Volume LII Issue 1 September 12, 2018 page 2 the paper september 12, 2018

NYS Govenor, pg. 3 Kaepernick, pg. 9 Jurassic Park, pg. 15 F & L, pg. 21-22 Earwax, pg. 23

the paper “What school supply are you?” c/o Office of Student Involvement Editors-in-Chief Fordham University Colleen “Fine Point Sharpie” Burns Bronx, NY 10458 Claire “A Condom” Nunez [email protected] Executive Editor http://fupaper.blog/ Michael Jack “A DVD of Ice Age 3” O’Brien News Editors the paper is Fordham’s journal of news, analysis, comment and review. Students from all Christian “Stapler” Decker years and disciplines get together biweekly to produce a printed version of the paper using Andrew “Silly Bandz” Millman Adobe InDesign and publish an online version using Wordpress. Photos are “borrowed” from Opinions Editors Internet sites and edited in Photoshop. Open meetings are held Tuesdays at 9:00 PM in McGin- Jack “Giant Ass Paper Cutter” Archambault ley 2nd. Articles can be submitted via e-mail to [email protected]. Submissions from Hillary “Teeny Tiny Scissors” Bosch students are always considered and usually published. Our staff is more than willing to help new writers develop their own unique voices and figure out how to most effectively convey their Arts Editors thoughts and ideas. We do not assign topics to our writers either. The process is as follows: Meredith “Kooky Pen” McLaughlin have an idea for an article, send us an e-mail or come to our meetings to pitch your idea, write Annie “Pencil Pouch” Muscat the article, work on edits with us, and then get published! We are happy to work with anyone Earwax Editor who is interested, so if you have any questions, comments or concerns please shoot us an e- Marty “Mattress Protector” Gatto mail or come to our next meeting. So, why come write for us? We are a constantly evolving publication, and have been since Features and List Editors 1972. We provide an outlet of expression otherwise unavailable to Fordham students. Writers Katelynn “Three Hole Punch” Browne are free to say whatever they want, whenever they want. We are also pretty cool people, to be Olivia “Double Sided Tape” Langenberg completely honest. So please come hang out with us. You’ll have a good time, we promise. Copy Editor Robin “Photoshop that we don’t have” Happel our aim David “Pointer Stick with Hyper Realistic Hand“ Kennedy the paper is Fordham University’s fully student-run, free speech publication. Our aim is to Gabby “White Out“ Curran challenge our writers and our readers: we want to make you think. We provide an outlet for all students to express themselves, whatever their passion may be. Whether it’s commenting on a Contributors social issue, writing a factual news article, making people laugh with a humor piece, composing Noah Kotlarek, Jack McClatchy, Joe McCartney, Andrea Estrella, Brad a personal narrative, giving advice or ranting about something that makes you feel a certain Langhoff, Camille Vitale, Liam Gibbons, Edward Lucano, Ashley Wright, Laira strong way -- we have a place for you. Because of our platform as a free speech newspaper, we Bhurji, Grace Lyons, Zahir Quader, Regina Sandoval, Sarah Cassidy, Conor tend to push the boundaries of university journalism by talking about important social issues, Lutts, Suresh Hanubal, A Rowdy Dinosaur, Christian Decker’s Instagram, expressing otherwise silenced voices and opinions, addressing Fordham policy and administra- Birds, Cynthia Nixon, Sid from Ice Age, Suits, Estrallitas, The Canadian tion, and starting serious conversations about what is important to our student body. Here at National Anthem, Webkinz, Dolly Parton, The Ark Encounter, Cleo Filis, A Diva the paper, we encourage creativity and uniqueness, spark dialogue and discussion, and foster Cup, An Ariana Grande Latte, The Slime in the Print Shop a community where students are free to fully express themselves. september 12, 2018 the paper page 3

