The Krewe du Vieux Presents PURPLE PROSE, YELLOW JOURNALISM Le Monde de Merde AND THE LUST Vol. 25, No. 1 January 23, 2016 Priceless FOR GREEN Krewe du Vieuxxx is Rated XXX Big Freedia to Bounce Into Queen’s Role BABYLON ON THE BAYOU – If we of leadership. The anti-crime initiative weren’t on the verge of World War III, NOLA For Life died as the murder all the XXX shit going on all over the rate shot up. The golden age of consent planet might actually be funny. decrees continued on; the latest one The presidential election cycle, which requires the city to provide Christmas feels like it began in antediluvian times trees to any homeless people that ask (also the source of many Republican for them. And the new Incomprehsible candidates’ campaign platforms), Zoning Ordinance, adopted after several produced an exxxcess of media coverage decades of work, proved every bit as Parade Route of the Krewe du Vieux, Saturday, January 23, 2016 at 6:00 PM and hot air. Among the more notable user-friendly as the old one. Also marching will be many of the developments, Donald Trump received On the bright side, apparently the extroverts, extremists, extra-terrestrials, city’s top brass bands. Showcasing the the ISIS “Recruiter of the Year” award. gang-bangers shooting up playgrounds expendables, sexplorers and sexperts of local brass band talent is one of the Ben Carson proved you don’t have to be and the terrible streets deterred even Krewe du Vieux will take to the streets few Krewe du Vieux traditions that is a politician to be a brain surgeon. Ted the most determined terrorists from of the Marigny, French Quarter and CBD not currently being excommunicated, Cruz proved you don’t need a brain to be attacking our beloved home. on Saturday, January 23 at 6:00 PM extradited or exterminated. a politician. Chris Christie kept finding In other news, several Bourbon Street (coming early this year). Spectators are The Krewe du Vieux is a nonprofit his route to the nomination blocked off. strip clubs were briefly shuttered when advised to exercise extreme caution as organization dedicated to the historical A bunch of other guys are also clucking it was found that customers were paying exuberant exhibitionists extort exotic and traditional concept of a Mardi Gras and squawking for the nomination, AKA for sex acts – who knew? For former exfoliations of their extremities. parade as a venue for individual creative “the Colonel Panders Award”. Saints defensive coordinator Rob “the Bouncing into the role of Queen this expression and satirical comment. It is On the Democratic side, Bernie Matador” Ryan, it was hair today, gone year will be hip-hop artist, reality TV unique among all Mardi Gras parades Sanders distinguished himself as the only tomorrow. New Orleans firefighters star and transgender rights advocate because it alone carries on the old gun-rights-apologist flaming liberal in finally hit the jackpot, settling a lawsuit Big Freedia. The Queen Diva will bring Carnival traditions, by using decorated, history. And Hillary Clinton forced so that was initially filed shortly after pizzazz, razzamatazzle and lots of azz to hand or mule-drawn floats with satirical many smiles that she had to rub her sore Bienville first landed. jazz up the crowd. themes, accompanied by costumed jaw muscles with Ben-Gayzhi. Back on the global scene, falling crude The Krewe du Vieux’s seventeen revelers dancing to the sounds of jazzy Despite campaigning his Indian- prices had the big oil companies scraping subkrewes will each present their own street musicians. We believe in exposing American ass off, LA Governor Bobby their barrels for their last few tens of existential, exponential, excremental, the world to the true nature of Mardi Gras “Bombay” Gin-doll never rose above billions of dollars in profits. World experimental, experiential, expository, – and in exposing ourselves to the world. a tie with Joe the Plumber at slightly temperatures set yet another record high, exploratory and utterly extraneous less than one percent in the Republican causing several climate change deniers versions of the theme. Subkrewes include presidential polls, running several points to spontaneously combust. the Krewe of C.R.U.D.E., Krewe of Krewe du Vieux is behind “Anybody But Bobby Jindal”. The governor of Texas attempted to Space Age Love, Krewe of Underwear, Rumor has it he has quit the race. prevent Syrian refugees from entering Seeds of Decline, Krewe of Mama Roux, dedicated this year The Louisiana governor’s election had his state because “it would be too easy for Krewe of L.E.W.D., Krewe of Drips a Vittersweet ending: not