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Corvallis Calendar .org 2 | Corvallis Advocate July 30-August 6, 2015

Benton County Jail

Why do we need a new jail in Benton County? Editor/Publisher The jail regularly runs out of space for housing inmates and must What’s Inside This Week? Steven J. Schultz close. When this happens, new offenders are turned away and released back into the community. 4 Tsunami Zone Good; Backwash for All Assoc. Editor Ages Johnny Beaver “We keep the worst of the worst from the community when we can. Entertainment About 173 times last year, we couldn’t keep the worst of the worst. 5 As the State Turns; Free Admission We had to release them.” Editor to the Speedway Ygal Kaufman Sheriff Jackson 6 What the Hotel Maid Saw; More Benton County Sheriff Insuffi cient Words space leads Beav-Sci Johnny Beaver to closures Abbie Tumbleson 7 Johnny’s Artist’s Journal #5 Hannah Darling Sidney Reilly 8 Poly Will Be Harder; Can We Be Kinder Kelsi Villarreal Joel Hutton Visit our booth at This Time Ygal Kaufman the Benton County Fair 10 Calendar Design to learn more! Bobbi Dickerson 12 8 Days Calendar 14 Entertainmental Nathan Hermanson 15 Hard Truths Law practiced thoughtfully, Contact us: Box 2700, Corvallis, OR 97339 compassionately 541.766.3675 | corvallisadvocate.com and carefully. editor “My commitment is to listen, to empower you with options, and consider not only your needs today, but also your interests over the long term.” calendar -Karen Misfeldt @corvallisadvocate.com Attorney at Law story ideas Estate Planning Care ads } Prenuptial The Corvallis Advocate is a free newsweekly with a very diverse staff that Agreements accepts materials from a number of sources, therefore it should be assumed that 310 NW 7th Street • Corvallis (541)754-7477 not all staff or even the majority of staff endorse all of our published materials. Corvallis Advocate | 3 By Abbie Tumbleson OSU Marine Studies Initiative Moves Along, Facility Planned Tsunami Zone Location Ruffles Some, but Ocean Access Seen as Critical hile still in the planning phases, “The Really Big One,” a recent article in WOSU’s Marine Studies Initiative (MSI) The New Yorker, caused plenty of ruffled is starting to take solid form. The university feathers, almost-anxiety attacks, and a By Johnny Beaver has been pretty successful at raising funds strong buzz of opinions flying across social Linn-Benton and getting the message out to the public. media channels these past few weeks. According to the university’s website, the The article shed light on what will happen Backwash MSI is a “university-wide commitment that if a devastating earthquake—somewhere Ages & Stages Edition will have local to global impacts on the around a magnitude 9.0—strikes the Pacific economy and environment.” Northwest. We’ll probably get sacked with a ocal Corvallis media reports heavily wicked tsunami not long after “the big one” Lon a new line of local “man purses” The MSI aims to intertwine research and programs. shakes us up. The New Yorker reported that that seek to make it OK for guys teaching by taking a closer look at ocean “the northwest edge of the continent, from By 2025, the university plans to bring to carry bags. Apparently nobody health and branching out past traditional California to Canada and the continental as many as 500 students and additional involved has realized that it has been marine studies programs. The estimated shelf to the Cascades, will drop by as much pretty socially acceptable for at least overall cost of the MSI sits at around $65 faculty and staff to the Newport campus. as six feet and rebound 30 to a hundred a decade, having been pushed forth million, according to university officials. “We’re looking to have, after 10 years, up feet to the west.” So, let’s hope the Cascadia by the neo-hipster and metrosexual Subduction Zone doesn’t give way too soon, Dr. Bob Cowen, the director of OSU’s to around 500 students here, that’s over movements. and let’s get cracking on more seismic- and Hatfield Marine Science Center (HMSC) the entire year. At any one time, there will tsunami-preparedness plans and better The Oregon Jamboree kicked off in probably be around 400,” Cowen said. in Newport, said the initiative is not just building standards. Sweet Home last Thursday with its fifth about geology or oceanography, but instead OSU has received some backlash for annual parking lot party. Believe it or includes everything from economics and Cowen said that by constructing the new wanting to place the new building in a not, nobody was robbed, stabbed, psychology to community planning and marine studies building in the planned or carted out by police to the drunk engineering. tsunami inundation zone. One major location, the university believes it can show tank. attention-getter came in the form of a the community the best approach. “We’re just finishing a year-long strategic letter from state geologist Vicki McConnell Three Albany teenagers learned an planning for the Marine Studies Initiative,” to OSU President Ed Ray. In the letter, “We can show what is necessary, the important lesson last week: if you’re Cowen said. “We’re bringing all of these McConnell advised Ray not to place the process to go to,” Cowen said. “We’re going going to rob a Circle K, don’t hire a aspects together. As we’ve met with literally building in the tsunami inundation zone, to be very transparent about this and bring drunk kid as the getaway driver. Idiot a couple hundred members of the university according to a December 2014 article that in experts.” crashed into some parked trucks community and a wider number from appeared in The Oregonian. during their great escape. Can we say the Oregon community, we’re finding a Those experts will include geologists, “lol?” shared appreciation of blending real-world Cowen emphasized that human safety is a engineers, architects, and tsunami experts who have experience building under these examples into the educational process and top priority and the location of the building On July 25, an 81-year-old Albany types of conditions, according to the HMSC bringing multiple disciplines together.” serves several important purposes. woman crashed her car into her director. house. Nothing too exciting there, I With the initiative, OSU hopes to bring “We recognize we have a real need to place “We don’t believe the coast is ‘closed.’ We just really like this one because some a new building, which will be used for the building here where we have seawater,” want to help people see when to build and kid drove his car through my entryway teaching and research, to the HMSC he said. “There’s not another source nearby how to prepare for all these events, what once. campus. The building is estimated to that’s accessible. We have, already, a very they can do to their own environments cost $50 million. The Oregon Legislature In Lebanon, a 71-year-old woman established community here with federal and their own homes or buildings to be as recently approved $24.8 million in tried to strangle her 91-year-old and state agencies that are partners with prepared as possible,” he said. “ We’re not state bonding to help fund the building to death, failing most likely OSU.” just trying to scare them, we’re trying to construction. According to the OSU website, because she is a 71-year-old woman. educate everyone.” the OSU Foundation is also working to He added, “We’re planning to go through The man, suffering from dementia, raise $40 million in private funding for the a building process which is thoroughly was apparently complaining about Cowen added he’s very happy with the new initiative. That figure includes $25 planned and vetted to insure we have a safe broad level of support the university is some old events. Now under the care million to match state funds for the new building, and a building that can survive a experiencing as planning for the initiative is of his grandson, I hope they throw the building and $15 million to support related seismic event.” being pulled together. book at this old hag and knock her block off. The Lebanon Log: On July 17 a drunk guy was ejected from the Pirate BuyCheap • Sell Books • Trade priCeless Books Festival, after which he snuck back in—the cops eventually got him and... gave him a courtesy ride to Walmart. On July 18 some people were caught taking items out of the Goodwill truck (why not, Goodwill are thieves anyway). On July 20 someone in a pirate outfit stole a stove, a T-shirt, and Hard on Bugs, a Crock-Pot from Walmart. On July 22, Soft on You! Corvallis a man was dancing and doing karate Corvallis Albany in Ralston Park. 121 NW 4th St. • 541-758-1121Buy • sell goodearthpest.com 541-758-1121 541-926-2612 And last but not least, some inbred stain shot a cat with a BB gun on July (541) 753-7233 121 NW 4thAlbany St. Trade 1425 Pacific Blvd. 22. A Local Family Business 1425 Pacific Blvd. • 541-926-2612

4 | Corvallis Advocate By Johnny Beaver s the tate urns A Bent andS Channeled, T Firefly Redefined, Kayakers Kayaked, and the Mailbag