Clash of the Titans: A Rundown of the Cuomo and Nixon Debate by Noah Kotlarek Cuomo and Nixon spar in Governor Democratic Primary Debate Staff Political Analyst Trump for ripping babies from the arms on a short Trump rant. for it to be legal for everybody else.” On August 29th, Governor Andrew of their mothers.” The commentators next turned Cuomo too supports decriminalizing Cuomo and actress-activist Cynthia As for transit, Cuomo believes the to a difficult issue for the governor: marijuana but believes that solving the Nixon parleyed over who would state and city government should corruption. Cuomo responded claiming racism starts with reforming housing make a better Democratic New York and education. gubernatorial candidate. Cuomo came Things heated up when the candidates dressed in a blue tie and Cuomo clashed over taxes and labor. Nixon administration pin. Nixon wore a teal claimed that Cuomo gave tax breaks to blouse and a white sportscoat. the wealthy. Cuomo responded saying Commentator DuBois asked the first he passed the most progressive tax in question: how would Nixon be able to the state’s history, three times over. run the government with no political Nixon argued that she was the more experience. Nixon dodged the question transparent candidate, releasing her saying that she is a New Yorker who taxes before the election whilst in cares about LGBT and women’s rights 2010 Cuomo released his taxes post- as well as improving education. She election. Cuomo: “Only Donald Trump commented on Cuomo’s two terms has done less transparency on taxes as governor, “Experience doesn’t than my opponent.” mean that much if you’re not actually Cuomo believes the “hallmark” of good at governing.” After interjection his career is standing up for workers. from DuBois, she referenced her time Nixon believes that Cuomo does not organizing rallies and meeting with really care about the workers but rather legislatures to discuss public school split the bill 50/50 to repair the that Percoco’s bribery convictions has been forced to support them. funding. Cuomo began by distancing subway. He reminded voters that along with his other aides’ convictions Unfortunately for Nixon, this was the himself from Trump, ensuring that New his administration is addressing the had nothing to do with him. Nixon perfect lead for the governor’s brightest York’s flags would fly at half-mast for crumbling infrastructure with its $100 clapped back asserting that Cuomo moment in the debate. Cuomo calmly McCain regardless of what Washington billion project to fix airports and roads. received 16 million dollars from the LLC extended his arm toward the crowd (Trump) does. This was just the Nixon fired back claiming, “Fares loop hole (which she promises to close) and asked, “How am I with labor?” The beginning of Cuomo’s Trump critiques, tripled under Cuomo” and he “used the and that Cuomo “shut down corruption audience immediately erupted into a who he believes is New York’s greatest MTA like an ATM” for his “pet projects.” investigations when they came to shower of applause, whistling, hooting, threat. Throughout the debate Cuomo Cuomo informed the crowd that the close to him.” When she seemed to and hollering. The governor reclined portrayed himself as the Anti-Trump. MTA is operated by the city, not the suggest that campaign finance reform back with a smug grin. Cuomo feels that Nixon is unprepared state. He added, “My opponent lives was easy, Cuomo brought back his Both candidates disagreed to govern as the job requires managing in the world of fiction, I live in the world fact versus fiction argument, “to pass on virtually every issue but both hundred-billion-dollar budgets, fighting of fact,” one of Cuomo’s reoccurring campaign finance reform laws you committed to big pledges if they win terrorism, and making quick and rash defenses throughout the night. need something called the New York the gubernatorial race. Cuomo will decisions in the face of disaster. On healthcare, Nixon supports a legislature, you don’t just snap your not to run for president if he wins lest Nixon does not see Cuomo as fit to single-payer system because for 98% fingers.” He then claimed that Nixon God strike him dead with a lightning fight Trump. To her, they are equally of New Yorkers it would cost less files her taxes as a corporation. Later bolt, and Nixon will not accept the corrupt. She pounded Cuomo for not than what they currently pay and will on, Nixon responded saying that governor’s salary. being aggressive enough against Trump allow employers to hire 200,000 more many actresses file their taxes as a on fighting for educational, immigration, workers. Cuomo too wants a single- corporation. and climate reform. Cuomo responded payer system but claims it would be too Nixon views legalizing marijuana as that under his administration, “New costly for the state and must be run on a racial justice issue, “Marijuana has York state is the only state suing Donald the federal level. He then proceeded been legal for white people, it’s time page 4 the paper september 12, 2018 Wait..... Who is Brett Kavanaugh? by Hillary Bosch Analyzing the President’s Supreme Court Pick Opinions Editor (Planned Parenthood v. Casey) and advocate of judicial restraint, Environment: Money and jobs While engaged in an argument gay rights (Obergefell v. Hodges). As which means he thinks the court come first. Maybe one day they can with a friend of mine over whether party polarization increases around should be hesitant to act on work with the environment! But today or not to vote for Donald Trump the country, the retirement of Justice major policy issues and instead is not that day! According to the New in 2015, she made a statement Kennedy is symbolic of a loss of defer to other branches, such as York Times, “Judge Kavanaugh voted that shook my perception of the bipartisanship and compromise Congress or local government. in a number of high-profile cases election. She said, “I don’t care everywhere; fighting for what’s right This is a valid philosophy and, to limit Environmental Protection who he mocks, bullies, or curses. even if it’s against the president who arguably, what the founders Agency rules involving issues like I’m voting for him because he’ll appointed you. Good luck following intended. The practice of climate change and air pollution.” nominate conservative judges that, Kavanaugh. abiding by the the founders’ As an advocate for judicial restraint for the Supreme Court.” This Ah yes, so Brett Kavanaugh. initial intentions and written law in the face of private corporations, friend of mine is a pro-life single- You’ve probably been hearing the is called “originalism,” of which he argues that the EPA has gone issue voter, so she only saw the name but don’t know much about he also occasionally supports. beyond its allocated authority. But presidency (and the judiciary) as a Abortion: he’s he also recognizes climate change? means to attain her goal; all other not a fan, but But also thinks its not the job of the information was accessory. he’s also not court to address it? But he has the In this article I attempt to be unreasonable court address other things? Idk unbiased, in an effort to present and resepects Guns: He authored a dissenting Kavanaugh’s history prior to his Roe v. Wade opinion that, were it in the majority, judicial hearings, which are a as the current would have struck down Washington mess and you can sort through law of the land. D.C.’s ban on semi-automatic yourself. “Current” being weapons. He stands behind this Last year Trump’s first supreme the operative opinion still, and has made no court nominee, Neil Gorsuch, word. comment on 3D printed plastic was approved by Congress to Presidential guns, according to CBS News. take Scalia’s spot on the bench. Power & Trump: In his hearings, he has been This was a massive victory During his accused of perjury, racial profiling, for the Trump presidency and hearing, he listed working to undermine abortion laws conservatives everywhere who Youngstown and civil rights, and more. According look to judicial activism to further Sheet & Tube Co. to NPR, “at least 227 demonstrators their policy preferences. For those v. Sawyer in his top 4 favorite were arrested between the start of who study judicial politics (such him which is good: judges strive to Supreme Court cases of all the nomination hearings on Tuesday as myself), this appointment be independent of party allegiance, time. What’s notable about and the end of testimony on Friday.” was not a blow to liberals but though it eventually shows in their Youngstown is that it limited Many of the protesters come from simply adherence to the status record. Though I am immediately the powers of the executive feminist groups, such as those quo; a highly conservative justice drawn to be suspicious of Kavanaugh to meddle (in this case, taking involved in the Women’s March and replaced by another. (because, you know, Trump) he has private property to stop a strike). Planned Parenthood. Senator Cory However, when Justice Anthony a stellar academic reputation. Since During his hearing Kavanaugh, Booker also released “committee Kennedy retired from the bench becoming an appellate court judge refused to comment on confidential” documents from this past July, it made waves. in 2006, Kavanaugh has earned constitutional questions of Kavanaugh’s time as a Bush staffer Justice Kennedy, a moderate the highest possible rating from Trump and the Mueller probe, in an effort to expose his views on conservative, was often seen as the American Bar Association. Prior but his mention of Youngstown affirmative action and other major a “swing vote” in the middle of to his time in the judiciary, he was indicates he is not willing to roll issues. the court. Since his appointment the White House Staff Secretary of over for Trump’s every whim, but by then-President Ronald Reagan former-President George W. Bush time will tell. He was chosen by in 1987, Justice Kennedy has from 2003-2006 and is a graduate the Trump administration from a maintained a conservative of Yale Law School. short list of judicial possibilities philosophy yet has diverged Now in terms of his legal record: in the midst of a controversy from the standard conservative this is what we know about his over whether or not Trump can platform on multiple occasions, jurisprudential philosophy through pardon himself. most notably abortion rights his case opinions. He is a strong september 12, 2018 the paper page 5 Remembering Late Fordham Provost Dr. Stephen Freedman by Claire Nunez A memorial for Dr. Freedman was held last Thursday Editor-in-Chief and rabbi, Rabbi Eleanor Smith. The programs for students as well as Freedman was a true testament to Thursday, Fordham University is two knew each other for many years, faculty. Jesuit values. Because of this, the officially in mourning for our former maintaining a friendship across far At the memorial, Dr. Freedman was Provost Conference Room at Rose Hill Provost, Dr. Stephen Freedman, who distances. described as a compassionate man was dedicated to his honor. died suddenly on July 2, 2018. Dr. Dr. Freedman had been with who really embodied the Jesuit values Dr. Stephen Freedman will surely be Freedman was a well-loved and Fordham since 2007 when he began of cura personalis, men and women missed by students, administrators, respected member of the Fordham as senior vice president for academic for others, and magis. He sought and faculty alike. Dr. Freedman community who contributed greatly to affairs and chief academic officer. greatness for himself, others, and the touched so many lives with his our prominence in the academic world. In 2010, he was appointed Provost. university. The stories that were told kindness, passion, and love for others. At the memorial service on September Most of Dr. Freedman’s work was by his colleagues, family, and friends His presence embodied Jesuit ideals 6, Father McShane described Dr. centered on creating connections. illustrated his immense love for others. fully. Although he may no longer be Freedman as “a Jewish scholar with an As Provost, he played an integral role Dr. Eva Badowska, the Dean of the with us physically, his legacy will live on Ignatian heart.” This was a common in the creation of the Bronx Science Graduate School of Arts and Sciences, at Fordham and in the hearts of those thread throughout the beautiful service Consortium, which provides students emphasized his ability to really listen. he met along his journey. held in the University Church at Rose with incredible research opportunities She described Dr. Freedman as Hill. Colleagues, friends, family, and across four Bronx neighborhoods. As someone who cared deeply for others students gathered to memorialize our a former ecology professor, he had a and would ask, “how are you, really?” former Provost. The University Church talent for science and education. He He provided a listening ear, mentorship, was nearly filled with people paying sought to create greater opportunities and advice to people in his life. All of their respects to Dr. Freedman’s wife for the Fordham community. Dr. the eulogies at his memorial illustrated Eileen Shore as well as his two sons, Freedman furthered Fordham’s his deep and sincere care for others. Zachary and Noah. international education connections Many discussed Dr. Freedman’s The memorial was a combination of as well. He oversaw the development humor and positive attitude. He Jewish and Catholic traditions, opened of Fordham’s London Centre campus was someone who worked hard and and closed by Dr. Freedman’s friend and pushed for more international was willing to connect people. Dr. See You In Court, Mr. President by Regina Sandoval Gov. Cuomo sues President Trump Staff Legal Analyst the federal government accountable” federal government sent Texas 3 times center. The Flores settlement requires Hurricane Maria, which wreaked for their lack of regard and willingness as many personnel than it sent Puerto that children be placed with a relative havoc on Puerto Rico and the island to help a state of their own. Rico. or family friend “without unnecessary of Dominica in September 2017, is the Hurricane Maria’s death toll might In a report, Cuomo included New delay” instead of placing them in deadliest hurricane that the Atlantic have not been so high if supplies had York’s own efforts to help Puerto custody. The children who are already coast has seen in over ten years. reached the island in a timely manner. Rico, including 41,000 logged hours in custody are supposed to be held Fatalities are estimated to be 3,000, It took three weeks for the federal of work done by CUNY and SUNY with “the least restrictive” conditions.” but exact numbers are unknown government to fly helicopters above students. They physically restored the Trump’s executive order, however, because not enough attention and the island and deliver aid. It took the island and cleaned debris. Cuomo is led border patrol agents and the resources were put into helping the government six days to send 73 U.S. also investing $11 million to provide Immigration and Customs Enforcement people of Puerto Rico. New York’s Northern Command helicopters to adequate housing and healthcare officers to detain refugees, separate Governor, Andrew Cuomo, is suing Texas after Hurricane Harvey. This for Puerto Ricans. Governor Cuomo children from their parents, and place Trump for having a bias against Puerto disparity is why Cuomo believes Trump personally visited the island 5 times to them in large cages for months. Rico and not providing them with the is breaking the law and not delivering coordinate an agricultural partnership Governor Cuomo does not take these same treatment as he would for Florida equal means for recovery when with Puerto Rico and New York. New legal matters lightly, and will fearlessly or Texas. “We’re going to hold ‘King’ different states are affected by tropical York’s Congressional Delegation face the President in court. By suing Trump to the Constitution of the United storms. has proposed a $94.4 billion report Trump, Cuomo is forcing the public to States, and the Constitution said equal The Federal Emergency Management called Build Back Better that calls for recognize President Trump’s lack of protection under the law.” Cuomo said. Agency (FEMA) allocated only $6.2 public safety, first response, housing, concern for these families, and for the He announced that the state of New million for victims of Hurricane Maria, agriculture, and power. unity of the United States. York would be working with the affected and provided a whopping $141.8 This is hardly the first time Governor families of Puerto Rico to file a lawsuit million to victims of Hurricane Harvey. Cuomo has openly disagreed with against President Trump. New York It is worth noting that Hurricane Harvey President Trump or backed the decision Lieutenant Governor Kathy Hochul was a Category 4 Hurricane that killed to hold him accountable in court. states she is proud of the state’s 82 people, and Hurricane Maria is a In June, the state of New York sued efforts in providing physical assistance Category 5 Hurricane that killed 3,000 Trump over his “Zero-Tolerance” policy, and resources, but that suing Trump or more. This disparity is especially because by law, one cannot place a is “the next step in holding Trump and significant when analyzing that the child seeking asylum into a detention page 6 the paper september 12, 2018 Faker than Saudi Arabia Bans Satire by Jack McClatchy A brilliant move that can’t possibly go wrong Truth Staff Funny Guy because it’s dead already and is By