showrunner, whostated12 that “Episode recent been has comments by Kevin to the flames fuel Adding fore finale. its be will strike the writers producedcancelled, and thatepisode the last be- dismayed by. that we – something feel profoundlyChristmas this or the sweeps the strike survive the show will unlikely that looks It information, Moonlight. ala for more,leaves rather you by hungry deluged than inafashion that more a little the grand of story reveals episode intheirroles. Every performances at inadmirable allput times) annoying and flat Danas Vasser, (ifalittle cast whilethe supporting issuperb McKidd fantasticalstantly premise. Kevin anuanced it intelligencegives in- that its belies romance,and action blend drama, of subtle mystery cancellationIts thisseason. that doesn’t deserve Journeyman, ironically,Journeyman, isprobably the one show Our verdict AUTHOR: Locke PAGE 31 FASTER, STRONGER, BETTER PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE How has it performed? has it How of child the golden as the being heralded Despite Our verdict been a mod- so much, have could Bionic Woman new offerings this season, Bionic Woman has seen new offerings this season, Bionic Woman its impres- since freefall literal into slip its ratings pilot. the The for numbers audience last sive epi- sode, Trust Issues, only managed pull in around to Nielsen the reports, to like and according six million of suspectedJourneyman the top the is at show the arisen lists. Furthercancellation in have problems Kateethat Corvus, Sarah Sackhoff, who plays has be the reportedly returning to won’t she said that up again picked after set, of whether it’s regardless strike.the ern update of used a classic that show allegory from gen- explore socio-political really to events today’s rising the and influence roles der of technology over Eick, David of one from Coming our own humanity. Battlestar excellent the for peoplethe responsible bet this seemed surefire a for like Galactica remake, the new shows. However, being of strongest one the scripts poorly written, are acting is sometimes the cinematog- the and unbelievably hammy, camp and might we that of distinctiveness has the none raphy expect such a pedigree. It honestly from is quite deserve awful, doesn’t and rather season second the receive. to unlikely it’s that What is it about? Sommers is a strugglingJaime surrogate mother When it airs When it 9/8 O’Clock Wednesdays NBC Title Bionic Woman for her sister, a college drop-out who barely man- who barely a college drop-out sister, her for meet ends make ages working as by a bartender. to with WillThe romance is her light shining life in her local the with University at a professor Anthros, is turned is expecting life she whom Her a child. when a horrific car accident downupside however, with fiancée her making door, death’s at her leave implanted her having by life her save decisionthe to these events, Following with technology. bionic as an must new learn her life balance to how Jaime shadowy the private a Berkut for Group, operative country the protecting to dedicated organisation balance to while attempting outside threats, from into as grows she sister her to responsibilities her more job is made Her as Bionic the Woman. role her of shadow constant the by however complicated Corvus,Sarah first experiment the failed in bionic as quite things aren’t that fact the and replacement they seem. PAGE 32 PAGE

tigator learns his secret and hissecret tigator the two go into learns busi- Ned lives alonely life aprivate until his gift, inves- coil permanently. the mortal off aresult of As fled would shuf- it ever be again, his skin question with over,not for in to touch ifhe happened the subject this exchange however, were the gift of the curses equivalent nearby would place. die inits Even with alive for something seconds, more sixty than FASTER,would to return world. our However, remained ifit he problems.touchedonce,or its something it If back to life, drawbacks its thiswaswithout but not discovered things that to he had the ability bring achild, Ned As arathermaker with gift. unusual STRONGER, BETTER Pushing Daisies tells the story of Ned, of apie- DaisiesPushing tells the story What isitabout? ABC Wednesdays 8/7O’Clock When itairs DaisiesPushing Title PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON seeing it again after again the strike. it seeing Since it’s already picked we up, forward look to been banteris utterlyand isthe as witty premise. superb, to cast watch. and entertaining The once gratifying, and Ned that allcombine isat something to give acters and the touching romance Chuck between the char- of mixed the eccentricities schemes, with colour that arefreshing has The to lightness it. which iscreate around themes ashow based dark prevalent days, these inscience fiction particularly place. order,22-episode taking currently despite the strike recently by ABCordering afull show was affirmed audience confidence 13 million. Studio of inthe and was the highest-rankedseason an debutwith the top for lists the viewership of genre showsthis have dropped, however consistently has at it been Housewives.” ratings its Like allshowsthisseason Desperate fantasy-noir,good could it ABC’s next be and aveteran wit creators. of feel-speed cast As Daisies Pushing Gilmore boasts Girls– and smart, the New York “Funny, it calling Times imaginative, romance, with comedy andscrewball well-written acclaimcal for whimsy, blend Amelie-esque its of lostto be she himpermanently. will he ever touch her, despite theirmutualaffection, Should to unable her again. himself and kill he finds however whenthe love Ned’s of life dead, up turns are murdercomplicatedness Things solving cases. Pushing Daisies manages something that Daisies isn’tPushing something manages Our verdict DaisiesPushing received has considerable criti- How hasitperformed? PAGE 33 FASTER, STRONGER, BETTER PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE Title Chuck airs When it O’Clock 8/7 Mondays NBC What is it about? Chuck Bartowski is a twenty-something young How has it performed? Chuck, initially was while being that a show slated Our verdict withvery show Chuckexamplea ofan is littlesub- man who works at a local electronics store as a store a localman electronics who works at expert.computer Being something of a social hand his by looked out for is constantly he grenade, who tries findhim friends to in vain a and sister, night one changes how- life His uneventful partner. rogue (now roommate Stanford when a former ever, CIA agent) an downloads sends an e-mail him that The of his brain. government secrets into archive of has happened, what and government is aware peo-sends Chuck various agents protect from to this. The to NSA access want who would ple sends CaseyMajor John (Baldwin), a job at who takes CIA while the Walker, sends Sarah store, Chuck’s who ends up posing as his girlfriend close stay to him. Chuckto must use newfound his knowledge his knowledge nation, the to help thwartto threats through subliminal triggersbeing activated he that control. often can’t rubbish the for has bin, performed actually sur- critics many noticing Despite prisingly decently. subtle too its none influence 2.0, NBC has of Jake pre- over show the a full episode for pickup ordered Its viewer- Bionicvious Woman. season favourite, through consistent fairly stayed ship numbers have its run, viewers 9 million and around debuting at season, the for so 7 million far around averaging with being 8 million the boosted up to back recently last episode, Chuck vs The Vic. Crown its setting against to manages well do that stance to all odds. While laughs humour can the induce at annoying,certain are points, clichéd characters the superfluous entirely often and plot the what to actually needs. is managing this show Quite why to SF decent get when genuinely full season orders, such as Journeyman cannot,fare know. don’t we flaws it is good its brainless many Despite however, entertainment, a giggle just want if you you before pub. the shift off to PAGE 34 PAGE

directors such as Kevin Smith directors Smith Kevin suchas from havingbenefited guest has It instalments. further justify andcan ifit performs, for the show tohow it see haveepisodes ordered been three are Afurther decent. ratings those network, ticular FASTER,CW however, and for that par- isthe This aweek. viewers 2.5and 3million ing between averag-debuted thisseason, to showsthat the other have rather whencompared poorly STRONGER, agrees. tantly he reluc- forfeit, be will souls he’s told then hisparents’ thatout ifhe doesn’t do what for whenhe finds him,but doing the Devil’s work dirty at balks Sam first, At week. different implement each them there, a using usually fromescaped Hell and returns tracks whohave souls down BETTERa Reaper, anoperative who towho wishes employ himas the Devil, of tured servant isnow aninden-such, Sam in order to cure hisfather. As before his soul he was born revealing that hisparents sold however,birthday to whenthe Devilappears Sam, thischanges on his21st of All him absolutely fine. hisbrother hard as whichdriving can, suits they as testing while thatparticularly he finds anything ways himto on him,encouraging easy ignore been the as lifehe sees Riley. of Hisparents have al- what aspirations little has perpetuating of outside hisparents,home adead with works end job, and Reaper has performed performed has Reaper How hasitperformed? Oliverisastereotypical waster.Sam He lives at What isitabout? CW The 9/8 O’Clock When itairs Reaper Title PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON Wars) references that litter this. showssuchas prerequisite game culture and pop video (read: Star around replete battling evil, aplethora with the of your family, it’s that astoner devil runs adust with and saving evil serving between moral quandary the melodrama exploring to aserious be trying not are There what is. it few pretensions inReaper, it’s mentioned show inthat usually, exactly knows it to the afore- issuperior it but Chuck, as category fine’ be will ‘don’t and everything it, thinkabout it’sson, falls fairly into compelling. the same This thefor as Enronmuch sense scandal...yet rea- some as andthat aplot makes about executed slapstick, Devil. the as Wise Ray wellof as the as casting work on it, Reaper is filled with immature with isfilled humour,Reaper poorly Our verdict PAGE 35 FASTER, STRONGER, BETTER PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE Our verdict best the among televised is probably Charlie Jade decently there, and it finally and was exporteddecently there, this late UK, the to year it has been airing where in some- thing of a Friday By night slot its since. death very a for made was that is a show Charlienature, Jade than casual viewing its rather to due DVD release as more however world, intricate plot complex and we time goes it by that appears likely less and less will see season, a second particularly ac- the since on. moved already have involved tors out last in the ten come have fictionscience to good. that not kidding, really we’re No, years. it’s compelling, are The storyline the characters is entrancing, it and just has an air of intellectualism The resist. impossible to writingabout is ri- it that’s diculously competent, with scenarios believable and dialogue, a real and subtle political commentary, pushboundaries the to attempt consider we ofwhat fiction The be science television. on to compara- of is a breath setting exotic tively of Cape Town army the of shows setting it from aside air, fresh Los other set Angeles any or in Chicago, York, New find yourself while you Americanequivalent city, caring about desperately happens what genuinely, these people, if they and to mistakes even make is an infuriate Charliethat you. failings Jade have triumph,absolute both in writing, cinematography, sheerand spirit. How has it performed? ago in its years native two aired Charlie Jade What is it about? detective in Cape is a private CityCharlie Jade When it airs Fridays 8pm FX Home Title Charlie Jade countries of Canada South and Africa, being a joint between nations. Itproduction two the performed who specialises in finding MisPers – that is to say, say, is to – that who specialises in finding MisPers shows a woman after However, Missing Persons. thought he what up his doorstep, on way the was She has identity no is changed forever. of world the – impossible authoritarian, in the ultra-capitalist turns when she and society up dead, of Cape City, become stranded killer her him to leads for his hunt It – our world. turns dimension out in a parallel – Alpha, universes three of are Cape that there that Beta the into – Our but 30 minutes world, City, utopia. It’s – an environmental Gamma and future, plot summarise and impossible to multi-layered the in such of Charlie Jade characters sophisticated a brief but story the of amount words, revolves to back find his way to attempts Charlie’s around Alpha, of evil the Vexcor. machinations the and PAGE 36 PAGE

FASTER, STRONGER,into ‘Cantons’. organised the original, of tribes type human-animal BETTERand Zarkov, whilethe residents Mongo of the echo Mongo,the planet whojoins forces Dale Flash, with hunterduced abounty from inthe formBaylin, of by her father’s brutality. character Anew isintro- Aura, whoisdisturbed remain, hisdaughter suchas elements key pastcertain times of Mings perialist dictatorsmodern more im- the than pseudo-racist, represents Ming of thisincarnation Ming. Although Emperor tyrant, over by the ruthless Mongo, ruled that facilitate and the Planet travel Earth between Dale and intime space Arden, appear rifts girlfriend hisformer Hans Dr with Zarkov he meets When mysterious accident was 13years whenFlash old. -hisfather hismother ina with land disappeared for wholives so inMary- nicknamed hisspeed, follow the adventures Gordon, Steven of ‘Flash’ Flash has received has amount of Flash anenormous How hasitperformed? and on the 1930scomic, isbased series new The What isitabout? (NBC) Channel Sci-Fi 9/8O’Clock Fridays When itairs GordonFlash Title PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON the end resultenjoyable. as isabout and class, much creativity aGamorrean as inanart Gordon Flash as has JadeCharlie Inshort, beckon. gems suchas whenother for night on aFriday thisreally isn’t tobecause something stay at home that onlyhope can ideasare bucked and up, quickly, men and women for to time some come. Wemerry and insufferably hisband of goldilocks stuck with tunately, be order theseason full meansthat we’ll Unfor- hold ontoand Repear by theirfingernails. that Chuck mindless of entertainment heights lofty tolittle offer to any viewer, even not reaching the romantic has dramas, Flash misguided of number and any Stargate, of Sliders the bastard offspring face. on its like seeming times At fallenhas flat and the attempt to story what was update aclassic present. cancellation ever looms although from the outset, production however, order season afull was it given the of Despite quality the public. shocking fatigued dross out plugs Doomtrooperlarly SS suchas onto a which regu- days, these fornorm FiChannel the Sci low,ently a of to something thisseems be although have consist- the actors.been Ratings exist between to that seems or charisma and chemistry the lack of many publications slating the production values with since debutinAugust, its negative criticism The acting is atrocious, the scripts are appalling, are appalling, actingisatrocious, the scripts The Our verdict PAGE 37 THE FANDOM MENACE PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE But seriously, is this a good But seriously, thing? Is it? After all, beyond the thing? Is it? hor- YouTube aforementioned look to five minutes take rors, or SF forum, convention any on are and brave feel - if you even - seek work out not some at slash fiction. After a while you’ll clearly thinks fan willsee one what that be highly a large cool proportion the most likely of (and other fans public) will think “whatgeneral bloodythe is this? Why hell is Harry kissing Ron Weasley Potter Lee Medcalf AUTHOR: Being a fan means appreciating the work that Being that work means appreciating the a fan Just take a look at the evidence: the Just a look at take WS Anderson: Paul true. I saw come ALIEN absolutely a dream “It’s when Ratner:Brett Phoenix. just I was Dark so Dark into I loved “Well, Dav- The list goes but on everyone Russell T. from ies and David Tennant on Doctor Who through to J. Who Doctor on J. through to Tennant David and ies can all be revival discussing his Star Abrams Trek J. comfortably imagined “squeee!” little doing excited noises behind closed the of doors their productions. Bagginswhile Frodo a circle Sam and have Gamgee jerk corner!?” in the originalthe of target the cast crew af- and of your as woeful as any filmed-in-the-back-garden episode filmed-in-the-back-garden as woeful as any of Peckham. Star Trek: Every a kidI was at school. fucking day believe I can’t setI’m on every an know alien, you with time I see Tom an alien, excel- it’s suit, in the I’m like: ‘Wow, Woodruff gave - He as well.” lent!’ I’m a huge of PREDATOR fan Alien vs. Predator. us PG-12 rated the Phoe- Dark that excited Phoenix. just I was completely gave – He it.” believe I couldn’t movie. nix in this was 3. X-Men Phoenix free us almost Dark the are now moving time. big the to in It would seem to seem would It films fan that me

Wrong! If Wrong! “Ahh!” you you “Ahh!” Secondly I ask because, it would as I can tell, as far The reason I ask this is twofold; Firstly becauseThe I ask this is twofold; reason What is it about films? fan What pos- is it that The lunatics have taken over the asylum.The the taken over lunatics have everyone in and Hollywood BBC TV Centre lev-be to (soon be claim “big, a hotel) to for way make elled to big it stands surely then fans” of series Y, franchise X or making these people “fan that films”. are reason to only that, multi the mil- despite Not but ultimately dollarlion gloss, they’re is which making a product say. “But big say. budget films not fan are films! They better have quality cast, script, etc.” seem to me that fan films are now moving in to moving in to now films fan are that seem me to of big budget swathes big time. Just the the look at scrambling TVmovie and producers and directors al- have and they how are prove to themselves over now they have of franchise the big fan” been “a ways project. their for adopted in the past few days, while searching for leaked for days, while searching past few in the movie being filmed, of footage new the Star Trek stumbled upon a frighteningI accidentally world internet the was which YouTube on trailers of fan a Chan- on phone-in opinion ofequivalent audience daytime Five nel mostly show: coherent, chat barely frightening ultimately that nonsensical and proof be people out in who shouldn’t us are all around public without a government sanctioned handler, keeping and anythingclearing sharper way the than reach. out of their ward’s a ball of Blu Tack sesses someone with so much love for a film, TVsesses for someone with love so much porn feel a fan makes that star etc play, radio show, their chosen subject for on their love spraying like diarrheic of humanity an excitable like rest the to dog?

The Fandom Menace Fandom The COLUMN PAGE 38 PAGE

as he is being wrestled to the ground, is right. We’re wrestled he toas isbeing the ground, isright. HERE!” ALREADY YOU THEY’RE SEE!? CAN’T FOOLS! into the lens “YOU boggle-eyed pastsecurity,smash grab the camera and scream McCarthy fakeone these of onlytoKevin fans, see with interview one day to watch expecting half aTV THE version Invasionzarre of Snatchers. I’m the Body of I’m me!” It’s oneyou! of Trust guys, like bi- some credibility thatthe lines geek “Hey saysof between waters fandom theathinveneer internet behind of FANDOMwraps the shark-infested through or at passed least change to format under step or fundamental totimes any keep mis- powered internet these desperate in They’re franchise fans “onside”. and to the geeks keep to at spill interviews MENACEresearched words key ing inon afew market cash- in fact shams, are “fans” these film, adecent on and making Instead getting just of earshot. one within creditclub badge by proclaiming theirlove to any- rathermaterial to eager wear just than theirgeek and whohave source respectfor aclear the original quality are All acertain Aliens: filmmakersof with movies; James the Rings the Lordof with Cameron due to studio interference); obvious Peter Jackson 1&2(3went the down plughole Spiderman with Rami Sam and makeright. it hold something of here.missing something are There fans that get is going to go to pot. that once the realisation ineverything power sets of Medicine’s of you but Chief bet office, can deceased mass-murderermulti hischairinthe readjusts now- things mayMungo whilst the okay seem at first, and the asylum like of incharge its alunatic being things of incharge afan gets successes.its When the show, whatever film, isfor faults well as its as the reason that you nevertheless but like way’?), have not ‘Iwouldclaim have thought done this it done things(and how many fans could they’ve fections did. You may alwayshow not with agree And you know in your heart of hearts mad ol’ Kev, hearts of youAnd in your know heart maybe that’sSo it. Perhaps too I’m hasty. being though Perhaps I’m pocket. him istohittheminthe the onlywaytostop insidious enemyand We’re atwarwithan PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON Pantechnicon read has one. and since it issue stop himisto them inthe hit pocket. enemy aninsidious war with and the onlyway to watch evencuriosity. the product, of out We’re at enough. for or characters theaction look of soon surface will production real lack of or obvious reference points overblown what decisions, he says hiscasting he is, hands. our then we have drone anemotionless on interviews in afranchise and it’s referenced in and again again (and, importantly,a major fan favourite) storyline to the letter -you’ve found person. yourself apod - interview inevery ing to credibility isgiven geek for the telltale signs: watch it’scash out friends, too late. vigilant keep So yet inreality own, oneour of be onceyour get they the up garden led being to path claiming by people Lee Medcalf has always been a great, great fan agreat, been always of has Medcalf Lee SayJust No To Fake Fans! that you’re you suspect don’tIf duped, being safe myand remember: rules these friends Keep isn’t watchingthe uber-fan thenet –If Keep storiesThe big arefavourites the there’s –If reply the same Consistency ofreply pertain- –If PAGE 39 TWO HANDS AT HEARTBREAK HOUSE PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE Tom Pollock Tom AUTHOR: He produced papers and tobacco, and began to roll began and roll to tobacco, papers and produced He there!” “You behind; his fingers just jostled was from He man! Get out of“I say way!” the The fop- and young spoken was man who had “Who obstructing are, think you devil the you do not. did But probably could he Felix, admittedly, proclaimed youth the “I am Alexander Block,” thought., Felix Only missing fanfare the is…” father my “And cutting stepped and him off, bowed deeply, Felix ments had ever seen of ever their bil- it,ments had any would nor as glimpse so them much buy lions behind solid the Theivory watched. now treasures Felix that doors far and common, less far were of House Heartbreak personal. more whether anyone wondered He cigarette. black a slim recognisewould all, been him. It after such a had very time since… long floor. the as it spun towards cigarette the snared in a garishpish, checked suit with hair that blonde bale. hay all angles out at an electrocuted stuck like A gaggle bland-eyed and youths dressed of gaudily cheeks burned an behind him. Theclustered man’s indignant crimson. know who I am?” you Don’t that? like road the an Earl or Tristan or guessed: a Duke Farquaad have him; glanced around He a Lord Somethingorother. least forty this at wide., Even was feet avenue the fat. that gentleman wasn’t young A gaslight behind caught setting him from grandly. a halo. like hair shining magnificently, his straw

It was the finest monument to rarefied greed rarefied It to finest the was monument Where of the moonlight the stone the touched “At last” Felix sighed under his breath. sighed his breath. last” under Felix “At A single shaft of moonlight finally managed to To pass the time, he studied the facades of the time, pass the studied facades he the To He glanced upwards at the heavy the blanketof at cloud glanced upwards He This hell. gone to has place really He sighed, his breath steaming in the chilly Octo- in the steaming sighed, his breath He Thirteen past minutes twelve. ghostedMidnight long since past. had Stand-

