THE BAR THAT WASN’T JOURNEY OF A SOUL IN LONG-TERM RECOVERY JIM W. Praise For The Bar That Wasn’t Jim W. tells a very compelling story of his own journey from addic- tion to alcohol followed by more than five decades of recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous. Woven quite masterfully within his story are stories of others he met along the way – some who also found the help they needed and some who didn’t. Jim offers great insight and hope to anyone who dares to wonder, “Could my problem be alcoholism?” This book is truly a great read, educational and extremely hopeful. —Karen Casey, PhD, retired vice president of publications, Hazelden Foundation, and author of Each Day a New Beginning (published in 1982), the seminal recovery book for women. www.womens-spirituality.com I have thoroughly enjoyed reading The Bar That Wasn’t by Jim W. A powerful anti-stigma tool, it is an eloquent story that captures the core of the A.A. experience, the mechanisms of change within A.A., and fulfillment of the A.A. promises. Much has been written about A.A.’s Twelve Steps, but I don’t think I have ever read a more detailed account of the meaning of “Step Work” on a day-to-day basis and across the stages of long-term recovery. That in itself will make it a valuable resource for those seeking recovery and a worthy contribution to the literature on addiction. It will draw many appreciative readers. —William L. White, author of Slaying the Dragon: A History of Addiction Treatment and Recovery in America, and Recovery Rising. [email protected] After a few pages, The Bar That Wasn’t had me hooked. I found it to be a truly great story. Jim W. strikes a unique balance between the very personal and the scientific. His personal lived experiences in dealing with alcohol are engaging and enlightening. What is different with this book is blending in the science to make it more than the typical personal narrative to educate the reader to broader issues and facts about addictions. This makes the book suitable not only for those who might be dealing with their own struggles, but also for students and aspiring clinicians to understand addictions and recovery from the perspective of one affected by the conditions. —Norman G. Hoffmann, PhD, has been an internationally acclaimed expert on the design of assessment tools and the evalua- tion of treatment services for over forty years. He is the founder of Evince Diagnostics, an online clinical assessment service. [email protected] The Bar That Wasn’t has been written with the help of thousands who have gone before. Jim W.’s story lays out an approach to the Twelve Steps that is at once complex, yet practical. And while no two people are exactly alike, these basic fundamentals will apply to both the newly sober and those with years of sobriety. In the end, this book is about helping people live happier, more satisfying lives by providing them with the tools to establish and maintain long-term sobriety. —George Watkins, founder of Performance Resource Press and founder of The Employee Assistance Society of North America The Bar That Wasn’t: Journey Of A Soul In Long-Term Recovery Published by Jim W. Publications, LLC Madison, WI Copyright ©2021 by Jim W. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems without To my sponsors and my wife. permission in writing from the publisher/author, except by a reviewer who may quote passages in a review. All images, logos, quotes, and trademarks included in this book are subject to use according to trademark and copyright laws of the United States of America. ISBN: 978-0-578-80135-3 SELF-HELP / Substance Abuse & Addictions / Alcohol Cover and Interior design by Victoria Wolf, wolfdesignandmarketing.com QUANTITY PURCHASES: Professional groups, clubs, and other organizations may qualify for special terms when ordering quantities of this title. For information, email [email protected]. All rights reserved by Jim W. and Jim W. Publications, LLC Printed in the United States of America. The brief excerpts from The Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions are reprinted with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. (“A.A.W.S.”) Permission to reprint these excerpts does not mean that A.A.W.S. has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication, or that A.A.W.S. necessarily agrees with the views expressed herein. A.A. is a program of recovery from alcoholism only — use of these excerpts in connection with programs and activities which are patterned after A.A., but which address other problems, or in any other non A.A. context, does not imply otherwise. Contents FORWARD ix INTRODUCTION 1 DEPRESSION 3 LOOKING FOR SOMETHING THAT WASN’T THERE 9 HOLDING ON 35 RECOVERING IMPERFECTLY 61 STEP ZERO: TRADITION THREE 67 STEP ONE 75 STEP TWO 95 STEP THREE 103 STEP FOUR 129 STEP FIVE 153 STEP SIX 161 STEP SEVEN 189 STEP EIGHT 203 STEP NINE 211 STEP TEN 225 STEP ELEVEN 253 STEP TWELVE 267 PURPOSE 283 Acknowledgments 303 About the author 305 Notes 307 FORWARD im W’s The Bar That Wasn’t is a beautifully written memoir that Jchronicles in such amazing detail one man’s journey into a life of recovery. This book follows his pain and quiet desperation with heartfelt honesty. In particular, he captures the destructive power and emotional turmoil caused by his alcoholism. This is a story of recovery from seemingly hopeless addiction to a life in balance, and a wonderfully detailed and grace-filled journey home to a full, meaningful and productive life. Jim beautifully illus- trates the important relationships in his life that carried him through an amazing transformation to wellness, peace and serenity. He makes the 12-step program come alive as the foundation of a life well lived. His message is one of hope and healing that will touch anyone who has suffered from alcoholism or drug dependency and is seeking the grace of a whole life in recovery. Whether you’re new to recovery or an old timer, or seeking recov- ery for yourself or someone you love, this book is a reminder that we x • The Bar That Wasn’t are not alone, and that our stories are not so unique after-all. Jim walks the reader through the process of taking the Steps that ultimately lead to a deep spiritual connection to self, family, community and the God of our understanding. It is a journey from acceptance to surrender, self examination to willingness to change, from reconciliation to forgive- ness, from daily inventory to the power of prayer and meditation and it culminates with a heartfelt commitment to practice principles and carry the message of hope and recovery to others who still suffer. INTRODUCTION Jim describes that moment that all of us who eventually found our way into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous has experienced: when we knew we belonged. That move from isolation to connection, from self-centeredness to other-centeredness, from “me” to “we.” We were no longer alone on this journey. This book provides its reader with a fascinating view of what the ometime in 2012 while sitting at my computer, I started writing world of AA and treatment looked like in Minnesota in the 1960s and Sabout a night in the dead of winter in Minnesota that had changed 70s. For those of us who found our sobriety during these times, it is a my life forty-six years earlier. I had no intention of writing a book. I nostalgic look at the simplicity and hope filled excitement of those times. just wanted to see what that night might look like on paper. Once I As a pioneer of Employee Assistance Programs (EAP’s) in the got started, I kept writing off and on, sometimes leaving it for months. United States and one of the principle architects of the Minnesota Then the mood would strike, and I’d write some more. Department of Human Services’ Chemical Health Division, it’s difficult It grew. The first several pages ended up being about how I got to calculate the lives that have been saved by one man’s journey into to my first A.A. meeting. Then how I took the steps. Nearly eight recovery. Thank you Jim for being such a fine example of a life well- years passed before I finished Step 12. My sponsor, Mac, read it. He lived in our community of Twelve Step recovery. liked it and suggested I send a copy to a mutual friend, Bill White, a great researcher and author of several books on addiction and recov- John H. Curtiss, M.A. ery. I also sent it to Karen Casey, who had served for several years as President/CEO and co-founder of The Retreat, a chemical vice president of publications at Hazelden, and George Watkins, a dependency recovery center in Wayzata, Minnesota and former friend and EAP colleague of many years and a former publisher. Norm Hazelden Foundation executive for 20 years. Hoffman, PhD, one of the great researchers and designers of addiction diagnostic tools, also looked it over. They and others encouraged me to talk to publishers. 2 • The Bar That Wasn’t It had no target audience when I started writing; it was just a personal memoir. But those who have read it believe it could fill a gap in the current literature and be of interest to those already in recovery as well as those starting out.