TThehe CCenturionenturion All the yellow journalism--about Bucks--that’s unfit to print. The week of March 30, 2009 www.bucks-news.com Volume: 44 Issue: 11 New mascot for Bucks INSIDE Few knew what a Centurion was, or Administration that it was Bucks’ mascot. Now meet says sleeping in class healthy Bucky the Bucks’ Buck, the new, NEWS PAGE 2 more recognizable mascot. Cheaters found to were the Centaurs, Libertines BY LAURA IRWIN be pumpkin eaters Head-hunting Honcho and Bucky. BEYOND BUCKS PAGE 4 “I just didn’t get why we It’s true that not many students would go from being one Physical Plant at Bucks are involved in obscurely-named team to extracurricular activities. another,” said SGA President exposed: Duct tape It’s true that those involved felt Seth Gansman. “Centaur was holds up Rollins that a Centurion did not repre- just like Centurion, as well as sent team spirit or strike fear in Libertine on the obscurity SCIENCE PAGE 5 their opponents hearts. level. And to tell you the truth, And it’s also true that few there were several other ani- Gullibility study understood what a Centurion mal-based drawings that were shows 200 percent actually is. submitted for consideration increase in But it’s not important now as that were pretty weak. Like the Student Government seals and donkeys. Those stu- factuality NO LONGER “CENTURIONS,” THE BUCKS BUCKS FEATURE THEIR NEW JERSEYS WITH MASCOT “BUCKY.” Association has unanimously dents didn’t come close once PHOTO BY MY NIKON D40 STUDENT DEATH PAGE 7 approved a mascot change. we got hold of a good Buck.” Initiated by student and SGA Jerseys were immediately almost immediately.” “The name was getting in the Journalism Treasurer Justin Derry, Bucky screen-printed with Bucky in The Bucks Baseball Bucks way of our goal of Bucks unifica- the Bucks Buck is a more recog- order for the first sport of the aren’t the only group excited tion,” Johnson said. “With program files for nizable and identifiable mascot. spring season to try out, the about a new look. The Black Bucky, we are all just Bucks.” Chapter 11 “Few knew that a Centurion championship-winning baseball Student Union will now be T-shirts are available in the ARTSY FARTSY PAGE 9 was a Roman soldier of 100 team. Bucky’s Student Union. bookstore to promote the new men,” said Matt Cipriano, direc- “We love it,” said Head Coach Why? mascot. A Modern tor of student life. “Not a lot of Mark Bohling. “It represents our Adviser for the club, Mark Additional promotional items, students also know that I am a aggressive playing and shapely Johnson, said that he had been like banners and flyers, are soon Hypocrisy: I wish world-renowned Suessaphone figures. I only wish I had an ani- trying to make the club name to follow. I was funny player.” mal represent me when I went to represent the true mission of the As the season opens for many OPRAH EDICT PAGE 10 SGA members went to several box Arturo ‘Thunder’ Gatti’ in group, which is accepting any spring sports, Bucks can now art students to design a new that TV show ‘Pros vs. Joes.’ I student as a member regardless cheer united, “We will, we will Automatic ‘A’ mascot. The top three choices might not have been knocked out of race. Buck you!” policy in effect FANCY NEWS CHANNEL 11 SPORTS Bookworms invade library Teams wish they had spectators BY JEN GOLDING Senior Literary Expert Open try-outs for Since the Ancient Egyptians and Sumerians, worms have new mascot been regarded in literary lore as being worshiped as knowledge- Football team hits able and surprisingly well-read. In the Bucks library, this may homerun have been taken a little too liter- BUCKY’S SPORTS PAGE ally. Recent influxes of delicious WEATHER treats for the common earth- worm, such as rarely read books Monday : We now go live to and now defunct magazines, Ollie Williams in the storm, have created a sort of haven that Ollie? only insect enthusiasts could IT'S RAININ' SIDEWAYS! love. Disgusted and bewildered Tuesday : Sounds rough, have students have been startled to STUDENT FIND THEMSELVES HAVING TO SHAKE OUT BOOKS OFF THE LIBRARY SHELVES BEFORE STUDYING you got an umbrella? find the creepy crawlers infest- PHOTO BY CAMERAN AKED HAD ONE! ing large sections of the library Wednesday : Where is it? and have been reported in many promptly tum- would INSIDE OUT 2 MILES AWAY! areas of the stacks, from 101.3 all pointed to a rotten apple lying bled over the shelves in which later report. The shelves had to Thursday : Is there anything the way to 156.8 in the Dewey on the ground with a giant worm the books were encased, and