Skippyjon Jones Script Skippyjon awakes in a birds nest Mama Junebug Jones: [angry] Mr. Kitten Britches get yourself down here right now! No self-respecting cat ever slept with a flock of birds. Or ate worms, or flew, or did his laundry in Mrs. Doohiggy’s birdbath. Mama takes Skippyjon home and continues the lecture Mama Junebug Jones: You need to think about just what it means to be a cat . not a bird . not a mouse or a grouse . not a moose or a goose . not a rat or a bat . .You need to think about just what it means to be a Siamese cat! Stay in your room and stay out of your closet, Mr. Fuzzy Pants! As soon as mom leaves the room Skippyjon goes to jump on bed Skippyjon: Oh, I’m Skippyjonjones, and I bounce on my bed, and once or SIX times, I land on my head. Skippyjon sees himself in the mirror Skippyjon: Holy Guacamole! What was that? I am a Chihuahua! Skippyjon digs through toy box . finds a mask and puts it on Skippyjon: My name is Skippito Friskito. (clap-clap) I fear not a single bandito. (clap-clap) My manners are mellow, I’m sweet like the Jell-O, I get the job done, yes indeed-o (clap-clap) Back in the kitchen, Ju-Ju Bee, Jezebel, and Jilly Boo Jones help Mama Junebug make lunch Ju-Ju Bee: Can Skippyjon come out of his room now? Mama Junebug Jones: No . No. Mr. Fluffernutter is still thinking. Skippyjon racing around his room is not thinking at all, but imagining . he goes into his closet and imagines he is in a desert in Mexico Skippyjon: Ay, caramba! Who goes there? Skippyjon runs into a mysterious band of Chihuahuas Don Diego: We go by the name of Los Chimichangos. Who are you? Skippyjon: I am El Skippito, the great sword fighter. Poquito Tito: Why the maskito, dude? Skippyjon: I go incognito! Pintolito: Do you like rice and beans? Skippyjon: Sí I love mice and beans Tia Mia: [whispering] He might be the dog of our dreams . if he knows the secret password. Skippyjon: [sneezes/speaks password into Don Diego’s ear] aaaaAAAAAAAHHCHOOOO-PICHU! Don Diego: Then it is true. Yip, Yippee, Yippito! It’s the end of Alredo Buzzito! Skippito is here, we have nothing to fear. Adíos to the bad Bumblebeeto! Chimichangos go crazy loco and have a party and then take a nap When they awake Don Diego draws a picture of the Great Bumblebeeto © Judith Byron Schachner Crowd: [whispering] Alfredo Buzzito, El Blimpo Bumblebeeto Bandito. Poquito Tito: The Bandito steals our frijoles. Skippyjon: [outraged] Not your beans! Poquito: Sí. Red bean, black beans, Boston baked, and blue, Cocoa, coffee, kidney beans, Pinto, and jelly too! And now he comes for us. Skippyjon: ¿Por qúe? Poquito: Because we are full of the beans too. Poquito Tito: The dude just wants his beans back, and you are the dog for the job. Skippyjon: Me? Skippyjon doesn’t have time for a plan, because a gigantic shadow darkens the landscape Doggies: Vamos, Skippito—or it is you the Bandito will eato! Skippito stands his ground, but his legs are shivering and his teeth are chattering Skippyjon: [in a soft voice] My name is Skippito Friskito. I . fear . not a . single bandito. Alfredo Buzzito flies straight for Skippito and hovers right about his face Skippyjon: Holy Frijoles! Skippito thrusts his sword in the air. He pops the Bandito with his sword and beans come spilling out Doggies: Yip, Yippee, Yippito! (clap-clap) Our hero is El Skippito! (clap-clap) He’s the dog of our dreams Who delivered the beans, And now we can make our burritos! (clap-clap) Mama Junebug Jones and Skippyjon’s sisters hear a loud noise and rush to his room to see what is going on. They go in and see Skippyjon’s closet exploding! Skippyjon appears with his birthday piñata on his head Everyone: Skippyjon Jones! Skippy: Hola, muchachitas. Mama Junebug Jones: What am I going to do with you, Mr. Cocopugs? It’s bedtime and Skippy begins to bounce on his big-boy bed Skippyjon: Oh, I’m Skippyjonjones, With a mind of my own, And I’ll bounce on my bed for hours. I know I’m a cat, But forget about that . Mama Junebug Jones: Say good night, Skippyjon Jones. Skippyjon: Buenas noches, mis amigos. © Judith Byron Schachner Skippyjon Jones in the Doghouse Script In the living room, Skippyjon Jones is drawing on the walls when Mama comes in Mama Junebug Jones: [gasp] Drop that crayon right now, Mr. Doodlepaws! Skippyjon: You’re not the boss of me! Mama Junebug Jones: In your dreams, Mr. Beans! I cannot believe you drew Chihuahuas all over the walls. You are a naughty Siamese cat, not a