The Krewe du Vieux Presents PURPLE PROSE, YELLOW JOURNALISM Le Monde de Merde AND THE LUST Vol. 26, No. 1 February 11, 2017 Priceless FOR GREEN Krewe du Vieux Presents The Crass Menagerie Bunny Matthews Is leading the way), mandatory gun ownership, and a national registry of all Drawn to Royal Role Muslims and Democrats. Also included THE INDEPENDENT PRINCIPALITY were walls around all “blue” states and OF ORLEANS – Consensus reality has a ban on higher education. officially become a myth in the United All this begged the question, “What’s States. in your rectum?” Not that it ever really existed, but Down home in Louisiana, the state now there are hundreds – thousands – of budget made a sinkhole look like a different realities. Hillary Clinton was Poverty Point Indian mound – and the most qualified presidential candidate poverty was indeed the point. Among in half a century. Hillary Clinton was the items taxed to repair the Jindal the most corrupt presidential candidate devastation were mosquitos, crawfish ever. Donald Trump cares only about boils, the LSU offense, the Saints Donald Trump. Donald Trump will defense, swamp gas, potholes, and Parade Route of the Krewe du Vieux, Saturday, February 11, 2017 at 6:30 PM make America great again. breathing. The attempt to tax businesses, housing and health care prices continue of C.R.U.D.E., Krewe of Space Age America is already great. America however, was not successful. to skyrocket due to the increasing Love, Krewe of Underwear, Seeds elected Donald Trump. When not busy leaving gaping holes number of STRs (Sexually Transmitted of Decline, Krewe of Mama Roux, Paving the way for the country to go in the budget, the state legislature Rentals). But in one bright spot, the Krewe of L.E.W.D., Krewe of Drips to hell in a handbasket of deplorables, displayed the gaping holes in their proposal to repurpose the Fly as the and Discharges, Krewe of K.A.O.S., the Electoral College turned out to be brains by passing a law mandating that Autobahn Zoo never really got into gear. Knights of Mondu, T.O.K.I.N., Krewe as much of a fraud as Trump University. Bourbon Street strippers could not be These and many other divergent Rue Bourbon, Krewe de C.R.A.P.S., Russian hackers under the direction of younger than 21, then passing another realities will come together in a Mystic Krewe of Spermes, Mystik Russo-Jamaican President Ras-Putin law mandating that they could not be crass, cosmic and completely surreal Krewe of Comatose, Krewe of the took Wiki-leaks on the voters, who older than 21. This helped “Surreal ID” performance, when the critters, Mystic Inane, Krewe du Mishigas, and were too busy screaming at each other driver’s licenses become immensely Twitters, porn-fritters and oh baby Krewe of SPANK. to notice. Candidate Trump made popular. baby babysitters of Krewe du Vieux Also marching will be many of the Pinocchio look George Washington, State Treasurer John Kennedy will take to the streets of the Marigny, city’s top brass bands. Showcasing the while Candidate Clinton was too busy channeled his inner Ross Perot, winning French Quarter and CBD on Saturday, local brass band talent is one of the few counting her chickens to break through the open U.S. Senate seat with a February 11 at 6:30 PM. Spectators Krewe du Vieux traditions that Donald the crass ceiling – though she did land campaign theme of “There’s pot in are advised to watch out for wild Trump has not attacked on Twitter – yet. a gig as Megyn Kelly’s replacement on every chicken when you taste like animals, wandering crassholes, and The Krewe du Vieux is a nonprofit Fux News. a Conservative alligator.” Attorney menageries à trois. organization dedicated to the historical Clearly, even H.L. Mencken General Jeff Landry channeled his inner Artfully ruling over the parade and traditional concept of a Mardi Gras overestimated the intelligence of the David Vitter, seizing the title of the most this year will be Bunny Matthews, parade as a venue for individual creative American public – and Monde de Merde mean-spirited hypocrite in Louisiana. renowned portrayer of local color, expression and satirical comment. It is was way ahead of its post-truth time. Locally, reality was also spinning in culcha, characters, and Goofy Guys. unique among all Mardi Gras parades At any rate, the result was the many directions, while the crime rate King Bunny will reign Vic-torius and be because it alone carries on the old accession of President Forrest Trump, was spinning further out of control. Nat’ly dressed while performing brain Carnival traditions, by using decorated, who immediately named a pussy grab Mayor Mitch “Son of