Gabrielle Curran This past week the public prosecutor unarmed protesters. That whole affair probably fully decomposed by now. spawned countless memes, pieces of of Saudi Arabia tweeted that Let’s just say it isn’t for now, and “producing and distributing content art, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory imagine how perfectly this new law that ridicules, mocks, provokes and Or the time North Korea was After the overwhelmingly disap- will go for Saudi Arabia. Surely if we disrupts public order, religious values suspected of hacking Sony to prevent pointing film adaptation that was ban satire (and are quite possibly and public morals through social the release of The Interview, which Tim Burton’s Charlie and the Choc- more deserving of it than anything media” will be punishable by up to five had a scene showing Kim Jong- olate Factory, Warner Brothers an- else on this planet), it will all go away? years in prison and an $800,000 fine. Un being killed. Of course, it only nounced last Tuesday that it plans Now, I am usually conservative Well, before we think of ways in generated more interest in watching on rebooting its reboot, the right when I place bets, but I am absolutely which that can (and let’s be honest, the movie, and what was really a way this time. certain this will go over like a lead probably will) go wrong, let it be clear mediocre Seth Rogen movie became An interview conducted by E! balloon. that this didn’t come out of nowhere. an act of patriotism. News with one of Warner Brothers’ Let’s just remember the time that Ever since Crown Prince Mohammad Basically, you get the pattern here. founders, Harry Warner, revealed Barbara Streisand sued Pictopia. bin Salman was appointed in June of Saudi Arabia is ripe for some extremely that the four Warner Brothers had com and photographer Kenneth last year, he has cracked down hard clever and well-deserved satire, jokes, been disappointed with the compa- Adelman to remove a picture of her on human rights groups. This drew memes, and the like. Their attempts ny’s latest releases. “Yeah, we don’t private mansion taken to monitor criticism from around the world, to suppress this won’t work to prevent really know why we felt the need to most famously from Canadian Prime it, as people around the support a Teen Titan’s Go! movie. Minister Justin Trudeau. world will fill in for Saudi I thought it was going to be actu- The Saudis responded with an citizens who may not be ally good, but who am I kidding? It’s all-out diplomatic assault, such as as motivated to speak DC.” When asked if he felt that The withdrawing Saudi students from out now. Meg was clearly just a rip-off of the Canadian universities, expelling However, I don’t think classic film Jaws, Warner declined the Canadian ambassador, and that’s the point. This is to comment, citing that he suddenly a controversial tweet from an just a ploy by bin Salman felt that the room was “too stuffy.” account reportedly close to the to further tighten his grip While the planned adaptation Saudi government which seemed to on his citizens, and sadly of Roald Dahl’s beloved children’s threaten a 9/11-type attack against those brave enough to novel is still very much in its infancy, Toronto. speak out will be putting several reports surfaced recently This isn’t the first time the Saudis themselves in a lot of that Morgan Freeman is in talks to have cracked down on online activity, danger. play the film’s lead. One source–– either. France 24 claimed that Saudi Of course, that doesn’t Morgan Freeman himself––con- officials called on people to report mean that Saudi Arabia firmed that he was to star as the cyber law violations to the government shouldn’t be ridiculed. eccentric chocolate factory owner in September 2017, resulting in We’re not subject to with a penchant for torturing chil- dozens of people being arrested Saudi law (thank God) dren. When asked why he took on since. so we’re free to say most the role despite not having starred All the while, Saudi Arabia has been whatever we please in any childrens’ films since Ted 2 fighting a proxy war in neighboring about bin Salman and in 2015, Freeman shrugged and coastal erosion in California. When Yemen since 2015 (which they are the Saudi government. simply replied, “I’m doing it to sup- the lawsuit was filed, only six people doing with US weaponry, but that is I just wish that our ridicule of Saudi port my bees.” Freeman has been downloaded the picture (two of which another story in and of itself) which Arabia led to a condemnation of the beekeeping since 2014 after hear- were her attorneys); over the following has killed over 9,000 people and Saudi government by our own, joining ing of the alarming decline of the month the image was downloaded wounded 50,000. Canada. Or that we stopped supplying honeybee population and deciding over 42,000 times. Also, women were just allowed to their brutal proxy war in Yemen. Or to take action against it. Or the time when Beyoncé did drive a car this year, homosexuals maybe they were booted off the UN No word yet on the support- the Super Bowl Halftime Show and are beheaded, bans public worship of Human Rights Council and restored ing cast for the film, though Fred- Buzzfeed was asked to remove any religion besides Sunni Islam, and some legitimacy to it. die Highmore––who played “unflattering” photos of her. They of has jailed dozens of human rights Or better yet, Saudi Arabia stopped Charlie Bucket in Tim Burton’s course posted a screenshot of the activists. such a corrupt hyper-reactionary adaptation––is reportedly in talks email and the photos again asking So, why did I just list all of those absolutist hellhole that repressed to play Grandpa Joe. When asked why on earth they would seem clear and blatant human rights women, non-Sunni Muslims, gays, by E! News if his tender age of 26 “unflattering”. violations? Easy: Saudi Arabia sits on human rights activists, or just about could be a factor against him get- Or the time that UC Davis police the UN Human Rights Council and has anyone who isn’t a Sunni Arab, man. ting the part, he excused himself officer pepper sprayed Occupy since 2016. from the interview room and never protesters, and Davis spent $175,000 I guess it does not even matter came back. trying to suppress the bad press that if satire is illegal in Saudi Arabia, naturally follows from assaulting september 12, 2018 the paper page 7 Family Annihilator in Frederick, Colorado Realer by Emma Cassidy A national true crime sensation in Colorado Staff Truman Capote Chris Watts backed his truck was released the following Monday, Early on the morning of August Than into his garage, closed the door Watts relayed his version of events 13, Nicole Utoft went to her friend to supposedly load his tools, on the night his family disappeared. Shanann Watts’s house to pick- and then left for work. Watts claims that “via baby monitor” up Shanann and take her to her Fact Given the evidence, police he witnessed “Bella ‘sprawled’ out 10 a.m. doctor’s appointment. By Suresh Hanubal quickly began to suspect Chris on her bed and blue and Shanann Shanann was 15 weeks pregnant Watts in the disappearance actively strangling Celeste”. He Fox Buisness Host Calls Former with her third child and was of his wife and children. Late then goes on to say, “he went into President George W.Bush A supposed to find out the sex of ‘Radical’ Liberal Wednesday night, 3 days after a rage and ultimately strangled the baby. Given that Utoft had just the disappearance, Watts was Shanann to death”. An article about dropped Shanann off at home Fox Business News host Lou arrested and began to talk with the case written by 9NEWS states around 2 a.m. that morning, after Dobbs, British daddy and known authorities. Watts confessed “prosecutors do not believe Chris peddler of the truth and only the they returned from a business to Shanann’s murder and Watts’s assertion[s]” and that “his truth, recently called former trip, she immediately became the resulting termination of defense team had previously asked President George W. Bush a concerned when Shanann never her pregnancy, as well as the judge to ensure their expert “Radical” Liberal due to his answered the door or her text administration’s many socialistic the locations of the bodies. could take DNA samples from the messages. Within hours, Utoft proposals... . Specifically, Dobbs According to information girls’ necks,” which was denied. notified Shanann’s husband said that anti-gay marriage released by the County District The future proceedings for the as well as the police, and the and Iraq war initatior president Attorney’s Office, Watts had case are still being determined. George W. Bush was “ A liberal Colorado Bureau of Investigation placed his daughters’ bodies in Chris Watts was officially charged himself. He wasn’t a issued an Endangered Missing oil tanks on the property of his with five counts of first-degree conservative.” He further Alert for Shanann Watts and her employer, Anadarko. Shanann’s murder, two of which are for the elaborated on this solid point by two daughters, Bella, age 4 and stating that while president Bush body was found buried nearby death of a child under the age Celeste, age 3. Jr. was helping to fulfill his father’s on the same property. According of twelve, one count of unlawful The morning after the “agenda of a (presumably liberal to 9NEWS, the coroner termination of a pregnancy in the alert, Christopher Watts gave and evil) new world order.” confirmed the identities of the first degree, and three counts of As Bush Jr. often had approval multiple interviews to various bodies the following Friday. The tampering with a deceased body, as ratings in the single-digits amongst news stations, including the arrest affidavit also notes that a reported by 9NEWS, and the case is Democrats during his term, local station, 9NEWS. Watts bedsheet matching the missing scheduled to proceed in November. this is undoubtedly true and makes admitted to having “an emotional perfect sense. Dobbs’ statement set was located nearby. As for the impact on the conversation” with Shanann certainly does not indicate a Chris Watts admitted that community, many people have after she returned from her trip. shift among some American the previously mentioned been left deeply affected by the He also insisted “I just want my Conservatives to label anyone who “emotional conversation” was loss of Shanann, Bella, and Celeste. they feel is an “enemy” of their family back, I want them safe” the two of them deciding to Shanann’s brother wrote an goals as a liberal whatsoever. and described the night without end their 8-year relationship. It emotional Facebook post that said, Dobbs then went on to call Ronald them as “a nightmare that I just was revealed that the couple “[Chris Watts] stole my whole world Reagan, William F. Buckley, can’t wake up from”. and Barry Goldwater both liberals had financial issues, detailed and treated them like they were The initial investigation into and godless communists. in “federal court documents” trash. I’ve never been so mad, sad, the disappearance left local obtained by 9Wants to Know, enraged, hurt, [sic] heartbroken, police with several unanswered which stated that 3 years prior lost, and shocked in all my life”. It is questions. Shanann had to the murders, “the Watts clear that Shanann, Bella, Celeste, reportedly left her phone and family filed for bankruptcy and the unborn, Nico will be missed, purse inside the residence and with less than $10 left in their and Chris Watts will, hopefully, face the master bed was stripped savings account.” It has also justice for these crimes. of its sheets, one of which was been reported that Chris had found in an outside garbage can. had multiple affairs with both A neighbor’s video surveillance men and women throughout system showed that not only did his marriage, which was later Shanann not leave with anyone confirmed in the affidavit. after she was dropped off, but In the arrest affidavit, which that at approximately 5:27 a.m. page 8 the paper september 12, 2018 Village Voice is Shutting Down and We’re Sad by Suresh Hanubal The Village Voice bids Adieu to New York City and the Nation Staff Beatnik the home of New York University dealings in NYC over the course of to the district practically placed it on the Since the mid-1950s, the Village (NYU). However, at the time of the decades. Specifically, the Voice exposed frontlines of the AIDS crisis. In recent Voice has provided an alternative, Voice’s founding this area was very Mayor Ed Koch’s’ (1978 - 1989) cozy years, the Voice has also done substantive local voice to residents of New York different. It served as the home relationship with corrupt and near reporting on the movement to legalize City. However, as of last Friday August to the gay community, artists, criminal elements in the Democratic Same-Sex marriage nationwide as well as 31st, 2018, this venerable institution and bohemians in general. All the Party, as well as Mayor Rudy Giuliani’s local LGBTQ issues in both lower Manhattan has officially been shut down. “freaks” of the period congregated (1994 - 2001) anti-crime policies, and and the greater New York City era. The Village Voice’s issues began in the Village, and The Voice was so-called “broken-windows policing”. Starting in the mid-aughts the journal in much the same manner as the there to cover everything they did. As a paper based in the Village, the began to face intense scrutiny over it’s problems plaguing newspapers in Their writers covered the districts Voice has always had a heavy emphasis management. With frequent ownership cities across North America. Since film, theatre, bar, and music scenes. and focus on LGBT+ rights. Or did it? In changes, New Times Media, The Voice the mass adoption of the Internet fact, until the 1970s Media Group, and businessman Peter in the late 1990s and early 2000s the journal actually Barbey all ran the publication in quick people (especially young people) was not as pro-gay succession from 2005-2015, the paper have increasingly turned to the as its reputation began to lose some of its earlier allure. In web for their source of information. may suggest. A addition, the Voice lost many of its most This has been a boon for ordinary Voice headline important contributors during this period. citizens, as information can now be from after the Specifically, long time writers Wayne found at the tip of one’s fingertips, Stonewall protests Barrett, Chuck Eddy, and Michael Musto left completely free. However, it has reads, “The Great during this troubled decade for the paper. had a devastating impact on F****t Rebellion”. As stated earlier, the recession and papers from Halifax to Houston. Although for the widespread adoption of the internet did Since the 1990s nearly two-thirds 1960s this headline not help matters. In 2015, the Village of all newspapers and dailies in is not particularly Voice was purchased by businessman the United States have had to shut malicious, it still does Peter Barbey. He attempted to right the down due to declining readership at least somewhat ship by installing industry experts in key and revenue. In this near apocalyptic contradict the positions in the papers management environment for the print media it papers reputation team. Sadly however, this proved to should come as no surprise that The for tolerance. only forestall the inevitable outcome. Village Voice has had to shut down. Thankfully, in the On August 31st, 2018, the Village Voice Over its’ 63 year history the Voice years following shut down indefinitely. For 63 years it has has covered everything from the As time went on, the paper (not Stonewall The Voice grew ever more provided a voice for the marginalized and Stonewall Protests in the late 1960s this one!) broadened its scope comfortable with supporting LGBT+ spoken truth to the powerful and corrupt. to New York City’s increasingly somewhat and began to cover New rights. In 1982 they became only the As American print media continues to decrepit subways over the past York City as a whole. Wayne Barrett, second employer in American history to decline over the coming years, those of several years. It has addressed local a writer for the Voice for almost half offer benefits to homosexual employees us who care about an independent and concerns that other papers’ have been a century, did fantastic investigative and their partners. As a publication vigilant media should remain vigilant and either neglected or scared to cover. reports into NYC’s business and located in the Village they also helped attempt to slow the fall. For if we do not try In its early days in the 1950s and political elite. Of particular interest advance the cause of gay rights in a to stop the closure of local news outlets, 1960s, the Voice served as a true to us today, Barrett wrote several myriad of other ways throughout the how can we ever hope to continue make alternative and hyperlocal journal. pieces on current president and 1980s. Throughout the decade, the our voices heard and the powerful honest? It’s initial coverage area was just Fordham attendee Donald Trump. Voice gave its readers an inside look into the Lower Manhattan neighborhood Barrett and the rest of the Voice’s the suffering of HIV/AIDS victims. Even of Greenwich Village. Today, this incredible investigative team, then, Greenwich Village was a haven district of the city is heavily gentrified, including Pulitzer Prize winner for LGBTQ people in the United States. and perhaps most well known as Mark Schoofs, uncovered shady Therefore, the publication’s proximity september 12, 2018 the paper page 9