New Whitewater Park Bends feeling like I’m catching the vapors. 1. Stop Bend Over signing Congratulations, Bend-folk, or Kayaktivists Oil Protest Update your whatever the hell you’re called—next The kayakers got in their kayaks and name kayaked out to the 100-yard safety month you’ll experience the opening to your zone. Oars were smacked about, of a brand new whitewater park on messages. rumors of a dream beat circulated, the Deschutes River! If we and generally nothing changed suddenly whatsoever. The protestors largely By Abbie Tumbleson A nearly $10 million project, the start believe that there are alternative river is going to be split into separate printing letters to fuels not being properly researched Start Your channels—a passage for floaters (see: the editor, everyone will and supported, while dangerous fossil not dead bodies), one for a wildlife see how dumb you are. You fuel drilling continues. Perhaps there Engines Toward habitat, and another for whitewater could lose your job, your family. are alternative protest measures rafting folks that are just so damn Your dog. Lebanon sure they know what they’re doing. that’ll help change policy, rather than Free Admission for July 31 Right before they get rescued by some look like an episode of Hippies on Ice. 2. You know that hurdle you keep dudes in yellow hanging out of a crashing into? The one where you and Aug. 1 Kart Races And then again, very honestly, maybe helicopter. realize this column is, for better or there aren’t. he stadium lights shining bright, worse, a joke? You keep on tumbling Having been under construction since the stands filled with enthusiastic Tips for Sending ‘As the State headfirst and blind, buddy. T 2014, wizardry will be involved in spectators, the smell of freshly Turns’ Hate Mail popped popcorn lingering in the terms of a waveshaper—a device that 3. If you are indeed great affluent It has come to my attention that air and the whizzing and whirling warriors for the greater good, set out allows the Bend Park & Recreation a great number of those living in of go-carts going round and round to right all wrongs with Wikipedia District to control the waves in Corvallis have a serious problem: the track: An evening at Willamette different channels of the park. sarcasm, satire, parody, or just and The Google, you might want to Speedway is a keen reminder try your hand at something more that summer’s not over yet. And Experts estimate that it will take humor in general... it’s beyond them. I find this incredibly troublesome, meaningful... like fixing that spelling motorized sports can be fun to approximately two months to break error on the menu at Starbucks. watch, too, especially if a few of the in (i.e. fill with plastic bags and Coors considering these are the means small go-carts hit a bump or veer off cans). by which I exercise my trade. And 4. My byline doesn’t say “Mr. Beaver.” the track. (Don’t worry, emergency honestly, without the laughs I get Consequently, you don’t seem more medical staff are positioned right OSU Studies Bugs, Forest Fires from some of the absolutely insane intelligent or professional by calling next to the racing action.) A new study has determined that letters I get from these folks, I don’t me that in an informal email. Northwestern forests that have been know where I’d be in life. Good God, “Kart” races, as the speedway likes to dined upon by nasties, such as the I might be writing for the Gazette- 5. Don’t try to tell jokes. For the call them, have drawn small crowds mountain pine beetle or the western Times! of God, just don’t do it. They’re so of all ages to the racetrack on Friday spruce budworm, are at no higher risk very painful. evenings throughout the summer. The kart races feature go-carts of for fire than any other forest. In fact, While we currently feel that 6. When entering the inevitable various power levels and racers both according to researchers at Oregon publishing the letters we receive is stage where you belittle the Corvallis young and young at heart. The best State University, the fact that the in poor taste (not all of us agree on Advocate as a whole, putting the word part? Admission is free! That leaves bugs are eating the trees actually that point), it seems shameful to not paper in quotes doesn’t do much for plenty of leftover cash for snacks and reduces the amount of fuel a forest offer some kind of feedback. After refreshments, which are available you. Believe it or not, we get that fire has to burn. all, I have developed a real at the on-site concession stand. for these buggers. And so to them I you don’t like us. I am stung by the Grab the kids or some friends, load Ladies and gentleman, I think I need dedicate a few tips to help them hone shame every time I lay down to sleep ‘em up in the car, and head over to a moment to catch my breath. I’m their craft: at night. Lebanon to catch two nights of kart OpenvForvBreakfast,v racing entertainment this weekend. The first annual Crocker’s Cars Making Choco OpenvvLunch,v&vDinnerl For Breakfast, Lunch, & Dinner! Summer Showdown is set to feature of late ion B some of the area’s best kart racers dit y H Now ServingNowvServingvFullvBreakfastvDaily Full Breakfast on Weekends ra an this Friday, July 31 and Saturday, T d A Monday - Saturday 7am- 9pm & Sunday 8am-8pm Aug. 1. If you want to get closer to 219 SW 2nd, Downtown Corvallis the action, you can purchase a Pit 541-754-0181 Pass for $10 each evening. The gates www.NewMorningBakery.com open around 4 p.m. and racing will Monday - Saturday 7am- 9pm & Sunday 8am-8pm gear up at 6:30 p.m. each night. ...since 1938 Winners in the various racing classes could be taking home prize purses www.NewMorningBakery.com worth as much as $500. 219 SW 2nd, Downtown CorvallisBe 541-754-0181Free. The Willamette Speedway is located 110 SW 3rd Street Take Risks. at 36606 Airport Drive in Lebanon. 353 SW Madison Ave., Downtown Corvallis Downtown Corvallis Visit www.trophymotorsports.com for (541) 753-2864 www.stashlocal.com Knit Happy. more information and a complete www.burstschocolates.com race schedule.

Corvallis Advocate | 5 By Hannah Darling For Your Summer Travel Consideration My Very Short Hotel Housekeeping Career ’ve worked in many different The frightening part is the window shelf. I grabbed clean sheets and Iindustries to get through college. into the interior lives of your fellow made the bed, then moved on to the Let’s face it, when you’re a college Americans. There is just something next room. I opened the door to a student, there isn’t much you won’t about cleaning up after people much different scene than what I do for a little cash. I’ve waited that have absolutely no regard was used to. tables full of messy children, for the job you must do when they made espresso drinks for people leave that slowly sucks away your I looked around and saw a very that don’t know the difference soul over time. Sure, there are the bare room. No bedspread or pillows. between a cappuccino and a latte, guests that neatly pile their towels No coffee maker or ice bucket and answered angry customer in a corner and throw their garbage service calls for a famous satellite away before they check out. above the microwave. No phone or television company. But of all of Unfortunately, those guests can’t lamp or room service menus on the the part-time, minimum-wage jobs make up for the rest of humanity. bedside table. No chairs sitting at that I’ve subjected myself to over the table by the window. My eyes the years, there’s only one that For whatever reason, staying in a gravitated upward. Everything I would never, ever, despite any hotel turns an otherwise organized that was not bolted down was now My last day as a hotel housekeeper level of desperation, do again: hotel and clean adult into someone a suspended from the ceiling by duct started out like any other day. I housekeeper. week away from starring on their tape directly above its normal very own episode of Hoarders. walked down the hallway to the first room on my list and knocked location in the room. Even the It isn’t just the obscene amount Disposable cups from the free Gideon Bible sat upside down 10 of body hair that some people coffee in the lobby and creamer on it to make sure that it was feet in the air, next to the lamps can lose while showering, or cups cover every surface and there vacant. I slid the keycard through and phone with the cord dangling. the prophylactics left between is no rhyme or reason to where the lock and opened the door. I the sheets for you to dispose of. dirty and clean clothes end up. started in on my usual routine. I’ll never know who ended up And, don’t get me wrong, hotel It’s disturbing to say the least. In I gathered sheets, towels, and putting the room back together or if housekeeping is disgusting (hotels any other circumstance, it would trash bags. I wiped down all of the the credit card on file was charged should provide HAZMAT suits for be incomprehensible to wipe food- surface and vacuumed the carpet. I because after taking it all in, I their cleaning staff), but that’s not covered hands on crisp, white restocked the bathroom items and turned around, walked out the door, the worst of it. bedspreads. then placed clean towels on the and never looked back. By Sidney Reilly

Don’t PanicOK, Panic, But Do It Constructively

’m going to go ahead and give If it feels like he’s reading your sure you have an earthquake kit Iyou the benefit of the doubt and mind, that’s because these are the for your family to survive for a assume you don’t live in a cave, two natural states of reaction to potential few days cut off from and already heard about the new such news. civilization. As a society and region, report that a 9.0-plus earthquake our investment is best placed in is coming in the next 50 years, and OSU has been warning that the infrastructure and transportation, that when it does, everything west Cascadia Subduction Zone was due so we can be sure when an event of I-5 will essentially be vaporized. for a large seismic event for more does happen, it won’t destroy us, Oh, you hadn’t heard? Well, go than 25 years. When the event and it won’t cripple our ability to ahead and take about 90 seconds to doesn’t come in a timely manner, reach each other and help each rend your clothes and shake your people get lulled into a false sense other. And it also wouldn’t hurt fists unto the heavens, exclaiming, of security. When the warning of to brush up on what to do in the “Why!” as more of a statement than a new study comes, it shifts them event. As crazy as it may sound, a question. Once you’ve pulled it from total relaxation to panic mode. revisiting the earthquake drills of together, here’s the not-so-bad news There is no middle gear. 1950s instructional videos wouldn’t from OSU researchers: it probably be the dumbest move ever. won’t be a literal apocalypse, and But Corcoran notes that the even if it is really bad, we should shifted from a science project to a most likely scenario is that the “Our society tends to be dismissive start preparing now, instead of social studies project,” Corcoran earthquake will be big, but not of preparation, especially panicking. said in a recent press release. “We summer blockbuster movie big. evacuation drills. They are silly, need to find a sweet spot between Dwayne Johnson and Charlton they are embarrassing, and it’s Patrick Corcoran works as a Sea fear and action. What I try to do is Heston’s services shouldn’t be usually raining,” said Corcoran in Grant education specialist at OSU, temper the tendency of people to necessary, neither should fleeing the press release. “The only people and part of his job is managing toggle between the poles of ‘It won’t the region in abject terror. What who actually do drills are high people’s expectations. happen here’ and ‘It will be so bad you can do is be prepared. schools and hospitals because they that there’s no use worrying about are required to. But drills save “The Cascadia Subduction Zone has it.’” To this end, it’s important to make lives, as they learned in Japan.” 6 | Corvallis Advocate By Johnny Beaver Artist’s Journal 5Mental MythBusters

