Desperate Housewives A lot goes on in the strange neighborhood of Wisteria Lane. Sneak into the lives of five women: Susan, a single mother; Lynette, a woman desperately trying to b alance family and career; Gabrielle, an exmodel who has everything but a good m arriage; Bree, a perfect housewife with an imperfect relationship and Edie Britt , a real estate agent with a rocking love life. These are the famous five of Des perate Housewives, a primetime TV show. Get an insight into these popular charac ters with these Desperate Housewives quotes. Susan Yeah, well, my heart wants to hurt you, but I'm able to control myself! How would you feel if I used your child support payments for plastic surgery? Every time we went out for pizza you could have said, "Hey, I once killed a man. " Okay, yes I am closer to your father than I have been in the past, the bitter ha tred has now settled to a respectful disgust. Lynette Please hear me out this is important. Today I have a chance to join the human rac e for a few hours there are actual adults waiting for me with margaritas. Loo k, I'm in a dress, I have makeup on. We didn't exactly forget. It's just usually when the hostess dies, the party is off. And I love you because you find ways to compliment me when you could just say, " I told you so." Gabrielle I want a sexy little convertible! And I want to buy one, right now! Why are all rich men such jerks? The way I see it is that good friends support each other after something bad has happened, great friends act as if nothing has happened. Love isn't enough. Where would we live? Here? With your roommates? The only deco ration in the bathroom is a bong! The only person more selfcentred than me is Carlos; he's so selfcentred he doe sn't even know how selfcentred I am. Bree Van De Kamp Oh, sweetie, they didn't abandon you because you're a whore, they abandoned you because you weren't all that nice to begin with. I'm taking my champagne and ageing eggs and I'm going. This is the way I see it, good friends offer to help in a crisis, great friends don't take no for an answer. Carlos, Gabrielle's husband Deals are meant to be renegotiated. Beating up a second gay guy looks bad. You wanna be a better mother? Do what my mama did, make sacrifices. My mama work ed her fingers to the bone for me. Sister Mary Money can't buy happiness. Father Crowley Don't be angry; be thankful, children are a gift. Reverend Sikes And over the years, we've had so many young people come to our ministry hating t hemselves for their unnatural desires, and within a few months, they've found an inner peace and a tranquillity that is nothing short of miraculous. Edie Of course I believe in evil I work in real estate. [edit] Season One [edit] Pilot Andrew: "I'm saying, do you always have to serve cuisine? Can't we just have foo d? Bree: "Are you doing drugs?" Andrew: "What?" Bree: "Change in behavior is one of the warning signs and you have been as fresh as paint over the last six months. That would explain why you're always locked in the bathroom." Danielle: "Trust me, that is not what he is doing." Andrew: "Shut up." Carlos: "It's business. Tanaka expects everyone to bring their wives." Gabrielle: "Every time I'm around that man, he tries to grab my ass." Carlos: "I made over $200,000 with him last week. If he wants to grab your ass, you let him." Carlos: "At the Donahue party, everyone was talking mutual funds and you found a way to mention you slept with half of the Yankee outfielders." Gabrielle: "I'm telling you, it came up in the context of the conversation." Rex (to Bree): "I'm sick of the bizarre way your hair doesn't move." Rex: "Since when do you make mistakes?" Bree: "What's that supposed to mean?" Rex: "It means that I'm sick of you being so damn perfect all the time. You're t his plastic suburban housewife with her pearls and her spatula who says things l ike 'We owe the Hendersons a dinner.'" Susan: "I just don't know how I'm going to survive this." Mary Alice: "Listen to me. We all have moments of desperation. But if we face th em head on, that's when we find out just how strong we really are." Susan: "Oh, I wouldn't eat that if I were you." Mike: "Why?" Susan: "I made it, trust me. Hey, hey, do you have a