LEADER’S GUIDE Witness to LParish oveRenewal Plan Wintess to Love | 1 Copyright © 2018, 2019 Witness to Love All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in digital format, or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission from the copyright holder. For permission to quote, copy, or transmit any part of this work, please contact: [email protected]. Published by Witness to Love, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization WitnessToLove.org Cover Design by Chris Cope, CardinalStudios.org Contents Chapter One A New Vision for Marriage Preparation The Current State of Marriage Preparation . 4 The Desires and Challenges Of Our Engaged Couples . .5 . Serving Couples in Civil Marriages . .5 . Learning to Love Through Witness . .6 . The A .R T. of Evangelization . 6. An Overview of Witness to Love . 8 . The Goals and Philosophy of Witness to Love . 8. Renewal and the Invitation into Parish Life . 9 A Paradigm Shift That Brings Ownership, Trust and Involvement in the Marriage Prep Process, and, Ultimately, the Church . 9 The Standard Process & the Witness to Love Process . 10 The Role and Qualities of Mentors in the Witness to Love Process . 12 . The Role of the Mentor Couple . 12 The “Big” Questions About Mentors . 12. Choosing a Mentor and What They Will Do . 13. Attachment Theory . 15. Why Attachment Theory? . 15 . A Bridge of Trust: Felt Security . 15. Chapter Two How It Works 1A & 1B, & 2 1 .A Who or What is Involved? . 17 . 1 .B Who or What is Involved? . 17 . 2 . Eight Steps to Fruitful Engagement and Formation . 17 . 1 .A Who or What is Involved? . 18 . The Priest or Deacon . .18 . The Marriage Prep Coordinator . 18 Engaged Couple or Civilly Married Couple . 19 Mentor Couple . 20 1 .B Who or What is Involved? . 21 . Witness to Love Training Series . .21 . Workbook . 21 . Video Series . 21 Mentor’s Journey . .22 . Additional Resources . 22 . Wintess to Love | 3 2 . Eight Steps to Fruitful Engagement and Formation . .23 . First Meeting with Clergy . 23 Tips for Helping Engaged Couples Discern a Mentor Couple . 23 The Dynamic of the Initial Meeting Between Clergy and Engaged Couple . 24. Coaching Session with Marriage Prep Coordinator . 25 Monthly Meetings with Mentor Couple . 26. Parish/Diocesan Formal Instructional Class, Retreat, Online Program or Weekend Conference (Mentors Invited) . 28 . Theology Discussion at Mentor’s Home . .29 . What do clergy in the Witness to Love Marriage Prep process need to understand about attachment theory? . 31 An Invitation to Relationship With the Parish . 31. Wedding Day! . 32 . Continued Accompaniment by Mentor Couple and Parish . 32 Chapter Three The Rollout Process Step 1 . Identify Your Team . 34. Step 2 . Order Your Materials . 34 Step 3 . Rollout Team Planning Meeting . 34. Step 4 . Get the Word Out . 35 . Step 5 . Print or Customize WTL Forms . 35. Step 6 . Begin Meeting with Couples . .35 . Step 7 . Survey and Follow-up with Couples after the Wedding . 35 . Resources Witness to Love Info Flyer . 43 . Witness to Love Mentors Guide . .45 . Bulletin Announcement . .47 . Pulpit Annoncement . .48 . Clergy Notes . .49 . Marriage Prep Process . 58. Parish Rollout Checklist . 59 Sample Emails . 60 . Intake Sheet . 64 Scavenger Hunt . 66. Retreat Outline . 68. Retreat Format . 70 Order Form . 71. Wintess to Love | 4 Chapter One A New Vision for Marriage Preparation ❒ The Current State of Marriage Preparation ● The Desires and Challenges of Engaged Couples ● Serving Couples in Civil Marriages ● Learning to Love Through Witness How do we determine in which direction to point couples as they prepare for lasting marriages? How do we find guides to walk with them, get both the couples and their guides ready for their journey together, and most importantly what does it mean for the guides to accompany them not only on the way to their wedding day but also aftertheir wedding? We will look at what processes and philosophies work, why they work, and how to continuously improve and personalize them . The Current State of Marriage Preparation God has a beautiful plan for marriage… a plan that existed from the very beginning . When couples understand the gift of the Sacrament of Matrimony, and their unique call to create a school of love within a family, they can bring profoundly positive effects to their parishes and communities . One healthy, thriving marriage can impact many lives for the better, drawing others closer to Christ and the sacraments . We who are involved