Sofie von Hauch Tells All Sex and the Pontiff READ IT, PAGE FOUR

20pTHE MITRE Vol. II, No II The Quality Student Newspaper at the University of St Andrews November 5, 2003 pilgrim walk planned for uni@ersity plots feast day Christians Will Walk excessi@e growth from Guardbridge to Cathedral Grounds INEBRIATEDBYFEES, Given the general COURTSAYS ‘MORE!’ irreligious nature of the official plans for this year’s St Andrews Strategic Plan Ignores Week, Christians are planning to mark the feast day of Accomodations Crisis Scotland’s patron with a pilgrimage of sorts. The prayer The Strategic Plan walk will commence from the approved by the University old pilgrim station of Court intends to increase Guardbridge and end with a the student population of religious service at the ruins of the University without the once-great Cathedral of St making any arrangements Andrew. to alleviate the The walk is the idea of overstretched housing the arts impresario, Professor situation. Richard Demarco. Demarco This comes on the announced the pilgrimage walk tails of the accomodation to a gathering of students at a crisis that the University lecture on the subject ‘Does denies exists. Some halls Meaningful Art Aspire to the have reportedly been Condition of Prayer?’ The forced to stash beds in lecture was given at the former maintenance invitation of the University closets in order to make Catholic Society, and was room for the massive hosted by Canmore, the intake the University has Catholic Chaplaincy. accepted this year. Professor Demarco A number of PHOTO: UNIVERSITY In Bishop Kennedy’s time the university had ample commented that the complete students have complained accomodation for its students, not so in Dr. Lang’s? aversion to religion of the that there simply is not officially planned St Andrews adequate room at present the only way to do so amorphous institutions Week committee was ‘shameful’ for the current student whilst maintaining a quality which the University Court and ignored the very reason for population, and that any learning environment was is seemingly seeking to the celebrations: the Apostle increase would be to inaugurate a residential emulate. At the very least, Andrew whose feast it is. maddening without taking college system, like at the ruling body should Demarco was last in the care of the problem at some southern universities. commission a report into headlines for his ambitious plan hand. By building a series the prudence of setting up to rebuild the desecrated Last year, the Mitre of residential colleges, a residential college Cathedral of St Andrew, the suggested that if the students would be part of a system. town’s focal point which still University wants to tight-knit community For more information on lies in ruins. St. Andrew’s Day expand, which it seems instead of mere numbers on residential colleges see: is November 30. hell-bent on doing, then a matric card as in the vast http://collegiate-way.org 2 THE MITRE OF ST ANDREWS amazing burke still china arrests priests, amazes Once Convenor, demolishes new church Now Pastor, Unites TWELVEMOREPRIESTS Faith and Reason HELDASPOLICERAID Former debates convenor Father Patrick Burke SEMINARY RETREAT returned to St Andrews on October 8, 2003 at the Officials Demolish invitation of the Catholic Society. Burke, whom the Local Church as history of the Union Debating Oppression Continues Society describes as ‘the man China’s Communist most likely to be the first authorities have arrested twelve English since Adrian IV’, priests and seminarians spoke on the topic of ‘Faith attending a religious retreat in and Reason.’ the Hebei province. The police Burke proved his raid took place on October 20 in oratorical skills were still with Shijiazhuang city in Gaocheng him by keeping the audience in County. At least seven of those the packed Common Room of arrested are known to be held in the Catholic Chaplaincy a Gaocheng county prison, but Chinese Christians such as Catholic Bishops Joseph Fan (L) and Jia attentive and displaying the whereabouts of the others Zhiguo (R) face persecution, kidnapping, arrest, and death threats. considerable wit, all in the remains unknown. Those midst of gloriously arrested include: Fr. Li parishioners, the vast majority Movement for Protestants). expounding the new synthesis Wenfung, 31; Fr. Liu Heng, 29; of whom were converts. Many Catholic priests, of Faith and Reason. He Fr. Dou Shengxia, 37; The Communist Protestant clergy, and laity of all vigorously attacked Cartesian Seminarian Chen Rongfu, 21; government in China maintains denominations are in prison or thinking, pointed out advances Seminarian Han Jianlu, 24; and a tight grip on public religious labour camps. Despite this in the scientific world which Seminarian Zhang Chongyou. activity, and actively persecutes persecution, the underground contradict the athiestic/agnostic Earlier on the same Christians who refuse to join the in China is worldview, and proposed that day, the authorities demolished government-controlled religious believe to number 8-12 million if these discoveries were true, a church in Liu Gou village, denominations. (The Chinese believers, with underground they could do nothing but also in Hebei province. The Catholic Patriotic Association evangelical churches adding argue that the Universe was newly-built church