I OH, SAY CAN't YOU SEE? by Brittany Wallace a Thesis

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OH, SAY CAN’T YOU SEE? by Brittany Wallace

A Thesis Submitted to the Faculty of

The Wilkes Honors College in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree of

Bachelor of Arts in Liberal Arts and Sciences

with a Concentration in Writing

Wilkes Honors College of

Florida Atlantic University

Jupiter, Florida

May 2018

OH, SAY CAN’T YOU SEE? by Brittany Wallace

This thesis was prepared under the direction of the candidate’s thesis advisor, Professor Rachel Luria, and has been approved by the members of her/his supervisory committee. It was submitted to the faculty of The Honors College and was accepted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Bachelor of Arts in Liberal Arts and Sciences.

SUPERVISORY COMMITTEE:

______Professor Rachel Luria

______Dr. Gavin Sourgen

______Dean Ellen Goldey, Wilkes Honors College

______Date

ABSTRACT Author: Brittany Wallace

Title: Oh, Say Can’t You See?

Institution: Wilkes Honors College of Florida Atlantic University

Thesis Advisor: Professor Rachel Luria

Degree: Bachelor of Arts in Liberal Arts and Sciences

Concentration: Writing

Year: 2018

The United States of America has long prided itself on its values of freedom and justice, but recent movements have pushed back against the notion that all are equal and free under the U.S. flag. Disenfranchised Americans across the country are advocating for everything from racial justice and immigrant rights, to white supremacy and isolationism. These calls for change, no matter their Rightness or Wrongness, call into question the true ideals of the land of the free and the home of the brave. Oh, Say Can’t

You See? is a collection of nonfiction essays that examine what it means to be American through discussion of themes such as gender inequality, gun violence, immigration, and other salient issues.

iii

Acknowledgements

First and foremost, I must thank one special person, someone who inspired in me a strong motivation to interrogate my feelings toward my country and its supposed values: Donald J. Trump. Thank you for being the perfect catalyst to jumpstart my undergraduate thesis and for being the best part of any late-night talk show.

I thank Professor Rachel Luria for her never-ending patience with my neuroses—

Will I ever actually finish this thesis? Is it going to be any good? Oh god, I’m breaking out in stress hives. Her guidance and support have been invaluable throughout the writing process. I thank Dr. Gavin Sourgen for his second readership, and for agreeing to read this thesis while moving to and settling back into London with two children under the age of four. Finally, I thank Dr. Harrawood, or Michael, as he prefers. I am forever grateful for his knowledge, friendship, and encouragement. Without him, I’m not sure where I would be today.

I thank the strongest members of my support system—my parents and my grandmother—for their love and encouragement. They have been, since day one, my biggest fans, my best friends, and my most resolute allies. There aren’t enough words in any language to express my gratitude for them.

I thank my boyfriend, Sean, for being my sounding board, my confidant, and my best friend. He listened to my anger-fueled rants on any given topic and helped me turn those garbled thoughts into cogent ideas. He held me while I cried during a midnight shift

at work because I was so scared I couldn’t get this thesis done, and he celebrated with me when I finally did get it done.

I thank my friends, those near and those far, who offered advice, topic ideas, and snacks when I needed them most. I especially thank Yari Batista for titling this collection during an impromptu brainstorming session.

Finally, I thank my fellow Americans. I thank those who were born here, who were brought here, who sought refuge here, and who immigrated here. I thank those who work hard, whether it be professionally or personally, to make their lives—our lives— better. I thank those who smile at strangers, who hold open doors, who give compliments to passersby just because. I thank those who, amidst the fire and fury of the modern political climate, make me feel a little bit better about the world we are building together.

Table of Contents Foreword.…………………………………………………………………..……..1 A Letter to the Daughter I Might Never Have…..…………………………..…....5 I Came in 350 Pieces…………………………………………………….………13 One Nation, Under Gun……………………………………………..……….….14 I’m Here for the Ladies………………………………………………………….28 This Is What Democracy Looks Like……...... ………………………….….35 Afterword………………………………………………………………………..43 Bibliography……………………………………………………………………..45

Foreword On the night of November 8, 2016, I sat, crossed-legged and fixated on the television, on my roommate’s bed. My 9-week-old puppy was curled in my lap, unaware that U.S. history was about to be made. I had hoped it would be made by a woman, but as has been a centuries-old theme in the United States, the woman was trumped—quite literally—by a domineering, self-serving man. The following day was somber, quiet, still;

I attended Dr. Kevin Lanning’s political psychology class discussion, which was at once mournful, heartening, and reflective. We talked about what might have gone wrong, and we talked about what could have been done to prevent those things. Mostly, we listened: to Dr. Lanning, to each other, to ourselves, in this moment of sharp disappointment.

That discussion, and the countless others I had with friends and family moving forward, inspired this collection. I was motivated in part by the monstrosity that was the

2016 presidential election—the attacks by Donald Trump on people with disabilities and people of color, the largely dismissive response to said candidate’s problematic glorification of sexual assault, the voracious appetite for some form of misguided revenge against historically disadvantaged people—but also by my newfound fear of what was (and is) to come. I, like many others, worry that our country is in shambles, and not for the reasons Trump spouted as part of his platform. Our country is in shambles because of the fear that fueled Trump’s campaign and ultimate election.

I do not know these fears; I have never had to worry about someone “taking my job” or being a worker of a bygone industry, struggling to make ends meet. I am a white female born to an upper middle-class family, with both parents contributing to the

household. I have lived a privileged life, so I have not lived these experiences of fear. But

I have lived the experience of being a girl—now woman—in this country. I have lived the experience of worrying for my friends who immigrated here when they were children, who are now fearful of their status in America. I have also lived the experience of encountering incredibly kind and selfless people of all walks of life. I have lived the experience of helping a dear family friend study for her citizenship test, a test she took after more than thirty years of living in the United States. I have lived the experience of knowing that there are good and honest and hardworking people in this country who deserve a fighting chance no matter their race, their gender, their sexuality, or any other socially constructed barrier that might hinder their pursuit of happiness. I have lived these things, and in writing this collection, I have been able to reflect more deeply on how I feel about the issues we face today.

Fair warning: There are things you’ll read in the following pages that may make your blood boil because you don’t agree with me (or because you do). Some things may make you sad; many, many things in this collection make me sad, too. That was the hardest part about writing these essays, but it was also what made writing them worthwhile. I came face to face with my country and all its pestilent wounds—both those it created and those it sustained—and I came face to face with how simultaneously ashamed and grateful I am to call myself an American.

There are a few things I ask of you now that you have committed to reading on.

First, do not mistake me as someone who knows everything, or even thinks she knows everything. I am no historian, and I am no expert researcher, so I do not pretend to have

any answers to the questions that prompted these essays. I also do not want you to take anything you read here as fact—unless, of course, it is fact; after all, what would any cogent opinion be without facts? But I do want you to read what follows as a sort of call to action.

This collection is my attempt at tackling some of America’s greatest issues: sexism, gun violence, immigration, and a few more. There are things I chose not to include, either because of a lack of experience or knowledge in their particular realms, or because it is simply impossible to give justice to every issue America faces in ten volumes, much less one.

I also ask for forgiveness in advance should I misspeak or misrepresent someone or something. I strive to be the kind of writer who is thorough and honest, but it is also a human’s job to muck it up every now and again, and, last time I checked, I am human. In these essays, I try to avoid generalizations, and I try to avoid making statements about intersectional ties with which I have no experience. But the truth is that I have opinions, and I have implicit biases whose specifics I’m unaware of, and I can’t know everything about a given subject. So if I slip up somewhere along the way, don’t hate me, don’t get angry, don’t stop reading. Understand that I approached these topics with as much care, compassion, and knowledge as I could manage at the time, and that I intend no harm or offense in any errors.

The reason I chose to write about such heavy and stigmatized material is not just because I wanted to issue a call to action. I chose to write these essays because they are my attempt at reckoning with the nuanced and systemic injustices my country has reckoned with for centuries. I knew what made me angry—senseless killings, sexism, xenophobia—

but I hadn’t explored why those things made me angry, except on the superficial level. I wanted to know more about the things that riled me up and the things that got me down. I wanted to synthesize, even if in an inevitably reductive manner, the stories, facts, and history of the United States in a way that not only made sense to me, but also helped me to cope with bearing witness to injustices, small and large, and feeling powerless to stop them.

I am not naïve enough to think that writing alone will alleviate my anxieties, nor do I think there is one catalyst to effect change; the kind of grand-scale shift this country needs calls for several movements to work in tandem. The National Organization for

Women (NOW), the Black Lives Matter movement, the Children’s Defense Fund, and

Planned Parenthood come to mind, but there are hundreds, if not thousands, more. What this nation needs, in perhaps what is one of the most uncertain times in its history, is an educated, empowered, and engaged citizenry that is unafraid of progress. What this nation needs is a history lesson—a real, not whitewashed examination—on what it took to build this country (lives, cultural identities, land) so that Americans may move forward with a better understanding of what it might take to create a better future for all.