House Two Hands at Heartbreak at Heartbreak Hands Two anywhere: The Valentine Club, House Heartbreak Theanywhere: Valentine some called it, magicians’ the hall. As gambling far Casino greatest concerned, it the was was as Felix than Lord’s longer far It stood for world. in the had Ritz. the or House But city of slick the none traders those establish- sheikhs Arab who frequented or terraces ahead a new visible. It now ahead building was terraces wide flat,was and of a palace monster a baroque horizon the over low a predator. like crouched break through smothering the past break shone cloud and painting a pale church, of steeple the St Sebastian’s glimmering beneath. cobbles the on path Georgian of lined end cul-de- the the that terraces sac. other night On this part any of month the of St been an expensive playground have would James’ better the class echoing with of London for poseur, shouts of trust-puppy swimming and crass brats, the however, in champagne-based vomit. Tonight empty and as as unfilled silent an was street grave. The thought, Management, Felix some- done had thing right least. at that obscured the stars: it showed no sign it no showed of stars: mov- the obscured that ing. ber air. Thirteen ber air. late! minutes

ing in the gaslighting in the corner the on of shadows Gren- Coulper checked street, Felix Croup and villestreet his pocket watch. FICTION PAGE 40 PAGE coloured houses. leader’s tones back the slate of indignant echoed by the moon. bone-white watched bleached and skin them, theirclothes on histail.Felix close and turned youths hurried other The past. and then marched stiffly an insect, he’d though as noise, sniffing disdainful inhaled young made man a path. The the youths’ of out TWOexasperated tone he recited: weren’t going him.Inabored, to almost recognise HANDSadmittance to hall?” our gravel,churning do you “andseek by what right thestraight stoneof at Felix. babieswas staring leftmost The inamoment malevolent of Cupid glee. capturing friezes stone cherubs, grinning wickedly AT by apair of creature. wereextinct flanked They grooved, thefrom scars long some of the teeth HEARTBREAK path. moonbeam him. even pity youth might had One spoken. man” little to whom the at the “horrible glanced cigaretteing theHe unlit inhisfingers. absently inside. the great-Lord-Block would filed do was they lostas HOUSE myand Ithis father instant Precisely what will…” and man, ifyou little don’trible admit my friends “I am the son of Lord Septimus Block, you hor- Block, LordSeptimus of “I amthe son reached they The stopped. the doors they When Marching blithely the of on the beast. tongue He fixed hiseyes on the tiny angel that had spo- I have to to time ages burn.” spend, I’ve lifetimes to wager, for which we allyearn. My blood’s my but temper’s magma as hot like ice on the dice turn will Hundreds heartbeats of Valuable to lessons teach and to learn, “I have to to time ages burn spend, Felix inwardly, sighed clearly at least, the sentries are you stranger,”“Who croaked, voice It its like to, close the doors wereSeen pitted and deeply He the cigarette, pocketed and sauntered the up Felix didn’t. Felix for stood awhilelonger inthe cold, twirl- PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON been the Manservant to the late Earl of Cheapside, to Cheapside, the late of Earl the Manservant been to known had accomplish. ever been had Stanhope Valentine Atkins, Proprietor The of Harry Club, rather-that the parlour than tricks magic serious hope. was Stan- It one hand outstretched expectantly: was in athree-piece atallthinman the gloom, suit; his token?” Itrouble might but sorry, sirfor “I’m said, terribly disapproval more infirmity. than Agenteel voice Felix took astep toward the sound. and groansmuted wasaudible. laughter just meld of From a the far the endcorridor of carpet. scarlet revealed lamps from cast golden a light hanging course sir.” over the stone. and liquidillusiondribbled metal of and smoked and melted; suddenly whirred apuddle don’t the fact keep that I’m here to ourselves?” inward.doors swung in.” come please, right Please, word, “honoured your with presence. thishouse since time some you…ah…” He for groped the right we didn’t you, it’s recognise quite been sorry “So badly. slipping hisgranite squeal, grin wheedling feels like!” amasonry-bit end of what the sharp don’t pronto, doors open these out get find you’ll well know.bloody ifyou And and lover-boy here Grawper hand. cordless into hisright power drill ken, and rapidly conjured and Smith an18-volt Stanhope was the onlyfeatStanhope Arcana Major - of Felix beside Standing inanalcove that melted into “Ahem.” that expressed cough of was the kind It hallway was long and dim.PoolsThe faint of shut. the doors slammed Then to returned Thanatos’s grin gargoyle face. The “Of “I’d appreciate that.” He onto the doorstep, the tossed drill where it boys,” Felix. said “Oh, by the way,“Thanks why scraping over bone of stone, amournful the With “Ah, the cherub’s MrCoulper!” voice took on a “I’m to here you as ought to gamble, Thanatos, PAGE 41 TWO HANDS AT HEARTBREAK HOUSE PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE afraid. Felix could feel regret and panic panic and regret feel could Felix afraid. Stanhope carefully placed Felix’s offering next to Stanhope Felix’s placed carefully in an offhand added hundreds” two and Felix “Oh, is an up- sir must be there mistaken, afraid “I’m city in the establishment is no that Indeed, there of the said, “One Felix game.” a private for “It’s “I see, but nevertheless sir…” The butler tailed off. Stanhope you?” clearly is that was “Mr Coulper, trying replied, Felix keep to “Evening, Stanhope.” this estab- know barred as you from are you “Sir, amiably, said Felix I doubt“Oh, you’ll that,” do it: meant He sir.” choice no I shall have afraid “I’m said, tossed con- the and Felix won’t,” “Indeed you pool growing in a rapidly sat and It small, red was a saggingknee-high boot, firmly and safe. the shut stacks of two placed he Returning counter, the to white. one wood: red; the on one chips blank. stayed face Stanhope’s tone. in this per limit of all transactions on five decades house. will permit bet sir to higher.” has an arrangement with me.” other patrons Felix face. studying Magician’s the closer, peered He inwardly. swore shocked. Surprise rucked up his skin carpet. old like straight. on his smile else I immediately, lishment, leave to I must ask you Mr Atkins.” inform to shall have his jacket. into reaching was really he off of heat a sum- man like old the from radiating pavement. mer of counter. the his pockettents onto of it a pair looked like world, all the of blood. For lips, tightlysevered The bound in copper wire. lips moving,were struggling against their bonds, but even to themselves they seemed free be unable to to of Stanhope an inch. the looked down at a fraction wordlessly Felix, and at littlesad bundle, back then chips the discs small black two to added nodded. He The discs the Cs on were counter, the on already stamped smiled his thanks in glittering Felix gold. scooped up chips the butler, suddenly muted the at The must place be heaving. Stanhope nodded, took the cigarette and opened and Stanhope cigarette nodded, the took “All in tens and twenties,” replied Felix, sweating Felix, sweating replied twenties,” and in tens “All “Sir must be feeling most fortunate this evening. “Sir this evening. most fortunate must be feeling Felix fumbled in his pocket and produced the the fumbled in his pocket produced and Felix “Sir’s token,” the butler repeated. “His stake?” butler the repeated. token,” “Sir’s All ten dozen of the Stanhopes now worked at of Stanhopes at the All dozen worked now ten The Earl claimed famously Stanhope had that was a heavy safe at the back of his alcove. Felix caught a Felix of his alcove. back the at a heavy safe it a mishmash was of glimpse junk. of contents: the jewelleryOld costume with broken space jostled for masks empty and wine bottles, of swarming towers debris so precariously balanced it seemed the like send tumbling them of air would breath faintest Thousands shelves. the from of stakes… slightly warm the under fabric of his jacket. And how would he like his chips?” his chips?” like he would And how cigarette he’d rolled earlier, passing it over the ma- the passing it over earlier, rolled he’d cigarette Stanhope it into it placed and took counter. hogany a like bowlthe looked which rather of a machine, set scales. kitchen of gold The needle swept around dial.the Stanhope an eyebrow. raised the Valentine Club, watching over the tables and tables and the over Club, watching Valentine the forty and wheels with bespec- hundred two roulette tacled eyes. The not magicians, Stanhopes were but sustained Atkins by Heart- they laboured at had centuries. two over house for break the most dependable most the servant England in that and trust would he other no man with In his affairs. keeping with this claim, Earl, the a magician of no small talent, magically Stanhope copied popu- and twenty and of with hundred one his estates lated At- staff. his clones, sacking all of his other natural Stanhope of Earl’s one the at kins encountered had partiesdinner been had with and so his impressed efficiency to resolved had he that discretion and loy- famous Butler’s the overcome had him. He steal dangerous voodooalty and charm with complex a heart sealing a live a copper involved inside that objection any part the on of the forestall box. To smother ofclones his Earl, the Atkins four had had in his sleep. lordship and had served as his lordship’s batman during batman the served had and as his lordship’s wars. Napoleonic PAGE 42 PAGE

of a sixteen year old.” asixteen of the face Icamein her with folds. and figure “Badly; How’s going it tonight?” never workyou that. again, thehall know main I’ll TWO you.” banned are you doing back? Harry what my inthe nameof Aunt Jonquil’s bloomers have heard been Francisco. inSan seriously, “But now,here right ifyou so could down?” it keep HANDS tersely,plied I’m non-grata technically persona “but ing here?” Janus’s By ens man. double chin, what are you do- over the crowd. thesmoothly noiseof “Good heav- ATpearls. anearby patronnearly decapitating her flailing with HEARTBREAK her shoulder.beside insurprise, lady whirled The afew lose pounds. metabolism, was probably She chins. here of her up set to speed rotund waggling woman aviolently inblack with taken by thebeing house. gamblers of pitchedall backedgiggling by the high power, werefrom glibly square pushed to square, HOUSE life of centuries and life Chips, of and death. Stacks roulettespan of kaleidoscopes into wheels dizzying patronseyed dice cast cards, down and laid and wild- place and hadEverywhere, nothing changed. years since he’dtwenty-seven foot inthe set last was it home. hundred One and wasit Bedlam; fondly. it doorway, and surveyed was Babylon; It bling He hall. standing inthe took amoment, inFelix’sswelled ears he as entered thegam- main to steal hisheart. to do to to aman, hislipsthan seal aninjury less of Perhapsing from was it him.He behind shrugged. walked, he could feel relief and even gratitude com- the down corridor. off and set Curiously, he as Madeleine made aface, her neck concertinaing the itch.”“I got “Private game, He her look. caught sorry,”“Crumbs, that could inawhisper she said, “Hello Madeleine, it’s you ajoy too,” seeing he re- voice her shrill “Felix!”carrying shrieked, She “How are you doing?” He quietly, asked from Felix made hisway towards her. Felix’s caught womanOne inparticular eye:a ahundred of hubbub prayersThe to Mammon PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON passed hiscardspassed back. from abroken mug. fromleaked hiscracked between lipslike water back!” it you win still can Never bust! goes mind Blockster old chum, “The their way on likeamap. hishands down rivers man’s face. Varicose cataract veins, blue, traced themselves inaround lines inthe the laughter acard. of on the turn on the table. Watchful allhung eyesglimmered,as descended ahush as thejust man inbeside slipped and bayedhim howled himon. Felix eagerly, egging grey. crowd numb-mindedcronies of The around hismessyblond with was hair shot suit; checked going?” say. Isay… Isay… Felix? do you thinkyou’re Where and crop tops for awhile.”you inmini-skirts that comes it should keep you up half: keep can “If awhite chip into Madeleine’s flicking said, hands. smile. histhinlittle and smiled around table. Felix a nearby blackjack across glanced worse!” anything Isimplycan’t imagine hausting, the years Getting ex- back so isjust a silver rug. anyway. Idon’t thinkIcould leaving bear here with tragically. that’s no hairs grey yet, “Still, something like discarded asack of breast implants.” sighed She blushed It’s all part of the of isn’t fun, it?It’s part all Alittle tension? My readFelix brat’s the rich could virtually mind he as Laughter blond and smiled. nodded man The “Oh, bad roared luck Alex!” the crowd gleefully. wentA cheer up. Afew more crow’s feet etched Clubs. of was the King It aloud was wearing whohad man laughed The FelixBut had already melted into the crowd. “Well that’s generous awfully you of Felix,Imust thison“Put black-eleven for me would you,” he roseA forced-sounding above the noise laugh anyway.“Well, near enough, Now at look I’m me, Felix raised eyebrow. asceptical Madeleine PAGE 43 TWO HANDS AT HEARTBREAK HOUSE PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE though, if he wanted to. though, see to. could them wanted if he He of Felix’s his absence, years long the Despite a hand- was of end corridor, the the Ahead, at an invitation?” sir have “Does jumped. Felix God ability damn their Another black do that! to smiled of a smile The He Felix. over butler craned “Is sir expected?” again, bending enquired he funny “It’s answering grin almost coy. was Felix’s The door large beyond the was plain. and A room staring ob- glassily screens, completely television at spindle-limbed the livious magician to stalked who quietly them. amongst memory the perfect. was navigated of route the He labyrinthine with signposts ease, hallways tiny the his eye as leaping out at path markedwhich the like was House Heartbreak himself. re-oriented he main mouth, the the were doors the an organism: its arteries. these halls and were hall stomach, the They maze deep a running red were throughout beast,the harvested pumping years all the in the Harry brain: the belly to Atkins’ and study private way, the remembered Felix room. highthe rollers alright. used be a regular to He there. somely carved The lustre deep red door. mahogany carpet the of wood the complemented beautifully. the a little lighter as neared tried he tread to Felix after one with planting his feet extreme care door, ruin to want surprise. didn’t the He another. shadows the himself from suitedStanhope unfolded wall. the along obsequious malice. “Because is not, if he I shall so ever slightly. forward This alert to room.” is a private security. have said, he fumbling in his pock- that,” say should you et, “but will.” doubt you that I rather its surface solidsimple ash table dominated, bare stacks ofof a pair and card chips a few for save Theshoes middle. in the also was very room nearly deserted. Although overturned a few spoke chairs his hurried,of fixed and a recent, Felix evacuation. sighed only occupant. the eyes on He The Valentine Club, enor- was when it existed, The Valentine Now left. Now right. left. Now leftNow again. Now He left bustle the He of main the hall behind. The The down Stanhope behind table reached the Felix looked at the deck and kept on smiling. on deck kept the and looked at Felix The crowd erupted into fresh raptures at this bold at raptures The erupted fresh crowd into In the face of all of those expectant, face In the jack-in-the- But it didn’t. Every turned that either was card The blond man slid some more chips onto the the onto chips The some man more slid blond mous. It’s complex web of corridors web in- and complex overlaid mous. It’s terwove with mundane the houses it in whose space think of all those human to Itexisted. amused Felix up in bed, tucked or safely infants: and men women, cacophony of shouts faded to a murmur to of shouts in the faded cacophony softly as padded he background down another red- carpeted hallway. and grasped the top card on the deck, the on grasped card and top the pinching capillaries with its tiny the the on back his of red The blanketed table. the fingers. Silence delicate charged deck the air above crackled, with wish and counter-wish. but The Felix incredible, was tension The behind him crowd walking away. already was walked but Felix of ecstasy, exploded a frenzy into stillon, smiling, the through for cheers the listening single soft thump. move. Another slap on the back drew a loud rattling rattling loud a Another drew slap back the on move. man. once-blond the cough from box grins,box laughed He do? he else even could what his cheeks; was he across began roll to Tears harder. laughing criss-crossing so hard, his wrinkled skin down rough bark. over reached He raindrops like the slid of and chips his almost exhausted stack to felt. the lot sad whole of across them not quite highnot quite enough, Either much. just or too sending him bust, vainly, him grasping leaving or luckier agonisingly some close other player’s to him, smirking around His friends clustered score. hands pumped smirks.impish clammy his A dozen as they giggled misfortune, his at with red-faced mirth. and liquor table, and waited for his luck to change. change. to his luck for waited table, and stack’s still healthy; Still plenty still win it stack’s healthy; to of chances Stillback plentywin still itback to plenty of chances of win… to chances PAGE 44 PAGE

strength. My power isfarstrength. greater even yours.” than at me Felix;and Look senile. my I’m of at the height TWO he was cornered. if he thought less Felix as proved.others besides He was proud as and ruth- as and adozen episode the as Stanhope Atkins, Harry He was atreacherous fingertips. steepled man, HANDSyou either.” carethat you,them allpeople, of about !” contempt. me to “Youamused believe can’t expect AT day.” do to kind our hundreds every humans of HEARTBREAKhad achance. was no more It monstrous then what what you was monstrous.” did to Joseph. That tense tremor “Iheard crept inunder thelilt, musical his voice achoirboy’s. andas clear was high A as else.” likethe door everyone Atkins’s eyesglittered, didn’tthey like the way theirluck turned.” HOUSE messy.” to so be used here? happened You never “What furniture. turned the itch.”I got He gestured to the remaining up- ahundred“But years isalong to time stay away. achairand sat down. he as righted Atkins Harry here you.” old Ibarred man? ment shone inhisgreen eyes. barelyappeared more ten than years old. Astonish- “Maybe,” countered Felix quickly, you never “but you,” fight “I’ll “Joseph boysaid. the little was old on the table. spreadAtkins flat down hishands himself, inhisway. what he’d alone God knew do Felix thissinkin,watchingover let closely Atkins then Idon’t but much course care“Of not, about Atkins’s face boyish into twisted anexpression of he least was all.At “My luck held.That Hisdidn’t. probably.“Denture tokens shopping, left at They are now?” they “Where gang inhere whileago, alittle “I had Karimov’s “I know,” replied hiseyesoff Felix,never taking what are you doing “Felix!” “What… he gasped. freckled,ginger-haired childup wholooked The Harry?” again on ODing your supply own “Been PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON and greed. glittered with was draining away. Hisgreen eyeswere narrowed anger and stain of suspicion crimson The thought. You’re“Two! alunatic!” lously, hisprepubescent voice even climbing higher. adversary. across He ataround insultingly his smiled afight. violently. For allFelix’s hisway knew bluster, Harry dead.”be was trembling Under the tablehisleg ifIwas herethe itch. Besides, to duel you’d already was arelaxedhe hoped air. “Like Itold you, I’ve got inAtkins’s eyes. Csreflected gilt thecould little see skittereddiscs across the tabletop. of the wood Felix when I…” fury. to absolute were of his pupils pinpoints shrunk and fists, involuntary making ing and unclenching, You’ve amatch never been for me.” mov you’ve conned you into theirpulses. betting simply, “and Idon’t care how many fools like Kari- youth.” Felix back leaned “You’re pathetic,” he said you’re asnivelling crack-whore ajunkie, addicted to you that much?frighten You’re areal not magician; intoing twist hisvoice. older really “Does getting to bore you?”youth He starts amock- slipped How long before your spotty, awkward, greasy youcan relive them before go stale Harry? they your dream, wet first lescent kiss, how many times do you. and so Your the cosmetics, about ado- first smoothly. off Atkins Felix, cutting “He onlycared Even…” night?” every puberty that power, allthat life, except yourself dose back to did you all ever do with What how to it. knew use The change in his face was fascinating, Felix change inhisface was fascinating, The “You’re incredu- asked two up Cs?”Atkins putting “My stake.” replied what Felix,leaningback with are these?” “Wh…what ebonyHe gold apair as of embossed off tailed see,” see almostspitting.“We’ll he hissed, puce. were Hisfingers had turned Atkins clench- “You’re kid,” the nothan Block better continued “Like. You. pink. flushed Atkins’s cheeks cherubic PAGE 45 TWO HANDS AT HEARTBREAK HOUSE PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE man. I hear there’s a lot man. I hear there’s He felt an icy felt seize hand He guts. his Harry had Harry a then and a second table for the at stared his hand. at stared Felix draw, or Harry “concede crowed, Felix,” on “Come “What Trying Felix? divine to waiting for you are tried Harry not to. Felix gloat. to continued nineteen. on draw won’t off it man, you old “Come and seized card top that In a sudden motion, Felix It of two the Diamonds. was The effect Atkins on His skin immediate. was wheezed. kn… know?” His you did He did… “How sounded shrill His voice Felix. in replied “I didn’t” Harry.” been a pleasure it’s “Well, drawn the ten ofSpades. ten the drawn old you “Got grinbroad split features. his freckly The casino sticking I’m right here.“ man. Twenty. smugly. owner leaned back a for that considered He got all night.” I haven’t all night. lie, have a I do that’s “Actually second. it whilst enjoy need After time. all, you to your Take actually chortled. He be so “It won’t got it.” you’ve man, being old bad an old it. be Sponge said for to baths, prunes, sort that of be able chew go or them, Of won’t thing. you course overrat- but that’s anymore, yourself by toilet the to Harry’s clearly retroaging had affected ed anyway.” him, looking ignored Felix his sense of humour. shoe. his card at instead it. draw ahead, “Go Harry. next scoffed the card?” debt. your Double Imagine with do I could what years.” hundred another four arthritis the take Just resign, a ma-” like spun it flat, table. the up onto face almost went then grey, then turned first yellow, Blue shot through veins it,transparent. until it marble. old resembled twisted and a larynx by cracked was voice had that aged centuries two than in less a second. He called gambling.” his own ears. “That’s it’s why stood up, turning leave. to man,” he said at last, said he at a nasal, in faux- man,” Harry of of Felix, Diamonds. ten the had In front Felix shrugged. With both that Felix “I can if I win.” “Sure you can afford this old man?” boy the this old can afford you “Sure When cut other’s the each done, both were men Each man reached into the table and took up one up one took table and the into Each man reached “Deal.” Felix said quietly. Felix “Deal.” “I’m waiting old man.” waiting old “I’m Felix didn’t answer. He just sat there studying the just there sat He answer. didn’t Felix “House rules? Stake doubles if you go bust?” He rules? He “House bust?” go Stake if you doubles Atkins went dead white. Felix could almost see could the Felix Atkins white. dead went “All right old “All said Felix, stretching keep simple,” things “Let’s the Jack of Hearts grinned Jack the merrily There up. was Felix pause, card. both a second then and drew men and slapped of nine the clubs down beside his Jack smiled, looked then up. and men took the top card from the deck the other the had from card top the took men shuffled tabletop. up the on put and it face sneered, deck and replaced it in the centre of the table. Felix of Felix table. the it centre in the deck replaced and of discs wood; black middle the in the his two placed Atkins of his met with them tower a small white own. of the decks. Felix began shuffle,of decks. the to Felix riffling the good between: fingers.cards his long God, felt that It been hummingbird. a captive had like featherlike, began fifty-two, count, to to one He long. too far finding comfort in calculating odds. the the Across see could table he Atkins similarly was enraptured, his own on deck. intently eyes fixed his green Card shoes in the centre of That table. the the made shoes centre in the Card hundred. first the Four hand potential loss from … hundred Four asked. thoughts spinning on avarice greased axels, around thoughts greased around axels, spinning avarice on was breath Atkins’s years! Two-hundred his mind: verycoming now; fast pinched nostrils his pale were flat went his face with Suddenly excitement. with greed languidly. “Blackjack, stake.” whole the languidly. for hand one confident tone. “I’ll tone. confident game.” play; your name PAGE 46 PAGE

