r lr .:: v ~!Us~m R:~.. ~~.i""'/ i. "~.,., ~-,•- ,., .. l.ol J J the paper .. Page 2 October 30, 2000 the paper. 1 0.30.2000.-Volume 1, Issue 3 General Information ered encouraged, especially if geese, disturbing trend in your life that stems Generat tnfomlatron as •All Mighty Lord of the cartoonists fixated with geese, and a from insufficient suckling as a child. the paper Is su~ to be ltle Universe~~ ah4 display a submis· Have it, 2000. taxidermist are involved. Feels real but Upon further review of your records, student publiCfltiondot tfie ·Harper sl\le tone •1M! is appropriate for you don't have to feed it. we regretfully decline the offering of Colleg$ campus ·community, but is speekirlQ to the future itlfer:~ of your All rights reserved, including the right your services, and ask you to cease tnstead a secre~ " .. mes- feedback wilt to remain silent, that means you Mark. Tom writing immediately. All letters received sage coordinating tt)e· ·· ·on ot The right to an attorney, you'll see why Any references of minorities, maJOri­ from this day forward will be returned, qur so(ar ~net in a few pages. Also, the right not to ties, milkable barnyard animals, toast­ at your expense, to your Bellevue •zotg; ten " know any more rights, they never get ers, containers of fruit, Brittany Spears address. And we, the future rulers of further than this in the movies. The (Mike), short balding men whose your world, would like to point out that thlfd .. S!ll'ldiY right to scrape the funk off of your names start with the letter V (Mark), your bed wetting problem is just a er pem)(ttlng, is ··~ teeth, or in Mark's case, off of Mini­ forest creatures, crunchy snacks that symptom of a larger problem. We uted tree to all stUdel'l~~ taeulty, Wheat's. And finally, th& right to sail stain your fingertips orange, the weak­ could go into details, but we find no and admintWatiott, ·Gxcept •. Or. Jeeps in Harper lakes-also known as er verbs, The Harbinger (AC), or club need to embarrass you before your Bteuder, Who will not be allowed to sewage retention ponds. chick (nice abs Dan) were done with peers. Maybe in the future if you have his own C()J)Y 4.1!1llf he proves .MirettltJing .. the expressed written consent of Tom embraced the creativity of our messen­ he can play well Mb <)!tie$. PToducts add. $9Nlces advertiseQ Business Updat~ in Dubuque, Iowa. gers, saw their efforts as a benefit to 16 the paper•are not netfisarity Good news: We got the accounting I all, instead of the harbingers of doom, ...... Ponoy ~ ruhilrs of Zorg, software. Bad news: Business comput­ Weak and Spineless One we might think about keeping you on the paper tltlJe$$ incapaci>- ers still don't work. So we're still no The rulers of Zorg would like to thank as a Vock-herder. They may smell like emails to tfiEr'ildit unes iosures closer to actualization than Mark is to all those that have expressed interest hells bowels, but they have a loving meet•<*tall'l crlt the normality. But we like our staff mem­ in working for the Mure establishment, disposition that stems from a need to 1. AIImust bers a little left of center; it keeps us especially you 'Weak and Spineless be rubbed. You might just have some­ qn prQPef frisky on the phone, especially with the One." Your exhaustive letter campaign thing in common. mat. Books 0 help desk. They just love that. to distinguish yourself from the multi­ tude of others you call "inferior and The Skinny ~for 'Miv-<daY• tow-price ot Qt',1here U. Campus Geese inadequate" has shed light on a dis­ Ice cream has no bones, except down • $'79,-, a Any mishandling of campus geese--or turbing trend we have witnessed in the cafeteria. tumor'clrcfing 1s ptJo-< #)fA ~ cartoonists fixated with them-by the among humans. Your communique tacopyfng ~ p CfWging half pt'lce.. ,'. Anonymous Critic was done under the titled "My Pledge" was of particular Confusion says: close supervision of Motel 6 employ­ interest. Although we understand your The only difference between listening 2. AI~ must .refer· to #l&,st,att.., ees. Any mishandling of the wisheS" to "shed allegiance from the and hearing is attention. Anonymous Critic should be consid- flag," we wonder if this might just be a Burnt Toast [email protected] b Rana ()i(A'j . .. ONE rtiOiti S\bfl.~, ~e~ IT~ 11Y'I!: ~ 0f'C>. '<I~~'Y/ 5fE"tJI:>• GoAUT'f i\mE" WIT!