death wish?" Mike: "No, I just refuse to believe that anybody can screw up macaroni and chees e." Mike takes a bites of the macaroni, as SUSAN gestures apologetically, smiling Mike: "Oh my God. How did you...it tastes like it's burnt and undercooked." Susan: "Yeah, I get that a lot. Here you go." Danielle: "Why can't we ever have normal soup?" Bree: "Danielle, there is nothing abnormal about basil puree." Danielle: "Just once, couldn't we have a soup that people have heard of? Like, f rench onion or navy bean." Bree: "First of all, your father can't eat onions. He's deathly allergic. And I won't even dignify your navy bean suggestion. (pause) So, how's the osso buco?" Susan: "How would you feel if I used your child support payments for plastic sur gery?" Julie: "You look fine." Susan: "If you could cut back to two meals a day I could get a chemical peel." Julie: "Stop being so nervous, you're just asking him out to dinner. It's no big deal. " Susan: "You're right. (stalling) So, is that your project for school? You know i n 5th grade I made the white house out of sugar cubes." Julie: "Stop stalling and go. Before Mike figures out he can do better." Susan: (gapes at Julie) "Tell me again why I fought for custody of you?" Julie: "You were using me to hurt dad." Susan: "Oh, that's right." [edit] Ah, But Underneath Lady: "Listen, it seems to me like you have some anger management issues." Lynette: "I have four kids under the age of six. I absolutely have anger managem ent issues." Susan: "Julie? Mike Delfino just invited us to dinner Friday night." Julie: "He did? Cool." Susan: "But only I'm going. Because you're gonna come down with something semis erious that requires bedrest and fluids." Gabrielle: "So now you're taking Julie on your dinner date with Mike?" Susan: "Yeah, well, if Edie's gonna be there, I'm gonna need emotional support." Julie: "Dear Diary, Mike doesn't even know I'm alive." Susan: "Shut up." Julie: "If you wanna date him, you're gonna have to ask him out." Susan: "I keep hoping he'll ask me out." Julie: "How's that going?" Susan: "Shouldn't you be making brownies for your nerdy friends?" Gabrielle: "I can't believe she wormed her way in. How did you let her do that?" Susan: "I don't know, I was gonna take her out at the knees, but it all happened so fast." Gabrielle: "Well, you know what you need to do. You need to get there early, spe nd a little time with Mike before little barracuda gets there." Susan: "That's a good idea. Edie will get there at 5:45, which means her breasts will arrive at 5:30, so I should shoot for five." Bree: "It's the age old question. How much do really want to know about our neig hbors?" Gabrielle: "Do you know how bored I was today? I came this close to actually cle aning the house." Edie: "Oh God, look at all these things, all these beautiful things that my exh usbands worked so hard for, burnt to a crisp." [edit] Pretty Little Picture Rex: "So these tennis lessons we're taking. How are we doing?" Bree: "My back hand is improving immensely, but you're still having problems wit h your serve." Rex: "Of course." Paul: "Can I be frank?" Susan: "Of course." Paul: "I don't care what her reasons were. Maybe she was depressed. Maybe she wa s bored. It doesn't matter. She abandoned her husband and her son. And I'll neve r forgive her." Gabrielle: "How was school?" John: "I got an A minus in biology." Gabrielle: "Show me what you you learned." Susan: "Lynette?" Lynette: "I'm in." Bree: "I'll make braised lamb shanks." Lynette: "I'm still in." Zach: "You didn't put in an obituary?" Paul: "I've been busy." Zach: "Maybe when you die, I won't put in an obituary." Susan: "How could we have all forgotten about this?" Lynette: "We didn't exactly forget, it's just usually when the hostess dies that party is off." Bree: "Lynette!" Lynette: "I'm not being flip, I'm just pointing out a reality." Carl: "The heart wants what it wants." Susan: "Well, my heart wants to hurt you, but I can control myself!" Gabrielle: (to Ashley, about kissing) "And some people kiss their friends, it's like a highfive on the lips!" Bree: "Rex cries after he ejaculates." [edit] Who's that Woman? Martha: "I was just thinking of that expression, Ill make mincemeat out of you.