VOU CAN RUN FROM LECTURES, STUDENT SCUMi BUT THINGS HAVE < CHANGED ROUND HERE.' THERE'S NO ESCAPE FROM CRACCUM! MARCH 1, 1988 FREE - PLEASE TAKE ONE, OR TWO, OR Stress: The condition produced when the mind overrides the body's desire to choke the living shit out of someone who definitely deserves it. Craig Elliot Indulgence Well, here we all are then (more ly (Ed's note: yeah, like once a only decided on 2 days before and if that doesn't grab your atten­ or less). Your intrepid editors have day), and Miriam did all the work, deadline, which was quite unex­ tion then give us a few ideas by finally got all their shit together to which even included tidying up the pectedly brought forward because writing a letter or three, at least bring you this first exciting edition office, a truly momentous feat. we wanted to use full colour so you'll see your name in print, but of Craccum 1988, ta dah. The last couple of days have that did put the pressure on rather make sure you read the whole Since exams (boo, hiss) last year, been at Red Alert as we try and get a lot. Anyway we survived, just! paper from cover to cover FIRST, Wendy has been traipsing around all the articles in, type them, lay So, have a good read people, OK? India, Carl went bush at Kawrua, them up and get enough adverts to check out the Orientation guide Gort went to the Kiwi (R.I.P., 5 keep us going for the rest of the on the centre pages, the Yours literarily minutes silence please) occasional­ year. Our marvellous cover was Kamasutra article on pages 8 & 9 the Ed's (not Mr Ed) _fec Really groovy cover .... ........................... 1 Thanks heaps to all the people who wrote stuff for us - Stu Mon­ tgomerie, Daphna Whitmore, Mary McGeever, Phillip Wong-Toi, Contents ..................... ........... This is it! Gina O'Shea, ourselves of course and whoever else I've missed Indulgence ........................ To your right out. Thanks to Kerry for doing our budget and for his advice, to Credits ..................... To the south-east Pat Stodart for taking Carl on the wine crawl, to George for sav­ ing us from mental breakdowns by doing the cover and the col­ Freshers' pack ................ ........................... 3 our, to Raf for the political stuff, and also Peter for his great art­ Show and Tell ................... ........................... 4 work and headings - Happy 21st by the way! Ta to Biddy and Dia ........................... 4 for their help and supplying us with graphics. Ta to Barbara Hen­ Slings and Arrows ........... dry for typesetting and to Putaruru Press for multiplying this copy Five go Wino in Henderson ........................... 5 8000 times - provided we ever make it there. Music ................................... ...................... 6-7 P.S. Thanks also to Alistair J. Kamasutra Feature ........... ...................... 8-9 Bullshit (Politics) ................ Editors: Miriam de Graaf, Carl Fagan, Simon Holroyd, Wendy ........................ .11 Lawson. Orientation Guide ........... ................... 12-13 Advertising Manager: Anthony Gibbons Chaplain's Chat ................ ........................ 15 Bad Press ........................... ........................ 15 Arts ..................................... ................... 16-17 Sport ............. ................ ............. .... 19 Stuff (Notices) ................ .............................. 22 „ Letters ................................ ........................ 23 Concise Alphabetical Index Make your own! Back Cover ........... ................ Guess Craccum is a source of free expression and information for Auckland University Students and the University community. Craccum is not the official publication of the Auckland Universi­ ty Students' Association or of the University of Auckland. Both bodies may not endorse or agree with opinions expressed within Craccum, and neither necessarily do the editors. In fact, if the editors are actually aware of what has been written it is purely Remove this coating of ideology unfuck its false needs accidental... what editors? f'-JZI imposed by leisure reality." s n s UNIVERSITY CF AUCKLAND LIBRARY 2 ◄ CRACCUM March 1 1988 on h s C FRESHERS FUN PACK NO!! Sorry to disappoint you, Most of the first years seemed to fellow students, but it's not the sort know where Registry, the main of forum you find in naughty cafeteria and Shadows are, but not magazines. It is in fact the usual many knew where to find the sort of thing we do at this time of A.U.S.A. President's office (the year where we ask people what Science block end of the AUSA they think/thought of enrolment. building, ground floor) or Craccum This time we've also asked a few (AUSA top floor between BFM and freshers (ie 1st years) if they know Student Travel). If you're still con­ the whereabouts of various