t’s 5:42 a.m., the birds have been cetera. Medication is a revolving an image for themselves... they’re all Ichirping for almost four hours door, it is what it is, but I have a full of it. However, none of this is to (though I feel like those bastards never new job (something really hard for say that one’s identity doesn’t spill MONDAY MADNESS stop), and while some of you me to get and hang onto) and over into every note and every stanza. ½ off Tap Beverages freaks are normally awake these frequent screw-ups Of course it does. It’d be like missing With the purchase of any pizza. Dine in only. by now, this is usually have snowballed into both of your legs and pretending you MONDAYWith or without MADNESS coupon! when I fall asleep for paranoia. Paranoia can’t still find ghostly footsteps in 541-752-5151 • 1045 NW KINGS BLVD the third or fourth that will likely create ½ off Tap Beverages the snow of everything you do. What With541-752-5151 the purchase of any pizza. Dine in only. time. Whether issues between would be really crazy is to assume that With or without coupon! 20110350_0323_2x3_MonMad_db.indd1045 1 NW KINGS BLVD 3/22/2011 11:18:43 AM you’re familiar with myself and my everything we are doesn’t find itself 541-752-5151 • 1045 NW KINGS BLVD them or not, I’ve new boss, who is into everything we think, feel, and do. written a series of also a new friend. Ever heard the phrase “This is terrible,20110350_0323_2x3_MonMad_db.indd 1 3/22/2011 11:18:43 AM art journals for The The anxiety, Helping you find the home of your Advocate. I revisited exhaustion, and but I don’t want to lose my creative them a short while irritation that is edge?” Me, too. The creativeHelping edge you is a find the homedreams of your for dreams over for60 overyears. 50 yrs. ago, realizing some resulting has me product of a person raging into the face spring cleaning was in primed for making even of existence and all of the stimulus that order. The following mess more stupid mistakes. comes with it—there’s no “You have is the result. to be out of your mind” prerequisite. Now, none of these things are a big I’d do almost anything to right this Helping you find the home of your dreams for over 50 yrs. What stood out to me more than deal, I’m aware. But I’m constantly ship because I know what a positive anything else was the December 2012 on the lookout for my own diminished Helping you find the home of your dreams for over 50 yrs. effect it would have on my ability to “My Art, My Mental Illness” entry, capacity. I’m not ashamed to say that simply wake up and live. Having a DIVE INTO which dealt with the relationship I miss the hell out of my 22-year-old Helping find their first home, as well as screwed-up brain that everyone thinks their next home since 1951. between mental illness and art. I don’t self, the self that had yet to completely SUMMER they understand, but don’t, is about as Dont’ wait! Find the home disagree with what I said, however manifest all of this nonsense. When you’ve been looking for today I feel like I painted an incomplete you’ve come from working as a sound useful, mysterious, and sexy as a septic at www.tncrealty.com, or stop tank, I assure you. And I also assure by our office to speak with one picture. It’s no secret that many engineer, to running this newspaper of our experienced real estate you that while it may fuel the subject brokers. Town & Country Realty, creative types experience a mental as editor-in-chief (once upon a time), we can help! matter, the art coming from those is in the air “disturbance” on some level, and even founding an art guild, traveling a is in DIVEthe airDIVE INTO INTO artists that share my fight largely Helping families find their first home, as well as less of a secret that the popular way few years in Europe studying music their next home sinceSprin 1951. g SUMMER of looking at this is “mental illness = and painting, building a software come from the untouched, good places. Dont’ wait! Find the home Corvallis Office Albany Office you’ve SUMMERbeen looking for today 1117 Pacific Blvd SE Dont’ wait! Find the home more creative.” Bada-bing, bada-boom, synthesizer business, et cetera, it I was just having a discussion455 NW with Tyler Ave at www.tncrealty.com, or stop 541-757-1781 541-924-5616 by our officeyou’ve to speak been with looking one for today right? Whee. Look, I’m going to do becomes incredibly frustrating to a bipolar artist friend about this the of our experiencedat www.tncrealty.com, real estate or stop some serious rambling here, so I’ll be operate like you’ve taken a shovel brokers. Town & Country Realty, other day—the best thing that could isis inin thethe airairwe can byhelp! our office to speak with one honest with you from the start: if you of our experienced real estate to the head. To have to sit by while happen to one’s creative drive is to Spring think a mentally ill artist holes up, you get worse, unable to do anything brokers. Town & Country Realty, ditch all of this horrible baggage www.tncrealty.com we can help! goes crazy, and creates masterpieces... about it. It’s embarrassing as hell CorvallisCorvallis Office Office Albany OfficeAlbany Office weighing everything down. And 455 NW Tyler Ave 1117 Pacific Blvd 1117SE Pacific Blvd SE in the immortal words of Skeletor, and will remain that way until I find 541-757-1781455 NW Tyler Ave 541-924-5616 obviously this isn’t just an artist 541-757-1781 541-924-5616 “You fool!” That’s the lesson here, so enlightenment and shed my pride. thing... anybody with an incurable www.tncrealty.com you can stop reading if you want. Corvallis Office Albany Office Bringing this back to art: I’m working bother would be better off without the CorvallisCorvallis Office Office AlbanyAlbany Office Office 1117 Pacific Blvd SE 455 NW455www.tncrealty.com TylerNW Tyler Ave 1117 Pacific Blvd SE If you want to continue, however... let on my Master of Fine Arts and have weight. No Winnie the Pooh jokes. 541-757-1781455541-757-1781 NW Tylerwww.tncrealty.com Ave 321 1st Ave541-924-5616 E, Suite 3-C 541-924-5616 me give you something a little more to produce quality work, but not only 541-757-1781 www.tncrealty.com 541-924-5616 This brings me to an associated myth tangible to work with—a picture of my am I getting nothing in the way of www.tncrealty.com last 24 hours (so exciting!): some kind of creative push, times like that can ride the coattails of this these are quite literally defined by a piece—that artists create selflessly. Yesterday was my first day off of www.tncrealty.com complete lack of energy. Not for art, I have yet to meet one that doesn’t, Trazodone and Risperidone, which Know Your Locals! not for cleaning, grocery shopping... despite protests. I guess some people were supposed to help me sleep (I sitting up, you name it. And therein just don’t like the word, for all of its average three to four hours a night), lies the myth, stripped naked and negative ties. It doesn’t matter. Some but instead pretty much made me lose ready to be washed and powdered in work primarily because they love the my mind. Full on bananas, I assure some concrete stall by the Linn County feeling of doing so, or maybe they just you. My memory is kind of destroyed Sheriff’s department. love what producing work gets them due to decades of the aforementioned socially or financially. There’s nothing sleep deprivation, but these two Being crazy, to use a crude term wrong with it... it’s honesty and it’s buggers started causing me to say the (that I happen to favor), is a lot like love. It’s why art is compelling. I guess wrong words, have trouble counting. having a kid, I imagine. Good luck the resistance of this concept is born of I tried to get in my ’s car with my doing what you want to do with your the desire to feel good about one’s place keys a few times, swiped the wrong time, ya know? I suppose at least my in the community—another selfish act. credit card multiple times at multiple illness doesn’t poop everywhere, but www.sustainablecorvallis.org | www.corvallisiba.org different stores, failed to spot obvious there it is. The movies, the books, the As for me, I certainly didn’t mind this things right in front of my face, et self-important artists trying to craft chance to feel useful. Corvallis Advocate | 7 By Kelsi Villarreal edefining arriage olyamory ay e ext R Murmurs Have M Begun, Which Reminds: P Us of Another EqualM Rights B Movement N olyamory has been gaining discrimination due to his Ppublicity over the last few years, except from some family members, from Newsweek’s “Polyamory: The Mike asked for anonymity because he Next Sexual Revolution?” to Neil works in the area. Julia’s ex-husband Gaiman and Amanda Palmer’s outed her without permission to her , to Benedict Smith’s family, and she has found, “all in all, article in VICE about growing up in my family’s reaction has been the most a polyamorous household. The recent difficult part of being polyamorous.” Supreme Court decision to legalize She is lucky, however, that she is able same-sex marriage opened floodgates to be open about polyamory at her of alarmed and snarky speculation work. from detractors about whether it sets a precedent for the legalization In Portland there are several groups of polyamorous , and the dedicated to polyamory that meet Internet has largely responded in the regularly, and fairly openly, each affirmative. And there is a growing boasting hundreds of members. The community of polyamorous people in Corvallis community is much smaller, the Pacific Northwest—including here and many of those I spoke with did not in Corvallis—many of whom want want to be named. legal recognition of their relationships Perhaps a first step for polyamory and are considering what legal activism would be to fight for anti- polyamorous marriage might look like. discrimination laws. Besides facing One local man, Mike, is currently in alienation from some resources a relationship with two long-term monogamous people have access to partners and one new partner. He said, (it can be very hard, for instance, to “The subject of marriage often comes license, even if they are not all involved, and polyamorous are find a relationship counsellor who is up when thinking about legal issues. romantically involved with each other, disadvantaged in a number of ways. willing to counsel a poly couple), poly Emotionally, I consider both of my such as in a polygamist* relationship? One woman I spoke to, Julia, said she people face discrimination because long-term partners but legally had difficulty compromising with her polyamory is not a protected class. I am only allowed to marry one of ex-husband on how to introduce new There is disagreement, even among them. This has caused some emotional Currently polyamorous people have partners to their children. Smith, in polyamorous people, about whether distress.” a few legal options open to them: his article, writes about the time a polyamory is a lifestyle choice or a distribution of property can be disapproving neighbour called CPS on more fundamental identification. It’s true legalizing polyamorous assigned through wills and trusts; his parents. Polyamory itself is not a marriages would be very complicated. Attorney Ann E. Tweedy has argued more than one person can be given reason to remove children from their Would a person married to multiple that polyamory should be considered power of attorney for medical decisions. home, but it has caused parents to partners have multiple marriage a sexual orientation. She writes that But only one, legally married lose custody of children during licenses? Bigamy is currently illegal bigamy and adultery laws** (and yes, can participate in the other spouse’s and post-divorce proceedings. As everywhere in the US, but even if it in some states adultery is still a crime) insurance coverage, and insurance practitioners of an alternative sexual weren’t, how would those different reinforce and disadvantage companies would almost certainly expression, polyamorous people face marriage licenses acknowledge each polyamorous people unfairly. There oppose expanding coverage to an suspicion and discrimination, and other in order to avoid disputes of are also laws limiting the number of indefinite number of partners. children of polyamorous people face property distribution and decision- unrelated people living together than bullying. making? Or would three or more people Additionally, custody arrangements can be applied against polyamorous need to be married under one marriage might be complicated if children are Though he has not faced overt households.