had 150 for Catholics and the Three-Self another 10 million. designed. Private Clubs & Societies new fluffy compline ser@ice The Stratford Club met and dined at the Argowan on Service is ‘Inclusive’, “Compline has been influential. In recent years, Sunday, October 26, 2003. raped,” claims Zacharias however, its influence has ‘Compline Has Been Pieri, president of the steadily deteriorated as The Kensington Club held Raped’ Say Others Kensington Club, one of the believers have prefered a its inaugural meeting and The traditional university’s formal dining more authentic faith to the lunched at the St Andrews weekly candlelight compline clubs. politicised one introduced Golf Hotel on Saturday, service in St. Leonard’s “It’s ridiculous that during the turbulent decade October 25, 2003. Chapel has been revised by we are living in the year of the West’s cultural the University Chaplain to 2003 and our chaplain is revolution. The L.O.S.A.B. will hold its contain politically correct stuck in the 1960’s,” One student has first general meeting of the term at Queens Gardens on ‘inclusive’ language. The declared another student on proposed continuing a date to be announced to change has irked a number condition of anonymity. traditional compline by members. of students, who complain Continuing, she said, “I starting a service to be held that the Christian service of know older people are on Tuesday evenings, with The Evelyn Waugh Society, closing the day is supposed nostalgic for the past, but the possibility of music a new formal club dedicated to be about worshipping the Sixties are over and our being provided by the new to good times á la the , and that we ought not Chaplain should move on.” student-run psalmody choir. ‘Roaring Twenties’, has to worry about offending So-called ‘inclusive’ It is unknown whether the been formed. Its first event those who may not have the language was introduced to Chapel of St. Leonard will be held after Reading same conception of the Christianity in the 1960’s would be available for for Week. Supreme Being as Christians. and was once widely use at that time. THE MITRE OF ST ANDREWS 3 your union lies to you STUDENTSASSOC. LIVESINFAIRYTALE DREAM WORLD Despite Warnings, Persists in Promoting Myths of ‘Safe’ Sex Ignores the Scientific : Condoms Aid Spread of Disease by ANDREW K.B. CUSACK The Students’ Union of the University of St Andrews continues to knowingly spread untruths regarding condoms and GOOD PEOPLE BUT SHADY PRACTICES: The Student Union sabbatical officers, L-R, sexual intercourse. Despite Will Macfarlane, Pres. Derek Macleod, Nichola Heaney, Ben Spiers Photo: University Press Office polite warnings from a number of students pointing out the protection against. Population Fund, U.S. Agency against Africa’s new pandemic: error, the Union continues to Journalist Mark Shea for International Development Uganda. There the government refer to sexual intercourse using relays a personal anecdote: “An and U.K. Overseas Development sponsored a massive campaign condoms as ‘safe’ and claims acquaintance of mine is a Agency have been shipping promoting abstinence, despite that it offers ‘protection.’ microbiologist and attended a condoms to Africa. USAID protests of our enlightened Science would beg to differ. conference on AIDS. Once itself has delivered over 5 Western governments. So far it A report by the U.S. scientist at the conference stoof billion condoms worldwide. The is the only nation on the Department of Health and up and asked, ‘If you knew for effect on Africa in particular has continent with consistently Human Services showed certain your partner had AIDS, been nothing short of falling rates of infection. condoms offer no discernable would you go ahead and have devastating. This information is protection at all against freely available to the widespread sexually- public, and was easily transmitted diseases discovered by the Mitre. A (STDs) such as chlamydia, number of students have syphilis, and genital “The Students Union has become brought these facts to the herpes. Nor do they protect attention of Student Union against human papillioma our enemy. It now acts neither in officials. Though treating virus (HPV), the cause of the concerns with kind over 99% of cervical cancer our interests nor in response to politeness, the Union team cases amongst women in seems to have relegated that country. them to the dustbin and A recent article in our requests.” continued business as the Lancet, Britain’s usual. leading medical journal, ROBERT O’BRIEN Safe sex does exist. It has brought attention to the In COMMENT, Page Ten is sex within a lifelong fact that a condom-based monogmous relationship; approach to fighting AIDS this much is certain. The has not only failed to stop so-called ‘safe sex’ our that syndrome’s expansion, but intercourse with them (sic) Over the past ten years, union actively promotes is not indeed has aided in spreading it. using a condom?’ Not one the UN, US, and UK increased that, but serious risk to Proponents of person raised their (sic) hand.” condom shipments to Africa in students’ health and lives. One condoms, our Union included, It should be noted that hopes of eradicating the disease. would imagine that if often use phrases such as ‘safe condoms have a failure rate in The undesired effect was a something were discovered to sex’ which lead to a preventing pregnancy, and this massive epidemic. In 1990, spread disease, ‘our’ union presumption that one is immune while conception is only there were barely 40,000 cases of would put in their utmost effort to STDs if one uses condoms. possible for a few days each HIV/AIDS infection in Africa. to make sure we knew about it. This often results in more month. AIDS can be contracted In 2000, ten years later, there In this case, however, they have promiscuous sexual behavior, very day of the month, and last were well over 40,000,000. knowingly spread untruths spreading the diseases that until death. Only one country has which can be considered little condoms assuredly offer no For years, the U.N. had any success in the fight more than myths. 4 features Sex and the Pontiff What could a celibate octagenarian have to say about sex? Apparently a lot. Our own Sofie von Hauch gets down to basics with what’s on the Pope’s mind. 'Sex is the very 4000 of these were written meaning and purpose of during the 25-year long life;' 'Get the Church right pontificate of John Paul II. back into the bedroom;' 'In (Think essays of 4000 the sexual union we words; we are talking pages discover true chastity and here, which amounts to a purity;' ' was crucified considerable authorial naked -- strip the crucifix of activity.) the loincloth and don't Another matter of cover up what Christ came evidence; during the last to reveal;' 'Heaven is thorough restoration of the eternal climax.' artwork in the Vatican Throughout my Sistine Chapel, the listening to Christopher craftsmen had washed down West's tape series on Pope Michelangelo’s frescos to John Paul's theology of the their original, unclothed, body, so many catching, state. To the astonishment and rather silly, headline and outrage of several phrases stood out for the Vatican officers, Pope John purpose of composing the Paul was the one to oppose present article. Allow me to the painting of the later explain the reason for added loincloths back on choosing the one I ended up the naked bodies in the with. artwork. He wanted people Firstly, I believe most to see the truth of the males and females in St human body, not cover it Andrews can nod in up in shame and obscurity. recognition of a certain This man has sex on his male obsession with sex, mind. Thank God, what a and we females are not far relief to the rest of us, and behind. (Our dear town of what a blessing to have learning is not known as 'St. someone able to explain the Randy's' for nothing.) So, meaning of it. whatever some 'puritans' or Ok, one might ask, the Pope being a man, Secondly, a headline 'chaste' Christians might where is the hook concealed albeit one consecrated for serves as a means of say, sex is on our minds, in this delightful chunk of lifelong service to God in attracting the reader's and secondly, our whole presented for our his particular office of Vicar attention, so something society is sexed-up, to use a consumption? Pope John of Christ and head of the catchy seemed called for. contemporary phrase. The Paul is a scholar through universal Catholic The apparent paradox of Holy Father therefore, in and through, so for the not Communion of Churches, the Pope and sex might do his wise recognition of this, so-minded the tape series is naturally has his holy head the trick, and here you are. has centred much of his a good introduction to full of thoughts about ... The eight tapes contain a ministry on this, thus reading the Holy Father's you guessed it, sex. series of seminar lectures preparing the way for the own works. Being presented A curious fact attesting given by Christopher West new evangelisation of the to an American lay seminar to this is that in the run of who has spent years world in terms of a true workshop makes it even the Church throughout two researching and advocating understanding and more down-to-earth and thousand years of history, knowledge of the Pope's appreciation of sexuality approachable which is not a what approximates 6000 vast work on the topic of and the purpose and bad thing; this is dense pages have been published . Why is enjoyment of the human matter. I congratulate by the Church on the this important? Well, for body. Big words for a big Christopher West on his subject of human sexuality. one thing, because, vision. sensitive presentation of an 5 The Chapels of the University

consistent teaching of the thought, that is. I Church since its very personally was particularly founding by Christ. happy with the fourth The crucial importance lecture on 'Eschatological of this insight is expounded Man' which gives the Pope's in Scripture again and again. interpretation of Heaven, The highest mysteries are confirming a point I've explained throughout the always envied the Muslims; in nuptial terms. Who as it happens, this is the Church? -- The Bride overlooked eschatological of Christ. The Song of promise is a crucial part of Songs is an erotic poem our own tradition. Jesus describing God's love for His Christ, when this gets out ... Bride, His people! In For a new evangelisation, I devotion, The Holy Mother believe the Pope will hit Mary is praised literally for spot on with this theology. 