Is There Anything Left To Say About Music? While defending the value of music journalism in his online blog, British rock critic Everett True has unwittingly made enemies of Silverchair, the Vines, street press and half of Australia H By Everett True H y name is everett true. i plaudits in equal measure. Paul Weller said of me, I grew up at a time – before the Internet, before am a British music critic. This is “If it was any other line of business, I’d punch the MySpace and YouTube and fan blogs – when the what I do. I examine, evaluate cunt out”. Billy Corgan got up on stage dressed in a British music press were Gods Almighty, invested and pass judgment upon music clown suit, because I’d called him a clown. Some- with all the power they cared to command: taste- –M rock music, in particular. The clue is in my job one claiming to be the ex-manager of mewling Brit makers, filters, community leaders. I grew up be- title: music critic. indie-pop stars the Verve held a glass to my throat lieving there was no such thing as a bad interview – For years, I would create and wreck careers for 10 minutes. Bono sent his personal manager that if there was no story happening, you went out with a flick of my pen, a flurry on the keyboard – over to me with a signed hatchet (“Do your duty and created the story yourself, whatever it took. first for British music paper NME, then for Melody – love, Bono”). Roger Daltrey smashed up a guitar People contend that music journalists are Maker and thereafter for as many music publi- onstage in Melbourne, thinking of me. Courtney failed musicians, wreaking their revenge. Bull- cations as you can name. I gained brickbats and Love knocked out one of my teeth. And so on. shit. Music journalists – at least from where I am Illustration by Andrew Alligham Rolling Stone, December 2008 • 37 looking – are failed groupies. Either These people are being given a atmosphere among the street press, account for her vanilla amendments too shy or too ugly to sleep with platform. Why aren’t they using it? to keep the two separate – advertis- and pointed out that the high-end the artists they desire, they shower Former Ro l l i n g St o n e music edi- ing and editorial.” restaurant was not the sort of place them in reams of purple praise (or tor Jeff Apter writes, “The unspoken Advertisers shouldn’t be dictating her sales team would ever approach. hatred) instead. reality in the street press is that the content, though – should they? Dur- ‘We just think it’s important to be I believe that music criticism – at larger the ad you buy, the bigger the ing the early days of Careless Talk, I positive,’ she said.” its finest – is an art to rank alongside editorial coverage. All you need to ran a review of the Vines’ debut U.K. the medium it evaluates. I’ve always do is flick through the pages of any show. It called early time on bullshit: o i wrote my first contended that music criticism must street press magazine and check the “The Vines create rock music for Guardian blog about the be an art, because we make those ads against the editorial: they often people who have no idea how rush- lack of a national dialogue most ordinary of creatures – the that extends across the rock musician – sound fascinating. Swhole of the Australian press, and My job should enhance the experi- “The American music press is shoved in a throwaway line about ence of listening to music in every Silverchair and the Vines being respect – inform, enliven, uncover – completely deferential. And the “abominations against nature” to but above all, it should entertain. illustrate – somewhat clumsily – my This is the entertainment indus- Australian music press . Well, there point, and then I forgot about it. It’s try, after all. isn’t really one to speak of. It’s not what I do. Sound off about stuff, and I write: first, to make others jeal- move on. ous of me; second, to make sense of worth discussing the Australian music I’m a music critic. my own life; and third, because I press.” – Nick Cave, Plan B Magazine, The first inkling I had that can no longer dance. If I could still something was wrong was when I dance, none of the following furore March 2007 received a furious string of text would have happened. messages from a friend who shared a house with one of the street press few months ago, i Immersed in punk editors. “That was an ill-informed moved to Brisbane with Everett considers himself a and badly thought-out piece of criti- my wife and three-year- music lover and is cism,” she raged. “Now I can’t invite old son. Since 2001, I passionate about a large you over to my house.” Brisbane had A created and published two na- number of Aussie bands. newspaper The Courier-Mail ran a tional U.K. music magazines with no news item on the story – focusing on outside funding – Careless Talk Costs the Silverchair angle, and the fact I Lives, with venerated rock pho- was English (something I had over- tographer Steve Gullick, and Plan looked) – and all hell broke loose. B Magazine (which is still going). My wife’s brother called from Mel- Their focus was/is on the slipstream, bourne to inform us that I’d made the the stuff that is often overlooked front page of the free commuter paper. in the seething maelstrom of record In the space of 24 hours, I spoke to sales and radio hype (Erase Errata, eight different local ABC stations, ap- the Vivian Girls, Gossip, Minimum peared on a Channel Ten chat show Chips). I felt it was time for a change. (where the presenters acted outraged So we moved to Australia, and I when I suggested U2 were ordinary) began looking at ways I could engage and was pilloried across a dozen with the mainstream once more. mainstream newspapers – and their I started writing a blog for British match. It damages credibility for of-blood-to-the-head wonderful rock websites – for a) being English and b) newspaper The Guardian. both the act and the magazine.” music can be.” The day after the re- daring to criticise Silverchair. For my first column, I focused on Was I making a fundamental view appeared, the Vines’ record “Their last album won several the lack of a critical discourse that mistake in even engaging with the company pulled all advertising. I ARIAs,” stated one DJ. “Doesn’t that goes right across the arts in Aus- Australian street press? What is its didn’t remonstrate with – or fire – mean anything to you?” tralia – broadsheets, monthlies . purpose? Would-be imitators of the the critic (as often happens in the Well, no. I don’t believe in award all the way down to the street press. British music press, or a glorified Australian street press). ceremonies. Isn’t it reward enough In particular, I was dismayed at the gig guide – there to be perused one How could I? The writer was me. that millions of kids buy and love way the Australian street press had second, and thrown away the next? Besides, the majority of our adver- their records? changed so little from 1999, when In America, where similar publica- tisers appreciated our independent “Who would you have given the we lived in Melbourne for a year tions exist, editorial is notable for its stance – and realised it reflected well ARIAs to?” (and where I worked for street press willingness to engage in debate and upon their clients to appear in such a You don’t understand me. I don’t title Inpress for free). No thought is fiery opinions. “These magazines publication. believe in awards. given to presentation, with adverts are free,” I wrote in my blog. “Their Contrast that to this story from The message boards went into frequently placed on the cover (or as financial stability and continuing former Triple J presenter and art overdrive. It was the second-most wraparounds) – it’s as if the publish- existence have nothing to with sales pundit Helen Razer: “A Sydney read story on news.com.au (after the ers are tacitly admitting the useless- figures. Why not feature whoever publication once commissioned me one about a Catholic schoolteacher ness of the words inside. This angers the fuck you like?” to provide a ‘rock & roll restaurant posing for saucy photos), one thread me: firstly, because it’s obvious that “I find it hard to deal with the way review’. My 500 non-litigable words on Mess and Noise alone boasted 470 street press content is mostly gener- street press relies upon advertising,” were edited with the sort of force comments, and any number of self- ated by enthusiasts and music fans, admits Brisbane street press editor, that’d put the politburo to shame. righteous Australian columnists got which gives it a certain authenticity; Tsunami’s Gav Britton. “Everyone In essence, the published piece read, to air their opinion that I should go and secondly, there’s nothing I hate scratches each other’s backs, and ‘This place serves food in exchange straight back to England if I didn’t so much as a wasted opportunity. it’s hard, with such a competitive for money’. I asked the editor to like it over here.