Picasso, Mink Ties, & Majestic Community Theatre Presents fall in love with print. The King of the Cats AN ADULT EVENING OF Three monologues by Don Nigro SHEL SILVERSTEIN SEPT. 11-20

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541.926.3000 August 15 September 4-6 Tickets On Sale Aug. 5th www.oregonwebpress.com THE MAJESTIC THEATRE • WWW.MAJESTIC.ORG • BOX OFFICE: 541-738-7469 8 | Corvallis Advocate During the fight for marriage equality the LGBTQ community distanced By Joel Hutton itself from the idea of polyamory so as not to give ammunition to the Viewpoint oppositions fear-mongering (“first gay marriage, then , then the cat Why This Matters, lady will be marrying her cats!”). But How It’s Hard advocating for more thorough anti- discrimination laws is a place where ur society has moved forward the polyamory community, often fairly Ovis-à-vis its evolving treatment quiet, could potentially join forces with of same-sex marriage, but poly the LGBTQ community. The question relationships and marriages will be more difficult. The structure of marriage equality for polyamorous to accommodate the traditional people can proceed slowly. It is a couple has long existed in terms complicated conversation to have, but of practical considerations like one that is worth having and has, in benefits, child custody, and the like. fact, already started. However, equality and protection for poly people will require whole new Some names have been changed. structures and protections, which means more endemic institutional *The website Loving More defines change and cooperation than what polyamory – sometimes called ethical marriage equality for gay couples has non-monogamy – as “romantic love required. with more than one person, honestly, ethically, and with the full knowledge Also, there are stigmas and and consent of all concerned.” misunderstandings; this paper has never had problems finding LGBTQ Polygamy (or, technically, ) people to quote, whereas poly But then, these stigmas and structural protections as anyone else on their is a particular relationship structure individuals have always insisted on challenges pale against two of block. Some in the position to do so within polyamory in which a man has anonymity. Misconceptions fueled by the most inexorable propositions have recently become more vocal multiple wives. a media that portrays polyamory as of our current society: the right of about their poly experiences, yet it mere titillation or a harbor for consenting adults to choose as they remains to be seen if acceptance **In Oregon there are no statutes and those with low self-esteem may will so long as nobody is harmed, and and equality will come as quickly as it against fornication, adultery, or be to blame for this stifling fear of the expectation that in so choosing has for LGBTQ folk. In the interim, one . Oregon does not talking, let alone coming out. they will still have the same rights and can only hope there will be kindness. recognize common-law marriages. aypole the mMayDay Family by Jesse Tomaino aroundHelp Wanted:Gathering, May 3 – 5 ance The musicians won’t bear full d Advertisingusic Consultant/Businessresponsibility for keeping people Manager m moving all night, with dance ocal performances of the regular and l We are looking for that ‘just right’ candidate that values a to fire varieties scheduled from ayDay Family Gatheringbusiness is an approach that includesAmerican innovating, Tribal SEED’s, creating Starena and opportunity to get the camping Sparktacular, and Combust-a-Move. M working to meet the needs ofYou’ll the want community to keep yourself moving that and music festival season started as it’s normally still a bit chilly at Photo by Craig Solomon at ConciergePhoto.com with a celebration of Corvallis’ own. supports the newspaper.this time of year, but it’s the first Causes One-Third of Running from Friday, May 3 to camping trip of the season and by Mitch Haines All Bike-Car Crashes Sunday, May 5, MayDay is now in st year as an annual Iftradition you are passionate, driven and c’mon,love you’re working an Oregonian. with You people own ose its 21 a good sleeping bag and a knit hat, ild r with an ever-expanding group of of all types, this may be the perfectright? spot for you. W local musicians, artists, and others who appreciate when music and art Radion, Brown Town, Farm Stand fterparty String Band, Symbiotic Quintet, Admission is $25 per person or a collide in a beautifulThis setting. is a ground floor opportunity for$50 either for three orthe more right in a car, seasonedso Wups, Big Outside, Space Neighbors, ild Rose Studios’ Hearts of the professional, aAudiophilia, trainee The or OutLetz, possibly Fool’s a paidplease intern. carpool! Or—if We you can have consider Entirely run by volunteers, with a the time—volunteers are needed Valley Talent Search is now over, Road, Curtis Monette, Jordan W community-run kitchencompensation that serves structures that include evencommission at this late date. only If you want or, some Norton, and Amber Walker & Linden but the celebration went on in style free meals to all attendees and a to get in for free, contact Teghan Wood. during an after-party at the studio. The ridiculously low entry fee,work MayDay that is is paid hourly and some thatFlores viais theon “Mayday commission. Family” more than just camping for a couple night began as a reason for the guests to Facebook group and you can sign get together, and quickly turned into a of nights while listening to cool This slate of acts covers a lot of up to help. Additional information live acoustic music set. Musicians from bands. In a secluded slice of natural ground, all the way from strummy and directions to the site can also be the competition performed, including splendor, it’s also a chanceIf you for the would sing-along like more acoustic toinformation, outer space foundplease on the reply Facebook with.... page—it’s less local “family” to come together each funk, and back into a low orbit of than 30 miles west of Corvallis. winner Shilipi Halemane and finalists year and catch up, and meet the new good time rock*Your and roll. work The only history Karl Smiley and Mahogany Driftwood. crop of people who have found* theirA brief common synopsis thread is aof commitment what you to believeAs always, youall are canwelcome, and feel way to the event. enjoying the experience and a love free to bring food to donate to the Two raffle prizes were given out: a for the Corvallisbring localto Tmusiche scene.Advocate community kitchen, but please leave Fender Strat and a Yamaha sound Expanding to two stages for the MayDay styles its security people your dogs and glass bottles at home. mixer, provided by Gracewinds Music. first time this year, the lineup—in*Your “vibe phone adjusters,” number but they are and never emailSee youaddress out there, MayDay People! The Strat gained further illumination no particular order—is: The Deep really necessary; with all those that night, as Halemane performed Woods Band, Tuesday Nights, bands it’s going to be hard to not some of his set playing the prized guitar. Mightiest Monster, Exit Electric, have a good time. Infamous Unknown, A Crab’s by Jesse Tomaino Gabriel Surley, the chief engineer at Contact: [email protected] Wild Rose and organizer of Hearts of Life, Maca Rey, Rain on the Rockz , featuring Creed, Inebriated Species, the Valley, thanked the competition’s ampouts sponsors, noting that they were the ones ueer c who made the whole thing possible. s, Q Earlier that day, Halemane started recording his upcoming CD with Wild OSU Pridejammies Week with a Queer 2013 Campout in the BBQT he C orvallis aces { } rag r Quad. Bring your tents, games, and Rose Studios. Advocasnacks tefor a big sleepover in the middle d “They have very nice equipment,” he and Auditorium at 8 p.m. to speak about of campus. LGBTQ identities and her experiences Corvallis Advocate | 9 said. “Recording went great, it was as a queer artist. Wright is an actor/ exciting.” ride Week is returning to Corvallis, What could bring the week to a more writer/activist whose photography fabulous close than a drag show? flying rainbow flags higher than on Americans who P project Self Evident Truths focuses Perhaps the chance to win free tickets Recording is expected to continue identify as anything ever. The local LGBTQ community— to that drag show by competing in a other than 100 throughout the month, after which headed by Oregon State’s Rainbow “drag race.” Tickets for the drag show percent straight. Halemane hopes his music will be Continuum—invites all OSU students on Friday, May 10 during the evening and members of the available on iTunes for people to in the MU Ballroom will be awarded download. Corvallis community All week long there to the top finishers in a race around to join them for the will be events an obstacle course in the MU Quad. You can find information about Wild events they have around campus, with Competitors will run the race while lined up for this workshops titled: trying to get into drag! Rose Studios and the musicians on year’s celebration Deconstructing Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/ of diversity and The race takes place at noon; doors pages/Wild-Rose-Studios/74006131361 acceptance. Gender; Queer, Undocumented, and open for the Drag Show at 7 p.m. A Corvallis Advocate | 3 Unafraid; Make Your Own Sex Toys; full schedule of events for Pride Week The week gets going and Crossroads Within: Performances can be found online at http://groups. with an opening BBQ on Monday, May at the Intersections of Identity. oregonstate.edu/rcosu/. 6 at 11 a.m. in the MU Quad. With plans to feed 800 people—for free—this On Thursday, May 9 at 10 p.m. has the makings of one of the largest everyone gets a chance to show off their Pride events in Corvallis history. That same night, keynote speaker iO Tillet Wright is coming to OSU’s Milam CALENDAR 7/30-8/6 Thursday, July 30 near Flat Tail Brewing. Community members touring as a power quartet kicking the sound evening some simple dances are taught. The corvallisclinic.com. will have to wait for the unveiling at 6 p.m. with a gutsy, fresh, soulful, raw energy over rest of the evening is open to a wide variety of 2015 Benton County Fair and that night to find out what’s inside. What can a tight rhythm section. For info, visit www. dances. For info, visit www.hoolyeh.com. Library Art Tours. Corvallis Public Rodeo. Benton County Fairgrounds, 110 be revealed now is that the Play, Corvallis Play bombsawaycafe.com. Library, 645 NW Monroe Ave. 10 a.m. Join SW 53rd St. All day event. Cost: $6 per day event will bring to Corvallis eight theme- Monday, August 3 Library Foundation Board member Freda for adults, $4 per day for seniors, $2 per day decorated, painted pianos. They will be left Five on the Hour. Cloud & Kelly’s Vars every first Tuesday of the month for a for youth, and free for kids under 5. The fair throughout town between the hours of 7 Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 10 p.m. No cover. Fermented Foods Class Series. tour of the hidden and not-so-hidden art in the Corvallis-Benton County Public Library. includes appearances by top musical acts and a.m. and 10 p.m. each day until Aug. 16. The For info, visit www.cloudandkellys.com. Benton County OSU Extension Office, 4077 Why does the library have so many gargoyle returning favorites and features even more purpose of the festival and Play, Corvallis Play SW Research Way. 6 – 8:30 p.m. Cost: $12 per Summer BBQ. Chintimini Senior and statues? Is there really a time capsule? These fun for the entire family. For info, visit www. pianos is to showcase local creative music class, $30 for all three. Learn how to safely Community Center, 2601 NW Tyler Ave. The questions and more will be answered by Vars bentoncountyfair.net/2015-fair. and art talent, as well as draw attention to ferment your favorite foods and beverages. annual barbeque at the Chintimini Senior and as she leads you through an exploration of the need to raise funds for music and art Community Center is a celebration of all the Classes include: Pickles & Vegetables on Aug. The the many art pieces that can be found at the Albany Walk with the Doc. programs in Corvallis public schools. All funds things that make summer great – delicious 3 and Kombucha and Infused Vinegars on Aug. Corvallis Clinic, 1705 Waverly Dr. 7:30 – 8:15 library. Meet in the first-floor lobby. For info, raised at both events will go to the Corvallis food, great friends, and good entertainment! 10. Sign up and pay ahead of time to reserve a.m. Tuesdays and Thursdays through Aug. 27. call 541-766-6793. Public Schools Foundation to support art and Come enjoy potato salad, baked beans, your your spot. For info or to register, call Benton The 30-minute walks are led by Jenny Olsen, music. The kickoff event for Play, Corvallis Play choice of chicken, hamburgers or hot dogs, County Extension Service at 541-766-6750. Graphic Novel Book Club M.D. They are designed to help people be is free and open to the public, and will feature plus watermelon and cookies for dessert, in active and provide an opportunity to talk with Corvallis Guitar Society Meeting. New Morning Bakery, 219 SW live music and fun for the entire family. For air-conditioned comfort. The BBQ also features health care specialists. All family members, Monthly Meeting. Gracewinds Music, 2nd St. 6:30 – 7:30 p.m. Join the Corvallis- info, visit www.cimafestival.com. a special performance by one of Ancient including pets on leashes, are welcome. 137 SW 3rd St. 7 – 9 p.m. Free; donations Benton County Public Library-sponsored Ways’ Marimba Ensembles. For info or to For info, call 541-758-2747 or visit www. Miss Massive Snowflake. accepted. The society promotes classical and Graphic Novel Book Club on the first Tuesday register, visit www.corvallisoregon.gov/index. of every month. This month the group is corvallisclinic.com. Calapooia Brewing, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. related guitar styles in the central Willamette 8 p.m. No cover. For info, visit www. aspx?page=257 or call 541-766-6959. Valley and is an opportunity to meet fellow discussing Powers Vol. 1 Who Killed Retro Michelle Hazelton. Peacock Bar & calapooiabrewing.com. guitarists, as well as listen to and play guitar Girl by Brian Michael Bendis. New members Grill, 125 SW 2nd St. 7 p.m. – 8 p.m. No cover. Sunday, August 2 in a supportive environment. The society is welcome. Check out a copy of this month’s Come enjoy a late dinner or a few drinks with The Deep Woods Band Rockin’ open to all ages and abilities and meets the reading selection from the second-floor Yoga Center of friends while you listen to Hazelton’s acoustic the Rooftop. Sky High Brewery & Pub, Zen Meditation. first Monday of each month. For info, visit reference desk of the library. For info, visit Corvallis, 111 NW 2nd St. 10 a.m. – 12 p.m. styles. Minors welcome until 8 p.m. For info, 160 NW Jackson Ave. 8 p.m. No cover. The www.corvallisguitarsociety.org. www.cpcpubliclibrary.net/category/graphic- visit www.facebook.com/pages/The-Peacock- Deep Woods Band will be rockin’ the Sky High Free. Donations accepted. For details, call Abby novel-book-club. rooftop with originals and covers featuring at 541-754-4124. Traditional West African Dance Bar-Grill/64517167600. Community Movie Night. an enticing mix of rock, blues, and Americana Yoga for Recovery. Live Well Classes. Oddfellows Hall, 223 SW 2nd Natalia Corbitt. Imagine Coffee, 5460 with just the right dose of psychedelia. For all St. 7:15 p.m. Free. Traditional West African Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. 7 p.m. SW Philomath Blvd. 7:30 p.m. Free. For info, Studio, 971 Spruce Ave. 12:30 – 1:45 p.m. Free. Every Tuesday, Ygal Kaufman, noted ages. For info, visit www.skyhighbrewing.com. For recovery from substance abuse, eating dance classes hosted by Maria Soumah from visit www.imaginecoffee.net. Guinea, West Africa. Accompanied by live local film historian and Darkside enthusiast, Adieu Caribou and Michaela disorders, codependency. By donation. For info, hosts Community Movie Night, a free weekly Free Range Open Mic. Cloud & visit www.livewellstudio.com. drumming from Fefafe. For info, visit www. Hammer. Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW corvallisoddfellows.org. screening of lost, classic, and cult films. The Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 8 p.m. No Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. Free. Adept songwriting, First Sunday Vocal Jam feature film of the week is always preceded cover. A new, free-roving open mic night. For Matt’s Cavalcade of by newsreels, cartoons from the year of the great heartfelt vocals with some beautiful Riverfront Commemorative Park, Dicemasters. info, visit www.cloudandkellys.com. Circle. Comics, NW Buchanan Ave. 7:30 – 9:30 p.m. feature’s release, and an introduction with harmonizing, and compositions evocative of a NW 1st St. 2 – 4 p.m. Free. First Sundays. Free. Every Monday at Matt’s Cavalcade of interesting facts about the production from stripped down Shins or Bright Eyes album. For Participatory improv singing in natural Comics! DiceMasters is an all-new cross-brand Kaufman. Donations are accepted and benefit Friday, July 31 info, visit www.bombsawaycafe.com. polyphonic groove, for all skill levels and ages. offering utilizing WizKids Games’ proprietary the renovation of the Darkside Cinema. For World Premier of Two Plays – Lowdown. Cloud & Kelly’s Public House, For info, call 541-760-3069. Dice Building Game platform where players info, visit www.darksidecinema.com. Anand’s Treasure, Anansi and 126 SW 1st St. 10 p.m. Fridays. No cover. A Baton Twirling Class. Rise Up collect and assemble their “team” of character the Leopards. The Arts Center, 700 festive dance party showcasing local DJs. For dice and battle in head-to-head game play. Mango Django at Old World. Fitness, 734 SW Queen Ave., Albany. 4:30 Old World Deli, 341 SW 2nd St. 7 – 9 p.m. SW Madison Ave. 3:30 p.m. Anand’s Treasure info, visit http://cloudandkellys.com/music_ – 5:30 p.m. Cost: $35 per month. Baton The initial set, Avengers vs. X-Men feature and Anansi and the Leopards are two plays and_nightlife. Marvel’s greatest heroes and villains. The No cover. Mango Django plays the first and Twirling classes taught by Kailey McKay, third Tuesdays of each month at the Old written by local playwright John Byrne. Their former OSU Feature Twirler. Opportunities for starter set and booster packs are sold out world premier will be at Dramatic Play, a Saturday, August 1 everywhere, but we will continue to meet and World Deli. Mango Django members: Darrell performances. McElmurry – guitar, Terry Takahashi – bass, Globetrotters Arts & Culture Camp at the Mid-Valley Belly Dance play friendly matches, and teach new players Arts Center. Children play all parts, create Hoolyeh Folkdancers. First how to play. For info, visit www.ilovespidey. Nathan Boal – woodwinds, Kevin Ronko – drums, Fumi Fumahashi – keyboard. Mango scenery and costumes, and perform music Collective. Old World Deli, 341 SW 2nd Congregational UCC, 4515 SW West Hills Rd. com. Django instrumental ensemble performs hot and drumming with the assistance of local St. 7 p.m. First Saturdays. Suggested donation: 7 – 9 p.m. Cost: $3 non CFS members, $2 $5. For info, call 541-752-8549. club jazz and bosa nova pieces and some musician Dave Chiller. Weather permitting, CFS members. There has been international Tuesday, August 4 originals. For info, visit www.facebook.com/ the performances will be in the Arts Center dancing in Corvallis for many years. In the Oregon Valley Boys. Calapooia mangodjangojazz. Plaza. Otherwise it will be held inside the Brewing, 140 NE Hill St., Albany. 8 p.m. No 60s the group started to call themselves the Albany Walk with the Doc. The Arts Center. For info, contact Cheryl French at cover. For info, visit www.calapooiabrewing. Hoolyehs. The Hoolyehs sponsor three types Corvallis Clinic, 1705 Waverly Dr. 7:30 – 8:15 Drink and Draw. Cloud & Kelly’s [email protected] or Cynthia Spencer com. of folk dance activities: regular Sunday night a.m. Tuesdays and Thursdays through Aug. 27. Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 7 – 8 p.m. Free. at [email protected]. dances, an annual reunion dance in the spring, The 30-minute walks are led by Jenny Olsen, Come meet up with other artists and enjoy a Hello Dollface. Bombs Away Café, and occasional dances with visiting live bands. M.D. They are designed to help people be pint and some artistic camaraderie. For info, CIMA Festival Kickoff Event. 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. No cover. The The Hoolyehs meet first and third Sundays of active and provide an opportunity to talk with visit www.cloudandkellys.com. Flat Tail Brewing, 202 SW 1st St. 6 p.m. A giant CO-based indie soul project is composed of every month. The first Sunday of every month health care specialists. All family members, gift-wrapped package will be on display for Ashley Edwards, Jesse Ogle, Dr. Easton Stuard, has a Balkan dance emphasis and the third including pets on leashes, are welcome. Celtic Jam. Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW the community most of the day on 1st Street and Alex Morrow. Most often the band is has an Israeli dance emphasis. Early in the For info, call 541-758-2747 or visit www. Philomath Blvd. 7:30 – 9 p.m. Every Tuesday.

