Leadership in Times of Tragedy January 2013 There have been a number of events in others was always in his thoughts, especially l Unless there is an immediate and recent months that are accurately described as he visited with soldiers who were present danger, avoid making as tragedies. Some of them are “natural” wounded on the battlefield. In the middle permanent changes when in an disasters, while others are acts of violence of this national tragedy, he suffered the loss emotional state. Long term solutions at the hands of individuals who are either of his young son to typhoid fever – a loss so are best handled with clarity of demented or evil, or both. Given the young profound that he and his wife, Mary Todd thought. age and innocence of the victims, the Lincoln, never fully recovered. The strength shooting at the elementary school in Sandy of his character in the face of such hardship We can learn a lot about ourselves and Hook, Connecticut may have been the is one of the greatest stories in history of forge stronger bonds with our fellow human most horrific of all of these events. Seeing leadership. beings in difficult situations. We can also each of these situations on the television gain a fresh perspective on what is important screen leaves an indelible mark on each of If we are lucky our leadership skills will in life. In addition, the strength or weakness us, especially if children or the elderly are never be tested in any truly horrific event, of the foundation stones of our lives can be involved. As hard as the images are to see on either behind the scenes or in front of exposed in times of tragedy. When tested, television, the effects of tragedy can be much a podium filled with microphones and we may be surprised by our strength, or more difficult when viewed up close. television cameras. But make no mistake, troubled enough by our weakness to make horrible things happen every day, and significant changes in the way we live. Several years ago my wife and I were on sometimes they can happen close to us, at vacation with a tour group of about 25 work or in our neighborhood. It is more Finally, our faith can be strengthened, even people. Our first morning traveling we had likely to be a car accident, debilitating when we have no words to express the grief breakfast with a husband and wife who were medical condition, or the sudden death that surrounds us. Faith can be the last from another part of the country. Making of a friend or co-worker than a history refuge in the storm or lift us from the depths small talk at breakfast, we inquired if they making calamity. Some of these things have of despair. had children. The husband said yes, but the happened within the Presbyterian Senior wife said no. This was puzzling to us. Later Living family over the years. we discovered that they had a child, a college God of Tears age daughter who had been a student at What are we to do if we find ourselves in a Virginia Tech. She had been killed just a position of leadership when a tragedy occurs God of tears who weeps with us few months earlier in the mass shooting that close to us? I have a few simple thoughts to And holds our trembling hands. is still the largest loss of life of any similar offer: God of fears, embraces us incident of its kind in this country. Sensing When we’re too weak to stand. their grief up close was something that I will l Focus on people first. Things can be never forget. I am not certain if they will fixed or replaced. God of worried restless nights ever recover from the experience of losing a l Resist the impulse to try to explain Has eyes that never sleep. child in such a violent and public manner. the unexplainable. It is not up to you to God of sorrow, sighs with us try to sort out circumstances that When visited by grief. Leaders play important roles during every appear to be entirely senseless. tragic event. Starting with the emergency l Avoid platitudes. Giving someone a hug response, the collective expressions of grief, and saying nothing is far more The times when we are most alone the investigation of how and why something comforting than empty words. Is when He is most near. happened, to the steps taken to prevent a l Don’t say that you know how someone And when we are engulfed by fog, similar situation happening in the future, else feels. Even if you have had a His vision crystal clear. leadership is critical to recovering from the similar experience, everyone reacts trauma. Sometimes leaders are captured on differently. God’s with us in each darkened hour camera, sometimes they are invisible, but l Be human enough to grieve with those And suffers every loss. they are there nonetheless. who are grieving. The absence of Because He gave up heaven’s realms emotion does not engender respect. On For nails upon a cross. Recently I had the opportunity to watch the contrary, keeping a stiff upper lip the movie Lincoln, which highlighted a may appear to be cold and uncaring. short period of time in the life of Abraham There is something reassuring in our Lincoln, the 16th president of the United shared grief when it helps us to realize States. From the film and the books I have that we are not facing the cold hard read on the life of Lincoln, it is my opinion world alone. that there is no leader in the history of l When in doubt, do something Steve our country that had to deal with the constructive to help. Find the most combination of personal loss and tragedy pressing needs and take action. If in his work life as this remarkable man. The possible, enlist others to join you in a battle reports of the civil war chronicled over concerted effort. 600,000 American deaths on both sides of l Sometimes sustained help is needed. the conflict. The awareness that his decisions Look beyond the immediate rush of the could result in the death of thousands of moment to offer ongoing assistance. www.presbyterianseniorliving.org Ref lections on Leadership I Heard it Through the Grapevine February 2013 Growing up not far from Detroit in the phones, texting, and e-mail have added to consequences of the grapevine. Being 1960’s, my musical tastes were shaped at a the speed, but not necessarily to the accuracy secretive invites speculation. If you very young age by the sounds of the region. of person to person communication. News are known for openly sharing information, Marvin Gaye, one of the iconic singers of accounts offer examples of how ill advised your team members will be less likely to the time had a hit song in 1968 with the title posts on Facebook can lead to unintended believe an untrue rumor, and will keep “I Heard it Through the Grapevine” that told a consequences. you informed of what they are hearing story of a romance in question because of on the grapevine. Sometimes transparency talk heard through the “grapevine”. Not everything about a grapevine is negative. is not possible, especially when Whenever anyone in business talks about confidential medical or employment According to The Phrase Finder, the word of mouth referrals today, the term related information is involved. Even in term grapevine has a much older history. “social media” is the description of the way these situations a lack of transparency When Samuel Morse sent a message the grapevine is most likely to travel. Many can be overcome if you are known to be from Washington to Baltimore in the first businesses today have a social media strategy. fair and honest in all things. practical demonstration of the telegraph in I don’t think it is a stretch to observe that • When you hear a story or gossip that is 1844, the era of rapid communication was no matter what technology is adopted in traveling on the grapevine, do not repeat started. “It soon became clear that close the future, that the grapevine will always it. But if you are a leader, silence is not communities already had effective word be with us. As leaders, we are compelled to enough. You must combat untrue or of mouth communications. Soon after the understand this phenomenon and adjust harmful communication whenever you telegraph was invented, the term “grapevine our communication style to take this into can. telegraph” was coined – first recorded in a account. • Focus on work by tempering your US dictionary in 1852.” curiosity about extraneous things. My So from a leader’s perspective, what should mom would call this minding your own When I began working as an orderly in a we do about the grapevine in the work place? business. This is illustrated by a story hospital, the term “grapevine” took on a I heard some time ago entitled, “How I more vivid meaning. I quickly learned that • First of all, accept the grapevine as learned to Mind My Own Business.” any group of employees had an informal a fact of life that will not go away. The network that was swift, highly variable in observation that nature abhors a vacuum One day I was walking by a schoolyard surrounded terms of accuracy, and amazingly creative. can be directly applied to communication.