Take a Stand: Colin Kaepernick and Civil Disobedience By Liam Gibbons Staff Man for Others Kaep uses his platform to help the voiceless and economic statuses joined the time and place for protest, claiming largest markets, outside of New York I stand with Colin Kaepernick in movement. Athletes of all kinds that sports and politics cannot mix. and Los Angeles, are not even in his protest of the American national got involved, including high school Athletes, supposedly, lack the political the United States. Whatever loss in anthem. I have stood with him since players in Seattle and Sacramento, and social knowledge required to revenue, these boycotts do not seem 2016 when he first sat then knelt cheerleaders at Howard University, make reasonable political arguments. to be worrisome for Nike executives. to draw attention to systemic racial and Megan Rapinoe, a former member “Shut up and dribble” was the party But now that the issue is back in the injustice and police brutality in the US of the Women’s US national soccer line. What exactly happened in 1980, public’s attention, it is time for us at against people of color dating back team. Numerous NBA players voiced then, when the US boycotted the Fordham to get involved. hundreds of years. The NFL quoted him their support of Kaepernick, including Olympics? Politics and sports, mixed We in the Fordham community have then saying, “I am not going to stand up Lebron James. WNBA players knelt with as they never should. Over the years, an obligation to support Kaepernick, to show pride in a flag for a country that locked arms before a playoff game. presidents Kennedy, Nixon, Reagan, and these other protesters. As a oppresses black people and people of But like Muhammad Ali before him Ford, Eisenhower, H.W. Bush, Wilson, Catholic, Jesuit University, we at color.” Overall, this is an admirable in his protests of the Vietnam War, and Trump himself all played football Fordham have a duty to live out the statement. Athletes should be lauded Kaepernick has been a figure of much for their respective schools. Maybe university’s sacred mission. Fr. Joseph for using their public platform to draw public scrutiny and debate since the they should not have been able to McShane has called in the past attention to issues about which they controversy started. From the onset, influence the public discourse either? for us to be “bothered by injustice” are passionate, especially those Kaepernick’s protest was formed with To those who say that this is about and to “transform the world through involving civil rights and social justice. the intention of bringing the issue of a lack of respect for the troop:. redeeming love.” Latin phrases are racial oppression Kaepernick met with a former green often thrown around about how a and police brutality beret named Nate Boyer in the protest’s Fordham student is a man, or woman back into the first month. His discussion with Boyer for others, how a Fordham student public discourse. is why he shifted his protest from cares for the whole person in everything Unfortunately for sitting to kneeling: out of respect for she does. We are called, going back Kaepernick, and the troops. Reasonable people on both five hundred years in the words of St. the movement he sides support and respect all the men Ignatius, to go out and set the world on inspired, the public and women in our armed services. An fire. Christ himself spoke in Matthew’s discourse has been unreasonable person would attack the Sermon on the Mount about how the heavily influenced now deceased Senator John McCain, a kingdom of heaven belongs to those by President member of their own party, for surviving who are persecuted for righteousness’ Donald Trump, who as a prisoner of war. sake, and how those who hunger and has repeatedly The protest returned most recently thirst for righteousness will be filled. lashed out at to the public eye when Nike released We at Fordham need to hunger for the movement an ad campaign featuring Kaepernick righteousness sake, even if we know Kaepernick’s individual protest via Twitter, and taken credit for and his message. In response, those we will be persecuted for it. We at spread throughout the sports world, Kaepernick’s unemployment. who disagree with Kaepernick called Fordham need to stand up for those first as players on other professional The president misrepresented for boycotts of Nike, which gained facing oppression and fight in the football teams joined in, either Kaepernick’s intentions and continues internet fame as people posted videos name of social justice, even if that kneeling or raising fists throughout the to do so. Trump and others have of themselves destroying or removing means taking a knee. pre-season and opening weeks of the argued that Kaepernick and those who logos from their Nike products. In 2016 season. As the protest gained agree with him are disrespecting the spite of these citizens’ best efforts, steam, its intersectionality increased, American flag and America’s troops. Nike’s stock has actually risen since as people of different ages, genders, They argued that this was not the the campaign started. Most of Nike’s page 10 the paper september 12, 2018 New Starbucks Lids: Eco-Friendly or Nah? By Katie Roberts Getting rid of straws is nice, but what’s the catch? Staff Oceanographer My point is this: Thomas the Turtle This summer, Starbucks announced is screwed either way. I don’t mean their plan to go straw-less by 2020 to discredit the Karens of the world. with the help of new, sippy cup- The fact that plastic waste and style lids made of a plastic called marine life even cross the minds of polypropylene. Here’s the issue: they ordinary people represents major contain more plastic than ordinary social progress. But I’m about to hit lids, so the new packaging is only you with some truth that will go down beneficial if the cups actually make about as easily as a shot of Burnett’s it to the recycling bin. In a perfect on an empty stomach: even if half of world, everyone would always recycle. American consumers lived plastic- In reality, US consumers only recycle free starting now, it would only be a about 34% of recyclable materials, drop in the metaphorical bucket that is according to the Environmental our planet’s impending doom. Here’s Protection Agency. So unless why: the average American doesn’t Starbucks customers are the recycle around 185 pounds of plastic exception to the rule, sippy cup lids annually, while the whole planet adds may do more harm than good. about 8 million metric tons of plastic to our oceans each year. That figure “I’ll have a grande iced doesn’t even include landfills, in skinny latte with a sippy case you weren’t depressed enough. harmful toxins into the land and turned on to the movement by a viral The reality is that while living an lid...to save the turtles!” oceans. Worse, the jury is still out video from 2015 featuring the rescue eco-friendly lifestyle helps, we’re as if there is some kind on how long it takes for plastic to of a sea turtle with a bloody plastic all fighting an uphill battle until the fully decompose (current guesses straw shoved up his nostrils. I happen industrial systems that generate the of direct correlation be- are 1000+ years, but I’m assuming to work at Starbucks and I cannot tell majority of the world’s plastic waste tween Karen skipping someone pulled that number out of you how many times this summer grow a pair and finance safe disposal their ass considering plastic has only I heard something along the lines methods (looking your way, Nestlé). her straw and Thom- been around since 1907). Also, the of, “I’ll have a grande iced skinny Remember kids, these corporate as the Turtle’s home ocean’s plastic waste gets broken vanilla latte with a sippy lid...to save behemoths probably won’t wake up into tiny flecks called “microplastics” the turtles!” as if there is some kind tomorrow and say, “You know what? clearing of toxins and that find their way inside fish and of direct correlation between Karen Fuck our bottom line, we should Walmart bags other marine life. Think about that skipping her straw and Thomas the prioritize environmental impact over the next time you order a spicy tuna Turtle’s home suddenly clearing of profit. Let’s change everything we’re roll from Sake II. toxins and Walmart bags. Don’t get doing.” So skip the straw, recycle, Let’s back up: plastic that is not Hopefully we can agree on this me wrong—any amount of plastic that bring your own shopping bags, and recycled either ends up in landfills or much: plastic is bad. But why are we can keep out of the environment most importantly, use your voice in the ocean, creating greater problems plastic straws the Jerry Gergich of is a positive thing—but plastic straws whatever capacity you can to hold than bigger piles of garbage. Plastic trash? The educated answer is that only constitute 0.02% of ocean waste. businesses accountable for their is a unique kind of trash because they are too small to be captured by Disposable water bottles, shopping literal garbage before it’s too late. as it breaks down it releases recycling equipment. However, the bags, and utensils are actually much Thomas is counting on us. average Joe or Josie probably got bigger problems, relatively speaking. september 12, 2018 the paper page 11 the paper’s Guide to Being the Third Wheel By Zahir Quader Zahir is #trianglestrong Staff Tricyclist more than anyone else could. Some over, but when the dust settles you common phrases used during this In all the confusion of anger are expected to pick up the pieces. (Disclaimer: the author of this time are hussy, tramp, THOT, or my and joy there is one big question It’s not all bitchy texts and fear of article wrote this at 1 AM in a Coke personal favorite, slut (said with love, that constantly plagues your mind. the future that makes a third wheel, Zero fueled rage, and any similarity of course). Yet at the same time you WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? Much like though. Once you have accepted your to anyone living, dead, or Sylvester had seen this coming from a mile any social dynamic, intimacy makes new reality it can actually be quite Stallone’s early work are purely away, so while you are enraged, you things extremely complicated. There fun. With all the sexual tension out coincidental. It’s for the people so you are also filled with a sense of relief are only two definitive ways this can of the equation, everyone is a lot can’t be mad #JESUS.) that they finally realized something end. Scenario one: they live happily happier. You can still go out and have everyone else did back in March. ever after, you accept the new fun, preferably in groups of four or As many people know, making dynamic, and more, and this new reality becomes friends is one of the earliest everything the new norm. All the gossip - and challenges any college student faces, is sunshine let’s be honest the deets - aren’t too but when you do find that core group and lollipops. bad either. At some points you get so of friends it is amazing. Imagine Scenario two: invested it feels like you care more this scenario: you have formed a the divorce. about their relationship than they solid trio of inseparable friends. You Much like do (#Deku x Uraraka goals). Seeing do everything together - movies, with Mom them happy makes you feel a little bit concerts, bars, videogames, you and Dad, your better that the closest thing you have name it. It’s the bee’s knees, as the “family” will to a relationship is watching Netflix kids say. Then something changes, have some covered in Cheeto dust after crying and you find yourself a few steps troubles. Best to the Frozen soundtrack for two behind more than once when you case, it is hours. Yet there are still some minor go out. When one isn’t around, the quick, civil, inconveniences you have to deal with. other won’t shut up about them. You and quiet, From the constant forced (sometimes are eating lunch and they won’t stop with shared blind) dates just so they can go on gazing deeply into each other’s eyes. custody so double dates, to getting weird after If you haven’t figured it out, yet you you still get forgetting you are in the fucking room, have become a THIRD WHEEL. Your time with in the end you just have to remember besties have become bang buddies! It is a strange dynamic; you are both. It’s a little strange for a time, they are the same people they have Fact: the triangle is the strongest ecstatic about them realizing their but like all things you move on and always been. The only difference is shape in nature, but those a-holes true feelings for one another, but you accept this new reality. Scenario two that they go at it like rabbits when you have decided to tear down that are pissed nonetheless. For instance, is much more complicated. Much like are not around (and sometimes when reliable pyramid to walk the thin line a conversation I had with one of my how it is shown on reality TV, divorces you are). Being a third wheel can be called a “relationship,” leaving you best friends, “Gordon,” went like this: can get ugly, with screaming, crying, tough, but in the end you just have to to become a lone dot drifting in the and just general chaos. And again - own it. After all, if you are going to be wind. G: It’s mutual! We’re going up to her just like with Mom and Dad - someone a third wheel, be the best one you can At first you are fueled with a room now. is going to be caught in the middle, be. passive aggressive rage that can Z: You slut and that someone is you. Being stuck only be satisfied by the relentless, Z: I’m so proud of you in the middle, you will not only have yet loving, slut shaming of the two G: I love u fam to play the part of the child helpless people who have broken your heart in a conflict that you have no control page 12 the paper september 12, 2018 Wouldn’t it be Great if Orientation was Longer? By Conor Lutts No, no it wouldn’t Staff Freshman freshman at the Jesuit University of should be with your small groups. most steeped in tradition. Following To whomever this may concern, New York; I need things repeated Another thing I would change if given that up was a half-hearted glow stick I have a problem with New Student at least five times before I can even the immense responsibility, is to have rave outside of Walsh Library the next Orientation, one that I think every start to comprehend what is being an entire weekend devoted to sitting night? Clearly they saved the best for other freshman will share: said. in McGinley’s Second Floor Ballroom, last. It’s too short. I think I speak for every single other listening to the sounds of students I think I speak for every freshman Honestly. As a freshman entering freshman on this one when I say that chattering in the hallways in between when I say that New Student into Fordham, I did not expect to we should start much earlier than classes. What if someone had never Orientation was too short. So short have to figure out things on my own; 8:20 a.m. That gave us a full twenty heard of a conversation before? that crucial details, such as where I expected to be taught. The New minutes to eat breakfast before we What if someone did not know where classes were, breathing room to Student Orientation team really had to go meet with our small groups. their classes are and just wanted to digest information, and time to maybe dropped the ball on this one and not Twenty minutes. Think of how many see where they had to go because explore campus on our own were cut just the beach ball that had some strange social games we could they had back to back classes in FMH for the sake of brevity. Honestly, if questions on it. How was I supposed have played in the meantime. The and Dealy that Wednesday? Clearly the International students get one to know that I was not supposed to possibilities are endless. If I were that is not a crucial detail for your extra week of explaining that the drink random liquids strangers give the head of New Student Orientation, college experience. big field outside of Keating is called me at off campus parties? What was I would not stop at 8 a.m. Why not I would also like to know whose idea ‘Edward’s Parade,’ or as the kids say supposed to teach me about that: the 7, 6 a.m.? Trying to meet people on it was to schedule the five different it, ‘Eddies,’ then why don’t we all? two hour long AlcoholEdu session, your floor and form some genuine ‘Welcome To Fordham’ ceremonies the Prevention Session Loyola had friendships? Sleep? Who needs because their order was fantastic. Yours Truly, me attend, or the Introduction that? From the moment you wake They started off with the candle Spartacus to Wellness campaign? I am a up to the moment you go to bed, you lighting ceremony, the one possibly Brad’s Modest Proposal By Brad Langhoff Apologies to Jonathan Swift, we took satire to another level Staff Satirist to poor, single-parent families. It is excessive immigration: by keeping the In addressing our porous borders, budgets, we can all agree that certain truly no wonder that I find my wallet to numbers as low as the Mets’ RBI’s. I President Trump, as well as many of expenses are necessary: the military be woefully light after Uncle do not mean to suggest we kill anyone our political epoch’s conservative Sam raps his jaundiced - although such a suggestion, properly luminaries, notably Tucker Carlson, knuckles against my door executed, would certainly do a wonder remind us that this situation is not every April begging for a to my bank account - as the issue can merely an issue of integration nor crack at my piggy bank. For be dealt with humanely. Quite simply, of national security. Here, in the age some reason, helping poors we should make it illegal for the poor of Amazon and the Juul, immigrants is now in vogue among to procreate. And let’s be clear by integrate faster than ever, and terrorist conservatives, as we have what we mean by poor: roughly 60% attacks are more likely to come from seen with their referring of Americans receive more from the native men who cannot get laid rather to the rurals’ penchant for government than they put in. America than from foreigners. What is truly popping pills as an “opioid is a very socially immobile society at stake is what we real Americans, epidemic.” The main conceit according to data, and so we can young and old, black and white, of these conservatives remain fairly confident that most of rationally minded and anti-Nike, hold is their racism. I do not those who would never escape the most dear to our hearts: money. If we care if a poor were born in bottom 60% to reproduce would only allowed an influx of immigrants into Nashville or Tijuana – they ever produce more 60 percenters. our beautiful country, legal or illegal, are robbing me dry, either But how are we to implement an we would find ourselves paying out way. agenda that would violate the basic of our collective derrière - pardon my And, to answer this privileges of the majority of Americans French - for all of the new welfare and dilemma, is my modest proposal. - particularly electorally empowered infrastructure costs these entitled allows us to sleep safely at night and Just as immigrants will enter into rurals? The answer is in arbitrary interlopers would bring with them. New York’s heavily subsidized MTA the States and birth future welfare numbers. Romney had his 47% figure, Fortunately, most real Americans provides me with plenty of time to recipients, native poors will flood our and Sanders the 1%. For my modest understand this and would surely finish War and Peace. Other ones are school systems with their children for proposal, it will be the bottom 20%, never stand for such highway robbery. not so necessary. A quick search on whom we all purchase sickeningly since tax economists split income- The true problem, and the basis for Google reveals that $1.3 trillion in lavish lunches - such as the upper earners into quintiles. This solution is my modest proposal, is that there is a Social Security and Medicare benefits class delicacy, Lunchables. As such, no panacea, but it will at least afford much larger source of this parasitism: were doled out in 2013; hundreds of we should deal with our poor problem me the latest iPhone. We are the 80%! the poors. billions in other benefits, including the just the same way we deal with In contemplating federal and local rightfully maligned SNAP program, go september 12, 2018 the paper page 13