'the womb that bore the To recap; the Pope Saviour', and 'the breasts indeed has sex on his mind. that [he] sucked.' Who said And thank God that we are the Catholic Church is down blessed with a Pontiff on sensuality? She is who—shamelessly—admits grounded on the fact that to being human and centers God created man and his teaching on a woman for each other to fundamental human imitate His love between concern, if not themselves as the fulfilment preoccupation. His, and of their creation. Let this Christ's, challenge to us all, sink in for a moment. whether Catholic or not, is Before Christ, before to work toward an Moses, the first understanding of the truth commandment God gives to and meaning of the his newly created and un- revelation of God in our fallen and is, 'Be bodies, our respective fruitful and multiply and fill masculinity or femininity, the earth' (Gen. 1:28). The and the meaningfully true First Commandment? communion of sexuality. Basically, ‘Go and have What a wonderful and sex.’ But, and this is what exciting spiritual exercise, makes all the difference eh? So get working at it, between and brothers and sisters. In the condemnation; do it in the name of the Father and of image and likeness of God. the Son and of the Holy Love, but as God loves. Spirit. issue that is easily the most with them, sexual desire in This is where we need help private area of our lives, human beings. The answer, because we are fallen and Christopher West, MTS, and as such one that easily according to the Pope, is thus misunderstand the Naked without Shame: can offend the faint of that by our creation in the meaning of sexuality and Sex and the Christian heart. (But they would have image and likeness of God our bodies in a twisted way. fled St Andrews months ago and inbreathed with His Help can partly be found in Mystery. Reflections on in any case.) What I am Spirit, we are called to be the theological support of Pope John Paul II's trying to say is that the like God. God the Holy the Naked without Shame Theology of the Body. The Naked without Shame tape is a loving introduction to the Pope's GIFT Foundation, 2000. series is an introduction to communion of persons. So thinking. I thoroughly an immensely profound we are called to become a recommend listening them The tape series and study treatment of the meaning loving communion of over, even just the first booklet can be borrowed free of our bodies, of God's persons in the image and tape's introductory lecture of charge from the Canmore purpose in creating a male likeness of God, as put forth is very interesting and ... Catholic Chaplaincy Library, and a female sex, and to go in Scripture and the hmm, stimulating. For 24 The Scores. 6 MITREfeatures The Chapels of the University

Above: An interior and exterior photograph of the Chapel of St. Salvator before the renovation of 1930. Since this photo, the windows in the apse have been changed, and the pews have been replaced with antiphonal choir stalls, and the Alumni Memorial has been placed in the apse. Top Right: The neo-Romanesque ‘Communion Table’, despite it’s intricate mosaics, pales in comparison to the medieval High Altar when Latin High Masses were offered in St. Salvator’s. Bottom Right: The college ‘cloister’ was built in 1847, and was once glassed off to provide a reading room and lounge for the college’s students. MITREfeatures 7

REQUEST FOR SUBMISSIONS The editors of the Quadrangle, a new literary periodical showcasing the work of students of the University of St Andrews, request submissions of prose, poetry, fiction, reviews, and essays for publication in the premier edition of our new magazine. Top: The ruins of the Chapel of St. Leonard’s College in 1900. Bottom: The Chapel today, fully restored in 1948. Please submit work either to [email protected] or in printed form to The Quadrangle Friends of THE MITRE c/o Andrew Cusack PATRONS - £100+ 8 Church St The Regina Sable Club St Andrews Mr. and Mrs. Edward J. Gannon BENEFACTORS - £20+ (none) SUPPORTERS - £5+ The Quadrangle Mr. Stefano Costanzo, Mr. Christopher Cruden • SIC TRANSIT GLORIA • UNITEDUNITED COLLEGECOLLEGE OFOF STST SALVATORSALVATOR ANDAND STST LEONARDLEONARD In The WHAT’S GOING ON IN AND AROUND REMEMBRANCE SUNDAY November 9 Service of Remembrance in the Parliament Hall University Chapel of St. Salvator 11:00 am NEWS OF THE UNION DEBATING SOCIETY Miss Alexandra Jennings NOVEMBER 2003 Miss Alexandra Jennings has elected were... what’s this I’m All events are free and open to the been a very naughty young lady reading? Miss Alexandra Jennings general public unless otherwise stated. and not submitted her report on the herself! Yes Miss Jennings has 2, Sunday news from the august and venerable been raised to the ranks of the UNIVERSITY CHAPEL, The Rev. University of St Andrews Union Board of Ten to fill the role of Dr. Chris Wright preaching. Int’l Debating Society. And to think, Communications Officer left director of the Langham this very lady expects to be elected empty by the resignation of Mr. Partnership. next term to the Board of Ten as Matthew Gorrie. (We are told that 11:00am, University Chapel of St. Salvator Clerk of the House, when she Mr. Gorrie resigned in protest over cannot even meet simple deadlines. the University’s handling of the 3, Monday Mind you, I have tried to be Protestant Reformation). Why Democracy Needs Strong flexible with her, by giving her two Two other positions on the