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6600 SW Philomath Blvd 316 SW Washington 541-929-3524 Corvallis www.shonnards.com License 2250C 10 | Corvallis Advocate Ongoing July Events... Albany Farmers’ Market. SW animals and other hand-crafted projects. In 10 a.m. – 4 p.m. Runs through Aug. 15. wordpress.com. Park, 650 NW Monroe Ave. 8 p.m. Tuesdays. Ellsworth St. and SW 4th Ave. 9 a.m. – 1 the carving studio, see and touch over two The John Rock Collection is a tribute to the Runs through Aug. 25. Join the Corvallis p.m. Runs through Nov. 21. Features fresh, dozen carvings in progress. For info, visit diverse talent of John Henry Rock (1919- Corvallis Community Drum Community Band for an evening of free locally grown, locally produced dairy, www.albanycarousel.com. 1993). Rock graduated from Oregon State Circle. 101 NW 23rd St. 7 – 8 p.m. music. Dress for the weather, and bring a meat, and farm goods. For info, visit http:// College in 1951. His professional career First Saturdays. All ages and skill levels blanket or low lawn chair to sit on. For info, locallygrown.org/home. Something Old, Something as Oregon State University art professor welcome. Instruments provided or bring visit www.C-Cband.org. Blue Exhibit. Benton County spanned from 1958 until his retirement your own. Hosted by Michelle Lovrich Corvallis Farmers’ Market. Historical Museum, 1101 Main St., in 1985. Rock’s paintings and prints have of the Drum Circle Connection. For info, Summer Concerts with NW Jackson Ave. and NW 1st St. 9 a.m. – 1 Philomath. Tuesday through Saturday: been shown in dozens of regional, national, contact Michelle at drumcircleconnection@ Mango Django & the Hilltop p.m. Saturdays and Wednesdays. Runs 10 a.m. – 4:30 p.m. Runs through Oct. and international exhibitions. The John gmail.com. Big Band. Central Park, 650 NW through Nov. 25. Features fresh, locally 24. The exhibition showcases artifacts Rock Collection is a collaborative exhibition Monroe Ave. 7:30 – 9 p.m. Free. Runs grown, locally produced dairy, meat, First Alternative from the combined Horner Museum and showcasing art from the collections of Ukulele Cabaret. through Aug. 26. The Hilltop Big Band and and farm goods. For info, visit http:// South Store, 1007 SE 3rd St. 7 – 9 p.m. Benton County Historical Society artifact OSU College of Agricultural Sciences, Art Mango Django present another summer locallygrown.org/home. First Fridays. Free. This is an open mic and collections, with an emphasis on the color About Agriculture, Fairbanks Gallery, OSU of free Central Park concerts. Featuring sing-along for ukulele players of all ages blue. Sub-themes include blue in nature, Memorial Union, Corvallis-Benton County the swing sounds of Basie and others, Western Star Grange Flea and skill levels. Songbooks and instruction art, fashion, school colors, uniforms, Public Library, Benton County Historical you’ll find an evening’s worth of music Market & Bake Sale. Western decorative arts, and more. The museum are provided. Bring snacks to share. Hosted Society, Rock’s family, and private collectors to your liking. Bring lawn chairs and Star Grange, 30423 Tangent Dr. 9 a.m. – 3 has also borrowed something new: man- by Suz Doyle and Jeanne Holmes of the throughout the Willamette Valley. For info, blankets. Regular musicians and substitutes p.m. Second Saturdays. Runs through Nov. made blue pigment from the Oregon State Wallop Sisters. For info, call 541-753-8530. visit www.bentoncountymuseum.org. welcome. Schedule: Aug. 5 – Mango 28. The market offers old coins, household University Department of Chemistry. Django; Aug. 12 – Hilltop Big Band; Aug. items, CDs, DVDs, books, quilting, vintage Teen Movie Day: Avengers Corvallis Community items, jewelry, used sporting and hunting Read. Create. Celebrate. Unitarian 19 – Mango Django; Aug. 26 – Hilltop Big Corvallis-Benton County Choir Summer Term. supplies, clothes, raffles, breakfast, lunch, Corvallis Public Library, 645 NW Monroe Series. Universalist Fellowship, 2945 NW Circle Band. Public Library, 645 NW Monroe Ave. 1 and homemade baked goods. Ave. Monday through Thursday: 10 a.m. Blvd. Rehearsals: Tuesdays, 7 – 9 p.m. p.m. Thursdays. A summer movie series 2015 Starker Forest & – 8 p.m.; Friday and Saturday: 10 a.m. – 6 Runs through Sept. 1. Summer Term is for teens, featuring the Avengers cycle. Fun-with-the-Animals Work p.m.; Sunday: 1 – 5 p.m. Runs through the perfect time to see if singing in a Georgia Pacific Mill Tour. Snacks provided. Free. For info, visit www. Party. Lighthouse Farm Sanctuary, 36831 August. For every eligible activity adults choir is a fit for you. The director is James Starker Forests, 7240 SW Philomath Blvd. chcpubliclibrary.net. Richardson Gap Rd., Scio. Wednesdays: 18 and over complete this summer, they Moursund, a recent graduate from Oregon Free guided tours of Starker Forests are available twice a month, June through 10 a.m. – 12 p.m.; Saturdays: 10 a.m. – 1 can fill out an entry form to get entered The Majestic Reader’s State University. James brings a youthful p.m. Free. For all ages and abilities. Work into the library’s end of summer grand September, in Philomath. Special, all-day Theater. The Majestic Theatre, 115 exuberance to his directing as well as an parties provide the sanctuary’s abused, prize package giveaways. Eligible activities inspirational musicality and expertise. The tours happen twice this season. On these abandoned, or neglected farm animals include reading or listening to a book, SW 2nd Ave. 3 – 5 p.m. and 7 – 9 p.m. days, you’ll tour the Georgia Pacific Mill in Cost: $10 ($8 for students and seniors). choir has grown tremendously under his with clean water, bedding, and living reading to a child, using a library resource tutelage. CCC is relaxed, fun and accepting. the morning, followed by the guided tour conditions. No RSVP required; just show to create something, visiting a park. Prize Last Sundays. The company will offer a of Starker Forests in the afternoon. production in the “reader’s theater” style: Music experience, though helpful, is not up wearing farm apparel and boots. For packages include a Kobo, an iPod, dinner required. For info, call 541-740-6068. info, contact 503-394-4486 or volunteer@ and a movie, arts and craft supplies, trained actors, with scripts in hand, make Find Waldo 2015. Grass Roots lighthousefarmsanctuary.org. annual passes to nearby parks, and more. the play come alive through vocal talent, Reiki Healing Circle. 8285 NW Books & Music, 227 SW 2nd St. Once For info, visit http://cbcpubliclibrary.net/ facial expressions, and minimal staging. Wynoochee Dr. 7 – 9 p.m. First Thursdays. again, Grass Roots will be hosting Find Albany Historic Carousel summeratyourlibrary/. Reader’s theater plays are a fun, accessible Donation: $5 to $10. All students and Waldo Local for all of July! Pick up a and Museum. 503 W 1st Ave. 10 way to experience contemporary works by interested parties welcome. For info, call passport from Grass Roots Books & a.m. – 4 p.m. Monday through Saturday. John Rock Collection famous modern playwrights that might not Margo at 541-754-3595. Music and find Waldo in downtown In the lobby, view finished animals and Museum Exhibition. Benton otherwise be performed here. For info or Corvallis to win prizes. For info, visit www. watch the painters work on a number of County Museum, 1101 Main St, Philomath. tickets, visit https://majesticreaderstheater. Concert in the Park. Central grassrootsbookstore.com.