Chihuahua, and you need a timeout! Mama drags Skippyjon to his room Mama Junebug Jones: You must think like a cat, think Siamese! And stay out of your closet or you’ll really be in the doghouse. Mama leaves the room and closes the door Skippyjon starts bouncing on his bed Skippyjon: Doghouse . hmm . Everyone knows from my big ears to my toes I’m not a Siamese cat. I’m Skippyjon Jones A Chihuahua to my bones. And that’s what I think about that. Skippyjon changes into a mask and cape and sings, with a Spanish accent: Oh, my name is Skippito Friskito (clap-clap) And I heard from a leetle birdito (clap-clap) That the doggies have fled From the gobbling head Who goes by the name Bobble-ito! (clap clap) Skippyjon skateboards into his closet and deep inside finds a shack at the edge of a cliff Skippyjon: Where the heckito am I? Don Diego: [in a deep, growling voice] Who wants to know? Skippyjon: It ees I, El Skippito Friskito, the Great Bumblebeeto eater, the great fly defeater, the greatestpoco perrito of all. Someone pulls Skippyjon into the shack, which is . full of Chihuahuas! Don Diego: Hola, Skippito. We have been waiting for you, dude. Poquito Tito: Sí, Skippito, last night we found a Bobble-ito in la casa perrito. Skippyjon: Not in the leetle doghouse! Polka Dot-ito: Uh-huh, and you are just what the dog-tor ordered to get him out! Los Chimichangos (the dogs): [dancing and singing] First you turn the music way up loud, Then you nod your head up and down And wag your loco tail, back and forth, To the chimichanga rumba nd the cha-cha-cha. © Judith Byron Schachner Skippyjon: Stop eet! You are keel-ing me, dudes! Poquito Tito: Enough of the monkey beez-ness. Come lie down on this tortilla. Skippyjon: [nervously] Porque? Poquito Tito: Because we have to make you into a three-bean burrito for our plan to work. Uno, dos, tres! Let’s sing as we go to the valley of the dogs. Los Chimichangos (the dogs): [singing] Yes, sirree sirrito, (clap-clap) It’s the return of our boy, El Skippito! (clap-clap) A bird in his ear Said we needed him here. It’s Ka-boom! To the big Bobble-ito! (clap-clap) Don Diego: [coming to a halt] The nodding Bobble-ito is up in the attica. Skippyjon: I’m too scared to look! Polka Dot-ito: We don’t give a hootito. We’re going to trampoline you up-ito with the burrito. Go get him, Skippito! Skippyjon: [as he catapults up to the attica] Oh, mamalita! Skippyjon bounces off the Bobble-ito and bounces around the attic, then bounces out the window and onto the waiting tortilla Los Chimichangos (the dogs): [singing] Muchas gracias, Skippy-dippy-dango, Bye, Bobble-ito, boogie-woogie tango, Muchos poochos, licky-sticky mango, Gozo bozo, chimi-chimi-chango. Los Chimichangos bring Skippyjon/Skippito back into his room and leave him there Mama Junebug Jones: [right outside the door, listening] Everything is very quiet in there. I wonder what he’s up to. I’ll just peek in . What a little crumb cake. He’s wrapped up in his old white blanket and talking to Ju-Ju Bee’s itty-bitty-kitty bobblehead. I guess he must be thinking Siamese. Skippyjon: [asking the bobblehead] Do you like mice and beans? The bobblehead nods. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh Skippyjon: Me, too. © Judith Byron Schachner Skippyjon Jones in Mummy Trouble Script Skippyjon Jones is standing outside his litter box thinking when his mom walks in Mama Junebug Jones: Hey, you, Mr. McPooh, just what do you think you’re doing? Skippyjon doesn’t answer because he is too busy reading Mama Junebug Jones: Hey, Little Digger—I’m talking to you. A pyramid outside the litter box will never ever do. She notices what Skippyjon is reading Mama Junebug Jones: National Leographic magazine! and “Curse of the cat-mummy.” Why, this will give you nightmares, boy, with an upset tummy, too. Plus a puffy tail of the grandest scale. This story is taboo! Skippyjon runs into his room to bounce on his big boy bed Skippyjon: Oh, I’m Skippyjonjones, and I do love my mummy. But if I don’t bounce, I get knots in my tummy! Skippyjon bounces up to look in the mirror Skippyjon: Holy Smoke-ito! I know you! (He sees a chihuahua in the mirror) Your ears are too big for your head. Your head is too big for your body. You are not a Siamese cat! You are steel the beeg Chihuahua, dude, the whole enchilada! Skippyjon puts on his mask and cape and begins to sing quietly Skippyjon: My name is Skippito Friskito, (clap-clap) And I’m off to see old Egypt-ito.