Institutions, Richard D. North, extensions. But no, it simply was Board were filled by the Media fellow at the Institute of not good enough for the young Convenor’s academic children, Economic Affairs, connects Democracy to its institutions. lady. including the position of Serjeant- Sponsored by the Club. If Miss Jennings were to have at-Arms, which many believed 8:00pm, School I, St. Salvator’s handed in her Parliament Hall would go to the illustrious Mr. Quad debates column on time, it would Donald Renouf, known to many as The Future of the Middle East, The International Politics no doubt tell of the recent co- ‘Donocle the Monocle’ courtesy of Association hosts Dr. Ansari, the option held by the Society’s ruling his archaic eyepiece. Director of the Centre for Iranian body to fill the empty spaces on Miss Jennings, we trust, will Studies. Ticket required. the Board of Ten. Among those be on time next month. 8:00pm, Venue TBA

5, Wednesday first of four public lectures exploring Foundation). The second of four This House Believes You Are issues facing those in public life and public lectures presented by the What You Wear is the motion service, presented by the Centre for Centre for Ethics, Philosophy and proposed by the Union Debating Ethics, Philosophy and Public Public Affairs. Society. Affairs. 5:15pm, School III, St. Salvator’s 8:00pm, Lower Parliament Hall 5:15pm, School III, St. Salvator’s Quad The Latin American Church Quad Since 1992, Prof. Mario Aguilar of 19, Wednesday St. Mary’s discusses contemporary 16, Sunday Fr. John Keenan of the Glasgow developments. Hosted by the Choral Evensong, sung by the University Chaplaincy speaks at the Catholic Society. Renaissance Group. invitation of the Catholic Society. 8:00pm, Canmore (24, the Scores) 6:00pm, Church of the Holy Trinity 8:00pm, Canmore (24, the Scores) 13, Thursday 18, Tuesday 20, Thursday Purposes and Principles in Art, Society and the Case for Ruling Principles: The Prince's Public Broadcasting, Roger Mosey Public Funding, Richard Demarco Philosophy and Why it Matters, (Head, BBC Television News). The 8 (President, Demarco European Art David Lorimer (Author of Radical AND ST.ST. MARY’SMARY’S COLLEGE,COLLEGE, SCHOOLSCHOOL OFOF DIVINITYDIVINITY Colleges THE UNIVERSITY OF ST ANDREWS

the Public, Department of Health). The final of four public lectures Prayer Requests presented by the Centre for Ethics, Philosophy and Public Affairs. 5:15pm, School III, St. Salvator’s A Prayer for Our Friends DS RW JSS Quad Heavenly Father, JTM SvH DG JNR AS AM 26, Wednesday We believe and trust in you EP JS RY Yet we live amongst those who Choral Evensong (St. KH SM R+LF Andrewstide), sung by the do not IB DK RB Renaissance Group. They are our family, our friends, RO JT JL 5:30pm, University Chapel of St. our neighbors, our colleagues, CC ZP EG Salvator our teachers, our students, DW CF MG Contraception: Against Life. our allies, our enemies, NM DG CC Lady Brigid McEwan speaks on Bless them with the grace of JG RM RH contraception and natural family knowing You DC LS JL planning. Hosted by the Catholic Let them grow in wisdom and Society. faith H.M. Queen Elizabeth II 8:00pm, Canmore (24, the Scores) Let them walk in the light of Mr. Antony Blair, the Prime This House Prefers Burns to the Truth Minister Bard is the motion proposed by the Keep us from judging them, Mr. Michael Howard, incoming Union Debating Society, in their but give us the courage to show Leader of the Opposition annual literary debate. Sir Clement Freud, our Lord Rector 8:00pm, Lower Parliament Hall them Your way, Dr. Brian Lang, our Principal Tory Club Dinner, Join Donald that one day all Your children The members of the University Findlay QC, Honorary President of will be joined in one Keith Patrick O’Brien, the Cardinal the Tory Club, former Rector of the communion of Love, Archbishop of St Andrews and Edin. University, as well as Scotland’s with the Virgin Mary, the leading criminal advocate. Email apostles, the martyrs, and all For these people, we humbly beg [pab8] for details. Your , pardon for their , and pray that through Jesus Christ our Lord their lives might reflect the 30, Sunday, St. Andrew everlasting glory of God, from whom UNIVERSITY CHAPEL, Professor Amen. all good things come. Amen. John Haldane preaching. Arguably one of the greatest living minds in philosophy. Prince: The Practical Vision of the 22, Saturday 11:00am, University Chapel of St. Prince of Wales). The third of four Orthodox Salvator public lectures presented by the 10:30am, St. Leonard’s Chapel Centre for Ethics, Philosophy and Public Affairs. DECEMBER 2003 5:15pm, School III, St. Salvator’s 24, Monday Quad Amnesty International, Cecil 3, Wednesday Port and Policy Evening, the Tory Ballantine speaks by invitation of The Church Since Vatican II: Club hosts Murdo Fraser MSP, the the International Politics Terminal Decline? Fr. John Conservative spokesman for Association. Ticket required. Emerson, Regional Superior of the Enterprise and Lifelong Learning. 8pm, Lower College Hall, St. Priestly Fraternity of St. Peter, Mr. Fraser will outline Tory policy Salvator’s Quad speaks on the crisis in enforcement on higher education, and will take of the . students’ questions. Port will be 25, Tuesday Hosted by the Catholic Society. served. Email [pab8] for time and Patients Choice and the New 8:00pm, Canmore (24, the Scores) place. National Health Service, Harry Cayton (Director for Patients and 9 10 THE MITRE OF ST ANDREWS C O M M E N T

