Fall 2013 pact’spoint of view The newsletter for adoptive families with children of color Creating Adoption Narratives In This Issue Creating Adoption Narratives: Every Word Counts Every Word Counts By S. Kripa Cooper-Lewter by S. Kripa Cooper-Lewter 1 he stories we are told and the stories we tell have great meaning for our lives. The Harris Narratives: An Introspective T Study of a Transracial Adoptee As a social worker, researcher, author, life coach, wife, parent, and adult by Susan Harris O’Connor 2 adoptee, I am fascinated by the way families go about constructing a coherent narrative of their family lives. The narratives children are told by their families shape “WOW! You’re Jewish?”: Transracial how they view themselves in relation Adoption in the American Jewish Community by Jennifer Sartori to family and the broader world. This is & Jayne Guberman 3 one of the most important functions of families: giving children a sense of identity. Food Issues from an Adoption Personal identity develops in part through Perspective, by Katja Rowell 6 the family’s historical and cultural legacies, Pact Family Camp 2013: passed on through stories and related “Deep Learning, Strong experiences. As part of everyday life, stories Connections, Serious Fun” 8 are shared from one family member to the In Every Issue next, a rich process of interweaving and co- construction of narratives that bind families Book Review together. As children begin to narrate their Feed Me, Love Me own lives, incorporating their family’s stories S. Kripa Cooper-Lewter by Katja Rowell 7 into their sense of self, they often revisit the Teen Corner narratives they have been told across their lifespan and revise their narratives based Where I Wanna Be 9 on new information and experiences. Director’s Corner For children of color who are adopted, adoption narratives carry huge weight. As Six Challenges for Adoptive adoptive parents and others create or transmit their origin stories, children Parents of Children of Color 10 listen closely and internalize the accompanying messages about adoption. Pact Family Stories Narrated stories of birth and adoption play a significant role in fostering self-esteem, Saying It All in Just Six Words 12 resilience, and strength. When explaining how a child joined their family, the way in which the story is constructed and told is critical for self-acceptance and the Ask Pact ability to trust. Even for adopted children with areas of uncertainty and gaps in their The Language of Adoption: historical legacies, this act of narration is crucial, because they still carry with them Does It Really Matter? 13 biological reminders or marks of their heredity, serving as a reminder of the past ties Ask a First/Birth Mother they once had. by Susan Dusza Guerra Leksander 14 In 2012, I completed a qualitative dissertation based on the life stories of twenty women of color adopted transnationally and transracially to the United States before turning three. The women in my study were between the ages of 25-38 and represented eight different countries of origin. I utilized the autobiographical narrative to explore and compare how these women regarded their identity formation, pact provides adoption the meaning they attributed to their experiences, and how they constructed or services to children of color, reconstructed their personal narratives and identities over time. Across these twenty including both adoptive life stories, four re-occurring themes emerged: placement and support programs • Difference: how being different shaped them for children and youth. To serve • Connections: how family and relationships influenced their hopes and dreams the children, we offer parents • Identities: finding and revising who they were and could become lifelong education and support on family, race and adoption issues. (cont. on pg. 5) The Harris Narratives An Introspective Study of a Transracial Adoptee By Susan Harris O’Connor Susan Harris O’Connor has joined us at Pact Family Camp several times and always beguiles her audience with her combination of personal warmth and intellectual depth. Her reflections on her complex identity formation are now available in her book, “The Harris Narratives.” We are grateful for her permission to publish this brief excerpt, which gives a taste of her unique voice. y human existence is inclusive of many significant compulsive, and somewhat of a perfectionist. I share this only Midentities. Because I can hold these identities in my to paint the backdrop in which my mind constructs move. thoughts, I will refer to them as existing within my mind.1 My So, let’s continue to examine these constructs as they pertain significant mind constructs include: human being, female, to me, within my mind and within my ecology, today. heterosexual, social worker, wife, friend, relative, social status, age group, health, and The solid, vulnerable, bi/co-existent constructs speak to the being