“It Was a Combination of Feeling Super Badass and…Super Inept”: Exploring Girls’ Experiences Playing on Boys’ Tackle Football Teams By Kasanndra Murphy A thesis Submitted to the Department of Kinesiology and Health Studies in conformity with the requirements for the degree of Master of Arts Queen’s University Kingston, Ontario, Canada May 2021 Copyright @ Kasanndra Murphy, 2021 Abstract This study explores girls’ experiences playing tackle football on boys’ teams to understand how girls experience a highly masculine sport space. Tackle football is largely a space reserved for men and boys. Girls’ opportunities to play football are limited and often involve playing on teams intended for and dominated by boys. The purpose of this research was to begin to understand girls’ experiences in tackle football to highlight girls’ ongoing oppression in patriarchal societies and to consider whether football can be empowering for girls. The idea for this research originated from my own experiences playing tackle football on boys’ teams for four years. I present my experiences alongside data I collected in interviews with 12 women from Canada, the United States, and Poland who have played on boys’ tackle football teams. These interviews, paired with my personal experiences, allowed me to identify aspects of toxic youth football cultures and, maybe surprisingly, the opportunity football presents for embodied feminist empowerment for girls. I identify some girls’ experiences as taking place in toxic football cultures based on their experiences with microaggressions and violence. These cultures work to retain boys’ and men’s control over football spaces by plaguing girls’ abilities to play football and hindering girls’ enjoyment of the sport. Discouraging girls’ football involvement is a powerful tool of oppression, because football could, in better circumstances, be empowering for girls. Playing football against boys allows some girls to confront embodied forms of patriarchy and challenge discourses about girls’ physical inferiority. This research highlights girls’ continued oppression in patriarchal societies and the embodied nature of patriarchal norms. It also shows how girls’ physicality could be used as a tool to challenge oppressive gender structures. ii Acknowledgements Thank you to my supervisor, Dr Mary Louise Adams, for teaching me what it means to be a good colleague, how to always ask the next question, and for your constant support throughout this research journey. I appreciate your commitment to education and encouraging all of your students to follow their passions. Thank you for all of your support and teachings throughout this process. Thank you to the fellow members of my “studio” that constantly provided me input and advice throughout this process. Specifically, thank you to Jen, Mustafa, Eun, Amy, Orlaith, and Sogol for putting up with me the past few months and helping me get this finished. Our meetings were the main thing that kept me motivated during this pandemic. I really enjoyed seeing all of your faces in the little boxes even though we could not see each other in person. Thank you to my family for encouraging me to follow my passions even when I was ready to give up. Specifically, I want to thank my parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents for your constant support and encouragement in everything that I do. Thank you to my nephew Isaiah for the copious distractions that always make me smile. Your fascination with my laptop always reminds me to take breaks and focus on enjoying the process. Thank to my friends Jessica, Willow, and Grace for helping me overcome the many stressors I experienced throughout this project. This project would not have been possible without the women’s football community. Specifically, I want to thank the participants of this study. Thank you for being open with me and sharing your experiences. The outpouring of support I received from the football community is something that I never dreamed was possible when I started thinking about this research. iii Throughout my years of playing tackle football, I never really felt a part of the football community. The participants in this study instantly made me feel otherwise. iv Table of Contents Abstract ........................................................................................................................................... ii Acknowledgements ........................................................................................................................ iii List of Tables ................................................................................................................................. vi List of Figures ............................................................................................................................... vii List of Abbreviations ................................................................................................................... viii Chapter 1 Introduction .....................................................................................................................1 Chapter 2 Literature Review ..........................................................................................................15 Chapter 3 Methods .........................................................................................................................37 Chapter 4 Results and Analysis Part 1 ...........................................................................................55 Chapter 5 Results and Analysis Part 2 ...........................................................................................84 Chapter 6 Conclusion ...................................................................................................................108 References ....................................................................................................................................124 Appendix A Thesis Advisory Committee / Thesis Proposal Amendment Form.........................144 Appendix B Interview Guide .......................................................................................................145 Appendix C Research Ethics Approval .......................................................................................147 Appendix D Letter of Information and Consent Form ................................................................148 v List of Tables Table 1 Characteristics of the study participants…………………………….39 vi List of Figures Figure 1 Recruitment Poster……………………………………………….41 Figure 2 Ill-fitting Equipment…………………………………………….103 vii List of Abbreviations CCWFL Central Canada Women’s Football League DB Defensive Back DL Defensive Lineman K Kicker LB Linebacker MWFL Maritimes Women’s Football League NFL National Football League NWFL National Women’s Football League OL Offensive Lineman QB Quarterback R Receiver RB Running Back S Safety TE Tight End WAFL Women’s American Football League WPFL Women’s Professional Football League WR Wide Receiver WWCFL Western Women’s Canadian Football League viii Chapter 1 Introduction Why This Project? Growing up I was very athletic and loved all sports. I was introduced to football when I was 11. My uncle asked me to join a new youth tackle football team. I was excited to have the opportunity to play a new sport, so I said “yes.” It turned out that in my small town of 8000 people, so many kids wanted to play tackle football that there were enough players for two teams of 30 players in my age category. I knew that the team would have boys playing on it. I knew some of the boys that I would be playing football with from my school. But when I entered the gym for the first practice, holding my mom’s hand, and I saw my 60 teammates, I was shocked. As a girl who had signed up for tackle football without having much knowledge of the sport, I was not expecting to be the only girl in a sea of 60 boys. Despite this initial shock, I forced myself to play and to finish the season. Football was physically gruelling and full of awkward gender experiences. After my first season, I vowed never to put myself through that again. But, two years later, I started missing football. I missed the degree of athleticism, the encouragement of coaches, the support of my teammates, and I missed feeling special as the only girl in my town who played. So, I went back and played another season in the community league I had played for previously. I then went on to play two more years of junior level football in high school. In total, I played four seasons of football and they were all-encompassing. The recreational league I started playing in went from January to June with practices and games two or three times a week. The high school season went from late August to November with practices 5 days a week for 2 hours. High school team tryouts started before high school itself started. My first day of high school was the day I found out I made the cut for the football team, and that was 1 followed by my first team practice. But football meant more than just time with the team. Being a football player had become my main identity during early adolescence, when questions of identity loom large. When I wasn’t playing football, I was thinking about football. When I wasn’t in uniform, I was wearing team merchandise. From ages 11- 16, I was the girl who played football. So, when I decided to stop playing football, I felt lost. For years after I stopped playing football, I was embarrassed; I felt like I had let myself down because