AIEN ARISTEUEIN Our Student Union Helps Spread A Plea for Tolerance Disease and Assaults Human Dignity The overwhelming majority of comments I have received personally A wise man once our Union? Of course the regarding our previous issue were remarks of said that led to answer is no, because our congratulations and statements of thanks for less birth and no control. Union is malevolent at producing what one student called “a quality Our Union, which proudly worst and moronic at best. publication,” and another “a really great tells us it ‘does stuff’, has Their scheme is not a newspaper.” In addition to that, I am told by now taken to writing philanthropic one: it is not no less a man then Eliot Wilson, a venerable missives asking us to aimed at reducing STDs or St Andrews institution in his own right, that distribute condoms to our avoiding pregnancies. It is the Mitre “has more news than the Saint in fellow students. In doing aimed at getting more half as many pages.” students into bed with each Notwithstanding, one very good so, it has become our other. That is not the job of friend of mine claimed Mary Clare enemy. It now acts neither ROBERT Cardinale’s article (‘Is Homosexuality in our interests nor in the Union. Healthy?’ Oct. 1, 2003) was “out of line.” response to our requests. O’Brien The third One other good friend echoed that opinion, The Union authorities live assumption is that sex is and told me that some in St Andrews were in a dream world. I am still boyfriends, they’ll be ‘just sex’. In a world of “baying for blood” over the article. If true, to hear any student swiftly dumped. So are we multifarious material then it is rather saddening. conversation along the lines really doing such girls a pleasures - and which denies It is repugnant to the very idea of a of ‘excuse me, do you know favour by promoting an both the existence of the university that some might be “baying for where I can get a condom? ‘everybody’s doing it’ human soul and of any blood” over the mere presentation of Being greater than ourselves alternative ideas. Opponents might claim that They’re so difficult to find culture? these ideas are ‘extreme’ or ‘radical.’ In that, in St Andrews, aren’t they?’ The second - it often needs explaining they would be wrong. Cardinale’s article Such a person could never assumption is that condoms why our bodies should not contained no diatribes, nor outrageous cries. have been to a pub toilet, are ‘completely safe’. This be merely another source of It presented a set of ideas that all are free to chemist, doctor, or Tesco. is propaganda, not science. pleasure. We students agree or disagree with. Indeed, if the article’s There are a number A look at the respected should fight this opponents were to present their ideas of assumptions which we online Cochrane Library reductivism. We should outside of the insular Anglo-American sphere will do well to challenge brings us to a 2001 report insist on the intrinsic they would likely find themselves ridiculed and demolish. The first is which concluded that the dignity of the human person and opposed by most Africans, Asians, and that everyone is, or wants to effectiveness of condoms in - based on Man’s creation in the other inhabitants of the Third World. the image of God and Civilised men and women disagree, be, having sex. Most reducing HIV transmission and leave it at that. Civilised people quite students if pressed would was anywhere between 35 proven by the Incarnation easily maintain friendships with those with agree that casual sex has and 94 per cent. If used by which the Word took on whom they disagree. To those who are prone entirely taken the romance ‘properly’, the Weller and flesh - a dignity which to being overemotional about their particular out of university dating. Davis report thought that refutes the use of our bodies ideas I say this: there are six billion people Many girls fear that if they they were 80% effective. Is for meaningless carnal on this planet, and unless you plan on being don’t sleep with their this the line coming out of exercises. a hermit, you’d better get used to the idea that not everyone will agree with you, M U S I C A L R E V I E W especially if you plan on leaving Britain ever. Our aim is to provoke thought, not £500: Music To Their Ears anger. We abhor hatred and intolerance. We make no demands that you agree with The Younger Hall belting out those close anything that is printed in the Mitre. Indeed, was filled last Friday harmonies with gusto. this publication is intended to be a forum for lunchtime with an audience “Fever”, an old favourite discussion of various ideas. Because of that, eager to enjoy the eclectic reworked, proved to be a we gladly invite those who took issue to combination of music hit, featuring a number of Cardinale’s article to submit their thoughts performed by students in aid key changes, “trumpet” solo for publication. It will be most welcome here. of the Anthony Nolan Bone and Disney interlude. The That said, this newspaper is to be Marrow Trust. The recital tear-jerking “Shenandoah” read for polite discussion, and those who are raised £500 for the charity. KIT-KAT showed the ladies’ unable to state their views without turning A brass quintet sentimental side. Although the air purple should refrain. To paraphrase Chesterton, bigotry is the anger of people began the proceedings with Longworth maybe not in keeping with who have no opinions. a rendition of the Gilbert the Accidentals’ image, “Joy If people come to this university and Sullivan classic “The audience tapping their feet to the World”, an upbeat with the expectation that their preconceived Wandering Minstrel”. This and feeling in need of a pint gospel number rounded off notions of existence will not be challenged, was followed by the - as brass music invariably their set well. then they will be sorely disappointed. St melodious Bach’s Arioso does. The Alleycats kept Andrews is not Nazi Germany, nor Soviet featuring superb trombone The black clad their audience waiting for a Russia, and we will not let you turn it into and cornet solos. They Accidentals seem to have little while before making such. In a university such as ours, the free rounded off their set with undergone some major their entrance; perhaps they exchange and development of ideas must “El Capitan” a march by changes - new voices, new were just having a big group continue if we desire freedom, democracy, and respect for the dignity of human beings Souza - characteristically repertoire, and new hug or moisturizing their to flourish. jovial and leaving the choreography - but still hands in preparation for all THE MITRE OF ST ANDREWS 11 L E T T E R S T O T H E E D I T O R ‘OK, Maybe John Knox Was A Bit Keen’ SIR - kept the Faith alive in of your prayer requests is time this issue has been In response to the Scotland, though I would most certainly deplorable! raised. The Anglican letter in your last issue, and still have had theological Prayer, as you have pointed Network and the Catholic more specifically your own disputes with it. The sad out, is vital to an ordered, Society are student comments, I feel I must case today, however, is that fulfilling life. Practise what fellowships which make defend the Reformed church the Church of Scotland is thou preachest, sinner! themselves apparent by their from its detractors. The facing a sad downfall. The Miss Elisabeth Howard very names. The evangelical Church of Scotland stands as latest evidence of such is the South Street fellowship, though they are a monument to the great election of a self-confessed our brothers and sisters, faith of our nation. Maybe progressive liberal woman AKBC: You are quite right give themselves the rather attendences have been to be its Moderator. History in bringing attention to this spurious title of ‘Christian decreasing, but then can the would show that whenever discrepancy, and as such, Union’. As you have wider church (not the progressive liberal women we have decided to bring pointed out, becoming a ‘Mother Church’ say any are put in charge of back the prayer requests. member of the C.U. requires better). At least we say it in anything, it is soon assent to a statement of the a language which the people condemned to death or SIR - Bible as ultimate authority. can understand. Anyway, irrelevance. Nonetheless, I Upon my being Thus most Christians, the the Reformation happened, appreciate the years the accepted to St Andrews I Catholics and Eastern hate it or think it’s the best Church of Scotland did put was excited to learn about Orthodox especially, are thing since sliced bread. OK, in as a steward of the the Christian Union here, actually banned from the maybe John Knox was a bit Christian Faith in this land. desiring a place where I Christian Union. keen and should have I have not the could be in fellowship with As a Christian, I am stopped at the idols thing, authority nor office to my brothers and sisters of grateful for the work that the but he was a fervent apologise for the sins of the all denominations. Upon evangelical fellowship does believer. I do apologise for Roman communion in St arrival though, I have here at St Andrews. However any wanton destruction of Andrews, though if I did, I discovered that the they should either make our church and I’ll leave the would most wholeheartedly. Christian Union actually themselves known as a Church of Rome to At least we are all friends requires a statement of purely evangelical society or apologise for anything . . . and brothers now, and as belief that scripture is the broaden membership to Mr Peter A. Blair our brother-student Peter highest authority, which I include all orthodox St. Salvator’s Hall Cox pointed out during a disagree with. The Students Christians. conversation of Protestants Union is open to all AKBC: ‘The Church of and Catholics, “you burnt students, ought not the Scotland stands as a some of us, we burnt some Christian Union be open to THE MITRE monument to the great faith of you, and what’s a few all Christians? OF ST ANDREWS of our nation’ you say? I burnings amongst friends?” Mr Fred MacAleer can wholeheartedly agree Largo Road Andrew K. B. Cusack that at one time, the CoS SIR - Editor-in-chief propagated the Gospel and The disappearance AKBC: This is not the first Jonathan Roberts Associate Editor that finger clicking. They but Friday’s recital was an piece was expressive and very launched into “The King of the exception. Minstrel Mayhem, well received. The pair worked