SummerTHE 2005 MICH I GANTHE MICHIGAN REVIEW R —E VIEW Page The Campus Affairs Journal of the Univer si ty of Michi gan Volume XXIV, Number 1 Summer 2005 MR Welcome Freshmen! New Student Issue First three copies free, additional copies $5 each. www.michiganreview.com Stealing is Illegal and a sin (Exodus 20:15) summer2005.indd 1 6/20/2005, 4:06:29 PM Page 2 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW — FROM THE EDITOR Summer 2005 PAGE TWO THE MICHIGAN RE VIEW The Campus Affairs Journal of TheERE Unoffi AT THE Michigan cial Review Michigan, Dress Code the University of Michigan we’ve noticed some emerging New Yorkers—One of the larger trends among the fashion styles caucuses here at Michigan, their undying James David Dickson H Editor-in-Chief of students. Students, more often than not, affi nity for the sub-par Yankees will be dress unabashedly according to clique. The expressed by hats, tees, sweatpants, and Paul Teske one ubiquitous accessory is, of course, the their iPods—onto which they’ve curiously Publisher iPod. We put together a small guide for the downloaded the organ songs from Yankee a star,MR this depressing bunch (often seen freshman (and slower upperclassmen and Stadium. protesting random causes across campus) Nick Cheolas grad students) to help wade through the spend most of their time reminiscing about Content Editor mess that is fashion in Ann Arbor. Art Schoolers—As Bohemian as the good ‘ol days when Mother Russia possible. Here on campus, they’ve single- loomed large. Sekou Benson Football Saturdays—A delicate balance handedly led the revival of paisley and Content Editor between wearing as little as possible, and as puke-green corduroys. For artists, you Scarves have, in the past few winters, much Greek Life paraphernalia as one can could be near-sure that they’re functionally become the “it” item. Try to restrain the Michael O’Brien manage. The offi cial season football shirt colorblind when dressing themselves. urge to strangle off the person who tries Content Editor is considered mandatory. to explain the different ways to tie your ASSISTANT EDITORS: Engineers—Glasses are a must-have for scarf. Carrick Rogers, Tomiyo Turner Monday Morning Class—On these students, leading the “geek chic” wave, Monday’s, students are likely to be dressed minus the “chic.” More often than not, Remember Members Only Jackets? STAFF WRITERS: Andrew Hoekstra, Aaron Kaplan, Jeremy Linden, more cheaply than any other day of the they’ll accessorize with TI-83 calculators Well, its dirty little stepchild, the Rafi Martina, Brian McNally, Ryan Steusloff, week. Frequent articles of clothing include and pocket protectors than iPods. Their NorthFace Jacket, is everywhere on Noah Tulin-Silver, Chris Steiber, Jim Suits, sweatpants, old shirts used for painting, shirts are invariably stained with drool, Red campus. As much as this University prides Patrick Teske and an iPod. Bull, and Mountain Dew. itself on being diverse, the most noticable Editors Emeritus: Michael J. Phillips diversity in color comes when talking about Friday Morning Class—Whatever you The überprep—This conspicuous the different color jackets kids sport around The Michigan Review is the independent, stu dent-run jour nal wore out Thursday night, and an iPod. group moonlights at Frat houses. Jeans are campus. of conservative and libertarian opinion at the Uni ver si ty of strictly prohibited, and the wardrobe was Michigan. We nei ther so lic it nor ac cept mon e tary do na tions from the University. Con tri bu tions to the Mich i gan Re view Sorority Girls—Generally, tight, form- generously provided by Banana Republic. The astute reader might have noticed are tax-de duct ible under Sec tion 501 (c)(3) of the Internal fi tting black pants and/or sweatpants with You can often notice they’re coming by the that we think iPods are a wee bit of a trend Rev e nue Service Code. The Michigan Re view is not af fi l i at ed their letters strewn across their ass to give scent of overpriced cologne or perfume here on campus. But we wonder: now that with any po lit i cal party or univer si ty po lit i cal group. you an excuse to look. Many sport colorful from 100 yars away. everyone else has their earplugs in, what are Unsigned editorials represent the opinion of the ed i to ri al board. Ergo, they are unequivocally cor rect and just. Signed tees or polos, when they’re wearing shirts. they listening to? Perhaps trendy Wilco? articles, letters, and car toons rep re sent the opin ions