stink. “How? Youstink. knew…” mixed rattle of inamothball up ahaze just and spit, tures. to close hisopponent’shim very now wasted fea- to hiswinnings;bringing up scoop five-card-trick TWOFelix rose from the table. He over leaned hisown and was it done. candle. Felix card his final over, turned extinguished smoke of from likewisps the last to an dust, turned HANDS silver, turned white,hair and then thinned turned Atkins’s soufflé. likecollapsing aruptured on itself watch that face wither, to watch fold it and crease, aneducation -to face. he thought, was, It Harry’s Instead to he fixed subtle. hisblueneed be eyeson there now; was senile half noHis opponent out. would how they turn them; he knew turned AT HEARTBREAK and grain card. forknot the next divinationof some letop, like he was searching the random patternsof the tab- never gaze left cards one. almostas Harry’s him amurderous and look reached for adeck. Atkins’s pointedly. hands shaking old gave man The he eyed again?” we shuffle Shall “Double or quits. sliding hischips back into the middlethe table. of smilingbroadly.seat, you are “Right then,” he said, HOUSE gambling.”called arapid beating hands sied staccato. why it’s “That’s fouranother hundred fast so could you.” kill into hisvoice. “Are it? of Losing All you sure Harry? hand!” another or nothing, on the wood. violently trembling hisfingertips carp, likegasping alanded “You cheated.” wasn’t It even avoice anymore, eyeswhen was almostgone from light Harry’s The He didn’t to even at bother look hiscards he as You’re inthe looking wrong Felix place, thought drew their and laid cut, two men shuffled, The Felix and on dropped hisheel back spun into his “You p…patronising fuck,” hispal- Atkins, hissed bleed Felix concern to insulting be enough just let you! Double hand, damn Another “I want back. it over the table, was flopping He Atkins turned. “Wait!” PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON doll’s. Felix took hischin. could die. You didn’t listen.” Itold you, you derstand. you Ieven warned Harry: no magician,” he replied softly, wouldn’t un- “you intoshadow. red-rimmed solving puddles of “You’re old man’s were and misty, hooded They eyes. dis- stack yellow he’d but of chips, already away, ghosted however,to stoppearls, him. did try haired of younging dark along woman string with tooclearly intent ravish- One theirfun. on enjoying the gamblers. From were they theirlunatic smiles, like awraith. He ignored wasby for the mostpart the crowd, the press splitting ecstaticbodies of . their night Araucousfromhost. the distant hall. erupted cheer the casino’s patrons their of were alive to the expiry He he as dared. quickly didn’t how know many of you tothan these put use ever better could.”“I’ll in hispocket. adding to it he snatched motion the chips it, sharp Felix as slowly a dawned nition with stared. Then, now obscured sat inhisshadow. inhislap, Recog- and he as slumped, pocket had fallen Harry’s of out on asilhouette. ashiningedge Something his eye, hisjacket. of ahole inthe fabric amillenniumburning of fifths drop. He four- straightened hischips, and pocketed Felix hishead let his eyeswere infilmy goggles. set You equals. tween were never amatch for me.” was awager’s never agamble, never be- awager: power could so be Felix that whohadfrightened someone such alittle, ing man’s him.It with face, he was almostangry “I lied to“I lied you.” into He the dy- whispered right like headabroken wassocket lolling inits Harry’s straight into shooting up, theFelix’s flicked gaze “Felix holding asmall out old boy…”she began, Once he reached through theFelix hall, hurried theyhaven’t ruin it know,he theydo thought, let If quietly, the beast of He trod the arteries as but old man,” easy “Rest to leave. he as turned he said to he as was go, making Just atiny caught glint cheeks, was fading warmth fast fromThe Harry’s fragile. “I called it gambling, but it it but gambling, it “Icalled fragile. PAGE 47 TWO HANDS AT HEARTBREAK HOUSE PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE He nodded at Stanhope nodded at swivelled then and slowly He run probably lot could you it in there; “If leave you The“I, sir?” butler sounded slightly “I offended. lip curled: a wisp “You thin; like of smoke. Felix’s And with slipped he that and thorough doors the making moon the The sky a washed out grey, was a good night, a Mr Coulper?” enquired “Have the said he as descended he “I suppose so, Eros,” beginnings the of sunrise, the Watching Felix Felix continued, “But after two hundred years I years hundred “But two continued, after Felix the looked closer into doubt still…” He it if could grey eyes. They verybutler’s were thought. he tired, shrugged. you.” up to He it’s say I “Like ivory the his heel,on making towards doors. A thought struck him. between place the you.” magician.” am no said he without turning, be,” need to really don’t least think at it as take a kindness if you’d “But I’d when I to back come to somewhere like about it. I’d get itch.” old the night. the out into paper-thin. and look wan Soon rise, sun the would House Heartbreak and vanish, moonthe would look to have would be. Its to cease would patrons entertainment. the looked at for elsewhere Felix windows ofdead surrounding the houses, picturing any have doubted they’d sleepingthe He populace. finding it.trouble turn didn’t behind him. Felix from voice gravelly around. steps, “I suppose so.” sa- turned slowly in his fingers. He cigarette the as raised fruity he the voured of tobacco the scent as he liquorice taste his nose, faint the and it to set it between struck the and his lips. He a match, bright flare white as lit seemed he fill world the to making last, moment the the drew he Gradually, up. abrasion his chest, into enjoying scratchy smoke the the by of his lungs being tar on instantly reversed concen- balm of so or a decade of He extra youth. passed smoke in the through years the and trated, them feel could his blood. He into his lungs and giddily coursing Carefully, in his bloodstream. there, it outtake of there,” to want if you you up to “It’s Stanhope nodded, his old grey eyes were hugeStanhope nodded, grey eyes were his old “Harry would want you to have this,” he said, he “Harry this,” have to you want would “No,” he said slowly, “I don’t think I’d want to be to want think I’d “I don’t said he slowly, “No,” “I take it, from the scale of sir’s winnings, we it, that scale the “I take of sir’s from “Oh, sorry.” He raised his hand and the wire un- wire the and his hand raised He sorry.” “Oh, A muffled cry behind him stopped him. He “Thanks,” he said shortly, and, scooping the ciga- the scooping and, “Thanks,” said he shortly, returning with Felix’s token. The token. Magicianreturning with Felix’s The butler nodded silently disappeared and into Felix slid his winnings over the counter. “Settle counter. the his winnings slid over Felix Back in the lobby he found the original the Back found he lobby in the Stanhope behind his spectacles. passing it across. “I imagine you know what’s in- “I imaginepassing it across. know what’s you side.” tied down to the place. Oh, that reminds me.” He He me.” Oh, reminds that place. the tied down to the produced and a second his pocketspatted for a plain copper Harry’s from taken body, object he’d glinting as box blood, in his outstretched sat red hand. have a new proprietor.” Stanhope was breathing a Stanhope breathing was a new proprietor.” have but otherwise outward no showed heavily, touch a second. chewed his lip for sign Felix of distress. thought ofHe Harry: dead, first boyish stone then carrion-courtholding empty his amongst chairs. ravelled rapidly. The sighed counter the their lips on rapidly. ravelled flopped then and relief wetly apart wood. the on turned; the lips in the wire were writhingturned; were again. wire lips in the the rette, made to leave. to made rette, watched as first the chips and then the cigarette cigarette the then as and first chips the watched set in the placed scales.was of golden the The little tube against nestled the prettily liquorice coloured thought. he gold, The dial eight swung to hundred, very the at trembling and limitsstraining of its range. his safe, his safe, these up would you?” these up would still at his post, as static as a black clad scarecrow. post, his still at clad as scarecrow. a black as static The sealed his mouth kept voodoo lips that had ceased their struggling the on submissively sat and polished tabletop. passing quicker than summertime a quicker passing chill. PAGE 48 PAGE

TWO HANDS AT HEARTBREAK HOUSE the last. eyehad, at like looked it Harry’s until clouding it smoke and obscured filming inhisvision, the moon their veins. wereyouthhooked of in on the bubblinghigh they so could barelythemselves to perform, bring Harry transmutationfundamental that charlatans like was this It the basicconstituent. power: Raw tent. and po- revitalising youth dark light grew it until breaking the down and moulding it, changing it, he took that life hold allof extra of and squeezed After a while, the dawn banished it. banished the dawn awhile, After Felix took drag another The and then exhaled. PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON PAGE 49 MATTHEW J. ARMSTRONG PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE Paul Kane INTERVIEWER: INTERVIEWER: Was that Turks? And what was it like working on on working it was like And what Turks? that Was time working a great I had Turks. was that Yeah, with Heroes? working on compare does that How working on it to compare know I’d how I don’t What with Tim first contact your was Kring? a guest done starring Crossing on role I’d Well, and tryand working, do continue time the to to now’s it. show? that making I was first job where my was that Turks, on twenty-four, twenty-five I was a living. in old, years plenty There were living city. in the town, home my a good had a good time; I had to…I me for of ways a blast,time. I had y’know? a recurring was role, thing Heroes one For Heroes… obvi- as opposed a series to so regular there’s role, between how anywhere from there ous differences money you much how actually there, you’re much so it just was attend, you events many make, how because Turks on in I was feeling different a much There time was permanentthe fabric of show. the with the way in a different build relationships to people working with. I was just I was more that work to place a great was Butingrained. Heroes people knew show, the on because several I already primarily person the and I worked with Greg was Grunberg, know getting him. And so to it nice was working with with people worked before who I’ve soMilo, it great. and was Holman Jack like I played where around, was Heroes before Jordan, sort of a similarly disturbed person. prob- So, that with something do ably had it. to actually And I had was role pilot the originally when Milo’s for read Nathan and he and character an older written for originallywere twins. Which explained their rela- of a symbiotic thing hap-tionship, they more had But when theypening decided rewrite there. the to out of running the that. I kind of But fell role, for good bring and me enoughthey remember were to part,this good fortune for read so again it’s to in me

I got very lucky. I’m originally I’m Chicago,I got very from and lucky. How did you go from this to TV this to from go you did work? How Yeah, it was a non-equity show at a resident thea- it a non-equity a resident was at show Yeah, I read that you got your first paying acting job in first paying got your you that I read Ah jeez, I don’t know. I mean, I’ve always wor- always I mean, I’ve Ah jeez, know. I don’t Any particularAny reason? Oh yeah. There were two: one was The was one two: Oh There Incredible yeah. were Did you ever play at being a superhero growing growing being a superhero at play ever Did you Matthew J. Armstrong plays Ted Sprague, Ted plays Armstrong Matthew J. I’d just spent a year away doing repertory doing just spent away a year theatre. I’d shortly and town there into I came back thereafter series a television was people auditioning was that it, for got job the in Chicago. read in and And I went It actually shot out in Chicago of there. so I didn’t shoot to it, I it over was but once leave to have thought, out come to I guess going well, if I’m now tre – it was called – it was Buffalo the Theatre Ensemble; a tre It a was to. gone a school I’d at company resident called Laplay Bête I stood background. in the and of one attending I was there stand to job was My a in it, I wore – and another actress characters the Uma a black Thurman and make-up face white wig I’ve job. That first paying a leotard. and my was nothing since… done 1995, can you tell us a bit about tell that? 1995, can you ried about why was I drawn to The to ried Hulk, I drawn was about I that why was angry I just think I liked know, as a kid? I don’t in rippedwalking around up pants with shirt no on. Hulk, the grandmoth- I played my why unless That’s be Hulk can’t put you me a sweater; on er made on. with a sweater Matthew J. Armstrong J. Matthew Hulk and the other was Spider-Man. Those were my Those my other the Spider-Man. Hulk and was were ones. favourite two up? If so, one? which the Nuclear hit TV of Man the Heroes, show seasonfirst of which is currently airing on willbeBBC2 and out on DVD in December. Kane caught up withPaul the actor Col- at lectormania Keynes in Milton ask him just to a blow up to the power have like to what it’s city? INTERVIEW PAGE 50 PAGE

glad to hear that, which helped. to hear that, glad havejob thatfor I’ll whileanyway, alittle I was so alright. MATTHEW told whenthey And me Iwas like, oh, that guy. Ah, there’sthis but to a couple thingsIneed know. of Iwas like, okay, because I asked play of kind Ican what was going onIwent until into the room and what Icouldthing about do,Ididn’t so really know didn’t it inthe sides say Iwas given But any- that. Iwas aware so two hourpilot, of was inthe original adifferent role thiswasknow originally to one that several you probably months later was As the sides. didn’t know. whenIwent infor Iwas given All this J. ARMSTRONGor whatever, much not but control over it…? the hepower has to destroypower was? That acity plays of the world itself. that you love; sort it anybody that you love and losingthe onlythingin ableto near being I mean,the wholenot get idea of That’s was so…huge. itself y’know. quite ascenario, done? actuallymadeit easier. it much that to character give was –it areal pleasure, there well was it so written, was so because digging all there, wasn’t it like Ihad to real of do alot deep you’re because just near her. that was because But goingby the wayto the love kill your of life, they’re manifesting oh and themselves, denly now they’re whole life that never he had them, knew and sud- his whothroughout powers, these whohas aguy of mean, it’s that established you’re playing the part thatit there’s really that not much work to do. I there’s him,so youtime meet much into so built whothatof character the first established isgets and what would it entail? Ted tell they Did the youcharacter Sprague? about more anything. than I was really glad to hear that. So this is the kind of of thisisthe kind I was really to So hearthat. glad he’sBecause apivotal of character, kind isn’t he? Well, Iremember I inthe room being –because How did you feel whenyou were told what Ted’s was alreadyIt and the back established, history already there So the back of was alot history carefully.I approached him very Well, much so How did you approach playing the character of PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON show? none.ably I’d have any. without happy been prob- one, but was it the right obviously the story really considered of Iwould… Imean,in terms that. I’d tobrains, seems me like he eats them. But, never the brains –Idon’t the what with know he does eats people’s brains whatever and does with he does had powers that weren’t coveted by the badwho guy kept himaround whilelonger. alittle I’d rather he him? have one for had or do you thinkthat was the right lived; that’s Beyond the onlythingI could discern. that my long –Iknew life would short- take be very –anddidn’t twoit Iput and as two together soon as but could the do jobor whenIgot not, what Sylar don’t remember muchthough…I about ifIknew to for know Ted’s character? what in,or just you needed fits how everyone about the overallidea of arc filming, whenyou began the nature epic Heroes of –were some you given I mean,I’m adummy not (laughs). topeople stop each other… killing ble thingsthat go on inthe world. Icould persuade end allthe terri- have. Icould single-handedly Then that’s persuasion, power of The ful? what I’d like to No. it’s right? Plus is, else gross. of kind that’s Never lonely dying, of wheneveryone kind and Idon’t want immortality. immortal, essentially she’s –Iwould want not that one.though Because Iwouldn’t want Claire’s, to that of stuff? do alot wouldn’t wouldn’t love love to invisible? be Who wouldn’t like to fly, whatknow Imean?Who who powers from the show and they’d you obvious, so be detector.hit No…it’s like you could say any the of Me? Bullshit detection. I’d detection. Me? Bullshit have inbulls- abuilt powers would you haveWhat likedfrom the Well, Iwould have ifhe’d likedit had powers that powers of do you kind thinkTedWhat should Yeah, pretty it much came to Al- me in bits. You’ve about mentionedinprevious interviews I would, and I’m sure I’d for alittle get myself, too. you’dSo your use powers for good? Man, Idon’t –what know would the mostuse- be How ifyou could about have apower yourself? PAGE 51 MATTHEW J. ARMSTRONG PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE No, everythingNo, laid out. much pretty was It was easier? or difficultIs that as an actor need little things you to fine. If there’s it’s No, in? was Ted that scene a favourite have you Do say to have would Wow…I In terms it? of playing It must be hard to separate? to It must be hard a kid together, because have when you Yeah, inter- in your manoeuvre to room much there Was pretation of Ted or was everything was or laid much of Ted pretty pretation out? sort story of a nice with, a begin- play get to to sortning, of redeemed He’s end. an and middle a lot of wriggle wasn’t But end. in the there room because everything – if they show start in that to sticking it becomes like your much things too alter up pops and hole up one stop fingers in a dam. You up pops and hole another. up that stop you another, to connected are things that many too are So there much. too deviate written doesn’t if a particularchange, like that’s line they’re you, flexible always for work about that. I of going dreamed have would never asked and never anything affect asking alter would in and that to some- or a line ever was But if there yeah, story. and that do I could work that,thing like didn’t that They’re me. for it make work actor actually pretty friendly way. that stuff the in ‘Company or really, I did firstthe one with I did Man’ Grunberg, just because a good I had time with that. think of it in But I still don’t yeah, terms of finished the product, I think of it in terms it, actually do to of it like was what because, partic- where ularly with – as opposed television theatre to cuts, so many it have – when you tableau all one it’s And of me. to it felt way the like looks,never ever, her on the floor the on her with dealing deep, and that deep, deep grief so and forth rage and about her losing job daughter lovely a really did I think she – which part That me. worst the was of – that hard was for keep togetherto moment. in the there doing she’s what help but equate can’t you allowed really And she life. real somehow with your it painful. And you so was yeah there, go to herself suffering any- see love person to the you like never it goes without saying, hard. was that but yeah, way, That upsetting a really experience, was it was That’s what I was going to say, that whole siege whole that say, to going I was what That’s I’ve actually worked with her a few different time, different with a few actually worked her I’ve it was an as well, show works the on wife Your Yeah, never say never. Because they time travel, Because they time travel, never. say never Yeah, Is there a possibility that you might a possibility back, you come that Is there hard. Number one, having to point a gun to her at Number having one, hard. see will ourchild never like this show, It’s head. image. such a disturbing And because it’s ever, gets shot, see to when Hayden wife see to my then show – how difficult was that to film? difficult – how to show that was which is odd: randomly, it didn’t have anything to have it didn’t is odd:which randomly, Did it it easier? make withdo us being together. to have never thought we was joke the we’d Well, worry get to our kid, having or for about accounting going ever our kid we because for were when a sitter you out, now, well together? found And we work to that Earlier fact the on, will be working together. working with never I was and show, the on was she great, was because of one us working and was her, be When of home. one us able to both was were we difficult because itworking it more actually made a half weeks and two had – we – for have to had we anyway clock the available someone around have to obvious difficul- us are help out.to And there then deal with some to of subjectties the with having not was easy. that together, do to had we matter easier gig in that respect – that you were working easier gig were you – that respect in that close together? anything’s possible. But I don’t know how they know possible. how But anything’s I don’t back, because sto- of so my much bringwould Ted ry’s established, they unless came up with some way – I don’t path somebodythat my else crossed had any really see bring they how could for him back length of time, because story But my got told. really time they me. want any back come be happy to I’d because they flashbacks, do in time…Do can travel know anythingyou about that? that I had no idea. no theyhad I that think that I also didn’t because just I City, York upNew blow really would audi- heap a television on to much too think that’s writing the But much. I saw too wall the on it’s ence, by powers canabout assume people’s when you me; of of leads one the have you or brains their eating use I fig- and a power it who can take too, show the not be exploding I would the I would man, that ured a grisly have fate. probably PAGE 52 PAGE

give me a new excuse me to a new comegive to Milton Keynes. MATTHEWon that one. back it’sget until tobut you actuallyhappening…I’ll waiting….it’s still they’re because going to made, be show financed thatently Idon’t want to talkabout it’s because to close the vest, anindepend- very J. there’sWhen work to available, got take it. we’ve actor, to got work just whenthere’s we’ve work. ARMSTRONG any But then great. andhappens, ifit it, done with andI likethen being doing the ideasomething of like to, would because certainly thing happening…I forBut whatever reason Idon’t have much afilm of there’s because good being in it much so at stake. for I’m too disappointed. invested asitter so and be ten $11for go and out spend and aticket Xamount watch of- moviesIwould than Iso go and out see. frankly. are There several showsIwould rather cinema, American to surpass sion now isstarting televi- American of allIthinkalot as…well, of first far as and film what the difference TV isbetween I’dhad achoice init, do movies; Idon’t really know now after Heroes? myof life. anddo plays just retire for the fromrestI’ll the TV yeah, someday can’t they come me.cause But, with to time of for go and do aplay, along period be- Idon’t places,but do other want to leave my family there’s theatre to inLA, to living least do At some. aplay intend achingsee for without Idefinitely it. –andplaying it Ilikedplaying of that scene alot. view, of points the Ialways of so interms it thinkof and you’re doingfrom it many so people’s other course wouldn’tit’s it because onlymy experience, You’re welcome. very Matthew.Thanks Yeah, it’s it’ll hopefully show ascience –so fiction agenre it Is show? now there’sRight show another that I’m playing What’s coming next? up That’s that’s something really not I to up me. If Do yourself you going see more into work film Yeah. Ihaven’t done any Ican’t but inalong time, Do you thinktheatre lies? iswhere your heart PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON (c) Paul 2007 Kane http://www.collectormania.com site at the Collectormania Visit you thank A huge to Jason from Showmasters. PAGE 53 SISTER MARGARET PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE Rhonda Parrish Rhonda Of course, I did think him a bastard for using the for Ofa bastard think him I did course, “What’s so special Marga- about Char... this one girls least two at murdered brutal. He’s “He’s Ah, true Charmaine God her his teachings, and to “...didn’t hear a word I said, did you, Michael?” Michael?” I said, you, did hear a word “...didn’t name sharp sound the of and my Her words take need to me You listening. I was “Of course Xaphan“Yes. has been terrorizing girls all the who mor- She my sure paused, make looking to me at tification matched hers, so I sculpted my face into into face hers, sotification I sculpted my matched gaze her held while spitting,a mask and of outrage “That bastard.” Charmaine see but why I didn’t in- way, that whores been had a lot of pimps there Surely herself. volved never but years, the she’d over gone and come who’d services. my requested never called before, me on it, say hear her though to I wanted I already ret?” Xaphan a name quite suspected made answer. the I knew was, himself. he Charmaine what and for ask the don’t Aftermust as well. twenty you years, childhood friend deal who turned to you on his back with The tell she a pimp. would remained: question so they say. is forearmed, Forewarned aboutme it? arm she this crea- send out or me after me Would another man? be assuming merely him to ture, and protection, because him for they refused pay to kidnapped girls of one my who lefthe’s streets the Order.” the join to knew; all she me tell to going let would she wasn’t brought me out of my reverie. Tearing my gaze from gaze from my Tearing reverie. outofbrought me my left her eyes, over her shoulder. I studied a statue girls.” of one your of harassing who is a pimp care a guess, taken a wild shot dark, in the but some I’d because aim proved me God looking was my out for true—this time. with them unspeak- Dregs, in the threatening work him and for work if they don’t able consequences night.” most of they each what make over hand AUTHOR:

I guess it must have been five years later that she she that been later five years I guess it must have Hell of a way to treat a friend. treat to of a way Hell We’d had less than ideal childhoods. We’d confided childhoods. thanideal less had We’d We’d That’s right; she was Sister Margaret now, a right; now, That’s Margaret Sister was she “It’s Margaret now.” I noticed her voice didn’t re- didn’t I noticed voice her now.” Margaret “It’s She turned slowly, sinuously. Dark purple Dark robes sinuously. She turned slowly, “Charmaine?” echoed the voice My around Sister Margaret Sister found religion and abandoned her name to become name to religion abandoned her and found became an institution Margaret Margaret. Sister a priestess of God the She of Deception. in Haven: and children other aid street to it mission her made Cynics said bring as it were. in out them of cold, the boost to number the of wanted Rakkir’s merely she think part I help to was followers. of motivation her been. as lost as had she those who were in each other and shared our Then, pain. other shared and in each when she turned home thirteen, from Charmaine away ran When becameand a whore. I asked about her it, it because saidshe might she get for as paid well for someone been free another or had taking it for Charmaine, imagine even I couldn’t Poor years. soon that after lost contact dealing with that. We if beating extra me hard to took because father my beat- After several been seen with her. I’d heard he it against done though Even I’d away. ings, I stayed deserting for torment myself to will, I continued my her. priestess in the order of Rakkir.priestess order in the Of it didn’t course, Margaret, Leif, called she what herself. or matter Fairy-Dumpling, be Charmaine always me. to she’d verberate through the chilly air like mine, but then through chilly air like the verberate nothing and else mat- attention my eyes drew her Margaret.” ”Sister tered. fluttered around her, gradually drifting her gradually to back fluttered her, around caught and in a sudden updraft leaves like sides drilled eyes blue unfathomable Her forsaken. then I’ll years, If me. hundred a into I live see never hers. Theyanother of pair eyes like bright the were ofblue a hot flame soul. my to they me and seared chamber, adding to the prickling the of to unease adding feeling chamber, a scarf like shoulders my settled had that around temple. the into I walked instant the FICTION PAGE 54 PAGE going to make the job any easier. no, So Ididn’t her, blame mean it. that but wasn’t ifI’dpened to tell had the guts the old no man and what would knows have hap- Who with. sleeping saved her, how many men she could have avoided how many knows I’d beatings Who the streets. have years sooner, maybe then Icould have talkedher off onlyI’d too. it about If to up stood my father afew manyher so years ago. at me for that wasfurious still abandoning the part at wantedably thiscreature’s me to perish hands— knew, that she did. She her prob-knew of and apart her behalf.one at look After I her steely blue eyes, she was me sending into danger on of the sort ized for out me find myself. Iwondered then ifshe real- security would the challenge. be security him at avulnerable his through and time getting Catching how that to him,but waspart. the easy kill should have where Iknew norto want. himand find tures no mortal me knowledge like himhad given whereexactly Two he was. crea- hunting decades of own. prayers, ashadow her sheof was of whollybereft and lostinher flames fromlight the flickering back bathed in over my shoulder at Charmaine, whenIglanced quite Strangely mundane. enough, at another demonic, positively moment looking each step, shifted with at It one crossedit the floor. as andaround morph her made my shadow flicker prayers. Imoved to go, how Inoticed the candles As atherself and knelt theto altar complete her secrets. keeping athingor two about learning out onceit more. You with- Lies of the God don’t serve masked she quickly was, it or relief.haps, Whatever place, Iwould have army to the goveritable through only would Ihave to my find way to his resting and attention skill through but to Not detail. luck, any could. human He hadn’t lived thislong through and lived for on blood, far longer than ery, survived SISTER MARGARET I thought I saw a flicker inher eyes—fear, per- Isaw aflicker I thought “Okay, do it.” I’ll Margaret. me remained of ratherI understood; apart pissed Xaphan was avampire, He on mis- Xaphan aleech. thrived Iknew I didn’t to to Xaphan; need go find looking her robes pulled against nodded, tighter She - PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON vide. Ialone than could pro-stealth and more weaponry fireballsin with blazing. No, thiswould take more gave credence to Ihesitated and thistale, so to go oneher girls of about Charmaine’s story hostages. promises innocent immortality, of used Xaphan followers with ing hiscoffin made loyal to himwith all. not but way—part, usual my of hesitation to the do it part I thinkthat caused her now, I’d even though to unable then. do so been Iwanted toto help make to things up Charmaine. my tickled mind.particular, Iwanted to right, do it and the jobin more. thisXaphan, about Something need Imight Ifelt thistime But though as ing dust. avoracious turn will vampire into stink- apile of fast anitem enchanted to at “sunlight” cast aword allhisfollowers,out and you’d how surprised be the vampire’s residence. Afireball or two would take my favorite and load then storm on up spells mages, decades to come. Normally, I’d to one of make atrip Iwantedtures; to for do it permitted, ifthe Gods hours away.slept the daylight followersof he’d inplace to set guard himwhilehe Not a good idea, unless you worship of Not the idea, Goddess agood dy, under that you creepy horns got colored hair?” ifhe’sman demon? half Walk and up say, “Hey bud- how do you again, a ask incredible Then strength. that would accountwas anincubus;iftrue, for his hisfather breaking Rumorsaid without asweat. full-grown men over hishead windows and through he wasn’t beefy, Though theI’d knees. him heft seen blue thateyes were made women go weak anicy in on apuresee white as but bone—and human, as his even here, heout. stood Even was to Bayne never so, humans. spot; difficult with or reptars drinking dwarves, with drinking one could welcome. be here Only could elves you see inexistence the onlycity whereperhaps, mostany- took aquickaround look theroom. tap Haven was, that one. where to him;he was constant find as the as sun, ever saw, Iknew and it. anunparalleled with skill ever, the mostunbelievable sword he owned you Bayne could be a bit of a barbarian at times; how- abarbarian could of Bayne abit be Rumor on theinaddition street to was, surround- I’d the ended lives innumerable of men and crea- He had white hair—not blond like what you might to the door I opened Llewellyn’s whorehouse and PAGE 55 SISTER MARGARET PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE What’s it pay? I’d have offered him cash out of my cash him out of my offered have I’d it pay? What’s “What’s I sighed, turned it then pay?” and give to swig a long took outand toothpick the spat He “True, a good cause.” for but it’s “What cause? wallet?” Lining your soft a had spotHe Margaret.” Sister for it’s “No, figure she into Margaret, eh? How’s Sister “For “The leech, Xaphan, has been charging girls all her his eyes. “Of course.” Bayne nodded, rolling gethurt, girls the “Well, pay who can’t worse, or for “I suppose seeing job, the it’s I can as take how standard the say, I knew to going was he what “If I get turned, kill need me.” you to searing color own, their creepy my His eyes held never I’d with me at a forcefulness Bayne stared own pocket if I could, but though I didn’t follow any any own pocket but though could, if I follow I didn’t of Gods, the as Bounty if I did. I lived hunting and as you as nearly well pay doesn’t slaying vampire might think. it pays afraid “I’m best look of sincerity. Bayne my off can corpses.” take the you only whatever minions? ”Vampire in his hand. tankard the from the on a stranger robbing more make I could Hell, street!” Charmaine and whores, their for practically was but saint. manipulatingway, this him hated I patron needed him withI really this job. on me this?” of himself, course.” From protection. for of least has one them been at and abducted.” condition.” a good is one cause all. But and there everyone a condition a job involving on placed to All same, the I nodded a brow lifted and vampire. hear it. to wait I couldn’t like make His intensity earlier. had Charmaine’s way the me become a vampire, to wants one No me. impressed only their deluded minions. excepting kill were him if he ask to me didn’t He seen before. turned, again, yet demanded what he it. I wondered, Ah, what’s it pay. The question I’d been dreading been dreading The I’d question it pay. Ah, what’s “You know I won’t deal with vampires. The deal with vampires. only know I won’t “You He sat back down, looking at me intently with down, looking intently me back sat at He Bayne’s eyebrows shot began he up and stand. to eyebrows Bayne’s “It’s a leech.” “It’s Straight to the point; no messing around or lame or point; the Straight to around messing no “What kind Michael?” of job, “Bayne, you up for a job?” My voice cut through voice My a job?” up for “Bayne, you He was currently was sitting of up a mound on pillows He above all others. Truth be told, Margaret couldn’t couldn’t all others.above Truth Margaret be told, of main all the religious orders Followers me. pay Rakkir of poverty. an oath swear different. no was anyway, me pay to asked her have I couldn’t Hell, abandoned it, I’d not after afford could if she even kids. this job. her I owed were when we her reason I’m even considering accepting this job is considering even accepting I’m reason up a tooth- snatched He offering it.” you because it’s started bar and the from pick twirling it between his lips. “What’s it pay?” those ghostly eyes of blue his. Then nodded. he I interrupted his movement by continuing quickly. I interrupted quickly. continuing by his movement my that’s vampire, the near go to have don’t ”You part out his minions. take I to I need you of job. the usual use methods my can’t because they kill in- has he is a good chance there and discriminately, hostages.” innocent attempts at chit-chat. Yet another reason why I why another reason chit-chat. at attempts Yet guy. liked the the inane chatter of girls a light- the like chatter his feet inane the at caught eye and my He ning bolt through a tree. for waited bar and the at a seat nodded, I took and After club. fan disentangle his him to himself from he him around girls the over stepping scattered swaggered plopped and me himself to down on over side. my at stool the with a tankard in his hand and a gaggle and his hand in with a tankard of giggling I a harem. like his feet out around spread whores view; the admire time it almost to was have didn’t midnight, strike dawn. to at I intended and Pain. I never did find did true out how never I rumors the were, Pain. no like swing a sword could matter: he but it didn’t if you cheap for seen, worked ever he and you’d one the Bayne was good a cause. Yes, for him it was told this job. for side man I needed my at PAGE 56 PAGE

of fists and feet, all determined to bring him down. himdown. to bring alldetermined and feet, fists of wave aliving on shit, like on Bayne flies swarmed hadnothing prepared me for this. but each onethe than last, better times, of plenty SISTER and thedown door went to work. “Alright,nodded. let’s go.” I’m Abyss goingway anywhere near inThe him.” MARGARET thereare but to noain’t people helphimout, no you’reing leech, make sure there on your I’ll own. I’m there. you of out really If want to the stink- find mewe’re until behind clear. Once my jobisdone, pocket. ready?” drew hissword tersely and nodded at me. “You went wrong. money. ifsomething it would worth it be Ifigured costing me allmy two on put charges it, the mage pire into inmere ash apile of I’d seconds. requested even the oldest to vam- turn enough powerful but to humans harmless from would burst forth light it, “sunlight”— would it the spell cast opening, Upon a woman’s compact to had Ipaid amage enchant. inside course, and, of my mirror. was mirror The lingered monsters incase loop, Xaphan than other inside another Ihadon apure my silver belt. dagger into er on myaloop snugly back fit and abigmallet the converted stakes wooden quiv- filled sharpened much. Acollection of Iwasn’t carrying this night, on any would dealingwith Bayne be cause mortals ticked away. myBe- equipment. Idouble-checked night secondsof whilethe last ramshackle factory you. kill Iswear.” I’ll turned get Icould as viction force into my you voice, “If said, matter much as to and,con- with Inodded me. So himand vampires; wasit with really, but didn’t it . They a lot.They minions— hadof alot Xaphan I’d himat even workhissword seen with before, Not one to kicked Bayne waste niceties, with time “I understand, Bayne.” at up and Ilooked the sky go in andfirst take care you the “I’ll of people; stay and slid my inreturn I nodded my of out mirror pink whenBayne with was tinged horizon The Several hours later, a outside we shivering stood - PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON was to up me to the vampire find him. and kill safely. the house of out him to the girls get Now it no fool; what he was doing. he knew Icould trust was Bayne for it. of better traps, then Ithought but himto to out calling watch warn about and thought injured or not. hisback onto anenemy turn drew whostill breath, killing. Norwas about squeamish could he afford couldn’t sword the best be for hire ifhe inthe land off. it Inwar, he happens; shit then shrugged tages. headed wordlessly toward the hos- of the sound beneath the force Bayne’s and of then Bayne boot, man’s gore. of the sea The face shattering imploded, wholay onehisopponents moaning of in nose pire you andback meet outside.” thingI’dall. Good the fireball. against decided after had hostages leech could heard.sobs be The tohope penetrate, feminine of sound the distinct eyescouldn’ta far corner, inshadows mortal buried covered inthingsI’d rather contemplate. not From step myself and lestgoo find Islip on the blood bard careful to across strapped watch hisback, my gore. and unidentified corpses mangled of minutes, he’d reduced the vampire’s to army apile to draweven managed inless then ten But blood. one or two hisshirt; through occasional ripped cut and gore. blood white waspink hair with stained An wounded, of and Bayne’sto the whimpering once minutes, the roarsible. Within battle of subsided calculated to destroy many as hisfoes of pos- as wereit himself, each of movement anextension erased. He humanity of moved the sword though as like bit ademon, alltracebattle fury, every looked None them reached of him.Hisface, by contorted it—not even to sleep. guard them whilethey never anyone they let the room spells, in else with often ward they arethey in,and though sleeping the building of point darkest atcoffins the lowest, like to paranoid. their put They able. they’re And Vampires, are like mostanimals, pretty predict- I watched into hisbackthe darkness disappear I wincedinwardly hisaction, of at the brutality to kick the and delivered nodded Bayne asharp “You the girls,”get take care the of vam- I “I’ll said. I entered he as replaced hissword inthe scab- PAGE 57 SISTER MARGARET PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE - The dank so dreary little basement room, and Xaphan bolted out of it, flying up until he straight stopped, Only wailing was the when he after several I blinked As factory, the I emerged from as I crossed stones the on bootsMy hollow rang moving so corner, the around She came from compact. filled now dark with sunlight before, moments that compact. As the from beamspoured the flooded interior with light, their an unearthly coffin’s the within box. the from resounded scream His clothing burning was met ceiling. the as though His skin doused ethanol him in lit and a match. I’d charred, goo dripping fin- obscene and off face his writhed scream- up against roof, the gers. He there, of his A drop voice. an unholy in ing out his agony fleshoozing making hand, I jump. me upon my fell open, him, pointing at it directly compact the kept performed while he dispassionately his watching dance upon of ceiling. the death grotesque down all around of rained a pile ash that to reduced I close did smell, compact. the a revolting and me pocketI pulled back scooped a bag and out of my it. into Vampires as I could of his remains as much left was what toss of running so I’d cross can’t water see to Char- back way river the my on into this one maine, just in case. vision, squinting bright the in clear my times to sunlight shadows.Looking the after I was around, surprised see Bayne girls. the I didn’t or that Then tokens again, knowing busy was him, he accepting half-incubus. was I guessof really he their gratitude. later; right now, up with Llewellyn’s him at catch I’d I needed see go Charmaine to let and know her the done. job was time, umpteenth the floor, for the I wondered, and being up If on. snuck designers feared if all temple an- step each make to have not, they did always why so resoundingly? presence your nounce smoothly seemed she be floating to the above than walking upon it. rather A wide smile ground danced in the me, standing upon lips as saw her she of lies. chamber temple in her of great middle the with maybe delight or seemed eyes glow, to Her eyes, gazed her I mesmerized into relief. If them. by So I took a deep breath, then another, building up another, then So a deep I took breath, I strolled over to his coffin and took a few deep a few his coffin took and to over I strolled I took my time looking around the room, search- room, the time looking around my I took I found his coffin in the room beyond the wards, wards, beyond the his coffin room in the I found I was surprisedI was of two the across only come to I found the stairs with stairs difficulty; the no I found factories, too, the courage to do what I knew I must. Holding my I knew what do my I must. to Holding courage the coffin, the of toward and me out in front compact nerves. my I steadied Flipping of lid the coffin the open with I used hand, one open other the the to breaths to steady my nerves. my steady to Thisbreaths part the was I most:hated opening When lid. the are vampires sleeping, until nothing them nightfall. will wake There be an earthquake—the could build- whole of they them—and down top on come ing could know it until night.wouldn’t Of knowing course, about lift- relaxed more any me made this never What lid. ing the a light was vampire if this one upper the hand sleeper? What have would He then? yet, worse soon a corpse I would and find myself or, turned. ing for any wards I might have missed, trying I might have wards any to ing for this bold, was this stupid. vampire No find trap. the of material a piece was withAll an elongated I found it,diamond onto stitched serveddiamond a that as Rakkir’s buried symbol. dirt holy in the Half- floor, I almost missed it. Though stomach my it made booby-trapped. it wasn’t see to it there, lurch After lingering I decided if that look around, more one be sohumans could cocky they got surely stupid, of his lack make to I resolved too. could vampires security last the this particular mistake bloodsucker made. ever laid right of middle it out in the as bold as you they harder: life my make vampires please. Most in dark their beds, corners or hide away stash them tightincredibly passageways. But not Xaphan. He trust I didn’t it. makingwas easy. this too damn truth. the tell things, to Xaphan must be a he’d way, cocky Of son of a bitch. my if I had course, soon I thought and son be of a dead a bitch, it aw- job easier. my make of him to fully nice are notoriously predictable. Following them down them Following notoriously predictable. are dank the into belly of building, the an eye out I kept but door, outside one wards two I found traps. for enough thing simple the disarm. to they were That’s but not tough to difficult create, about to magic: it’s sabotage. PAGE 58 PAGE hair’s breadth me. of eyes like hers. pair another of never see I live ahundred years, I’ll remained. onlyone thought the room sunlight, with flooding I’dpact Ithought it, Iopened As no longer needed. around the com-fumbled extracting inmy pocket, proud her. of SISTER pimpshe? than Surely avampiric be was her God to better work for Rakkir—who her? of Apriestess from the street or merely allthistime, them making become avampire? Had she really saving been girls forced to slay? had how And long Charmaine ago would outmatch how many them. But would he be he take care himself, even of taken by surprise MARGARET to attack WouldBayne. him?He could try the girls ing my guilt. own I’dcompetition. us- up taken in,and set used, been of he threatened me to rid sheget needed her girls; maine didn’t me to need destroybecause Xaphan manydisabled the traps of inthe factory. Char- playing atheld captive. had being No they doubt true. be maine’s wanting not to to eyes, believe what Iknew into up Ilooked allmade sense. Char- It it. within inthe dirt lying symbol chamber, the Rakkirian which I’d with the ease shadows, entered Xaphan’s fabric. there was ripped toat down her robe. glance happened years ago. Yeah, Iwas feeling I until pretty good, I’d though as made for up finally my betrayal twenty more.” “Yes. You don’t need to worry about Xaphan any- “Yes. You Xaphan about don’t to need worry you did it,”“So coming she cooed, to a within All these thoughts flashed through my through mind I as flashed thoughts these All I wondered, Ireached as for my about compact, weren’t girls were they hostages; The whores “You’ve turned.” been now. allmade sense It hiding inthe girls The Damn it! pinned, was usually Rakkir of the symbol Where felt toIt good saypretty damn words, those to feel PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON Hell away of to treat afriend. PAGE 59 HORROR GEMS: INCUBUS PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE Jamie Halliday Jamie His goodness, however, is not Kia lost on she and His goodness, however, Incubus brings traditional the spin to a unique Shatner claimed look of be unique film the the to AUTHOR: on draggingon damned She hell. into decides men to being by side ruin the of earn Satan’s at place her Bill where flawlessa morally that’s man. Strangely war a wounded as Marc, stars He in. Shatner comes with who lives somewhat his dependent sister hero Arndis Ann Atmar). Knowing late (the of his moral strengths, good deeds unsullied and virtue, Kia the for fuel him to reduce and seduce to attempts of hell. fires finds overwhelmed herself his humanity by and She understandably becomes a bit smitten decency. de- Bitter of Kia’s ‘raping’, her with Bill ol’ Shatner. rise, summons Incubus the to sister monic punish Kia. back take and Marc good-versus-evil stylistic the Combining story. gloom of German classics such as Das expressionist realer Kabinett Caligari with des Doktor rawer, imagerynightmarish a of horror it creates world without being ever escapist. set: on attributable of a lack understanding to with expected cast crew all the speak and to Esperanto times suggested all he at quite could one no that instructions. Whatever director’s the the follow INCUBUS looksreason magnificent age the at of sparse unfamiliar the and 42. Huge devour shadows landscape, skilful by chiaroscuro. complemented way things go I guess

people shouldn’t be a film’s people shouldn’t be

Admittedly bad luck and bad Admittedly bad luck

marketing angle, but that’s the marketing angle, but

The in part, plot of film the revolves, around Film number two is the 1965 expressionistic hor- Film number 1965 expressionistic is the two , welcome to the second and and Ladies second the to germs and , welcome striking Kia succubus (Allyson Ames), who is tired of sexuality wasting her strengths demonic and ror Incubus be first filmed, the Americanror to picture language in the those as (to entirely of Esperanto interna- is an unfamiliar Esperanto as I was/am, tional auxiliary language just happens that sound to Leslie The Limits creator creepy). Outer really Award with Academy picture the directed Stevens L.Winning Conrad cinematographer (Ameri- Hall can Beauty William it), and stars Shatner year one Kirk T. as Captain James prior his appearance to . The its thirty-yearin Star film for is noted Trek (until discovery the screens from absence of a print starring for in 1999), and Milos Milos title in the man (the who allegedly wife shot estranged the role of Mickey Rooney). bad Admittedly and luck bad marketing angle, but bepeople a film’s shouldn’t I guess. things go way the that’s Horror Gems: Incubus Gems: Horror