\. '/~ Some_wacky · and unstable people who should 1/ ' Lorenc hard for the elimination of not officially placed on ballot. Says is waiting to a fashion­ ably late entrance like last time. the paper Page 3 October 30, 2000 Jeep Wrangler tries out for Harper swim team by staff writer Lake Harper gained a new addi­ ancr plummeted into the cold, murky College police department. tion last Monday when a Jeep waters of Lake Harper, just before Police summoned a tow truck splashed into the usually calm waters 1pm. and the recovery process began, after rolling from its parking space in A witness notified the Palatine though not without its obstacles. The lot 7. and Harper College police and over tow truck, situated on grass, began The driver of the Jeep arrived at nine pieces of emergency equipment sliding towards the lake with each Harper early that day for his afternoon · arrived on-scene including police, fire, attempt to pull the half-sunken Jeep class. Leaving his Jeep in what he and medical vehicles, unaware if any­ out of the clouded waters. After nearly believed was the parked position, he one was present in the vehicle. It was 30 minutes of attempts, the Jeep was walked to the campus from the distant quickly determined that the vehicle finally pulled onto land and towed to lot 7. Unknown to him at the time, the was unoccupied and that the vehicle another parking lot. Jeep suddenly began to roll from its was not occupied at the time it rolled Harper College police located the space in lot 7, jumped a small curb at from the lot into the-lake, according Lt. driver of the vehicle, who later arrived the edge of the lot, barely hit a tree, Graham Johnson of the Harper with a parent to inspect the Jeep. A jeep rests half-sunken in t.ake Harper after the vehicle rolled in from its parking space in lot 7. The vehicle was unoccupied and no injuries were reported. Dreaming of a bett~r self By Dan Kurash Whether or not you take chances, skeptics try ·to put over the dreamers ABSENTEE VOTER BALLOT Music Editor you still have ·aspirations. They are as who simply reach for new stars, you important to overall health as t~e oxy­ will gain the understanding from within I live my life knowing that god gen we breathe to stay alive. People to aspire to who you really want to be. INFORMATION gave me the abilitY to·do anything with­ tend to undermine their true ability. To My future is clouded over by col­ in my reach. There should never be a be good individuals, we need to over­ lege now, but I look ahead. I look reason not to do something. Faith look negativity, and see what good beyond, but not forgetting the present Every vote counts for the Harper College rests solely within the heart, and as there really is. The good lies in our own because the present captures my state referendum on Tuesday, November 7th! long as we have this powerful tool, we minds. of mind. Whatever you want to do, you cannot be broken from what we I'm not saying you shouid sacri­ can. The future will be there for you to If you are a registered voter and will Important Dates: believe in. fice everything else in your life for the 'grasp. Moreover, faith equates to be unable to vote on election day, For me, faith clearly determines sake of fulfilling your dreams, but just belief, which results in the true feelings November 7th, you can apply for an September 28, 2000 First day for my life. I try to follow my beliefs as try. The key to life rests in the fact that inside of you. absentee ballot. Cook County registered voters to closely as I can. I'm not so much we all need diversity. We need morals You can never be free, if you speaking of faith as it applies to reli­ and motivation. don't plant the seed of need. request an application for an absen­ gion here, but more from the idea that I have a state of mind where I feel So aspire,and be inspired. Never Applications for absentee ballots are tee ballot. I am capable of achieving and over­ I must try to accomplish my dreams. I blow out the flame. Try to wash away available at the following locations: coming a lot. Faith seems a simple will probably come up short on the out­ shame .- Piqure your life after college October 16, 2000 First day for Cook solution to all the crap that life brings. side, but inside I will have a sense of and in the real world. Don't become a Admissions office, Room C101 County registered voters to vote I think that dreams stand in the accomplishment. robot in a suit and tie with no mind of absentee in person at village halls forefront of the human emotional state.