Moon” Landrieu salad surgery on the Krewe. hand or mule-drawn floats with satirical bag of bad hombres and nasty women to told the people to jack off while he The Krewe du Vieux’s seventeen themes, accompanied by costumed his cabinet. His transition team, led by rewrote their Masturbate Plan, but then subkrewes will each present their own revelers dancing to the sounds of jazzy son Eric Clapton “Small Hand” Trump, he couldn’t get over the low barrier to crassy, sassy, brassy, gassy, lower street musicians. We believe in exposing promoted a flaws and disorders platform shelter. Like his buddy emperor Sidney classy, smart-assy, glassy-eyed and the world to the true nature of Mardi that included mandatory greenhouse IV, it became increasingly clear that he definitely grass-fed versions of the Gras – and in exposing ourselves to gas emissions (with the White House had no clothes. Nor will anyone else, if theme. Subkrewes include the Krewe the world. – 1 – A Man of Character – and Many Characters! If N’Awlins ain’t got nuttin’ else, it his wonderful wife, Debbie, who will got culcha, hawt! join him on the royal float as Queen And no one, absolutely no one, of the parade. has captured our whacky, wonderful While perhaps best known for Vic culture better than artist and writer and Nat’ly, as well as “Tammany Bunny Matthews. Now, in a case Toons” and a number of other cartoons, of life imitating art imitating some King Bunny is indeed a real artist. alternate universe, King Bunny will While his instantly-recognizable style be living that culture as the merry has an almost inherently humorous monarch of Krewe du Vieux 2017. bent, he has tackled serious subjects “Even as a child I could see that we when the occasion called for it. A were different,” recalls our scribbling prime example came after the BP Sire. “My mother used to bring me oil spill, when he did a remarkable with her to Schweggman’s, which is parody of Picasso’s “Guernica” called where it dawned on me the people “Nint’ Wardica”. That it was created in New Orleans talked in a different with charcoal on a sheet of Tyvek way. I don’t think that’s bad, I think only served to further emphasize the “I didn’t do anything wrong, I just therapy, occupational therapy, speech it’s good.” message. The piece now hangs in the got cancer,” is the King’s matter-of- therapy – and now, Krewe du Vieux In many ways, the results were Ogden Museum of Southern Art. fact explanation; indeed, the disease therapy. probably pre-ordained. “I like to That said, the King’s natural subject runs in his family. “Now you got it, so Our comical Count’s connection draw,” understates our artistic matter tends to trend towards the lighter now you fight it. You can’t think about with the Krewe goes back a long Archduke. “So I just put myself in side of New Orleans life, whether it’s stuff too much, you just have to do it. way. Bunny and Debbie used to go their shoes. Everybody’s like Vic and offering a unique look at Mardi Gras “Cancer is part of our evolution – watch the old Clones parades, and Nat’ly, really.” or producing a series on that favorite sharks and elephants don’t get it,” were friends with Don Marshall, the Ah yes, Vic and Nat’ly Broussard, local fauna, the cockroach, for the observes our erudite Earl (many of prime instigator of Krewe du Vieux. the quintessential New Orleans Audubon Insectarium. Those wishing his Vic and Nat’ly cartoons include And when the Krewe needed a logo, characters. Purveyors of sloppy to explore his artistic talents further quotes from great literature). “It really the choice of artist was obvious. po’boys from a vaguely located 9th can find his work at the Arthur Roger shows you what’s important in life.” “We talked about doing a parody of Ward shop, this illustriously odd Gallery locations and website. King Bunny credits Queen Debbie the old-line krewe logos,” remembers couple first appeared in 1982, in the (And just to prove that in New with being a tremendous source His Majesty. “Krewe du Vieux should pages of the old Figaro. Since then, Orleans there are no coincidences and of support in his battle against the be fun, so that’s the direction we they have traveled the world in books at most two degrees of separation, Mr. disease; she in turn points out that went.” and even the “Vic and Nat’ly Show” Roger’s father was a conductor on the “he is the only person I know who has The result was the much-beloved on television. original streetcar named Desire ….) gained weight while having cancer!” Goofy Guy, the legendary symbol of Our cartooning Caliph was himself Our multi-talented monarch is also While the fight has occupied the the Krewe.