QUEEN FOR A NIGHT MICKEY'S FAMilY fUSS GAME SHOW GAME SHOW AT 10:30 PM AT 10:00 PM WI IVANA TRAMP WI WAYNE SMITH to me. The same way it came naturally to from the editor ... me to prefer Milky Ways (will the puns never end) to Butterfingers (here we go again,) and Coca-Cola over Pepsi. It was just a part Hey,Gabbers! of me. You might have noticed in last week's is- Yet, for over 40 years, I have been confronted sue a Gab ad that makes reference to our with blatant hate and derision by members dear neighbors to the north, who - for better of the straight community; paid my taxes, or worse - are, at least in part, represented despite having fewer rights than the majority by a lovely lady by the name of Sally Kern of the population; and, enjoyed neither the in the Oklahoma House of Representatives. benefits nor the joys afforded to breeders La Kern, for those of you that may not be and other less "radical" factions of our soci- aware, compared the homosexual agenda ety - all while being forced to listen to the to terrorists, and found that the terrorists were heterosexual agenda and its spokespeople, lower on the chain of condemnable groups such as Sally Kern, and being told that the than we in the GLBTcommunity are. choice of being a reviled outcast was my own. Ms. Kern believes and publicly proclaims that "scientific evidence, health evidence ... Over 4,000 American men and women have proves that the homosexual lifestyle isa dan- been sent to slaughter in Iraq; our planet is gerous lifestyle ...more dangerous than ter- literally rotting at the core; children are go- rorism." In her infinite wisdom, old Sally also ing to bed hungry and dying because of avows that the homosexual agenda' is "the inadequate medical care; gas prices are very same as a cancer," and that gays and going through the roof and our economy lesbians choose to be gay and lesbian be- is beginning to tank; George W. Bush still cause of "that sinful nature" that we all pos- smirks and lies his way through press confer- sess. ences; and civilization continues its decline into chaos, but Sally Kern and her ilk can find In other words, we can CHOOSE not to be time only to warn the Republican base that gay. the GLBTcommunity is a cancer that is de- stroying the nation, and that our agenda is Once again, representatives of the religious a greater threat than that posed by Osama wrong.and the immoral majority are brand- bin-Laden. ing us as a bunch of radical heathens whose sole purpose in life isto sin, convert others to That's why the upcoming primary run-off our sinful ways and bring down the allegedly elections in Texas and November's presiden- United States of America with our quest for tial and congressional elections are even basic civil and human rights. And all be- more important to our community than cause we apparently make a conscious de- they've ever been. Because, despite grow- cision to live this lifestyle as a direct affront ing medical and scientific evidence sup- to what is good and just and God-like in so- porting the belief that homosexuality isnot a ciety. choice, idiots like Sally Kern are going to con- tinue to spout-off their vicious venom about Bulls#@t. you and me and all of our friends and many of our neighbors to promote THEIRagenda I don't know about the rest of you, but I was and to keep the good old US of A the fas- a full-tilt fag ogling over the men's under- cist republic that it has become under the wear pictures in the Lord & Taylor catalogue suspect watch of George W. Bush and his by the time I was three years old - and that minions. was way before Daddy became distant and Mommy became overbearing, and long And why, when making plans for your vaca- before I even knew that my penis could do tion this year, you should maybe choose a something besides piss...hell. long before I'd blue state. even had my first boner. I didn't choose to \ be aroused by the sight of hot men in tighty- And that's the Gab ... whities and repulsed by the sight of bea- W'\ ver shots in hetero stroke magazines - it just came (you should pardon the pun) naturally I Page 7 n...o.