impor­ fused, have a look at the orientra- tant places around campus. tion handbook (Transition 88) There was a wide variety of com­ pages 40-41, available at AUSA ments on this years enrolment, reception. such that we feel that to draw any Mike (& shy friend) 'Faster, boring, 'Quicker this year' Peter conclusion either way would be un­ justifiable (we were very fortunate in being able to find a fence big enough for all of us to sit on!). Anyway here's a few comments along with a couple of photos of 'Felt apprehensive of the number of people' the few people who let us snap them. The marked reluctance of the majority of those interviewed to ap­ pear in this newspaper was most evident (especially the women, in­ And now here's a more official view cluding one of the editors!), let us of this years enrolment: There 'Organised, especially compared hope this degree of shyness should have been more assistance to Tech.' evaporates during the year. (Ed's to 1st-years, it didn't help that the 'Maths dept sucks' Gina note: the Classoc orgy would cure handbook was not sent out this this), I mean we're a respectable year but had to be picked during publication aren't we?? enrolment instead so that many The first-years we talked to were were unsure of where they were (not surprisingly) generally a bit going or the clubs they wanted to bewildered by the first experience join. The womens questionnaire of varisty, but as we noticed no survey complicated and confused signs of impending nervous things for the A.U.S.A. section of breakdowns or racing home to enrolment, and the organisation of mum we'll have to assume that A.U.S.A. Executive members to they all survived and will now man the desk there was left too breeze through the next few years late. just like the rest of us. Geraldine Ryan (Ed's note: you must be kidding!!!). (Welfare Officer) Damon(L) & Jerome 'Good service' ® going' Monique SUNGS AND ARROWS A Tale of Two When the people in the occupied monetarism was baloney. He writes: ‘Our package, which countries resisted, they were called ‘Once again, as with monetarism, art in limbo../ Countries terrorists by Israel. Israel’s allies, par­ supply-side theory has hit New Once upon a time there was a coun­ ticularly a big country which coveted Zealand years after it has been re­ jected for sound practical reasons in The NZ Herald reported on 8.2.88, try called Nazi Germany. The rulers the Oil of the Middle East, said ‘Yes, other parts of the world... that the Minister of Finance, Mr told the Germans they were a master they are terrorists, we support you.’ Douglas, went solo again in the latest race, and they should have more They forgot to add: ‘You are our for­ lebensraum (living space). So they ward base for controlling Middle- round in the flat tax rate wrangle ‘He ‘It occurred to me that many of the went out and conquered a lot of near­ Eastern Oil.’ said, yesterday, that no-one - ‘not even young gentlemen of Treasury went by countries to get it (So they said). me or the Prime Minister’ was in a through university when Friedman When other countries protested, the position to judge sensibly the merits The Israelis put up buildings in the and Art Laffer and their theories were Germans said ‘It’s in the book of our of the economic package.’ occupied territories but they called the latest fad and they have not yet Great Leader, ‘Mein Kampf,’ that we The lame leading the blind? No, them refugee camps’, not ‘concentra­ had time, or perhaps the inclination, have a right to colonies and territory’. the blind leading the blind! tion camps,’ where they put the peo­ to read the later writings to those who When people in the occupied ter­ ple they called terrorists. They used have torpedoed the theories and ritories fought to get their home against these people a policy of chronicled the disasters which occur­ countries back they were called ‘ter­ ‘might, power and beatings’. They red when they were tried in practice.’ rorists’ by the Germans. The Ger­ also shot many and had a secret So how does Sir Rob explain his mans’ allies said, ‘Yes, they are ter­ police called ‘Shin Beit’. own support for monetarism in the rorists, we support you.’ past, and his near worship of Zionists and Zionist supporters, monetarist Maggie? The Germans put up buildings and please note. places they called ‘concentration We can agree that disasters occur­ camps’ where they put the people they red (in NZ, too) when monetarism called ‘terrorists’. And they used was applied in practice. But then, against these people a policy of where is the bourgeois economic ‘might, power and beatings.’ They Short Memory Division theory that doesn’t end in disaster? also shot many and had a secret Has the agile Muldoon invented it? police called the ‘Gestapo’. There was a time when a certain Only in his own mind.