Swingers”, a comical piece, the latest thing on the live so well together that at times Letters to the Editor should be although perhaps Mr. George music scene, gave a fabulous one might not have realised that sent electronically to Hollis was a little too bluegrass performance of the piece was a duet. [email protected] aggressive, this is obviously “Loose Change”. The band, Congratulations must or in print to: Disney with testosterone. comprised of Joe Tuckett and go to all those who took part, Andrew K.B. Cusack Another old favourite, “Zombie Simon Graham, will be especially Miss Younger, 8 Church St Jamboree”, was next; a bizarre playing Sunday evenings at the whose effort and determination St Andrews, KY16 9NW piece about dancing Caribbean Clubhouse Bar. If you have made this event possible. She dead people (I wonder what never heard of them they are was delighted to hear that the Opinions expressed are not necessarily inspired that song?). well worth the trip. concert had raised £500. that of the Mitre, or it’s proprietor. The Unfortuneatly, in their The crowning glory Mitre reserves the right to edit for grammar, length, and content any and eagerness, the gentlemen came as Alice Younger and From the Editor all letters to the editor for publication. obscured the comical lyrics a Rita Howerton performed I am delighted to welcome Mr. This publication is in no way officially little. The Alleycats are always Brahms’ Haydn Variations for Robert O’Brien and Miss endorsed, funded by, or affiliated with impressive, especially in their Two Pianos. Both are Katherine Longworth to the staff the administration of the University St hair department. How does one accomplished pianists and Andrews. The Mitre is independent of of the Mitre. I trust that Rob’s any and all clubs, societies, and other keep up a three-inch quiff? played the piece expertly. From prescience will enlighten us all, organizations, though all of the above It is not common that chiming chords to thunderous and that Kit-Kat’s reviews will are free to make financial the Younger Hall is filled with crescendos, seeping melody to be as melodious and delightful contributions. Andrew K. B. Cusack is the pleasant strum of guitar, light delicate passages. The as she is. the sole proprietor of this newspaper. SEEN&HEARD AT THE UNIVERSITY OF ST ANDREWS Lang Languishes through Candid Conti FREUD FUNDS ODDBALLS Principal Perceptibly Perturbed Nichola Heaney: Safe Sex? by Straightforward Sermon as Rector’s Charity Starts Phone Students: No thank you! Line for ‘Trans-sexuals’ Archbishop Avidly Avows Christ The first Sunday in An unreliable source has SATYRICUS has read in October brought the colourful informed SATYRICUS that the a fortnightly student-run Archbishop Mario Conti of Union’s Nichola Heaney faced an publication of dubious repute Glasgow to preach at St. electronic backlash after sending that our beloved Lord Rector, Salvator’s. The title of His an email to every student in the Sir Clement Freud, has Grace’s sermon, ‘ - Gift University entitled ‘Let’s Talk About devoted money from his and of the Creator’, (Safe) Sex.’ We are told that a fair charitable fund to start a reflected the readings from the number of students responded telephone line for the Revised Common Lectionary negatively to the email with a university’s trans-sexuals. for the service. From Genesis variety of responses ranging from Despite this depraved and Matthew, they dealt with the polite to the absurd. This in the donation, other funds went to God’s creation of man and august yet usually apathetic much more worthy ventures. woman, and Christ’s instruction environs that are our University. For example, the Clay Pigeon on the eternal indissolubility of The email was an attempt to Shooting Club was able to marriage. Despite the perhaps recruit students to volunteer for purchase a new gun thanks to unreceptive surrounds, the the Student Union’s condom dear Clemmie, and the Archbishop insisted that distribution effort. The Union Women’s Hockey Team also marriage is a sacred bond that official encourages ‘safe sex’ while benefitted to the tune of an makes two of one flesh; a bond making no mention of abstinence. outing in Barbados. That’s which cannot be broken. more like it! Amongst those spied attending the service were the OVERHEARD An Among Us! Catholic Society’s president, St. Salvator’s Chapel, 11am, Sunday Tori Truett (whose first chapel SATYRICUS has learnt service it was, despite being in that Mr. Eliot Wilson, the her fourth year at St Andrews); “I’d like you to do me a favour: Union Debating Society’s as well as the Principal and Father of the House, has been Vice-Chancellor of the I’d like you to pose for me, not elevated to the See of St. Peter University, Dr. Brian Lang,, who nude, but only semi-dressed.” in a special conclave held at seemed rather flustered. One the Whey Pat Tavern some anonymous chorister claimed anonymous time ago. It is believed Mr. he was fidgeting with his godfearing Wilson has chosen the name (believed to be third) wedding chapel-goer Hadrian VII. Mr. Wilson is first ring during the whole sermon. antipope to gain recognition here since Pedro de Luna. QUOTE OF THE MONTH “We thank thee, Lord, for the diversity of vegetables...” compiled by prayer of university chaplain REV. SATYRICUS JAIMIE WALKER during chapel