the paper’s view Ask Bob and Judy

Welcome Back Rams! Giving advice to a lost generation

Hey there paper readers. Welcome back to school-- in case you do Q: Hey y’all, my parents won’t tell me and I need to not know us, we are a free speech publication on campus. We are the only know: where do babies come from?? official club on campus that is allowed to publish student voices without censorship or approval from Fordham’s administration. We are able to publish anything and everything. It is great. Bob: It’s not about where you’re born, it’s about where you’re conceived. For example, our first son was We love to get as many voices in our publication as possible because brought into existence in a Quizno’s women’s rest- we think it is important to have a variety of opinions to better ourselves and learn how to understand others. Now, we do have some standards. We will room. Mmm toasty. never, ever publish anything that hurts anyone in anyway. This means that Judy: Babies are spawned from the head of the GOP, we will never publish anything that is deragatory towards any groups. We not unlike the birth of Athena from the mind of Zeus. are a free speech paper, but we are not a hate speech paper. We aim to inform our students through our accepting and loving community. We want Then one day they become good little freedom-loving to foster the creativity of our writers, editors, and readers. truck drivers. Bless.

So that being said, you will notice we have a ton of satire, interesting takes, and just plain weird stories in many of our issues. Don’t be scared of Q: Hey I just got to college, how do I make new us. We are just trying to give people a space to say what they are thinking friends? in a smart and coherent way. Writing is an amazing way to express oneself. It is a great way to explore your thoughts. Bob: Well kids, the best way to make friends is to be We do take our news and journalistic criticisms seriously though. Our yourself! Just be nice to people, unless they’re one of news section is thoughtfully written and based in hard facts that we get those kids that’s into dragons. I don’t get it, they’ve from a variety of reliable sources from the Pew Research Center to our own campus administration. Even many of our music reviews and arts have their never been real! And they’re not even that cool in fic- critical backings in some kind of theory. In an effort to be as transparent tion! as possible, we do recognize that every individual has an inherent bias, Judy: Here’s what you do: get a pound of weed, two which is why you will often see our writers’ opinions in the last paragraph or sentences of a news article. Domino’s pizzas (extra anchovie), and a box of fire- crackers. And then just sit in an alley with it dis- We sound very serious and tough, and we are to an extent, but played in front of you and ask people walking by if we really just love what we do. We strongly encourage students from all disciplines to come write for us to explore something new. Anyone from any they would like to be your friend! level of writing is totally welcome, and we want everyone to take a chance on us-- in total Mamma Mia! style. So come to our next meeting on Tuesday If you have questions for Bob and Judy, email The night at 9pm in McGinley 2nd-- we have another meeting time coming soon. Paper at [email protected]. See y’all then!

xoxo, Claire & Colleen (and MJJM) page 14 the paper september 12, 2018 Let’s get LITerate: Reflecting on a Book a Week By Annie Muscat Annie CRUSHED her summer reading list Arts Editor grapples with his own place within it. Between utilizing my every last He does so without being pretentious. brain cell to decipher Kantian philoso- He ponders some really interesting phy and feverishly skimming outdated questions like what makes art good textbooks, I realized I had forgotten or bad. how to love reading. Just as the U.S. The $12 Million Stuffed Shark: The education system sucks the joy out of Curious Economics of Contempo- learning, forcing students to extrinsi- rary Art by Don Thompson cally memorize material over actually This was probably the densest understanding it, reading became ex- book I read this summer. There was hausting. In an effort to remind myself a lot of vocabulary that I was not fa- that reading isn’t a laborious task, miliar with and tons of big numbers. but rather something to be enjoyed, Thompson thoroughly examines auc- I read a book per week this summer. tion houses, the art market, and deal- Although I felt like I was being coun- ership. Basically, I learned that art is terproductive at times, calculating really f*cking expensive. how many pages I needed to read The Motorcycle Diaries by Ernesto each day to finish in a week, the over- “Che” Guevara all experience was rewarding. After It’s riveting to read Che’s thoughts the first week, I found myself wanting and observations before he became to read during my free time. It became the revolutionary we remember a form of relaxation as opposed to a him as. He is deeply pensive about chore. Mindlessly scrolling through the plight of disadvantaged people Instagram turned into flipping pages, throughout Latin America. It is as if immersing myself in the protagonist’s the reader is along for the ride, liter- captivating reality instead of a cringe these women and their culture. Her writing style parallels the inten- ally. worthy video of Brad juuling with his The Koran sity of her performances. She rumi- Matar a Pablo Escobar by Mark bros. The intricacies and history of Islam nates on the human condition, rela- Bowden My library card became my most have always fascinated me, so I was tionships, and boundaries. Abramovic I gave myself two weeks to get prized possession. I spent hours just motivated to read its most fundamen- is deeply emotional yet stoic. She de- through this one since I read it in gazing at the spines of books and tal teachings. Since I thought learning tails her creative process, formative Spanish. Narcos is one of my favorite browsing the digital catalogue in the entire Arabic language would be experiences, and personal philoso- shows so I was excited to learn even search of my next read. But enough slightly difficult, I read a translation. phies. more about the notorious Colom- clichés. Here’s a list of the books At the risk of being blasphemous, I Devotion by Patti Smith bian kingpin. Bowden really did his I read this summer and brief take- have to admit that it was an extremely Patti Smith is one of my favorite research with this book. No perspec- aways. Do with this information what repetitive text. It probably could have human beings. She has such a way tive is left out. Also, my poor mother you may: been about three hundred pages with words, so I was ecstatic when probably thinks I am going to become Lust for Life by Irving Stone shorter and relayed the same mes- she published this new short work. a drug lord. I kicked the summer off with one of sages. Through poetry, essays, photography The Female Man by Joanna Russ my favorite books. I had read it before Trans: A Quick and Quirky Account and reflection, Smith delves into her I cannot believe I have lived this and wanted to relive the tumultuous of Gender Variability by Jack Halber- passion for writing and reminded me long without feminist science fiction. life of Van Gogh. Stone humanizes stam why I love it too. Even though I had trouble following Van Gogh through carefully crafted I strongly recommend this book to Dog Whistle Politics: How Coded the plot, Russ constructs an extraor- dialogue and description, not paint- anyone interested in gender studies. Racial Appeals Have Reinvented dinary reality with sharp commentary ing (ha!) the artist as the mentally ill In fact, some college courses are us- Racism and Wrecked the Middle on sexism and misogyny. caricature he has become today. ing it as their required text. It is com- Class by Ian Haney-López Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur prehensible, and Halberstam weaves If you are someone who likes to Golden in some of his own personal insight as be angry, read this book. Not much Despite the problematic notion that a trans man. The ending is especially has changed since Reagan’s racial- a white man is telling a Japanese memorable because Halberstam ly charged rhetoric about “welfare woman’s life story and at times mys- compares the ideal future of gender queens.” Racism and corrupt, power- tifying it, this was one of the most conceptions to the shifting identities hungry politicians are unfortunately beautifully written books I have ever of legos. very much alive and well. read. Golden’s vivid figurative lan- Walk Through Walls: A Memoir by Playing to the Gallery: Helping guage was captivating and while I Marina Abramovic Contemporary Art in Its Struggle to know that Sayuri’s experiences do not I did not think this iconic perfor- Be Understood by Grayson Perry represent those of all geishas, I feel mance artist could get any more in- Infusing humor and art, Perry inter- that I gained a deep appreciation for triguing, but then I read her memoir. prets the contemporary art world and september 12, 2018 the paper page 15