cre- be replaced and order had to be we can do for you? Decimal system. wrapped around its rotten core. ated a domino effect with a restored. BRING ME SOME SOUP! What could have caused such “Some students are savages!” sound explosion that radiated “The books took 50 man hours Friday : What kind? an intriguing jump in the worm The worm infestation so star- throughout the entire library and to replace in proper Dewey CHUNKY! populace? “It has to be the tled Laura Irwin that while caused her “huge levels of Decimal order. The damage that WEATHER COURTESY OF amount of apples lying around!” researching linear equations, she embarrassment,” as she herself 2 page on Continued OLLIE WILLIAMS said student Chris Johnson, who 2 Snews Wednesday, April 1, 2009 Geithner: Money grows on trees BY TAJ CARR currency, which is being sub- and people’s The Mahal sidized by President Barack health. Obama’s stimulus package. “Don’t play Controversy surrounds No official date has been with dirt,” read Bucks as the federal govern- selected to implement this a poster in the ment announced it will be new currency plan. Bucks Early using the campus to test a Some local Bucks environ- Learning Center. revolutionary new form of mentalists have many con- “What’s going currency. cerns when it comes to this to happen when Secretary Treasury of the new form of currency. peoples’ United States Timothy Abrams Peters, a professor accounts become Geithner will use fallen of eco-environmental studies so low enough leaves as dollars, and grams said, “I think this plan is a and there aren’t of dirt as change. waste of time, and is just stu- enough fallen Geithner believes this new pid.” leaves? People form of currency will be ben- Peter believes Geithner’s are going to start eficial to the economy goals are honorable yet way picking up because it will pump more too misguided. leaves off ran- money into our markets. “It’s obvious in Adam’s dom trees just to According to Geithner, it will book that an economic sys- put food on the THIS BUCKS STUDENT IS EXCITED AFTER “WINNING THE LOTTERY.” SHE PASSED BY A PILE OF also be good for the environ- tem based on falling leaves is table,” said FALLEN LEAVES. ment because only fallen dumb,” said an avid Peters, “This is leaves of a tree will be recy- Hitchhiker’s Guide to the going to kill and take away from be pointless to use dirt as cled and used as currency. Galaxy Fan who went by only trees and make all year fall.” America’s true competitive change because it will not fit “I’m literally thinking green his first name Ford. “Also, it’s Peters created a new organ- spirit. into vending machines on when it comes to rescuing the pretty clear that the people ization called “Leave Leaves Other students believe it is campus. economy and saving mother who are the descendants of Alone” whose mission is to just stupid. Another issue surrounding earth,” Geithner said. Earth are rejects from other stop the government’s plan to Other students think this this issue is the measure of Geithner was inspired by planets and anything they create this new currency. might be beneficial for counterfeit leaves. the popular book series have to say as far as econom- Some groups of students America’s broke economy. Many residents of Bucks “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the ic stimulus should be believe this form of spreading Other students think I own their own plastic plants Galaxy” written by Douglas ignored.” the wealth is an example of should have worn dressier which look real to be used as Adams, in which primitive One concern of that guy I Obama’s socialistic govern- clothes to class instead of money. The plan to imple- earthlings used leaves as cur- talked to is that it might ben- ment reform. sweatpants. ment the new currency is still rency. efit the economy, but it is An abundant source of Other students are wearing in debate, but if passed, it will Bucks has been selected as going to have an adverse income available to masses sweatpants. create money that does grow the test market for this new affect on the environment will create no class division Larry Kays thinks it would on trees. Library is creepy, crawly and slimey continued from the front page of this newspaper that you are reading at this current moment and thanks for that we like it Irwin inflicted was irrevocable,” a high-ranking library official would later state in a press release. Centurion Publication Schedule Although the worms don’t seem to be leaving anytime soon, students have grown increasingly The Centurion is published weekly on annoyed.