Jewish, Black, White, core identities within me. Native American Indian, and a My solid constructs are typically quiet, calm, and serene, transracial adoptee. therefore I view them today as my privileged constructs. On I have categorized my their own, or with each other, they create, for the most part, mind constructs into four no oppressive rub or friction in my mind. It is not to say that groups. The first group, my these constructs don’t exist without challenge, however the solid constructs, I view as challenges rarely feel as if they stem from “being wronged.” including: sexual orientation, There is hardly a need for my mind to contemplate how to social status, age group, and hide, deny, minimize, or omit them in conversation unless Susan Harris O’Connor health. The second group, my to do so would be with the intent to avoid hurting another vulnerable constructs, includes: person’s feelings. It is within these solid constructs that I race, religion and transracial adoptee, while a third group, my realize I sit in comfort and ease, and therefore I would view bi/co-existent constructs, includes human being and gender. these areas of my life as privileged. Yes, this is for the most The fourth group, my role constructs,2 includes spouse, social part the ongoing privileged areas sitting comfortably in my worker, friend, and relative. mind. It is almost as if there is no need to think about their meaning or existence. They just exist, and I feel and truly At this point in my life, after having done much work on believe that the environment I move within is fully accepting myself, all of these mind constructs on most given days move of them. around in my mind, quite comfortably. The solid, vulnerable, bi-existent and role constructs interact very well with one Although I view the vulnerable constructs as beautiful, they another. are occasionally noisy, messy, moody and colorful. They are the ones that will unexpectedly get my mind hopping when Worth noting: My mind does not suffer from anxiety or they perceive a threat or danger to their very existence. depression, and I have never taken prescription medication, There are numerous dances or games that they will perform, even during my worst years, following my adoptive mother’s depending on what they perceive to have happened, what death in 1989, although I probably should have. My they perceive is occurring, what they perceive as going to personality is for the most part playful, upbeat and bubbly, occur, or what their previous occurrences have been. What though intense when it pertains to topics I am passionate is difficult about their movement is that it is not confined to a about. I am a people person, somewhat obsessive, particular construct or situation. When a vulnerable construct is threatened, depending on the circumstances, it can slide up to or slam into or whack another vulnerable construct or 1 Note: This narrative was written in an attempt to free me from and constructs, sometimes attempting to overpower or sway make sense of why I was (at the time) struggling emotionally. I was or take hostage the solid and the role constructs. At which deeply concerned with how I was doing. I was also cognizant from my point, the constructs can be at war with one another, be in previous works of how cathartic the process of writing narratives has been. Therefore, I set out to study the area of me, ‘my mind,’ that felt agreement, or be both at once. troubled, hoping it would ultimately assist in my healing. Subsequent to completing this self-study of my mind constructs and this narrative, The bi-existent constructs consistently exist as both solid and I learned of Personal Construct Psychology (PCP) which was developed vulnerable constructs. In my mind, my gender and human by American Psychologist George Kelly in 1955, from which he created being constructs are very solid constructs, yet at the same the “Repertory Grid,” a tool to explore how people experience their time they can be very vulnerable constructs. Within my world. Refer to Kelly, G.A. A Theory of Personality. (1963). New York: W.W. Norton; first chapters of Kelly, G.A. (1955). The Psychology of ecology, and within my mind, I am unable to say that my Personal Constructs. New York: Norton. Kelly’s main opus is in two volumes. (cont. on pg. 15) 2 Kelly referred to role constructs in his work. 2 point of view | Fall 2013 “WOW! You’re Jewish?” Transracial Adoption in the American Jewish Community by Dr. Jennifer Sartori and Dr. Jayne Guberman These varying conceptions of Jewish identity all have different doption is, quite literally, changing the face of the impacts on adoptees. A American Jewish community. Synagogues, Jewish In times past, Jewish identity was both obligatory and community centers, Jewish schools, and Jewish camps hereditary; except in rare cases of conversion, one was around the country are home to an increasing number of Jewish because one’s biological mother was.