A Letter to the Daughter I Might Never Have

My mother says that sometimes she wishes she’d never had me. Not because she doesn’t love me or because she didn’t want me, but because the world I grew up in wasn’t the one she had imagined for her child. She had wanted to raise her family in one of those idyllic Nora Roberts-esque towns with quaint homes and neighbors who offer to carpool the kids to school. Instead, she married my father, had me almost three years later, and raised me in a 1,200-square-foot home in a middle-class neighborhood with half-a-million- dollar homes to the left and a trailer park to the right. I grew up comfortably and well- loved, but as I aged, I became more aware of the discomfort and hatred in the world around me. So when my mom explained why she wishes she hadn’t had me, instead of feeling hurt, I understood. And that’s why I’m writing this to you, daughter, because I don’t know if I want to have you, either.

I don’t know you yet. I am in college, almost finished with my degree, and only have a car with a shitty transmission and a seven-month-old puppy to call my own. It is

2017, the year I and 65,844,953 other people thought we’d have our first female President of the United States.1 Instead, a man named Donald Trump is the president, and he’s setting the groundwork for time travel. Except he and others like him don’t want to take us forward or make progress; they want to take us back sixty or so years to when someone like you could only aspire to be a pretty wife with a twenty-two-inch waistline and a flair for the kitchen.

1 Gregory Krieg, “It’s official: Clinton swamps Trump in popular vote,” CNN, December 22, 2016, https://www.cnn.com/2016/12/21/politics/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-popular-vote-final- count/index.html. 5

What I want to tell you is what I want to tell every girl—every woman, really. But you’re special because you’re mine, or at least you might be, and I want you to know what you’re getting into by being born.

People will call you bossy; fuck them. In the second grade, your friend Connor will take the lead on a group project and he’ll be called “driven” or “a leader.” When you take on the next project, you’ll be called “bossy” and be told to share responsibilities. Your teacher might let James, the talkative kid two seats down from you, blurt out answers while she’s speaking, but she’ll shut you down if you do the same. You will be told to sit down and be quiet, to wait your turn. Do not listen. Speak your mind. Say the right answer. Ask the question you worry might be stupid. Take the initiative every chance you get. This doesn’t mean you should be cruel or that you shouldn’t let people share their ideas, but it does mean you shouldn’t let anyone silence you. Be unafraid. Be honest. Be bossy.

People will call you pretty, but don’t forget that you’re smart, too. I will struggle to hold my tongue when people say your cousin Brian is strong and brave, but that you are sweet and pretty. I will purse my lips instead of reminding them that you came from a long line of curious, intellectual, motivated people, and that you are no less than all of those things and more. If I have anything to say about it, you will have learned to read early on and you will have a love for words, just like your mother did at your age. You will know how to think critically and approach problems with an innovative eye just as well as you will know how to match clothes and apply makeup. (If that’s your thing. If you’re not into makeup, that’s okay, too.) You are pretty, but more importantly, you are pretty exceptional.

I know this without even knowing you yet.

Read, read, read. And read some more. There’s an old cliché that goes something like,

“Books can transport you to another world,” and as tired as that idea is, it’s sort of true.

Books are perfect for escaping whatever is going on around you or in your life: on the train, on a plane, in the waiting room of a doctor’s office, or when you’re feeling down and just need something to distract you from the crushing weight of what it means to be human. To read means to learn new ways of thinking, of expressing yourself, of understanding the world. You’ll learn new words, phrases, and ideas, which will all set you on a path of curiosity and intellect, a path I hope you will continue on for all your days.

Stand your ground and make decisions that will make you proud. You have been raised to know right from wrong, and when the wrong thing is actually right. Some people will try to convince you otherwise; know that their path is not yours, and that if you accidentally stumble down it, you have everything you need to get back on the right track.

You will witness scary or cruel or hurtful things, and you may be afraid to speak out against them. You don’t have to intervene in every situation, but when you can, say something.

Speak up for those who can’t or are afraid to speak for themselves. And if I’ve raised you right, you will want to make me proud. Hopefully you will want to make your teachers proud, and you may even want to make your friends proud. But what’s more important to me than all that is that you make yourself proud: make decisions that are right and that you’ll be happy to say you made ten years down the line.

Walk into any room as if the people in it are lucky to be in your presence. Your grandma always told me this, and she definitely stole it from Sargent Shriver, but no matter who it came from, it’s worth remembering. Walking into a room this way does not mean

you should be snobbish or ungracious; it does mean you should walk with confidence, even when it doesn’t feel deserved. Impostor syndrome is real: you will, probably many times throughout your life, feel like you’re deceiving everyone, like people think you’re uber talented and successful but you just know you’re anything but. You’re not perfect, and I didn’t raise you to think so, but what you are is intelligent, strong, brave, kind, and capable.

Carry that knowledge with you wherever you go. Stand up straight. Roll your shoulders back. Keep your chin up (literally). Take up the space you were meant to take. Go greet your people; they’re waiting for you.

Choose a career you love, even if it’s being a stay-at-home mom. God knows that’s a career; raising children is a full-time job without the pay or health benefits. But there are other options for you, too. You can be an engineer, an architect, a museum curator, a garbagewoman, a firefighter, an FBI agent, a journalist, a therapist, an astrophysicist, a

CEO of a Fortune 500 company, an artist, a horticulturist, a teacher, a policewoman, a brain surgeon, an astronaut, an activist, a social worker, a farmer, an accountant, a publicist, a lawyer, an actress, a small business owner, a software developer, a chef on the Food

Network, a video game tester, an archeologist, an interior designer, a marine biologist, or a basket weaver. No matter what you choose, let it be something that brings a spark to your eye and makes you want to wake up, chug a cup of coffee, and get to work.

Don’t forget what makes you happy. Maybe your thing is horticulture, or maybe it’s sitting on the couch with a face mask on while watching a guilty pleasure show. Whatever it is, make sure you do it often, if not every day. Say yes to trying new things that pique your interest; you’ll learn more about yourself and the world that way, and you may find a

new hobby. Just remember it’s important to take time for what fills you up and gets you going. Life can suck it all right out of you, and if you don’t carve out time to recharge, your work, relationships, health, and mental wellness will suffer.

For God’s sake, say no. I hope your first word is “no” so that everyone knows you’re comfortable saying it. You can say no to all kinds of things. Do you like pistachio ice cream? No. Can you do me a favor? No. Do you want another drink? No. Do you wanna go back to my place? No. Does that feel good? No. People will ask you to do lots of things, big and small, friendly and scary; remember that you can always say no. You have been raised to help when it’s needed, and I don’t want you to disregard that, but I do want you to know your limitations and when you can’t take on more than you already have. So, if you have to, say no to strangers, say no to colleagues, say no to friends, say no to family, and say no to yourself.

Be brave enough to stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves. Be a voice of change for the disabled, the oppressed, the poor, the elderly. Recognize when someone is down and help them to rise up. Encourage compassion, action, and connection. Listen when people tell you their stories and ask questions to better understand their fears of the past and their dreams for the future. Speak out against bigotry and bullying. Have the courage to hold the hands of those in need tightly and to bring them out of their darkness.

But don’t try to fix everyone. It’s likely that you can’t fix anyone, but you certainly shouldn’t aim to fix everyone. I learned this after six years of trying and failing and trying again to fix someone else. I thought that if I could offer just enough support, just enough tough love, just enough of my time, they would be okay. I learned too late that I had wasted 9

my time and my energy trying to make someone else whole, and that I had become less so in the process. Help when you can but do yourself a favor and don’t run yourself into the ground over someone else’s problems. If you’re not careful, they’ll become yours.

Don’t say you’re sorry unless you have something to be sorry for. Admittedly, I am lousy when it comes to this. If I have to say no to someone, I’ll still apologize. If someone bumps into me at the grocery store, I’ll squeak out a small, “Oops, sorry,” even though it wasn’t my fault. But I’m working on that so that hopefully you won’t have that problem. I expect you to apologize for legitimate things: if you hurt someone, if you speak without thinking, if you don’t follow through on something you’ve committed to. But if you feel like you have to say you’re sorry just because someone expects you to, you probably aren’t sorry, and sometimes that’s okay. Don’t apologize for these things, even if people call you impolite or speak ill of you. If you aren’t remorseful for something you should be sorry for, then I failed you as a parent and I’m sorry.

If boys are mean to you, it doesn’t mean they like you; they’re just assholes with limited emotional intelligence. If one of your classmates is unkind to you, your teacher might try to make you feel better by saying, “It’s okay, honey, it just means he likes you and doesn’t know how to express it.” And maybe a 10-year-old boy teasing you does mean he has a crush on you, but that doesn’t translate when that boy grows into a man. I’ve met enough of them to know that if one isn’t nice to you, it doesn’t mean he wants to date you.

