Voi.106No.47 University of Delaware, Newark. DE I- Friday, April 2, 2082 DUGS kicks bucket; Dodge-it unemployed By OLIVE PAUL enlisting the support of Because of apathy and university president E.A. financial problems, _the Trombone. Delaware Uneducated Cen­ "DUCS is an extremely sorship Society (DUCS), suf­ viable student group," said fered an untimely death. Trombone through mediator "i really don't know what Arty Yesman. "Right now I happened," said DUCS Presi­ have their existence under dent Deuce Dodge-it. "I serious consideration. That's mean, I thought we were all I can say at this time." representative of the student body. After all, look at all the While Trombone and times I've spoken Jor 13,500 Dodge-it put their respective students." head together and considered According to an uniden­ the issue, DUCS slipped into a tified DUCS member, though, coma and eventually passed the organization was rife with away. dissension and fraught with "Oh, my God," Dodge-it financial woes. croaked, when asked for com­ "Look, man," said the stu­ ment. "DUCS was my dent, who would not give his lifeblood. My source of in­ This picture was taken come, whoops, I mean DUCS supported my image. We I,INIVERSITY PRESIDENT E.Z. TROMBONEmakes a surprise appearance with The Buttons at the dues were good for each other. And Elk Park Tuesday night. Trombone, who was enjoying alc;oholic beverages with some friends, name, but was identifiable good for the school. Look at jumped onto the stage at one point and b~ted out his version of "Demolition Man" and "Whip lt." because of facial hair, "we me. Incoherent. Speaking in Trombone said he would rather be a punk rocker than a president but that the opportunity had can't feed the people on pro­ fragments. What's next? No never arisen for him. mises. And that's all Deuce more promises. No inter­ gave us. Promises." views. No press:" The student said the DUCS What next for the tem­ Lane to become den of iniquity splinter group, CUD (Call Us porarily inarticulate Dodge­ Degenerates) had originally it? By Roxanne Somolestme ..- juana in Room 401 to hallucinogenics in Room sought a violent overthrow. "I guess the Regenerate I 460. CUD petitioned the Soviets Soup Assembly (RSA), if and Olive Pau «This will make it a lot easier for students to for weapons via a radical they'll have me," Dodge-it Campus Homesteads has passed. another get drugs, Maid said. "They waste too much university group, the sobbed. "But they're too inac­ cutback in housing which, besides eliminating time finding pushers. This is also an educa­ Regressive Student Coagula­ tive." Paper Mill apartments, will propose to con- tiona! opportunity for students to be selective tion, ·but the Russians had "Maybe I'll just take my vert Lane Hall from a dorm into a campus in their drug taking. It may also help their already sent their arms gavel and go home," he add­ "vice center". grades." southward. ed manfully. "There's no Campus Homesteads will have to budget for A bloodless coup was then place like home. There's no The four floors will be divided into various this educational investment, Maid said. The attempted, but Dodge-it stav­ place like home. There's no dens of iniquity • according to Devious Maid, draperies, mirrors and water beds for the first ed off the challenge by place like home." coordinator of Campus Homesteads. floor will amount to about $5,200. "If we add The first floor will be converted into a house peep shows we'll have to spend a lot more," he of ill repute, he said. The interior will include added, smiling. Administration lobby effort mirrored walls, thick red drapery and water Maid said the second floor shouldn't be too beds. - expensive to reconstruct because "the bookies The second floor rooms will be converted in- should be able to get us a good deal." brings missiles to university - to offices for bookies. Other rooms will feature Trombone and Maid have also discussed By lma Dizlcid Memorial · Hall missile silo "one-arm bandits" and crap tables. Housing changing the mall into a race track on Fridays As efforts to attract more has now been completed with hopes to install routlette wheels in the future, to help not only bookies, but students in pr~ federal dollars to the univer­ the installation- of the Maid explained. bability and statistics classes to learn from sity intensify, President E.A. breakaway cap on top." Walls on the -tbird floor will be knocked experience. Trombone feels this feature will Trombone has announced the Government scientists were down for the construction of a mile-long bar. ·increase students involvement on campus and construction of nuclear originally wary of the "We're doing this as a service project to class attendance. missile silos on campus. Memorial Hall site because of clean