Did you Know? Jusrrasic Park Is A Book Too! by Brad Langhoff A great pick for your next book club! Staff Dinosaur Man Have you ever wondered what a T-rex which are animatronics. truly a literary machine gun technique, It was a Saturday in late July, and smelled like, or how the distribution of Outside of these differences and the which was pronounced enough to make I was far too sick to go outside to get a species’ height could indicate that more fleshed-out philosophy - which me question whether I was reading the farmer’s tan I had been promising the geneticist of a nefarious biotech I’ll bore you with soon enough, don’t Jurassic Park or being lectured to by one myself since winter. With yet another company royally fucked up? Crichton worry - it’s hard to characterize other of Ayn Rand’s heavy-handed screeds. shitty Jurassic Park sequel hitting the answers these questions by flexing ones as broad trends of “good” and All of my shit-talking aside, the points theaters, I figured I would watch the his STEMlord muscles. Although the “bad.” Almost all of the characters are Crichton uses Malcolm to explain, decent original for the first time since added science and math, from the different, for better or for worse. Grant’s and the viscerally graphic scenes of I was young enough to actually know honest-to-God graphs of bell curves, hatred for children is reversed in the disembowelment to add emotional the names of the film’s unwitting, to the actual sequences of computer novel, just as many of the characters’ heft to, are fairly reasonable. I can dinosaurian villains. I quickly realized code that Crichton probably paid some are in their entirety. The movie’s see modern science being corrupted that the film was essentially a rehashing other dweebs to come up with, would lawyer is lanky, cowardly and awkward; by perverse incentives to establish of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein: a one- be too much for a film, they fill up meanwhile the book’s is a veritable a name for one’s self; making too dimensional warning that what we the void in a novel lacking any sort of beef-cake with a dash of courage who confident a prediction without enough “ought” and “can” do aren’t exactly one gripping dialogue and emotions. The not only survives, but also kicks a information certainly can’t be wrong; in the same. The film doesn’t portray fact that Jeff Goldblum’s character, velociraptor’s ass. The kids are a bit scientists standing on the shoulders meddling with nature as intrinsically mathematician Ian Malcolm, can less flanderized in their clumsiness and of giants could most definitely exercise bad, as Shelley seemed to suggest rant about how science is bullshit helplessness, but Hammond is less of less caution toward the pre-existing — just that doing so ignorantly is as with perfect grammar and logical a bubbly Disney type figure and more of science they’re seeking to exploit; stupid as stupid gets. consistency while riding into death on an evil, egoistic businessman wielding genetic technology is powerful, and Making these connections between a a wave of morphine is disquieting to genetic technology in a work of sci-fi - under the wrong hands could create recent film and an older novel, I couldn’t anyone hoping for realism in anything that’s to say, a total archetype. Perhaps some Jurassic Park-esque nightmare. help but think of what Crichton’s actual outside of the dinosaurs and super- most innocuous of the novel’s unique Ultimately, though, it reads too much as novel must’ve been like. So, when I ran computers. But Crichton does knock features is how it wraps itself up with hysteria, and a lot of Crichton’s talking into a stack of Crichton’s little money those areas he doesn’t suck at straight an almost pointless examination of the points are just that - talking points. It maker that, according to its front cover, out of the (Jurassic) park. Not only velociraptor nest and the bombardment takes over a generation to approve “started it all”, I couldn’t help but be does he make the science easy to of the island by a fictional Costa Rican new genetically engineered biologics, seduced by the title’s blood red font understand and entertaining, but his air force, explosions galore. and institutional review boards keep and the overall minimalistic design. novel is also horrifying in ways the Now, what ultimately sets Jurassic academic research as ethical as could What I found inside was certainly movie isn’t, thanks to his scientific Park, the novel, apart from Jurassic be and mountains of regulation ensure worth more than whatever the poor imagination and attention to details Park, the blockbuster, is the former’s that companies wouldn’t even dream schmucks who saw Jurassic World: being paired with the written word. stronger emphasis on its raison d’etre. of pulling off the bullshit InGen got Fallen Kingdom paid for their movie The film can’t describe the sweet, Crichton makes sure you’re damn away with. tickets, ranking an “I’m glad I dropped yet nauseating stench of the T-rex’s well aware of the problems of modern With that all said - I highly recommend the cash” on a scale from “that blew” mouth, nor does it even bother to science, and why the institution itself reading Jurassic Park. The writing style to “God might be real.” The book include a scene in which the rex drags may be rotting from the inside out. He isn’t fantastic, but it’s intellectually was certainly not the stuff of a great one of the two children by its four-foot does this by throwing tirade after tirade stimulating and easy to consume, American novel, but it was far more long tongue from behind a waterfall. from Malcolm at the reader, some of making it much like candy compared horrifying, science-heavy and nuanced Whereas the novel makes me want which are borderline profound while to whatever meatloaf of a book you’d than its multi-million dollar child, albeit to shit myself, the film only makes me others hardly register as more than find in English class. very emotionally deficient. question which dinosaurs are CGI and sophisticated shower thoughts. It is page 16 the paper september 12, 2018 Sarah’s Desclassified Broadway Survival Guide Events by Sarah Cassidy Whatchu know about the best of Broadway? What: Fordham Night at Staff Broadway Geek transported to Oz. Wicked is the story and it truly blew my mind. I am not a Yankee Stadium If you are a theatre nerd, such as of two college roommates who struggle massive Disney fan so the idea of Where: Yankee Stadium... myself, you know that one of the best to connect due to their incompatible the typical princess love story did not parts about living in New York is going personalities and interests. Oh, and originally appeal to me. But I decided duh to see Broadway shows. While most also the fact that one of the roommates to see the show anyway and I am so When: Friday, Sept 14 of the shows out on Broadway now has green skin (which is probably a glad that I did. Based off the 1997 7:05pm-11pm are great, there are a few in particular turnoff for many). Through all of this, film, Anastasia tells the story of Anya, a that have really blown me away. So, they soon become friends and navigate young girl who longs to know where she How Much: $26 here is my guide to the best shows on through the land of Oz. One of the comes from. By aligning with two con Why: What’s more Broadway. best parts of the show is definitely the men, she goes on a journey to find out American than a bunch of soundtrack. The composer and lyricist who she truly is. The music is addicting, Dear Evan Hansen of the show, Stephen Schwartz, is a the sets are phenomenal, and the story drunk college students at Broadway legend and truly captures is captivating. I also need to mention a baseball game? At this point, I’m that the lead actress in the pretty sure creatures living show, Christy Altomare, on Mars have heard about is truly one of the best What: Free Pickle Day Dear Evan Hansen. Not only actresses on Broadway—not Where: Lower East Side did it win six Tony Awards that I’m biased or anything. (Orchard St) in 2017, but it has truly Anyway, just go see the show. captured the hearts of You won’t regret it. When: Sunday, Oct 14 everyone who has seen it 10am-3pm (or those who just love the The Band’s Visit How Much: Free! soundtrack). The story dives into the life of Evan Hansen— Last but not least is a little Why: To each their own I a socially awkward teen who show called The Band’s Visit. guess. longs to have a friend. So Well, I guess I can’t consider after the death of one of his this show ‘little’ anymore classmates, Connor, Evan after it won ten Tony awards. What: Halloween Dog jumps at the opportunity to Honestly, before the Tony’s, Parade develop a relationship and he no one knew what this show Where: Tompkins Square quickly implants himself into was about. However, the Connor’s death through his messages that this show Park family and the use of social produces are so powerful When: Saturday, Oct. 20 media. I am not exaggerating and relevant to today’s 12pm-3pm when I say this musical is a society that we all need to rollercoaster; you will laugh, hear this story. The show is How Much: Free! you will cry, you will want to based off a 2007 film and Why: Dogs in costumes. scream. It is heartbreaking tells the story of an Egyptian Nuff said. in the best way possible and band who ends up in a will upset even the strongest forgotten Israeli town. The theatre lovers out there. One locals and foreigners quickly of the best parts about this show is begin to integrate together, that it is extremely relatable. Everyone, this eccentric story through the tunes creating an astounding story about especially young adults, can somehow of the show. It isn’t hard to quickly get music, love and wakefulness. If you relate to Evan’s character as we all deal addicted to songs like “Popular” or want to see and hear some of the most with the stresses of school, making to start belting out “Defying Gravity” amazing musicianship on Broadway, friends and being true to ourselves. I whenever you are feeling down. Once this is the show to see. Before hearing can keep going on and on about how you see it, you will know what I mean. the soundtrack to this show, I was life changing this show is, but I think never introduced to much music with it’s better that you check it out yourself. Anastasia Muslim influences. I have to say that the soundtrack is full of bops. I can Wicked Yes, I am saying Anastasia is honestly listen to it for days. If you also one of the best musicals on Broadway want to become addicted to Egyptian I have never met anyone who right now. Yes, I know that it is based music, I recommend going to see this has not fallen in love with Wicked. I off a children’s movie. And yes, you musical immediately. don’t even think those kind of people can argue with me on this one. I saw exist. Once you step into Gershwin Anastasia over the summer after Theatre, you are almost immediately listening to the soundtrack for months september 12, 2018 the paper page 17 The Holy Trinity of Anti-Pop: A Genre of Musical Fluidity Shows by Edward Lucano Pop is dead. A new era is among us. What: The Growlers Staff Spotify and Chill formance on The Tonight Show. When- the soundtrack of the emotional jour- I love pants. Jeans, chinos, joggers ever I see a girl from my high school ney of every 80’s teen movie protago- Concert – you name it, I wear it. The allure of post a Huji selfie on Instagram with a nist combined. For instance, “Ready / Where: Brooklyn Steel showing off my prize-winning calves in quote from a Rex song as its caption Problems” helps the band’s audience When: Friday, Sept 21 a pair of shorts on a hot summer day (this has only happened to me twice cope with one-sided feelings and a pales in comparison to the way my den- but it is still worth noting) I cannot help subsequent lack of conflict resolution and Saturday, Sept 22 @ im-clad string bean legs contrast with but think that I started listening to his while “Dance, Baby!’ characterizes the 8pm the crisp golden hues of Fordham’s music way before he even had a band- hypothetical triumph of winning your How Much: $30 fall foliage. Personally, I like to cuff the wagon to hop on. There have been nu- former sweetheart back at the big legs of my pants twice; one cuff would merous songs written about love and homecoming dance. Nostalgia aside, Why: Growl your lil heart cause my trousers to ride low on my longing over the course of songwriting Boy Pablo’s inherent sense of yearning out to some rad tunes. ankles and awkwardly graze my Stan history, but the bare instrumental ap- and uncertainty is what anti-pop is all Smiths, but three cuffs would expose proach and honest lyrics Rex uses al- about. too much ankle, thereby compromising lows his message to be more relatable What: Frankie Cosmos my warmth and masculinity. All cuffs than that of an overplayed pop song Keeping the flexibility of this musical Concert aside, the headphones I hold in my left whose chorus is only a Zedd feature. genre in mind, anti-pop is no stranger Where: Music Hall of pocket are the most crucial component to high-octane club bangers and bass- of any walk around campus thumping rap tracks. By this Williamsburg I have ever found myself on, token, Brockhampton re- When: Saturday, Oct 6 @ and nine times out of ten I places the peace and quiet 7pm could have been found lis- of Rex Orange County and tening to the same genre: Boy Pablo with fourteen How Much: $18 anti-pop. energetic rappers and pro- Why: Because we are all ducers whose sole inten- hipster trash. Embrace it. Anti-pop is an ever-growing tion is to make the founda- amalgamation of songs and tion of any concert venue artists with musical styles quake and crumble. Led