It means he is mean. Are you going to date someone who doesn’t value you anyway? Yeah, probably. Will I want to beat them with a tire iron until they learn to respect women? For sure. But I won’t (probably). I’ve made those mistakes before. In college, I “dated”

someone (and by that, I mean I was so desperately into this guy that I took whatever affection he gave me) who strung me along for months, got what he wanted, and couldn’t handle emotional intimacy, so he left. You might do this, and you’ll learn what I did: that no one is worth being mistreated and devalued. Don’t chase after someone who doesn’t slow down and wait for you to catch up. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you aren’t worth working for. Don’t settle for an emotionally-handicapped partner. You will learn that there are loving, kind, respectful, understanding, and patient men and women out there.

Wait for one.

You are loved, even if not by everyone. Of all that I want you to know, this is the most important. Not everyone is going to like you, and it might make you feel defective.

Sometimes you will feel like you are too much, and other times you will feel like you are not enough. People can be vicious, and as much as I want to safeguard you from that, I know it’s a lesson everyone must learn. But what’s incredible about this world—and part of the reason I’m not as scared to bring you into it—is that sometimes people can be marvelous. You will find people to love who will love you back. You will find people who will laugh at your half-baked puns and who will sit with you while you cry. You will find people who will light you up inside and make you feel like you can do anything. In fact, you already have some of those people on your side, like me. Know that you are adored beyond belief and that that love will carry you through some of the most difficult parts of life. Know that your love for others will make you feel invincible, vulnerable, and wonderful all at once. Know that your love for yourself will keep you strong when you feel like crumbling into nothingness. Above all, know that your capacity to love and be loved

is part of what makes you beautiful. When you are feeling down, remember everyone who has ever loved you and still does, and remind yourself that there are still so many more people for you to love, too.

I know that, even though I’m trying to prepare you for life’s scruples, you’re still going to fuck up, and that’s okay. I want you to bungle it all up. I want you to make a mess of things, to confuse yourself, to stretch your limits; you’ll never grow if you don’t. You have to learn about all that is bad in the world to understand and appreciate the good. It sounds ominous, like I’m telling you that you’re all alone in this world and it’s your responsibility to fend for yourself, but that’s not true. Even if you think you’re on your own, know that you always have me. I was there when you fell off your bike and scraped your knee so badly it needed a big Band-Aid, and I’ll be there when you fall a thousand more times so that I can pick you up 1,001 times. So, if I do get to meet you one day, know that I am so proud to be your mother and can’t wait to watch you become the woman you are meant to be.

With all the love in my heart,

Momma

I Came in 350 Pieces

I used to dream of enlightening the world, but now I am weathered and tired, beaten down by years of rough tides and biting winds.

When I was new to the world My father brought me across seas to this land He built a life for us And then he left me

Alone In this new place with new people. They lifted me, propped me up Bare, for all the world to see. They lit a fire and handed it to me, Gave me the tablet of Freedom.

I met millions here Italians, Japanese Germans, Irishmen Jews, Catholics, Muslims When they looked up to God, they saw me And I prayed for them.

One Nation, Under Gun Mere days after 2018’s first major school shooting, an interactive article from the

New York Times began to make its rounds on the internet. It featured the names of twenty elected federal bureaucrats, their direct quotes of thoughts and prayers—and the dollar amount in campaign donations from the National Rifle Association (NRA) accepted by each of the officials. The millions of dollars from the NRA seem more sinister when juxtaposed against the backdrop of America’s gun epidemic. In 2017, 15,614 lives were lost to a bullet while the NRA deposited millions into government officials’ bank accounts.2 The message: life comes at a price. What’s worse: all the states whose congressmen and congresswomen were listed in the article have been victim to at least one act of moderate to major gun violence.

$7.74 million received from the NRA – Senator John McCain (R, AZ)3 1/10/18 at Coronado Elementary School in Sierra Vista, AZ Attempted or completed suicide, with no intent to injure another person4 Reason unknown The first time I felt something about a shooting, I was maybe thirteen years old, sitting in my middle school’s auditorium, listening to a presentation by Rachel’s Challenge.

The organization, established shortly after the 1999 Columbine massacre, puts on programs

2 “Gun Violence Archive 2017,” Gun Violence Archive, last updated April 27, 2018, www.gunviolencearchive.org/past-tolls. 3 David Leonhardt, Ian Prasad Philbrick, and Stuart A. Thompson, “Thoughts and Prayers and N.R.A. Funding,” The New York Times, October 4, 2017, https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/10/04/opinion/thoughts-prayers-nra-funding- senators.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur. 4 Courtland Jeffrey, “School shootings in U.S.: When, where each shooting has occurred in 2018,” ABC15, March 24, 2018, https://www.abc15.com/news/data/school-shootings-in-u-s-when-where-each-shooting- has-occurred-in-2018. 14

that “provide a sustainable, evidence-based framework for positive climate and culture in our schools.”5 As a pre-teen, I didn’t understand what that meant; all I knew was that bullying, though I was never affected by it, had impacted several of my friends.

Looking back on the presentation now, I understand why our school had arranged it. I’m not sure what our bullying statistics were, but this was during the rise of bullying awareness, and our school wanted to prevent another Columbine. The speakers from

Rachel’s Challenge talked to a room full of middle schoolers about 17-year-old Rachel Joy

Scott, the first victim of the Columbine shooting. We heard about how she was the perfect child, a wonderful soul, and of these things, I have no doubt. We heard about how she was shot while eating lunch outside; the bullets had pierced through her backpack and her journal before they reached her6. We learned about the shooters’ rampage, how they massacred thirteen people in sixteen minutes7. Then we learned that the shooters had been bullied. The point of the presentation was to teach compassion and understanding, but nine years and countless school shootings later, I realized that no presentation, no matter how heartfelt, can stop a bullet.

The first time I felt something after the Parkland shooting was after I’d watched a

Snapchat video of rapid-fire gunshots and the chilling screams of children running for their lives. My mother, a high school teacher of 35 years, had texted me at 3:42 PM on

5 “About Rachel’s Challenge,” Rachel’s Challenge, https://rachelschallenge.org/about-us. 6 Brent Johnson, “Edison students learn of Rachel’s message from Columbine,” NJ.com, December 8, 2009, http://www.nj.com/news/local/index.ssf/2009/12/edison_students_learn_of_rache.html. 7 History.com Staff, “Columbine Shooting,” History.com, last updated 2009, https://www.history.com/topics/columbine-high-school-shootings. 15

Valentine’s Day, not about love and candy hearts, but about this: “Shooting at Stoneman

Douglas. 20 injured. Not sure of deaths.”

The first time I felt something after the Parkland shooting was after I had heard people making the last sounds they would ever make. Not just people. Children. Of the 17 victims, 14 of them were under 18 years old. Seven of those were just 14 years old. The remaining three victims were adults—teachers and coaches who died protecting their students.

$6.99 million received from the NRA – Senator Richard Burr (R, NC)8 1/20/18 at Wake Forest University in Winston-Salem, NC Attack of other person(s) resulting in injury or death9 Reason unknown Death toll: 1 – Najee Ali Baker10 $4.55 million received from the NRA – Senator Roy Blunt (R, MO)11 2/26/15 in Tyrone, Missouri Reason unknown, possible personal vendetta12 Death toll: 7 – Garold Dee Aldridge, Julie Ann Aldridge, Harold Wayne Aldridge, Janell Arlisa Aldridge, three unidentified individuals13

8 Leonhardt, Philbrick, and Thompson, “Thoughts and Prayers.” 9 Jeffrey, “School shootings.” 10 Jenny Drabble, John Hinton, and John Dell, “Winston-Salem police continue investigation into fatal shooting of WSSU student on Wake Forest campus,” Winston-Salem Journal, January 20, 2018, http://www.journalnow.com/news/crime/winston-salem-police-continue-investigation-into-fatal-shooting- of-wssu/article_98e59778-d443-55da-bf67-3f1b4aaac118.html. 11 Leonhardt, Philbrick, and Thompson, “Thoughts and Prayers.” 12 Joel Currier and Jesse Bogan, “Anatomy of a rampage: How a Missouri man pulled off one of the biggest mass shootings on 2015,” St. Louis Today – Post-Dispatch, October 18, 2015, http://www.stltoday.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/anatomy-of-a-rampage-how-a-missouri-man-pulled- off/article_4c8ec206-9c73-5b81-bb72-3389d8b3d17c.html. 13 Michael Martinez and Jason Hanna, “Police: Missouri gunman kills 7 in town of 50 then himself; was cousin to 2 slain couples,” CNN, February 28, 2015, https://www.cnn.com/2015/02/27/us/missouri- deaths/index.html. 16