best yet instalment of my horror archaeology: horror best of instalment my yet dig- ging wiping up and dust the off of gems the horror flat or been panned, forgotten unfairly have that critics, the by out ignored film scholars and going everyonepublic (i.e. people five the and but myself dirty job being It’s IMDB). filmon the who student The dislikes 30 who under , the Breathless hates seenMatrix mammal the who hasn’t Lord, and it. do of the Rings, but to someone had So, with a ofshelf chunky import VHSs and DVDs I continue with you another obscurity present to attempting good. really I happen think is really, that to FEATURE PAGE 60 PAGE

content. Much isdedicated time to of long shots couldcism that in isatsparse be it alittle times hysteria. dreary of mood presence and areal for knack matching the film’s screen agood has volved inthismini-masterpiece in- anactor’s of everyone but lines, the delivery HORROR to criticise Istruggle the language with unfamiliar the wayangelic, onlyawoman Naturally, can. being impresses,from also shifting Ames son demonic to reasons). for not Ally- perhaps the right (though rape and murder, he’s to watch genuinely unsettling relishing inhis onscreen actsof Seemingly lain. after wrapped. filming soon tradinghimself Gene Roddenberry ideaswith GEMS: It’sthe mostentertaining. tohow he easy found see always actinghas been Shatnerian ranto dialogue; hispatented dramaticinsert into pauses the Espe- level even ham, away atasteful of finding with to He was obvious. his leading potential performs man INCUBUS Corman’s inRoger INTRUDER. one-man-show THE a of and something as OUTRAGE Newman inTHE KARAMAZOV, BROTHERS Paul inTHE Brynner impressive pre-Trek work the likes Yul opposite of his of know people enough not But future articles). DEVIL’Sand THE are alllikely candidates for RAIN star inthe 1970’s SPIDERS OF (KINGDOM THE horror as or forhisrun familiar be adverts hissilly TON LEGAL’s Denny Crane.he’s If he unlucky may James T. T.J Kirk, Hooker or, more recently, BOS- piece cinema. of tale intoand gripping astylish to duowork craft together eyes: thisfantasy The cruel Milos’ of close-ups toisolated land the fiery the bleakand of from shots angle the wide next, into seamlessly the Hall isstrong. flows shot Each filmmaking. real.vividly ispowerful INCUBUS feels film and plays likeThe adream: yet unfamiliar While I hold the film in very high regard, high acriti- invery Ihold the film While vil- provides Milos Milos apowerful In context, Here ison top Shatner form: slim and handsome, he’s as If Shatner Bill know mostpeople lucky Stevens and Conrad Leslie between chemistry The Incubus ispowerful filmmaking PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON com. purchased be directalso from www.incubusthefilm. frequently up pops and Ebayand on amazon can film The subtitles. onto English VHSand DVDwith audiencefilm where enjoyed be can once it again. that it’sI’m thrilled made back it to acontemporary beforetivals disappearance, and art-houses its and ordeal) Milos atfes- film did well initially terrible Steven’s and the whole company went bankrupt, destroyed committed inafire, Atmar Ann suicide, the tension. to heighten serves the film of style Caligari-esque Since restoration re-released been has the film Availability: (the negative was film cursed supposedly This it’s my opinion that the expressionistic well made and iswonderfully the film over style substance. However,perhaps for isalittle and it the sakeof script black and and white anon-English film that Steven’s argued be of use fancy revelations.jor could plot it Elsewhere, characters around, walking no ma- with PAGE 61 REVIEWS PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE Burster” pre-“Chest AsAlienfrom scene move we some slightly after dubious plotting/well Finally, it. It film, from is notSunshine a bad far has a reality of space flight of space reality human it can how affect and complaint. be valid really this wouldn’t then crews Icarus, the found prover- the having Unfortunately, filmbial the and morphs hits fan the is in what into effect supernatural horror. Horizon, the Event akin to something more into logiccarefully considered of first the half is increas- ingly set as aside seemingly impossible things hap- them. rationalize to pen without an attempt even is some seriously there Bad Stuff but on going Yes, scientists metwe earlier wouldn’t professional the speculating from about themselves stop be able to as they even on, flee going was what down corri- char- the though since that fact is the Worse dors. empathise viewer the so to difficult for are acters a of situation in the watching now with, are we the slasher at flick teens if the care don’t we where beach party get (with slaughtered possible the ex- gets the ironically, who, character of Byrne’s ception certainly and least attention deserved more). prefer- as per (delete your tropes horror employed the denoument, the have us to we leading ence) basic of the pair of bookendssecond like that which, of film the setpremise opening, outthe in makes about think sense all if you it no absolutely for at of seconds (without than a couple to wanting more spoil anything, does how know she exactly when to look?) and go script, honest acting is flawless, the brave, the lilting melancholy overall the to adding soundtrack visual the suit- effects of sun the are of story, the main sections, two the and ably taken breathtaking very work in isolation, would Unfortunately, well. marry to attempting sci-fi hard with indestructible all bundled up fantasy in a particlebad-guy horror of a bunch guys even from that concept physics doomed always was ret-conning CERN trouble had of interface two the curdled the on Even failure. to still flashes though, are concepts there of brilliance; Cilliantake Murphy’s final brilliantly scene, using bringboth good acting to CGI and fashioned old journey blurring by his character’s the to closure boundaries but still fantasy leaving and of science interpretations. some wiggle different for room All is a film in all, Sunshine demands some which with them rewarding audience, the thought from It is fifty years from now and and now It is fifty from years Sunshine Boyle Danny by Directed Starring Michelle Cillian Murphy, Chris Evans, Rose Byrne.Yeoh, Searchlight, £16.99 Fox Reviewer: Stuart Horswell

sci-fi up initial, truckers” is the First hard “space a by is a filmSunshine of halves, two book-ended section, very Alien or style in the much of Scott’s of crew the to introduced are 2001. We Kubrick’s flight top very the scientists, literally quite best at specialities.their respective The characterization scientists – the perfect professional is note for here specif- in the majority only interested of are them ofics their own particular the ship and the on role of with aim mission, the Captain only the overall performance(a fantastic Sanada Hiroyuki by with pilot the (Rose and Skerrit’s Dallas) echoes of Tom Byrne) “normal” anything displaying approaching also get some insight the into We compassion. mechanics flight; of term long space how from enough survive to oxygen trip round year three the humans cope how through to be produced, would friends on with family and disconnection from the Earth. This scripted all is well by acted strongly and concerned but very the of scientist’s accuracy the form- viewer the from single-mindedness prevents sorting any of emotional with connection crew. the the on a comment purely Of film if the course, were pair of short scenes to which I’ll return presently. ofpair short I’ll which to scenes return presently. the sun is has started to “die”. The sunthe is has started planet in united “die”. to dispatched and threat of this monumental face the somewhatthe ominously named Icarus, with along of scientists seven bomba crew a nuclear the and re-startsize to of Manhattan of our fusion fires the Icarus ship, the a second It is II Now failed. star. Mercuryapproaching carrying of eight a crew a and this time comprised bomb, second of very the last of fissile the material left Earth. the on They really last, lost contact best hope. Having planet’s the are interference, radio with Earth the sun’s the to due surprisedthey are of beacon detect distress the to Icarus,the seemingly still intact. The faced are crew important,with a decision: is more what their own of fate the or survival, of other safety the the crew, Earth?the Their indeed and answer question the itself will them… haunt return to REVIEWS PAGE 62 PAGE thinking quite enough itself. quite enough thinking that audience same letting casionally by down not oc- but a studythecondition human of and hubris been?) answers (and ifyou haven’t then where have you novelsother then you the ableto should be guess for two, the first (sic) well, ifyou’ve read pterry’s question isaresounding (probably).final “no” As going? puns terrible these Ikeep Can tion marks?!? manyforeclose so amIusing exclama- on him?Why world!!! we Can bankon hissuccess? Vetinari Will inPratchett’s trials of set latest the Disk- tale of he’s now faced afreshly service, postal with minted Having licked the problems Morpork’s facing Ankh right, Vimes receives only the most fleeting cameo, cameo, receives Vimes onlythe most fleeting right, Ihearyou cry. Watch WellCity you’re story” quite Potter). Harry pubescent (and no, Idon’t meanthe who TALKS THIS LIKE now to the chap of merely awaiting be the arrival the third and mellowedseems has somewhat book REVIEWScrossed even whenshe was introduced way back in awomanWeatherwax, to not whowas clearly be troduction many lo these Even Granny ago). moons have wealthy becomeindependently since hisin- to (whohappens Vimes Sam copper world weary player thea paddlingmajor daysisthe these pool, in hisdepth whowouldof aman out be Rincewind, even once safe. we had Where the inept“wizzard” I’m afraid to say, formulaic and becomesomewhat have also, They rather simplymake than you giggle. amessage to carry havebooks increasinglyserved theup, comedy becomeless broad has and the vening four twenty years, the universe grown has fantasy genre the travelogue). (and also Inthe inter- the Diskworld sawtle, first lifethe of alampoon as

Cruising through space on the back of a giant tur- space through on the back agiant of Cruising You’ll to that pleased know the answer be to that “But I thought this was a von Lipwig book, not a not thiswas book, avon Lipwig Ithought “But Reviewer: Stuart Horswell Stuart Reviewer: £18.99 Doubleday: Terry Pratchett MoneyMaking Moist isback! von Lipwig PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON throughout the narrative,throughout it’s he more though as It’s ifhe as forgot not to allow space to drop hints that since would pointless be there are no real clues. to cluesas what’sand subtle really going on; here tohints youallthe little let identify serving time reading twiceinquick succession, the second with before theaPratchett end. Normally isworth book it’s inyour five minutesthe book, lap dumped just nature isrevealed. It’s hinted not at throughout p)here(small isthat the manner inwhich the true P) isrelated to Adora Belle’s the problem but dig away to tell you that the Problem acapital (with It’s satisfying. print too much probably giving not hero.to our much with spend time far blue- So so away dig anarchaeological with cupied from the city who’s (Adora Belle) and agirlfriend too oc-society afiscal echelonsof generally inthe upper expected the Wonderin common Gaspode with is than Dog more with Gordon), Flash of opening aChairman the during Earth naming contemptof Klytus as him pronouncing the word degree the same with likemids) attitude to “change” (you hear allbut can (from Dios Pyra- avery whocarries Cashier Chief water/culture of out fish escapade involving clash a Vetinari another who’s begins and it so making that Moist can’t it’s thisoffer refuse isbecause the reason Obviously Ankh-Morpork. of the Bank more directly under the Patrician’s“bring control”) (readan offer he can’t to namely refuse, modernize the Postof LordVetinari until Office makes him the mould. Sadly, way. doesn’t it inagood do it deviates from andbreaks indoing so that “shape” question –the answerMoney isthatgood Making on browser, the whole series.” wise isavery That, anessay not book to areviewhisnew of be posed Pratchett’s issup- constructing This style? writing are you de- directly toyour my thoughts head: “Why ing on onlyrevealed reel inthe final were). it (as Dimensions isgo- what just inthe Dungeon of story characters are and settings introduced, the real with narrative as artfully, the primary throughout very to, and of, hints the ultimate threat are scattered, to the stories: obscure “shape” asides a definite back there’s at Movies, far as least Making as been that’s stretching the word quite Going alot). thriller (although humorous “thrillers” they’re books, edy this: com- Pratchett are no books longer primarily tre; the reason for ramble the extended above was much front and cen- MoneyMoist has Making very Moist and content ishappy islife with incharge the wonderOnce again, beams that isthe Internet PAGE 63 REVIEWS PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE uni- whole the saved Having The Jennifer Morgue (and Jennifer The Pimpf) Charles Stross Orbit: £6.99 Reviewer: Stuart Horswell Morgue is not Jennifer the itsLike predecessor, correct: and BobAll present is classics the are verse from death by Old by One, death hooked up with the from verse weirdness of Occult professor headed red vivacious Keynes Milton being from prevented then and in overrun as an encore cows with concrete ersatz Bob? our hero next outing, for his previous what’s been saving he’s a typicallike debonair hero, Well, a house trying and up deposit the for his ignore to nice they somewhere demands that go girlfriend’s Chateau to back welcome Yes, holiday. on sunny and Cthulhu, population: Bob Mo. and as deeply as disturbing itstitle might suggest. It a spy thrilleris in fact with of elements all horror wrapped up dry its in the Unlike wit of narrator. the it is Ian Flemming’s this time around predecessor, Bond being books lampoonedJames are that and eldritch gizmos is more than focus eldritchthe ter- The book opens an American on to operation ror. waters. a downed Russian foreign sub from recover as in Russian other the of no, course, foreign Not many too have signatories Benthic the to Treaty powerful too far be Russian to to are and tentacles humans. Flash thirty forward be for ever mistaken a multi- to his way is on Bob and years Howard Of in Germany. inter-agencynational convention Government the his hire works he for since course, him. Unfortu- waiting for and car is pre-booked agency the nately is The works he for Laundry and Martin than an Austin he so rather a Beamer, or in a Smart autobahn the limb on and riskhas to life ForTwo. witha gorgeous whose work loyal- woman to forced highlyties suspect; are is up he against a megalo- making by world taking the on maniac over intent use of a secret all the base location, in an exotic while taking of his fluffy good care cat;white The Laundry’s represented are Q-branch fo equivalent Pinky who kitby Brain Bob the and out with the in para-psychological of wire equivalents garrotte beltthe an ejector and car. in the seat

the It’s good (what? closing ledger the for Before to cameo is clearly only there It goes Death’s on; story the this, since Despite con- actively doesn’t first pun since the intro!), we should probably tally probably should we intro!), the first pun since up good the The points too. main plot of Lipwig Mint the is solid,and entertaining much stuff, don’t Guides, often you of one those Bluffer’s like learning about things work how you’re that notice too because fact the developedor until after you’re of The Mr Bentbusy smiling. is developed character an amusing sub-plot about an there’s and cleverly spirit.amorous this is The is that here bottom line entry forgettable a functional but ultimately in a brilliant often beloved and series. keep up the tradition of him appearingkeep up tradition the in all of the up end to going animal who’s a cutesy books, there’s in need of a good Vimes is gruff home, but does his danger city the job sensibly well, and is put in dire might there think that a second for never but you of the state the that’s Overall, safe, trouble. be real some- these given days and Diskworld its roots, it’s thing of a sorry be in. to state tradict itself still should make games fun the and tradict yes, they should right?this a winning novel Well Rather runbut problems the deeper. figure thanthe met of Colour the Magic, we in that instil fear to has become Tim Nice-But-Frosty-Exterior. Vetanari intention got real no When know he’s glowers he we of hanging somebodynostril up their by hairs. Simi- met we a character Postal, in Going with Moist larly, him fightingwho was prevent to demons his inner it, would face there just a bunk (let’s doing from been a Rincewind shaped sceneryhave in the hole turned if magic his back Patrician the second the real any never there’s but here beenhad required) he’ll that question right the do thing here. left little markers saying “vague reference to pos- to left “vague saying little markers reference to got around never then and sibility of a problem” putting clues. in the PAGE 64 PAGE

again it’sagain and read, afun package, agood one just once so emulatedthe he works has inhisbook, progresses. inthe realing Pinky world the game hacking it as 20Sorceress Level an evil regret andleav- deeply puter game to rescue from the kid the clutches of REVIEWS forcedbeing to com- hisown of Enter the Matrix whatof he’s better. he knows told, because Bob Cue tosomething prove, always opposite the exact does allfresh who, with as intern faced pet with interns own a manager, to whenhehisvery has dealwith MMORPG hisgrowing andresponsibility also as packed at the back the book. of to story wrapcoda for intime just allup it the short was great touching and fun) there’s asurprisingly she as again won’t toBob’s get see Ramona co-star tion remains strong (it’s ashamethat we probably the characteriza- fromsignposted quite away off), are even tale, of the twists necessarily this sort Dallas on by accident ing and then realizing that gran’s Debbie put Does feel like alittle watching at athe tv afamily gather- here Reading the didn’t. passages tually makes you Tallwere). Ac- Love, The it, managed Guy about just toit (as any isnot off Comedy sex pull trick easy references sex succubus, are pretty inevitable). the meets Bond (and, thisbeing to are sex jarring Archives,ity which meansthat any direct allusions to remainneeds universe in the same the as Atroc- Doubleit on tales thebut increasinglyclichéd Oh wants to acomedic two stools.It be take between footnoteswitty compared the previous with book. –thereelephants are even anincreased of number on the back four of giant carried earth around aflat impression running couldbe easily as just that Bob tophysics) shake isdifficult the it by thisstage but fantasy of particles fundamental than goats blood reason driven for plot solid this(more circuits and Wepastiche Bond. later that out find there isa that simplyso the author err, can, seemingly Bond hero forced into situations where hepastiche can Pratchett refer might the towith narrativium, as what of to under the be influence novel appearing sics are the whole too with present and correct, In point of fact, for fact, of In point much the story, of the clas- We comment another get from the author about confronting showsBob thePimpf world the of predictably plays plot (in well, out ifslightly The JenniferThe isthat falls it Morgue’s flaw main PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON construction. Slave labour and prisoners are and prisoners Slave being labour construction. IV,sode much under the Death very isstill Star ran Leia’s Princess down inEpi- runner blockade this purpose. for commissioned in atale which seems specifically sequence) and now it’s the Death of Star the turn and her sharelic Commando the Legacy series of for Fett” “the inher recent (the Repub- story books over the cracks workdone inback good inpapering Traviss Karen Star’s and construction. design has the Death of Fett Boba of and the story the history are These represent the EUitself). within clashes also extent which, to of and acertain the EU(both the movies between disparities large particularly Despite therea wifethis, Umlaut. are called two Leia’s adoptive father likedto smoke or had cigarras years twenty that ago decided writer a comic strip and shouldn’t consider because just tied hishands there heup can on the bigscreen story the best to that makeshe shouldput it sense strive extent course, to acertain Of while he’s hisscripts. writing hisuniverse of consistency like internal by trivia isalawGeorge unto and won’t himself down tied be far jobso a prettyallthingsconsidered good but aweather keep eyeon thingsand havecasfilm done many younger reader and graphic titles novels. Lu- novels inaddition to the Force how onlyknows a hundred universe “adult” (EU) extended targeted Wars novels. off Star spin isno different, over with –and that’sstories even before you onto get the avoiding of ing anightmare interms contradictory for for isnotorious be- example, thing. Who, Dr taining comedy adventure novels. enter- highly nor blip inasequencerip-roaring, of that the Jennifer prove will Morgue to ami- just be at two least more here’s outings, hoping Laundry from theand boys Stross girls to plans give drawn and well ever as developed and the fact that chive. However, characters with are strongly as that’s Ar- Atrocity quite not enjoyable as The as Opening approximatelyOpening ayear before Vader Darth