What: Kali Uchis Concert that do not conform to one by vocalists Kevin Abstract, Where: Terminal 5 particular genre of music. Matt Champion and Merlyn For instance, an anti-pop re- Wood, Brockhampton took When: Friday, Oct 12 @ cord could derive its sound the 2017 hip hop scene by 8pm from alternative, jazz or hip storm with the highly antici- How Much: $35 hop either individually or all pated release of their three- at the same time. Ironically, album Saturation project. Why: We stan a anti-pop’s subtle rise up the For example, Saturation Colombian queen! charts is rooted in its abil- III’s “BOOGIE” combines an ity to fly under the radar at early 2000’s Slim Shady dy- the same time. Although this namism with blaring sirens overarching term was coined and thumping bass while by Spotify’s namesake play- Saturation II’s “TOKYO” is list, its fluidity leaves its like a jazz concert fueled contents up to individual by Red Bull and Pop Rocks. interpretation. Therefore, in Despite the youthful exuber- an effort to reflect the diversity of its Our next act spans the globe by draw- ance of the group, the underlying mes- artists, here are three acts that I think ing its roots all the way from Chile to sage behind Brockhampton’s music give anti-pop such an interesting repu- Norway to form an indie-rock project tackles social issues such as sexuality tation: Rex Orange County, Boy Pablo known as Boy Pablo. Lead singer and and race relations in America. Either and Brockhampton. rhythm guitarist Nicolas Pablo Muñoz way, this self-proclaimed boyband is offers a unique insight on love and loss not going anywhere anytime soon. Alex O’Conner, otherwise known as through his seamless fusion of melan- Rex Orange County, is a singer-songwrit- choly vocals and invigorating chord pro- Essentially, any song can be part of er out of Surrey, England. Although he gressions. In my opinion, each song off the anti-pop family because the whole is only twenty years old, Rex has taken of the band’s 2017 EP, Roy Pablo, has genre is all about finding one’s own the music scene by storm with starry- made me want to stand outside in the voice through those of artists with a eyed ballads such as “Best Friend” and pouring rain and profess my love to the platform of autonomy. Hopefully one infectious piano bops like “Loving Is girl of my dreams by holding a boom- day the world will love this type of mu- Easy,” which actually earned him over box outside her bedroom window. It is sic as much as I love to wear pants. fifty million Spotify plays and a live per- almost as if Boy Pablo’s music could be page 18 the paper september 12, 2018 Why You Should Binge-Watch Friends Right Now by Andrea Estrella Friends stands with The Office as shows that we watch once a month. Staff Sitcom Enthusiast One of the most-watched shows of that people are watching these days. simply can’t be said of other shows In an age where Netflix allows us its time, Friends is such a staple of It’s funny in a laugh-out-loud no like, for example, Orange is the New to take on binge-watching as a part- American culture that references are matter how old you are kind of way. Black, which arguably appeal more time job, it can be easy to get caught still made to it today, over two decades Between Chandler’s witty sarcasm and exclusively to a younger audience. up in shows that, quite frankly, are later. Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Joey’s innocent blunders, the show There’s a reason “Rachel Green not worth the life-consuming amount Chandler and Joey symbolize what many is humorous in a light-hearted but Outfits” is a popular search result on of time they require. We’ve all been consider to be the ideal life of twenty intelligent sense. Perhaps its humor Pinterest, and its because Friends there: two seasons and about 20 hours somethings living in New York City. The lays in the universality of its themes: acts as an incredible collection of into a new show you’ve been binge- show revolves around their victories everyone experiences problems with 90’s fashion. Rachel and Monica were watching, you’re suddenly hit with the and downfalls, showing the their job, friendships and definitely 90’s style icons and the boys’ realization that it isn’t so great after lessons they learn as they relationships. Instead of wardrobes weren’t too shabby either. all, and between the gaping plot holes navigate jobs, relationships, dwelling on this fact, the I’d be lying if I said a few episodes didn’t or ridiculous character changes (2015 and above all, their friendships show portrays a group of inspire me to wear some plaid pants or telenovela Celia, I’m looking at you), with each other. While friends who, using each denim overalls. But hey, if Rachel can you’re so disgusted that you physically naysayers criticize the show other as a support system, pull them off, so can you and I. cannot watch another episode. It’s for portraying the characters make light of it. Beyond its undeniable comedy, perhaps the greatest let-down of the as having unrealistic lifestyles Also, speaking on its universal appeal and impeccable modern day, to discover that you’ve in relation to their supposedly universal appeal, Friends fashion sense, Friends offered its devoted so much time and emotional modest earnings, I would is a show that transcends viewers valuable lessons on life that investment into a show that you argue that the essence of Friends lays generational boundaries. I can set are still relevant today. As far as shows ultimately found to be disappointing. not in the luxury of their clothing or out to watch an episode alone in my go, it is recognized as a classic and I’m here to offer solace on the issue. If apartments, but in the dialogue and house, and end up with both of my admired on a level that most shows you need a safe bet for a show on Netflix interactions with one another. parents sitting on the couch beside never will be. Now, as for why you that will do anything but disappoint, For starters, Friends is a funny show. me, laughing at the jokes made or should stop what you’re doing right your next watch (or perhaps re-watch) And not just funny in comparison waiting to watch (often, again) what now to binge-watch Friends: could it be should be the 1994 sitcom, Friends. with most of the trash shows/movies happens next. This is something that any clearer? Incredibles 2 is Incredibly Good by Camille Vitale Pixar had no business making Elastigirl that thicc Staff Super kids’ problems, while Elastigirl solves the movie. Violet’s boy problems also Another cool thing about this movie Over the summer, the blockbuster crime. Mr. Incredible learns to deal become a part of the plot because is the Screenslaver, the main villain, Incredibles 2 hit theaters everywhere with things like boyfriend issues, math she is tired of being a superhero and who uses technology to hypnotize and it was an absolutely amazing homework, and super hero babies just wants to be a normal teenager. its victims. The villain cyber-attacks movie I did not know I needed. First of who cannot control their powers. One of my only criticisms of the movie television stations and train controls all, they addressed the ending of the Elastigirl receives a new super suit and is that Dash did not have as much in order wreak havoc on the city. After previous movie where the Underminer motorcycle in order to help her fight screen time as the other characters. a screen is hacked, it projects glittery tries to take over the city. Even though crime and builds up Do not get me wrong, he lights that put everyone in a vegetable- he is not the ultimate villain of the a good reputation still had a great part in like state. The Screenslaver also movie, I thought the way the film used as a superhero. the movie, but I feel like uses hypnotic glasses to control its Violet losing her mask as one of its This creates some he didn’t get as much victims. The Screenslaver wants to many plot points was pretty cool. It tension between character development force superheroes back into hiding by made us wonder what would happen her and Mr. as he could have. ruining their reputations. if someone saw her in the mask. It Incredible. Elastigirl Another cool thing There is also better color saturation was super dramatic, so go watch it also feels guilty for in this movie is that in this movie compared to the first, (#nospoilers). being away from there are a lot more which is noticeable but not distracting. A theme consistent throughout the the kids, but very superheroes out in The movie’s 1960s setting combined story was Elastigirl, who takes the invigorated about the open, not just Mr. with its futuristic vibe is another lead in the movie from the beginning. having a career of Incredible and Frozone. reason for loving the movie. The old- Winston Deaver, a character who her own. Frozone is hilarious and fashioned cars and modern decor wants to make superhero activity legal, Jack-Jack gets his awesome, and really in the houses allows the movie to be states that after some conducting time to shine, with his scenes looking makes the movie in between the not only pleasant to watch, but also some studies, it would be better to at first like normal baby moments until different action scenes. Lastly, Edna entertaining. This movie is insanely have Mrs. Incredible fight crime while he becomes invisible, walks through Mode makes an appearance and well written, from how funny the script Mr. Incredible stay at home. This lead walls, or turns into a monster. This yes, she is my favorite because she is is to how the plot develops, and it’s to a switch in gender roles, where leads to scenes where Jack-Jack’s hilarious and over the top and I live for a great movie for everyone. Highly Mr. Incredible becomes the stay at powers becomes slapstick comedy for it - she’s just fabulous. recommend, 10/10. home dad who is taking care of his september 12, 2018 the paper page 19 TATBILB: Rom-Com Genius? Or Is It Ok-ish? by Laira Bhurji Yay for inclusive casts and cheesy plotlines! Staff Boy Hater think I had to pause once or twice due She is a 16-year-old who acts, at most, other people tell her to change than to Here is a hot (and probably to secondhand embarrassment, but I like a child in many situations. Her figure it out for herself. unpopular) take: the movie To All the pushed through and came out of the communication skills resemble those Besides that, the romance between Boys I’ve Loved Before is overrated. movie clearly thinking I had wasted an of an awkward, non-confrontational the leads Peter and Lara seemed off Most people have noted that this hour and a half of my life. middle schooler, and she blames a lot to me. The timing was super rushed, past year the romantic comedy genre I was shocked. I thought to myself, of her problems on outside forces. and I kid you not, it felt like in one is blasting back into Hollywood. A lot of scene Peter was still hung up notable blockbusters, on Netflix and in on his ex and in the next, he theaters, have been making people cry told Lara Jean that she was out for more—see Set It Up, Crazy Rich “never second best” to him. Asians, and Love, Simon. For some The dispassionate relationship reason, I feel like I am back in the 80s that simmered between them watching Molly Ringwald play a love through the whole movie came interest in every single John Hughes to an anti-climactic end as they movie ever. It is the start of a new era, make up after a fight I do not and I am 100% here for it every step of even remember them having. the way. There are little plot points that So, to say I was excited to get a half- are never fully addressed—the Korean, half-Caucasian girl as the hot tub video, what happened protagonist in a big upcoming rom com to Josh/Margot, and the is an understatement. Diversity fuels outcome of Lara Jean’s favorite me in ways even coffee cannot. It only scrunchie—which bothered me made sense that I was one of those too. people who stayed up until 12AM However, of course, this movie PST to watch the movie as it began was not an all-around bad teen streaming on Netflix. rom com to me, for it still had I was shocked. I its shining moments. Noah Centineo and Lana Condor, thought to myself, I the two actors who play Peter and Lara Jean, have a lot of could not have just on-screen chemistry, and that really pushed through to make been beyond excited their romance seem slightly to watch Lana Confor believable. The cinematography had me in awe in some scenes, in colorfur scrunchies and the whole 80s vibe in the diner and with Lara Jean’s and skirts and end up outfits made me squeal. being dissapointed in I could not have just been beyond Maybe this is just me being very While I do think some people may be excited to watch Lana Condor in colorful picky, but I’d rather have a character better off just watching Love, Simon scrunchies and skirts and end up being that does not resemble the “docile or Crazy Rich Asians as their intended the character. and whiny Asian girl” stereotype that Picture this: I am lying in bed, bursting disappointed in the character. Spoiler rom com, this movie is still a step is found in a lot of young adult books at the seams with enthusiasm, right up alert: I was thoroughly disappointed. forward to a more inclusive cast and a (note: see Cho Chang). She gave off until the movie started. Looking back In my opinion, Lara Jean Song has to worthy supporting addition to the 2018 this constant image that she could not at it, my stamina to watch the movie be one of the most petulant characters romantic comedy takeover. face reality and would rather listen to diminished as the minutes went by. I I have ever come across to this date. page 11 the paper september 12, 2018 which of liv’s favorite emojis are you? are leggings pants?