$4.42 million received from the NRA – Senator Thom Tillis (R, NC)14 11/12/17 in La Grange, North Carolina Reason unknown Death toll: 3 – Jerrell M. Pridgen, John W. Johnson Jr., Roderick W. Gillett15 1 injury16 $3.88 million received from the NRA – Senator Cory Gardner (R, CO)17 4/20/99 at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado Rage killing18 Death toll: 13 – Cassie Bernall, Steven Curnow, Corey DePooter, Kelly Fleming, Matthew Kechter, Daniel Mauser, Daniel Rohrhough, William “Dave” Sanders, Rachel Scott, Isaiah Shoels, John Tomlin, Lauren Townsend, Kyle Velasquez19 20 injuries20 7/20/12 at the Century Aurora 16 Multiplex Theater in Aurora, Colorado21 Reason unknown, possible mental instability22 Death toll: 12 – Jonathan T. Blunk, Alexander J. Boik, Air Force Staff Sgt Jesse E. Childress, Gordon W. Cowden, Jessica Ghawi, Petty Officer 3rd Class John Thomas Larimer, Matthew R. McQuinn, Micayla C. Medek,

14 Leonhardt, Philbrick, and Thompson, “Thoughts and Prayers.” 15 Ken Conners, “Authorities Identify La Grange Shooting Victims,” Goldsboro Daily News, November 13, 2017, http://goldsborodailynews.com/blog/2017/11/13/authorities-identify-la-grange-shooting-victims/. 16 “3 Killed, 1 Wounded in Rural North Carolina Shooting,” AP for U.S. News, November 12, 2017, https://www.usnews.com/news/best-states/north-carolina/articles/2017-11-12/3-killed-1-wounded-in-rural- north-carolina-shooting. 17 Chris Morris, “The 10 Politicians Who Have Benefited the Most From NRA Funding,” Fortune.com, February 15, 2018, http://fortune.com/2018/02/15/nra-contributions-politicians-senators/. 18 Dave Cullen, “The Depressive and the Psychopath,” Slate, April 20, 2004, http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/assessment/2004/04/the_depressive_and_the_psychopath. html. 19 “Columbine High School Shootings Fast Facts,” CNN, March 25, 2018, https://www.cnn.com/2013/09/18/us/columbine-high-school-shootings-fast-facts/index.html. 20 History.com Staff, “Columbine Shooting.” 21 “Colorado Theater Shooting Fast Facts,” CNN, November 30, 2017, https://www.cnn.com/2013/07/19/us/colorado-theater-shooting-fast-facts/index.html. 22 Steve Almasy, “In notebook read to jury, James Holmes wrote of ‘obsession,’” CNN, May 27, 2015, https://www.cnn.com/2015/05/26/us/james-holmes-trial-notebook/index.html. 17

Veronica Moser-Sullivan, Alex M. Sullivan, Alexander C. Teves, Rebecca Ann Wingo23 70 injuries 11/29/15 at a Planned Parenthood clinic in Colorado Springs, Colorado24 Reason unknown, possible pro-life motive25 Death toll: 3 – Garrett Swasey, Ke’Arre M. Stewart, Jennifer Markovsky26 9 injuries I am a native Floridian, born and raised in Davie, where horses share the streets with automobiles and your neighbor probably has a safe well-stocked with guns and ammo to spare. My father owns three guns, and I have shot two of them at a gun range. I understand that guns have a place in our society and that they are used in sport, but killing is not a sport. This is not The Most Dangerous Game. I have strong feelings about hunting—you don’t need to shoot a deer for meat when Wal-Mart is down the street—but

I have even stronger feelings about mass murder.

As a child of mostly the 21st century, I have learned many things about guns. I have learned that my family supports gun rights, although my nuclear family supports responsible gun ownership. I have learned that guns and bullets come in all shapes and sizes, but that they all kill. I have learned that thousands, if not millions, of people have

23 “Colorado Theater Shooting,” CNN. 24 Los Angeles Times Staff, “Deadliest U.S. mass shootings, 1984-2017,” Los Angeles Times, October 2, 2017, http://timelines.latimes.com/deadliest-shooting-rampages/. 25 Kevin Conlon, Greg Botelho, and Pamela Brown, “Source: Suspect spoke of ‘baby parts’ after Planned Parenthood shooting,” CNN, November 29, 2015, https://www.cnn.com/2015/11/28/us/colorado-planned- parenthood-shooting/index.html. 26 Los Angeles Times Staff, “Deadliest U.S. mass shootings.” 18

been killed as a result of gun violence. And I have learned that my government does not care.

$3.30 million received from the NRA – Senator Marco Rubio (R, FL)27 6/12/16 at Pulse nightclub in Orlando, Florida28 Reason unknown, potentially related to ISIS29 Death toll: 49 – Stanley Almodovar III, Amanda L. Alvear, Oscar A. Aracena Montero, Rodolfo Ayala Ayala, Antonio Davon Brown, Darryl Roman Burt II, Angel Candelario-Padro, Juan Chavez Martinez, Luis Daniel Conde, Cory James Connell, Tevin Eugene Crosby, Deonka Deidra Drayton, Simón Adrian Carrillo Fernández, Leroy Valentin Fernandez, Mercedez Marisol Flores, Peter Ommy Gonzalez Cruz, Juan Ramon Guerrero, Paul Terrell Henry, Frank Hernandez, Miguel Angel Honorato, Javier Jorge Reyes, Jason Benjamin Josaphat, Eddie Jamoldroy Justice, Anthony Luis Laureano Disla, Christopher Andrew Leinonen, Alejandro Barrios Martinez, Brenda Marquez McCool, Gilberto R. Silva Menendez, Kimberly Jean Morris, Akyra Monet Murray, Luis Omar Ocasio Capo, Geraldo A. Ortiz Jimenez, Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera, Joel Rayon Paniagua, Jean Carlos Mendez Perez, Enrique L. Rios Jr., Jean Carlos Nieves Rodríguez, Xavier Emmanuel Serrano-Rosado, Christopher Joseph Sanfeliz, Yilmary Rodríguez Solivan, Edward Sotomayor Jr., Shane Evan Tomlinson, Martin Benitez Torres, Jonathan A. Camuy Vega, Juan Pablo Rivera Velázquez, Luis Sergio Vielma, Franky Jimmy DeJesus Velázquez, Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon, Jerald Arthur Wright30 58 injuries31

27 Leonhardt, Philbrick, and Thompson, “Thoughts and Prayers.” 28 CBS/AP, “Mass shooting at Orlando gay club: The latest,” CBS News, June 13, 2016, https://www.cbsnews.com/news/mass-shooting-orlando-gay-club-pulse-the-latest/. 29 Paul Brinkmann, “Pulse gunman’s motive: Plenty of theories, but few answers,” Orlando Sentinel, June 4, 2017, http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/pulse-orlando-nightclub-shooting/omar-mateen/os-pulse- omar-mateen-motive-20170512-story.html. 30 “Victims’ Names,” City of Orlando, June 12, 2016, http://www.cityoforlando.net/blog/victims/. 31 Los Angeles Times Staff, “Deadliest U.S. mass shootings.” 19

1/6/17 at the Fort Lauderdale Airport (FLL) in Fort Lauderdale, Florida32 Reason unknown, possible mental instability33 Death toll: 5 – Mary Louise Amzibel, Shirley Timmons, Terry Andres, Olga Woltering, Michael Oehme34 6 injuries35 2/14/18 at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida Reason unknown, suspected bullying Death toll: 17 – Jaime Guttenberg, Cara Loughran, Chris Hixon, Aaron Feis, Alyssa Alhadeff, Scott Beigel, Gina Montalto, Nicholas Dworet, Peter Wang, Martin Duque Anguiano, Luke Hoyer, Carmen Schentrup, Meadow Pollack, Alex Schachter, Joaquin Oliver, Helena Ramsay, Alaina Petty36 14 injuries37 $137,232 received from the NRA – Representative Barbara Comstock (R, VA)38 4/16/07 at Virginia Tech in Blacksburg, Virginia39 Multiple reasons cited in shooter’s manifesto40 Death toll: 32 – Ross A. Alameddine, Christopher James Bishop, Brian R. Bluhm, Ryan Christopher Clark, Austin Michelle Cloyd, Jocelyne Couture- Nowak, Kevin P. Granata, Matthew Gregory Gwaltney, Caitlin Millar Hammaren, Jeremy Michael Herbstritt, Rachael Elizabeth Hill, Emily Jane Hilscher, Jarrett Lee Lane, Matthew Joseph La Porte, Henry J. Lee (Henh Ly), Liviu Librescu, G.V. Loganathan, Partahi Mamora Halomoan

32 Los Angeles Times Staff, “Deadliest U.S. mass shootings.” 33 Richard Luscombe and Alan Yuhas, “Fort Lauderdale shooting: suspect had extended contact with police,” The Guardian, January 7, 2017, https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/jan/07/fort- lauderdale-shooting-fbi-investigation-terror. 34 Kyra Gurney and Alex Harris, “These are the victims of the Fort Lauderdale airport shooting,” The Miami Herald, January 7 , 2017, http://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/community/broward/article125142924.html. 35 Los Angeles Times Staff, “Deadliest U.S. mass shootings.” 36 Eric Levenson and Joe Sterling, “These are the victims of the Florida school shooting,” CNN, February 21, 2018, https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/15/us/florida-shooting-victims-school/index.html. 37 “Florida Shooting: Suspect In Custody, At Least 17 Dead,” CBS Miami, February 14, 2018, http://miami.cbslocal.com/2018/02/14/florida-shooting-suspect-custody-17-dead-14-injured-live-stream- nikolas-cruz/. 38 Leonhardt, Philbrick, and Thompson, “Thoughts and Prayers.” 39 Los Angeles Times Staff, “Deadliest U.S. mass shootings.” 40 “Killer’s manifesto: ‘You forced me into a corner,’” CNN, April 18, 2007, http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/04/18/vtech.shooting/index.html. 20

Lumbantoruan, Lauren Ashley McCain, Daniel Patrick O’Neil, Juan Ramon Ortiz-Ortiz, Minal Hiralal Panchal, Daniel Alejandro Perez Cueva, Erin Nicole Peterson, Michael Steven Pohle Jr., Julia Kathleen Pryde, Mary Karen Read, Reema Joseph Samaha, Waleed Mohamed Shaalan, Leslie Geraldine Sherman, Maxine Shelly Turner, Nicole Regina White41 17 injuries This needs to become real to you. You need to know that when your child is playing with his blocks and dragging markers across your pristine white walls, another child is being buried. You need to know that when your child sleeps tonight in her custom-made princess bed, another child rests underground in a satin-lined wooden box.