up the downtown area, said President If alcohol costs are to high for the third floor "Since the defense budget the hourly eruptions of noise E.Z. Trombone. "But this will still give the bar, a cover charge will have to be enacted, has been increased," Trom­ pollution . University scien­ kids something to do besides homework." Maid said. "However, happy hours, to be held bone said, "we have aimed t i s t s w e r e .Jl -b 1 e t o Fourth floor will be a farmers market with every afternoon, may eliminate a co_ver our lobbying efforts at the demonstrate to their satisfac­ vendors displaying drugs, ranging from mari- charge." Pentagon instead of the tion, however, that the sound Department of Health, waves were only harmful to maintenance, "Construction devastating effects.'' loss of housing for 600 Education and Welfare." students, much like the at the other sites will begin as A State Department students would almost surely Presidential Advisor B. neutron bomb.. soon as we get a maintenance spokesman shuddered at the affect our ability to provide N oser said "The Pentagon Other proposed sites for referral." He added that the suggestion. "Launching 600 housing next year." Chauf­ has been most supportive of missile silos on campll-s in- final construction costs university students at Russia feur suggested that Kent Din­ our efforts. For every $1 of elude Mitchell Hall (a missile should not exceed twice the could have very' serious ing Hall would be a better federal aid we asked for, we will be more entertaining a m 0 u n t 0 f _t h e in i t i a 1 repercussions. Who knows missile because "a Friday got $4. They're getting so than anything else they have estimates. what they might send back?" buffet could wipe out the en­ much from Congress they in there) and the McKinly . T.P. Calnerd, an engineer­ David Chauffeur, director tire Russian army." don't know what to do with courtyard (one more hunk of '-- ing student suggested that of housing and resident strife, Trombone said ''All sugges­ it." m e t a 1 s h o u 1 d n ' t b e "With the completion of the condemned the suggestion as tions are being sent to the Director of Development noticeable). break-away stairs on Chris- a plot by Powder Mill Apart­ Pentagon. If they think it's F r e d B u s y b o d.y s a i d According to William D. tiana East, the tower could be ments to continue leasing good for the country, then ''Construction of the Stroyer, superintendent of launched at Moscow with space to the university. "The we'll do it!" Page 2 • THE REVIEW • April2, 1982 ART ASTRONOMY BIOLOGY BUSINESS C!L\ f; !STRY CRIMINAL JUS"i ICE EARLY CHILDHOOD/ EDUCATION ECONOMICS EDUCATIONAL! FIELD EXPFRIENCES EDUCATIONAL! FOUNDATIONS ELEMENTARY EDUCATION ENGLISH GEOGRAPHY HEALTH EDUCATION HISTORY INDUSTRIAL I EDUCATION AND • 1 ECHNOLOGY ' MANAGEMENT • MATHEMATICS MEDIA I COMMUNICATION/ SCIENCE METEOROLOGY MUSIC PHILOSOPHY P-HYSICAL EDUCATION PHYSICS POLITICAl,.. SCIENCE PSYCHOLOGY READiNG 'RELIGION SAFETY SOCiOLOGY SPEECH/ COMMUNICATION I AI'JD THEATRE SPEECH / PATHOLOGY \ STUDENT/ PERSONNEL I SERVICES FLEXIBLE SCHEDULES DAY & EVENING COURSES AT ~ TRENTON STATE COLLEGE!. / April2, 1982 • THE REVIEW • Page 3 Brooms suffer bristle damage; tough Mall asphalt blamed Help By Mal Cont·ent ''They,'' he said, ''fell out.'' Jemerged, the most prominent One of the three swivel­ According to Tisk, a of which is the Newark shank outdoor brooms used ballistics expert has been Alliai:Ice of Bristle Inspectors by university groundskeepers called in to join a research Searching Colleges Overtly _ recently suffered extensive team to determine if the (NABISCO). damage to the . broom bristle damage, according to "The goals of our organiza­ Jack Tisk, post-preliminary necessitates the purchase of as much tion," said NABISCO Grand supervisor and western new bristles. The team will begin research in three Poobah John Smith (Not his marketing manager of the real name), "include riff-raff Student Coalition for Univer­ weeks, and a decision is ex­ pected by the end of May. slaphappy redundant bag sity Maintenance Brooms with deadly luggage com­ And Gear (SCUMBAG). When asked for comment, mand before avast yon you Tisk said the ordeal oc­ as can. I.C. Trails, a New Jersey Arisilon between hinder curred last Wednesday after­ shipping clerk whose twice­ retreat begonia pours puking noon while the broom was be­ removed cousin once knew a in slow color." ing used on a particularly man who had overalls just grueling stretch of asphalt like one of the carpenters who The maimed broom, a near Memorial Hall. helped build the hardware double-duty swivel-shank "About 75 straws were store where the swivels with deluxe pine pole damaged in the incident," he shanks were originally pur­ 'Taskmaster" model, re­ Bill Cosby says: said.