Free. For info, visit www.imaginecoffee.net. The hour-long session will be led by certified Community Library, 1050 Applegate St. All For info, call 541-758-2747 or visit www. Attendees are encouraged to bring low lawn yoga instructor Marcy Keuter. Beginners ages are welcome to stop by for free live corvallisclinic.com. chairs and/or blankets, warm clothing and Wednesday, August 5 are welcome. Bring a yoga mat, if possible. music on the library’s back patio. Bring even a picnic dinner if desired. Seating begins Proceeds benefit youth arts education lawn chairs and picnics (but no alcohol). The Michelle Hazelton. Peacock Bar at 6:30 p.m. and no one will be seated prior & Grill, 125 SW 2nd St. 7 – 8 p.m. No cover. Corvallis Walk with the Doc. programs. For info, visit http://theartscenter. featured bands are both local acts. The Kings to that time. The production will feature dance Come enjoy a late dinner or a few drinks with Bald Hill Path, Oak Creek Dr. entrance. 7:30 – net. of Swing will play on Aug. 5. Double Play, a and a live performance by OSU Chamber friends while you listen to Hazelton’s acoustic 8:15 a.m. Wednesdays through Aug. 26. The bluegrass and rock trio, will play on Aug. 19. Winds, which will present Felix Mendelssohn’s Jerry Joseph and The styles. Minors welcome until 8 p.m. For info, 45-minute walks are led by Amy Card, M.D., For info, contact Ashley Hall at ashley.hall@ classic score. For info or tickets, visit www. Bombs Away Café, visit www.facebook.com/pages/The-Peacock- Michelle Curtis, M.D., Amey Lee, M.D., Carol Jackmormons. corvallisoregon.gov or 541-929-3016. bardinthequad.org or call the OSU Theatre box Morcos, M.D., and Emily Rangel, M.D., of the 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. Cost: $10. Jerry Bar-Grill/64517167600. office at 541-737-2784. Corvallis Clinic’s OB/GYN Department. They Joseph has worn a lot of hats over more Memorial Union are designed to help people be active and than three decades in the music trenches – Thursday, August 6 Bard in the Quad. Free Range Open Mic. Cloud & Quad, 2501 SW Jefferson Way. 7:30 p.m. Cost: provide an opportunity to talk with health care righteous rocker, hyper-observant cultural Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 8 p.m. No Albany Walk with the Doc. The $15 for general admission, $10 for students specialists. All family members, including pets observer, spiritual and political firebrand, force cover. A new, free-roving open mic night. For Corvallis Clinic, 1705 Waverly Dr. 7:30 – 8:15 on leashes, are welcome. For info, call 541- of nature live performer – but the bedrock of and seniors, $5 for OSU students. Oregon State info, visit www.cloudandkellys.com. a.m. Tuesdays and Thursdays through Aug. 27. 758-2747 or visit www.corvallisclinic.com. what he does has always been songwriting University will celebrate the 10th anniversary of the highest caliber. For info, visit www. The 30-minute walks are led by Jenny Olsen, of the popular Bard in the Quad program with Infinite Improv. Cloud & Kelly’s Yoga in the Gallery. The Arts bombsawaycafe.com. M.D. They are designed to help people be a production of Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Public House, 126 SW 1st St. 9 p.m. Free. The Center, 700 SW Madison Ave. 10 a.m. Explore active and provide an opportunity to talk with Night’s Dream in August. Performances will hilarious improv antics of the Infinite Improv the world of yoga and enjoy a sense of Patio Tunes at the Philomath health care specialists. All family members, be held at 7:30 p.m. each night from Aug. 6-9 folks! Fun with spontaneous comedy, using community in the setting of the main gallery. Community Library. Philomath including pets on leashes, are welcome. and Aug. 13-16 in the Memorial Union Quad. audience suggestions.