~ ~we-ekIY VOl. 005 - APRIL -WEEK 2 - 2008 7 From the Editor by Bob Dineen 10 Gab Grooves by Jimmy R.Smith 14 OMBlog by Giga Bytes 18 Gab & Groan by Sebastian Venable III 22 BuzzFile by Robert Stahl 26 Ask Rocco by Rocco Caseliano 31 Meet The Ones by Andy Reynolds 39 What Lies Beneath by Lawrence Ferber Z 42 Scopes by Mario Mares 44 Ernest & Otis Ask The Gophers 47 Young Chemistry by Ralf Elizalde 49 Gab Bag Out Across Texas 60 Gab Guide Page 9 Turns out, being the world's greatest party combo isn't just like riding a bike, but the B- 52s are certainly pointed in the right direc- tion. Think of Funplex as a likeable album from a lovable band and adjust your party planner accordingly. The B-52's took their name from the Southern slang for the mile-high bouffant wigs sported by singers Kate Pierson and Cindy Wilson, a look emblematic of the band's campy, thrift-store aesthetic. The five-piece group, which also included founding members Fred Schneider, guitarist Ricky Wilson (Cindy's older brother), and drummer Keith Strickland, formed in the mid-70s after a drunken eve- ning at a Chinese restaurant; the bandmem- bers had little or no previous musical experi- ence, and performed most of their earliest shows with taped guitar and percussion ac- companiment. TOP 10 OJ Jimmy Skinner SOBE Houston After hearing the ultra-sheen producer tion vindicates Strickland's hunch about Os- Steve Osborne smoothed across New Or- borne, whose half-new wave, half-MP3 age der's 2001 album Get Ready, the B-52s' production is a great match throughout. guitarist and music director Keith Strickland found the sound that would bring his band The band's shimmy and shake performance into 21st century .. is as energetic as ever and with songs like "Hot Corner," "Juliet of the Spirits," and The ultra-slick, synthesizer and drum ma- the title track bringing warm reminders of chine driven Funplex isthe result, and while it "Roam," "Summer of Love," or "Good Stuff," doesn't make up for the 16 years since their the B-52s in 2008 are still adding fine mate- last full-length, it's a good argument that rial to their catalog. they should get off the revival concert cir- cuit and get back to the studio more often. Bright moments that loyal fans will cherish dot the album, like when Fred delivers a On the opening "Pump," singers Kate Pier- "Robots-Bootybots-Erotobots" chant CLove son and Cindy Wilson prove right away they in the Year 3000"), or when a simple, quint- can still create sweet harmonies, while Fred essential B-52sriff mixes with intoxicating fu- Schneider displays that he's lost none of his ture disco CEyes Wide Open"). campy spark and still sounds credible when barking out stories of hot mamas cruising the Nothing here is as gripping or as perfect mall while high on diet pills.The track's excit- as "Rock Lobster," "Private Idaho," or "Love ing Stereolab-meets-Duane Eddy construe- Shack." Page 10 Page 11 3109 Knox Street, Ste 214 Dalias, Texas 75205 www.gabweekly.com 214.559,3422 PUBLISHED BY Gab Media Co, EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Bob Dineen bob@gabweekly,com 214,559,3525 MARKETING Entertainment Editor DFW Bureau Chief Jimmy R,Smith jimmy@gabweekly,com 201,362,7737 VIRTUAL MARKETING DESIGN SPECIALIST John Carroll 210,693,6628 john@gabweekly,com HOUSTON BUREAU CHIEF Alex Cuevas alex@gabweekly,com 713,686,5758 SAN ANTONIO BUREAU CHIEF Mario Mares 210,241,5633 mario@gabweekly,com AUSTIN BUREAU CHIEF Skip Bromfeld 210,693,6628 skip@gabweekly,com CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Robert Stahl II!J. Mera Tucker .ts'J Rocco Castellano PRODUCTION ASSOCIATE sponsored by Patrick McReynolds ~~ DISTRIBUTION ,-.1.:Red,Bull Deborah Altamirano - Houston OJ Julia Starks - Austin C1 ~~fMli.'V&t~ '" Gab Media Ca. All Rights Reserved ·1 II original articles, artwork and photography in Gab Weekly i fftJ he property of Gab Media Co. and cannat be reproduced with ut prior written consent. The views expressed in editorial con ten CD; o not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher or the stoff ~h~[;~ ~ ubllcotion of the name or image of any person or organization i a.o.\iJ lIeshJack ot on indication or reflection upon that person's sexual orlento- ~ www.fleshjack.com ~"'" -t:6 ion or the views of the organization. Page 12 l;b[Q9~'~jt •• ~(o)-";'" OhLaLa Mag Dedicated to beauty, art and the freedom of expression! that includes enough beefcake and beauty What do you do when you're arguably two format change. The result of all of their hard to make even the most questioning bisexual of the sexiest men on the planet that just work is OhLaLa Mag - which, to those in the convert. happen to love to photograph other sexy know, is the embodiment of all that Holly- and beautiful people and have taken both wood is. And, like the city from which it en- The thing that sets OhLaLa apart from the Parisand the blogging community by storm? ters the ethers, it's slick, shiny,and full of hot rest is definitely the sites creators, Steph and Well you move to LA, start an online maga- hunks in a minimalist mode of attire.