2 3 4 INNARDS - Unit 20 Legion of Mad Caddies p. 15 Vancouver is hosting their first “all-ages” show with arrival of the Fat Tour 2003 this Sunday, March Fat Tour 2003 2nd. According to the management, if things go well, we could see more [email protected] Wanted: Cute all-ages shows at the legion. Let’s hope so, ‘cause goddamn this town John Ford p. 9 Ramones-esque early 20-something needs a new all-ages venue that isn’t a cement box or residentially locat- female, who looks good straddling a drum kit. And if you can ed. keep a beat, even better. Local all-girl sex-kitten-punk band, The Ministry p. 11 Rumours, is currently holding auditions for a new drummer. If you’re - Ever wondered what ever happened to those prolific punkers from interested in the job, email [email protected] Edmonton, SNFU? Yah, well, neither did we. Until now that is. It was Al Jourgenson In the mean time, Chuckie from Chinatown is filling in to keep the beat, recently been brought to Nerve’s attention that Chi Pig has managed to but he doesn’t look nearly as hot in a ragged asymmetrical mini jean pull himself away from Wrestlemania reruns long enough to start anoth- skirt. er project, SLAVECO., a band that is a little bit more rock than Chi’s Ultimate Fighter II p. 20 previous gig. But don’t worry, it’s still punk and yes, Chi still wears - Speaking of Chinatown, many concerned smut-rock fans have been tights. writing in wondering why they never see Hotwire and Chinatown Bad Art for You p. 7 appear on the same bill. This, despite the undeniable similarities in their - Expect to see indie-rockers All State Champion showcasing their delivery of over-the-top-raunch ‘n’ roll. That, and the fact that the bands emotionally charged, radio-friendly, sensitive (but-not-sappy) music all COLUMNS clearly use the same hairdresser and shop at the same ultra-cool thrift over town this month. Lead singer, Dan Sioui, (he’s the Britpop-type shops. Mystery solved. They never share the same stage for the same hottie who always looks like he’s on the verge of tears) is currently nego- reason Latoya and Michael are never interviewed together... they’re one tiating with Sonic Unyon Records for a three-album deal. You can show in the same. Hotwire officially changed its name to Chinatown last your support for Vancouver’s next greatest chart-topping export at the Tex and Dex p. 26 October because they thought the name sounded too much like a hair- Brickyard on March 8th or at the Pic on March 9th. Finally... an event Hopelessness p. 17 metal band and there was the little matter of another band in L.A with the where a man can sport his canvas utility pouch as an over-the-shoulder- same name. For more proof that Hotwire shares the same genetic make- emo purse and not be embarrassed. Civixen p. 6 up as Chinatown, check out the Brickyard on March 15 and see for your- self. - In response to the first Cheap Shotz hate mail: Hey, nobody’s denying Ridin’ Shotgun p. 21 the Walkerband’s punk rock lineage. The point of that particular It’s Rainin’ Men p. 27 - Word on the S.T.R.E.E.T.S. is that they are getting their first ‘tape cas- Cheap Shot was that John Ford rocks. I say this with utmost profes- sette only’ release, Worms, pressed to CD this month and released on sionalism and objectivity. Furthermore, I resent the implication that John Skate Spot p. 21 Teenage Rampage. Their long awaited new album, Bo Bo Gnar Gnar, Ford has any influence into what gets published in Nerve Magazine. If Skate Menace p. 20 coming out on Global Symphonic, is due around the first week of March you’re suggesting that I have some sort of bias towards John Ford (and as well (the vinyl for Bo Bo Gnar Gnar was apparently released Feb. I think you are), you couldn’t be further from the truth. Just because I’m 18th). best friends with Ford guitarist Rich Hope’s girlfriend, that in no way effects how much press they get here at the Nerve (see page 9 for an SECTIONS - Two tall cans in the air to The Royal’s ‘talent booker’ Paul for having exclusive John Ford interview) and just because I have a huge crush on the guts to bring in the