ISSUE #28 This Here... “...we’re probably all in similar positions...” (I Millsted) instead, not knowing that there was even more thickness to EGOTORIAL come. A couple of cheap whiskeys in already (and this is only mid- DILIGENCE AND THICKNESS afternoon in The Meadows) because I had to do some out- I see that h/t is a common abbreviation on the internet loud reading of the monthly writing assignment, I linked up machine that the yoots have embraced, and as you might to Zoom via FBF to be greeted by a slightly harried-looking expect it took me the usual many months to figure it out, but still very smiley Steven Cain who managed to convey to although at least it was in the context of sharing something thick me what was going on while I presented as a blank funny or useful and that gave me an actual clue. There’s still screen and sweary audio (which inevitably got worse). I quite a few of these acronyms that I can’t decipher at all, but signed in and out a couple of times with no change to the I’d guess most of them are trivial anyway. The one that lack of camera (even though the status said it was on), so wasn’t I got explained to me by Jane Carnall, whose posts I sans image I ended up in the “corridor party” breakout read eagerly for their editorial which was home to some quality on current affairs. I familiar faces. couldn’t decipher the term Fishlifters looking wickedly ‘TERF’, despite context, so with cheerful leading to the the usual apology for thickness assumption that drink may asked Jane what it was, and have been taken; Christina having been told I still well Lake and Doug Bell looking recall my amazement and fitter than anyone has any right follow-up remark of “That’s an to be (and I despair that while actual thing?”. I was assured Chrissie and I are the same age, that it is, and thus by small she’s running marathons while increments my education I get achy walking to the fridge continues. for the next beer); Mike Typical Farey digression there, Abbott looks to have not aged since what I wanted to convey was going to start with a h/t, a day in 30 years, even though but that’s ridiculously insufficient to the effusive praise he runs his fingers through the still luxuriant mane, claiming which should be heaped upon Alison Scott (and Steven much greyness; even Sorensen doesn’t appear to be Cain) for setting up a massive virtual Eastercon “room embracing any kind of dotage yet; Max seems to have the party” on Saturday night, April 11th via Zoom. I was a highest quality camera and still has that cheeky grin. Lilian couple hours late to the show, since we had another online Edwards rather bizarrely appears as a dark and blurry event here starting at the same time, our monthly Writers’ smear against a tropical background. I’ll just leave that there. Group get-together which we did as a FBF videocall group. I spotted a text chat facility and tapped out a couple of That seemed to work all right, although apparently the “hellos” which were sensibly ignored by all except my group call function doesn’t like working unless you’re “Booze Brother” Tobes Valois, who gives a shout-out to the running Chrome, so I ended up peering at my phone room that I am there, albeit invisible, which given the apparent rude health of the rest of the assembly makes me THIS HERE... 1 THIS HERE... #28 glad they aren’t getting subjected to my image, as I suspect know mine did). John and Alan wanted to carry on, so they several of them might preemptively start sending flowers if grabbed a bass player and second guitarist and christened they were. I made the mistake of mentioning “the Sorensen themselves “the Rezillos”. John, Alan and second guitarist joke” which I am urged to tell, fuck nose why since everyone Mark Harris were sharing vocal duties but none of them appeared to go into shock when I did. And I thought were much good at playing and singing at the same time, so everyone knew it by now anyway. Attempts to ameliorate Alan, likely the worst actual singer of the three stepped out this with “the Mike Ashley joke” were shouted down, even from behind the skins and put on wrap-around shades that with my insistence that the latter does not include the word he found on a beach somewhere. They got in another “cunt”. drummer, acquired a sax player, and Alan brought in a I found it difficult to participate without any video of me up couple of fashion students, Sheilagh Hynde and Gail there, and I’m guessing there are psychological reasons for Jamieson as a girlie chorus. This would have been around this from both sides. Primarily, perhaps, when no-one’s able August of 1976, and the band practised pretty hard before to see me react to whatever else is going on I’m effectively their Guy Fawkes’ night debut at Edi Uni student union. “not there”, since all I can do is shout to get attention which In the tradition of, perhaps, “Captain Sensible” and “Rat is a bit rude, innit. So I gave up after a bit, as nice as it was to Scabies” among others, group members took on silly see so many fine fannish friends. They might have heard pseudonyms. For example, John Callis (who was going by some background mumbling and grumbling as Jen and “Jo” anyway) became “Luke Warm”, Jamieson became meself tried to figure out what was up with the fuckin’ “Gayle Warning”, and after a mercifully brief moment as camera, all to no avail. “Candy Floss”, Hynde transformed into her better known Next morning we had another try at figuring it out, alter ego “Fay Fife”, most non-Scots having to be clued to including some allegedly interactive chat with a help desk the fact that this was a punning “from Fife” in her robot, all to no avail. “Oh well”, sez Jen, “I suppose we’ll Dunfermline accent. Most whimsically, Alan Forbes just have to look for an external camera that you can plug in.” nicked the name of a bloke he’d worked a summer job with Anyone wondering why I didn’t just scoot over and use the and became “Eugene Reynolds”. Mac instead should be told that the old dear grinds to a halt if asked to do anything internetty. A little while later I look at the back of the HP as I am given to understand that’s where stuff gets plugged in, and notice a slim little boxy thing at the top, in the middle. Understandably curious, I grab hold of it, and the thing slides up above the screen to reveal... the fuckin’ camera! Apparently this is a clever little anti-hack thing whereby if some miscreant does access the device from somewhere else, they don’t get to see anything with the lens tucked away. On the scale of how daft do I now feel, this is above average. I’ll put me teeth in for Jim Mowatt’s Dead Dog Zoom party, then... It’s all good. Nic Farey, April 2020 RADIO WINSTON TWO YEARS IN THE LIFE Most readers, I would guess, would respond to a remark that there’ve been quite a few notables who are either alumni of or associated with the Edinburgh College of Art with something like “Well, yeah, probably, so what?” A couple of lads, John Callis (guitar) and Alan Forbes (drums), were playing in a party band in 1975 doing 50s and 60s covers, but that fell apart, as college bands tend to do (I 2 THIS HERE... THIS HERE... #28 That first gig consisted of just 50s and 60s covers and went recording in a brand-new American studio! What could down a storm, which in retrospect was unsurprising to then possibly go wrong? bassist “Dr D K” (Dave) Smythe who later wrote that the Well, not entirely what you might have guessed might band were “slick, highly professional, well-rehearsed, and happen with a bunch of Edinburgh students let loose in offered 60 minutes or so of frantic, non-stop fun rock looking NYC. Right from the off the band had concentrated on back to the late 1950s”. rehearsal and gigging with a strictly adhered to “no drugs, There can’t be a lot of bands who’ve had such an instant no groupies” policy, and thus ‘Can’t Stand the Rezillos’ was positive reaction to their first ever gig, but this bunch of done in pretty short order. Sire, however, wanted to delay students (as they still were) knew exactly what to do about the release for three months so their distribution with it, and did something like eight months of solid gigging and Phonogram would expire and they could move to Warner, released their first single “Can’t Stand My Baby”. There’d which left a group that had been constantly working already been a bit of shuffling going on - since Reynolds and throughout their existence in the unexpected position of Fife got to know each other (ahem, in the Biblical sense), Fay doing fuck-all, and having to cancel planned tours while was moved upfront to share lead vocal duties, making Gail a waiting for the green light. bit surplus to requirements, so she left.