FREE MY HORIZONTAL LIFE PDF Chelsea Handler | 224 pages | 18 Jan 2007 | Cornerstone | 9780099493525 | English | London, United Kingdom My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands by Chelsea Handler More You've either done it or know someone who has: the one-night stand, the familiar outcome My Horizontal Life a night spent at a bar, sometimes the sole payoff for your friend's My Horizontal Life wedding, or the only relief from My Horizontal Life disastrous vacation. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the My Horizontal Life stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool. Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men and lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles her romp through the different bedrooms of a variety of suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can happen between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little person, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise ship performer to her misguided rebound with a man who likes to play leather dress-up, Chelsea recalls the highs and lows My Horizontal Life her one-night stands with hilarious My Horizontal Life. Encouraged by her motley collection of My Horizontal Life aka: her partners in crime but challenged by her family members who at times find themselves a surprise part of the encounterChelsea hits bottom and bounces back, unafraid to share the gritty details. My Horizontal Life is one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning. From the publisher. Chelsea Handler is an accomplished stand-up comic and actress, as well as the bestselling author of My Horizontal Life. She is the star of her own late-night show on E! Chelsea makes regular appearances in comedy clubs across America and lives in Los Angeles. More Chelsea Handler is an American stand-up comedienne, humorist, television host, actress, and best-selling author. She currently has My Horizontal Life own late-night talk show, Chelsea Latelyon the E! Cable Television Network. Inshe won a Bravo A-List Award. She also has her own column in My Horizontal Life UK celebrity magazine Now. The youngest of six children, My Horizontal Life was raised Jewish by her Mormon mother and Jewish father. Handler has said that while growing up, she felt like an outsider, telling a reporter, "We lived in this nice Jewish neighborhood Everyone had Mercedes and Jaguars, and I was going to school in a Pinto. Handler has performed My Horizontal Life as a stand-up comedian, appeared as a regular on the Oxygen Network series Girls Behaving Badly and on other shows, including Weekends at the D. She is a regular commentator on E! She hosted the first episode of the reality TV show On the Lotbut quit before the second one was aired, as she later said, "because I smelled the disaster happening before it did. Handler wrote My Horizontal Life as her memoir. Handler also wrote Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelseaa My Horizontal Life of humorous essays. Are You There, Vodka hit the New York Times non-fiction best seller list on May 11, ; it has already had a print run of overThe show, produced by Steven Spielberg and Mark Burnett, is a competition for aspiring filmmakers who are vying for a chance at stardom. In JulyHandler began starring on her own half-hour late-night comedy series on E! This series places Handler against a slew of male-dominated talk shows, and adding a considerable amount of sarcasm and ridicule to the format. On the show's th episode, Chelsea revealed to My Horizontal Life that E! The show has proved a hit and averaged more than a My Horizontal Life viewers since its premiere much more than the average for a late night cable program and has clips on Youtube with more than a million views. All this success is despite the fact that Handler's guests often are not A-list celebrities. In a interview Handler said, "The worse the guests are, the more pathetic they are, the funnier the show is. The comedic series is "about moms, by moms and for moms". Clair, Megan Mullaly, and Cheryl Hines. Handler decided to drop out of the project due to her scheduling My Horizontal Life to her show Chelsea Lately. From Wikipedia. I had no idea how funny, how brilliant she is. She is too clever for words. Liz Smith - New York Post. Chelsea just might be funnier than David Sedaris. Dallas Observer. Opening with a cute story from when she was seven and photographed her parents having sex, stand-up comedian Handler goes on to discuss the virtues of the one-night stand, which amount to having sex early enough so you're not months into a relationship before you discover he's into "anal beads and duct tape. Next come a number of would-be partners with penises My Horizontal Life small to consider. Finally, there's a guy Handler does sleep with, only an embarrassing incident involving a "giant skid mark" prevents her from seeing him again. By the end, Handler considers settling down with one man, which might actually net her more sex than these mostly unconsummated one-night stands. Anyone who laughs at the mere mention of vaginas and penises may find Handler's book almost as My Horizontal Life fun as getting drunk and waking up in some stranger's bed. Publishers Weekly. Handler, a stand-up comedienne and featured prankster on the television show Girls Behaving My Horizontal Lifenow adds author to her resume. Chronicling her often wild sex life, this My Horizontal Life of offbeat and laugh-out- loud-funny essays includes a tale of waking up naked with a midget and a narrative of an affair with a Vegas stripper. Though the book seems to rely on the humor of the actual one-night stand, the standout pieces occur near the end, as Handler's attempts at casual sex become My Horizontal Life successful and she begins to My Horizontal Life adopting a slightly more conservative lifestyle. In fact, the most entertaining essay concerns not sex but her substance-abusing gay friend's antics at her sister's wedding. Drawing on a supporting cast of hilariously well-drawn family members and friends, Handler succeeds in penning a smart, funny, and quick read. The booze-fueled tales of sex, however, My Horizontal Life most likely inappropriate for school and academic libraries or more conservative communities. Recommended for the Sex and the City crowd in public libraries. Disjointed, lackluster musings on her promiscuous social life, by directionless if cheerful Handler. The L. She starts with a not-very-amusing incident: at six years old, she was persuaded by her sister to take a picture of her parents having sex. Dad was pissed: imagine that. Moving on to her teenaged adventures at the Jersey shore, Handler invites us to find it hilarious that she picked up a good-looking man, had sex with him immediately, and dated him for months despite the fact that she couldn't stand talking to him. The joke in the next section is that while her father was a racist, she personally dated a wonderful black man, and it inspired her to want to sleep with many more of them. Next comes what's supposed to be an entertaining misunderstanding involving her sisters and the fact that Handler did not in fact have sex with the naked midget they found in her My Horizontal Life room. In one genuinely funny moment, the author was dismayed to find that the handsome stripper she picked up wanted to tell her his real name and discuss the fact that what he really wanted to do was act—it figures that she would get stuck with the guy who wanted a real My Horizontal Life. There is more: the one-night My Horizontal Life who showed up at the restaurant where she worked and was seated in her section, with his girlfriend Handler My Horizontal Life she is her own identical twin and has never seen him before ; the friend who plays a practical joke My Horizontal Life her by telling Handler's date that she has a terminal disease and just wants to cuddle; the gay friend invited to be her date for a wedding who terrorized her family. It might work as standup, but when transferred to the page this shtick is a groaner. Kirkus Reviews. Also consider these LitLovers talking points to help get a discussion started for My Horizontal Life :. Start with Chelsea Handler herself. Why does she pursue her quest for one-night-stands? What is she looking for? What does sex mean to her— or what do the encounters mean to her? In fact, do they have meaning? Consider your reactions to Chelsea. Do you find her open approach to sex funny Do you approve or disapprove of what she's up to? Or do you take a neutral stance, believing it's not for readers to pass judgment? Some readers have complained about Chelsea's lack of compassion or shallow hedonism. Others have found her refreshingly frank. What do you think? Basically, the same as question 2, just worded differently. Do you have any favorite encounters in the book? Which do you find most humorous? Which episodes are the least appealing or most disturbing? What do My Horizontal Life think of the various men she attempts to have sex with—any favorites Talk about Chelsea's myriad friends and family members, and their reaction to or even participation in Chelsea's exploits.