only did Diva them to get guns here.” [Folks, he really and Discharges, Krewe of K.A.O.S., to the memory of two David get pummeled by the voters, he did say that.] Between mass shootings in Knights of Mondu, T.O.K.I.N., Krewe announced he won’t run for re-erection the U.S., torrents of refugees inundating Rue Bourbon, Krewe de C.R.A.P.S., former monarchs, to the Senate in two years. Clearly the Europe and terrorist attacks around the Mystic Krewe of Spermes, Mystik Paul Prudhomme Bel has tolled for him. world, it just stopped being funny. Krewe of Comatose, Mystic Krewe of Locally, the City Hall Hot Airbnb Hoping to XXX out at least a few of Inane, Krewe du Mishigas, and Krewe and Frankie Ford. suffered from a monumental failure the bad guys and bad memories, the of SPANK. – 1 – A Man of Many Queens S/he was born Freddie Ross, and raised by typical New Orleans parents in a typical Uptown neighborhood. Like so many of our city’s musical stars, s/he got her first taste of musical performing in the gospel choir at the Baptist church – and in a sign of things to come, becoming choir director by age eighteen. Shortly thereafter, typical went on an extended vacation, and gender bending, barrier breaking and booty shaking took up residence. Little Freddie became Big Freedia: Queen Diva, Queen of Bounce and now Queen of Krewe du Vieux! Even as our merry monarch was doing the gospel thing, other influences were at play. Her mother loved the Motown sound, and Queen Freedia got way into hip-hop. Her life took a turn, however, when she heard her first bounce recording. Bounce is the uniquely New Orleans take on hip-hop, and our divine duchess knew immediately that this was her calling. – opens one up to a lot of negativity. While it may seem that Queen For Queen Freedia, the answer was Krewe du Vieux Doo Freedia has burst on the scene recently, to meet these challenges head on, and Saturday, January 23 there are no real overnight sensations she has become a determined advocate Doors open 9:00 PM in any musical genre, and the queen for equality. has worked (and shaken) her azz off Nowhere is this better demonstrated CIVIC THEATER to be successful. However, the hard than in her music. Her appeal crosses 510 O’Keefe Avenue work has really paid off in the last two normal lines of bounce to attract a years, as the Big Freedia and the Divas diverse crowd; she plays at a wide featuring show has performed coast to coast to variety of venues and festivals, with George Porter Jr. huge crowds and rave reviews. audiences young and old, gay and and The Runnin’ Pardners On top of that, our camera-friendly straight, and truly rainbow in color. with special guest queen is starring in a reality TV Now her reign as Queen of Krewe show; has released a well-received du Vieux will bring her to yet another Walter Wolfman Washington video game, “Booty Battle”; and is new crowd. With her creative, dramatic working on a new album, a Bounce personality and fabulous fashions, our TICKETS $40 Available from dance instruction DVD and a memoir. colorful queen is a natural among the We’re thrilled that she can squeeze in outfits and misfits of the Krewe. Krewe du Vieux members the time to be KdV Queen! So on January 23, bounce on down Up in Smoke While the success is wonderful, to the parade route and start shaking 2101 Magazine Street there have been challenges along the your azz. There’s a force of nature Louisiana Music Factory way. Life as a gay black man – and a coming your way, and you want to 421 Frenchmen Street flamboyantly transgender one at that be there to experience it. – 2 – City Representatives Announce Police Strategy NEW ORLEANS AND LAW cited, as an example, the department’s out fighting the bad guys,” Sergeant started recruiting other people in STREETS – Reacting to New Orleans Deli Line initiative in which victims Machelle “Pepper” Anderson of the uniform to bring on the force. We’ve residents’ increasing concerns about will be given a number so that they 69th District complained. “Also a little got some Girl Scouts, some waiters police response times, city and police can see how many hundreds of others help would be great. Last week I was and even some inmates from OPP department officials came to this low- are ahead of them in the service queue. so busy, I forgot to turn off my body – those guys were great since most traffic intersection to announce a new For residents who want a higher camera and all the guys got to watch of them already had their own guns operational effectiveness program, level of service, he said the police my boyfriend go to the Big House, if with them,” Harrison said.