Reviewer: Stuart Horswell Stuart Reviewer: £18.99 Century: Michael Reaves &Steve Perry Wars:Star Death Star Continuity can be a tricky atricky be can Continuity PAGE 65 REVIEWS PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE The is not what Atrocity Archives The Atrocity Archives (and The (and The Atrocity Archives Jungle) Concrete Charles Stross Orbit: £6.99 Reviewer: Stuart Horswell

to I shall over this hand on a final word provide To best then are, you If of Star fan Wars a dedicated I was expecting,I was not least because title the story book, the into of way the ends about thirds two a short-storygiving to way main the sequel. No, surprise as a comedy is as tale much the is that here it of is a melding spy caper Lovecraftian and hor- which from of chapter the With exception the ror. its title, story the bookthe Mil draws like unfolds of tale Hellboy: on the an IT take geek,Millington’s albeit almost wiped a geek who once Birmingham of planet the the using and justoff a laptop face the set,Mandelbrot who suddenly finds himself out extract a defector of his depth is sent when he to behind friendly lines.from Of things don’t course, target plan soon and to Bob’s according precisely go disappears, only an abruptly leaving curtailed call help as a clue. for more of the introspective Vader character first seen character Vader of introspective the more that read (butin Shadows if you’ve of Empire the along, Move you. for nothing new here there’s then cameo on also a tacked along).move Erm… there’s but head a peek Motti’s and Daala Admiral into for nearly enough. not even The enterprise whole it’s liter- and novels of pre-1999 old, one the like reads opportunity”. “wasterd ally screams a wise (butshort colleague: green) and it will lead this book for avoid to you beit for would that Side Dark the to path the and anger much to far galaxy in the far, is. If only a passing interest this book you might be yes? for then have you away Fun light and weight deeply not itis and too mired a reason- list and Long reading is the in continuity. start to able place this might better be than – far hee hee hee. If Order Jedi through New the half way this you writing why idea no for then this I am like book The is not. Strikes watch Go and Empire Back Enough, should. you of mind questions, clear your today. you will for I review more no light Well bring events? to to any balance Is there be this book perfectlyaimed was at Let’s clear, there are a few interesting Back to the Future II Future the Back to interesting a few are there see of we events A New the where –esque moments hel- through lenses the of a Stormtrooper’s Hope met between but they’re far and not (and few quite especially also if truth done well There’s be told). people like me, Star Wars super geeks. Ifpeople don’t me, Star like you Wars Kastknow who Jodo this book is then wasn’t wouldn’t if you is that The you. irony for intended know Kast you’ll then head in the hole a form most story the enjoy likely than The I did. more cast far devel- well rounded, well generally are of characters start to oped likable and a casual enough reader for worryto they’re when towards jeopardy put into (SPOILER: end then try and Rebels the attack to less; cared have but I couldn’t station!) the destroy height the at of its powers, Empire this is the I don’t about basically good people who are read to want with becoming disenchanted evilthe that are and carry to them plenty is forcing out, there’s Palpatine this book what should No, already. outof there that at are there is tiedo up loose come how ends like origin Starleast three (which Death the stories for it does most cursory in the imaginable), manner build first the to nineteen years itexplain took why get one second the to tops only five years and one upon)and touched even is ofthese (neither working give us Imperials they’re what At who relish doing. Stormtroopers who conditioned the me least show moisture and will happily slaughter Jawas innocent to farmers because, higher the have well, ups don’t story whole the them tell must Emperor the and right? doing Or attacking the paint he’s know what Rebels as terrorists the least callously ignorant at or will cause if successful. their attack huge loss of life used to do the heavy lifting (yes Clerks heavyused lifting the do (yes to fans, no none presumably as a result and Geonosians here no- now either), Endor with Imperial the over Navy, see get to life We guard. standing free, clone ticeably section a cross through eyes of the quite board on heightsof heady the individuals, of ranging from Cush- Peter by played one (the Tarkin Moff Grand the all himself, Darth and movie) ing in the Vader who has managed an escaped down to convict way In between station. the himself aboard secrete to with lady the presented are these extremes we two who runs most popular the cantina area, in the a a TIE-fighter sensitive soldier, pilot even and Force the make to button manthe who pushes big red the super laser fire. PAGE 66 PAGE

to horror literature. references the subsequent with and also the setting arehim?), they competely characters, inline with you whoDonald know isif you Knuth fell over you that know Hilbert’s 23rd problem was? Would science and mathematics references (do offputing obscure of the abundance computer find might people some for challenged cally While example. REVIEWS information tendfied to themselves metaboli- find classi- wholeak -people euphemisms service civil atand aneatthe end.stuff. twist Fun little frommale lead, cameos Archives of the cast mostof heaven. inhog WeTheorists strong anew get fe- have will Conspiracy story and the “true” seems it way Naturally, around Milton Keynes. as all isnot Potter’s wicked workingits Secrets of Chamber to which appears involveplot Harry of the denizen way into the background, providing for asetting a here, instead slink and slime they theirsquamous arein. There no Cthonic terrors front and centre more background on the universe Stross isplaying Concrete Jungle… The in on inthe short-story on to goes live day,Bob another aday weto get look threatening isaverted, the day issaved danger and Needless toeffective pivot say, point. the universe Archivesity providing agenuinely disturbing but horror,eldritch toAtroc- avisit the titular with halfwayabout going through, from spycomedy to shifts theto characters. mood with out hang The anenjoyable as providingthe book caper anexcuse paperwork. of and aspot meeting onlyone, warrants brief session atraining death anemployee of subsequent during inducingfrom visit the Auditors, andthe possession paperclip aterror allocationspark can departmental the whileplaying with fast and loose the Laundry; –take the bureaucracy sense of kind a warped and makes yet askew still thing iseverslightly so Stross’s of istypical This universe, every- the SAS. read that correctly, the Territorial branch Army of Yes, youis infact the TA-SAS. the of head aunit of thischap spectacles, of rimmed andjacket horned allthe wayof tweedy to Mhari, through of Alan, by the name girlfriend atoxic, on-off via night), to take over the world every & Brain try they (yes, along nicely, Pinky from ranging comedy flatmates Stross has an easy going style, with anice with take on Stross going aneasy style, has alittle us gives romp, fun Another thisshort isn’t much itself so plot araison d’etreThe for helpto cast thingsmoving keep supporting The PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON the industry’s history.the industry’s the -mostanticipatednot game releases video in Halo with 3. Earth to comicend on up novel series and arecent Marvel lowed him two through fourgames, novels a graphic Hordesinto faithful hearts. our fans of have fol- hisway 117blasted since the mean,green Spartan go, buy, read, enjoy! enchanting andrecommended: thoroughly oughly want to to. return you’ll Thor- apackage certainly DVDand is edition like isalittle special fiction the novel,throughout thisdoublehorrific bill of used allthe TLAs to explain and even aglossary author whoisnow on my to-read aresult), listas Deighton (an to debt Len hisstylistic of speaks by the author inwhich anafterword he MacLeod, anintroduction with by Ken Bundled the Ritz. On and more Putting Lanchester than fun Elsa than monster,lurching Karloff rather, ismore it elegant the end but result you hug a anice isnot give warm toNeal head arms Stephenson androm-com some on a bolting ontowar atorso spy thriller Mythos, of acold of stitch the legs might it aneatages trick; horror, of stalwart Archives theother Atrocity man- thing; so theHalo question is-does so 3deliver the thing; a gamer whohad to quell theto urge do that very Xbox console. flying windowwassaid penetrated by several of kilograms yell, followedan anguished as sound by asmashing common windowand hear open to passaslightly could heard be from miles around. wasun- not It “WHAT?!?!?” of that the cries andly unexpectedly Halo 2 left us on tenterhooks, finishing so abrupt- so onfinishing tenterhooks, us Halo 2left It’s to say that thisisone-if no exaggeration of To to for make,just an- comparisons amoment, OK, it wasn’t it that common there but OK, was many Reviewer: Kevin Gilmartin Kevin Reviewer: £49.99 Microsoft: 360 XBox 3 HALO It’s almostseven years been PAGE 67 REVIEWS PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE The story than a few clumsily with more unfolds surpriseAfter all this it may learn to I you that something positive say about to the So I have The story the tell which cut scenes beauti- are The most gratifying part mode of single the player campaign the that is amaz- fact the Add all that to This toning down has removed a lotThis of sat- the down has removed toning ingly Bungie that short help but feel can’t you and thought it as on an after their Multiplayer tacked to FPS. playing those and of omissions you and plot-holes without 5.1 surround will struggle some of catch to dialoguethe music. background the over Chief. And Master the And Cortana. Halo. love I’ve I’ll and novel graphic the and get novels the the read inevitable omnibus editions of Marvel the series. I Chief a Master figure action blu-tacked have even be so to have It to me pains PC’s monitor. my to about ithonest is - as campaign a the but there disappointed I was fanboy with the self confessed campaign. game. of 360’s full the advantage take and fully rendered The some offer do cut scenes power. processing supportingentertainment being despite mere and The his Elites show. and the cast Arbiter the steal ‘Oracle’ 343 Guilty Spark returns shows off and too isfaction that was present in the first games. the in two present was that isfaction will ploughPlayers Grunts through countless and Brutes with a detached, methodical that numbness Chief There’s Master the of. be himself proud would in precision-sniping joy no Hunters’ the exposed fun killing no a berserking Brute It’s with his belly. opportunity no Bruteshot buddy’s there’s dead and a dog-fightfor just empty. Banshee. in a It’s through Flood-controlledis battle the High Charity Cortana. captive the recover to Get a plasma blade those Flood! dice ‘n’ slice and hand in your tween Halo 2 and 3 to turn them into a load of turn a load 3 to 2 and into them tween Halo kittypushover - pussies, cats will! They if you fall Assault with standard the easily when faced pretty Battleor Rifles easier still and when tackled with mighty the have their own Even Spikers. Hunters been turned just run down a notch; them up to of times a couple them behind thump and from they’re and hammer with a gravity down. But something has happened Brutes the to be- Playing Normal on through difficulty game the Withof risethe the Brutesof the protectors the as The inspiring. new UNSC nothing awe are vehicles Halo and Halo 2 required the use the of almost every 2 required Halo and Halo Of course there are new new weapons and ve- are Of there course The stock all the campaign single delivers player Well, the answer is....”sort of.” is....”sort answer the Well, poses almost no challenge even to those newposes to to even challenge almost no – Legendary Mas- franchise the for at it’s is where of mighty the introduction Chiefter 2’s vets. Halo Brutes sup- of was Tartarus leadership the under fight to tougher enemy a scarier, posed create to Elites the a while leftonce Covenant. the And for it did. there Prophets the Covenant have some as new vehicles have Covenant the Prophets Thewell. Chopper than a is ok, more much but isn’t a much re-skinned is pretty Prowler the Ghost and of same. the version four-man heavier, The as Ark the Hornet is about as manoeuvrable its and secondaryRoyal much aren’t missiles fire Thecop. Mongoose, I’ll drive. admit, fun to is great Chief the It on animation stink the goes and like as got guns no It’s watch. driveshe to it is a pleasure hop to a marine around though there’s so sure make back. the on weapon in the game at some point, at weapon game in the either out of just was no strategic necessity because or there In wimpy pistol. up that pick alternative but to throughout campaign, whole the I 3 however, Halo either sticking Assault the to myself Riflefound and tackle The to a grav-hammer Flood dual or wielded Covenant. the for a grav-hammer and Spikers hicles, inclusion of the equipment and as such is a bubbleshield cool unutterably the grav-lifts and bal- But addition. Bungiewelcome haven’t really it out.anced experiences - vehicles, of plasma first games the two dual wielding,grenades, The Flood general the and with assortedability shoot face in the aliens to fire- arms explosives. and But gleeful the barbarism of empty - it just feels is gone first instalments the two nothing all that there’s this time. After hype all the 3 apart. setnew to Halo closure we’ve craved since 2003? since we’ve closure craved PAGE 68 PAGE people. Believe! people. ment. indevelop- already asecond talestrilogy of rife with award mill for rumour aGOTY and the internet the game puts inthe whichrunning still beating ous credits had rolled –go back and watch again. it and it for whodidn’t those worth waitthe until the ranend but sequenceand they is ideas, of out was anafter that thought the campaign thinking and the suddenend to the gameleave does you Haloverse jumpstraight inat thislevel. that veterans the of and Iwould suggest Legendary difficulty,Normal challenge on aworthy pose does at player too whilst short single campaign, The ever made. gaming trilogies most exciting sci-fi attacks. melee enemies just using or killing laser the Spartan with 5opponents include killing Examples down. them are andof mode some great just to fun chase from the aremultiplayeraplenty to harvested be players to skill your similar Achievements of own. ing facility ensures that you’re other pitted against multiplayer and the Matchmak- issuperb mode The Halo incontention 3isstill for Game the Year. of combat forms. away from Whizz like Billy ammo andof running Halo and was Halo during 2whileIwas out bugger -Ihad tobat the myself Flood ask where the little laser, new helping whilst youhis seemingly com- history. 1921silent movie Nosferatu The only not ingenrewhat surely must one the landmarks of be REVIEWS Personally it’s Ihope Ahero never alltrue. dies, Multiplayer isgoing mode toThe take seri- some endsaren’t plot loose way inthe up best tied The to inallHalo finale onethe of All 3isasuperb player single Despite campaign the disappointing Reviewer: PaulReviewer: Kane Eureka! DVD£22.99 Schröder. tav von Wangenheim, Greta Gus- MaxSchreck, Starring Directed by F.W. Murnau. Nosferatu A welcome re-release for PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON he can attack Ellen. Will Hutter defeat Will he attack can the vampyre Ellen. that so him,gaining strength the shiptransporting the townfeasts of –Orlok habitants on the crew of wife tohis darling –not mention the rest the in- of ter attempts to home before get the count and save to Wismar, Hut-journey the penny drops. finally As to him on the takeloading with crates up Earth of the day, during inacoffin sleeping ers Orlok then whenhe discov- to down But himself mosquitoes. she has. and comments onphoto what Ellen alovely of neck a preciousor whenhe sees blood!”) thumb (“The isthe waybells reacts Orlok whenHutter his cuts what thebut warning man, should reallyof ring away running should appearance be isthe hideous for intime just cluethatabode Hisfirst he nightfall. at Orlok’sand continues hismission, arriving with day,the of cold light off suchstories Hutter shrugs a werewolf to in roam isrumoured But the woods. because least not Orlock’sgive berth, awide castle spectres’.of forasm travelling land ‘the as to what isdescribed to say, doesn’t share Ellen her husband’s enthusi- Mountains to secure the deal.Needless Carpathian thetoin man Orlok hego needs but and visit Hutter’s,opposite house mind, the run-down empty elongated in abuilding ingly Schreck).has Knock purchase forproperty one Count (theOrlok disturb- himto oversee assigns a Nosferatu-likely himself), Granach, distinct- (Alexander Knock looking works, his demented at boss the real where estate he firm isuntil (Schröder)…That Ellen bliss with wedded Hutter (von Wangenheim)Thomas in isliving and Lee’sLugosi later charmers. agrotesquethe complete with Count: us of opposite presentingall time, of adaptations the most original to thisday, survives world. thankfully it And one of to destroyed, be was it already but there out inthe ment…and won. were Copiesthe film of ordered when Stoker’s infringe- for sued widow copyright more caused – it controversy at release theof time characters, Van suchas famous secondary Helsing the of some Stoker’s jettisoned it Dracula –though on Bram based before.never Loosely experienced scenes the likes which they’d of ences terrifying broughtaudi- it Caligari), Dr of Cabinet The with (along Expressionism German ushered of inanage Ignoring all this, Hutter allthis, eventhe bites puts he has Ignoring to the way barkeep by alocal Along he iswarned inWismar, Germany, begins story whereThe PAGE 69 REVIEWS PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE Dr. Miles Bennell(McCarthy) is a local doctor Dr. the that discovers he Piecing things together, time, a long it quite this again after Watching alsoI was surprised up going shivers find a few to thing about the concept is loss of identity. Nobody Nobody is loss of identity. aboutthing concept the can be trusted, not friends, partners even or family be something alien, an could otherworldly– anyone justhappens that look human. to fictionalworking in the of Santa small town Mira, California actually shot movie was in Sierra (the When various east of Pasadena). patients Madre, start are those them closest that complain to to – they look exactly replicas by the being replaced ‘missing’same, but something’s dismisses – he this first. ofat cousin childhood the sweetheart, Even Becky be appearsDriscoll suffer- Wynter) to (Dana Ira claiming Uncle delusion, her the that ing from not until Miles’ appears. he friend,is not what It’s Belicec looking (Kingwriter very Jack Donovan, Bing has him he Crosby-esque) tell calls him up to his pool on home table, that at of replicas one the startshe suspect to might his patients the be telling truth. out of giant come replicas ‘seedpods’ already which placing in their house- members are family infected in the of moments most disturbing (one the holds when a mother in put is about one movie comes to these ‘body that and cot), baby’s her take snatchers’ of the sleep. As more in your and over you more communications and over taken townspeople are Becky cut Miles and off, are with outside the world find running themselves lives, their trying for to friends. their former But avoid and keep awake can they escape of America warn and rest the – or them? stop aliens the – before indeed world the struck just bold me how it is – not just in terms of to but content, also horror the references in the just about takes He Becky’sMiles and relationship. every opportunity try to sack, the get and into her talk- not making he’s moves, the when he’s and ing about it (when Becky about a joke makes his “That confidently, her Miles tells bedside manner, particularly Not shocking today, on.”). later comes 50s? And in the withbut back both of di- them I say! Ooh, as well! vorced body spine: when the pool the on table opensmy half-formed the its eyes, when Miles or encounters attacks greenhouseownand his ofhimselfin replica it with Where a pitchfork. 90s versions 70s and the ‘They’re here!’ already Invasion of the Body Invasion Snatchers Siegel. Don by Directed Starring Kevin McCarthy King Donovan, Wynter, Dana Jones. Carolyn £9.99. DVD, Universal KaneReviewer: Paul with Timed theatrical the coincide arrival to of Though famous, this is a film not many that This truly is a gorgeous cut of movie,the lovingly Invasion, the latest incarnation latest of the this storyInvasion, star- ring Kidman Craig, Nicole Daniel and this is a of original the re-release that one – the welcome (initially novel serialisedstarted Finney’s it all. Jack of all favourites magazine) of is one my in Colliers mythology the time, loved I’ve and of this series in all its sat guises about I was folks eight since my and dog (the with 70s remake the the watch down me to weeks). sleepless nights ensured For for face man’s is still best, the version me, that but 1956 film the Siegel a close Don by second still comes directed thrill and chill same the to power the at retains and a commentary McCarthyism on time. And yes, it’s same the at and beginning the at War of Cold the time reflects of spreading Communism fear the Campbell’s throughout US…But, the W. John like Who it, Goes There? before most terrifying the modern genre fans have seen, so now you have seen, have so you now have modern fans genre Pick find and out excuse. it no upabsolutely today itexactly deserves why be part to of of this ‘Masters Cinema’ series. restored – as you can see if you watch the 3 minute 3 minute the can see watch – as you if you restored disc on 2 – with original the feature tints. There’s with without or English of watching a choice subti- tles with in 5.1 surround, or even or a commentary film historianfrom R. Smith Sight and Dixon and Stevens. If wasn’t Sound Brad all that contributor docu- also 53 minute a fascinating enough, there’s mentary about Murnau making the and of film, the with look of locations the footage how complete plus 96 page a articles book containing and today, critical a newly to translated in addition essays, producer film’s the by vampires on piece archival Albin Grau. in time? PAGE 70 PAGE

nothing better than to than better nothing stroke Joan’s when hair Werdegast war of wholikes –areleased prisoner he’sIn fact, no less creepy here, playing Dr. Vitus unlike not the famous countlooking he portrayed. inthe background, hovering Lugosi then isBela inspector, thing you’d the last though want to see you make room for the this passenger?” asks “Will mind sharing. ifthey asked they’re tickets with up REVIEWS due by train.to amix Except, ling across Hungary Peter and (Mannerstravel- Joan and Bishop) Alison moviesto pair the actors. eight of the year of box hit and office would the mark first to out the company’s be the movieturned biggest Cat’.Black Written and directed Ulmer, G. by Edgar to had Poe’s it little do with though ‘The 1843story Poe’sattach Allan Edgar even nameto the project, to decided spark bright the same Not onlythat, Frankenstein –respectively –afew years earlier. phenomenal success inthe roles Dracula of and whohad separately experienced and Karloff Lugosi none than famous other horror actors together: versal had the canny theirtwo most putting idea of you can. snatch while it screen isbeyondme. cut Aclassic, when you have black and white agorgeous wide- version why ifyou wantyou’d –though want to to watch therebut the colourised isthe opportunity would have welcome) been flick preview the new of the whole phenomenon, about or a documentary scream.open-mouthed Donald on apar with Sutherland’smore satisfying, would havenut farm much bleaker been and much to himoff the into action. Carting andMiles spring sisted on that where tacked on coda the cops believe don’t but youthe studio wish hadn’t just in- ending, culminates inthe up hillsand adownbeat in a chase ow, atmosphere all It unease. of anoverpowering more ashad- heavily scares. Aglance, on the subtle inthe down ‘ook’ hands win category, thisone leans The movies begins with honeymooning couple honeymooning with moviesbegins The No to found extras be here, which isashame(a Reviewer: PaulReviewer: Kane DVD.Second Sight £15.99 Bishop. David Julie Manners, Karloff, Boris Lugosi, Bela Starring: Ulmer G. Edgar Written and directed by Cat The Black In 1934 someone atIn 1934someone Uni- PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON movies because we will not see theirlike again… see wenot will movies because these say we shouldbefore again, cherish it and I’ll credibility. How isthat? tongueincheek it I’ve said his latest novel which lambastes himfor stretching from reads doom, of escaped the house areview of proves: theas epilogue author Peter, having just themselves couldn’t seriously, have taken thisvery Having the makers that, said rather giggle. than faces the audience caused to theirseats of jumpout and pulling shadows on the wall were scary still Cat isareminderBlack amore of naïve when time, The status. aclassic it too: that the kind gives hardly any developed further. “Deathless we’re so then and informed–but evil” show that Lugosi’s character afear has felines of – hardly makes anappearance, either, thrown into comedy. after animal which the movieisnamed The Cat islike achildren’s Black The 30 Days Night, of were actuallyscary. Compared Silent Hilland with like these whenfilms longthe has passed time Raven, famous team-up, Poe The Lugosi-Karloff thisreviewer’stamest Satanic ritual ever seen. death the organ musiconand the pipe possibly is thrownincluding Poelzig into the mix, playing revealed be ter? will at All the end, wheneverything Werdegast’s to wife, hisdaugh- what but happened them is of One cases? above the ground inglass suspended deadof women inhisbasement, down chessboard. why But Poelzig does avariety keep pawns to whenthe men decide battleon out the it and Werdegast’s feud, at one literally point as used inPoelzig the couple There becomeentangled ies. cobwebbed from castles previous Universal mov- at Poelzig’s those of opposite home, the exact crash, inacar up gast wind and allsubsequently Poelzig (Karloff). he’speople on: the architect hishouse built Hjalmar to not mention the deaths the of his imprisonment, confront whobetrayed the person himand caused doesn’t isthat know Werdegast ison hisway to before leaving forin Hungary the war. Peter What awoman like wholooked Joan he left back because she’s it’s But asleep. okay, to Peter, he as explains However, there’s the film, about charm acertain thiswhenrecentlyI said that reviewing other from the train,Alighting the couple and Werde- PAGE 71 REVIEWS PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE First came Hercules: The came Hercules: First Xena: Warrior Princess Xena: Warrior (Series 1 & 2) Starring Lucy Lawless, Renee Kevin Smith. O’Connor, Playback,Universal £34.99 each. KaneReviewer: Paul Finally we have, for my money, the best the sequence money, my for have, Finally we this with skill Romero, Directed by aplomb and because Gun turns) of Naked his taking a tortur- boyfriend, and wife his cheating on Ted ous revenge burying ThisDanson. involves neck the up them to the for wait to sitting beach and back a private on and there end it doesn’t However, in. come tide to it is a Romero zombies – well, more get couple we a Themovie. story longest shape in the ofcomes ‘The Henry Northrup Professor in which Crate’ Hol- (Hal seeks getbrook) rid to of his harpy ‘Billy’ of a wife (AdrienneBarbeau against totally type playing here) has been see, a crate You an unusualin quite way. (a ridiculous-look-inside with a monster discovered of teeth, Romero which withing monkey thing rows nicknamed ‘Fluffy’) Northrupand very wastes little time in trying the his spouse it. feed to to Perhaps most cheese-filled of lot, the it still nevertheless some amongst fans’ranks favourites. of In ‘They’re movie. the Up Creeping On You’ legendscreen E.G. a nasty business- plays Marshall man who gets his just desserts. of bugs, Afraid and living in a sealed off apartment, suddenly he finds – somewhere in from coming are cockroaches that first, at a few a deluge then of The them. finale is squirming get you to seats.guaranteed in your is classic its very at horror best, be not to now and ex- missed in this special disc two edition. Welcome an hilarious include tras commentary Romero from disc (on one), Savini effects make-up and man Tom a ‘making of’ deleted scenes, Tom documentary, footage, theatrical behind scenes the trailer Savini’s stills.and Recommended. Legendary Journeys, starring muscle-bound the Kevin Sorbo; basically Sam Raimi dipping his toe TV fantasy the into up with market coming a and legend. Then Greek old the on take hip along fresh, sub- and came Xena, first a villain at show, that on sequently star of own the in her right, a show and same the be quite never would fantasy television Creepshow (2 Disk Special Edition) George by A.Directed Romero. Stephen by Written King. Starring Ed Harris, Adrienne Barbeau, Stephen King, Leslie Danson. Nielsen, Ted Pictures Universal £19.99 DVD. KaneReviewer: Paul Then in ‘Something to Tide You Over’Then in ‘Something Tide have we to You The movie is bookended a short by scenario in Remember the late seventies,Remember early late eighties, the Leslie Nielsen (hard to take seriouslyLeslie take to Nielsen (hard these days which a violent father (an uncredited Tom Atkins Tom (an uncredited a violent father which Creepshow Thefrom Fog) his son’s confiscates book son, kid other (the comic than King’s is none a bestselling now in his ownJoe, right), author only ‘Fa- But a painful end. first the story, to come to a rich (Viveca woman around revolves Day’, ther’s – but just he father her who has murdered Lindfors) All dead. is his cake, though… wants he stay won’t see worth just to Ed Harris watching a doing It’s dance. ‘The disco weird really Lonesome of Death next comes sees and King making Verrill’ a Jordy as a dim-witted acting appearance farmer rare who a meteor ands gets some of its across ‘shit’ comes his fingers.on The starts result: he turn an to into plant!alien when Stephen King adaptations were coming at us at coming when Stephen King adaptations were All fast…? and thick right, has changed not much but movie does this at meantime,in the granted, between Maine’s least mark first the collaboration of zombie lore, son Godfather the and favourite met chat- and George recently A. Having Romero. concept the a fact I know for withted latter the developed simply out of of batting two them the finally settlingideas around, E.C. the on Comics style because both of series. the fans they were It some showcase of to as good as any a vehicle proved outrageous – three tales more…colourful and King’s out of five being the original film the even – and to just the providing a sequelspawned (with Romero this time, but still basedscreenplay King on sto- big the to bookfeel comic the ries). Transplanting it makes The before SinCity, Hulk or years screen fun. an entertainingof of genre hours couple for PAGE 72 PAGE

