Rawley, Delores 1 Aisis HAWKINS: [00:00] Hi. My name is Aisis Hawkins. I'm 16 years old. Today is February 17th, 2014. We're in Washington, D.C. and I'm here with my grandmother. DOLORES RAWLEY: Good evening. My name is Delores [Rawley?]. I'm 57 years old. Today's date is the 17th , 2014. My location is Washington, D.C. I'm here with my granddaughter, Aisis Hawkins. AH: So Grandma, where did you grow up at? DR: I grew up in the Washington, D.C. area in the Kenilworth project areas. AH: So what was your childhood like? DR: Oh well, coming up, you know, they called us military brats. My father was a s serviceman and we didn't have it real, real hard. You know what I'm saying? We never had it real hard, and we traveled a little with my father and my mother. pAnd after my parents broke up it was a little too hard, but it wasn't that hard becauser she also met a very, very nice gentleman; his name was [Johnny Alsman?]o and he stopped right in like a true father, he did. And he took it up to take care of us and he really adored you -- AH: Me? DR: Yes -- no. He really adored your mother a lot.C AH: Oh, I was going to say. y DR: You know, he really adored hisr mother, I guess just as much as I adored you. But you know, we really didn't have it real, real hard. We didn't never had it real, real hard. AH: What was the hardesto moments you had when you were growing up? DR: When I got intot the drug scene. That was my hardest moment of my life I think, when I got intoS the drug scene. But when I was into that scene it wasn't like I had to live the life like a lot of young ladies had to go out there and do this and do that for it. I never had to Rawley, Delores 2 live that way. You know what I'm saying? I always took care of my kids, kept food on the table, made sure they went to school, made sure they had the proper clothes and all that. I don't know, but that's the type of mother I was. That was the type of mother that I was. AH: If you could do everything again, what would you do differently? DR: Not use drugs. AH: Not use drugs? DR: Not use drugs. Nope. Not at all. AH: That was a hard moment in your life? s DR: Yes, it was very hard. Very hard. AH: Why? p DR: Because it just was. You know, I mean, waking up every morningr sick. You know, I mean, I never had to -- like I say, I never had to get out thereo and do anything for it because it was always plentiful for me. It was there. You know. But if I had to do it all over again, no I would not. It wasn't nothing that I was proud of, God knows. I wasn't proud of it at all. C AH: What did you think your life would ybe like when you were older? Like, when you was younger, how did you think yourr life would be now? DR: Well coming up, I used to always say -- as a little girl I used to always say I wanted to be a nurse, a computero operator, something like that. But a nurse I could never be because I don't like the tsight of blood or none of that. Computer operator, I could have probably been.S If I could do it all over again, I wouldn't have came out of school in the 11th grade. I would have went on and furthered my education. It was classes. There was places out Rawley, Delores 3 there I could have went, you know, to further, you know, the computer operation career or something like that, but I didn't. AH: Do you regret anything? DR: I just regretted living part of the life that I had to live. I didn't have to live it but I regret, you know, some of the life that I lived. AH: Do you wish you could take it back? DR: Yeah, I wish I could take it back but you know, I can't take it back. We can't take it back. Can't do that. AH: Who had the biggest influence on your life? s DR: You know what, Aisis, sometimes if it weren't for you -- I'm being real. If it wasn't for you, sometimes -- when I was out there, you know, when your mother hadp you and you came into my life, you know, I don't know. It's just -- I don't know.r You just had a big influence on me. You know, it started me -- if you wasn'to there, I think I would have went and done probably something -- whatever. I don't know. I just loved you so much. AH: Because I was your first grandchild. DR: Yeah, my first. And you know, I rememberC telling your mother that, [Ieasha?] if you want to go to college, you can go aheady to college in the D.C. area. You know, I'll take care of Aisis. I would stop whateverr I had to do to take care of you, and I really meant that. But by you being her first, you know, she didn't want to leave you. But I was really serious abouto that, you know? I love all of my grandkids but you was the first. AH: Aww. t DR: I don'tS know. Rawley, Delores 4 AH: What's your favorite memory of me? Think of all your favorite memories of me. It's like, I'm with you -- we spend everything -- we do everything -- DR: We done everything together. Me being at the hospital seeing you being born. AH: That's your favorite memory of me? DR: You know, that was my first memory of you. You know, seeing you being born, Aisis, I mean, we just done everything. We have pictures. We done everything together, everything. You know what I'm saying? Mommy ain't really had to do nothing. She was a great mom, but I really didn't want her to do anything. I just wanted to just keep you underneath of me at all times. I really did. s AH: I was underneath you at all times. I was with you. DR: I know. I know. I don't regret none of that. I don't regret having you -- pI mean, you just like my very own and still love you. r AH: Aww. Has your life been different than what you imaginedo it would be? DR: Say that again. AH: Has your life been different than what you imagined it would be? DR: If my life would have been different? C AH: Has your life been different? Like, ywhen you was little, did you imagine your life being like what it is now? r DR: No. Not really, no. I imagined my life -- I imagined my life being that I was successful. Like I said, a computero operator, a successful nurse. Whatever. You know, I never imagined it wouldt be like this. Which, it wasn't -- like I said, I never lived bad or a hard life orS none of that. I never lived like some of these females and stuff had to live out there. I never really lived like that because I had a strong family. It was 11 of us. We Rawley, Delores 5 were there for each other and all that, you know what I'm saying? We had a strong family. So you know, it was a lot of things that I didn't have to go out there and do. You know, that I didn't have to go out there and do. AH: What do you think has been the hardest moment between me and you? We don't have hard moments. DR: You not being there. AH: I mean, I've been there. DR: I mean, don't you know when your mother and your father used to come and take you, you know, time for you to go home, I ain't really want you to go. I always would ssay, I'll keep her. I'll keep her. You all don't have to take her. You know, I was very selfish when it came to you. And I was. I was very, very selfish when it came pto you. AH: Because I'm always right -- r DR: Because I would stop anything to keep you close to me. o I mean, I would. It was just like I was selfish. AH: You were selfish? DR: Very selfish. C AH: Aww. y DR: And I think sometimes I'm realr selfish. But you know what? You don't come around like you used to no more. AH: I don't come aroundo like I used to? DR: Not no more. t You done got 16 years old and you just, you just cut me off. AH: I don'tS cut you off. I still -- I come over your house every week. Well I used to come over every weekend, but friends, like I said. Rawley, Delores 6 DR: I know you have friends.