duh nah

which is ur nickelodeon fave plush or disney? toy? beanie webkinz nick disney babies it’s friday night! time for an what’s the what’re you impulse piercing superior summer doing? at tuff city! job?

drinking 5 lifeguard karaoke margaritas camp and passing out nose eyebrow counselor

happy cowboy xD ARGHHHHH!!!!! le juggler

-always smiling thru the pain -mouth breather -up to somethin -nervous when making plans -usually left on read -quiet footsteps -sweaty -life of the mf party -seems evil but is -makes the class quizlets -can and will shotgun a actually very pure -loves brunch four loko upon request -LOVES pinterest september 12, 2018 the paper page 12

Hey friends welcome back especially when your friend’s to because it is good and slaps. GOKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU to hell. Twitter has been dad is telling a ghost story. Try it Okay? Alright. Thank you and When I was in middle school I collectively recalling bops sometime. Like, glow sticks and goodbye. was like a fake anime fan where I bottles pop, and shoot colorful from our childhoods that didn’t actually watch anime, i just sparks while paper and cardboard Ant Man by Hypnotic looked up facts on the wiki page really didn’t have to slap shrivel and blacken. Very spooky. Clambake (editor note for whatever show my friends were that hard. What about your please look this up and fans of. The only true interaction childhood really didn’t have Are You Ready Kids? Hell listen to this) I ever had with anime was AMVs (anime music videos). People to go that hard? yeah captain??? I discovered this song this summer would use their god-like editing Alright, I’m gonna keep it real when I was in New Hampshire skills to make these surprisingly magic Mika, my man with you chief. Most songs with my friend Ethan. His dad had well made music videos to songs. Remember Mika? Remember from Spongebob were fucking a whole collection of cassettes, 9/10 the song was the song that guy whose voice went up so bops. I think one of my all time including one of this band called Monster by Skillet over either many octaves he’d shatter your favorites was “The Best Day Hypnotic Clambake. Intrigued, we Naruto, Bleach, or Dragon Ball Z. car speakers when his came on Ever.” That episode turned out to threw it on the tape deck, and our And, like, those weren’t bad, but the radio? Yeah, that guy. 2007 be a complete disappointment lives were irreversibly changed the true cream of the crop AMV is calling, and it wants to remind because Spongebob was for the better once we heard “Ant was “Blame it on 2009: A Good, you of better times. Lollipop is supposed to have a really good Man”. This song is basically about Good Year”. The video was a a masterpiece, and we didn’t day but then he straight up a guy who sees ants on the street, compilation of different animes deserve it. Peppy, bouncy rhythm? didn’t. Which I suppose is a good is unable to count all the ants, that I never watched, so you know Check. Catchy melody? Check. messge for kids that sometimes wonders how many there could I was there to jam out to the song High-pitched, sassy voice that’s days you look forward to are possibly be, and proclaims himself itself. It was a mash-up of all the authoritative and yet sounds like not going to turn out to be good as a “fan of the ants” before finally pop songs from 2009, and it had your best friend telling you all the days. Give them a good dose of saying that he would like to be an NO RIGHT slapping as hard as it juicy details of her date with her realism, y’know? When I was in ant himself. Pretty much my life fifth grade I was bullied for having did for what it was. Mashups are fourth middle school boyfriend? story. Check, check, and check. More Spongeebob songs downloaded never good but that one shaped on my iPod Nano in fifth grade. my youth. than just being a major BOP, the Are You Going to eat that song also delivers an important But you know what? Goofy Goober Cwushsawnt? message: don’t give too much of Rock fucking slapped. I don’t trust Somebody Call 911? hewwo You know what didn’t have to slap yourself to one guy. Slapping tunes you if you disagree with me on this that hard? The Jimmy Neutron police? and meaningful lyrics? What more point. theme song. That shit was written Fire Burning by Sean Kingston. can you ask for from a song than by the same people who wrote the This song slapped. I really related that? The Best Collab Of All Time smash hit “1985.” Between the to it in middle school. At middle Yo a song that slapped too hard lyrics and the general melody of school dances it was our bop straight up arson (is it gay is that song that had the Jonas the Jimmy Neutron theme song, because we refused to go on the to throw glowsticks into Brothers and Hannah Montana-- it was truly a masterpiece of the dance floor due to cooties. Also as fires to watch the rainbow it was “We Got the Party” or early 2000s. Nothing got me more an environmental influencer and something. Okay, it didn’t slap too hype to watch television than this dues paying member of the EPA fellas?) hard. It slapped just right. Like, I know that fire is in fact burning. Might not be relatable, but goddamn bop of a song. Thank great song with great tween artists Due to uncontrollable climate throwing things on a campfire that you Bowling for Soup for gracing for ten year olds. It is an amazing change we will all due to fire in fact you’re not supposed to is pretty my ears with this truly iconic song. tune that everyone should listen burning our forests and homes. page 22 the paper september 12, 2018 uninspired and simple, but as usual, UK band, IDLES, has just dropped The Kooks leave listeners with a few their second LP a year after releasing feel-good tracks. Brutalism, and it feels like a good The album’s lowest point omen for both the band and hard rock comes at the second song, “Kids.” The in general. Joy as an Act of Resistance song is a raucous and somewhat pouty tempers the political outrage of homage to nonconformity, joining tons the band’s debut with psychotic of other two-dimensional songs about exuberance and lots of fun. rebelling against some unspecified Not that they weren’t always figure of authority. The album picks fun. IDLES, in spite of all the post-punk up with “Chicken Bone.” The upbeat noise, are relentlessly catchy. Deep, melody is juxtaposed with lyrics hollow basslines bounce and jerk chronicling the hardships of city life. alongside danceable punk rock drums. Towards the end of the song, front man Sing-song verses transition into almost Luke Pritchard chants “like a stone”, tribal hooks. Joe Talbot in particular invoking the haunting and untethered has a special gift for getting his whiskey feeling of Bob Dylan’s “Like a Rolling growl to fit with sing-along choruses. Stone.” The album reaches a new And the guitars add dynamic range level of depth with “Tesco Disco”, a that pops in on every track, buzzing song starkly different from the pack in and screaming, and then vanishes. both texture and lyrics. “Tesco Disco” Along with its fierce positivity, for her support of same-sex mar- Carrie Underwood paints a sentimental portrait of a girl “Joy” is also a decidedly more focused riage, and joined Dolly Parton as the “Love Wins” from the singer’s past, and chronicles album than “Brutalism” was. It’s an rare member of country music royalty Robin Happel the sweet, trivial moments that make album with a mission statement of who’s revered enough to speak her up a young relationship. “No Pressure” “unity,” possibly in reaction to the mind. Recently, she also called out is the closing track, and it brings a message of an older track “Divide and country stations for not featuring more much needed feeling of levity to the Conquer.” Talbot shouts the word unity female artists (a problem that became album. Smooth and energizing, the on a couple of tracks, but especially on much worse, arguably, with the black- song feels like a release of all of the the ecstatic single “Danny Nedelko,” balling of the Dixie Chicks a little over tension built up in the previous tracks. which concludes with Talbot spelling a decade ago). Between the sparkling “No Pressure” reminds the listener out the words “The Community of Fuck surface of her new album Cry Pretty, what The Kooks are capable of when You.” “Love Wins” shows Underwood is they drop the superiority complex and The album is also about masculinity. taking a real risk, and its melody and create a song with genuine emotion With lyrics like “I put homophobes storytelling manages to be more than behind it. in coffins,” Talbot critiques toxic the sum of its parts. masculinity in others, even though he Favorite Song: Tesco Disco can’t resist a lyric about getting into a bar fight. This paradox of positivity At once a powerful anthem, and comes through on the killer track profoundly personal, “Love Wins,” “Television” as well, where Talbot Carrie Underwood’s new single, recalls opens with the lines “If someone talked the storytelling and soaring bridges to you/ the way you talk to you/ I’d put that first made Underwood famous. The Kooks their teeth through.” Vaguely reminiscent of “Jesus Take Lets Go Sunshine the Wheel,” this track opens with a Grace Lyons Favorite Track: Television mother’s perspective on gun violence, evolving into a broader call for unity and IDLES peace. It’s the rare song that manages Joy as an Act of Rebellion to balance the synth shimmer of pop David Kennedy with country twang, a feel-good ballad reminiscent of Luke Bryan and the increasing number of young country artists who dare to say love is love. To many of her LGBTQ+ fans, the song’s title and themes are also a stirring tribute to the fight for marriage equality in America (and, sadly, the fear of gun violence that has plagued many in the community, especially after Pulse). The Kooks are back with their seventh In our own at times pinkwashed age, album called “Let’s Go Sunshine.” The maybe it’s easy to see “love wins” as album is a tribute to the confusion of a shallow slogan. But Carrie walks the youth, focusing on rebellion, loneliness, walk. Just last year, she faced backlash and romance. At times the lyrics feel september 12, 2018 the paper page 23 Eminem Troye Sivan Kamikaze Bloom Camille Vitale Olivia Langenberg A Holy Playlist

“Make Me A Channel Of Your Peace”

“Deepthroat” by cupcakKe

Eminem’s newest album dropped this “Great Is Thy Faithfulness” week to rave reviews. From awesome beats and rhymes to diss tracks that I’ve been waiting for Troye Sivan to re- range from petty to downright nasty, it lease new music since I saw him at Ter- is no wonder that Kamikaze is trend- minal 5 two years ago. I was sweaty. I “Holy, Holy, Holy” ing in the top 10 on iTunes and Spo- couldn’t see that well. But I felt so alive tify charts. Kamikaze is a criticism of and it was awesome. When I found out the new generation of rappers, and a Sivan was releasing Bloom at the end reflection of where the evolution of hip- of August, I was fucking psyched. Prior “Bloom” by Troye Sivan hop has identified huge ghostwriters to the release of his sophomore album, and mumble rap as problems. In the Sivan released “My My My!” as the al- song “Not Alike” feat. Royce da 5’9” bum’s first single, which was an abso- “In Christ Alone” Eminem uses random words like“ Brain lute bop. I blasted that shit in my ‘06 dead, eye drops Pain meds, cyclops,” in Volvo like it was no one’s business. Si- between verses to emphasize the lack van then released “Dance To This” fea- of commonality between generations. turing Ariana Grande. Can you believe “Abide With Me” In “The Ringer,” under a trap beat Emi- this is the actual anthem of the gays? nem uses similar rhythmic phrasing Sivan and Grande’s voices are both so while making fun of trap at the same sultry on this track, it gets me feeling time. At one point, Eminem adopts some type of way. “I Do” by Cardi B and SZA the same rap flow as Lil Pumps’ “Gu- When the entirety of Bloom dropped, cci Gang” while systematically taking I was both elated and slightly bored. down Lil Pump, Lil Xan, and Lil Wayne On the first listen through the whole “Be Thou My Vision” all within the same phrase. Within the album, I was a little underwhelmed. same song, Eminem takes down radio Some of the songs blend together and host Charlemagne the God for calling they aren’t that memorable. But once his last album Revival trash. The take- I gave it another listen and really paid “Be Still, My Soul” down consisted quoting him verbatim attention to the lyrics, I got off my high and using his own words against him horse and realized that Bloom is a within the rap. masterpiece. And aren’t we all here for “What A Friend We have In The inspiration behind this album was flower metaphors about being a- bot Eminem’s last album Revival and it re- tom? While some of the slower songs Jesus” ceived very mixed reviews and had a aren’t immediately striking, once you ton of criticism across the board. This get into the lyrics, they really shine. criticism was justified because in all Bloom shows how much Sivan has fairness the level of lyricism and musi- grown and figured himself out since the cality was just not on the same level of release of his first album, Blue Neigh- previous albums. bourhood. It rocks. page 24 the paper september 12, 2018