This needs to become real to us—apple pie-eating, white picket fence-loving, gun- toting Americans. We need to understand that gunshots sound a lot like coins dropping to our representatives in Congress. And we need to understand it’s not just an issue in the states of representatives collecting donations from the NRA.

12/14/12 at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut Reason unknown, possible personal vendetta Death toll: 26 – Charlotte Bacon, Daniel Barden, Rachel Davino, Olivia Engel, Josephine Gay, Ana M. Marquez-Greene, Dylan Hockley, Dawn Hochsprung, Madeleine F. Hsu, Catherine V. Hubbard, Chase Kowalski, Jesse Lewis, James Mattioli, Grace McDonnell, Anne Marie Murphy, Emilie Parker, Jack Pinto, Noah Pozner, Caroline Previdi, Jessica Rekos, Avielle Richman, Lauren Rousseau, Mary Sherlach, Victoria Soto, Benjamin Wheeler, Allison N. Wyatt42 Suspected additional victim Nancy Lanza, mother of the gunman43

41 “Biographies,” Virginia Tech, https://www.weremember.vt.edu/biographies.html. 42 David Lohr, “Sandy Hook Shooting Victims’ Names Released,” Huffington Post, last updated December 17, 2012, https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/15/sandy-hook-shooting-victims- names_n_2307354.html. 43 David Lohr, “Sandy Hook Shooting Victims’ Names.” 21

Twenty children died on December 14, 2012. Twenty 6- and 7-year olds. Children who liked the crusts cut off on their sandwiches. Children who wore all green one week, and all purple the next, just because. Children who insisted on sleeping snuggly tucked in with their favorite stuffed elephant. Children whose little bodies were sitting in their assigned seats one moment, and then riddled with bullet holes the next. Children whose parents are crushed under the weight of grief and knowledge that their child will never grow into their obnoxious teenage years or grow up to be the astronauts and presidents they wanted to be on Career Day.

And it’s not just about children. It’s about adults, too. Adults who are the grown children of people who are now childless. It’s about churchgoers who bled out on the floor of God’s house in Charleston, South Carolina.

6/18/15 at the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston, South Carolina44 Reason cited as racist motivations45 Death toll: 9 – Reverend Clementa Pinckney, Reverend Sharonda Singleton, Myra Thompson, Tywanza Sanders, Ethel Lee Lance, Cynthia Hurd, Reverend Daniel L. Simmons Sr., Reverend DePayne Middleton- Doctor, Susie Jackson46 It’s about people attending a holiday party at a community center.47

44 Los Angeles Times Staff, “Deadliest U.S. mass shootings.” 45 Tribune News Services, “Dylann Roof’s confession, journal details racist motivations for church killings,” Chicago Tribune, December 10, 2016, http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/ct- dylann-roof-charleston-shooting-20161209-story.html. 46 Susanna Kim, “Charleston Shooting Victims Identified,” ABC News, June 18, 2015, http://abcnews.go.com/US/charleston-shooting-victims-identified/story?id=31863489. 47 “San Bernadino shooting updates,” Los Angeles Times, http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln- san-bernardino-shooting-live-updates-htmlstory.html. 22

12/2/15 at the Inland Regional Center in San Bernadino, California Reason unknown, possible religious radicalization48 Death toll: 14 – Robert Adams, Daniel Kaufman, Bennetta Betbadal, Harry Bowman, Sierra Clayborn, Juan Espinoza, Aurora Godoy, Shannon Johnson, Damian Meins, Tin Nguyen, Nicholas Thalasinos, Yvette Velasco, Michael Wetzel, Issac Amanios49 22 injuries50 It’s about people. Lives. Beating hearts and firing neurons. People who had children, people who were children. I do not pretend to have the answer to the question

“How do we stop the massacres?” I do not pretend to know more about guns and gun rights than our Congressional representatives and firearm experts around the world. I do not pretend to be anything other than a disappointed and frightened citizen whose fellow

Americans are being slaughtered in their schools, their churches, and other community hubs. I do want more out of this country, out of its representatives, out of its people. I want

Americans to stop prioritizing metal and gunpowder over flesh and blood. I want our representatives to stop prioritizing money—slips of green paper—over human beings.

I saw millions of Americans doing more on March 24th, 2018, when people across the country participated in March for Our Lives rallies. I marched in West Palm Beach, the event located closest to Mar-a-Lago, where Donald Trump spent his weekend relaxing and golfing. I brought with me my grandmother, my boyfriend, and my dog. Together, with an estimated 3,000 of our closest friends, we marched along Southern Boulevard toward Mar-

48 Richard Winton, “We may never know why the San Bernadino terrorists targeted a Christmas party. Here’s what we do know,” Los Angeles Times, December 2, 2016, http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la- me-san-bernardino-attack-20161202-story.html. 49 Faith Karimi, “San Bernadino shooting: Who were the victims?” CNN, December 7, 2015, https://www.cnn.com/2015/12/03/us/san-bernardino-shootings-victims/index.html. 50 “San Bernadino shooting updates,” Los Angeles Times. 23

a-Lago—or rather, toward the sea wall, because that’s as far as the Secret Service and construction would allow. (I suppose if this country won’t protect its citizens, the least it can do is protect its president.) There were hecklers, particularly a pair of white, working class men posted up outside their white work van. They attempted to provoke marchers, rile them up, and sometimes they were successful. When they grew bored of standing, they took to their van and drove up and down the boulevard to shout at the marchers. Others flew Trump flags off the beds of their trucks or rented vehicles equipped with mega-screens promoting pro-Trump rhetoric. And at the end of the march’s route, a group of Trump supporters stood, ready to harass marchers with mega-phones and posters of their own. It did not surprise me that the same people who likely accuse liberals of politicizing mass shootings, brought their own politics into the march.

But this isn’t about Donald Trump. It’s not about politics, even if the firearms lobby has manipulated the nation’s conversation about guns to suit its own political agenda. It’s about the uniquely American, almost infantile attachment to killing machines. It’s about the people who see their AR-15-style weapons as toys, while knowing the Sandy Hook kids will never again play with their Tonka trucks and Barbie dolls—real toys. It’s about the people who aren’t fundamentally disturbed when they see someone strolling around with a military-style weapon. It’s about the people who refuse to confront the gruesome fact of blood splatter and brain matter—the real result of gun violence.

The United States’ infatuation lies in the narrative spun again and again to each new generation: the land of the free and the home of the brave. Firearms have, for centuries, been glorified in American culture not only for their extraordinary capabilities, but also for

their near synonymy to freedom. For many early Americans in the Revolutionary War, the determining factor between life as a war hero and burial in an unmarked grave was how quickly a musket could be reloaded. Guns have served soldiers well in countless wars, but guns have also evolved, becoming more dangerous with each new customizable weapons feature. The military-style weapons of the late 1700s are distant relatives—fourth cousins, at best—of 21st century firearms. The bayoneted muskets of the Revolution were best used in close-range combat because aim accuracy was unreliable; the semi-automatic rifles of today can be shot from a distance with near-perfect precision thanks to barrel-mounted scopes.51 And yet, because weapons like the musket won us our freedom, American citizens cling to the notion that modern guns can maintain that liberty. But what happens when a semi-automatic weapon takes not only someone’s freedom, but also their life? What happens when that person dies not at war, not on the battlefield, but on the floor of their ninth grade English classroom?

The love affair Americans have with their guns is multi-dimensionally toxic but is, at heart, driven by fear—fear of losing one’s property, family, freedom, life. At its core is the need for bodily and emotional safety and autonomy, a basic desire that can and should resonate with everyone, whether pro- or anti-firearm. Often, there is an imagined fundamental divide—a necessary point of contention—between both sides of the argument: an Us versus Them mentality. It’s a tired trope, and one that lacks nuance. Rarely is anyone on either side willing to concede that people want or don’t want weapons for

51 Tarheel Junior Historian Association, quoted in J. Lloyd Durham, “Outfitting an American Revolutionary Soldier,” North Carolina Museum of History, January 1, 1992, https://www.ncpedia.org/history/usrevolution/soldiers. 25

their safety and for their family’s safety. It’s why people react with such polarity to proposals to ban certain weapons or to arm teachers.

