by Zachary Bernstein www.stagerights.com DISASTEROID! Copyright © 2020 by Zachary Bernstein All Rights Reserved All performances and public readings of DISASTEROID! are subject to royalties. It is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, of all countries covered by the International Copyright Union, of all countries covered by the Pan- American Copyright Convention and the Universal Copyright Convention, and all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. All rights are strictly reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, by any means, including mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the author. Publication of this play does not necessarily imply that it is available for performance by amateurs or professionals. It is strongly recommended all interested parties apply to Steele Spring Stage Rights for performance rights before starting rehearsals or advertising. No changes shall be made in the play for the purpose of your production without prior written consent. All billing stipulations in your license agreement must be strictly adhered to. No person, firm or entity may receive credit larger or more prominent than that accorded the Author. For all stage performance inquiries, please contact: Steele Spring Stage Rights 3845 Cazador Street Los Angeles, CA 90065 (323) 739-0413 www.stagerights.com ORIGINAL PRODUCTION HISTORY NOTES Disasteroid! premiered as a late-night show on April 6th, 2018 in Los Angeles, as a production of Sacred Fools Theater Company at The Broadwater. Book, music and lyrics by Zachary Bernstein Graphic Art and Projection Design by Jim Pierce Stage Managed by Jessaica Shields Choreography by Sarah M. Kruger Music Direction by Zachary Bernstein Produced for Sacred Fools Theater Company by David Mayes Directed by Guy Picot Cast: John Bobek ................................................... Arthur Edgley Heather Marie Roberts ............................. Mabel Bellcoat Dagney Kerr ...................... Mitzi Stern / Observer / Daisy Matthew Bohrer ................. Pete Petty / Richard Bellcoat Band: Gordon Wimpress ....................... Guitar Eric Radoux ................................... Bass Zachary Bernstein ...................... Drums This production of Disasteroid! was remounted at the 2018 Hollywood Fringe Festival with the same cast and crew, only with Rebecca Schoenberg as stage manager. This group remounted the show once more for a one-night-only performance on February 17th, 2019 at the Mark Taper Auditorium as part of the Los Angeles Public Library’s L.A. Made programming series. The author owes some gratitude to the Sacred Fools Theater Company, not only for including the show as part of its programming, but also for including the script in its New Works Development workshop program prior to the show’s premiere. ORIGINAL PRODUCTION HISTORY NOTES (CONT’D) It is also worth noting that Disasteroid! was also produced independently in a more primitive form. This earlier version opened August 10th, 2012 at the Underground Theater in Los Angeles. Book, music and lyrics by Zachary Bernstein Props and Set Design by Sara Higley Sound and Lighting Design by Henry Crum Music Direction by Zachary Bernstein Stage Managed by Julie Simpson Choreography by Aaron I. Brown Produced by Jim Pierce & Zachary Bernstein Assistant Directed by Karen Silbert Directed by Jim Pierce Cast: Will McMichael ...................................... Arthur Edgley Natalie Rose ....................................... Mabel Bellcoat Casey Vandeventer ................................... Mitzi Stern Matt Jones .................................................. Pete Petty Garytt Poirier .................................... Richard Bellcoat Joy Darash .......................................................... Daisy Zachary Bernstein ........................................ Observer Band: Chris Coon ................................................... Keyboard Nick De Carlo .................................... Trumpet / Tuba Gene Ketcherside ............................................... Bass Zachary Bernstein .............................. Guitar / Drums CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS Minimum Casting Requirements: 2F/2M ARTHUR EDGLEY (30s-40s): A cog at the tax office who’s been cowed into submission by the ravages of a mundane life, but still hopeful; thinks about the big picture. [Tenor, A2-G#4] MABEL BELLCOAT (30s-40s): Charitable giving is her life’s work; pragmatic under normal circumstances, a woman of the people. [Mezzo-Soprano, G3-F5] The following roles are intended to be played by a single performer: • MITZI STERN (30s-40s): Edgley and Petty’s tough boss. She likes rules and order, gets pleasure from being ruthless; has strong convictions. • OBSERVER: Leader of the professional astronomers at the observatory; part prankster, part hedonist, part alpha bully. • DAISY: None too bright; oblivious and cheery; the kind of person you avoid at parties. [Mezzo-Soprano, Bb3-F#4] The following roles are intended to be played by a single performer: • PETE PETTY (30s-40s): Edgley’s co-worker; to call him odd would be an understatement, drawn to minute details, thinks about the small picture. • RICHARD BELLCOAT: Mabel’s arrogant husband, cares about appearances and status. [Tenor, B2-F#4] SETTING A coastal American city; a non-specified time period. SET NOTES Disasteroid! can easily be performed without an elaborate set design, but that choice should be made at the discretion of the director. The original production made lengthy use of projections to indicate the scene location. RUNNING TIME Approx. 80 minutes AUTHOR’S NOTE I was so excited to finally put up the first production of Disasteroid! that I quit my job. I was young and naive and it was my first musical. I just wanted to give it my full attention without being bothered by such mundane distractions as going to work. No one told me quitting my job was a bad idea (“You’re following your passion,” they said while shrugging), but I felt the consequences months later when my landlord still wanted to collect rent and grocery stores were selfishly demanding money in exchange for the food I was trying to eat. It maybe wasn’t my savviest move— in hindsight, I could’ve done both, and since then I have— but I don’t regret it. Just as the characters in the play, I was determined to give myself completely to an endeavor that made me feel complete. Life isn’t long enough to ignore what excites you. And you can’t wait for the right moment to come along because, even though there isn’t a giant asteroid headed toward Earth right now, maybe there is. You don’t really know for sure, do you? I’d like to acknowledge Jim Pierce for nudging me to start writing this play and Guy Picot for helping me develop it thereafter. I hope you have as much fun with this musical as I did writing, composing, re- writing, producing, drumming, performing, workshopping, re-writing again, producing again, finding a prop telescope for, music directing, once again revising, and putting the final touches on it. -Zachary Bernstein SONG LIST 1. We’re Looking! .................................................................................... Observer 2. Low Expectations ................................................................................... Edgley 3. Amateur Astronomer .......................................................... Edgley (with Petty) 4. Every Time I Try to Be Kind .................................................................... Mabel 5. Backyard ................................................................................................... Petty 6. Amateur Astronomer Reprise ..................................................... Instrumental 6A. Low Expectations Minor Vamp ................................................... Instrumental 7. The Bellcoat Charities ............................................................................ Mabel 7A. Amateur Astronomer Chord ........................................................ Instrumental 8. It’d Be Nice If It Was You ........................................................ Edgley & Mabel 8A. It’d Be Nice Transition ............................................................... Intstrumental 9. Don’t Take Her Away ............................................................................ Richard 10. Vacation Days .......................................................................... Edgley & Mabel 11. And the Moon Looks Lovely Tonight ...................................... Edgley & Mabel 12. What Do I Do With a Man? ......................................................... Stern, Mabel 13. A Good Laugh at His Expense ........................................................... Observer 14. The Creaminess of The Milk .................................................................... Petty 15. How Is It Going? ................................................................... Mabel & Edgley* 15A. Backyard Reprise ........................................................................ Instrumental 16. Only Now .......................................................... Edgley, Mabel, Stern, Richard 17. Curtain Call .................................................................................. Instrumental (*Petty also makes an appearance in the song “How is it Going?” and it’s meant to be a surprise. It might be best not to list him as a singer