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Corvallis Advocate | 11 8 days a week... vocate picks... d gal Kaufman A By Y

Thursday, July 30 Saturday, August 1 Sanctus Real and Hawk Sunday, August 2 Nelson Friday, July 31 Hello Dollface Blues Jam! Benton County Fairgrounds, 110 SW Foghat Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe 53rd St. 7:30 p.m. $6 Ave. 9 p.m. Free Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE Benton County Fairgrounds, 110 SW Hill St., Albany. 4 to 6 p.m. Free The county fair is back. Thursday night is a night 53rd St. 8 p.m. $6 Colorado indie soul, for free in Corvallis. What a reserved, if I understand the description, for Faith and This night of the county fair is Classic Rock Night, world. Hello Dollface is dripping with the kind of It’s Sunday afternoon and you’ve really got two Family. It’s called Faith and Family Night, and it features and it features motherf*cking Foghat! If you look music school proficiency you get from a bunch options: give in to the screaming pile of your DNA handsome Canadian Christian rockers Hawk Nelson, up Foghat’s superclassic “I Just Want to Make Love of professionals with music degrees. This band is that is demanding to see Minions, or leave the as well as less handsome American Christian rockers to You” on YouTube, the first comment is by a dude even toting a doctor of music on flute. Does any kid with the babysitter (Nickelodeon) and kick Sanctus Real. If you’re not familiar, Hawk is sort of like named John Storm, whose avatar is a bearded Kurt of that make them better than your average free back with a brew and some amateur blues. I know Maroon 5 mixed with Fallout Boy mixed with a bunch band at Bombs? Yes it does, plebe. Now enjoy this what I’d pick; your kid and a showing of Minions. of dudes who really like Jesus. Sanctus Real is more like Russell, and it is as follows: “F*ck hippies. This song is bada*s, don’t associate such a good song with your savvy vibing destined to be NPR’s “Blahblah of Because, I assume, you’re paying for my ticket, Coldplay mixed with Mumford and Sons mixed with the Whatever” at some point in the near future. and I’ve always wanted to see how much money I a bunch of dudes who really like Jesus. So if you’re filthy hippy nonsense.” I feel that pretty much sums up why you should go see Foghat for only six stupid Be ahead of the curve. could get for a healthy human baby. You probably interested in any of those four bands, or Jesus, this want to choose Blues Jam, though, because my should be an amazing show for you. dollars. Also, this kicka*s show is wrapped lovingly in Johnny Limbo and the an all-weekend county fair, so you can totally hit that guess is if you have kids, you are just about ready Corvallis Knights vs. up as well. Lugnuts to murder all the Minions. Klamath Falls Gems Benton County Fairgrounds, 110 SW Adieu Caribou and Michaela First Sunday Vocal Jam 53rd St. 9 p.m. $6 Goss Stadium, 430 SW Langton Pl. Hammer Old World Deli, 341 SW 2nd St. 2 p.m. 6:40 p.m. $6 Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe These guys could be almost anything and I’d Free My in-laws live in Klamath, so it will be with no small believe it. That’s a good name for a punk band, Ave. 9 p.m. Free This is so much better than the Second Sunday amount of personal satisfaction that our hometown a doo-wop band, a glee club-style group of a Vocal Jam, it’s not even funny. And don’t even get Knights will undoubtedly destroy these chumps. And Non-Foghat or Jerry Joseph show of the week alert. cappella rangers, a kids’ show, a food truck me started on Third. Maybe it’s because this one since it’s basically now a tradition to rip on the other Adieu Caribou is cutely named, but they’re hiding some for robots—the mind reels. JL&L actually play team’s name in this section: Gems? Seriously, Klamath seriously likable indie/folk/pop in those guitar cases. 50s-style diner music for you and your leather happens at Old World Deli, while the other ones Falls? You are, of course, aware the traditional purpose If you’re looking for good poppy songs about getting jacket-clad friends to stand in a semi-circle and are held in a makeshift interrogation closet that the of the mascot as it applies to organized sports is for dumped (and who isn’t really?), then these guys should snap your fingers to. They’ve been rocking hard for CIA used to water board potential terrorists and the mascot to somehow strike fear in the heart of be just right. For free with Corvallis’ own Michaela 37 years, and are sure to put a smile on your face, Lakers fans. Old World Deli is one of my favorite the opponent. Like a Knight does. The Gems does not Hammer? That’s a steal. And not just because I heard and potentially other body parts. What, you’ve places in Corvallis to not get extraordinarily exactly instill the sense of fear and respect in our guys rumors that Michaela’s biological MC will be in never gotten a nipple smile? I’ll show you; meet rendered from or tortured to death in. So I’ll be that you probably hoped it would… attendance. Though it certainly doesn’t hurt. me by the dumpster behind Chipotle at 6… there. Yeesh, that one got dark in a hurry… Submit: Do you know of an upcoming event? Email us and we’ll add it to the web calendar [email protected]