It is, however, undeniable that there is a gun problem in this country, and that the issue is becoming increasingly more dangerous, especially for schoolchildren. Though it is important to recognize the alternative perspective in favor of firearms for self-protection, I feel it is more important to enact meaningful changes in American culture and in legislation when it comes to guns. For years, politicians have discussed the potential passage of what have now become known as “common-sense gun laws.” The proposed bills call for stricter background checks and regulation, and for the illegalization of bump stocks, devices that provide a semi-automatic weapon the decimation power of a fully-automatic.52 For years, common-sense gun laws and others like them have been tabled or outright rejected. Even after twenty first graders were shot to death in their classrooms, legislators stalled progress by dismissing the Manchin-Toomey Bill (2013), which would have required background checks for any individual wishing to purchase a gun, whether from a private dealer, a licensed gun dealer, or a website.53 Any number of factors could influence political decisions, but the gun lobby is largely culpable. Opponents argue that pro-gun regulation advocates are calling for gun control, and that should these laws be passed, gun owners may be victim to a slippery slope resulting in the seizure of all weapons by the government.

Not only is this line of thinking paranoid, but it is also far too focused on the rhetoric of

52 “Working to Pass Bipartisan, Common Sense Gun Control Legislation,” Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard, https://gabbard.house.gov/gun-control. 53 Melina Delkic, “Sandy Hook Anniversary: These are the Gun Control Laws That Have Failed Since the Newtown Shooting,” Newsweek, December 14, 2017, www.newsweek.com/sandy-hook-anniversary-gun- control-laws-failed-747415. 26

gun control. Replace the word “control” with the softer, less ominous “regulation” and there is less to be concerned about; the Second Amendment itself calls for any American militia to be “well regulated.”54

But this is America, where 192 funerals, hundreds of grieving loved ones, and countless rounds of bullets are the necessary currency for the exchange of over $31 million in campaign donations. Perhaps what is most needed in this moment is more spine: congressional representatives who will not allow gun legislation to be thrown out for fear of losing corporate approval. Within the last two years, my state—my home—has been rocked by three mass shootings, and my Congressional representative has collected $3.3 million in campaign donations from the National Rifle Association (NRA) in his legislative career. $3.3 million from the organization that either remains silent on mass shootings or is quick to defend guns, arguing that “guns don’t kill people; people kill people.” So, Wayne LaPierre55, I ask you: Would Omar Mateen have been able to slaughter 49 people with just a knife? 56 Would Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris have been able to snuff out the lives of 13 people with just a trigger-happy finger? 57 Our schools, churches, movie theaters, community centers, and homes are not slaughter houses, and they’re not gun ranges either.

54 U.S. Const. amend. II. 55 Philip Bump, “The head of the NRA defines his new enemies: The ‘violent left’ and judges who ‘do violence’ to the Constitution,” The Washington Post, February 24, 2017, https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/politics/wp/2017/02/24/the-head-of-nra-defines-his-new-enemies- the-violent-left-and-judges-who-do-violence-to-the-constitution/?utm_term=.9e8c815bec28. 56 Kate Lyons, “Orlando Pulse club attack: gunman identified as police investigate motive,” The Guardian, June 12, 2016, https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/jun/12/orlando-shooting-nightclub-pulse- gunman. 57 History.com Staff, “Columbine High School massacre,” History.com, last updated 2010, https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/columbine-high-school-massacre. 27

I’m Here for the Ladies

I’m here for the ladies. The tall ladies, the small ladies, the round ladies, the skinny ladies, the rich ladies, the poor ladies. I’m here for the black ladies, the white ladies, the gay ladies, the bi ladies, the straight ladies, the everything-in-between ladies.

I’m here for the loud ladies, the quiet ladies, the strong ladies, and the meek ladies.

I’m here for the ladies who stand up for something. For their rights, for others’ rights, for our rights. For the right to make up our minds about our bodies. For the right to marry for love, not politics. For the right to shave, or not to shave, or to only shave your pits.

I’m here for the ladies who don’t (or can’t) stand up. For the ladies who are afraid of their men. For the ladies who are afraid of their neighbors. For the ladies who are afraid of their own voices.

I’m here for the ladies who work. For the ladies in white coats caring for patients who call them “baby” and “sweet cheeks.” For the ladies in the classrooms of schools that underpay and overwork them. For the ladies who clean out toilets, collect our trash, pick our fruit, and drive our buses. For the ladies poring over test tubes in a lab, searching for a cure. For the ladies exploring the stars in space. For the ladies writing policy on the

Hill.

I’m here for the ladies whose work is at home. For the ladies who cut the crusts off because their kids don’t like them, and for the ladies who make their kids eat the crust even if it’s gross just because they don’t know when their next meal will be. For the

ladies who do the shopping, pay the bills, clean the house, and cook the meals. For the ladies who teach their kids English, math, and science from home. For the ladies who raise the next generation of ladies (and lady-loving guys).

I’m here for the ladies who teach. At home, in the classroom, in friendship groups, in meetings. For the ladies who show people the way when they’re lost. For the ladies who offer advice, help, a listening ear.

I’m here for the ladies who love. The ladies who love their children, their significant others, their friends, their co-workers, their neighbors, themselves. The ladies who choose to see the best in someone at their worst, and the ladies who realize when they’ve misjudged someone and correct themselves.

We need these women. We need these women to model the way, to show future generations of both men and women how someone can be dignified, respectful, and rebellious at the same time. We need these women to show men how to get things done outside of the confines of gender norms. We need these women to be our friends, our family, our bosses, our co-workers, and our confidants.

The first step to achieving any of this is to walk out our front doors, armed not only with our bottles of pepper spray and catcall blockers, but with the knowledge it takes to teach others what it means to be a woman in this world. Doubtless it is scary to be female, to live in fear of any number of things human cruelty might bestow upon you.

But I’m especially here for the ladies who push beyond the fear and who encourage their sisters to follow their lead.

Ladies like Sojourner Truth, the first black woman, a former slave, to challenge and win against a white man in a U.S. court.58 Ladies like Marta Vieira da Silva, a five- time FIFA World Player of the Year and a fierce advocate for girls in soccer.59 Ladies like Chien-Shiung Wu, a nuclear physicist who developed a process to enrich uranium ore for the U.S.’s Manhattan Project.60 Ladies like Nettie Stevens, a scientist who discovered that chromosomes matter when it comes to anatomical sex.61 Ladies like

Andrea Jenkins, America’s first openly transgender black woman elected to office.62 I’m here for these ladies and those like them who break down doors and hold them open for the women who will follow.

We must allow this kind of power to bleed into every possible facet of our lives, and we must take steps to bring its values to the forefront of our daily interactions.

Women who work must become allies, whether that means helping a co-worker take a sexual assault allegation to the Human Relations department, or giving credit where credit is due when a male colleague tries to take credit for a woman’s work. Women who are at home must not lose themselves in housework or maternal duties; women must use these experiences to enrich their understanding of the intricacies of being a woman, and those women must bring this knowledge to the table—at home, in the workplace, in the legislative process—when discussing what a female future should look like.

58 Sandra Lawrence, Anthology of Amazing Women: Trailblazers Who Dared to be Different (Little Bee Books, 2018), 31. 59 Lawrence, Anthology of Amazing Women, 77. 60 Lawrence, Anthology of Amazing Women, 60. 61 Lawrence, Anthology of Amazing Women, 67. 62 Dahlia Grossman-Heinze, “Feminist Fill-in: Getting to Know Andrea Jenkins,” bitch, 2018, 13. 30

I imagine a roundtable of women of every background under the sun. I want to know what a Nigerian woman’s struggle is, what a Russian woman’s struggle is, what a

Malaysian woman’s struggle is. I want to know what empowers an Indian woman, what makes a Filipino woman get up in the morning, what makes a French woman feel most alive. I want stories of love, pain, strife, desperation, burst-you-at-the-seams joy. I want to know what connects us all, what the shared experience of womanhood means in the smallest corners and the wide-open spaces of the world.

I suspect it is resilience, the special emotional and physical elasticity woven into each chromosome and exercised from birth. Historically, women have been pigeonholed into carefully gendered roles, where we must either make a home for ourselves or try to break free. No doubt there have been great strides for women in the last half century; we didn’t have three waves of feminism for nothing. In 1919, after years of advocacy and political protests, American women gained the right to vote.63 The Griswold v.