fire-breathing, chainsaw-wielding, stripper-sup- Ford drummer Adrian Mack, that in no way skews my judgment of their porting 10-piece traveling trashfest known as Toronto’s White Cowbell new album (which incidentally kicks ass). And as far as flipping through Straight 8 p. 22 Oklahoma. I’m pretty sure they violated (in all senses of the word) a our lowly rag on the Cobalt shitter, I feel obligated to inform you that good half-dozen by-laws during their set but, alas, the show went on… you missed last call by three months. The Cobalt has been closed since Live Wires p. 16 oh, and congrats to the redheaded dame who survived the cock November. tease… you earned that cock rag. Off the record p. 19 Sarah Rowland Fashion p. 13 B.C. Damsgaard Puzzles and Comics p. 24 Alt F4 (Games) p. 24 Nelson THE NERVE HIT SQUAD The Cleaner (a/k/a Cover Design) This month’s Band Slut was one of the founding members of the Hard Rock Miners, before going King Pin (a/k/a Editor-In-Chief) Of the Month Saturnin on to play with the Molestics and more recently, Royal Grand Prix. He serves as Tommy Lee to Bradley C. Damsgaard Advertising (a/k/a Fire Insurance) several local motley crews, including alt. country dollface, Carolyn Mark and twang trio the Be Lady Godiva (a/k/a Music Editor) Carlos Leone, Brad Damsgaard Good Tanyas (with whom he is current- Sarah Rowland Father Gary (a/k/a Visual Arts Editor) The Nerve is published monthly by The Nerve ly touring the UK). In his spare time, he Jason Ainsworth Magazine Ltd. The opinions expressed by the writ - Shotgun (a/k/a Film Editor) devises secret initiation rituals for the ers and artist s do not necessarily reflect those of Bjorn Olson The Nerve Magazine or its editors... but of ten do. staff of the Railway Club. Friend of the Family (a/k/a Adult Content Editor) First publishing right s only are property of T h e Jason Wertman (If I told you more, we’d have to kill Nerve Magazine cause we have no desire to own Knuckles (a/k/a Guest Editor) you. The Nerve does not accept responsibility for you.) Aaron Eccles content in advertisement s. 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MADGRAS, Mike O, Jeff Oliver , 604.734.1611 Elizabeth Nolan, addict, Casey Bourque, Sinister w w w.thenervemagazine.com Sam, Leather Twatson, Adler Floyd, Aaronoid, Dmidtrui Otis, Angela Fama, Billy Hopeless, Dave [email protected] Crusty, Vanessa Samson, Emily Kendy, Dennis [email protected] Regan, D-Rock and Miss Kim, Niki Graham, Jenni 5 Screw Shining — It’s Our Time to DRINK, Candidate City! Bad Art... Rather than bore you with the nip- I have no interest in the pre-pack- the Pulitzer Prize-calibre Buzzer, sure that all #22 users get to take it ple-hardening details of my now aged Cinderella story of some limited late night bus service is up the hoop equally. How modern. mercifully active romantic life (not plucky young curler from Moose scheduled for re-introduction later Maybe they can buy us some nice quite Sex and the City so much as Jaw, I’d like it if the city wasn’t this year, and the band of spineless pushcarts or coal-fired locomo- 69ing in the 604), I’ve found a quite so cavalier about siphoning jackals that commands all things tives to alleviate traffic in time for couple of ripe political melons for off all its public funds just so Bev transit has decided, in its infinite the Doughlympics. you to do with what you will. & Wayne from Tallahassee can wisdom, to charge your drunk ass We had a Bad Art party at my house. What Stuff them down your shirt, heave buy cheap figure skating sou- a whopping dollar more for the And Finally was sort of funny after one beer, (oil paint- them off your roof, get into fights venirs. Hell, I enjoy a little hock- privilege of not getting home dead. How I hate you, Gordon ings of hockey players, optical illusions of with them when you’re drunk ey and a few triple lutzes from The little unelected bitches… who Campbell, because on top of donuts) became straight up comedy after a (ever read Rubyfruit Jungle?) … time to time myself, but I’d also the hell do they think they are kid- everything, your drunk-driving forty of Jim Beam.