Exponent II Am I Not a Woman and a Sister? Zion’s Frontier: LGBTQ Journeys of Faith Vol. 31, No. 4 Spring 2012 CONTENTS EDITORIAL STAFF Co-Editors-in-Chief Letter from the Editor Goodness Gracious Aimee Evans Hickman “You Are Just Supposed A Daily Devotion...........................4 Emily Clyde Curtis Julia D. Hunter to Love”.......................................24 Linda Hoffman Kimball Design Editor Coming Out on Thanksgiving.....5 Margaret Olsen Hemming Shannon Ripley Exponent Generations Exponent Generations Editor Sisters Speak Expanding the Community...........25 Deborah Kris Inclusive Congregations.................7 Emily Hill Woodmansee Victoria Grover Sisters Speak Editor Reconciliations Jessica Steed Caroline Kline Brother and Sister.........................10 Ben Zumsteg Dandelions and Sunshine..........28 Sabbath Pastorals Editor Amanda Olson Emily Mosdell Janice L. Smith Global Zion Editor Strangers in the Land.................13 Calming the Waves.....................31 Chelsea Shields Strayer Ronald Raynes Name Withheld Book Review Editor Poetry...........................................15 Sabbath Pastorals Marci Evans Anderson Dayna Patterson The Trifecta..................................33 Poetry Editor May Swenson Mona Stevens Judith Curtis A Few Things I Know for Sure..16 Flannel Board Staff: Rachel Albertson, Sue Booth- Kathy Carlston Loving, Valuing, Nurturing, and Forbes, Pandora Brewer, Susan Christian- My Pioneer Ancestors.................18 Empowering LGBTQ Youth in the sen, Bonnie Donigan, Deja Earley, Lisa Rachel Farmer LDS Church.................................35 Hadley, Rebecca Head, Kate Kadash- Edmondson, Sariah Kell, Rachel Jones, Deborah Farmer Kris Falencia Jean-François Aimee Evans Hickman Elisabeth Lund Oppelt, Kendahl Mil- Living My Life Backward..........21 lecam, Emily Mosdell, Dayna Patterson, Elizabeth Pinborough, Natalie Prado, Natasha Loewen Authority of Love.......................38 Carol Lynn Pearson Meghan Raynes, Gwen Reynolds, Suzette Book Review Smith, Jessica Steed, Heather Sundahl, Brooke Williams Out of the Mount...........................23 Amelia Parkin EXECUTIVE BOARD President Special thanks to Darci Bertelsen, Ashley Mae Christensen, Daniel Embree, Ra- Kirsten Campbell chel Farmer, Linda Hoffman Kimball, Tessa Lindsey, Jenica McKenzie, Lindsay Hansen Park, and Brooke Williams for the use of their artwork in this issue. Treasurer Suzette Smith Cover art is a detail from Under Wyoming Skies by Rachel Farmer of Brooklyn, New York Members: Emily Clyde Curtis, Emily Gray, Margaret Olsen Hemming, Aimee Submissions to Exponent II Evans Hickman, Denise Kelly, Linda We welcome personal essays, articles, poetry, fiction, and book reviews for Hoffman Kimball, Caroline Kline, Jana consideration. Please email submissions to [email protected] or mail them to Remy, Heather Sundahl, Barbara Taylor Exponent II, 2035 Park Avenue, Baltimore, MD 21217. Please include your name EMERITUS BOARD and contact information. Submissions received by mail will not be returned. Linda Andrews, Nancy Dredge, Judy We are always looking for artwork and photography to accompany our writing. Dushku, Karen Haglund, Deborah Farmer Please send jpegs or gifs of art submissions to our email. If you are interested in Kris, Laurel Thatcher Ulrich illustrating articles, please contact us for specific assignments. Exponent II (ISSN 1094-7760) is published quarterly The purpose of Exponent II is to promote sisterhood by providing a forum for by Exponent II Incorporated, a non-profit corporation Mormon women to share their life experiences in an atmosphere of trust and with no official connection with The Church of Jesus acceptance. Our common bond is our connection to the Mormon Church and Christ of Latter-day Saints. Articles published repre- sent the opinions of authors only and not necessarily our commitment to women in the Church. The courage and spirit of women those of the editor or staff. Letters to Exponent II challenge and inspire us to examine and shape the direction of our lives. We or its editors and Sisters Speak articles are assumed are confident that this open forum will result in positive change.We publish intended for publication in whole or in part and may this paper in celebration of the strength and diversity of women. therefore be used for such purposes. Copyright © 2012 by Exponent II, Inc. All rights reserved. LETTER FROM THE EDITORS It’s been 16 years since Exponent II devoted an entire to never again let anything like that divide our family. issue to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, or queer However, Proposition 8 left our son with definite scars and (LGBTQ) topics. The intervening years have brought prog- anger against the LDS Church at a level I don’t think he had ress (including more visible LGBTQ role models in society felt prior to that. It has been very