ple of Thieves’ Xena teams up with the hilarious the teams hilarious Xena with up Thieves’ ple of Taken’ Royal Cou- to returning her, and in‘The Pathlover Marcus Hosea) Not (Bobby from ‘The life whose aking’sas isat daughter risk. pose must Xena anda map, in‘Warrior…Princess’ revolves Dinars’ of Fistful around astolen and purse REVIEWS theiradventures,enthrals tales of with people ‘A where for episodes Gabrielle the setting the next ‘Athens Academy the Performing of is City Bards’ features Gifts’. Gorg) Greeks in‘Beware Bearing whilethe famous Helen Troy of Wolf’, Black (Galyn in‘The hers of is placed indanger friend childhood ‘Hooves and Harlots’. It’s to Xena the rescue whena whenshe encounters in agroupAmazons of warrior reachesGabrielle apivotal inher quest point to a be for asking help,beforeto her in‘Death inChains’ then Hades name, the same of the episode appears on Xena how to free Prometheus the god structs in oracle An cidentally awakening in- agroupgiants. of ac- Gabrielle finds Titans’ (the late and ‘The Smith), Ares villain regular against Xena pits Reckoning’ ‘The iskidnapped, girlfriend ling whenhisPrincess ing abandonedon the river… float- inabasket ababy she and find Xena Hope’ of Morbius who’s for whilein‘Cradle looking abride, iscaptured Gabrielle by the god In ‘Dreamworker’ warlord from and hisson innocent villagers? killing an arrow, she can recover but to intime stop anevil wounded by being Xena War’ of sees ‘Chariots kick. (O’Connor), Gabrielle be whobecomes Xena’s side- under attack to –onewhom happens girls of village mour), she’s back inaction soon helping agroup of her sword,(she even buries and ar- throwing ring she’s the people of because inthe past days, killing Inspitevowing of toprotagonist. end her battling minutelast replacement a as Xena) for the original incredibly a Lawless, played by Lucy cess (perfectly the Past’ which reintroduces to us the Warrior Prin- at your leisure. own nostalgia have released you so 90s enjoy can been of abit matter. Now sixintotal) (of two the first seasons moreparent and with dealt complex series subject much oftenits Xena than took more itself seriously female on thescreen, small protagonists popular Dana Scully, responsible being as for tough making garded, characters along with and Agent like Buffy (nor haveagain connotations). the same re- Widely ‘Mortal Beloved’ has the ghost of Xena’s of the ghost has Beloved’ dead ‘Mortal Path Not Taken’‘The helping Xena aPrince- has First we up have opener, One the Season of ‘Sins PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON a Gabrielle and Joxera Gabrielle (Sam’s brother, Ted Raimi) princes…yeah, right. routine warrior our daily of thecles humdrum then ‘Abecome agoddess, chroni- Day Life’ InThe in ‘A Evil’, whohas anAmazon to fight Necessary courselife there Of is!Callisto again? isback again, back isthere home, but away her back to to bring Xena’s returning Gabrielle with begins dead body a rare into Quest’ Xena’s insight background. ‘The us Trebor), gives then ‘Destiny’ (Robert Salmoneus features the scribe Amphipolis’ Hercules support, nate roles for ‘Here the episode, Comes…Miss She whereepisode O’Connor take on alter- and Lawless abizarre us jumps forward to intime 1942,giving Carol’. ‘Solstice episode, Scrolls’ ‘Xena Christmas followed by Xena, the obligatory with ing bodies which include the incredible Callisto of switch- twist fromDiana ‘Warrior…Princess’. Xena’s of thePrincess…Tramp’ return sees lookalike a favourite baddie for round two, while‘Warrior… back what says it onbringing exactly the tin, does Callisto’ of ‘Return that have girls cal gone missing, Have go insearch Fun’ and Xena Gabrielle sixlo- of In‘Girls Wanna Just hersof –and he yes, isagiant. side to her on the opposing anold puts friend Killer’ the three through Fates,change history then ‘Giant achance Xena to gives stone. Nothing’ ‘Remember powerful searching for whoisinturn army avery forwhich islooking Xena anex-member her own of to war. stop araging trying bythe House?’ roundingOne Xena sees Season off aDoctor There In ‘Is become awarrior, and lastly her brother, anact that herthe down road led to she as attemptsXena toavenge finally the death of follows ‘Death Mask’ Leick), Hudson (the superb blonde nutcase isnamed after which the episode troduces inthe formthe of villain funning another leaving to impersonate Gabrielle her, ‘Callisto’ in- falling Xena has illfrom dart, apoisoned Good’ to Xena’s claiming be someone Greater father, ‘The features Bind’ That to by hisfather, the gods ‘Ties when she saves aboywhoisgoing to sacrificed be ‘Altered choice presents atough with States’ Xena for not obviously and goinglong). home (though she isahindrancequestioning whether to Xena Prodigal’ Gabrielle has ‘The while the more serious Campbell), Bruce regular Autolycusthief (Raimi In the final stretch,In the final Tolls’ ‘For Bell HimThe is and ‘Ten Warlords’‘Intimate Little Stranger’ War’ of in ‘Orphan with Two off Season kicks PAGE 73 REVIEWS PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE The movie begins with a documentary-style Cut a trio to and of people wife – a husband, news the to film the us end, the back takes Near The Zombie compare Diaries movies like to To what if one day… if one what an area into as they soldiers move following camera with gas coats in white Men been infected. that’s then masks We examine ground. zombie the a on shown a series are in time and of vox back move ordinarypops from people of streets London, in the oftalking this new virus they about scared are how knowanythingnobody seems that about,to the and imagine governmentabout is help as you’d as much TV the follow then news that team be. We to them a reportfilmed of these as they set investigate off to Their car breaks community. in an isolated infection down just ‘Outbreak’ as the hits our capital, and in a farmhouse shelter take where to they’re forced something making noise upstairs. there’s driving – ‘Scavengers’ who are throughhitch-hiker desertedthe electrical into streets, breaking shops living the encountering dead and radios steal to The process. in the flits action between these and ofanother group survivors includ- in Hertfordshire, ago who until writing a month was ing a student his dissertation. In night get vision, shots we quick of zombies the attacking, shoot group the which the they can get close Sadly, before enough bite. to been as lucky, haven’t with hitch-hiker couple the run zombies to having their car from and crashing through woods. the out woods in the which a fire made who have crew They’re strangers. two attracts not zombies, but dangerous than living the dead? they more even are When goes next missing the of crew one the morn- throughing, her after go but option to no they have regions. zombie-infested hugedis-a it do to is Later, BlairDays 28 and Witch powerfulservice. more than both of those put It’s the to not The introduced we’re that fact together. know are or them get to don’t we that characters, works in the ofgiven fictional history, back reams easier it makes even and mockumentary’s favour, is a series of watching you’re what that believe to groups three togetherspliced video from footage against infected fighting their lives the of folk for which extras no disc the on either, Theredead. were I guess aided suspension in the of disbelief, but I for seen just some of the have liked to have would one You’d be forgiven for think- be for forgiven You’d The Zombie Diaries Bartlett Michael by Directed & Kevin Gates. Starring Russell Anna Jones, Blades, Victoria Nalder. Entertainment,Revolver £12.99. KaneReviewer: Paul

You don’t need me really to tell you how good how this you tell to need really me don’t You ing that nothing more original nothing more ing that be with done could zombie the had We’ve zombie monster. iconic the society consumer the on in Romero’s as a statement series of movies, in Dead zombie the as superhero (of you’ll which Deader and find elsewhere a review rom-zom-comin this issue), the and thanks the to starrer Pegg ShaunSimon What of Dead. the could possibly be left? The is The that to answer Zombie Diaries, movie mode mondo old the takes which of Cannibal film-making Holocaust, later and from The Blair Witch Project, give to us closestthe thing ‘realistic’ a we’llto zombie invasion see, ever bar the age thing happening. actual And and in this day of flu, bird and attacks chemical might you just find thinking, this and watching sitting there yourself series was, and still is. There are story arcs aplenty, series was, story still and is. There are aplenty, arcs con- and of steamy, some bubbling under the pretty pursued in later are that undercurrents troversial, but all above scene?), bath the seasons (remember fun. With metal the Lawless on treading now it’s revisit to great Battlestar Galactica as a Cylon, it’s a godsend and role is still most famous her what The world. the only fancy all around shops to dress disappointment of lack is the extras, amount which Where the are stills galleries just a few really. to ‘making of’ documentaries, interviews, the the cry…. war the all do if we commentaries? Perhaps Aaaaeeeiiiiiiiieeee….? Ah it worth was well, a shot. episode, ‘The whether on Execution’ or focuses friend Meleager Mighty the not Gabrielle’s (Tim in ‘Blind then Thomerson)guilty really is of murder, without cope sight, her Xena has to in Faith’ and ‘Ulysses’ legendary the Xena encounters kingof Ith- ica. in ‘The Meanwhile Price’ Xena it up against old in ‘TheHorde, enemies, savage the Lost Mariner’ doomed the GabrielleCe- ship board is trapped on of Eros’ finally and chaos shows the crops, ‘Comedy happensthat with Russel) Bliss borrows (Cameron (Karl Cupid’s Urban) bow arrow… and his father PAGE 74 PAGE

sat round a fire playing truth or dare games – start sat round or dare games –start afire playing truth playing to agrouprevellers, of kids and of ahandful to –which appears consist aband of from the party Needless to her ex-boyfriend. of say,chagrin people takes animmediate shine to Jonathan, much to the by oneLynn’s of organised party een who friends by goingto to over get aHallow- the experience their parents inany Oddly, this. of decided they’ve REVIEWS there’s oddly crazy…”self –though no mention of forget,” your- Lynne tells drive her brother, “you’ll the accidentaltheir mindsoff –“You killing have to have to moved into out helptake the wilderness realisingtle it’s Mike playing apractical joke. who Jonathan stabs: lit- mask, apumpkin wearing Mike. She’s then attackedboyfriend, by aperson (Weber) ready gets to her obnoxious go with out that’s sister –whilehishot aeuphemism Lynn not the Halloween –and no, season during pumpkin that’ssucceed or not, the bigquestion. it attempts.does these yetof another But of basis tofor it holiday anduse the movie)and tries the Halloweenone the iconicof the of (both symbols takes Karver Pumpkin The atstabs the formula. there havethough, cheapand happy of lots been contendersamongst allthe major for the crown, and Screaming –literally In era. –into the modern while Wes Craven the sub-genre kicking dragged thriller, killer the serial legitimised Hannibal Lector afresh movie. on the with slasher up variation stone the horror genre. of sure back looked on be inyears to come amile- as much to say Romero, as more, possibly I’m thiswill as just tohas endingthrough that theinitself twist inone house, inthe azombie dark of ing discovery reality. processesthought that went a intothe film making Fast forward one year and Jonathan and Lynn his Jonathan (Zara) isat home carving Starks to For come years have now people trying been toFrom streets, the empty chill- of starkshots Every face awork is art…’ of ‘Every PaulReviewer: Kane £12.99. DVD.Revolver Entertainment Weber, Kelley. Minka Amy Michael Zara, Starring Mann. Directed by Robert Karver Pumpkin The PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON stance as a scooped out pumpkin head. pumpkin out stance ascooped as much as sub- about thishas as slashers, original ending to andjuvenile some Stick the bloopers. aside from about deleted talking amundane worth and there aren’t Karver, evenPumpkin any extras pumpkins? the year whenhe’s carving not tant what question the of therest old does man of Doo. Scooby of Notepisode even the mostimpor- end that wouldn’t even had made into it the very an at right hints not? pastvague Nothing isexplained he after? Revenge like Michael Myers? he real Is or is exactly What come hechannel can electricity? confusing…How isextremely himself Karver kin the Pump- of the And mythology the glass). against the routine, car for instance,face with pressed up (the old death in executed inoriginality and lacking themselves are killings lazily The offedgets next. ifwe’re to care them which of stories; crucial about back the audience of tion with or are any given sort who don’t have to time make any connec- of kind Hulk, the as likesup Charlie’s of and Angels The ismadeannoying teens of up dressed support The where are, they even nor at why the party. they’re for explanation plausible why the siblings were from there was allthe it downhill way. isno There which did have me fooled. But beginning, twist foreasy admit me. to Iwill impressed being by the didn’t it but make things Karver Pumpkin The hisguilt? of amental breakdown because himself, experiencing or ishe the killer to out, find to Jonathan to try It’s up (the ‘town’ isevenCarver)? named carver coincidentally, andland is, aprofessional pumpkin the weirdhe be to old this whoclaims man own or could he supernatural, Is individual. kin-masked at pump- the same theof hands to die horrifically It’s hard to else say toThe anything find about hard Ilikedabout to something find very I tried PAGE 75 REVIEWS PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE KAW Sheldon by Wilson.Directed Starring Flanery, Sean Patrick Kristin Booth, Rod Taylor. EntertainmentStarz Home £16.99 DVD. KaneReviewer: Paul Asof ‘The reality the Beast’ film the is revealed, Brooks’adaptation is obviously gripping enough The brilliant, performances universally are with extras, seen this release more have to like I’d takes a more sinister turn, sinister groups when the and a more takes be far too can’t begin murder turn to other, each on But will who survive of film, until end the the away. be anything willand human there left of them? Channel warrant callingto it ‘immensely 4.com powerful’ The and labelling Mail it Daily ‘startling’. akin violence to looking for you’re If, however, a bit of might a let down. you be in for co. and Saw an this warranted see to why Looking hard back, it’s very littleX certificate blood- time, the as there’s at disturbing, more What’s involved. shed gore and film, the is the mightand to explain reaction the men cave into descent believable all too sudden and Thementality some of that boys undergo. the stuff of bedtime fairytales Jack leverage becomes the look while as we adults a small army, needs form to find and it doing extremely un- they what are at comfortable viewing. It might us a little take longer but as post- the such behaviour, to be reduced to apocalyptic of people Clark Simon like novels testify (King Blood that take springs it mind), wouldn’t to longer. much Chapin shining throughout Edwards and Aubery, re- to filmthe their turns – so have good you are some sort not watching of you’re that yourself mind I guess documentary justold been discovered. that’s qualifyingthe of whether a film characteristic is a classic good even – or – is whether bad or it stays turned you’ve This after DVD off. with long the you does,one in spades. Brook,boasting only commentaries from producer cameraman/ and Hollyman Lewis Allen, Tom DP but least shed this does some at Feil, Gerald editor light film-making the A worthy on addition process. serious any filmto buff’s DVD collection. A popular text school, I bet at Lord Flies of the Brooks. Peter by Directed Tom Starring Aubery, James Chapin, Hugh Edwards. Second Sight £19.99. KaneReviewer: Paul ‘When tribes two war…’ go to The kids, about ranging 8 up- 7 or in ages from The backstory the opening stills tell credits sim- wards, form a half baked committee or parliament or a half baked committee form wards, is used shell they wish whenever a conch where speak.to Ralph but there’s is soon elected leader, (Chapin). rival With Jack ru- from discontentment beast island the on is a monstrous there that mours support rally night, is able to out at comes that Jack trappings the ditch which group, a breakaway for life native the of society embrace and uniform like hunting – having going and of painting their faces in this department their talent displayed already killingby a wild boar (“There lots was of blood, you seen it.”). have should ply and quickly, showing us pictures of rockets and and of rockets showing us pictures quickly, ply and outbreak the set just before planes to piece the been have it could of (in a sense, war however, time). A plane carryingset any at British wealthy supposedschoolboys to is brought down on safety island – think Lost,a remote but with school uni- forms. The picks action this, up just live after with Ralph (Aubery) Piggy bumping into on (Edwards) dream beach. Thethe bully’s archetypal is the latter – fat, with glasses begs he – and clever and Ralph other the survivors tell not to his nickname what is, does. boy promptly the ofwhich course many of you can remember reading William Gold- reading can remember of you many – a seminal examination of hap- novel what ing’s pens barriers when the ripped of civilisation are What disturbing, book the makes more all the away. though, schoolboys on is its turning focus sav- to though think aboutagery, when you it young the of barriers less down rest than the break have to been victim the of bullying when who’d us. Anyone up will growing testify just be how able to they were as nothing com- cruel can be, but that’s children Released in happens what to in this story. pared Brooks’ filmic adaptation of book the 1963, Peter but is inspiration, material for this source on draws clearly is in film in the power as as there much there novel? the PAGE 76 PAGE