of the If there’s no snow on the ground, they’ll Professors—Usually more Classical Yo-Yo Ma? One thing is for sure, author and not nec es sar i ly those of the Review. The Ser pent’s Tooth shall rep re sent the opinion of in di vid u al anon y mous be in Ugg boots, and if there is, they’ll be underdressed than the stereotypical tweed the iPod is the single most ego-boosting con trib u tors to the Re view, and should not necessarily be in skirts. Mandatory accessory: gay best jacket with patches with the elbow would accessory a student can own. We can assure taken as representative of the Re view’s editorial stance. The opin ions pre sent ed in this pub li ca tion are not nec es sar i ly friend, and an iPod mini. suggest. Most professors here are notable you, our taste in music is much better those of the ad ver tis ers or of the Uni ver si ty of Michigan. We for their long hair, and stench of patchouli than your’s. And for all of you that waste welcome letters, articles, and comments about the journal. Frat Boys—Often seen sporting oil, as well as their standard-issue iBooks those 20 GB on your iPod, fi lling it with So I now know the joy (er....horror) of the New Student Issue Lacoste shirts in pastel colors, making (and, of course, accompanying iPods) Justin Timberlake, 50 Cent, and the latest on summer nights. During the day...I’m getting paid to do nothing, Ruben is not getting paid to do something, and Dan, is one guess they’re these new-fangled “American Idol”--screw you too. MR sadly the only one combining the two. Ps...don’t chill reading “metrosexuals.” They’re protected from Marxists—Dressed in their *shirts this paper in East Quad...it’s fuckign weird in there. accidental decapitation by popped collars. with pictures of either Che Guevera or Please address all advertising, sub scrip tion in quir ies, and donations to Publisher c/o the Mich i gan Re view. Editorial and Business Offi ces: ETTER FROM THE DITOR The Michigan Review L E 911 N. University Avenue, Suite One Ann Arbor, MI 48109-1265 HERE IS NO comprehensive “How to get the most out hard towards the degree he came here to get. [email protected] of your time at U-M” guide in existence. That is your job, We’re all here to get an education, but don’t forget that http://www.michiganreview.com one you will be expected to excel at from the moment you “education” entails all of the things you learn outside of the Tel. (734) 678-5116 • Fax (734) 936–2505 T Copyright © 2003 The Michigan Review, Inc. All rights reserved. set foot on this campus. classroom, the things that don’t show up on transcripts and test The Michigan Review is a member of the Collegiate Network. The Freshman Orientation edition of the Michigan Review scores. Get involved. Find activities which interest you and explore is set to ease you along in the adjustment to college life. Inside them; you never know where your interests will lead you, and you will fi nd articles on how to behave during your fi rst day at you’d be cheating yourself if you never took the chance to try class, a quick overview of the major issues on this campus, plenty and fi nd out. of informative guides on the places to go and the things to do in Ann Arbor – all of which are topics I never read articles about Very Respectfully, upon arriving to Michigan. What follows are the things we wish we had known when we fi rst came to campus. So, read the issue, take it with a grain of salt, and use it in a way that benefi ts you as an incoming freshman. Love us or hate us, The University of Michigan offers innumerable opportunities, Write us. if you are willing to seek them out. We have the chance to study under world-renowned scholars, to take educational risks in our [email protected] liberal arts curriculum, and to meet incredible people in the process. Or send mail to: Michigan students work hard and play hard. Come to campus The Michigan Review prepared to do both. Someone could – people often do – go Editor-in-Chief, the Michigan Review 911 N. University Ave., Ste. 1 through one’s entire four years at Michigan without leaving the 2005-2006 Ann Arbor, MI 48109 Fishbowl and getting into the scene; or vice-versa, one could party his days and nights away without balancing that out by working summer2005.indd 2 6/20/2005, 4:08 PM Summer 2005 THETHE MICHIGAN MICHIGAN REVIEW REVIEW — CAMPUS — CAMPUS AFFAIRS AFFAIRS Page 33 “Ann Arbor is Boring” How to View Your New Hometown BY JAAMES DAVID DICKSON nature of our student body, so show up a little early.