hard for our family. How and the Church), contention as Mormons divide themselves could something we love so much, the Gospel, continue to regarding same-sex marriage bans in the United States, and cause such deep pain for our son? ever more questions for the future of LGBTQ members of the LDS Church. Spending time with the overwhelming Like Anna, we too love our LGBTQ sisters, brothers, par- number of submissions we received has further convinced ents, and children. We too love the Church. We believe that us that inclusion of our LGBTQ sisters and brothers in our the Gospel of Jesus Christ is more expansive and merciful Church institution and culture is essential to creating a true than is currently being practiced. President Uchtdorf’s April Zion people. 2012 General Conference talk addressed how we can better So few Mormon LGBTQ members have found peace in emulate Christ’s love: the Church; so few have felt valued in their congregations. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmen- Many who have come to understand that they are loved tal thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and accepted by God just as they are have had to leave the and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We Church to create loving marriages and families of their own. are all brothers and sisters. We must recognize that we’re What a loss for the Church which places family at the center all imperfect, that we’re beggars before God. Haven’t we all of its theological framework. at one time or another meekly approached the mercy seat For those LGBTQ members who have found (or are find- and pleaded for grace? Haven’t we wished with all the en- ing) a place in the Church, we feel grateful and protective. ergy of our souls for mercy to be forgiven for the mistakes we Some of their stories are here, but, unfortunately, they are have made and the sins we have committed? Because we all the minority. Many who are still active in the Church are depend on the mercy of God, how can we deny to others any reticent to reveal a part of themselves that they have been measure of the grace we so desperately desire for ourselves? taught to suppress or change because they fear acknowledg- ing it would be destructive to their faith, their families, and We believe that we can share a measure of God’s grace by their community. endeavoring to hear and earnestly understand the experi- As a Church culture, we can’t continue to force people ences of our fellow Saints who have felt silenced and perse- into the closet by saying, “Be quiet. Be celibate.” Such mes- cuted because of their sexuality. We were heartened to hear sages often push people to the margins of our community about the success of a recent panel of gay Mormons at BYU and ultimately thrust them out. The effect such silencing has and feel hopeful that we can look forward to a day when on individuals and families can be seen throughout the fol- the Ensign will share spiritual experiences from our LGBTQ lowing pages. Furthermore, the inability to share a religious sisters and brothers. life with our LGBTQ sisters and brothers means that as a This issue is by no means complete. We are particularly Church we don’t receive the spiritual gifts they could bring mindful of the absence of transgendered and queer voices in to our congregations, and we miss opportunities to cultivate this issue. But we will continue to publish these stories in fu- a more complete understanding of Jesus’ commandment that ture issues, and hope that members of the LGBTQ commu- we love one another as He loves each of us. nity will continue to submit their essays, poetry, and art here. It is difficult, if not impossible, to reconcile Christ’s Exponent II is honored to be a messenger of such stories that teachings with Church policies pertaining to LGBTQ issues. can enrich us with their honesty and courage and sober us This tension can be felt in the following excerpt of a submis- with their grief. That we may all find some understanding sion we received from Anna, an LDS mother of a gay son: and solace in these pages is our sincere prayer. -Emily Clyde Curtis and Aimee Evans Hickman When Prop 8 rolled around, my husband and I both very kindly told our bishop and stake president that we would Have a Letter to the Editors or a submission for not be involved in the proposition on any level . I ex- Exponent II? Email us at [email protected] plained that our family had nearly been torn apart when our gay son learned about his dad’s passive involvement during Proposition 22 several years earlier. After that we decided Vol. 31, No. 4 Page 3 A DAILY DEVOTION by Julia D. Hunter Somerville, Massachusetts thought. No, not just thought, knew. number of returned missionaries—not And not only can I love her, I have too many, but just enough not to look It was the end of some unremark- to love her—this is my chance.