her face. how knows director And Wilson Sheldon radio operator, araven dead, clearly with at picking Ifound disturbing was the one scene inparticular youto ashiver leave not give but you feeling cold: and there’s attack, the bus bloodletting enough just suchas pieces, er. effective set are There very some have remembered been as a pretty decent chill- little REVIEWS going to survive. to how just they’re out figure in the diner and try cover seek revealed whenthe remaining survivors this have is All topopulation? the Amish do with to what does like look But acommunity under siege. begins it at on trapped the bus night-time, people and abunch of indanger Cynthia the town. With have friends in for it of the population flying our due to the ravens, Wayne discovers suddenly that roads are by vehicles off blocked that have crashed more andtale. more As incidents areand reported, and he barely to diner to the local escapes tell the to decide around mass they him because ideas, of throwing have not at acan one might the best been the birds noticing too. been massing has However, belts. one just deathwith under theirfeathery the ravens because aren’t to about quit big surprise, weren’t there, exciting he’s enough to a about get things ifhe thought But area. to abigger (Booth) hiswife hisjoband with moving quitting Cynthia this on hismind, wrestling the fact with that he’s tooff investigate. he’s But more alot got just than and sets Jones and Chronicles Dead isalerted Zone) Wayne Hayborne (Flanery, Young from The Indiana ravenser by some town Small sherrif inhisbarn. masterpiece… Taylor evenit Rod has from init Hitchcock’s 1963 to suchafilm; just would be appear Kaw things, of the surface On made years some they sequel back. the terrible of intention any out wiping of memory for Birds, some inspirationwith The –hopefully that allnature granddaddy of movies, berserk goes only amatter before time of went someone back to and centre. was right It and ants snakes left killer that’s folk with battling what happened, has exactly to the cheapnessdays, CGIthese of no part small a resurgence in 21stCentury. inthe early Thanks sub-genre would have that particular seen thought who’d inthe80s, out late early died 70s, have ever If it didn’t would it haveIf to Kaw fill, suchbigboots McHattie) (Stephen MacKenzie Clyde driver Bus attack avicious on afarm- with moviebegins The the revenge nature of eventually When films ‘Don’t look up’ PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON decide… you Only can or fright? Flight a disappointment. matter. arewhichof isabit There no extras, also patch on what’s already thissubject done with been to it a be don’t –but expect viewing and ahalf’s anhour almost achieves worth it them –making great with aspirations, isa film and Kaw In short, there isn’teyes wejust get, level the same terror. of ravens’ of close-ups no matter how many ‘menacing’ iswhat made creepy. them so that ambiguity Here, the world. Youruled them. But wouldn’t with argue scarecrows allthose with they them off and decided and frightening the skies themof out blasting us of at all;one day the birds had simplyhad just enough came from the fact that was given no explanation real Hitchcock’s of beauty The movie anti-climax. an of abit but iscredible by God, punished enough being leavingof denly gone nuts, aside the cries towho appears have wandered in out Twinof Peaks. to the diner, the ownerof (Michelle Duqhet) Betty from characters the Amish theirfake with beards, drawn,is awash lazily that stereotypes seem with the vulnerable to atee. hero However, part the film and Flanery,plays doesn’t disappoint usual, as ilk. creaturealways features inlow-budget see this of are standard you too, agood allof don’t something performances animated. The been likelook they’ve the ravens of some attack even sequences, though and handle the bird crankto both the up suspense drama on DVD. allback-to-backit to BBC’s thanks release the of and now that it’swhole thing, over you watch can that’s hard been to waitwatch sixweeks the JekyllDr and MrHyde. It’s series of the kind been of Stevenson story Louis the famousing of Robert following Stevennights, Moffat’s clever rework- on Saturday toover the TV Iwas theglued summer for explanation whyThe the ravens have sud- Reviewer: PaulReviewer: Kane BBC DVD£29.99 Lawson. Michelle Ryan, DenisBellman, James Gina Nebitt, Starring Written by Steven Moffat. Directors: Various. Jekyll I don’t you, but about know PAGE 77 REVIEWS PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE I absolutely loved the episode where Hyde con- Hyde episode the loved I absolutely where and if people Stoker Stevenson, that like I reckon episodesExtras commentaries for audio include film, the original this is the Forget Transformer... of the agency, complete with dodgy complete of agency, the American ac- transforma- Nesbitt’s into go even cent; won’t I and hairstyle a different tions, basically which involve critic lenses (as one contact and out, pointed “He so is Butthere Gest.”). David looks a deranged like as well. enjoy to much it right leaving cellar, in the wife Jackman’s fronts or killed anyone whether he’d reveal to end the to not, this with early the days ofinterspersing and seaside the when they at were appearance Hyde’s character Hyde’s way the Thenstill lovers. there’s – so you’re so end, that the much by you on grows out bad the take rightlyquite him to for – rooting guys?). And how badder even guys I say should (or about flashback the (a superb Stevenson to cameo in Gatiss) Mark Thefrom League of Gentlemen’s his about telling Jekyll discussions with real the draw-drop- the story mention to Not world? the to finaleping twist piles which upon twist, leav- before in forget with image won’t ing you a nightmare you a hurry. Shelley knew original their still that were concepts 21st Century in the be over being reworked they’d moon.the And if they of knew dedi- this level that energy and cation it them, to being was devoted BBC for Bravo extremely them proud. make would for Moffat Steven to taking done well this leap, and script.his clever behind scenes the 45 minute 1 & 6, plus a cracking examining making the of series the an feature and of a Scene’: close up of minute a 15 a com- ‘Anatomy episode 2. from posite scene Okay, so to the analysis. Jekyll is a concept that that is a concept analysis. the so Jekyll to Okay, Losing least is the of University the his job at We soon discover that Tom has a wife (Blackeyes has a wife Tom that soon discover We The serieskicks off with an intriguing premise: probably wouldn’t even have been considered pre- been considered have even wouldn’t probably Dr Who Moffat coincidentally which (a series for also works). A prime-time night sci-fi Saturday hor- examination of human dual- based Steven’s on ror series of genre course, Nowadays, on. ity? Dream bucks big thanks – and if this goodnessare they are by being commissioned sortis the of thing that’s BBC.the All right, parts I’ll are of there the admit ring series really true don’t that Neverwhere’s – like hamming it up as Joseph a representative Paterson Tom’s problems, as he has to deal with devasta- as has the he to problems, Tom’s is causing,tion Hyde especially discovers when he good the has family beenthe doctor from hiding come he did where him. But remains question the sup- – who Stevenson Jekyll as real-life the from, posedly based his book heirs. – died on without any another ex- be is there a clone, or really he Could who woman And mysterious planation? who is the without but can vanish mother, beclaims Tom’s to of end the the by All will come answers the a trace? will besixth a there but I guarantee programme, surprise works. in the two or and Coupling star Bellman) Coupling star and kids, two and who he has been trying his keep from his best hidden to a covert agency follow- plus other there’s half, real to comes – which van in a black ing him around light via (The detective a private No. Kumars at because has hired she wife Tom’s Syal) Meera 42’s As the If only. thinks might he affair. an be having seeplot develops, we agency the trying provoke to – in personthe they call ‘Hyde’ taking control into cage of a spectacular lion’s time in the one fashion zoo – because exploit they what they to see want as a super-being strength abilities. with and incredible as well. nutter a complete Shame he’s Dr Tom Jackman (Nesbitt – and is there a homage there is – and (Nesbitt Jackman DrTom Hugh modern name?) is a the in day Wolverine’s to a sexy employing psychiatric (soon nurse Dr Jekyll, brat Eastenders former and be Bionicto Woman too get into doesn’t he sure make to Ryan) Michelle his other messages for leaves He hot water. much – his only means ofhalf a Dictaphone on commu- chair a secure himself into straps – and nication is about take to knowswhen he a transformation initial but that is the of Such course premise, place. a six hour series, to it. would stretch wouldn’t PAGE 78 PAGE

both Joshboth and women one the other of from the wherelair allthisisgoing he on. can rescue And ture. the to underground has of heout still get But nightmare tor- of fromescapes particular hisown the anaesthetic. without surgeon volve young mutilating men and pretending to a be REVIEWSlive in- which fantasies, mainly theirwildest out organisation for whoarrange to businessmen rich aclandestine of victims both they’re seems well. It into the for trap looking goes as right him,he walks location.then And whenPaxtonin anunknown Joshua vanishes tortured –onlyto being shown be thing. Wayhay! as It’s though, to theirundoing, be ladies intheirhostelto for up whoseem be any- Paxton (Jay Hernandez) encounter acouple of whereto Joshua Slovakia (Derek Richardson) and Amsterdam. theirtravels But eventually take them with youths backpackingacross Europe, beginning imagination. wasconjured it alljust thinking of by up afevered no comfortzone with left be definitely you’ll exist, sites that proved indeed thingdoes of thiskind inthe directionsite afew Roth of pointing internet from Knowles the famous ‘Ain’tHarry web Cool’ it if Itell you on reality, that was it actuallybased with long after you’vewatching finished the movie. Plus to leave impression alasting thatstay will you with the director’s and intent thisone isto with shock, it, Make stakes. no about bones me’ kidding f**king havethat oneto inthe down ‘you got hands be second movieafter Fever, Cabin Hostel even beats Roth’s hard-earned. our wit the and cinema parting tofilm remind why just us we going shouldto be re-release edition Roth’sto Eli of aspecial second see…’ By the skin of his teeth, and histeeth, badly of injured, the skin PaxtonBy horny American of atrio with begins film The we’re treated being us, now upon the sequel With - The MirrorDaily ever, movie you’ll bloodiest sickest, goriest, ever ‘The Reviewer: PaulReviewer: Kane Sony £12.99 Pictures, Barbara Nedeljakova. Gudjonsson, Hernandez Eythor Derek Richardson, JayStarring Roth. Written and Directed by Eli luxe Edition) Hostel De- (2discDungeon PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON photo gallery. and Godjonsson, Icelandic starEythor Meal’ with ‘An Special, (remember TV hiscameo?), interview Featurette, documentary, design Takashi Set Miike &Music Effects Special its the with second disc ing Paxton New is isstonedinthe street. by kids the problems the scene filming where pursu- acar Hostel, of the making one about about the other and two featurettes: commentary Knowles Harry TarantinoQuentin listening (always to), worth with executiveabout), producers’ commentary having doing time what he always agood dreamed (adirector whocomes across mentary someone as Com- Roth release its with the as original same infear for they’re really theirlives. act though as can people These filming…). during toe was crushed realso on the director’s commentary, his because sequences (we discoverwhy exactly Richardson’s is reallybut come the torture into during theirown are okay, performances The cinema. any inmodern forlowing arevenge ending that’s as satisfying as isat the endtunnel, of al- light of shaft single whenyoujust thinkthingscan’t any get worse, a to– not mention leaving you on the back And foot. leaves you where wondering thisisgoing to go next hand that of afantastic through, sleight partway the central character aninfluence, changes been whichsurely must have Hitchcocktioned classic, Like the aforemen-was the way and turns. twists it come can effects with. up muchspecial isso worse anything than imagination horror, of to rule first that the viewer’s which isleft isthe This which unshown, isonlyto credit. its left much as sequence just –but is famous ‘Eyegasm’ Yes, Hostel moments –whocould its has forget the a way it’s because to the viewer’s left imagination. worse it screen,in off making and violence happens Texasand The Massacre, the gore of Chainsaw alot likepredecessors its level.other yet, Psycho And moments to away awhole this takes the ‘look now’ then coveringyourwithout eyeswith hands, was it hardyou thought to watch movieslike Saw security, of a false sense it’s action allthe way. If to lullyou isdesigned stuff, into which initself is bored. Once wepastallthe backpacking get Hostel inthe process? Well displays all the Roth as up picking worth what’sSo Well, extra? the isbasically disc the first Ifound mostimpressive What the film about thingyouOne won’t whenwatching be Hostel PAGE 79 REVIEWS PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE Heading towards the city itself, they encounter city the itself, they encounter towards Heading admit, and to expecting Dead I was hate I have to Superman the to As thing. Now out is pointed in Sci-Fi Channel better than has any production Far day (no, not illegal, (no, day but as in people with eye-patch- the parrots; not).es and I kid Escaping from you down, they them army the find that track base to base the on and murders the has fitted up them for they’renow At being a bar in the as well. hunted they’re locals, the by of nowhere, middle captured who just – happens be to (Ward) but barmaid Holly of Dead the seen “I’ve filma horror Dawn fanatic: not original…” the 47 times. No, – lets and go them tags with along them. been these organising experi- personthe who’s needs who a sample Greene), ments, Dr Scott (Peter this stop to is on race the blood. Now of Quinn’s of zom- the unleashing rest the scientistmad from mankind. on bies describes which itself meets as hours ‘48 Deader, on not a patch Of of it’s Dead’. the course, Dawn of Univer- more me reminded in fact and those two, but I can see where Damme, sal Soldier starring Van strength, though, Thethey’re from. film’s coming itself all take it at doesn’t that fact the from comes seriously can it, – how jokes is cracking when Torry a fancy into break group while, when the all the and disguise to shop emerge only to themselves dress Miami It Vice. also from as characters the dressed the before Cain knewhelps that Ward and Torry shoot, off camera so some of their joshing around filmleaks the itself. into ‘Makingthe of’ is character Quinn’s documentary, discussed even of end the at It’s but dead’. ‘super, name should superhero Quinn’s movie what the be: a fun deconstruction Mortis perhaps? Man, It’s ego, with erstwhile alter perhaps just a of Cain’s Routh for ofsmidgeon Brandon likes the of a dig at see to like I’d role. his most famous ‘stealing’ away him start electricity a car channelling by through himself. rightany be, they’ve to (rather effects the kept real the to plot all adds the which than fluffy, CGI) and a half, an hour and for stuck popcorn If feel. you’re zone… this dead than enter worse do could you If you were wondering what If were you Dead and Deader and Dead Dinhut. Patrick by Directed Starring Cain, Susan Dean Torry. Guy Ward, Starz Entertainment, £16.99. KaneReviewer: Paul When other members of Quinn’s squad go on the the on squad go When other members of Quinn’s Cain plays Lt.Cain plays Bobby Quinn begin- the at who,

rampage at the base, the hooks at he rampage up with a wisecrack- Judson (Torry), who has as- Hieronymous ing cook one of restaurant runningpirations his own pirate ning of movie, the is seen with his Special Ops team in Cambodia,somewhere has what investigating lost that’s centre happened a medical research to it believe or Well, with outside the world. contact not, experiments the they’ve carried out with Jindu zom- turnedscorpions into people the have there bies, scorps the their sights and set Quinn’s on have Thetroops. next knows, thing he Quinn is waking California, Fort Preston, table at autopsy up the on Flutie (Arminwith Coroner Shimmerman from an about cut Nine) him open. It’s Deep to Space make, as Quinneasy to mistake has vital no signs – althoughnow because scorpion the is cut out of beenhim in time, hasn’t he fully zombiefied. Like Blade with his serum, meat all Quinn needs is raw but also he has super strength and happy, he’s and invulnerability. Dean Cain’s been doing since he hung up he his cape been since doing Cain’s Dean TV the tightsand from Lois show & Clark, then went Hatcher While co-star longer. no Teri wonder again in become a household over name all to on has Housewives, been Dean kicking Desperate bargain basement the horror/sci-fiaround movie starringscene, next. the after duff stinker in one surprise as a welcome So, it comes al- find that to looksthough it might like Deader and just be Dead actually prob- been in, it’s others he’s all the as bad as Superman his role ably only film the that since as Super- sort grace from his fall on of comments past. the on than just trading man, rather signs of turning into a director that willsigns be that re- of turning a director into has a good and come, to years many for membered recep- in him yet. Hostel number of features horror so… think tion? I don’t PAGE 80 PAGE

Kogawa involvedKogawa now, to where allbuilds it a finale into the reallandscape Detective world. With the dreamwants to take over the world by dragging mystery, one that involves who figure ashadowy save inthe process him,but she uncovers another and toads inthe dream. Paprika Only enter can and adollas heading aweird parade toys furniture, of the work anemployee of Himuro; called he appears REVIEWS he’sbelieving be inadream, like might it looks it crazygoes and throws the window, of out himself Dr. theirChief, Shima, stolen. been When has Mini where therapist Dr. istold that aDC Chiba Atsuko people’s inand of out dreams. tothe ability flit therapy and session sheawoman isPaprika, with download theirdreams. It’s anunauthorised of part tal piece hardware of that allowsthe operator to machine on thehim,anexperimen- DCMini called dreams at thehim–she’s side of a using been melting. ahallway down akiller is chasing that israpidly allexcepthis guide, for one where the final Kogawa featuresscene. these of Each abrown-haired as girl –and then he’s inthe middlearomantic of flicks on strangled atrainbeing old 60sspy those –àla scene switches to him The inacage. trapped self istrained him- on himhefinds suddenly spotlight isintheDetective audience, Kogawa whenthe but we’re inthe circus –andone quite at asurreal that. and out we haulshimself realise Aclown drives. car tion. hisanimebasing on Yasutaka Tsutsui’s complex fic- Actress Millennium director of Satoshiturn Kon, andKurosawa Akira (Matrix) (Dreams). Now it’s the like (Dreamscape), the JosephWachowskis Ruben Wood Bari such as (InDreams) and filmmakers have as writers Freud by it, been was obsessed that’ssomething for humanity centuries. plagued Cut to theCut company that’s the machine, developed He wakes from from hisdream his the girl with into which atoy aspotlight, with Paprika begins Reviewer: PaulReviewer: Kane Sony DVD. £19.99 Yamadera. Kôichi Tôruashibara, Furuya, (voices)Hay- Megumi Starring Directed by Satoshi Kon. Paprika The truth behind dreams behind is truth The PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON Highly recommended.Highly and extraordinarily inventivesoundtrack, narrative. terrific for getting artwork, the sumptuous worth this is but adisappointment, whichof isabit track, villain… true the scene of out revealing akick get definitely the then you’ll you like Lovecraft, If asurprise. of a bit and the real baddie come the piece also of iswill as whoPaprika isamasterstroke. of twist crush The come across and inanime, IthinkChiba’s secret charactersThe are probably the mostbelievable I’ve above the towerblocks. fight final Godzilla-inspired involvingplot Kogawa’s and the past, filmmaking to the sub- Monkeyas on her cloud,orafairy), as thinggoing on (exceptburn whenshe’s dressed here,abound from Paprika’s whole Audrey Hep- cultural references The Akira. thisside of imagery to the mostmind-blowing of come some with up fantastic world and alicense the subconscious of to anend, aframework inwhich to explore the does. invariably and like– just indreams happen, can –anything There aren’t any extras apart from a commentary aren’tThere from acommentary any apart extras premise Paprika of toThe ameans just seems be PAGE 81 LONDON CALLING: PART FIVE PANTECHNICON ISSUEFIVE Trudi Topham Trudi

AUTHOR: tertaining, but it starting was seem parties to that just wherever. held were buzz the of Secret ServiceShe feel could personnel traffic, trickle the The radio constant her. all around hum of the and mobile audio, of bugs relaying fingerprints, like were phones identifying the even in plainones clothes. Every parted again and crowds now the enough for a glimpse some catch of groping Nicholson to her poor girl, Baxter of a portrait looming in front of Ulysses yet to chatting S. President the or Grant, listen All was do could she stranger. another total if anything team her cover and transmissions the to the an early to end for wrong,went but prayed she The higher the the evening. stoodthere, she longer risk being of discovered. English her accent began and a loose to thread, fingers found Her worry it. at face. Baxter panicked turned Otto’s on his back “That The there. with one blonde over the bloke he?” carnation. pink the hair and Who’s Otto struggling feel practically could He keep his to Why?” “I dunno. cool. his body like lan- I don’t be“Mmm. Could nothing. guage.” silent,Otto Baxter and fell his breathing heard mur- out.evening his unfamiliar voice Eventually I.” do “Neither mured thing.” “It just be could a cultural from…” he’s without“Well, knowing where Baxter nodded. That damn crippling was football ex- Otto, deploy his cultural couldn’t He his team. pert “Smolensky’s” watching – twenty people were every move. “Stay here.” Baxter of service years had in behind him; training experience practical the on control; crowd stealth, the discreetlyaround battlefield.way his As wove he through his skills,hall, ran he strate- formulating plotting problem, the gies, around thinking his way about his target of finding potential out more ways his ownwithout identity. giving away As him. closed he turned blonde in, the face to

Neena tuggedNeena of hem the jacket gazed on her and been she’d lady hall. the Theout at if tipsy, nice, filled had by history the in on her talked at of the White it seemed, 100BC, from, House but still she for using lobby the around head her wrap couldn’t some- a huge, room old envisioned parties. She’d en- for used was that purely complex in the where Nicholson had to admit that he was having a glo- having was he that admit to Nicholson had managed win a quick to already rious time. He’d with of Social one the bathroom in the fumble Secretary’s assistants, dancing was he now and Canada.with from aide some diplomatic Although be bothered couldn’t he herself, introduced she’d was. who she She firm a nice, remember had to constant her legs and chin, backside and her up to nod, go could he that meant wittering in French “hmm-mmm” in a while, keep and his eyes on once crowd. the The hinged his ability network. on to operation He get to have all night,had he’d but sooner later or Presi- the address could he where a situation into a minute. if only for directly, dent all be over. Then it’d London Calling: Part Five Part Calling: London a problem.” “I have hated He in his ear. Baxter voice the at blinked Film heaving. was Hall Entrance the and crowds, a shortarse somewhere, and, stars, visiting royalty, making a seconds before it a few gave He President. grunt.questioning “This hissed Smolensky. voice. the guy, me,” “It’s What White’?” is ‘Yankee hell the The eased, stiffness in Baxter’s back rolled he and the to access “Ithis shoulders. have means you kept He security top-level clearance.” It’s President. hear him could but doubted he anyone low, his voice chamber the quartetover chatter. and So…” Otto his throat. cleared “Uh huh. Okay. my to it handcuffed “What’s why’s and a football, wrist?” Baxter turned. Looked leather black the down to hand. briefcase in Otto’s finally he “It’s corrected. “That’s not a handcuff,” security cable.” FICTION PAGE 82 PAGE

And heAnd had aknife. way across the hall. reached the blonde the guy’s the was mostof speed, thehe time himself By ond to over get the surprise. blonde existence, hadof out jerked and sec- another asecond the to way recognise took the Baxter It sight. of out “No. He Not Russian!” spat at Baxter, then flitted LONDONbrilliant-“ pattern,anyway,speech isfucking and your English Russian “Very hazarded aguess. Baxter “Russian?” fect. hissleeve, to at with no ef- it visible kept dabbing wasfrom cascading and he his nose, Blood hissed. “You are here to protect the President,” the blonde CALLING: yelled “Gun,” Baxter Then and chaos erupted. him. nineteenwould the other shoot once he started, one at andonly target that he atime, had no doubt their mindstohisway, themof out get he could but He gave consideration to hisway pushing through receeding. the realitybut was that Nicholson’s were goalposts protectively tightening agents around the man, PART confused of by the knot course,illusion, of caused away. and further to further get seemed was an It he wove hiswayAs toward the President, the man suffer. to it. He was no art hatedThere that. was going to he time had,amount of and subtlety FIVE was going to drastically impact the ner. scuffle The Nicholson slid away from part- dance hisCanadian transmissions. Service’s the Secret with interfering began She theto time thatnow put into seemed motion. getaway and aquick but emergency thewas, plan, of wasn’t part afight Starting attempt it. of to rid get her hipinan her hand against brushing dropped it, and she thread hercameloose, fingers between The she Somehow wasn’t entirely surprised. fight. to havea seemed course. started Baxter yes. Of Ah had feeling anuneasy She thatclearing. – was traffic had andfloor spiked, the dance Radio Neena had blinked, and now thewas hall inchaos. himinthe face. punched Baxter PANTECHNICON ISSUE FIVE ISSUE PANTECHNICON knife inthe President’s chest. that did up he whenhefind looked thereOnly was a thehead floor. against the guy’s knocking began reaction or protest, Baxter for waiting Without the amidst corpses. landed they went jolted down, back both as time into normal on askateboard. the as Queen They unexpected He as and was about far heavier histarget, than the “Oh, that this look: why you were about always to dying bring seemed no understanding second with howin asplit or of duty.of to But go from healthy to fatally wounded inthe line yourselfand to another willingly sacrifice thing to accept that youryou jobcoulddeath, bring was manyone that so hadlook It seen times. Baxter face. halfway to the ground now, dismay of alook on his the waswerefirst agents although onstill their feet, He at himself the launched killer. Most the dying of reasoned, rather from than Blondie’s. that from lesson to learn Better thisdirection, he could following be him. that nobody utterlyCompletely certain confident, was how hebehaved speed. at of This thiskind in. he as closed grimaced should he? Baxter Why He hadn’t Baxter. noticed ted agent. another drop last he avoidingas gut- ease, them with every around danced andward the assassin like ribbons, streams throwing with up blood, of themselves out- airwas clogging slowly wasin.The closing Baxter “Got you.” Instead, the President. eyeswith he locked thingshad gone farknew too wrong for that. wereGuns drawn, being Nicholsonalready but symptoms. the same developed spray into shot the air,arterial two more agents red vivid sproutedsuddenly wounds.As fivestab ing here, he’d the agent but drawn breath to address like atwat and demand to what know was happen- He’d hislips. Nicholson was parting to decided act sniper” look. sniper”