Connecticut (1965) case legalized birth control for married women, establishing a precedent for future contraceptive-related court cases; today, any woman, regardless of marital status, can legally obtain a contraceptive.64 Still, there are challenges. Though a woman’s right to vote has not been infringed upon, a woman voted into office is subjected to underhanded insults and death threats. Reproductive rights are unceasingly under attack, with attempts to “defund” Planned Parenthood abound, and for some

63 History.com Staff, “19th Amendment,” History.com, last updated 2010, www.history.com/topics/womens-history/19th-amendement. 64 “Birth Control Became Legal 50 Years Ago – And Here Are Our 5 Favorite Things About It,” Planned Parenthood Action Fund, June 3, 2014, https://www.plannedparenthoodaction.org/blog/birth-control- became-legal-50-years-ago-and-here-are-our-5-favorite-things-about-it. 31

women, access to birth control is restricted because it is too expensive, unavailable locally, or culturally stigmatized.65

I have been privileged; for me, being a woman has been relatively simple. Yes, I have grappled with confidence-crushing acne and the fear of speaking out and the pressure to grow up to be a loving mother and wife. And yes, these feelings are not trivial, but they are not as difficult as some others. There are women who have struggled with the effects of poverty, sexual abuse, and not feeling at home in the body in which they were born. We all have these experiences that tether us to our pasts and might still hold us back from our futures. It is possible to break free of these bonds, to overcome those limitations we and others have set upon ourselves, but no woman can unshackle herself without the help of other women. Women who join hands and move forward as one become an unstoppable force.

This force, however, cannot operate fully unless it is inclusive of all those who identify as women, whether cisgender, transgender, intersex. A common declaration of identity does not necessarily mean shared experiences, and where there are differing experiences, there are opportunities for growth and understanding. Someone who is intersex may have a different perspective on their gender identity than someone who is transgender, and a still different perspective than someone who is cisgender. An alliance of all woman-identifying individuals allows for conversations to be had and lessons to be learned so that the community may be stronger and more effective.

65 “Birth Control Became Legal 50 Years Ago,” Planned Parenthood Action Fund. 32

It is undoubtedly difficult to be inclusive all the time. I am a feminist, yet I still judge other women for their clothing choices or the vapidity of their speech. Sometimes I catch myself thinking that another woman is a bitch because of the way she handled a situation, when in reality, she was just standing up for herself. Sometimes I forget that someone not born with a vagina can still identify as a woman. Are these the makings of a good feminist? The answer is, of course, no, and I feel ashamed, and then I correct myself. The women I am so critical of do not dress or speak or exist to make me feel comfortable, to please me; they can—and should—do whatever they want. Still, it is impossible to be a perfect feminist, to be 100% for all the ladies, all the time. That’s partly because there’s no way to know every woman’s story, but also because we are programmed to see our worlds through our unique cultural lenses. And in America, though this is changing, that means associating a woman in a short skirt with promiscuity or assuming a person who “looks” like a man identifies as such. I make these mistakes, sometimes more often than I think I should, but I force myself to acknowledge how problematic assumptions can be. I make myself confront my wrongness, uncomfortable as it is, and I self-correct. I do this because I want to be the kind of woman who sees another woman wearing, saying, or doing whatever the hell she wants and thinks, “What a remarkable human being she is.”

So I’m here for the ladies who rise up, no matter what, to meet the challenges each new day brings. Now, more than ever, we need these women. We need warriors from every corner of the country, every corner of the world, to continue the centuries-old fight for our right to be. We need to look in our mirrors and see ourselves for who we are:

women who have the power to empower, to educate, and to believe. We need to look in our history books and face the atrocities committed by and to our ancestors, and we need to know that we can be better, for ourselves and for future generations of women. And then we need to go out into the world and do something about it.

This Is What Democracy Looks Like It’s hard for me to look into the faces of young children and not imagine a bleak future for them. I worry that their access to healthcare will be limited throughout their childhood and adulthood because a quality plan is so damn expensive. I worry that their chances of being accepted into a college will depend on whether they had the privilege of attending a well-funded school and participating in extra-curricular activities to pad their résumés. I worry that they won’t even have the chance at a future because we’ll either be blown up in an act of nuclear warfare by North Korea, or we’ll die horrible, karmically painful deaths because we’ve destroyed the environment—whichever comes first. It’s hard for me to look into the faces of these kids’ parents and not shout, “Why? Why did you bring these babies into the world? They didn’t ask for this.” In these moments, I restrain myself, partly because I don’t want to be arrested for assault, but also because I know there are plenty of halfway decent, and even some good, things in the world.

Things like more working women. While statistics vary for different races, with a tendency toward disadvantaging women of color, the overall trend of women in the labor force from 1948 to 2016 has increased. (There was a slight decline between the years of

2008 and 2015, but 2016 saw a slight uptick, from 56.7% to 56.8%.)66 On a related note, as of 2016, 61.8% of mothers with children under the age of three were in the workforce, compared to the 94.2% of fathers with children in the same age bracket.67 Many

66 United States Department of Labor, Women’s Bureau, “Labor force participation rate by sex, race and Hispanic ethnicity: 1948-2016 averages,” https://www.dol.gov/wb/stats/NEWSTATS/facts/women_lf.htm#two. 67 United States Department of Labor, Women’s Bureau, “Labor force participation rate of mothers and fathers by age of youngest child : 2016 annual averages,” https://www.dol.gov/wb/stats/NEWSTATS/latest/laborforce.htm#one. 35

governmental and non-governmental organizations around the world are developing child care plans, such as the one proposed by the Center for American Progress, to alleviate worry for working mothers.68 If child care options become more abundant and affordable in the coming years, perhaps the number of working mothers will rise to meet the number of working fathers.

Increased media coverage and media literacy has allowed for heightened awareness of all kinds of inequality, whether on gender, sexuality, or racial terms. Thanks to the internet, there is a plethora of easily accessible resources, such as the European

Institute for Gender Equality’s (EIGE) compilation of tools and sources for information on gender equality.69 Out of this increased awareness have sprung movements such as

#MeToo and Time’s Up, as well as Black Lives Matter and the Women’s March. Most recently, the survivors of the Parkland shooting organized national marches and school walk-outs to advocate against gun violence as part of the March for Our Lives initiative.

Hundreds of thousands of Americans, myself included, took to the streets on March 24th,

2018. At my local march in West Palm Beach, women with megaphones shouted, “Show me what democracy looks like!” a rallying cry to which the crowd responded, “This is what democracy looks like!” The energy was palpable and gave me just a taste of the power in the statement “We the People.” What’s more, despite the efforts to muffle or silence their voices, we are seeing an increase in the number of young adults, especially

68 Katie Hamm and Julie Kashen, “A Blueprint for Child Care Reform,” Center for American Progress, September 7, 2017, https://www.americanprogress.org/issues/early- childhood/reports/2017/09/07/438428/blueprint-child-care-reform/. 69 “Gender Awareness-raising,” European Institute for Gender Equality, http://eige.europa.eu/gender- mainstreaming/methods-tools/gender-awareness-raising. 36

under the age of 18, participating in or even generating these movements, inspiring millions.

People are not just taking action against others’ plights, but also their own. Over

43,000,000 American adults have a mental health condition, and though 56% of these adults did not receive care in 2017, more attention has been paid to mental illness in recent years.70 Fortune’s 2017 World Mental Health Day editorial notes that “Google launched a depression screening test that appears alongside search results for depression- related queries.”71 There are a variety of helplines and programs provided by organizations like the National Alliance on Mental Health, and many workplaces are now acknowledging the importance not just of their employees’ productivity rates, but also of their mental health.72 There are even online therapist networks that provide mental healthcare to those living with mental illness from the comfort of their own homes. While there are still hurdles to overcome when it comes to mental illness, such as the costliness of insurance and the stigma surrounding the notion of seeking help, this trend in increased resources and awareness is promising for both those with mental illness and the nation as a whole.

Self-empowerment initiatives are on the rise, too. Take, for example, the

#BlackGirlMagic movement, created by CaShawn Thompson.73 Julee Wilson of the

70 “The State of Mental Health in America,” Mental Health America, http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/issues/state-mental-health-america#Key. 71 Natasha Bach, “World Mental Health Day 2017: Illness in the Workplace Is More Common Than You Might Think,” Fortune, October 10, 2017, http://fortune.com/2017/10/10/world-mental-health-day-2017- workplace-depression-anxiety/. 72 Bach, “World Mental Health Day 2017.” 73 Julee Wilson, “The Meaning of #BlackGirlMagic, And How You Can Get Some Of It,” Huffington Post, last updated January 13, 2016, www.huffingtonpost.com. 37

Huffington Post offers a definition for the phrase: “a term used to illustrate the universal awesomeness of black women. It’s about celebrating anything we deem particularly dope, inspiring, or mind-blowing about ourselves.”74 Critics say the movement is self- serving, but I ask: Why shouldn’t it be? Everyone deserves a space to be proud of themselves and to celebrate their accomplishments as well as those of their community.

Movies like Hidden Figures and Black Panther rejoice in their portrayal of black men and women of history and of lore. But of equal importance is the fact that these films— and songs, and books, and magazines, and other forms of digestible entertainment—offer representation where there was none before. Black men and women, often for the first time, see themselves in smart, empowered roles, and black boys and girls see in these roles what they, too, can become one day.

