(BURT & ME) Book by Larry McKenna Music & Lyrics by Burt Bacharach & Hal David Copyright © January, 2010 Current Revisions by (Larry McKenna 12/27/13) Larry McKenna 102 Walnut Avenue, Wayne, PA 19087 610.688.5246 Email: [email protected] "BURT & ME" FINAL 1. (PROJECTION: Burt Bacharach 1) OVERTURE: (ALWAYS SOMETHING THERE TO REMIND ME, I SAY A LITTLE PRAYER, DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO SAN JOSE) CIRCA 1961 SONG: ALWAYS SOMETHING THERE TO REMIND ME (FULL CAST WITH THE EXCEPTION OF GEORGE) (JOE) I WALK ALONG THE CITY STREETS YOU USED TO WALK ALONG WITH ME AND EVERY STEP I TAKE REMINDS ME OF JUST HOW WE USED TO BE. OH, HOW CAN I... (GROUP) AH... (JOE) FORGET YOU, GIRL WHEN THERE IS (JOE & GROUP) ALWAYS SOMETHING THERE TO REMIND ME ALWAYS SOMETHING THERE TO REMIND ME (GROUP) DOO DOO... (JOE) WHEN SHADOWS FALL, I PASSED A SMALL CAFE WHERE WE WOULD DANCE AT NIGHT AND I CAN'T HELP RECALLING HOW IT FELT TO KISS AND HOLD YOU TIGHT OH, HOW CAN I... (GROUP) AH... (JOE) FORGET YOU? WHEN THERE IS (JOE & GROUP) ALWAYS SOMETHING THERE TO REMIND ME ALWAYS SOMETHING THERE TO REMIND ME (JERRY) I WAS BORN TO LOVE YOU, (SALLY) AND I WILL NEVER BE FREE (GROUP) YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A PART OF ME...WHOA OH WHOA (BRIEF INSTRUMENTAL) (LACEY & FULL CAST) IF YOU SHOULD FIND YOU MISS THE SWEET AND TENDER LOVE WE USED TO SHARE (LACEY & JOE) JUST COME BACK TO THE PLACES WHERE WE USED TO GO, AND (FULL CAST) I'LL BE THERE (JOE, LACEY, & FULL CAST) OH, HOW CAN I FORGET YOU, GIRL? WHEN THERE IS... ALWAYS SOMETHING THERE TO REMIND ME YEAH....ALWAYS SOMETHING THERE TO REMIND ME...YEAH (MEN) I WAS BORN TO LOVE YOU,(GROUP) AND I WILL NEVER BE FREE YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A PART OF ME, (GUYS) ALWAYS SOMETHING THERE TO REMIND ME (GIRLS) SOMETHING THERE TO REMIND ME (GUYS) ALWAYS SOMETHING THERE TO REMIND ME... "BURT & ME" FINAL 2. (GIRLS) ALWAYS SOMETHING THERE TO REMIND ME (FULL CAST) ALWAYS SOMETHING THERE JOE Growing up in the sixties and listening to the radio all the time made me develop a deep love of music...which my father tried his best to kill by making me take...piano lessons. And what was even worse was that I had to practice everyday at 6:00 a.m. GEORGE enters and starts pulling JOE by his ear over to the piano in the Madson home. JOE (cont’d) (reacting to the ear pulling) Ow, ow, ow, ow...Pop. GEORGE Time to get back to your practicing. GEORGE leaves. JOE addresses the audience. JOE My mother died when I was six years old and somewhere along the line my father decided that it was important that I take piano lessons. Some parents require their children to take swimming lessons. My dad apparently didn’t care if I drowned as long as I went down singing. GEORGE (from offstage) I’m not hearing any music. JOE starts playing the piano. He directs his singing off stage to his father. SONG: “I HATE PIANO” (TO THE TUNE OF CHOPSTICKS) (JOE) (JOE) (I HATE) PLAYING PIANO, AT SIX IN THE MORNING IT’S POINTLESS AND IT SERVES NO USE PLEASE CALL THE AUTHORITIES TELL THEM MY FATHER IS GUILTY OF CHILD ABUSE GEORGE re-enters carrying breakfast plates. "BURT & ME" FINAL 3. GEORGE (cont’d) (dripping with sarcasm) No wonder “Chopsticks” is always done as an instrumental. The lyrics are so depressing. GEORGE goes over to the table to set up the plates. JOE Pop, why do I have to take piano lessons anyway? It’s not like I’m ever going to use them. GEORGE It’s good training for you. Besides, my father made me take piano lessons. JOE And if your father jumped off a 10-story building... GEORGE I would still make you take piano lessons... whether my father thought he could fly or not. JOE You’re missing my point. GEORGE No, I’m ignoring your point....there’s a difference. Now, back to practicing. GEORGE leaves. JOE slowly makes his way back to the piano in the Madson house. He sits at the piano and begins to play. SONG: “BORED TO TEARS” (TO THE TUNE OF “FUR ELISE”) (JOE) (JOE) OH, MY GOD I’M TRULY BORED TO TEARS... GEORGE pokes his head in. GEORGE (walking out from the kitchen) Management has duly noted your dissatisfaction. Now kindly get back to practicing your real music. GEORGE leaves and JOE addresses the audience again. "BURT & ME" FINAL 4. JOE (to audience) And that was the problem. My “real” music had no relevance for me. If I had to play the song “Fur Elise” one more time, my head