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12 | Corvallis Advocate Wednesday, August 5 Jerry Joseph and the Monday, August 3 Jackmormons Bryson Skaar Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. $10 Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath Blvd. 7:30 p.m. Free Uhhh, yeah. If you’re not at this show I straight up hate you and your stupid bad taste having Speaking of extraordinary renditions of things, face. Jerry Joseph is a goddamn American Bryson Skaar absolutely murders a Duke treasure, not to mention a 2015 Oregon Thursday, August 6 Ellington tune. So if you’re not one of the 30 Music Hall of Fame inductee. Check him out or so lusty octogenarians who usually make Tuesday, August 4 at Bombs for the (by Corvallis standards) Hilltop Big Band, Hunks & up an average Skaar show, become one. And if astronomical price of $10. Trust me, it’s worth the Hottie, and Meatbomb Community Movie Night it. Joseph and his Jackmorons put on a wild you are one of them, feel free to not become Starker Arts Park, 4485 SW Country and rambunctious rock and roots show that unsheathed from this mortal coil just yet. My Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. Club Dr. 6 p.m. Free dude is gonna tickle them ivories. And the will blow your face off. Better with booze, like 7 p.m. Free almost everything else in life. If I had to choose black keys, too, let’s not forget he uses flats HBB in effect my people. Hunks & the Hottie CMNYK is getting evil and trippy and somehow between going to this show and my child’s bar and Meatbomb are also stalwarts of the local and sharps all the time. For some reason the they’re doing it with a movie made for kids. mitzvah, I’d probably go to the bar mitzvah, but scene, but let’s not be disingenuous with each black keys get forgotten when I use a flourish to It’s the star-studded 1933 adaptation of Lewis I’d resent that snotty little douche of a kid for other. Hill Top Big Band is the get here. What describe what Bryson does. Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland, starring Cary Grant, the rest of his life. a bargain, for free, at the gorgeous Starker W.C. Fields, and Gary Cooper in addition to a Majestic Reader’s Theatre Arts Park. If it weren’t for the dangerous game massive cast of human and cartoon characters Mango Django of live ammo Civil War-era dueling LARP that Auditions in a strangely forgotten masterpiece that Central Park, 650 NW Monroe Ave. will be going on just a stone’s throw away, I’d Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. should really be viewed on narcotics to be truly 7:30 p.m. Free wholeheartedly recommend this event. As it 7:30 p.m. Free appreciated. I’ll be there, and coincidentally, so is, I’m afraid you may want to bring a musket, will my personal narcotics distributor. He’s the My well-known proclivities toward the Hilltop or at least a small cannon to enjoy this show. Auditioning for a play is a nerve-wracking guy wearing Jncos and a glow-in-the-dark tongue Big Band would normally leave me rather History lives. experience. I mean, I wouldn’t know personally, stud, with a huge backpack that smells like weed. lukewarm on the Mango edition of this free because I don’t like putting myself out there for concert series. But HBB is playing at Starker Infinite Improv Concert in the Park on Thursday, and I have been avoiding eye the judgment of my peers. But if you’re the type Cloud & Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW contact with members of Mango Django for of rube who does, this is a great opportunity to Central Park, 650 NW Monroe Ave. long enough. So here it is, the feud is over. 1st St. 9 p.m. Free have your nerves wracked. Reader’s Theatre is 8 p.m. Free TRY OURone OWN of the most innovative FRESHLY and exciting things MADE SAVEEven $3 though they didn’t inviteSAVE me to their $3 last It’s not that I don’tSAVE love improv, $3 because I do. Corvallis Community Band is back in the park, dinner party, and then when we ran into each Who doesn’t? It’s the infinite part that’s got me that regularly goes on at the Majestic, not NEW NEW and all you really need to bring to enjoy them other at the grocery store they acted like my worried. I mean, do they follow you home? Are DIPS, ENTRÉEScounting the bong someone AND built into the toiletSALADS is a blanket and some booze. I supposeGyros it’s or Falafelinvite got lost in the Mediterraneanmail—you know what? I Subs*they difficult to shut up? Do they lock the doors paper dispenser in the second floor men’s room. conceivable for a person to enjoy this free won’t rehash it all. Let’s just move on and live and not letMediterranean you out? In what sense Wrapexactly is it Hommous, Baba Gannouj,I don’t know how Tabbouleh, they did it, but trust Damascus me if performance fava in bean the failing light without inebriants. in truth. Mango Django, I wish you nothing “infinite”? Once weCombo nail down the answer to you haven’t seen a play here recently, you have But I don’t like to roll the dice on unsure things but the best and I hope$ you’re happy.99 with that question, I can’t think of a reason on Earth salad, (Zaatar)Thymeno idea whatPies, kind lambof a stationary pies bong & you’reSpanikopita. like that. So I’ll be here with a CamelBak filled your choices. Oh, yeah, and Mango Django is to skip this event. Oh, other than the flesh- missing. with grain alcohol, as usual. $ .99playing for free in the park. Don’t miss REG.$5.99it. eating wasps.$ Did I forget.99 to mention them? REG.$5.99 2*ANY TOPPING REG.$4.99 After 4pm Dinner Special 2 1 Lamb, Chicken, $ .99 or Vegetarian Combo PER PERSON Check out our in-house Mediterreanean Market! Limited time offer while supplies last Try our own Freshly 453 SW Madison7 & 5th St. Gyros - Falafel - Shawerma - Kabobs - BaklavaAfte -r Pita 4pm & More! 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Step into the amazing real-life world of the global phenomenon that Despite some unevenness, and a will captivate fans of all ages. premise that is a little misleading, it’s a solid comedy with a lot to offer. INFINITELY POLAR BEAR —R Based on a true story, INFINITELY POLAR BEAR is a funny and heartbreaking portrait of the many unexpected ways in which parents and children save each other. Mark Ruffalo The film follows the romantic misadventures of Amy (her name in STANFORD PRISION EXPERIMENT —R Based on the real-life research of Dr. Zimbardo (who was a consultant on the film), The the film as well) a senior writer with Stanford Prison Experiment is a dramatic period piece that remains a sleazy Maxim magazine clone. relevant over 40 years later Her boss, Tilda Swinton in a nearly AMY —R This documentary reveals the incredible story of six-time unrecognizable turn, is a monster who Grammy winner Amy Winehouse—in her own words.97% ON RT! is turning Amy into a monster, too. TESTAMENT OF YOUTH —PG-13 Based on the First World Her sister, played by Brie Larson, has a War memoir by Vera Brittain, this British period drama is a powerful family which bores Amy. Their father, story of young love, the futility of war, and how to make sense of the darkest times. one of the film’s highlights, played by the great Colin Quinn, is in a nursing DARKSIDE Cinema home wasting away. And all the while 4th & Madison • Corvallis Amy blithely parties and drinks and darksidecinema.com works her way through a succession (541) 752-4161 of one-night stands and a mock relationship with a muscle-bound AmerAmer Dream, Dream, free free delivery2 delivery2 1x3 -- Page Page 1 1- Composite -imbecile, Composite another highlight played by John Cena in a role that’s nothing Amer Dream, free delivery2 1x3 - Page 1 - Compositeshort of a revelation. That is, of course, until she meets an unexpected prince charming in the form of Bill Hader, Inside Amy Schumer, currently in argue with it, as even when it was at AME RICAN playing Aaron, a charming and naïve its third season, is hitting its stride as its most predictable, it was hard not AME RICAN orthopedic surgeon who is the subject the most talked about show on the to laugh. My biggest two complaints AME RICAN of a story she’s writing. network. Though its ratings still lag about the movie were the way LeBron DREAM PIZZA behind the network’s flagships,Tosh.0 James, playing himself, was mostly The formula is somewhat worn, wasted in forgettable scenes, and DREAM PIZZA because we’ve seen it so many and South Park, it is consistently the DREAM PIZZA subject of debate and Internet love that the film didn’t really resemble times. Particularly from Apatow, what was marketed. The trailers for who executed nearly the same every week when it airs. And with the film, and the title, indicated the film 10 years ago withKnocked Up. network’s other sketch comedy film would be about a lady who’s Interestingly, Schumer seems to have contenders disappearing (Kroll just a real mess, constantly getting come up with this very Apatow-esque Show and Key & Peele are both herself into insane situations with her conservative morality tale, with a ending their runs), Inside is poised promiscuity and love of alcohol. But family values message at its core, all to be the face of the network for in the end, her life resembled the lives on her own. Like that film, the formula the foreseeable future. What better of most Americans from age 18 to is pretty simple and you know exactly time to join forces with the once and 34. Until we meet someone who we where the whole thing is going the former King Midas of Hollywood, Judd care about, and who makes us care whole time. The protagonist is a Apatow. about ourselves, we tend to be self- slacker with bad habits and a selfish destructive. Free Delivery! outlook, but the yoke of love and Though Apatow’s shine has faded somewhat in recent years, with both CAMPUS 757-1713 responsibility eventually straightens That’s why the slogan on the poster • Funny People (2009) and This Is Forty Free2525 Delivery!NW Monroe them out, and they discover the thing was somewhat of a letdown, and (2012) failing to recapture the magic DOWNTOWNCAMPUS • •757-1713 753-7373 they thought they feared the most Amy’s road to revelation somewhat a Free2525 Delivery! NW Monroe (responsibility) is actually a good of Knocked Up (2007), he remains head fake. 214 SW 2nd one of the most respected names CAMPUSDOWNTOWN• •757-1713 753-7373 thing. But much like Knocked Up, the 2525214 NW SW Monroe 2nd predictability isn’t a problem. The in comedy, and his productions still The poster says, “We all know one.” It characters and the setup are likable demand attention. should read, “We all are one.” DOWNTOWN • 753-7373 enough, and the laughs remain 214 SW 2nd plentiful throughout. Trainwreck appears to be breathing Trainwreck is currently playing at new life into Apatow’s career with the Carmike 12 Cinema on Circle Schumer’s Comedy Central show, a tried and true formula. I couldn’t Boulevard. 14 | Corvallis Advocate fee by Sidney Cof ... Reilly l Ha ca n o d ard ruths L c H T r , a h f

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d r F Prepare to Love What You Hate in exchange for passing the controversial Free There may be no more disliked political figure Trade Agreement), then he drops the hammer, than Ted Cruz. Even in republican voter circles, calling Mitch McConnell a bald-faced liar who at least ones outside of Texas, the man has a had deceived his entire party. Then he takes polarizing premise. While many love his allegiance the hammer and smashes every piece of fragile to conservatism and libertarian principles, still others dinnerware in the building, as he calls out the fear his scorched earth methodology which was a entrenched leadership of both parties, McConnell key factor in last year’s government shutdown. And and Senator Harry Reid of Nevada, for being www.coffeecultureroasters.com that’s among the group that ostensibly identifies bought and paid for shills of the corporations with his message. Amongst that are ruining seemingly liberals, hatred and fear everything. Gathering of Cruz has reached G.W. It’s an inspired and inspiring Bushian proportions. Together Farm bit of political theater. Cruz’s Well, prepare to forget much vaunted skills for Restaurant everything you know about oration are on full display, Senator Cruz. and there couldn’t be a stronger campaign video In a nearly 20-minute rant, out there for any of the which C-Span has helpfully prospective presidential immortalized online in nominees. a post titled “Ted Cruz Goes Nuclear on Mitch Of course, it remains to be McConnell,” Cruz lit into seen how genuine Cruz Senate majority leader Mitch really is, but if you watch McConnell of Kentucky, the video, one thing is for leader of Cruz’s own party, in certain: it’s going to be a no uncertain terms. mighty chilly Christmas card exchange between these You really have to watch two come December. Open for the season! the whole video to feel the Now enjoy Saturday dinners tingles in your nethers, but New Frontiers the gist is that Cruz and Have you ever plagiarized or Lunch many of his colleagues on been plagiarized from? It’s 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Tuesday-Friday both fringes (Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren, no fun either way. I only have experience with the Dinner in addition to Rand Paul), suspected McConnell of latter, but I’ve met some who’ve been tarred with 5:30 to 9 p.m. Thursday-Saturday a backroom deal to save the Export/Import Bank. the brush of the dirty P-word and I can assure you Saturday Brunch The Ex/Im Bank is basically a giant house of filthy they get it way worse than us victims. 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. corporate welfare that the overwhelming majority But in the age of new forms of communication, of Americans know next to nothing about. Both Farm Stand Hours: how will copyright protection evolve? Not many socialists like Sanders and libertarians like Cruz can 9 a.m. - 5 p.m. Tuesday-Saturday people try to get away with republishing The agree on one thing: it has no business existing, Corrections, because they know someone will www.gatheringtogetherfarm.com giving handouts to corporations that then play shell notice. But what about more fleeting expressions? games with their profits to return next to none of the money they received in guaranteed loans (in the We now have our answer as Twitter has begun the form of tax revenue). process of respecting DMCA (Digital Millennium Copyright Act) takedown notices. What does that Things can get tricky in politics, where sometimes mean exactly? Well, if you try to repeat a joke you strange laws make for even stranger bedfellows. saw on Twitter, without properly citing your source In almost no other situation, save perhaps this and (by which I think they take a retweet as a proper Edward Snowden, do the fringes share so much citation), and that person somehow notices, they in common. They also shared an impassioned can appeal to Twitter and have your tweet taken mouthpiece last week, as Cruz spared no down for copyright infringement, complete with feelings in calling out McConnell. In some of an embarrassing legalese post from the admins on the more shocking moments, he reveals private how you jacked someone else’s wit. conversations he had with Senator McConnell and the specific promises that were made (most No word yet on how this will affect Carlos Mencia notably that McConnell had not engaged in and Dane Cook, who primarily only steal jokes on 541-752-5151 any backroom deal to prop up the Ex/Im Bank stage. www.woodstocks.com We Deliver (to most of Corvallis)

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