in marriage preparation have an enormous opportunity to help form engaged and newly married couples by providing them a compelling vision of marriage that they may have never imagined possible . Over the past fifty years we have seen an evolution in the way that couples are prepared for the Sacrament of Marriage . We have also seen changes in family life, challenges to the integrity of the family, moral dilemmas, a rise in pornography accessibility and addiction, confusion about the roles and responsibilities of parents and spouses, a loss of understanding and reverence for the Sacrament of Marriage, a disconnect between generations, and a lack of access or insight into healthy marriages and family life . In years past, good models of love in marriage were simply absorbed from parents, grandparents, family members and friends . There was no option to “get out” of a marriage . There was very little formal marriage preparation because it was assumed that the best (and indeed the only necessary) marriage preparation happened in the home . Divorce rates were low, the Theology of the Body had not yet been written, and the “Pill” was not yet widely available . While some churches or dioceses offered retreats for engaged couples there were no widespread and formal diocesan marriage prep requirements and programs of the kind and number we know today . Formalized diocesan marriage prep came largely in response to the Vatican’s 1981 Synod on the Family and St . John Paul II’s landmark Apostolic Exhortation, Familiaris Consortio . that followed the Synod . In that exhortation he states: “In this they should lay down, in the first place, the minimum content, duration and method of the “Preparation Courses,” balancing the different aspects-doctrinal, pedagogical, legal and medical-concerning marriage, and structuring them in such a way that those preparing for marriage will not only receive an intellectual training but will also feel a desire to enter actively into the ecclesial community.” FC. 66 Wintess to Love | 5 This formalization of marriage prep was greatly needed and mostly heeded . The last line, however, did not receive the full response it was due . It places a dual emphasis on providing “intellectual training” AND cultivating “a desire to enter actively into ecclesial community”(FC 66). It is these two prongs, effective catechesis and effective evangelization, that will make marriage prep succeed in nurturing and sustaining marriages . Without the graces of the Sacraments and support from the parish community couples will not be able to have thriving, grace-filled marriages . Oftentimes they leave the church on their wedding day with only a vague understanding of the Sacrament they just received, no significant parish connection in place, and little or no desire to “enter actively into the ecclesial community ”. The Desires and Challenges Of Our Engaged Couples Studies show the number one concern of our engaged couples is staying married 1. But often they are not connected to the most reliable means of staying married and indeed of flourishing in marriage: the wisdom and graces of God and his Church . They may have little or no prior exposure to Church teaching . Trusting the Church may be a challenge for them for a variety of reasons . They may have mixed motivations for seeking a Church wedding . And while they might like to belong to a faith community they likely have never been invited to join one . They are floaters and if they go to church at all, they often do not go to the same church consistently . They may even go to a mixture of Catholic and Protestant Churches . Their living situations and family backgrounds are also often less than ideal . Most are cohabiting, and even those who aren’t are usually sexually active . Many are addicted to pornography or struggle with it . Some have been sexually abused or seriously wounded in other ways and so may bring warped behaviors and expectations into their marriages . Many have parents and even grandparents who are divorced . In summary, the vast majority of our engaged couples have never heard about nor witnessed in living color God’s vibrant and beautiful plan for marriage, including the Church’s teaching on sexual integrity, the science and theology of natural family planning and the abundant graces that God has waiting for them in the Sacrament of Marriage . Witness to Love seeks not only to meet and welcome them where they are, but also to bring them to where they need to.