was going to burst. Fortunately, one day my father came to his senses and we reached a compromise. I would continue with piano lessons but with a teacher who would allow me to play popular music. And that is where Mrs. Bernstein, my new piano teacher, came in. MRS. BERNSTEIN enters wearing a outlandish hat. She is a quirky but fun-loving lady with boundless energy and enthusiasm. She walks right up to JOE and speaks in a thick New York Jewish accent. MRS. BERNSTEIN Some people think I am one chord short of a symphony, but you will grow to love me. MRS. BERNSTEIN goes over to the piano, sits down, and goes through her music. JOE (to audience) And she was right. I sure did. But the best thing she ever did was to introduce me to the music of one Burt Bacharach. And it was goodbye “Fur Elise” and hello Mr. Bacharach. MRS. BERNSTEIN smacks the piano bench with her hand to get Joe to join her at the piano. They take turns playing the notes on the piano as they sing. “DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO SAN JOSE” (JOE, MRS. BERNSTEIN) (MRS. BERNSTEIN) WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH MRS. BERNSTEIN Your turn. (JOE) WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH MRS. BERNSTEIN (cont’d) Very good. Now join me. (MRS. BERNSTEIN) DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO SAN JOSE? (JOE) I’VE BEEN AWAY SO LONG "BURT & ME" FINAL 5. I MAY GO WRONG AND LOSE MY WAY (MRS. BERNSTEIN) DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO SAN JOSE? (JOE) I’M GOIN’ BACK TO FIND SOME PEACE OF MIND IN SAN JOSE (MRS. BERNSTEIN & JOE) L.A. IS A GREAT BIG FREEWAY PUT A HUNDRED DOWN AND BUY A CAR IN A WEEK, MAYBE TWO, THEY’LL MAKE YOU A STAR WEEKS TURN INTO YEARS, HOW QUICK THEY PASS AND ALL THE STARS THAT NEVER WERE ARE PARKIN’ CARS AND PUMPIN’ GAS The two enjoy a big laugh as the music underscores the dialogue. MRS. BERNSTEIN (cont’d) Great, now you keep on practicing and I will be back next week with a new song. JOE Another Bacharach one? MRS. BERNSTEIN Of course. JOE Mrs. Bernstein, do you mind if I ask you a question? MRS. BERNSTEIN Fire away. Why do you like Burt Bacharach so much? MRS. BERNSTEIN (cont’d) His music touches my soul...and, if I close my eyes tightly, for one brief moment.....I can actually forget that I am married to MISTER Bernstein. MRS. BERNSTEIN leaves laughing and singing “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.” JOE And just like that I was hooked. While other boys my age worshipped the likes of Willie Mays, Johnny Unitas, or Wilt Chamberlain, my childhood hero was suddenly one Mr. Burt Bacharach. GEORGE enters and goes over to JOE. "BURT & ME" FINAL 6. GEORGE How’s my budding piano player? JOE (excited) Mrs. Bernstein gave me a new piece. Want to hear it? It’s a really cool song. GEORGE Did you finish your homework? JOE (hemming and hawing) Ah.....pretty much. GEORGE Pretty much as in....”No”? What do you have left? JOE Geography. GEORGE Great, when you are finished with your geography homework, I’ll listen to your new song. GEORGE leaves. JOE (yelling to his father who is now offstage) Why do I need to study all the cities in the United States? That’s what maps are for. JOE sits down at the table to study his geography. JOE (cont’d) (reading) California: state capital is Sacramento. Major cities: Los Angeles, San Francisco, San Jose. San Jose? A big smile comes over JOE’s face and he immediately looks over at the piano. He starts to mentally drift away and begins tapping his pencil as he starts to sing. “DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO SAN JOSE” (JOE, GEORGE) (JOE) WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH (A CAPPELLA) "BURT & ME" FINAL 7. GEORGE pokes his head in and clears his throat as if to tell JOE to get back to his homework. JOE (cont’d) (shushing George and then whispering to him) Shhh...Geography. JOE turns back to his geography book and opens up the map of California. GEORGE leaves. JOE (cont’d) San Jose. Again, JOE looks over at the piano, feeling its lure. He sings again. (JOE) WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH WOH JOE is unable to fight it any longer and jumps to the piano, leaving the geography book behind. He starts playing along with the orchestra. (JOE) YOU CAN REALLY BREATHE IN SAN JOSE THEY’VE GOT A LOT OF SPACE THERE’LL BE A PLACE WHERE I CAN STAY GEORGE enters.