In fact, throughout 2017 and so far in 2018, we have seen more advocacy for underrepresented minorities as a whole. With the recent attacks on the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) policy enacted during the Obama era, there has been an increase in media coverage and in advocacy programs for immigrants around the country.

Organizations like United We Dream (UWD) fight for the rights of immigrants in a country established, by and large, by immigrants. UWD is a youth-led community that empowers and organizes people into action. They support youth-led campaigns at all levels of the government, and with more than 400,000 members and an online community of 4,000,000 people in America, they make sure their voices are heard.75

74 Wilson, “The Meaning of #BlackGirlMagic.” 75 “About UWD,” United We Dream, https://unitedwedream.org/about/#mission. 38

And it’s not just our social climate that’s changing for the better. We’ve made great advances in technology and science, too. Some cars can drive themselves, albeit not perfectly just yet. Premature babies in the Neo-natal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) can now undergo MRI testing thanks to Embrace, the first approved neo-natal MRI machine for use in hospitals.76 For those same premature babies, scientists in 2017 were in the preliminary stages of testing an artificial womb apparatus using premature lambs; while they estimate it could take up to five years before the technology is fit for human testing, this breakthrough is still promising, especially for the worried parents of babies born too early to sustain life outside of the womb.77

For other worried parents, family members, and patients, there have been new developments in other areas of healthcare. The advent of CAR T-cell therapy, a type of cancer treatment that involves re-engineering a patient’s cells to target cancer cells within the body, has led to breakthroughs in the treatment of pediatric acute lymphoblastic leukemia and adult B-cell non-Hodgkin lymphoma.78 Innovative researchers at the José

Frota Institute in Brazil discovered that the amount of collagen proteins of types 1 and 3 are found in large quantities in tilapia skin; these proteins just so happen to be crucial to the scarring and healing process in human skin. For burn victims in Brazil, the materials needed for the traditional method of treatment for second- and third-degree burns, pig and human tissue, were not readily available; because of the researchers’ ingenuity, doctors

76 Hilary Brueck, “The wildest scientific discoveries of 2017,” Business Insider, December 26, 2017, http://www.businessinsider.com/biggest-scientific-discoveries-2017-12. 77 Brueck, “The wildest scientific discoveries.” 78 Brueck, “The wildest scientific discoveries.” 39

can now use sterilized tilapia skin to aid in the healing process.79 There have even been major developments in the field of stem cell research, including a human clinical trial performed by Asteria Biotherapeutics that resulted in “at least some improvements” in the upper body motor functioning of patients with quadriplegic spinal cord injuries.80

There are scientists in labs right now developing medical breakthroughs that will improve living conditions for thousands, if not millions of people—a feat (or a miracle) in and of itself.

Advancements in the aeronautical field of study offer encouragement to those worried about the destruction of Earth. In early January 2017, just 40 light years from

Earth, scientists discovered seven planets orbiting a star in a nearby solar system called

TRAPPIST-1.81 Though it will take years and more advanced scientific instruments to determine whether these planets are able to sustain life, the possibility is nevertheless there. In the meantime, we can—and do—continue to work toward ensuring the habitability of our own land. Entrepreneur Kevin Kumala has spent years refining the formula for a biodegradable, cassava-based plastic, a potential solution to the world-wide plastic pandemic.82 In 2017, SpaceX developed a recyclable rocket booster that eliminates the possibility of space waste—boosters usually drop into the ocean after

79 Lydia Ramsey, “Doctors are trying an unorthodox approach to treat burn victims—using fish skin,” Business Insider, May 27, 2017, http://www.businessinsider.com/tilapia-fish-skin-burn-treatment-brazil- 2017-5. 80Mitra J. Hooshmand, PhD, “Top 5 Stem Cell Research Milestones in the Last 12 Months,” Americans for Cures, October 11, 2017, https://americansforcures.org/2017/10/11/top-5-stem-cell-research-milestones-in- the-last-12-months/. 81 Brueck, “The wildest scientific discoveries.” See also Calla Cofield, “The Greatest Space Science Stories of 2017,” Space, December 21, 2017, https://www.space.com/39109-greatest-space-science-stories- 2017.html. 82 Tricia Escobedo, “5 cool inventions that could save the planet,” CNN, May 11, 2017, https://www.cnn.com/2017/05/11/tech/ecosolutions-5-ways-tech/index.html. 40

use—and promotes sustainability in spacecraft design.83 With these efforts and others like them, we commit to taking the steps to create and protect a future for ourselves, our families, and our global neighbors.

When I reflect on these things, the kind of advancements that can be made in just one year, I feel a little less morbid about our nation’s state of affairs. Not all of these developments were made in the United States, but the idea is that they could happen here.

The children of today—those same children I worry about so futilely—could be the workers, the activists, the therapists, the filmmakers, the patients, the doctors, and the scientists of tomorrow. These children might make the kinds of waves we need to turn a new tide. And they have the tools to do it, too: more and more children’s TV shows, films, and books are gearing these kids up for the challenges they’ll face and the changes they’ll need to make. One especially encouraging field is children’s literature, which, in the last several years, has made publishing an increasing number of informed, globally- minded books a priority. Books like Julia Pierpont’s The Little Book of Feminist Saints and Sandra Lawrence’s Anthology of Amazing Women: Trailblazers Who Dared to be

Different offer profiles of well-known and not-so-well-known women of science, the arts, sports, and entertainment in a kid-friendly format. The same goes for Andrew Joyner’s

The Pink Hat, which distills the message of inclusivity and accessibility of the Women’s

March in a relatable way through a little girl’s eyes. And then there’s Kobi Yamada’s

83 Brueck, “The wildest scientific discoveries.” 41

What Do You Do With a/an ______series, where the author explores the challenges of tackling new ideas, promising chances, and daunting problems.

My mother worried she was making a mistake by bringing a child into this world; now I have the same worry. I think about how I do not want to face my child and tell them all the horrible things our country has done and continues to do to its own people and to the world’s people. But then I see kids like 18-year-old Emma González and 11- year-old Naomi Wadler, who spoke in front of thousands of people at the Washington,

D.C., March for Our Lives event despite national resistance.84 I see these kids doing more than I ever did at their age, and I feel hopeful. I feel hopeful that the next generation isn’t full of self-serving dimwits, a lowly image projected on to my cohort by the Baby

Boomers. I feel hopeful that there are people, whether they are eleven, twenty-three, or seventy-eight, who want to see a brighter, more progressive future for everyone. And I feel hopeful that, if I should have a child, they may join me in that movement, too.

84 Los Angeles Times Staff, “Six of the most powerful young speakers at March for Our Lives,” Los Angeles Times, March 24, 2018, www.latimes.com/nation/la-na-march-speeches-20180324-story.html. 42

Afterword

Even though I am afraid for my country, for my fellow citizens, I am heartened. I am heartened by our ability, even during the most trying times, to prevail. Despite the racist vitriol of the Civil War, history saw heroes ferrying escaped slaves to their freedom on the Underground Railroad. Despite the horrors of the Holocaust, history saw heroes smuggling Jewish refugees to safety in homes and churches.85 Despite the tragedy of the

September 11th, 2001, terrorist attacks, history saw civilian passengers taking over United

Airlines Flight 93 and diverting the aircraft from its target location, sacrificing 40 lives to save hundreds, if not thousands.86 Thankfully, we are not under such dire or catastrophic circumstances. Though it is reductive and a bit heinous to compare three of the world’s most shameful moments in history to the general systemic issues America faces in the

21st century, I cannot help but use these reflections to project a hope for similar acts of goodwill today.

We do not have another Underground Railroad (yet); and we are not fighting our fellow Americans on our own soil (yet); and we are not seeking to eradicate an entire subset of the American population (yet). While I fear these things will resurrect themselves in the coming years, I believe in the heart of America. I believe in the

America that was built by and for immigrants. I believe in the America that sees all people as equal—truly equal—and deserving of the same rights. I believe in the America

85 United States Holocaust Memorial Museum, “Rescue and Resistance,” United States Holocaust Memorial Museum, https://www.ushmm.org/outreach/en/article.php?ModuleId=10007738. 86 Katharine Q. Seelye, “In Shanksville, Thousands Gather to Honor Flight 93 Victims,” The New York Times, September 10, 2011, https://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/11/us/11shanksville.html. 43

that provides its citizens safe harbor against the brutality of racism, sexism, and homophobia. I believe in the America that seeks diplomacy rather than debasement. I believe in the America that is not only cognizant of its wrongdoings but is also committed to ensuring those atrocities will never again be part of history. I believe in this

America, the one I was promised by our Founding Fathers. And maybe that’s not the

America this country is today, but I believe it can be. The U.S. has never been a perfect union, and nothing strengthened that knowledge in me more than did Trump’s election.

That same election, though, showed me something perhaps more powerful than this nation’s discordance: that We the People refuse to be silenced. It is impossible to drown out the cries of millions of people calling for justice, for representation, for the right to live their lives. This is what democracy looks like.

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